Espresso - things you wish you knew

Episode Date: July 15, 2021

this week Bennie talks about the things you wish you knew when you were younger (ˡⁱᵏᵉ ʳᵉᵃˡⁱᶻⁱⁿᵍ ʸᵒᵘ'ʳᵉ ᵇⁱˢᵉˣᵘᵃˡ ᴮᴱᶠᴼᴿᴱ ʸᵒᵘ ᵍᵉ��� ᵐᵃʳʳⁱᵉᵈ👀) he reenacts every local car dealership commercial, remembers the time he sat next to a robot human at the Pacers game and explains his cure for ADHD. Ben reveals his mom's obsession with notecards and admits the only thing he learned in school was the DEWEY fucking DECIMAL SYSTEM. He creates new laws: 1) if you leave your shower curtain open you immediately go to jail and 2) people that text you "call me" will be automatically sentenced to death, he confesses how much he loves corn and tells the story about fake lottery tickets almost killing his grandpa, then he goes #ViViViViral and does #DaysOfTheWeek but you already knew that 😎 UPCOMING SHOWS: White Lake Yacht Club, Whitehall, MI July 17 8pm Sterling Event Center, Greenwood, IN July 30 8pm 𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐌𝐈𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐊 dm ben on instagram (@benedictpolizzi) →→→ 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲 & 𝗥𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄! 𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗕𝗲𝗻!: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

Shot 167 If you don't make yourself echo on a regular basis, you are not shit. Espresso podcast Yeah Uh-huh Turn me up a little bit Turn me up a little bit Uh-huh

Ooh This is like, this is is this exact music is every time i dive into the water in a pool this place for no reason you know i'm saying you're like feeling the wrinkles on the bottom of the pool in somebody's weird house you know you're like at their party and their pool liner's all fucked up and you're like oh yeah it's so smooth in somebody's weird house, you know? You're, like, at their party and their pool liner's all fucked up. And you're like, oh, yeah, it's so smooth. It doesn't matter how long I'm underwater when I'm swimming in a pool.

When I get up, I act like I'm in fucking Baywatch. I don't know what happened, but I saw somebody, like, at some camp. Like, some camp I went to. They, like, raised up out of the water and flipped their hair to the right and to the left. Like it was a cologne commercial. And I was like, oh shit, I'm doing that from now on. You know what I mean? Every time I get out of the pool, I'm like, oh shit. Acquaticcio.

Shot 167, Espresso Podcast. I'm Ben Polizzi Remember to follow On TikTok Instagram Twitter Cameo All that Benedict Polizzi

Rate Review Subscribe Do it all baby Let's get this thing jumping Jumping Jumping I can't play music on the pod anymore

What do I do bro? That was my whole. I can't play music on the pod anymore. Ah! What do I do, bro? That was my whole personality. I can't play any copyrighted music. I know, I know. I'm about to jump out of the fucking window. But, yeah, so I don't know. I guess I'm just going to sing.

I almost did it right there, but I was like, just chill out, bro. Every beginning of my podcast Is like I'm chilling though I'm chilling now I'm chilling So yeah No copyrighted songs So we gotta play

All royalty free stuff So it's like It's like all ice cream truck music But yeah Show's coming up. White Lake Yacht Club in Whitehall, Michigan. This Saturday, 8 o'clock. See you there.

That'll be dope. Sterling Event Center, Greenwood, at the end of the month, July 30th, 8 o'clock. I'm going to be with Sarah Huntington. She's been on the podcast before. And Ray. You guys know him. You know Ray. Der, der, der, der, der. Ray that Ray it'll be a good show come

out it's like a cool venue too so that'll be dope but yeah bro what's good dude it's hot it's hot like my grass is like hey now on the whole way here every time every time it's this hot out the only thing that plays in my head is like an infomercial. I wonder if that's copyright on the internet. Guess we're going to find out. This plays in my head every time it's hot as hell. See if we can sneak one past all of YouTube, huh? Oh, my God.

