Espresso - odd turn-offs

Episode Date: October 24, 2020

This week Ben breaks down the fam's oddest turn offs like calling dogs ᵈᵒᵍᵍⁱᵉˢ ....... and saying r.i.p. lol He witnessed the human version of pigpen (from The Peanuts) (if you don't know what that is bye), explains the effect different pairs of pants has on you and realizes when guys turn 50 they create their own language, he goes #Viral and does #DaysOfTheWeek but you already knew that 😉 𝘿𝙈 𝙤𝙧 𝙏𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝘼𝙉𝙔 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝘽𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙙 ! >>>> 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲 & 𝗥𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄! <<<<< 𝗨𝗽𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘄𝘀: Mon 10/26 Jokers Comedy Club (Indianapolis,IN) 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗼𝘂𝘁𝘀: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

The Espresso Podcast is brought to you by Wave One Media. If you want to start your own show, visit thewaveone.com. Oh, sexy. I feel like I'm walking through Von Mar or something right now I love how that's like the That's like the fanciest place I've ever been Von Mar

Like you would think it was like a seafood restaurant High class in like New York City with this But I'm like Von Mar Greenwood Park Mall Waiting for this beat to drop. There's no beat drop. We're sitting here for like 50 minutes. I'm like...

I like that. Espresso Podcast Shot 129. I'm your host, Benedict Polizzi. Don't know why I said Benedict, but that's what it is, legally. It's the Espresso Podcast with Ben Polizzi. Yeah, what's up, Mama? Damn, is she wearing shorts? Is she wearing shorts?

Leggings. You sure? Yeah, I'm sure. It's the most Monday of all time right now this is like this this is like the human embodiment of Monday. it is man it's like raining it's like kind of cold it's like definitely pants now. it's pants we're putting on pants. I get tired as hell immediately when I put on pants right when I put them on Right when I pull them up Dude sweatpants

I'm like damn I kinda wanna sit on the couch Dude Every pair of pants to me feels different When I put on jeans I'm like I don't wanna do this When I put on dress pants I'm like Why am I kinda horny I don't know Is it me? Is it the fit? When I put on dress pants, I'm like, why am I kind of horny? I don't know.

Is it me? Is it the fit? They're tight on my legs, and when you pull them up, they're kind of cold. I don't know why. That's so weird, though. Dude, I don't know why. They're fit tight on your waist. You're like, what's up? I don't know.

It's so sweatpants, though. I'm having a hard time adjusting to it. Because I've been commando for like the last five months in shorts. I don't know why, dude. I cannot wear briefs. It's so weird. I can't do it. But yeah, you can just assume every time you see me.

All right. He's walking a little wide-legged. Yep. Pants weather. It's such a Monday. The most Monday of all time. Also, this person at work over the weekend didn't, since we're talking about days of the week and stuff

she this person didn't know came into work and didn't know it was a saturday i think that's crazy like like not knowing if it's a tuesday or wednesday is like a little understandable you know what i mean but like i could come out of a coma and be like okay it feels like saturday you know what i mean but like i could come out of a coma and be like okay it feels like saturday you know like you could come out of a coma like like if i came out of a coma today i'd be like it could be tuesday or monday like just depending on the weather and everybody's mood but like i saturday is a whole different feeling i could never do that i couldn't i couldn't understand that i could go to like four funerals on a Saturday and be like,

I'm kind of still tight for some reason. Like, why is it? I don't know. Why does it feel good? I don't know. All right. So remember to follow on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Cameo, all at Benedict Polizzi.

And okay, let's do this. I put a little uh story out on instagram oddest turnoffs this hit me the other day i think we brought it up in here before on like the weirdest like what's something that like is what do you have one do you have one no no no no you said no so quick a turn off yeah yeah i would say maybe probably a uh really high voice why i guess a high squeaky annoying voice that's probably the only thing i could think of yeah you got anybody like you got an example of like somebody i mean like somebody from like a TV show?

Oh, what's up, bro? You're just asking for it, dog. Dude's holding a turkey sandwich in his left hand and dragging a blanket in his right hand. Is that pig pen from the Peanuts? Dude, pull that up. That was real-life pig pen. I don't even know what that is.

Dude, have you guys ever watched the Peanuts? Do you know what that is? Like Charlie Brown? Dude, am I old? You know who Charlie Brown is. Yeah, I know, am I old? You know who Charlie Brown is. Yeah, I know who Charlie Brown is. I know who Charlie Brown is. I don't know who...

I mean, The Peanuts is like the show. Does it sound like I'm saying The Penis? That's him. That's who just walked by the studio. 100%. I swear he's usually dragging a blanket. Wow. I think he does usually have a blanket, though. I swear he's usually dragging a blanket. Wow. I think he does usually have a blanket, though.

I swear. Or he's fucking... He's fucking his son. Pig pen. Human pig pen just walked by. I'm trying to think of somebody that has a really high voice that's super annoying. You're thinking about a girl or a dude? I mean, I've just met girls.

