Espresso - shidded on em

Episode Date: September 9, 2020

odell beckham jr | mispronunciations - quadoba !! | hooking up w music on | grandparents day .....

Shot 123 Is it scary again? Yeah Hey why don't you go back inside man, I'm just trying to bottle up my breasts Hey Ha ha ha Hold on, that's, hold on Hey why don't you go back inside man, I'm just trying to bottle up my breasts Hey

Hey Hey why don't you go back inside man, I'm just trying to bottle up my breasts Hey Casey Frey, the most distinct voice of all time that's me when i was a kid outside playing with imaginary friends and my mom would peek her head throughout like the the back screen door and be like hey benny it's time to do homework and i'd be like hey why don't you go back inside man i'm just trying to bother my breasts then she'd be like she'd change her voice like all moms do and be like, Hey!

So, yeah. All right, let's let this intro play. Okay, kind of scary, kind of scary, kind of scary. Can somebody send me a beat so I don't have to do that every single time? Honestly, that takes me like 10 minutes to find one that's good but if you guys like the intros the way they are then we're gonna keep doing it what's up man shot 123 the last shot was hype i got a lot of good feedback people really liked it so we're gonna keep doing we're gonna i'm gonna keep putting out questions like every week and then you guys can give me answers and we'll break it down on the pod it'll be like a whole segment so if you have a question or something you want me to ask or if you have if you have a good topic

or something that pisses you off or just anything like that let me know and i'll put it out there and we can talk baby let's talk all right so remember to follow on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, Cameo, all at Benedict Polizzi. Hit me up. Remember to subscribe to the podcast, tell your friends, fam, subscribe, rate, review. You know, it helps. It does. For real. Because your boy's not really getting paid.

He's just doing this for the love of the game. He's just doing this for the love of the family. We stay together. FAM, I love you. Okay, this week we've got mispronunciations that you can't stand. It sounded like I was going to say, like, miss and then a last name. Hello, I'm miss. Hello, I'm mispronunciation.

And she just says Everything wrong Hello I'm Miss Pronunciation Would you like Some Potatoes

Or tomatoes Why'd it turn into a guy I don't know But that's gonna be A new character No but a lot of people A lot of people Hit me up with their most annoying mispronunciations yes and that's my favorite shit of all time i don't know i don't know if you could

tell or not but i like it and then uh and then we got some stuff we got some news we'll talk about and we'll just we'll just ride it out normal show With me in the driver's seat so you're fucked. First we've got to talk about what's going on in the world. What happened? Odell Beckham Jr. likes getting shit on? Of course I'm going to talk about this. The podcast that's only about shitting. But yeah, okay, so let's break this down real quick. Where's that interview?

Okay, here we go this is from the no jumper podcast where they unfold the whole odell shit thing yeah are they ready for this you say yeah yeah go baby you you can't you gotta you can keep it so i guess they're talking about like who'd you who'd you shit on you she was like okay you can keep it oh bombs okay i will tell you all this oh allegedly allegedly we're avoiding lawsuits here allegedly yes he loves to be on the way she said that was so depressing though he loves to be on though he loves to be shitted on yes he loves to be shitted on okay he wanted me to come on a plane and he was like make sure you don't have any underwear don't take a shower for 24 hours i'm like damn what the fuck you on but he was like take a picture this how i got flown out he was like take a picture of me you shitting so i was like all right fuck i can do that so i took a

whole video bitch what you want i'll be shitting so i sent it to him i got like the next maybe two hours i was in he was it like a selfie video how did you do this i was just like i need i need less shitting just like i really think this is gonna change everything and they're like like it was feet now it's shit it's just happening sexy as possible of course I'm gonna do that I feel like anything you do is hold on made it sexy as possible of made it sexy as possible of course dude how do you make shitting imagine shitting and make and being like cute about it made it sexy as possible of course only a girl can pull that off like girl going to the bathroom whatever guy going to the

bathroom no like what she did she wearing like was she wearing wearing pink slippers? The exclusive on No Jumper, baby. No Jumper. Had a bag. Del Beckham. How do you bring that up? If you're in a normal non-celebrity relationship, how do you bring that up to your girlfriend? Like, hey.

