Espresso - propaganda ur not falling for

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

⭐️Leave a Rating + Review🔓support benny and get every other pod + weekly livestream for $5/month https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi📺 watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/@espressowbenedicton this pod benny reacts to the propaganda you are NOT falling for (like diet coke???)🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 https://benedictpolizzi.com/shows/Nashville, TN - June 13-14 https://www.etix.com/ticket/e/1051364/2025-benedict-polizzi-nashville-the-lab-at-zaniesBaltimore, MD https://www.magoobysjokehouse.com/shows/317128💕 WATCH BENNY on LOVERS and LIARS ON CW APP🧢 "𝗙𝗕𝗢𝗬" 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝟮𝟱% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

Nigga, Helen Keller, that's some bullshit. Straight propaganda. Helen Keller's not real. Don't buy it. Bullshit. Women's suffrage movement. They took a random white lady and said she couldn't... Nigga, nigga, she couldn't talk. She couldn't see. She couldn't hear. You're everything I know that makes me believe

I'm not alone Oh, oh, oh Oh, this thing's on. Espresso Podcast Shot 369 I'm your girlfriend Benny who's had so much coffee his arms are cramping Upcoming stand up comedy shows Nashville, Tennessee, June 13th and 14th

and then Baltimore September 25th Get all your tickies Benny polizzi.com bring the crew Nashville is about to be crazy. I can't wait to go Hey, watch me on F boy island and lovers and liars on the CW app Don't know if I ever told you guys that or not until your homies to join the patreon just five dollars For an extra espresso episode in a live stream at the end of every week. What do you guys talk about in the live stream? It doesn't even make sense.

Like what do you guys even do on there? Do you talk about how Kesha changed the music industry forever? Maybe we do. I don't know. You gotta find out $5 a month, that's it. And get all your merch at benedictmerch.com. Feeling glonky tees hoodies

hats I Can't wait to get back on the road again. Who's buying this hoodies. We got tis or hats cringe. I suck on toes Sorry, I'm nervous everything the Benedict pump cover all at Benedict merge calm Hey, can we get to the question? When did they like actually start the podcast? Can we get to the question? stress so cook cook cook cook question of the week

What's the propaganda? You're not falling for there's a million macha I Don't want it You're not falling for. There's a million. Matcha? I don't want it! Zit stickers? I don't need them. Just, just let me walk around with gaping holes on my face. Zit stickers. Hey, zit stickers, guess what?

I don't need to draw more attention to it. What's the propaganda you're not falling for? Guys in relationships deciding on where to eat. I'm not falling for it, girly pops. I'm not doing it. We don't care where to go. We don't care where we eat. We just want to make you happy. So you pick and we just drive and pay. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. We just want to have a good time.

And we're dogs. We'll eat anything. What restaurant you pick. There's never been a guy that's been like, I don't want to go there. Let's just go. Let's just go. I'll find, I can, dude, it doesn't matter where we eat. I'll find something I like And if I don't like it, I'm gonna eat it anyway What's the propaganda you're not falling for? Can we talk? Nigga Helen Keller, that's some bullshit straight propaganda. Helen Keller's not real. Don't buy it bullshit Women's suffrage movement.

They took a random white lady and said she couldn't, nigga, nigga, she couldn't talk. She couldn't see. She couldn't hear. Nigga, look up some Helen Keller quotes and tell me she said that shit. That's some bullshit. How's she going to say anything if she doesn't know anything, if she can't see anything? Is it fake? How, how long did Helen Keller live? I gotta see this Helen Keller flew a plane. That's a first Google search Helen Keller lived for 87 years. Are we sure about this? Station now about this? How many things that Helen Keller do blinded deaf? I can barely even roll out of bed. Helen

Keller's flying planes, writing poems. Are we sure? She's kind of fine too, how's her skin look so great Dude every Helen Kellar picture I'm looking at right now, I'm kind of scared. I just got kind of scared. I Think everything's kind of fake. Are you like a conspiracy theorist now? Ashley! I mean, everything is kind of fake. Helen Keller? We put scam alert on Helen Keller on this pod? I'm down.

Let's keep going. Hi, Benedict. The main propaganda that I'm not falling for is the pain relief patches by any brand because acetaminophen is typically only effective when absorbed orally and can't be effectively absorbed through the skin. Thank you.