I've just met girls that have like a super high, annoying voice. Dudes with high voices, though. Kind of me. I kind of have a high voice. I don't think that stage of puberty ever happened to me. I just did everything else and skipped right through that. Like some people had like the cracky voice and like the voice. I never got that.

I was just like, what's up? 25. Yeah. Hi, boys. OK, let's see what the people said. There are some funny ones in here. I accidentally read one the other day. I try to read these without like I try to go through these without reading them just so it's, like, off the top.

But I read one accidentally, and some dude said when you're, like, on a date with a girl and she eats something, like, I don't know, something with, like, sauce or something you eat with your hands, and they lick their fingers after. That's, like, the prime example. That's a really good one, Cutting into some ribs or something and after like, this is good. I hate that. I hate that more than anything. Who would do that on a date? You gotta be super comfortable to do that on a date. That's gotta be like your third year

of marriage or something. Licking fingers. Okay. Oddest turn offs phobia Garrett when a guy says R.I.P.

or R.I.P. everybody R.I.P. how is that a turn off she doesn't like bad energy well I mean like I think it is I think it is kind of weird when somebody dies

and you say R.I.P. it's like dude think of something better like that's an emoji R.I.P. rip is rip even a thing yeah rip is a thing people say rip when somebody dies rip rip rip

from that Drake song rip rip R.I.P. a turn off he dies. Rip! Rip! Rip! Is that from that Drake song? Rip! Rip! Rip! R.I.P. A turn off. I get it though. I like weird turn offs like that. 317 Mikey Oddest turn offs.

Girls with plants. I don't really know many girls with plants but it doesn't seem i mean if they're obsessed with them i guess plants like after a while could take over your life because you gotta water them and what does he want like no plants in somebody's apartment or how i want no life! Nothing alive in here. Girls with plants. I mean, I guess like two plants is cool.

Like a little cactus little thing in your bathroom. Like that's not bad. Not for him. He can't have that. I don't like plants. There's only one rule if you date me. If you have a garden, you're out! Girls with plants plants a couple plants aren't bad but if you have like if your whole house is full of plants and it's all you talk about and shit especially people

who know plants i don't know plants like that i don't know dog breeds like that i don't know anything specific i guess girls knowing that kind of shit is like guys knowing like quarterbacks in the nfl or some shit i don't know any dog breeds. And people are like, oh, that's a Labrador, Labadoodle, Beagle Doodle. Like, okay, how the hell? How can you pick that out? But, okay, yeah, don't like plants. There's a lot that goes into plants. What?

What do you mean there's a lot that goes into plants just water them no man i swear to god you gotta yeah true the sun bro that's that's some shit i would do i would be like i'm gonna be a plant guy now i'd buy a bunch of plants in an apartment with no windows and be like what the hell do you really have to have like south facing windows or something not that i've looking looked into this. There's a lot that goes into plants. I think it's funny as hell. People just buy fake plants. Dude, that's the laziest shit of all time. They have fake plants throughout this whole space.

That's so lazy. That's so funny, though. Yeah, I want some life, but not really. It's like buying a fake dog. I guess people have those, too. Oh, shit. Okay. Oddest turn- josh matthews i don't know about you but i love when girls smuck their lups while they chew gum and he really spelt it with use i don't know but i love girls that smuck their

I don't know, but I love girls that smuck their lips. There's no way he's serious. Every girl does make it known that they're chewing gum, though. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Can you guys blow bubbles?

Yeah. Of course. You look like you can't. What? You look like you either can't or you're really good at it. Yeah. Yeah, there's no in between. I pop that shit, too.

I kind of graduated from blowing bubbles to popping those little shits in my mouth. I got detention one time because I did it in church. You're popping your gum in church? First of all, you're not supposed to have gum. Dude, I went to church like 15 times a week growing up. That's like Catholic school shit. Did you guys go to private school? No, I was in a public school.

Dude, I look like I went to private school. I don't know, man. I always think everybody went to private school. It's weird. But we went to church like 19 times a week. One on Wednesday, one on Thursday. Oh, God, it's Christmas? Let's do it again.

Then you go with your family on Saturday. Catholic school kids have rollover minutes for church. After you graduate, no more church, baby. Did it all. Got 62 hours banked up. Yeah, when girls smack their lips when they chew gum. Odd turn-offs.

That makes sense. Alright. Alright, sense. Alright. Alright, here we go. Not any good. We're still going. This looks like a weird profile picture, so we're reading it. Odd turn offs. Ariana Gavrilis.

Hmm. I hate when people eat French fries one by one. Yeah, like how much time do you have on your hands? Eat French fries one by one. I saw this dude eating French fries one time, and he'd take like three of them, dip it in that little ketchup cup. And why is that cup like the softest cup of all time? Dude, that's the grossest thing. It's a wet diaper you're putting ketchup in he dipped him in the ketchup and like

some of the ketchup would get on his fingertips and he'd eat him like this oh like an inch of his finger in his mouth god that's disgusting but yeah okay here we go melissa wow there's no way okay mel bala one mo bamba mel bala one odd turnoffs when guys have longish nails or toenails there should be no white showing keep those those suckers trimmed. Yuck. I was always told that you're supposed to have a little bit of white on top. I have a lot of white. I can see them from two miles away. You got like Cruella de Vil nails, bro.

