Espresso - something u used to own that u want back

Episode Date: December 11, 2025

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Um, so I used to own a replica, Vin Diesel, Fast and Furious, Dangling Cross. I mean, it was pretty famous for that movie. You know, he wore it in a couple of those movies. Holy New Jersey. That's iconic cross of his. Tell me what do you see when you're looking at me. Oh, who, oh, oh, those things on. Spresso Podcast shot 397.

I'm your girlfriend, Benny, who absolutely had to eat an entire pan of brownies last night. And he put a whole can of frosting on the whole thing. By the way, I think people, there's people out there that don't frost brownies. I just want to make it clear to everybody that that's how brownies are supposed to be with frosting. slapping the whole can on there made brownies last night my roommate made them for me we're in love

made double chocolate brownies last night whole can I'm talking about the the spatula the rubber one that you kind of want to bite on sometimes you know you put it like in your mouth by your gum and you just want to I like God

all in the whole can of frog like I was whipping Jesus Like I was whipping C-biscuit at the Kentucky Derby about the win Each corner More icing than brownie That's the ratio We're talking about just powdered sugar on top or

nothing on top. Go listen to Joe Rogan or something. The same for you, babe. Why is he eat the brownies? Just for the icing. How to get that off my chest. You're like annoying, like right out of the gate. Okay, Ash.

Upcoming standup comedy shows Phoenix Friday and Saturday. Larry Fitzgerald will be there. Best don't be in the law. League. These guys live, live podcast, Chicago, December 22nd, December 22nd. Live podcast, Chicago. Bo Outlaw will be there. I want to wear your goggles around my house. Get your tickies below or at benedictpolizzi.com.

Bennypolice.com. This guy has so many websites. Like, I just don't even know what to do. My son was trying to get tickets. And he got confused. I just didn't buy any. Watch me on F-Boy Island and F-Girl Island on, hey, Netflix? They owned everything. What do they own? Everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything. Adults only, uncensored. Season 3 and F-girl Island. Adults only.

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Espresso cook, cool, cool, question of the week. What's something you used to own that you wish you could have back? Ha! 1998 Jeep Grand Cherokee Check that 1998 Jeep Jeep Cherokee

Better than the Grand I didn't own it It was passed down My mom bought it You know you have like divorced parents And like your mom buys something And then your dad's like I bought that car

That came from me dude it doesn't matter it was almost like the day you get a new car when you're a kid magical moment you don't even know what that's like dude I think I was and the first time you whip it out too

took my sister to volleyball practice in the new Jeep I was like are you sure this is ours like this is art like it's art like we don't have to bring it back every night and it sits in the car dealership lot like we just have this now i was in the car when we drove it off the lot i was like there's no way we didn't like kind of steal this right we don't have to take it back at any time it's just we just try it all let's just try it out you're like checking on it at night

the car was in our garage super clean cleanest car i've ever seen when you get your fam gets a new car in the garage. I look at it every seven seconds. Let's go look at it. It's like, you know, you turn your car off and you park it in the garage for the next like five minutes still kind of making those little noises, you know?

Open the door. You hear I'm like, oh, he's like, he's like settling in. He's settling in in the garage. It was red, bro. Just lighten up. the room. Never forget. I think you got passed through my whole family.

Sloppy thirds. Your boy had it third. I was like, I'll take her. Got it from my sister was driving it before I was. Finally got the, I was like, all right, this is kind of my, it's kind of my car now, kind of my car. first day I got it after my sister was driving it all her acne wipes just everywhere in that thing

whoever has that car now still acne wipes in it open the gas can't open the gas flap acne wipe on the back of it I was like dude girls don't care about their like interior of their car

it's the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life Matter of fact If you know a girl in her car is clean She's got to be Insane Have you ever gone into a girl's car And been like Impressive

The inside of a girl's car Dude Every time I've been in a car with a girl She gets She takes her hair One piece of her hair And throws it on the ground I'm like dude

window girl sits in your passenger seat that little door pocket thing you know there's like a place for there's like a thing in your door that you like put what full of trash

I'm like you sat here for 13 seconds how's there a Fritos bag in there has there a taki's how's there a spicy pickle bag in the side of the door right now it like wasn't mine insane so I was cleaning that thing out forever

that thing I was cleaning that thing out for I was cleaning out that pile forever felt good I had one of those jeeps you could like put down the seats in the back didn't do anything back there ever but it was a cool little feature

like spend the night in my car I want to like spend the night in my car you turn the dome light on in the Jeep battery dies in four seconds don't turn the dome light on every time somebody else is drunk don't turn the dome light on if the car's not on

why not? Because then you'll have to jump did you turn it? Okay we got to call we got to call Joe and he's got to come away he has jumper cables this happened 16 times in the past two weeks duct tape holding up every window of the car it be like that baby

what's the thing you used to own that you wish you could have back the divorce parents fours the data supreme cdubs you know what I'm talking about the divorce parents fours

if you had these shoes your parents never slept in the same bed Yep Millennial culture Right here So many people had the divorce parents' fours That East Bay dedicated a whole entire page to them That's how you know the shoe was just washed

Everybody had every single color you could think of bro there were so many colors of the divorced parents fours they started putting wood grain on the side kind of wanted them you saw them in foot action you're like damn what if though you know what if i pulled up what if i pull up to p e and the wood grain parents haven't spoken in 15 years joints was good what up hose What up, hos? Playing floor hockey today? Every time you make a cut in P.E. class with the wood grain fours.

