Espresso - most annoying habits

Episode Date: February 4, 2021

FAM! ((merch should be at your crib or it should be there in like 1 day)) on this shot half of ben's tooth fell apart and he talks about getting it yanked out of his lil dumb mouth, he analyzes the guy at your high school that always played guitar at parties, he realizes how sexy hotel towels are and his pregnant lady cravings for carrot cake 👁👁 He talks about cheating on PB with Nutella and if you like scoop ice cream better than soft serve you must immediately call the police. Ben remembers how traumatizing the dining room at your house is and how it's impossible it is trying to find someone in a movie theatre lol He goes #ViViViViral and does #DaysOfTheWeek but you already knew that 😎 𝘿𝙈 𝙤𝙧 𝙏𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝘼𝙉𝙔 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝘽𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙙 ! (@benedictpolizzi) →→→ 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲 & 𝗥𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄! 𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗕𝗲𝗻!: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

The Espresso Podcast is brought to you by Wave 1 Media. If you want to start your own show, visit thewave1.com. Calm, calm, calm. Alright, let's do it. Nobody Nobody Nobody And then the guy who Always played his guitar in the parking lot After Friday night football games at your high school

There was always a guy Like played Then quit in his senior year There was always a guy. Like, played, then quit in his senior year. He was just the guitar guy sitting in the back of a van. And all the girls were like, damn, though, you know? Every high school had one. Cowboy hat. I know you guys, guys like just won the biggest game of the year but like he's kind of hot oh my god what's up

it's so stupid dude there's always always just a guitar guy at parties. You're like, wait, where did you even get that? I didn't even see you bring a guitar in. Is that my dad's from his room? Dude, I swear to God, I didn't have one instrument in my house growing up. Nothing. Not even like that little bitch-ass flute that you got in fourth grade we never even had that dude my fucking parents made sure that shit wasn't in

the house i would have been like my dad would have snapped that shit over his knee that's enough number of podcasts in a row that i mentioned my dad 144 just fucked up all right what's up shot 144 espresso podcast i'm ben palizzi remember to follow on twitter instagram cameo tiktok tiktok holy shit tiktok all that at benedict palizzi. Remember to follow on Twitter, Instagram, Cameo, TikTok. TikTok. Holy shit. TikTok, all that, at Benedict Polizzi. What's good? Oh my God, man.

Good podcast last week. Thanks for listening. I got a lot of good feedback. Me and Joy. Me and Joy were in the Wave 1 studio. Shout out to Wave 1 for having us in there It was dope It's all on YouTube

You should check it out anyway Went to Cincinnati It was cool Chipped my tooth Dude My tooth just randomly Like I swear to God I stopped flossing

For one night And all my teeth fall out. My back left wisdom tooth just disintegrated. Part of it just chipped off and I was like, oh. It wasn't even in pain. It just fell apart in my mouth. I was like, hmm. This is every dream I've had every night of my life.

Anytime I can remember my dream, which is like one out of 365 days a year, all my teeth fall out. And I always have so much shit in my eyes in my dreams. Like, you know, when you wake up and you have like some crap in your eye. Mine are always like two big rocks. And I'm like, ah. But it's like the most fun ever digging those bitches out in my dream. I'm like, yeah. Okay, normal podcast so far.

Um, yeah, my tooth fell out. I didn't fall out, but like half of it, like half of it, Tom broke off and it started to hurt the entire week. Like, you know, when, uh, something's really sensitive in your mouth, like I couldn't drink anything. If I drank anything that was a tiny bit cold, I was like, ah. So I went to the dentist. I was going to go to one of those 24-hour dentists, but I'm like super sketched out about them because I'm like, do they even, do they just watch like four YouTube videos?

And now they're like, yeah, you can work here. Did you watch your four YouTube tutorials that you skipped through? Yep. All right, see you at 9am. But I didn't want to- You're starting tomorrow, Frankie! I didn't want to go to one of them because it just feels like they'd overcharge you.

