Espresso - Seth Rogen is a a bad actor (Done Pretending) | Espresso Pod 419

Episode Date: May 14, 2026

Air hockeying nuts into a kid's mouth at the lunch table and screaming at your coworker's dog is just what happens when you finally stop pretending. We realize putting Pop-Tarts in the freezer is a crime against humanity and throwing down a five dollar bill for Little Caesars pizza is the ultimate flex. Stop acting like you don’t sneak 8 leftover donuts from your car after a first date and blast divorced dad rock otw home-------------------------------------------------Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/-------------------------------------------------TIMESTAMP CHAPTERS0:00 - Intro3:24 - Fruit punch is the worst flavor8:08 - Air hockeying nuts into a kid's mouth9:35 - Putting Pop-Tarts in the freezer13:11 - Done pretending about hockey games20:41 - Fast food limited time items32:33 - Seth Rogen is not a good actor33:14 - The zig zag hair part39:20 - Asking how is everything45:02 - Pretending to care about your dog52:30 - Quitting your eighth grade math job57:28 - Glazing divorced dad rock59:44 - Apple watch rings and running stats1:08:05 - Ozempic weight loss shortcuts1:12:10 - Little Caesars is the best pizza-------------------------------------------------

And nothing boils my blood more than when my dad sends me a reel that's clearly set up. And I'm like, dad, are you like, are you retarded? So I got a question. Do you want to have a slumber party in my basement? Do I make your heartbeat like an 808 drum is my love? Your drug? You're, oh, this thing's on. My bad.

Spresso podcast shot 419. I'm your girlfriend, Benny, who's had the same. Planner's warts on the bottom of his foot since he was 10 years old. Um, you're disgusting. But hey, watch me on F-boy Island and F-girl Island on HBO. Max. Um, are you ever gonna stop talking about that? Absolutely not. I was gonna, but I walked into Target today and some lady was like, wait, are you the, are you from F-boy? Yeah, babe. She was like, can we take a picture? Oh my God, F-boy Island never died. Watch it with your mom and your dad, HBO Max.

And join the Patreon for $5 a month. That's it, five bucks. What do I get if I join? Like, I don't get it. $5 for what? You get a live stream at the end of every week. That goes crazy and every other podcast. Not this one.

This one's on YouTube. You can watch. You can listen for free. But every other is on Patreon, babe. $5 a month. What a deal. This guy's just giving stuff away. Wait, so for the live stream, like, what do you guys talk about?

I don't get it. Like, explain because, like, what am I paying $5 for? Do you guys just talk about Plato's closet the whole time? No, I would never talk about how much I hate Plato's closet. The whole entire time, I would never do that. Do you talk about how you used to try on clothes in the middle of Walmart because you didn't want to go to the fitting room? No, I'm not trashy. I would never do something like that.

But in case we did talk about stuff like that, you should join $5 a month. That's it. And get all your merch at benedictmerch.com. 50% off of everything with code bald, nice, or glonky at checkout. This guy's just giving stuff away. Who's not buying it? Speaking of buying it, we got who's buying this merch.

We got, we out here being nice merch. We got everything. We got glonky merch. I don't know if I know those home. We got emotional support. merch. We got Benedict T-shirts. We got everything. These guys merch, everything. Buy some shit. Nice, bald, glonky at checkout for 50% off. I mean, come on. Let's get to the

quack, quack, quix. Espresso question of the week. This is a classic express question right here. God! Complained gang, assemble. If we're not complaining on this podcast, we're not doing it. Right. I don't know how we just keep coming out with the questions, but they're just so express fam. Question of the week. What are you done pretending to like? What do you done pretending about for me? God dang, bro. I've been thinking about this all week. Um, you need to like get out more. Fruit Punch. Can we just talk about fruit punch for a second? Can we put some disrespect on fruit punch. Gotta be one of the most entitled things

I've ever thought of in my entire life. Fruit punch. One of the most mid flavors. Why is it think it's so top tier? Fruit punch doesn't think it needs a weight in line. Um, I'm fruit punt. No. Mid.

It's called fruit dude. Fruit punch should literally knock you out. Cah. Fruit punch. Even when I was a kid, like Hawaiian punch, I'm like, is it because it like, does it think it's so cool because it's red? Okay? Red? It kind of just tastes like nothing.

Even when it's like super cold, you know? It's hard to make a cold drink taste bad, but fruit punch when it's cold, I'm like, I don't, I mean, it's just kind of, it just feels like it's stained in my lips, really not doing anything else for me. I'm over it, fruit punch. Dude, if you hear the words fruit punch and you just landed on this planet, you'd be like, yeah, that's got to be the best drink in the world. That's got to be every fruit that makes sense mixed together in a trash bag. Every fruit mixed together in a trash bag, shaking up and somebody hits you across the face with it. Every fruit, boom, strawberry.

Boom. Blueberries. Bang. Banana. A little bit of apple. A little bit of peach. A little bit of Kiwi. Some banana. Shake it up in a bucket. Then softball pitch it at my head. That's what fruit punch should taste like. Oh my God. That was so. Should never recover from it either. I should be on the ground with a red mouth like I'm an eight year old for the rest of my life after drinking fruit punch. Nope, it's just kind of like, what else is there? I'm so sick of it, man.

I'm done. I'm done, it's over. I'm done with it. Nuts and brownies, another thing. I'm done pretending. I've done with this. I've had sympathy for it for absolutely no reason my entire life.

You need to like get out more literally. All you do is talk about food. That's all I want to talk about. Ash? It's a big deal. Literally every podcast, turns into a food conversation. How about this?

That's all I want. That's all I care about. And that's what I stand for. Every day, every second, you can't tell me you're not talking about, you're not thinking about food every 17 seconds at least.

Food, drink, food, drink, food, drink dessert. Appetizer, appetizer, appetizer. Don't get mouthy. Yeah, but I'll see nuts in like a, I'll see a banging cake. Turn it to the side. There's a bunch of nuts in it. Oh, well, somebody out there must like that.

Me. Hmm, well, I mean, everybody likes nuts sometimes. Me. Nobody likes it. It ruins everything. I wish I could be this passionate about, like, real stuff. But it just doesn't matter to me. Nothing matter.

Dude, I don't know. You could repo my car. I'd be like, I guess. But if I walk into a store and see a cake and I bring it home, slice it open and there's nuts in the cake! Dude, if I'm going to end my life, okay, this is like dark now. If I'm going to end my life,

it's not going to be over anything important. It will be over nuts and a brownie. Even when I was a kid and you got the little Debbie snack, you were blessed to get the little Debbie snack in your lunch on a field trip, whatever it is. I brought my lunch to school every day. So my mom sometimes, sometimes if they're on sale, would put a little Debbie snack in there.

