Espresso - therapy session

Episode Date: October 13, 2022

On this episode benny gives his advice on some f*cked up situations 🔥𝗠𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗵 https://benedictmerch.com/ 🔒𝗣𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi 🔴 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 🔸𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 https://www.cameo.com/benedictpolizzi... 🔹𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸 https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpoliz... 🔸𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺 https://www.instagram.com/benedictpol... 🔹𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

Hey, it's the Espresso Podcast Shot 232 and I'm your therapist, Benedict Polizzi. Haunted therapist. What's up fam? Shot 232. Just said that. Don't know why I said it again, but here we go. Thanks for listening. Remember Patreon, $5 a month for an extra episode every single week. And the Patreons have been fire lately. I don't know. I almost think the Patreons are better than this podcast. So check it out.

It's a lot of real shit. But yeah, it's money. And it costs only $5 of your money. So thank you very much. And join, please. Join the family. Join the Espresso fam. And remember, benedictmerch.com for all things

Indiana Land, polite catcalling, feeling glonky. Who's buying this? And some surprises yet to come. Why am I saying all this shit? Like I'm a narrator for a really bad movie. I don't know. But today it's shot 232 for the third time. And I didn't say shot. I said shot because I'm going to have a stroke, but yeah, let's get into this shit. Espresso therapy. You guys were so damn hesitant on sending your problems to me. Why? I get it. I get it. I get it. When I'm on this podcast and I'm on like, I'm like, send me your

shit and I'll talk about on the podcast anonymously. It's not anonymous to me because I see who's sending it, but it's anonymous to everyone else. So you got to trust me. You should. And plus, when I asked the question, what's bothering you? What do you need help with? I had glasses on. So if you don't trust me now, you should trust me with fucking gold frames on my face from Warby Parker. why wouldn't you free shout out but yeah you guys were like i don't know if i want to i'd like beg on social media send me your shit it doesn't have to be life-threatening things that are going on in your journey but like just some dumb shit that you're kind of like uh annoyed with just send them over I'll help you out or I'll give you my best advice. And you know, it's a win-win. Come on. You get your shit handled. You get to be on the Espresso podcast. And you know, you get to make me think about my life a little bit when I put my feet in

your shoes. Feet. All right. so let's do it. Here's the first one. Espresso therapy with Benny. What's wrong? What can I help you with? Here we go. There's a strange man that keeps breaking into my apartment, eating everything in my fridge, taking a shower, and then leaving. It's just keep going oh shit i think i know who that was uh but yeah dude if you guys you got you gotta you gotta get the ring doorbell bro somebody's breaking just get the ring doorbell those bro. Somebody's breaking. Just get the ring doorbell. Those fucking ring doorbells. The shit I do outside of my like door. I don't want anything. I don't want any video evidence of what I do outside of my door. I'm in the worst fucking

mood. Oh fuck. I'm always carrying 64 like bags of shit, a box shoes wrapped around my neck, fucking three shirts on hangers And i'm like i'm looking at my door handle if this is a ring doorbell and my keys are in the wrong fucking pocket So I got to do this move I'm getting a cramp in my fucking hamstring i'm like Dude if anyone saw that shit i'm drooling and shit. My hands are like cold from outside. My hands are always fucking freezing. I think I got frostbite in my toes and my hands.

So they're like now when it's like below 50 degrees, I'm like, oh, can't handle that shit. Dude, if I had a ring doorbell. Oh, my. I'm farting and shit. Then I just drop everything. I'm like, fuck! The wrong key in the door. It's just like, I can't.

Dude, I kick my... Once the door's unlocked and the handle's down, I kick that shit open. The ghosts in my fucking apartment have to be like,esus christ he's home heard him for 10 minutes outside the door fumbelina out there jesus christ dude but if you got somebody breaking in your house uh he's talking about me

cats out of the bag uh every time i go to this dude's house he lives downtown we do videos together sounds kind of hot well it is i always eat everything in his house i wonder if i'm rude am i rude for that if somebody came to my apartment and was like eating all my food and shit i'd be like fuck yeah they feel at home maybe home. Maybe I'm just a mooch, dude. Mooch. It's like my, it's like my lifelong like debate. I'm like, am I a mooch or not? You ever go through that? You ever do a little too much and you walk out, you walk out of somebody's house and you're like, am I a fucking mooch? I kind of don't give a shit because I think it's like the Italian thing in me

