Espresso - PYSCHO siblings pt.2

Episode Date: October 7, 2020

on this shot Ben and comedian Derek James (@lol_derek_james) finish PSYCHO SIBLING dm’s and it turns out e v e r y o n e should be in jail. They discuss why people were passing out at hs parties, the origin of the fart bottle and they let you know if the name you call your gf makes you a simp 👀 Finally they discover your dad's 3 horseman of the apocalypse: drive thru’s, toll roads and roundabouts and then they go #Viral and do #DaysOfTheWeek but you already knew that 😉 𝘿𝙈 𝙤𝙧 𝙏𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝘼𝙉𝙔 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝘽𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙙 ! >>>> 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲 & 𝗥𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄! <<<<< 𝗨𝗽𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘄𝘀: Wed 10/7 Funny Bone (STL) https://stlouisfunnybone.thundertix.com/orders/new?performance_id=2615859 Thurs 10/8 Metazoa Brewing 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗼𝘂𝘁𝘀: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

what's up shot 126 of the espresso podcast is brought to you by wave one media if you want to start a podcast go to the wave one.com oh i just made that way too sexy at the end all right here we go what's up hold on run that back i got my homie derrick james what's that all we say was stop stop hold on we missed it we missed it i make fun of the intro song every time when you don't really want to hang out with your friends but you say yeah anyway and they say they can't hang out with you anymore what you got what you got We got plans with your girlfriend. She's like, ah, no, I got to babysit.

Perfect. The delay. The delay. When the most passionate thing that I want to do in my entire life gets canceled. Perfect. Why? I've never been like, you know when stuff gets canceled and people are like, oh, it's already.

I've never been that guy. Anytime anything gets canceled, I'm like, thank God. Dude, the closer you get to 30, you're like, let's just cancel it all. I had other stuff to do anyway. When stuff doesn't get canceled, are you doing dude it's like i have so much other stuff to do and it's actually nothing nothing thank you i'm like i've got this whole list of thing like i have like my reminders are popping up right now on my computer none of it matters none of it buy a tripod

attachment cancel it all i've been trying to do that for three years. Dude, it's in my Amazon order queue right now. I just haven't pressed the button. Why can't I? Perfect. Hold on. Oh, fuck. I missed it.

I really fucked that up. Perfect. Okay. That was bad. All right. Anyway. Yeah. Shout 126.

Espresso podcast. Derek James is in the house. At Derek James on Instagram. Something like that. LOL underscore Derek James. I had it right. I didn't even know it. I put underscores in there and that was the biggest mistake. Yeah, it is.

I hate when people don't know their social media names. That bothers me so much. I'm like, what's your Instagram? They're like, hold on, let me see. Look at their phone. I'm like, wait a minute. This isn't your whole life. Dude.

It's cause you're way more famous than I am. And all right. We were talking about this. We were talking about this before we started the podcast, how people clap. Yeah. And you said you used to be obsessed with Rob Dyrdek, but I think you still are.

Yeah. Look, he is still obsessed with it. I dude, uh, if I could just rock all dc gear i would every single day he has a new fit every ridiculousness not that i watch it or anything but how do you not watch it's the only thing on mtv why is it so good i know yeah no

the way he claps he claps so indifferently he doesn't put his fingers into it it's all palms it's all palms i think this is too adult for me this is too the the normal clap with like fingers going on the palm that's too that's too like that's too golf i'm just i'm basically 30 right now so i'm just leaning into anything dads do yeah i can tell i know these are derrick rock's new balance the 624 is all white don't make it cool. It's going to be so cool. The 624.

The 624 is get yourself some Kroger. Not Kroger. Kohl's. You would say Kroger. Yeah, you are leaning into this. Dude, I love Kroger, man. That's what we do. Kroger.

That's what we do on Sundays, man. You go to Kroger? I go to Kroger, man. Is Kroger the number one grocery store? Well, yeah, because Marsh is out of business now. Local reference. So you got to replace it with something. Kroger and Marsh is like Midwest, right?

So Midwest. I don't know. I just know that I grew up hanging out in a Marsh parking lot. You ever do that? I was a Target kid growing up, obviously. Where did you go to high school? Ron Colley. Ron Colley.

Yeah. I did know that because I checked out your highlight tapes last night. Dude, and they are garbage. Okay, so this is what... They're not bad. They're not bad. No, they're not bad at all. But this is the most crazy thing.

All right. So it's the old VHS tapes. And it's got like the clicker. I know. And like the time ticker on the bottom. And I was like, oh shit. Like that's a filter on Instagram now that's how old that is right yeah i don't know no dude you had moves you're stop all right so leak can you clap with your feet

so we had like i was like i can clap with i can clap with my feet derrick i can clap with my feet too loud why can you clap with your feet i'm a grown man i cannot clap with my feet nor have i tried nor will i ever try can you try right now yeah i get him he's like i will never try no it's crazy because i really just thought about it but i was like i got socks on i want to take my socks off you can be muffled if you can clap with your feet well, it doesn't matter if you have socks on or not. You know what I mean? It's like clapping your hands with gloves on. You can still hear it.

Dude, I can shake hands with my toes. Can you do that? Ooh. No, I can't clap with my feet. I think you can. I haven't tried, but I know I can at the same time. Bro, get on the floor. Get on the floor.

We have producers now. We got Wyatt and Malik in the house. What's up? Show this dude right here that you can clap with your feet. Dude, can we ask him? There's foot traffic outside. It's all construction guys. Hey, can you clap with your feet?

Can they hear us? Yeah. Oh, shit. Man, that makes us so much better. Okay. All right, we've got some news. Got a couple shows this week. I'm in St. Louis on Wednesday at the Funny Bone for a showcase.

Should be pretty good. St. Louis homies. I might know two people there. Pull up. And then at Metazoa this Thursday for the dog show. Nice. Should be fun. Downtown Indy.

And then, yeah. Can I plug mine? Yeah, go. Dude, I'm at Carson's Brewery in Evansville. So if you want to make the three and a half hour trek, there's a seven anniversary show. It's a sick lineup. Ray Hensley's on it. Why am I not on that? I don't know.

I think Malik Walken was on it. Or no, not Malik. Emil Walken was on it. I don't not Malik. Emil Walken was on it. I don't know if he's still on it or not. Okay, so we're going to do... Yeah, so come out. Follow me and Derek on Instagram. Come out to the shows, you know?

Let's have a good time. Yeah, right? I still don't think I gave him my correct Instagram. Do it again. LOL underscore Derek underscore James. Okay. There we go. Hit it.

We good. Follow. All right, so we're going to get into Derek underscore James. There we go. Hit it. We good. Follow. All right. So we're going to get into psycho stuff your siblings did to you growing up. We're going to go through those.

