Espresso - songs stuck in your head pt2

Episode Date: January 25, 2024

support benny and get every other pod and a weekly livestream for $5/month https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzion this ep benny brings it back! what’s the song that’s always STUCK in your head?? (can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars💫 )🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 St. Louis, MO 1/25 https://st-louis.heliumcomedy.com/shows/246366🌴 WATCH BENNY ON FBOY ISLAND SEASON 3 STREAMING ON THE CW🧢 "𝗙𝗕𝗢𝗬" 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝟮𝟱% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

Oh, here we go. And ask her if she wants to stay a while. And she will be loved. And she will be loved. Yeah, that's the song that's always stuck in my head. Oh, yeah. Act like you didn't just fucking shred that. Yeah, that's the one.

I mean, just, you know, whatever. But that's the one. I mean, just, you know, whatever. But that's the one. Shut up! Espresso Podcast Shot 299. I'm your host, Benny, who can't stop eating peanut butter and jellies because I'm actually six years old. Can we talk real quick? Before we get started, remember, upcoming show St. Louis tonight.

Helium Comedy Club. 8 o'clock. Get your tickets in the description of this podcast or at benedictpolizzi.com if you haven't yet. I can't wait to see you pour a Budweiser on my stupid balding head right when I get there. Thank you. That was a message to all the St. Louis people. Remember to join the Patreon for $5 and you get every other Espresso podcast in a live stream every Sunday night. That's $5 to join the fam. You gotta be crazy not to take that deal. All merch, 25% off with code FBOY at checkout. Get your feeling glonky, get your kiss me every day, get your top, get your polite cat call me.

All of that merch at benedictmerch.com. And obviously, watch FBoy Island season one, two, and three for free on the CW app. But espresso, quick, quick, quick, quick question of the week. Let's get to it. Dude, everybody loves the singing podcast. Is it, is it because, is it because of my voice? No, I love this question. Oh, what's the song that's always stuck in your head? Part two. We already did a part one. That's a shot two 97. Um, but part two, what's the song that's always stuck in your head? Uh, for me,

there's a lot, bro, but I could, I knew I was going to forget this the other day. So I recorded it on my phone. This is the song that's always stuck in my head. Uh, yeah. Want to be my lover. Uh, yeah. Want to be my lover. oh yeah wanna be my lover you ever know you're gonna forget some shit that was me and he's got a pink drink you can see it on YouTube

but I just got a pink drink from Starbucks on some willy nilly crazy shit and it's the best drink I've ever had in my life you know it's a good drink when you start drinking it you do this. Me, every time I take a sip of a Starbucks pink drink, I love you, burpee boy. Whoa. All right. Let's get to this. Um, what's the song that's always stuck in your head? Here we go Wait, wait, wait

Here we go Oh my god So, what song Is on repeat? Can we believe that Air moves in the night sky Like shooting stars I could really use a wish right now Wish right now Can we believe that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?

I could really use a wish right now. Wish right now. Wish right now. Wish right now. God. Every... I love you. Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting motherfucking stars? I could really use a motherfucking wish

right now. How about when that song came out? Didn't you just fucking want to, oh, that song is so dramatic. Can we please God for the love of God? Oh my God, for the sake of everything. Can we please pretend that airplanes in the motherfucking night skies are motherfucking shooting stars? And then who's in the background bob's like yeah believer i'm like god damn you guys couldn't sell me more on this thought that motherfucking airplanes in the night sky it's so dramatic i love it that's a good one isn't eminem in that or some shit when that song came out i was like yo this is a great song. Yep. Yep. Hi, Ben.

I'm so thrilled that you're doing this. I had so much fun belting along with the last episode. Oh, this is the girl that was good. The song I have stuck in my head constantly is the theme song from my daughter's toy remote. Gather around to pretend we're going to enjoy TV shows with some friends. That's super annoying. The other song I have stuck in my head constantly is Regina Spector's song in Russian. I don't know Russian, so I have no business singing along and I apologize if I offended anyone. Thanks for doing this. You are such such sunshine we really enjoy your content thanks i got the chills because you are so nice thank you i don't know either of those

songs but damn the way that those like little toy um toy like toys for kids like when they make noise the way that gets stuck in my head, maybe because it just plays all day. And I was the kid that would press the button like 45 times in a row and like cut off what he's saying to restart it. Like I had a lawnmower or something when I was a kid and it made a noise and it was like, here he goes. Like that was all it said was here he goes. And I would press that button probably 750 000 times a day it'd be like hit hit i do this for four hours hit hit hit hit hit here we go here he goes and then you press it even before it starts talking so it's like here we go here we go dude i did that maybe that's uh how djs are born is that how djs are born steve aoki when he's a kid here it goes

here we go here we go that Here we go. That's how DJs are born. Oh, my God. Like, how did you become a DJ? Like, what is your inspiration? I had this little fucking lawnmower toy when I was a kid, and I just pressed the button until my mom wanted to cut my fucking head off. Oh, my God. It's so literally inspiring.

Let's keep going. He's still, he's still Benny from the block. He used to have a little, now he has a lot. No matter where he goes, he knows where he came from. Keep going.

