Espresso - shaved my whole body

Episode Date: August 24, 2020

BLM | barber shop massage? | my exorcist breath | i got beat up | stop humming

What's up? Yeah What's that sound like? Sounds like a little kid toy Every little kid toy Every little kid toy guitar What's up? It's like a little kid toy. Every little kid toy. Every little kid toy guitar. What's up? Shot 109. I didn't think I was gonna do it, but we did it.

God, what a week, man. Tuesday. What a powerful day Tuesday was. I've never felt like that in my life. I know you don't come to me for like my opinions on justice and racism and stuff like this, but, and being a white guy just standing here talking about it is like, it's just the whole thing to me is just like, man, come on. We can do better than this, and I think we are, seriously. I'm never serious, but I'm serious. A lot of white people listen to me. The only thing you can do as a white person right now is just shut up,

listen, and help, okay? Okay. That's where I stand on these issues black lives matter i know me and my friends growing up i'm like choking up man i know me and my friends growing up man we look up to black people so much and just to see uh just just i just hate the i just hate white people. Dude, I feel embarrassed right now, honestly. Because my whole entire... I know a lot of people can know where I'm coming from on this, but my whole entire room growing up

had posters of black athletes that I looked up to as role models. I mean, I can go on and on. All the music I listened to growing up was... of black athletes that I looked up to as role models. You know, I mean, I can go on and on. All the music I listened to growing up was the way I dress. It's like, I know I'm a white guy, but like that black lives and people I've played a big role in my life.

And it just sucks that white people and cops are just dickheads. And it's, but Hey man, it's where we are and we're getting better and better sound like a coach so we got to keep getting better and better but yeah blacking out for a day to spread awareness and you know give out links to donate and sign petitions that's seriously that meant a lot to me, that black square.

People are talking shit about black squares, dog. What? I had a lot of people message me being like, thank you, man. Thank you for using your platform. And that meant a lot. So let's keep doing the damn thing and change it all around. I believe it. All right. I believe it. All right.

Shot 109. I got a haircut. Oh. I never know what to say. Like my barber like knows me so well. Like when I step in there and when I get in the chair, he's just like,

same thing. And I'm like, do you really remember? Like you cut 400 people Like a week Do you know What my thing is still And I haven't been here

In like four months He's like Yeah dude You get the haircut That looks like power line Usually I show him a picture Like yeah This is

If he could like Just recreate This exact haircut Right here It's like not even a haircut He gave me It's like two weeks After some barber in Florida G haircut right here. It's like not even a haircut he gave me. It's like two weeks after some barber in Florida gave me a haircut. He's like, oh, okay.

I don't even show him a picture. I just play the goofy movie music. Right when I walk in the barbershop. Hey man, same thing. Shorter on the sides, longer on the top. I'm like, yeah, yeah, don't keep it too. Actually, uh, just just, uh, can you actually, uh

can you give me this? If I could make you stop and take a look at me instead of just walking on Moonwalk in there? Talking to everybody in each barber chair? Sunglasses on? Green suit?

All I need is every every every dance a tap and dance a glue I got whatever Sunglasses on Green suit I'm like giving people haircuts Who's that guy? Kids are crying and shit Cutting kids hair Anyway that's how I get my haircut. I just kind of walk in, play that song, and we're off. If I could take a sip of...

What a life-changing movie that was for me. I always think it's weird when you're getting a haircut The rule for getting a haircut is like Don't look your barber in the eyes Because it's like really awkward And today I was like This other barber next to me Like looked at me and he was like

What's up? And I like winked at him And like raised my eyebrows Like what's up sexy? And my barber thought I was doing it to him I was like What if I was doing it to him I was like what if I was no barbers talk so tough you know going into a barber shop like a real barber shop like it's

kind of intimidating because they're like banging music and they're all just like what's up what do you want and and they're always all like hardcore I don't maybe the ones i go to i don't go to like a nice barbershop it's like streets no it's not streets it's in like greenwood but it's like it's in green hood but it's like it's a it's it's intimidating honestly and uh they kind of you know they're like they'll be talking shit just normal barbershop talk lebron or jordan and they're getting getting in arguments kind of during it and you're like am I in a hostile environment is this okay and then at the end they bring out that back massage you're like what I think that's the most awkward thing of all time nice haircut bro

now this is like waiting for my barber to stop massaging my, like what you're massaging. Like, can you just drop the machine? Give me a real massage. He's like, don't look me in the eyes, but I am gonna release some tension after this thing's all over. Okay. My hair is so long. I'm back to fluffy boy. Fluffy boy's here with the curl hanging down the front