And one time we had the brownies with the nuts. And I was like, why the, at the age of nine, I was like, why the hell would she get these? I didn't say anything, though, because I was like, maybe she likes nuts in them. Picked every nut off. Fed him to some weird kid at the end of the table. His name was Jordan.

You had red Hawaiian punch mouth. I'll take your nuts. Put his mouth right above the table. And I air hockeyed every nut into his mouth. Okay, you're talking about nuts and mouths a little of you much. Shut up. Serious right now. Okay, one more thing and we'll get to your voice messages.

But yo, just some stuff. I can't pretend to like any. I'm done. I've run out of patience. This one, this one stings the most. This pisses me off. Wait, you're cussing now? This, this honestly fires me up.

When people will put things in the freezer that don't belong in the freezer and they make their whole life about it. Their whole personality is, oh my God, I put grapes in the freezer. It's like such a sweet little snack. Just shut up and eat. the grapes normal. They don't need

okay, a couple grapes in the freezer to try them, but like everything's got to go in the freezer now? What happened to just eating things the temperature that they're served? Oh my God, wait, I put Pop-Tarts in the freezer. Literally

my new thing. You just can't tell me that a frozen Pop-Tart taste better than a warmed up pop tart. It's got to be, I think it's a white person thing. White people will just put anything in the freezer

and make their whole personality about it. Grapes. Pop tart. Nut. Get a life. Candy bars? Dude, that nothing has made me more mad in my life than when somebody's like,

um, yeah, I like Snickers, but I like them, in the freezer. Lost all respect for you. Yeah, let me gnaw on a frozen Snickers bar. What are you, a teething puppy?

Can't take it. Can't take it. Look, you, if it comes out of the freezer, frozen food section, it goes in the freezer. Don't change the chemistry of the food. York peppermint patties in the freezer? You're playing god. and you're going to hell for that.

York peppermint patties. Slap room temp. Where do you get them? Right by the cash register. And you're supposed to eat it in one, two takes. Home home. On the way out to your car.

You don't put that. No wonder why all your teeth are cracked and falling out of your mouth. You're putting stuff in the freezer doesn't belong in the freezer. Ashley? Oh my God. I had to get a bridge in my teeth. I had to get a bridge in my side teeth because I cracked it on a frozen grape.

It's because you're playing God. Now go to hell where you belong. One of those pods, huh? It's going to be one of these. Let's hear it, babe. What are you done pretending to like? Man, this is going to be good. This is where the fam comes to play, baby.

and I can't wait to ball out. Okay. There, Andy did. See, maybe just say you are a fine specimen. I love your nose. It's gorgeous. I love him, man,

with a big nose. Anyways, oh, look at you. He looks so cute, listening to me, sitting on that shade. Yeah, look at you smiling. I got you all smiling.

I feel like something. I'm done pretending about sports. You know, I have a friend who always invites me to go to a hockey game. You don't go because I ain't no party pooper. And I want to be, you know, with him and just have fun, you know. But as of likely, I just feel like it's a big-ass waste of money. It's stupid. All these people jump in and shableness.

out yelling and spinning all kinds of money on alcohol and food there. It's stupid. Like, where are y'all doing? And all these damn girls with their Utah curls wearing their cowboy boots holding on to their husbands as if anybody wants them. They all look the same. They all got a curly mall with a jersey in some tight jeans. Nuth huckers are going to be called in their boots.

Like, they all look like they could be related. ain't nobody want them, sweetie. But I'm just done pretending and I won't be there. I'm not having fun. I'm boring, and I will not be going to any more games. And that friend is just going to have to kiss my ass because it's a big ass waste of money. But anyways, that's all. And it was really nice to you.

Don't let me be on here, Benadgett. And you and your beautiful notes, take care. Thank you for listening. Hey, at the beginning, I was like, this is gonna be, this is funny. You know, we got a character now. About time, we get a character.

And then at the end, I was like, this is not a joke. And not the first time I've gotten a compliment on my nose this week. Second person told me they liked my nose. I don't know if that was a joke, but I'm not taking it as a joke. It's really straight.

Someone said it with my nose. very straight. That's an acute angle and an acute nose. Oh, God, come on. Jesus, guy, come on. They didn't want to be anonymous. And guess what their name was? Obviously, it was Nancy.

Never been. Okay, I've been to one hockey game. Been to one hockey game. It was in college. I lived with a couple dudes. That would, this is the only way I do anything. They had to force me to. go. The only way I'm ever doing anything in my whole life if if somebody like gilts me into it,

then I'll do it. And I'll have fun. But until then, I'm just not going. God, and I don't care. I wish I cared about doing stuff. I don't. Dude, I could stay in my room for four years. What's the big deal? I could stay in my room for four years and stare at the wall. Sounds good to me. Yep, that's it. Here feels good. On my phone. Why do we need to do anything anymore? But yeah, I did go to the hockey game. There are like eight people there.

Dollar beer night banging on the glass. Pretty fun. But the thing that I always got me was like, so it's going to be cold the whole time? I will be that. If there's one thing about me, I will be freezing. Mm-hmm.

Yep. And even if I'm in the hot. place lives in California. If I leave somewhere before 10 a.m. in my car, heats all the way up high on blast in my car. Why am I cold? I have no idea. It's just like sometimes leaving a room. I'm like, I'm freezing for absolutely no reason.

I feel you though, Nance. Live sporting events. Just some things are better when you're not there. I don't think, if I got tickets to the Super Bowl, a little part of me would be like, isn't it just way better when you're not there? I think sporting events are made to watch at home. Best view, commentators, halftime show. Like, I can't, I go to the game.

I'm not seeing a thing. Best part about going to the game, making fun of all the people around you. Half the time I'm at a game. I'm just looking at people's faces. Nice nose. Like it sounds good It always going to a game Always sounds good

Done pretending Done pretending I want to go to any games Maybe the picture It's all It's literally for the picture Would any girl ever go to a game If it wasn't for the picture Think about that man

Think about that Would a girl ever go to an event If it wasn't for the picture What I? If it wasn't for the picture Woman What's a capsule I don't know I better overthink it

I don't know I better overthink it A woman What's the caption I don't know I better overthink it I don't know I better overthink it

Then when it comes time To post the picture I don't know if I want to post this Every time Utah curls Wow Just didn't occur to me That every girl has fake hair

Didn't occur to me did not. I didn't know until maybe like three years ago, four years ago. Maybe not, maybe two years ago. I'm like, oh, every girl has fake hair.