Long time listener. First time caller. I'm nervous. Yeah. It's the eighth time I'm recording. I swear to God, if you can listen to all the previous recordings

and you're lying to us. That's ones we want i'm not lying because i would listen to all of them i want the fuck ups they'll be real pissed anyway my song has to do with church i am catholic but clearly i'm not a church i'm not a religious churchgoer but like when i get a box of food like to go food or anything and i'm about to crush it let's go up like let's just say a pizza box i'll bust out in the name of the father the son and the holy spirit and then there's another line like sometimes i love this i'll be like i love this through him in him with him. I don't even know if that's the tone. I just like doing my voice like that.

Oh, shit. They almost got in an accident. All right. Gotta go. Bye. Love you. Love you, too. Love you more.

She crashes on the side of the road. The cops show up. Oh, man. Oh, man. That's so good the things that play in your head before you eat that's the real that's when you're the realest you've ever been right oh and it's it is always to go food i don't know why food in a plastic box tastes better than food on a plate food in a plastic box on your like uh passenger seat oh my god quesadilla on your passenger seat pulled pork on a piece of garlic bread and on your passenger seat

hallelujah Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Eats it in three seconds. I get it. God, it's so true. To go food, bro. Is there anything better than to go food in a big ass plastic bag? I ordered to go food the other day from Smokey Bones. Is that the most guy fucking restaurant ever but uh yeah i got like i got a half chicken and two pieces of salmon and it can't they're like what else do you does you and your family want to eat tonight i was calling them on the phone and they're saying like what else do you guys want to eat do you guys want some cornbread i was like you fucking you guys you guys you guys because you guys? You saying you guys? Because you think this is for more than one person?

I hate it. I hate it in 30 seconds. Hallelujah. Let's keep going. Bro, 100 100 mine is because every time we uh i get this feeling and every time we oh i swear i can fly or something like that perfect voice message like he doesn't sing that every day yeah it is uh it is a thing to put like why i don't know is that just dudes but i always put moans and stuff because every time i oh i get

this feeling and every time i oh my god shit i swear i can play yep you gotta remix your song sometimes man oh you know why i put moans in every song? This is some real deep, like a fam shit right here. I put moans in every song because there's a game called cruising USA. It's the first video game I ever played. And that like the background music is stuck in my head forever. This is another stuck in my head bonus stuck in my head forever. Um, it's just like a beat and it's like, Ooh, Ah, Ooh, Ah, Ooh, Ah, Ooh, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ooh, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah. While you're just driving through like San Diego with the worst graphics ever. I'm just like sitting there like, Ooh, Ah, sitting there like, now when I drive in my car,

what am I thinking of? And then you like hit a fire hydrant in the game and she's like, it's the best. If you know what I'm talking about, like you, you it's yeah, you it's just it's exactly what i just did let's keep going it's murder on the dance floor i don't know that one but another one that's in my head kind of like that is what I thought it was going to be. Evacuate the dance floor. I'm infected by the sound. Stop this beat is killing me.

Whatever song that is. Oh my God. Powerful. Evacuate the dance floor. Holy shit. That's a good one let's keep going if you want to view paradise simply look around and view it anything you want to do want to change the world there's nothing to it people are crazy bro I wish I knew who the fuck this was that's so funny I can hear this being in my head I don't even know what song this is it seems like i thought it was a disney song at first and i thought it was a commercial but listen to this

dude if you want to view paradise you know it's just that part on repeat in this dude's head just him walking down a hallway kind of has to pee if you want to view let's keep going i'm having too much fun dude i need to chill out you're right you're right you're right you're right i'm having too much fun i'm ripping through these am i even recording yes thank god all right let's keep going this is crazy lollipop must mistake me as a sucker to think that i could be the victim of another lollipop does he say must mistake me as a sucker to think that i could be the victim of another i love it so much um that reminded me of this one that's always stuck in my head too

lollipop lollipop lollipop lollipop the word lollipop what a stupid like kid dumb word lollipop shut up i don't know if i've ever had a lollipop like what circumstance would I be in to have a lollipop that big I feel like such a bitch saying lollipop I'm gonna try to get my dad to say lollipop tonight hey what's that it's not a sucker but it's like on a stick and it's real big it's like a big flattened out sucker what's that called he's like lollipop like dude trying to get your dad to say like like uh baby words that might be the new that might be the new game that might be the new game what's what's like what's the family game you play we try to get my dad to say shit like snickerdoodles oh he won't. Oh my God. Lollipop. If I ever had a lollipop, I would've got my, I would've got it smacked out of my hand because I would've been eating it. Like I would've been eating it like a cartoon. Lollipops are so who's eat. That's too much sucker.

That is way too much sucker. Dumb Dumbs, not enough sucker. Not enough. By the time a Dumb Dumbs over, I'm like, God damn it. But like the best, the best amount. Oh, you know what the best sucker really is? It's a blow pop. It's not. Oh, it's a Tootsie. not oh it's a tootsie no it's not i'm sorry i do i have respect pay my respects to tootsie pops man those were good

tootsie pops they were just so like i've never seen a broken tootsie pop i feel like those tootsie pop bro that word is so fucking stupid, Tootsie Pop. But I've never seen a broke, they're so like indestructible. Tootsie Pop, dude, if you hit somebody on the head, if you grabbed a Tootsie Pop like with a stick on it and hit somebody on the head, I think they'd have CTE. Can you imagine how bad that would hurt? Oh my God!

