Espresso - Olive Garden Bread Bowls (Inventions) Espresso Pod 421

Episode Date: May 28, 2026

Killing thousands of mad guests on Rollercoaster Tycoon and installing a functioning toilet directly into your car passenger seat? Sounds like a spress pod to me babe. We’re ending our lives over Olive Garden refusing to make garlic bread bowls and why can’t we pull up to an AMC theater to watch the super bowl? One sec i’m scheduling a robot to walk my dog at 1:30pm🦮-------------------------------------------------Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/-------------------------------------------------

Because, like, what do you mean that if I have to just drive 30 minutes, I quite literally cannot hydrate myself because I'm going to have to pease within the first, like, 18 seconds. Like, no, let me just get to my destination and pee is. So true. Dude, peeing literally ruins your life. So, oh, I'm a loser, baby. So why don't you kill me? Oh, this thing's on. espresso podcast shot 421.

I'm your girlfriend, Benny, who did a who's buying this in a rental car, and it's going to smell like pickles for the rest of time, time, time. Hey, watch me on F Boy Island and F Girl Island on HBO Max. Wait, aren't you like 100% in love with the host, Nikki Glazer? Absolutely not. Absolutely. That wouldn't even cross my mind. Watch it, though.

Watch it. HBO Max. Check it out. And join the Patreon. Tell your homies, $5 a month. That's it. You get this podcast for free. But every other podcast is on Patreon.

You got to pay for that. Mommy's got to make a little money somehow, you know? Oh my God. I'm so poor. Help me. Mommy's got to make a little money somehow. What's even on the Patreon? What do I get if I join?

You get every other podcast, like the next podcast, not this one, the next one, in a live stream at the end of every week. What do you guys even talk about on the live stream? It doesn't make sense to me. Like, I'm paying $5. What am I getting on the live stream? Do you guys just talk about doing the splits the whole time? Absolutely not.

No, we don't do that. Do you guys talk about the feeling you get after you hang out with your girlfriend for two days straight? No, we don't do that either. Like that sad feeling you get? Why would we ever talk about that? Join, babe. $5 a month. That's it.

And get all your merch, Benedictmerch.com. 50% off all merch with code. called, nice, glonky, all caps at checkout. What kind of merch do you have? It doesn't make sense to me. We have we out here being nice merch. We have who's buying this merch? We have feeling glonky merch.

Emotional Support Animal merch. All the merch. Benedict merch. Everything. Benedictmerch.com 50% off. 50% off everything? That's crazy. Nobody's doing that.

Who's doing that? Me, babe. Me. Let's get to the question. Espresso, quick, quote. Quote question of the week. God, I love it. I love this.

I love this podcast. Nobody's doing What's Your Invention on podcasts. Right? There's probably a whole entire podcast called What's Your Invention? But not for the fam, baby. What's your invention? Expresso Question of the Week.

What's your invention? Or the thing you're like, how did they not think of that yet? For me, God. Hey, how about this? Wi-Fi everywhere. Wi-Fi everywhere. What's the big deal? I know you guys can do it.

I know you can do it. You telling me every individual little shop or place I go into, I have to connect to their own specific individual Wi-Fi. Shut up! Make it everywhere. Actually, just have it on all our individual devices then. That's such a big deal. Oh, I'm at the airport.

I got to join the airport Wi-Fi. Oh, I'm at a coffee shop in the airport. I got to join the coffee shop in the airport's Wi-Fi. Oh, my God, bro. Just to text somebody a picture? Oh, I'm at the mall. I got to join Paxon Wi-Fi real quick so I can send a picture of me wearing cargo shorts to my friend.

Do these look good? Bro. Like, can we get real? Phone service is crazy. Can't call somebody right here because I'm under bleachers? What? Get a life.

I got a whole list of them. All right. Hey, hey, this, I'm telling you this is the one. Never been more passionate about anything in my life. Guys, when they think they thought of something first. If Olive Garden had garlic bread bowls. I mean, we're just going to start spitting these ideas out. Is this a dumb idea?

Are people going to steal all this stuff? Yeah, but who really cares, you know? It's all about the moment, right? Right. Like, this is not a gatekeeping podcast. Like, I'm not in my gatekeeping era. If Olive Garden had garlic bread bowls line wrapped around the building. Different. Change the trajectory of the franchise.

What's Panera most known for? They're bread bowls. You tell me if Olive Garden took Lil'Inspo? made some garlic bread bowls put some Ziti in there baked Ziti sauce on top what?

I don't think it's ever been done but that's what every guy says when they think about something literally I'm the first person to ever think about that ever make me president all right how about this how about this?

How about this? Lay's chips just come out with it one fourth of July special release a bag of all folded chips. You heard me.

Sort them out. Hire 32 old ladies with plastic gloves on and hair nets to sort out the folded chips and put them all in bags. Special Fourth of July release. Go down in history. Bro, remember that Fourth of July

were like, Lays did the folded chips thing? Me. Me for the rest of my life every Fourth of July after that. Dude, remember on Fourth of July when Lays did that folded chips thing? that was crazy. How come they never did that again? So it was too sick. Peanut butter jar that opens on both ends.

Right? Not complicated, Jif. Shock the world. Make it easy. Not complicated. I hate it when companies just think everything's so hard. Yo, just do it. Just do it.

Turns into Shai LeBuff. Hey, Jeff! Common sense. Can't get to the bottom of peanut butter. Waste in peanut butter. Every time. Put a screw off lid at the bottom, too. Boom.

