Espresso - weird celebrity encounters

Episode Date: March 18, 2022

👕 🔥 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐇!🔥 🧢 ↓ buy some shit ;) influencedby.co/collections/ben-polizzi 🔒 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼���� 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝗰𝗮𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙠 (𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗺) https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ♦️ 𝗦𝘂𝗯𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 🔹 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚 & 𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬 ;) on this episode Ben has comedian @lolderekjames on to answer the Espresso Question of the Week: what's your weirdest celeb encounter? (like when Larry Bird takes your gf home) 86 NEWS reports on a cow in India that is being worshipped like a GOD then the boys tell us the dumbest reasons their relationships ended: ben tells us about a girl he used to date that called pretzels prinsels and Derek stopped talking to a girl bc of her hand fetish ehem they both try to figure out how the State Fair hasn't been outlawed by the government and then wonder why white people HAVE to light an entire car on fire when they're excited 🔸𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗝𝗢𝗛𝗡𝗦𝗢𝗡: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 🔹𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 🔸𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 🔹𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

Espresso podcast shot 202. I like this right here. Put a little spice in your life. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's a fiesta. I'm in here in the studio with my boy, Derrick James.

Okay. Spice is nice. Pico de Gallo. That was a nice try-o. 5-0, 6-0, 7-0, 8-0, 9-0. I want to play Nintendo. Not 65, I'm talking 64 Yo, Derrick James

Give him some more 9-0 10-0 11-0 4 Get me through the motherfucking door Okay, yeah Where we going?

I don't know nowhere We're just sitting in this chair Where we going? I don't know nowhere. We're just sitting in this chair. Where we gonna go? We don't even know. Just said that line before. Keep it going. I don't know. It's always so bad.

I thought you were going to say we were sitting here in our underwear. That's so on brand for you. That would be so good. That would be so good. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. Dude, but we got a thick little podcast. Keep making me rap. Thick boy podcast.

Thick boy pod. All right. Thick boys only. But before we get into it, I have a little bit of news. Oh! 386 News! I'm Johnson. And I'm Fox. Breaking news, people.

Sounds like we have a very amusing story coming across the globe. Settle down there, Foxy. It says here a cow born on a farm in India is being worshipped. Get that. Worshipped because it is thought to be a reincarnation of a Hindu god. Oh, yes. Okay.

Jeez. And why do you ask? Why do you ask? Why would it be a reincarnation of a Hindu god? Because it was born with a third eye in the middle of its forehead. Oh. A Hindu god. A Hindu god.

What do you think, Foxy? What do you think Foxy What do you think about that Well you know what Yeah Johnson I think they're really gonna Milk this one Oh my god

We're talking about the gods You can't Oh my god Matter of fact I can't believe It's such a big story That I haven't Heard of it

Oh Jesus You can't start doing You can't I did it I did it. I did it. Okay, but in all seriousness, let's be formal here. It's a big topic. We need to be serious here.

I'm getting some more info now, and it sounds like the people in India are crowning this cow the king. Oh, my God. And his name has been changed to Sir Loin. Oh my gosh. Jesus. Jesus.

Seriously. I'm reading here that they are escorting the cow out of town on motorcycles. Oh my gosh. Foxy, what kind of motorcycles? Kawasaki. Oh, my God.

You can't. You cannot. Oh, Jesus Christ. For 86 moves. I am Johnson. And I am Foxy. All right. Yeah, we just did it. Dude, it's been so long since I've ripped.

It was touching go there for a second. It was. It was. Wow. Dude, I haven't ripped a Weasel laugh in a while. Dude, did you get caught in your throat? Just flim it up. What's that sound like?

It kind of sounds like a Jurassic Park dinosaur. That does, yeah. It sounds like when you get the air knocked out of you. Oh, did that ever happen to you? Oh my god, dude. Dude, that was the moment I was like, I am dying. Right, and that's the closest I've ever been to death. Dude, have you ever had the air knocked out of you as an adult?

No. Like, as a kid, you could just bounce back from that shit, but as an adult, it wrecks your existence. Wait, as a kid, it's like, for me, like, somebody fucking their helmet, like, drilled me. Right, yeah, right in the sternum. And I was like... Yeah, as an adult, you're like,

all right, I should die now. But what happened when you got the air knocked out of you? Dude, when you... What was going on? You're like like why am i 31 and hopping a fence so bad did you steal something no dude i was like what would you steal if you're 31 weed whacker yeah fucking a leaf blower yeah dude no yeah why am i 31 hopping a fence and obviously like you tie your shoes so of course you're like loop of your shoes gonna get caught on the fucking fence and it's not even a high fence it's like a three-foot fence the closest i've ever been to i think i'm dying is definitely

there yeah knocked out yeah do you when your football coach just comes up to you and just like ah you're gonna be all right dude you know what they do though you know what they do when you're on the ground, you can't breathe. They grab the front of your pants and yank them like four feet back. I'm like, I didn't even know my pants could stretch like that, coach. And also, it's like, why are you slapping me on the back? That's how I got into this. I don't have to burp. I know, exactly.

You're not fucking burping me. I don't know, man. What's the closest you've ever been to dying? To dying? Yeah, like what's the dumbest closest you've ever been to dying? To dying? Yeah, like, what's the dumbest way you've, like, almost, like, okay, I could have ended it all there. Oh, dude, it's got to be driving. You know, you're like, all right, no, like, I can make a... Like, you just get, you think you're, like, you just, like, forget that you're driving.