I'm scared of that 24 hour shit. My sister said she had a toothache and went to the 24 hour dentist. And like half the people didn't even have faces. They didn't even have a mouth. And she was like, okay, you can go in front of me. My tooth just hurts a little bit. But I didn't want to go in there. So somehow, someway, this dentist that we went through, a family friend,

was like, yeah, I can get you in Saturday morning. So pulled up Saturday morning filled out paperwork that I have no idea what I wrote on you know every time you have to go to a new doctor's office or even like a tanning bed you have to fill out all the info number of times I mentioned a tanning bed on this podcast 144 what's this podcast about his dad and tanning beds? Alright, I'll subscribe. No, for real though. Yeah, but I had to

fill out all this paperwork and he's like, do you have insurance? And I was like, yep. No idea. So I just put my card info on there. It could have been any card in my wallet. It was probably like my Costco card information. What's your member ID number?'m like gold star he was like we can either numb it up and you can get a seat at your dentist later or we can just yank it out now and i was like um let's just do this shit now. I didn't drive to fish or feed. He gave me some hydrocortisone on my mouth.

So he like numbed the shit out of it and just literally pulled it out like a loose tooth. And I was like, wow. And he's like, yeah, it was good. It was an easy one. He's like, the roots came right out. It was a picture perfect tooth. Only it was half cut off and the inside was black i was like yeah like i never know what to tell the dentist when my teeth are totally fucked up you know like you know they know exactly what you've been doing like he could

probably analyze that tooth and be like all right you eat a jar of peanut butter a day i'd be like maybe but yeah he pulled it out so easy I was like I think I could have done that myself you ever go to like that's why I hate going to the chiropractor every time I go to a chiropractor and they crack my back I'm like I could have just like had my roommate do that why did I just pay like 700 and give you all my information for that and they always chiropractors always think they're the shit after they crack your back. They're like, how'd you like that one? I'm like, I don't know.

I used to do it all the time on my school chair in fourth grade. It's like, they crack your neck and they're like, and they're like, yeah, right there, baby. That's what I like. You like that? Huh? Your neck's never felt this fucking good, huh? I'm like, um, my mom's in the room too, sir. Oh shit. Every time I had like a checkup or like a doctor's appointment literally till I was like 17 years old I was like mom. Can you come in the room with me? I swear to god

I didn't have like a real doctor until I was like Out of college. I went to the pediatrician literally till I was a senior in high school Just because like we just didn't like level up to like the real doctor Maybe it was like cheaper but I swear I was like, I was a senior in high school and I was walking into like my doctor's office and there were like finger paintings on the wall. I was like, I don't think, are we in the right place, mom? While she's in the room. Because doctors always ask you like the weirdest shit. And I'm like, how do I know? Mom, what do you think? Have I had sex in the last month?

Mom, what do you think? Have I had sex in the last month? Am I sexually active? You answer. It's fucked up. It's so awkward in the doctor's office, too. I'm, like, naked and sweaty. So weird. And, like, they act like nothing's funny at the doctor's office. Everything's hilarious.

They're, like, clicking something so close to my eye with their face and like i start laughing and they think i'm weird i'm like dude we almost like made out how are you not laughing at this we almost made out and i'm naked like live a little you can joke around god damn always fucking with all the doctor stuff before they get in the room i'm like i wonder how much time i have before he comes in here because i'm fucking taking all these like popsicle sticks and shit i always want to look through all the cabinets it's always the most boring shit in there why how come every time i'm in the doctor's office before my visit waiting for him to come in there i like feel like i'm gonna find like a beating heart in one of the drawers i always think i'm gonna find like some alien arm i'm like damn it nothing here this time maybe next time i go to the doctors in seven years there'll be something in here

god damn it, man. All right. Okay. The question of the week. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. Espresso question of the week. Okay, here we go. What's your weirdest habit?