It makes the jar look better anyway. Bookend it? Bookend the jar, Jif. Full list. I think they get worse, but, uh, it's all right. KFC sell rotisserie chicken. It's so, it's popular.

Just make the best one. I know you can. You are chicken. You are. Your thing is chicken. Just make the best rotisserie chickens. Sell them. People pulling up.

You talking about after a workout? Boom. I go to LA Fitness. I work out. There's a KFC right next to it. Eating a chicken. That's all I need. It's perfect.

Make it somewhat healthy. You know what I'm saying? Don't make it fried, obviously. Subway toaster for your house. We've talked about this. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Every toaster and microwave ever should be like the ones at Subway. So powerful. What are we doing with the diet toasters at our house? What are we doing with our easy, this, I basically, I have an easy bake oven. There's an easy bake oven on the counter. It takes 33 and a half minutes to like heat up some wings, a toaster oven. It's an easy bake oven. We're playing, we're playing with the JV team at home.

You know? Subway's got the varsity boys. Subway's got some D1 commits behind them. That little tray that... Beep, those subway employees are real nice with that, like, little scooper tray they have to get the things out. Pretty nice with that. Never seen any mistakes. Never seen any fumbles.

Listerine water. Oh, baby. Hey, we're not gatekeeping. This isn't a gatekeeping podcast. We're letting all the secret. go today, baby. That's why we do it for the fam. That's why we do it. Bottle of water, just like any other water, just like any other bottle of water, only it's

Listerine brand. And you drink it and it also makes your breath fresh. Come on. I know you can do that. There's flavored water all day. Put some Listerine in my water. It's Kill Two Birds. This is not a Kill Two Birds with one. podcast, but yes it is. It's all we're trying to do in our life is kill two birds, baby. Saving time. This is a food truck one and it's all

breadsticks. Not a bad idea. Hey, in the comments, if you're going to have a food truck, what is it? That might be my lead off question when I introduce myself to someone. Doesn't matter who it is. The president of the United States. How you doing? Yep.

Yeah. So if you had a food truck, would it be? Because that's all I need to know about you. I don't need a talking phase. What would your food truck be? Hmm? I don't need a talking phase. I don't even need to date you, actually. What would your food truck be? Um, probably like a peanut butter and jelly food truck. Will you marry me? It's all I need to know. Everything else is aligned. Don't care. Nope. Mm-mm. whatever your food truck is overrides everything for me remote pager

oh my god I've been saying this forever oh my god I think this is my first invention when I was a kid I can't believe it you know how you always lose it where's the remote

it's in the couch can you get up where's the remote dude there's a little button on the TV click it be beep pages the remote so you hear oh shit

the remote's in the fridge who put the remote in the fridge we never would have found it if we didn't have the pager. If we didn't have the pager, we never would have found it. We didn't have a frozen remote. Nobody's doing it. What's going on?

Application app for jobs. The app app. Who's not going to remember that? Did you download the app app app? You know when you're like trying to get a job and you're filling out all types of applications, you have your resume. It's different for every job you have, apply for. So annoying, first of all. You have to change to cover all that. And then you,

you apply for the job. It takes your resume, tries to input it in their database. It's all wrong. You have to reformat it. So you're just doing this. You're just jumping through hoops, man, to just apply for a job. How about there's an app with your application, with your resume on it and your cover letter that you can edit easily. boom boom bang bang and you send that to whatever jobs you want instead of going through their little stupid system where you have to do everything 32 times and it's not something easy you have to do 32 times this is your resume you spell one thing wrong god why is it so hard to do that i swear half of like getting a job is just like who's going to quit oh you want this job

we'll see how long it takes you to quit the hiring process because it would it will kill you It's so annoying, it'll kill you. Mirrors that don't fog. What is that about? You're telling me, I take a hot shower for more than nine minutes and I can't see? We can't figure that out. Come on, science. I know there's a scientist out there.

I know there's a fog specialist somewhere that can like do something to a mirror. put a chemical on it where it doesn't fog up. That's crazy to me. Now I've got a shower with the bathroom door open. God knows who's looking in. How about the people that, like, oh my, the amount of time somebody's seen me naked in my apartment has to be, they've seen it all, dude.

They've seen absolutely everything. Everything I've ever done in my life in privacy, there's just somebody looking across the way and that's fine. Windows that don't fog, though. You know, it's a cold day And you like, your windows are fogged up in your car I'm like, this is still going on No idea how to clear that up

Heeded steering wheel Wow, that's an old one Okay, that's it The other ones are just really like halfway ideas All clean rap songs right after a drop That'd be cool Somebody do that I always like wanted that

Because I played sports Like in high school and college And really in high school leader, coach is like, no cursing. Well, at our school anyway, I don't know what school was able to have cursing. But like the best rap song comes out and you can't listen to it before your game because there's cursing in it. All every three seconds, there's like explicit word.

I'm like, there should be a software or someone that just cleans up every song for like, you know, high school use or something. So I'm like, damn, we can't listen to the best stuff. Like, yeah, you want to listen to that? Put it in your headphones. But like, you got to have it loud so the team can get hype. You know what I mean? That was always a big problem for me.

I had to actually find like a dude in school in high school that could edit, like edit music and stuff. Just so we can listen to good songs? God, man. It can definitely be easier. All right, let's hear yours. What's your invention or your thing that you're like, why haven't they done that yet? Some kind of sterile plastic fish that. swims around in your pot and stirs your noodles so you don't have to.

