Espresso - the "incident" at your high school

Episode Date: November 10, 2022

🎟 𝗦𝗘𝗘 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬 𝗟𝗜𝗩𝗘 𝗔𝗧 𝗗𝗘𝗧𝗥𝗢𝗜𝗧 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘 𝗢𝗙 𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗘𝗗𝗬 𝗗𝗘𝗖𝗘𝗠𝗕𝗘𝗥 𝟮𝟮https://dettickets.houseofcomedy.net/event/benedict-polizzixFIl4hV🔥𝗠𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗵 https://benedictmerch.com/🔒𝗣𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi 🟣𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝘀 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/espresso-w-benedict-polizzi/id1514492317🟢𝗦𝗽𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘆 https://open.spotify.com/show/1Ka4dMrpfGxYPGZsUJ1Csf🔸𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 https://www.cameo.com/benedictpolizzi?utm_campaign=profile_share🔹𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸 https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m🔸𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺 https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/🔹𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

Shot 236, I look like shit. Tune in to the YouTube version of the Espresso podcast so you can see my stupid ass face. No, seriously though. Look at this. This is like four days out of the hair transplant surgery chair. I've got some stories to tell you but uh yeah remember uh join the patreon five dollars a month for an extra episode everything every single week can't talk already and listen to these guys podcast me and joey molinaro drops every tuesday at 7 a.m benedictmerch.com all your merch. Not wearing it today because I have to wear

a button-up shirt because of my hair transplant. What if I just wore like a fucking button-up shirt all day long and not like a normal ass? I guess a baseball jersey isn't normal, but you know what I'm saying. What if I just wore like a like a button-up shirt from Kohl's every day?

Kill me. Remember, actually, you wouldn't remember because I've never told you, but December 22nd, Detroit House of Comedy. I'm headlining. Get your tickets. I'll put the link in the description and I'm bringing some friends. But it's going to be a great night. December 22nd. It's like the ideal date. Perfect. Uh, yeah. Pop out Detroit. Fuck. But all right, let's, uh, let's do it. Talk about my hair transplant later. We got some shit to do. What's the incident or the craziest thing that happened at your high school? Let's do it.

Here we go. Hey, what up, ganger? Craziest thing that happened in high school for me? Well, honorable mention has to go to when the gym teacher banged one of the tennis players and then I had to sit next to the tennis player's boyfriend in class the next day. That was a real doozy. But that's runner up to number one i don't want to know uh we had a class called it but it wasn't like computer shit it was like more of a trades class and we all sat in these modules and it was two to three people per module

and one class period which i was lucky enough to be in um i guess this girl fell asleep and this dude next to her started jagging it bro heavy to completion and then uh it got on her leg and it was just the biggest story in school about how this girl how this dude jizzed on a girl in a it class and lucky enough as i said i was i was in the class unfortunately wasn't in the splash zone but i got to see the aftermath and i wish it was me it was you dude there's no chance it wasn't you jagging in a module oh shit it sounds kind of i don't know bro is it facts is there evidence because there's always that kind of rumor like at your high school look oh bro you jizzed on her there's always some rumor like that

was it really true though the rumor at my school was like somebody gave somebody like head on the tennis courts i was like it's so funny the shit that happens in high school jagging though live during class to completion dude just shows you how like how horny are you how horny are dudes in high school that you can just do that like with all the pressure around you i could never i gotta be locked away no one time I got suspended. In school suspension and I tried it. He's saying it all! It wasn't to completion though, but just imagine in school suspension, jagging off.

Tell us why you got in trouble and why you got in trouble, why you got in trouble. Let's keep going. You know, I'm about to give you a funny ass story. I basically every year in high school had some fuck shit go down and I was in trouble at least once a year with the principals and get ISS and OSS. ISS. We had me writing a diss track and then getting suspended. I got caught eating lunch in my car and then got suspended for that.

So weak. And then one to top it off, I think this is the best story time, which I'll tell you, is when I was my senior year, I went to school for a law enforcement school. And it was two weeks before I was about to graduate. And they pulled me out of class and searched me and my car because I was reported for having illegal substances on me. And they found my weed in my car and I got kicked out of school. I was expelled and I had to graduate school at alternative school and I was charged and had to go to court for all of it.