I said for me, it's like every time I laugh, I like run around. around I don't know how you can like I was thinking about this I don't know how you can laugh and stand still I would feel awkward as hell just standing there laughing I have to move to the next township and just like murder people

if something's so funny I'm slapping you in the face Let's go through some of these okay most annoying habits SH matters I interrupt everyone and hardly even notice damn. That's tough. That's fucked up. That is I Know I do the same shit interrupt everyone and hardly ever notice I feel like such a piece of shit when I interrupt somebody no but this is what I'll do I'll interrupt somebody and be like no go ahead that's the biggest dickhead move I'll interrupt somebody and be like damn that was rude but I already ruined everything that so then I'm

like no go ahead and they're like you got it and I'm like I'm good it wasn't as good as what you're saying and they're like it's fine and I'm like I'm gonna go home I'm gonna go bye bye I'm gonna go home send me packing mommy

yeah I gotta stop doing that I'm gonna give that shit up for Lent or something. Do a lot of people know what Lent is? Or is it just like weird Catholic people that know what Lent is? Lent is super weird. I think if I wasn't Catholic, I'd still do Lent just to give some shit up, you know? Because it's kind of dope sometimes. Just like give some shit up.

See if you can do it. Give up not interrupting people for Lent On Easter you're just fucking everybody up They're telling stories and shit You're like up but there's one time Up but no no no I got you one better Murgo44

Weirdest habits I chew my tongue when I get anxious ah chew my tongue dude i i shouldn't even say this but i haven't bit my tongue in a while is there anything more demoralizing than biting your tongue or your lip oh i'll fall to the ground I don't care where I am I don't care where I could be at a goddamn funeral pallbearer at a funeral if I bite my tongue I'm dead too carry me out with them dude I'm gone that sucks and you like you can't blame it on anybody I bit my tongue I guess you could say somebody like hit your head and you like you can't blame it on anybody i bit my tongue i guess you could say somebody like hit your head and you bit it remember did you ever hit head i haven't i thought about this

the other day i haven't hit heads with somebody in so long i swear to god when i was a kid i hit my friend's head with my head every single day for like 15 years that shit hurts so bad hitting heads oh dude i just remember looking at all my friends like ah it felt like you were That shit hurts so bad. Hitting heads. Oh, dude! I just remember looking at all my friends like, It felt like you were in a dream after you hit your head with your friend. You'd be like, That used to hurt so fucking bad. Hitting heads, number one, worst pain.

Then it goes like brain freezes and biting your tongue, probably. Alright, it's bobby finn most annoying habits i don't spray or open windows when i blow up the bathroom at home nor at parties for some reason growing up we just never had spray so like to me it's just like what it was like i do that now in my room it's like yo spray something and i'm like i forgot i didn't even look or like no like it's just us here holy shit literally it's just us here. Holy shit. Literally. It's just us. Like maybe if there were like 10 supermodels in my living room, I'd like spray some shit. But it like literally just shut the door and that's it, right? We just never had spray. We didn't.

So I like don't even think about it. This girl I'm dating, like, yeah, I said it. This girl I'm dating, she like, she goes, but she was like, yeah, when you do it, like right when it goes in the water, just light a match. And at that moment, I realized I was dating a witch. I realized I was dating a witch. She's like, light a match and then boil this stew and then scream at the top of your lungs and fly around on a broom. But I don't like doing the spray either.

Because like, if people don't know that you took a shit, it's just like a dead giveaway. You know what I mean? Like you're at your grandma's. I'm like, damn, that you took a shit, it's just like a dead giveaway. You know what I mean? Like you're at your grandma's. I'm like, damn, I really got a shit. I hate it when I have to shit and I'm like somewhere supposed to be having fun. I'm like, I can't do these two things at once. Like say you go in the bathroom and then you finish up and everything's all good.