She's like, what do you want me to do to you you're like um just normal do you know normal stuff she's like you sure i want to get crazy tonight and you're like uh me too obviously i mean we always you know i'm always down to get freaky and she's like just tell me what you want me to do to you um well if you want to get crazy uh have you eaten like some can you uh can you eat a couple of these slim jims here where i why are they right there on our nightstand did you have something in mind no no no no no just uh eat some of these slim jims and uh uh why is there a big pot of coffee on our nightstand too oh no reason uh just uh just, yeah.

I was, I was thinking like maybe like, well, during this, just tell me what you want. Could you, could you, could you shit on all over me? What if she was like, absolutely. Oh, what did you say? She looks back and he's gone. Dude, you really really gotta be in love To be like just shit on me How

Relieving would it be to be a girl Like around Odell Beckham Jr. though Like It's like when you're hooking up With any guy it's probably like number one For a girl to be like okay just like Be cool Don't worry about it.

Be yourself. And just don't fart. But with Odell Beckham Jr., it's like, be cool. Just be yourself and fart as much as possible. What a relief. Just all over. Hey, rings the doorbell. Ding, dong. He's like, come on in. Just all over. Hey, rings the doorbell. Ding, dong.

He's like, come on in. You're like, what's going on? He's like, hi, how you doing? Can't even look you in the face. What a kink, man. Every time. Every time my girl leaves, I goell Beckham Jr.'s house. Right when they walk out the door.

If you got at least one person in your life you want to shit on, put your number two... Right when they walk out the door. Alright, Odell, it was fun! He's like, haha, yeah, like wiping shit off of his mouth. No, it's just on some weird part of him that doesn't make any sense. It's on the back of his tricep. He's like...

And she's like, I'll see you later! Shuts the door behind her. She's walking down the driveway. That's still her ass. Still, like, making... Still fucking making noises. Yeah, that's it. That's it. walking down the driveway 2p signs up the neighbors are like okay see you later some

guy cutting his grass odell's looking out the window like waving like a like the like the prettiest bitch he's odell's double waving at the window like your grandparents when you're leaving their house for easter he's like bye like so happy and you're just walking down the drive as the girls walking down the driveway like still farting This noise Put your number twos in the air If you did it on them All these bitches is my son And I'ma go and get some pips for him I'ma go and get some Slim Jims for him And eat them on the way home

With a venti iced Americano and maybe a couple of hard boiled eggs. And then I'm going to jump some rope. Then I'm going to do double dutch on that ass. What? And it's all going to get mixed up. And when OBJ asks me what's up, I'm'm gonna open up my butt And be like And I'm gonna be like Yo go Browns

Hot hot hot hot hot hot Oh my god Put put your number twos in the air If it kind of smells Like the last thing That you were around Dude every time I do that It smells like the last thing I was around

Like if I'm around your dog My shit will smell Exactly like your dog That's like my mutant power Dude this podcast. I swear to God. They're like, the X-Men have arrived. This one has claws.

This one can control the weather. This one can read your mind. And this one shit smells like whatever he was around last. And they're like, uh, all right, we'll take them. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, God. Wow. Alright we'll take him Wow How the Browns like keep him happy now How funny that he plays for the Browns Like damn

I love that he owned up to it too He like posted something on Instagram He's like can't knock my pivot i don't care what kind of shit's thrown my way like dude uh just just you don't have to be like inspirational with it whatever though yeah the browns training staff though odell uh what do you need uh what do you need what do you need to, what do you need from us to, you know, play your heart out this Sunday? He's like, a new pair of gloves or new gloves,

new gloves. Got it. Got it. That trail mix. I like, I like that at halftime. Okay. Yeah,

no problem. Can you shit on my face? We can do that for you. What was that last thing he said? I don't know. I couldn't hear him. Hey, Michelle, what was that last thing he said? I don't know. I couldn't hear him. Hey, Michelle, what was that last thing he said?

He wants... At halftime when he's feeling like he needs to recharge, he wants... Go on. He wants... He wants someone on the training set to shit on his mouth. That's like on the checkboard. That's like on their calendar. Mike, this week you got water for all the players.