So I think that it is a scam and I think you should shed some light on it. and can't be effectively absorbed through the skin. Thank you. I think that it is a scam and I think you should shed some light on it. I don't really think any topical solution ever does anything. Unless you have an itch or a rash on your skin and you put a topical solution on there. But if you have a muscle thing and you put a little cream on on there but if you have like a muscle thing and you put a little cream on it what's it doing those icy hot back patches those double xl1 shack wears man i

just want to try it i've never used icy hot before i can't imagine it does anything but make your skin tingle I'm all about if you're gonna fix something you gotta you've got to get surgery or else. It's just a temporary thing Like especially all those those hems adds Pills for your hair pills for erectile dysfunction function pills for your skin pills It's all trash. Pills to make you, dude, the pills to make you focus and the pills to make like dudes have more testosterone, no way, how are we able to sell those?

I think Adderall has run its course, dude. I think Adderall is gonna be the new weed where people are like nah dude just don't. I think Adderall is bad. Yeah I've taken it. Yeah I felt like the president of the United States when I took it. So? But it was like after I took it where I was like hmm like I was like I have no thoughts or feelings And I never took it again, so I was like I'm sad and I can't feel anything Can't be good Can't be good. Maybe the first time you take it it does a little something cuz your body's not used to it But after that just kind of just kind of nothing Just kind of bad. I think I was up for four days the first time I took Adderall

In college up for four days No idea what I was saying Best four days of my life? Maybe. It was kind of like that pill in that movie. Invincible? I don't know what it's called. Icy hot back patch? I've never seen anyone use them.

Commercials are everywhere. Never seen anyone actually use it though. What's the scam? What's the propaganda you're not falling for? So the propaganda I'm not falling for is Monopoly is actually a fun game. Oh my God. Can we just shine a little light on every game we've ever played? Are they actually fun?

Monopoly, I don't think I've ever even played it. I think I started playing it at my grandma's house one time. Who has that much time? I'd rather watch a movie Monopoly There's just there's too many rules What does it all mean? I feel like I'd have to take like a semester of College on monopoly to actually play the game the right way and to find like how many other people do you need?

Fake money? There's just too much, man. And people are playing that as kids? Count me out, dude. Hey, talk about the most overwhelming thing in the world. The most overwhelming thing in the world. What's your fantasy? Going up to a game of monopoly when the people are starting to feel fatigue, What's your fantasy? Going up to a game of Monopoly When the people are starting to feel fatigue It's 2am I've never seen anybody play it

All the talk Icy hot back patch Monopoly Who's doing it really though? Now the Monopoly McDonald's game I I can kinda get down with that. Do they still do it? Maybe. Peeling those little stickers off on the front of a fry box?

Has anybody ever won though? Yo Monopoly! Let me see some results. I just want to go up to a full Monopoly game, four people playing and flip the whole entire board over and walk away. You know what they would do? Cheer. I'm not falling for the propaganda of sports betting.

That shit seems too risky, man. I've seen too many people get burned. I'm not falling for the propaganda of sports betting. That shit seems too risky, man. I've seen too many people get burned. Yeah, people make it big and hit big, but when do you stop? That's the main question. on a bullshit door dash order on 10 wings, plus a couple sides that I probably don't need just because I don't feel like getting my ass up off the couch. But if I'm gonna choose a five leg parlay

or whatever the fuck they be saying. Dude, no kidding. That shit is too risky for me, dude, because I will be thousands in the red quick. It's a slippery slope and I don't trust myself doing it. God, I love him. I don't know who you are, sir, but you make so much sense to me.

I don't know how anybody knows about gambling or bedding. Who told you how to do it? Was I born in a family? Am I sheltered? I have no idea! Yeah, it's like a five leg parlay and like, I've got, what? How come there's not an ounce of anything in me

that's ever wanted to bet on anything? Sounds like I'm just gonna lose. Has anybody ever won and then that's it? No. Everybody just turns into a loser. Never had the urge at all. If I'm betting on something, $5 cash is the most I'll go. And I don't even know the last time I saw a $5 bill.

