Espresso - tell me your missed connection💔

Starting point is 00:00:00 No doors hanging out Waves to me cutest fuck drives off That's it Rest in peace. Yeah, I'm looking to the sky to see me Looking cuz I'm tired of trying. Oh this thing's on

Starting point is 00:00:19 espresso podcast shot 355 I'm your girlfriend Benny who just got yelled at on the phone by a doctor because he has high cholesterol oops Baby likes eggs upcoming stand-up comedy shows Torrance, California February 23rd that Sunday Pottstown, Pennsylvania March 8th that's coming up Plano, Texas just added April 2nd Rochester, New York May 5th Las Vegas, Nevada

Starting point is 00:00:47 Nevada or Nevada don't know but that's just added May 24th get your tikkies below or go to Bennypolizzi.com Hey watching me on FBoy Island and lovers and liars all in the CW app Don't know if I've told you guys to do that or not until your homies join the patreon $5 a month. Get every other espresso podcast and a live stream every Sunday night. It's perfect. It's so fried.

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Starting point is 00:01:29 We've got the Sorry I'm Nervous merch. We got We Out Here Being Nice merch. And dude, the fam in Chicago scooped up the cringe and whore merch. Loved it. God, I love Midwest. So dope. You guys are so much fun. Get all the merch at BenedictMerch.com. Espresso cook, cook, cook, question of the week. Let's get

Starting point is 00:01:54 into it. Tell me your misconnection. I can't wait to hear these. Because I think you guys are like me and when I see somebody I'm attracted to, I don't say anything. Because I'm like, I mean, it's always a bad idea. It's always a bad idea. Hey, what's up? Yeah, I'll say something to you. So, all the attraction between us can evaporate

Starting point is 00:02:23 and then we start to hate each other. It's so, does that happen, right? Every time, or is it just me? Oh yeah, me and this girl, we're like so, we get along like so well. We're like so funny together. She's like so pretty. She thinks the same about me,

Starting point is 00:02:41 so we're just gonna keep talking to each other and eventually hate each other. It's just better not to, but man, there's some I remember and for some reason I'll never forget. Target girl, it might be the circumstance too. I'm a little sucker for a situational crush. You know what I mean? Hot girl, Target target in your hometown. You're just like, what?

Starting point is 00:03:11 Taylor Swift is playing. It's kind of cold out. You got a sweater on. You feel good for some reason. Your mood's up. You're just like, I'm in love with you. Saw her out of the corner of my eye and I was like, that girl is way too attractive to be working here in this Target. Looked, had to look again, gone forever. And was it better that I never saw her again? Absolutely. I don't know who you are, Target girl,

Starting point is 00:03:36 but God, he smells good. Is this creepy? I don't know. It doesn't matter. Girl that worked at an Italian restaurant on the way back from Michigan football camp, I'll never forget you. Don't know why.

Starting point is 00:03:52 This sounds super like a girl told me to say this, but dude, sometimes the personality just outshines everything. And I'm not even kidding, I mean, obviously if you're attractive, that duh. But like, this girl that was working as our server was like in such a good mood that I was like, God, you're hot.

Starting point is 00:04:17 You know, you ever just talk to somebody and you're just like, man, I just can't, like, God dang, we're just clicking. It never happens with anybody, you know? You're just like, man, we are on the same page from the get-go, that's hot to me. And of course she was giving us food, I mean, that'd probably help too.

Starting point is 00:04:38 He's a caveman. All right, let's hear yours. Tell me your misconnection. Hey, Benny. So my misconnection was, this's hear yours. Tell me your Miss connection. Hey, Benny. So my Miss connection was, this was years ago. It might have been a good four plus years ago. This was at an event called Reach LA. It was a lot of vendors, different vendors, clothing

Starting point is 00:05:01 vendors, accessory vendors. vendors, different vendors, clothing vendors, accessory vendors. And it was a couple of like well-known celebrities, Omar Gooding, Cleo Thomas of freaking hoes. And like I, I spotted him at like just chilling out a corner, right? Um, you know, a couple of people approached him. He was pretty chill. But in my mind, I was like, hey, if I, I don't know, like I think I was overthinking it. Like I wanted to approach him with like, also to say, like, just say hi and hey, Cleo, you shaped my childhood and But also like to possibly collab

Starting point is 00:05:48 I'm very sure I ended up Chickening out. Oh for sure. And I was I guess I was Overthinking it who's not overthinking all the time now Boo to me, but anyway, thank you for always providing a platform for us, Ben. Go Ben, go Ben, go Ben. What is up? Okay, have a good day. Wow.

Starting point is 00:06:18 Wait, wait, wait, who did she see? I couldn't hear. I can't hear anything ever. You know, a couple of people approached him. He was pretty chill Just chilling out of corner, right? He's Omar gooding Cleo Thomas Freaking holes holes. I don't know anybody But yeah, of course you overthink and chicken out my whole life is overthinking and chicken chickening out

Starting point is 00:06:46 Literally and chicken out. My whole life is overthinking and chickening out. Literally. Eat so much chicken I have high LDLs right now. I got yelled at by a doctor today. Gets yelled at by a doctor. 34 high cholesterol. What do you want me to do doc? He's like you know you could start eating some vegetables and doing cart more cardio and I was like I don't do either of those He hit the nail on the head I'm like who told you about my work did someone like is some is there a spy in LA Fitness is writing down everything I do Who ratted me out? Point me in the direction of a person who doesn't overthink. Guess what?

Starting point is 00:07:26 They're all dead. Somebody who doesn't overthink is just like they're the people that like jump off of buildings and stuff, right? I don't just who's not overthinking? That's everybody's whole life is like damn should I do that? My whole half of my day is like I don't know if I should do that or that. You're like literally I hate it when people call me out. You're overthinking. I know! It's because it's the biggest decision of my life!

Starting point is 00:07:56 I don't think enough people are overthinking. How about that? Overthink a little bit. You ever try to overthink? Why isn't anything going my way? It's because you're not overthinking it. Overthinking a little bit. Who's just out here willy-nilly making decisions? Just pulling tricks? I can't live like that. I gotta like weigh out the pros and cons for a minute. I gotta like think about it for two days. I gotta completely forget about it. I gotta go back to it. My brain automatically works with over- me and my- me, my brain and overthinking. Best pals. BFFs. Dude, that's half the reason I don't text people back. Half the reason I don't respond to comments, more than half.

Starting point is 00:08:46 Half the reasons I don't respond to DMs. I'm like, I don't know what to say. I'll think about it. I'll let it cook and then I'll come back to it. Comes back to it four years late. I be mulling things over for way too long, I think. Maybe, but they're like huge decisions. Hey, you want to do a show in Nevada? Hey Hey, you wanna do a show in Nevada?

Starting point is 00:09:06 Hey, you wanna do a show in Pittsburgh? I'm supposed to answer. I don't know, I mean, I feel like on some normal people stuff, can I at least get an hour to figure out what month that is? I don't know, man, maybe I'm slow. Guy who doesn't know the month still. Hey, February, March, April, May. Maybe I'm slow. Guy who doesn't know the month still. Hey.

Starting point is 00:09:26 February, February, March, April, May. What's the difference? What's the difference? February, March, April, May. Separate yourselves. Do- do- stand- one of you please stand out. Just once. It's the same, it's the same month, it's all the same month. There's nothing happening in that month. February is like Valentine's Day, so I don't care. Ash? March, April then. March, April? What's the diff, babe? I've never really met anybody that like, that thinks someone is attractive and they're like, they want to make a move and they do it right then and there. I've never met anybody like that. And I'm always a person that's like, ah, I'll wait. I can wait. I've never felt the urge to do something immediately ever.

Starting point is 00:10:35 Ha ha ha ha! It can just be me. Even if it's like the most simple thing that I do every day, I'm always like, should I go? Should I? I have to have like a serious deadline in place for me to like make any active movements or I'm just like, we'll just chill out for a minute. Bro, I'm not sure if this is what you're looking for, but why is it that like every day when I'm at home, I'm sitting in a t-shirt in my underwear and I'm just chilling or just being sedentary lifestyle that I lead and I hear the damn ice cream truck going by on their little music.

Starting point is 00:11:26 And I miss it, bro. Like every time, because I have to go get shorts on, I can't walk out there in my underwear, right? Can't do that. Exposure to the neighborhood. But by the time I get my shorts on, I can hear the ice cream truck just waning away into the distance, because that's like a mile and a half, it's like a mile a mile away now or half a mile away and I there's no way I could keep up. Will it come back?

Starting point is 00:11:49 Yeah, so I miss it. I miss it every time every time Me as a kid never being able to get ice cream never never able to get ice cream? Never. Never. What was it? 35 cents? And dude, you gotta be on your game to get to that ice cream truck. Like you have to you have to have money ready. Like you can't hear the ice cream truck and then start the process. Like you're already too late. You have to start a day before. You have to ask your mom for money for the ice cream truck 24 hours before. But the thing is, you never know the ice cream truck schedule. You don't. You're just like, it might not come tomorrow. I don't know. It was always so random for me. And I was always like, we have one? I felt like I lived in New York City the first time I heard that I was like our neighbor has an ice cream truck oh no way bro what is it what's what prank is this is Ashton Kutcher in the front seat I think everybody had this guy that they

Starting point is 00:13:02 knew but this guy like had a car and it had like a loud speaker like You know how cops can like do that thing where they're like, hey get out of the road, you know And like everybody can hear them. They have like a megaphone on their car somewhere. This dude had like a Chevy blazer 2002 was like souped up. He had gelled hair just such like a like high school kid You know, I mean like so high school junior in high know what I mean? Like so high school, junior in high school. And he would always like yell at people through his car megaphone. I was like, how did he get that?