We've got some extras from last week. We're going to nail that and then we'll get into the normal show. We'll go viral and then we'll do Days of the Week.

You down? I'm down. Let me get these. Let me pull these up real quick. Okay. Okay. Okay. all right let me get these let me pull these up real quick okay okay okay they're buried it's all right i was legit nervous for this man dude i'm always nervous i think i'm constantly nervous for everything i drank too much coffee i drank i had the sluttiest coffee of all time. I can see it. You want to see this? Yeah. What's up, bro?

Yeah. You just got your shirt cleaned. Dry cleaning. He is so proud about that. The suit just walked by our studio with this dry cleaning hung up. What is that? Is that surgical gown? Nice, dog. You're about to be merry for Halloween.

Hey, turn up. He's holding up a gown you're about to be that's hilarious that's lit damn he's got a knife on him never mind opposite of mary all right so the coffee i got why it actually introduces to me credit to me yeah it's Venti Iced Chai Tea Latte. Add pumpkin cream, light ice, iced. It's kind of redundant. Double shot in almond milk. I swear to God, it was $11.

Dude. I'm not buying any coffee at Starbucks if it's not $10. You can have it. $11. Keep it. 13,000 calories. Dude. Starbucks if it's not $10. You can have it. $11. Keep it. 13,000 calories. Dude, why would it ever matter? Dude.

What do you get? I had an extra large black coffee from Dunkin'. You know, Dunkin'. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if I'm with Dunkin'. Dude, so here's the thing. I also had a meeting this morning that I had to go to, and I don't like rolling into meetings without coffee

because I seem like... Not prepared? Yeah, like you just see more sophisticated but it's not like I rolled in with a Starbucks $11 coffee. Yeah it's such an off day coffee such a like Saturday. I don't know what I'm doing with my life coffee. I didn't roll. I rolled in with a black

coffee from Duncan. Nobody's taking me straight Monday facts black right? That's when you need to get down to business. I'm here for business, man. Okay. Not there yet. Yeah, alright. We're coming. We're getting there.

Oh, but now I'm hyped. Just jacked up. You ever drink so much coffee, like, your back starts sweating? Oh, yeah, dude. Your hands get sweaty. That's what I was telling you, dude. I had had to eat a subway cold cut combo just to calm down since you really yeah dude like how do you like you know when you drink too much you got to eat like yeah dude you do it with a cold cut combo nobody gets those anymore well objectively it's the worst sandwich you can get from subway what is it i don't know it's just like it's three it's

three different types of meat i know there's ham on it right but i get it untoasted on white bread it's the worst sandwich you can get but it evens me out when i have too much coffee yeah it is it's do you get there it is right there do you get lettuce oh my god look at that there we could do this with the cold cut combo The first sub of all time. Hey, you throw some jalapenos, some banana peppers, and some mustard and mayo on that. You've got basically a Xanax. Your body's like.

Passing that out at a party, dude. Yeah. You want a cold cut combo, dude? Oh, I'm rolling. Your body's like, man, you got anxiety eat that seven hours out eat fresh oh my that's it that's the sandwich right there that was that was yours from today uploaded from your instagram account yeah that's how my ugliest ugliest sub of all time oh my god dude so good too i'm craving it right now i can feel my mouth water okay psycho stuff your siblings said this is joey gardner i've no i haven't read these before

anything those motherfuckers and their friends all farted in an empty orange gatorade bottle for 12 hours straight to contain their farts and then held me down and made me breathe it all in. Oh, man, that's how you get hair on your chest. One of them would also lock me out of the house and play target practice with me using his paintball gun from the roof. There's a lot of like... Dude, we had this thing we did with the...

This fart bottle thing is like so stupid, but I think every guy did that. Oh, yeah, you're're why is that like a dude for like a year oh he's a guy give him a gatorade bottle when he's born he doesn't get a baby bottle of formula here for like a year and a half we would just cup farts and throw them into our what is it i think it's called a fruit cup actually is that what it's called yeah oh i mean i don't know i never did a technical term uh yeah we we know. I never did it. Technical term. Yeah, we did this thing.

We did it with video games. And we'd just sit around a room. This is so gross. And we'd lock them in. And then whoever lost the championship would have to... Just nose deep in a bottle of farts. It's so gross. But why? But also, your friend smells it

and then he's like falling over and you're like, alright, I gotta smell it too. My friend smelled it in the backyard. No, but like the second smell doesn't do it. Like once you smell the first time, it's over. It's like Pringles. When you were in college, did you ever have friends that dipped?

Yeah, that was college. That was college. That's all I did did that's all i remember uh but like then you'd like open up a spitter oh like three days old that's been in your hot car just oh your room smells like a forest for the next two months yes well my friend smelled that bottle he had to go in the backyard first of all because it was like it was bad you could tell and he threw up he took a whiff and was like oh bro i keep going he's like you gotta finish it it's the most white guy podcast

that's all right sniffing farts bro that's that's our teens man have you ever got uh have you ever got shot with the paintball gun oh yeah dude uh i played um amateur like i don't know tournaments uh when i was in high school and we'd show up and i'd show up in like khaki shorts like a sweatshirt and these all these dudes had like gear and these guns that shot like 19 rounds a second and they would just light me up i'm over there with like a Tippmann 98. Tippmann 98. What was the other one? The five something, five star or something. Yeah. Something like that.

A5. A5. Yeah. Like these dudes have like machine guns. My mom wouldn't let me get a paintball gun. So I just lied to all my friends and told my dad at A5. Did you? You want to come paintballing with us this weekend?

I was like, I can't. I got something to do. And I don't have a gun. Dude, we made our friend one time. Oh yeah there it is leak pulling up we we've got like a ability to like see what we're talking about now on the screen so i remember this i remember my buddy had one of these but we were playing in his backyard and our other buddy uh he forgot a gun or it broke and we made him just use a slingshot dude uh yeah he got fucked up did he kill anybody imagine getting hit by that like in being out yeah no yeah no yeah he shot one guy and uh the kid had the best gun and uh he got outed by a slingshot he was pissed what's's up, man?

Well, that's all he wanted. That's all he wanted. Just a little recognition. There's a dude just staring at us for 10 minutes. Dude, all you got to do is just... Hey. Oh, all right, dude. Be polite.

Just say what's up. All right, this is from Licky. L-I-K-Y. All right. Licky? I don't know. Licky. Go, Licky.

Psycho stuff your siblings did to you when you were a kid. My sister convinced me that Michael Jackson was my biological father. And it was a huge secret my family was keeping. She still calls me Blanket. Dude, that's hilarious. Yeah. Me and my cousin convinced my little cousin. You know the Goosebumps books?

