Espresso - ridiculous trouble

Episode Date: December 16, 2020

sup? on SHOT 137 Ben breaks down the most ridiculous things the Fam has gotten in trouble for (like asking your teacher if she wears lingerie) ʰᵃʰᵃ ʷʰᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ. He ...explains the science behind cleaning out your car, how dumb oil changes are, why private school is the army and how DiFfErEnT bus kids are. Ben talks about his experiences passing Victoria's Secret in the mall, how dorky ugly sweaters are and how you've never been more attractive than the time you came to school with a scratchy sick voice. He does #ViViViViral and #DaysOfTheWeek but you already knew that😎 𝘿𝙈 𝙤𝙧 𝙏𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝘼𝙉𝙔 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝘽𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙙 ! (@benedictpolizzi) >>>> 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲 & 𝗥𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄! <<<<< 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗼𝘂𝘁𝘀: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 The Espresso Podcast is brought to you by Wave 1 Media. If you want to start your own show, visit TheWave1.com. I'm going to try to back away from the mic this week, because like 10 people last week were like, hey, we can hear every breath you took. So, could you not put us all in your mouth for this next episode? So could you not put us all in your mouth for this next episode? Too bad we're all kissing for shot 137.
Starting point is 00:00:47 To me, that sounds like... Like, you know the person that's playing the... I don't know what, like, country this is in, but the person that, like... Probably Africa. But the person that, like, plays the flute and the snake comes out of the basket, they do it to this song. Snake.
Starting point is 00:01:13 why is that such a thing that like that's the only thing i remember from any like history book This song actually this that This is the this is the beat that plays every time i'm sick in a car this is what's in my head Every time i'm sick in a car doesn't matter if there's a song on doesn't matter if there's Limp Bizkit on the radio it's just one of those days This is the song that plays in my head when i when i'm sick in the car when i'm car sick i think i'm the only person on the planet that can get car sick without being in a car on the planet that can get car sick without being in a car because nerds the candy if i eat nerds i feel car sick for like two and a half hours right when i throw back of that mini box of nerds when somebody's like hey yo you want one of these laffy taffies i'm like
Starting point is 00:02:22 and then i take a bite anyway because I always want candy. I want candy. I take a bite anyway. Like if I'm sitting down and I take a bite of candy, I just get up like that snake. Why do they even make banana Laffy Taffy? Has anybody figured that out yet? Every time I've seen any candy bowl of all time, there's always three banana Laffy Taffy's at the bottom and I'm like nobody likes those dude nobody likes those banana Laffy Taffy
Starting point is 00:02:53 what's up shot 137 espresso podcast I'm your host Ben Polizzi What's up fam? Oh Christmas time is here Last episode was really tight I had a lot of fun Hope you guys listened Tell your homies
Starting point is 00:03:15 Tell your homegirls It's the espresso thingy You wouldn't understand It's the espresso thingy If you still say espresso too Then X go drive off of a bridge i hate that the guy that does all my merch like literally stitches the word espresso on stuff and still emails me back and he's like hey man i got the espresso hoodies done I'm like god you you hand stitched
Starting point is 00:03:47 the whole word without an x and then the email is still like yeah man I love your espresso stuff I'm like not worse than when one of my best friends called this podcast cappuccino though nothing worse than that I hope he listens and I hope he knows cuz that shit killed me inside and I was still like I still rolled with him on it I was like yeah yeah thanks man god damn I'm always playing along king of playing along if someone's like young man I just hit your dad with the car on the way here I'd be like for sure I would have too but if he was on the way here I'd be like, for sure, I would've too But if he was dead serious, like, no, I'm literally serious
Starting point is 00:04:28 I'd be like, me too! Oh my god, four wheel drive Oh shit Wow I got a, the feeling, nothing You know when you're like, I really need to get my life together You know when you have that moment? I have that moment like all the time. I mean, everybody has that moment all the time.
Starting point is 00:04:50 Usually on Mondays, because you're like, all right, let's start from scratch. Let's start fresh. When it's really bad and you're like, okay, I need to get my shit together. My mom always used to be like, hey, Benny, Benny. Like when I had bad grades. Then it was like the start, like I showed my report card and like she was done being mad like the next time I went to school she instead of like I need to get my shit together she'd be like you need to buckle down buckle down she'd always say that but when you need a buckle down in real life
Starting point is 00:05:25 all you got to do is get the inside of your car cleaned out oh what is that feeling what is that I could eat at Golden Corral for four days and be like oh my god if I got my car cleaned on the inside on the way home, I'd be like, things are looking up princess. I don't know. It just feels so good. But like every single time I just, I hate this. Like I'd never, I'd never clean my, the inside of my car out by myself. Like that's, that's my knock on crew car wash crew car wash is dope it's kind of weird how there's like muppet babies and elmo and shit on the inside still what is that crew car wash is dope chick-fil-a version of car washes if you if you know what i'm talking about you just know what
Starting point is 00:06:17 i'm talking about if you don't just don't listen to this podcast anymore because it 100 is if chick-fil-a was a car wash it'd'd be Crew Car Wash. They have that awning. All the customers are the same. They are. They fucking are. Are they the same company? Crew and Chick? They all make out on breaks.
Starting point is 00:06:38 Dude, if a Crew Car Wash and a Chick-fil-A is next to each other, like, guess who's, that's just band camp. How many fucking parking lot kisses have there been? If you give me a chicken sandwich, I'll give you unlimited works.