But you know, the charge is free. Everything's good. Charge was dropped and I'm living my life now smoking weed. Dude, people like weed way too much like i get it but like dude if you're in high school and you like weed that much like just just wait till you get home you remember they had to bring the dogs did they ever bring the dogs to your school the drug dogs and you never knew dude how in any the people that smoked weed all the time at school like i was nervous and i didn't even know what weed was i was like oh my god somebody probably put weed in my fucking locker or some shit like of course

it's gonna have somebody probably was in my car and had weed and it fell out of their pocket now i have weed in my car and the dog's gonna be like like that's definitely gonna happen to me but the people that smoked weed every day and then the drug dogs just came to school like what what did they feel like bro i remember i looked out of the window in like my history class and like the the known drug dealer at my high school bro the dogs were circling his car like 17 000 times i was like yeah people who like i mean do you how did you even like there was so much shit going so much drama going down with you how did you even learn anything? Skip gone.

There was a kid on my football team that shit his pants at football practice. It was crazy. Dude, I know this dude that left that voice message, and it was him who shit his pants. And it changed the trajectory of his whole life. It did. shit his pants and it changed the trajectory of his whole life it did it was like uh the first day of high school football freshman football and this dude literally is he's pretty good and he shits his pants and breaks his leg the same year and is never heard from again oh shit what a year same year

never heard from again but was really funny that made him really funny and he's a homie for life but uh as far as his football career just keep going all right so my junior year of high school right word got around that there was going to be a walkout so at like 142 in the afternoon or whenever the hell it was everybody just walked out of class and for fucking wish. Just for the most part, was just walking around like idiots. But then two girls started fighting in the courtyard. Bro, a cop went to break it up and I guess was just so fed up

with the whole walkout thing that he just straight up decided to tase one of these bitches. Dude, straight up in the courtyard in front of thousands of kids just having a full-on seizure from being tased. But in the end end she ended up not pressing any charges oh geez the sky

that seems illegal for that to happen now like if a cop tased a girl in high school right now like i feel like that cop would like i don't know be in the electric chair the next day but it doesn't seem right uh can you do that i don't know but my everybody at my school was too bitch to ever have a walkout like imagine coordinating an entire school walkout. And if everybody did it, there's no fucking way I would have done it. Dude, one time this happened in one of our classes, like a religion class. The whole entire class was like, let's all face the back wall. And I was like, fuck. Like maybe if our teacher was like young and like got it and stuff but our teacher was this

old fucking lady i was like oh my god we can't do this bro she's gonna she probably think she's losing her fucking mind watch her walk into the classroom we're all turned around facing the wall she's gonna like faint bro i couldn't do it and i just got in trouble for some other shit so i was like i can't so the whole rest of the class fucking turned their desk towards the back wall and faced the back wall. And I was the only one facing the fucking facing forward. She didn't even notice me. Oh, fuck.

Starts crying. But no. Let's keep going. So my high school incident didn't happen to myself in particular, but it was my best friend um well she's not my best friend anymore but basically she took a video of and it got spread around the whole school of um her putting peanut butter on her vagina and having her dog lick it off and that got leaked and she ended up switching schools so that was fun

the old school switcher that's hilarious oh yeah why'd you transfer in at her new school oh i just wasn't feeling it actually you were feeling it old peter pan she transferred in a jiffy she's skipping her way over to the high school across town but there's more to this hold on and i'm from indianapolis so better feature me old peanut butter puss I've heard of dudes putting peanut butter all over their balls and shit and having their dog lick it off but not ever a girl doing that what a savage having a rough time need some sexual activity dude any dude girls don't need to be putting peanut butter on their

shit and having their dogs like it like call any dude to do that their dog i get it if a dude's putting peanut butter all over him and doing that because guys can't get girls but girls can walk outside and get a dude didn't have to resort to that and have a lassie down there but hey whatever just keep going oh do i have an incident for you so my senior year two girls had beef with each other don't remember what it was about you texted my boyfriend you dumb bitch I don't know if that's what it was, but let's just say it was that because it probably was. Well, the one girl decided, fuck it. I'm going to take a shit on your car hood. And guess what?