You got the fog machines. Get those going. And you got your shitting on Odell this week, so be ready for that too. Yep. Whatever you got to do, man, to get ready for that. Drink your coffee. Yep. Eat your dairy. I know dairy makes you go crazy, so eat to get ready for that. Drink your coffee. Yep. Uh, eat your, uh, dairy.

I know your, I know dairy makes you go crazy, so eat that Yoplait, big guy. Get out of here. All right. What else? After that, we'll just casually. What else? Let me shake it off. I just.

Did, did, did, did it on them all right i gotta go to work but when we get back we're doing most annoying mispronunciations all right brb okay here we go i'm back mispronunciations you can't stand. Here we go. Cat Lady Katie. My boyfriend doesn't mispronounce words necessarily, but he gets them confused. Like, maybe you should have better expirations instead of aspirations.

How do you love him? I'm dead serious. He also thought jukebox was called a juice box. I can't like anyone. I can't do that. How do you like someone that thinks that? Like, can you imagine what else they think? If they think jukebox, even though why is it called that?

I get that is juice box. Like that's a deal breaker. All right. That was pretty good. When people say both, it makes me want to die. There's no L in the word both. Ew. God damn it.

I just said that like that i can't believe i just did that but what is that uh spell it do you like uh cheerios or applejacks both why that last one was from patty mayo both ew this one's from grace hurt one of my best friends pronounces elon musk's first name ellen and he's also one of those people that calls pillows pillows who are you this has to be so Indiana but Ellen Rack said Worsher I can't even say this shit and instead of toilet

turlet who's doing this seriously what culture Kitty Maxwell so many that's so funny that the girls that DM me all have cats in their name. What's that say about me?

Kitty Maxwell. My mom says house with a W. Like house. House. That sucks. Draws it out psychotically too. Sarah and I call each other to calm down whenever she does it because it makes us that angry. I totally get that.

You literally, something, oh my God, dude. Every time my dad says something, I really have to go outside and like, I have to do yoga for like four hours after I talk to my dad for like two minutes. I'm like, Oh, yeah. Yeah. Just it's a, we've got plenty of those at the house. Oh, all right. Here's another one. plenty of those at the house. Oh!

Alright, here's another one. Laura Stinkin. Alright, your last name is something I can't stand. My mom says Qdoba as Q-doba. Oh no, dude! Why can't they change? Hey, you wanna go? Hey, yeah, hey yeah yeah yeah i'm feeling mexican too chips and salsa i know the perfect place quidoba no this is this i'm sorry if you hate this uh

segment but it's gonna be me screaming the whole time uh okay k pertle 15 instead of milk milk yeah it's like an alt that was like my first that was like my origin story of mispronunciations instead of pillow pillow hate that so much yeah yeah we can't i mean why why just why ask him why if someone says something like i don't i can't do it that's like a that's like the greatest fear of mine because i asked my dad so many times growing up my dad would so many times growing up My dad would say something weird growing up And I'd be like why you say it like that

And he'd like scream at me I'd be like oh If someone says pillow ask them why I just want to know Alright here we go Olivia Grace does hair My mom says oh no no no Chipotle instead of Chipotle

Yeah that's pretty like like, standard among parents. Why can't parents talk? I think it's funny, like, when you're a kid, your parents teach you how to talk, and when you're a grown-up, you got to teach your parents how to talk again. Ew, God, this is the grossest thing of all time. Um, Iwa Bricks. Ewa Bricks My mom calls it a

Virginia Instead of a vagina That's like The devil Your mom's Satan Allie Pierce Ellie Pierce this is gonna be good not a mispronunciation but when people excessively say

you know what I mean ew yeah that's like me every minute you know what I mean oh I do that too much. She probably hates me. Fontaine de Maine.

Several coworkers say feet print instead of footprints. Coworkers say feet print instead of footprints. Makes me wonder if I'm even wrong even though, okay, I'm not. Feet print. Ugh, dude. Do you guys get the chills with this shit? All right, Jenna Kennard. Andrew says naked instead of naked. No, he doesn't.

No. That's like from a movie. Jenna, can you record him saying that, please, and send it to me so I can peacefully die. All right. B. Key. Pin. Beesh.