Starting point is 00:06:55 Okay. Here we go. People. What's fucks me up is girls' cars. If you're having trouble getting over your ex, just think of her car. Think of the inside. Think of her middle console. Dude, girls' cars.
Starting point is 00:07:19 Dude. I got into a girl's car the other day And there's a real plate With ranch all over it Under the passenger seat Like damn That's how much girls don't give a shit about cars It's so funny that Dude one time I borrowed my sister's car
Starting point is 00:07:39 To like Dude my car was so messed up like growing up That I didn't even trust it to go like to the mall on the north side of town like half an hour away so i was like tony can i drive your car i get in her car i swear to god she hasn't gotten the oil changed in like seven years so now i'm like holy fuck now it's gonna be my fault no wonder she let me take her car because the car is gonna like burn out and then it's gonna be my fault no wonder she let me take her car because the car is gonna like burn out and then it's gonna be my fault well ben was driving it when the fucking car
Starting point is 00:08:10 fucked up so god damn girls cars girls cars what is happening there girls don't give a shit about cars it's so funny i don't either though i don't know one thing that's happening in my car when I'm driving my car. You don't know the rotor and the functioning air filter valve? What? Dude, when I walk into the
Starting point is 00:08:38 oil change place and they're like, how many miles? I'm like, I'll be right back. Dude, I've never known. Every time. How many miles you got on it right now? I'm like, I guess I right back. Dude, I've never known. Every time. How many miles you got on it right now? I'm like, I guess I'll see you in five minutes. You need synthetic oil? Just one sec.
Starting point is 00:08:57 Gonna call my dad. I don't know why, but I was getting oil changes when I was like 16. And they print out your car's report card and you're like they have a you have like a student teacher conference about your car and they're like well yeah the the battery there's battery acid on top of the battery i want to get that fixed or else the thing could blow any minute and i'm like oh my god yeah that's gonna be the biggest problem right now, but, like, the rotors and your transmissions are probably going to go out this Thursday.
Starting point is 00:09:32 So you might want to take a look at that, too. I'm like, Jesus Christ. Call my mom. Like, that's going to help it all. My mom's like, oh, my God, really? It makes it worse. I ended up spending $500 at Firestone. It was all my eighth-grade graduation money. It makes it worse. I ended up spending $500 at Firestone.
Starting point is 00:09:47 It was all my 8th grade graduation money. All because that baby's gonna blow. Because of the battery acid. What the fuck? I'm like, why is there acid in my car, first of all? Did you guys put acid in my car? Are there a bunch of scientists back there? So stupid.
Starting point is 00:10:09 What were we talking about? Girls' cars? Crazy. Mine's the same way, though. Isn't it funny? I always think it's so funny how mad people get in their cars compared to real life. You know? Like the nicest mom with curly hair will be like,
Starting point is 00:10:25 fuck you, bitch! Fuck you! Like, pressing her middle finger up to the glass. And then if you saw her ten seconds later at Target, she'd be like, hey, excuse me. She'd be one of those moms that gives you a long distance excuse me, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:10:41 I hate that! When you walk by somebody and it's like they're not even really near you but they still say excuse me anyway I'm like will you fucking get a life excuse me I'm like dude you were in a different aisle you don't have to be so polite excuse me long distance like damn dude you have to call collect for that excuse me Excuse me. Long distance, like, damn, dude. Do you have to call collect for that excuse me?
Starting point is 00:11:10 Do you have to call me after 7 p.m. for that excuse me? Remember that? When we had a, dude. I know this is like super ADD podcast today, but I don't care. Remember when we used to have cell phones and to like call your girlfriend or whatever Or call your friend and talk on the phone You had to call them after 9 How 90s is that Hey bro I'll call you back after 9
Starting point is 00:11:37 I actually remember that Dude one time I fucked up And I called somebody for like 10 hours Oh and it's free on the weekends I was talking mad game on Saturdays At like 2pm and I called somebody for like 10 hours. Oh, and it's free on the weekends. I was talking mad game on Saturdays at like 2 p.m. We can finally talk on the phone, baby. What's going on?
Starting point is 00:12:00 God. Girls, bro. This podcast is literally just about girls. Literally about my life and women. Whose isn't, though? What guy isn't totally obsessed with girls? It's so annoying, man. Can I not think about girls for one minute?
Starting point is 00:12:23 Jesus Christ. No no I can't my whole life oh my god yeah yeah she's yeah what the hell were we talking about oh when people get mad in their cars it's so annoying bro people get people over why do people do it why do people overreact so hard in their cars i'm like dude will you just chill just relax dog every time somebody flips out on me for doing something stupid in my car like if i like i don't know i like don't see him or something and i get over and it's like not that like that happens a thousand times a second and they're like at the red light They're like going crazy. I always roll down my window real slow. And I'm like, yo, sorry, man
Starting point is 00:13:10 And they're like It's cool just don't next time just pay attention i'm like, hey, i'm i will i'll do better and they're like, okay That's the funniest shit if you're just super honest with them wow okay yeah alright let's get to the question it's a funny question this week
Starting point is 00:13:35 alright well that was an intro hey remember to follow on twitter instagram tiktok cameo get a christmas cameo some intro. Hey, remember to follow on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Cameo. Get a Christmas Cameo. Someone requested a Cameo from me.