Starting point is 00:13:33 I thought it was him. What was his name, dude? His name was, it was like, Eric? Eric. His name was Eric, lived in a court by my friend. I was like, I'm so scared of that guy Just had it going on man Had I had all the stuff for his car in high school. How do you do that? I?

Starting point is 00:13:56 Thought it was him pranking. I was like, oh he's doing like the ice cream truck thing pretty cool. Pretty cool. Pretty cool prank I go out there. There's a yellow truck Pretty cool, pretty cool, pretty cool prank. I go out there, there's a yellow truck. Ah! Had the Sonic ice cream on the side? Had the Tweety Bird ice cream on the side? Some of that stuff just looked too good, man. I was like, ah.

Starting point is 00:14:19 Didn't it seem like everything was just $3,000 to your parents? What kind of person, like I didn't even have the guts to ask my mom for a Choco Taco. Because she would have been like, who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? Because honestly, when I was a kid,

Starting point is 00:14:43 I thought Choco Tacos were $30 and they should have been. They still should be. There's nothing better than that. Didn't they discontinue the Choco Taco? What a stupid move. And why isn't Taco Bell carrying that? You know?

Starting point is 00:14:58 Choco Tacos should be sold only at Taco Bell. Because Taco Bell dessert. What do they call the cinnamon, cinnamon twists? Shut up. Taco Bell, you can do so much better. A churros. I just realized churros because like I'm I'm so L.A. now. But churros are kind of gas. People in L.A. love churros so much.

Starting point is 00:15:25 I came out here like, OK, dude. The only experience I've had with churros is that one Even Stevens episode where once his face had him in his head, a churro maker in his room. I was like, OK, that's weird. What is that? But I went to Disneyland, had some churros with icing. See. Went to Disneyland had some churros with icing ha See Only max only Spanish word he knows I See oh dude hey hey how much how much did did I think the cookie sandwich was on the ice cream truck growing up?

Starting point is 00:16:03 However much our house was I Don't think I bought a cookie ice cream sandwich tollhouse joint Until I don't think you're allowed to buy those until you're 29. I Swear to God I went up to the gas station. I was like do you need my ID gas station clerk? Okay It was like I was like, do you need my ID? Gas station, Clark, hey. It was like I was renting a Airbnb or something. I was like, yo, I mean, I don't know. What else do you need for this? Do you need a co-signer?

Starting point is 00:16:33 I can bring my dad in, he's probably sleeping, but I can call him, he might meet us here. Just for a chocolate chip ice cream stand. God damn! Dude, what genius invented that one? The one that really, that really got me though. Cause it's like the best deal on the ice cream truck. He like keeps talking about the ice cream truck.

Starting point is 00:16:56 Hey Ash, it's what we do on this pod. What do you want? Politics? Just like grow up. What do you want? Politics? Just like grow up. Okay, no. Everyone is 13 deep down and they know it. Sorry, it's my producer, Ashley.

Starting point is 00:17:18 If you guys don't know the the one that really got me got me good because it was affordable and yeah Low-key gas the strawberry shortcake bar. I Mess around and get a whole box right now. Those are so good My mom was never going for it though if we did if we did she'd come out there like with like like 50 cents It's not buying anything Me and my two sisters probably just one of the sisters Walking out there we'd get a firecracker pop, but we'd be like super grateful. You know what I mean, but deep down I'd be like god damn Neighbor definitely got one of those lemon chill thing remember those those chills

Starting point is 00:18:01 They still doing that they still chillin We still chillin out here Are those those chills? They still doing that? They still chilling? We still chilling out here? I remember going to my sister's track meet every time I went to a sporting event growing up of one of my sisters. All that was in my head. It was like an alarm went off when I woke up that day. Oh, there's a track meet we gotta go to today?

Starting point is 00:18:20 Okay, I'm gonna be at this stadium for eight hours because track meets are the longest things of all time. Concession stand. All I'm thinking about. I just wanna build a jungle gym under the bleachers, somehow, some way, pretend I'm Spider-Man under the bleachers, eat nachos, chick-fil-a, hot dogs, ice cream all day.

Starting point is 00:18:49 And you got a deal, I'll be good. I'm telling you, I'm telling you man, two different lives. When I was with my mom, I was Spider-Man, when I was with my dad, middle linebacker. And one time, one time I, Spider-Man crept over, and one time my dad took me to work out. My dad worked at a college. He's a football coach, blah, blah, blah. He's like, hey B, I'm working out. And I don't know why, but I was with him and I was like, okay. And I was like, I guess I'll work out

Starting point is 00:19:18 with you. I was like kind of at that age where I should be working. I might've been like 13. where I should be working at. I might have been like 13. 13. My dad's working out doing incline press, dumbbell, like going in. And it doesn't even click in my head that like one day I'm going to play football, I'm going to need to be strong. So my dad's working out on one side of the gym, empty gym. It's like 5 a.m. I have no idea why we're there, what was going on. It's like 5 a.m. I have no idea why we're there, what was going on. I'm just climbing on stuff on the other side of the gym, pretending I'm Spider-Man. But it's like, what are you doing?

Starting point is 00:19:53 I'm like, I'm just trying to see how far I can get in the weight room without touching the floor. That's my whole life, man. Like now I would work out, obviously, because I see the benefits and stuff. But before that was like a thing. If I didn't ever play sports, I'd still I'd be in LA Fitness right now pretending I was spider-man And that's how it should be

Starting point is 00:20:17 That eats rooster Rooster approved for this week, but last week you were doing Rooster approved anything for this week, but last week you were doing Uh-huh, and I just need advice on living with your partner in a new apartment any tips any pointers any tricks Couple years together any trips any ticks trips pointers trips your punish Thank you. I love you God dang. I love rooster. I don't know who you are man, but Rooster left me the best message one time and you can do this too if you want to double back on a question from seven years ago

Starting point is 00:20:54 Hit me If you know if you it's it's always a question of the espresso podcast is always an ask me anything and It's always pull a question from the past It's free game. Everything's free game But rooster left it left like The best message ever. I think he hit me on patreon. He was like, bro. This podcast is my shit Like thank you so much for doing this. So relatable. Man, I hope so.

Starting point is 00:21:28 I hope so, bro. Because the fam, the people that come to the shows, the people that listen to the podcast leave voice messages. You're the only people who I can understand. And together with our powers combined, we are espressos we're gonna take over the world one day just saying but rooster is one of those guys and he like left me a really cool message send the messages man don't be scared to shoot your shot with me I'm here baby but rooster I love you bro tips and tricks for living with

Starting point is 00:22:03 your girlfriend or somebody you're in a relationship with. My number one tip is don't do it. Uh, dang dude, that's where my relationship ended. Cause girls have this thing in their head and they're like, okay, well, if this doesn't work out, like it's just not gonna work. They got no fight, either do I though.

Starting point is 00:22:26 So I'm not gonna blame it on them. But I dated this girl and she was like, me and my roommate are moving out. And she like kind of like hinted at me like, yo, we should move in together. And for like three weeks, dude, she was suffocating my brain with like, should I do this? Like I was honestly gonna be the guy

Starting point is 00:22:43 that lived with his girlfriend. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh my roommate at the time and I was like, dog you ever think about moving out? I was saying shit like that. I was texting everybody in my family. I was like, what do you think? Because here's the thing, Captain Overthink, here's the thing I do, if I want to do something, I'll ask seven people that are close to me that I know. Just for advice. Because I mean, because they have like clear minds and clear perspectives. I'm like, I gotta run by them, dude, because my brain is too like chaotic right now. I'll make the wrong decision. But I ran by my dad, my sisters, my friends.

Starting point is 00:23:38 They're all like, I don't know, dog. Like that's pretty serious. And I was like like you're so right And I told I told my girl I was like I can't I can't do it Like it's just not the timing and shit like isn't right like I still have a lease, you know And I got her to this voice crack cuz I'm nervous I got her this bracelet like two weeks before that. She broke it right then and there. And I was like, well, that's the end of this. And then for two more months, it kind of like lingered on.

Starting point is 00:24:10 Then we broke up. You know how that should go. But living with your girl, tips and tricks. Been together for two years. I wonder, did he say how long they've been living together? I Guess I would show her all sides of me If I was living if I moved in with a girl, I'd be like, all right, I'm not holding back Because usually in a relationship I'm holding back a little bit, you know, I'm not holding back. Because usually in a relationship,

Starting point is 00:24:45 I'm holding back a little bit, you know? I'm like, I'm being way nicer, I'm being way cleaner, I'm being way, you know, I'm not really myself. Honestly, I'm not really myself in a relationship because, I don't know, the times I've been in a relationship, it's only been for like a year and I don't live with them. Like, I'm not gonna treat my girl like I treat my roommate Imagine like cuz you have to act a little different around a girl if I treated my girl like I treat my roommate

Starting point is 00:25:14 I'd walk out of my room every day see her and go fuck off So my roommate do all day I'd have to show her the real I'd have to show her the real me and she probably wouldn't like it and we'd break up So I don't know if that's my best but if she does like it and you guys if she loves every side of you She loves everything that you do. I Mean you're meant to be baby But I wouldn't hide anything Every probably seven minutes in my apartment, I go like this,

Starting point is 00:25:47 White 80! Turbo said! Every seven minutes. Way more than that too. Way more than that. Blue 80! Blue 80 said! Like if you can live with that and you like me still alright, we're getting married

Starting point is 00:26:05 But I'm not gonna just I'm not gonna bury that because you live with me like I got to show you all the cards so my advice my voice is Show everything show it do it all So if I lived with a girl, I might be kind of scared to to take a deuce still but that's just me I'm a weirdo. I never wanted to take a deuce in front of any girl I've ever dated, it's just weird. I still don't even, I don't even fart around my roommate.