because every time I go to like my aunts or something they're like take it take it and my grandma's they're like take that y'all take the tupper take an apple on your way out do you want the fucking whole fence we just put outside of our yard take the car oh what do you need take yeah you could you could actually have our fucking house. We'll get out of here. Oh yeah. You just make yourself out. You can change all the front. Take the couch. Yeah. We don't look. Yeah, that's fine. You can take the whole upstairs off of our house, put it on your house. We'll go roofless. It's fine. So now when I'm at somebody's house, I'm like, I'm taking all this fucking shit. I'm eating it all. And yeah, like I will, I will do this thing where i'll just fucking i'll just

i'll take a shower at your apartment like it'll just dawn upon me and i'm like i could use one you know because if i'm somewhere for too long i'm like i probably am smelling which is uh another one every per every girl I've ever dated in my life has been like, you smell like shit. I promise I don't fucking smell. Dude, I take showers at other people's apartments. What are you fucking talking about? Not that I care or anything. Starts crying. Literally every girl I've ever met you smell i'm like yeah well when you fucking date somebody and you're around them all day they're gonna fucking smell i don't know wow what if i turned it back on them i'm like you know what you smell like shit too imagine saying

that to a girl oh shit that would feel good for like five seconds and then you'd be like you're gonna kill me what if you said that to a girl straight up to her face you smell like shit you know a girl could smell like a fucking sewer and i'd be like the things you do to me oh fuck they never get the truth whoops but you get it um yeah I'll eat all your food and I'll take a shower at your house. When you invite me over, it's pretty much like I turn into like your older brother, younger brother, probably. I'm not really an older brother figure.

Everybody I come in contact with, I'm like, oh, you're my mom now or my dad or my older brother. I've never been like someone's big brother, which is a very, very sexy quality. Get the ring doorbell, bro. That's how you solve that. Just keep going. Hi, Ben. Long time listener, first time caller. My problem is I have tennis elbow.

I do not play tennis. In addition, I have a bowling league starting Tuesday and it's on my bowling arm. What rehab should i do dude tennis elbow i think i might fucking have that too right now or i got like you know i got like two like surges of pain in my elbow the other day and i was like yeah fuck something's happening you know you get like that warning. You get the warning that you might need

reconstructive surgery on one of your joints. It's like two weeks before you actually fuck something up. Your heart beats like in your elbow and it's like, hey, this is fucked up. Don't do anything crazy. And obviously the next day I like bench press. But yeah, what would I do if I had tennis elbow? Fuck, that would suck.

I guess I would just... This is such a stupid ass answer, but ice and elevate. Anytime anything is hurt, bro. I only know that because I played sports and you're an athletic trainer, dude. You could get shot in the fucking ribs with a 12-gauge shotgun. They'd be like, ice and elevate. You're like, what the fuck?

I'm bleeding out. Ice and elevate. I'm like, dude, I lost my ribs. I can Marilyn Manson myself right now. And you're telling me to fucking put an ice pack on it it was really loud but uh yeah dude i'd wrap that bitch up with ice all day long and hey you know what hey while you're icing you know how you elevate crack a beer. Elbows up. Look at this guy. Athletic trainer Johnson has entered the building.

I guess, dude. You got a bowling league coming up? Well, I know you're not seriously bowling, so you're going to be drunk as piss when you're at the bowling alley. And you won't feel your elbow anymore, so don't worry about that bowling league i'm so piss bad at bowling i could bowl with my other arm wow the whole entire chair just went down on me yeah i could pull i could i would bowl with my left arm in that league just to and what if you got real good and at the end they're like oh my god you're so your people

i don't know why they would sound like that, but the people on your team would be like, fuck, we can't beat him. Hey, bitches, I've been doing this with my left hand the entire time because I have a tennis elbow. Why do they call it tennis elbow? Did Andre Agassi have it? Yeah, dude, ice and elevate. Make sure you got a cold one.

