Espresso - merry christmas to everyone except __?

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

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Merry Christmas to everyone accepts people with military grade metal water bottles that they punt in the middle of a silent yoga class Every time Ding baza dun ding baza dun ding oh this thing's recording espresso podcast shot 347 i'm your girlfriend benny who's kind of mad at you on christmas For absolutely no reason and ruins the whole entire day upcoming stand-up-up comedy shows, Rutherford, New Jersey, I'm coming babe. January 9th, I'm gonna be there. Bananas Comedy Club, Chicago. February 12th, Rosemont. February 13th, get your tickies below. Bennypolizzi.com. Or just click the little linky, it's down there. Hey, watch me-boy I lovers and liars all on the CW app and tell your homies to join the patreon

$5 a month get him it for Christmas. Oh my god Hey join the psycho club for Christmas boom five dollars. That's it perfect You get every other espresso pot in the live stream every single Sunday For kiss kiss who wouldn't hey get all your new merch Benedict merch calm stream every single Sunday. For Kiss Kiss? Who wouldn't? Hey, get all your new merch. BenedictMerch.com. We got rotisserie whore hats.

We got Kiss Me Every Day hoodies, cringe hoodies. We got Here Being Nice hoodies. Sorry I'm Nervous t-shirts. God. If there's a shirt for how I feel every second of the day Sorry, just kind of nervous all at Benedict merch calm Yo, can we get to the question Queen? Can we please talk? Well, my dad just text me Jesus Christ

Didn't say anything Espresso question of the week. Merry Christmas to everyone except who? Except who? My ex. Yeah, maybe. Merry Christmas to everybody except all the people who made Jeep Wranglers.

Kinda lame now. You know what I mean? Remember when Jeep Wranglers were like, dude, now you see Jeep Wrangler and you're like, I hate that guy that's in that. It's a Jeep thing. You wouldn't understand. You know what I mean? Everybody knows a guy with a Jeep that you're just like, ah!

Merry Christmas to everybody but who? Let's hear yours. Oh, these are gonna be good Merry Christmas to everybody except for people who drive so slow in the fast lane the far left lane On the highway and when you get up behind them They don't move so you can pass them and you have to pass them on the brake like girl. What are you doing? Don't beat the fast lane and go super slow alright? Merry Christmas to everybody but you people It's me

Hi, I'm the slow driver. It's me. It's so me I'm so sorry everybody And you know what it is too. I was thinking about it. My car just is a slow car. I have like a mom Jeep What if I had a Wrangler this whole time? I have a mom Jeep Cherokee and it I think like you know it's like Like fast cars go like zero to what is it? Zero to a hundred real quick dude my car goes like

zero to 15 in like 15 seconds bro it takes forever for my car to go fast and that's why I drive so slow I'm like I don't know I don't know what to do like this is just like a battery powered car I swear to God my car is like runs on double A's you need to get gas? No, we just stop by the CVS real quick, pop open a pack of batteries, put it in, put it in the bottom, screw the

latch on. Dude, I drive so slow, but I got this rental car, babe. I got this rental car, this Hyundai, this Indy Hyundai. And, you know, I'm I should be getting so many I'm fucking screaming down just normal suburban roads oh I'm dangerous now boy

I got a Hyundai except for everything in this car is like button push everything in this car drive radio Horn everything Buttons, I'm like I guess this little play school ass car But I'm the slow guy man, and I'm always in the wrong lane. I'm bad I'm bad It's me Whoever invented chatters on Facebook, a greenwood, nobles felt anywhere in Indiana. You get one. And I promise you're going to find new ways to create content. That's for sure Any chatter nobody gets a Merry Christmas this year

What is chatter? Yeah, I don't know if I want to press this Oh, no, this is just like a little communities on Facebook like little sub communities and people just yo You know how how lethal the moms are in these? Like whatever oh Just whatever area that you like live around you know like that whole little community has a chatter and you just go crazy in there I guess Like the first thing in this chatter is any recommendations for candlelight Christmas Eve services tonight, which is kind of helpful honestly But if you're idiots like us like we don't even look at that stuff. I

Don't like who's going I? Guess if you have a family. I'm just not in the same world as a lot of people Candlelight Christmas Cand candlelight lighting Christmas Eve If you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend during Christmas, it's pretty much naughty it's pretty much like I don't know I don't know I Don't know what I'm just doing the normal things. Hey mom, hey dad, yep. But if you, bro, if you're in a relationship during Christmas,

ice skating, candlelight, Christmas tree lighting, there's like 17 lightings you're going to. Hey, you got a girlfriend? Guess what? You're going to the Yule Tide. What is that? You like don't know anything. You don't know what the Yule Tide is.

Dude, when you have a girlfriend, I guess it is a little bit helpful. I've been thinking about it lately. I'm thinking about it. Not that I'm have one but I'm like every time I have a girlfriend I'm just doing so much shit. It's so funny and when I don't I do nothing. I Don't know man the most I've done without a girlfriend is like order takeout at the Cheesecake Factory And I think that's just a guy thing I think guys just guys don't want to do anything. We just want to we just want to die and do nothing Chatters though are they blowing up your phone turn those notifications off, baby

Turn those notice off Turn those noties off. Facebook itself, Merry Christmas to everybody except for Facebook people. Facebook people are relentless. I'll never forget when Facebook was like prime time. Checking it every six seconds like it's Instagram. I check Instagram like I got a new phone Yellowcase crazy. He did it. Yeah. Okay. He's yellow case guy. Did there weren't any good phone case options? I was just like, oh my god, I guess I'm getting yellow. Like what do you want me to do?

And my phone was like deactivated for a minute. I think I tried to check Instagram 16 times and I felt like an idiot every time I pressed the Instagram button and it like wasn't a thing. I was like, oh, yeah, I'm addicted to my, oh, I'm addicted. But Facebook used to be like that. Facebook chatter. I don't know. I'll never understand. I think I get some love on Facebook, dude. I think the cat calling videos hit super hard on Facebook.