Skis skis skit. Blackest shoe in the world bet every white private school kid Adam. Divorced parents, fours. Bought them. Put them on. they were so cool I had to return them I was like I can't wear them they're too sick for me

they're too sick they're too sick and I got them before they like got hot too so I was like oh I'm the only one with these hos I'm the only ones with them right now me little old me sixth grade I was like my basketball coach is going to make fun of me I can't

softest moment of my life you ever buy something and it's too cool and you're like, I can't do it I can't pull it off I can't pull it off I was like if I was the best player on my team

dude best player on our team was sick like I still don't know if I could God why I return them have some balls believe in yourself if I could tell myself one thing

if you could tell you If your future self can tell your bad self one thing, what would it be? If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would he be? Would it be like, don't go out that night, something bad's going to happen? Would you tell your parents you love them? What would it be? Don't return the divorce parents' force. don't do it big dog

okay okay never forget wow let's get to yours question of the week what did you used to have what'd you used to own that you wish you had back

ha ha I thought for me it would be my very first iPod the iPod classic the first one that came out. I have no idea what happened to it after I moved after college. It makes me really sad. Not only would I like to have it just because it was the first one, but I would love to see what my playlist and all of my songs were on there. I can tell you the first song on there.

All the things she said, all the things she said, running through my head, running through my head. All the things she said, this is happening. Wah, what. Everybody had that on their first iPod. Tattoo. Hey, can we put some respect on tattoo? Yo, listen to that song. All the things she said, all the things she said, running through my hair, running through.

And that is a heater. Those girls were hitting high notes for a long time, and I don't even know anything about that. Daddy looking at me. Did I cross the line? Crazy. Oh, that song goes hard. I got the chills.

That was on it. That was on it. Yeah, I want to see my catalog of songs I had on there. So many underscores in all those songs you downloaded. You know? Why? Unders. The ugliest symbol on the internet.

Yo! If I see an underscore and a file name that I download, I'm like changing that. oh kill me file names you got to make them all caps maybe two words how about the first time you saw the file name untitled and for the love of god until maybe last year i thought it was unit old ever i was like what the hell is unitled whatever what is that first time you saw a file name Unitold. Okay. I don't know. It must be so like some nerd computer programming stuff.

Over my head, I'm just going to save it as Unitold 1. The next day at school. Whose project is labeled Untitled? I was like, what the hell is she talking about? Not me. I just went with Unitold. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So I know. I just kept it what it was. because that's like what the programmers

wanted me to say the programmers wanted me to name a unit hold so I'm not going to change it up I mean they made the computer so yeah Untitled Benedict it's yours no

I name mine something else I name mine the suggestion the computer gave me yeah how many files How many files saved on your desktop, unit old? Like, I just started naming files properly, like maybe three years ago, you know? Everything was just, fuck it one.

Your file names and you're a kid. Just throwing up on the keyboard. Just so many letters. Because, like, you're not saving and saving over it. And you know what I mean? remember the first time you're trying to save a file and they said do you want to overwrite this you're like I got to call 911 what is this what the hell does this mean am I recoding Microsoft Word overwrite the file I'm just trying to save a

picture of Dennis Rodman sticking his tongue out on Microsoft Word write the file. Jesus Christ, what are we doing? That's so file names when you're a kid. I don't know. 25Ks. Gay. Hey, can you pull up my file?

Yeah, it's on my floppy disk. Pop it in real quick. Which one is it? Gay, one, two, three. Whole science fair project. whole PowerPoint presentation about like global warming

what's the file called Gay 1, 2, 3 it's right there Hey when you really got it though when you really know it's the one when I knew

this is the file like I'm done saving this bring it to school you know what I called it this is it D-I-S-I-T I was like But to brush my teeth and go to bed now

9.34 PM This is it Still use it This one Sometimes sometimes This one You can go all day I don't know

I don't know You get real fed up. I swear to God, I did this the other day. I got real fed up. It's trying to save a five. O-M-G. Holy shit. When you just can't,

I can't believe I'm resaving this again. Jesus Christ won. What's your file name? Kill me, too. Yep, it should be right there. Go do, uh, recently added. Kill Me Too.

You're like about to present something in a hotel banquet in front of 60 people. What's your file name? I'll pop it up on the white screen behind you. I'll pop it up on the screen behind you. Kill Me Too, right under sex, sex, sex, sex. Yep, that's it. All right, so this is how we're going to attack quarter four. sales he's like won't stop talking about file names it's like a nerdy podcast or something yeah your first song on your pod first pod man how pure where do they go all that stuff

where do they go you know it's funny like old laptop hey where's your where's your old laptop go your laptop from college where is it I'm like responsible and I put them all in the same shut up but seriously think about your your laptop where the hell is that you just threw it in the dumpster

you would never do that would you I don't think I would I don't think I'd have the balls I don't think I have the heart to throw my lap your first iPod where the hell is that did you trade it in or something like no way you did that

Who's taking trade-ins on iPods? Where is it? It's got to be somewhere in your like old house, right? Daddy looking at me. Did I cross the line? So many underscores. I remember I got an iPod, first-gen. boom actually the black ones came out thought that was tough i was like i got a cop one and this like

kid one grade above me had one got it for christmas and it was he was watching movies on it in channel one happy gilmore sneaking it though under the desk this kid from like a public school that transferred to the catholic school so he was like on on the he had that he had that he had all the new all the new stuff he knew different things you know he came from a different world I'm like oh he's got the iPod

with the wheel oh that iPod wheel never felt technology like that and you're like you could feel it under the wheel on your oh I was like I gotta get that bro crispy

crispy definition looked like a thousand K Resolution off the chain got a case for it because I was like bro I can't be having I can't be raw dog in this new iPod I got like didn't get it for Christmas

got it with my Christmas money so it was like an investment you know like I'm trying to be cool I'm trying to have the white headphones before football games getting ready for the game got white headphones on that was tough

still is kind of when you see the white cord great branding Apple when you see the white white earbud cord I'm like oh shit he's about it

I thought I was going to wear headphones all the time like all the time walking into a high school basketball game what's up Looking at people in the crowd Putting it back in I don't think I listened to

I don't think I listen to eight songs on that thing Download one weird porn thing It was on there I was like what the hell am I doing Then I was like Why do I have an iPod when I have a phone too I was like this is I got so much stuff I don't even