Starting point is 00:13:54 And they were like, hey, can you give me a... Their request was like, yo, this girl loves the video you did of the... You want to try some? You want to try some? You want to try some? When girls, like, try to give you food. When you're eating with a girl and every single time, no matter what, 100% guaranteed, they're like,
Starting point is 00:14:11 You want to try some? She was like, my friend really likes that video. Can you just go crazy on that and ask her if she wants to try some, like, 900 times? And I was like, yes. Hit me up on Cameo. Benedict Polizzi. I'd love to for Christmas. Anything!
Starting point is 00:14:28 It'll be fun. Let's do it. Yeah. Oh, merch is dropping this week. I'm saying it! Merch is dropping this week. We're going to have some stuff. I'm going to post some stuff on Instagram, Twitter,
Starting point is 00:14:38 and we can get your Christmas orders. Get that Christmas order in, baby. It'll be there. The espresso gear will be there. All right, let's get to the question. It was a fun one. We got good DMs this week. Thanks for coming through, fam.
Starting point is 00:15:00 Seriously, it means a lot when you guys respond to that. That makes the show so dope. So let's go. Most ridiculous thing you've ever gotten in trouble for. Alright. Most ridiculous thing you've ever gotten in trouble for. Better than curry.
Starting point is 00:15:22 When I was in first grade at St. Barnabas, we had a snack time and i brought in like a snack that had a little drizzle of chocolate on it and miss collins grabbed it from me and threw it away of like damn then she sent me home with a note to my mom that said i was despicable for bringing chocolate in for a snack. Craziest, wildest thing to get in trouble for. That is such fucking private school, dude. Chocolate for breakfast? Yeah, Mrs. Collins, you probably had a fucking piece of cake this morning. Especially teachers, dude. She's like you're Chocolate for breakfast
Starting point is 00:16:07 What's going on In your household Here's your test back sweetie You flip it over there's like wine stains On it Remember that when your teachers would hand you back a test And there'd be food and shit all over I'd be like eh thanks
Starting point is 00:16:22 Thanks Ms. Schmeckaberry You got some uh I know it's not hey thanks thanks miss you got some uh I know it's not a high score but you got some high life on the test alright here we go most ridiculous thing you've ever gotten in trouble for sent to the office for
Starting point is 00:16:41 blowing my nose with too many Kleenexes too many Kleenexes. Too many Kleenexes? Dude, the amount of Kleenexes that each classroom has stocked with at the beginning of the year? Do you remember that? Every first day of school, bring two paper towels and two Kleenexes. The back of the classroom every time I, like, at the beginning of the year, it would be like a goddamn food drive full of shit.
Starting point is 00:17:08 The back of the classroom looked like a homeless shelter on the first day of school. Like, how many boxes of Kleenexes do we need? One of my friends, that was, like, so funny, he didn't give a shit. It's so funny when kids don't give a shit about school. Like, there's always, like, four kids in, like, your grade kids don't give a shit about school like you there's always like four kids in like your grade that don't give a shit and they're just like there to fuck they're just there to like be crazy I love those guys and they're the same kids that like wear the weird uniform combinations you know like in school in private school you have to wear uniforms and it's like tan pants, Navy shirt, Navy polo,
Starting point is 00:17:45 tan pants, Navy polo, Navy pants, white polo, tan pants, burgundy polo. You know, it's just like, you just go, but like the kids that were crazy and didn't care would wear like Navy pants and a Navy polo. And you'd be like, what the dude, how'd your mom let you leave and then sometimes I'd wear like navy pants and a burgundy shirt and you'd be like okay should have done laundry mommy oh my god but like that crazy kid in one of my classes he'd go you know like sharpening your pencil and getting the kleenex this was like the only break you had in school you'd be like I'm gonna go get a kleenex in like 10 minutes. It's going to be super lit. That's how trapped you are in school. That's how military private school is. I'd be like, bro, I'm about to get a Kleenex and this shit is about to be
Starting point is 00:18:35 hype. Watch what I do up here. Literally for blowing your nose. When you got to go to the bathroom by yourself, it was like you were in fucking Wonderland. I'd skip down the hall. Walking in a winter. That never happened. Unless it was Friday at, like, almost when school was getting out, you would be caught dead outside of your classroom. Holy shit. But, like, one of my friends would always go sharpen his pencil, but, like, not really. And he'd
Starting point is 00:19:05 just go in the back of class and like do stupid shit and like i i would laugh for i'm like still laughing about it i'd laugh for 10 years but he like all the kleenexes are stacked up on the back shelf like in like pile like stat like towers of kleenexes like against the wall like up high and he was tall as shit because the crazy kids in school are always like nine feet tall for some reason and he was sharpening his pencil and every time he'd sharpen his pencil and the teacher would look back at the board he just fucking punched the shit out of a kleenex box so and like no one knew but me and him so i know he would like literally like haymaker style, like whale on a box of Kleenexes. And the teacher never like knew. Like she'd just hear a big pop.
Starting point is 00:19:51 So like she'd look back and he'd be sharpening his pen. You know, you sharpen a pencil. Like you're like basically twerking. So the teacher, the teacher would look back at him after, after she heard the noise and like expect something to happen behind her. And he'd just be like shaking his ass like nothing happened and then one day one day like in the
Starting point is 00:20:14 spring when like little kleenex boxes were like whittling down she went back there to get a box and she found like 34 pancake kleenex boxes. They were like this. The cardboard was all wrinkled and fucked up. Oh shit. No wonder, bro. No wonder everybody's insane because of that kind of shit. No, you can't go to the bathroom. I was so confused one time.