This right here. Holy shit. Every time I go outside, I'm like, damn, I'm like really sweating. I can get a tan like right now. This in my head it's gonna be hot and you're gonna need a pool you know that like that like that like store that's like local to you and they sell like pool tables and like hot tubs and shit and wons. It's gotta be hot and you're gonna need a pool. God, the most like Indiana hot girl, you know. It's hot and you need a pool.

Every single time. It's gotta be hot and you gotta have a pool. What's up with like local companies only like they can't use anybody else but themselves? Like every car dealership, every like every pool and spa company, anything like that is just like family first. Honey, jump in there. You're hot. It's hot, and you need a pool. It's got to be hot, and it's got to be Watson's.

It's always that local commercial that the only people they put in their commercial is all their employees, and then at the end there's like a random dog in the background. They're like, $9.95, $99, zero APR, zero financing, zero MSRP, zero ADG, zero BRB, zero G2G, zero TTYL, and Ray Skillman. And in the background, there's like a dog in the window. And they're like, see you tomorrow. He's a fucking random dog. Oh shit. That's like every one of my videos.

I'm like, yo, put something in the background. God damn it. It's hot and you gotta have a pool. There's literally a compilation on YouTube. Hot Watson's girl. I bet my dad's watched that like 48 times. Oh shit. Whose dad hasn't watched that? Watson's girl.

Dude, I wish there was a dating show for all the wife commercial personalities, spokesmen. That Terry Lee girl? Yeah, jeez, is that his wife? God. I saw Terry Lee girl? Yeah, jeez. Is that his wife? God. I saw Terry Lee in real life. He's like the local Chevy dealer or something.

I saw him at a Pacers game, and he has so much plastic surgery, he was like melting. I was sitting by him, and they put his face on the jumbotron. I was like, I don't know about that. I put my head in front of his head, and I was like, I don't know about that. I like put my face, I put my head in front of his head. And I was like, yo me, yo me pal. I looked under his chin and there was just a fucking skull. I just saw bones and shit. It was just the Terminator.

It was like, you know how on the cover of that video, it's just half of his face. Or like when any sci-fi like robot like gets hurt when they're human and like half their face is ripped off that was terry lee honda let's go pacers go pacers go pacers Go Pacers! That's how he talks. They gotta like dial him up before the game. Like the soundboard. Like we need to install the Pacers chip. So he doesn't act weird at the game.

Let's make some noise. Let's make some noise. It's Miller time. It's Miller time. It's Miller time. He goes to get a drink. The people in the control booth are like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's an explosion at Bankers Life Fieldhouse tonight, and it came from the courtside seats of Terry Lee Hunt.

Tonight at 7 o'clock, right after the break. It's hot and you gotta have a pool at Watson's. Alright, holy shit. If anybody still is listening, oh my god, dude. Holy shit, Watson's girl.

Alright, let's get to the question real quick Let's get it But first I need to let you guys know That The Espresso Podcast is brought to you by Wave 1 Media If you want to start your own show Visit thewave1.com

Okay Quick, quick, quick, quick Question of the week. Skedad. Skedad. This kid I used to coach, bro, is so funny. I know. I'm just kidding.

I don't care. This kid I used to coach, like, he was always like, you know, on your high school football team. No, there's always a kid in high school that's so funny, but, like, nobody, like, gives him the credit. Like, he's, like, kind of annoying, but low-key, eight out of ten things he says, you're like, holy shit, that was really funny.

That kid, that same kid that's always that funny, he's always injured for the whole year for no reason. He's perfectly functioning, but he just doesn't play, and there's a good reason, but you're like, what? That kid, bro, there's a kid like that that I coached. Isn't it funny to think of me as a football coach? I was like the most like, dude, me as a football coach, most like non-confrontational coach of all time.