And now I'm starting to notice not good if your boys noticing girls with fake hair. Coming from the fake hair king. So what you're telling me is nobody in the whole world has hair. It just all falls out every single person, girls and guys. Okay.

What are we doing? We should all just shave our damn heads. Skika. What are we done pretending about? I'm glad you said the fruit punch because that might be the worst fucking flavor. Oh my God. That Gatorade is so bad. Mid.

Water down in the drink. Warm. It's just, it's so fucking bad. What am I done pretending about? like all the fast food chips candy why does everything have to be limited time for the best flavors of anything ever

you know you can bring it back whenever you want just do it and keep it always you know we all want it this awe just drives me crazy you know we're all craving you make more if you just fucking sold it all the time. We all want it. Taco Bell.

Hey, you know what? This is the best thing in the entire world. You know what? Oh, it's gone. Fuck you. God damn. Just give it to us. Please. Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins. I will walk on to oncoming traffic for us to have all this good fucking food back.

Please. True. There's so many things from Taco Bell that I'm just like, wait, wee. I was born and raised on this item at Taco Bell. Like, it just seems safe. It seemed good. I'm like, you can't go wrong here. I think it was the first thing I ordered at Taco Bell, and it kind of introduced me to the game.

Gone now. Gone. Off the menu. Gone. Never see it again. Double Decker Taco. How innocent. How pure.

How special. Snatched right out of our arms. Gone. Thanks. I mean, why, though? Oh, McDonald's had some stuff too. Yo, remember the, uh, am I tripping?

chicken selects. Yo, when they like upgraded the chicken nugget for a second, I was like, yeah, no. It's kind of crazy how McDonald's always has the best stuff in the game though. Like they do set the standard and I hate to give

McDonald's that credit. But like, every time you eat fries, you compare it to McDonald's fries. Every time you eat a burger, you're like, it's not what I'm not what I'm looking for. and you know what you're looking for?

A double cheeseburger for McDonald's. It's just like everybody's bar. I don't really know one fast food restaurant that's out doing, outperforming McDonald's in kind of anything, you know? If you're really being honest with yourself, yeah, I can make the case for like,

Wendy's Nuggets, but like, are they really that much better? They kind of aren't there. Nobody's ever going to get them on the fries. Burger? I'm rocking with Burr. I'm rocking with Burr.

I'm riding with Burger King, but sometimes Wendy's creeps in there with that junior bacon cheeseburger. McDonald's ain't got nothing like that. McDonald's can't do it like that. But just a straight double cheeseburger for McDonald's. Remember? Ooh.

The way, oh, the way I always wanted to just get those two single cheeseburgers on the McDonald's valument. You know what I'm talking? You know what I'm talking about the meals? I never got the meals. We weren't a meal family.

I think it's crazy when you had to order a meat You pull up and you'd be in somebody else's car At McDonald's and they'd be like, I'll take the number two With a Sprite, you'd be like, whoa, hey, whoa, what the fuck is two? You guys talking in code? What are we playing battleship at McDonald's? I'm like, you guys are, that's good? No mods?

Okay. Wow, I guess I'm a little too picky, but Double Cheeseburger and No Onion, two of them? If that's okay. McChicken. Ketchup only? Fries, if I'm good? In a water.

Because, like, I don't know. I don't want you to spend, like, $75 on me. That's all my orders ever. It's like a bunch of stuff with, like, a little bit of modification. Modification. How about this? But I think you've got to be a straight savage. Just be like, number of savage care.

What else? Oh, God damn it. This always turns into a fast food podcast. Arby's 5 for 5. The moment, I remember, like, dude, after, ah, when your mom didn't want to cook, man. When my mom didn't want to cook dinner,

best nights of my life. The nights I'll never forget. Honestly, I don't care. Nothing in college. Nothing. Oh, my God, it was such a wild night. I'll never forget it. the people in the parties I'll never forget.

I forget what that quote is, but you know what I'm talking about. The nights I'll never forget with the people, or the, I don't know. The nights I never remember are the ones I'll never forget or whatever the hell does. Let me just keep trying this quote. The nights I'll never forget when my mom didn't want to cook dinner. Oh my God, Arby's five for five. Bang, that big bag, those foil wrappers, and all of them had cheese on them. I think we had to hide them from my dad,

Loki. Like, hey, get the five for fives, but we got to eat all the cheese ones before your dad gets home. We're all going to get yelled at. My dad was a no, like, no sauce whatsoever guy. No sauce.

And you got to give it to him. He's right. But dude, sauce is every girl's existence now. Every girl I've ever dated is a sauce queen. wait can we get extra ranch wheat can we get we can we have extra wheat can we have extra butter

wait no there's sour cream like I'm like I don't I don't know you should be doing this I never know how to tell them though I've gotten into so much trouble

before with like past girlfriends being like look that's more unhealthy than that you just can't and you just can't say anything I just don't say anything anymore I'm like I don't

Go off, babe. Go off. Then I eat it too. Taco Bell Carmel empanada. Burger King Sinney Minis? I mean, for the love of God. Is there anything more likable on any menu than Burger King's sinny minis? Dipping that whole Sinny Mini Flaky, by the way, in that cup of icing and kind of losing it,

in there, you know, you like can't get it out. You're like, oh my God. I can't get it. Uh-oh. Never forget Sini Minis. Never forget when I went to the drive-thru with my dad and tried to order Sini Minis. And he wouldn't say them because he doesn't say words that sound cute.

So he looked at the drive-thru speaker and said, can we just get the cinnamon things? They're like, the Sini-minis? And he was like, yeah. Honestly, okay, I'll shut up in a minute. But remember mixed salad shakers? Now, that is a revolutionary idea. Because every time I'm eating a salad,

I'm like, why is this not in a cup? Like, I could just drink this. I think everything should actually be served in a cup. What are we still doing, like, eating things with knives and forks from fast food? In the... What am I at a five-star restaurant? I'm in my car.

put it in a cup, fries in a cup. Boom. They like kind of already are. But you know what I'm? Make it a full cup. Ooh, those Raleys fries. That's a fast food place that kind of stands alone.

Raleigh's got a little checkers in the South. Love places that change their names depending on where it is. Doesn't make any sense to me. I'm like, for what, you know? there's a couple more of them I can never think of them

I think is Tj. Max different somewhere else I'll never figure I'll never know how to what to type in for this TJ Max different name TKX TK Max TK Max

TJ Max is called TK Max sometimes why doesn't it make me want to cry Mike's carwash crew car car wash. I'm like, can we just get on the same page? Walgreens? You go to New York. It's called Duane Reed. I'm like, how'd Walgreens just get black all the sudden? Walgreens is Walgreens on every street corner. Goes to New York. What's up, bitches?