Yeah. Like R.L. Stine is the author. me and my cousin convinced my little cousin you know the goosebumps books yeah like rl stein is the author we convinced him that like i was r and he was l and we were both aliens and we were gonna abduct him and he would cry every night did you dude r and l though all right wait so who did you convince him that you wrote the books yeah like we like create because the only goosebumps book that he's ever seen was that i think it was that in the it was like one of the dude that slappy goosebumps oh my god dude the haunted mask that should not be for kids no okay so i used to go to a daycare and i used to make all the kids wanted to to watch goosebumps you daycare and I used to make it. All the kids wanted to watch Goosebumps.

You remember the show? You remember the dog? It sucked. Yeah. Yeah. And the dog and his eyes would turn gold. Okay. That would freak me out.

So I would make, I would make them not watch it. And people hated me at daycare because they would, they wanted to watch it. But I get too scared. I'd have to hide in the bathroom. Those books are not, how are those for like middle school kids? That's disgusting i'll be honest with you i never read them i just i just looked at them and i was like oh my god but i'm not gonna read it rl i just that's what i did for every like book report i'd read the back

and be like yeah i got this dude rl stein looks nothing like jack black did you see the movie no jack black plays rl stein oh get out of here with the gold eyes jesus i never saw that but that's disgusting oh my god dude hey what about are you afraid of the dark were you into that dude i i didn't i didn't fuck with it man i was too scared man are you too scared now to watch scary movies no people are like that they're like no no i can't no i like them now the cover i like them now but there was a a while there where my girlfriend and I, we did nothing but watch scary movies. Like what?

Like what was the worst one you saw? Oh, dude. Did you see – there's going to be dead air here because I can't remember what it is. It's okay. It's okay. Midsommar was the last one I saw, and that one was crazy. But it was the same guy who did that. I can't remember what it's called.

Maybe he can help you look it up. Just say it. Yeah, okay. So the director that did Midsommar did one before that. I don't know. It's like the most technical description. But dude, it was scary. It was like three hours of buildup, and then the last 15 minutes was horrific.

But here's the thing after like after like two years straight of of people getting possessed by demons i'm like all right can we watch a romantic comedy please like i need put some anne hathaway in my life dude anne hathaway catwoman right catwoman ah. I fell in love with Anne Hathaway. I know. Oh, Heredity. That was it. Gross. That shit was scary, dude. Every scary movie's got to have a little kid or else I'm just not scared. Yeah.

Dude, that one was scary. I'm guessing you never saw this because you'd watched no movies. Five movies. You've watched five movies in your entire life. Rocky 1 through 4 in the notebook. In the notebook. I was going to... Dude.

in your entire life. Rocky one through four in the notebook. In the notebook. I was going to... Dude. Oh my God. Not even the fifth Rocky. I was out.

After four, I was like, I'm cool. I was like, I don't even fuck with Creed. I listened to Rocky music the whole time I worked out this morning.

Dude, that's awesome. On repeat was... Hearts on fire. And you could so tell that I was in the zone people were looking at me like what is he listening to dude uh yeah i was never a big rocky guy but um how i don't know man you know i guess i say how like that because I think my dad is Rocky. Right. Yeah. Dude, that video. Can we talk about that video of your dad? Of course.

Not hugging you. Yeah, that was real time. He goes, you want to put your arm around me? He goes, no, I don't want to do that. I'm like, are you sure? I can't remember. He's like, absolutely. I can't remember what he said but it was the most like true my dad thing of all time and he can't put his arm around me because he can't lift his arm above his shoulder that's half of that's half of it yeah uh he's like how

many touchdowns have you scored recently he's like dad i don't even play anymore well that's why that's why take the picture I'm leaving dude the scariest scene I've seen from a scary movie was I think it was oh god what's the name

it's real awesome some okay it's not Amityville horror dude that one had Ryan not Gosling the other Ryan in it. They all look the same.

They do. Okay, what was this called? Insidious. Oh, dude. Oh, man. Where that demon's red face just pops up. Not even that part. Like in scary movies, I'm scared of the scenes that aren't like the scariest part.

Like if there's a daytime scary scene in a scary movie, I'm terrified. You're terrified? Because that seems like more real life to me. Because it can happen. Ah! Dude, insidious the part where the lady is taking out the trash. Try to look that up. But I hate it.

And half the reason is because of the song that's playing. Oh, is it the Tiny Tim one? Dude, it's just like some guy dancing around in a kitchen or something that's just that's just trash that's just actual trash that's insidious trash right there on the just taking over the city hold on i'm gonna try to dude there's like 12 okay oh i think it is the tiny tim thing it is talking about with that do insidious tiny tin dude that tiny tin i don't get what why i think dude i think it's a sample in a rap song right now and every time it comes on the radio i'm like ah have you ever seen what tiny tim looks like what is tiny tiny tim's like a performer from like 1975. I think he died.

Dude, I think that's it. I think this is it right here. Yeah. Ew, dude. Insidious 5. There's five Insidious. Oh, and five scariest scenes. That's also something.

There's like 12 of these movies. My girlfriend and I watched them all in a year. That can't be good for your brain no it's just like all right let's pop in finding nemo all right let's mix it up with some pixar yeah tiptoe through the tulips yeah this is we're gonna get copyrighted okay don't worry about it nice wow you guys are smart i would have played that in two seconds right okay well that's the scariest scene i've ever seen dude it's yeah maybe just play look at this dude maybe just play could you play the song for like 10 seconds

or is that copyrighted god dude okay you don't even have to you just tell people to google Tiny Tim okay google the scene through the tulips and then and then they'll see his face

and be like oh yeah that is the scariest song that I've ever heard without even listening to it yeah you don't need to see it you don't need to see it alright psycho things wait wait yeah psycho things are siblings did to you when you were growing up Chelsea Anderson even listening to it. Yeah, you don't need to see it. You don't need to see it. Alright. Psycho things. Wait, wait. Yeah, psycho things your siblings did to you

when you were growing up. Chelsea Anderson. So my older sister and I were playing hide and seek with our younger sister. The dumb bitch, she was seven, still a dumb bitch, decides to hide in the dog's very small kennel that only unlocks

from the outside. Once we found her and figured out her tragic mistake, we decided she should learn a lesson. So we picked up the kennel with her inside, sent it rolling down two flights of stairs. She has a waffle on her face for weeks. Never hid the kennel. Never hid in the kennel again. Bro, I think that's a murder, actually. That's a tempted murder. It's funny how you can get away with that's a murder, actually. That's attempted murder.

It's funny how you can get away with that kind of stuff when your kid's just messing around. But if you did that when you're older, you're going to get a murder. Like if I put him in a doghouse and threw him down the stairs. That's a true crime podcast that my girlfriend listens to.

They found him in a dog kennel. That's crazy. With a waffle on her face. With a waffle on her face. Okay. Grant Goss. Psycho stuff your siblings did too. Brothers duct taped me to a tree and had my cousin kick me in the balls for 15 minutes straight.