Starting point is 00:20:44 I was like, hey, Mrs. Flutter, can I go to the bathroom? She's like, I don't know, can you? She's like a hot, like, history teacher, kind of. I guess she was kind of hot. She, like, dressed well, and she was, like, cute. She wasn't like, oh, yeah. But when you're in fifth grade and you're a guy, you're kind of like, and you're in school, you know what I mean? So, like, literally anyone's hot. and you're a guy you're kind of like and you're in school you know what i mean so like literally
Starting point is 00:21:05 anyone's hot a lunch lady with like nice glasses you could be like yeah bro but like yeah she like she's like she like dressed really well and she's like tall she's like not that i'm like still obsessed or anything like that no but i was like miss like, Miss Flutter, can I use the bathroom? She's like, I don't know, can you? And I was like, yeah. I was like, is she asking me if I know how to pee? I was so fucked up. And she was hot, so I was like.
Starting point is 00:21:38 But I was like super nervous. I was like, what is, yeah. I was like, did you see me pee last time and my dick wasn't working or something? I was like, what is, yeah. I was like, are you, did you see me pee last time? And my dick wasn't working or something. I was like, what are you talking about? And she's like, can you? And I was like, of course my whole body was like a thousand degrees. My hair was probably on fire. My face was so red. I was like, and I seriously, for like one second, I was thinking about just being like, I don't have to go. Just because I was like, this is so fucked up.
Starting point is 00:22:07 What are you talking about? She's like, say, may I please? It's just little shit like that is why everyone's psycho. All private school kids are insane because of that shit. Oh my God. All right, here we go. Most ridiculous thing you ever got in trouble for, Kyle Jones. Held my hands outside of a school bus window and got banned from the bus for a week.
Starting point is 00:22:33 I don't know, dog. Like, that was a serious thing for a minute. I actually get that. But banned from the bus? Can my man get, can the homie get a warning? Jesus Christ. Like, kids aren't going gonna stick their hands out of the bus windows but i do remember there was like a story when i was like really young some kid like put his head out of the bus window just to like look at something because who what kid wouldn't do that and a tree just like like decapitated him. So not that ridiculous, but dude,
Starting point is 00:23:06 bus kids were a whole different vibe in school. Like if you were on the bus in school, I was like, I don't want to be your partner, bro. Like, what are you going to do? Knife me.
Starting point is 00:23:19 What are you going to do? Knife me during indoor recess. Bus kids were crazy. I'm like, no one can pick you up from school what the hell is this I couldn't have met dude only bad stuff happened that's why my parents I wish I would have been on the bus maybe I'd know how to like gamble you don't know how to play cards bro you don't know how to play cards bro, you don't know play euchre and blackjack nah dog didn't ride the bus Oh, okay. That's like where it all comes from I
Starting point is 00:23:49 Didn't I still don't know how to do shit probably cuz I didn't ride the bus if you rode the bus You know how to like change your own oil, you know how to gamble You know how you like know everything about drugs you already have like you're already divorced obviously dude have like you're already divorced obviously dude you're taking out lump sums and shit if you throw the bus i hate the word lump sums lump get the fuck out of here with that every time i hear lump sum on a commercial i'm like Oh god Alright This is so fried
Starting point is 00:24:29 Oh shit hold on Lump sum dude Has your sum have cancer? Lump sum Here we go Colin and Most ridiculous thing You've ever gotten in trouble for my senior year 2010 I was obsessed with super bad and I recreated his notebook of dick drawings And I got told on by a girl in my class what a bitch you know
Starting point is 00:24:59 Just let it slide people that tell on other people in school for funny stuff. I'm like Just let it slide. People that tell on other people in school for funny stuff, I'm like, like how clueless and lame are you that you told on this kid for like doing a funny thing that didn't harm anybody? Because I'm like sensitive to that because I hate it when people told on me in class. I'd be like, you're such a pussy, bro. Do you want me to like give you my crackers or something so you don't tell? And then the teacher would be like, Alex, you have a question?
Starting point is 00:25:32 And he's going to tell me. And he'd be like, yeah, can I use the restroom? And I'd be like. He'd look at me and walk out the door and be like, I'm a slick-ass bitch, aren't I? And I'd be like, yes, Alex. All right, all right. I'm a slick ass bitch aren't I? You know I'd be like Yes Alex Alright alright Alright Colin and Most ridiculous thing you ever got in trouble for We also used to Make fun of the kids
Starting point is 00:25:56 Who weren't circumcised And call them turtles The principal Called me in the office and I got in trouble I went to the school I went to the school with 160 kids. That's pretty crazy, honestly. Like, especially when you're that old, that can, like... When you get made fun of when you're a kid, like, it sucks.
Starting point is 00:26:19 When you get made fun of now, you're like, okay, are you really making fun of me? Making fun of kids who weren't circumcised that's crazy you can always like you always just this is weird but you can always just like if you see a guy you can you don't you're always like yeah he's not circumcised you know just by like the way they talk and look you you're like, there's no way that that motherfucker's circumcised. He's got uncircumcised vibes. They're like tall and they're like, their dress shirt's like real baggy. And they're like, I thought that, you know, you'd want, they have that like frog voice kind of. That's the thing.