What up, hos? Goes to New York. What's good? Where the hell's at? I'm Duane Reed now. Oh, oh, damn. I'd much rather shop at Duane. Reed too. Feel way cool. Walking into Walgreens, I'm like, I'm kind of a bitch. Walking into Wayne Reed, I'm like, I'm done pretending that Seth Rogan is a good actor.

Lindsay, please use my name, she says. We can do that. It's supposed to be anonymous, but if you want me to say it. I'll say it every day. I don't watch enough movies to know, but I'm done pretending that like acting is the craziest skill. Hot take.

I don't really think you just need to be a likable person to be a good actor, right? I know nothing about acting, so I got no room to talk, but like, right? And I feel like a lot of these actors are just themselves in every movie, guy who's seen four movies. I got a shout up about this, but Seth Rogen, I like him in every movie, but he's just being himself. I'm like, yeah, I like the guy. See a good actor? I don't know. Who am I to say if someone's a good actor?

I'm just like, yeah, I feel like I like this movie enough that they're good actors. I've never really seen a bad actor. Am I just blind? I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm done pretending that the middle part is a thing. Like my hair, it gives me five head, Benny. I'm going back to the side part. Give me a zigzag part for all I care.

As long as it's not in the center. Remember those commercials with the girls with a different part? in their hair. Why was that, why is that the only thing I remember from my entire childhood? That infomercial

with the girl that's like and she spreads her hair and it says zigzag. I was like, oh, only seen on TV never saw. You can't tell me

one girl during picture day couldn't have the zigzag part. Lord have, bring that. All those millennial accounts and nostalgia accounts. Why aren't you doing your hair like that? Zigzag part.

Oh, yo, that went crazy. White girls having that? Talk about appropriation. Appropriation. How about this? Pizzazz styling tool, bro. They were going crazy. It's hot pizzazz.

The new hair weaving tool for a hot new zigzag parts from the makers of haragami. Haragami. They were so so nice with the parts on this commercial. How about the first time you saw all that as seen on? Only sold on TV stuff in a store. Weren't you just like, oh!

Oh! What? Dude, I freaked out. Only on, only sold. Only sold on TV. Only sold now. can't buy in store. You have one hour to order this

or you'll never see it again and then you go to like a Walgreens and they have a whole as seen on TV section. I'm like, damn, they got pocket hose. They got pocket hose here. They got, mom! Literally yelled my mom's name from across the store. Mom, they got slap chop!

Walgreens got slap chop? I thought it was only sold on TV. Only sold on TV. Only sold on TV. Walk into Walgreens. Ma! Is a shark ninja? She's literally across the store.

Mom, Flex Seal? I flexial at the bottom of the boat and went to the river. There's just selling at Walgreens. It's like such a big deal to me. I just want to hit, I just want to walk into the Flexile office and be like, Hey, Walgreens selling your stuff. Yo, I'm telling you, Walgreens buy my house, they're selling all your stuff. I'm just saying, I know you got your own only sole on TV thing, but like, I don't know where they got.

I think they bought it from you guys and they're reselling it at Walgreens. Hey, yo, a slap chop, Walgreens selling your stuff. All right, I'm out of here. The police coming to get you. Get out of our office. just, hey, all right. Check CVS. CVS got

copper sleeve. Yeah. All right, all right, I'm leaving. I'm leaving. Cops got your arm behind your back. I'm leaving. I'm going to. I was just trying to help. I want to believe everything that you say. Middle parts.

Kind of weird. I always thought it was weird how girls would have just a normal middle part and their hair would they be wearing it down and it would just end

I never like I don't know anything about hair or if that's like in or out but when I was a kid or even now I'm like your hair just ends I'm like can we get some like can we stagger it like can we you know

make it like look gradual girls with hair that's just like, I'm like, okay. Does your hair get chopped by a butcher knife? Did you lay your hair down where they're chopping meat and a butcher just like? I think it looks bad. So when I'm then pretending, conversations, conversations I quite literally could care less about.

I am making it my personal mission to either completely walk away, say, I don't care about this anymore and then walk away or they're completely disengage and walk away. I think I may have already said that though. Whatever. That's how much I cannot be bothered with conversations I don't care about. You can leave that voice

message every week. That voice message will apply to this podcast every week no matter what question is asked. Yep. It's always I almost start laughing now. Oh so

like how is everything? shut up oh my god shut up yeah what what kind of loaded ask question is that

where do you want me to start when I was like 11 how is everything I'll flip this table over so like how is everything with what yeah let me just

okay yeah can't wait to let's go out and get drinks and let me let me just ask you the most vague broad question of all time. I'll slap the shit out of you. Okay, now you're like going too far.

So how is everything? If you don't ask me what you really want to ask me, I'm done, man. What is this a job interview? I wish we could just be real about it. So whose mouth did you spit in last? That's what they really want to ask. Disguised by, how is everything?

And then you go, what do you mean? They go, what do you mean? What do I mean? Dude, even if I was on top of the world with my life. and somebody said, so how is everything? I'd be like, with what? Uh, good, wait, what do you really just want to know? Just like, ask me the thing. Ask me the thing.

That's what everybody really wants to know. Every conversation ever. Whose mouth did you spit in last? Hmm, okay, okay, okay, just making sure. I just wanted to make sure you were spitting in her mouth still. Okay. All right. And you're not gay.

Okay. And you're, you're broke still. Like they just want to, that's all anybody wants to know. How much money do you have and whose mouth did you spit in? Okay, we're good. We can get out of here. No, we don't even need to order food.

Yep. It's all I need to. Check, check, check please. Oh, we didn't even get drinks. Yep, let's get out of here. How much money do you have and whose mouth did you spit in last? Okay, okay, okay. Well, yeah, that's all I need to know. Really, though, those two questions. Anytime anyone's ever talking.

I might just lead with that. Hey, having it spit into anybody's mouth for a long time since I broke up with my last girlfriend. So. And money, it's not great. Not, you know, just could be doing a lot better. Okay. Let's get, let's get out of here. You're talking to your grandma.

All I needed to know. Good seeing you. Guy just couldn't shut up. Wouldn't shut up. Forgot what he was going to say. Oh, what? Oh my God. This is worse.

when somebody asks you, how is everything? When somebody texts you, how is everything? I'm like, do you know who you're, like, did you forget who, how is everything good question? What the fuck? What?

I really want to know. Insane. Baby, you got me. Nobody else gets me. It feels tailor made. Nobody else fits me. Sometimes it hits me. Flat of me.