And people might even like it's busy. It's busy in the house. So people might even forget that you're in the bathroom for that long. Like they're not going to like be like, you know, when somebody goes to the bathroom for the, for a while, like low key party is like, Holy fuck this shit. I always think about that. Like if somebody doesn't come back from the bathroom for a long time, I'm like, damn, he just took a shit right now. That's crazy. But like but like you know when somebody like i swear to god i did it one time and no one knew i was taking a shit and then right like as i'm leaving the bathroom like no one knew no one knew and then and then and then while like and then of course everybody

gets quiet for one second they're about to sing happy birthday for somebody me okay okay okay everybody in here i'm like hell yeah perfect timing they're all standing up it's fine nothing's gonna happen they're like all right all right, everybody, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. I'm like, and they're like, happy, who's in the bathroom? It's just that, dude, air freshener's just a shit alarm. Why else would you spray that?

Oh my God, my pee stinks. Holy shit. My pee stinks. I hate it when people say stink. Oh. Stink is the worst word. That's like the most commonly used word that I just can't fucking stand. It's stinky.

Ah! All right. Most annoying habits I call everyone by a nickname Even if I just met them Brandon, me, what up B-boy Sarah, hey s-bomb Paul hey it's p-diddy Lauren hey there l-train Call me girl l-train

Is there anything more disrespectful Yeah Call her l-train cause she To me she looks like a locomotive S-bomb I do that too lowkey like there's this dude at work his name's garrett i always call like the first s i was like what's up g low-key though low-key i was like i think he liked that but what if he hates it you ever call somebody something they're like don't call

me that you're like damn i was like putting on that being really cool for us. I had a friend named Mitchell and I called him Mitch one day. He's like, don't. I was like, fuck. I had it. I just had it all planned out that that was going to be like our thing. When people call me Benny out of nowhere, I'm like, I fucking, I fall in love with them. If you call me Benny out of nowhere I'm like I fucking I fall in love with them If you call me Benny

In love Immediately Like you had the guts To just go out on a limb And call me Benny Oh my god Come here Dude people always used to be like

Can I call you Benny boo boo boo boo Cause it's from some movie that I've never seen And I've always been like Sure but what the fuck is that from They're that I've never seen And I've always been like sure but what the fuck is that from They're like you've never seen that And I'm like Most annoying habits Taylor T. Jarena

I try to sing songs I don't know all the words to Wife hates it but I'ma do me Oof Same Same same You ever have a bunch of people looking at you like in a in a place where there's loud music playing and they're like they're like relying on you to know the words and you don't know the words and you have to like just say something weird and start laughing damn i've

done that so many it's been like show time for me to like go like rap lyrics like you know like not not rap them but like mouth them to a part of a song and i'll fuck it up completely and they'll just look away and i'm like damn i blew that shit like i act like it's my responsibility to know every word of every rap song but they do too that's a fucked up thing they're like he didn't know that i've never felt like more of a loser than when i don't know lyrics in a song someone's looking at one time I swear to god

it was this song of course it's this song though that's the hardest song of all time not even lying but i was like in the chorus and like everybody's feeling themselves and i was at a party and like the lights were on though but i was just like i started singing the wrong fucking verse and the girl looked at me and she goes you don't even know the words and I was like But I tried to like save it I was like, yeah, I do hold on that was like the last like this is the remix I was singing the real one God damn it

Of course. That song, though. That's literally my entire personality is that song. That song goes so hard. I guarantee like even like I listened to that song so much growing up that I swear to god my mom like when she hears a song she'll be like no that is a good one your mom ever hit you up and ask you what some songs were like that you're playing with your friends like in the house and your mom's like turn that down Then like a week goes by and she's like, what was that song you're playing with chris brown? Like oh you want that on your cardio tennis workout playlist, huh mom

That's what I thought I I knew you knew it was a heater, but you had to tell me to turn it down. Because you had to go to sleep at 6 p.m. What was that song you were playing last week? I think it was so loud and disruptive. God, it was disgusting and vulgar. But I think it was by gorilla zoe and young drac is that the same one okay okay it went a little something like that song goes

too much too much too much all right here we go most annoying habit Too much, too much, too much. All right, here we go. Most annoying habit. Most annoying habit is making eye contact with someone who is clearly too far away for me to say hey to. I typically look left to right or drop my head into the phone until I can say hey to the person. That's E.M. Cleary. My most annoying habit is making eye contact with someone who is clearly too far away for me to say hey to. Oh, I think I know what you're talking about.