Starting point is 00:27:09 uh that's the thing i i didn't really know if if uh they're like in front they're like in front of you at starbucks and they're like i'll take um they get like the weirdest thing and their shirts baggy and they're like um i'll take a grande uh roast, grande roast, and, uh, they get, like, the weirdest shit. They're like, and they get the stuff that you never get. And they're like, and I'll buy this bag of beans here, coffee beans. And the barista's even like, nobody even gets those. And the guy's like, I, yeah, it's, uh, it's for my son. You're like, you don't have a son, bro. Yeah, that's
Starting point is 00:27:46 uncircumcised people. Whoops! Yeah, but you know what I mean? TJNap23 Most ridiculous thing you ever got in trouble for. In elementary school, I got sent to the office for sticking up my ring finger at someone. Ring finger. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a thing.
Starting point is 00:28:14 I think I went through that phase where that was kind of funny to do. Because at first glance, you're like, oh, it's just his ring finger. How about the first time somebody flipped you off Like one of your friends Was that like life changing or what I was like holy shit he really did that It's so funny Like the first week you start flipping people off
Starting point is 00:28:36 I die laughing It's so Fucking funny I think I was in like 6th grade And some kid flipped me off at this basketball camp. And I was like, I could not stop. I was obsessed with flipping people off. Still am.
Starting point is 00:28:53 But it was so. Okay. Bream. Bream McKinn. Most ridiculous thing you ever got in trouble for. I once got an attention for asking my Spanish teacher if she wore a leather busier
Starting point is 00:29:08 when I was in 7th grade whoops I can honestly say I didn't know what that was at the time yeah it's kind of weird lingerie first time I saw a lingerie I was like that's real that was the sexiest shit I've ever seen in my life. The first time I walked by Victoria's Secret, I was like, oh my fucking God, no way.
Starting point is 00:29:31 If I walked by Victoria's Secret now with my mom, she would still cover my eyes. And I'd completely deserve it. Dude, the shit in those windows when you're a kid was like... Are you seeing this? I purposely didn't look so hard, dude, because I knew, like, when I walked in the mall with my family, and we walked by Victoria's Secret, holy tits. I purposely just stared right at the ground. I didn't even blink. I just looked at the ground, because I knew everyone in my family was just waiting for me to look
Starting point is 00:30:05 at those goddamn windows. They're like taunting me. They're like, We know you want to. We know you... Look, baby. Look, I dare you. Oh, we know you want to see them. And right when we pass the storefront, I'd be like, Oh, God. Okay, I can look up again.
Starting point is 00:30:23 Dude, but Victoria's Secret What a trick what a trap Jesus Christ every window Something you'll never forget about for the rest of your life like such a shock when you're a kid or any guy still still honestly when I walk by Victoria's Secret I'm still like god damn
Starting point is 00:31:02 it's so fucking naughty Victoria's Secret, I'm still like, god damn. It's so fucking naughty. It's crazy, honestly, that that can just be there. Kids of all ages can walk by in the Greenwood Park Mall, but when you turn the corner, going this way, come inside, it's a sturdy little secret. in the corner going this way. Come inside.
Starting point is 00:31:25 It's a sturdy little secret. Crazy. Lingerie though. How is that allowed? First time I saw that shit was unbelievable. I'm like, girls wear this? I swear to God I wouldn't be able to take it seriously if I really saw a girl wearing lingerie.
Starting point is 00:31:43 I'd be like, holy shit, you really put all that shit on? Oh, for me? Oh, I can't look. I'd be like trained to look away. Thank you. That's what I'd say. If a girl walked in a room wearing lingerie for me, I'd be like, thanks.
Starting point is 00:32:00 I've got to go. I've got to go study. That's enough for tonight Okay WillGolden77 Most ridiculous thing I ever got in trouble for Detention in high school for Untucked shirt So weird
Starting point is 00:32:20 My dad literally still thinks I should tuck my shirt in Still Like if he sees me with an untucked shirt I know he thinks it every time So weird. My dad literally still thinks I should tuck my shirt in. Still. Like if he sees me with an untucked shirt, I know he thinks it every time. He's like, why don't you tuck your shirt in? But he doesn't say it because I'm like 30. But I know he wants too bad. Detention in high school for an untucked shirt. Also, my buddy got a detention for speeding when he wasn't on school grounds.
Starting point is 00:32:44 That's so stupid. About five minutes off off campus the teacher saw him in her car you were speeding over there yeah i was in a different county uh-uh not on my watch remember when you used to see like a teacher at the grocery store and you'd be like, holy fuck not talking to you How weird was that dude, ew it just sucked how much like dirt teachers had on you Like if you're with your mom and you saw like a teacher that's gotten in like gotten you in trouble before you're so scared You're like, oh fuck. She's gonna tell my mom everything right now. Mom, let's go this way. I need some eggs. Eggs? Yes, I need eggs right now.
Starting point is 00:33:28 It's not even Easter. I need eggs for this project. That was weird, dude. You ever see a teacher in public and they don't even know who the fuck you are? See this teacher every single day for a year straight. See her in public.