Oh my God, bro. Oh, this is what I'm talking about. And that is such a cool little thing to a fish. Because what am I doing? How long have you, how much time have you wasted stirring pasta? And then you forget and it's ruined. Oh, my God,

the amount of times. I can vividly remember as like a kid, the water boiling over in the pasta on the stove and my dad going, No! Had to have happened. I honestly, I'm being completely honest. That probably happened 352 times.

He hears it boiling over because he's not stirring. No! So everyone's sitting in the living room. Hear a pot boiling over because my dad forgot to stir it. No! Maybe a thousand times. Because that happened maybe every night for a really long time And I was like, why doesn't he just stir it?

Because it's so annoying to just stand up there. Dude, a little fish swimming around in the bowl, clockwise has a timer on it. After six minutes, flips goes counterclockwise. Swimming around the bowl stirring your pasta for you. Perfect. Doesn't melt, melt resistant little fish in there. Oh, bro.

Gas. Great invention. What's up, Benny? For the longest time, I've always wanted somebody to come up with or invent a way to go to your local movie theater and watch a game. Like, I don't know, go watch the Super Bowl, watch NBA playoff game, watch the Masters, whatever. you got huge TVs, comfortable chairs, snacks, like just hit up the group of boys and be like, hey, let's go watch USC tonight at the Malco. Like, I don't know, I felt like it's perfect. What do you think?

Dude, I love you so much, man. So genuine, bro. God, I would dapp you up forever. It would take everything in me not to kiss your neck if we hugged. God! He's so right How have we not? I haven't even thought of that

I mean, I'm not saying I'm the king of thinking of shit But That hasn't even crossed my mind So you could Yeah It's all right there Oh it's because

Movie Theaters don't have like licensing To do that Probably Damn that sucks But like yeah Nobody's watching movies anymore But if you're like Yo the Super Bowl though

we're showing it on like four screens in our theater and get your tickets everybody is buying that four seats right in the middle of theater and you got all your snacks yep boom you're in there you're cheering it's just like it's like you're at the game

why don't they do that there's got to be some kind of somebody's had to try it but even for UFC dude UFC fights are like a huge deal somehow they do it at Buffalo Wild Wings can't do it AMC showplace 13

Run to the bathroom real quick Commercial breaks Oh yeah I went to get some air ads You want some Watching all the commercials That'd be so much fun Instead of going to your house

I mean your house is a pretty nice place To watch it too But Get the boys together pull up to AMC They open it up for just like any TV shows What's up boys? Yep 430 Tuesday

meeting up at AMC Show Place 13. We're going to watch Pardon the Interruption on ESPN. Just 30 minutes of your boys just sitting there. You're the only ones in the theater. That'd be so sick. So locked into PTI. Oh, yeah, he's right. Sick idea.

Yo, in like Love Island, you know? Everybody's watching Love Island. Put that in a movie theater They should sign a deal With AMC IMAX Get your Love Island glasses Before the show starts tonight Everybody in theaters

Bombshell has entered the villa I'd go Man I'd go I'm so tempted to go to some of those Like reality show viewing parties I'm like I don't know That'd be kind of sick

Everybody's like I just love it When everybody's on the same page in one place being on the same page is so underrated like I'll go to the extent of like we're at a restaurant you're with Shorty she's ordering something that you have no business even eating and you're like yeah I'm gonna get the same thing just because I want to like

be on the same wavelength you know God damn it your boy's team is playing you don't care about the team at all but you're like you know I'm not I'm a I'm a Cleveland Gladiators fan today Don't care about them at all But I'll put a thousand dollars down on them Just because I want to have a good time

Let's keep going Yo Benny All right long time since I called in But this one isn't really for the invention prompt But it is something I want to share with the pod And share with you I think it's kind of funny Kind of fucked up a little bit But when I was a kid

I would play roller coaster tycoon and you know you have your park you got it all set up you got little people walking around you can like hover over their heads and like look at them and it'll show you like if they have like a frowny face or if they're smiling or whatever

you know or they're like they have the frowny face and their like heads like red like they're mad and whenever I saw the people that were mad that like weren't enjoying my park I would like pick them up with like the little pinchers that you can grab them with like the little claw grabber and then I'd like drop them into like the water nearby the like park and then just like watch them like drown for a couple seconds and then they just like disappear.

Like the game actually had the animation to like show them drowning in the water. Oh yeah. And then the other thing I'd do is I'd make like the loop to loop roller coaster. But like just leave it like unfinished so they go through the loop and then they just come up this like ramp and then they just go off the edge and go. you know the whole like thing comes down and explodes and all the people die and then you know 10 minutes later after it resets you can like do it again

I don't know fucked up I'm sure but also like I was like 10 and I didn't I don't know I was just fucking around but yeah if they didn't like my park I'd pick them up drop them in the water or I'd put them on the roller coaster without you know a proper you know where the roller coaster ended in the middle of the air

and then the other thing I would do is put them like in a little fence that was just like in a circle so they would just walk around and I would make like entire families and everything you know mom dad kids all that and then eventually when I just got bored I would just like start taking away the fridge and like the cabinets and all that stuff so they didn't have any food and I wouldn't like let them take care of their hygiene like I'd take away like the shower and all that shit and eventually they'd like starve and lose like you know like stamina and then they'd die and then the grimly bird show up i don't know i thought it was funny it was fucked up but it cracked me up give me your thoughts benny see you yo uh i wasn't man enough to do it on the sims wasn't couldn't do it i just couldn't see like i just felt like there were my my family on the sims it was too real for me i'm like i can't let that dude i that's my dog like i made him i can't let him die. But if they had a baby that kept crying, I was like, I straight would like if my baby on the Sims when they had a baby started crying and it was a problem in my actual life, like I'd be playing sports, organized school sports, singing about my Sims baby.