Still waiting for the right moment to strike back. Jeez Louise, dude. Jeez Louise. Jeez Louise. Jeez Louise. I'm just leaning into this dad mode right now. That's more of a

mom response, I think. Maybe it's just my mom. Jeez Louise. Jeez Louise. Dang it. Did your mom ever do that? Did she ever hit the counter to make a point?

Yeah, I think so. I just remembered it. It was like the island in the middle of our kitchen. Benny. But when my mom got mad, she like the island in the middle of our kitchen. Benny! But when my mom got mad, she would say everybody's name in our family. Even if they weren't in the room? She'd say the dog's name.

She'd be like, Tony, Harry, Junior, Jelly, Benny! And I'd be like, what? Can you imagine growing up in a huge family? Your mom rips off like 14 names from the final years. My mom used to yell at us for being too loud. You're being too loud! rips off like 14 names and finally says yours. I'm always the yellest for being too loud. You're being too loud! And then the middle name too.

When your mom says your middle name you know shit got real. Oh yeah, that's classic. Your full name. Yeah. Like imagine like Giannis. Giannis' mom.

I don't even know what to say it's like she'd have a hell of a time to do that dude the longest name the alphabet

alright here we go Uwana Kar Yala Hanin I don't know if that's a name but sounds

Uwana O-O-O-N-A is her first name sexy I put bubble gum in my own hair. Mess it really good in there.

Not from here, obviously. Started to cry dramatically and blamed on my big brother for it. He got granted

for two weeks. You ever put gum in a girl's hair? No, I didn't. You know that girl never talked to you ever in her whole life again? I was too, yeah.

No, I was way too scared.'s some that's some checkers chest that's shit right there yeah i don't think i've ever done that put gum in somebody's hair you really have to cut it out is there anything yeah for sure that happened at my this is another daycare story that happened at my daycare so like when you went to daycare yeah I went to daycare but no she

some girl put another piece of gum in a girl's hair and then her mom was livid it seems like that's in every movie ever yeah it's a classic play you gotta put peanut butter in it to get it out oh It seems like that's in every movie ever. Yeah. It's a classic play.

You gotta put peanut butter in it to get it out? Oh, just cut it. Give her a pixie. You know? Put peanut butter in it. Let the dog lick it out. Right out of the gym. Every day. He keeps putting gum in his hair.

I love the way his tongue feels on my scalp. You licked this off my head. Corey Devlin. Psycho stuff your siblings did

to you when you were a kid. My brother used to hold me down and let a loogie go out of his mouth until it was really close to my face

and then suck it back into his mouth. Oh my God. Dude, every guy has that talent though, right? Yeah. No. You ever seen Big Daddy? No, you haven't.

No, I have seen that. I've seen that. Every Adam Sandler movie. That's an asterisk by all the movies I've seen. All four Rockies, the notebook, and every single Adam Sandler movie. That's my whole personality. Yeah. You know what this kid does?

He... Yeah. I made it my life's mission to be able to touch the ground. Me and this kid have a lot in common because I love ketchup just as much as this kid. And when I was his age, after I saw him do this, I could spit and touch the ground. When people don't like ketchup. Dude. Automatically not friends anymore.

I'm trying to be a better person, but it makes it hard. You know? It's hard. What happened? Ketchup's like a staple. Ketchup is actually the best food on the planet. My favorite food is burger and fries only because... Only because of the ketchup?

Yeah, only because it allows me to pick the ketchup and put it in my mouth. Only because I eat fries. Fries are just spoons, dude. Yeah, they're ketchup spoons, bro. Ketchup spoons. Yeah, I know. If I go to a restaurant and just order a bottle of Heinz 57, they look at me funny. I love that 57. Like,

why? The year it was made, maybe? That's like your New Balance 246. Right, dude. It's just a brand. It all sounds harder than a brand. 57 badge. I'm 57. It's just a brand. It all sounds harder than the brand. It's the 57 badge. I'm 57. Gotta smack it. You ever do that?

You ever smack it? On the 57? Yeah. Like every waitress of all time when I was growing up. If you can't get it out, just hold your thumb on the 57 and let it rip. That was my mom's party trick. Guys, you gotta hit the 57. It's like the whole table knows, mom. She's like, no, no, no, no, no. Like, mom, hit the 57. It's like the whole table knows, Mom.

She's like, no, no, no, no, no. Like, Mom, we're third. Dude, did you just see how her face would light up when somebody had a knife in there? Oh, and they glass. No, no, no, no, no. Like, glass bottle. Yeah.

That sound. Yeah. A glass ketchup bottle. Oh, man. All right, sorry, I cut you off. What do we have? You got any more psycho? Yeah, we got it.

Keith DeMolder. Psycho stuff your siblings did to you when you were a kid. Not psycho, I cut you off. What do we have? You got any more psycho? Yeah, we got it. Keith DeMolder. Psycho stuff your siblings did to you when you were a kid. Not psycho, but kind of weird. All right, good. Whenever one of us was sleeping, I have an older brother and a younger sister, we move the sleeping one's lips and pretend like they're talking and make weird British impressions. How did you not wake up? Are you a heavy sleeper like that i guess i i guess i

definitely wouldn't wake up yeah no you could burn my whole house down yeah no i'm not waking up man dude not a chance i mean that is weird that's not that weird if i woke up i'd be so pissed if someone was doing that to me. My sister would always wake me up at like 6 a.m. when we were kids the weirdest way ever. One time I was sleeping, and she just pressed on this part of my face until I woke up. It was the most angry I woke up. I was like, what? Right here between my nose and my cheek.

Dude, this is what I'm so embarrassed about. I was a kid who always woke up early. Like I never slept in, and I thought I was so unc about. I was a kid who always woke up early. Like, I never slept in. And I thought I was so uncool for it. Because all my friends, when we were at sleepovers, would sleep in until, like, 10.30. I didn't get that. I couldn't do it. Did you get up and do something? Yeah, I was like, let's get up.

So I would just, like, go downstairs and hang out with their parents. We really like Derek. Yeah. We love having him over here. We've been to the sports center, like, 96 times. Right. Memorize it. Know all the tough things, like, my heart. Exactly. we love having him over here we're in the sports center like 96 times right memorize it da da da

da da da know all the tough things like my heart exactly okay we'll do a couple more where are we at on time dude we got plenty of time oh

that's legit that's when we actually started there's a timer in here it started at 55 minutes and it's going down it's hot

it's hot alright here we go It started at 55 minutes and it's going down. That's hot. That's hot. All right, here we go. Daniel Arrico. My sister used to pin me down by putting her knees on my shoulders and then would drip her spit. Everybody did that! Out of my face. When I would turn my face, it'd fill up my ears.