And I'm like poor What am I doing? and I was like I guess I'll just wait for the for the iPhone to come out because there are like rumblings of that I was like that'll have both what am I doing I got four devices I don't even know where my wallet it I don't even know where my student ID is I don't even have money for we don't have bread at home and I have a phone flip phone sprint and an iPod in a case that I scratched on the first day sexy looking at me Okay, not as fancy as that Jeep But the iPod Nanos They had that like obnoxious burnt orange color With the plug-in head of phones

Like totally old school The memories just like back to basics Now getting distracted by doom strolling Just listen into the good old jams God dang You just want to give her a hug For those details When people throw details in

Just just random things Not on this podcast I just want to give him a hug Thank you The discreet orange I forgot I always think about the blue one I always think about the blue one

Hey you know when you're You're so stupid when you're a kid And you want to buy like an iPod I think she said nano iPod Nano It was like slim That might have been the goat iPod actually yeah

I think it was you can get me any time of the day when just a product comes out and they release six colors I'm like oh shit oh my god we gotta go Target always a spot

you go to Target to get your iPod nano you have like your money your mom's with you because she's paying for half of it and you're like I'm gonna get the blue one they definitely don't have the blue one they never have the one you want then you got to like settle last second for like green you're like

I mean I guess I can just tell my friends that green's my favorite color now you're like lying to yourself so hard in the electronic section of Target you have a mental breakdown that I don't have blue and you're just like green's my favorite color now green's my favorite color now

green's my favorite color now you have you can't like there's no other target on the planet or something green yeah and your mom just wants to get out of there she's like do you like green like it's not the biggest decision of your life

I'm like do I like green do I like green I mean I guess I guess I guess I'm gonna have to Well, they don't have blue, so now you're going to have to pick a... I don't! Give me a second!

You're literally crying. Your mom takes you aside. You're literally crying in the electronic section in Target. Come here, come here. She has to talk to you. She has to talk to you by the plasma TVs. Plasma. Hey.

We're getting this. iPod Nano because you're vacuuming and cutting the grass for the next 14 years. That was the deal we made. So you pick a color, it doesn't matter, you're going to get a case anyway because you're going to break it in five seconds. Now go over there and tell them what color you want. Okay And then you get so happy

When they get so happy When they're buying it I'll take the green one Yeah I really like it I like it better in blue now You totally tricked yourself You know what I mean Dude that with everything I do in my life

Oh shit then I have one thing I have my heart set on I got to trick myself into actually despising that thing what a saving grace the case was yeah I got green and then like later on you're like

everybody has blue you have a blue one yeah okay remember my first beer pussy you're saying all this shit about it I heard you have a blue one You're like starting rumors about it

I heard you if you have a blue iPod Nano You're gay Green Yeah Didn't get a blue one That's for sure Whoa Pure

Best iPod probably I don't know though I don't, ah, yeah, you're right. No doom scrolling and stuff like that. Although, hey, when the iPod Touch came out with the no, with the, no wheel, straight, sexy screen? Never seen anything like that in your life.

Remember my rich friend had an iPod Touch Christmas break in his rich house. iPod Touch plugged into one of those beats pills. I was like, okay what's next bro a Ferrari what's next dog

do you rob a bet how much money do you have I hated I hated going to my friend's house sometimes I gotta be like you guys are so rich how the hell I'm just trying to compete, dude I'm just trying to be in the game

with like the decent shoot iPod Touch plugged into the beats pill yeah yeah got it for Christmas how'd your parents even know that existed but when I was swiping on that thing all the songs in it and half the battle is like how'd you get the songs in it

you know the tech is a whole other part getting the iPod touch I was like this is cool, but now I got to upload all my songs to it. iTunes used to be a monster. Remember that? Remember uploading your Apple music to your new device, like your new iPod touch? And it'd be like, do you want me to delete all the songs first? I'd be like, what are you talking about? Delete all the songs first and then import? I'd be like, no, no, no, no. Oh my God. What do you mean? I spent years on Kazah limewire and frost wire ruining

desktop computers to get these songs and all of a sudden, I will delete all these songs to import your new music. I was like, we got to go to the Apple store. Then it's a 40-minute trip to the Apple store. You get there, they ask you the same thing. Well, do you want to delete all the songs before you import?

What are you talking about? and then you just say yes and they're all gone i'm like i don't i don't know i don't jesus christ i literally just want to listen to chingy on that ipod touch and all the work i've done my whole entire life is gone so thanks genius bar jesus christ back back whoa i love you a milky boy i'm far too old for this now but i remember there will be times i'll just remember this and i was like eight or nine years old living in an old freehold township new jersey dirty jerse dirty jersey and trash anyway more jersey ish but anyway let's get back to the

topic i had an orange shirt it was side note when I was like eight or nine living there I would get hammy down to my cousin who was like 22 I was a large kid you know I was just fat but I had some height to me as well

I got distracted by fireworks upon my left here anyway 80D 80 cutting in a back so same brain

right orange shirt I think it said Nike or Dina's, but it was that kind of glossy. It felt like a dangum thickum sticker. It felt like a thick, dense sticker on that. Kind of a rubbery texture, if that makes sense. Yeah, I know. But I always remember having that for like a month.

I felt so cool that I just lost it in a move. And I still remember what it looks like in this day. But I don't remember the brand. So maybe not. But I remember thinking, man, that was a lucky shirt, and it was cool. And I don't know now, obviously. But that was a pretty cool shirt. Okay, we got it.

Even better. We're going to wrap this up. I used to have a Ralph Lauren, a pair of searsucker pink and white shorts, vertical stripes. She's a little too thick to be wearing a daggum, a horizontal stripe on a pair of shorts. I'm sure it's different. But, yeah, I had a pair of shorts, searsucker. just set of shorts.