It clits me. I just shake it off while the jet is taking off. like six o'clock. I am straight up shorty. I'm going to be going for a minute, so you shouldn't wait up for me. I'll call you when I can. Keep your ringer up.

Boo. If I ever get on top, I'm going to bring you up to you got me. That is a niche song. I'll be so impressed. What is that? It kind of sounded like fabulous. F-A-B-O.

Lo-So in case you ain't no-so. I have so many things. so many things. I probably do need to like go to therapy soon. No you don't. No you don't. No you don't. I'm just going to let it out here. Um, I'm tired. I'm tired of pretending to like my job. I can't do it anymore. I I'm about to get to the school at which I teach eighth grade math and I'm just tired. I just can't I can't do it anymore. I need like the push. I need a sign. a sign to let me know to quit because I'm looking for signs everywhere like literally I just can't make the leave I can't do it yet but I want to that's the first thing I just I can't pretend to like my job

anymore I'm not your guy to ask thing is I can't pretend to care about your dog anymore oh oh I feel like some of my friends listen to you I really hope they're not listening to this right now they know and if you are friends. I love your dogs, of course. But I'm tired of like pretending to care about your dog. It's an animal. Please don't pull up an album of your dog dressed in various costumes or like showing me that he's sleeping next to you. I don't care. I'm tired of pretending to care. Please don't have your dog jump on me and get me out dirty from its paws. Please don't have your dog lick my face. I please yell at your dog if it's jumping on me. So I don't have to like reprimand your dog. It's just dogs, please.

Sorry, dog community. How much time do I have? I mean, I can go on here. I'm tired of them on Instagram accounts where it's like a couple and they set up a camera and like they pretend that the other person doesn't know that the camera is on and people buy this and I'm like, oh, my God, you got him so good. Oh, this this voice message is music to my ears. Man, I've been just pretending to like everybody's dog. I just got to come clean. I can't stand them.

Good God. I don't care. It's just so obvious. Like, yeah, you like your own dog. You don't like anybody else's dog. There's not, not one person ever. Oh, my God, I love their dog. Shut up.

My own dog. Love it. dogs, disgusting animals. Hey, how about this? Train them. Anytime a dog does, train them. Train them. It's such a problem. It's on, it's crazy how, and how come people with dogs are always the people inviting other people over to their house and their dogs are Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, shit, shit, shit, shit. Hey, hey, no, no, shit, no, shit, no, not out of your mouth.

What's in your mouth? What's in your mouth? It's always those people inviting people over. Oh my God. Literally in the corner, the minute they finally shut up and sit down, you're talking to your friend. I'm like, your dog should not be brief. Is your dog going to die? Hey.

Kind of hope it does. It's, you're always at your friend's house. And between, and every three words he says to you, it's like this. No, stop. What is that? Yeah. And like, so where were the other day when put that down? Stop!

And we were, okay. So, yeah, we were with him. No. Hey! Hey! I said, shut up! Exactly. And it was so nice.

The way that... Put that shit down! Yo, why did we come? Why did you invite me over if it's just this? Outside! Right, so we, yeah, I mean, if you want to... We should have the party here. Outside now!

Wouldn't it be great? And then, The people with the dogs always have more than one dog. Sick or pretending I like your dog. Actually, I've never really pretended. You know what I want, you know I hate your dogs. And that's fine. Because you know what?

Everybody else hates them too. Even you. Mm-hmm. Even you hate your dog. God damn it. that's what you say every day about your dog and you love them? Oh man, that's so funny.

Yeah, some dog, I had a dog, I liked him, but he was quiet the whole day and polite and respectful. That's why I liked them a lot. Trained dog. Those are the dogs I love. People just can't wait to show you their kids too. You ever see that, though? I'm like, damn.

Oh, oh, this just happens to everyone? Oh my God, oh, okay, I gotta show you, I gotta show you my, for Halloween. I gotta show you, I gotta show, I'm like, hey, real quick, before you dig in that photo album. I don't give a shit about your kids. In what world do I care about your son wearing a cowboy costume? Somebody's got to say this shit. Wow. Oh, and your job.

Don't ask me. Do not ask me about that. Because quit. Hey, you've already gone too long. Mm-hmm. You go any longer? Something bad's going to happen. Because you're done mentally.

You're out of there. Bye. You keep staying in a place you don't want to be. And your heart's not in it? Something bad's going to happen. Not bad, but like, you know, it's just something, you know what I'm saying. You start getting a little lazy here and there, you know, things start to reflect poorly because you don't care. Gotta get out of there.

Get out of there. Wait, I don't have a backup plan. Sometimes you don't need one. Sometimes the best plan is not to have one. figure it out. You think you're not going to figure it out? You think if you stopped your job that you hate, you wouldn't figure something out,

you'd wither away and die. Not the shorty I know. I think you'd be better off. And you know what? You'd be like, thank God I don't have to do that anymore. Bro, I got laid off of a job, kind of worried, but I was like, thank God.

I don't have to go back there, dude. Like, I'll do any. I'll work at a restaurant. And I did. Who cares? Just quit. Please quit. Save everybody in yourself.

Quit. You're probably doing a great job. But if your heart's not in it, babe. I mean, what do we even do? We're just going through the motions now? Wait, are you projecting? No. Because I had to quit all that.

I had to quit everything because I couldn't do it anymore. Can't take it. And I started, I started like performing back. because I couldn't take it. Every day I was like, I should get fired. I don't want to be here anymore, but I'm still going to do this because I don't know what else to do. I was like 24.

I don't know. I was applying for seven jobs at work. I was like, I was begging to get fired. I don't want that to happen to anybody else, so stop while you're ahead. The day I got laid off, I was like, took you long enough. Forgot my Nike bag there.

The cops walked me out I was like Oh what did I do Like no it's a standard practice Yeah Are we gonna have security walk yeah Just to you know Just precaution

Like what I've been waiting For this day my whole life I almost was like can you handcuff me And kick me out of this Out on the street I forgot my Nike bag there So mad still about it It was a great bag

I gotta keep going on this one But like that you know accounts right and like the accounts blow up and you know who it is that follows them i think it's people like my dad because my dad don't know me the reels and nothing boils my blood more than when my dad sends me a reel that's clearly set up and i'm like dad are you like are you retarded also can we bring the r word it's back it's back are you retard like you think that this is real or people morons. I'm just done

and I look and these people have a million followers and I'm like who is buying I know I know oh man oh

what day is it Tuesday you know I just gotta I need a coach P quote of the week right now to get me out of this oh we got them of this

downward spiral I'm in all right bye huntie love you hunting bye

Henkey Yeah, I don't know I've gotten got before Like you ever see like Obviously a fake video And the first time you watch it You're like no what And you watch it again

You're like Oh damn it But like I make Like I make sure It's got It's so obvious If stuff is fake on the internet

Have I gotten got Maybe once Maybe once But not by that Are you talking about The couple That like one guy walks in, they like walk through doorways and like shoot guns and like the milk pops above their

head. I'm like, yo, stop. Stop. Damn. They got that wife deep down so mad. So mad. How did she agree on that? I'll always wonder.