We're, right? I mean, we're all doing that, right? Like, I don't know somebody who's so locked in that they're not thinking about other stuff while they're like doing their job or their work, like literally. Playing a basketball game at the free throw line, waiting for a guy to shoot, on the block, supposed to be blocking out and getting the rebound.

Thinking about my Sims baby. Ball goes up, hits a rim, I don't move. Where are you at, Politi? It's like, ah, shit. My bad, I was wondering how my Sims baby was going to be tonight. I was wondering how my Sims baby was going to be tonight. baby was going to behave. Sorry. Hey, I'll get the next one. But if my, if, if the baby was acting up,

I would go to build mode on the Sims and build a wall around the baby's cradle while it was in there. And it would cry and the parents couldn't get to it because it was in a wall enclosure, wall enclosure guy who can't talk. Guy who has a podcast but can't say words. and then the child services lady would come and take away the baby and everything was fine wow um are you projecting in your real life right now no i love kids yeah i couldn't kill the parents though like i wanted them to live like i wanted them to thrive i was like trying to hook them up

i just remember they could never get good sleep i was like oh my god what do i need to do for you guys to like, they're like comfort level. When they would go to sleep, I would like literally pray to God. I'd be, thank you, Lord. Oh my God, my sims sleeping. Oh my, I don't know what happened. Like, what did I do? It must be the couch.

So I'd buy like 32 of those couches and put them everywhere. So they'd just sleep. I'd be like, why are you guys so tired? This is the biggest problem I had on the Sims. Every sim. Oh, ah. Ah. What did you do?

What did you? What do you have? They pee God My sim lady My sim mom would always pee her pants I'd be like Right here

Right in the kitchen You know better But I loved them And I couldn't let them die Roller Coaster Tycoon, man, I'd kill everybody. I would kill. You throw up? Guess what?

You're dead. Not in my park. Guess 2,851? Dead. Pick you up by the claw? Dude, there'd be a designated dead kill center. Designated kill center, roller coaster tycoon. Designated kill center.

Roller coaster tycoon. Out in the distance. Pop up a little. little plot of land. It's all water. There's been 300 throw-up kids drowning in there. Sorry. You're going to act up. You're going to die. Don't come up in my park throwing up. Not having a good time mad. What are you talking about? Mad because you can't find the entrance or exit? Oh my God. That pissed me out so much on roller coaster tycoon. Guess 391. Can't find the exit. Can't find the exit. I'm like, what do you mean? I think at one point, I just made my whole park

a sidewalk. Like, so you couldn't get lost, you know? I can, I get it when you're like all the way over here and you can't find the exit because it's all the way over here. So I made my whole park cement, a huge cement block. And then all the rides were around it. I'm like, you can't miss the exit, bro. They're still getting lost. I was like, Okay. Okay. I'm going to do all this for you. You're still going to get lost.

I'm going to kill you. And it was fun. It was crazy how like weird, how like games let you just kill people. It was like, yeah. Yeah, we're doing this, huh? Hey, you make the drop zone or whatever, you know? Elevator.

You know those, I hate those rides so much. Tower of Terror, those rides were like, somebody always gets like lacerated on those every year there's somebody like gets their whole entire body chopped in half and everybody just doesn't care

I'm like that's so that's so like USA like oh somebody died on that last week let's give it a shot we got this you know the ones drop zone you're at the top and you don't know

when the thing's gonna when it drops all of a sudden I hated those so much I still I've never been on one um you build one You build one on roller coaster tycoon And it goes up and down

And up and down You don't make the... You don't put the topper on On the drop zone And the thing goes up The thing starts up Goes down, goes back up Just keeps going

Just keeps going Mm-hmm Mm-mm-mm Now that is satisfying Killing a thousand people at a time On a roller coaster tycoon satisfying Just keep guy

I would say Kid free airlines Because the last 10 flights I've been on I've had some little asshole Kicking my seat Or screaming right in my ear Obviously when I want to be sleeping Because I'm hungover

Or whatever So yeah Kid free baby free airlines Take my money Clean Point made never really thought about that either yeah there's kid free everything how about kid free everything though kid free weddings wow oh my god don't bring them man if i ever have a wedding it

is gonna be like that hey don't bring them strict god they just hey guess what they're gonna ruin everything they're just always going to ruin everything i don't care how cute you think they are just remember you think they're cute and funny and well-behaved everybody else hates them your kids you're the only ones that like them everybody else in the world hates them it's just like that sorry nobody cares everybody hates them get it through your head my kid's so cute I don't give a shit about your kid. Lord have mercy. Don't bring them.

Kid free airline. That is so true. How come there's not just like a straight business airline? No games. And guess what? It's even like cut throat. Like this airline is straight dogs only. And I'm not talking about four-legged dogs.

I'm talking about no. like it's just people that want to get there and that's it no snacks no drinks like none of the none of the other shit just get on the plane and go you fall asleep that's it maybe drinks because one time i was on a plane and i needed a drink so bad i thought i was actually gonna die and i didn't want to like get the like i think i almost drank water out of the bathroom sink thing because i was like i might die no flight attendants so it's just pretty much like a bus. I'd be so down with that. No flight. Like, hey, you need something like too bad.

