Espresso - most scared you've ever been

Episode Date: October 28, 2021

🔒 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝗰𝗮𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙠 (𝗼𝗻����𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗺) https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ♦️ 𝗦𝘂𝗯𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 🔹 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚 & 𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬 ;) on this episode Ben answers the Espresso Question of the week: what's the most scared you've ever been? (like watching your wife give birth) ben tells us about dressing up as a stupid ass bee for halloween when he was a kid and reminds us of the time he thought a sniper almost shot him in the chest AND James Benedict gives us his take on the island boys during 86 🔸𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗝𝗢𝗛𝗡𝗦𝗢𝗡: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 🔹𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 🔸𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 🔹𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

Shot 182. I'm your substitute teacher for the Espresso Podcast. My name? It's on the board behind me. Mr. Pizza. That's right. Hello, fellow teachers. Hope you're having a great day. Hope you're having a great day. Ha ha. I don't know if I'm going to be a sub much longer. Let's just say Mr. Pizza's here to stay. That's right. Yeah.

They call me P-I-Z-Z-A. I got the dough. I got the flow. I got the cheese for show. Might have a couple zits on my face. It's a disgrace. Don't worry. It's not acne. I call it pepperoni.

I'll see you guys in the lounge. That's right Mr. Fucking Pizza Ah, I'm not allowed to cuss I'm gonna try not to say the F word today On the Espresso Podcast Shot 182 What's up, fam?

What's good? It's spooky season I hate it when people say spooky season. I can't believe I just said that. But, dude, I've got pants on. Look at this. This is the earliest I've ever worn pants in my entire life. I usually start wearing pants like in February. I'm such a shorts douche. Dude, catch me in college. I don't think I even had pants in college. I played football too. I just wore shorts out there on the field. Hot, hot, hot. Dude, I feel cozy in pants. I feel like a new man. You know when you wear dress pants or something, you feel kind of sexy sexy I've been feeling sexy all day

Too sexy for my shirts Too sexy And I got this Cuts shirt on Me and Cuts struck a deal Can't believe I just flexed into the camera But really I'm a Cuts team member now And these shirts are

I'm not just saying this I would never say this to you guys But these shirts are i'm not just saying this i would never say this to you guys but these shirts are like if you like if you like plain shirts that just fit well and they don't get wrinkled i'm sorry i'm sorry cuts.com uh but i'm wearing their shirts all the time now because uh they're they're actually really nice I'm like modeling in the camera right now. Like they're actually really nice. Anyway, it's Halloween. Damn, and the weather is so, so Halloween. Rained all day Sunday, rained all day Monday. I love that shit.

It rained all day Sunday, rained all day Monday. I love that shit. But it's gloomy out. It's perfect for Halloween. It doesn't need to be like a nice night for Halloween. It can be all fucked up. That's how I like it. Dude, I was thinking about Halloween stuff.

Because obviously. And because obviously I'm a holiday bitch and uh i was thinking about i was thinking about like i went to i went to uh the halloween spirit halloween dude spirit halloween has got they are jumping now you ever go into a spirit halloween store how come every time i go in there i think i'm gonna get actually killed why is it like an unsafe environment it doesn't help that it's the one i went to is right get actually killed why is it like an unsafe environment it doesn't help that it's the one i went to is right next to walmart i was like everyone has pink hair but i feel super unsafe like i feel like somebody's gonna like come up to me and just fucking jab me in the ribs with like a pocket knife or something

they've got like that haunted house thing, like right in the middle. I used to die for those when I was a kid. I was the kid who wanted to do all the scary shit, but like right when I got up there, I was like, no. Like my mom even knew when I was a kid, she was like, don't go in there.