They make them anymore? I just cannot get down with any of that. I can't, how does everybody know everything? How is everybody so good at gambling, math, monopoly? Who has time? You've watched all the shows, the movies, you gamble, what the hell? How do we know? You know all the people, have you seen? No. Bro, do you have the DraftKings app? No. I'm so dead serious that I just don't know how you guys have the time to do all that stuff.

And I'm not, I don't, how are you that interested in everything either? And you got a girlfriend? And you're married enough, how do you do it all? I just, dude,? I just dude sometimes I just want to hey, what's your daily schedule? Sometimes? I just want to follow people around all day So what are you doing now? And I swear to God nobody ever does anything either and I'm like how what when is anything ever getting done?

Does it take me 10 hours to do every single thing it must it must take me So and in the big one, how does everybody have so much money? I'm looking at you right now. How do you have so much money? Why am I scratching and clawing for $7 since I was ten years old. How you guys do how do you?

How do you guys have families? Weddings, I kind of feel like everybody's parents are kings and queens, and I just I'm just a normal family. Did I miss something? Everybody's so so rich knows how to do everything has seen everything I'm like I think I think everybody's lived life five times, and I'm just this is my first one Do you do we feel like that? Wait so you're never gonna like get married or have a kid? Who has time? Have you seen Game of Thrones? No clue. No. I don't even have time to even look at the the

cover of the thing on Netflix My god thing on Netflix my god to sit down and play in play Monopoly you'd have to I don't know you'd have to drug me or something because there's just who's doing it who's doing it it's fun what how do you guys do anything? How? No, I don't know. I don't know. This is the last one. What's the propaganda you're not falling for? What up? The biggest propaganda sang would be, it doesn't matter if you're black or white. Da da da da da da da da da oh six oh

and why did michael jackson choose a side bro was kind of both bro was kind of both. He lived both lives. Is he still alive somewhere? Probably. Killer song underrated Michael Jackson. Hey, Drake or Michael Jackson. You tell me, babe. Propaganda I'm not falling for. Protein in everything. We done? I'm telling you man, everything is such a scam and so fake.

I saw protein Cheerios at Target. How dumb do you have to be? I'm starting to think that nobody ever reads, nobody's been briefed on nutritional facts. You ever meet a family or somebody that they just don't know anything about what they're eating I think that's insane. So you'll just eat anything every time Like you there's not like an alarm that goes off in your head like that's probably not good for you a lot a lot of that pricing and I'm the king of eating like The extreme amount of crap over and over and over.

But at least I know some people have no idea. And the brands are taking advantage of them. Yeah, there's protein in Cheerios. How much? I eat a whole box of Cheerios. How many grams of protein is that? Six. Fake. Dude, the propaganda I'm not falling for, and I've fallen for it probably

250 times. Those chocolate milk protein drinks that have 42 grams of protein on there? How? How do you fit 47 grams of protein in that thing? You telling me I drink two of those? It's like, it's almost as much protein as I need in a day. Four of them. I know it's a little wacky because I had one at the airport and baby felt like He was gonna gird on the plane Whole rest of the day moping around tired old milky boy. Oh I'd milk throat for three days

Not buying it. Hey, this is one um, I don't, I might have had a bad experience. I might have had a bad experience. But just like, just like an off night. But I swear to God, the good ones don't have off nights. If you know what I mean. Dear Diary, went to the Indy 500, a brand took me there, and they wanted me to do some video content for them, did it. They're like, you know what?

St. Elmo's Ste steakhouse on us. Me and Logan went, we were so excited. Never been to St. Elmo's steakhouse in my entire life. You've seen the, oh my God, the cocktail sauce. Oh my God, the seasoning. You know about St. Elmo. Even people that have never been to St. know about St. Elmo's, St. Elmo. He's adding an S cuz he's from the Midwest Oh my god So excited to go to St. Elmo's steakhouse No budget on the brand get whatever you want kind of a dream Couldn't wait I spent the like two hours, you know, you know,

when you're really excited to go out to eat, you're thinking about the whole day. That was in the back of my head the whole day like a monkey. In the back of my head the whole day doing all these things all day in the back of my head every seven seconds cinema tonight. When you're that excited to go out to eat, you're, you're looking up the menu on your phone, which I got, I know my app. I'm getting the shrimp cocktail. I'm getting the shrimp cocktail me. It's at 8 a.m. Tonight me shrimp cocktail Couldn't wait

I'm looking at Caesar's salad just cuz he knows to healthy In my ass is like okay, I'm not buying so I'm getting a lobster Yep, you know what? I don't do this ever. I'm getting a steak. Mm-hmm. You know, I might get a, hey, throw, tack on a soup too. Just cause.