You just merge into somebody else's lane. Yeah, that honk they give you is so, honk they give you yeah it's got to be that the closest i've ever been to like legitimately dying i love this question i don't know what's yours like um damn one time a blade from a fan like we're in a old every i love how everything ties back to like some weird football situation we're in this old every i love how everything ties back to like some weird football situation we're in this old rusty locker room okay and there's this fan that's just like going there's always there's always a fan that's going so fast and you're like does it even need to be on is it even blowing wind yeah it just looks like a weapon in the air yeah yeah and it had three blades on it

three samurai swords on this just yeah and one of them just one day just dislodged. And I was at my locker. I closed my locker. And right when I closed my locker, one of the blades, right in front of my face, dude. Dude. Yeah. Okay, then I know this one.

I was trying to, like, break into a vending machine one time. Dude, dude. What, right over here? Tell me your fat. Yeah, right over here, yeah. Tell me your fat without telling me your fat dude uh I was trying to break

into a vending machine back here how do you break into a vending machine are you trying to like put your arm up it okay so yeah so like we were trying

to do that but then I was just like maybe if you unplug it it'll be fine but we had been rocking it back and forth right so we bent the plug on it

like the plug was like half in the wall half off the wall so I went to go unplug it and I grabbed it and it was a live fucking it was in, the plug was, like, half in the wall, half off the wall. So I went to go unplug it, and I grabbed it, and it was a live fucking... It was in the wall. It was a live wire. I just shocked the...

You deserve it. You probably deserve it. Oh, I deserve it 100%, dude. You fucking shocked yourself for a Twix? Dude, I... You destroyed your nervousism for a fucking Pop-Tart. Dude, my boy had to, had to slap me off of it. Because you're stuck.

That was two weeks ago. That was last night, actually. It was you who actually got me off of it. You just full-on tackled me. All right. Okay. Dude, what is that, though? Why is there always a fan from 1987, the last time your team won the state championship?

They just don't update fans, dude. Yeah, the last time your team won the state championship. They just don't update fans, dude. Yeah, the last time. It's like you got this new fan after you won the state championship. It's always in the 80s. How come every football team won the state in the 80s? 100%. This ring? 82. 83.

Nobody's high school has won a state championship because dads just say they won state in the 80s because the internet wasn't then and you can't go back exactly all right well espresso pod merch is out yo the link is we're having a little bit of trouble with the link right now we're gonna get that figured out soon so you can get the espresso merch. Patreon fam, got a Patreon extra pod coming up this Sunday. So join and I'm going to tell a few stories. Oh, okay. So it'll be interesting.

So join on the Patreon, $5 a month, you get an extra pod, and you get the wild, uncut stuff. I bet those stories are about your dad. Winning state in the 80s. In the 80s. But the espresso question of the week this week. Have you... I don't know why I'm saying this in the... Yeah, we're past 86 days, bro.

Get out of here. Have you met a celebrity? No, have you met a celebrity? have you met a celebrity espresso question of the week have you met a celebrity and were they a dick i haven't every celebrity that i've met has always been super nice like what like uh so you remember you remember kendra from the girls next door no okay so when the girl like a show on like e was on ears she was Hugh Hefner's girlfriend and at the time Hugh Hefner was dating three girls there were that it's reality TV show and they were all super hot and they were all his girlfriend like Playboy Mansion yeah I was like the Playboy

Mansion and I'm in LA and I'm like in the Beverly Center or Beverly Hills Center Mall and I get on this elevator with me and my mom and then her kinder's in there oh shit and where was she she had to be in like victoria's secret right no we were we were just going up the elevator yeah we know trust me i you've been texting me for the past week i know where you're at in your life right now dude it is why did i say it is horny like and it is like... Jesus Christ. Bad timing. You want to get back to my story? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, cool.

I'm just trying to picture where she was. Was she on like an escalator? You're like, what is she wearing? What is she wearing while she's eating bourbon chicken in the food court? All right, yeah. Go ahead. Sorry. Yeah, no.

So I get on. I'm like, I'm in like the eighth grade. And I like instantly know who it is and uh my mom was like hey can you show me where this store is and uh she was like and i was like hey you're kinder from the girls next door right she's like yeah and i was like how old were you i was in the eighth grade dude damn yeah this was like and i've watched every episode of that and she was real cool she's like yeah it's the third floor and then uh and then some people got on the elevator and she was like do not say anything and then she bounced off of it so you

guys were like homies for a little bit for homie and then she's back well here was like here was the best part of it she shot up the escalator and went over and then i looked up she looked down smiled and waved at me oh and then i told everybody in school how'd she wave like oh like redo it i know you think about it every night. Oh, it was down, wink, wave. It was a wave like this? Or was it one of these? No, it wasn't that.

But it was like the finger twiddle. Like that one. Oh, that's fun. That's fun. So yeah, she was super nice. And then she married Hank Basket and moved to my hometown in Zionsville. And I saw her at the grocery store like two years later. Shut up.

Did you do the same wave? No, she had no clue how it was. And it was different now. She had like a kid. And she was just a do the same wave? No, she had no clue how it was. It was different now. She had a kid and she was just a suburban mom after that. I didn't want to be like, hey, you remember that elevator that we shared? That you saw me in in the mall?

Yeah, she's going to be like, 100% now. Different waves mean things, though. You know what I mean? I'm definitely going to make this teenage boy's existence. Oh, that kind of wave. Yeah. But when you see your homie, you don't wave.

No, you don't wave. You just do this when you see your homie. No, I wave to you. You wave? You don't wave. You're not like, hi. I go like this. Yeah.

