Espresso - the time you fumbled the bag
Episode Date: March 20, 2025⭐️Leave a Rating + Review🔓support benny and get every other pod + weekly livestream for $5/month https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi📺 watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/@e...spressowbenedicton this pod benny reacts to the times you fumbled the bag (like winning one of those cars in the mall but thought it was a scam)🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 https://benedictpolizzi.com/shows/Plano, TX - Apr 2 https://www.micdropcomedyplano.com/shows/305073Rochester, NY - May 5 https://ci.ovationtix.com/35843/production/1229938Las Vegas, NV - May 24 https://www.wiseguyscomedy.com/nevada/las-vegas/arts-district/e/benedict-polizzi💕 WATCH BENNY on LOVERS and LIARS ON CW APP🧢 "𝗙𝗕𝗢𝗬" 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝟮𝟱% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/
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Essentially, I'm paying rent for her to live for her to live at the apartment.
And I just come home at night, eat dinner in the dark, listen to your podcast.
Oh, that's kind of it.
It's kind of hard.
Hey, hey, you, there's nothing you can do because you just can't stop
the cocoa boo.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
Today I had a craving at the airport, uh.
At the moment, Coco was feeling silky, uh.
What'd he do?
He stopped by Hudson and bought a little milky, uh, uh.
Coco, uh, uh.
25 grams of protein type shit, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,, Plano, Texas, April 2nd. That's coming up, babe. Get your tikkies.
Plano, Tex, get your tics.
Rochester, New York, May 5th, Las Vegas, Nevada.
May 24th, new dates on the way.
I'll keep you posted.
Get your tikkies below or at BennyPolizzi.com.
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Let's get to it.
Espresso cook, cook, cook.
Question of the week.
When's the time you fumbled the bag? When's the time you fumbled the bag? When's the time you fumbled the bag?
When's the time you fumbled the bag? When's the time you fumbled the bag?
For me, I know I haven't mentioned this in a long time,
but every dating show I've ever been on
kind of fumbled the bag.
Kind of had it to the end, kind of lost it.
It's just how it goes.
But did I fumble?
I don't know.
I don't know, you'll never know you'll you'll never know I
Remember I was really happy with my performance. I was like yo I got to the very end like that was dope
I didn't think I'd be able to do that cuz you never know going in I was like talking to my dad about it
And I was like yeah, it's like sick like hopefully. I'm like you know I come off like funny and cool on TV and stuff he's like yeah that's great B but don't you think the $50,000 would
have helped?
Fumbled the bag. What else? Let's see I was in the running to be an intern
actually I was an intern for the Pat McAfee show
It was like
2017 right when I started doing content me and Joey were just like Joey Molinaro. I
Do a podcast with him called these guys. It's not a sports podcast. You should check it out though
Me and Joey started doing content all of a sudden Pat McAfee retires
He was the punter for the Colts, like coolest guy in the league,
retires out of nowhere.
And he's like, yo, I want to start like a show.
And he was part of Barstool.
And it was like, yo, dude.
And he was like having tryouts for interns.
And me and Joey were like, bro, this is it.
We've been making content.
This is the big chance.
He hires us as interns, along with like 20 other people.
Some you may have heard of,
but everybody was doing their thing
and Pat McAfee was like,
yo, if you really wanna work for us,
like it's gonna be like behind the camera guy stuff
right now, like we're not gonna hire personalities
or anything like that and
I was kind of like man that was kind of what I was going for so maybe next time
Well all those guys that stuck around and were behind the camera
They're on a show now in they're all millionaires on ESPN fuh fuh fuh fuh fumbled the bag
There's a lot of fumbles but uh
Yeah, let's hear yours what's the time you fumbled the bag? Can we talk? Let's hear it.
Uh uh uh I was thinking about her her thinking about a me me thinking about a us us
what we gonna be be hope in my Yeah, it was only just a dream
So we travel back back down the road Oh
Is this on um
Hi, hunty Hunty, miss you hunty. Hi hunty. I love you. I don't get is morning sex
I I might get attacked I may get attacked for this but I don't want is morning sex. I might get attacked. I may get attacked for this, but I don't want
any part of it. I don't even want 1% of it. I'm good. I'm passing up morning sex. You're telling
me people roll, they wake up, they do not brush their teeth. It's really just the mouth part for
me. Like, fine. Like your, your crockle region I mean that's
fine in the morning right but like your your breath and your like just eyes and
just everything like your skin I just feel like everything is not fresh and I
like to be fresh you're telling me people love morning sex they just wake
up and roll over and start pumping each other and making out
Crazy that is crazy. That is crazy
It's so gross. I will never understand it how someone could just roll over guns a blazing
Their breath be all willy-nilly
And just think like yeah, let's do it.
Absolutely disgusting.
Now you want to have an afternoon delight
after we had some coffee, took a shower, worked out,
whatever it like, that sounds great.
Afternoon delight, I'm here for it.
But no, no morning sex for me.
Also, how do they do it in reality shows?
Like I watch The Bachelor or The Bachelorette sometimes.
I know you were on a reality show.
I wonder if this happened to you,
but like they have their overnight dates
and like they wake up and the camera's number one
in their face, I'd be like, oh my God, I smell.
Give me a minute.
Like, do they let you go in and like brush your teeth?
Like I could never.
I just don't know how people do it and God bless them like if if they just don't give a give that much of a fuck
God bless. I will always care. Maybe I'm just crazy. Is it just me? I don't know. Bye
Bye hunty. All right two things that question and answer was from last week on the patreon
You can hear that episode over there.
$5 a month to hear it.
It's a really good one, it was, what don't you get?
So that was from last week,
she doesn't understand morning sex.
And I don't know why, hey, for guys, for me?
I'm gonna be completely honest here,
that's the only time I feel like doing it.
Ahhhhhhhhhh! Because I'm a little completely honest here, that's the only time I feel like doing it.
Because I'm a little bitch in the morning and I'm vulnerable and I'm warm.
It's just one of those things.
That's when I feel, dude, we work out, take showers and our day's going.
I can't just stop everything and do it right there.