That's some shit I would have done in like third grade to somebody and like literally given them a concussion and been like, what? Sorry. We're just doing like a Christmas party. Like, dude, if you took the stick of a Tootsie Pop and like hit somebody below the kneecap with it, their leg would do that thing. You know what I mean? Like you go to the doctor, they check your reflexes, they just hit your knee with a Tootsie Pop,

your knee's like... Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead. For sure. I could hammer a nail in the wall. I could build a house with 15,000 nails and one Tootsie Pop. But blow pops? They don't last very... I know, but I don't need them to.

Is the thing there. The gum and the blow pop lasts like four... That's all I need. That's all I need. But it literally lasts... That's what I need, but it literally, that's what I want, you want, you want that gum to last for an hour, no, hey, I need 17 good chews and a banging like sucker around it, I'm good, that's all I need, I don't need my Tootsie pop to last or my blow pop to last like

four hours that's crazy blow pops are so one time i was eating a blow pop and i i liked it so much i was just like i want all of this um on a plate i just want a blow pop melted on a plate like kind of like Jell-O. Oh my God. The way I would lick that fucking plate. All right. Too much. Too much.

Ba-doop. Boot up. Ba-doop. Boot up. Ba-doop. Boot up. Ba-doop. Boot up. Motherfucking ba-doop.

Boot up. Baby ba-doop. Boot up. Yeah! Imagine that. badoop boot up motherfucking badoop boot up baby badoop boot up yeah imagine that all fucking day i'm fine over and over fine on a loop because i don't get the song in my head the song is cool i get that in my head all day long and it never stops it's not it's not fun it's a problem that much but then uh when there's the song everybody's this is this is the number one song stuck in your head song oh and you're just can't get you out of my head my head literally like it's literally called can't get you out of my head this girl i know had it fucking playing over and over and over i was like can't get out of my head i can't even get you out of my head i can't even get you out of my bed this guy classic johnson-y ending

to a voice message if you're new here that's what we do we make things corny jokes at the end. Johnson here. It's a Johnson-y joke. Um, that particular caller is very good at them. Um, and we also say like smack my ass and put a balloon in my mouth and make me fly across the ocean. Some shit like that, you know, just crazy shit, but man. ocean some shit like that you know just crazy shit but man i just can't get you out of my head my your love is all let's keep going hi benny song that gets stuck in your head for no reason you have to sing it like really annoying the first line of the chorus have to tell me why ain't nothing that was good tell me why ain't nothing I never want to hear you say, I want it that way. Was that so good?

Am I tripping or was that really good? Hold on. Tell me why ain't nothing but a heartache. Right here. Tell me why I never want to hear you say, I want it that way. Shorty's got the vocal cords booming today. Hey, it's the part of that song, though, at the very end, where it's like the last time they do it, and they start mixing each other in.

You know what I mean? And then all of a sudden kevin's like tell me why you know like in the background and you're like yeah exactly tell me why tell me why i never want and then aj's like like off in the distance got so good and at the very end i think it's aj again it's like remember that shit on the radio you'd hear in your car and be like dude i oh that song's so good and the way they ended it is so good with that solo i almost wanted to stand hear in your car and be like dude i oh that song's so good and the way they ended it is so good with that solo i almost wanted to stand up in my car and be like

god it hits so different when a good song's on the radio when a good song's on like your uh i almost said ipod because i'm 96 years old but when you play a song off your phone in your car it's like yeah yeah yeah yeah but when that same song is on the radio like two minutes later you're like oh shut up shut up shut up shut up it's just a little more special just keep going so i apologize in advance because i'm sick but don't ever this is this might be the most serious i've ever been on this podcast if you are sick and you're leaving a voice that's what i want i want sexy sick voice over your real voice when i'm sick and i have a sore throat that's when i talk the most because yes like uh what's up like what are you guys like eating

tonight that's how I sound when I'm sick normally hey what are you guys eating tonight when I'm sick so like what are we having or what what i'm sick the song that's stuck in my head is you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel get horny now i think that's the beat at the end i don't know remember they were wearing the monkeys outfits that was a good time i didn't i didn't know why that to have fuck i didn't know why that um song was bad like it was always on the radio you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals but let's do it how they do on the discovery channel like my mom would always turn that off and i came on and i'd be like fuck i think that song's just like catchy i don't care about the sex message like it's just a good song can we appreciate the song my mom would be like no but one day uh i was in my house

and i was like 12 and i lived behind a school or in front of a school either way and all the kids would walk home to the neighborhood I lived in like every day like like I feel like half the school lived in the neighborhood that I lived in because the school is right behind my my house and it like they'd all all the kids would at three o'clock would just like walk into the neighborhood because our house was right on the corner like right by the school and i opened up the front door like so you couldn't see me but you could hear me i like cracked it and stuck my lips out of the crack like this so you couldn't see me at all and i was just like to all the kids walking by i was 12 you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it how they do on the discovery channel you went i said i did it for probably like 16 minutes loud and everybody's like what the

like moms were walking their kids home and shit you know what i mean like i just was screaming it out of my door. And I looked behind me and my sister was just standing there. I was like. She's like, what are you doing? And I was like, fuck, I hope you weren't there for 16 minutes. Please, I hope you weren't there. Just watching me belt that out of a door with just my lips. You and me. Loud, loud bro so they could hear it

isn't it so weird i just every time i think of my house growing up i just i just have flashbacks of someone ringing the doorbell and me like like a most wanted criminal in my house. So they couldn't see me. Somebody rang the doorbell. Did I hid in my actual pantry for like 26 minutes? Dead, dead, dead, not moving a muscle, dead quiet. Why was that? I would never be the person to get the door i guess that was a big thing too

when you're a kid your parents were like don't get the door if somebody come you know i mean so i was like okay definitely not and i don't want to talk to any i don't want to talk to a soul hey are your parents home i'd always be like oh fuck you god damn no they're not they haven't been home for six hours what do you need i'd just be straight up with them Fuck you. God damn. No, they're not. They haven't been home for six hours. What do you need? I'd just be straight up with them. My mom can't come to the door right now.