No, if I don't have long nails, I can't open packages or do anything do anything like that did i bite my nails like a psycho you look like you bite your nails what do you what does that mean what does that mean i look like like if you saw me walking down the street you're like bites his nails this guy 100 bites his nails you bite your nails okay prove my point he's like scratching off a lottery ticket with his fingers wow okay now he's trying to break in a car never mind all right yeah i don't know toenails are a different thing for guys i haven't looked at my feet in like three years i have no idea what's going on they They've got a lot of white. There should be no white showing. I think you should have, like, a little bit of white.

For a minute there, I went, I went, I, uh, I put, like, the fingernail polish on my fingers that, like, doesn't allow you to bite your nails because it's so, like, disgusting, but it made me bite them more. What? Yeah, dude. They have that? Yeah, you can, like, put this, like, it put this like it's like put like it's pretty much like nail polish almost and then it just tastes like and you liked it crap dude like it

wasn't any good but i was so used to biting my nails it was just like oh it's like putting honey barbecue on wings or something it was kind of hidden yeah it's, but it made me bite more. Dude, I'll never stop biting my nails. Ah! I bite my finger skin, too. Oh, my God. Am I a psycho? Close to it. I think it's more popular than you're giving credit to it.

Okay. Okay. Oddest turn offs. Vintage indie. A weird laugh. Ooh, yeah. Yeah, it can be annoying. I've got a pretty annoying laugh.

There's a lot of comments on this podcast that are like, sounds like somebody's hitting a kid's clown show laugh every five seconds. I was like, okay. Thanks, and just did the laugh. But yeah, I don't know. A weird laugh is good sometimes. People always used to make fun of my laugh growing up. My laugh and my name.

I was like, what do you guys want me to do? Make fun of something I can change. Odd turnoffs. Carly. Her name offs. Carly. Her name is actually Carly Cans. When a guy is too charming and nice, I automatically think they have a dead body in their basement freezer. Can't help it.

Yeah, that's super weird. Really nice guy. Really nice guy. Really nice guy all the time is the craziest guy deep down. 100%. Really nice guy. How you doing, babe? Honey? Like, okay.

Cheating on her. Really nice guy. It seems like that's every guy in Bumble. Have you guys ever seen like a bum a guy bumble are you guys on bumble i'm not malik might be no i'm not but bt and dion are there really are for real or like for a joke uh bt and dion are on another podcast on the wave one network called sorry we're canceled oh but no bt likes he's paid for like the subscription on there to like get like more and for no more people that like swiped right on him or whatever and like still couldn't get a girl on there wait you pay for what i think you pay extra

to figure out who i malik do you know you get like extra information on them? I think you might get more. I think you get to see who liked you. Yeah, you get to see who liked you. Can you look his profile up real quick? I don't. I would probably have to make a Bumble as a girl and then try to find him. I don't feel like doing that.

Act like you haven't already done that. You have like six different girl profiles on your bumble just trying to find them but BT and Dion are comedians in India and they've got a podcast here and they're funny as hell and they both have a bumble

yeah they talk about it all the time what do they say it's probably like the cringiest stuff what does your bio say I don't have one I make fun of them all the time What does your bio say? I don't have one. Oh, you don't have one? No. I make fun of them all the time, though.

What would my Bumble bio say? I'm not a serial killer. What's up? Just looking for somebody to bite their nails with me. I don't know. Okay. Colin Anderson. Weird turn-offs.

Or odd turn-offs. Wanting to get it on when I'm not in the mood. Hmm. As a turn-off? Yeah, that is hard to like step aside from you're like uh i don't know how to say this but like i don't know it doesn't make any sense um sometimes this is not the right scenario like i can't do planned out stuff like that it's always got to be like spontaneous. If it's like, I don't know. I don't really want to get into it. Odd turn offs.

Walker underscore Chandler. When girls try to make their Instagram usernames cute. Whoop, Claire it is. I hate that so much. Or not too shabby Abby. That is the worst thing of all time. I can't handle that. It's got to be just your name.

Every Instagram. Your ass has a cute ass Instagram. Malik's, the producer's Instagram name is Leaky Leak or something. It just says Malik on there. Huh? I think it just says Malik on there. On what? On his Instagram

What does it say? It's definitely Leaky Leak Oh no it says Indiana Atlanta everywhere Director plus editor No they're not talking about the bio They're talking about the actual name Oh they're just talking about the name Yeah it's just Leaky Leak

It's not bad It's not bad But it's not as bad as Not Too Shabby Abby Alright Here we go It's not as bad as not too shabby Abby. All right. Here we go. Otis turn offs. Kelly.

The way someone chews. You sound like you're making out with sludge. Good night. Yeah, this is like my worst fear, chewing. I used to get killed at the dinner table when I was a kid. My sister was straight vicious. I felt like I was on a game show every time I went to dinner as a kid.