And they're part of what I would call my frack. They kid looked like I was straight out of S.A.E. Trying to take it. He-he. Ha! Bars. So those two things. I still think about those serious sucker shorts. I had matching polo denim shoes,

worst quality shoes they've ever made. Never by Ralph Horan shoes ever. Weird. Kiss it's his. Mw. It's a fuck. Puts a bow. time i love you milkie but oh

everybody had their college drip phase start you know you start meeting some new people in college got to up your style you're starting to wear some college stuff god delete that part of my life

why do I have flannel shorts my mom co-signed it was going to college She's like, I'll buy you some new clothes. Let's go to the mall. I was like, what? This must mean like she's embarrassed by what I'm wearing. Went to the mall.

Got like some top knot stuff that was on mannequins at Hollister. I'm like, we're bawling out. Is this like my graduation present or something? Because this is crazy. Got two polo shirts new. Kind of heat. Two pairs of shorts. One flannel.

And I was like, you better believe. I pop out in that, I pop up in that first party. Like, I'm saving these fits for when it's storming. You know what I mean? Not a rainy day. I'm talking about torrential. Was that supposed to be like thunder? What was that?

What was it like? Shut up, Ashley. What was it like? Sorry that was Ashley. What was it like? Okay. I'm talking about that first party. I had the...

Ooh, I'm serious. I miss it right now. Same type of vibe. Milky Boy is talking about. All gray. Hollister polo like charcoal. Remember when charcoal was that? hot. Charkle was like

charcoal was like the bitches fell down when you put it on. In my mind. Charcoal, charcoal. What did charcoal? What if he got a charcoal? Oh my God, I got a new car. He got a new car. He got a Nissan Acura. It's charcoal. Charcoal Hollister Polo.

Just the bird. The red bird? When I walked in the party. Front door of a house party. Charcoal polo. Just the bird on my peck. Longest cargo shorts you've ever seen in your life. They were so khaki. They're almost green.

Low top white shoes. I walk in the front door. Oh, ha! Oh, shit. Did you see his polo? Oh, he has a charcoal one. Lanyard around my neck. Hasn't had a haircut in six weeks.

It's fluffy. It's poofy. Needs to pluck his eyebrows. For God. Raises his arm to say what's up to the homies. Armpestine. Oh. in this bitch

god where'd it go I miss it to this day that's just I thought I was him when I put that on you know how it fits though sometimes it's not even what they look like the clothes

that old clothes you had it was just the way it cuffed your arm right there a girl must have said something to me about it because I wouldn't think that highly of it if they didn't you know I only run off of what girls say um obviously it's why I'm here

okay just the fit dude kind of tapered in around your pecks squeezing your titties up a little bit cuffed on the arm do you work out today it's just the shirt I thought I was so fresh and clean.

First party, too, you know? When you know it's the night, before you're getting, you're getting dressed for the first party, and you're like, do I wear it? Is it going to be too much? Are people going to be like, did you save that shirt for this party?

Is it that kind of party? What's a magnitude like? It's a gamble. the fit bro the fit neutral straight neutral I don't need any

I don't need an orange polo I'm talking black white charcoal all I need where does that stuff go man because I know I didn't like I didn't I wouldn't have like the

I don't the confidence to like pack that up in a bag and like what if you imagine seeing like one of your pieces of clothing that you love so much at a goodwill I'd buy it back

I'd be like no you know what no no you're coming back with me I'm sorry I'd be talking to it the whole way I'm really sorry I just thought I moved on

I thought I got bigger I thought I got bigger arguing with your polo I thought I got bigger okay don't be mad please please don't be mad

don't be mad don't be bad please we're back we're back okay so like don't don't worry about what happened like think about like now you know right we're together again so like what happened to all the jordan shorts i owned where'd they go i think all my friends stole them and i will still blame that on to this day do you steal my shorts no yeah you did if i lost something at my house i'd blame all my friends

every time first try thinking I had zero to deal to do with it zero percent zero percent my fault sir I know you took my shirt if I lost 50 bucks like misplace it I'd call seven of my friends

do you steal it? No I didn't steal it okay well give it to me at school tomorrow it's just in one of my socks in my closet bro if you weren't putting like I think half of my life I didn't even have a wallet I was just putting cash in my sock how many times have

I been to the mall with like $40 in my sock and I'm not even talking about like like this part of my sock I'm talking about like I'm not even talk about this part of my sock I'm talking about like right here in an ankle sock right here just sweaty dude you you get it you got $40 and your sweaty foot the arch of your foot you forget it's in there you get home you take the 40 you take your sock off there's 40 dollars wet on the carpet i'm like whoops probably have like some foot fungus now my son he has hand foot mouth disease because he listened to the espresso because he listened to the espresso podcast and he never used the wallet because he never used the and he put his dirty, gross, filthy cash against the arch of his foot in his sweaty, gross shoe,

and now he has hand, foot, and mouth disease. My son. Holy shit. Hi, Mr. Benedict. It's been a while since I left, you know, anonymous. But I would go for my old 2002 automatic. 4-runner, Toyota 4-winner, or my 1997 standard Toyota for-runner.

Yeah, those are the days. I also had two Cherokees before, and a T-J and an FJ, Jeeps, but I take Toyota any day. I wouldn't mind even having my dad's 2002 Tundra in my hands, but that's back home on Guam. Yeah, I hope you had a good Thanksgiving and happy holidays. should I not be able to leave a voicemail again, voice message.

All righty. Have a good one. Dude, I just can't. I just can't read her. You know what I mean? Are you yelling at me? Are you mad at me? I want to be friends.

Do you want to be friends? She's not the richest person in the world. She's the richest person in the world. Is she the richest, are, is she the richest person in the world? No. She's the richest person in the world, world, world. Never will I ever have that many cars in my life.

I don't even know how you own that. many cars. Wow. Yeah, so I traded that in, then I traded that to have that skill. To know those types of things. Teach me. But a forerunner?

Just the name of a Toyota forerunner sounds like, what is that? Where's that? Let me see that. Hold on. Before we buy that, let me see the forerunner. Is that what it's called forerunner you see that thing

bro if you went to school and one of your homies had a forerunner you were like oh so your mom just got a new SUV and gave you her old one because that is way too tough for a sophomore in high school

to be drunk forer homeboy at my school had a forerunner from a public school transferred to the Catholic school so he already has things

that I've never seen wore Tims to school Carhart Jacket I was like who is this guy if you weren't already getting the hose Matt

then he pulls up first day can drive in a forerunner I'm like gold tough The first time I saw him pull up and a forerunner This is like a 2005 It's five years old

Forerunner My face I spit all over the place I spit all over the place Yeah bro get in real nice You know those dudes are always the nice guys. I'm like, oh, how you have everything, dude. Yeah. Actually, for Christmas, just got subs put in the back. Everybody cool had subs in their car, bro.

Never understood the point of them, but I wanted them so bad. Yeah, dog, just had subs hooked. What does that even mean? What do they even do? I was trying to explain that to my mom and my dad for Christmas trying to get some subs. They were like, what are you talking about? I don't know. You know what? Forget it, dude.

I'm like, where do you even go to get those? This is one of those things where you got a NOAA guy or something. Yeah, bro. Got subs in the back. Come on, I'll give you a ride home. Why don't you just fuck my mom while we're at it? Why don't you bang my mom while we're at it? Huh?

Go ahead. All the way to my... All the way to my house. My nose is so bad because of the base. Both my contacts fell out of my eyes. Nose bleeding. Do I turn right here? Half my body's hanging out of the window.

I don't know. I don't even know where we are. Then he goes, add a red light. About to turn on the street. Hold up. Clicks the button in the middle. Middle console button

clicks it, the back window rolls all the way down. I'm talking about the very back trunk window. Disappears. Turns it back up. I was like, oh my God, dog. Take my girlfriend. Take my girlfriend. You know what?

Take my starting spot on the football. Take my spot on the football team. everything. What do you want in my house? I don't deserve it. The window with the sub. All right. Four runners. Straight, different level. Yo, I wish I had my old hand me down T-Mex. I was just thinking about those the other day. I think we all have the same for you, Paige. I follow this account that, like, it's called like sneaker files or something. It comes up like once every two nights and I watch it for so long.

They give like the history of every basketball shoe. And it's so well written that I'm like, is this has to be like Chad GPT or something because like it is every word is so meaningful to the statement they're making. I'm like, oh my, who wrote this? that might just be some nerdy stuff but I'm like this is amazing text

whoever's doing this but they've been doing the T-MACs and I'm like yo that was actually the hardest Adidas shoe I've ever seen in my life the T-Mack won better than the twos with that on top

goes across the front of the toe different color and how silky was T-Mack number one tall Orlando I wanted those bad, dude. Saw somebody got them for Christmas break and wore them for the Christmas tournament. I was like, that's when you knew, bro.

Your Christmas was on a different level. If you got new shoes for Christmas, new basketball shoes for Christmas, basketball shoes, and you wore them during the Christmas tournament. Everybody goes to Christmas tournament. Yeah, I saw that kid play. And I was always taking note of people's shoes

because if you're a bucket, if you know, if you know ball, you know if a kid had like good shoes, he's probably kind of good because he knew, he knew what was going on. Oh, that dude's got the Iversons. Ah, shit.

You should guard him, bro. So he didn't embarrass you. Homey on, homey on St. Luke had the T-Mac one. I was like, oh, going to be trouble. That kid's going to be trouble. Hey, shooter, shooter. Best kid on their team.

Shooter, shooter, box him out. Shooter. It was the kids with the good shoes, that new ball. Bad. They had like a rich dad. I was like, he probably took like basketball training lessons in the off season. The dude's good, bro. And he has Iversons, fresh Christmas Iversons.

So let me give this straight. He started basketball season in the fall with new basketball shoes. Played four games and then got new basketball shoes again. What are your parents doing for a living? Is everybody a doctor? I'm over here wearing Nike cross trainers with mud on them. Just trying to play boxing.

one sliding all over the court dude me me every time there's a stoppage of playing a basketball game just cream in the back of my shoes just

just so I could stick on the court for two seconds and you're telling me you got two new pairs of basketball shoes during the same season and both are heat what what am I missing what am I doing wrong what am I doing wrong here I'm asking it's just there's just a hundred and twenty dollars who's buying this so what I wish I could get back oh my gosh Okay, I had these

Limited Edition Halloween lime green black with white on the soul pat and leather dunks it had a tombstone

on the back of the shoe that said 07 why did I give that shit away because I was trying to attract guys that like girls and little flip flops with the fucking flip flop going every time you walk instead of being

and those dunks to which I could have to this day. And this is a perfect example of why we don't switch up our style for someone's raggedy-ass son and someone's ball-headed daughter. Don't mind me as I hang myself from the roof. God, what happened to it? That's one of those things. If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?

Don't throw away the shoes! Have some faith Be yourself I'd slap the shit out of my younger self Don't return those shoes Don't throw away those shoes God man they were so clean too that's what i really want to know like i want to have a whole like

catalog of shoes i had every year you know because you know you're oh yeah i had those that once oh i had those i told you i had those wouldn't they be sick one day they just mail it to your house shoes since you were born shoe archive and it just every every oh yeah I had those did I steal those oh

it must been a good year I must have good grades that year I had those two yep there's a cross trainers I wore during basketball season with mud on the bottom give me the shoe archive I would cry

I would cry You'd be showing your friends They wouldn't care at all Hey remember I had these in fourth grade Yeah dude Shut the fuck up Who cares Who gives a shit about your shoes, bro

Ha ha ha ha Ha ha What's something that I want back That I don't have anymore Um I would probably I had a hard time To get him an answer here

But I think I would want all of the cars that I once owned. Like my very first car, I could only imagine having it, kind of looking at it in the garage or outside. Obviously, my worst fear is hoarding. I don't ever want to be that guy. It runs in my family. So I am desperately trying to avoid becoming a hoarder and whatnot. So, yeah, if I could in a perfect world to have all.

the cars. I've only ever driven like four, but that would be pretty cool. I just have all the cars that I've ever owned. Dude, everybody's a little low-key hoarder. You know it. Everybody.

And then this is how you lose all your stuff that you once had and you think about where'd those go. You're hoarding and you get so like self-conscious. about being a hoarder that you go in

I don't care mode and you just start throwing stuff out thoughtless I don't need it throw it out take it to Goodwill I don't even want them you get in that mode you know what I mean when you're like moving or you're like I got to clean this closet out

and it's just you finally snap and you do it I don't want them nope put them away put it in the trap your brain is just like I don't care mode you lose your mind bro. And I will throw everything away and then be like, what happened am I shorts?

How about when you throw something away that you're like, I'll never need this. The next week, you're like, damn. Damn. The way I needed those shoes to like do this, like cut this grass or something like that, you know? I really could have used those sweats for this. Jesus Christ.

That wig I threw away? Why did I think of a perfect idea that I needed for that way? Daddy looking at me. Every car would be sick. Guy who's had two cars. I think I, I don't think I, is this a new thing? New thought. New thought unlocked?

The, the, like, I think I trust a person more that's only had like three cars, two cars, you know? If you have like 15 different cars, I'm like, whoa. I think that might tell a lot about a person. Like Homeboy had four cars. Like, yeah, pretty normal. I've had two cars. If you've had more than actually, you know what it is, if you,

If you've I can't say it I'm not going to say it It's a pot You have to say it Hey if you've had your car stolen I don't know I don't know

I don't know I just don't know If we can hang What how do you have your car stolen Bro If I went outside of my car Wasn't there I think I would laugh

For 10 years straight somebody stole my car bro if you get your car stolen it's just like take it I'll figure it out because what that's like if somebody stole your house like somebody walks in your house unlocks it up and runs to the next county where'd my house go

dude can you imagine going outside your car is not your driveway oh my god the thoughts I would run through my head oh my god dude yeah you think it's funny

it happens to you imagine that that call to your how do you not laugh at stuff like that to your boss hey I'm gonna be a little late what happened

somebody straight up stole my car ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh shit well if the person you're calling about your stolen car doesn't laugh too they're not a real person if you call me and say somebody stole my car

I'm going to laugh so hard and be like all right uh I'll give you a ride but like dude Yeah Funny Till your car Get stolen

Speak for yourself When it happens to you I'm going to be laughing What up So something that I used to own That I wish I could bring back Um So I used to own

A replica Vin Diesel Fast and Furious dangling cross I mean it was pretty famous for that movie you know he wore it in a couple of those movies that I kind of cross of his

I was uh you know in the era of the 2000s you know where the rap game with the dipset the fabulous and the Nellies I was all blinged out you know I had the big studded earrings but I used to have that cross and honestly I wish I could

just have that cross so that I could hang it up in my man cave with a picture of Vin Diesel and just so I can look at it because I actually loved that cross and it was like an iconic cross and I probably could find it for like

$50 on eBay but I bought mine for like $650 at the time it was kind of like a fake diamond one but it was like I guess a good fake replica but I wish I could What in the New Jersey is going on there? What in the Italian is happening? Dang, dude, that's one of those things that, like,

my parents wouldn't let me buy that, you know? Because it's just so, like, why are you buying a Vin Diesel Cross? But it's so tough. You got to have it. You, like, buy it. And you got no remorse about it. You're just like, I need this. that's such a wild buy

I didn't even know that I gotta look this up Vin Diesel Cross I didn't know Vin Diesel was doing crosses like that I didn't know Vin Diesel was like that type of celebrity Vin Diesel what a name cross necklace this is a man the jewelry

Oh, this is tough, this is hard, this is hard, this is hard. Yo. That's so Johnny C. You see you right there? Hey, that to the club? Putting that on? Hey, you got the polo button, top button, and the crosses underneath the collar? What up?

what's up hos at a bar called wild beaver there's peanuts all over the ground what up you're dressed way too cool for the occasion not really saying much because you're so cool yeah yeah it's 50 cent beers though you're in the wrong place at the wrong time yeah that's cool you have a toothpick in your mouth uh-huh you want to do karaoke bro nah nah I'm just chilling

just chilling you're saying you're saying words not to completion because you're that cool yeah I'm just chill just chilling I'm good I'm good I'm good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every word you say, you don't say the last letter. Ha, ha, for real. Hmm. Yeah, I'll take a B. Ha. Yo, can I get a vodka cram? Yeah.

Uh-huh. Where we going after? squintiest eyes of all time squintiest eyes of all time cross coming right here too right there hoping to god the girl you want to see is there

she doesn't show up she moved to Tennessee not a chance in hell she walks in there you're ready though it was good hey cologne dude you could smell the cologne from

oh I could smell the cologne through that voice message bro you can smell the cologne like he gets in an Uber this guy gets in an Uber two more people get in the Uber you can still smell his cologne When he says when he spreads his clon

when he spreads his clon. Oh man Dude I had a necklace like that too God this pissed me off Still think about it So my grandma had a bunch of jewelry And My grandma was like next level

I didn't know anything about this She had like stock She was good with stocks Like I didn't know I just saw my grandma was just the richest person in the world. I was like, dude, she's got it like that. Growing up, I was like, I don't even know,

but grandma's balling for sure. Like, they moved into a new house, and I was like, yo, this, this house. I need to show my friends this house. My grandma does not play. On a golf course, way too much house for her. I'm like, okay, damn, flex. grandma

she passes away you know the grandkids get all her stuff she has a bunch of jewelry we like having like a I don't even know what they're called some like auction for it all the cousins and the aunts and uncles we all go to my mom's apartment in Florida

there's like a bunch of all my cousins are there and stuff there's rings there's necklaces and I'm just like I don't even really care what what I get like I don't know I just wanted to shoot a bunch of elephants and I was like I want the elephants like I'm an idiot so I just I didn't pick anything like expensive I was just like I want the elephants and my cousins were probably like yeah we knew my cousins are probably like yeah bro we we knew you wouldn't want anything like cool or like worth anything you just wanted the elephants

but I did get like 14 elephants and I was like I just wanted some dumb shit but I ended up because they were like you have to pick something and I was like all right and I already picked the elephant so I was like that chain

bro my grandpa owned a KFC franchise growing up they both passed away we're auctioning off their jewelry there's a KFC kernel medallion on a chain

with diamonds in it and I'm not talking about like a rapper size one it was like subtle kind of like boom kernel I think one of them there's another one

and it had a KFC bucket of chicken diamonds I was like and I was just kind of like yeah all right cop that cool And then I think something happened and I gave it to my cousin.

And then like two years go by, I'm about to be on F Boy Island and I'm like, I need a chain for this show. Why did I give that KFC bucket? That would have been so cold. But you have like a chicken necklace. A chicken necklace? A KFC guy necklace? Ah! And I asked my cousin.

And I was like, yo, can I rock that? Like, do you have that? And she was like, I think, you know, she like, didn't know. I was like, it's all my fault. It's all my fault. I feel you. Hey, Alexa, play royalty-free news music. Ha ha ha ha.

Here is Hercucci with today's news. Yes, we take it to the. No bits. Sad news. Ted Kaczynski died at age 81, joining fellow terrorists Timothy McVeigh and Osama bin Laden in the afterlife. You know, they've become pretty good friends in heaven now. I hear they make a pretty bomb squad. Come on, be serious.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. In local news, a liquor store owner reported a recent break-in. The big surprise is that it was not a person. It was a raccoon. That morning, he found the culprit passed out on the ground after drinking numerous bottles of liquor. Hey, I know he's a raccoon, but I still think he was drunk as a skunk. These jokes stink. Come on, Sky.

That's today's news. I am Herc Oucci. All right, we're done. That's it. I promise that's the last one. If we can get a news update every single pod, once again, espresso podcast. You can leave a voice message.

You can say whatever you want. You can make your own. question, you can leave a news report. Bro, just pristine. Number one OG fam of all time. Herk

Uchi. If he's Herk Uchi, I'm Dr. Ben Dover. Okay, come on. got to get out of here soon let's get together tweet of the week

tweet of the week where I take a tweet that I've tweeted before and we just talk about it on here tweet of the week a couple here don't know which one I'm going to say what was the darkest day of your life and why was it the day someone beat you in a race oh my god man you remember when

you thought you were so good at something and somebody just did it way better in you and you're like well guess that's not my thing man i thought i thought i thought until i was like until the day happened i was like i'm the fastest person my age in the whole country and i I was, like, sure of it. Because I would race kids at recess, fast kids in the grade above me. And it was like a thing. Hey, yo!

I remember, dude, this kid's name was Charlie. He was, like, good on the football team. At race, he calls me out at recess. Yo, Ben! Want a race? And I was like, Tying my shoe as tight as possible on my right foot, strings. Left foot, squeeze, squeeze, double knot,

I swear, whew, the basketball just fell to the ground. Girls playing bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish just stopped. Hands on their laps. Everybody turned their head. You know when you're about to start a race and your foot's like digging. like getting real comfortable on the concrete one of the homies

he was a fourth grader I was a third grader I was like okay boys moving up in the big leagues huh playing pen you over here one of the homies on your mark

Thought he was the most intimidating kid in the world But he talks like this Get that Go! Bro, I'm telling you, I was moving earth. I think my 20-year-old self was not going to beat me in that race. Sza! S! S! S!

Blazing. Dude, if I ran into somebody, what a kill. them. One, I was like, hey, no questions asked. Do I think I won everybody's respect? Even the teachers were like, they looked at each other, type shit. Type shit.

I was like the fast kid after that race. The teachers knew you. The teachers knew I was fast. The P.E.T. We're running laps. Everybody look at me and I'd be like. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I know. Yeah, I know. My turn. Brother in sixth grade rolled around. We ran a lap every day before practice around the field. Foo! Number one, first, every day. Shoo!

Nobody could touch me. I was finishing and, like, Not even kidding. 17 seconds later, somebody would finish. I was like, it's going to be like this, huh? All right, it's going to be like this. I'm going to be the fastest kid. I'm the fastest kid in the world one day.

Oh, my, caught me lacking. Never forget. Drake Spears. Never forget, dude. It's going down the straightaway. Just guess I'm going to be first again. hurt I thought I heard some of the

that's not a person is that like some coach kidding like running beside me I'll beat him too dude blue past me I couldn't and then I was like

oh I gotta catch his ass now I'm embarrassed of myself I gotta like turn it up a notch and I'm like I used to be fast I used to be fat

I used to be fat I used to be fast couldn't catch him beat me and I tried hard at the end never heard the end of it lost my mind that day did the next day

Bro, did you? Oh, you're not the fast one anymore. Bro, I'm telling you, like, 12 people. You're not the fast. Drake yesterday? Mm-hmm. Not as fast as he used to be. People were just...

Hey, grab my pencil. I grab it. They pulled away. Not as fast as he used to be. Bro, I was going through... The teachers knew. Our PE teacher? You got beat in a waist?

Before practice? Get it together, Poitzee. Be a teacher could never say her ours. Everybody had one. It's two days of the week. Days of the week. Today, Thursday. National Stretching Day.

Hey, just saying, yoga every Thursday, Runyon Canyon. Me and Logan. And we are the most elizabeth. annoying people of all time doing that in the middle of this grass fenced in area just full yoga mat like if you like it would be like if you type Google search LA we're the first people on their first Google image in the middle of Runyon Canyon no shirt on a mat and We're so annoying. Meets this whole time.