If a kid fumbled, I'd be like, hey! Drop down and give me 20! When you get a chance Alright but for real That kid like that dude that was always like Hurt that was like super funny but no one Knew it He taught me so much like That's why I like coaching college and high school

Cause you learn so much like shit That like you learn all their lingo Like I came out to practice and I had like a melted, like, like a power bar melted, like a chocolate power bar on my nose. Cause I like, dude, when coaching is a day, I was so hungry. I came from work right to right to practice I was starving and I was eating everything in the car and I just had like hella like like uh protein bars and I smashed one when I was like walking out the practice field and I always eat before I don't want to do something too so like anytime I'm like scarfing food down it's because I'm like ah fuck this and I was just

slamming this protein bar on the way to the field and I ate it real fast and I like met up with the running backs I was like all right let's do our like pre-practice drills but uh I had chocolate on the tip of my nose and I went over to like our like our drill section and he comes up to me he's like yo coach p I was like what he's like you got something on your nose I was like oh damn and I like wiped it off and looked at my fingers and it was brown. I look back at him. He goes, mad sus. Oh, shit.

That's not like a new term, but like four years ago, that shit was so funny to me. Holy shit. Mad sus, dog. funny to me holy shit mad size dog I'm fucking dead fuck all right the question oh somebody actually uh this is really good feedback for this podcast by the way This is really good feedback for this podcast, by the way. Somebody told Derek James, who's always on the podcast, that they didn't know what any of the segments meant because it was their first time listening. And I was like, quick, quick, quick, quick question of the week. Let's go viral.

It's today's day. I just figured it out. Nobody knows what the fuck any of that means So uh Yeah when I do When I say It's the espresso quick quick quick question Of the week

Every Sunday Or sometimes like maybe a weird Tuesday Or just you know some like At the normally at the end of the week Unless it's gonna be like a weird week for me, I put out a question that's like, yo, when's the last time you did this or that? And like, I'm, I'm low key waiting for somebody to make fun of those questions. I don't know why anyone hasn't like made fun of me on that and tagged me. I'm waiting for me. It's like when you sharpen your pencil in school and your ass shakes for 12 seconds

like i'm waiting for somebody to fucking say some shit like that but the question of the week i put it out every sunday night and it's like i don't know just the question of the week and people send in dms of like stories or whatever they say and i i talk about them on the podcast so this week the question special question of the week was what's something you wish you knew when you were younger and i said for me it's when you uh when you post something on the internet no matter how many times you try to delete it like you can delete it off the internet, but people can screenshot it. You can tweet something. You know what I mean?

Famous athletes tweet some shit when they're in college and drunk, and then they go to the NFL and win a Super Bowl. And the thing that they tweeted when they're in college and drunk, somebody took a screenshot of just randomly. And then the night they won the Super Bowl, they tweet the tweet that they sent out in

college when they were drunk and it's like i don't give a fuck i just love pussy like some shit like that you know what i mean so like everything's always like once you post something bro it's always there no matter what somebody has it all right question of the week. Something you wish you knew when you were younger. Juzi 8. I wish I knew teachers weren't the upper echelon of society. Dude. So true. The truest thing.

Anybody that's like older than me, I've got some weird complex in my brain where like if someone's older than me I think they're so much smarter than me like I'm like oh you must know but like dude people are I don't know what that is like ever since I was a kid anyone that's older than me I'm like oh I mean obviously they know whoa but like especially teachers I hate when there's like a really good marketing teacher or something there's like a really good marketing you're like. There's like a really good marketing. You're like, oh my God, I love this. Like she's so cool. She knows what she's talking about.

She's confident. Like, oh my God, this lady is amazing. Then in the back of my head, I'm like, why doesn't she just do marketing for like Target? You know what I mean? Like I'm always like, damn, thanks. But shit, you should be like working for Fucking Google or something You know what I mean

I guess you can't really do that if you're like a history teacher though Like oh my god that guy knows everything About all the wars he should work in the fucking Pentagon He should work in the children's museum Like a good Like zoology teacher Oh Oh my God. She knows what the hell she's talking about. Dissecting a frog. She should have been on Jurassic Park. JP4 starring Mrs. Reister from sophomore zoology class.

Oh, shit. Then the gym teacher, the PE teacher is like, oh, man, this guy knows everything about sports. This guy, oh, he coaches every team at the high. Okay, all right. Never mind. You got it, sir. Get on the line. All right.