Is he gonna get dessert? Maybe. Is he gonna eat all the bread? Maybe. I got everything, bro. And I was housing. But they brought it in right when they dropped the food. You know they dropped the food by your table?

You're sitting there at a restaurant. They dropped the, they, we had so much food that they had to bring one of those like little mini stands and set up a table next to our table. Put it down. And I looked at the food and I was like, first thought that crossed my mind and I knew I was wrong. I was like, this food kind of, it all looks fake. You know when food looks fake

You're like all the food looks dead like it'd be food that you would see like in a model home That's not real food. You know like you know those big like baskets of fruit in the middle of tables that are all fake. It's just everything looked like that and I was like Whatever it must just be that good, you know? They said it all down on the table, I started eating it and I'm like, pretty good, pretty good, pretty good, pretty good, pretty good, pretty good.

I'm eating the steak and in my head, it actually, I'm gonna be completely honest, in my head I go, this tastes like beef jerky, I don't know if it's supposed to or not, but it tastes like beef jerky. I don't know if it's supposed to or not, but it tastes like beef jerky. Is that what good steak tastes like? Still out of steak. Propaganda, propaganda I'm not falling for?

Steak! It's just a bunch of nothing. It's cause you never had good steak. Yeah I have. Just a bunch of nothing. It's good, but like, okay. Okay. Okay. And then what? Just a bunch of nothing. It's good, but like okay, okay. Okay. And then what?

It just tasted like, I don't know. And it's just loaded with fat around it. I'm like, what am I supposed to do with all this? I'm not going to eat the fat. Are you crazy? Doesn't that go against everything we've ever been taught in our lives? Don't eat, why would I eat a bunch of fat? Dude, does anyone want to be fat?

I don't think so. So why would I eat it? Yeah, give me a big... Pfft... thing of meat... and 75% of it is fat. What am I supposed to do with that? Thanks for nothing.

And the part that's not fat, I'm like, okay, um, just tastes like a big thick piece of bacon. I don't know. But I was eating mine and I was like, it tastes like beef jerky. I guess that's good. There's a huge plate of steak on the table. Tomahawk steak was all fat, allahawk steak. It was all fat. All fat and bloody. I was like, all right. And Logan said it. He was like, he was sitting across from me.

He was like, you know, I don't, I'm not this guy, but this is cold. It was cold. Was it supposed to be cold? I don't know. But like, if I'm eating the best food I've ever had in my life, it's probably not supposed to be cold, I don't know. But like if I'm eating the best food I've ever had in my life, it's probably not supposed to be cold, I don't think, right? I'm a room temp guy, but I was like, it doesn't seem right. I'm even telling you the shrimp cocktail that I had with the

sauce and the, oh my God, it's so good. It's like the best deal. Oh my god so I was like I remember this being better like at Harry and Izzy's the sister restaurant of st. Elmo some was just not working and I was like it's probably just me I'm probably just but everybody was saying lobster I don't know it just tastedation lobster. I've had it imitation lobster Because it has a bunch of protein It just was like the least least Special thing I've ever had I don't know what I expected but I special thing I've ever had. I don't know what I expected, but

I don't know, halfway through the, halfway through eating at St. Elmo, I was like, is this food trash? Is this food trash? You know when you're so hungry that like whatever it is tastes good? Like anything, anything is like, oh my god, yeah! And then you take two bites of it and you're like, anything is like, oh my God, yeah. And then you take two bites of it and you're like, this is actually,

it's actually one of the grossest things I've ever eaten in my life. And I can't believe I'm doing this right now. I'm embarrassed. That was me. Hopefully it was an off night, but like how? How, St. Elmo, how do you have an off night, but like how? How would have St. Elmo? How do you have an off night?