Ah! I don't care. It's 9 a.m. Hewit. See you next Thursday. National App Day. My phone updated. I never know if I do it at the right time or like when I'm supposed to update my phone.

I always feel like I update my phone like two years after the update because people are like, did you update your phone? And I'm like, I haven't even, it's like the last thing I think about. And I don't like to do it because I don't like willingly ever update my phone because I'm like, I just have to like get mad at my phone for two weeks while I'm getting used to where everything is now. It took me maybe, maybe like 40 seconds to find the clock. app. I was like, where the hell? I don't know. It's probably better,

but remember they rearranged the Photos app? Just got used to it. Now it's all different. Again? Why do I need a pop quiz to find all the crap on my phone every couple of months? Apple? New update! I'm like, God damn it, man. Don't stay in your ways.

want to change things you got to make big changes national violin day Saturday nothing's scarier than watching an actual violin player play the violin you know what I mean like the ones that really know how to do it not like your friend in high school but the ones that know how to play violin I'm like, yo.

Possessed. Hey, possessed lady. Okay. That's actually my nightmare. Wake up in the middle of the night and there's somebody playing the violin in your room. National hot chocolate day I hate that bro I hate that it's always so

it's always the coldest it's ever been in your life when you really need a hot chocolate you know I just remember being at so many football games outside growing up and it's so cold I don't even know what to do

never have enough clothes it's so cold I'm like gonna die you know when it's that cold and you're like like, I can't even do anything. Can't feel my hands, my feet. I can't like, you know, your hands are like this in your sweat.

You're so cold. And then you get a hot chocolate. Your mom buys you a hot chocolate. And it's so warm. It's like warming up your hands. A little bit. And you take a sip. It's too hot.

You're like, God! Nothing's right. it's too hot i can't oh god then you've got to be cold and wait for your hot chocolate to cool down i'm like nothing makes sense you got to drink it like this though yeah try to be hot try to be attractive when you're drinking hot hot chocolate when it's a negative three out at a football game. What's up, girl? What's you doing after this?

Shit. Out of that little straw that's not even a straw. It's not even working. You're like, it was good, my. type shit I want to sit Sunday Sunday

Reaths across America day Reaths across America I think that's the only reason I want to buy a house is to decorate that thing like some of the houses in my neighborhood growing up You know, you'd walk around your neighbor. We always did that for some reason.

We'd drive in the car and just look at houses with Christmas lights and be like, there's some. That's what we'd say. And I'd be like, you want to go see some there somes? I'd be like, yeah. Hot car. It's so cold outside, hot, warm car.

We wouldn't even go anywhere. We would just drive around. Oh my God. Hey, can we go to that neighborhood? Like, on the way. It's like by the Wendy's. Your dad's no idea. You trying to,

you explaining directions for the first time to your dad. It's like, you know, across from like that boat place. Ted's Aquamarine? No. It's like, it's next to like almost the high school.

It's my family video, my family video. Oh yeah, I know what you're talking about. you just drive in rich neighborhoods and look at the oh my god oh my god there's reindeer in the front yard

you know what I'm talking about those reindeer that were like all lights in the front yard just bro if you had those reindeer you were so it you were so him Illest house on the block If you had those two light up reindeer in your yard One like this

The other one like this I'm like oh my god They're dating they must be dating Oh And one had a red nose Oh my god Oh my god They have those

Nobody in our neighborhood has those Doing weird kid stuff Nobody has those I want those Can we get those Icicle lights Remember the first time you saw Icicle lights

My son He saw a house with icicle lights for the first time And he won't stop talking about him And I have to get them now Because he won't shut up And how much he loves Christmas It's horrible Those icicle lights when they're set up right

I was just like Like I just want to go inside their house And see what it's like you know But it was always that how The one that really got me Had me had me had me in a daze Like the mortal combat guy When you got him like

When the moral When you know the moral combat When you like got him like all like Me you're about to do your special move you're finishing the lights that got me going crazy were the white bulb

straight lights big bulb the cord was so tight it was like it was going to snap on the gutter oh I'm like how did they even do that every line of the roof

no problem peak of the house chimney outline around the garage I was like dude me looking at that then they had the deer in the yard

finish him with the wreath to match the I was like bro this this they that's the president that's the president whoever lives there you treat them different

you see their car like going around the neighborhood you're like mm-hmm how you do it nice light see you got there yep

right hey merry Christmas right right right just because they have I'm like who'd they pay

how who do they know and you don't even see them go up when you're a kid you watch everything in the neighborhood oh oh my god oh that kid's bike's been out there for two days they get a new swing set and all the sudden there's just lights on a house when they did i must have it and musted on it when i was at school when did they put those up i didn't know there were i didn't know and there there'd be some pretenders too there be some people in the neighborhood that tried to do it like the guys on the corner A little,

a little saggy, a little loose with it. Got one guy in your neighbor with the light job

of the century. Oh. Ra! We just had a wreath. Can we get light? No. Okay. Why not?

No, just a wreath. Looks like everybody in our house was dead. I was like, Jesus Christ, can we? I'd walk by our house at night. After we got done looking at all the lights, I'd see our house and be like, Jesus, can we like have some pride? Looks like everybody in our house is dead on the kitchen floor right now.

If you walked in our house during Christmas with just a wreath on the front door, you'd walk in and see this. Merry Chris. I mean, I was like, this is depressing, God. That's it!

Oh, Coach P. Court of the Week, he just sent me a text. I think he might know I do this or something. Here we go. Coach P. Court of the Week. Those who excel have a superior your mental toughness manage their emotions

deflect any negative thoughts and have a fixed focused on goals write that down Coach Peecore of the week I'll see you guys next week. Love you. By the merch, by the tics, Phoenix, see you soon.

Chicago Go ahead and go to the show. Love you guys. For real. I mean it. You're just saying that, my son! Wee! What kind of bread do you like? White or we?