I'm like, babe, it's noon, it's one. We gotta get going. But in the morning, I'm down. You had the breath. I'm like babe it's noon it's 1 like we gotta we gotta get
going but in the morning I'm down yeah the breath I don't know I can't smell
anything so I don't know I've never I can tell you I've never smelled a girls
breath in my life not once has it ever crossed my mind that a girls had bad
breath I've never smelled it I think my sense of smell is like dead because I
was addicted to nasal spray when I was a kid.
But yeah, I can't smell anything. So it doesn't affect me. But this isn't even the question
of the week. So let's keep going. I got to skip a couple. Sorry. Sorry. Hey, when'd you
fumble the bag? So I'm sure when you've gone to a mall somewhere, you've probably seen those silent options
for like sports pictures or like cars or whatever.
So during my junior year of high school, I got a call from these people at the Greenwood
Park Mall.
They were saying that I won a free car off of some drawing that they were doing.
I don't remember what kind of car they said it was, and I sure as hell don't remember putting my name in the drawing. So I told them like you guys
are scamming me like this isn't real like no doubt call me again and then so
the next couple weeks I kept getting calls from the same people saying hey
you won this car and I kept telling them to kick rocks. So I called my dude who
was working at the fanatics in the mall at that time
I was like hey these people keep calling me like and saying that I won this car like what?
What's going on?
And he was like yeah
It's I thought it would be funny to put a bunch of tickets with your name on it into the drawing
so yeah, you won this free car no, so I won a free car and
Yeah, never got it. Oh my god. That's my biggest fear, dude
No way
You know how many times I used to walk through the mall see that car, you know the car in the middle of the mall
You're like had it get there
Dude the amount of times I'd write down every single person in my immediate family my cousins friends
Grandma and put all those little slips in there just to win a free car.
Every time I- dude I went to the mall
three times a week until I was 17, 18.
And you actually want- what car was it? I know it was like a four-door sedan, but like who cares?
Dude, that is my dream.
To win one of those bitches?
For, hey, just imagine a free car.
It feels like it's not.
There's something going on there.
For free, this?
Inacura IRL.
RL.
I don't know.
I don't know any names of cars.
I know names of cars when they're called like the Santa Fe, but I don't know names I don't know any names of cars. I Know names of cars when they're called like the Santa Fe
But I don't know names of cars when they're like the BMW XC 20 who knows
Your car sounds like a algebra equation babe
But I don't even care what kind of car would be if I want a car
What did they do with it they had to give it to the second-place guy?
Yo, you fumbled the bag that is prime peak example I want a car. What did they do with it? They had to give it to the second-place guy
Yo, you fumbled the bag that is prime peak example
That's some shit I would do bro, that is some shit I would do
Cuz I never pick up the phone if I don't know who's calling
I'm like a random number never picking it up. I could have won it as so many things nope didn't pick up the phone
I've humbled the bag one time I entered a sweepstakes like that sweepstakes oldest word ever enter the sweepstakes
Entered one for karate free karate lessons. How come all I wanted to do when I was a kid was karate?
Normal sports cool, but for some reason I just wanted a
black belt
Because it was like it was the sickest flex when you're a kid and you had a friend that did karate And he had like a blue like he had all the belts and the robes. I was like bro. You know how to kick
You know how to kick you know how to do all that. You're a nerd
Or like when you just see some guy and like somebody tells you like hey, he's got a black belt you're like
It just it was just so sick. I always want to do karate put my name in the sweepstakes like yeah
I'll do it. I'll be the next like jackie chin
Get a call 7am.
7am.
I'm sleeping in my mom's bed with her.
I'll never forget.
Because I was scared the night before.
7am.
Phone rings.
She picks it up because she like thinks it's my school or something.
Hello?
Hey uh, this is Jeff from the karate center
You guys won the sweepstakes
You've got karate training today karate class today at
10 a.m
My mom looks at me. I go. I don't want to go
No, it's okay. We'll we'll we'll think about it and call you back
Fumble the bag did.
Pussed out.
OK, karate kid.
All that talk.
All talky, all talky, no choppy,
dude, fumbled the bag.
What a bitch.
Let's keep going.
I love you, milk carton.
I'm the monkey boy. I love you milk carton. I'm the monkey boy. I love you. So one time
the problem with the bag, we're not doing music this time. Okay. We just keep it a real
raw authentic. Okay. The milkman way. The monkey way. Oh damn. Bars. Anyway, love that. So it was college gay. It was after
the girl who rhymed with Shmulaney. After we stayed in
somewhere that rhymes with Shmielens, Shmielens, whatever
quite big. Another young last. Her name, we'll keep that
anonymous. Beautiful chick. She was like half Mexican, half
white. The best combination of both,
and all the best parts of both.
My guy.
I mean, just a great gal.
Great gal.
And yeah, she, I just got out
of a really messed up relationship.
She was so, like, kind of more of a relationship,
kind of just playing the field.
And we were going after like a month.
And that's how I kind of came out of this stall, I guess.
So you live and you learn, right?
And yeah, not gonna lie, man.
Maybe he used the death in a family, but I'm gonna count it like...
Oh, that a baby!
You know, this isn't a wows of behavior that way, but you know, it's ketchup, kind of going through a hard time.
But I was going through a hard time. But, you know, so we met up in a coffee shop. I wore my freaking Thursday afternoon's best.
I'm talking freaking nice looking little you know Easter vibe of a polo.
Yeah.
Unbuttoned down shirt.
Nice.
Yeah.
A little cacks.
She walks up, swears at a croc, it's my day. Marry me.
They're like keep it subtle, keep it subtle and cash. Keep it coach.
And yeah, didn't work out. Didn't happen. Marry me, but like keep it subtle and cash. Keep it coach, you know, keep it coach.
And yeah, didn't work out, didn't happen.
Weird as it's still, I don't talk to this day.
But every once in a while, I'm thinking you'll last.
I'm like damn, what could have been?
But anyway, that's it, man.
So we're gonna, let's see, I'm gonna tap out now.
Gonna be up in like four and a half hours from work.
Love that. Have a great week.
Let's get some masks, get some tits, bitch.
Tap.
I love you, Milky Boy.
Whoa. Couldn't hear a little bit of that because he sounded like he was
recording that in a Dyson hand dryer.
Dryer, dryer.