How about the kids with chocolate bars? I'd be like, damn, this is how you do it right here. King size Reese's. They're all king size too. I was like, where, this is how you do it right here. King size Reese's. They're all king size too. I was like, where are you guys getting these? I always wanted to be the kid selling big ass candy bars to get new baseball jerseys just so I could eat all the candy while I was walking around in the neighborhood. I'm like, that's basically Halloween. What you're doing right now is Halloween.

And it's for your baseball jerseys. Win, win. Let's keep going. I don't give a fuck. Fuck is up. Niggas stomping in my truck. See I make it rain gear cause I'm all about my books. God, what song is

that? That's been in my head before. I gotta look this up this is insane stumping in my chucks probably make it ring clear oh is that no is that taiga i can't play this song but i said taiga top five rapper i'm i don't care i don't care what you say oh my god you like lost all credibility there i don't care he's so good every song he has. Whatever he does. Oh my God.

Name something harder before you start rapping. It's probably not hard at all, but I think it's cool. Oh yeah. You know what? My name's Tyga and I'm going to sound like a Tyga before I start rapping. T raw. I don't mind spending every day out on your corner

in the pouring rain. Oh my God. She's such a good singer. I'm about to cry. Holy shit. From the top. This is so good. I don't mind spending every day. I don't mind spending every day i don't mind spending every day out on your corner in the pouring rain out on the corner in the porn it damn it i knew i was gonna forget pouring rain rain look for the girl with a broken smile look for the girl with the broken smile and ask her if she wants to stay a while oh shit oh here we go and ask her if she wants to stay a while and she will be loved and she will be loved. Yeah, that's the song that's always stuck in my head. Oh, yeah. Act like you didn't just fucking shred that.

Yeah, that's the one. I mean, just, you know, whatever. But that's the one. Shut up. Yo, this is such a... We gotta listen to it. Ah, no, fuck it. Okay, yeah. I don't mind spending every day.

You knew it was gonna be good when she did that little, uh... That little, uh... What is that called when they, like, make that shit vibrate? Make it, make it vibrate. I don't mind spending every day. Right there. The vocal shake. Baby girl, you different.

Sup, Ben? My song is I'm blue da-ba-dee-ba-da-da da-ba-dee-da-ba-da da-ba-dee-ba-da-da Blue his house with a blue little window and a blue Corvette

and everything he has is blue for him and himself and everybody around. Because he ain't got nobody to listen. I think I messed up a little bit in there. But yeah, I love that song. Used to rollerblade to it in like middle school. But yeah, also I do art.

So if this is anonymous, let me know anonymously what you want me to paint. And I might paint it. Love you. if this is anonymous let me know anonymously what you want me to paint and i might paint it love you what do i want to be painted maybe maybe maybe my face in blue that's so like narcissistic but you know what i mean to match with the song vibe uh i'm blue and nava it's new for some reason i always want to play this like at parties and act like no one's ever heard it before like you know when someone has ox you know i was always so tempted to play this song because like you know you know like half the people like really were just like freaks and they just wanted to hear shit like this i'm blue and now ben my song is i'm blue

it does get so like intense too through his house in a little little window in a blue corvette because everything is blue to him you're like oh it really everything really is blue to him huh you're like buying what they're selling to listen to listen to listen there's something about that song that like is there's a deeper meaning there that no one has uncovered yet she had dumps like a truck truck truck guys i what what what baby move your butt butt butt i'm singing again she had dumps like a truck truck truck guys i what what what baby move your butt all night long let me see I want to play donkey yeah I've mesh I've like remix that song a lot of times how about a guy singing about a thong like that though bro

go jerk off or something that's crazy him just going ham in the studio the producer had to be like yo like you've never seen one or what's going on? Jesus, dog. Like, relax. That song, goddammit, that motherf- goddammit, that song, song, song. Jeez, bro. Get alive, dude. Mine is Telephone by Lady Gaga, but specifically the line that's like- Yes.

I love this. I love this shit. I cannot wait for this. Out in the club and I'm sippin' on bub and you're not going to reach my telephone. My telephone, my, my, my telephone. God, there's an, how about when the beat stops in that song and she's like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do my telephone ring. And the, the, but, the, but, the, but that song I'm singing. Like, oh, dude, every, you can get me on every song if you stop the beat and keep singing.

Limp it down to my telephone. I feel you. Chicken wing, chicken wing, hot dog and bologna. Chicken and macaroni. Chini with my honeys. What is that? What is homies what is that what is that what is that god what is that if anybody knows what that is comment that this is the this is the third that we got four more man should i've taken my time on these a little more?

They're so good. I just love them. Get out of my dreams. Get into my car. Whoa. That's what they say? That's so real. And then there's, I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never going to keep me down.