You gotta do like that weird walk for like 20 steps until you can say hey. That is weird. That's so weird just that like half of half of our day is just acting like we're a normal person it's like acting like we're like not crazy everybody's insane but there are there is like 10 of people that are just really that boring you know like when it like that's why i can't i can't take pictures like i don't know how to smile in pictures because that's I can't take pictures. Like, I don't know how to smile in pictures. Cause that's not ever how I smile. They're like, you don't know how to take pictures. I'm like, no shit. When am I ever looking like that?

Every time I smile, I look like I just fresh killed somebody. I'm like, nothing happened. It's the most computer smile of all time. I'm like, happened it's the most computer smile of all time i'm like i look like a robot like if i was a robot and i smiled that's my smile so staged how does anyone know how to smile damn i don't know how to smile i have to make myself every time i every time I'm about to take a picture three two. I'm like ha ha ha I'm always that guy that has to laugh to make himself like look like a smile Okay, so that's the question quick question of the week. Alright, let's go viral. 5-5-5-5 viral. Viral.

Hashtag stupid sleeping questions. Do you know anybody that like when you call them out for sleeping, they get mad? Or is that literally just my dad? Like, I don't know. Does anyone else do that? I got in trouble one time. I swear to God I got in trouble because I was like, dad, you were sleeping.

And he was like, no, I wasn't. I was like, your eyes were closed. I don't know. What the fuck were you doing? Praying? Were you praying while you were reading the newspaper? Like you were just, you were praying on a recliner while like a baseball game was on

and the newspaper was like on your chest and your hands were on your pants that's how you pray our father who weren't in heaven this i guess is so fucked oh shit hashtag fake hotel facts i was at a hotel last week in Cincy. God, can you imagine just the fucked up stuff that happens in a hotel room? Every time I go in a hotel room, I feel like I'm the first person to ever step foot in that bitch. I'm like, ha ha ha! These walls are not ready for what's about to happen in here.

I'm literally in there for like 17 minutes like just change. I don't do anything in it Hotel towels though, that's a different kind of like best feeling in the world Just something about a hotel towel like how did they know that that's the standard that's a standard towel You ever had a towel that's too soft you're like still like kind of your body's like still kind of wet after you use it you're like oh god a hotel towel is like scratchy i could throw a hotel towel in a fucking above ground pool and it'd be bone dry by the end of it. Throw your hotel towel in a pool. If you're with somebody and they bring their own towels because they don't

like hotel towels, you have the absolute right to slap them across the face. Hey, I brought me on. I don't really like... And they'll be like, that's fair. And you're like, okay. Whew.

My grandparents used to steal hotel towels. They did. And that's all we would use at their house. Like when we'd take showers, we'd just grab a towel from downstairs, and they'd all say holiday in on them. And I'd be like, not a bad idea, Grandma. You goddamn thief. You criminal.

Okay. Let's do days. Tuesday. National Heavenly Hash Day. Not doing that. National Tater Tot Day. heavenly hash day not doing that national tater tot day nothing worse than when people call tater tots home fries if you've ever said home fries just start walking

start christopher walking i think I want some home fries. If you say home fries, you also say washroom. And you've also hand-fed a chicken. Dude, can you even imagine that? Hand-feeding any... Chickens. Still never seen more than six.