You're going to be scared for like two weeks. I was looking at all their like costumes and stuff and like when i was when i was a little kid i was thinking about this like i wanted one of those um i wanted a rob i wanted to be robin so bad for halloween like with the with the plastic like chest and shit with like the abs bro you know how bad i wanted that with the green pants and the and the little things around my I wanted that shit so bad but it was like 40 bucks and like for the first 15 years of my life honestly okay maybe not 15 but like my first Halloween party I was like what's up all right we'll do this like I don't know what to expect really pulled up at preschool the only costume we had in the house was uh this bee costume

because i didn't know it was that big of a deal i didn't i didn't know like the the vibe of the party but like i had to wear a bee costume to this halloween party because my mom wouldn't buy me like the robin costume because it was like 40 bucks so I walked into this party not knowing anything there's there's like there's Cinderella there's Snow White there's Aladdin there's Iron Man there's Hulk all these kids have the dopest Halloween costume and I walk in there with like the bee costume was like it was like handmade like my grandma I don't even know how we got it we might still have it but it was like it had it handmade like my grandma i don't even know how we got it we might still have it but it was like it had it like went around my face and put it made my face a

perfect little bitch-ass circle and it was like padded for some reason and it had wings and antennas and i was so like thrown off that i was the biggest dumbass there That I started trying to make it scary I was like walking up to like the flash and shit And I was like I was like trying to growl and make it like a I was like it's a killer bee I think I wore that for seven consecutive Halloween Just walking around the neighborhood with a big ass dumb ass bee costume on and um yeah that's my that's my number one costume i've ever had in my life

killer bee bro but uh let's talk about the scariest shit you've ever done um the scariest the espresso question of the week was, have you ever been haunted before? Like, has anything, like, what's the scariest thing that's ever happened to you? This actually happened to me one time. Um, it was me and my

friend who were, like, we became friends because we were the biggest bitches. Like, me and, this is crazy, I can't, like, I don't, I think everybody did this, we became friends because we were the biggest bitches. Like me. This is crazy. I can't like, I don't know. I think everybody did this, but me and him used to like sleep.

Like do we were freshmen in high school and we'd, I'd spend the night at his house and we'd sleep in the same bed. And we, like if we heard a noise, we were straight up under the covers. Did, did other guys like friend groups do that? I think that's just low-key girls.

But, dude, me and my homies all slept in the same beds. And that shit was fire. Like, dude, if I got room in the bed, I'm not going to, like, sprawl out. Like, go ahead, dog. But, okay, so my homie was spending the night at my house. And nobody was home. And it was just me and him. We were, like, playing video games.

I walked down the stairs, and my stairs, like, faced the back of the house. There's a bunch of windows on the back of the house. And he's like, dude. I'm like, what? Well, I'm on the stairs, and he's on the couch. Like, we're facing each other. He's like, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro. And I'm like, what?

He's, like, pointing at my shirt, and shirt i look down there's a laser on my shirt so immediately we go in like full dramatic psycho mode we like all hit the day he's like get down like we thought somebody was really gonna shoot my fucking sternum out right there so we turn all the lights off in the house we're like in military mode like crawling around on the ground and shit like dude what do you think and we kept seeing the laser like in the house. We're like in military mode, like crawling around on the ground and shit. Like, dude, what do you think? And we kept seeing the laser. Like, like they're really about to, like they looked like it was an assassin outside,

like standing on my trampoline. We were so scared. We were calling my mom and shit. By the way, we're like 17 year old high school dudes. Like full of like testosterone, whey protein. And my mom was like She was like On the phone she was basically telling us we were bitches