I'd do something wrong every single time. Dude, dinner table as a kid, worst nightmare. I used to try to eat in my room because I was like, what is it going to be today? Sludge. Looks like, sounds like you're making out with sludge. People that can't hear their own chewing.

I'm like, can you hear that? You sound like a popcorn machine. Alright. Yep. There we go. Todd, odd turnoffs. G Brett for life. Odd turnoffs.

When someone says soft drink instead of Coke or pop or soda, can you get me a soft drink at the store? Soft drink. That's pretty bad. I think pop is worse than soft drink at the store? Soft drink. That's pretty bad. I think pop is worse than soft drink. Hey, can you give me a pop? Can you give me a pop? What's the other one? Soda?

It's the people that call every soda Coke. They want a Mountain Dew, but they're like, hey, can you give me a Coke? That is so dumb. I think you just gotta, like, the rule for that is just call it by its name. That's every grandma. Every grandma says Coke. Every aunt says Pop. That's true.

Here's Pigpen. What's up, dude? Sorry, man. I mean, am I just not going to say anything? Can I get some Pat? Is that a Pat-Pat? All right, here we go. Emily.

The real Emily Banks. Oddest turn-offs. That dude looks like he's getting arrested right there. Or escorted out of a concert. Some construction dudes with neon shirts on just following this dude with a coffee. That is like entourage. Okay. dudes with neon shirts on just following this dude with a coffee that is like entourage okay dirty ears and bad tippers yeah bad tip is definitely a thing i've realized by working at a restaurant that shit happens i had no idea like low tips or just nothing at all sometimes Sometimes nothing. I'm like, do you guys not like know that this is a thing?

It's so weird. Like everything's $100, nothing. I'm like, and you can't like say anything to him. You can't be like, hey, are you going to give me some money? Just did all this shit for you for two hours. It's a different world. Dirty ears. Dirty ears.

I think I have more earwax than anybody on the planet i feel like if your ears are dirty like nobody would ever know oh my god that's the only you ever look at somebody's head when they're looking straight and their ear there it looks like a beehive in there i've never i guess i've never seen a dirty bro. Like a lot in elementary school because kids just like wouldn't take care of their shit. Oh, my God. There's this kid named Alex Badiato that went to my school and his ears always looked like a fucking honeycomb. It was so gross, man. I'm kind of the same way, though. I got some, I don't know what.

How many times are you going to walk by? She just walked by 20 minutes ago. I don't know what... How many times are you going to walk by? She just walked by 20 minutes ago. I don't know, but... I don't know what happens. How would one get more earwax than the other person? A lot of... I'm trying to figure this out. Earwax buildup.

Causes of earwax buildup. Oh, wait, wait, wait. You're not supposed... That's right. You're not supposed to, like, use Q-tips for earwax. Have you ever put one of those candle things in your ear? I did that. You can, like... They say, like, you're not supposed to use Q-tips.

There you go. They say you're not supposed to use Q-tips to remove earwax because it, like, pushes it in your head. Yeah. So you're supposed to put that, like, big-ass candle thing in there? I have no idea what you're talking about. Dude, look up earwax. Look up earwax candle. You're supposed to put that big ass candle thing in there? I have no idea what you're talking about. Look up earwax candle. I heard that's bad for you.

What, the candle is? It's like a firework two inches away from your skull. I'm like, you gotta do it. What does it do? I think it vacuums. I think with the fire, it vacuums out the... It fire it vacuums out Doesn't make any sense Look at that What?

That is like the whitest thing Of all time honestly Happy birthday Oh my god instead of a cake Here you go honey Put your head on the table Make a wish. Happy birthday.

But like the thing is, you look at it after and it's like full of what was in your ear. So how's it bad for you, Malik? I just heard that a problem could happen is that... Your hair catches on fire. Yeah, actually. Yeah, yeah. It's like a part of the flame could land in your ear and burn your ears.

I mean... How does it work, though? Okay, you sit down, head on the side. You shove this candle thing in your ear comfortably, and you light the tip with a lighter, and it just... Like a sparkler almost dude and the earwax like as the flame goes down the ear it like sucks the earwax out of your ear and like there's no that can't be good for you

it is dude it's better than uh it's better than q-tips just jamming that shit in your in your brain look i can hear. I don't know why. All right. Sam Guerra. Oddest turnoffs. When chicks say oh whale instead of oh well. There's so many mispronunciations that I can't. What's the worst?

The worst is when they make one up. Oh, no. Yeah, the worst is like I put it on my story. Like this girl, he said no. Instead of pretzels, said princels. Without a T. There's an N in there? Princels. Like princess. Princels. Ah! Without a T. There's an N in there? Prinsels.

Like princess. Prinsels. Ah! And she would just, and then they don't, like, how do you, once you say something wrong, how can't you fix it, you know? That's like me and my dad's whole life. Every time he talks, I'm like, eh, forgot the T. Ah, no, no S on that one.

I'm like, what are you just, is this like a buffet? Like, what are you doing? Dude, once dudes hit 50, they just create their own language. Adding the S's to everything. No, dads take off S's. Is this dude taking a piss right here?