Starting point is 00:33:44 She's like, she doesn't even like register. I'm like, you are a robot. E-boop-bop-boop. Hi, Mrs. E-boop. That's how you have to communicate with her. You're like, E-boop-bop-boop. Hi, Mrs. Curly. E-boop-bop-boop.
Starting point is 00:33:59 Here we go. She's most ridiculous reason you got in trouble. One time I was dismissed from the class while reading aloud the Canterbury tales because I couldn't stop laughing at the sex described in all the English. That's perfectly fine I could I was that dude that would never stop laughing at stuff You know when something's so funny you can't stop laughing I haven't had one of those moments in a minute, but that's hilarious. That's the best time of your life.
Starting point is 00:34:27 And the teacher's like, like, it's just hilarious and you know it. And the teacher's like, All right, let's go viral. Vi-vi-vi-vi-viral. Alright Let's go viral Viral Hashtag odd Christmas day traditions
Starting point is 00:34:57 Odd Christmas day traditions I don't think we do anything that odd Except for All I don't think we do anything that odd except for all i don't think we do anything that odd okay my odd christmas day tradition my family like half of them live in florida and my sister never comes back for christmas she comes back for christmas in like february so we literally have christmas like Valentine's Day. Just because she like can't get a flight
Starting point is 00:35:27 or like just doesn't care. And we're just like, yeah, let's do it later, I guess. So that's my odd Christmas traditions. We have, we literally have like presents around the tree on February like 7th. Hashtag ways to get jolly hashtag ways to get jolly i'm i'm usually always pretty much a christmas bitch i don't like need to like be like i need to get in the spirit but like one year i did not you ever have that one year where you're just not feeling it oh i forget what year it was i was
Starting point is 00:36:07 in like high school though we're like when christmas was like still kind of a big deal once you get into college you're like christmas whatever we just like get a really long break the breaks in college are crazy in grade school or elementary school middle school you have like 15 17 days off dude the breaks in college like you guys haven't been to college or something, but the breaks in college, why are they like three months long? They're like, yeah, we're on Christmas break. See you guys in April. I'm like, holy shit.
Starting point is 00:36:36 Okay. Whatever you say. Are you sure? I was always like, are you sure that's right that we're off for that long? I always wanted to double check with the president of the university. Like, that's a really long time. Thank you. Or like wrote him a letter every year to his house.
Starting point is 00:36:48 Then ding dong dished him. Ba ba ba ba bad. Ways to get jolly. Yeah, but there was one, there was one year where I was like not into it and I couldn't get into it. It was like, it was literally Christmas Eve and I was like forcing myself to listen to Christmas music so I was just like I don't know I it is it does kind of suck though when that happens it just like happens you can't control it I'm I'm a Christmas bitch this year everybody's so ready for Christmas this year most anticipated Christmas in the world.
Starting point is 00:37:27 It's two days. National Cupcake Day. National Cupcake Day. Man, cupcakes have run my life for a really long time. Cupcakes are perfect. And sometimes there is a little too much
Starting point is 00:37:43 cake, though. Cake needs to be less on cupcakes some people are like the cake's the best part and then some people are like I love the icing you ever have that one piece of crap kid it was always a kid yeah it was always some like squirmy ass kid that uh would always lick the icing off the cupcakes like in at the like birthday party in school and then like just like throw the cake away Hated that motherfucker
Starting point is 00:38:10 His name was always Ross He always had a blue tongue like three days out of the week and you're like Always got good grades, but he was like such a little piece of crap not that that's a real kid that I knew or anything National Cupcake Day. I like cupcakes that are even smaller now. You ever see mini cupcakes and you're like, yes. Like cupcakes are already pretty small. Those mini joints.
Starting point is 00:38:40 Wednesday. National Chocolate Covered Anything Day. Wednesday, National Chocolate-Covered Anything Day. I saw some chocolate-covered peanuts the other day, and I had to think long and hard about my entire life. And I was like, do I need them? Just eat them, it's Christmas! That's always, like, my thing in the back of my head. And then the other side of me is like, you've eaten 45 nuts today already.
Starting point is 00:39:04 Chocolate-covered pretzels are like my thing that i'm just like like that's like i'm always like between 11 p.m and midnight i'm like chocolate covered pretzels that's the only thing on my mind flips flips flips the white ones though with spongebob on the bag i'm like who's not buying those Barney and Barbie Backlash day How is that a day Barney Barney was such a weird ass guy
Starting point is 00:39:35 His teeth I always thought his teeth were so weird Barney's teeth a big white strip I was like damn Your teeth are white bro He would look so weird if he had individual teeth, though. Barney's big. I was like, does he have a mouthpiece in?
Starting point is 00:39:50 I always thought his teeth were so weird. Barbie day? Yeah, Barbies are like straight up like backlash. Backlash city for Barbies. I always got Barbies naked, man. I'm like bragging right now. I'm like, dude, I always got Barbies naked, man. I'm like bragging right now. I'm like, dude, I always got Barbies naked.