So shout out. Shout out to the mommies out there. But I'm just like, who's on it? Facebook marketplace is like I got hooked for a sec. I'm not going to lie. Let's keep going. Merry Christmas. For me personally, this has been the least Christmasy Christmas ever. I hate those. I have felt very unfestive. So really, if I could wish nobody a happy Christmas, I definitely would.

But I don't want to be wishing a Merry Christmas to those people who wake up naturally happy and super shabby, like, take your joy and your happiness away from me, peasant. And you know what, while I'm thinking about it, people who jog in the snow, like that's super inspirational, your dedication and willpower, and I hate it. So no Merry Christmas for you.

I never really see that. I only see that in memes. Guy who's on the Internet too much. I only see that in memes. I think people who wake up early and are immediately like, bang, bang, bang, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo boo boo ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba boo boo boo. I think they're on drugs. I think you gotta be on something to be like that. You can't tell me the second you open your eyes you're not like god damn it.

And I hate to cuss but I'm like every time it doesn't matter what happens dude. I remember being at my My my uncle had like an apartment in celebration Orlando Florida it's like where the Disney it's like the Disney neighborhood He had an apartment there. That was just like for guests And me my dad went one time and I woke up the nicest weather in the world woke up on the nicest couch sports centers on like four volume just how mommy likes it. Perfect temperature you can you can smell the Florida Ocean. You can hear like, like seagulls.

I don't know how they sound. It was Christmas Day. No deadlines. And I wake up and I go, oh my God, I don't want to do this. It doesn't matter what the circumstances is. I wake up and I go, oh my god, I don't wanna do this. It doesn't matter what the circumstances is, every single morning I'm just like, ugh. And then eventually, I am in a 50% better mood after I put water on my hair, put my contacts in,

brush my teeth, I'm like, all right, all right, all right, I'm good, I think I'm good, I think I'm good. But every morning, dude, it's like, it's touch and go. And every morning I think about it, I'm like, what if I just didn't do a goddamn thing today? What if I just, no. What if every single, no, not doing it, not doing it, no. I've never done it once, but god damn it's tempting.

What if I just laid here the whole day? I'm sad. I don't know how people, so you just roll out of bed and you're zipping around the house It's always like a it's always a Liz. It's always a Liz that wakes up all peppy Zipper dip barbara boobit up babbitt gets to work, but do but I do but I do but I do but I do what are you saying? Oh What are you saying? Oh And you ask her if she wants a coffee because you think that they have an advantage

People that wake up all fucking zip zappy I'm like what? Are you from a different planet like what is happening with you? But I don't know what those people are on bro, but I kind of want some. I'll have what she's having. But one time I had one I worked with one of these people. Dude I worked at the the the city council building in Carmel, Indiana one time. It was so random.

I don't know. I don't know what was going on. But me and my dumb friend just worked there for a summer and we were just like, did not belong. And everybody was zip-a-doop, bubba-doop, boob-a-doop, bubba-deep, bubba-deep, bubba-deep, bubba-deep, bubba-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep,

boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob-a-deep, boob And I was going to get coffee one time and I was like, you know what? Hey Liz, do you want a coffee? Oh, I don't drink coffee. Thank you What are you on? Are you just you're just on life? Right, I've there's just been a lot of situations lately where I'm like, hey, shh, shh, somebody in a restaurant, shh, somebody in a checkout line, shh, can we shush people in real life, shh. Mm-mm, mm-mm. No, Liz. Can we shush people in real life? No Liz next time you encounter a morning Mall kiosk shoe cleaner guys god dang can I just walk by dude? They're the new cologne guys at the mall. They did it. They did it. I never thought anybody would dethrone the cologne guys

guys at the mall. They did it. They did it. I never thought anybody would dethrone the cologne guys. What kind of... Who invented that type of like, you know, you just got to berate everybody. Those mall shoe cleaner guys will like... And they don't... I don't know if this is like stereotypical, but those guys White, black, whatever they are, they look like guys that would never try hard. I'm like, bro, you look like the weed guy at my school. But you're hustling your dick off for this? I just don't... Who invented... Like what class did you take? I just don't who who and like what class did you like this is bro and they will get you too I do I've gotten got by those guys

Like three different times the shoe cleaner guys. Leave me alone Hey, yo bro, don't wear nice shoes to the mall because they will say something to you about them and kind of loop you in Hey, yo, bro, big, big dog, big dog. Me looking straight. Big dog, big dog, big dog. Me looking straight. God damn it. Me looking at the store I don't want to go to. Me looking at the Justice store right in front of me. Just keep an eye line. Jesus fuck. Hey, big dog, big dog. Yo, let me brush up those Hello Kitties you got on and all of a sudden I'm like Hell yeah dog. I like bap him up. He's like nah for real. I'm like I can't Look bro. No, I can't now. I'm like now. I feel like guilty. I'm like I'm best friends with that guy now

Bro just set just nine deep at a kiosk hustling. Why do I kind of want to be a shoe cleaner guy now? I tell you one time It was before I went on F boys season two, I think or maybe no dude. It was when I was It was when I was corporate Corporate Benny era. I just didn't have anything to do and I needed all my shoes cleaned and I was like god You don't want to do this and I just brought them all to the shoe cleaner guys at the kiosk all of them I was like, bro I started off with like two and I was like can you and they're like, yeah, it'll be like 30 bucks and I was like Yeah, that's not bad at all. I had corporate money though. So I was like, I don't really care

And I was like you care if I bring two more in I Was walking back and forth in my car with all these shoes. One time I had sandals on because I was like, yo, can I borrow your shoes to walk back to my car to get more shoes? I was bringing a hell of a show. I was like, can you clean my backpack? Insane. The total was like 118 bucks. I was like I Love you, that's probably why I'm talking shit about those guys because I actually want to be one so bad so Who do I not want to wish a merry Xmas to Mary the psycho Christians? I want to tell them that they're knocking on the devil's door. I don't know man

Christians do freak me out, though. Because I don't know shit about religion, but who does? But when somebody says they're Catholic, I'm like, all right, I can like, I can vibe with you because it's kind of a joke. Now it is. Like, nobody's going to try. I don't know one person that goes to church anymore. Is that just like a kid thing? Are kids even doing that? Are people still going to church. I don't know one person that goes to church anymore. Is that just like a kid thing? Are kids even doing that? Are people still going to church?