Fluffy boy's here Everybody always asks me like why I get my hair cut like this Like bro like you look good man What about your hair If I just walked around with like Combed over gelled hair Like perfectly done all the time I would look like a Christian rock singer And that's not what I am

I'm a hip hop dancer Some girl slid in my DMs And she was like There's always like one of my I know this sounds annoying to talk about DMs But like one of my There's always like a friend that I'm like not really good friends with That I'm just like what's up dude

He's always like yo you must have so many girls sliding in your DMs dude What's that like? This one girl was like, hey, I can't tell if you're single or not. Are you? Let me know. I was like, do you have eyes? Have you seen my room? Oh, dude.

Guy's room. Single guy's rooms. What a fucking mess. Yeah, I still have like trophies from third grade in there. That's not sexy to you? I've had the same bed since like fifth grade. Is that weird? Is that a problem?

Is that like unsanitary? Should I be saying that? I just, I wash the sheets once every seven months and I sleep on it. It's comfortable as hell. Like, dude, that must hurt your back. When's the last time you got a new bed? I'm like, I don't think i need a new bed if this one is you know how fast i go to sleep what is on the pillows under the pillowcases

what is that i'm fine what is it is it sweat why does it look like somebody threw up cheese puffs on my pillow what's the brown stuff on your pillow that's saliva isn't it weird that just everybody drools at night you ever think about that well you see the hottest girl

in the world you're like like unreal complexion but she is she turns into a baby when she sleeps you ever what you ever like actually i know everybody's done this because i've done this but you ever drool so much it's like alarming dude i slept at my friend's house one time and i woke up and i think i drooled on half his pillow and that was like a pillow that people sit by it wasn't like a sleepover pillow hey your pillow yeah i spilled a bottle of water in your pillow it's funny how like as you get older you don't spend the night at people's houses as much because you start to realize like stuff is so weird when you're older

like i wake up in the morning and look at myself and i'm like just imagine if someone saw me stuff in your eyes my breath in the morning that should not be allowed in the country Stuff in your eyes. My breath in the morning. That should not be allowed in the country. When I wake up and like see my face and smell my breath, I need a full blown exorcism. I just wake up every day and there's a priest in my bathroom.

He like puts those two sticks on my shoulders and he's like, Oh, thank you. Father Johnson. His skin's melted off his face because I've just been breathing on him the whole time. Johnson! Johnson! You know you're watching every move that I make. I saw somebody on TikTok was like,

I've never heard a guy say he's lost a fight. Well, you must not know me. I've won fights, but I think I've been in two fights where I straight up lost. Like, for sure Like there's no debate One time on

Like when I just like fought my friends I guess I kind of Like I won I won once I fought Joe King and I won I swear to God I won I know he's listening to this And he's like bullshit

But we would just fight Just cause like we were friends And it didn't mean anything But one time I actually got in a fight on spring break. And, oh, God, we were talking. God, we're idiots. But I was walking around with Joe King, ironically, and like seven other white guys. God, white people suck.

And we were just, we were walking and he dropped his sunglasses. We were like talking shit. These people were like, oh, you bitches. And we were like we were walking and he dropped his sunglasses we were like talking shit these people were like oh you bitches and we're like oh yeah i said something like this dude had a chain on and he was talking so much shit to us and i was like bro where'd you get your necklace chucky cheese it's the lamest fucking thing i was like you win your necklace at chucky cheese and he got so pissed because i think i said it in front of his girl And I was like wow dog Killed that and we walked away And Joe looked at me And he's like yo dude those sunglasses I bought

For spring break that were like 200 bucks I think I dropped them back there And I was like ah those dudes are probably gone And like who cares anyway we'll just get them And whatever it's spring break Everybody's like drunk So we pick up the We go over there pick up the sunglasses cares anyway we'll just get them and whatever it's spring break everybody's like drunk so we pick up this we go over there pick up the sunglasses and oh my god it was a war

dude i turned around and i got punched in the back of the head and And fell down. And I had no idea what was going on. I didn't even fight back. I stood up. Checked my pockets for my keys and my wallet. And just walked to the gas station. Bye. That's it. And that was on like day.