When it's race weekend in Indianapolis and the big hitters are coming through, it kind of felt like everybody, somebody already ordered all that stuff we ordered and they're just like, oh my, and they had to leave or something. So they like kept it, kept it warm for like two days and then gave it to us. I Was like it was probably just all in my head like I probably just don't know good food

It was probably me Got up to my hotel room Hives all down my neck and behind my ears. How come you only get hives right here on the on the weirdest in on the dude 17,000 hives on the back of my head Always right here on the temple right here my cheeks Weird man shit my pants too I can hear my cheeks. Weird, man. Shit my pants too. The hell?

St. Elmo? You mean St. Hell no? Ah! It's Kai! I'm not falling for it. Sorry St. Elmo, but I mean, just the most, I could've, I don't know. If I would've made it myself, it would've been better. God, I hate to be that guy, but I am that guy right now, I'm sorry.

Let's keep going. Show and tell. Hold up. Hold on. It's the holy grail of jerseys. That's like, I talk about it as yours. It's the only thing I like. Ash.

It's the only thing I like. It's the one you pass in the mall when you're with your mom. You're 11. Everything's incredibly too expensive, especially when your mom only has $60 to her name, which I thought was the case my entire childhood. You pass a window, you see it. Pass finish line, you see it. It's the hottest jersey you've ever seen in your life. Why is it that color? I don't know. Why is this Jersey even in the same city I live in? I don't know How much is it?

$120 probably But baby grew up and baby bought it himself Off of eBay, and it was only $30 Show and tell. This is the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life. You're literally like 17. No, I'm sorry, but like the outline, the red, why is it red? Oh my God, someone kiss me.

Do you not just wanna ball this up, put it in your mouth and fight for air? Daddy's wearing it. I mean, mommy's wearing it in Nashville. June 13, 14, get your takeys. God, it just smells like an old basement. I love it. Sh, sh, sh,ush, show and tell.

Okay, let's keep going. Cringe moment of the week. All right, Vegas show, very hot. Didn't know how it was gonna go. Went from Indianapolis 500 right to Vegas. A lot of plane stuff. Very busy. Pack day.

Okay, you're always so busy. Alright, but it was like overwhelming. Land in Vegas. Supposed to go up in an Airbnb. Right when we get there, call the lady that's supposed to let us in. She doesn't answer. Hour goes by. Sitting, laying down on the sidewalk with my head on a bag of luggage.

Luggage bag. Ants crawling all over my face. Alright, let's try to go get something to eat. Just wait for her to respond. Doesn't respond. Doesn't respond. Doesn't respond. We're stranded in Vegas! Three hours! respond doesn't respond doesn't respond doesn't we're stranded in Vegas three hours calling cheap hotels in Vegas I'm talking about ones that are like like

$50 a night like we're like we were in like I was doing that you know how you know how Vegas looks like a nuclear bomb went off? We were in the area where like it was primetime like Desert there's a motel 8 $50 a night straight chaos in the parking lot And I go to I go I go in the Lobby where the lady is and she was like we don't have any rooms available right now, and I was like We just we've been up we just need like four hours of sleep just something just but give me somewhere to sleep for four hours we can't we don't have any rooms available okay fine so we buy this we get this hotel that's like expensive as hell because it's the only thing available whatever okay, okay, fine, we'll do it, whatever.

It's all my fault, I didn't plan it right. I should have known something stupid was gonna happen. We get the hotel, it's really not that expensive, I'm just making a big deal out of it. Go in the room, key card works, thank God. Right when we open the door, fall on the beds. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I think it was noon. We were just for six hours in Vegas. Just, we had nowhere to go. We were at a restaurant for a little bit. Just homeless in Vegas.

Trying to figure it out. So hot. Wearing airplane clothes. Ah! If I go to sleep at noon and there's a show at 7 I can't really sleep that well like it's it's like it There's like so many thoughts in my head while I'm sleeping. They're waking me up like every 12 minutes It's like the word it's almost like um it's kind of torture you got to sleep before a big event I just can't I can't do it

I don't know what it is, but kind of off and on slept for like four hours went outside It just just took a little walk it's just hipster nation where we are arts district Las Vegas Everybody had a septum piercing everybody looked like a cartoon bowl Everybody looked like the Chicago bowl only with a nose ring. Like they got to make some good coffee in the Arts District of Las Vegas. Sun was out. There were bachelor parties, bachelorette parties, started feeling kind of good. Walked to the club, got a Caesar salad with chicken from the club, place started filling up.