Except for my dad. Dude, my dad goes to church every day. I'm like... I mean... Just pray? Seems like there's easier ways. But when people say they're Christian, I'm like, ew, I don't know what that is, really. That's probably not that's probably not good of me to say, but I'm just like. Isn't it all the same?

I don't know. I just remember one time I'll never forget this and I feel like this sometimes. One just remember one time. I'll never forget this and I feel like this sometimes one time I had a I Went to a Catholic college and my assignment in one of the religion classes was to go to a different church and see what It's like so I went to a different church That was just like around the corner, bro, and it was the scariest thing I've ever done in my entire life It was I don't know what I think it was a Christian church, bro. And it was the scariest thing I've ever done in my entire life. It was, I don't know what, I think it was a Christian church, bro.

But it was like a cult. Dude, I walked in and they're all like, Immediately. Posture change, face change. Oh my God. Have you been here before? Because I was in college probably and like young they're like have you been here before oh your name dude church people are so weird they wouldn't ask you hey what's your name hey bro nice to meet you what's your name they wouldn't do oh your name I was like dude your face is like turning inside out when you're talking to me like what alien are you?

You should stay after for the bake sale I was like I am gonna kill myself in your church You ever had that happen probably bro, I pulled off so fast probably bro I pulled off so fast dude there I swear I look behind me there's like three people running behind me from the try and it sounds like a weird that's where I come back and see us I was like dude I was like I don't you know I respect Catholic Church now after that bro, cuz in Catholic Church is just No talkie Listen do your weird cult movements this one Like

34 still don't know. What are they saying? Did anyone tell me what I promised I always listen for it to in every religion class? I was like, you know, I just want to know one thing really. In church, what are they saying? S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s- I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know Turn the pump to do to do to do to so so sound like a Chinese guy telling secrets so so so hey I every mass say no idea what anybody's saying. And no one told me. Raise your father and have your holy eye.

Say it goes, say it. What's anyone doing? God damn. Love it though. Yeah, I don't know. I think it's Christian stuff. Christian stuff is weird. Christian rock singers. I'm like, bro, just let it go and just be, just sing about what you want to sing. Although I think Creed is a Christian rock band. With arms wide open.

Hold me now I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking But you can't really tell it's Christian, can you? Sometimes you can really tell Hold me now Every time I hear that song is my sideburns grow I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking Maybe six feet

Keep going Hey Benny I do not want to wish a Merry Christmas to anyone who invites me to any event starting after 8pm Because my bedtime is 8.. there's no way I know I do hey hey people that say they go to bed at 8 30 you're all talk you're all talk there's no way 8 30 lights out no chance you're gone baby Baby girl, you're staying up till 10 45 in your bed No, you're not going to bed at 8

No chance 8 o'clock. You're missing the whole world Dude, if I go to bed at 8 p. I'm like, bro, people are still like out. Like, I at least need to be like, eyes open. I don't need to be where they are, but like, things are happening. Like, at 9.30, like, big deal. Like, big shows. I'm not gonna watch them. I'm not gonna tune in. But I at least want to be like, aware.

I don't know, maybe that's my FOMO. I'm not gonna tune in but I at least want to be like aware. I Don't know. Maybe that's my FOMO. I really don't have FOMO about anything But if I do go to sleep like in the middle of the day and miss two hours I'm like I Couldn't imagine going about 8 p.m.. Maybe I'm insane 8 p.m.. 8 p.m.. So that means you're eating dinner at what 630 Bro, that's a that's a that's a fifth great What times you go to bed when you're a kid I?

Think I went to bed at like 8 30 I can remember my bedtime being 8 30. I think I think 8 30 that's so early bro. I think I go to bed at 1 a.m. Right now. Isn't that like kind of an adult thing? So when you went to bed at 8 30 as a kid, did everybody go to bed at 830s again? Or were your parents like up still? I kind of think it was just lights out in my whole house when it was 830. Cause I used to listen to Indiana Pacers games on the radio. And like I never knew who won.

So I'd go to bed at 830, listen to game I'd have a timer on the radio it turned off I'd fall asleep after listening to the game and I'd wake up and read the paper in the morning. I was 90 years old when I was 10 Went about 830 listen to the radio woke up read the paper And I smoked a cig on the back deck and fucking reminisced about the Civil War. Hold me now. There's no way you could have been at eight

o'clock. You're blowing smoke out that boo boo. Out that boo boo Hi Benny Love this question. I would love to not wish Or see my in-laws For Christmas. Yeah, nobody really I just I

Don't know they're just different people, nothing wrong with that. Don't know where my husband came from sometimes because he's so different from them. They're perfectly fine, nice, close knit family. Like I said, we just see things differently. So I have to see them on Christmas Eve, so part of being married is compromise and having to do things you really don't want to do. My husband is very family-oriented, as am I. So I'll see them on Christmas Eve and it is what it is, but if I didn't have to, then that would be great.

I also would like to take the time to just say Merry Christmas to you and your family and just say that you continue to be one of my favorite comedians and content creators. I hope in the new year I get to see you do stand up. I live in Northeastern Pennsylvania, so kind of like, I'll say Scranton is where I'm close to. So if you're looking for any places to do comedy, I hope it's in that general area and I will be more than happy to buy tickets to see you.