Starting point is 00:26:35 I just, it's just weird. Because you'll know too much about me if you hear my fart, you'll be like, oh wow. That guy overthinks. Betty, it's Rooster again again has nothing to do with anything you're talking about today. Perfect perfect. I noticed you talk about ghosts a lot on your podcast and you get scared of the shadows in your apartment. I feel the same way in mine. Do you have any real ghost experience stories or anything? Are youitious aliens do you believe in any paranormal things Other than sleep paralysis, which is sounds absolutely just awful. I love you again

Starting point is 00:27:16 Love you roost Sleep paralysis kind of haven't had it in a minute weird That means I'm gonna to have it right now. I think I saw a ghost at my grandpa's house. One time. One time. I was in the living room. I was playing NFL Blitz on GameCube, just going in.

Starting point is 00:27:41 Something got my attention. I looked behind me, and it was like I looked in the kitchen and I saw some white floating around and I'm so like Oblivious that I was like whatever and then in my head I was like, oh dude That was a hundred percent of ghosts and I look back and it was gone and I was like, that was a ghost It was the only time I've ever like felt ghosts too Cuz I think when you see a ghost you also feel a ghost I don't have any real spooky scenarios. This is a good question

Starting point is 00:28:11 Question of the week the time you saw a ghost should wait till Halloween gonna forget before then It was like more like an orb Cringe moment of the week actually Actually, it's not cringe. Um, I went to Mexico with a big group of people influencers my ex From lovers and liars jandana

Starting point is 00:28:41 and liars, Jan Daniel. And she got really scared easily. It's so did I, though. And I was like, yo, stand right there, and I'm going to take a picture of you. Behind, like, by that. And it was like a creepy background. Took a picture of her, sent it to an editor, and he edited a ghost in the background.

Starting point is 00:29:01 And I showed her the picture. I was like, look what was behind you it was so real that I started to believe it and I got scared that's one thing about me babe I'll scare myself when I'm trying to scare somebody else and pardon me thinks it's real pardon me thinks there's a real ghost there but like we she me and her like showed everybody that worked at the place we were at. And they're like, yeah, this place is haunted. They're like 100 percent believe it. They didn't even care for a second. They're like, yeah, there's ghosts all over this bitch.

Starting point is 00:29:32 We're like, OK, got to go. Wish I had the pictures still. I probably do. I definitely do. But now I had like a stupid, I saw an orb. Pfft, lame. I'll probably see like four ghosts tonight. What I wanna know, another stat I wanna know, stats you wanna know when you die,

Starting point is 00:29:57 is like what happened in the place I lived before I lived in it? You know? You ever move, like you ever just in your apartment, cause every time I move into a place, I'm like, I've always been the first one here. Like I, like even hotel rooms, I'm like nobody's ever stayed in this room.

Starting point is 00:30:16 Nobody's, I'm the first one. Come on. I'm the first guy. Apartments though, like something else happened in this room. Like this is a Hollywood apartment. The crazy, dude, people probably died in here. And I'm just doing a podcast. Cringe moment of the week, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:30:37 Like who lived in here before me and what happened? I wanna know the dirtiest things that happened in here. But like I guarantee, there's probably a ghost, there's probably three ghosts in here right now. But nah, I've never had like a good ghost story. And I always make it up in my head, you know, if I do. Getting scared right now, getting scared right now, getting scared right now, getting scared right now, getting scared right now.

Starting point is 00:31:07 I think when I was a kid, I got chronically scared more than everyone else in the world. Because I would run to my mom's room until, maybe until, I remember sleeping in my mom's room with my sister in my mom's bed when I was a senior in high school because I was so scared. in my mom's bed when I was a senior in high school because I was so scared. These are my confessions.

Starting point is 00:31:28 Just before I got really scared and went to college, I slept with my sister in my mom's bed. These are my confessions. When I'm broken, I don't know what to do. It was weird. I was just having bad dreams, and I was like I can't I can't do this Didn't see anything. I think it was some you said you said don't talk about sleep per al But you already know I'm about to talk about sleep per al Golden Corallis's

Starting point is 00:32:04 Yeah, I don't know where my mom was. She might have been out of town. My mom was out of town a lot when I was a senior in high school. And I was just like, I can't sleep by myself. Like I got to sleep by somebody or else this is going to keep happening to me. Maybe they'll they can like wake me up when I'm like having this nightmare. I don't know. I had to sleep with my sister. Happened to me when I was in college too. Having this nightmare. I don't know

Starting point is 00:32:29 But I had to sleep with my sister happened to me when I was in college to college 20 22 years old Had to sleep with my roommate in the basement I was like bride dog, I'm sorry I gotta sleep on your couch Another time dude, I just get, I gotta sleep by you. Why bro? I don't know dude, I just can't, I just can't, I gotta sleep by you. Or else I'm not going to sleep and I can't have a sleepless night, I'm not going to be scared and sleepless. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:33:03 Just me and a full-size man in a queen bed in a basement. Okay, that's that. Woke up in the morning, pretended like it didn't happen, saw him the next day. I don't even think I said anything to him, but yep. John Beverly, if you're listening right now Thanks for the hospitality. Yeah, haha. You kept it warm for your boy Yeah, I'll run to somebody's room right now

Starting point is 00:33:38 And sleep with him. I don't care Voice cracked. He's kind of scared. Just keep gone. Just keep going. Okay, so I'm gonna change it up a bit this is more like an almost misconnection because Me and this guy he reached out On Instagram and DM me back in August best dating app so much life things going on It kind of flicked on the guy. He was really trying so I felt bad You know, he's gonna pick me up do this whole shebang but I flaked on him and I was like, hey You have so much life thing going on gave meave me a respectful answer and was like, hey, you know, I see you got all these life things going on. Life happens. We reconnect, we do. If we don't,

Starting point is 00:34:15 then I will show the best in luck. And I was like, cool. Okay, fine. You know, grown ass man answer. Cool. Now fast forward to a week ago. Oh god He reached out on Instagram replied to my store and I was like, oh snap like he's back I almost forgot about this dude, but kind of didn't cuz I was like damn did I miss out on a connection? But then we picked up where we left off You know kept talking and then we finally went out on the date. Oh, you know, where'd you go stargazing? He took me to a spot finally went out on the date. Oh, where'd you go? Stargazing, he took me to a spot he liked on the beach. He's in love with you. Pretty hot and heavy first date, which I don't really do,

Starting point is 00:34:52 but it just happens. When you have chemistry, it just happens. But the next morning, he kind of had that Catholic guilt. Because why do I attract religious men? I just do. I don't know. He had that Catholic guilt. And he was like, oh, I feel bad about what we did and I was like hey I hear you if you

Starting point is 00:35:08 want to talk about it like like we can talk about it let's meet up and you know I told him like I was thinking about it too and he's like man like like let me just think about it let me just think on it and Let me just think on it. And I was like, and then he, yeah. So I just let him have his space for a week. Did my own things, you know, whatever. And then I was with my sister and I was like, hey, you miss all the shots that you don't take, right? So why don't I just ask him this random question

Starting point is 00:35:41 of like meeting up with him and cooking for him? Like, why not? Why not? I don't know. He only lived once points so week passes and I'm thinking about him still and I'm like, hey, let me text him something today Oh, and I said random question I'm trying this new recipe at home. Do you want to come over later and Instantaneously this man was like that sounds amazing. Oh, yeah, like I'm on my way BAM Gotta shoot your shot

Starting point is 00:36:08 Just saying Bros in love with you. God you guys are too like There is something about somebody being like so brutally honest god I'll fall for that every time When a girl texts first too, yo, it's just like a miracle. Good for him for being like, yo, I'm kind of shook after last night cause that's every guy, but guys won't say it,

Starting point is 00:36:38 but guys deep down know. After a date, you do a bunch of stuff, like kind of out of pocket, not out of pocket, but like out of character. The next day you're like, what did I bro? Who am I? Who am I? Bro that with that little week between when you guys went on a date and when he met back up Like for two days he wanted to he wanted to end it all but then

Starting point is 00:37:07 He was probably like does she even like me? And then he started thinking about it more and more and you're sorry justifying things Remember when that happened when we went and we we gazed at the star. We like said that at the same time She was like laughing and all the things that I normally think are funny, but nobody else does started piecing it together. You know, he was, you know, he was pretending that he was with you when he wasn't with you. You're just like, you know, giving them space, dude, he's in his house making food, pretending you're right there. And then they put like one egg in. Yeah, like that. You don't know how to crack an egg?