What kind of fucking name is that? Barnard. Instead of that? Barnard. Instead of Bernard, Barnard. You can't say something's annoying after your name's Beakypinbeesh. What is that? Would you like to try the Beakypinbeesh? Okay. Cheyenne Broughton we're moving through these my ex used to add letters to

words so he would say yeah your ex for sure good job my ex used to add letters to words so he would say breakfast and it sounded like breakfast frist dude I would seriously... Or Indianapolis would be Indianapolis. That is... I can't talk about it anymore. I'm done. Alright, Kaylee Pittman. My dad says umber instead of uber. Dude, my dad used to say uber. And I was like, just why?

He also can't figure out that Hudson hudson's grandma is mimi because he calls her may may that was the weirdest thing of all time when you're growing up and you're like some kid in your fifth grade class was like yeah we went to my mama's house and you're like what the fuck papa was the one that just slit me open. Papa! It's like your grandpa sounds like a diaper. Pam-pa, that's... Now here's a...

Alright. Here's a sex story I didn't read. We're tossing these in here too now. This is from Joe Burns. Weirdest sex story. Joe Burns. one time i was hooking up with this girl and her little brother comes down and sees us kissing and goes mom casey and her friend are having sex in the basement and the kid had no idea what sex was

and we got screamed at by her mom that sucks when a girl's mom like when you're when you like like a girl and her mom hates you there's like no there's no going back like that first like if if if your girlfriend's mom hates you she hates you forever like you could like view whatever you did like and you and then you buy them like jet skis like they're still like yeah fuck that guy they're like on them They're like fuck that guy Joe Burns again for Miss Worst mispronunciation My girlfriend says Friday

Instead of Friday And it's come to the point Where I can't even see her on Fridays What's up Yep Tomorrow Thursday I'm not really Doing anything But uh Friday what's up? Yep. Tomorrow, Thursday, I'm not really doing anything,

but, uh, Friday. Oh, also girl in the last pod who didn't know where guys peed. Yeah, you're right. We pee out of our belly buttons.

That was crazy. She didn't know that. That's funny. Okay. This is from Colin.and. Supposedly. He says supposedly. Such a bitch.

That is pretty funny. Supposedly. Ew. Yeah. Next time somebody pronounces something wrong, just go, you're a bitch. See what they do. You can't talk. You're a bitch and see what they do you can't talk you're a bitch yeah i'm just i'm really sick and i just i just want to lay down on one of these pillows hey

you're a bitch what uh my ex used to say exorb instead of absorb where are you finding these people these people are clones of actual people that aren't 100% developed yet. Okay, this is from Indigenous Tierney. Pacifically instead of specifically. Like, honestly, like, yeah, let's narrow this down. I'm trying to be as Pacific as possible. I'm trying to be as Pacific as possible I'm trying to be as oceanic as possible I'm I'm trying to be as Atlantic as possible I'm trying to sail the seven seas as much as possible

this summer I can't believe some of this shit's real. Okay. The voice of reason. All right, bro. We'll see. He goes, leisure. It's meant to be lee-ja, but hearing is pronounced like leisure hurts my ear holes. You're probably right because that's just where you're from or something, you said ear holes at the end and for that bye that's it i can't take it anymore there's literally

40 more but i can't do this anymore let's finish up weird sex stories from last week i think there's a couple more here we go nicholas bro bruce uh quorum girl picks me up in college from her college an hour away then holds me kidnapped at her place for 72 hours until she decides she's gonna drive me home phone died three hours in and she didn't have an iPhone charger. Yeah, it's pretty terrifying. Um, what would I do there? For some reason, I'd probably fucking like it or something. If a girl held me hot, no, 72 hours, I'd freak out and definitely get an Uber. Oh, he didn't have his phone. Okay. Yeah. I'd probably think I was going to die and call 911. Hold on. Hold on. I know I saved a couple that I accidentally opened.

Laney Hughes. I hooked up with a rando in college and after he started telling me that he actually already knew who I was and that he knew my brother and that he was a freshman on the football team when my brother was a senior. And he was going on about how much he looked up to my brother and admired how athletic he was. And it was just fucking weird and gross. So I ghosted him. I saw him at the bars a few weeks later. And he was trying to talk to me. And I was obviously trying to swerve him.