Figured out. Figure it out. What's the big deal? Stop asking for everything in the world. People on, if people on airplanes that are just asked constantly asking for stuff, I'm like, yo, what do you, who do you think you are? A prince? Hey, can I sit back? Hey, can you mind if I put my, hey, do you, can I have another? Hey, do, can I have another? Are you coming back with that?

Can I, can I have an extra? I didn't eat. So what do you think this is? Shut up, sit down, never talk again. That's the airline I want. The pilot? Oh, yo. You know how there's like Dick, Dick's last resort restaurants?

if there's a Dick's last resort airline. Buckle your seatbelt. The pilot just being like, shut up, sit down. Hey, guess what? You stand up when we land? You're gay. How about that? Standing up for what?

Whoever stands up first is gay. Bing. Seabelt's come off. Guy stands up. Let's keep going. I would swallow my pride I would choke on the rhyme But the laughter of an amy empty inside

Swallow my down, turn it inside I'll find nothing but faith and nothing I want to put my tender heart in a blender Once I spin around to a beautiful oblivion Ronehout and I'm through with you Oh, this thing's on? Oh Or am I

Do you know about the fact that I'm recording this In the middle of my own radio show? Let's go Station does not know What's up, Benny? you're looking for inventions. How has no one come up with like the asphalt slash road equivalent of a zamboni? Like, you know those things at hockey games that resurface the ice?

It's like grinds up the old ice, melts it down, then puts it down as water behind it. How are we not doing that with like asphalt? God. Like you just drive down the road and it grinds up the old surface, heats it back up, paves it behind. We could literally be fixing roads in like one day. Why? Why?

Why are we not doing this? You got a pothole? Sick. Just bring the old asphalt zamboni down. Figure it out. That's what I say. I say figured out. Anywho, I'm off to enjoy tis.

You're going to come up to Canada for some Swiss tis, tis, buddy. Have a good one. I'll hang up in a listen. First time, long time. Thanks for the phone call. Yeah. Honestly, that is an unbelievable thought. Just boom, boom, bam, bam, bam, boom, relay the pavement behind it.

Boom, boom, bam, boom, relay the pavement behind it. Fresh pavement over a pothole. Why is it so hard to fix a pothole? Why does it take so long? There's no way. And how come there are so many of them? like who's driving down the road tanks

like it's a pretty hard ground right cement's pretty hard how is that happening so much every four feet there's just a gaping hole in the ground I'm like oh my god dude

I don't know do we need stronger rocks do the cars weigh so much isn't adding up math ain't math Math ain't math and Scape guy David Funker

We need a robotic dog walker Somebody that can take our dogs on walks I'm talking save my life I don't want to walk my dog I love having my dog cuddle I just don't want to walk the dang thing If somebody could just walk my dog for me I'm not talking about paying anybody

No no no no I want a robotic dog walker Something I don't have to think about. Shows up at 9 a.m. Walk, done, 920, done. I haven't thought about a dog walk in days. Robotic dog walker. Mmm. Mmm.

I love walking my dog. It's like what I look forward to. I don't know if it would know what to do because your dog's always smelling all kinds of stuff, you know. I mean, I guess it wouldn't be a problem. You can, wu, wu, wu, wuu, wuu, wuuu. You can, like, see through the robot's eyes, too. So, like, you know, if, like, you know, there's a dog in another robot walking the opposite way. You can just tell the robot, like, keep going, keep going.

Don't let those dogs sniff each other for too long. You'd still kind of have to micromanage the robot, though. So, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I think, I hate to say this, bro. think if you need a robot dog walker you shouldn't have a dog you know what you know the responsibility a dog comes with and people think it's like it's just a dog bro that's a guy that's a guy

in your house it's a guy in your house that can't talk or um ever grow up dog's just a baby that never grows up and you just got to take care of it forever dang dang got to walk it take it out I don't know. Real loyal, though. But the upsides of dogs for me, not there yet. What up. So the mention that I always wanted, and I think they kind of came close to this type of technology,

but I always wanted a color identifier because I always had to match, like, my hat with my shoes growing up. So, like, you always had, like, a new era fitted and whatever. color or team that would be, I always wanted some of that color to be in my shoe. Now, like, granted, I could always find, like, certain Nikes that would, you know, be that color scheme, but sometimes there would be, like, certain colors from teams, like, you know, like the Tennessee Titans Blue or the Arizona Diamondbacks had that certain shade of red or, like, the devil rays, the teal, like, you always wanted that one color.

and I always wanted to be like there like be like this identifier where you can get that exact color and then like your Nike symbol on your shoe would change that color. Yeah. And I think that they have something like that now where like you could actually like go online and like download something and like there's a digital color like on like a Nike shoe. I think there's that type of technology. But how come they don't have that for anything? Like how come they don't have this like, um,

like finder where like you put on a wall and it tells exactly this color and then you bring it to the paint store and they make that color or like say you want to get a suit and you find an item at the grocery store and you put that finder on the color of the fruit and then you go and they can show here's the color like why don't we have that like we have that on Microsoft paint where they have the identifier but why don't we have that in real life I drop color for for real life. This. See this,

this dragon fruit? Bang. Eye dropper. Bring it to men's warehouse. Boom. I want to suit the color of a dragon fruit. This right here, bang.

Eye dropper. The yellow, the gold. Yeah, it is so hard sometimes. I'm like, really? We don't have that? Like, I want this shade of gold.