Starting point is 00:37:50 Here, watch. Here, you do it. Now like, watch. I'll rate it. You do it. It'll rate it. That's what he's doing. He loves you. And then you texted him first? Bro, you got him. For life. You got him. For life, you got him.

Starting point is 00:38:08 I love a brutally honest shot taking girl. There's none of them left. You're the last real one left, man. Becky, I don't know if that's your name or not. I just felt like saying it. But there's not a lot left that'll just be like, yo. I'm not gonna to do it. I hate to make it about me, but guy who always makes it about him.

Starting point is 00:38:31 This is so, I don't know, this might be a little TMI, but we love some TMI. The fam loves TMI. This girl came to my show in Chicago, and after the show, she was like, yo, you want to hang out? Like she's being straight up. And I was like, yo, I don't know. I'm not even trying to beat her on the bush.

Starting point is 00:38:46 I just have some shit to do here. And I didn't ride with, I rode here separately. So I'll hit you back in like an hour when I'm like, you know, in the clear. And she just goes, I'm not trying to fuck you. And I was like, oh, that makes this whole thing, you know what I mean? Like now that that tension is gone, like, thanks for saying that. Like I don't even know what, like,

Starting point is 00:39:14 it just made everything a lot easier that she was just like, that's not in the plans. I was like, oh, thank God. That's like a backwards way of thinking. But that's how I Don't know I'd rather think I'd rather know that Because it changes all the circumstances because the whole time you're like she's Sometimes I don't really know bro But then I can say I considered it more because I was like oh this could this could actually just be like a fun thing And no feelings are gonna be on the line. Like dude, something about somebody that's brutally honest to your face.

Starting point is 00:39:51 Really helps. But then people take it the wrong way. Like what if I was one of those guys that's like, what the, you don't wanna fuck? You know what I mean? Like I could have been like, then you run into that. Not a lot of people can take brutal honesty, but it always, if the vibes are the same,

Starting point is 00:40:10 if you think you can squeak a little honest comment or honest comment in there, probably do it. Cause it's just gonna make everything easier. And computer always loads at the most awkward time. What's that? I was at a rich person Halloween party in Palos Verdes and he had like gotten a security guy for the front door and bruh, he was so perfect. And I did run this back, run this back. I was at a rich person Halloween party

Starting point is 00:40:47 in Palos Verdes and he had like gotten a security guy for the front door and- Guy. Bruh, he was so, he was perfect. And I did, I was dressed as a sexy Austin Powers, but I kept quoting Dr. Evil and I did like the whole thing. I did the whole Dr. Evil therapy speech for him I love this. Not out of pity like genuinely anyway we were vibing

Starting point is 00:41:10 I wanted to ask for his number and I was a fucking pussy and I almost went on Overheard LA and was like lost connection bring me back to this man, but it just wasn't meant to be. Or was it? I think it just happens, dude, honestly, I don't, I think it just happens organically. I swear to God, I'll stand by that. Like one way or another, like you get his Instagram. Is asking for a number still a thing? I've never asked a girl for a number. Never. I think that's crazy. Direct

Starting point is 00:41:49 access. I'm usually like, um, what's your I, I try to do it in the least creepy way. What's your IG? And then I'm like, I'll follow you back back it's usually really not even I usually if I really like a girl I want to even ask her but if no one brings up Instagram I'm like it's not meant to be I've never flat-up been, what's your number? That's so crazy. I don't blame you for chickening out. And half of the battle is like, you didn't even ask me for mine, you know? I'm probably sure you were thinking that the whole time, like when's he gonna ask me?

Starting point is 00:42:41 And then you're starting to think like, oh, there's probably something weird going on. That's what I trick myself into If there's a girl that I'm interested in and like neither of us really bring up Instagram or anything or like let me let you know It just doesn't get to that point. I'm like you probably have a boyfriend and you're just like being outgoing Or there's probably there's some weird you like have a kid or, you know what I mean? Like there's something I don't want to know if this hasn't happened yet.

Starting point is 00:43:09 Like you don't just, cause you can feel it man. You can feel, when somebody likes you and you like them, you can like tell. And I'm like, yo, if this is happening right now and neither of us are giving or taking anything, like you've been married for four years Or you're like secretly a guy or you know, there's just something going on Every girl that I see that is attractive and talks to me. I'm like you got to be a guy You got that dude. It's in my head now. I'm like, you're probably a guy like there's no way There's no way you're probably a guy like there's no way There's no way you're not a guy

Starting point is 00:43:48 All right, I've had sex with four guys that I thought were girls okay Missed connection. I had this guy on tinder. We start talking. He's like, oh, you're so hot You know good conversation. Everything's flowing nicely. I go to his apartment, we hook up. And then after he kind of stops talking to me, I'm like, what the fuck happened? Like, everything seemed to be nice. He then sends me a text and he's like, yo, like, I don't want to be like rude or anything. And I don't want to ghost you. So anything and I don't want to ghost you So I'm gonna tell you straight up the sex was really really fire and I haven't had that good of sex Since my ex-girlfriend and Loki made me realize I need my ex-girlfriend back and then bro Blocks me and tries to get with his ex-girlfriend and fucking fails

Starting point is 00:44:43 Humbling on his part humbling on my part, dude. That is insane. The things people admit, like I would have told you it was good without being like, it reminded me of my ex. I mean, I guess that's being honest, but like, damn, rephrase it. Hey, can we start overthinking a little bit more tinder people? That's it, dude The epitome of people that don't overthink tinder people. I overthink way too much to be on tinder That's just rolling the dice It reminded me of my ex and I miss her. I mean nothing else reminded you of your ex

Starting point is 00:45:28 Enough for you to try to get back with her. You had to have sex with a completely other person. So weird, man Just don't date that always comes back to that on the espresso pod just don't Divorced for life future divorcee I Mean it's a really good story though. I guess that's half the reason anybody does anything. It's good story though I keep saying that after shit. It's a good story. I I keep saying that after shit. It's a good story. I Don't know when it's clickin a he'll come back he'll come back will you take him back? Doesn't like yeah as much as you think likes his ex stuck on his ex

Starting point is 00:46:23 How does anybody get stuck on their ex? I don't know. I'm in love with three of them. I don't know. I guess how does everyone get stuck on their ex? That's the dumbest thing I've ever said because everybody's still in love with their ex. A little bit. No I'm not, like literally not. Just a tiny bit.

Starting point is 00:46:50 Oh yeah. Like you literally disgust me. That just means you love him the most. I don't know if I could be that open and honest, honestly. To a stranger, say all that, I would have to be, I'd have to drink a bottle of vodka to say all that. God dang. Am I a bitch or am I just like closed off?

Starting point is 00:47:14 Both. Honestly, not much context, but pull up to a red light and this kid right next to me, passenger seat of a Jeep, no doors, hanging out, waves to me, cutest fuck, drives off, that's it, rest in peace. Right? That's what I'm talking about right there. You don't know anything about them.

Starting point is 00:47:40 Just gave you a look. God dang, man. People are hotter in cars Was walking home one day Girls who drive Tesla's are so hot There's this girl I heard the Tesla you know you hear to It's like the weirdest noise I'm like what that what kind of UFO shit is this It's definitely a Tesla. I look up to get out of the road because I'm always crossing the road

Starting point is 00:48:10 God dang nobody crosses the road more from sidewalk to sidewalk, bro. Got to hit the cross Hit the cross look up. I'm like, oh my god We both looked at each other like four different times. I was like, holy shit. Hair on point, lips on point, had like nose ring, you know what I mean? Sounds bad, but who doesn't have a nose ring? So hot! And the window is tinted, so like, I don't really know. But part of me was like, yo, I should like, this crosses my mind sometimes. I'm like, what if I just told her she was really pretty and then just fucked off, cussing too much. You know though?

Starting point is 00:49:01 Is that creepy to do? Because sometimes you just gotta, you ever see somebody so hot that you just wanna Hey And you know what it's for too Why are you clapping? You know what it's for God that's creepy But you just see somebody so hot you just start

Starting point is 00:49:18 I just wanna applaud sometimes Like hey you really did your thing today Like I wanna have a press conference with them That's all I don't wanna be creepy, I don't want your number I just want to applaud sometimes like hey you really did you really did your thing today? And like I want to have a press conference with them That's all I don't want to be creepy. I don't want your number. I don't want your Instagram. I just want to be like yeah, yo You got it going on right now. Just saying but then I never do Never do I almost told this girl the other day we were at We're at a comedy club

Starting point is 00:49:51 Is your birthday She's got a boyfriend. So I was like, I don't want to do I don't want anything to do with any of that But I was like, oh happy birthday and she was like, oh my god It's the nicest thing you've ever said to me and I was like, well, you're funny, and she's like oh, and I was like I almost said and you're really pretty But I was like no don't Too much and thank God I didn't Cuz who knows bro does that make her does that make a girl's day or is in my 100% creepy after that My biggest fear he's like creepy for real

Starting point is 00:50:27 He's like creepy for real Like do girls want to hear it or am I horny guy after that I don't know Should we should guys be telling girls that they're pretty randomly? Sometimes there's just pretty girls that are walking down the road. I'm like God She needs to just someone needs to tell her. But I didn't say, I never do, I never do. And I always think about it like, you know, a day after I think about what if I would have said it and I'm like, wouldn't have been right. And I think I'm always right for not doing it. But am I like am I a bitch?