Oh my God. So have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and I love you. Oh my God, I'm gonna cry. I love you. That was a, I'm gonna cry. I love you. That was a, I love you too. And I've never meant it ever until right there. To my parents, to any girl.

Oh my God. Screaming though. Bro, have an uglier name for a city. Hold me now. Wow, that was beautiful. I love you too. Merry Christmas to you and your family. You have a great, positive, I don't know why I need to compliment you right now, but good lord, you're a great person.

I can't even imagine having in-laws. Beg you good lord. You're a great person I Can't even imagine having in-laws because I love my Cousins and aunts and uncles and I don't even go see them for Christmas. I'm just like I don't know I Don't see like the last time I did that was probably like two three years ago or something like that They live like four hours away, they don't live like next door but So I can't imagine spending because everybody hates their in-laws, right There's one you're like you're down with but everybody else you're like good lord. What did I get myself? This is you guys are part of my family and even the name in-laws when somebody talks about their in-laws

I'm like this sounds like government like Assigned people that you have to be with, can we give it a better name? My in-laws, law that I have to hang out with them. God, I would love to get married just to not do all the annoying stuff. That's the reason I wanna get married. Let's get married.

Oh, wow. And you don't ever have to talk to my family ever Because why would you want to Yeah, you can say hi, but like don't like pretend like my mom too much like dude We get it. I Love your mom shut up No, you don't Me maybe you could learn a few recipes from her? Like have a little banter every now and then but like be real.

Your dad bro is so cool! Shut up! No he's not. You don't think that. you think you have to think that We need like 2020 we need like new age marriage hey guess what We're married, but we don't have to you don't see me. We don't do any of the shit We don't like can we stop doing things we don't like for what because it's no one likes it so weird but god I hope you have a Merry Christmas too I know you

will with that attitude attitude. Let's keep going. Okay, so the one person that I would not wish a Merry Christmas to is, and this has to do with work, and I've called before and said, I am civil rights attorney. And I have this one opposing counsel that I is he's on a lot of my cases. He represents the bigger companies. I hate him with every ounce of my being. This man is impossible to work with. I hate him so much to the point where I, if I met this man in a dark alley, that I would beat the shit out of him because I hate him so fucking much. And I don't hate a lot of people, but this is an exception because everybody hates this guy.

How does he get to the top? Actually, now that I think about it, he's actually Jewish, so he celebrates Hanukkah, but I don't wish it had be Hanukkah on him. And in fact, I hope you get shit for all nine days of Hanukkah or whatever the hell it is. And instead, I hope that you slip on black ice when you walk to your car during Hanukkah.

And I don't want you to break anything. But I hope you bruise your tailbone so every time you sit down, it hurts like a mother. I really just got to know what he did. Can we get follow up on this please? I don't think I've really ever asked for a follow up on voice messages. But like, give me some vague,

just tell me everything. Oh my Lord. I don't even know if I, I usually kind of, I kind of bitch out when I want something bad to happen to somebody, I like rethink it and I'm like, I'm doing too much here. What'd he do? It has to be my dad, no other options.

Merry Christmas to everyone except companies who are having sales like two days before Christmas What are you doing? You're way too late? See here's the thing I Only shop like seven hours before Christmas I Think that's how everybody does it. So I kinda, yeah they are a little too late on that though. Like they should announce it early and just know people are gonna roll in late.

I see, I see, I see. But I'm the same way with Christmas that I am for studying for a test. For oh these videos are due January 30th. I'm doing I'm doing them like on the 28th. Actually, I because like I've been the other way where I'm like going to be prepared for this. Sir, yes, sir. I'm going to be prepared. I'm going to. For Christmas, I'm gonna be prepared. I'm gonna...

For Christmas, I'm gonna... I have a girlfriend. Let's say... A month before I'm gonna get the present, lock it down. Bro, in that month, when I already have the presents, so many things change. Then I'm like, I don't... The present is... It's not even good anymore. I'm like, don't the present is it's not even good anymore I'm like bro it's only good like like in that little there's always like little time frames where shits good I'm like I don't know it just doesn't hit the same for me it's like that way with jokes like jokes some jokes I have used to slap and I do them now and I'm like, I don't even know why I even thought of that back then.

But back then that shit was hidden. It's just always like a timing thing, I don't know. Maybe it's like, it's like the universe, he almost said it, he wanted to. But I can't break the universe like that. And it's just, am I making a huge excuse for being a procrastinator? Yeah, I am.

But that's just how my brain works. I'm just like, it's not the right, the best time is right before. It's never not been the best time for me. Everything, boom, right before. I keep relating things to standupup but I don't know sometimes I feel like you guys want to hear about stand-up stuff because it is insane but like right before I do a show like the 15 minutes before I'm like walking

circles in the parking lot thinking of the funniest stuff. Because I think it's like flight or fright. Fright or flight. I don't know, I work the best when it's like a super hard deadline. If I already, if I did, I feel like I didn't do enough. If it's not like right before, I don't know. I feel like I didn't like press hard enough. Like, I just got your present and chilled for a month.

What the hell? Merry Christmas to everyone. Accepts people with military grade metal water bottles that they punt in the middle of a silent yoga class. But! Every time. But!

Hey, people. Oh, man. People are so oblivious, especially in yoga. I've done it though. I've done it. I've been the guy. I've always been the guy. I've always been the guy. If you're like, man, I hate to be, I hate when people do that. I've been that guy. I'm always the guy once. when people do that, I've been that guy. I'm always the guy once.

Right, you know they have those straps in yoga with the metal clips on the end? I dropped a whole damn, like, I was in the back trying to get one, I dropped like 15 on the ground during a dead quiet yoga class. It sounded like somebody dropped a basket of nickels. I was like, ah.