Why is it so complicated? Boom, eye dropper. Put it on the Nike website. Bang. Same color. But no, you put on the Nike website, boom, it takes your color and changes it to the Nike gold. I'm like, that's not the gold I want. Color dropper in real life.

Yeah, they do. I've always thought about that. And I've always kind of wanted those shoes where you can switch out the color of the swoosh. You know, there's like cheerleading shoes that do that. Nike gives you like that little thick stack of like circles that you put behind your Nike swoosh because the Nike swoosh is clear

and then he gives a put whatever color you want in there. Always a little bit, a little part of me kind of one of those. White shoes, whatever Nike color swoosh I want and I can match it with anything. It just doesn't look right though, you know? It looks like your game in the system.

Like it's not, it's just not that cool. I remember the first time I saw cheerleading shoes with that, though, I was like, whoa, would they do that? You can change the color of the swoosh. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's some rich people stuff. You know, like 50 cent would go to, like, the grocery store and buy like a mango and be like, hey, yo, I want my suit this color. And they'd do it.

But I don't know. That's not normal people shit. Hey, what's going on? My guy. Guys, fucking, well, I hope I'm not too late with this message, just getting off of work and shit at the fall crushing factory. But anyways, something that I feel like that needs to have been invented by now is a pizza slicer that slices, eight slices all at once. Only hell, that's a lot of time that's slice. But yeah, I feel like using a normal pizza cutter, just fuck shit.

it up. I need one that can fold out into eight even slices. Anyways, bud, just want to say what's up. I love what you do. Keep doing you. Keep being great. Also, if I didn't say it at the beginning, this is a coward's chin.

Yeah. Real one. Okay, so you want a pizza slicer like an apple slicer. just comes down from the ceiling you have an eight-slice pizza slicer hooked to your ceiling with a chain

and every time you get a pizza you just put in the middle of the counter hit the wall comes down and cuts your pizza and ate perfectly even slices and then sometimes when you have so much to do

you just put your head where the pizza should be Hit the wall. Oh, he's talking about death on this podcast. Shut up, Ashley. Sorry, it's my producer. Yeah. Revolutionary.

Cutting pizza. It's a big deal. It's a big deal in my brain. If a pizza isn't, if a slice of pizza doesn't look the way I want it to look, I'm not eating it. It can be the best pizza of all time. If it's like weird, weirdly sliced, too wide,

I'm good If the point isn't sharp I'm like I'm not eating that pizza That's disgusting I would never eat that fat ass Piece of pizza Nope not me

Um Couldn't be me Hey Hey Hey hey No yeah No yeah No yeah no yeah

No yeah Talking to any girl ever You saying things Them just going like this No yeah no yeah no yeah no yeah no yeah no yeah no yeah we you know yeah talking to a girl we yeah yeah like literally no yeah no yeah no yeah we yeah like yes couldn't be me uh uh they did come out okay they did come out with that like samurai sword you ever see one of those at a pizza place it's like it looks like

It looks like a medieval weapon. And all of a sudden, your pizza slice into eight perfect triangles. Here I go, okay, well, kind of want you to slice my body with that, but... Are you talking about death? Keep going on. I'm so bad with... I hate it when it's so hard to slice a pizza and you, like, slice it, doesn't cut it all the way. You slice it again, doesn't cut it all the way.

So now you're making, like, a railroad track of slices through your pizza. I'm like, I don't even want it anymore! Looks like a Zamboni drove through my pizza. Guy needs a new slicer, am I right? Right, right, right. How we doing, Benny? Long time listener, first time caller here. So as an avid corn consumer,

how has nobody invented spray butter? I think it. Come on, I'm sitting there smearing the butter. Figure it out. There's got to be spray butter, bro. Spray... Butter. There's not spray butter?

There's spray butter There's spray butter Yeah, there's spray butter What are you talking about There's hell of spray butter Or is that just like Pam? Am I wrong? Avid corn consumer

Can't talk a lot of shit about corn That is true No bad things for me about corn I'm good on corn I got nothing bad to say about corn Respect Most respected vegetable Is it corn?

Most slept on veggie? Cucumbars. Ew. It's like water. I hate veggies. Corn, though? Corn's got a special place in everybody's heart. Popcorn?

Come on, baby. Come on. What you know about it? Yo, popcorn's a vegetable. Hold on. Hold on. Is popcorn a vegetable? I hate veggies.

Ew, veggies. Ew. Like literally gross. All the. disgusting. Does it gets the cup of popcorn. Is popcorn a vegetable? Do we figure that?

What's your favorite veggie? Uh, extra butter or popcorn? Come on. There's spray butter, babe. Kiss it, kiss it, butter, baby. So, what I wish was an invention? Okay, so like a porta potty, but for cars. but like a tiny little seat.

Like, I don't know, I guess kind of like, you know when toddlers are learning how to potty train and they have their tiny little toilet, like, let's like have that for cars, but you're also able to like flush or whatever without it getting anywhere. Because like, what do you mean? But if I have to just drive 30 minutes,

I quite literally cannot hydrate myself because I'm going to have to pest within the first like 18 seconds. Like, no, let me just get to my destination and peace. So true. Dude, peeing literally ruins your life. It's always ruined my life, though. It's not even like, yeah,

peeing is a bigger deal when you're older, I guess, because, like, you think about it more for some reason. But I remember when I was a kid, peeing sucked too. Always on road trips. I got to go to the bathroom. Gotta go to the bathroom. Got to go to the bathroom. Every time before we leave anywhere, did you go to the bathroom?