You give me the fun wave? I give you the fun wave. What if you see a girl that you're kind of into? You saw your girlfriend when you guys were dating. How do you wave? How would I wave? Yeah, yeah, to her. Across the street.

I know you haven't seen it, but Forrest Gump on that shrimp boat waving to Lieutenant Dan. I don't know how, but his voice cracked during that wave and he didn't even say anything. Right, yeah. His wave cracked. That's how I wave. All right, Es his voice cracked during that wave, and he didn't even say anything. Right, yeah. His wave cracked. That's how I wave. All right, espresso question of the week.

Have you met a celebrity, and were they a dick? All right, have you ever met a celebrity, and were they a dick? Liam Pinheiro, this bitch. Hey, buddy. It's Liam Pinheiro from Gutty's Comedy Club. I've met a couple celebrities, dude. Most of them are cool. I even met Pat Mack a few once, which was crazy.

You'd love him. But the only one that I've met that was a dick was damn Alec Baldwin, bro. He was here in Indy years ago for the Super Bowl, and I saw him by the circle, and I asked if I could take a picture with him. And he looked at me like I just asked him to have sex. I'm like, damn, bro, it's like that? So didn't get to pick. He was kind of a dick. But then he ended up shooting somebody last year, so think that was like bad karma my favorite but yeah fuck alec baldwin but anyway my favorite celebrity i've ever met is uh

can't remember his name but that hot guy from tiktok who makes those who's buying this video i knew that you that that guy was that guy's a hoot he won't let me hit though which pisses me off anyways love the show keep keep doing your thing dude love you he won't let me hit which pisses me off can liam add that fucking voice message that might be number one that is go to ken bro that that had so many ups and downs i was like where's he going with Can Liam go three sentences Without rhyming something He's permanently Eminem

Dude He's permanently Eminem The opener of the Guttys comedy club Jesus He was kind of a dick But I still sent him a pic I wrote his name down with a bic Oh shit But I still sent him a pic. Yeah, I know, right? I wrote his name down with a Bic.

Oh, shit. All right, that was fire. I don't even know what he said, but that was good. Have you ever met a celebrity and were they a dick? Kane Elliott. Oh, what a good name. I met Tom Kelly one time. He was the manager of the Minnesota Twins when they won the World Series in 1987 and 1991. And he said,

fuck, more times in three minutes than I had heard in my entire life up to that point. I'm just learning things about... I'm just learning. I don't listen to anything. I just listen to their voice in the background. He was taking a shit while watching Looney Tunes. Oh my God.

Dude, he 100% had the microphone of his phone all the way up to here. Who did he meet? Who did he say he met? Tim something. Tim Kelly. I think Tom Elliott, maybe. Tom Elliott. No, his last name was Elliott, wasn't it?

I don't know. Anyways, he's like, I met Tom Elliott. No, okay. Was that Batman? The whole thing is, do we consider old managers of... Celebrity. Yeah, who's a celebrity here? I can't.

Old coaches? No, there's no way. Unless it's like Mike Ditka or some shit. Yeah, unless it's John Madden. Yeah, it's like... Wait, do we... Yeah, see, he's not even pulling... Oh, Tim Elliott.

And if you have to get real specific with it if you're like yeah he was the manager manager for the braves and from 92 to 93 can you name one manager in the mld right now dude nobody knows and i don't know i should i swear i'm locked down like uh i was gonna i was honestly honestly going to say Tommy Lasorda. Who is that? I mean, no, I can't. That's so funny. That's how bad baseball is doing right now.

There's always somebody in baseball in the major leagues, no matter what, and their first name is always Buster. Right, or Bobby. I can be named Bobby Valentine. Yeah, that's going to be a forever baseball name. There's always a Bobby Valentine. Yeah, that's going to be a forever baseball name. There's always a Bobby Valentine. Alright, TRLion, have you ever met a celebrity and were they a dick?

Alright, Ben, I got one here for you. Met Jim Gaffigan I think summer of 2012 at the Steak and Shake in downtown Indianapolis off the circle. I was with a group of my friends and it was about probably 11 o'clock at night in downtown Indianapolis off the circle. I was with a group of my friends.

It was about probably 11 o'clock at night, and Jim was having a meal with a buddy. We were very cordial, very polite. One of my friends went up and said, Are you Jim Gaffigan? He said yes, and asked if we could take a picture with him before he leaves after he eats his meal. So we waited. He waved over to us when he was about he leaves after he eats his meal. So we waited.

He waved over to us when he was about to leave when he paid his bill and literally said, all right, let's get this over with. So we weren't hounding him or anything, but apparently at 11 o'clock at night at a Steak and Shake in Indianapolis, he was in a rush to get on to his next thing. Dude, I bet. 100% agree with Jim Gapkin on that. But I think that was him joking. Oh, yeah, probably, yeah.

All right, let's get this over with. Right, and you've got to remember that that Steak and Shake is a fucking nightmare. It is a nightmare. Disaster. And also, it's good to know that Jim is the same person in real life that he is on stage because he's probably just ate four Fresco melts. Fresco. He is like 15 minutes away from an emergency so like let's get this over with and he still took the picture that's pretty good but the fact that he made him wait i think if i was jim gaffigan i'd be like let's take this and get the fuck out of my right yeah

you're gonna watch every bite i take it's so weird dude i'm eating a like i'm i got a side-by-side shake and you're gonna watch me slurp it down caleb t have you met a celebrity and were they a dick so i met simbad that guy from that uh president's kid movie back in the 90s it's like a bodyguard or something but um dude was so patient in the airport i was probably more of a dick than he was uh at airport security they were searching him which was kind of funny that's a good voice message i will say the way he started that can you go back though he just fucking cut all the bullshit. Listen, listen. So I met Sinbad, that guy from that President's Kid movie back in the 90s.