Ah. My back's always farting and shit in yoga, I was like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, challenging and I'm not here to have fun I think I'm not here to ever have fun I know it's gonna be paint it's gonna suck I don't want I don't need a water break during this just literally kill me here and I'll get my water after class dude bitches bringing in a steel jug and plopping that shit on the ground BING! and then kicking it over three times BOOSH! We ever hear one of those metal water bottles

hit the ground? You're like, oh my god, was there a train wreck nearby? Dude, it sounds like a three car pile up during yoga? AHAHAHA! THE QUIETEST PLACE ON EARTH! Bing bing bing bing bing bing bing! I'm like, Kathy! Get your shit together!

We're in Warrior 2! The way I just want to go up to her, mid-class, get out of my pose, go up to her water bottle, dump it on her head, throw it at the wall. And it goes in the wall too. It doesn't hit the wall and bounce off. It goes in the drywall. Pfft.

Ha. Now I'm gonna stay your ass home next time. Ha ha ha. No, but seriously, God damn, man. Now I'm the stay Your ass home next time Now but seriously god damn man I Haven't done it yet. I haven't done it yet, but I like I'm waiting for the day where I I Do fall down in yoga because I deserve it. I'm out here trying shit in yoga. Oh, we got this pose, it's pretty advanced,

I don't know, you can try it, try it, definitely try it. I'm like, bro, I will try every pose in yoga. It's about time I topple over and kick a bitch in the head. Because it hasn't happened yet, and I might just do it on purpose next time if you got a big 50 tin jug in front of you. Why does it need to be metal? I don't know man I was on the hydroflask grind I was sticking out for him for a while, but I totally got off that

Is I think it's cuz my girlfriend bought it for me and every time I drink I thought her starts crying But I if I don't have a if I just don't drink water anymore, I guess I guess LaCroix I don't know But I've never been so thirsty that I need to bring a thermos from the Sahara. Into a yoga class like, dude, just you don't need water that bad. Holy shit. I hate it when this thing like freezes. Hey, Benny. I don't want to wish a Merry Christmas to my cheatin' ass grandfather,

who I just found out cheated on my grandmother with a cryptocurrency scammer and lost them both $80,000. Wait. I wish him the worst Christmas ever. I hope he dies alone. Holy. That's what he deserves.

There's no way. Anyway, bye. There's no way that that just was real. There's no way that that just was real What kind of grandpa is dealing with cryptocurrency is your grandpa 28 in vapes 80k bro, I think people that are old and do messed up shit like that should die Like I like I'd be like brothers you died wouldn be mad. You cheated on grandma and lost her 80k with cryptocurrency. Like I hate you

so much and you're 80? Go. Bye. It's time, big dog. See ya. God. Seriously, dude. When old people do bad stuff, I'm like, bro, you can just go ahead. You can just go ahead and go insane but like I thought so he met up with the scammer oh my god

dude your grandpa's a piece of shit that is the the in the most insane thing I've ever heard it can't be real. You're messing with me, right? Grandpa got scammed. Grandpa cheated on grandma. This sounds like a sentence that like chat GPT. Like you would, you know, new age drama film title synopsis grandpa cheats on grandma with bitcoin scammer they both lose 80 grand i steal it and write a movie i'm'm the grandpa dies. Skip guy. Skip guy. So yeah, the person that

I absolutely do not wish a Merry Christmas to is the right guard from Thurston High School, who I went up against my senior year at a football camp, uh, pass rushing, trying to get to the quarterback and this motherfucker straight up spits in my eye when I'm trying to do it. Oh, don't really notice it until after the play is over. As I'm walking back to the home, I was thinking like this dirty motherfucker just spat my eye. Are you fucking kidding me?

So I started playing a little dirty the rest of the scrimmage and elbow him in the ribs when I could grab his throat. You know, do the whole helmet flap thing that Deacon Jones used to do that's technically outlawed now, but who gives a shit? Yeah. Yeah. Fuck that dude. Fuck. You don't fuck that whole team.

Thurston high school. They were all dirty fucking players. Also, you know, another reason why they fuck that high school. That's also where Colby Covington, the biggest douchebag in the UFC went. So yeah, that's who I wish a that's who I not wish a Merry Christmas to him, that whole team, Colby, Kelvington, fuck them. Yeah, they all have drug problems now and have to suck dick under a bridge in Portland to get here. That's what I'm talking about. Merry Christmas, dude.

That's what I'm talking about. That dude from high school? Merry Christmas except for to you bruh. I never understood guys that would. Like it was always a whole team. It was never just one guy on a team that would play dirty. The whole team would play dirty. But I was like how do you guys do that? Like how do you come to an agreement? Do you guys all know is it cuz you're from a certain part of town? It doesn't make sense ever bro Decatur Central

Decatur Central They were just like bad there were all the bad kids in one high school and sometimes they're really good. I don't know where they get half their players, but there's like one dude from Decatur every single year that play. That's like a top 10 prospect in the nation. I'm like, where's he? Wow. And the whole team scumbags. They're good though, I guess but dude they just like

Consensus we're gonna be be dirty dude. They'll spit on you bro one time Uh, I got tackled three dudes kicked me in the nuts. I Was like, yeah We're doing that. This is how we're doing it.? Alright, this is how we're doing it then. It's kind of fun when that happens, honestly. He's, he's, like, he started, like, getting, he said he started doing stuff back. It gets fun. Like, oh, we're just, we're just, we, we, we hate each other. Why is it fun when we hate each other? I don't know.

But, for the rest of the game, like, I'm trying to strip the contacts out of your eyes. How are you going to catch if you can't see, babe? Under the pile. You see this? Cody Covington. Let's keep going. A couple more. I would have to say college professors did. Like they can single handedly ruin your Christmas.

They can. They know it. I remember turning in one of the hardest finals of all my college career. And I went to turn that thing in and my professor was smiling from cheek to cheek. Didn't have a care in the world about how hard he made that final. And he's like, Merry Christmas. I hope you have a good break. And in my mind, I just wanted to spear him to the ground because he just made my life a living hell. But yeah, man, college professors pretend like we don't have a life. I never, ever.