It's just not gonna happen where are they wednesday national carrot cake day i swear to god carrot cake for me is like my number one craving like you ever just have like a pregnant lady craving and you're like, I really need some pickles Or like I really want a cupcake like just something you can always go for for me. It's carrot cake like all the time I'm like damn Why is it so good? Like why is it so it's because it's like different Carrot cake What is it? Like why does it even have anything to do with carrots?

Does carrot cake have anything to do with carrots? What's in carrot cake? Why does carrot cake have carrots? Carrot cake is cake or pie, which contain carrots mixed into the batter. The carrot softens. I swear to God, that's fake. Like, I bet that's a real thing, but the carrot cake we eat, there's no way there's carrots in that.

I feel like a lot of people wouldn't eat. A lot of people like carrot cake, and I feel like if they knew there were actual carrots in it, they'd be like, gross. Because people hate vegetables so much. People that hate vegetables, we talked about this on the last podcast, always love the most vegetable shit.

You know? They're like, carrot cake. Okay, for dinner, I want, well, for the appetizer, I definitely want sausage and kale dip. Like, huh? All right. For, well, to drink, I'll take a Bloody Mary. Oh, for the main course, I'll take a stuffed pepper and then for a dessert carrot cake for sure i'm like i thought you didn't like what are you talking about

carrot cake is gas straight up carrot cake dude what is it it's so fire it is everybody likes carrot cake right i've never heard one person say they hate carrot cake like how could you national missing persons day missing persons day damn man you ever like you ever lose somebody in a movie theater oh my god holy there's no i've never had that happened to me like twice one summer and i was like oh my god when you go into a movie theater and like you you gotta go to the bathroom but your friend goes in i swear to god it happened to me twice in the same month and And I was like, where the fuck are they? Because it's dark as shit. And you look so dumb.

You're literally next to the movie. Squinty eyes. And they can clearly see you. And they don't say shit because they don't want to be like, hey, and interrupt the movie. And then if they wave, the person behind them will be like, stop. So they don't, it's just impossible. Dude, I've lost people in movie theaters so many times. And I just end up like sitting on the stairs and like crying.

And they're literally like next to me, like laughing their asses off at the movie. And I'm like, oh, you're right there. Why didn't you just fucking tap me or something there's no solution nothing once the movie starts you're fucked oh my god it's literally a fear i have now every time i go to the movie theater which is once every 13 years i'm like hey can you hold my hand? Don't fucking go anywhere! And they're like, um, I was just gonna get some gobstoppers. I'm like, yeah! That's crazy, dude. I hate that. That's funny.

National Thank a Mail Carrier Day. No thanks. How about that? National No Thanks a mail carrier day. I hate mail carrier. Ew, dude. Every mail guy, like, is it a requirement that you have to have a knee brace?

Every fucking one of them. I'm like, damn, dog. What are you doing? Just deadlifts all day? Like, it can't be that bad. I know you're walking around dropping shit off, but, like, are you doing? Just deadlifts all day? Like it can't be that bad. I know you're walking around dropping shit off, but like are you literally rock climbing? Two knee braces, two elbow braces, headband, and that dorky UPS uniform. I'm like, why do they have to wear shorts?

I want you to show off those knee braces, babe. Like why don't you wear a weight belt too And like a hat and carry around a duffel bag Just go just go like if a guy Like literally if you dropped off a package At LA Fitness just stay there And work out cause you already got half the shit on Oh man

They got like a stopwatch around their neck Just timing my drop offs Holy shit Thursday Still Thursday National create a vacuum day Create a vacuum You ever just go to the store and look at the vacuums

And just be like damn dude Those are way better than ours at home Like I never and look at the vacuums and just be like, damn, dude, those are way better than ours at home. Like, I never see anybody with those vacuums. You know what I mean? Like, the vacuum I have at the store, they're, like, on super display. They're, like, up high and they're, like, clear and you can see, like, all the gears and the bristles and, like, all the insides. I'm like, they could not make that more fucking awesome. But that's never in anybody's house.