This is so gross. Oh, God. It's like an ear infection, bro. Dude. I don't have an ear infection. near oh my god it was my whole childhood and your aches or your just straight ear infections like every the first week of summer when the pool opened and you just know like i knew i was like uh i'm gonna get an ear infection for this thing but i just didn't care i just had to hit the diving board first one one, right off. Jackknife. Right to the water. Right to the water. Ear infection. What's a jackknife, though?

Jackknife is... Is it like this, or like... No, yeah. Someone where you grab your leg. Cannonballs. Cannonballs were for lame dudes. When I jackknife... When I go off of a diving board,

it doesn't matter what move I do, I always end up doing a fucking belly flop, dude. Like, no matter how I land, I'm always like... doing a fucking belly flop dude like how no matter how I land I'm always like in my stomach hurt for like two weeks I was fast so they always wanted me to do belly flops I was like I'm not gonna give it to you I'm not gonna give it to you no uh yeah dude Derek's body type can we explain your body type real quick Derek's body type. Can we explain your body type real quick? Derek's body type is like when you find a bullfrog, pick it up, and then show it to people. Yeah, I have the body. I have the body of a fucking gull.

It's like hanging and its feet are like turned outward. It's because I have no butt. Like I have no butt, and so I can turn my feet out, and I stand that way. I stand, what is it, not pigeon-toed, but the opposite of that? I don't know what that is. What is that? I don don't know man but i'm a big up top and real little on bottom pick out the body of a picked up bullfrog oh this is dirty all right see if you can find one picked up like by like it's back like like it's a biology class yeah like you found a bullfrog on a log and you just grabbed it, and you're like,

what? Can you shove somebody in the stomach? Oh, God. Picked up bullfrog. Dude, are we the first people ever served? Like, okay, like, I can lay down like that. Like, when I lay down on the floor, my stomach does that. That's you getting a tan. Yeah, that's me getting a tan.

That's me working on my back. Yeah. Yep, that's as bad as tan. That's me working on my back. Yep, that's his body. Tragic. Okay, here we go. Amon Costello. Psycho stuff your siblings do. We would watch the show 24 and thought Jack Bauer was the man

and would see him doing the sleepers hold on terrorists and practice it on each other. It worked. Have you ever done one of those things when, dude, this always used to happen to me at like parties when we were like too young to do anything cool. People like put each other to sleep. Is that weird?

You know what I'm talking about? People would like pass out for five seconds and everybody would be like is he dead? And then they'd wake up and be like oh! And you'd be like yeah! That's how bored we were. I never did it but when I I was in the seventh grade, all the popular kids got really into it.

And I just remember hearing about it, and I was like, oh my God. That's something I would never do. I feel like if I did that, I would definitely die. Dude, I wish I was cool enough to get choked out by the popular kids. You should put me to sleep. I wish I was cool enough to get choked out. Slamed against a wall.

Dude, yeah. Yeah, there it is. That's what they would do. Dude, the most lid party right there. Just somebody holding you up by your neck against a brick wall in an Amar jersey.

Dude, we're going to get so much ass for this. This is going to impress every single 7th grade girl. Dude, best after 7th grade. I totally want to bang him. I totally want to. He still has red marks on his neck.

Oh my god. The choking game. That was disgusting, man. Right. How bored. Wow. Yeah, I wish I was cool enough to participate in this. I wasn't.

What the fuck? I was just over at my buddy's house, opening up Yu-Gi-Oh cards. Yeah, we were just passing a fart bottle around. Just passing it. Just choking each other. Right. Oh, dude. You choke them out and then wake them back up

with a fart bottle. Sexiest man alive. All right, dude. Morgan, it's like I said, your siblings did to you when you were little. One of my sisters

doesn't look like the rest of us. She has really dark features, so we had an old piece of furniture in our living room and the bottom drawer wouldn't open,

but it had records in it, so we told her they were her adoption papers. Dude, these are so mean. Yeah, dude. If you weren't mean as shit to your brothers and sisters growing up, like, get a life. Dude, my sister was 11 years older than me so the meanest thing that she did was just ignore me.

She was like your mom. Yeah, no, she definitely was like my mom. Yeah, she just ignored me. She was like your mom. Yeah, no, she definitely was like my mom. Yeah, she just ignored me. That was... That's the only... You just have an older sister, that's it? Yeah, no, I just have an older sister. She's 11 years older than me.

And so she, the most psycho thing she did, just didn't talk to me. Yeah, and that's probably the worst. So did you get, like, fights growing up or anything? No, dude. I never. Okay, look, I was fat, all right? I had puffy nipples.

Like, I, like, come on. But you could probably talk some shit, like, in PE class or something. Nah, dude. I was. I had to develop these over time, you know? Yeah, yeah. But when people ask me if I ever got in a fight, like, I'm like, not really, but, like, me and my sister always fought, like, in the pool and stuff. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, we would definitely do that. Like, my friends would whoop my ass. Dude, my friends and I would turn the lights off and we had two sock-and-boppers. Oh! You just go to town with some sock-and-boppers. You'd be like, no face shots! And they'd be like, this mother and I'd just, boom, boom. Yeah, you gotta slip one

in your hand. Until his dad got mad. Right, yeah. Like, you ever go to your friends and your dad yells at you or your friend's dad yells at you how uncomfortable oh yeah dude all the time so weird yeah no my friends and i used to just beat the other crap out of each other oh no there they are dude you were quick on these yeah he's nice with it dude yeah so what we would do is we had a small closet and we would turn the lights off and you set a timer and then you would just, each of you had one

and you would just go to town on each other. Just one. Just one. What do you do with your other hand? You put it on your back, yeah. Do you ever use your other hand? Well, if you got really mad.

I know it was cheating. I know it was cheating kind of like kick. Like if I was fighting you with sock and bobbers, I'd be doing this oh you put the guard up yeah the guard up

that's a good strategy I put my shield up that's a good strategy those are still in my dad's like closet dude you get so so the problem is if somebody

somebody clip you in the face they clip you right in the face you get angry then you tackle them like I remember that one time I tackled my buddy and he bit me right in the stomach dude that was always

my move too is that psycho anytime I was getting my buddy and he bit me right in the stomach. Dude, that was always my move too. Is that psycho? Anytime I was getting pinned by anybody when I was a kid, it was a straight bite to the ribs. Oh, man, dude. Does that mean you're like a crazy person? I don't know, dude. He took a chunk out of me though. I walked over to my dad.