I've heard that before. I have. I've heard Sinbad is the nicest person and also just absolutely slaughters on stage. Oh, my God. I heard he did five shows at a comedy club here that doesn't exist anymore. And every show he did, he did an hour. A new hour. Different hours. And it was all

clean. Oh my god. Dude, what? Yeah, I heard he's the nicest person in the world. Having patients at the airport is... That's why I have to go at like 6am. Oh yeah, you can't get there before everybody else. Every single flight I book, I'm like what's the earliest? The earliest I can be, yeah.

If I'm already miserable on this flight, let's make it the most miserable experience I've ever had. I'm always so sweaty at the airport. Dude,

you ever slept on a flight and then you wake up and you're sweating? And you're like, you need an icy hot back patch? It's almost like you just passed out. You ever passed out

and wake up just sweating? It's exactly like that all right here we go have you met a celebrity and were they a dick shell shell doyle cameron diaz she flipped me off out of context i'm like just dude how great would it be for the person behind her yeah how great would it be if cameron deus is just walking down the street at that minute and you're at the no you're at the other industry she just flips you the ball oh i would love that i think that's kind of nice yeah to me that'd be the most experience like most amazing experience in my life yeah like

thank you thank you so it means so much more than a wave. There's so much more passion. Right, yeah. She actually meant something. Yeah. All right. Even Evan Sigafoos. Even. I don't know what the fuck that is. Evan Sigafoos. I think we're halfway through these. Yeah, we're halfway through. We're good.

We're good. Evan Sigafoos. Have you met a celebrity and were they a dick? I love saying dick. I met Nate and Nick Diaz at a UFC after party for UFC 205 when Conor McGregor knocked out Eddie Alvarez and me and my boys go to their after party and there wasn't even like a lot of people there to go see them and they wouldn't even talk to us like tell us where their after party is and then we try to talk to them and they had no interest they just kept kept saying, yo, we'll catch up with you guys later.

And we're like, the fuck you mean you're going to catch up with us later? You're never going to see us again. What a great move. And when I took out my phone and started to try to take a video and then Nick Diaz yelled at me and I stopped recording him. So I don't understand

why they told people that they were having this big after party if they didn't want to meet their fans. It was kind of terrible. One, he just dunked his head in a fucking fish tank for the last part of that. And two, wait.

Did he say they met him, invited him to the after party, and then just blew him off? At their house? So good, though, but just pissed that their after party isn't bopping. You know what I mean? Just mad. Pissed that the dude

showed up actually. And then took video. Fuck, they are here. And then took video proof of how bad it was. But also... Wait, can we watch that video? I think the video

in that conversation was the video he was talking about. Yeah, no way. I swear to God. Wait, wait. This isn't at an ad party. This is just in the stream. No, this was before they got invited.

Dude, what a great way to do, though. Like, a great way to be like, I'll catch up to you later. And you're just like, wait, what? I'm going to play that one more time. Make sure it's on the screen. All right. I mean, I get it You know But like that's

That's such a great line You have Don't use it But like use it It's like yeah I'll catch up with you later It's like wait Don't worry

I say that every time I interact with anybody I'm like I'll hit you up It's the same thing It's like we just met Like yeah no I'll hit you up Yeah you don't have my number I know I'll hit you up You don't even have my I know But later on I'll hit you up. It's the same thing. It's like we just met. Like, yeah, no, I'll hit you up. Yeah, you don't have my number. I know.

I'll hit you up. You don't even have my... I know. But later on, I'll hit you up. Down the road. I will find you. Yeah. Coola soul.

Coola soul. Have you ever met a celebrity and were they a dick? I actually met Mike Epps a few years ago and he looked me up and down like i didn't belong in a nightclub full of um black people yep i'm white so he was my favorite fan before meeting him and then after that i was like fuck you bro i don't know if i was the white person in that situation and he did that to me, I would have thought it was hilarious. I would have been like, you're right.

What's up? You're like, yeah, but I'm here. Yeah, but we're doing this. Yeah, we're doing it. Hi. Yeah, didn't he give him the weird fucking white guy dap up? You shake his hand like you're in church. No, he gives you the fist bump. You give him the hand. And you grab it like, please accept me.

You know, he wiped you. He looked you up and down. He said, all right. It is what it is, bro. You know? No, let's, yeah. Where do we go from here? Let's pop, lock, and drop it.

Oh, fuck. Isn't that right? All right. Alan Joshua Hill. Have you met a celebrity and were they a dick? So I met Larry Bird probably 10 or 15 years ago. I was on a date with Larry Bird's daughter's best friend. Oh, my God.

And my date, you know, looks across for me and she's like, well, I think I got to go. My ride's here. And I'm like, okay, cool. Like, we'll see you later. And Larry Bird just walks in. And I got to go. My ride's here. And I'm like, okay, cool. We'll see you later. And Larry Bird just walks in. And I look at her. I'm like, you're not going to believe who just walked in the door. It's Larry Bird.

Check it out. And she's like, yeah, I know. That's my ride. So I guess her friend's dad was coming to pick her up. And not an asshole. Nice guy. Cool story. There's something going on.

I didn't like how she said, yeah, that's my ride, so casually. Wait, wait, is Larry Bird married? Is he? Because, like, whose dad just... Have you ever heard your friend's dad pick you up from a date? Friend's dad pick you up from a date? Friend's dad pick you up from a date.