I kind of thought I only sold 15 tickets. Kind of don't like to ask, really. Place kind of popping, people coming up, yo, can't wait. The energy was there. The people loved it, man show is great. I love you guys. Thank you so much for coming out cook cook cringe moment though Don't forget Some about comedy clubs they always put the most beautiful women in the front row don't't know if that's like a plant, don't know. But like, couldn't be more nervous.

This girl had a thicker spray tan than me. Fit on point. I'm talking dazzling. Looking good. For me? You don't know how much I love it. After the show, hey do you like remember me? And I'm like oh god.

Cuh, cuh, cuh, cuh. It's creeping in my head. Cuh, cuh, cuh, cuh. I don't know, what's up? That's what I say. Lot going on in my head. She goes, we like talked on Snapchat.

Cuh, cuh, cuh, cuh. Catfish got her. I don't know what, just somebody explain. If my catfish has talked to you on Snapchat, what is he saying? Cause everybody loves this dude. He's more me than me apparently. Bro is selling tickets to my shows Bro super flirty I

Told her I was like no, that's not me, but thank you for coming to the show I just try to kind of get off the subject because it was weird She's like I had a really good time. I was like oh my god. I mean I'm really glad She's like what are you doing tonight? I'm like time. I was like, oh my god. I mean, I'm really glad she's like, well, what are you doing tonight? I'm like dude. I got dude. I Have to board the next plane in 30 minutes, you're so busy blah blah blah Shut up Ashley But now she's really cool. Thank you catfish.

I don't know. But um, who knows what this guy's saying to people? I just, I don't know. I told her I was, she was, she DM me cause she's cause I was like, we should, we should take a picture and tag me in it or whatever should take a picture and tag me in or whatever Took a picture tag me in it. I was like. Thank you. Love you She goes are you sure that wasn't you I was talking to on snapchat how good is he How good dude dude is better at me than being me

I go no it wasn't me for sure. I'm really sorry. Please block and report him. She goes well. That's kind of a bummer What's he saying? What's he sending you? I don't know. I'm verified on Snapchat, so if you're not talking to verified me, I don't know who you're talking to. I talk to two people on Snapchat, my friends sometimes,

and my cousin, really not ever. I don't know man don't know just keep going cook cook cook cook cringe moment of the let's do days days of the week did it did days of the week, da da da da, days of the week. Thursday, paperclip day. God dang. I think paperclips are used more to actually reset the router that you're using for your internet than to put papers together. Who's actually using a paperclip for papers?

Who can ever find one? No, the only reason you're using a paperclip, you're stretching it out. Remember doing that when you were in school? So bored you find a paperclip and try to make it into a straight line. I swear to God I got close. But there's always a couple little humps in it.

There's always a couple little humps in it. There's always a couple little Now you're using that thing dude all routers should come just with a paperclip tape to the back of it I've never once needed a paperclip for anything else if I'm stacking papers together. I'm stapling Paper clips always like hold like a good good place in my heart though. They always give me a good vibe because they're not Permanent a good vibe because they're not permanent. No commitment with a paperclip. Mm-mm, don't need one, nope.

Maybe I'll keep them together, maybe I won't. And that little Microsoft Word guy, remember him? God, how fun was he? Those little things you just hang your hat on when you're in school and you want to you just hate everybody I couldn't I never understood the people in school that that loved being there. Oh my god. Yeah, we got dude every day at school I was like Jesus Christ. I just want to go home so bad and watch TV. Oh my god. Oh My god, but sometimes Oh my god. Oh my god. But sometimes, just that little paper clip

on the Microsoft Word thing would kind of give me a little like, he's here with me. He feels my pain. That guy right there, I don't want him to get, he's my savior right now. Almost going to cry. Almost going to cry. now. Almost gonna cry. Almost gonna cry. You look at the little Crayola guy on your crayon box and you're like, you're keeping me alive, man. You're keeping me alive. You don't know

how much you're doing for me right now. I want to cry and spit on everybody in this class and I hate my teacher so much and I want to leave and my neck's hot cause I'm embarrassed. But that little crayon is there for you on the Crayola box. You know what I'm saying? I can't be the only one that hated everything growing up. Friday. Water a flower day.