She took a shit on her car hood. Fast forward to school the next morning. The shitter got taken out of class along with the other girls that were a part of it. And all of them got suspended. That's pretty shitty. What high schools are these? Dude, no one in their right fucking, I didn't even know girls shit until college if a girl shit on a car uh dude imagine her nickname the rest of high school old fucking shit pant dude peanut butter girl and shit pants they would have been best friends like imagine being like going to prom or something with old car hood shitter she asked you to winter formal just with shit all over your car thanks yeah sure fuck dude let's keep going so benedict if're going to use my fucking voicemail this time, I mean, anyway.

So, the biggest incident at my high school is that we cut up fish and put them in the air vents. And we had fish hanging around the whole entire school. They could never figure out who did it or whose idea it was. It might have been mine. You psycho ass. Oh, well. Cutting up fish it does it does seem like you can just fuck some fish up though you know if you're really gonna fucking animal up you know what i mean it's gonna be fish because fish are getting

fucked up all the time you're putting hooks in their mouth and throwing them back into the water like dude fish are getting fish don't care dude one time i had this i was at like a summer camp and we were we were catching fish and me and my buddy were just we're just catching the fish and then just throwing them at rocks because like dude you already hooked their mouth i don't think it's really gonna matter that much we were like seven though so as an excuse yeah but uh putting fish and vents in your house dude kids are so fucking bored hey hey teachers teach us some shit that keeps us entertained how about that maybe we won't be hanging fish in vents you're a psycho for that you know who that was too everybody knows everybody knows let's keep going

okay i'm sorry benny this is a long one there's a lot of details um so my high school incident there's so many of these by the way. Hockey player and his girlfriend at the time. There's so many of these voice messages. And I'm in over my head, so let's keep going. The girlfriend went to the office, you know, dean and police officer, I think, and told them that her boyfriend had a video of them, you know, doing the do and that she wanted him to delete it and he wouldn't. So the police officer and Dean like pulled him out of class and they scared the shit out of him and told him that his life was over, that he was in possession of child pornography, that he was going to do time in prison.

And basically, like, he just messed up the rest of his life and his life was over. There's two more of these long ass messages. Can't wait. It turns out like he did not actually have that video i think it was like an audio recording even weirder they scared him so much and then they told him to like go to his locker and get all his stuff because they were gonna like search his phone and so when they sent him to his locker he grabbed all his shit and then our high school was like right next to the local downtown area so he bolted downtown and instead of like

handling it normally they called the police on him and the police chased him all throughout downtown until he went to the top of a parking garage and jumped off and killed himself. Because of an audio sex tape? Damn, ways to die. Lamest ways to die. Ways to die. Lamest ways to die. Basically, it was a really big scandal because the dean and the police officer talked to him without ever notifying his parents. So they his parents ended up trying to sue the school for, you know, basically causing his death.

And while this was going on, we were just going to school like it was normal you know a kid that we had known for years had died and so much shit was going down in the school and you know i sat next to his girlfriend in math class and we just all fucking powered through it and had to move on. But yeah, that was the largest incident and it continued. Yo. For many years after, just with the court case and everything. So yeah. Top 10 worst feelings. Going to a strict ass high school and thinking you're about to get in trouble. I feel that bro i don't feel it as much as running from school going to a top of the

parking garage and jumping off but like i was in trouble enough in school where i was like fuck i want to run away so bad would never have actually done it because i'm a bitch but bro. Top, top three worst feelings when you're about to get in trouble in high school, you're just waiting for your teacher to be like, go down to the office. But damn bro, the old audio file.