Yeah, for sure. Pick a more obvious spot. Look at this lean he's doing. There's a guy outside just pissing right in front of us. My dad says, Worsher. He says, Worsh.

What do you say when he... Dad, it's not... Everybody at the same time is like, Dad, that's not a word. And he's like, No. Dads are so weird how they just won't change. It's my way!

My dad, like, the other day, honestly, it might have been yesterday, he's like, want to go to the Colt game? I was like, dude, S's are not optional. Colt game. No way. I swear to God. I'm like, dude, it's Colt. Like, that's their real name on everything.

On the field. Like, no S in the end zone. Colts. That's a real name on everything. On the field. No S. In the end zone. The Colt game. I'm thinking, do you want to go to the Pacers game? I was just thinking about that. Do you want to go to the Pacers game?

That's not nearly as bad as... Why is Colt... Why is Pacer game fine, but Colt game is not fine let's go to the Pacer game let's go to the Pacers game either one is fine Colt game is Colt game is another level let's go to the Indian game ooh that sounds super racist are the Indianapolis Indians gonna change change their name? Doubt it. At some point. Homie is a thousand percent homeless right here. He's putting on a homeless clinic right now. Just pissed on a brick wall two inches away from us,

and now he's digging through the trash. He might have actually found some Wendy's. Dude, I swear to God. He's like, okay. Junior Bacon Cheeseburger. I remember these. Little JBC in a mouth. The most homeless man.

He's got a cult mask on. He does. He does. Good timing. Yo, he's living. Pants under the shorts never understood it why is that a thing pants under shorts who's ever made that cool is it like an 80s like workout thing pants under shorts why not why would it not be flipped flipped but shorts under pants i used to wear uh like basketball shorts under my sweatpants every single day.

But did you wear underwear under your basketball shorts, too? Dude, I always used to wear 40 pairs of shorts. Yeah, because I would always need them. What was that? I would always want to have the option to, if they were playing basketball. It's like getting kind of hot. Like you're just running into the pickup games. I run into like five pickup games a day, man. I never know when it's time to play some hot. Like, yeah. Like, you're just running into the pickup games. I run into, like, five pickup games a day, man.

I never know when it's time to play some one-on-one. That's so stupid. Yeah, I went completely opposite this year, and I don't wear any of that anymore. But, dude, I always used to wear, like, seven pairs of pants under my shorts. And it was so normal. Like, under jeans, I'd be like, what's up? Got these, like, long-ass long ass like LeBron shorts on. It was super normal.

You could like, it'd be all like baggy in my jeans, but I'd be like, yeah, that's how it goes. Pants under shorts. All right. Oh, I don't like when people throw an L into both. When they're like, yeah, I'll take, do you want the burger or the hot dog? They're like, both. What? I don't know, man.

Both. Both is fine. Too loud of a laugh. Are people calling me out on this? Hema Sud. Hema Lash underscore 25. Odd turn offs. Too loud of a laugh. Sometimes shit's just funny though

And laughing quiet Is kind of like A dope little thing That's like my fetish laughing when you're not supposed to laugh That's my favorite thing of all time Like in class Dude I got kicked out of my class Because I couldn't stop laughing

Multiple times. After a while, I would just be like... The teacher knew. Right. I gotta go. This is going to be 25 minutes in the bathroom of me like sweat laughing. And then you keep thinking about it, dude. Over and over and over.

And then you know, even if you're outside of the classroom, the person you were laughing with... Oh, if you look at them, it's a rat. No, but yeah, they're thinking about it too. And then right when you go back in the classroom and you see them, you're like. Laugh attacks, dude. I love them. Hate them, but love them.

They're so good. And you think of it like throughout the day. One time I was like, we carpooled with people when I was growing up. I don't know why, because my family didn't talk to anybody in my neighborhood. But somehow we had a carpool with like three people that went to my school in my neighborhood. But I never said a word in the car. But something funny happened like earlier that day in school. And we were going home.

And after not saying a word for like 25 days straight, I was like, just randomly. And they were like, OK, what's going on, Ben? I was like, just randomly. And they were like, okay, what's going on, Ben? I was like, you know my name? I don't know. Carpools are the weird.

Did you get forced into a carpool when you were a kid? No, not once. You guys took the bus. You went to public school. Malik, you took the bus for sure.

Yeah, I was a bus guy. I feel like the bus is like super trouble, right? Dude, the buses were the best times of my life. Some of the best memories I've had were on a bus.

Why is the bus like automatically like... It's freedom. It's automatically like something bad is going to happen. It's never a good idea. Are there like teachers that sit in the bus now? There's got to be. There can't just be. Because the bus driver is just like, whatever.

That's the point. It's just the bus driver. That's not like, whatever. That's the point. It's just the bus driver. That's not safe, dude. Just like 25 kids in a bus, and the person driving the bus is the ringleader. They don't care at all, man. They're like egging it on. What are these homeless guys doing in this car in front of us? I feel like that car's going to explode any minute on some Batman shit.