Things you wish you knew when you were younger. Pop 317 When I was younger I wish I would have known what it takes Consistency To be in shape I would have been downing McDoubles On the daily Do sit ups for one night and be upset

When I didn't have abs the next morning I think about that myself a lot. Like, sometimes, like, there's be random, like, three-month stretches where I don't, like, do cardio. And I'm like, I don't, you know, I don't, my body. Then you think about, like, all the shit you eat during the day, and that's not, like, going anywhere. Here we go. All the shit you eat during the day. And that's not like going anywhere.

Here we go. B. We'll do like two more. Which means 97 more. B. Trask. Things you wish you knew when you were younger. That I had ADHD. Instead of finding out as a 31 year old woman.

I don't know. I think everybody has a little bit of ADHD. Cause like, I don't know what the condition is, but I know I have a little bit because like, dude, or maybe it's not ADHD. Maybe I'm just a normal person, but dude, what do you know what's the what's the method to get rid of ADHD now for me since I don't have a medication for it drink as much coffee as possible that's my medicine oh I need a coffee every time anything gets hard, I need a coffee. Pike Place. Dark Roads. Starbucks just capitalizing off of everybody's deficiencies. Oh my god, I'm so tired.

Oh my god, I feel sick. Oh my god, I'm so nervous. Oh my god. Starbucks is like, oh, we got exactly what you need. Before work, everyday coffee. You know why? No, not because you need to wake up. Because you don't want to go to work.

Oops. Because you'll do anything before you have to do something you hate, a.k.a. my whole life. Jesus. Before I did this podcast, I like shaved my whole body. I was like, I don't know. I just got to do something. All right, one more.

Things you wish you knew when you were younger. Nico Bezo 21. The Dewey decimal system is something you'll never use again after like third grade. Yeah. I don't know why they probably don't do that anymore. Cause that I've talked about that before. My mom, like my mom was weird sometimes. I never told her what we were doing in school. So she never had a clue, like what was happening in my life. Cause she, she wouldn't ask. Like it was probably like two times on the way home from school. And I was younger.

She'd be like, what'd you do in school? And I'd be like, uh, I don't know. Just like normal shit. Like it, because it was the same thing every day.

I wasn't going to like go into what photosynthesis was in the car. Like there are people in the car too. We carpooled. Like, I'm not going to like start showing off or anything still don't know what it is but yeah i never said shit to my mom about what was going on in school and the one time i did i was like mom we thought i don't know why i felt like talking to her about school but i was like we learned this thing called the dewey decibel system and we got a sheet our librarian teacher said we got to know all 12 by the end of December or some shit like that and

my mom since I never talked about anything was like okay right when we get home you're making note cards I was like holy shit it's not like it's not that deep like it's just it was just like we went over it we got to know by December like it's cool you know dude my mom and note cards are like fucking this this my mom and my note card my mom and making note cards are like you and coffee Every morning. Oh my God, I need it. That's my mom in note cards. She likes nothing else, bro. I could get her fucking 19 packs of note cards for Christmas. And she'd be like,

Opening all the presents. The neighbors. opening all the presents the neighbors everything okay in there Merry Christmas by the way my mom oh my god they're college ruled oh those note cards though that are blank in blank on both sides without lines. I'm like, who the fuck made these? Who messed up at the factory? This is bullshit. Oh, my God. You ever write on a note card? You, like, write the, okay, say you're doing, like, vocab.

And the word is, like, I don't know why the fuck I just thought about this. But the word is succumb. I don't know why I just thought about it. The word is S-U-C-C-U-M-B because I don't really know what that means that well, but kind of. And then you flip it over to the back to write the definition in the cards upside down, like the lines. You're like, Oh, that moment in my life is the worst. Worst moment. Worst moment in 2021.

Actually, not in 2021. Worst moment in Ben Polizzi's life. Yeah, but we had to do the Dewey Decimal System. My mom was on my fucking shit about it. Like every night until December. It was probably like fucking August when I told her. On some like, the teacher was like, yeah, well, the day in December. And I told my mom. And so every the teacher was like, yeah, well, the end of December. And I told my mom.

And so every night she was like, what's A through Z? What's one two? Or whatever the fuck the Dewey Decimal System is. She like had my shit right for that. Bro. Dewey Decimal System. It wasn't like the Pythagorean Theorem.