Starting point is 00:51:09 Yes, every every single one of these voice messages and with am I bitch yeah, hey Benny So I don't have any missed connections, but My grandpa died today. So We're a little little sad and the fam And I'm just hoping you can cheer me up. Thanks. Love you. Oh my god So we're a little sad in the fam. And I'm just hoping you can cheer me up. Thanks, love you, bye. Oh my God. Do I love you guys so much?

Starting point is 00:51:42 Yeah, it's a tough one when the old G-Pod dies, dude, holding it down for life. All of a sudden he's gone. I know, I know. It's sad. Dude, the way I cried when my grandpa died is crazy. But you got to remember, like, now you got somebody looking out for you. You got the A1 guardian angel up there, looking out. Loki, when it's time for people to go,

Starting point is 00:52:15 God, you can't do anything about it. And it's sad and you'll miss him, but like, yo, he knows, he knows. What would he want you to feel like right now? That's what I always think about when somebody passes away. I'm like, God dang, that sucks, that sucks. But then I think about them like after, like, you know, when they, they're in heaven right now, all healthy,

Starting point is 00:52:41 all cool, all dripped out, they're like, I feel like when you go to heaven, you pick what age you wanna be. There you go, I wanna be 15 today. I wanna be 24 today. But your brain has all the wisdom still as when you passed away. So he's just up there being cool.

Starting point is 00:53:00 Everything's working out. He's good, man. He's in a better place, But like no actually he like he is And he's looking out to he's looking out all over all over the the grandkids Oh, yeah, you know push her in the right direction Don't let her overthink don't let him over. You know, I mean So you got somebody up there now directing traffic. And if he saw you sad because he passed away,

Starting point is 00:53:31 what would he say? He'd probably be like, hey yo, get it together girly. You just got a co-pilot up here now. So that's how I think about it. And I think it's true. Cause when my grandpa passed away, I was all like, I was sad for like a day, I cried.

Starting point is 00:53:55 I mean, not for that long, but like, you know, it definitely changed my week. But I was like, yo, if he was in this room right now, he'd be like, get yourself together. And immediately I was like, boom. Yeah, just remember that. He's got your, he's got your back dog, forever. Missed opportunity and missed chance was I was friends with this girl on Instagram.

Starting point is 00:54:33 Love John C. Who was a cocktail waitress at Caesar's Plaza. This girl was a certified Ted. We never met. Let's run that back. Let's run that back. Let's run that back. Accidentally gave homies name away.

Starting point is 00:54:44 What minute mark are we? 54, 54. I'll never forget the number 54. Here we go. So like each other's pictures, she's supposed to stuff up. Missed opportunity and missed chance was, I was friends with this girl on Instagram. Love this guy.

Starting point is 00:55:04 Who was a cocktail waitress at Caesar's Plaza. This girl was a certified Ted. We never met. We used to like each other's pictures, post stuff on her Instagram story. She was a hundred percent real. It was no catfish. I ended up telling her that I was actually had a business trip and I was going to be staying at Madeline Bay and I'd be down there. She's like, Oh, we have to meet up. She's like, hit me up, I work late, but we can get up after our work. I lost our stories, I get down there, I had to go to a dinner with my coworkers,

Starting point is 00:55:34 and we went out for a little. I get back to the hotel and my boss actually gave me his room instead of my little one bedroom room, he gave me his two story of my little you know one bedroom room he gave me his two story no way dude hey stars are a line sales rep you know you're gonna be staying here tonight so I was like oh my god perfect I end up telling the girl like oh you know you have to come through I got this nice suite yeah she's like I'm still working I don't know him get off well so short is I end up falling asleep and I woke up the next day at 8 a.m.

Starting point is 00:56:07 and she calls she called me like four times she texts me hey where are you I'm out of work I'm gonna come through I'm gonna come through are you sleeping sad face sad face sad face I blew it the next day I woke up I was so annoyed I didn't get to chill with this girl I never got to see her again and that's the end of the story the biggest missed opportunity miss chance whatever you want to call it ever. Oh my god, man Perfect Misconnection God that dudes oh that dude is a G bro a

Starting point is 00:56:43 One for everybody's a Incredible fan member member but bro's been bro's been putting on. Man that sucks bro. I've never that's one thing I've never done. I bet you've never done that either. Fall asleep on somebody? What am I a baby? Especially when it's a girl. Like how did you fall asleep, bro? Were you drunk? I've never done that. I've never I'd be too excited to fall asleep. Right. Wasn't meant to be.

Starting point is 00:57:19 Wasn't meant to be. You can just say that's what you know, I mean. Oh, that's what everybody says. I bet you were so pissed off in the morning looking at those texts. I would have, dude, I would have, I probably would have called her back in the morning and been like, hey, you have breakfast?

Starting point is 00:57:37 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Mr. Sleepyhead over here. Bro, you had the sweet too, that sucks. Turn it back to the beginning real quick. Missed opportunity and missed chance was, I was friends with this girl on Instagram who was a cocktail waitress at Caesars Plaza. Oh yeah, you ever like

Starting point is 00:58:06 somebody ever hitting you up a little bit and you're like no I'm good I'm good I'm just gonna whatever I'm not gonna like I'm not gonna like give into this like yeah and then two years later you're like what was I thinking? Like clearly this person was shooting their shot with me and I was just like a hundred percent out and then you like circle back to the text or messages or whatever and you're like what was that's happening to me so many times where I'm like how did I not see that that would have been like definitely doable. I've done that so many, I'm like, what was I thinking, bro? Like, what was I doing instead?

Starting point is 00:58:51 Just, you know what I was doing? Working out or something. Get out of your comfort zone, G. But bro fell asleep on the hottest girl in the world. Dude, there was just something that wasn't meant to be there, bro, because I know how hype you were, and that wouldn't have happened if it was legit.

Starting point is 00:59:13 And you never saw her again either, and you probably have no, no, no chance of ever seeing her after that either. That's a once in a lifetime thing. No chance of ever seeing her after that either. That's a once in a lifetime thing. I don't know what you got going on, bro. Hit her back. Road trip.

Starting point is 00:59:37 She falls asleep on you. I was at an away game for my volleyball and we were in upstate Flagstaff, Arizona I was at an away game for my volleyball and We were in upstate Flagstaff, Arizona And I met this guy. He was his name was Logan. Oh my god He was by far like one of the finest men I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, and This guy do you look like my roommate kept giving me everything that I needed and wanted to hear like my roommate. Just kept giving me everything that I needed and wanted to hear. Like, he didn't praise me, but he definitely showed that he was watching me during my game. Oh my god. I never saw him again because it was another two hour drive back down to where I live. And I never

Starting point is 01:00:20 saw Logan again. I never got his number and ever his number nothing made me want to cry You gotta find him that man Have like a deeper connection in my heart. I don't know how I literally talked to him for like two hours while I was there After my game, it made me so happy. He offered to get me Dutch and I think he did get me Dutch Yeah, he did get me Dutch and it tasted so freaking good. The fuck is Dutch? And then I, what's it called, I um, what's it called? Like we talked about sports other than volleyball, like baseball and like football and it was

Starting point is 01:00:55 awesome. If I ever could talk to him again I would. And I would do more. So sad. No way you can't find him though. Come on. You're a girl. You're the FBI.

Starting point is 01:01:09 You can find, dude, girls can find anybody on the internet. Come on. Logan. Are you sure this wasn't a dream? It was only just a dream. Yeah, that is dangerous though. When you have, when you strike up a conversation, like an easy conversation with somebody and you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Starting point is 01:01:35 All of a sudden I think I'm in love with you. You're like one minute in and you're like, I don't know. You just got way hotter now. They could have been hot already, but just the convos hitting so good that you're like, wait don't know, you just got way hotter now. They could have been hot already, but just the convo's hitting so good that you're like, wait, I think I love you. Fuck, I'll say that. I'll say it to them.

Starting point is 01:01:51 They won't believe me, but I'll be like, I love you. God, I love you. Did it to Jan Danielle on Lovers and Liars, guy that makes it about the TV show he's been on. Everybody's like, dude, this past weekend somebody was like, yo, did you really actually like, I can't imagine you liked her for real. Somebody asked me and I was like, yeah bro,

Starting point is 01:02:12 she's the only one I could really talk to. I don't know, every time I was talking to her, I was just like, yo, this is kind of fun to talk to you. What am I supposed to do? Not like you? Dangerous when somebody can talk. When somebody can talk your language. That's all I need.

Starting point is 01:02:36 Hey, how about when somebody just has no idea, just you can't, like you're attracted to the person physically, but you can't, bro, it's so, it's so bad. I gotta cut him off immediately. I'm like, wow, I can't land one, I can't connect one time. It's so weird.

Starting point is 01:02:58 Attracted to this girl. I was shooting my shot, this is recent. I wasn't real serious about it, but I was like, let's just see where it goes. Let's see what she's got going on, is she funny? It's gotta be, is she funny and cool first. Over everything else. I just like could not connect.