You know? Even like your rich friend has like a... Daredevil, dude. No, what's... There was one vacuum on the tip of my tongue. It was always on like stupid commercials. When we were younger. It's the stupidest name Bissell

Holy shit Bissell Hoover Ew dude Hoover but now like Now the dope vacuums are like those skinny Ones I like a thick ass one we always had like The worst vacuums The bag would be full of shit

I was like ew How come vacuums. The bag would be full of shit. I was like, ew. Can someone, like, why did that, how come vacuums growing up never worked? Did anybody's vacuum work growing up? I was always like, is this doing anything? Swear to God, dude. My dad would like check the vacuum lines. He'd be like, hey! What?

He didn't do the dining room. I'm like, damn, dude. Like, we haven't gone in there in four years what's going on in the dining room haven't been in there since august 2004 has anyone even eaten dinner in the dining room before why is is it, it's just like, it's just where all the Christmas presents you don't want go. The dining room is the most depressing room in your house. You go in there and you're like, getting the fuck out of here. It's always way quieter and colder in the dining room.

You're like, nevermind. Why is every dining room haunted? Dining rooms are fried. I'm done with haunted? Dining rooms are fried. I'm done with it. Dining rooms are scary. You ever have to, do you ever have to, one time I did something dumb at our family kitchen table

where we all ate, so I had to eat in the dining room and complete, that's why the dining room's traumatizing because I had to eat in there by myself all the time and I was like just looking at the weird wall and like listening to that your family's conversation like not saying anything and they're like low-key talking shit about you like look like low-key throwing shade but not really and you'd be like fuck I just want to get back in there so bad then you go back in there and they still like treat you weird you're're like, damn, I thought I earned it.

They still hate me. The dining room sucks. Because it's like special, you know, like you only go in there when you have company over. And that's always awkward when you have company over. Your parents like want to show off. Let's eat in the dining room with our good China. It's like, so not you. Has there been a better feeling

than when your company leaves? You're like, thank fucking God. Can act like a normal person now. The dining room. Is anybody else's dining room traumatizing? Friday. World Nutella Day. Nutella is kind of underwhelming.

I said it. I said it! I said it! I said it! I said it! Like, I always give it a shot, and I still kind of eat it. Honestly, I still kind of eat it, but I'm like, it's not that good. Why the fuck am I eating this? I feel like every time I eat Nutella, peanut butter's like,

you son of a bitch. You would. Peanut butter's looking at me like sideways. Peanut butter won't talk to you for like two months. You gotta like buy him some good bread and jelly. And he's like, whatever. He's still like, okay. You're like, wow.

When you eat Nutella, you feel bad for peanut butter. You do. Deep down, you're like, damn. I hope peanut butter doesn't know about this I hope peanut butter doesn't hear about this shit Gotta keep your Nutella in like a separate part of the house So your peanut butter doesn't even see it Why is your Nutella in your uh bathroom drawer uh it's just I don't know why I put it there I must have been like you know had a lot on my mind oh yeah

don't fucking take it out of there don't take it out of there why just don't fucking take it out of there, okay? Shh. Okay. Holy shit. But it's really not that good, but I keep eating it. What is that? Dude, one time I got Nutella. Like, you ever go to like a soft serve ice cream place? Or not.

Fucking soft serve ice cream. Every ice cream place is soft. If you get ice cream. Dude, soft serve ice cream is so much better than normal ice cream. People that are like, I like the scoop. I'm like, are you in the army? Thank you for your service, man. But I'm going to go to Dairy Queen.

I usually like give it the benefit of the doubt. But like it's soft serve ice cream is so much better than scoop ice cream. You're crazy. Damn, man. And that's like a valid thing. People really like scoop ice cream you're crazy damn man and that's like a valid thing people really like scoop ice cream how have you seen that shit come out of the nozzle and then they they they like wrap it around in the cone and then right at the end that kiss just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight. Baby, I can't decide this thing, huh? Hit me on it, honey, ooh. That's what I do every time I don't know the words.