And then Sugar Ray. down but i get up again and you're never gonna keep me down and then sugar ray i just wanna fly like a birdie in the sky i'm so high put your arms around me baby whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa can we talk about her throat at the end? Hold on. Me every time I'm done saying something. Me. This is me every time I do anything. Walks into a grocery store. I hope to God you guys can hear that. i hope to god you guys can hear that um me after i drink a glass of milk and try to say something to anyone

a frog jumping off of a lily pad dude yeah i went through a big sugar ray phase big time now i would listen to it when i worked nine to five at a computer i would just have sugar ray on repeat like a birdie in the sky i'm so high i i i just i don't know what he says let's keep going hey uh ben this, this is Andre Ivey again. This is my second time calling long-time listener. What about this one? This is a Coach BP exclusive.

The hills have eyes. The hills have eyes. Who are you to judge? Who are you to judge? Who are you to judge? Yeah. Hide your lies. Hide your lies, girl. That's it.

Who are you to judge? I never knew. I only call you when it's half past five. The only time. Dude, that ending part, though, this part when it gets here, you're kind of out on the song and then it gets here. I only call you with it. And then a girl screams in the background. She's like, ah!

And you're like, that's it. This is what I want to hear. Hide your lies. I never knew he said that till now. Hide your lies i never knew he said that till now hide your lies perfect this reminds me uh andre ivy i hate to out you dog no i'm not gonna do it oh no i am gonna do it okay andre ivy one time he see this dude worked in the apple store and i was like in the apple store around christmas and he was like bro you need new headphones and i was like in the apple store around christmas and he was like bro you need new headphones and i was like yeah for sure and he goes check these out and he put

them on my head like that like the apple like over the beats bro beats by dre and he put i put them on he goes he goes he goes he goes get out of the store so it's like quiet like you're in real life because the apple store is so loud around because when you guys go walk around like outside in the store and uh and i'll play a song and he played the song man of the year by school school like you you know how the beginning of that song starts it's like super dramatic it it sounded so good in the headphones that i fell down in the mall didn't it wasn't even i wasn't hamming it up i wasn't being dramatic dude i fell down in the mall on like december 24th in front of like 30 people and my dad was just watching me through the glass window at the apple store like all right anyway two more

some songs i get stuck in my head aren't even like songs they're just the popular songs yes that go in like all the reels and the videos that people post on Instagram and TikTok. Like, I'll just be driving down the road. Yeah, that's the adult version of your kid's toy. Your kid's toy that the song stuck in your head or whatever. Or the like little phrase they said was stuck in your head. This is the adult version. All the TikTok sounds.

And I'll have one of those annoying popular songs. I don't even know what they are. They're just in my head. Forever. No, you're not going to give me an example? Living rent free. Oh, no. That was the last one too.

We got to end on that. Whatever. Whatever. What is one of those songs that really all of them it's those uh oh man oh you know that tiktok audio it's like comes on only at night. I swear to God. They program this audio to only get on your For You page at night. It's like Nordic Sea. There's always like some weird creature in the sea or something that they're showing.

I don't know. Maybe that's just my For You page. All right. Well, that's a songs that are always stuck in your head. God damn. Should we do part three? I want to so bad. We got to wait a little bit though. Cause that's so much fun. Thanks for your voice messages. Uh, great singers. Even if you don't think you are, even if you're not, you're bombed to me. All right, let's go. Dear diary. Oh, this is embarrassing as fuck. Um, I don't even know if I want to say this, but someone, this is crazy. Someone brought up the group Hanson the other day and I was like, Hanson, Hanson, Hanson, what? And then I realized that Hanson was on the cover of a Disney Adventures magazine one time.

And I can remember getting turned on for the first time in my life because I thought they were all girls. if that isn't the the most revealing part of my identity i don't know what to tell you bro that's just that's it that's what happened i was in my grandma's bathroom and i was like i think they're hot dude one of them might be a girl hopefully she was leading the charge there but yeah and then somebody told me that they were dudes and i was like holy shit anyway bob um show and tell i don't have anything today for show and tell but

i was looking through my backpack and i was like i know there's got to be some bullshit in here so i just have one of my notebooks i always carry my notebooks with me because i i write everywhere and i feel bad if i don't write so i'm just like sometimes i'm like in my car and I have like 15 minutes to kill and I'm like, fuck, I got to write something. So I'm just going to, I'm just going to pop open a page here and read anything. Here it is. Here's in like, when I write stuff, they're not like good jokes they're just like things that

I kind of think have potential I don't know how to make a decision the only decision I feel like I'm 100% capable of making is when someone tries to set me up with another person I kind of remember this everyone's waiting for their ex to confess their love to them at every moment. All right. God, this is so fried. I'm attracted to girls that are a little bit... Lesbian-y. Like, I like a girl that can be like,

bruh. Okay, I'm done reading that. It is true, though. It's all true. It's all true. I like a girl I can take in the backyard and throw a Vortex football around with. Low-key!

All right, here we go. Cringe moment of the week. Like those two things I just talked about weren't cringe enough. C-c-c-c-cringe moment of the week. All right, this is, I was at the Hollywood Improv. It's the worst. Well, no, the club is good, but like the, I was at the, I was at this thing called lab work and it's just an open mic and all the comedians, they're all really good.