I don't want the video. I want the audio. Just keep going. The worst time in high school was when I got deep pants in front of a weightlifting class of all boys. But their PRs were pretty good that day. It's so gross. Bro, being deep pants. I'm so glad the era of my life is over it actually might just be starting but i had one of those friends that would just de-pants you whenever dude in a wendy's gone

everything's out at a party bye whole dick de-pantsed at school oh i got de-pantsed at a basketball game one time front row and they pants me and then they stepped on my pants so like it was weird and i fell down like on the sidelines and shit it was so annoying but also the funniest thing ever and it's like it's funnier when the person's like they're naked and they're mad because being naked is one thing but being mad and naked kill me this chick got caught um getting eaten out under a staircase and the problem was under the camera the way it was facing them the guy had a gray sweatshirt on with a hoodie over um so they got caught or she got caught never gave up the name,

so the administrators couldn't find out who it was, and brought everybody into the auditorium, did a little scare tactic, said, you know, if you don't come forward, we know who you are, which doesn't make any sense. It's counterintuitive. If you know who it is,

why are all these people in an auditorium? But, I mean, at the end of the day, like I was just about to go out and, you know, full force say it was me. Cause why not? Shut up, dude. How horny are people? That doesn't make any sense. Dude. I'm still, I'm scared to do shit like that in public. I'm like, we're going to get like the, imagine being in high school, doing that shit under the stairs. I couldn't do that. You couldn't pay me to do that shit now.

Yeah, there's always stories of people doing that kind of shit at like movie theaters. Yeah, we like went in the back of the movie theater. We like went into a unisex bathroom. I'm like, just wait till you get home. Why does it have to be on site after English class? There's so many of these voice messages. We're just going to keep ripping through them. You guys are fucking horny.

I was a junior and this other kid was a junior as well. So he was kind of the talk of the school because he transferred from an all-boys school to our public school. And he decided that one day it would be cool to during one of our study halls to uh jack off during a study hall um to anime and now at the time he was like kind of the new kid and he was very quiet and weird so you know he got busted for obviously jacking off in class because one of my friends had told the teacher like hey he's like jacking off so he got in a lot of trouble and i'm pretty sure he got suspended. So after that, everything, we were all like, okay, this kid. Hold on.

Dude, I wouldn't be able to tell on somebody for jacking off in class. I'd be like, were they though? Like, did I just think that? Did I gaslight myself into thinking he was jacking off? Because what if you told on a kid for jacking off in class, but he wasn't? He'd be like, what the fuck? No, I wasn't. So this is a long story,

but okay. It's getting to the end. So basically after he got suspended, he made this Instagram page, um, and basically threatened to shoot up our school and was targeting a bunch of my friends and was just posting like, don't come to school this day and

all this kind of stuff. And, you know, it was a bit traumatic because we're like, is this kid mad that we like didn't let him finish his nut? Like what's the deal? Why is he threatening to shoot up our school? So then there was a designated day where we had police officers and everything at our school because you know he was threatening to shoot up the school that day so no one went to school that day and basically the teachers just handed out donuts and snacks all day because we were all worried beautiful day that's my story let's party hey why'd you threaten to shoot up to school? Blue balls. Jesus, guy.

Let's have some donuts about it. Why'd you have the party today? What'd you do in school? Had a party? For what? Little anime freak. Dude, this is so weird. I love this.

Let's keep going. Actually, that's weird that I just said that. Getting my lip ripped in half in a bounce house from a kid doing. Okay, that was from last week. That was dumbest reason you went to the hospital. Whoops. Let's keep going. Yeah, in my high school, we had the phantom hallway pooper.

Piles of shit just kept showing up in the hallway until we uh finally figured out who that guy was fucking legend just imagine if it was like a teacher or a girl god damn it they never would know i would just love to be the person watching those security cameras like who is fucking shitting in these hallways i would get so ready to watch that film. Oh my, I'd have pizza. I'd have, I'd throw a party for that shit. Come on, come on. Everybody's invited. Let's watch the security camera. See who's shitting in the hallway. It ends up being like, oh shit. It would definitely end up being like the priest or some shit. You're like, oh my God. While you're having a celebration for it in this little weird security office. Father Tom's shitting in the hallway.

Now we got to blame it on some kid. Oh, fuck. Hold up. Let's keep going. By the way, this is what was the incident at your high school or the wildest thing that happened at your high school? Where'd you guys go? I want to know. Next time I was the incident at your high school or the wildest thing that happened at your high school? Where'd you guys go?