But it sounds like
got the girl he wanted
Realized he couldn't handle it blamed it on a death in the family
Gotta blame it on something like that, bro. I've never done that. I've never had the balls
Bro, I've never done that I've never had the balls
To just say like hey my grandma died oh
To get out of something every time somebody gets out of something. It's always like an injury I
Can't like I'm really thick okay, I can't like my hurt my hip
Okay, I hip okay I don't know I think my neck could be broken and I would still do
everything guy with a stiff neck going on a date just looking at just guy with
Batman neck going you know how many times I've had to do the most
uncomfortable things in the world when I couldn't even turn my head to the left and right
God, it's so uncomfortable, and you feel like everybody knows
Every time I turn around oh
What's up, bro?
I don't know it's so bad happens to me like three times a year
I don't know. It's so bad happens to me like three times a year
Maybe four four times a year just for four three days straight. I can't turn my head
Would I still do absolutely everything though yes, and would I forget I had a bad
Did I would I forget I had Batman neck yes, and what I accidentally turned my head and shivers would go down my spine. Absolutely. He's 40
Let's keep going. How'd you fumble?
so
My fumble every time I speak I'm brutally honest if your shoes look like shit
I want to tell you if you look fat or frail
I'm going to tell you if your face looks like you're about to like kill yourself
I am going to tell you I your face looks like you're about to like kill yourself, I am going to tell you.
I love that.
Only because there's potential or we're best friends
or I don't know, like, I mean, you,
sometimes you need that person to let you know.
But if you're just some stranger on the street,
yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
Cause like, fuck off, you can die right now,
I don't really care.
But other than that, like, no, like,
I will tell you, and that's my fumble,
if your feelings get hurt, you're weakling.
If your feelings don't get hurt,
then you can appreciate brutal honesty,
but like, doesn't everyone want
an honest person
on their team?
I don't know, I think so, possibly.
Don't ask honest question
if you don't want the honest answer.
Telling you, you gotta have a keep it real bitch
in your life.
Everybody's gotta have a keep it real bitch.
That's your real, that's your honestly your only friend.
Because if they're keeping it real with you,
like when you have that understanding that like
neither of your feelings are gonna get hurt,
you're best friends.
That becomes your best friend.
It's honestly the person that you fart around.
It is.
If you fart around somebody, they're your best friend.
Like that's how you know, bro
It's just for me. I just know if I'm comfortable around somebody if I get
At that point they can tell me anything I can tell them anything
God you look like shit
Thank you because how else would I know
Thank you because how else would I know? The worst, the better.
The other day I was on FaceTime with my friend and he goes, hey you really need to start
hitting legs harder.
Thank you, how else would I know?
God, I don't even think that's a fumble. I mean people may hate you because you're so honest, but deep down they're, they love
you.
Deep down you'd be farting.
I know you'd be farting.
What that boo boo do?
Let's keep going.
Benny, I missed you, babe.
It's a rooster.
Bag fumbles?
Oh Jesus, it's not getting me started.
How can any man in the planet not have at least over seven?
It's like, you know how you go on dates sometimes and you're like I could make a move but I'm just gonna chill
I'm just enjoying my time every time and then like three months later like fuck dude
Miss the boat. I was like
1918 daddy's you're not doing shit you know nothing went out
a couple dates with this girl didn't make a move yet no no the vibes were
there I definitely could have one night we were watching a movie in my bed spent
over probably six hours together didn't touch just laying in bed together so
friendly that's kind of the play scary movies at all then at the end of the Didn't touch just laying in bed together so friendly
That's kind of the play scary movies at all
Then at the end of the night, I walk her out to her car
Kiss her. Oh you dog
She'd never talk to me again
and
the consensus was
Guy I was just laying in your bed for six hours and We went on three goddamn dates and you gave me a pack.
Yeah, that's just one of a thousand, you know.
But life is good. What can you do? You live and learn.
Come to Connecticut, do some comedy in Connecticut, babe.
I want to meet you at the Rooster. I love you.
Rooster, real OG.
Rising star in the espresso fam rooster approved a I don't know if you
can fumble the bag with a girl cuz that's always gonna be there, I feel like. You know?
Like, I've probably fumbled, god dang.
There's just so many opportunities to be in a relationship,
but I'm like, there's never been a time
where there's a part of me that was like,
man, I really need to have this.
It's always just kinda like, if it happens, it happens.
And I'm never forcing it.
I feel like the times I haven't fumbled with a girl,
it's been when I don't make one single move.
That's the bet.
That's all.
Bro, I will go like, I'll go four months
without doing anything. And they're they're like wait is he gay?
And I'm like no I'm just not like crazy in a creep damn
It's happened to me so many times. I've actually fumbled not making a move before
So I'm like alright. Let's just see how long I can go
Like you know you're flirty you're doing it all but you just don't make any moves cuz I feel like that's like the right thing to do
Cuz you're like showing them that you're like, you know, I'm a guy I'm not I'm not a crazy like
one night stand
I've also lost like some some relationships like that, too
You're like taking too long. I'm like, yeah, no shit.
I don't know if you can fumble a girl, dude.
It'll always be there.
It'll always be there.
But a car in the middle of the mall.
Say Benjy, it's Cor- oh shit, I almost said my real name.
Whoops, it's Rooster, bud.
I came back for more. I love you so much.
I just wanna let you know that I am-
Rooster approved.
Binging your old episodes right now.
I'm on Creepy Coaches,
and they're just getting better with time, bud.
I just wanted to give you some background context
on the question I asked a few weeks ago
about moving in with my girlfriend.
We've been together for like three years, yeah?
And we've been living together for like six months probably.
Married AF.
It sucks, I can't lie.
To address me for sure, paying rent blows.
I was living with my parents before,
didn't have to pay any rent.
What a life, what a life.
So now I just kinda feel like I'm staying afloat.
I'm not saving any money.
I'm spending probably more than I should per usual.
And, you know,
I he's going to don't regret it, but it's tough.
And I kind of want to go back home rather.
I got a lot of you kind of doing the same things that we were doing before when I was living at home.
I don't regret it, but it's tough
and I kinda wanna move back home brother,
not gonna lie to you.
We're doing the same things that we were doing before
when I was living at home.
I don't really- Who doesn't wanna live back at home?
Even rushing to move out, she pulled my hand,
I had no choice, felt pressured. I love her, obviously don't get me wrong, at home. I'm rushing to move out. She pulled my hand. I had no choice. Felt pressured.
I love her, obviously.