That was on like day. Like two of spring break. So I had to go like five days on spring break Like trying to act hot and stuff With like huge lips And like a black eye I was like yeah what's up dude Uh huh

Yeah we can chill Yeah yeah it's all Taking pictures and stuff Like nothing Like I didn't get my ass beat What's up And the Like I still had it when we came back

Like my face was kind of messed up When I got back to school And my communications teacher was like What happened to you on spring break? And I was like I was like She was kind of cool And the class was cool

So I was like I got in a fight And she was like Oh you got the last punch in right? And I was like hell yeah Actually I ran away Can we start class now? ass punching right and I was like hell yeah actually I ran away can we start class now you ever notice like when you're

when a girl gets a bruise or something or like a little like scrape or something she's like oh my god Look at this Look at this And it's like the size of a freckle And you're like What?

Like that was just That was not there yesterday They always say something like that Like a dude You can Like a dude will just like Climb a fence And not

And like scrape his leg And not even look at it And like 20 minutes later Somebody's like Hey dude Your sock's full of blood You could like

You could like cut a guy's ear off And he'd be like Like uh huh Like what I don't know why I can't hear you man What's up Though Like turns his head to his other ear.

Dude, I went through this. I did this the other day, and I went through this phase when I was growing up, and I'd always take, this is really weird, but, like, every time I would go to a house party, I would take a shower there. It'd be, like, 20, we'd get there, 20 minutes later, I'd be like, yo, can I take a shower there It'd be like 20 We'd get there 20 minutes later I'd be like yo Can I take a shower?

I just like Had a fear of like What if somebody smells my socks Or something And I'd go in there and make Oh dude It was the best feeling of all time Taking a shower at somebody else's house

Except for you don't know how to turn it on Why is every it is fun I guess I kind of like how every shower is like got its like own little thing you have like pull a chain and like go to the other room pull a book out of the bookshelf and then like the temperature dude our shower in our in our or there's like three knobs the showers with the three knobs I'm like hey bro come here I don't know how to turn the shower on Can you get this

You ever just Like you can't figure it out so hard You just Take it and take the cold shower Cause you don't wanna You're like too like Stubborn to ask Just ice cold

Gone What's up dude Just ice cold I'm gone What's up dude How was the shower Your teeth are chattering And shit How was the shower dude What'd you say, man? That's what I thought, man.

I swear we got the best shower in the world, right? I guess I like it. Because that's how cell phones used to be. Everybody used to have like a dope ass Like unique phone That was like Oh that's her phone Oh that's his

That's his phone Oh dope That phone's tight I've never seen that phone Everybody has the same phone I loved Everybody had different phones That was tight

Oh he's got that phone That T-Mobile Sidekick. It had the coolest ringtone. I swear I only wanted it because of the ringtone. That's so something I'd do. Sidekick. Ringtone. Oh, I'm thinking of the Chirp.

That's what I'm thinking of. chirp That's what I'm thinking of Nextel chirp I've definitely like played this sound Before on this podcast but it just goes too hard What's up? Nothing what are you doing? What's up? Oh I wanted that ringtone so bad

I like made a custom ringtone for my iPhone and it was that but I didn't do it right and when people would text me it would just be like this somebody I'm like yo can you just text me and be like then I threw it out the window Then I threw it out the window. It was weird, like, learning how to text. Growing up.