She was like turn on the lights and shut the curtains But we were so freaked out And um We like made my mom come early Like come home early from work And we were like saying All this shit to her and the laser started popping up again and we're like see see see and then every time you tell your mom like see there

it is like it's it you know when you're a kid and you're like yo there's something in my room and then your mom comes to check it out and it's like not there at all you're like fuck that's what happened with the laser so i think like my homie actually he just went home like it was it was so weird I like I think I just went upstairs for the whole rest of the night and we like could we're we like couldn't sleep and Shit, we figured out the next day. It was my neighbor in the back. Just trying to laser fucking with us the whole time Dude I have little badass neighbors behind my house This kid like had a bow and arrow and shot it and it broke through my mom's window upstairs while i was home alone i was like no wonder i'm scared of god that's that's the most

haunted i've ever been a bow and arrow shooting through my mom's window upstairs while i was downstairs home alone i was like but let's get into this what's the most scared you've ever been espresso question of the week here you go cane 1841 what's the most scared you've ever been i was a kid my dad took me to the zoo and we were uh in the back area where the zookeepers take the animals in and out of the cages and stuff. And a gorilla charged at me. It got so close that I got it spit on my face. I was just a little kid. It scared me so bad it knocked me on my ass.

Oh, abrupt. Yeah, dude, going to zoos is weird. I've been to a zoo one time, and I was kind of scared of everything there. I'm like, aren't they all pissed off? Like, I was looking at all the zoo people. They were fucking slapping the shit out of, like, camels and stuff. I was like, they're pissed. Remember they can, tap slapping the shit out of like camels and stuff i was like they're pissed remember they can like bite the shit out of you oh my god i went to this i went to this horse uh my my most haunting scariest experience with an animal we went to

this the horse track it was me and joey we went to this horse track at uh at the fairgrounds in Indiana. And this horse, like, I put it, I was, like, messing with this horse, like, petting it and shit. Like, being nice. Giving it some love. Giving it some, just caressing its snout. That sounds weird. But I put my finger near its mouth and it was just, like, would not let my finger go for probably five minutes. And it was like increasing the pressure.

I was like, I'm going to lose my finger. That's what I think every time I go to a zoo. I'm like, these motherfuckers are going to kick me or bite me. I feel like my ACLs are going to be gone. Yeah, but if a gorilla spit on my face, dude, I don't know. I don't know if I'd be fucking with the zoo anymore. Here we go. Jerry PPB.

What's the most scared you've ever been? One time I caught someone breaking into my neighbor's house, but I was 16 and I was really drunk and stoned, so I didn't call the cops on them because I was afraid I'd get in trouble for being drunk and stoned. I swear to God, only shit like that happens to me. Every time I, like,

try to do my, like, due diligence in the community, I'm like, oh, I am kind of drunk. Guess not. Or, like, I'd think the guy was robbing the house, but it'd really be like a fucking, like a U-Haul guy, like moving the couch out.

These are just movers. Two and a, two and a half guys in a truck. That's hilarious, bro. Didn't even, didn't even say anything. Just chilled and watched him. Probably helped him like carry the TV out. Is this thing HD? Oh, hi.

All right, here we go. Josh Neely, what's the most scared you've ever been? Last year, I found out I owe the government $400 when I was doing my taxes. And I just realized I still haven't paid them. I think I'm fucked. Dude, anything with the government, I'm like, I don't know. Like, not for me.

I can't. I need someone to do that shit for me. Dude, one time in college, I had to pay the government $500. No, dude, it was was five it might have been more than that it was alarming my mom was like for some reason after taxes you owe the government five thousand dollars and i was like all right um guess i won't be buying books like i was gonna buy books anyway dude buying books in college is such a goddamn scam shut up all right um all right one more my cuz in bestie 81 what's the most scared you've ever been

hey ben uh probably the scariest thing that's ever happened to me, happened to me and my wife collectively. She went into labor a year ago. She was in labor for about 16 hours, and they were like, dude, we've got to get this baby out, like, right now. So we went in the back room for a C-section, emergency C-section, they call it, which makes it even scarier. And we go back there, and I swear, swear dude it's like a saw movie things whirling and saws and vacuums and people talking really loud barking out instructions um it was a pretty wild moment my wife is looking me dead in the eye like i don't is everything okay like she's wide awake during this i'm like like, yeah, yeah, you'll be fine, you'll be fine. But it was freaky. And, man, I tell you.