Starting point is 01:03:19 And like, that right there is enough to tell me that like, just go ahead and go. It's not right, bro. If I can't land like one solid like text back, bro, it's real dangerous. It's real dangerous when you're texting somebody and everything's hidden. You're like, God, we should just,

Starting point is 01:03:39 we should just date or something. Did there's one girl I would message and every time, it was just funny, funny, funny, funny, funny, there's no serious, funny, funny, funny, funny, funny. And we both like under, we weren't trying to out funny, it was just like collaborative funny. And I was like, God dang. Doesn't matter what you look like,

Starting point is 01:04:03 that is, that's it right there and if that's what you were doing with that dude Logan you gotta find him yeah I know you can you know you can find him hey dude hey if he's not on it sometimes it's kind of hard to find people on Instagram I don't know how girls do it but Facebook you ever look for somebody on Facebook, everybody and their mom's on Facebook, literally. Find his ass. What a question, one more, one more. So there is this one time in college,

Starting point is 01:04:42 I was shopping in Walmart and I had like my buggy, and I was shopping through, and I was looking at something else, and I accidentally ran into a display of aerosol sunscreen, and I knocked it all over and then multiple bottles of the sunscreen started spraying everywhere. Kind of my dream. And then there's this cute guy that came over and was like trying to help me and I was like oh God, like how do you even like help the situation? But yeah, he was a really nice guy. And you're in love with him.

Starting point is 01:05:39 I would love to thank him if I ever saw him again, but that was like, I don't know, five years ago. That damn dog. And come to Tennessee. Come to Chattanooga. You have so many fans out here. We would love to see you. I love you. I want to come to Tennessee so bad. Nashville probably one day. But soon. Soon. And I'm not just saying that either baby's getting booked a little bit um I've got a theory guys who want girls that are probably out of their league hey all you got to do is be nice all you

Starting point is 01:06:24 got to do is be nice you can't gotta do is be nice. You can't take any shots. That's the thing. That's the downfall. You gotta be nice 25-7. No jokes. No funny things when something doesn't go your girl's way, you know what I mean? That's where I... That's where I fall off. Like if there's any opportunity for a joke, I'm like, all right, let's see what's going on here. And let's see what you're made of. And I will test the water every time.

Starting point is 01:06:54 And it's something I've done my whole life and I always pay for it, but sometimes it pays off big. But dude, if you want shorty, if you want a bag shorty, no jokes, bro. You gotta be a god. You ever see those dudes with really high girlfriends, bro? They don't make mistakes. They don't. They're the peak coach Saban Alabama of boyfriends.

Starting point is 01:07:23 No mistakes! Always on it. Like, I'm homies with a guy whose girlfriend is really hot and we both know it. We don't say it, but like I'll be talking to him like a dude and I'll say something and he'll like not laugh as hard because he's like, I can't even, I don't wanna show those cards to my girl.

Starting point is 01:07:49 So it's what you gotta do. If you wanna bag, if you wanna bag baby girl, no mistakes. Stay focused, no mistakes. Stay calm. What did they say at the beginning of Call of Duty? Stay focused. Stay ready. No mistakes. Stay focused. They say something. Call of Duty, Black Ops 2. That's how my brain works. But stay calm. Stay focused. That's that girl's boyfriend all the time. He's tall. He's not a ten He just you know he looks good. He dresses really well, and that's another thing

Starting point is 01:08:31 You got to let your girl dress you like you got it You got you kind of got to take some L's if you want a really hot girlfriend. I'm not willing to do it I'm not gonna wear a collared shirt button up stuff like that and take pictures. I just can't I'm not at that point in my life I'm not saying I'll never do it, button up, stuff like that, and take pictures. I just can't, I'm not at that point in my life yet. I'm not saying I'll never do it, but just not right now. But those guys, they'll do anything. They're not, and they're not, hi, hunty. They're not that level. That's not what I'm saying.

Starting point is 01:08:58 But they do know I gotta be on top of everything. No mistakes But and then there's you go to a different level. Hey, hunty. Hi, I love you, hunty That's just like a an extreme Yes, man, you know, I mean everybody knows one but then there's some guys that are like kind of cool but you you know, they're they're They're being nice all the time that's all you gotta do if you really want to you can every guy can you

Starting point is 01:09:29 just got a whole you just got a you just got a but you got a what is it called you can't you can't throw the punches can you can't oh there's an opportunity for a joke here Oh, there's an opportunity for a joke here. Oh Can't say it I Think you know what I'm talking about probably not God what a question man. I want to do it again next week. Let's go dear diary dear diary I almost died four times on the way to Chicago. Oh my God. Guy flies to Indiana, stays at his childhood home, goes to Chicago the next day.

Starting point is 01:10:13 It's supposed to snow, whatever. I get a rental car. It's not even supposed to snow that bad. OK, cool. It's just a normal car. It's like an SUV, but it's like, you know, every SUV is now, they're like all the same. And not even an SUV. Dude, it starts to snow a little bit. And that thing, I'm the only one on the road

Starting point is 01:10:37 that cannot control my car. Six times I lost control. Six, you know what, obviously, when like, you just, dude, I'm sliding everywhere on like a seven lane highway on the way, like into the city of Chicago. Ever, dude, just, and people are, like people in normal cars are next to me like,

Starting point is 01:11:00 what, what the, what, what are you doing, bro? And I'm like, I don't know, this is a rent. I don't know. It's a rental. I just I'm just I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just like, did the slightest move, I slide it like it was bad, dude. I could have it was great. I couldn't control anything. So I was the guy driving one mile an hour on the highway and I was like, don't care. Can't get dude

Starting point is 01:11:27 rental. What happens when you rent a rent or when you hit a rental? Do you go to hell? I don't even want to know that process. People that say process instead of process. You ever one of those people. Not very familiar with that process. You shoot them in the neck. With a poisonous blow dart. Sliding all around. Almost gotten three accidents. I look down all the way out of gas. You're literally making that up.

Starting point is 01:12:17 I'm not. I get a rental car, bro. I don't know the, I don't, I gotta, I don't know the signals. I don't know. The gauges are different. These are a lot of excuses of me just being a dumb ass. But yeah, I'm like, gas is halfway cool.

Starting point is 01:12:35 It's a trip to Chicago. Kind of just a full tank of gas. I'm like, I might get to Chicago and then get gas on the way home, like in the city, you know I mean, I'm not really that concerned about it Halfway gas is halfway. I'm like halfway there. I'm like, okay, whatever Starts slipping and sliding almost killing everybody in sight on the highway. I look down Zero-zero miles. You know how it says how many miles to you have to fill up zeros. I'm like

Starting point is 01:13:03 You know how it says how many miles to you have to fill up? Zeroes. I'm like, ah! So now I'm slip sliding, getting on exits and shit. You know when you're frantically trying to get gas and you're in a, I don't know where any gas is. So now I'm on maps on my phone, slip sliding on maps, typing in gas, ah! There's a couple moments where I thought about crying. I still do that sometimes from

Starting point is 01:13:28 time to time. You know, you like feel it in your face, like the back of your eyes. I was like, I might start crying. Like I was so worked up. I was so like, God, like it's all my fault to cut that feeling is the worst. So I get it off on an exit. How come every time I'm on a highway and I need gas the nearest gas station is 13 miles away? I'm like dude, there should be gas everywhere. Get off on a weird highway, almost wrecked six more times. I'm like driving one mile an hour. I don't even know if my car has gas or it just has momentum at this point You know you're like I might be out of gas, but I don't want it I don't want to know or think about it every red light. I'm like is my car even gonna go So far away I

Starting point is 01:14:21 Just go to the nearest one. I don't even because I don't know where I am So I'm just like that nearest one and it like takes me into an industrial plant and I'm like, oh my god, of course It's not gonna be like a regular gas station. It's gonna be like the gas to like a company's gas station You know, you know how companies are so big There's like a gas station attached to them and you're like who even even gets gas there? Just like their company trucks do. Like that's what I was directed to. I was like, oh my God. The road like goes through this big industrial corporation

Starting point is 01:14:59 and I'm like, this is the stupidest thing. It's gonna be locked because it's like after 5 p.m. I'm like actually thinking about it. In my head I'm like I have to like tell the the main guy at the corporation that I need gas really bad and I'll fill up I like what like the weird station that they fill all the trucks up at I Have to I have no choice I'm like getting my speech prepared To tell the the company guy, we can't fill up just commercial cars here.

Starting point is 01:15:27 And I'm waiting for him to say that back to me. And the road takes me through the corporation, thankfully goes through connects to a normal road. I go down the road a little bit more. I'm in the hood, bro. I'm in the like next to the White Sox Stadium. Hood, hood, hood! I'm so hood, listen!

Starting point is 01:15:55 Ain't gonna young Jeezy, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pull up out of BP. I make it. Because we all know that story about, that your mom or dad told you yeah I was running out of gas and I just my car just had enough momentum And I just had to I just had to ride in the gas station your grandpa your uncle told you that story I Was out of gas and I was just literally rolling to the pump and I made it I was like this that's what's gonna happen to me

Starting point is 01:16:25 Pull up next to the pump boom. Thank God. Thank God Honestly, thank God I left Indiana to go to Chicago three-hour drive. I left seven hours early Why because my friend told me to? Got over thinking ask everybody cuz my dumbass would have left two hours before. There's a time change! Dude, me and time changes don't get along. I'm just like...