Let me know me, honey, ooh. Every time I'm at Every time I'm at Golden Corral And it's dessert time And that ice cream machine's just staring at me And it's fully working I'm like Like kind of nervous Looking at the ice cream machine from across the like cafeteria

Weird old country buffet Lying here with you so close to me Are you singing? No It's hard to find these feelings Vanilla and chocolate twist inside of me Caught up in this moment I kind of wanted a brownie.

That's the chocolate nozzle. Hold on. This is the vanilla. This is the vanilla nozzle. Lying here with you so close to me. Singing to the chocolate nozzle. It's hard to fight these feelings when you're right there touching me. Singing to the chocolate nozzle. And the chocolate's the guy. To anyone You're really tasty But I just can't believe you are the one I'm caught up in this moment

And their kid, their kid is the twist in the middle of them. The twist. Who's not getting that? And then they sing this all together. Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight Just a touch of the fire burning so bright I don't wanna mess this cone up Baby it's his third one of the night Okay

Alright now that we talked about what I want to talk about Sunday National Periodic Table Day to talk about sunday national periodic table day it's just so weird that we really had to know that damn man we really had to zinc we really had to learn that just to be like yeah all right now delete it from your head did that for no reason that's so much time studying zinc literally the only one I know. Potassium. K. Is potassium K?

K. Yeah, for pota- That doesn't make any fucking sense, but only one I remembered. Potassium. K. K. Instead of saying K now, like agreeing with someone,

I'm just gonna be like yeah alright potassium Hey Have a good one potassium See you tonight Potassium cool Fettuccine Alfredo day Fettuccine Alfredo Is like the number one cop out

For people that don't know what to order at an italian restaurant sorry i'm like having a stroke but yeah if you if you're with somebody and they order fettuccine alfredo guess what they also like They also Like Taco Tuesdays Cause they're basic bitches Like when somebody orders You're just like dude It's like ordering chicken tenders at like a

A steakhouse When you're at an Italian place and you're like Fettuccine Alfredo And it's like Will you fucking grow up Okay And you're like, Fettuccine Alfredo. And it's like, God damn it. When do you fucking grow up? Okay. That's shot 144.

That was fried. That was good. I like those shots. I really appreciate you guys listening, following, subscribing. And please, please seriously I'm not just saying this, like, please write a review and tell your friends to subscribe and rate it because it actually matters

and honestly, I'm proud of this podcast and the people that listen to it, like, I love if you tell me you listen to my podcast I swear to God, man, that shit is so, nothing means more. Thank you for listening and responding and giving feedback. Like, please write reviews and stuff.

And if you have feedback, give it to me, man. It's only going to help. So let me know. Remember to follow on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Cameo, all at Benedict Polisi. And okay. Hope you got your merch. I'm so glad. It all got shipped out last week.

But I hope you got your merch. I hope you like it. Hit me up if you like it or whatever. Wear it and tag me because that shit looks tight. And I want to repost your stories with it on Cause I love this shit man I love you guys If you listen to the podcast and wear the merch

You mean a lot to me Like it's not just some bullshit That I'm like oh yeah Some fan out in Minnesota Like that shit is so tight So From literally Everything I got,

I love you guys. Mean that. I've never been more confident in saying that, but, okay, before I cry, I'll talk to you guys next week. I fam. Hey, Zo. What up, Chuck?

There's a lot of women out here. Yeah? And all they want to do is have a good time, so. We got to Chuck? There's a lot of women out here. Yeah. And all they want to do is have a good time, Charlie. We got to give them something new to say. Like what? Let's name it something else. Juice Box. Juice Box.

I make a juice box. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I make a juice box.