But they sewed her up, and baby's good, she was good, and that's all there is. So, all right, love the show, man. You have a good one. My boy. I don't know if you guys could hear that because he sounded like he was in a fucking hand dryer. Fucking hand dryer. So the C-section room when you're delivering a baby looks like one of those saw bathrooms where the people are chained to the wall. How comforting.

Baby on board. That's good, man. I'm glad everything turned out well. But, bro, I don't know if I'd be able to do that. When my wife has a kid, I'm going to be like, just let me know when it's all good. Because I'm not watching. I can't.

I can't. There's no way. That'll change me for the rest of my life. All right. Oh, I forgot to do this. For 86 News, I'm James Benedict. In the social media world, the Island Boys are taking over. And no, I'm not talking about Tom Hanks and Wilson. These two guys look like the only exotic place they've traveled to is F-Boy Island.

Am I right? And if you didn't understand that reference, it might have been a little too Pacific. But the song the Island Boys have gone viral for actually is pretty wavy. I'm an island boy, and I've been trying to make. Oh, I'm an island boy. I'm just an island boy. Not bad, huh?

I'm just an island boy. I'm a good key white boy. You're going to keep that gun. I'll be just staring at the sun. Not bad, right? Not bad. I'd say it's pretty good for two little sons of a beach. I know. bad, right? Not bad. I'd say it's pretty good for two little sons of a beach. If someone

to play the Island boys at a party, I would just go ahead and say, sure. Brady Sinks News I'm James Pennington Dude Why is that every news guy? Alright Let's do Let's go Viral I like totals

Viral is a segment where I take the most popular hashtags On social media And just talk about them But before we get into viral Remember the Espresso Podcast is brought to you by Wave1 Media If you want to start your own show, visit vwave1.com. All right, hashtag...

I learned my lesson. Dude, the only time I ever learned my lesson is when... The only time I ever learn anything is when I mess something up I can't just learn I can't just learn something and do it I have to learn it do it up really bad and then do it again wrong like four more times and then do it right kinda that's how I learn everything efficient you think efficient I learned my lesson when I think the time I learned my lesson the hardest was when uh like you ever get like the most terrifying thing in the world grown up is when you get yelled at by like your friend's mom or like your cousin's mom you know it just feels

like you like they should never never reprimand you. Bro, I swear. I was like... All I did when I was a kid was just fight. Fight. That's all I did. All I did was just watch superheroes and shit. And then anytime I got around any guy or girl cousins, we were just going to fight.

That's it. My cousin was big as hell. This dude was in high school when I was in fourth grade or something. And me and him going to fight. That's it. My cousin was like big as hell. This dude was like in high school and I was like in fourth grade or something. And me and him would just fight. And one time I bit the shit out of him. Because I didn't think anything was wrong with biting. Like I would do that shit all the time growing up. I'd bite my sisters on the fucking, on the calf.

That's probably some weird like uh weird like um childhood thing but my cousin was on top of me he wouldn't get up and i was kneeing him and shit and i bit his ass right in the ribs and he's like ah i remember his scream he's like ah and I was like damn that was a real scream And he told his mom And my aunt just fucking Laid it on me And I didn't talk for the next two days on the trip I was like see it's just a bite Lighten up bro

I don't think biting is that bad If you know what I mean Hashtag makes me feel sexy I talked about it earlier Wearing pants Dude something about Something about a fresh pair of pants Just gets me

Feeling fucking frisky The cotton on the inside It's really a new pair of socks You ever get a new pair of socks and you're like It's never You can't ever put on like You wear new socks you put them on once You take them off and you put them on two hours later

Not the same feeling Some people despise socks I used to be one of those people but I fucking love socks Now you guys know I sleep in those babies How do you not sleep in socks? That's all I want to know Your feet aren't cold? Oh

If I'm not sleeping in socks I feel like there's something wrong My gibbies are cold baby That's one of those weird Like weird family words That I, like, developed as a kid. You know, you kind of still have them. You go back home to your parents' house and they call stuff weird shit. And you're like, don't say that, Mom.