Hey, honey, I've been pretending that people don't like divorce dad rock. Like if that comes on in the car and you don't completely jam out. just kind of weird how about a whole genre coming back into play no shame and I keep discovering

old new songs like I'm like damn I forgot about that one Creed Nickelback well I'm going Daughtry to a place

I'm there and me there's so many heaters so many of that genre and we didn't even know how good we had it

we were just like yeah another one of those those guys were singing their hearts out in these places in here about who

I'm going home and we just pushed it aside. Like it didn't matter. It's crazy how much like you know, you take 10 years away. It was actually like 25 years.

It took 25 years for us to respect Nickelback. Like they were good, but nobody really admitted to liking them. I feel like when they were like topping charts and stuff like that. Like they were good, but you were never like, dude, nickel back.

Like nobody was really saying that, were they? I was like seven, but it didn't feel like that. And then everybody hates on them. And then they're the hot shit. Right now, bro, they might be hotter than ever going on tour. What a blessing. All those years getting so much hate.

I'm thinking about, I thought about something else the other day that really need the nickel back treatment. Damn it. Like we just, like, we, like, they need to be hated on. and we're not hating on it. Maybe it's fruit punch. Fruit Punch needs to get, like, what are we doing with fruit punch?

I'm dead serious about this, too. What are we doing? Just letting Fruit Punch ride off in the sunset. Name a person that likes fruit. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't name one. I can't name one person that really likes Fruit Punch. And what are they talking about?

So I don't know if I'm right or wrong for this, but I'm tired of pretending to care about people's workouts. I see it so much on social media. Like they posted a little ring closures and I ran 15 miles today. Oh, that's. And I did that. It shows it's like it's always like the superimposed like graphic over that working out in the gym.

And it's great. I'm glad that you're working out. You know, I wish everybody would. It's healthy. It's great. But good God, I don't need to know your statistics every single. single day. And what do they want? They just want that little emoji where I'm what, flexing my arm, you know, what I'm talking about. Like, I don't need to know it. You know, I don't need to know how

many miles you ran. I'm glad you're getting in shape. I'm really glad. But my God, it's like my entire stories are filled with just people like, look at me, look at me closing my rings. I'm done pretending. I just want to write it and be like, yeah, great, good for you. Glad. I don't need to see it every freaking day. Dude. Anyways. That's my rant. And that's what really grinds my ears.

And that's what I'm done pretending about. God, I love you, bro. Yeah, it's all like that. Damn it, I love you. The passion! That's what I'm talking about right there. Leaving a voice message like it's the last thing you're ever going to say again. That's what I loved it.

Effort and intensity. Two things you can control, man. Love it. We've had a lot of passion today. a lot. That's a fan for you. Okay. Yeah.

I'll never understand that. I'll never understand the this is where I ran today. Like I know, and I post some stuff where people probably don't care either, and I always post it. And it's like, but I'm like, but the path you ran?

Like, oh my God, who cares? Yeah, I'll post the espresso question of the week all the time. People might not care. I'll post, What if we kissed here in front of this KFC? But at least it's kind of something.

The, where you ran in your time? For who? I don't know. Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I'm being super like, uh, maybe I'm being a jerk. Am I being a jerk? and it's worse when it's somebody you like post that.

I'm like, you? Who gives this shit? Okay, go run. Dude, I think the best people are the people who work out all the time and they, you never know. Never. Oh, shit. Oh, damn.

How come you don't post about that? Because who actually cares? Because it's, I don't know, the easiest thing in the world. Dude, working out, you just got to get there. You just got to get to the gym. You just got to getting to the hardest part of working out. Lifting the weights, doing all that crap, not hard. Mindless activity.

And you look better. It's like, come on, man. Also, steps. Do you get your steps in? Might be the last thing I've ever thought about in my life, how many steps I've walked in a day. enough. I've been walking my whole damn life. Like I've got roll over steps, babe.

I bet I walked more steps than you. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. I'll walk to Michigan. I don't care. Who's getting... People that get tired from walking are amazing people to me. What?

Oh, the easiest thing can't do it. Easiest thing I can't do it. tired of walking, just sit your ass on the curb. I'll never see you again. We have to walk all the way there. You're worthless to me. We have to, that's like so far away. Why do you park so far away?

You're worthless to me. I hate you. What an interesting question this is. What am I tired of pretending to be? I would have to say I'm a working class girl. I'm kind of tired of pretending. to be I am one, but I'm tired

of pretending that I like it. If I could, would I choose to not work, probably? But I have a really great job and I can't not work. I got to provide. And so

it's just it can get rough out here. Let's just say that. I'd love to say that I would want to be a passenger princess in all scenarios, not have to worry about driving, not have to worry about any of that. But would you? I think I would get bored within a week, week and a half.

So all of this is to say, I think I just need a vacation. Yeah, we're so, like, crazy, though, now. And maybe it's just the people who listen to this. I think it's you too. Specifically you. but you'll be on vacation and start feeling guilty I feel so guilty anytime I do anything normal I'm like why the hell

two bites into like ice cream I'm like did I really need it like I it's fire but like now I'm starting to feel like kind of sloppy like God can I we just enjoy anything you can't can't we programmed ourselves not to now you're projecting day off

I'm like God damn day off what did I do to deserve this yep everything's got to be the hardest difficulty setting of all time most inconvenient thing ever for me to be like had a good day

because if you think if you look at the big picture like the people making it bang aren't just eating ice cream and sitting around. But God, that's all I want to do. Then I do it. I'm like, why am I doing this?

I don't know, mommy. I don't know. I think if you got a job that you don't want to do, though, you can find a different job. It's a little better that'll still have you provide, you know? You just got to work towards it. Like, I just could not work for somebody. I don't know why, what that is, but I was just like, Jesus Christ, this is. So dumb.