I want to know. Next time I do this, name your high school before you tell the story. I don't even know where to start with this. But in high school, one of my best friends. Very rickety fan, by the way. Had an affair with one of the teachers, but he was also having an affair with another girl. But my friend actually babysat for him and his family uh so we when we found out we quickly made assumptions of things that happened she denied it but we knew that um they also hooked up but she claimed that

they just kissed um fast forward 10 years later she told me last year that they in fact did hook up uh wild though because she literally was babysitting for his family and like knew his wife um but yeah the whole school the whole school knew and they knew which two girls and the other girl was very forthcoming with all the information if you went to a like a high school where one of the girls you knew didn't bang one of the teachers you didn't go to high school that's just common practice every high school has one and but like that happened at my high school but nobody ever like it was so on the deal. I probably shouldn't have said that. Hey, Benedict.

I just want to say I'm a huge fan of your podcast and all your Instagram material. Always cracking me up. So keep it up. I just want to start off with that. But this story I like to call bomb threat. We were sophomores in high school and we're all in class, all the students doing our thing. And all of a sudden alarms start going off. Our teacher starts kind of panicking. There's some students that are escorted out to like the soccer field near our

school. Then some kids are escorted to this path that led to our local church, um, where buses and parents were, um, able to pick up their kids because of this bomb threat that was happening in our school. Um, before you know it, there was fire trucks, there were ambulances, the bomb squad showed up. And then we have this thing called tiger text where it would be sent out to all the parents. And so this parent, so we have the town essentially freaking out because they can't find their kids. There's this supposed bomb, you know, everything's going crazy. Well, lo and behold, the threatening bomb was actually none other than a ball of masking tape with pipe cleaners sticking out of it. And written on it was the word bomb spelled B-O-M.

A teacher had found it on the drinking or on the water fountain and thought it was his duty to report it and he did and all of that caused this craziness in the school and approximately like fifty thousand dollars to get the bomb squad called out oh my god fudge b-o-m i wonder if they even meant to like do that you know did they they did they mean it to be a fake bomb threat imagine doing a whole ass fucking fake bomb threat and spelling bomb wrong i would definitely do that and be like damn we forgot the b calling the bomb squad on some pipe cleaner and duct tape what an overreaction i guess you kind of have to though if you're a high school why was it in the water fountain let's keep going so the craziest thing that ever happened at my high school was someone threw a pencil through one of those overhead sprinklers and it flooded about half the school

but all the water was black because it had been sitting in the pipe since the school was built but we had to evacuate school and uh missed a few days from it oh i prayed for shit like that why could that never happen at my high school like every day i was like please bomb threat please bomb threat just something to let us out of school just just just this one day all it took was a fucking number two pencil on the sprinkler dude they're probably happy it happened to to clean out the water black water i tried that so many times throwing a pencil up and trying to get it stuck in the ceiling

that's definitely what that kid was doing doing it went right in a fucking sprinkler lucky ass school let's keep going so i went to a really small rural high school there were like 90 people in each class. And when Obama was president, this girl tweeted that Michelle Obama should die because she changed school lunches to be healthier. And it took away some of her favorite foods at lunch. So she tweeted that Michelle Obama needed to die. Today, the Secret Service literally shows up to our teeny tiny high school, pulls her out of class and questions her for hours because they thought she had legitimate plans to assassinate the first lady. And now this person has a restraining order against every president and first lady for the rest of her life. And she can never be in the same county as either the president or the first lady for the rest of her life and she can never be in the same county as either the president or the first lady.

That's a little extreme dude. A restraining order against the presidents and first ladies of all time? Doesn't everybody kind of have that though? You can't just walk up to a former president and be like, what's up gang? Bro, kind of have that though you can't just walk up to a former president and be like what's up gang bro a big ass restraining order against all the presidents and first ladies ever because you just wanted turkey manhattan

oh shit what a fat ass but it was just a tweet imagine how much she really loved the school lunches though she loved school lunches so much she tweeted at the first lady that she should die what school did she go to pour one up for the lunch ladies at fucking fat ass high. School lunches do kind of hit though. Like they probably hit because in high school you're just fucking starving. The food's not even good. You're just like, I don't care.

Give me some chicken poppers. So this might be a two parter if it takes me too long to explain, but I remember four senior pranks. So every senior class had a senior prank. We were too bitch to do it. One class put forks in the ground. Like it was a pavilion-looking high school. The four buildings were connected with a top balcony and by ground level.