Starting point is 01:16:57 Just when everything is the hardest, there's always a slap of time change on top. Oh, I'm late now too! slap a time change on top. Oh, I'm late now too. Always a time change when I'm the most pissed off. Okay, but I'm actually early and I'm like, yo, I'm at the gas station. Like I'm kind of close to where I need to be. Somehow I didn't run out of gas

Starting point is 01:17:18 or wrap my car around a semi. Kind of in good shape somehow. It's a rental, can't figure out how to get the gas tank open. Like, hey, and by the way, never had to pee and do so much in my life. Put me in a car for one hour. Um, every, I have to do everything after that. Everything. Never, I need to release all things from my body. One hour in a car, that's all I need. Finally figured out, the smallest button on the inside

Starting point is 01:17:59 of the hood of the car underneath, six raccoons in the engine is the button press it gas tank opens up a tiny sliver thanks get gas go in the bathroom the bathroom is like it's how many people have died in here bathroom gotta use it gotta abuse it some real hot girl act every time I get in a car It's some hot girl activity and speaking of hot girls at the next show the Chicago show was it was so much fun Part partially because that club Zanies is so lit. It's like so comedy club Real narrow. I don't even know how to explain it. Everybody's on top of each other. It's just like the Dude, you know what it was. It wasn't freezing cold and it wasn't like a new comedy club

Starting point is 01:18:53 I like comedy clubs that like have been around the block, you know, and it was like warm in there I was like, yes, I Always forget every comedy club I go into it's negative 30 degrees. I'm like no wonder everybody's nervous, dude Can't feel my hands So cold in comedy clubs, but Zany's warm is like there's a fireplace in there nobody under nobody over 40 Everybody was so hype

Starting point is 01:19:21 40 over 40. Everybody was so hype. Had some F boys there, Niko, AC, just had some household names in there. I'm like, oh hell yeah, like I remember, just people you see on Instagram, you're like, oh yeah, that guy, and he was there, oh, it just was cool, bro. Everybody, everything was connecting,

Starting point is 01:19:39 it was so much fun, man. People loved it, people had a great time, that's all that matters, so much fun. Rosemont, it. People had a great time. That's all that matters. So much fun. Rosemont the next night, still same vibe. Big nice new club, cold club, but it was a great club. Newer. Eight of the hottest girls I've ever seen in the front row.

Starting point is 01:20:01 Why do they do it? Why do they do it? Why do they do it? Just eight hot do it? Why do they do it? Just hate hot girls staring at me the whole time. Not, not laughing once. I'm like, gotta work my ass. Like two of them are kind of a little bit the other two, but there was one girl that just was not laughing and she was making it known. And I was like, why would you come to that?

Starting point is 01:20:25 If I was a hot girl sitting in the front row and the comedian, I didn't like the comedian, I would still like gas him, make the show good. But I catcalled her at the end and she ended up laughing. Thank God. Oh my God. Took pictures with everybody after the show. Loved doing that.

Starting point is 01:20:47 It's the best part. A lot of inside jokes. Lot of awesome little, yo dude, look at, check out my shoes. And I'm just like, I love you, bro. Lot of hugs. You know my brother. I'm like, I just love you. Adopt me, I wanna be your other brother.

Starting point is 01:21:04 The hot girls were about to leave. And I'm like, oh my God. I go, are you guys mad at me? And this is the most hot girl thing of all time. They don't crack a smile the whole show. Come up to me after the show. We had such a good time. I'm like, I don't know.

Starting point is 01:21:26 Thank God. Dude, the relief that went through my body. I was like, took pictures with him. It was great. But I was like, I guess this is how it goes down. With the baddies. The one girl that wouldn't laugh the whole time though, she like, she made like an Instagram

Starting point is 01:21:48 post. It was like a white girl like yell preview pretty much. She's like, I didn't find it relatable. I didn't really think it was funny. A lot of people are laughing though. But he did cat call me at the end and I burst out into laughing because it was so wrong. And I was like, I'll post it on Patreon. Because I can't get a read on it.

Starting point is 01:22:14 I'm like, is it a compliment? Is it not a compliment? I appreciate it though. If you came to the show, I love you. We got pics after the show and they were good. But I was like, yo, so now I just want to come back to Chicago in two years and I need Now see now I just want to come back to Chicago in two years and I need The girl that left me the Instagram message To come to the show because now all I think about is you

Starting point is 01:22:58 My love with you probably are you married absolutely But Chicago ten out of ten it was one of those when I got when I got home when I got back to LA today I was like yo So much fun all the shows gas Stayed in the coolest hotel room in Chicago. Oh my god, man The trip home just listening to the just so everything was perfect good weekend to just love it shows coming up soon get your tickets show and tell hey men to wear this in Chicago if you're

Starting point is 01:23:42 listening I'm wearing a blackhawks Jersey left for Chicago got it got a email notification 20 minutes later you're listening, I'm wearing a Blackhawks jersey. Left for Chicago, got an email notification 20 minutes later, your package has arrived. Why do I love this? Because I've never seen a Blackhawk jersey with this on the bottom. Yo, the yellow stripe, what is it? No last name, got the cool sleeves, it's white. I love it so much I was gonna wear it,

Starting point is 01:24:07 but instead, didn't come in in time and I knew for some reason I had a Tony Koo Coach Bowls jersey at my dad's house. I'm looking at it right now, I'm gonna get it. Yeah, I am. Hold on, baby, don't go anywhere. Just had this chillin'. Like things, some things are just meant to be. This was just at my dad's.

Starting point is 01:24:43 I bought this like on some random, it was on like the side of a road one time. Dude, I mean come on. So sick. Perfect backup. Couldn't ask for anything better. Then this comes in the mail, this is kind of like a freebie. No, I just got this blackhawks jersey I can wear. Aha, always wanted a hockey jersey.

Starting point is 01:25:06 Got the best one ever. Cringe moment of the week. C-c-c-c-cringe moment of the week. All right, so this has been an ongoing thing that happens. I bring it up in live streams a lot. My face produces the most crap ever. My eye, when I wake up in the morning, there's so much crust on my eyes. Dude, if you aren't feeling good, don't listen to this part of the podcast.

Starting point is 01:25:38 There's so much crust on my eyes. There's so much earwax in my ears. There's so much shit in my nose. And there's so much build up on my teeth. I know this is disgusting, like way too TMI, but like who cares? Did I try to do the best I can to get rid of it all? You know what I mean? Maybe I'm normal, but I'm just like, yo,

Starting point is 01:26:08 like, what is going on? My teeth, I don't know what's happening, but after like two weeks after going to the dentist, dude, it just looks like I eat crunchy Cheetos in my like. I got to show you a picture. I got to show you a picture before and after I go to the dentist It's actually Unbelievable. I'm sitting in the dentist's chair. They're like what?

Starting point is 01:26:33 What's going on? What's bothering you? I'm like yo, hey, you already know what it is The the tartar buildup is ridiculous to me. I open my mouth the dentist goes. Oh This is gonna be fun. They're like what do we got going on in there? The one of the dentists goes teeth look good. Severe tartar buildup. I'm like what am I eating? I can't be maybe it's because I have GERD But like I'm not there's nothing I'm doing that's like a red flag I They're just like you just build up a ton of tartar, bruh And I'm like you should you guys should take a picture before and after before and after this thing

Starting point is 01:27:29 Here's the before it's actually insane I'm gonna What is happen what am I eating I swear that This isn't gonna do this isn't gonna focus, but I'll put a picture up there. Dude what? It looks like I was just eating spray cheese and left it on my mouth and went to the dentist. Look at that. Huh? The inside of my mouth.

Starting point is 01:28:03 Why do I have whale teeth? And then they took a picture of it cleaned. And I can like feel it. But I a cringe mode of the week, I clogged the suction hose at the dentist office. They had to bring in a whole new hose, you know It was just like they were prying off the With a hook they're hooking me which I need that I need that I needed that hook baby they were Like they were digging up dinosaur bones

Starting point is 01:28:42 Chipping away at this. Oh dinosaur bones chipping away at this. Oh, how did I get so much? Eww bro. And they were sucking it at the same time in the hos. He clogged the hose. I'm like, can you keep it down? It's like some decent looking dental hygienists in here, bro. Can you like, now they know I got extreme severe tartar. Uh.

Starting point is 01:29:13 I promise I'm not eating anything weird. I'm like. They cleaned it all off though. Jesus Christ. And I did everything they said. They're like, you need to buy this toothbrush after this, or you're going to have, you're going to're gonna be captain you're gonna be captain Cheetos cornflakes for a long time in there cuz it was saying you you could see it from the front when I would do videos on my phone you could see the tartar buildup from the front of my teeth so now your boys an electric toothbrush girly. It's so boring.

Starting point is 01:29:47 Using, I've used an electric toothbrush for three days. I'm like, it's so boring. I'm like, oh my God. I guess it has to work harder. It has to work better because your boy wasn't doing shit. My old ass toothbrush, soft bristles. Let's do days. Then this, this camera is going to explode. Shit, my old ass toothbrush. Soft bristles. Ugh. Oh, let's do days. Then this camera's gonna explode.

Starting point is 01:30:09 Thursday, today. Leadership day. Craziest thing of all time. My dad just had a whole bookshelf in his house, in our house growing up, and I think 80. Dude, it was so many books. I just realized this today, who's reading them? When you have a bookshelf in your house, I'm like, so how many of those have you, like you don't read? When have you

Starting point is 01:30:36 ever seen anyone reading? When people make a point to read in public? I'm like alright. Somebody needs to change their reputation. Somebody needs to see them reading to go about the rest of their day. So obvious when people are reading out that in public. My family had this big ass bookshelf full of books, dude. And I was like, who's reading those? Never saw my dad read one page of a book in my life, I promise. 284,000 books that are just titled leadership on the wall with a head football coach on the cover.