Like, kids text in high school like it's their job, dude. The first time I, like, talked to a girl that would text me all the time, I was like, wow. Like, very quick, short stuff stuff because there was no keyboards. You really had to do that on your phone. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da and you get it and all it says is hey it's like Jesus that's why AIM was always like a little little bit more sexier AIM was sexy that was not like I'm talking to the homies like you were talking to girls on AIM

that's how you learned like how to game you can have like real conversation with a girl on that cause you're like too nervous to say all that stuff in public so who do you like every time this is me every time on aim like i didn't want to be all weird creepy guy that was like the who do you like guy so i was like i was just like never really got

into that i always kind of let made let them make the move on that part but i was i was always like this is like the sexiest i got on a.i.m i'd be like what are you wearing right now like sweats and you know they made shit up and like a tank top but you know they just had like the biggest t-shirt of all time on AIM was tight AIM was tight I was so jealous of people who grew up with AIM that

didn't have like that had the DSL internet DSL it sounds funny now but they could just literally click a button and be on AIM the whole entire day. I don't know why we wrote, dude, we had dial up internet until I, until like, I was like 22. My mom might still, still have dial up internet. Dude, to sneak in, I couldn't get on the internet like that. Anyway, I always had to like ask it's like mom Can I get on the internet and she'd be like no i'm getting on the phone with your aunt jody in 20 minutes

And we're talking for 48 days My mom in phones dude If my mom had like her own icon it'd just be a phone like a house phone No, but I had to pray to God. I had to like turn on, to sneak on the internet and... Seriously, an internet alarm. That's what we had. Why would I ever have to make that noise?

But to sneak on the internet, I had to like turn... I did this one time. I turned all the faucets on downstairs. Drowned out the... And then when somebody called, it would like be... Oh, my mom gets so pissed. I'm expecting a call. Kazaa changed my life It did You guys don't even know Kazaa Actually it was Napster Napster when I was in 5th grade was like Whoa

What? It took me I tried to download a 50 cent song one time And I think it took 2 days and 3 hours To download the full song that's how slow that's how it was like why am I even doing this by the time I downloaded the song he had like he already came out with like two more songs

it's 50 it is so weird like It is so weird like Girls have like no fear talking to guys Like do girls already know That guys are nervous as hell To talk to them When girls talk to dogs When girls talk to dogs

Literally Literally Girls are more nervous to talk to dogs, literally. Girls are more nervous to talk to dogs than guys. They're like, oh my god, I don't know, can I? When they see a guy they like, they're like, what's up, loser? When guys talk to girls, we're like, um... Hey, what's up dude I always make the biggest mistake and like go way too way too hard you know what I mean like I like laugh like too much

they're like hey I didn't know you just uh I don't know if we've met and I'm like oh my god what's your name. What'd you say? I'm obvious, baby. All right, let's go viral. Bye, bye, bye. Bye. Hashtag you don't know someone until I think if you really want to get to know somebody

You have to drive in a car with them Because at some point in the car You're sitting next to them for an hour And you're with you're sitting next to him for an hour like and you're talking and like you know some at one point somebody's always like you pick a song so you're like wow i'm gonna figure out what music this motherfucker listens to i'm always like yeah just whatever you want to listen to and then they have like guess what i like they're like so the britney spears pepsi commercial full-length video and i'm like no no no uh little baby

god i have my phone plugged in there's so much crap on my phone god that happened one time we are uh my phone was plugged in plugged in In my freshman year at UND Football locker room For some reason the stereo was right above my locker And I had the beats Because I'm the plug I'm the music plug But I plugged it in

Wasn't thinking I was on aux Plugged it in went to go take a shower While I was in the shower, Britney Spears came on. Love me, hate me, say what you want. Coaches, this in a college football locker room after practice. Coaches walking around, people like managers, managers got just a million guys and i'm in the shower like washing my hair while it's happening

oh baby baby have you seen amy tonight is she in the bathroom is she smoking up outside hey whose phone is that what the dude what hey seriously whose phone is that? What the? Dude, seriously, whose phone is that? Bro, change it. Seriously, this is so whack. I'm in the shower. I completely zone out. Soap running down my body. my body i have like a washcloth on my head i'm like spinning in circles oh shit we're at practice

back to the locker all right i think i blamed it on someone i was like why would you play that on youtube on my phone dude it's embarrassing how'd you even know my password no he played that he played that on my phone it wasn't on there yeah but you don't know someone until you ride in a car with them because Because you're hearing them all their noise. And when people are nervous, they just talk, man. So you just always get into saying some shit that you don't even want to talk about. But you're like, oh, yeah. I don't know.