They're going to try to rob a bank. There's just the most homeless car of all time in front of us. Is it bad to make fun of homeless people? I feel like that's my whole personality. Why are there so many downtown right now? They're like, it's a Monday. Where are they getting these blankets?

Equipped. This car is about to blow up. Doesn't it look like it's like one of those cars That like They like plant it there And they're gonna And they rob that bank Down the street

Oh this dude can probably Hear me What's up dude Your car's about to blow up In five minutes Peace Good night It looks like that though

It's like a decoy Oh shit here we go Kate Yeah I hope these windows are like fireproof man It's gonna be the best podcast of all time We're like announcing a car blown up Alright That's like my fans you know i love to hear my podcast live all right kaylee willis odd turnoffs the manzi if the manzi does something embarrassing. Well, she just said Manzi. She said Manzi.

If the Manzi, M-A-N-S-I-E, does something embarrassing, then tries to play it off like it didn't happen. That's like a reflex that guys have. Like, you just have to do that sometimes. What, you have to play it off? Yeah, like, guys' first instinct after being embarrassed is to, like, oh, be cool. You just let it ride like i know i always try to like yeah play into it like just like accept it and like make it funny yeah a little a little yeah that's what i try to do like if you trip

though like why is it always in front of somebody you like have you like kind of like or something anytime there's a girl involved with anything i'm getting hurt there's a girl involved with anything, I'm getting hurt. If there's a girl that I'm kind of interested there, ACLs are gone. And I'll try to play it off like it's cool too, dude. I'll like land on a ball

and be like... Like the cool injury walk? You're like... That's me. If the manzy does something embarrassing and tries to play it off like it didn't happen, I don't know why I can't handle it.

Like, you know it's imperfect now, which is fine, but I also know why you try to play it off, which turns off the tap. Ew, the tap. All right. Horny police. Kaylee Willis, again. Also, I dated a guy that called dogs doggies. Ah!

All the time. Default was doggy. Could not endure that. Doggy. Doggy. Calling a dog doggy. Yeah, that's a turn off for real. I didn't even know girls did that.

Did girls do that? Come here, doggy. I like that doggy. What kind of messed up house did he come from dudes that wear sparrows nicole ellis 91 dudes that were sparrows you look like you were a sparry guy never no no no no i couldn't i couldn't i get heated sparrows Sperry's that's just too frat right it's pure frat your boat Sperry's it's so husband every guy that were Sperry's growing up is married now 100% Sperry's I feel like I would wear like some you know how Tom Brady has those UGG

slippers I feel like I would rock those some, you know how Tom Brady has those Ugg slippers? I feel like I would rock those. Do you guys, are guy slippers a weird thing? You guys, I know you got slippers. What do you mean by slippers? Like slippers that you like you wear in the morning or something around like your kitchen. Oh, no, I just wear, no, I'm either barefoot or slides. I guess slides, yeah, that kind of, that's kind of slippers. Yeah, I don't have, no.

Does your dad have slippers? No. My mom tried to buy me some, but I never wore them. Slippers, what a bitch. Like, I just didn't. What a bitch thing. What is time for them? I didn't understand, like. When am I going to wear these?

I didn't understand me putting these on, like, just to go to the kitchen and come back to my bathroom. Yeah, I'll slip these on to brush my teeth and then take them off. I'll have them on for three minutes a day. It's of like a robe i don't understand a robe who has the time yeah it doesn't make sense after a shower like just wear the towel right unless you want to cover your whole body but why i kind of like a woman in a robe but why are even they wearing it no like that's that's kind of fine but like a guy with a robe with nobody else around you. I'm always used to a girl with the towel spun up on her head and then right here. Yeah.

That's like, I guess they do have a lot of area to cover, so a robe makes sense. Yeah, but for a guy. For a guy, it's just like, okay, you're at a resort. Resort guy. You're at Ellis Island, bro? And they always have their initials on it, too. All right. Where are they getting the robes with their initials on them?

What website is that? It's a gift, I think, from somebody. What website is that? It's a gift, I think, from somebody. I think if somebody bought me a robe, though, I'd probably rock it. But I just couldn't buy one myself. Go to Bed Bath & Beyond and be like, um... Okay, that one was super dirty. Guys in robes.

Morgan Weiss. Oddest turn offs. Okay. That was so stupid. God dang it. I hope they don't know this person. I was trying to think of something funny, but that's all I could think of. She said, hey.

All right. Rachel Nielsen. My ex used to make a gross throat-clearing sound after he brushed his teeth, like a cat with a hairball. Oh, yeah. Dude, I had a cousin that used to do that. Like, guys will randomly just, like, do something and be like, like, to do that like guys will randomly just like do something be like weirdest sound

of hearing walking by me my used to play hide-and-seek like with my cousins growing up and I'd always be with my older cousin who like knew like how to play hide-and-seek you know you you got your older homie with you, and he knows the spots. Right. Yeah, he's like the plug. He's got the hookup for the spots. And you're like, all you got to do is just shut up and follow him. Dude, he would walk around the yard like,

Oh my gosh! They definitely heard you. Clear your throat like a fucking firework. And then it would be even louder. It was so hard playing hide and seek inside the house. What did you just laugh at? I'm just laughing at this car. I can't stop looking at it.