So one class put forks in all the grassy areas, just like plastic forks. One class released six pigs, really only five pigs, but they numbered them one, two, three, four, and six. So the staff was like, where's number five? There wasn't one um one class played hide and seek one night with like flashlights and stuff that'd be fun and then the year after i left was the smartest crew hold on that'll be a second part pigs bro what kind of country ass high school did you go to that was probably the easiest prank of all time yeah my dad drops me off every day an old pig pig mobile you know he just rides around with fucking 19 pigs in the back of his truck we just left five of them in the gymnasium so the

year after i left um was the smartest prank of all. So on one of our buildings, it spells out, this might give away the name of the high school, but it spelled out blank high school. And they took out a few letters of the name of our high school to make it spell incest high school. And that was pretty funny. It made the paper and everything. But yeah, that was incidences. I mean, there were more. There were like knife fights and gunfights. And I was getting in my locker one day and a girl had her head slammed into the locker above me.

And I'm a wuss, so I ran away. But those are the pranks, I guess, for every senior class. Fantastic place to grow up, man. I want a transfer, bro. Incest High. The enrollment. Just me and... No.

Oh, my God, bro. My high school was too... We were too bitch to do any senior pranks. Because we felt like we were going to... Because every time somebody got in trouble at my high school they like they were in trouble for like way too long it wasn't like one game they're suspended or suspended for like two and a half years it was like jesus christ nobody did shit i wish we did a senior prank i was way too big of a bitch i was like i'm gonna i'm gonna get my

cell phone taken away for like three years if i do this no thanks so the craziest thing that ever happened in my high school was that someone decided for their senior prank to jizz in the communal cafeteria ranch dressing the principal ended up eating it. He ended up in prison, but that's the craziest thing that happened in my high school. Damn, dude. The principal ate the jizz. How'd they prove it?

I wonder. Principal's like, that shit was really really how do we know you did it because that shit was bossing that day hidden valley it wasn't my high school but i was a teenager and this is in Ireland at a party somebody got a chainsaw and cut down the shed in the backyard of a high school that's a bad that's a prank I can get behind bro all these jizz

pranks like I don't know man know, man, that's a little, that's a lot. But if you're just going to chop up a fucking woodshed in the back of a high school, like that's pretty funny. My favorite prank ever. It was like some, some fucking kid at our high school had to like this little car, this bitch ass car car and he parked it like in this most in the most annoying spot and like just seven big dudes from our high school just picked up his car and moved it like behind a hill just picked up his car like like imagine seven guys around a car just moving that shit so the kid walked out of school and he was like what i like a good little prank like that but if you're if you're gonna like jizz all over the ranch like damn dog so i went to a really small

country school we're talking k through 12 in the same building so weird when schools have kindergartners and seniors in the same school. Huh? In my class, these two guys made a pipe bomb, and it blew up. I think they did it by accident, but who knows? And so I'm pretty sure they got expelled. And then there was another kid that got into a fistfight with a teacher But that's pretty much it. Oh change the batteries in your smoke alarm Let's run that back hold on

Another kid that like got into a fistfight with a teacher But that's how do you live like that i don't even remember the damn what'd she even say in the same building um job class these two guys oh built a pipe bomb what the fuck is a pipe bomb i've heard that like every day of my life my my whole life. Is it pipe bomb or pike? I'll never know. Pipe bomb. I'm probably going to get like flagged and the government's going to walk in here as I'm recording this. A pipe bomb is an improvised explosive device, which usually tight, tightly sealed pipe filled with explosive material. That kid definitely rode the bus. explosive material that kid definitely rode the bus kids making pipe bombs they all rode the bus bro nobody knows how to make a pipe bomb unless

you ride to and from school with 19 other kids that like make guns out of paper clips and shit dude bus kids know how to do all of that shit you'll probably get more than one person talking about this, but the incident at my high school was the back of the bus incident. Yeah! I think it was four basketball players and one freshman basketball player. Most dangerous place ever, the bus. I think legally it was called sodomy on the back of the bus,

and all four of the seniors got expelled and lost their basketball scholarships. And one of the parents of the seniors paid for the freshman to go to Park Tudor for the rest of his school career. I don't know how much you can say on the podcast, but it's pretty well known what happened. We also had the next year a bunch of football players pee on a sophomore in the locker room. Why are football players so fucked up? So a bunch of people got expelled for that. It's tradition. And then we had a lot of kids die from my freshman year to my senior year.