Well, maybe her friend, hopefully, was in the car. It looks like he was married. Okay. I mean, I'm like, well, okay. I don't know. What a hard flex to end a date, though. Yeah, I'd be like, that was a great time, but I don't feel like we should date anymore.

How did you know it was over? Well, Larry Bird picked her up and took her back to the nest. Oh my God. Larry Bird looking

exactly like a bird is just the number one thing ever. Like, isn't that just pure, like, that's just pure, like, great.

Dude, he does look like an owl like that is oh my god i haven't looked at he can fly i haven't looked at larry bird in probably 10 years and that's a guy like when he walks in somewhere you're like that's larry bird and absolutely no one else oh 100 like you don't get him confused you cannot like sometimes when you see a celebrity you're like i want to go up in like but i don't know i don't get him confused. You cannot get him. Like, sometimes when you see a celebrity, you're like, I want to go up and like, but I don't know, I don't want to be like, I don't, maybe it's not that.

But dude, that. I was hoping that he shit talked. He has feathers. Look at his hair. Oh, man. He looks like he should be on the Muppets or something. I got to shut up. Just burning the bridge with Harry Bird.

Is he still around? Is he still part of the Pacers? Is he still the manager or whatever? The last time I saw him, he was driving a weird Indy car around the city. Oh, one of those Raptor things? It was just a weird thing, yeah.

What does Larry Bird do now? What is he doing? He's just bird watching. Enjoying his life away from bird watching. He is now actually Big Bird on Sesame Street. He's in the suit. He currently is throwing bread on the ground in front of his house. No, he's currently eating bread.

He's eating bread on the ground in front of his house. Larry Bird Cam. He's just the whole time. Larry Bird Cam, dude. this is him in his driveway this is the Nes cam Nes cam dude dog you said oh shit

with a stone cold face you go the fact that Larry Bird looks like a bird it's amazing it's just like one of those amazing things in life

that doesn't happen too often right I heard he gets shit talked like with the vestibule on the court so it would be funny to get shit talked Amazing. It's just like one of those amazing things in life that doesn't happen too often. Right. I heard he gets shit-talked with the best of them on the court, so it would be funny to get shit-talked by Larry Bird. You know? Just squawks at you. If I meet anybody from any other state, they're like,

Larry Bird, right? I'm like, that's not all we have. But yeah, Larry Bird. That's all we have. But yeah, it is. It is. Do the Celtics even still claim Larry Bird, or is it just strictly any other? He's ours! Wow, my voice cracked.

All right. Jacob Crowder. Have you met a celebrity, and were they a dick? So my weird celebrity encounter was I was lucky enough to go to the White House when the Seahawks won the Super Bowl to do their uh celebration thing and like an absolute asshole I wore a suit with a pair of LeBron 11s and Obama himself commented on my shoes and said that he liked them. But I know for a fact he hated them. Who the hell does that?

That's some president shit. I don't know, man. Love the show. Thank you. Maybe he thought it was slick, man. That was a good one. That was good. Is that the image of it?

Hated the picture. Oh, I hope it is. Oh, there it is. Yeah. Zoom in on that. Trying. Oh, man. It's a bummer.

Maybe you got to hold it down. That's a lot of work. Yeah, whatever. We get it. It's a bummer. Maybe you got to hold it down. That's a lot of work. Yeah, whatever. We get it. Maybe just pull up LeBron. Oh, you fucking mastermind. I still don't see him. But I still don't even see the LeBron.

Can you type in LeBron 11s real quick? They're the white ones, right? I don't even know. Oh. I mean, those aren't bad. I think all LeBron shoes are kind of ugly. It's like the first three. Yeah, it's weird. I don think all LeBron shoes are kind of ugly. It's like the first three. Yeah, it's weird.

I don't know all LeBron shoes all that well. They all just look the same after three. But okay, that's the Espresso quick, quick, quick, quick, quick question of the week. There we go. Wow, that was good. That was good. That was good question. You guys did your thing.

All right. That was good turnout, fam. You guys did your thing. All right. Now, before we go viral, remember, the Espresso Podcast is brought to you by Wave 1 Media. If you want to start your own show, visit thewave1.com. Now let's go. V-I-V-I-V-I-V-I-RAL.

That was good. Hey, dude, we karaoke'd this weekend. Or this week. Oh, that. Dude, I think we got a... I mean, we're good. It's always nerve-wracking when you're about to do karaoke. You get that like, should I?

Should I? Why did I put my name on the list? Should we change the song? Is that the song we want? And then you start thinking of four other songs you want to pick before. Right. We got to change that one. Glamorous by Fergie.

Oh, my gosh. We're going to kill that. We're going to kill that. I know the ludicrous part. We got to change that one. Glamorous by Fergie. Oh my gosh. We're going to kill that. We're going to kill that. I know the ludicrous part. We can't change it now. It's too late. It's too late. All right.

We're doing Shania Twain. Yes, we'll do Shania Twain. No, we smacked it. No, it was fun. I get how people are addicted to karaoke. Oh, 100%. People just go from bar to bar and they like rip. You ever been at karaoke and there's somebody that's too good?

Right. Yeah. And is it like... Okay. Well, when they're going from bar to bar and they like rip you ever been at karaoke and there's somebody that's too good right yeah and is it like is it like okay well when they're like when they're going from bar to bar they rip and they do it and you know they've been doing it for a while it's like you need this don't you follow your dreams yeah just go for it write a song please we're begging you stop burdening us every thursday night at 8 p.m. Stop making me feel things. You're too good. Sit the fuck down.