That was mine. Instead of feet, gibbies. No! No! I think I did an espresso question on that before. What was the weird family word you use? It was always weird when some kid would come into your house and say a word that you're not allowed to say.

You didn't know how to act. I had this one kid over one time and he said sucks. I was like, bro, you can't say sucks. Like now my family thinks you're a piece of shit. So like whatever you want to do, but I'm just letting you know, like my, my entire family is looking at you differently right now for the rest of the time you're here. So you can call your mom now. I couldn't say shit growing up Couldn't say fart

No way I still feel weird saying that We said let one Did you let one? I was like I wish I didn't Because you just said it like that Hashtag things my pets do when I leave home.

Dude, I hate it. I love my dog, but I hated when that dude would act up. One time I acted like I left my house to see what my dog would do. I pulled out of the driveway, went down the road, parked, and walked to the back of the house and looked through all the windows and shit. This dude was on the couch, like, eating pizza, playing, like, PS2. I'm like, yo. It's amazing the things. Like, if you can sneak up on your dog while it's just, like, doing some bad shit,

they feel so guilty. Dogs are people, man. Dogs are the same thing as guys. They might be even nicer than guys. I swear that's the only reason girls like guys with beards. Cause I just remind them of fucking cocker spaniels and shit. I love facial hair. I'm like, do you? Or do you think I'm a Dalmatian? Do you? Or do you think I'm a Dalmatian?

Dogs and guys, same thing. Dogs are nicer. Dogs don't talk. Dogs are way too close to being humans. Kind of creeps me out. Hashtag No, let's go. Let's do Days of the week Days of the week

Thursday Oh dude, it's my birthday this week When this pod drops It's my birthday that day Say something to your boy I'll appreciate it I'm a bitch that loves my birthday I used to be the guy that was like

Don't I don't No It's just It's not No It's not a bit Now I'm like

The worst people When they like their birthday way too much It's my birthday I'm like Okay I'm a little birthday bitch I'm feeling it right now actually Let's go Thursday though

National chocolate day Are you serious? That's it? You take my little happy ass In a gas station for some sour candy I'm coming out with like a What have I been getting lately at a gas station for some sour candy i'm coming out with a with like a what have i been getting lately at uh the gas station i feel guilty when i just get candy at a gas station so now this is what i've been doing i get like 14 like uh things of pop tarts i'm like it's fine it's not candy it's fine i just had uh i just had Candy corn

Just a second ago I always try to stick up for shit like that Cause I'm like It's older It is Halloween It's a symbol of Halloween I try to stick up for it and shit But it is gross man

I tried the bottom part Disgusting Middle part was okay. Candy corn really like... It's really just there for no reason. Who even makes it? It's called like Bratches or whatever. Bracks?

Is that how you say that? Seasonal candy. Bratches candy. They make the worst fucking candy. Bratches candy is all the shit that's on like your high school offices secretaries desk you know it's just like jelly beans and like weird shit that you're like you don't you get that weird oh that part Bratch's party mix peppermints the spearmint caramels just a bunch of no-name shit the worst it's

all that's the shit that's on your like high school guidance counselors desk you're like I'm good it's the sucker with the loop in it you know what I mean there's some suckers that you get the bank that are like dum-dums. Hate those too, but it has the loop in that thing. No, pass. That's Bratch's shit. That's Ratchet. Bratch's Ratchet.

That was the shit that was always in my Halloween bag for way too long after Halloween. I was like, I'm good. It just sits there until you throw it out. You kind of feel bad. How bad did it feel to throw away your Halloween bag for way too long after Halloween. I was like, I'm good. It just sits there until you throw it out. You kind of feel bad. How bad did it feel to throw away your Halloween bag? You're like... I kept it until like... Summer, though.