Hate to say it. I hate to say it, but I need a new tree. Look at this thing. Dude, this tree can tell stories, man. This tree has seen it all. Bad ideas, good ideas, up all night. Don't know how it's still alive at all. It's been a year. Been about a year now, the tree needs some water. Been missing you baby. I gotta sweep up the dead leaves Sad been a year since I've really permanently lived in LA. What have I done kind of nothing? Yeah, you're a new tree

Gotta get a new tree. Saturday. Macaroon day. Kinda never really understood the point of them. They really- hey, propaganda I'm not buying into. Macaroons. They'll open up a whole damn store of macaroons and I'm like this is it. I don't care about these at all right. Have you ever met one person never met a single soul and I bought them because I had a girlfriend and what do you

do when you have a girlfriend? You start doing stuff you would never do. And I went to a macaron store with my girlfriend. And we both bought two boxes of macaroons. What did I do? Ate all four of mine, different flavors in 10 seconds. OK, pretty good. Just tasted like vanilla wafers, which are pretty good. Just tasted like vanilla wafers.

Which are pretty good, but I mean a whole store? I'm not buying it. Propaganda I'm not falling for. Macaroons? Where'd they come from? Isn't there, oh my god, is there a country named macaroon oh My god Okay, there's not but I thought there was but there's something close I know there is Looks like a mini cheeseburger, don't like it, not falling for it.

Sunday. Nail polish day. Don't talk smack. You've actually worn it before. Hey, I wore nail polish one time in my life. And it was because I was cosplaying as a single mom. And it just so happened, I had to film one of the most important videos

of my life the day after, and I just didn't take the nail polish off. Did I have black nail polish when I was on a red carpet one time? And talk to a lot of different important people? Yeah. Would I show my dad that I would not Looking back at the pictures do I think I look like a bad fucking boy absolutely

But I think any guy wearing nail polish is like I mean, I don't know man Like you better be in a band or something, right But that clear coat author I'll slap some clear coat on my nails babe, let's talk we'll shine why not I Don't think I'll ever I've tried and I've done it and I've done it for three weeks. And it was the three weeks that I was, I don't know if I told you guys this before, it was the three weeks I was on FBoy, I grew my nails out. Because I think when I was away, everything stopped and I was just able to just like live.

You know you go to a place for three weeks with nothing but with nothing to do like you can kind of just like Exist now. I wasn't thinking about anything. I wasn't nervous about anything. I wasn't I Had no anxiety and I think that's why I was able to let my nails grow out Because I had no problem with it but like it I'll grow them out for like 12 seconds Here and I'll end up like already biting them and stuff. I don't know what it is My whole life. I don't know if I'll ever stop

You should just like put that No bite nail polish on. It makes them taste better. Real nail biters. And you know what I'm talking about. I know you're out there. Real nail biters. No, nothing's stopping them.

I don't know what you'd have to put on my nails for me to stop biting them, but it's not going to work. I'm biting no matter what. Cause it feels so good. And you know what? If I'm not biting, you know what I'm doing? It's even grosser. I'm cleaning them out.

I'm putting my tooth in between my skin and my nail getting all that dirt out of there and Swallowing it you're disgusting. I like it So if you want me to put some no bite nail polish on my nails, it's gonna make them taste even better Yeah, give me sea salt vinegar nails You it makes them like bitter. In the best way. Send me your nastiest nail polish. DM me for my address.

Send me your nastiest nail polish ever. Do it. I want it. I want a snack. Yeah, I think I'm just kind of hungry. I want it. I want snack. Yeah, I think I'm just kind of hungry. Did I catch myself like I'll be in the kitchen? And I'll I'll I'll eat crumbs off the stove off the oven top. Is that weird?