Somehow he managed to corner me and started screaming at me. You know me. You know me. Why are at me you know me you know me why are you acting like you don't know me and two dudes had to pull him away his name was liam that's so true though when girls like avoid dudes yo guys can't stand that. I honestly think it's every guy. Because dudes are just different. I guess because a guy would never ignore a girl on purpose. Raymond Caddow.

Went home with a girl in freshman year, and she was determined to put on Gliator so her roommate wouldn't hear us nothing like hearing russell crowe fighting in the arena while hooking up super romantic the most romantic girl in the world i can't ever i don't know how people do that but they like hook up with music on dude i'm so jealous man like i'd be into it for a little bit but like i can't be doing something with a girl and like listening and we're both like kind of singing trey songs Love faces making love. Like during it.

Love faces. Maybe I would like it. Honestly, I've done that to this song. And it was so, so the cringiest thing I've ever done. In a car. Me and this girl's relationship was on the rocks and we just listened to this song. That little fucking noise. Can you imagine like during it?

Like you're like with the girl and like looking in your eyes and it's just this. Why is that so stupid? I love you. I really love you too. Kiss me. But. This song though. Okay.

Every, every podcast. Why not to play a Trey song song. Trey Songz song? Trey Songz song. The whole time that was going on in the car, I was like in the back of my head, I was like, does she just like this song? And then part of me, because I'm the most jealous man in the world,

the part of me was like, or does she just likey songs and i'm is she pretending i'm trey songs and then the other part of me was like wait a minute i'm pretending i'm trey songs what if you could sing like this all right okay i'm in love with trey song okay all right so yeah All right, so, yeah. Let's do Days of the Week. Now that you guys know literally everything about me.

That is the weird thing about this podcast, though, is that I've not held anything back. But that's what you want, right? Days of the Week week Here we go What do we got, huh? Let's look at this draft I make in my emails every week With a bunch of stuff on it and never look at it Oh, we haven't even gone viral

Oh my god Okay, let's do some viral Hashtag, you ain't nothing like me Let's do some viral. Hashtag, you ain't nothing like me. Hashtag, you ain't nothing like me. Hashtag, you ain't nothing like me if you haven't accidentally kept your car running. Why you do something when your car should definitely not have been running. Dude, I've left my car running in a parking spot for like four hours.

And I had no clue. I did a whole comedy show. Was I nervous? Was I nervous? It was in LA. God, that's so damn dumb. Parked my car, did a whole entire show and hung out with somebody after the show. Like somebody went to the show, heard I was doing a show, went there. I got like a drink with them. So that's like an extra hour and a half, like had like a heart to heart. And then I came came back and I was like why is my car on so dumb is that a normal thing I swear to god and the whole time I'm like cars can do that all right um hashtag i can totally relate to that hashtag i can totally relate to that

um hashtag i can totally relate to that can anybody uh relate to this one time i was looking for my airpods for like 13 minutes like kind of getting hot and freaking out and they're in my ears but like and i was so happy when i realized they're in my ears like overjoyed i was like oh yes like that's got to be like people people in heaven had to be looking at me like dude every time i do something dumb like that i think about people that i like know who have passed away like just looking at me like yo you're the dumbest person ever like oh he's about to leave his car on he's about to leave his car he's about to leave his car for five hours straight all right let's

do days Wednesday national teddy bear day dude I had beanie babies that was like my stuffed animal Wednesday, National Teddy Bear Day. Dude, I had beanie babies. That was like my stuffed animal. My family was big into that. Low-key, I think they still are. My sisters are still like, but you didn't have the Princess Diana one. I'm like, dude, we're 40. And I'm such a dumbass. I ripped all the tags off of mine.

I do that with everything. Dude, if I can rip a tag off some jeans, I don't even know if I want the jeans yet. I'm still in the store and I'm like, I can't stand it. I ripped all the tags off my Beanie Babies and then like two weeks later, they were worth like $400 a piece.