Get drunk and then try it. You're sober, you weirdo. We crushed it. The crowd looked like they somewhat enjoyed it. No, they're into it. They had their... Once you know you won karaoke, when the crowd starts,

oh yeah, for sure. Okay, that's all I needed. Confirmation that we're doing okay up here. Give me the clap, not literally. And we're never doing karaoke again. Okay. Hashtag I'm a cross between. What are you a cross between

What are you a cross between? What and what? You're a cross between like Dude, a honey bun and a frog Like Dude You're a cross between like a big thing A big like tub of cottage cheese

Yeah, 100% Yeah, and a pineapple Yeah No, I don't know about a pineapple Maybe though Like, yeah, when I think of myself, it's not great. It doesn't have to be food. No, it's a hundred percent going to be food, bro.

Like, food's my existence. I'm a cross between, like, your high school football coach that, like, was a little too intense and your drunk aunt on the 4th of July. You're a cross between a golden retriever and a white rapper's mixtape. You know? A golden retriever

and a SoundCloud link. And a SoundCloud link, yeah. Not even a song, just a link. What are you a a link. Yeah. What are your cross between? Yeah. Hashtag. A big bowl of cottage cheese. Cottage cheese.

No, there's something. We got to figure out the other part of you. Like a beard hair. I don't know. You're a bit, you're a cross between a big bowl of cottage cheese. That's like been out too long. And there's like flies on it a little bit. And then, and then like one of those hats with the two beer things in it.

Fuck yeah. Yeah, that's right. That's pretty fun. Spot on. Hashtag silly reasons why we broke up. We don't have to do it. Is there one? Do you have one that's like,

I just can't do it anymore? No, i'd never like i never we never went through like hard breakups i never went through hard break your whole life no no it doesn't have to be hard it's like the it's like the oh still the reasons yeah like i mean like you broke up with her for one reason but then like two weeks later you're like at least i don't have to hear her do that anymore oh yeah i stopped seeing a girl because she liked my hands too much she's like send me photos of your hands really we cannot didn't you say you do have like i have really great hands like i mean they're like they're like dope but they look dope it was

flattering for a while but you know when it's like a 4 a.m you up send me a picture you're like what's up yeah i'll come out no just my hands just my hands. Just my hands. Fuck. I stopped seeing her because of that. Yeah. Are you serious? I was a part of it. I was like, ah, yeah. She didn't let you wear gloves when it was cold. No, no gloves. She kept asking me to hold things. Hey, yo, hold

this. Will you grab my couch? Can you just grab that vacuum cleaner and then take a picture of it and still while you're holding it send it to me oh weird yeah no girls that like hands that's never been a thing i think it is a thing dude it's she's not the oh yeah i think it's a thing but like to a certain extent it's not like guys with girls feet girls with guys hands it's not the same no yeah i guess you're right yeah no fucking girls aren't asking dudes just paying dudes to send handpicks unless it was your ex-girlfriend it was my girlfriend she was not

my girlfriend i was just seeing her oh yeah yeah you got one um this girl i used to date like mispronounced everything oh yeah like that, yeah. Like, that it was, like, at one point, I was like, she, like. But, like, I get it. Like, you mispronounce something. Okay. Then I'm like, all right. Like, I don't want to be rude, but it's this. And, like, it sounds rude.

Like, there's no right way to tell somebody that you've been saying that wrong for fucking 15. For your entire life. Yeah. So, I'm like, entire life yeah so i'm like at that point i'm like when somebody recorrects me when i mispronounce something i'm like oh my god i'm deleting the old way i said that from my brain right the rest of my life and moving on she wouldn't fix it she'd like fucking hammer it down you're just like all right that's a red flag you're not willing to change especially for me bro but, but I mean, princels? Dude, princels is bad.

Dude. Are you sure she wasn't slow? Part slow? I don't know. Speech impediment? I had a lot of them. Princels? Instead of pretzels. I feel like that's too

far off. I don't know. It's a commitment. I don't know why you a commitment i don't know like why you weren't changing somebody corrected it she doubled down on it and you're like all right well if you're gonna be that stubborn i don't think it was a stubborn thing it was just like oh yeah i forgot that's what they're actually called thing there was like two more too that i was like yeah there's so many there's so many opportunities. Nightmare instead of nightmare. I was like, this can't be real. And I'm like,

how come you're having so many nightmares anyway? She would like bring it up every day. I'd be like, that's a whole nother issue. This is happening way too much. You looked at her dead in the eye and you're like, this is my nightmare.

Exactly. Dude, there were more. I'll think of them later hopefully not hashtag actually let's go to let's go to days of the week days of the week thursday st patrick's day yeah dude st patrick's days that's a big weird big holiday weirdly big holiday it's it's weirdly huge for white people too oh it's a straight white people holiday is it just white people yeah when we did it in college uh we lit couches on fire for it it was a big that's when you know it's white that's when you know when you're lighting

shit on fire you're right yeah like how do we celebrate let's light it on fire that's the most that's like kentucky that's like when kentucky won the national championship in basketball back when i was in college the They just torched the whole city. Yeah, they just revert down the city. Why does that always happen when a team wins a championship? It's like, fuck, we better destroy this car. They're always tipping. Imagine being so happy that you flip over a Honda Civic.

It's the extremes on both ends. You get so mad that you flip over a minivan, and then you get so excited that you won that you flip over a Honda Accord. Who was just like, you know what? Do it. It's their car. It's your car. And you're just like, go cats. Yeah, you're like, I can't.