My parents were cool growing up. But I was like, why am I talking about this? Hashtag things I learned from my parents Oh my god Like we were Like we had a good house in a good neighborhood But I swear to god My parents acted like we were

We had $25 a day I swear to god I thought my mom was so poor growing up I was like oh shit Every night I was like I think the cops are gonna come to our house And arrest us because we spent too much money today My mom always knew everything I did

I never knew how My mom and my sisters Like I couldn't get away with anything One time I shaved my entire body Anybody else do that as a kid? I just hated hair man And there were just razors everywhere in my house So one day in fourth grade I just shaved it

all like my legs and my arms I felt like such a bitch I went in the backyard and ran around and I was so silky smooth man I started crying and my tears rolled all the way down to my socks. Like a thousand miles an hour. Just two wet socks. I went to football practice with my whole body shaved. Like that's why I cried because I was like, why did I do that? And how am I going to explain to like my whole body shaved. That's why I cried because I was like, why did I do that? And how am I going to explain to my friends that I'm the sexiest man alive now? I went to football practice and tackled somebody. How do you tackle somebody and be smooth as a baby at the same time?

It was on ESPN some like dude from West Virginia or something. They're like a fan of fun tip about this guy. He shaves his body before every game. I was like wow definitely doing that. So I did. And I was the

smoothest smoothest fourth grade linebacker. Sexiest the shiny just the shiniest player. There's nothing, hashtag there's nothing more annoying than... I don't like when people hum. This girl used to like kind of date. God. I'm just going to,

this is going to turn into the girls I used to date podcast. But all these, but I think you guys can probably relate. And it's like, people like talking about relationships, but she was one of those people that like, when you're in the car, she had that,

like, she thought it was awkward. Like, you know how like your real homies, you can like sit by and you don't have to say anything to them you're like thank you like it's not weird if we're not talking this girl would like or she felt like antsy or something so she would just talk that talk and when she didn't have anything to say she'd be like i was like hey are you seriously humming like that wasn't even a if you're humming like a song

it's still really annoying but she was just like going crazy one time she was just like going crazy. One time she was sitting by me when I was working on something and she was just like laying there and I was working on like homework or something. And like every 40 seconds I just hear. I was like, that must be like the pipe or something like of course I was like it must be like a rain drop is it raining outside and then I'll like go back I'd be like maybe it's just like one of those noises that'll never happen again and I started working on my stuff again then and I looked at her I was like are you doing that I was like are you doing that I was like are you doing are you just like

part of me was like is she fucking with me or am I crazy kept working kept working she was literally just sitting there on her phone so I was like she's not doing it and then I looked at her like right when just like randomly and it was her blinking Like it like how more like she's the most annoying girl even her blinks were annoying

How dry are your eyes? Anyway, yeah. No, she's cool, though. For real. Old sticky eye was cool. Hashtag I guess when people No I guess another thing that's

There's nothing more annoying than When people talk about the texture of food I hate that When somebody's like I just don't like the texture Like dude how picky I like the texture I'm always way too hungry to even think about the texture Is there anything that I can't really eat?

God, one time I had like the Poached egg with With salmon And I was just thinking like, alright, salmon It'll probably be grilled with like an egg That'd be good. And it came back to me. It was like a poached like bubble egg with raw, like almost raw.

Like it was not, what are they? It's not grilled. It's like roasted salmon. And I was like, and of course I just ate it. Cause I was like, I don't want to be a bitch and send it back. I always just take the L at restaurants. It's like, damn. Like, if I'm dumb enough to think that was going to be good, then I got to eat it.

Fuck it. Dude, my dad's a complete opposite. He, like, can't wait to, like, be like, this isn't it. He can't wait. Hey, it's my, I paid good money. I'm taking it back. I'm like, okay, I get it. But like, dude.

One time this dude took back mustard. And I know he didn't have the bag either. Anytime anyone returns anything, it's just always like the wrong bag. He like brought it back in like a subway, like sub bag. Yeah, just give me a bag sometimes you just gotta take the l you know what i mean buy the wrong mustard you just power down the brown mustard for a week it's your ass everybody's dad's like known for something like The funny dad The scary dad

Intimidating dad My dad was just known for like receipts He's always like you want to take that back? I think I got the receipt somewhere I'm like where the fuck do you have a receipt from Christmas 2008? Oh I got it Okay Fuck, do you have a receipt from Christmas 2008? Oh, I got it. Okay. Hashtag sleepover do's and don'ts.