Don't get me wrong, but we work opposite schedules anyway.
So it's not like we really see each other that much,
even though we are living together.
Essentially, I'm paying rent for her to live,
for her to live at the apartment.
And I just come home at night, eat dinner in the dark,
listen to your podcast
Repeat what do you think should I go back home? Is that kind of a dick move?
Cuz that first before I moved out. She was like I could just get my apartment and you could stay long but it was kind of like a you know what I mean like a
You're a giant piece of shit if you don't move out with me
So I was like that's gonna lead to resentment and whatnot. So I guess I'll move out
To I love a real-ass question on the pod, dude. I love you rooster
This is what I would do. I'm not the guy to ask cuz I will I mean I'm always gonna I know what you want deep down
You want to move home and if you tell her that you want to move home she's gonna break up with you
She's gonna give you that it's gonna be that like ultimatum
She's not gonna like it
Yeah, I'd prepare for that, but if you really love her, you kind of got to stick it out.
But do you?
Look, dude, I don't know one guy that has ever been hyped to move out with his girl.
Like, that's just not a thing.
You know who you have to be? You have to be hunty.
No guy is like, yes, let's move in together. No guy has ever done that
No guys ever been high oh shit. I'm about to split my apartment with my girl
It's never been a good thing for a guy just saying
that's in my experience, but
Every guy I've ever known has never really
wanted to live with with his girl right brother the best relationships of all
time are when the guy and girl don't even live together God I went through the
same thing I was like kind of in a serious relationship a little bit dated
for like a year and a half kind of serious, but she wanted to get in a part
Her lease was up and I was like, alright and
She was kind of like let's move in together and I was like
Dude
I've said this before but I asked like everybody in my family and they're like probably not dog and I was like yeah, you're right
Didn't do it. we broke up and then I had the best time of my life the next four or five years all the
way until today bro don't do anything if you're not if you're if you're guts
saying no bro don't do it cuz you'll so regret it I'm saying don't do it and if
she loves you like she'll understand you know but girls never really understand
you love me but you don't know that I want to move in with my parents who
doesn't want to live at their parents deep down. I love living on my, dude I love, I came back to LA today.
I love it here, it's great.
The weather's nice.
I'm more focused than ever.
All this stuff, all this good stuff.
But deep down, dog, you always want
to live where you're the most comfortable and your roots are
and stuff like that.
You always want to live where you're the most comfortable and your roots are and stuff like that
And if you don't honestly if you don't have like the the money it's really stupid
If you had if you had money and
Like it was a better situation for you and your girl I'm sure you would live with her but like if you don't have the money
It's it's kind of in like you're saying it's it's kind of pointless
But that eaten dinner by yourself listen to the pod thing. Yeah, that's the realest you've ever been right there
You want to know a time where like though I like I want it like those thoughts in your head when you're eaten by yourself
At night listening to a podcast. That's the most you you've ever been, bro. I love that.
Everybody thinks I gotta be with their friends.
Oh my God, I like love me so much
when I'm with my friends and I'm laughing.
And we're like having fun.
Nah, you're the most you when you're just eating a dinner
by yourself at a table.
Hey, maybe not even the TV's on.
Just the microwave light.
Just thinking, most you've ever been.
And in that moment, you probably realize you're like, man, I just want to live with my parents
again.
Live with your parents, stack up some money, see what she says.
If she's like, oh my God, no.
Maybe she's not the one.
But if she's like, yeah, move with your parents parents stack up some bread, and we'll try this in like three three years
She might really love you. I don't know
That's uh that's what I think
Do you think rooster
The worst back to fumble is a career opportunity, which I was doing sales for about 15 years.
And I finally got the dream sales job of pharmaceutical sales.
And long story short is I was working for the company for about seven months.
And the whole objective of the job is to deliver samples to doctors and the doctors have to
sign. The whole objective of the job is to deliver samples to doctors and the doctors have to sign but there is a way that you can drop off samples and allow one of the assistants
or nurses to sign but it's frowned upon.
But every good sales rep and all like senior sales reps do this.
Don't get caught and you're not supposed to get caught.
You know you're fired though.
And of course I did this and I got caught because I texted someone and told them that I did this.
So I thought I was close to in the company and they tattletall me because they thought that
they were getting in trouble that I said something to them in a message. And you know, what happened
was is compliance called me, they fired me and I lost out on a dream opportunity career.
And they gave me a car and you get the gas and you get the credit card.
What a flex.
You get all these perks of being in medical and people like looking at you, like you're
like part of like, you know, the doctors and it's a very special job.
You get to wear suits and walk into, you know, the doctors and it's a very special job. You get to wear suits and walk into
you know, a doctor's office. And now I have a job that's worse and I don't make as much money.
And I think about a lot of time and thanks for reminding me about this situation.
No shortcuts, man. Let's go. Dude, you know, everybody on this listening to this podcast knows that they're the type
of person that when they take a risk or gamble, it's gonna come back instantly and bite them
in the ass.
That happens to me every single time.
I've just never been one of those guys with like good luck. Like
everything I do comes to the surface. There's no hiding, man. You just can't, like
you can't do bad shit. That's what I always, that's what I just, now I just
don't do anything bad. When I was younger I used to do bad shit, probably not even
that bad, but I'd always get caught. I'd always like, you know, pay the price.
I'm like, I'm just gonna stop doing everything bad.
Makes life a lot easier.
But yeah, I feel ya bro, the older people were doing it, so you were like, I'll do it too, godfired.
I'll damn near work any job for a car that has a gas card.
That seems crazy.
The first time I heard that, one of my friends was like,
yeah, just put the gas on the company card.
What?
You got a credit card that you just put all the gas on?
Bro, every time I get gas,
it takes part of my soul away from me.
Ugh.
I can hear, I can see my body going away, you know?
Like when you see somebody's soul leave their body,
that's me at the gas pump every time.
Eye twitching.
Just 60 bucks, gone.
And you put that on company card?
Dude, if you have a car for your company,
God dang. medical health benefits,
it's hard not to say yes to that job.
That is, that's heat.
No shortcuts, man!
Shouldn't have had the little nursey sign off, bro.
It's your ass!