Not just on your elbow. guy skip gone so when i moved to los angeles i got into a three-way relationship oh shit this is good i didn't expect this because your therapist shit together benny didn't bring my glasses should have pretend i'm putting them on for this one very attractive men and we were all three three-way relationship two very attract attractive men dating each other we also all three live together and um that means i got dp'd every was great. You know, either that or split roasted. I don't even know what that is. Eventually I left them and I have not wanted to have sex since. Because why would I want one dick when I had two at the same time for so long?

One just isn't good enough anymore. So I don't know what to do it's been like 13 months abstinent now because i can't settle damn i don't know if she's like an actor or what but that was way too smooth to be fake at the end she was like it's been i thought she was gonna start singing the bare naked ladies song it's been 13 months since i've been double parked in a little bit split roasted five days since i got slapped in the face and then 13 months till i've had sex what a problem to have i'm starting to feel like a bitch. God damn.

Guys just can't catch a break, can they? Now I got to have two dicks? Jesus. There's no way that's real. Although guys would be like, fuck it. You know, it could never happen the other way around. A guy living with two girls, three-way relationship. Get the fuck out of town, dude dude your tires are slashed the next morning

no way but guys would be like yeah i don't care it's fine by me if it's fine by you just fucking what the hell does split roasted mean that damn near made me hungry i literally when she said split roasted i thought of arby's hey and guess what she has the meats split roasted this is gonna be so gross but i gotta know okay an auto-filled split roasted chicken which made me even hungrier a vulgar slang a sexual practice whereby two men service a single sexual partner at the same time from two different ends. Oh shit. Oh, it's like, it's like you're the fucking Turkey on that, on that, on that roller, like in every cartoon that has an apple in its mouth. In this case, it wasn't an apple. Oh shit. Okay. know here we go what would i do okay so sex doesn't satisfy anymore bro you

gotta find a three-way little thing going on here that's what you gotta do and you got it made too because what guy isn't gonna want to do a three-way with you that's that's easier to find like what we were talking about earlier if uh if a girl wants to do it with two guys it's way easier than a guy wanting to do it two girls you can find two fucking guys just anywhere and they'd be like oh yeah sure in line at the fucking bmv dmv license branch whatever the fuck it's called worst place on earth does anybody want to have a threesome a fucking two guys. I mean, I guess that's where you don't, that's not where you want to get your, your fellas. Yeah. I don't think it's going to be that hard. Just fucking just, just do it again. Wherever you live. Craig's list. You want my

megaphone? Shout it down the block. That's all you... Two or... Threesome. You'd have 16 people at your house. I got you, girl. Don't worry about it. Can't have regular sex again. What are we all doing?

Why aren't we all getting split roasted? Put an apple in my mouth, baby girl. Just keep going. My boyfriend's dick is tiny. That sounded like a dude. Okay, if I'm a sex

therapist. If I'm a girl and I'm pretending my boyfriend's is too tiny, you just gotta, you just gotta, I don't know. You better fucking love him one.

Cause if you don't like him too much, like he's not going to be around much longer, but okay. So you just gotta, you gotta, I hate, I hate it when people say this, but it's always true.

You just have to communicate. It's so annoying. Such a stock answer for every question in a relationship and then during sex too. Just talk. Anytime you look anything up on Google that you're actually concerned with, like with your partner, hate the word partner,

it's always like you just have to communicate. I'm like, that's the thing I don't want to do. No, I don't want to communicate. What the fuck do you think I am, a woman? Guys can't talk, especially when weird shit's going on. That's all girls want you to do is talk. Why don't we talk about it? Because I'm scared.

Why are you scared? Because you're going gonna make fun of me can we write it down can we text it no god damn it okay fine my dick's tiny yeah just talk him about it. Figure out a different way, you know. Does he like Arby's? Or they got a good split roast. Just keep going. I can't stop eating rotisserie chickens.