My dad wasn't happy. I did the same thing. I always bit people. And then like that soccer player a couple years ago, he got mad at a dude on the other team always bit people. And then that soccer player a couple years ago, he got mad at a dude on the other team and bit him. And it was the biggest crime. Dude, you've got a strong jawline. I bet you've got

a hard bite. It's not bad. Dude, you do. I'm going to be honest. I can bite. You've got like, you can clamp down. I can eat some steak you're basically a gator like that suarez he bit that guy and people freaked out dude okay i've been doing that my whole life dude i would definitely do it and even mike tyson bro he bit off holyfield's

ear i was like i don't plan on so i'm gonna tell you this like i don't know what it is but i have been lucky enough to witness like like, major sports history. Like, Mark McGuire breaking a home run record and all that. Like, with my dad. I remember the day Tyson bit his ear. Like, my dad ordered it. How crazy did your dad go? Oh, dude.

Every dad's existence relied on that moment. Just freaking out, dude. This was like, I can tell you what pajamas I was wearing when I watched this. I had no shirt on. I had no shirt on. I had TMNT, like, boxer bottoms. Did you ever do that when you were a kid? Whoa.

The standard at, like, 4 o'clock in the afternoon when you put your pajamas on was no shirt, no socks, just boxers, like cartoon boxers and you just ran around the house. Now I got yelled at for that. Company,

yeah, right there. Company would come over, like you'd still just be in your boxers watching TV in the living room. Dude, I was the opposite. When I was a kid and I was like either really getting close to sleeping or just woke up in the morning, I Dude, I was the opposite. When I was a kid and I was like either really getting close to sleeping

or just woke up in the morning, I would like dress like your ex-girlfriend and have like tiny whiteys on and a huge shirt. Really? That was my vibe. I can see you do that.

Like a big gap shirt that was like your mom's or like an old Navy flag 4th of July shirt. Right, dude. I watched it. Yeah, I just... From like 6 to 11

was just me and boxers no shirt on just 6 to 11 right dude like ages or like

yeah both either I don't know okay we'll jump out of the sibling stuff and let's

let's go viral alright let's go viral viral okay hashtag sibling stuff and let's uh let's let's go viral all right let's go viral viral viral okay hashtag so these are all trending hashtags on the internet and we'll just we'll just riff on yeah let me pull them up okay okay you can pick one whatever you want to do no you go first i got you okay uh hashtag i say boo too this you can take it however you want it hashtag i say boo too you can take it however you want it

hashtag I say boo like you can like thumbs down something but like the way I took this was like any girl I've ever dated that's like my word that's your boo

that's my word is that weird nah dude do you say baby in front of it nah it's my baby boo no you can't go two words no he just rolls That's my word. Is that weird? Nah. Do you say baby in front of it? Nah, it's my baby boo. No! You can't go two words?

No, he just rolls off the tongue, man. Leek, what do you call your girl? Wait, what else? I don't really... You don't have a girl. You have, though. I definitely wouldn't call her boo, but that's kind of lame of me. Like, I try to stay away from it at all times, and I'm like,

what's up? What's up? What would you do? I would just call her by her name. I don't do all that bitch. I don't do all that stuff. I don't either. Oh! I said baby.

You know what? My number one is giving them a nickname. If their name's long, I chop it in half, and that's what I roll with. But if I'm texting them, I'll be like, what's up? Yeah. I'm trying to make it sound way more interesting. I say baby, but I hate it because I just started.

I'm not saying that anymore. I just started saying baby to call my girlfriend, and I hate doing it. She likes it, I think, but I hate doing it because my dad calls his wife baby. And that's where I got it from. Baby, how you doing, baby? Is it weird? What's your dad call your mom? What's your dad call your mom?

Gene? Pamela? Her name's Jamie. Yeah. He just calls her Jamie. He doesn't really know. He's not a simp, so he doesn't know what's up. Here's the thing, though. They like it, man.

My girlfriend likes it when I call her. Sometimes I want to change it up. Sometimes just saying their name is too formal. Yeah. Oh, wait, he said sweetie actually that's that's a good one yeah that's classic yeah just over seven that's funny yeah my dad would go honey babe those are probably two main honey dude honey or babe it's like your dad's an old waitress I was allowed for women to say that to like any age guy. Dude, I'm kidding.

How you doing, honey? I'm like, damn, what if I said that to you? I'd go to jail. Bro, do you know how warm it made me feel when the lunch lady would give me extra shrimp poppers? She'd be like, there you go, honey. I was like, oh like are you my mom now what do you want to be

yeah you can get away with murder and that hot lunch you call it hot lunch no I had I had bee lunch bee lunch bee lunch

dude I always brought my lunch did you I was hit or miss on it Cause my mom would never Pack anything as good As like Bosco sticks Hell no

But my mom wasn't Paying for that Oh Yeah no my mom would pay for it My mom would make me A peanut butter and jelly One time she forgot To put peanut butter and jelly

In it So I just had two pieces of bread Dude okay So we used that Okay alright I was thinking about this Alright I was thinking about this

The other day Like we had this kid Who would show up For football practice I was thinking about this the other day. We had this kid who would show up for football practice with three slices of bread and just eat three slices of raw bread. And we're like, dude, what are you doing? He said, well, I had two slices and I wanted to make a sandwich,

but I didn't have any meat. We had to put something in between it. So I just put another piece of bread. And we're like, what? Oh, I lost you. We got disconnected. Might be me banging on this table. Wait, let's say something.

I'm out, you good? No, that's fine, I'll do this. Might be the headphones. Yes, the headphones. Yeah, you hit the plug down here. Oh, did I? Or somebody did. Yeah, I got you. As long as as audio is still recording yeah it is okay

the bed was his lunch meat dude dude yeah so you put two you put a slice of bread in between and then i was thinking i'm gonna eat that now yeah no so i was thinking about it i was like okay uh i used to eat like weird things before school. Did you ever do that? Like what? Like I used to just eat raw spaghetti. Oh. Who the fuck is raw spaghetti? Dude, non-cooked spaghetti.

Like cold. Oh, like sticks of spaghetti? Like sticks of spaghetti. Oh. Why would you eat that? I don't know, man. I just, like I got it in my, I got it in my head that it would be a good, like little crunch before the day.

Like what kind? Like the sticks. Like that, right there. The sticks, like that right there the sticks like that those kind of hurt dude yeah I would eat those

all the time but they like going down you know when you eat a chip and it like slices your throat like a knife

bro do you know the reason why I started I'll tell you I remember the reason why I started doing this is because I saw somebody do it

on room raiders and I was like oh that fucker's cool you just started eating spaghetti raw like he was like you know when they likeer's cool. You just started eating spaghetti raw? Like, he was like, you know when they, like, abducted him and put him in the band? What a fake show, by the way.

Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah, okay. And I think I saw that. That dude's hair on the left. Dude, Jesse. That one singer. That's what he looks like. Jesse McCartney.