It's your fault! Bro, I've been really big on that it's your fault. It's your fault grind because everything's your fault. Yeah you fumbled
the bag dog but low key your fault. Damn did those other guys get in trouble though that
we're doing it? Because if they didn't and you did I would be kind of salty You love me, but you don't know I had the nurse sign off instead
Love you, babe
For you oh
This thing's on I love you. Hi Benny. I hope you're doing well
So about fumbling the bag I I've been fumbling, okay? Like little me did
not know what was up. So flashback, grade eight grad ski trip. I really liked this guy at the time
as most awful stories begin and he loved skiing. Like he was obsessed, right and I I did not I can't ski for the life of me
And you know, I was like I can rollerblade
It can't be that hard. It was it was you ever like somebody so much you pretend
You know how to ski hard. So I was at the training slopes all afternoon
Because I really didn't didn't want to do anything else. If I'm being honest,
I know for the cafeteria, but, um,
I didn't have the badge to go up a ski lift and this guy had been like,
Oh, why don't I take you up the ski lift with me? And I was like, Oh my God,
a guy wants to, yeah, that I'd fall for that too. Okay. can I preface but just saying I was like 12. Okay, so just me all you want
Going up the ski lift fantastic, you know flirting a little bit, you know
witty and all that and then we make it to the top and you have to stick landing when you get to the top.
And so he sticks the landing.
I fall face first into the snow, ass up in the air, and I get caught for not being on
the right slope because I wasn't humiliated.
And the thing is, once you're up up there is no other way to get down
but to go down and that just didn't occur to me until I was up there was I
scared shitless yes and I was so embarrassed that I just jet I just jet
down the slope without him because I just I could not. On the skis? I could not. And did I crash into a little 12 year old?
Yes. Okay. I guess I did. But the guy comes around 10 minutes later at the base and he's like, oh, so
where were you? I, you know, I was looking for you once I was up there. And just went you know I just uh I wasn't you know
Come on. Hold on. Maybe it's to be continued.
Hi Benny. It's it's me again. The girl who couldn't stop yapping and got cut off.
Yeah so that's that's how I fumbled the bag and
I'm gonna chalk it up to character development. Yeah you have to.
That's all it is. Um
again
You're awesome and you're amazing and I'm not gonna yap for too long
But there was a show that you were gonna be at in Buffalo and I'm Canadian
I haven't preface that already. So I was like I'm gonna totally make the trip
So I couldn't, I'm gonna totally make the trip. But it was during the semester, so I couldn't.
So if you ever do another show on Buffalo,
or better yet in Toronto, I'd kill for that.
Like seriously, I would love that so much.
God dang it, I love you fam.
I'd love to see you wherever I meet you next,
or wherever that is.
Okay, so bye.
Ta-ha, fuck.
Love you.
Yeah, hopefully we don't meet at the top of the slopes.
Oh my God!
Yeah, I could never go skiing.
Dude, the things you do when you like somebody
is just the dumbest shit.
Oh, what's the thing you did when you like somebody is that the next question
my best friend
Like one of the one of the most like
Yeah, right kind of dudes ever went to an art museum. Okay, dog. Who's the girl?
You know when your your homies doing something a little funky you're like who's the girl? What know when your homie's doing something a little funky, you're like, who's the girl?
What's the thing you did?
I always think the espresso question during the episodes and never remember him after
What's the thing you did when you like somebody?
Dude you will do anything
Skiing you said you went down the hill at the top? You know what I would have done in that situation? I would have just rolled down the hill.
What's the thing you did when you like someone?
Good God, every girlfriend I've ever had.
Oh yeah, going horseback riding this weekend. Dude, one me and the girl. I did it just took a trip to Cincinnati
I was like damn like in my head. I was like yo, that's so crazy that I would never do this
You know but at the time I was like yeah, let's do it
shit
Dude like Apple Orchards and shit like the real you isn't going
Okay, let's go to the apple orchard, then let's go out to eat and then this like it
You know what I'd be doing today honestly
Getting a spray tan riding
Watching eating in my living room in complete silence.
My three favorite things.
Bro, if I ever got roped into a ski trip, it would have to be like, I would literally
have to ski like with the juniors, you know
like with the the
exactly what you were doing you're like on the on
The part of the ski slope that like it's for like training. This is how you put on your skis
If we ever went skiing I would just be in the log cabin watching ESPN
Yeah Hey, are you gonna come out here? Nope
Yeah, the second ha ha ha just say ha ha the whole day me watching TV
Over a fireplace sitting on a leather couch. Are you gonna go out? Yeah, just yeah
The things we do
That's all we got this week, baby
Or we can go back to the what some things you don't get we got some voice messages left over. Let's hear them real quick
how the hell do lesbians want to be
penetrated by a freaking
Strap woman wearing a strap over a dude.
And why?
That was the one. These are from last week.
We got leftover voice messages from,
what's the thing you just don't get?
I don't know, maybe they don't, they just don't like,
I think people go through phases
Like I think once you like are kind of gay you don't have to be gay forever
I think guys hold on to that a little too long to girls are like often on gay like the like it's a
Like it's a feeling thing they wake up, and they're like not today
Two weeks later mmm. I hate guys
They wake up and they're like, not today. Two weeks later, I hate guys.
Four months later, I literally can't stand
being around girls.
I'm like, I didn't know you could do that.
Once guys are gay, they're gay forever.
So I think to answer that question,
I think like, yeah, they might like it for a little bit,
but I don't think that like it for all time
You can you can retire gay and be straight again
Has any guy done that in the history of the world has any guy gone like hey? I'm gay, and then he's like never mind. I
Would do that that's some indecisive ass shit. I would do
Yo, I think I'm gay. Oh, for real? Yeah. Two years later.
Yeah, just wasn't for me.
No, that means you're gay.
Well, no, I just tried it.
Oh, I didn't know you could do that.
Yeah, they're just figuring it out, bro.
That's all.
What don't you get?
Okay, so maybe this isn't a hot take,
but as a woman going down on a date, What don't you get? OK, so maybe this isn't a hot take, but
as a woman going down on a guy,
I don't get spitting like swallowing just makes so much more sense.
It's already back there.
Like spitting would actually take more effort than swallowing.