It wasn't anything like that. It wasn't like the Pythagorean theorem. It wasn't anything like that. It wasn't fucking the Constitution. It wasn't the Our Father in Spanish. It wasn't anything important. The Dewey Decimal System was the thing for me that I knew. And the day that fucking, when December whatever rolled around and the teacher was like, do you guys remember the fucking Dewey whatever thing because she didn't even care about it and the class was

like started laughing looking at each even the smart girls like I mean I forgot what that was I was in the fucking parking lot of the school in her car and fucking crashed into the side of the room it was like let's fucking do this Dude and I answered Fucking every single Question 100% right What's that What's that What's that

What's that Before she even get the fucking question out of her mouth What's that Bitch what's that I was fucking spitting dude What's the Before she even get the fucking question out of her mouth What's the Bitch What's the I was fucking spitting dude Spitting Named them off one more time

The teacher even did one of those Like I was on fucking fire You ever on fire in class Like you can't miss bro You just know them for some reason That was always me Cause I was like I don't know this miss, bro. You just know them for some reason. That was always me, because I was like, I don't know this for any good reason,

but I know them for some reason. Like, and you hit, like, five in a row. It's fuck. It's shit. It's zit. Hi, it's so. That's me in the back of the class raising my hand.

Hi, it's hot. Hi, it's hot. Hi, it's hot. Sound like a Chinese guy. Hi, it's so. Hi-ya. Ruh. That was me in the back of the class, just...

Dude, the smart girl was looking at me like... Like she somehow had gum in her mouth. She was like... Yeah, we'll see in fucking science class if he knows anything. But dude... Holy shit. She even... The teacher was even was even like ben run through them all again for everybody and i was like like that's one of those times in class where you could cuss and everybody be like it's cool no it's cool it's cool this time i could have been like at the end i could

have been like and that's some motherfucking dewey decimal system bitch and the teacher would have been like he did kind of go off the rails at the end and with all the gun shots and his mom driving her car into the classroom but he is exactly right then the bell would ring and everybody would forget about it holy Holy shit. If that's not my podcast right there, boy, that's the most espresso podcast of all time. All right, let's go viral, viral, viral, viral. Okay, viral. This segment is when I go on the internet, on Twitter, on the internet so broad, I go on Twitter and find the most popular hashtags of the week.

And I compile a list of like 10 of them. I go through them on the podcast like, okay, like this one, the one this week is hashtag why even pretend. Like I have like a list of like 10 like that and I just pick ones that like look good. Hashtag why even pretend Why even pretend That you should get out of your bathroom shower Like, you know the shower with the curtain. I'm still shower curtain range income Who's not bro if you don't have a shower with a curtain, fuck off. Those are kind of scary, though. Shower with curtain. You can't see shit. Anything could

be happening. That was probably my biggest fear. People are like, oh, there's something in my closet. I'd be taking a shower with the curtain wide fucking open, getting water all over the bathroom just because I was fucking scared. Just because I saw the cover of a fucking Scream movie at Kroger. I'd see that and be like, oh shit, that'd fuck me up for like two months. And then I'd take a shower at home with the fucking shower curtain all the way pulled to the side.

Bathroom. Why is the bathroom all wet? I'd be like, that's crazy. But why? Okay. Some people get, okay, you know your toilet's right by the shower just because that if your toilet's not right by your shower curtain shower you live in like a fucking dorm room or something but the toilet's always by the shower curtain and people fucking the whole shower curtain and get out step out where like the toilet is you know i'm talking about like where the water you turn on

the water the faucet the water and then that's like right next to the water and the faucet in the shower is like the toilet people get out on that that side that doesn't why even pretend hashtag why even pretend that's what the fuck get out on the other side. There's room. You're not in the water. It's less wet. Usually the towels are like arms width or reach like right there. You know what I mean? People that get out, dude, I can always tell because they don't put the shower curtain back. That's a whole different story, bro.