Yeah, I knew you knew who that was. I like it now. Yeah, no, but I would just chow down on some raw skeddy i think like one dude was getting abducted one time he was eating some raw skeddy and i was like that's me now dude i based i based so much of my life off of rumors and tv not off of this show dude watch okay so my okay i bought my wallet that i still have to this day because a girl found a louis vuitton wallet in somebody's dresser was like louis isn't that crazy how like everything you do now is because something a stupid girl said to you when you were like 15

yeah dude i still have that wallet hold on Dude, is it Velcro? This is it? That's it, dude. Okay, yeah, it is kind of nice. It looked like shit, and then I saw the LV, and I was like, oh, nice. Dude, I've lost that like six times. That's it, right? Do you have a slip disc from sitting on this?

Dude, do you have my back on this stuff? Dude, I met Hugh Hefner's girlfriend when I bought this. You remember Kendrick with the girl in my store? Yeah. You ever watch that one? Oh, man, dude. She's Hugh Hefner's girlfriend. I met her in an elevator at Beverly Hills.

I thought he had like 70 girlfriends. He had like five, but I met her. And then it was weird. It was like my childhood. Yeah, her right there. Like, I was amazed. I went home and told everybody. And then she married Hank Baskett and moved to our hometown.

And then I saw her at Walmart with her kid. And I was like, that's such a Walmart mom. Look at her face. It's not the same. That's such a Coinstar girl. You can see her. You can hear her at Coinstar. Yeah, you're right.

Okay. All right. Next one. Hashtag great names for a car. Do you name your car? Yeah, I do. My car right now is a white Ford Fusion, so I named her Betty. Why?

Betty White. All right. Why? Betty White. All right. And then when I was in college, I had a gigantic Ford F-150 that was forest green, and I named it The Forest. You are such a name. I know.

I am. Dude, I loved it. Well, I named it The Forest because one night I got too drunk in college, and I just— Couldn't find it? No. I slept in it, so I was like, oh, it's like I'm camping in a forest. And I was like, there it is. Plus, you've never been camping. Just sleeping in your truck bed.

Just sleeping in my truck bed, yeah. Lee, can you name your car? No, I do not. Why, what about you, Ron? No. You guys need two mics for sure. You guys are like a relay team did you name a jeep? no

people this one time we had a fake gang in high school and one dude would always fight people so he's like the fighting dude this other dude could hoop so he just played the fighting dude this this other dude like could hoop so he just played basketball and i didn't have like anything to attribute to this gang but my jeep was red they're like it's a blood mobile so that's that was just that's what i had

the ron callie bloods oh my god that's so hard yeah it's kind of a turnout for me when a girl like names her car really yeah the blood mobile there it is the cherokee dude so you've been rocking jeeps since since your license we've got like my my uncle works for chrysler so he gets like a deal right and it's yeah it's like a it's a it's a good deal i mean it's not like a killer deal, but it's always like, yeah, we're not. I like that you didn't. I like that you didn't. What? I like that you didn't go full Jeep.

You know what I mean? You got a Jeep, but you don't have like the raised tires. Oh, Wrangler. The Wrangler. Well, that can go through a river. It's a Jeep thing you wouldn't understand. I don't understand. Yeah, I want the low-key Cherokee. Yeah, no, you got a subtle Jeep. I don't understand. Yeah, I went with the low-key Cherokee.

Yeah, no, you've got a subtle deep. I like it. I've been in it. It's a nice cruise. I was thinking, like, when you're kind of attracted

to a girl and you're in her car and you're riding somewhere and she's like, oh, I've got to put some gas in Ruby. That's kind of

like a turnoff for me. Are there any weird turn offs you have like that oh man no like something that's like out of the ordinary well I've been out of the dating game so long that I know but you still know

let's see here man Leek what about you bro weird turn off I don't think I have any weird ones they're just they're just probably like normal turn offs

that everybody else has what you got I almost said profanity just a woman that talks too much right that's not it

so every woman women are my turn off dude hot breath is one It's just a woman that talks too much. Right. That's not it. So every woman. Women are my turn off. Dude, hot breath is one. But the problem is I have hot breath. So I can't. Me too. I got hot breath.

I can't be out here just being like, ah, her breast stank. And then knowing full well. Yours is worse. Just so much worse. Like a dead tooth. A dead tooth. A mouthful of dead teeth. Every morning, dude. I need an exorcism every morning for my breath. What are you...

Look at all these dead teeth. Dude, he just pulls up a dead tooth. Just pulls up a dead tooth. I mean, you're quick with it. Pulls up a dead tooth. Dead tooth. Pulls up a dead tooth. Bro. Bro. Bro, all last year My mouth is a cemetery Oh my god, dude, all last year I worked as a dental assistant

Just nothing but dead teeth How bad do they smell? Oh god, dude It's just hard to get up and be motivated at 7.30 in the morning to go look at a dead tooth. When your breath already smells worse than then. Right. What do you do when you're sleeping next to a girl and your breath smells so bad? Just lean into it, man.

You just go, you just push through? You just run into her face, and then if she likes you, she'll stay. That's the most, like, uncle thing I've ever heard. Yeah, dude. if she likes you she'll stay Yeah, dude How do you think I met your mom She passed the hot breath test the dead tooth. Every morning.

Oh, my God. All right. Let's do some days of the week real quick, and we'll call it. Okay. Today's Monday? Tuesday. National Coaches Day. This will probably hit pretty close to you, doesn't it?

My whole life. I hate coaches now. I have PTSD from coaching this man. Get him chopping! That's all I have in my head. You don't pull it together, we'll do up-downs for the next five periods. Put your hand in the dirt. Rub some dirt on it. One time we were doing hitting drills for football and the ground was muddy like right by like one of those big pads

And you hit and I didn't do I like skipped it I didn't run the whole practice I was like I'm not getting my ass muddy for this Oh god that was a word I know the day that I quit football I was sitting I was sitting on the sideline

I was the third string center Dude no you had three centers Your team was deep or you just sucked I was sitting on the sideline. I was the third string center. Dude, no. You had three centers? Your team was deep or you just sucked. I was 165 pounds and I was a center. We always had like 14 kids on our team. You had three centers.

Yeah, but you had to roll. Ron called it roll through people. But no, another day I was sitting in a sectional game and it was cold. It was rainy. And I looked up the stands, all the stands, they're all partying with a boom box. And I was just there freezing my ass off.

I was like, yeah, I'm going to hang it up after this. I was like, I'm tired of running gassers. There's always a different name for like coaches sprints. It's like, it's like suicides.

I wonder if you can even say that anymore. Probably not. Suicide smash! Cause when you're done, you're going to want to kill yourself. I wonder if you can even say that anymore probably not suicide smash because when you're done you're going to want to kill yourself dude I remember I ran two gassers one time and then threw up all over the place and then the coach paused

and let all the kids take a break while I finished up and then when I got done he's like white on the line and you're like no I always forget that too don't I should we say that oh yeah I forgot about that too no don't there's yeah there's a lot of games why tell them why if you don't want to you know that's fine I used to well I still work at, but I used to work

at a middle school and those kids are savages so I didn't want them hitting me up on social media because I do comedy. Yeah. Yeah.