When I sleep over at somebody's house or like when I was in college and I had like roommates and stuff. How weird is that? I swear I've had 64 roommates my entire life 64 from the first day of college until today I think I've had I think I've honestly had I might have had 50 different roommates but when I like sleep in the same room as someone, I have to warn them, like, hey man, you could be mid, I could be talking to you in a full conversation, but immediately I'm going to be like,

like it doesn't even matter. If I'm laying down and there's a possibility I could fall asleep, it could be any second. I have to always be like, yo bro, I could fall asleep whenever, so be any second I have to always be like yo bro I could fall asleep like whenever so I'm just letting you know like how many times have I woken I've woken up so many times in my room it's like bro you fell asleep so fast last night this

is us like talking before we sleep every time every time I have a roommate this is us talking dude remember he scored that touchdown? Yeah, and he did that dance. Yeah, what was the dance he did again? He spun and then he spiked the ball and pointed at the crowd. Do you remember that? Doesn't matter. Mid-sentence.

Doesn't matter Mid-sentence Bro, wing Friday was so good Yeah, what wings did you get? I got buffalo What'd you get? That's two days Wednesday Can't believe it's June

National Egg Day God that's every day for me I'm on a 24 hour Scrambled egg diet That can't be good to eat as many eggs as I eat The amount of eggs I've had in my life That's the kind of shit I want to know when I get to heaven What's on my pillow How many eggs I've had in my life. That's the kind of shit I want to know when I get to heaven. What's on my pillow? How many eggs have I had?

It's your spit and 6,000 a week. Okay. Let me into heaven. Okay, bye. National repeat day. And play this song on repeat. I can do it so many times man

When I hear a good song I will repeat that mother Like I can't save stuff I really need to be better at that Like if there's a bag of granola Like dude I'm not gonna save a lot of it for tomorrow Like it's pretty much gone

That's how I am with songs too Like if I hear a song I like I'm not going to save a lot of it for tomorrow. Like, it's pretty much gone. That's how I am with songs, too. Like, if I hear a song I like, I'm like, I can't stop. I can't. I'll listen to it so many times in a row. You ever do that at a party? Like, a song's so good, you play it again and people just get so mad. And that was my college experience.

National Chocolate Macaroons Day. There's a macaroon store on Mass Ave. There's so many stores on Mass Ave that I'm like, like, tight. But really? How is it still there? There's such specialty stores stores and they're cool. I mean,

there's like a store for like dogs and stuff, but like, damn dude, what the, what is silver in the city? Honestly, what is nurture? Can we get like a lids up in there?

He's the most guy in the world My aunt always used to make fun of me Because we'd be at the mall Because I was born at the mall And that's just like all we did as a family I don't know if that's like what other people do But like when my family got together We'd just go to the mall

I think it was so fun still. But like, I'd always be like, Angela, I'm going to go. Can we go to Lids? She'd be like, why? Because like what mom wants to go in that store? But I just like looking at the hats. The hats are like 30, but like how cool, how dope are all the hats? Super hard.

But I was born in the mall., but I was born in the mall. Yeah. I was baptized in the fountain. They baptize me and bring my head up and there's just two pennies in my eyes. What's up? For like Eucharist, they, they,

it's just the, it's instead of the priest giving out like the bread and wine, it's just the Instead of the priest giving out like the bread And wine it's just the bourbon chicken lady Amen Amen that's what I say after I take a bourbon chicken sample Actually I would say amen Remember Chick-fil-a had samples and they were like Half of a sandwich

Amen The wine is just like Orange Julius National Cheese Day Sometimes it is kind of nice To just have a cheese board Up in there You know what I mean You go to like a little house party

Get together thing And there's a cheese board You're like, they're like, what was that? Are you, are you okay? You're like, is there something in your throat? Thank you for the cheese ball. Very kind. You're a great host.