Of course. Those were such a big deal. Thursday. National TV Dinners Day. I always wanted to have a TV dinner just so I could eat it in the living room on the couch. I'd never cared about the TV dinner. I just wanted to eat dinner in the living room. And every time my family was like, no!

Or we'd get TV dinners and I'd be like, finally. And we'd have to eat them at the table i'd be like what's the point national school picture day the shiniest wettest faces of all time class of 2020 always make fun of like how weird your posture is the photographer is like okay sit in the chair and the chair is like facing the camera and you're like okay then he's like now turn your head all the way around and you're like are you sure you should he's like yep that's it your head looks like like the exorcist movie when the girl's head spins all the way around you're like is this good and he's like cheese blood coming down your mouth okay

Friday national make your bed day why is this such a big deal making your bed honestly I haven't made my bed ever since I left high school I know it's like

after I said that a lot of people are like this after I said that honestly I haven't made my bed since I left high school this aww I want a soundboard for this god damn show so bad one of these days this podcast is gonna be legit and we're gonna to have soundboards and

producers and Ashley's going to be a real person. Yes. When I get a producer for this podcast, it's going to be the biggest bitch of all time. I'm going to start having tryouts. Who's the biggest bitch? Me. Me.

Me. Me. And I'm like, uh, me. Me. I'm like, uh, me. And then some girl's just like, I don't care about this anymore. And I'm like, uh, me, me. I'm like, uh, me. And then some girl's just like, I don't care about this anymore. And I'm like, you. And then you guys are like, aww.

Okay, I just saw something scary on the computer and I kind of don't want to do this podcast anymore because it's literally 2am. Okay. Yeah, I haven't made my bed though. I just make my bed and then sleep under another blanket so my bed's just always made. He's the laziest man. The laziest man. He's the laziest

man in the world. Saturday. National chocolate milkshake day. Just thinking about a chocolate milkshake, just reading that, I already have bad breath. If I drink a chocolate milkshake, my breath smells like a chocolate milkshake till Christmas. National day of incur- okay, I'm not doing that. Sunday. National Day of Encour... Okay, I'm not doing that. Sunday! National Peanut Day.

Peanuts mess me up. I love them, but dude, if I eat too many peanuts... If I eat, like, a little more than, like, a handful of trail mix, the rest of the day, I'm like, ah, you got it. I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can.

I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can. National bald is beautiful day? No, it's not. Man, I'm so glad I did that to my hair. Hair update. It's looking bad. But it looks like when you get a hair transplant like i did uh it looks worse before it gets

better and i promise that's true because i talk to people but yeah you guys can see my head in like four months or something like that national grandparents day What a day. Did everybody's high school have Grandparents Day? Ours did. And literally, if it was two degrees hotter, like, what a trap. Let's put all the grandparents that are, like, you know,

kind of not in the best condition because they're really old. They can't really adjust to, you adjust to temperatures, things like that. If it gets too hot, it might not be a good idea. Let's have them all over to our school, and we'll put them in the gym. Yeah, we'll have church, and it'll be a great day. Oh, what's that? Oh, we don't have air conditioning? It's fine.

How did not every grandparent just drop? That always scared the shit out of me. Grandparents day, I was like, uh, well, sayonara, papaw. See you on Christmas, hopefully. Pampaw.

Alright, that's Pampaw. All right. That's 123. One, two, three. I love you. Thanks for listening. Thanks for sending in your most annoying mispronunciations. Pronunciations. I can't even say that.

Thanks for sending in your most annoying mispronunciations there it is i'll come out with a different question next week but remember to follow on twitter instagram cameo tiktok all that benedict polizzi subscribe to the podcast rate review and tell a homie because we got to make this fam even even bigger we gotta have a fam pick that's so big there's like more families in the pit you know there's like sub families you know and people have families that are so big that wear like different colored t-shirts i hate that but that's our fam soon all right I don't know how I feel about this podcast. I thought it was pretty fun. But what do you guys need for this podcast to be every week smacking? Do you need me to go crazy?

Because I will. Just let me know. Okay. See you. All right. I'll talk to you guys next week. Damn, that was aggressive. All right. I'll talk to you guys next week. Damn, that was aggressive. All right.

I'll talk to you guys next week. All right, fam. We'll see you next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.