Everybody gets three minutes and, uh, it's just like a hard room cause it's all comedians. Comedians don't really think anything's funny and they're kind of like numb to laughing at a lot of shit not because it's not funny just because like they've been they've sat through hours and hours of stand-up so they're kind of like i don't know it's just like it's not easy they're not paying to. They're not like there to have a good time. They're there to like do their shit and like impress the booker that's in the back of the room. So it's tough.

And the room's legit haunted. So I'm like, all right. So you put your name in this bucket and like, I don't know how many people do it. Maybe like 70, 40 sometimes. And they mix up the bucket and pull your name out. And they're like, so-and-so is on deck. What's his fuck is in the hole. And coming to the stage is boom.

And it's just random. And this dude sitting next to me was like, they called his name and he's like, yo, I'm about to go up, dog. And I was like, that's sick, dude. Are you ready? And he's like, hell yeah. He went up and he's like, before I go up, bro, will you take a boomerang of me? And I was like, yeah, for sure. But I didn't want to do it on my phone. Cause I was like, I'm not just going to have like 15 boomerangs of you on my phone. It's weird. I was like,

can I do it on your phone? And he was like, yeah, whatever. So he gave me his phone, like open on Instagram with the boomerang ready and i was like i got you dog i'm gonna go like i'm gonna get like 23 of them just so you can like i'm just gonna do it the whole time he's like all right cool they called his name he went up there he started doing stuff and i was like all right cool and i like forgot that i had to take an awkward boomerang and i was like kind of in a position in the club where I had to like reach out and like get a clean shot of him and like people could see his phone like that like what what I was doing on the phone like I was doing like he was he was doing act outs and stuff

and I was trying to boomerang the act out so it like looked cool you know I mean like a boomerang like so I was like trying to like get it right so i was like i was going crazy and like everybody could see me doing it they're probably like man he's taking a lot of boomerangs of this guy are they friends like do they know each other and like halfway through i was like yo i don't even know this guy he's like to ask me to take a boomerang so i was like whatever like i kept like i kept like checking with the i was like yo i was just he you know i mean i thought i'd say i thought i'd do it. You know what I mean? So, so I'm just like, boom, going crazy, boom, going crazy. And then like his set's almost over. I take like a couple

more just so he's happy. Cause I don't know what he wants. I'm just like, fuck it. I just got to guess and like take a boomerang. And like, I accidentally, I kind of, for, for a second, you know, when you have somebody else's phone, you think it's your phone for a minute and you're like, oh shit, this isn't my phone. You know, you just do like, you have like phone reactions. And I like swiped down on his, his Instagram. Cause I, cause I kind of thought it was my phone for a second and I was just going to like get out of boomerang mode. And I swipeded whichever way and it went to his camera roll, camera roll, bro. Probably six actual dick pics right there. And everyone is looking at the phone still like watching me do this shit. So I like swipe damn dicks all over the phone.

And half the people, I don't know if they know that i'm taking this these boomerangs for this guy like if you couldn't hear me and you're just watching me take pictures like the whole club is watching me do this on this guy's phone out in the open like this they just think they just all thought they saw my dick just random ass dude bro what kind of what kind of person what kind of person just has hella dicks so weird but yeah was that an open mic and at the hollywood improv and saw this dude's dick on his phone like six times and so did everybody else and saw this dude's dick on his phone? Like six times.

And so did everybody else. And everybody thinks it's my dick. Anyway. Are we flying through this podcast or am I crazy? Both. Let's do days of the week. Thursday. Today.

Let's do days of the week. Thursday. Today. I'll be performing at Helium, downtown St. Louis. Get your tickets. Florida day. There's just something. I talked about Florida.

Why was I talking about Florida the other day? It must be like, there's something about the air in Florida. You know, when you land in Florida and you just feel, I don't, I don't think Florida people are crazy. Everybody's like, Oh, that guy must be from Florida.

If he's doing something weird. I'm like, nah. When I, when I think Florida, I think, thank God, bro.

When I land in Florida and that smell, I'm like, yes, I feel like I'm home. It just feels so vacation-y. It's probably because every vacation I took in my entire life when I was a kid was Florida. We're going to Fort Myers where grandma lives. Oh, my God. We went on vacation to Fort Myers when I was like in 4th grade oh dude never forget

I didn't do anything the whole time either all I did was go in the pond in the backyard and try to catch catfish that's all I did for the whole for 10 days all I did was try to catch catfish. What'd you do on vacation? This is how it should be though. When you take a vacation, what'd you do on vacation? I tried to catch catfish and I watched Prince of Egypt six times.

Literally. How'd your vacation go? Uh, I fed, uh, a catfish that I thought was cool. I fed him a pecan pie that my grandma didn't want anymore. And me and my cousins watched Prince of Egypt six times. If I was 33 years old and you told me that's all I did on vacation, I'd be like, you know what? That's not a bad trip. Every time I think of Florida, I think about that. It was so much fun.

I think that maybe that's why I became like destructive. Every time I see like a pond, I'm like, I got to throw some shit in there. That's like the most guy reaction ever. Every time I see a pond, I'm like, why do i want to throw a bike in there throwing things in ponds undefeated my grandma's like uh you know this is getting getting old this is she just gave me all the food in her house i was getting old you know grandparents keep shit for a long time you ever walk or walk around your grandpa's house and like look at the cabinets go in your grandpa's like cabinet where he keeps like the band-aids dude all the toothpaste the creams the vaselines they're all from world war ii i'm like do they not i guess that's how old people are though

they just don't throw shit away because i'm thinking about my dad's house right now. Yo. That's a Y2K bunker. My dad might have 2,000 cans of beans in his laundry room. I'm like, for what? Is that a dad thing? Not exaggerating. 2,000. Can good drive in this dude.