You just sacrifice your car to the Kentucky basketball program. Yeah, hopefully your insurance is in Kentucky, so your insurance agent is like, yeah, no, we totally get it. We'll cover that. Where's Allstate? It's like... Allstate's like, I don't know. You're not in good hands. Dude, he's bleeding. Like, how do you celebrate so hard you're bleeding? He's bleeding for

John Wall. Oh, shit. That's ultimate. Like, is it a riot, or are you just celebrating your team's national championship? That's unreal. That's a lot. That's St. Patrick's Day, literally. That picture, you'd be like,

is it Kentucky winter, or is that St. Patrick's Day? Yeah. That's crazy. Saturday. National Corn Dog Day. Saturday. National Corn Dog Day. Oh. I'm starving right now. A corn dog would be so good.

Dude, I wasn't allowed to eat corn dogs when I was a kid. Why not? Just because they were too wild. Yeah. Yeah. You know, they are like a, oh my God, I snuck one at my friend's house type of food. Dude, a good Catholic boy with you, you can't be having meat on a stick yeah even if even if it's got the breading around it was like a little too like i was only allowed to eat like really healthy shit as a kid even if it's got

clothes on there's like dude i knew this i knew this kid that would take the breading off of a corn dog like split it in half so he just had the real like the hot dog on a stick, no bread. He'd put mustard in one and then ketchup on the other half of the breading. Eat those and then the hot dog. Like, bro, you spent too much time with corn dogs to figure this method out. Well, why would you eat the breading first? Why wouldn't you just put it

then back around the corn dog? No, I don't know. It's just how he rolled. You know how people eat different dessert cakes and shit? Kind of weird. They have their own formula. I feel like somebody was like, all right, let's put a hot dog on a stick and then eat it.

And then they were like, this feels wrong. We got to put something around this. We got to put breading around this. It feels... It's just, that does look weird. Meat on a stick, yeah. Is does look weird meat on a stick yeah is there any other meat on a stick that you would eat like shish kebab shish kebab but you pull it off right i don't know you have a mouth yeah but it's not acceptable for you to eat a shish kebab

like walking down the downtown but it's like you were eating a corn dog walking downtown people would be like well at the fair it seems like kind of everything's on a stick. Yeah. The fair, but did the fair birth corn dogs? Oh, it had to be. They had to. The fair has a lot of weird foods that you'd never eat walking around, but you're eating walking around. Oh, yeah. Like a big ear of corn.

What the fuck? Dude, people that order the turkey leg just blow my mind. Are you just a Viking now? Dude, and enjoy it. There's no way you could be enjoying this. Just ripping turkey off. That is so weird.

What if somebody walked down the road eating a turkey right now? I know. Oh! That's how I feel. It must be St. Patrick's Day. That's how I feel when I see it at the fair. I'm like, how are you doing this? That's a meat ice cream cone.

That is a meat cone. Look at this. Bro. But how good does it look? I don't know. You don't know what it does? That's what I'm saying. You know it would be like 8 billion degrees.

It looks... Fuck. It looks... Obviously, it looks good because my stomach is growling And my mouth is salivating But But everything at the fair looks good So good Just how they do it

Like that's why people are literally eating Like corn But honestly Honestly State fair Turkey leg Like who's buying this man Dude

Low key Yeah that's good I just don't know man I think there's more There's weirder things Yeah there's weirder things But it's like Is it because it has a handle

Like Then people If it was the handle Like because of the handle People would just be eating Like pumpkins and shit too That's a perfect handle Yeah but the pumpkin's too heavy

You know what I mean You'd have to like Cut the thing off But yeah No is it because it has a handle in it Like Pizza cone Like I get the Deep fried PB&J at the fair Yeah like I get all this stuff They like that thing off it but yeah no it's because it has a handle in it like pizza cone like i deep fried

pb and j at the fair yeah like i get all this stuff they like they'll fry anything they'll fry your big toe if you want them to ask them to but i'm just sitting here like turkey leg man that's wild in the uh the deep fried oreos and candy it's not that good no they're just it's so underwhelming yeah i kind of got pissed off when I had a deep-fried Oreo, and it wasn't, like, the best thing I've ever had in my life. It was, like, too... It actually took away... It's honestly, like...

Dude, I know you hate sports, but it's honestly, like, when the commanders drafted wins and their odds to win the Super Bowl went down. It's, like, when you fry an Oreo, you're actually taking away the taste of the Oreo. You are kind of messing it up a little bit. The integrity of the Oreo. Yeah. I just up a little bit. The integrity of the Oreo. I just want to use that word.

Integrity. Yeah. But like the fact that people are like at the fair, walking around, going on rides, but then also eating turkey legs and deep fried Oreos. Like how does any of that match? Dude, it's the, yeah.

I honestly, it's like some of, some of, did we just sing the Indiana national anthem? Some of Indiana in two words. Turkey legs and the zipper. Oh, shit. Dude, the zipper. Oh, man. Goat ride.

Goat ride. Goat bear ride, the zipper. The zipper, yeah. The zipper is the best ride, and. Goat ride. Goat ride. Goat bear ride, the zipper. The zipper, yeah. The zipper is the best ride, and it's actually all just the same one. It's the same one everywhere. Every one of these zippers in the photo, it doesn't matter where it is, it's the same zipper that's been to your place. Oh, yeah.

There's only one zipper in the country. Yeah, there's only one. And it just travels to every place. Yeah. What about the carpet slide? The carpet slide? I don't know that one. What about the carpet slide? The carpet slide? I don't know that one. What?