Want to experience that again. I didn't know finals were a thing like until we had them my freshman year, like, oh, oh, shit, we have finals i didn't know this was even a like no one told me about this idea how did i not hear about finals my whole life yes and then dude and it's the one before you know, dude that was such bullshit, man. You're so right. Right before Christmas, midterms, everything we learned in one... Here's the thing, Miss Tinsley. I didn't learn anything. The whole time.

Scratch it and claw it every week to figure one thing out. And now I got to relearn it all. No help. God! Had no idea it existed. And in high school and college? Oh my God, dude. Here's, this was my strategy for those. I completely feel you on this. Cause they would make them so hard. And sometimes they, here's the study guide. All the answers are in here.

God bless those teachers that put all the answers in the study guide. So you would actually study it, kinda remember it, and then everything would be on the test word for word. I'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, this. This is like how it's supposed to go, right? This is how you're supposed to do it. But some teachers would give you the study guide

and everything on the test would be different. I was like, I had no answer, bro. I had zero answer, I couldn't do it. You know, there's just some things, I can't do it. I can't do it. You know, there's just some things I can't do it. I can't do it for me midterms final exams I Would go crazy during the semester and get an A or a B high B Just try as hard as I can and all that and then I would just fail every midterm

Every day every year you got it. You got D's and Fs on all your midterms. I was like, I don't care. What's my final grade? It's a B? Yeah, you dropped down a whole letter grade from an A. Okay, sounds good to me. You could have had all As. I can't do the midterm.

It's too hard. Too many things. I can't remember all that stuff from six months. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just too hard. Too many things. I didn't, I can't remember all that stuff from six months. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just too hard. I will gladly drop down a whole letter grade. Bye. Ruin my entire life. Dude, and that's, dude, that's why Christmas break

is so money. Cause you're like, thank God it's over. Just thank God it's over thank God it's over. All that by hold me now. Oh, I think that's it. Damn it. That's it. I'm six feet from me and I'm thinking. Wow, dude, Merry Christmas to everybody everybody you guys are right bro great voice messages slapped. Thank you dear diary Let's keep going It's talking about swiping somebody's contacts out of their eyes

The day has come It's finally happened My biggest fear of all time happened two days ago. I ran out of contacts and I don't have anymore. Never happened. I've had contacts since fifth grade. 10. Don't know what my prescription is.

I think it's a guy thing. My sister was like, what's your prescription? I was like, yo, I have no idea. I just go to Eyeglass World and say, give me the usual. And okay, it's all in our system. We'll send you, okay, cool. But bro, I wait so long when I have contacts. I wait they're like you're supposed to come back and get an eye exam every six months I'm like Who the hell?

Just who the hell doing that, please tell me Tell me what I gotta do to get an eye exam Baby, anything you say or do except for go and I only wanna make it happen Because I can't see shit it's true. Yeah. Yeah, I want to know what to do to get an eye exam I wanna know what to do to get my exam Yeah, yeah, yeah That song goes so hard No, but yeah, I don't know. I guess I'm just wearing glasses. Hey, wore glasses to yoga today

Name a more uncomfortable thing name a more uncomfortable class to be flipping your head around and shit. I guess it goes roller coaster yoga. Did this during yoga 76 times. Half of the class I was just bouncing on one arm messing with I wanna know what after you can I exam I want to know you're like very singy today I'm always singy it's my defense mechanism I don't whistle I don't hum yeah I don't know why don't you just take your glasses off during yoga? Because then I can't see anything, Ash. Why do you have to see? You're literally stretching. Because I don't know any of the moves.

I don't know, dude, you really gotta know yoga to like, to be able to do without looking at people I'm like, I don't know bro. I just follow along. I don't I look at a copy. I'm a cheater I'm a copier Sounded bad when I said I'm a cheater. I'm not I promise just with my with my barber. Okay. But in yoga, bro, I am looking. There was a yoga class I took and they were like, okay, do the sequence, do the sequence, got it, got it. Now do the sequence on your own. And I was like, I guess I'll just sit here and child's pose because I have no idea what we've been doing for the past 50 minutes

Wasn't the guy who never paid attention once Yeah, I got a C dude. I got a copy off of other people in yoga class or else. I'm not worth it I'm not I'm not I'm not born with it. I'm not Maybelline lean. Kukukuku cringe moment of the week is a quick one. It's a quick one. Not a lot of cringe happening lately, which I always think about you guys. Any time, anytime I do something cringe, I'm like, that's it. That's it. That was the one. Hey, what about when I saw my childhood friend at the mall last night? Smooth talking guy, bro, just very good, very good communicator. Saw him at the mall.

I was kind of crushing the convo a little bit. I thought I was doing pretty good, saying some cool stuff. Might have been a little too cool. Chill out, bro. 34. I was like, I'm kind of saying like two good of words here. 34. And at the end of the convo,

he looks at me and he goes, all right, dog. And I go, good seeing you, bro. He looks at me and he goes, right on. And I didn't, good seeing you, bro. He looks at me, he goes, right on. And I didn't know what to say. I panicked, because I was doing too good. Sometimes when I'm doing too good, I always shoot myself in the foot. Because I think about doing too good,

I'm like, yo, I'm doing so good right now. And I think about it, and then I shoot myself in the foot. He goes, right on. I looked at him before he walks away. He goes, I go, miss you. Do I die? He goes right on out to him before he walks away. He goes, I go, Miss you. He goes. And I was like, oh, shit, and I thought about it and I go, you know, that sounded weird.

And he looked back and he go and I looked at him, he looked at me again and I go, but I mean it. Hey, didn't say anything back, no text. I guess it's better to do that to a guy though. If I did that to a girl, like we would have to be in love But maybe just me and bro are Hey, that was weird, but I mean it. What hey guess where we're in a lululemon I was hoping! Oh shit! I was in front of the table of leggings!