Starting point is 00:40:10 Okay, cool, dude. That was like, that's all I remember about growing up was just getting Barbies naked. Not just the girls. I'd get the guys naked too and just be like, look at them for 10 years. I'd be like,
Starting point is 00:40:30 that was so weird man barbie's feet are like permanently like pointed down ew bro barbies are so weird the off-brand barbies i hated like when my cousins would have off-brand barbies even as a kid i was like ah fuck her oh shit when my cousins would have off-brand Barbies. Even as a kid, I was like, ah, fuck her. Oh, shit. Thursday. National Maple Syrup Day. I swear I can't even eat syrup anymore. If I even smell syrup, I like... If I even walk by syrup, I'll smell like it
Starting point is 00:41:02 until, like, Halloween. I don't even... I don't think I honestly could physically eat pancakes and syrup to this day. Because imagine eating two big Cracker Barrel pancakes. No one can do that anymore. When you get older, you get food hangovers. You know how you get a hangover from alcohol and you're like god this day's trash now i'm not doing anything today lazy sunday dude that's how i am after i like if i eat a donut see ya whole day gone i feel like shit can Can't like, I have no motivation. One donut. And I'm like, I don't feel like doing it. I'm good. I don't need to do it today. One donut. Why would that ever happen? Is that just me? One donut. And I'm like, no, I'm good. I literally, I can't even think of doing one. I have no drive.
Starting point is 00:42:02 I can't even think of doing one. I have no drive. I don't know. I'm fucked up. I can't do it. That's like with like 10 other things too. Donuts, pancakes, obviously. If I had one Cracker Barrel pancake, I'd be like,
Starting point is 00:42:20 I don't care about my dreams. Thursday, Wright Brothers Day The Wright Brothers dude I swear to god like Nah The Wright Brothers Sometimes when I Like buy flights on Google Like I'm like
Starting point is 00:42:39 I buy like the Like some Cheap flight that Who knows what's going on. I buy flights like I'm blind. I'm like, sure, it looks good. $198 going there, I guess. I wouldn't be surprised if one day I just step onto a Wright Brothers plane
Starting point is 00:42:57 and they're like, are you ready to go? It's like one of those planes where they give you a helmet with goggles. Come on, hop in. Buckle your seat your seat belt we gotta start this thing up before we take off he's like you ready and i'm like yeah they're like all right here we go and you gotta like kick start it you're like out there like pushing the plane then you gotta jump in like one of those movie amelia erhart planes he's like put on this scarf you know they drop you off and you never see him again he like dies on the way home you're like wow
Starting point is 00:43:39 my pilot died oh my god I swear to god one one of those times. One of those flights I have are going to be playing. You're outside the whole time. It's so dumb. Friday, National Twin Day.
Starting point is 00:44:01 Twins freak me out, dude. How weird are parents that have twin kids and make them dress the same ah that just freaked me out there's nothing weirder than that when like twin you know you always had twins in like your elementary school they'd always dress the same be like be like you guys are dorks there's nothing dorkier than twins that dress the same growing up. You know they literally hate each other now that they got older.
Starting point is 00:44:31 Nothing dorkier. And they wouldn't even be identical twins. They just like kind of have the same like hair. I hated twins that looked nothing alike and they'd be like we're twins and you'd be like no you're not how about guy and girl twins like when it's a boy and a girl and they're twins
Starting point is 00:44:53 it's like so you're not twins you know we came out at the same time you look nothing alike dude how about that how are you twins when you're a boy and you're a girl riddle me that max and megan oh shit national roast suckling pig day ew dude i can't even be around. I'm a bitch now. Like, I've
Starting point is 00:45:26 haven't... I'm a pescatarian or whatever that is. I'm a presbyterian. Every time somebody's like, oh, so you're a vegetarian but you eat fish? Okay, so you're a pescatarian. I'm like, yes, I was baptized. Amen.
Starting point is 00:45:44 No, but I can't even, like, look at it's so weird like when there's like we're having a pig roast for the Colts game I'm like I'll be on the other side of town it's like I can't even there's so much guy shit I'm like wow you guys are having a pig roast before the Colts game you definitely took the bus to school. What else are you doing? What else are you doing that I'd get in trouble for probably to this day? National Ugly Sweater Day. Ugly Xmas. Xmas.