I don't know the carpet slide. Carpet slides go crazy. Oh, yeah. No, we never had that one. Shut the hell up. You've never had a copper slide? A copper slide? I mean, the fucking aluminum slide?

The pretzels? Oh, Jesus. We're breaking up, bro. Copper slide. I said it so confidently. It looks fun. I just never... What the fuck happened to me?

Had a seizure. We just never had one. We had the Scrambler. The Scrambler was good. Scrambler. I don't like those dizzy-ass rides at fairs. Dude. Because I just had four turkey legs.

Why would I ride in that? Because I just had four turkey legs. And a giant virgin strawberry daiquiri. I bet there's not going to be fairs in like five years. I bet that's a thing. You think? I'm calling that. Okay, so this one right here where it spins you and you get stuck to the side.

Oh, the inside thing? Yeah. Dude, that ride is – I can't believe it's not outlawed yet. Okay, so I got a story about it. Me too. We're at it. It looks like a UFO ride. Yeah, it's a UFO.

And you walk inside and there's no air. There's no air. That's so weird. Right, and it starts to spin. Well, when it spins, it opens up a little bit. And some girl tried to stand up and got caught in between the opening. So she was stuck. But the problem is when it stops between the opening so it's just stuck but the problem is is when it stops the opening closes oh no so we're out in line we're out in line and uh the the carny

or i think it's appropriate to call him carny it's the guy running really racist yeah i know i just don't want to say the the guy operating had to slow it down and then they had to try to catch her like pull her out without it. Oh, my God. And then we're just sitting there like, do we still go on it? Carny Olympics. And then they pulled her out, and they stopped, and we all took a breath. And he's like, all right, next riders.

We're like, wait, what? You didn't even give her a free ride. No, no. It's just freaking out. Yeah, that was it. Trying to fucking catch her. They slowed it down. Look at this.

Kids were begging for help on Carnival Ride. That wouldn't stop. That would so happen to me. Like, all right, this is my life. Yeah, how are these still allowed? This is wild. Fairs shouldn't be allowed, dude. 2028.

There's going to be no more fairs. There's going to be no more fairs. It's too dangerous. Somebody always like passes out. Somebody dies. Somebody gets like a heartburn like somebody's just walking around with heartburn yeah of course they are like fucking digestion no that doesn't qualify dude turkey legs man all right one more sunday national ravioli day

oh that's right up your alley there you go aren't you like aren't you like ravioli italian uh yeah i'm chef boyardee italian there you go um ravioli it's just not when people's favorite pasta is ravioli i'm like i don't know is it a pasta though it's like a it's like a pocket it's like underneath the the umbrella of pasta pasta's like here's all the shit on the Fazoli's menu. It's like a pasta pocket, you know? Yeah, but I mean like... I mean, what's your favorite Italian dish? Oh, man, dude.

You can describe it. You don't have to say it. Describe it like I would. My dad got so pissed at me one time when we were in the Fazoli's drive-thru And I didn't know any of the Like the pasta terms He's like what do you want

I was like the tubes with the lines on it And he's like rigatoni Or whatever the fuck it is I still don't know him He got so mad He's like you're Italian Papa You never told me

Then I make out with him right there Then you make out with him right there You know like I like I like I'm not a big pasta guy Like a Like a eggplant parmesan

Or a chicken parm No eggplant parmesan I like that one Dude I'll fuck up a lasagna Dude Is that actual italian yeah lasagna is oh you could be a bitch and be like i like pizza here's also the thing here's also the thing i will i listened to uh a guy on a podcast describe just spaghetti and red sauce

and how he made it and i was was like, salivating. Really? Yeah, I was like, that sounds so good. And then I had spaghetti and red sauce at Olive Garden, so I'll take it with a grain of salt, and I was like, this isn't that good. It's never. Italian food is a little bit underwhelming. People play it up like Italian food, and then you have lasagna, and you're like, I don't really want it anymore. I feel tired.

I feel like I'm going to throw up. I feel tired, yeah. I think I'm at the fair. I need a nap. I think I'm at the fair. I'll take a turkey leg anyway. Did you have spaghetti all the time growing up? Yeah, but I had Thursday spaghetti.

You know what I mean by that? Like your mom? Yeah, it's just in that pot in your refrigerator for the whole week. Yeah, and she just butters a piece of white red. We're having spaghetti on Monday. Okay, I guess we're having spaghetti on Friday because it's not whole week. Yeah, and she just butters a piece of white red. We're having spaghetti on Monday. Okay, I guess we're having spaghetti on Friday because it's not going anywhere. Exactly. There's like nine pounds of it. That big

metal pot in your fridge. Yeah. Well, no. My mom was a Tupperware person. Lady. Mom. So it's just like stained. You just stained your Tupperware. You're like, alright. Nothing will fuck your Tupperware up like some marinara, dude. That's where this podcast needs to be. What's going to stain your Tupperware. You're like, all right, nothing will fuck your Tupperware up like some marinara, dude.

That's where this podcast needs to be. Just what's going to stain your Tupperware. Fuck the question. That's the next question of the week. That's the question of the week. What stains your Tupperware for me? Spaghetti. Let me know yours.

Leave a voice message and I'll talk about it on the podcast. All right. Oh, that's so good. Shot2 espresso podcast remember to uh subscribe rate review listen on youtube subscribe on youtube and join the fam on patreon get an extra episode every week check out the merch and subscribe and uh fuck i was killing it hold on and remember to follow on instagram twitter tiktok cameo all that and remember follow lol derrick james on instagram derrick james on twitter here we go okay talk to you guys next week