I had to start calling the shots for your boy, for myself. And then I felt like fulfilled, got to be fulfilled. If I'm not fulfilled, bro, you can tell. So what I'm done pretending about is I'm pretending to glorify people who have taken Ozzympic and losing tons of weight. and like telling them like they're doing a great job like why are we all pretending like this is such a great accomplishment that they lost weight by taking drugs that prevents them from eating which sucks makes you nauseous and sick all day which sucks and it makes you have diarrhea

which is literally the worst for them to lose like 30 or 40 pounds and still not look fit, but look thinner. And then we're like congratulating them and be like, oh my, my, God, he looks so amazing. Like, they didn't put an ounce of hard work in at the gym. And like, they just took a

drunk to get skinny. Yeah, you know, I'm just like over it. I'm like pretending. Real one. That's such a great thing. And I know so many people now because you get into that age, you know, where, you know, your fat friends are taking it. Your fucking mothers.

and fathers and your aunts and uncles, all people have been fat your whole life, all losing the weight by simply taking that one shot. Now, let's stop pretending, man. Let's hope in a couple of years, everything is okay with you. Dude, I completely agree. Couldn't agree more, man. It's such a, just everybody, everybody has to,

to have a shortcut, I can't stand you guys. God forbid, you just don't eat like a slob and you do a little exercise. What a mystery it is. Oh, I got to do a little hard work. I'd rather just take a shortcut and look like a freak. Everybody that takes those ZemPEC, I'm sorry, you look insane. Psycho Big ass head

Yeah Feel great You look like a moron Big Dude the big Dude people with those big heads just crack me up Never looked better All the comments under a picture

Oh my God Beautiful Your head's huge Skin saggy We can tell you'll do anything but work hard. Ew. God, man.

I lose all respect for people that do that. Just look psychotic, man. Oh, peptides, dude, yeah. I'm like, how come everybody use and taking the shortcuts? I always had like a, you're kind of a piece of shit vibe. Like, uh, there's something not. And then they, then they just confirm every suspicion. I had about them by taking Ozenpic or peptides and I'm like, okay, yeah, you can't, you're not for real.

You're not a real one. All I needed to see. Guy with three hair transplants talking about other people and what they, oh, their decisions that they make. But, uh, I don't know. It's just like totally different energy when somebody's getting it out of the mud, you know? No help. Just straight willpower, baby. Just get it done.

Build your character, Tim. It's true. I'm sorry. So late. Dad rock. It's got to talk right. Is this thing on? Hey, Expressive Podcast 419.

Quick, quick, quick, quick, question of the week. Dog. What are you done pretending about? What are you going to pretend about, man? For me, you know, we're done pretending that Little Caesar's pizza isn't the best pizza on the market for the monetary value. My kind of guy right here. telling about it. Come on, man.

Where else are you going to spend $20 to get three pieces of crazy bed and a two-liter of Mountain Dew? Fire. For $20. And you're going to take it back home to your basement with your three buddies. And you're going to play Medal of Honor rising son on PlayStation 2 with a fat adapter on the bottom on a TV that you have to question how they fit in your house.

Where are they doing that? I love you, bro. Somebody call me Muzzi. That's all I got for you. bro, appreciate it. Love you, honey. Call me Mugsy! Slapp a network adapter on the back of my PS2.

Mugsy's online. Mugsy's gaming. I love this. It's so true. I can talk about Little Cedars all day. I feel like I talk about it. You literally always talk about food. What is this episode?

You're like talking shit. I thought you're like the polite cackle. You're like literally talking about people in their own choices. This is Spress, babe. We say whatever we want. Can't tell me I'm wrong though. Yes, Little Caesars. Never been bad.

And if you think it's bad, yeah, it's $5. Get over it. Like, how does that not? like happen in people's heads. This pizza's like kind of, I'm, eh. Well, it was $5. So just be grateful and take it for what it is.

You can't put that together in your mind? I swear to God, I've never thought anything was bad. I really don't think. I had a salad one time at a restaurant. I was like, I just, I hate to do it. But this, there's just something wrong with this salad.

And I know you know that too. And the lady was like, yeah. Yeah. Doesn't look great, does it? People that try to find things wrong with food. I don't know. I've never not been starving to where I'm like,

I'll take it all and I'll take the rest of years. Best part about hanging out with girls. Do you want the rest of this? Every time, every bite, and I love you. How about that? What a voice. Dude, the voice message is on this one. Oh!

Hit my soul, fam. Let's do days and I'll shut up forever. Today, Thursday. Buttermilk biscuit day. Who's got the best biscuits? Who's got the best biscuits? Popeyes! Do they? I've never had it.

Intrigued though. KFC biscuits? Sometimes, how come a little bit of me? Wants to just get six biscuits in a KFC box. With the wax paper in there? and put jelly all over them. God! Is there anything better than that?

Man. Hey, those peel apart biscuits? I've talked about it before. Should I talk about it again? Highlight of your dinner. My mom would do it on purpose. Two things we didn't really want to eat, but we had to eat because we had to get our nutrients.

Probably grilled chicken. Not fun. And like, peas. they're not the worst. I learned to like both of them. I think this is why I will eat anything now. Because when I was a kid, it was like,

eat that or I guess you don't eat ever again. So I just had no choice but to eat everything in the world. And now I'm like, everything is fire. You can't give me one thing at a restaurant and I'm going to complain about it. And if I complained about what I was eating when I was a kid, yo, my mom,

I've never seen her more. mad in my life. Made that mistake. Okay, never going to talk again at the dinner table. But we'd have like chicken. Not that exciting, unless we had barbecue sauce, which is very bougie of me. I thought you said you didn't want sauce. I thought you said you didn't like soft. Peas, chicken, a glass of milk, and my mom would purposely get the peel apart biscuits. And it was like I was eating a donut for dinner. Oh, chicken peas and a donut. on my plate. Sounds good. Fire. Those peels. Flaky. Oh, the middle, all dough.

It was so good. I wouldn't even chew it, dude. I'd slide it on my tongue and it would just down my throat automatically. My stomach was like, yeah, I need that. Or sometimes I'd just eat it with my lips, like an old grandma. So good. When stuff's so good, you start eating like that. Start making noises and stuff.

Like you're a baby. The air of candy is so good, you start making baby noises while you're eating it? Yeah, me neither. Why would I do something like that? I would never do that. Friday. Bring flowers to some one day. Been down this road.

every time I have a girlfriend or I'm going to see a girl or something like that feel like I have to bring them something because showing up empty-handed like damn nothing no gifts nothing not even like some chalk you know it just seems like you should I don't know what happened there but just picking up somebody raw get in the car whoa I don't know. I feel like there should be something, right? But it can't be like romantic out of the gate. Flowers, never even seen her in real life before?

Like, okay, big dog, getting married tonight. It's always got to be kind of funny to me. Pick this girl up, don't know, had the urge to get her flower. I'm like, too much. Doesn't Krispy Kreme? donuts instead. Heat. Heat!