Oh, my freaking God, dude. Was that me leaving a voice message to myself? Yesterday, I ate a whole rotisserie chicken in four hours. Doesn't sound that impressive now that I think about it. But usually it takes like normal people an entire week to eat a rotisserie chicken. Nah, bro. I thought I was captain. I thought I was captain not addicted to shit. And I went to Subway, which is weird. I went to Subway on purpose, which is even weirder. I want to try something

new. I go, can I do the rotisserie chicken? I can't get it. It's the best thing. That's the best thing on Subway. It doesn't look weird. It looks the most normal out of everything. Get it on a wrap so it's not 7,000 pounds of yoga mat bread, lettuce, tomato, little bit of onion, just like like low-key four onion like tiny lines you have to say tiny line of honey mustard like make it make more small adjectives i'm like tiny almost invisible not even there not too much very small line fastest way to point a to point B, fastest, shortest amount of line, shortest amount of time of honey mustard. And they're still like, oh my God.

Dude, I have to like literally, I have to like show them. I might bring my honey mustard, put it on, put a line on my hand and be like this much. I'm just going to start saying no honey mustard and just do it my damn self. But anyway, yeah.

I can't stop eating that shit either, bro. I got no advice for you on rotisserie chicken. It's fire. It's good for you, I think. Actually, there's no way it's good for you. There's got to be something going on with rotisserie chicken. They just dunk that shit in butter. They got to dunk that shit in butter.

They got to inject that shit with just like tons of whatever's in the, they just have syringes full of movie theater butter that they're just sticking in that chicken. Because I can't stop.

I can't stop, stop, stop. And the smell. Is there a rotisserie chicken candle? I'm not helping you, bro. I'm sorry. My only advice to you if you can't stop eating rotisserie chicken would be to... What else do I eat? Salmon.

I eat salmon. Salmon. It's like low quality salmon, but it's all the same shit. I've never had a bad rotisserie chicken. Never really had bad salmon. Every time I eat salmon, I'm like, this is the best thing I've ever had in my life. It's like salmon fillets, from the freezer. I'm like'm like yeah it's fucking fire yeah i guess my only advice is eat uh salmon that's all i got man because i'm going through it too it's not a bad problem to have homie skip gone i could use some advice i don't have laundry in my apartment so we share a laundry room with the entire building, and all of my clothes got stolen out of the fucking washing machine.

Oh my god. And the leasing office told me that it's not their responsibility, so I feel like I'm pretty fucked. Dude, that's my biggest fear. Because I'm like you, man. Like I'll put my shit in the washer and I don't know if you did this or not, but I'm thinking probably. You probably left for like a minute, probably like two hours because every time I do laundry, I forget that it's in there for like seven days.

And I'm like, oh, those shorts. And then I put it in the dryer for another seven days. I'm like, where is it? Oh, God, it's time to do laundry all over again. So you probably forgot or something, or maybe it was in there for like two hours and some weird ass guy took it all. But in the back of my head, every time I'm doing like laundry in a public place, I'm like, who's taking a fuck, a bunch of wet clothes I already wore. Uh, yeah, you're kind of fucked brother. It's definitely gone.

But did you check every washer? Cause I'd be the idiot that like washes my clothes. Then like goes to a different washer, opens it up. And I'm like, it's stolen. That's what I think. Every time I can't find something, I'm like, it's stolen! That's what I think every time I can't find something.

I'm like, they fucking stole it. I'll call the last person that's been in my house and be like, did you take my fucking beanie? I know you did, you bitch. They're like, dude, no. I'm like, okay, you fucker. Just burn the bridge. And then I find it seven seconds later in my car.

I'm like, hey, sorry. I just, I was on medicine and it's just been a rough one. I'd be the idiot that like doesn't check. I like opened up the wrong washer and didn't see my clothes. So the first thing I would do would be to check every washer to make sure they're actually still there. They're probably still there, bro. Seven years later, you found them. You find them in the washer.

That's how long it takes me to dry my clothes after I wash them. Seven years. They're probably still good as new. They might have air dried. Save you a couple minutes on the drying process. But if somebody took your wet ass clothes that you already wore like seven times,

it's just, if they want it that bad, they can have it type shit. You know? Like, it's theirs now. Like, if you try that hard to steal something, it's all you man it is what it is and you might hey actually bro you might have needed some new clothes anyway so now take yourself on a little shopping spree trust me you probably needed new clothes unless

there was like one really new thing in there i mean you might have to take an l on that but everything else you probably needed to freshen up. Like, if somebody stole a whole load of laundry and it was all my socks and shirts I wear, I would be like, thank fucking God, because I need all new shit, honestly. Like, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you don't need

new socks. I've had the same socks in rotation for like 17, like probably three years. Same socks. These socks I'm wearing right now. 2018. Nike.com.

I got them off the internet. How bold am I? Why can I remember? Because I've only bought socks two times in my life. They might have done you a favor, homie. Just saying. Just keep going. Why did little John go so hard in early 2000

and homie still holds up with his throwbacks? Always having every, this girl's a regular on the espresso podcast, but she's always bumping like some slow jams and shit in the background. And her voice is always like, yeah, I love you. You know that,

but like, dude, it's such a, it's such like a, fuck. Like you actually, next time you leave a voice message can you leave a completely separate voice message that's not answering the question and just go just give me your best because i know you can rip that shit what i'm saying is you should work for a sex hotline because you have the best

voice, not because of anything else. Why did little John go so hard in early 2000 and homies still holds up with his throwbacks? It's a hot voice. Does that make me weird? I don't know. Why is he still hold up? Because little John, he didn't really... I don't know what kind of advice this is, but little John didn't really rap.

You know, he was just like hype. Everybody else rapped, and then he'd be like, yeah. So, like, that's always tight always tight you could put that let's go yeah what else did he say yeah okay he only said fucking four words that's why it's dope you could put that shit in a john mellon mellon camp song little diddy okay about jack and i yeah John Mellencamp song. Little Diddy. Okay. About Jack and I. Yeah. Two American kids in a heartland. Let's go.

I swear, somebody do that. Jackie gonna be a football star. Okay. Playing the guitar. Let's go let's go who's not listening who's not listening jackie gonna be a football star okay what else does little john fucking say oh how am i gonna look this up what are the keywords for this what are

i'm just gonna look up a song little john i think i i think i nailed them all. Oh, oh, oh, you know what? Jackie gonna be a football star. Skate, skate, skate, skate. Playing guitar. Let's go. I would listen, dude.

John Mellencamp featuring Lil Jon. Who's not listening? That's a good voice. That's good advice. That's good. I can do this. Just keep going. Dude, I literally

cannot stop dreaming about you. Oh my God. And they're not like sexual dreams. They're like, we're going to the grocery store together. We're seeing... Better than sex. City bunnies. Together. You better stop.

We are like hanging out as friends and it's so weird and i in my dreams i'm like dude why do i keep hanging out with this guy so if you could just tell me how to stop dreaming about you this is the and this is like every day i do in my regular life that would be great because i'm happily married oh my god and maybe it's just because i look at your instagram before bed but it's creeping me out um flattering I can't imagine what I'm like in people's dreams probably the most annoying fuck of all time my advice to you would be

go and watch my Instagram from the from the beginning. You'll never think of me again. You'll be like this fucking guy. Whoa. In her dreams, I'm just dressed up like a girl with a wig on. My advice to you is you're actually a lesbian uh but uh i've got one thing my my advice for you is let's listen back to this my advice to you is

this dude i literally cannot stop dreaming about you and they're not like sexual dreams they're like we're going to the grocery store together we're seeing city bunnies together my advice to you is change the batteries in your smoke detector i swear if you rip a voice message and i hear that... I'm going to fucking talk about it. How do you live like that? Swap them out. Double A's. Go to CVS. You can probably get away with stealing them

and then swap them out. That's my advice to you, but thank you. Very flattering. I'm telling you, dreams about doing normal shit mean way more than dreams about sex. I've had one sex dream in my life, and I always have something happening.

There's always something weird going on. We're doing it somewhere we shouldn't be doing it, or the cops are there, or it's like she turns into my best friend or like i don't i've got like a research paper due in like six minutes i'm like this is not what i wanted there's always some shit like that happening in a dream for me but if i'm just at a grocery store kicking it, bro, I'll knock over all the fucking shelves in the store.

Domino's. That'd be so much fun. Going to the grocery store in real life is fucking is a blast. I can't believe I said a blast. I didn't want to say that at all, but I didn't know anything else to say. Let's keep going. How do I

get this man who was on a reality dating show at Boy Island to date me? Sounds like to me you're talking about Brant. If you want to get him to date you, all you have to do is be invited to a wedding and

take them as your plus one. Pretty much good to go from there. I can't imagine who else it is. Yeah, that's all my advice there. If you're talking, I don't know who else you'd be talking about. Maybe Danny, Danny Louisa. Go to Bottle Blonde in Miami. Split some wings with him. Might be on your way to Marriage Town. Making my way down to Marriage Town, walking fast.

And I see Danny Louisa Shit, I'd date Danny Got the best voice on this side of the Mississippi No, seriously, dude Jesus Christ I just want him to read me a damn story Danny from FBoy Island Just read me a story

I don't care what it is. You can say anything. I'm about to hire Danny to do my comedy for me because of his voice. Get up there and say it. Fucking crushes. You don't know what to tell you.

If you're talking about me to get me to date you, all you need is one bottle of wine, a rotisserie chicken, and ten little piggies. Skip gone. This isn't a request for advice, but more so a request to be my husband. That's all. Well, that's a little... That escalated quickly.

I can't talk today for shit. I almost said that escalated quickly. I can't talk. But husband? That's a little much, man. I'm still working on the talking phase. Husband? Bruh. All right, I'll be your husband. I'm still working on the talking phase husband? bruh alright I'll be your husband

only requirements we never talk to each other except for like when it's super necessary like if there's a spider that you can't get I'll be like alright bet I'll be over in like 3 hours but that's kind of the only time I'm down no I'm just playing I'll be like, all right, bet. I'll be over in like three hours. But that's kind of the only time I'm down.

No, I'm just playing. Hey, baby girl. I appreciate it. Let's keep going. Oh, this won't load? Fuck. Why do bars charge so much for alcohol? I just want to get drunk for cheap.

He sounded like he was fucked up. Off his seventh beer. Kind of like slurring. Why do bars charge so much for alcohol? I just want to get drunk for cheap. This is why bars charge so much for alcohol. All right. You get a beer at a bar.

Beer at a bar. It's six bucks. Three of it is the beer. The other three dollars you're paying is for how stupid you're going to be in the bar. You're paying the bar to be like, hey, this three dollars is for the drink. I really appreciate it. This other $3 is for you to not talk to me while I'm standing on all fours on a table barking like a dog in two hours. That $3 goes into that fund where I'm just allowed to do whatever the fuck I want here

until I cross the line. But that line that you don't cross the line, but that line that you don't like the line where that is right there. That's all your money. That's what your money is paying for. Don't kick me out fund then up here like I had too much

you're paying just to make up for being a jackass. That's why it's so expensive. Shit, dude. You ever been actually kicked out of a bar? I think it's happened to me a couple times, but I like talk my way out of it.

I'm like, was it really that bad? And they're like, yeah, dude. I'm like, you for real? I'm sorry. I won't do it again. And they're like, all right, bet. And then for the rest of the night, it's like my dad yelled at me and I'm like,

Hey, hey, bouncer that almost fucking threw me outside. I'm like, how's it going? Remember me a couple hours ago? That was crazy, right? He's like, you're even worse now. I'm like, I know. But a couple hours ago, can you imagine if I was still doing that? He's like, you are.

I'm like, oh oh i'll go back over here to the game that has the big boxing thing that you gotta hit so guilty after i get yelled at bro i'm so fucking i'm so like kind and stuff if you yell at me in a bar i swear to god i'll like i'll like start washing off tables and shit. You guys need anything? Everybody all good? Just trying to like make amends. We will throw you out. I'm like, do you guys need any dishes washed or anybody need a massage? I'm not talking about,

no, I'm talking about the guy. Yeah, the bouncers. You guys need help checking IDs? I got your back. I'm like, Captain, your best friend, after you yell at me. You guys need me to write any specials

on the wall or anything? I've got really good handwriting. I'm just trying to help. I'm just trying to help. Sweating my ass off. Just keep going. All right, Ben. Advice time.

I'm sure a lot of people could complain about their bosses, but my boss is actually pretty great. It's his direct manager who's a total bag of dicks. He thinks he's this great influencer, and I have to talk to him on a semi-regular basis, and I just loathe those days. Loathe.

So help me. Ta-ha. Fuck. First ta-ha fuck the whole day. so um help me ta ha fuck first ta ha fuck the whole day um so you like your boss but you don't like the boss above your boss you could put him in check next time he comes in

does he not like you I wonder or does he you know You could put him in check next time he comes in. Does he not like you, I wonder? Or does he, you know? Anytime a girl really checks a dude, I guess it's not really in your place to check the fucking regional manager. Yeah, you can't do that. But he would get his shit together if you did that. Or maybe if you like complained about something to him you just skip over old boss that's there every day every day and go to the general supervisor

you'd get some mad respect maybe do that maybe try to try to be friends with him even though you hate him the people you hate normally, you might have a crush on them. You ever think about that? Uh-oh, she's dating a regional manager. Flirt with them. I would. That's what you do at work. You flirt until it's flirting zone.

Flirt at work right when you leave the door. Pretend the whole building crumbles don't ever date him but flirt hard cause your stock just skyrockets when you flirt but you don't do anything else maybe go to a yeah yeah yeah

just uh you know don't go crazy with it just goes to work with no fucking shirt on Just, you know, don't go crazy with it. Just goes to work with no fucking shirt on. Just a bikini on. She's like, hey, heard the regional manager is going to be here today. But you know what I mean.

When I hate somebody, it usually means I like them, and I just don't know it yet. That's how I know I like somebody. I'm like, God, I fucking hate that guy. I'm like, a day later, I'm like, oh, I actually fucking like him. Damn it. Okay, okay.

Everybody you hate, you actually like. I don't know. I'd check the temp on old regional manager. Talk to him a little bit never know yeah that's my advice skip con so hello benedict um here is my issue so you know it's my first semester of grad school and for some reason like I just cannot stop focusing on men um including yourself like I I'm very I've been boy crazy my whole life and I don't know how to please help alright let's see if I were you and I was in grad school

and I couldn't stop focusing on women I would dude you gotta disassociate yourself if you're focusing on like dudes that much actually you know what it is you know what you should do if you're focusing on like uh dudes that much actually you know what it is you know what you should do if you're boy crazy so much go out with one of the guys do it date him not date him but go on a date with him go back to his apartment see what's going on there and then you won't be

boy crazy anymore once you see a fucker's apartment and what's going down with their actual life and their car and like how they are outside of class and stuff, it's ick central. Yeah, you just, you need to get the, you need to, you need to get icked.

You need to get the ick. Go on a date with one of them. Fuck it. Hottest guy in grad school go to applebee's see what he orders something's gonna piss you off then then guess what you're back focusing on your shit it's happened to me before you're like man that girl you're kind of like kind of all over the place. This girl, that girl, this girl, that girl. Hang out with one of them.

You'll be like, Jesus fucking Christ, that was a mistake. You're right back to where you need to be. Whoops. No, but for real, I would actually do that. Because every guy is the same. And all their apartments look like shit. So check that out. Get back to me.

Just keep going. Come on, man. Y'all look exactly alike. Fuck. Oh, that's not real. Before he fucking sent that, he typed out, you can't tell me Nick Bosa isn't your brother. You guys look exactly alike.

Fuck. What's Nick Bosa look like? I have to know everything about him. I kind of know what he looks like, but like not really. This bitch looks just like me. I wish. He's jacked. He's in the NFL.

Has a fade on the sides of his hair has a little poof on top five o'clock shadow fucking Jesus Christ this guy's hot I mean thanks bro means a lot oh shit that's the last one orders in Nick Bosa jersey real quick I I'm like, that's the last one. Yep. Got to go shipping two to four days express. Wow. Espresso therapy session with your therapist, Benny. That was good. We're going to do espresso therapy again. That was fun. It doesn't have to be that serious. Just what's happening with you, you know?

I appreciate the DMs. And benedictmerch.com for all your espresso stuff. Who's buying this stuff? Indiana land stuff, feeling glonky stuff, and maybe some more surprises on the way. Patreon, $5 a month for an extra episode every week. But I got to get out of here, fam. I got a stupid video to make that you'll see later this week.

But I love you guys, for real. Thanks for listening. I love this podcast. The DMs mean a lot, dude. For real. You guys just think it's some bullshit. But honestly, it makes my week. Starts crying.

Everything you guys do, I mean, is my shit. Love you guys for real. So now that I'm choked up, I'll talk to you guys next week. See you next time. All right, fam.