Dude, a couple minutes. I'm excited. What are they doing? I don't know. Dude, they're getting Wi-Fi from something. We're still talking about this homeless car. They're stealing our Wi-Fi. They're stealing Wi-Fi Dude, they're getting Wi-Fi from someone. We're still talking about this homeless car. They're stealing our Wi-Fi. They're stealing Wi-Fi.

Do they have the Wi-Fi password here? Okay, okay, okay. A couple more. I'll just turn off. When people end their sentences with right, I can't stand it. Are you looking for some kind of affirmation after each dumb thing you say? Right.

Right? Right. Right? I don't like it when people say, you know. I do that a lot. I say, you know what I mean, I think, after everything. You know what I mean? That's like a big stand-up-like thing.

After you say something that doesn't get the reaction. I didn't say right. After you say something that doesn't hit you, you doesn't get the reaction. I didn't say right. After you say something that doesn't hit you, you're like, you know what I mean? You guys can't. It's like the most corny as shit. You know what I mean, right? And the crowd's like, I guess, dude. You're putting us in a

chokehold. Alright. Right. You know what I mean? I'm like, all right, next one. You know what I mean? Sean, Harry Sean, Harry Sean. Switch that up.

Harry Sean, nine. Oddest turn offs. When people, oh shit, this is the exact same one. Mallory White, oddest turn offs. When people put the money sign after the number. I cannot believe people still do that shit. I do it. Why? Because it's $5. That's how I see it. $5.

I can't even stand it. You've got to understand his perspective. I get that, though. I'm with you, but it's still weird. Does anybody know where to put the like the scent sign after it's after because i've looked it up like 20 000 times i think i've looked it up a bunch but i still don't know and i don't even believe google i'm like that's bullshit no way google that's like one of the things i always have to look up that and like how to you

ever have to like address an envelope? Oh, my God. Dude. What the? I'm like, what if I put the stamp in the wrong corner? Is it getting there? Yeah, I don't think it's going to go. There's no chance. I feel like every letter has to be in the exact spot. Perfection. Or it's not going to get there.

The mailman, like, am I sure you can read this? Like, what if the mail guy can't read your handwriting? There's so many things. And when you have to mail something in an envelope it's always the most important and then if you like you ever go to like an older person like your dad he's like it's he's he knows it so well like he's done it a million times i can't believe it's still a thing and writing a check dude every time i have to write a check i'm like why am i even doing this when people pay have you ever been in line behind somebody that's paying with a check like I don't want this stuff anymore please it takes like 45 minutes okay

this is funny odd turn offs girls calves I can't explain it with some girls calves turn me off most specific shit. I don't like when girls don't, like, have an Achilles in the back of their ankle. Where it's just, like, it looks like this bottle. Like, into a shoe. Like this. It's just, like, straight. Like a log. There's a bunch of water in my shoe.

I don't know. What do you think about like muscles on girls, like in general? For me, that's a turn off. Like just any type of, like a girl that like works out a ton, that's, I don't want that. Yeah, it's a little much. But I mean, if they're like a bodybuilder it's like their thing and they're going crazy with it that's cool damn there's a cap in my shoe i put that bottle in my shoe uh but i think it's weird dude every time a girl lifts a lot it's like their shoulders get bigger

first over anything else girls Girls with big shoulders. How did you get that? I've been working out for 15 years. You can't even do that. All right, let's go viral real quick. Hashtag... Bye, bye, bye, viral. Hashtag fun ways to scare parents.

You ever scare... Dude, how immediately pissed? You ever just scare your mom, like, on some crazy shit? Like, you think she's in a good mood, and you're like, ha! And then she gets pissed for, like, two months. You ever do that? Immediate ass beat. You ever scare your dad?

Dude, if you scare your dad, you're fucked. I've never scared my dad. But the easiest way to scare my mom is, like, if any of us, like, stub our toe or, or like have any type of injury, she's just like like no matter what. And it's like it's so annoying. But it's like with any any time we like stub our toe or anything, it's like the same reaction. You know, it's like we're fine. Can you care less about it? Yeah, that's like how my aunts and shit are.

Like if I like fall off a bike, they act like I died. I'm like, that shit was kind of funny. Are you sure? But then if it's their own kid, they'll be like, and laugh. Scaring your parents. They get so pissed every time.

I can remember when I was a kid, one time my mom was like, she had a tray of drinks, almost like she was at a restaurant and I clapped my hands super loud like not even to scare and she spilled all the glasses all over a fucking chair and I'll never forget I was like all I do is clap like unintentionally all right um hashtag my quarantine halloween will include halloween's not a thing this year right it's definitely gonna be a thing still for sure

like the trick-or-treating isn't like what not to do oh you're talking about with kids i'm thinking like with adults like people are still gonna like what not to do? Oh, you're talking about with kids? I'm thinking with adults. People are still going to party and stuff. Oh, yeah, and have parties and stuff. You're thinking of trick-or-treating. What about trick-or-treating? I would say that's a no. There's going to be some dickheads out there still trick-or-treating. No, but places like Texas and the South, I guarantee

are still trick-or-treating. But I don't know. I'm trying to think what the dopest thing I ever was for Halloween. You look like you would look cool as Spider-Man. You sounded like I would look cool? Yeah. Will you dress up as Spider-Man next week for this? Actually, yeah.