And they all follow Ben Polizzi. I thought you were going to tell the story. Which one? The bit. Wait, what's the bit? Oh, no.

No, I'm not. Alright. Okay, Wednesday. National Frppe Day. Where are we at? 50? 50? 55-y.

Go on. Okay, okay. We got time. National Frappe Day. National Frappe Day. What's your Starbucks order? Dude, black coffee, blonde. The whole time?

Like, every time? Even on the weekends? Every time on the weekends. I don't treat myself to dairy, man. That thing would rip me up. Okay. Dude, noodle day, though, man. I do mess with noodles.

Yeah, dry noodles. Dry noodles. That raw skinny. That sounds so dirty. I'm like the most un-Italian Italian person ever. I'll pull up to, like, Fizzoli's. We always used to go to Fizzoli's for some reason. I don't know why.

You're Italian, man. No, but it's like the worst Italian. Oh, dude, it's horrible. It's like, it's like I don't know, man. It's like, it's like a little sea.

The breadsticks. You ever eat inside Fizzoli's? I think like six people have ever eaten it. Dude, you really are Italian, bro.

It's like a breadstick fairy. She's like flying around that bitch, dude. Putting those soggy ass breadsticks on your clothes. Dude. Man, I just remember always the noodles are cold. Oh, Fazoli's pizza. That's got to be like the last pizza if you're doing a countdown of pizzas.

Number 60, Fazoli's pizza. Number 60, yeah. I didn't even know they sold pizza god I'm gonna there's a Fazoli's right by my house I need to get there

you have to go I have to go now but I know like we pull up to the drive-thru and my dad would be like what do you want and my dad was

the worst at drive-thrus I've ever had PTSD dude okay yeah what do you want and I'd be like holy shit I didn't really think

about it yet and I'd be like looking at the menu and I'd be like freaked out because he I could't really think about it yet. And I'd be like looking at the menu and I'd be like freaked out because I could like see him staring into my soul while I was reading. And I'd be like,

uh, and we never picked like, oh, the number three with a Coke. Like that wasn't my family. We always had to be like the, we just picked individual entrees. Would you say it in an Italian,

like? No, so if I wanted penne, I'd be like, oh, the tubes with the, without the wine. The most un-Italian like no so if i wanted penne i'd be like oh the tubes with the without the tubes that's hilarious

bye bye i can't even eat anymore because of that dude dads are terrible at drive-thrus i i why do they have zero patience dude i know there's three three things that just are the kryptonite to fathers, and that is drive-thrus, roundabouts, and toll roads. The holy trinity of a dad. Dude, have you ever had drive-thrus, roundabouts, toll roads? It's like, do we have an easy pass? We don't have an easy pass, Dad. It's so funny, dude.

My dad had a toll. Oh, my God. He's like throwing do we have an easy pass? We don't have an easy pass, Dad. That's so funny, dude. My dad had a toll. Oh, my God. He's like throwing change everywhere. Yeah. Then get it? I don't know if they got it. You haven't changed? I haven't had change in five years.

I haven't even seen a penny in the last decade. Do we go cash or no cash? Toll. Was that on roundabouts? Oh, roundabouts, dude. Dude, I think Dad's kind of having him for roundabouts. Dude, okay. But I think it's us that aren't good at roundabouts. Dude, I think dads kind of have it in them for roundabouts. Dude, okay. But I think it's us that aren't good at roundabouts.

No, I will say this. Dads are getting better at roundabouts because they're getting those zero-turn mowers. Zero-turn mowers? They know how to mow around the spruce. Yeah, right? Like a navigator. Yeah, dude. Yo.

That's so funny. There's an evergreen tree right there. a navigator. Yeah. Yo. That's so funny. There's an evergreen. Hang on the hang of this thing. There's an evergreen tree right there. Oh, I got this. Zero turn, baby. I love that spin. I love how you just pulled up the schematics to a roundabout.

I know. I can't stop looking at it. Half of me is like, look at that landscaping on the inside. Bro. I know you got a thing for handwriting, but dude, a good roundabout. Good roundabout landscaping and handwriting. Top two fetishes. Right there.

Those bushes. Digital bushes. Yeah, it's not even real. It's like a digital animation. I'm like, Shrub's really doing it to me. That's awesome. Do we get a fountain in the middle of a roundabout?

Like, that's a big investment. Dude, the beam. If the roundabout's going to stop, they won't. No, they can't.

They're there for a while. They speed up traffic too much. I'm team roundabout. Me too, I like them. Right. Make them as complicated as possible too.

I want to get stuck in a roundabout. That's a good Sunday. That's a real good Sunday. You're going to Meijer or Kroger, you get stuck in a roundabout, eight hours. Eight hours. What did you do today? Dude, it's always getting off and getting on, though. You know what I mean?

Like, I can go on a roundabout for ten minutes, but, like, it's like when you step on, like, an escalator or something. Right. Getting on and getting off. I might die, but when you're on it, you're like, what's up? You're like or something. Right. I'm getting off here. I might die. But when you're on it, you're like, what's up? You're like, I'm alone for the time, baby.

Eight hours on a Sunday. You ever just feel like you're looking around when you're on an escalator when it's time to get off? You're like, that thing might inhale my foot. That is a good Sunday. What do you want to do today, baby? Let's go around the roundabout. let's take a walk around the block in my car alright

I think we hit zeros on the time so okay shot 127 featuring the toe the bullfrog all frogs are the same

all frogs are the same that way yup alright so shows this week All frogs are the same. All frogs are the same. That way. Yep. All right. So shows this week. Go ahead one more time. What you got?

I'm at Carson's Brewery in Evansville. It's their seventh anniversary show. Doors open at seven. I believe the show starts at eight. Yeah. Grab your tickets. Come on down. It should be.

It's a stacked lineup. Ray Hensley's headlining. I'm going to be featuring or opening. I don't know yet. Every comedy show. I know, right? Am I doing five minutes, eight minutes, ten minutes, or a whole hour? Right.

But then, yeah, there's like six other comics on it, so it's going to be a good show. That's what's up. Alright, I'm in St. Louis on Wednesday at the Funny Bone and Mezzo Brewing on Thursday, downtown Indy. Should be fun. All right, remember to follow Derek on Instagram. Go ahead, say it again.

LOL underscore Derek underscore James. Ah! Ah! Follow me at Benedict Plutzi, Instagram cameo, Twitter, TikTok, all that. But, okay, we'll talk to you next week. Later. High five.