I'm like, for what? Why would you ever need that many fucking beans? I'm trying to think of that line from Billy Madison. I don't know. ADHD podcast. But yeah, I don't know. ADHD podcast. But yeah, I don't know. We were talking about Florida.

Yeah, my grandma was just getting rid of old shit. And she would give it all to me. And I would throw it all in a pond. And try to catch catfish. Lure the catfish in. With just like bread rolls. I remember, this is a distinct memory of mine i'll never forget the noise you know how they're seagulls just like crazy they're just everywhere they're like rats almost

dude they're just circling this pond because i kept throwing food in it and i wad it up like a hamburger bun like real tight like snowball you know when you wad up a snowball it has a little bit of ice in it and you're like yo if this connects they're gonna die when you have one of those snowballs like this is a actual baseball and like you're like it's not gonna connect though and you throw it as hard as you can it hits them in the head and they like start crying and i'm like oh my god i'm so sorry i didn't know i didn't know my aim was actually gonna like work out there and I didn't mean to hit you in the head I was just gonna throw it really hard at the fence next to you that kind of snowball I wadded up a piece of bread like that and just fucking to the sky with this thing and with us the with a stroke of luck dude it just like nipped the seagull's wing

and the noise was just like somebody clapped their hands the seagulls like you know annoying and i just yeeted this little wadded up hamburger bun and just goes and just like took out the seagulls wing but it like kept going it was like i was like whoa but uh yeah that's when i thought i had the best name ever irish coffee day irish coffee you know it's just half booze you ever see that tiktok of that guy making irish coffees and it looks so good he's filling up the coffee he's putting like whipped cream on him it's the whipped cream in that irish coffee that looks good irish do a lot of things and they all involve algae. What's a good Irish food? Oh my God. You're so like uncultured. Irish food. I feel like they just yell. They have a, they have food called blah, a doughy white bread bun. That sounds really good, but it's called blah.

Potato bread, of course. Soda bread. Is that where 7-Up cake comes from? Hey, you want some blah? How's it taste? Hmm. It's all right. Blah.

Opposite day. How many times have you used that growing up when some shit wasn't working out oh it's because it's opposite day oh yeah i'm gonna use that shit now it's because it's opposite day friday wig day uh I can tell now when dudes have wigs on it's like too obvious I'm like dog does it look like I have a wig on

I saw myself the other day and I was like could I pass for a wig guy am I toupee guy you know when it's so painfully obviously start to feel bad you're like I didn't really blend in your wig today dog what are you trying to do who you trying to fool bro who you trying to fool am I just talking about myself now wig guy green juice day peanut brittle day

oh my god how good would a bag of printed peanut brittle be can't talk out of stroke it's that it's that stuff they sold it was called like bark. Remember that? It was in a bag and it was just called peppermint bark.

They have it around Christmas. I'm like, yo, you name something a disgusting name, I'm eating it. Mudslide? Put it in my face what I what I yeah it's called mud I passed by a ice cream place called handles the other day and it just said uh strawberry mud on their sign and I was like I do anything for some fucking strawberry mud right now strawberry mud on their sign and i was like i do anything for some fucking strawberry mud right now strawberry mud rub that on my face saturday chocolate cake day every time i'm at a restaurant and they're like do you have room for dessert i'm

like obviously i always pass up the og chocolate cake, and I know deep down, and so do they, that it's the best thing on the menu. But it just seems so like, fuck, how many times I've had chocolate cake. That chocolate cake is a sleeper pick. And you know what? And it's the only word you can use to describe it. You know what I'm going to say. It's moist. And if you don't like the word moist, I don't like

people who don't like the word moist. Sometimes you just got else are you going to say? A humid, oh, that cake. Oh, that chocolate cake at that restaurant. It was so humid. Fruit cake toss day, fruit cake. Who's buying this? Who's really doing that still though? Fruitcake? They can make it good. The best fruitcake ever is that strawberry shortcake. There's something sexy going on there.

That's a very underrated dessert. Sunday ladybug day. Gotta be the sexiest bug if you think about it. No harm. They don't harm you. They just look like cool. Do they do anything crazy?

Ladybug, do they bite you? Ladybugs are just kind of like a they're kind of nice. I wouldn't mind having a bunch of fucking lady bug i remember one summer they were just all over the side of my house literally 84 lady bugs i was like what is fucking happening here lady bugs are kind of like iconic feel so bad for them when they're on their back though i'm like oh god here we go just fighting for its life i'm like are you serious right now you can't get up when bugs can't get up i'm like yeah i'll tell you dog you have wings and you can't figure that Just on its back. Two hours.

Ladybugs for two hours. All right. Monday bubble wrap day. Yo. Yo. I don't know what it is. I still can't help myself when I see bubble wrap i'm like i have to i don't know for some reason in the back of my head i'm like you need that bubble wrap for

something you need it don't pop the bubble wrap you need the bubble wrap for something you're gonna have to move something so i always like get it like in a like in a paper towel roll the bubble wrap I like get it all nice and perfect in paper towel roll form and I give it like the Native American burn God that used to hurt so bad

when people would give you those I don't know if that's that's like insensitive but that that was like the test of if if you were tough or not when you're a kid oh yeah let me bro they make that thing sting that's probably why our arms are so flappy and shit because we just got native american burns on our arm all day, every day at recess. Ow! Corn chip day? You mean tortilla chip day?