I'm just like man, there's like kind of a piece of turkey right here. A little bit of an egg. Starving. It's all she wrote fam. It's all she wrote. Unless we want to do a little a little a little Twitter real quick. Sorry. It's all it's a light podcast Twitter trending Looking at all these all these things trending Ben Stiller Looking at all these all these things trending Ben Stiller Isn't it kind of crazy when you see like a celebrity that used to be straight fire poppin you don't see him for like six years they look I'm like whoa I

Saw Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller the other day videos of him and I was like, oh my god Holy bags under the eyes, Batman. I mean, I know it's gonna happen to me in like three business days, but... Just kind of a shocker. See what else is going on. No idea what any of this stuff means. AGT? AGT reminds me of AFV

America's Got Talent, are we still watching it? Who are the people watching that show? Everybody gather around, family night, let's watch AGT. Is that still a thing? Could could a hundred percent be a thing Maybe I just live in like a weird universe. I don't know what the hell is going on But AFV? AFV walked so ridiculousness could run. Facts. And ridiculousness ran

so TikTok could fly. Because if you really think about America's funniest videos, it's just your TikTok. The funny dude, I laugh for real when I watch a FV people falling unbelievable things. Who has the can? Who is submitting the tapes? Have you ever met one person that submitted a tape to America's Funniest Videos huh dude I can remember dying like almost at when when I saw AFV on my TV guide some of the best, I always kind of wanted to be in the crowd for that.

Live crowd member. AFV, is it still on? How can it not be? Hey, just turn AFV into a TikTok and boy how many followers would that have? Hey, AFV forget TV, bro. Get on the talk. And every video is just you. Oh my god Pay me 13 million dollars. All right, fam. I love you guys Thank you for the questions, thank you for the answers All right, fam. I love you guys.

Thank you for the questions. Thank you for the answers. Um... Let me see. I think we have a leftover. A leftover from last week. Best way to die. Okay, best way to die.

I'm gonna have to go with the basic bitch answer of dying in your sleep. It's best way to die. I'm gonna have to go with the basic bitch answer of dying in your sleep. It's peaceful, no pain. You just go to bed and never wake up again. You have no idea. So I feel like that's nice. But honestly, I spend more time thinking about the ways I don't want to die. Like I don't want to die a stupid way. Like I read something the other day about a guy who died because an airport sign fell on him. Yo.

God, don't do me dirty like that. I don't want a lame ass death. I don't deserve it. But at the same time, I also don't want no like crazy final destination death where like I get decapitated because a race car tire hit me. I don't want that either. If I had to pick between a stupid death or the crazy death, I think I might go with a stupid death. No. Because I don't want like my body mutilated. You know, I'm still trying to go out

of this world looking cute in that casket. Why don't you guys ever talk about normal things on this podcast? Thank you. Hey Ash! I love you. What would you pick Benny? I love you. God, I love you. What do you think, Benny? I love you. I don't wanna talk about anything normal. You don't ever like have guests on or talk about current events because everybody's doing that. I don't wanna do anything that anybody else is already doing. It might be my biggest crutch,

but who cares? I've had people on here and interviewed them before. It's just not the same podcast. Maybe I'll grow out of it and I'll find it and it'll be, you know what I mean? It'll all work out. But we find it when we find it on the espresso pod. And if I'm going out dying, I want my body to be split up and hacked away in eight pieces. Oh, I'm dying? Yeah, let me explode then. I don't want to know if I'm going to die. I know how I'm going

to die and it's going to be me just trying to cross the street with a Instagram story trying to make it and a car blasts me into a school bus. Or I die because I'm eating four muffins in my car and now I don't have a drink. Probably that one. How'd he die? Doing what he loved. How'd he die? Doing what he loved. Four muffins in my esophagus. Autopsy? Was he on drugs? If blueberries are drugs,

he overdosed. Who gave him the drugs? Otis Spunkminer That's how I want to die. Four Muffin Sosophagus ramps up the back of a truck Does three flips lands on a billboard Dead Does three flips, lands on a billboard. Pfft. Dead. With a smile on his face. Kinda dark, that's how we're gonna end it.

Alright fam, love you guys so much. Um, keep grabbing the tickiesies Nashville. I'll see you soon Baltimore right after that September 25th Get your merch Benedict merch calm. I have it at all the shows have it all over the site Leave a comment DM me something Love hearing from you guys, man. You guys mean the most to me. Think about you every day.

One day, one day, we'll be on top. Trust me. All right, fam. See you next time.