Starting point is 00:46:19 That's such like an evil way to say Christmas when I see Xmas. Isn't that like not allowed anymore? Did I always use to abbreviate Christmas with Xmas? Now it sounds like satanic. Like Satan terrorized the holiday. National ugly Xmas. Sweater day. If you have an ugly sweater that says something on it, like some catchphrase or some meme,
Starting point is 00:46:44 honestly, you're a dork.'m all about spirit dude i'm sorry i'm sorry but it is kind of like dorky it is it is man i'm sorry it is like if you're gonna do an ugly sweater it just has to be like an ugly one that you got from goodwill that's like a naturally ugly sweater it can't say like it can't say like uh where my ho ho ho's at or some shit like that you know i mean that's so dorky or if you're going to ugly sweaty sweater party and you have like a christmas like tuxedo like you really think any girl is gonna be like who's that guy in the fucking reindeer red tux i want to talk to him should i talk to him oh my god oh my god he's flossing right now oh my god like come on man
Starting point is 00:47:45 he's so hot oh I wanna say something to him you have like running shoes on you don't even have like tuxedo like tuck shoes on you just have like your like shoes you like go to like CVS in with that shit on on you just have like your like shoes you like go to like cbs in with that shit on because you're at like a house party you don't want to like ruin good shoes
Starting point is 00:48:10 but also you don't take your shoes off because then you'd be like way less tall holy shit you're wearing like nike like shoes with like air pockets in them with the rudolph tux oh my god that guy look at him holy shit his shoes they're like kinda dirty cause he like went outside and like bonged a beer but oh my god oh my god
Starting point is 00:48:34 he's playing music what song oh my god what song do you think he'll pick he's picking the next song this whatever song he picks is gonna be the deciding factor if I talk to him what song do you think I'll pick? He's picking the next song. This, whatever song he picks, is going to be the deciding factor if I talk to him or not. The song's about to end that's on right now,
Starting point is 00:48:53 and he's, like, scrolling through the phone, and all the girls are like, oh, my God, what's he going to pick? What's he going to pick? They're, like, sitting by each other, like, really close on the couch, laughing about nothing. Girls always laugh about nothing way too hard,
Starting point is 00:49:04 and I'm like what the fuck was so funny just for attention you're like but you have to be like what what happened they're like nothing and you're like jesus christ set myself up for that for the 95th time in a row girls always laugh so loud like when they're in a group and they're like walking by like if they if girls if if you kind of like a girl and she kind of likes you but it's not like a thing yet she'll walk by you and a group of like three other girls and be like oh i know just for you to be like what the fuck and then she's like nothing and you're like down one point to the annoying girls okay that's just my mind I guess but now he's scrolling through he's scrolling through
Starting point is 00:49:50 his phone I don't know why I'm picturing on like a first generation iPod where it's like has like that circle it's like an iPod touch that you like don't want to break at a party like oh my god what song is he gonna play and he the guy the guy that's in that christmas red rudolph suit with nike air pocket shoes on picks this song sometimes i get a good feeling yeah Takes a shot of fireball with his friend Like hey This song wasn't even cool When it came out Alright
Starting point is 00:50:44 National underdog day National underdog day All right. National underdog day. National underdog day. I'm obsessed with the underdogs. I don't know why, but that's my shit. Underdogs. I'm a bitch for an underdog. Like, any situation, I'm like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:02 Even if I don't like it, I'm like, that one. Just because it's not, like, the top, you you know? Just like, let's appreciate my man. You know what I mean? Like, I was always like, I wasn't a Justin Timberlake guy, really. I'd give him respect, but I was more of JC Chazet. Because I was like, he's pretty good if you guys would just realize this. Like, this guy can sing. He'd always have like the second biggest verse in all the NSYNC songs. I'd be like, see? Not bad.
Starting point is 00:51:29 Not fucking bad. Right? And they'd be like, what's his name? And I'd be like, Jesus Christ, how many times do I have to say it? J.C. Chazet. And they'd be like, how do you even know that? And I'd be like, you don't even listen? Like this song, this song. Okay, not that. Holy shit. This song.
Starting point is 00:51:58 Like, yeah. Like, yeah, Justin Timberlake went off and popped by NSYNC, but JC... Can we just take a minute here to appreciate that? Right here, right here. So Timberlake popped off. Yeah, we know, we know, we know. But JC right here.
Starting point is 00:52:26 Hold on, hold on hold on did you hear that did you hear that what's that and he dude he's not even trying you know he doesn't give a shit. He's just like, yeah, yeah, give me the second best verse and I'll do what I do. That's like what he said to the manager and the guy was like, alright, bro. We don't have to
Starting point is 00:52:54 worry about JC. We know he's gonna get it done. Hold on, hold on. It's that you get hype and we'll do it to you every time. Come on now. Dude, I swear to God. I swear to God. This song, though, bro. This is the best NSYNC song, by the way.
Starting point is 00:53:11 I said it! I think he pops in another time, too. He pops in. I said he pops in. I'm such a bitch. Hold on. But I think he comes back. I think he comes back with more Shazay on the beat.
Starting point is 00:53:27 There he is. There he is. There he is. God damn, Justin Timberlake is pretty good, isn't he? He has like a raspy, like wispy voice this song.
Starting point is 00:53:44 You know? He always sounds different in every song. This one though. He has like a raspy, like wispy voice This song, you know He always sounds different in every song This one though You know what I'm saying? Like he's never really sounded like that Why is it like You can't stop It's like dude, did you just Did you just have a sore throat like a week ago? Why is it like, dirty pop, you can't stop.
Starting point is 00:54:09 It's like, dude, did you just have a sore throat like a week ago? He has like sick school voice, you know? When you have sick school voice and you go to school and you like sound kind of different and scratchy and sexier the next day. Like if I got sick and I had a sore throat and my mom was like, Ben, you're going to school. And right when I got to school, they were like, dirty pop did it did you can't stop I'd be like okay it sounded just like this Oh my god, dude Oh my god Alright Let's call it, dude
Starting point is 00:54:58 That's it That's it, dude Shot 137 It was fun Thank you guys for the DMs I did it did you can Stop Thanks for the DMs
Starting point is 00:55:14 Remember to follow on Twitter Instagram TikTok cameo get a Christmas cameo Baby Subscribe rate review the pod It helps so much Really do it please leave a review and rate it I swear
Starting point is 00:55:29 I don't just come on here and like I do come on here and seriously fuck around but like I do plan stuff out and like it does it does actually take effort so I'd really appreciate it if you guys spread it out tell your homies and homegirls Cause it's an espresso thing
Starting point is 00:55:47 Okay I'll talk to you guys next week For a little Christmas episode Maybe we'll do something special I have fam Now, why you want to try to classify the type of thing we do? We're just fine doing what we like. Can we say the same for you?

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