Saving the best shit for last. You got to save that Snickers. You get a little Snickers, you're saving that until like Thanksgiving, dude. That's going down. Friday. Friday. National Cat Day. Nothing I like more than when a cat just gets what it deserves. When a cat falls down, I'm like, you and I both know you deserve that shit.

For just being a piece of shit. An entitled little bastard around here Nothing I like more than when cats Just deserve to fall down They haven't made dude They're little princesses They're bitchy When they land they land on their feet

Every god damn time It's just like can a cat like Come on Fuck off cats You got it all every goddamn time. It's just like, can a cat like, come on. Fuck off, cats. You got it all. You don't appreciate anything. National Oatmeal Day.

World Stroke Day. Every Sunday night between 9 and 11 I have a stroke Can't do anything National breadstick day Really nothing compares Breadsticks are kind of a waste of time If you think about it

Unless it uh It's a waste of time Like if you get pizza and breadsticks You're eating The crust on a pizza is a bread stick essentially because i am mr pizza so you're kind of like what's the point what's the point of the sticks unless it's from little caesars and it's that crazy bread dude crazy bread at little caesars is so good.

You can tell it's going to be bomb because the packaging for the Crazy Bread is see-through. Because of all the butter and shit. Every time I'm like, I am not eating. There's so much paper in it, too. I'm like, those are disgusting. Two minutes later, I'm like... You guys done here? Saturday.

National Trick or Treat Day. Is Halloween on the 30th or the 31st? Is that a dumb question? When is... I typed in Halloween when is. You are Yoda. Sunday. Sunday. That's a bitch ass day for Halloween. Actually, it's probably not. It's a bitch ass day for Halloween.

Actually, it's probably not. It's probably the best day for Halloween. The worst was when you're like, it was like the, the first people that go out and start trick or treating. You're like, um,

you know, you're like, when are they going to start? When are they going to start? When are they going to start? I can just imagine like my neighborhood when I was growing up and I'd be, it'd be like three o'clock and i'd be like probably around seven like when it kind of starts getting dark there'd be people outside at like four it's always this little girl in like a fairy dress i'm

like come on dude nobody's even ready I'm gonna be the best god damn Like guy to pass out candy of all time You can mark that down Me passing out candy Bro I'm gonna have the mist going I'll probably have blood running down my face From the 15th hair transplant I have at that time.

I'm going to have that music playing. I'd play it, but we're going to get hit for copyright. That... You know, it's like really sped up. My house is going down on Halloween. Sunday, National Doorbell Day. HomeDepot.com

in the aisles. National Doorbell Day. Nothing more shocking than when your doorbell rings Ha! Always happens at the worst time ever You're never expecting your doorbell to ring But why do I always have to be like right next to my door When somebody rings that shit I look like a cat in a cartoon

All my hair is like Every time I'm like in the middle of a scary story or trying to sneak something or doing something kind of weird, the doorbell rings. I'm like, God! Then they know you're home. If you want somebody to not answer the door, ring the doorbell.

Nobody's getting that shit. It's amazing people can just come up to your door National Caramel Apple Day Those are gas I can't believe I'm not on those right now I'm getting one tonight Caramel apples?

With the nuts? I don't even like nuts Give me one Girl Scout Founders Day? What the hell is that? I'm out on Girl Scout cookies, dude. They're really not that good. I promise.

I promise they're overrated. Like, if they sold Girl Scout cookies just, like, at the store, you'd be like, nah. Thin mints are a waste of time That's my biggest hot take of all time Thin mints Fuck off That's it

That's the pod That's what we're ending on Thin mints Fkoth Fkoth Alright y'all. That's shot 182. The Halloween edition with Mr. Pizza.

Remember to join the Patreon for one extra pod a week. Subscribe, rate, review this pod. And I'll talk to you guys next week.