So in it's just about efficiency, if you ask me. Spitting would actually take more effort than swallowing so in
It's just about efficiency if you ask me
Never seen or
Had that happen in my entire life the spit. Where do you spit?
that's kind of like
Honestly, it's a little rude if you really think about the whole thing
Like you're already doing all that and then you like no the whole thing was you
You're just rude and now you're gonna like ruin my comforter
You're gonna ruin my duvet cover now because you're just you don't like the last part. I
Don't know I don't get that either
nobody likes doing it so just commit and shut up all right just commit and shut
up just be happy you're there I've never met anybody that it's ever done that I
always kind of thought it was a myth Loki Lowkey. Last one, what don't you get?
What I don't get, and people have explained to me
multiple times, I've even read about it,
is airplanes and how they fly.
I still don't get it.
You could explain it to me about 20 different ways
and I still wouldn't get it.
I have airplane brain right now.
I got off a flight like three hours ago, and I don't get it either I
kind of don't
Like I saw I saw a video of a guy in a hot air balloon and he took a video of
A plane going by like the guy was in a hot air balloon
And he took a video while he was in the hot air balloon of a plane going by
And the plane was screaming
So the first time I've ever seen a plane like move in real time
Until I saw that I was like, I don't understand airplanes at all. I'm just gonna get on one and that's it
Because every time you see an airplane in the air it's like going so slow. I'm like how does this make any sense?
And how come when you're on an airplane how is everyone just not dead ass tired?
I don't get for one second how anyone's ever awake on an airplane Like you're just gonna sit here and like do stuff. I used to do stuff
But now every time I get on an airplane, bro, I don't even I don't even see I don't even look today
I didn't look at the ladies face on my left. I didn't look at the dudes face on my right
I sat right in the middle fell asleep for four hours got up and left
Didn't make eye contact with anybody
But I did get yelled at by the flight attendant
because that just happens every time.
Oh, my phone was in the seat back pocket.
Wakes my ass up.
Do you need that?
I'm like, what are you talking?
I don't even know where I am.
Do you need that?
Oh, my phone's in the seat back pocket.
Shut the fuck up.
Yes, I need this.
I was gonna get it when I was, shut up.
I don't get how it works either.
And I don't get why it's so uncomfortable.
We've got double-decker buses.
Am I crazy?
Make a double-decker plane.
We're all sitting on top of each other and stuff.
Like, dude, make the plane bigger.
Like, I can't be that like I can't be that I
Can't be that stupid
like we should be able to have we should have our own like
You know in like tour buses
They have those little beds you sleep in that are like miniature and there's like two on each side one over
It's like bunk beds almost like planes should have
like planes should have
250 of those 300 of those just all on the walls, and we should just sit in there and sleep and
Then boom we're there. I
Don't get what the big deal is
They're trying to cram people in there. I get it make the plane a little bit bigger right. There's like huge planes
double Decker plane Love the VMS bed love the VMS still can't get over the guy that fumbled the bag with the car in the mall
That's so crazy. I've never even heard I kind of thought it was all fake too, bro
so I understand fumbling that bag he thought it was a scam because
You've never heard of anyone winning a mall car before you love me but you don't know the mall car thing
is real just keep going dear diary um I didn't know the difference between
St. Patrick's Day on the West Coast and St. Patrick's Day in the Midwest I found out
I've lived in the Midwest my whole life St. Patrick's Day has always been a kind of a big deal, but I'm like, okay
Whatever. I've never really known when it was to be completely honest
I always get made fun of by Joey on our other podcast. He's like dude. You never know st. Patrick's Day is so crazy. I'm like, I don't give a shit about it
Like it just pops up and I'm like, oh, yeah, it's st. Patrick's Day. I kind of don't care and in LA
It was st. Patrick's Day last year. I was here. No one cared. I was like, okay. Yeah, right cuz who cares? I don't know I
Was in Indianapolis this past weekend
when they were celebrating St. Patrick's Day
and you would have thought we were in Ireland.
I think Indiana celebrates St. Patty's Day
harder than Ireland.
It was, I tried to do the nose ball thing because the Big Ten tournament was going on,
basketball people everywhere, basketball fans everywhere, every Big Ten school, they're all
walking around. I was like, oh dude, nose ball out here. I couldn't even do it!
Because every single person in the state was downtown with green beer
I'm not saying it's lame to celebrate st. Patty's day, but it was like
damn, I
Didn't know it was like this I
Was like you know I was trying to trying to
Trying to do my thing clay Thompson Thompson! Saying it to guys.
This girl walks by.
You guys just suck about Clay Thompson!
I was like.
Jesus Christ, dude.
I couldn't do anything.
Saint Patrick's Day took over my entire existence.
Just handlebars everywhere shut up do you want a shot jello shot I
was like damn man I had no idea I think it's just a Midwest thing Midwest people
love celebrating stuff because otherwise they kill themselves that's how it goes
I'm from there I know are you like talking shit no I That's how it goes. I'm from there. I know. Are you like talking shit? No
I just know how that goes
holidays slap in the Midwest
It's kind of nothing else to really
Do that much
Which is completely fine
Show and tell yo somebody sent me, I don't know, I've been saying I've been on rice a
lot lately.
I was on rice for like two months.
I'd make chicken, make rice.
It was the best meal I've ever had in my life.
I don't eat much, but Drizzlelicious sent me some rice cakes.
Dude, I can't wait till this is an every week thing and people just send me little goodies and treats, but we've got a s'mores bites
Who's trying this me s'mores bites rice cakes
Bro
Look at this first of all look at this. I'm only having one look at this
Are you shitting me they look like those cookies with the fudge on them
Like the fudge shop EL fudge cookies. I'm drooling now
Okay, then we got a Drizzlicious birthday cake bites
Rice cakes. You love me but you don't know I love rice cakes. Here we go. You ever eat something so good you just gotta drop to your knees.
Not as fierce, not as fierce as the s'mores, but I feel it. I feel the sprinkles.
God, I love sprinkles so much.
My bitch.
No, they're just so fun.
They look amazing.
And they make ice cream taste so much better.
Sprinkles. Put some respect on sprinkles here we go last one
Cookies and cream bites this is gonna be crazy
Mmm. You know what that tastes like this tastes like
Remember Oreo cereal
Didn't live up to the hype not gonna lie
Those did the Drizzle-licious cookies and crew bites did but Oreo cereal
That should have been like a monumental shift in cereal
When they dropped Oreo cereal,
when you first got that box,
it was on sale because nobody bought it.