I was Robin one year and that she was banging like why was my Batman that's so how I was like nah Robin it had like the fake like pecs and abs and stuff other yet's hidden's hidden. Give me that. What was the coolest thing you ever wore for Halloween? I was Spider-Man six straight Halloweens. Dude, Spider-Man doesn't get old. No, it doesn't. Especially the kids.

Spider-Man doesn't get old. What up, yo? Malik, what were you for Halloween? Best costume. Dude, I remember I was... You guys remember there was that scream mask where if you put oh with the blood bro i wouldn't know i was i was that but lebron james at the same time like i had the i had i was like a zombie why is that a thing for kids like one time i i was like i was like randy moss for halloween but i was also like nelly at the same time.

I was Randy Moss with a headband and a Band-Aid under my eye. I was like, make it make sense. I combined four different things, and the people giving me candy were like, oh, okay, Randy Moss, Nelly, and the guy from Tekken 4. I was like, yeah, it doesn't make... What did you say you were? Wait, wait. You said you were... Scream with the blood mask. Yeah, and I was like, yeah, it doesn't make... What did you say you were? Wait, wait. You said you were...

Scream with the blood mask. Yeah, and I was... And LeBron. I was that, but I had a LeBron James jersey on. I like to think that when you guys are being these people, you're also in blackface at the same time. Yeah. So it's like...

And these pictures are just going to reemerge one day. Like, oh, I was being LeBron James. It's okay. Yeah, it's cool. Here's my childhood hero. No, you can't put ash all over your face, bro. Yeah, that scream blood mask, though. That went way too hard for, like, being a kid.

Like, with the blood dripping down its face. My mom would never let me have that shit the closest I got to that scream ass was just pumping that bitch in the store if my mom would yell at me when I was doing that I'd be like look she'd be like that shit was so tight I would buy one of those now what if you did that like you gotta wear a mask in the store like that one run it down your face that like Whole Foods we pretty much we pretty much out of here we can do days of the week real quick Tuesday national brick braid bradded braided fruit day can you look that up real quick I want to know that is national clean your virtual desktop my desktop't know what that means dude but my desktop is my desktop looks like a garage sale bro i really need to clean it up why i'm like

attached to the things on my desktop but they're from like two years ago i don't know what to do with it i can't i have a thing i can't delete stuff on my computer i feel like i'm gonna need it i can't pull it up on the computer. I feel like I'm going to need it. I can't pull it up on the computer, but it looks like it's just like pretzels and stuff, like doughs and stuff. Fruit, though, right? No, there's no fruit on here. Braided fruit?

Oh, she said braided fruit. Braided fruit. Why did you say she? Oh. She said braided. Wait, is it braided fruit or braided food? Fruit, fruit, fruit. Braided food, yeah.

Just thousands of pretzels. Struggling over there. What's braided fruit? Yeah, I'm getting like a, it's still like, it'll be like a dough, but it'll be like, like an apple pie type thing, but just braided. Oh, like at the top of a pie. I've never had a pie like that. The top's all fancy.

I feel bad eating it. National Pumpkin Cheesecake Day. What's up, man? Pig pen for the third time. National Pumpkin Cheesecake Day. Dude, my dad is obsessed with National Pumpkin Cheesecake Day. He'll get that shit in the summer. I feel like that's a big... What do you get when you go to the Cheesecake Factory?

I know you've been there on a date, for sure. I haven't been there on a date, but I've been there just with my family. Do you guys get dessert? Yeah, I think I got some type of... The Oreo cheesecake? I think I got some chocolate cheesecake type thing. I can't remember the exact name, but...

It's always way too much. I think Malik just went there yesterday. Solo? No. You want to have a bumble date? Yeah. You want to have a bumble date? Yeah, I want to have a bumble date. I don't have one, though. What'd you get? I want to know the whole order.

I'm not a dessert guy, but I just got like a cheeseburger. I'm not like a steak and all that extra stuff. I think steak's overrated. Me too. I swear to God. Like, the only reason I'm eating this is for the A1, homie. All right, let's wrap it up.

National Mole Day. Friday. Are moles attractive? Are you talking about the animal or, like, on a girl? I'm thinking a mole, like, right here. I mean, sometimes they look good. Does she look good? I don't know.

I don't know. Doesn't it depend how big it is? I kind of like this one girl that had a mole on her face one time. And I was like, oh, that's like a hot thing, right? I mean, I think if it's like small. Everybody made fun of her for it. And I was like, what the? That was hot all right espresso podcast shot 129 thanks for listening remember to follow on cameo tiktok twitter instagram thanks listening. Give it some feedback. Follow on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Subscribe. Give a little rating. Give a little review. And I'll talk to you guys next week. All right, fam.