If you take a shower and leave the shower like exposed time for jail time for jail call the cops 9-1-1 what's your emergency this motherfucker wants to show everybody some soap dude the shower without a curtain on it Is a disaster I don't care if you just cleaned it I'll clean the fuck out of my shower I'll get a new shower And when they're done

Installing it and they're like that's it Have a good one and they leave the house I'll fucking put the curtain over Fuck that dude that's weird in there I'm always like there's gonna be a fucking Cockroach in there or something I would throw up for sure dude what if you saw a snake in it if I see a snake on TV I'm like I always think the biggest fear I have that's not real me

going to the bathroom Not standing up And there's a fucking snake in the toilet I just got the chills seven times Alright one more hashtag Hashtag Texts I hate to get Hashtag Texts I hate to get Hashtag Texts I hate to get

Um There's a lot Like when somebody just leaves an open ended question Dude that'll ruin my whole day If somebody you like genuinely care about Is like hey uh oh this one call me i'm like like it's that person that like it could be important but at the same time they could be like looking for their fucking keys in the parking lot you know one of those so you're like damn but some people when you get a call me from them, you're like, I'm calling them right

now. This is about to be fucked up. And some people, when you get a call me, you're like, why don't you just fucking call me? You're on the phone right now. What are you talking about? Call me. What are you now? You're bossing me around and shit. What do you mean? Just go. I'm in like, it's one tap away on your phone. Just do it to me. Just go. It's one tap away on your phone. Just do it to me. Or at least be like, is it okay if I call?

And even if you say that, dude, you're a piece of shit. When people are like, you got a second? I want to call you. I'm like, oh, fuck. About what? It's not my birthday. What do you want to talk about? There's always something bad.

Always something bad. Always something you don't want to do when somebody wants to call you. I'm like, fuck. What chore? What do you want? God damn it. Has it ever been anything good? Hey, let me call you for a second. Hey man, just wanted to say thanks for being a great guy. Alright, talk to you later. Bye.

It's never been that. It's always like, hey, when you, um, hold on a second. Woo! Hold on, there's some construction. Woo! Just one second. My phone's breaking. Actually, it's probably your phone.

You have bad service, you piece of shit. What are you, T-Mobile? Woo! Then they're like, hey, will you pick me up from the airport, jump my car and change my fucking furnace? I'm like, oh my God, fuck. Oh, bye. And I'm like, I don't know. Can you just text me all that shit? Cause I can't even bear to like, dude, I can't even hear people in real fucking life. Imagine me hearing you on the phone like when the connection's bad on the phone i'm i've never been more pissed off i'm just like

fuck it i'll never talk to your ass again for all i care the call me text is just like so rude. Some people just text rude shit, bro. It's so fucked up. I'd rather not text somebody back at all than text something rude. Like, when somebody's like, K. I'm like, I mean, now you're just going to, like, that's some evil shit right there. You're just going to K me? The dot, dot, dot. The dot, dot, text.

I hate the fucking, hey, what's up? What are you doing later? Dot dot dot. And they're not like being funny. You know? You know when somebody gives you a dot dot dot and you're like, for real? Yeah. Dot dot dot.

Like, oh. Like one of those dot dot dots is different. But when somebody just always texts like that. Like my dad does it with dashes. He'll be like, what's up, dash and i'm like what is that is that for me to like fill in is that the line that i'm supposed to like write in my answer the dash dude people put dot dot dot at the end of the shit like that and i'm like are you fucking what's up that's what it sounds like people that

put ellipses after their texts and they don't know what that is to other people it's like you're saying it like okay like if you're like all right bro I paid for all your stuff um yeah I'll drive I'll pick you up at eight o'clock give give you a couple hours of sleep in, and then we're heading to the amusement park. They're like, sounds good, dot, dot, dot. You're like, what the fuck? This is what they sound like. Okay, bro, I paid for all your stuff. I'm picking you up. I'll give you a couple more hours of sleep, pick you up at eight. I'm actually going to give you some food on the way there. You know, everything's on me this trip. And then we're heading to the amusement park. It sounds like you're saying this sounds good. That's what that is.

Ellipses fucking gypsies out there. Ellipsy gypsy. All right, let's do days. Okay. Days. Days of the week. There's a national day of the week for every single day of the year. Holy fuck, that didn't make any sense.