Like, oh, my God, this is a huge deal. You're so right. It literally is, uh, It's a huge, it's like the worst part of my day. Right when you wake up, Jesus Christ, got to pee so bad. I'm going to kill myself. You should be able to just pee and do all that. It would smell so bad if you're driving with other people, though.

How comfortable would you need to be, you know? Pick a girl up first date. You're both peeing and shitting at the same time on the way to this place. Yeah. This is going to be so good. Just falling out of your butt. It's just peeing. Right.

This is so crazy. The hell. I pee every chance I get it. Just because I don't want to be uncomfortable. I hate it. Every time I leave anywhere. It really sucks in California because they have a code on every... Like, there's no bathrooms anywhere in California.

And then everybody wonders why, oh, there's so much shit on the street. I'm like, open some bathrooms up, maybe. Jesus Christ, can't pee anywhere around here. Everybody's peeing on walls, peeing outside. Oh, have a bathroom then. I don't know. Do you guys have public restrooms? No.

Portable toilet for your car. There definitely is one, but there needs to be one built into your sea. Can you imagine? Pimp my ride. Exhibit shows up to your house. What's up? It's X to the Z. Today, we put a toilet in your car because you're always pissing. Ha ha. Did you put anything else in there? Nope. Just a toilet because all you do is piss. And it's annoying.

X to the Z. Now you can take a shit in your car. So you want to be a player. But your rims ain't fly. You need to hit us up and get a pimped out ride. You need to piss my ride Dun dun and then Yo, ish, yo ish, what'd you do to the seats, bro? We put a toilet in the leather, right in the front In the passenger seat, we put a toilet in the leather

Because this bitch is always pissing Because this dude, because this fool has to piss every 17 seconds So we put a toilet in this car Yo So now you pimping dog Same car Just has a toilet in the seat And it doesn't even like filter out

It just all goes to the Like it all There's just a hole in the seat You just pee and it goes It just hits the road Just drips down and hits the road Oh my God Is he like leaking

Wiper fluid? Just peeing out of red light Just all over the road kind of a good idea Best Best invention of the day You need to piss your ride I'm going to lose my mind

This is what I've been listening to For the last hour and a half That's coming from my light switches So I think there might be a bomb Hope so Hope so So my idea So you get your ears pierced

And you know You got clairs and they put you in the high top chair and they offer you a stuffed animal for comfort and you're like, no, I don't need it. And they, you know, pierce your ears and you have to keep those things in for like six weeks to develop the hole.

Yeah. And they give you a little solution and they're like, here, take a cue tip and clean your ears once a day. Well, it doesn't really do much. So what if, what if I told you, what if you made earrings like the studs and you coated them in an antibacterial whatever thing and it would be activated from the moisture, horror board, within your ear cartilage. And so you could just swap out your studs. And it would clean your ears from the inside out. I don't know.

I feel like it could be done. I don't have the time to do it. But that's my invention. And if you get rich off of it, you know, give me a little cut. Want to go half-seas? Not an earring podcast. How come I feel like there's no other place to go to get your ears pierce other than Clare's? So you got to keep the things in for six weeks to make the hole.

But you got to clean them out every so often with the solution. So you just want to put the solution on the earring. So it's cleaning them while you're wearing them. Pretty good. Pretty good. How hard is it to clean earlobe earring stuff? Is it just like a quick like, pss? Because I'd be puss-p-p-n all day.

Pretty good. Claire's, you over $2 million and me. I just remember the first time I heard my dad like say something explicit. It was about earrings. I remember one time I was like, Dad, can I get earrings? Like, just kidding. But like maybe a little bit serious.

And he's like, earrings are for pussies. I was like, I was 28 years old. I'm just kidding. All right. Bro. Good inventions.

porta potty in your car? What up, Shark Tank? I know you're listening right now. I know you're listening, Shark Tank. Shark Tank podcast. Let's do days of the week. Today, Hamburger Day, yo, I was, believe it or not,

I was team hamburger for like, believe it or not, like anyone gives a shit. Believe it or not, one thing about me, right, right. I was team hamburger for like half my life. I was no cheese Charlie

Mm-hmm Don't eat it And I'm still kind of like Not like I understand the power of cheese But sometimes I don't even taste it Cheese on a subway subway sub Don't I really don't even taste it Cheese on a burger

I'm gonna be completely honest with you I don't taste it It's really weird But I could eat two buns And a bunch of vegetables With ketchup and mustard on it And I'd be like, this is a really good burger. Like, sometimes I don't even need, I don't even taste the meat.

Because there's so much other stuff going on. You're taste blind. Yeah, you got a bad tongue. That's what someone would say to me. I think your, is your tongue, you get your tongue checked, right? You got a hamburger done taste of meat. You need to get your tongue checked. You got bad taste buds.

Did you lick an iron? Shut up. Friday paperclip day. Man, I think if I go broke one day, it will be because I'm just too lazy to look for stuff that I already bought. Like paper clips, I don't know. Like if I need a paperclip right now, I'm going to the store. and buying paper clips when there's probably 19 boxes of paper clips in my house

but I'm like where the hell are those I'd rather go to the store buy paperclips than even look for those but I'm like that with everything sunglasses I just don't know where they are and I don't want to like rip my closet apart to find them I'll just go buy them real quick damn $8 or like an hour of

losing all my hair ripping my closet apart. I think I'd just rather pay $8. But I'm going to be broke one day. Paperclips can never find tape. Dude, so many rolls of tape because I'm like, I don't know, bro. I don't know if I have tape.