Might be the most addicting food ever. Tortilla chips? I'm like, I'm not eating tortilla. Oh, shit. Can I have another round? They're already gone. At every Mexican restaurant? Oh. ever. Tortilla chips. I'm like, I'm not eating tortilla. Oh shit. Can I have another round? They're already gone at every Mexican restaurant. Could I just eat them and not the Mexican food? Of course.

Are they just, my dad calls them grease chips. He's like, get some more grease chips. I'm like, God damn, dude. They're so good. How about the day everybody realized tortilla chips were just cut up tortillas? I was like, no. I still kind of refuse to believe it. Like, I think they like, like something happened there and they like splice that into the video because no. I think something happened there and they spliced that into the video because no. Oh, wait. Oh, wait a minute. We have another voice message.

Coming in hot. Two new ones? Hey, Benny. Love you. Love the pod. Love Deaf Boy Island, of course. I love you, too the pod Love Deaf Boy Island of course I love you too So I swear to god I wake up with a different fucking song stuck in my head Every morning

But this morning it was Right Above It By Wayne and Drake And It goes You know you're at the top when only heaven's right above it And we own and all day today at work i was uh saying to myself president carter young money democrat this is crazy that's in my head a lot too it'll just be like president carter president carter president

carter if I could just hear the songs that were stuck in people's head in like actual situations, you know, it'd make life so much better. You're like intimidated by the person in the break room a little bit. You don't want to like go in there because you're like, ooh. And the only

thing in their head is chickity China the Chinese chicken. You have a drumstick and your brain starts ticking. Oh, hey, how you doing? Everybody's insane. Watching X-Files with no lights on. And now no maze on. I'll never know the words, but I just think it's in an omaze on.

And the spooky man's in this one. Okay, here's a long one. And then and then I'm out. Last one. Hey, so I heard a song back in 2008 and then um i like i heard it a lot and then never heard it again since and there's two parts of the song that just play over and over in my head i don't know what it's called i don't know who it's by i don't even know what the real words are i think figure it out babe in it and i can't think of his name either but um yeah the two parts

i don't know what they're saying at all i just know how they sound so bear with me because i'm gonna sound ridiculous but the first part it goes like isa no no need to go down that's how we from and then the other part it's like whoop whoop, whoop, when you run, come around. Can know you're the talk of the town. Oh, my God. Everybody has this problem. We're all the same. We all have the same brain.

Whoop, whoop, when you run, come around. You know you're the talk of the town. I don't know. I don't know. I've never downloaded it. I've never thought about it, really. It's just always in my head. I don't know i don't know i've never downloaded it i've never thought about it really it's just always in my head i don't even know what those words are i don't even know if it's english to be honest um she killed that first part though run it back and

there's two parts of the song that just play over and over in my head i don't know what it's called i don't remember in it and I can't think of his name either. But yeah, the two parts, I don't know what they're saying at all. I just know how they sound. So bear with me because I'm going to sound ridiculous. This is good. But the first part, it goes like, And then the other part, it's like, Stop that run that this how we from. And then the other part, it's like, whoop, whoop.

When you run, come around. Can I get a talk at a town? I think I don't even know. I love how you guys are so good at singing and like shit. You guys sound beautiful. And then you're like, I guess that's what I think. I think that's how it sounds. So good.

You could have composed the song yourself. I think at the end of every voice message. Those words are, I don't even know if it's English to be honest. Um, but yeah, they play over and over in my head. Like they're just the soundtrack of my brain's resting state at this point. If you see me staring off in space, that's what's playing over and over again. So if you know what that song is, can you please tell me? Cause I would very much like to listen to it in real life again and not just in my head. So maybe I can finally figure out what they're saying after 16 years. But, um, yeah. So if you know, please, please tell me. Okay. Thank you. We are going to figure that one out, baby girl. Whoop, whoop. This is what I'm typing into Google.

You know how you type lyrics into Google? This is what I'm typing in. Whoop, whoop whoop this is what i'm typing into google you know you type lyrics into google this is what i'm typing in whoop whoop when you run oh i think i found it whoop whoop when you come around calabria 2008 i got easy now no down. Okay, this probably isn't it. Whoop whoop, when you run, come around. Car, I know you're the talk of the town. Yeah, whoop whoop. When you run, come around. Car, I know you're the talk of the town.

Yeah. Easy now, no need fee go down. Just whoop it gently. No break, nah bone. Cool... What? That's it. But Jesus Christ, what are they saying?

No wonder it's such a good song, because you have no idea what they're talking about. Calabria, C-A-L-A-B-R-I-A, 2008. Look it up in your car right now, or look it up on your Apple Music right now. Boop, boop, when you want to come around you know you talk to the town yeah car i don't know why i know you talk to the town yeah car i don't know why they say car but they do god that's in everyone's head i'm gonna listen to that on the way home all right fam that's it for me thank you for listening thank you for the voice messages.

I love you. Remember to join the Patreon for an extra podcast. Every other podcast, every week, and the live stream every Sunday. Five dollars.

Come to the show in St. Louis. And I'll see you next time. All right, fam. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha.