Espresso - things you thought were true but aren't w/ Joey Mulinaro

Episode Date: May 26, 2022

Shot 212 Espresso Podcast. I'm your host Ben Pulitzer and we've got OG Spress today with Joey Molinaro. OG Spress, what's up? What's good? I guess I'll put my headset on. I forgot. Do I have to though? I don't have to. Remember when we did podcasts? I don't even do podcasts. Remember I didn't wear one the first like 12 episodes of our podcast? I was like, I'm not wearing those. First 12?

Try first two years that we did it. I was airpods wait did i wear anything yeah you always had to have your little bitch ass ones i was like just these are made for the studio you're like am i going to space it looked it was like this is too much for me dude it's like all right coach p take a playoff right what's up man he puts my dj headphones on what's good hey how's living at the indy 500 it's pretty cool um so you've been there for how long well so here's the thing all right anytime anybody starts something out with this thing i better listen up i better strap in because we're going on a ride. Yeah, so we have that motor home out there at IMS inside the track, right? Very great set up. Mount Comfort RV shout out to them. It's a great thing. You got to come check out this weekend

to live in an RV. It's just for the rest of my life. It's honestly, I don't need anything else. Yeah, it's perfect for me. Why? Yeah, because like you know you're comedian, you're traveling and everything. You don't want to do your work on the. I don't want to do any of that you're you're mobile you're going so yeah and like nothing breaks down and in an rv does it no you're having some trouble you can have some problems oh toilets are always fucking up aren't they yeah you get a that's the only thing that's the only thing that holds you back is like i don't want to have to do the pumping

of all the literal shit out of the rv you know i've been there a month i haven't taken a shit in there one time where do you shit i just go use the port back bathrooms yeah i just had bathrooms those big horse stalls yeah don't ever forget the first time i went to the indy 500 and took a piss i was like is this allowed i was like dad do i just piss in this right piss in this bathtub next to four other dudes the old trough yeah the troughs hate that word but it's cool anyways um so my wife is pregnant uh obviously and uh so she's not big on wanting to not be at the house which is fair right but she hates it she thought it'd be a great idea

to take in uh my brother-in-law's puppy who he cannot pick up until june. So we not only have happy, but we also have this other little puppy that's not even ours that we have to watch out for. You guys are a whole pet shelter bro. Yeah, pretty much hey anybody else needs to need someone to a dog sitter on bring him on to the Rv. I do need a dog sitter this weekend, though, so if anybody wants to watch happy, let me know. I will pay. I will pay. I do rover usually, but oh yeah, not having any luck lady that we did last time. She she's just kind of ghost of me on rover right now, man. What about the weird Chinese dude? Whoa,

that was a very interesting situation was It was, he, yeah, he was not, I don't know. We, we decided against, we just didn't, you know, you go and you have your,

your, your pet, you have your, your dog. That's part of your family. And you go out there and you're like trying to, Hey, is this good fit?

Is this work? Is happy going to be happy here? And we were just getting bad vibes. So we decided against, yeah, but I do need. Yeah. So dog sitter,

dog sitter hit, hit hit me up dog sitters hit me up what do you what's been going on with you man since the derby since we finally sobered up from the mint i don't even think i think i'm still hung over from the derby what was that yeah that was a that was everything was free i'm still trying to like understand that right yeah we got the hook up there for sure but it was fun no i've just been doing some shows doing some uh doing doing vids you know i'm excited for this uh holy cow getting ready for the weekend i'm excited for this party coming up hey guys 500s this weekend indialand 500 come to tin roof yeah for this saturday actually don't.

Two cops. Those cars. Those cars out there. Why are we inviting cops? Those cars out there. You know what they need? A lot of horsepower. Oh, geez.

What kind of fuel does that take? Cops on horses. Who you tracking down? Yeah. You never see them in action. Like what if I was on the run? Right. You're going through alleys on a horse.

Come on. You don't ever see that. And it's like you would think that's the whole point. Yeah. He's after me. It's like on Bessie. Turn the corner. Every horse.

Every animal ever since Bessie. Here's give him a slap on the ribs how you doing bessie it just works here's my girl bessie sir that's a that's a male horse nah that's my girl she's a pretty one ain't she baby bessie look at that dude i kind of want to test this theory now like i don't want to get in trouble maybe i'll i don't know why it you down we can just send you out there run uh in front of a horse do some stupid shit i need to see i don't know what why do they have them on the horse i think it's to maintain order you know that people are like i'm not gonna mess with a freaking horse yeah but i'll fuck with the cop i'll throw shit at the cop but if it touches a horse i'm'm so sorry. Respect the horse more than the cop, for sure. I think it's definitely more of just a visual thing.

I don't know. I don't get why, though. Jeez, you ever been riding behind one of those horse carriage things down here? I swear to God, I almost hit a horse with my car like four times. They don't go fast, that's for sure. I'm like, what would happen to me? I'd definitely go to jail for that. Probably. I mean, if you definitely go to jail for that.

Probably. I mean, if you can go to jail for hitting a goose, you definitely are getting some time for a horse. You can go to jail for hitting a goose? Pretty sure. If you like deliberately run over, I've destroyed a goose. Well, coppers. That's the thing.

Do you guys know how hard the neck is? On a goose? I thought it was like soft. Me too. It's just a snake with wings. Have you ever ran one over no i mean i wish no you have all the people between guys and girls and when a girl hits a goose she's like oh my god she like calls you and she like apologizes she's all fucked up when a guy

hits a goose he's like damn yeah dude did i lock the door on my way out no dude ride calls me and she's all sad crying about it and i'm laughing my ass off meanwhile yeah no i'm holding the phone away from me just laughing because i feel like there's too many geese and what are they what are they doing i know like help somehow maybe they're just yelling at us and being like super fuck they get so mad at you when they lay eggs in like the most random spot ever like you can't come at me like that dog you just laid eggs in front of a fucking bed bath and beyond it's just you know one of they're one of those things it's like uh that that bit you got on like uh you know nose hair right it's one of those things that god just you know he's god's having fun with this by giving us geese he's like

shit and everywhere in the green and white and installing you in the middle of the road fly and you want to hit him, but you can't or can you Jesus dude. Imagine Ty Pennington watching you run the hell over

every time we do a podcast There's another one! There's another one! Fire in the hole! Every time we do a podcast. Fire! Fire! That's all I want to hear. That's our new podcast name. Fire in the hole with Joey and Ben. Just explosions after everything we say. So what'd you do yesterday? Not much.

And then Todd Pennington's basically the third host because he's just fire in the hole! I just want to have Todd Pennington on the podcast somehow every week. Dream guest. Please come on. How much energy is that? I know. It's just me in like three months. I feel like he's getting up there though.

Firing the hole. Definitely like two former Marines who started a podcast. Yeah, that's definitely taken. Fire in the hole. We tell our war stories. Thank you for your service. I appreciate you, but yeah, that's definitely happening. Be a pretty sick ass logo, though. Fire. Yeah, I mean when you got fire in there and you could get some explosions and stuff. Yeah, they don't like it. So guy very guy anything with the you know what's

hilarious dude is so being out the track you know how and like the turns there's some hills you know like inside of there there's hills that you go up and you can watch on oh yeah dude kids and hills when my kids born i'm building a hill in my backyard so he'll just constantly be entertained it's amazing go out to the hill roll around the shit we did. Yeah, it doesn't seem like kids are rolling down hills as much as we were. We're younger than they are, but do you? Yeah, I don't know. I'm s they just these kids. I mean they literally go to the top, roll down. They kind of get up a little wobbly.

They're laughing their ass off. They come back up to the top, do it all over again. Miss that stumbly ass run all the way to the top of the best time just running sideways on a hill. Dude, if I did two of those right now, I puke everywhere most motion sickness C T you almost hit a tree rolling down a hill. Holy

shit. Not me neither. It's like sledding when you're a kid. There's always somebody tree. Oh somebody always breaks their arm when you go sledding from in the tree bro oh dude every time i fucking snap my collarbone and half going sledding again i'm like no shit anytime someone skis i'm like you're gonna tear your acl i tore my acl i know dude no desire to ski ever people my age now they're getting to

this point you know everybody's like their second job where they're getting pretty decent money they're like yeah i think we're heading heading to rado to take a ski trip i'm like see you never perfect north i'm like all right send me pics just kidding don't care i'm like oh okay so you want to die that's cool what's the point of skiing i can't right dude people are obsessed with it people People get that for like Christmas and anniversary gifts. No, I'm staying in the lodge, dude. Oh, by the fire. I would go to the lodge. Watching ESPN.

With a turtleneck on. Yeah. Fuzzy socks. Glass of wine. Maybe no socks after a while. Foot rubbing. Watching something weird on TV. Yeah, watching ridiculousness. Well, everybody's just having the time oh i would love i would do that for nine hours

but the thing is like you're watching ridiculousness and like the people skiing are probably going to be on that show yeah oh total fail this jag off once right to the tree my best friend wherever never skiing people love it dude people can't people are dying to go literally they're dying because of skiing but they're dying to go anything on the water to

I'm out I'm done with water sports tubing bro I tube so hard I fuck it knock the wind out of me one time talk about another thing that like when you're 14 or 15. Awesome. You did it now.

Yeah, I'd be dead. My whole hip would be out of socket and shit. I'm going to ortho Andy the next get lined up real nice. Yeah, water sport. I mean like jet skis. Now I can't even do jet skis.is scare the hell out of jet skis i don't know seat belt on that thing you know climbing up on the back of the boat scares me i'm like shouldn't my legs being shouldn't they be like chopped up by the motor by now

i never know how to get onto a boat no because yeah the place that you're supposed to get on is directly next to the most dangerous i'm like where is the motor that you're supposed to get on is directly next to the most dangerous. I don't get it. I'm like, where is the motor? Yeah, you gotta love boat manufacturers. Oh, yeah, let's put the big choppers right there where all the legs and fingers are going to be. Come on, get back on. Go for another turn. I'm like, where are you getting on?

I'm like, I'm going to get my head chopped off. Indiana Jones. Never seen it. It's always on on Christmas. Never watch it. That'd be that would be on at the ski lodge for sure, but you're not watching a second of it. The king of watching movies,

but not watching movies you that was on the king of watching anything, not any football game. I'm like yeah. Somehow when you like know like the third receiver for the Steelers, I'm like how did you look that up before you came here just to like fit in or just a

Steelers roster. It's like up on my phone. I get your house. I'm like oh shit. What's up Steelers slot receiver? Yeah, Juju's looking good. I mean Washington. I don't know. It's got to be a Washington signed with the Cowboys. Anyways, let's get another question of the week. You want to sure espresso quick, quick, quick, I don't know. Gotta be a Washington. He signed with the Cowboys.

Let's get into the question of the week. You want to? Sure. Espresso. Quick, quick, quick, quick question of the week. What's something you believed in as a kid that actually turned out not to be true at all? For me, it was. I talked about this on Instagram.

Like when you're watching like the morning news or something and behind all the newscasters is downtown, beautiful. I just really thought they had the best fucking set in the world with that view. Just the cleanest window of all time. It didn't hit me until I was an intern. I was like, this is just a picture. They're in the dumpiest part

of town. What a let down jesus christ never mind i thought that was so real i've that broke my heart yeah that's tough man i always thought and again pretty much i mean you get all these like pretty much anything i'm gonna say is just because my dad like was just trying to explain to his kid to like get him to shut up right but like he always i remember he always used to say that like drinking too much soda would give me acne oh isn't that kind of a thing i don't think it is is that a myth some people say it about every time i drink coke i get zits on my chin i'm like no yeah i don't but maybe it's chocolate i was like 10 11 you know when that it's starting to

get your your face and stuff whatever yeah yeah i just remember ugly shit yes exactly at the time your life you need to be the hottest high school time to make you ugly and i you know family gatherings or whatever if i like went for number two on a spriteite, my dad would be like, yeah, Joe, you want, do you want the pimples on your face? You better put that down. I'm like, pimpy dimpies. I'm like,

so it kind of scared me for a bit, but then I got older. I was like, no way that has any correlation at all. I think some people get it with chocolate. What? Yeah, chocolate makes you break out. I've heard that from people.

I'm like, there's no way. I think that's got to just be girls, man. Wash your face like a normal. Yeah, you're a big face wash guy. I probably should. I

definitely should since I'm on camera so much, but I think guys have the advantage because yeah, it sucks guys have be anything getting ready before bed sucks. I do it. Yeah, because I mean all you want to do is just veg out, lay down, and scroll on TikTok for six hours.

Dude, I struggle every night. I'm like, should I brush my teeth? That's a problem I have. Every single night, I'm like, damn, I don't know if I'm going to do it tonight. It's such a treat when you forget. I wake up in the morning i'm like thank fucking god no wonder i slept so good sorry um marcus street you already know uh i don't know it's fake yeah everybody on marcus street's fake paid um yeah uh brushing teeth though sometimes you ever just

take the liberty where you're like you know what you think that you have the movie montage moment you think back on your life when you were a kid and your parents would be bitching at you on your ass about brushing your teeth and you had to absolutely do it and sometimes you're just like you know what not doing it not doing it because I don't want to rebel flossing different story

though that's like a one time a week thing I got to muster up the courage to floss my teeth I mean that's that's painful because you can't get ahead. I mean, because as soon as you take a day off flossing, boom, bye up again, blood everywhere. You know what I mean? Like you can't. It has to

be an everyday thing because you could never just stay caught up on it because as soon as you probably should do it after every meal. Honestly, we're being real. That's why that's all I hate it when I see somebody walking around with a floss pick in their mouth. That's bad. hate it when I see somebody walking around with a floss pick in their mouth. That's bad. Definitely go to the bathroom, shut yourself in a stall

and take care of it. It happened to me when I went, I flossed like hardcore religiously for a year and I went to the dentist and they're like, have you been flossing? And I was like, that's it. That's all fake. You're just saying that because you don't got anything else to say.

Yeah. Fuck. Yeah, let's get into it though all right espresso question of the week what's something you believed in as a kid that's actually not true at all from anonymous so isn't santa so just please growing up i always thought adults like knew what was going on in the world and like knew what it was like to be an adult knew everything they had all the facts and as i'm becoming more and more of an adult getting into my 30s i realize none of us really have any fucking clue what's going on at all and uh we're just trying our best every day so yeah that's what i always believed as a kid i always thought adults are smarter than me but they're not they're just the same as everybody else on the most depressing voice message of all time but at the same time he does have a great point and it's that's pretty liberating when you

do get to an adult and you're like oh well this is you know i i thought i had to have everything uh you know my shit together but we're good nobody knows shit i still think they do though if someone's older than me i'm like oh he knows what he's doing oh my parents definitely my mom for sure definitely knows shit my dad you know playing it by ear he knows different shit but my mom knows the important shit like insurance and hr and how like what a skill words Words like. Deductible. Deductible, bro. Exactly.

That's exactly what I was looking for. Mortgage. You got to make sure that deductible on your insurance. As soon as I hear that, out. You got it. Not listening. How much you want. Never will.

Taxes. No thanks. Who knows? Yeah. She knows all that shit. And my wife is taking over that, which is good. No way. Because I will not ever can't even

think about it. What I know. Yeah, it's even reading attacks where I'm like I need to call my dad. That does scare me a little bit with a child on the way in like three months. The fact that like one day he's going to have those questions, but you know what? Go to your mother. You're going to help him with, but you know what? Go to your mother. Yeah, you're going to help him with his home or go to Nona, but not me. You're going to have to help your kid with his homework.

I mean kind of fun. You think doing like, well, just to a certain point, like geography. When you're in like fourth grade, I'll teach you the different tricks of state capitals. I'll look forward to that.

That's why I was so good at states and capitals because it's the only thing my dad knew. Dad's love states and capitals. Oh look forward to that that's why i was so good at states and capitals because it's the only thing my dad knew dad's love states and capitals oh they know bro dad what's montana helena i was like shut the fuck you're supposed to be quizzing me dude my dad can rip off some states and caps connecticut hartford i was like hey nevada what is it? Hold on, hold on, hold on. I love this game. Fuck you. Nevada is a... Is it Reno? Carson City. Sleeper!

One of those ones. Yeah, exactly. Like... Hey, Michigan? Ann Arbor. Lansing. Is it Lansing or East Lansing? Lansing.

Oh, wow. Going Spart East Lansing? Oh, wow. Going Sparty on. Oh God, I should have known the blue over here. Such a such a while. Some states are such wild cards. I'm like,

where are you getting that? Oh yeah, for sure. Like who, who was a group of people that was like Louisville, Lexington, now Frankfurt. Yeah, skip over the two good ones.

Give Frankfurt some love. It's yeah. I mean you got your you got your regular ones like you know Indiana, Indianapolis, obviously Georgia, Atlanta, obvious. No, no, no Olympia. Oh fuck. Are you serious? No, yeah, that's like Washington. The state.. Are you serious? No. That's like Washington.

The state. It's crazy, bro. It's crazy. It's Georgia, Atlanta. Come on. Is it? Yeah. Come on.

Did they change that? She goes update your capitals. It's like an app on your phone. Your dad, like really didn't know any of the capitals. He just told you the wrong one. Dude, what's Olympia? Then what's Olympia? I told you.

I think that's Washington State. Oh, okay i get it wazoo do the flag on game day what are some other do you know that always got me just had me in a chokehold in fifth grade on the test my pencil iowa des moines yeah but the spelling you're like oh oh yeah, but also that's another one. It's like Iowa City. Duh. And come on. I think that's what it was. They were just like half of them was a spelling like Tennessee.

I still don't know how to spell Tennessee Cincinnati. I don't know how to spell Cincinnati. I guess Cincinnati gets me. Yeah, Minnesota too many too many too many double letters. Mississippi's only one, you know, in my my yes it's i guess it's ipba yeah so what's the more states need songs like more more just hard to spell words need songs like mississippi definitely can we make a song for definitely why did everybody think it was defiantly d e f i a n t l y i still don't know it was on everybody's a i am away message or like

when you're talking to them oh you want to do that defiantly i'm like just deaf because i don't know how to spell the rest i'm still a deaf guy yeah i said yeah i def will because i don't really know how to spell it but it's cool there's that private school education all right let's keep going on these uh question or answers of the week what's the what's something you believed in as a kid that definitely isn't deaf isn't true something i believed my entire childhood that turned out not to be true i just had no understanding of what good food was like i thought Applebee's was a nice restaurant. Like, oh, we're going somewhere good tonight. Okay, we got to dress up, 20 minutes to drive there.

How do they know how to do a quesadilla? They do it right. I just didn't know what good food was. I liked Golden Corral. I thought that was the best night if i could go to golden corral and i could just shove everything in the world into my mouth hey i guess much hasn't changed oh this guy nice nice finishing touch there yeah i mean I mean, I still have a gut.

I fucking love Applebee's. Is Applebee's the number one low-class food chain, you think? It's comfort. You're eating good in the neighborhood. Is it Chili's or Applebee's? I think they're fighting for that number one spot. Yeah. Friday's is a little different.

I don't think Friday's exists anymore. They're not in the conversation. Oh, they so are. Yeah, but I mean, look, you're going to Applebee's. You know that you're going to get a pretty solid app of, you know, some boneless wing kind of tender things that are good sampler pickles. The same samplers dangerous potato skins out of nowhere. You're like, mom, I love to have these and they always have like the

elevated booth no big time, but it was like is your own little suite up there. It's so perfect. It's comfy, but it's like the rounded one. You got to get in it and do this. Sorry, sorry, sorry bathroom.

Oh yeah, you're in the middle. You got to go to the bathroom. Damn near crawling under the table right looking at all the gum under the table on your way out and they had the they had the you shaped layout right? You come in and there's this booths with the you going all the way around with

the bar in the middle. All of them elevated. You're like looking across through the bar. You see, you know, like a football coach or something. Oh yeah, everything on the walls is like from your local like oh yeah oh my god it's the neighborhood bro i knew that guy yeah you do kind of feel like a family when you walk into appleby's honestly what's up to people you're like this is the worst family ever but i love you guys you're like starting to buy beers for people

and shit you want one i don't care bro i don't care when we're here now oh wait is that olive gardens when we're here i don't know it's yeah there's been an og in a while i mean either so fire the breadsticks i know i know i know but really i just go for those mint chocolate treats right at the front the andy's andy's motherfuckers nothing keeping andy's in business like all of them who's just buying andy's what a great combination too right because you go in there you get the garlicky ass breath from the breadsticks and you're devouring it and then you're like ah i need to freshen up with an andy's right you're like i don't want to order dessert here because like you have this isn't anyone's birthday So I just need a little something that makes me feel good with the mint,

but also like quenches my dessert. You worked at the food industry, in the food industry, for a little bit here recently. Oh, yeah. Do you guys honestly expect, when you ask people if they want dessert, save room for dessert, do you actually believe? I feel like no one ever is like, you know

what? Yeah, let's let's let's do it. When you walk in, you know if you're getting dessert or not. It's like a decision. You never like thought midway through the meal like we should get dessert. That's what I'm saying. It's like a thing like we never got dessert going out as a family. So I was like nobody ever wants dessert. You get that shit on

the way you get dairy queen on the way home or something. Yeah, but the work the restaurant I worked at we didn't even have dessert oh so we just wanted people to get the fuck out the best business plan ever do you have dessert i'm like we have sweet potatoes yeah you save room for dessert and they're like uh yeah actually that's not good you're like okay well good you can go down to sub zero right get the hell out of here all right we got to move these tables in that's funny man up zero dude how about how that is just all it can we not get an updated saying for that what you save room for dessert like can we i mean that's how everybody asks

you save room i always have room i don't need to save room for dessert. Yeah, exactly. 15 steaks and stuff like damn cheesecake, though. Exactly. A wise family friend of mine once said you don't you're not hungry for brownies. You want brownies. There's a difference. Brownies. I know

I had a good one in a minute. What a crazy invention that is. By the way, you've been doing dry. You've been back on the donuts. What's like your go to right now? Because we have big me and you had a big feud over the cake donut. Well, yeah, that's the thing. He's the only difference between us. Huge cake guy, quite daddy donuts. That's all they do really is cake and they're delicious delicious but you know they

they figured out a way i don't know what they do what kind of secret sauce krabby patty ingredient shit this is but like their cake donut is not that heavy it has the feel of the taste of a cake donut but like after you eat one you're not like wow. That was very dense and heavy. It's light. So you can eat one of their donuts and like go on with the rest of your day. I eat a donut dude. I'm out for like four to six weeks. Yeah.

Well, that's why you look like you and I look like me, but yeah, you can you can you know, they're pretty lightweight. They're good. They're really good. Yeah, so it's been fun. I'm stealing them when I come over this week. Yeah, they're the trailer. They're bringing a fresh batch. So it's been fun. I'm stealing them when I, when I come over this week.

Yeah. They're bringing a fresh batch. I think like Thursday, Thursday's media day. I got Marco on the bus on Thursday too. And so I think they're bringing a fresh batch one for you, boy. It might even be hell if I take him on carb day,

because then there's going to be a bunch of people out there. I can just hand them out. Just fucking don't throw donuts at people. What a dream right in the fucking head. Oh, just throwing a donut at the back of somebody's head. What would feel better than that? Oh,

what was that? Oh, donut. Oh, thanks man. Like you can't get mad. Just what the, Oh,

it was a donut right on. Like you can't, what if you did throw donuts at it? They'd be like, thank you so much just throwing presents at people dude oh long john i love you long john would be hard to throw you had to throw that like a boomerang it comes back dude if you throw a long john doesn't come back and hit you right in the lips oh shit or like a frisbee too you do you either do boomerang or frisbee style glazed donut with

a middle popped out like you could really put some curve on that oh yeah bro oh steve right but like with one of these little cake donuts that are so compact bro the little cake donuts are so compact basically don't even have a center you wound up out for two hours on the ground what happened through a cake donut the back of my head Colonel Sanders waterboard

is it is always every time I'm like I've been talking the whole movie and then that Colonel Sanders part comes on I'm like shut up that's part it's so random dude my humor in one

in 13 seconds what's he throw out the window in that movie like a trophy it's so fucking funny it's so unnecessary too bro What's he throw out the window in that movie? Like a trophy. It's so fucking funny. It's so unnecessary too, bro. He's like not even that mad. He just picks it up and tosses.

Oh, damn. Wow, donut food fight. Can we please? I'd be running around with my mouth open the whole time. In a like dodgeball competition. I'd be like, oh shit, man. I'm going to ask. I'm going to be like, they're going to ship. They'll be like, all right, so Friday,

this is where you are. Are you all good? Is there anything else you need? I'm going to be like, 64 donuts and team jerseys. I'm going to go. Okay. Weird request, but hear me out. Me and Polizzi are going to fucking wind up and throw donuts at people.

Oh, and they're going to love it. Who's going to get mad at that? Do we need a release form or something for this? Because green light. Green, green, green. Yeah oh my god now all i will be able to think about probably for the rest of time is just randy johnson a fastball donut red somebody's hitting a bird a goose god damn it all right let's keep going on these answers. All right, what's a thing you believed in as a kid that is totally not true?

I believed that sex is when a man and a woman just sleep in a bed next to each other. in a bed next to each other and I thought that sperm would float out of your penis through the blankets back down through the blankets and

into the vagina. That's not what happens. Yeah, damn, I've been doing it all wrong. That is true. You trying to bang? Just sleeping next to a girl. Just looking at the ceiling, bro. I mean, every TV show, every movie, everything that your parents had on is always like, did you sleep at Seinfeld?

Well, did you sleep with her? And so, like, you know, when you're a kid, you're saying, oh, well, yeah, I didn't know what it was before, like before you knew that you're old. Well, yeah. So having older sisters as compared to older brothers, because I know they would wreck that shit for you. No way, dude. Older brothers are like, yeah, dude, they'll tell you the minute they know.

My sisters didn't say shit to me. Yeah, that would be a weird thing. So weird. Yeah, the dynamic there, that is interesting. Older sister sex talk compared to older brother. Older sister still don't talk about it no never not really with any even with my younger side yeah no i mean it's just an unspoken rule but like at eight years older brother really we'd be such more douche here if we had brothers wow can you imagine that no

no i can't i can't either yeah how's it possible i don't know but i can't i can't remember what i thought it was i think i thought it was just laying next i didn't know do you sleep with her it is kind of like you're just sleeping what's up yeah sounds good to me that's all i need to do um yeah i I see, but I always knew like I knew that there was some sort of there's some going entanglement that happened. I thought you just kissed. Yeah, maybe that's it. Just kiss in bed, right?

Just yeah, sounds good touching each other. Yeah, let's keep going. Sex talk. Sex talk. All right. What's something you believed Sex talk. Sex talk. All right. What's something you believed in as a kid? It's definitely not true. Something I believed in that is definitely not true is that if you swallow a piece of gum,

it's going to stay in your stomach for like 25 years. And like, I don't know why, but that freaked me out. That's why I have still to this day never swallowed a piece of gum ever i still believe it that's a really calm i mean it makes sense you're like what even is this and i'm chewing on how is that gonna so you're telling me i could have been swallowing gum this whole time that's why they put sticking under the tables at restaurants and shit because that myth oh yeah right uh-huh yeah so gum is honestly it's just food that's a pretty yeah i mean the gum i was gonna say gum diet somebody might say it i don't know if you've filtered these or not yet but

if you obviously make your eyes like do a weird thing across them or you like flip your eyelids up like it's like stuck is that true that way no you sure no way it's true that's how that's had to happen to somebody yeah one day just crossed him and that was the last time listen to your parents infomercial on that listen to your parents this is me before my eyes were crossed just permanently yeah i was just playing a trick. Why was that always? Maybe it's just me, but why was that always so funny when I say probably like five to nine years old, maybe cross-eyed, like cross-eyed, always still hilarious to me. Sorry, when I was like a I just remember in

second grade I would kill because I could cross my eyes and so I just like you know some people do stupid voice and cross my eyes. Fire is all dude fire joke every time is awesome and like it would you know if the bit wasn't working just cross the eyes crushing me, saving saving your old reputation for being the funny guy, just selling out for the cross eyes, bro. It's that and sitting too close to the TV. Uh-huh. That's the other one. Definitely. For sure.

Let's keep going. Well, something that you believed in as a kid, that's a thousand percent not true. Yo, Ben, it's Kai. I hope you've been well, man. I wanted to reach out about this new space. Hold on, dude.

What? Let it rip. Let's go. Over here in downtown Indy. We've got a little recording studio up for podcasting, and it's got a live setup here that spills out into a coffee shop, and we wanted to activate that with some dope people we know, and we were to activate that with some dope people we know and we were brainstorming that and you came up on the short list of not funny individuals we'd love to have in the space

would uh yeah man i'd really love to show you the space sometime soon and uh see if we could talk more about it uh and what your thoughts are man um I hope you're doing well and I hope we'll chat soon here. We'll send Robbie over there. So the most, so business. I mean, that is an email. He literally typed out an email, read it to you on the anonymous. He says, he says, sincerely, sincerely, Robbie Jones, live, laugh, love. All his phone numbers under it i was touch base

soon i was kind of in like i was kind of interested a little bit until he said activate and then he lost me wait what he said activate and we would like to man look at you to possibly activate this space for dude sorry man it sounds like a cool. Not as cool as wave one probably, but yeah, dude, just to can't do business business did can't no activation approach, no activations here. And then

there's another one. He had another activate brainstorm. Did you say brainstorm? I don't know whatever there are a lot. I might have heard like a recalibrate or something. No, he did not toss a recalibrate in there. Jesus Christ. Possibly if you could activate... What am I, a robot? Activate, recalibrate.

Activate with your cohorts and we could collaborate on the brainstorm. We could get some Chipotle and we could meet up at the coffee shop next door. You want to get some Chipotle and we could meet up. Be sure. Coffee shop next door. Be sure to wear programming.

I you polo and you're now. Now we're getting mean. I feel bad. Nothing personal, man. Yes, activate. We're just being not funny. Those guys are not funny. Check in and see.

All right, let's keep going. So when I was a kid, my mom used to tell me that the 50 cent ice cream wrappers on the cones at McDonald's were edible and I could eat them. And then I found out three years later that that wasn't true. And I was eating the 50 cent cones at mcdonald's with my friends i think she told me that because i wouldn't i would be too lazy to take off the wrapper of the cone when i would eat it so i just would waste it and she was like oh no that's edible like you can eat it just just the mcdonald's cones nothing else was edible besides those i mean i believe you're fuck i mean they probably are a little bit edible because

they know people are gonna eat them i wonder how much like accidental paper i've eaten in my entire life sure i know i've eaten like 17 like reesey cup wrappers on accident because they're the same color as the reesey cup those seem like they might cause a little bit more damage they're like waxy yeah just some paper no wonder i can't breeze yeah got a lot of waxy buildup in there yeah there's a reese's that you've eaten over there my sinuses are congested oh yeah let me take a look just reese's paper all in my face i think i eat like i've probably eaten like a couple rolls of foil in my life on accident well oh yeah when you're trying to make

the grills you know that no not that what the hell bro when i'm cooking chicken in the oven just every night me putting a grill in all right but yeah for your tiktok i don't brush my teeth but i put i put a grill in for my dude that grill song still goes hard smile yeah yeah it does what a movement so dad doesn't know the rap lyrics no i can't um the thing that always messed me up is like how like a dog in your house would like get something off the counter and like not only just eat like the wheat thins in it but the whole like paper bag and box that came with it too and you're just looking at

your dog like damn you just ate like a full cardboard box dogs are are so dumb, bro. What's the weirdest thing? I'm happy. I love them, but they're just like it's amazing how much smarter cats are the dogs. I don't like how smart cats are. Honestly, I mean, they kind of intimidate me. Rightfully so. I mean, it is like it's astonishing. I mean

this dogs, they literally just piss everywhere, shit everywhere, do the opposite of what they're supposed to do at all times. Eat everything they're not supposed to at all times. So stupid. Cats are in there shaking food. Literally. Making biscuits, bro. Cats make biscuits.

It's so weird. I hate how smart cats are. Cats deserve everything bad that happens to them. They do. Every time a cat falls, I'm like, mark that one up. They always fall on their feet their feet bro that's another amazing thing about them and then when you're used to having cats like shit you can just have your cat you know kind of like waist high a little bit just kind of like lightly just toss it not throw just a light yeah and that's perfect those pop right down you get in that mode and then I have a you transition to a puppy of the

first time. Dude, you forget on the stairs a hundred percent. I did that with Willow. The pup were watching like I had to lift her up and put her over the little gate thing and I once I got it over the gate. I just kind of like dropped her and she's like and I was like, oh my God, I just break your leg. I'm so sorry.

I forgot that you can't do that. It's a something to keep in in mind cats are way too good with their hands they're good with everything bro they're they're playing mind games or looking at you i don't like it dude they don't ever break eye contact if you look at them they will fucking stare i look away yeah you know i'm like oh my god we're dogs then you look back and they're still looking you're like wow that cat thinks i'm an idiot i mean dogs are dumb and they're still looking. You're like, wow, that cat thinks I'm an idiot. I mean, dogs are dumb, but they're the best. Yeah, that's why they're the best. Let's keep rolling.

Yeah. Yeah. Bro, my whole fucking life, my whole life, I'd be playing. I'd be over somebody's house playing Tiger Woods 2004, Tiger Woods 2005. So my whole life, I thought tiger woods was a fucking place like fucking mad at ncaa like i just thought it was a place like oh this that's tiger woods like your goal is to get to tiger Woods and no fucking retard figured out as a person. Oh God, dude, you going camping?

Yeah, where are you going? Tiger Woods going hunting this weekend. Where you heading? The old tea Woody. I mean, that's funny. That's great,

dude. I kill a boy. Yeah, it's hilarious I but he was like on the cover just when you don't know who it is

you don't know same guy on the cover every literally with him like staring at you with his driver just trees I could never play golf video games could you I mean I don't do anything golf yeah thank god I forgot that's a awesome games. Could you? I mean, I don't do anything golf. Yeah, thank God. I forgot.

That's the awesome part about you. You're like everything but golf. Dude, I've got friends that I haven't seen in like three months because as soon as the weather goes like 48 and sunny, they're like, yeah, get nine. See when it gets cold. Yeah, I'm like, all right. Say at the Christmas party.

Cool. Maybe if you're not in nothing golf, not even putt putt. We're like coming up putt. We're like coming up on 30. We're getting closer to 30. So now I'm worried that like in the winter time, it'll just be like golf simulators golf galaxy guys again. Top golf top

you've been there. I'm in top golf. Can you do a little TG? Yeah, I mean, I don't swing it. Well, I swing a few times. I'm just there for the that's what that's environment and food and everything. I'll sit back, get some fries.

You kids have fun. Seriously, like I'd rather do anything but this. Yeah, my brother-in-laws too. I mean, pretty much everybody besides you, Alex, Bill and Dylan Evans, everybody else that I know literally even like these like drivers that I do all

this stuff with now the you know when they're out of the when they're not in the car when they're not in the car. Hey they're they're out on the course. I'm like man, whatever I guess is what everybody does can't will never

maybe pop up though, but Papa is still still too long i'm like 18 9 is fine bro 18 imagine playing actual golf for 18 holes what just i am i am 1 million percent convinced that it cannot be that fun it's just a thing that people feel like they have to do to get away but 18 like you don't have anything to like do feel like they have to do to get away but 18 like you don't have anything to like do you don't have to like run to the store for something today because when you get back it's close. Clear me clear the schedule. How

long can that possibly take? I mean, it's it literally is a full day for me. It'd be one one hole is like fine. The first hole. I'm like, all right there. That was great. Thank you so much. We got 17 first hole i'm like all right then that was great thank you so much like we got 17 more i'm like what yeah dude business golf no golf outings no golf guy that's like yeah it just gets me away from the wife that's so funny dude when we went to that guy i called

that thing i didn't swing one about me either bro either, bro. I was just in the, I just went back to the clubhouse and drank like 40 sprites and just talked to like the lady that was there. I was like, this is the, this is living again. The clubhouse at the golf. Sit there, have a nice little mixed drink,

you know, a little cocktail, nice environment, talking about nothing for 45 minutes. You got the golf network on hate golf, but like the network is, you know, it's like pretty soothing, soothing baseball games and golf on TV.

I'm like good night. Tiger Woods man. Now I just I really want like I want someone to I wonder why he hasn't done that. He could make like a like a theme park like a destination Tiger Woods and he went to Stanford with the tree. Shut up. That's their mascot.

All right. All ties together. So when I was a kid, my mom used to tell me that the 50 cent ice cream wrapper. Oh, shit. Same girl. You had that double. Whoops. I just want to talk about ice cream that bad.

I always thought that Kokomo by the Beach Boys was actually an original song by the Muppets from the Muppet movie. When I found out last year, I never laughed harder. Oh, last year? Kokomo?

Wait, one more time. I had a few messages from the wife there. Sorry. I always thought that Kokomo by the Beach Boys was actually an original song by the Muppets from the Muppet movie. And when I found out last year, I never laughed harder.

So I'm... Did you watch the Muppets when you were a kid? Yeah. The two old guys up in the thing. Why were they funny as hell? Is that a lesson? Three years had just big ass noses with nose hair sticking out, just talking shit about everybody.

Just roasting and just laughing at it. Nobody else is laughing besides you, but that's the best. So fun. Hey, oh, I thought you were my sister-in-law. Sorry, I was such a quick. Hey, Hey. Oh, I thought you were my sister-in-law. Sorry. That was such a quick hey, dude. Oh, my God. I was like, that would have scared me if that was me walking out. Hey!

She drops everything she's carrying. Yeah, dude. Those old guys are... They fucking rip, dude. I love those guys. They were always awesome. Even when you're six years old and you watch the scary the scary Muppet Christmas Carol. You watch that. I don't think

I can't. I kind of can't remember the Muppets are funny. They are funny in a weird way. They got the one dude that doesn't speak English. He doesn't speak English, but like he it's a two doctors and he doesn't one of them don't speak English. It's the one with the crazy

red hair and then like the only other one that can understand them is his fellow doctor. Yeah, what the hell he's always like me and then they're all like kermit's like what you're talking about and then one guy just like what he's saying is funny shit. Yeah, that is always the guy that no one else can understand that has the answers classic big bird kind of scary after a while though i don't think that's that's sesame street bro oh shit kind of kind of same vibe though yeah i mean they're all puppets i mean wait so kermit's was kermit on Sesame Street. They probably

had a crossover. They probably had a multiverse of madness. Wow Luke Skywalker was on Sesame Street time. Oh yeah, big time. What's Elmo though? Elmo's I think it almost Sesame Street for sure. I was a big Sesame Street person. Elmo, Big Bird, Oscar the Grouch. Love that guy. Cookie Monster, Sesame Street. Yeah. Yeah. What about Bert and Ernie? Muppets.

Wow. This is like, I think AFC NSC. Bert and Ernie are Pro Bowl Muppets. Muppets. Yeah. They're like the two like kings. Which one? Which one's Gatorade?

Which one's Powerade? Oh shit. I think Muppets are Gatorade? Which one's Powerade? Oh shit. I think Muppets are Gatorade. Wait, no, no, no. I think Sesame Street might be Gatorade dude. Nah, you're Kermit, Elmo and fucking Grover on the same squad. That's Muppets.

It is Muppets. Are you sure? Am I tripping? They're all the same. Muppets is Gatorade. Sesame Street's Powerade for sure. Yeah. I'm kind of mad. All right. I'm upset, but we'll move on.

Keep going. I always thought yogurt was pronounced yogurt. Oh, God. Because that's what I called it as a kid. And I was literally nannying some bratty ass kids. And I was like, you guys want some yogurt? Oh, no. I was in college when I said this to them.

And they go, what? And they said, what did you call that? that i go can i get you guys some yogurt and they said what did you just call that i totally thought for the longest time yogurt was pronounced yogurt because no one corrected me on it growing up oh That's a tough reality check when two bratty, bitchy-ass nine-year-olds check you. Check you hard. Harder than you've ever been checked. Spell it, you idiot. Nine years old. Check you like

they're Happy Gilmore. Wouldn't come back downstairs. Nope. Babysitter. I'd be on the phone. Fake phone call the whole time. Just upstairs. Don't care. Yeah, turn the stove on if you want i don't know it's your world now whatever you have to do to get back in their good graces oh yeah anything and they know that too dude so they'll ask what their parents won't usually let them do and then

you're like you probably shouldn't but you like in order me to redeem myself we kind of need to yes you can wear your mom's makeup. Jesus Christ. You're not going to pay me this week. Yes, Timmy, put on the makeup. Yeah, you can drive the car in the garage. Jesus Christ. Just pick me up something from the gas station.

Some yogurt. Then they're like, what? You're like, God. All right, let's do one more. That's funny. I grew up thinking that the word extraordinary was pronounced extraordinary because that's how it was spelled. And whenever people describe something or someone in the terms of extraordinary, I would think that they were telling them that they were super normal and just ordinary people.

Not amazing. You did an extraordinary job. I mean, it kind of is the same word. Yeah. I mean, it helps with the spelling. It really does.

And then that was always like a MySpace. Oh my God. This car just drove by with a huge bear in it. It'd be giant. Not live one. Stuffed one. Oh my God. This car just drove by with a huge bear in it. It'd be giant. Not live one. Oh my. Stuffed one. Oh my God.

That we both saw at the exact same time. Just in the front seat staring out the window. I wouldn't be surprised. Bears do the most normal human shit ever. You do kind of want to cuddle with a bear, even though it would literally rip you out. I would have a bear. I'd be like,

go ahead if you want to kill me. It'll be worth it. For this one minute of cuddle and your warm arm and breast. Oh, please. I would sleep next to a bear. 10 out of 10 nights. Yeah, just maul me. That's how I want to die, sleeping by a bear.

Oh, damn. I would cuddle so hard with a bear. I would just be like the most peaceful death ever. You're accepting it. Rip me apart. Dude, when people are always trying to wrestle bears and shit. There's like bear wrestling contest. I'm like, how could you ever

they do some? That's no way. That's true. I was going to say they seem kind of slow, but I feel like that's just not true like slow, like moving or like no, like slow moving like I feel like if you play high school football and you weren't alignment, you probably

could run away from one that may probably very dumb statement. I don't know man, but I get it, but they do have four legs and they are giant. Yeah, you ever see a bear do the picture like circulate on the internet of a bear that was like shaved or didn't

have any hair. It just looked like a huge rat. I can imagine. Sounds terrible. It was crazy. Bears are cute, man. Oh, a bear cub as a pet. What's like your what would be your number one pet like that? You can't have but one.

Ooh. Hmm. Okay. Like as a little baby, like a bear cub, just roaming around your house. How fucking awesome do that be sick? Yeah, I don't know.

You know, low key cheetah just chilling on your couch. I'm watching like lions, bears, just petting a cheetah. Oh God, I feel like it's she the kid, little panther.

See, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like that's like that's like that's like Christian C Mac C Mac

C Mac come on, come on, like get over here ready skin ready but like jokes, how he had all those giant ass tigers didn't see it, but good for but like jokes, odd, how he had all those giant ass tigers.

Didn't see it, but good for you. I mean, yeah, but I was like that would be really sick. Very dangerous. Obviously, they one of them literally ripped the arm off of one of the employees.

Really? Yeah. Was the employee do something or was the tires like a bad day? Yeah, they just, you know, well, well, well,

grumpy, didn't like how it was touched or something, just ripped an arm off. You know, I'd like to have a Wookie. What's that? Like Chewbacca.

What is that though? Honestly, it's a Wookie, but like what combination of animals is that? I think George Lucas based it off of like a giant dog

and like a bear kind of who doesn't want a Wookiee? Exactly. Is he like smart a little? I don't know. Chewy's very smart. Well, Chewy is smart. I wouldn't have Chewy. I'd love to have Chewy.

Maybe my Wookiee would not be that smart. Yeah, but they can like do things at your house while you're gone. Like Chewy, can you close the garage? Yeah, he would do it probably with just like he'd do it himself because they're huge. He pull the cord yeah hit the thing you'd be like damn it i still love you though yeah not the cord he's like pull the door literally grab it pull it down mess up the whole garage system

yeah um just dude that was like hype Hey, let's talk about that real quick. I will get out of here. So you actually got food at this place next door called the Sammit shop spelled S-A-M-M-I-C-H. I did. Yeah, it was. Well, you know what? What are you going through right now?

It drew me in because it said taco Tuesday only on Tuesdays and it's Tuesday and I was like, I do love tacos and you know, it seems like a nice just pop mom and pop shop right there. I was like, yeah, you and you know it seems like a nice just pop mom and pop shop right there. I was like yeah, you know, I won't go to the conglomerate. I'll go to the pop shop right one thing. You got to know if you come to Indianapolis Market Street, everything on the street is fake. So hoax I I'm like five minutes. I got like five minutes. The show starts here and I'm like yeah, I just need some quick. So I hop in there. I'm like not committed right. I'm just

like I just want to see the vibe. I want to see what menu see what it's like and I walk in and they got me and when I say they got me is because like I was the only one in there and then it was kind of letting you leave right. I mean I couldn't turn away and be like actually I'm all right. Thanks guys. Was it quiet in there? i feel like if it's quiet like pretty quiet oh yeah they have more control you got to get out there's music playing you're like no but they're very friendly they greeted me right away you know was it dead quiet that's so scary yeah greeted me right away like so you know and so i got two chicken tacos all right and what'd you get on them what'd you get on i

didn't really have a choice oh that's when you know it sucks when you're at a mom and pop shop and they just hook you up and you're like i'm allergic to salsa but thanks yeah i mean i was just like yeah two chicken tacos and then i was like all right i'll be ready in like four minutes said cool come out it's got the works on it whatever it's all good but the the best part that's why i said hype man because the dude who got me in just walked past the studio so i thought that was brook luckering uh dude everybody you see just someone else yeah true though um so i you know i walk in there so they have they have somebody hi again he did not say hey what's up bro they have somebody working uh you know and as a chef whipping it up, right?

And then they have somebody and a nice lady at the front clerk to check you out everything. But then they had a literal hype man. So this hype man is like so market street of them and he's just like, well, once you have this food, you're going to want to come here all the time everything and I'm so like I got a bell who know I'm saying I got hype man on me like I can't leave, you know, so they i got a bell who no i'm saying yeah i got hype man on me like i can't leave you know so they really had a nice system because they had the people who were greeting you

the kind of a little pushy hype man to to make it to where you can't leave really yeah and uh holding you hostage almost guilt you into it oh yeah right if i would have left the whole my the whole walk out would have been like you're gonna leave us you're really gonna leave us we're dry and it would have been like i know that i to leave us. You're really going to leave us. We're driving. It would have been like, I know. Sorry. And then I just want to kick open the door and ran. But right next door. You're right.

But you know, it was two pretty solid chicken tacos. That's crazy. You caught them on a day when they're open. They're open. Like you have to make an appointment to go to the sandwich shop. Tuesday, one to three. That's our only hours. We're doing tacos, baby, with the works.

Yeah. We're going to talk about our party. Yeah, let's do right now. Did we kind of mentioned it? I invited the cops on horses. That's true. I don't know if that was a good idea. Yeah, like, I mean, geez, we're doing it.

I don't know. Pre-pandemic style. I'm pretty excited. We're having an old school OG Express party that we used to have back in what 2018 2019. We had back to back pretty decent party. Yeah, for sure. And it's going down Indianapolis 10 roof downtown day before the race.

The greatest spectacle in racing. It's going down DJC buck. We've got a photographer in the house. So come correct with the race. The greatest spectacle in racing. It's going down. DJC buck. We've got a photographer in the house. So come correct with the race day theme. Oh yeah, it's got to hook people up with the IG photos gone dude. Yeah, at every one of our parties, I swear like after

the party, we've had a photographer, each one back in eighteen and nineteen, and I swear I would see so many profile pictures that were changed to a photo that was taken goal baby. No, so he has a great point where your checkers get your hair cuts, get your spray tans or like yeah, i mean checkers obviously, but like bring out a fly anything and we fly anything, but yeah, if you got any come as a Michelin guy, Indy shit, you got yeah.

Somebody has like a fire suit, you know, like an actual driver. Do that, please. Pit crew shirt that you stole from the track three years ago. That's what we want to see. You would be you'll be the hit there, man. Everybody want to take a picture with the fire suit guy, right? Because it's like, oh my God, Instagram. Are you? Are you car daily?

I know you're like friends with joy, joy, pull up noon to four free entry. Yep. It's just going to be a time where you can just come in there and be an idiot. We'll have some special guests not going to leak who, but

you know me and me BP got pretty solid Rolodex of folks Rolodex. Just drop that on your ass. Yeah, they're like we're not coming. We're trying to activate our Rolodex of friends that we have to come to this recompute what's

happening and touch base a lot, but I mean a shit ton has changed in a lot of ways since the last time we've had a party so this is the first one back race weekend biggest weekend of the year in indianapolis and if you're coming to town you got to be here and if you're in town you're already there so see you there indiana land 500 see you this saturday but all right guys i'll talk to you next week it's joey molinaro ben palizzi all right fam