What am I doing dude? KKKK Cringe moment of the week Alright let's do days and then Merry Christmas! I love an espresso sesh! We just Thank God you guys are here man, I love you Christmas Day Did it did two days of the week?

Pumpkin pie day, you know my thoughts pumpkin pie fell off And I don't know why it's a Christmas Day thing. It might even be a little better on Christmas Day. Nah Christmas Day is an apple pie ass day isn't it. I love how every holiday has its meat. Meat. But then Christmas is kind of like I don't know.

What is it. Is it like. Thanksgiving turkey Easter ham. I don't know. What is it? Is it like Thanksgiving, Turkey, Easter, Ham? Christmas is like, both? Christmas doesn't have a food. Is it apple pie? What are we eating on Christmas? Why can't, am I going crazy right now? I think it's a lot of bread.

Hark the herald angels! A lot of peppermint. A lot of like creme brulee is Christmassy, I guess. Is it? Just because it's white and cream. Gingerbread, OK. Dude, I know you guys are insane, like thinking I'm crazy right now. Oh, by the way, just thought about this, dude, walked into the Apple. Got a new phone twice. He said it. Walked into the Apple Store yesterday.

You know, the final boss of the Apple Store, it's the guy that's always like. He like is the quarterback of the Apple Store. Saw me. He goes, yo. I was like, what's up? He goes, I listen to your podcast. that's always like he like is the quarterback of the Apple Store saw me he goes yo I was like what's up because I listened to your podcast I was like dude just nothing makes my day more than that and while you're Q being quarterbacking the Apple Store you know the guy that's like the king he's like hey how you doing are you good hey are you looking for a fight with the oh you let it stand over on that wall Oh, you're gonna pick some up back there in the corner

Oh, you need that help on your device back there all the way in the back or like that guy. Oh Bro, I listen to your podcast while he's directing traffic. Hey Top five hottest things ever Just saying. Shout out to you bro. I don't know how I glossed over that earlier. Straight G. Fam is, I just knew it bro. You know he was like a down to earth.

I don't know what the fam is but we are like people that don't care. Down to earth. Just straight facts baby. We just, I don't know what it is but I are like people that don't care down to earth just straight facts, baby. We just what I Don't know what it is, but I love you guys. I can't explain it all probably just insane people that are single Now it sounds like a lot of people on this pot are kind of booed up Yeah, but what is that what is the food on Christmas? I can't think of it. Is it salmon or something? Chicken?

It's not chicken. Unless you want to kiss under the rotissil toe. What do I usually eat on Christmas? I just eat bullshit all day on Christmas. All day. BS, dude. I think today I'm gonna document on my story everything I've eaten. Cause I might go actually insane on Christmas. And just everything I eat, I'm putting, just M&Ms, everything in between, all the bullshit, everything. A glass of RC

Cola, just everything. Christmas is kind of just like I don't know just eat everything in sight day There's that National whiners day, that's me That is me if I am one thing if I know if I'm confident in one thing I am But I willine the doors off. I'll complain. I'll whine. Eh. Till the cows come home.

Who made that one up? God, I've been hearing that for so long. I will complain about everything. Stop complaining! No, man. Usually people that are complaining about stuff are kind of right. Or it's their own fault. But every time- oh my god.

Every time somebody complains, like, I'm all in on that. Like, I want to join the complain party. I'm like, oh you're complaining? About what? About what? About what? Because I bet I thought about it too. Thank you notes day. the 26th bro. I'm not writing thank you notes till I think thank you notes have died.

Thank you notes are dead aren't they? Are thank you notes dead, fam? I was waiting for the day bro. There's nothing I hated more than thank you notes growing up. I was like God bro. Actually all mail M-A-I-L and Keynotes growing up. I was like, God, bro. Actually all mail and AI L and, and male really, I'm just over it. All male stuff. I'm like mailing rebate for the two. No, I'll pay $200. So I don't have to lick an envelope, but thank you. No. It's, I was like like bro, do they even care and sometimes my aunt would be like Hmm didn't think he didn't see your thank you note

You're keeping track Bro and thank you notes just turned into like messages on Facebook and Instagram into like messages on Facebook and Instagram. I thought you were on Facebook. Ash, my ants are. So I message them on Facebook sometimes. When thank you notes turned into text messages. I can't be more grateful for that.

That is the one thing, bro, that I never thought would end. Thank you notes Oh my goodness Thank you for the gifts very thoughtful. I love you, Benny my whole life. I'm like can't we just Snip snap next time I see you. I'll remember to say it but a whole ass letter with a stamp to say it but a whole ass letter with a stamp fruitcake day Friday went to Cheesecake Factory last night takeout felt kind of like a boss I was like you I'm gonna order I'm gonna order you know I'm gonna I'm gonna get I'm gonna get crazy I'm so crazy I'm gonna get takeout

From Cheesecake Factory. Yeah. Yeah, they're open till 10. It's 9 15 p.m. December 23rd. Let's talk. Y'all take a Caesar salad with double chicken and an order of wings. OK, sounds good. That'll be $80.86. $80. This is why.

This is why Cheesecake Factory. This is why. I why Cheesecake Factory. This is why I Didn't even get cheesecake The way I was tempted $80 just cuz $80 For a for a starter salad with chicken. Oh my god Just cuz Cheesecake Factory just cuz you were in a Drake song, now you're like this. Okay.

God, they are good though. That might be the best chain restaurant. They're good, bro. That name alone, Cheesecake Factory. OHHHHH! You're telling me you're not like, geeking when you first saw that? What? What's in that mom?

Have you the cheesecake Yeah, they have a lot of stuff honey, but we gotta go They just make cheesecake in there like I was I was thinking conveyor belts I was thinking you know on Food Network where they show this is how cheese its are made. I Thought that was happening in there. I was like what? It's like a field trip thing the place right I Think they're number one. I think like Chili's has the the internet and a choke hold but the people know the chokehold, but the people know, the people know.