Didn't even think of the big picture. She's only eating bits and pieces of all of them. I get to eat literally eight donuts after she leaves them in my car. I'm telling you, boys, that's the play. I know I'm probably another first guy to do this. Acting like I invented donuts for girls, but just do it. Damn. I might do that every single time now, forever.

Everybody I pick up just so I can eat eight donuts when they don't eat when they leave them in my car. Endangered Species Day. How do you know? Been asking that question my whole life. Yeah, there's like four bald eagles left. How do you know? Oh my God, there's like 72 zebras left.

How do you know? Dude, how about when you see an animal and you're like, I don't know. I think there's only there might be only, few them left. Like, looking a little, like, deer? I'm like, literally how many deer are there? Billions? Where are they coming from? Like, how many goddamn deer are they? Where are they keeping all the deer? How about, how about there's so many deer that we can, that we can just shoot them for fun? Crazy. There's only 18 spiders of this kind left in the world. I'm like, you think you know where all those spiders are. Bro, spiders are the sneakiest things. They're all every, there's a billion

of those spiders. He just didn't look behind the right rock. Oh no, we know. We know there's only 18. Look at town dog. You put trackers on the spiders. Get alive. Saturday. Barbecue day. Hey. Hey, whoa, whoa. Spresso hot take. Best flavor. Best flavor ever? Name one person in the whole entire world that doesn't like barbecue. Ew! Never heard that. Never heard that.

There are some people that don't like chocolate. That's like, I just can't even believe you. Can't believe you. But I don't think there's anybody that just doesn't like barbecue. It's so fire on it, like a lot of stuff. You could put barbecue sauce on steak and I'd be like,

yep, probably better than ever. Best flavor. I think vanilla's up there too vanilla's just so good by itself and you know what it kind of gets me going like I know I might I might be like old for this or like boring for this

but sometimes when I want a Ben and Jerry's pint there's just too much stuff going on in all those pints like there's like there's always I like I pick up a Ben and Jerry's pint and I'm like this one looks good And there's always one thing I'm like, no, I could do without that.

Like, how come, like, damn, like, just simplify this. Ben and Jerry's got, like, hey, chill. The ice cream, telling the ice cream guys to chill. Hey, Ben and Jerry's, cool it. Come on. But just like, okay, peanut butter. First of all, peanut butter cup stuff. I'm like, no, and not peanut butter cup.

Like, it's never really, no one likes peanut butter. cups. They're just like peanut butter and chocolate. Just like, just ease it in there. And there's got to be like cookie dough in it too. And I'm like, I guess I'll all settle for cookie dough. And then it's like pretzel. And I'm like, Jesus Christ, guys. Are you just like, do you have like surplus surplus of pretzels? You guys trying to get rid of all the pretzels back here, just throwing it into random

stuff? What about just Ben and Jerry's peanut butter and chocolate? Whoa, hey, hey, whoa. All of a sudden we don't need clusters and carmels and clumps with mint. I'm like, that doesn't belong in there. I don't know. Sunday. Take your parents to the playground day.

Lived. Um, lived in front of a playground. My whole life is crazy, actually. The luxury of that. Except for we had no experience. excuse to be inside ever and it made it even worse you know every second of every day my mom was like out go outside just go outside oh my god go outside and i get it i get why too because sometimes when i'm at my friend's house inside they'd be like bro you're too much to be inside like i'd be in

like in his just like one bedroom apartment he'd be like bro you're too much for this place like we got to like go somewhere else i think i'm just like too active or something but I think that's how my mom felt when I was in the house as a kid she was like you gotta just go outside for like seven hours just please please shut up and go out there Jesus Christ and then if I was like there's nothing to do she'd be like we have a playground behind her house then I'd be like you're right yeah what am I complaining about we got a whole goddamn playground

behind the house and I'm inside what am I doing you're right cobbler day man the last time somebody made it cobbler just when was that even the word cobbler sounds like some little house on the prairie era cobbler

dude cobbler needs to cobbler needs to make a comeback is this the year of cobblers can we what happened to cobbler peach cherry your mom ever make apple crisp oh

It always turns into this kind of podcast. But remember Apple Crisp? My mom used to bring that out on a rainy day. Deep in the recipe book. My mom was making desserts that were just, whoa, what? It was like a rumor that spread fast in your high school. That's like how it was.

Mom's making Apple Crisp tonight. What? Are you sure? I'd have to like take a sneaky look in the other. Turn the oven light on. Lights up the inside. My mom would modify the recipes. Ah, she's not making apple crisp like by the book.

She's not making an apple crisp by the book. Extra crisp. Crazy amounts of crisp. You'd have to break it open with a spout like a, like it's a hatchet. You know when people are like banging on the side of an icy mountain, me with apple crisp slap in the top of it with a spoon with vanilla bean ice cream on the top

more like literally 70% crisp 30% apple 100% ice cream that's my ratio so good you want to punch a window out A in a bowl A

A in a coffee mug with a mini spoon wrap me in a blanket put me in a cradle drop me in the Pacific Ocean send me to the sharks so that's the only thing I need

Apple crisp in a mug with ice cream on top in a mini spoon take my life take my life I'm good I'm good. I'm good. Have your way with me. All right, here we go. Coach Pete Quote of the week. Ooh, ooh.

Got a couple for you. This is real too. So even if you think you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing, you are. Thoughts become things. If you see it in your mind, you will hold it in your hand. You might not know how to get there right now. but your brain's locked in on it, and you're going to figure it out. Because you're thinking that.

Can't tell me all day, all night. You're thinking about one thing, and you're not going to get there? You have to. You got no other choice. Whatever you're thinking, it's going to happen because you have no choice. So don't be thinking about, don't be an idiot. Should be thinking pure, straight, success, baby.

This is what you want to look like. This is what you want to be like. This is what you're going to end up with. I know mine. And I'll die for it. Gonna have to kill me. One more. Relentless drive to maximize opportunity.

Relentless drive to maximize opportunity. God, it's just, it's so simple, man. Oh, you got an opportunity? You go crazy on that opportunity. Equals excellence. Opportunity here. You go absolutely insane on the way of that opportunity. You get to your opportunity.

You're ready for your opportunity. You smash the opportunity. That's how we do it, baby. That's excellent. And you keep doing it? I mean, who's stopping you? I gotta go before I cry. None of this recorded.

All right, y'all. Unbelievable voice messages. I love you guys. Love this pod. Love this fam. Join the live stream. Get on the Patreon. $5.

Get some merch. Watch F. Boy Island. Watch F Girl Island. Hit me on Instagram. See you at Indianaland 500. May 23rd. Two to six. Indianapolis. See you soon, Indy.

Probably gonna be there at the end of this week. Love you. Bye.