Why, how is that not the best cereal ever?
In my head, I'm like, yo, Oreo cereal, hey,
all you gotta do is just crumble.
Like, I thought it was gonna be like the Oreo toppings
at an ice cream place.
Like just that in a bag, pour in a bowl, pour milk in it.
They always have to change some shit.
Like cookie crisp?
Cookie crisp.
Remember you saw that in the store
and you just begged your mom for it
every single time you heard the story?
No, no, no.
It was always like 5.49, so like you kinda understand.
But the one time you went to your friend's house
and they had cookie crisps and you're like,
all right, eat this time.
Yimmy yada, yimmy yimmy baba.
Yimmy yada, yimmy yimmy baba.
Yimmy yammy, yimmy yimmy.
Mrs. Andrews, can I have some? Yeah, sure. Yimmy yada, yimmy yimmy baba, yimmy yimmy yimmy. Mrs. Andrews, can I have some?
Yeah, sure.
Yimmy yada yimmy yimmy baba, yimmy yada yimmy yimmy baba.
It's the, get your bowl, pour it in there.
Pour way too much in there.
It's the circle.
You're looking around
because you don't want to take too much of their cereal,
but deep down you're like, I gotta take all I can get
because I'll never have this
opportunity again it's the circle of life yeah me at a em me and me Baba
him yeah at that point you pour the bowl of cookie crisps in the bowl you don't
even need milk you don't you're just like I could just eat this dry. Dry cereal, put some respect on it.
Dry cereal in a big cup, I'm drinking it.
Take me to jail. Is it gross?
No, you know how many, oh my God.
Bro, the moments I used to have,
hey, that late at night shit,
it's always at 10 52.
10 52 is a hot time.
10 52, the day's over you're funny no worries never
been more cool you're chilling it's 10 52 hey I got an hour before I got a kind
of like go to bed let's party 10 52 p.m. all hell a things are funny that aren't normally funny, you know
Like you do something real funny at 10 52 you think about it the next day and you're like, what was I doing?
but at the time
May have been a viral video may have been the most brilliant thing you've ever thought of
May have been a million dollar idea think about it the next morning at 8 a.m.
The fuck was I on?
1052 p.m.. Dude dangerous time
1052 p.m.. You know what you're doing you go to the kitchen you go I
Just need something
1052
Nobody's asleep at 1052 you can try to go to sleep I
Go to sleep at 9 p.m.. What are you talking about?
Not everyone lives a nightlife like you
Okay, try to go to sleep at 9 p.m.. Go to go to sleep at 9pm. Go to sleep at 8pm.
Go to sleep at 7.30.
Your body will wake you up at 10.52.
And remind you, hey, it's party time.
10.52?
Hey, you've never seen better content on your phone.
You're TikTok slapping at 10.52.
10.52. Mmm. phone you're tick tock slapping at 1052 1052 hmm 1052 that's a 1052 laugh 1052
laugh 1052 doesn't matter what you're doing 1052 you can get away with it 1052 I'm watching a show that I've never I
might start a show but it doesn't stop there it doesn't stop there it's 1052 I
gotta have a little treat I gotta have a little treat at 1052 You know it is it's a big cup with dry cereal in it 1052
What's the cereal it doesn't matter?
any
Cereal is good in a big cup
I've done it all
raisin bran in a big cup dry oh
my god
cup dry oh my god found dead watching tik-tok laughing hysterically with a big Pizza Hut cup of raisin bran dry what time was it 1052 I will be I'm a totally different person at 1052
You never knew me you never met me
You never seen me in your life. Oh my god that guy was so that guy was great. Who was that guy?
You won't see him till tomorrow at 1052
see him till tomorrow at 10 52.
Give me a yammy yammy Baba.
Coo coo coo coo cringe moment of the week.
I think I told you guys this is, this is like, this is this.
I can't wait for this I Was on a YouTube channel
Doing room Raiders
like modern room Raiders and
For one part of it. I was the guy looking through three girls rooms and for another part of it
There's a girl looking through three guys rooms. I was one of the guys and
When I tell you a
Really pretty girl had to raid my room bro
You got to understand
The way this apartment set up. I feel like I had to explain everything
to this girl before she walked in.
I was like, look, look, look, look, look,
like I'm like, I'm just trying to have no distractions
before she walks in, you know, and like sees everything.
It'll drop on YouTube, and I don't wanna spoil it
and say everything, but just let me tell you that my room is
My whole apartment is for psycho for psycho people
Like if you walked in here you'd be like, oh my god
Before she walked in I was like, I just want to let you know there's only been one girl that's ever been in this apartment
She's like hell and I was like my mom
She helped me make my bed frame
She did like one thing she liked one thing in my room
And I've been wanting to show you guys my room for a long time
But I just haven't had like the I don't know. Oh, I did give you guys a house an apartment tour on patreon one time
five dollars a month
extra episode live stream in the house tour
But she like went through it black lit my bed. I mean yo
But she did like one thing
Oh, but she did like one thing.
There's this book in my closet that's just in there and it's called
the gathering storm. It's like a fantasy novel thick. It's like one your mom would read. You know what I mean?
It was in my closet and she's like, Oh my God, I do like, a guy that reads, like especially like nonfiction
or fiction still doesn't know the difference.
And she was like, you scored some points there.
And I was like, well, I just kind of use that book
to prop up my laptop when I do my podcasts every weekend.
Ah!
K-k-k-k-k-cringe moment of the week. C-c national spray tanning day.
Somebody popped up on my Twitter and they're like, yo, you got to stop getting
spray tans starting to look unnatural.
You know what?
I agree.
I've been doing I tweaked it a little bit.
I've been doing a little adjustment in the spray tan booth.
I started experimenting because I do it twice a week
We get it you get spray tan. I know but like I
Think everybody kind of should sometimes just light clear though light clear
And the only reason I'm still getting him getting them is because the the people that are honest with me and that make fun
of me and fart around me,
they haven't told me to stop getting them.
I listen to those people because they'll tell me,
hey, you're being a dumb ass.
Okay, okay.
Thank you for the feedback.
They haven't, they haven't,
I haven't had any negative reviews until
I started to get my face as much as possible in there.
So am I getting my bang for my buck when I get a spray tan? I'm vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv Started doing the old between the legs.