You're at the store and you're like, we need tape. But I'm like, I just can't remember if we have tape or not. I'll go broke buying tape. Scissors. I don't know if we have scissors. That could be in it. Tape is crazy, bro. no clue

no clue if I ever have tape or not which which kind I don't I don't remember tape what what what color what kind double sided do we have double sided I could buy double sided tape

every day of my life and be like damn I don't know if we I don't know if that is double sided though it's just such a temporary thing Saturday creativity day how about when somebody's like let's have a creative day. Yeah, we can have like a brainstorm day. I'm like, well, I'll, I know one thing's for sure.

I'll have zero ideas. Dude, if you plan to have like a day where we think of ideas, I'll have negative 10 ideas. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I didn't, I don't know. I didn't, I don't know. Like, I only think of stuff at the most random times. Two a.m. 6 a.m. in the middle of an incline press. I'm like, yeah, actually, maybe. Like, I can't block out time to be creative. I don't know shit. Can't force it, man.

Can't force it. Sunday, save your hearing day. I think this is why people stop going out to like bars and all that kind of stuff. Because we had that party, Indiana Land 500 party last week. and I'm like, I just can't hear anybody. Like, there are some embarrassing times where I was just like, damn.

And I'm like, they were waiting for me to, like, they set me up, you know? It was right there, and I just couldn't hear him. And the what would have killed the vibe? Me talking to someone at a party. If I do know one thing,

You better, if I know one thing about me, baby, I'm cleaning my ears out before a party because it's all you're gonna see when you're talking to me. Can't hear a word. Big hand signal guy at parties to me. Because no one can hear, man. It's so loud. It's insane.

Just having an event and there's just 10 leaf blowers on a stage and everybody's just walking around. That's pretty much. much what it is when you break it down. Can't hear anything. Speak in complete sentences day. Absolutely never. Speaking complete sentences day.

I don't think I've ever done it. Especially texting. And I don't know, people that are like, oh my God, literally if you double text, get a life. Like, can't talk to you anymore. I'll text 16 times in a row. I think it's easier to read. I'd much rather read 16 individual texts

than a big paragraph, gross. Ew. And emails lately too, I'm like, I don't, I can't. Email, our emails, like, when there's an email thread of like 25 emails chained together, I'm like, and Gmail always like pops one up. This is from like seven days ago. Why is this here? Like, why?

Like, I just got a new email. Open it. And the one from seven days ago is right there. I'm like, what the hell? No. Email is confusing right now, bro. And I don't know if maybe it's the way I have it set up, but I'm like,

can we just, can this just be like a text thread? Like, why is this so like, why is it so work? The formatting's all weird. Like, this should just be like an I message thing where it's just like you can scroll and just see it. I don't need the signature after every damn email either.

And like the, Hey! I'm like, dude, No shit, bro. We're talking. We don't need to say hey every damn time. Like, can we save that? Just say the thing.

And it doesn't need to be all polite and incomplete sentences. Just like say it. That's why I kind of like talking, like emailing like a dad. Like, because they don't put all the filler. They're just like, got it. And you're like, okay. I think we switch everything over to texting. When like someone, like a brand I'm working for or something is like,

what's the best way to reach you? I'm like, please for the love of God, text me. What a task it is. I know it's like not hard at all and I'm being a bitch, but like emails are insanity. Did you get my email? I'm like, yeah, but it's buried in like 54 other emails. Can we start a new thing? This is insane.

I hope I'm not the only one that feels like this, but it should just be all texting. Please text me. Right to my phone. Don't have to be a Greetings, Earthling, I hope you're having a great day. Blessings, I hope God is with you today.

Yes, can you please think of a caption and best wishes? I love you. Catherine, I'm like, holy dude, just text me, what's the cap? And I'm like, all right, way better, way easier. And I can just do this. Let me sign on.

And like, I don't know, email's on phone. I feel like it's a computer thing too. Like maybe I'm just old. But like when somebody emails me something like serious, I'm like, okay, I got, this is a laptop activity. Desktop activity. Reading an important email on my phone, I'm like the attachments don't load. Like I can't like see it, like how I need to see it. Like it's just, it's historic.

It really is. New email system. 27 Gmail just needs to be text and why why can't we just do away with email everything should come to your phone text pack sun text

I'll gladly delete that over a thing on my email yeah over it Coach Piquot of the week the courageous man is the man who forces himself to carry on the courageous man

is the man who forces himself to carry on oh you want to quit so easy to quit god dang it how easy is it to quit and just stop and just not do it the courageous man knows what's on the other side oh if I do this everything's going to be easier

oh if I do this it's going to be easier for me oh if I do this success. Oh, if I do this, achieve goals. Just by putting in a little extra effort that nobody else is putting in because they're too scared. Forces himself to carry on. Force yourself, man. Right now, I'm going through it right now. Right now. I'm like, do I get donuts or do I go work out? And this is a real thing that's happening to me right now. I'm like, I got to fly out. Do I get donuts or do I go work out?

I know what I should do. am I going to have the courage? Am I have the courage to do it? Can't look at myself in the eye if I don't. All right. All right, fam. God, that was a good one. Love you.

Thank you for the voice messages. Join the Patreon. Like and comment on Instagram, YouTube. Leave a comment on this one. What's your invention, babe? We're not gatekeeping. Love you for real. Grab some merch.

Talk to you next week. Ha ha. Fuck.