Girls and cheese. Girls and cheese. Girls and cheese. No one disagrees. Girls and cheese. Instead of like men and women, it should just. Girls and cheese. Instead of like men and women, it should just be women and cheese. If women and cheese could reproduce,

the guys would be extinct. Bye! No point. Cheese does all the same shit as guys. Just doesn't talk. You could go out with Cheese. Girls could go out with Cheese for their whole lives and they'd be like, yeah.

He listens to me. After like, Cheese after like three years won't be like, yeah, I just gotta do my own thing. How many times? The breakup line of the century. I just got to do me. Friday National Gingerbread Day. Why is that now? I've never seen gingerbread. Well, I guess gingerbread. It's just such a December thing. Gingerbread with coffee.

just such a December thing gingerbread with coffee oh I mean it's pretty good never had it but it's pretty good National Donut Day I was seriously a dick I had a problem with donuts like six months ago maybe it was like, like eight months ago. I would wake up and go get donuts on Sunday and then just eat them in the car on the way home and go back to sleep. Like, I'd make sure I'd have a bottle of water with me on the way there, because on the way home, if you don't have water

and you eat three donuts... I'm hulking. Hit my back. Hit my back. I'm hulking. Hit my back. Hit my back. I'm hulking. I can't just like sit there in the car with donuts. Like I have to eat them. Like there's no waiting.

One time I ate a, the weirdest thing I've ever eaten in the car on the way somewhere Rotisserie chicken I was like praying for red lights The only time you want red lights When there's a hot rotisserie Dude I mean damn it's just so

It's the smell Rotisserie chickens are Good Until you realize there's like Why is there like rubber bands all over them Like okay good until you realize there's like why is there like rubber bands all over them like okay Saturday national eyewear day I always thought I looked so weird in glasses I never wore sunglasses I still don't really ever wear sunglasses unless it's just like a stupid like day that I'm like

yeah I'm doing this like I did the other day. I just always had such a bad experience with people talking to me when they have sunglasses on and I'm like, I have no idea if you're talking to me or not. I hate that. When girls wear sunglasses, I'm like, no idea who you are. Could be, it could be seven different people. It could be seven different people. Give me those eyes, eyes, eyes. National drive-in movie day. Never done.

Never gone. It would be, I mean, it's just such like, I've never, why don't we just kiss now? Why don't we just kiss while we're making the plans? Way too sexy. Everybody has a blanket. It's just like, wow. I mean, geez. National applesauce cake day. Those crackers at the store that say you always thought they said applesauce.

Wasn't until like last year I was like, those say applause. Hmm, I can't read. National VCR Day. It's so weird. You had like, when we were kids we'd rent VHS tapes and you had to rewind them before you took them back? That's just something I'd never want to do. My dad would be so totally on that shit. Right after the movie ended,

he'd be like, rewind it! I'm like, Jesus Christ. Like, not one second into the credits. Hey, where are you going? Rewind this thing! Did you like the movie? I'm like, no like no not anymore you just fucking ruined it that's it shot 109

i always promote my stuff at the end of my shows Social media and stuff But there's a couple podcasts By some black dudes That I really look up to for comedy And like just sports and stuff Listen to the 85 South Show by DC Youngfly And Carlos Miller and Chico Bean

Those dudes are like from Wildin' out Wildin' Wildin. Those dudes are like from Wildin' Out. Wildin', Wildin'. Those dudes are like so naturally funny just chilling with each other. It's like unbelievable. So check it. And

All the Smoke by Matt Barnes and Steven Jackson. Both dope dudes. And Steven Jackson's like a cultural icon right now, so listen to that. And follow them on Instagram. DC Youngfly, Carlos Miller, Chico Bean, Matt Barnes, and Steven Jackson. All dudes I look up to and everybody can look up to.

And they're very passionate, so they're going to be saying some groundbreaking stuff that we need to hear. All right. Hey, thanks for listening seriously i know this is a very different mood and time and some people don't think it's appropriate to make jokes but that's just how i go that's just my life and i i gotta talk to you guys it keeps me it keeps me like i love it man it's weird that I

don't even know who's listening but it's so cool to know that people are out there like and you feel and you feel me remember support donate listen let's change the world baby it starts with us i'll see you guys next week for 110 i fan if i could make you stop and take a look at me instead of just there's nothing that i wouldn't do if it was getting you to notice