It's hard to show you, but I was putting my face between my legs, getting an extra little
spritz on the face, making me this tan. Making me look like a Deck your dad just stained pat this past July
But yeah, I'll probably keep doing it
Friday wait proposal day on Thursday if I ever proposed to a girl it's gonna be
Huh
It's gonna be the most low-key thing no, I'll probably I'll probably do something kind of cool I
Don't think that day will ever come though
Unless I'm like 87 years old. I don't know people think I'm insane
There's two girls. I always used to live with they'd always make fun of me because I was like they one time We were talking about They're like are you ever gonna get married and I was like literally when I'm 87 years old like what?
Like when I'm done with all the shit. I'll get married like I don't know how you guys are balancing all these things
Unless marriage is your number one priority
How you how you doing marriage and then the thing you want to do?
It's just crazy to me guy who can't guy has
Guy who has no balance
I don't know how you do it when i'm 87
We'll figure it out friday french bread day. Good god
Good lord, it's about time
It's about time mommy does a cheat day. It really is it's happening. I think it's gonna happen soon might happen next weekend
And I'm doing the cheesecake
Damn, but there's just something there's something about French bread the way you can just cut that shit in half, put a bunch of salami, turkey, lettuce, tomato on it and
so much mustard.
French bread man, a baguette?
With jelly on it, it's always jelly I know.
Oh my god, you always talk about French bread and jelly. It's all I want.
Hey, you know what that is?
French bread.
And you're not even slicing it.
Nope, somebody buys some French bread.
It's never you buying the French bread.
Somebody's always buying it,
and you just happen to see it.
Oh wow wow somebody bought
French bread it's never it's never even registered to me to buy French bread but
somehow I always spot it and I'm like wait whose French bread is that you do
some real hey you do some real 1052 shit you do you don't even cut it you don't
even cut the loaf.
You just rip it.
It's like kind of tough.
That's why I like French bread.
Cause it's tough.
You gotta work for it.
You're chewing it like a dog.
Ripping it out of your mouth, you know, you did you you rip a piece of French bread
Clamp it with your teeth. You rip it out of your mouth like you like you're pulling a pin on a grenade
That ripped piece hey you wipe it wipe it in the cherry jelly cherry cherry try it ash
it tastes like cough syrup try it French bread ripping it off dipping it in the You keep going back for more. 10.52
Something about it, babe.
God, I keep smelling these Drizzlicious rice cakes.
You know what they smell like?
All three of these open right now.
Just in front of me while I'm doing this right now.
It's driving me insane in a good way.
And it smells like waffle crisp
Waffle crisps held up. He's talking about cereal. It's like one of those podcasts. Shut up!
Waffle crisp was the truth. I was like yo this tastes exactly like waffle crisp
Cookie crisp bro out of here man. Hey cookie crisp. Just just make cookies
Crunchy and crumble them up in a bag
You don't have to like half-ass some little tiny cookies
Good God, man
You need an honest friend cookie crisp
Saturday Bavarian crepes day. Yeah, I've never really wanted a crepe but
You ever see like a
Whoa, I just had a moment. I'm sorry that was like way too vulnerable of a noise
Just thought about a crepe with chocolate chocolate drizzled all over it catastroke just had a stroke a
Crepe filled with fruit with chocolate drizzle all over it
I keep having a stroke cuz I can't the oh eating a
Some banana chopped up bananas strawberries blueberries and a soft little crepe
With chocolate drizzled over the top
That's just dessert ravioli. That's what that is
Dessert ravioli a crepe. Mm-hmm same thing
dessert ravioli, oh a crepe? same thing
with some, dude like, oh my god, with chocolate inside of it you know, it's almost like a soft taco dessert
ahhhhhh
this has got me messed up bro
this portion of the podcast, this is a food podcast. I'm convinced
Bavarian crepes day. It sounds like the cyst on my knee
The doctor I have a cyst on my knee that I forget what the name of it is
But it sounds I think it's called a Bavarian cyst
Gaglion it's gaggly insists my fat ass thought it was Bavarian cyst.
Like it was cream filled.
The cyst on my knee, pop it open, custard.
I'd eat it.
That's like Poth, now it's custard, I promise.
Bavarian cyst.
Take this romance fantasy novel and bang it against my Bavarian cyst.
When the custard runs down my leg, lick it off.
Don't spit.
That's my fantasy.
Sunday, last thing and I'll shut up
Chip and dip day boy you better
Gotta be though. We gotta be the most dangerous snack of all time. It is a snack. Well it turns into a meal That's how dangerous the snack is. Oh, yeah chips and salsa at the table when you're starving. Here you go
You think I'm stupid.
For free?
That's the craziest thing that's still happening in America.
That you can go to a Mexican restaurant
and just get chips and salsa.
It's the biggest girl thing ever.
I'm like, I'd free chips and salsa, let's just get drinks.
Holy bloated Batman!
It's TVs that are 90 inches being $284 and then free chips and salsa at Mexican restaurants.
How are they still doing it?
How are they still doing it?
Those are the two things that I just won't ever understand
walked into Walmart 120 inch TV
$316 I was like what?
Our TVs like are people I know people are watching TVs dude I Every house has a big-ass TV 300 bucks how
come the price of that isn't going up I love it but like how come chips and
salsa at Mexican restaurants for free keep them coming Are you kidding me? We don't even have to eat food
Yeah, it's not good for you obviously
But Lord if you just want to have a scoff day you and the girly pops for margaritas chips and salsa unlimited
slap my ass
slap my ass
And I'll jump over the border slap myap my ass, push me off the great wall of China. Slap my ass and build the wall. Slap my ass and hide me in your trunk. Slap my ass.
And hide me in your trunk.
Slap my ass.
And take me to a Mexican restaurant at 1050 Co. Sorry, I just thought about crepes. All right, I gotta go, I love you guys. What a pod, 52. Oh!
Sorry, I just thought about crepes. All right, I gotta go, I love you guys.
What a pod, dude.
Thank you for the voice messages.
Come to the shows, I got more coming up.
We got Plano April 2nd, Rochester, New York,
May 5th, Las Vegas, Nevada, May 24th.
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And just for some more dumb ass content, I love you guys man. Thank you so much back in LA
Can't wait to see you guys come to the shows by the merchie and I'll see you guys next week.