It is cheese, I don't wanna admit it either. But it just, it is, it is, sorry. Sorry chain restaurants, but Cheesecake Factory is number one. And they have the vibe of number one too. Like you take your girl to Chili's because it's a joke and it is kind of good, too You take your girl to Cheesecake Factory, she's like Oh shit like we're really going on a date kind of thing like it's still kind of real and

Then you know you take your girl to like all the upper level restaurants and stuff like that which aren't any fun But she's getting factory is like almost she's getting factory is like JV Very like the best JV team you've ever played in your life. You're like damn you guys could play on Fridays, bro God is bro oh god you can kind of it's like a comfy date you know babe can we just like I don't care much I just don't want to get ready can we just go to cheesecake oh yeah but the way I was peeking in that glass case when I paid the 80.86 and it was all said and done, guy behind the desk looking at me, have a Merry Christmas. Me doing this right after. You too.

Oh, would you like to add some cheesecake? No, no, no, I'm good. In my head. The things I do for that Oreo cheesecake. Are you sure? Yeah, I'm good. Have a good one. Whole ride home. Are you sure? Yeah I'm good. Have a good one.

Whole ride home. And he has a problem. Saturday. Card playing day. Everybody suck it. People playing cards. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it I don't want to hear

your you care let's play you know I don't want to hear it I'm over it I'm done you know me you mean cards don't get along Merry Christmas to everybody except card games shut up dude what's Trumpades you got speed nine speed you got diamonds your heart Shh, I don't want to remember all this right now shut up god damn can I just sit here for once I? Always got to be doing playing a goddamn game, man. Oh My god, okay, um what if we played we went around? How about this we don't do anything that requires math

Just once just for a little bit or me saying something embarrassing or me Having to come up like damn man Let me see your hand let me see your hand you need to draw another Me during a card game Me during a card game? No idea what I'm doing. Never been more nervous or scared during a card game. You ever been in a card, playing a card game and not know the rules? So you're just like... What was that? Diamonds? We're not on diamonds.

I'm like... Dude, I didn't listen and shit. And like, I can't count really. And I kind of just want to go in the other room with your dad and watch this NFL game. I want to be in the old guy room on Christmas. I don't want to be thinking of zingers at the card table. Just shut up.

Chocolate candy day Saturday I hate Christmas candy hey you know what it is the Christmas cookies Christmas is known for cookies look look cute ass cookies those little those little circle cookies that you bake and they have like Santa on them, like imprinted in color. They're just like tan cookies. Those are so good. I might go off on those tomorrow, just 26. What'd you do on Christmas? Just ate.

What'd you have? 26 cookies. That's what I want right there out of my, oh, I had some salmon. I had some Brussels sprouts Had a glass of water shut up with your regular meal 26 cookies That's what I had for Christmas, that's how you celebrate Christmas Pledge of Allegiance day just reminds me of having to pee so bad in class.

Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee. I'm looking at people and shit. During the pledge, did you think of America once? Never. I was just like, damn. I wonder if we're gonna have snacks today. I wonder if I can get his attention over there. Bro, just always trying to make people laugh. If you weren't doing that, like growing up, saying the Pledge of Allegiance, and just

in school in general, what actually was your thought process? The whole day, I was just trying to be an idiot. Still doing it. Still killing it. Just trying to be an idiot all day, that's all. And one day, we, fam, are gonna make it big. Oh, what's your final, somebody asked me that the other day. What's your final goal with all this? I just want to just be an idiot and hopefully be able to live off of that.

Still killing it! Whatever that song is big boom We bring the boom kind of a heater Hate to say it when when the when they came out I Thought that I thought it was creepy and but they're kind of like crushing commercials and I watch them because it's just like it's so funny I don't know is they do a good job Sunday pepper pot day who's pepper pot but pepper

Pepper has been changing my life lately And we need to put a little bit we need to put some respect on pepper we do Who who found pepper? You know? I'm just going to put this on everything. You could put pepper on every single thing in my whole life and I'd be like, No, I agree. It tastes a lot better. Spaghetti, pepper.

Oh, this is good. This is good. Now this, regular spaghetti. Turkey sandwich, pepper, boom. So much better. What is going on with that? It's just, what is it? Who found it? Crazy. IFM, Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Let's see what's trending real quick. I've been wanting to do this for a while. While we're here, hey, well I gotcha. Is this trending for me or is this trending for everyone? Portnoy, trending United States, Portnoy. Really like how Dave Portnoy is a Michigan dude. And he's a troll, bro.

I think that's so cool. That's kind of what I want to be. That dude's just an idiot for life. Just always just trying to joke around, millionaire. Colbert, never watched a late show in my entire life. What time's it on? What channel's it on people watching them? I know I know people love them, but I'm like It's just never even and every time I see one like if I'm in a hotel, and I see like Jimmy Kim Kim alive I'm like is it from how is that can be tonight?

Jonathan Taylor Every time I see that he's running back for the Colts these have to be trending for me Because no way Jonathan Taylor is just trending in sports Every time I see the name Jonathan Taylor, I think of Jonathan Taylor Thomas Alright Joe Merry Christmas. Have a good one. Happy New Year said I love you way too much. I'm serious, so Eat everything today. Thanks for listening to the pod You guys hit home man more than ever

Merry Christmas to you have the best day ever for real. Christmas? Who cares? Who cares the clock? Yeah, live stream every Sunday. Get your tickies. Tell the homies to join the Patreon. Get them a month for Christmas. You know, yo, just hop on the live stream. Telling you what? Hop on this guy's livestream, listen to his podcast, give him a rating review, subscribe on YouTube, follow him on Instagram, follow him on TikTok, follow him on Twitter, follow him on all that shit.

Do all that, and then that's all I need. No, but seriously, do it. Love you guys, peace. See you next time.