Starting point is 01:31:22 Like, all right. on the cover. I'm like alright. I don't like how authors put their name on the books bigger than the title of the book. I'm like hey guy we get it dude. We get it you wrote it. Jesus Christ. Just the biggest name. I'm like hey can we downsize the font? Like if I want to know who read it, I'll just like look. It's everywhere in that damn book. First page, second page, third page. First 19 pages of every book, the author's name. I'm like, okay. It's everywhere on that bitch. We get it babe. Okay. Can't think of one author. J.K. Rowling. Just so big on the front. I'm like is that the name?

Starting point is 01:32:15 Which one's the name of the book? Which one's the author's last name? Comfy Day. Muffin day. Of course. Comfy day and muffin day. Muffin day. Hey best muffins I'm just gonna say right here right now and then we're just gonna move on because we can talk about this for a long time. Best muffins I've ever had in my life. This is a personal thing. 7-Eleven muffins. 7-Eleven does a lot of things right and I can't even walk in there anymore because of it. Can't. No more PB&J. Can't do it. Had to get off of it because you guys remember. You guys remember what I went through. That was like my easing into moving out. You know, I needed some comfort.

Starting point is 01:33:05 I needed some love and I found it in 7-Eleven peanut butter and jelly. Three a day. I convinced myself it was helping me. It's like good, it's like good for me. You know, it has like good protein. It's a donut! It's like good protein, like yeah, you know, they always tell you PB and J when you're

Starting point is 01:33:27 trying to gain like good weight. I'm trying to gain good weight. So I was just slant dude. I would go to an open mic leave go to 7-eleven three peanut butter and jellies. And I always do it with food when I'm like stressed food. I don't want to do something. I'll make food to like post stall and postpone Sometimes at night when I first moved to LA I would get Four in-and-out double doubles and three peanut butter and jellies and just eat and go to sleep and wake up like

Starting point is 01:34:04 I feel like shit. What was I doing? 7-eleven has some really good muffins and also BP gas stations the new ones hey remember BP connect it's haha that shit went hard it was like the first state-of-the-art gas station I was like, oh, this shit, this is different. That first BP connect you saw, I was like, like I could, I could like, you could have, honestly, you could have an, you could have an interview in one of those. I'll meet you at BP connect. Yeah. Uh huh. Uh huh. Cool. Yeah. Three cocks sound good. Like they had cafes or the muffins they had up in there the

Starting point is 01:34:47 muffins that the muffin tops are so big in there like crispy I felt like I was eating like peeling off muffin chips off the top of a muffin blueberry muffin chips and then you just keep eating and it just keeps getting better and better that's where I that's, sometimes I think muffins are better than cupcakes because like, you eat the top of a cupcake and you're like, oh that was really good, but now I just don't really care. But you eat the top of a muffin,

Starting point is 01:35:15 you're like, that was really good, and now I got this soft, fluffy muffin underneath. You gotta take it to close off to, ugh. 7-Eleven BB connect muffins I've never really had a better one like I've had muffins at stores before but I'm like She's not hitting the same. They're a little dry Remember that hey He always talks about food and it's like so annoying. But this is like part of it, I guess.

Starting point is 01:35:45 Okay, hey Ash, we didn't ask. We didn't ask, Ash. That four pack of muffins at Target, you know what I'm talking about? Bakery aisle, table, a lot of baked goods on that table. There's one package with four different muffins in the, it's like, it's kind of, I think it's expensive. It might be 12 bucks. One's double like, it's kind of, I think it's, it's expensive. It might be, it might be 12 bucks.

Starting point is 01:36:07 One's double chocolate. One's chocolate chip. One's blueberry and one's like apple, like crumbly. It might be like cinnamon too. Don't leave me around that. Don't leave me around that four pack. Don't leave me around that four pack. Because when you come home, gone. That and a cup of milk.

Starting point is 01:36:30 You ever toast a muffin and dip it in a coffee, like a cup like this full of milk? Hey, I'll go to sleep for the. Did I eat it like this? Ayy I'll go to sleep for the- Dude I'll eat it like this And uh I love you Me eating a muffin and a cup of milk A toasted muffin and a cup of milk I love you

Starting point is 01:36:56 I swear I have like Tourette's or something when I eat food I eat food I turn in- That's so good! Like I'm just like such a weirdo Oh my god my gosh can't guys never every time I eat it's the first time I eat I'm not you ever the physically drool before you eat something, so embarrassing. You're like talking to somebody over some food. I know, yeah, I know.

Starting point is 01:37:30 It's so... Dude, the drool is such a low key. Like, I sometimes I love it when people drool, cause I'm like, thank God you're human. Sometimes I'm like, everybody's too perfect, but if I catch somebody drooling, I'm like, all right, you're just like catch somebody drooling I'm like alright. You're just like me good cuz I draw all the time That low key drool somebody ever to a I saw you drool

Starting point is 01:37:58 Hey, I'm gonna say anything, but I saw you drool. Yeah, it's cool. Oh So crazy they like hold they they they hold your, oh my God. I'm gonna run out of fucking, the camera's gonna die. They, dude, if somebody sees you drool, they know everything about you. And they like have the key to your soul after that. I saw you drool, it was cool though, it was no big deal. I'm like, well, now you have, you have all the power of,

Starting point is 01:38:24 you have my whole soul in your hand and you can do whatever you want with me just saying I'm under your control you boss me around however you want me to because you saw me drool Friday boiled peanuts Dave got a stop, gotta stop, gotta stop. Sticky Bunday. Don't let me talk about cinnamon rolls. My mom used to like nonchalant, just like out of nowhere. They couldn't make it any better with cinnamon rolls. How they come in that tube and you have to like,

Starting point is 01:39:04 phoo, phoo, and it like detonates and blows up. Like there couldn't be a better way to do that. Cinnamon rolls, pshh. You give the biscuits an Indian, you give the cinnamon rolls a Native American burn, pshh. Puts them in the pan, icing cinnamon all over them it's Saturday morning you haven't eat it's 1030 a.m. you've never been hungrier dude god I'm the guy that's like did everybody eat as much as they want cuz this is mommy's now I'll eat six cinnamon rolls not even blink

Starting point is 01:39:51 Exactly That those homemade cinnamon rolls in the morning, right you just can't get any better than that Saturday margarita day get this I got to confess these are my confessions Derek featured in Zay's in Chicago and he like brought a beer on stage cuz like it everybody does that and he forgot to take it with him after he ended his set I went up there and I was like messing around with the beer I was like actually I was gonna throw it at the wall and stuff and I like fake drank it and one drop of beer hit my tongue after not drinking for like over a year now. And I think I was as drunk as I've ever been in my life for three minutes

Starting point is 01:40:36 on stage, starting the show, first impression, and I've never been more drunk I'm pretty sure half of that drop that hit my tongue was his spit but boy I Was like well here goes nothing. I can't die don't know I love everyone here and I Hope you have a good time Thank you Nashville. We're in Chicago you dumbass. Like it was like that for three minutes and then I like locked in but boy Boy, was it was it touch and go? Touch and go ahead and go

Starting point is 01:41:31 Sunday banana bread day. Well, you should who's putting these days together? I'm doing this thing right now. I don't do cardio because I rely on my diet, which is dumb. But every time I do cardio, like it looks like I use I lose 40 pounds. It's so annoying, bro. I don't know. I can't find the balance and I also don't want to. I just want to eat like a crazy person and do no cardio. But now I gotta eat vegetables and do cardio

Starting point is 01:41:58 cause I have high cholesterol. Am I a 50 year old PE teacher? I think I am. I just, that's what I should be. I should be a bald PE teacher that has high cholesterol and coaches football. Like it's just, it is what it is. All the signs are pointing to that.

Starting point is 01:42:18 I'm not gonna let it win. But every time I do cardio, I look like I have cancer. I lose all the weight in my face. It's so annoying. So if I look like I have cancer. I lose all the weight in my face. It's so annoying. So if I look like I'm going to die soon, your boy's been on the stair stepper. I don't know why I thought about that when

Starting point is 01:42:37 talking about banana bread, but that's just what happened. Oh, baby, how does it feel to treat me like you do? But I'm going really hardcore right now and at the end of this little sesh, baby's gonna have some banana bread. And you know what the other thing I'm gonna have is, one more thing about food, he always talks about food, it's like literally his whole personality.

Starting point is 01:42:58 It's like the whole podcast now, it's not even funny. It's just about food. Bowl of ice cream with fruity pebbles in it and banana bread. I'm done. I love you guys. Thank you for the voice messages. I think moral of the story is

Starting point is 01:43:15 if it doesn't feel right, it's not. Try it though, but you'll learn. You'll learn the hard way. But I think it just happens, baby. I think if it's there and it just happens, it happens. But if you gotta force it and shoot your shot, it's never worked for me. Never. It just happened.

Starting point is 01:43:42 So maybe those misconnections aren't really missed connections. Maybe they're just like... Maybe she was the guy, you know? Same. Love you fam. Talk to you next week. Get your dickies.

Espresso - tell me your missed connection💔

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