There's like five national days for every single day in the year. And they switch, they fucking rotate, all this shit. You know when somebody, like some stupid, like when Dunkin' Donuts has a sponsored ad on Instagram and they're like, it's National Donut Day! Every donut that you buy after four donuts that you buy is free. And you're like, huh? What the fuck? National Donut Day?

Who's making this shit up? All right. So when me and Joey were doing this podcast a long time ago, we were like, there's so many fucking national days. Let's just like talk about them. So every day. Okay. So this Friday, National Corn Fritters Day.

We just found like a, there's a website that has all the national days, and we just talk about them every time. Friday, National Corn Fritters Day, which is what? Because that shit sounds kind of good. What the fuck's a corn fritter this is what this is this is what the segment is i'm like what the fuck is it oh shit that looks good stuff with corn in it i'm like yo guess what my favorite fucking veggie is dude shit with corn the corn the most like i think the most uh underappreciated thing at like chipotle and Qdoba is that corn.

I would get a burrito with just that and be like, oh, yeah. Checking all the boxes. Holy shit. A corn fritter looks fire. It looks like a corn oatmeal raisin cookie. I know 60 people right now are like, ew. But fuck you. Sometimes corn on the grill. There's just something about corn. It's just a simple thing. You're are like, ew, but fuck you. Sometimes, like, corn on the grill.

There's just something about corn. It's just a simple thing. You're just like, damn. Like, when I see somebody eating a big fucking ear of corn at a fair, I'm like, oh! Did you bring those? Like, I'd pay, like, $17 for that. It's so big. I'm like, where'd you get that

fucking corn? Yeah, but corn. National Corn Fritters Day. Looks big. I'm like, where'd you get that fucking corn? Yeah, but corn. National Corn Fritters Day. It looks good. I wonder if anybody actually eats those. Saturday. National Lottery Day. For some reason, I hate playing the lottery.

I just feel like it's never going to work out. I mean, because it doesn't. But when people are like, let's get lottery tickets. I'm always like, it's going to work out i mean because it doesn't but like when people are like let's get lottery tickets i'm always like it's gonna be a fucking big mess and and i don't have a fucking penny and i don't want if i do this with my fingernail i'll literally i'd i'd rather lose a finger than win the lottery like the the amount of like reward you know it's just like i don't bro all this shit's gonna go over the table How about those fake lottery tickets You remember those People are like starting to give those out

Those got hot in like 2000 That's a long time ago Buddy but uh Like we got my grandpa This is not okay we got my grandpa who's like Older obviously a fake lottery Ticket this motherfucker loves the lottery Sometimes he would like win $500 and shit like on Christmas And we'd be like whoa like older, obviously, a fake lottery ticket. This motherfucker loves the lottery.

Sometimes he would like win $500 and shit like on Christmas, and we'd be like, whoa, like thinking it was like $5 million when we were kids. But somebody gave him a fake lottery ticket, and the prize was like $7 million. Like that is not, dude, to give an old person that? And like half the people thought it was real and half didn't know. And the person that gave it to him was like, like didn't want to like fucking ruin their day, but also like felt guilty. I was like, dude, I just, I think I just went to the bathroom every time people did lottery tickets. I was like, ah, I'm good.

That's probably what fucked me up with lottery tickets, actually, that moment. Because I was like, my grandpa, this is fake. When I heard it was fake and he couldn't really hear or something, and I knew it was fake and his face was still happy, I was like, ah. Do you have the keys? I'll drive this bitch home. I'm fucking 12. you have the keys? I'll drive this bitch home I'm fucking 12 Get in the fucking car

Four hours on the way home Crying the whole time Did you see his fucking face? He thought that shit was real fuck Holy shit Alright Shot 167 It's a wrap Thanks for listening Remember to review Subscribe Holy shit. All right. Shot 167.

It's a wrap. Thanks for listening. Remember to review, subscribe, rate it. Hit me up on Instagram for the question of the week. If you got any feedback on the podcast, if you want me to talk about it or something, if you got a question of the week you want me to put out there, let me know. At Benedict Plitze on Instagram, Twitter tiktok and cameo but okay i'll talk to you guys next week Thank you.