So 2009 to 2013. Bruh. What high school is this? I this don't want to know and even after the drug stuff people dying from drugs and getting arrested for selling drugs and all that stuff uh i think i still graduated with like 14 to 1500 kids so didn't even make a dent but uh basketball back of the bus thing was super popular. Well, super well known. I wouldn't say it's popular. So go Greyhounds.

Okay. That explains it all. Always at the richest high school in the state. The most fucked up shit happens. Piss on them. Dude, football locker room's got to be the weirdest fucking place in the world 99 dudes and all of them just want to do weird shit to each other's butts but at the same time they're like let's kick their ass we got a game on friday let me see your butt though

okay so the incident that happened at my high school is that we had what was known as the Tuesday shitter. And this was a person who every Tuesday and this went on for like three months, every Tuesday in a different boys bathroom in our school, someone shat right on the floor. And it became so notorious and nobody knew who this person was and then about four or five months went by of this happening every single week and then it just stopped and no one to this day i graduated high school in 2010 to this day nobody knows who the tuesday shitter is oh i hope he's doing well it's probably you i would love to live that life like i was the tuesday shitter i would love to i would have given that shit away i would have said something or told somebody or they would have smelled my shit and be like oh that's fucking ben's dude smells like

a dozen eggs and like Triscuits. Dude, my shit smells different. Why didn't they? I would love to be that guy Tuesday shitter. That's like a dope like Instagram alias like a like a Twitter handle Tuesday shitter. Hey, two more. I can't wait for this shit to be over. And my high school was, I was on varsity water polo team and, um,

turn the music off. I get to the high dive board and I do a front flip off the high dive board. Everybody thought it was the coolest thing ever. So I tried to go do it again, and I jump, and I do a belly flop. I came up out of the water. It was so embarrassing. My top was off. Everybody was watching.

My face was red, and I couldn't breathe. So that was definitely one of the biggest incidences in high school because it was the hangout spot for everybody after school. So it was just so embarrassing. I don't know, but the, uh, bro, every time I've ever tried to jump off of a diving board, I don't know, bro.

Every time I've ever tried to jump off of a diving board, I've always just done a fucking belly flop. No matter what I'm trying to do, it always just ends up fucking, you know, like my body hurts for the next two and a half months. I forgot that is like a thing. Every time I do, like I, I swim so infrequently,

like every time I'm doing anything, let's go tubing. I always forget my shorts fucking rip off in the water. And I'm like, I'm naked now. So anytime there's any type of water, there goes my swim trunks. So I was sitting at my lunch table my sophomore year of high school.

Last one. With probably like 10 other girls. And all of a sudden, we see this guy come out of the restroom, butt naked, completely greased up, like rubbed baby oil all over his body. And started running around the lunchroom, came up to our table, started shaking his junk. Then our resource officer came out, tased him, but because he was so greased up, the taser like came off of him. I don't know what happened. He got up, started running again. They tased him again. And then they ended up having to tackle him the best high school memory ever oh being the teacher that tackled the fucking greased up naked high school kid

oh shit what like you know that kid, didn't plan ahead or do anything for any school work, but he just, like, had this shit planned for weeks in advance. And then I'm going to grease myself up so the tasers won't stick. Bro. How could you do that type of shit when you're, like, 17?

how could you do that type of shit when you're like 17 naked greased up that's like a like i couldn't even do that shit in my dreams get naked get all greasy and jump on the tables naked at lunch in high school bro that's got to be what is this the goofy movie that's wild i'm so glad this podcast is over bro you guys are fucked up my high school was not like that but yo remember december 22nd detroit's how detroit house comedy. I'm going to be there. Get your ticks, baby. Fucking around on stage. I'm going to bring some homies to benedictmerch.com for all your stuff. Um, feeling glonky, Indiana land, all that. And, uh, $5 a month for an extra episode every single week on patreon

listen to these guys and me and joey damn dude i'll talk to you guys next week i found see you next time