Espresso - what are you sick of?

Episode Date: November 17, 2022

🎟 𝗦𝗘𝗘 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬 𝗟𝗜𝗩𝗘 𝗔𝗧 𝗗𝗘𝗧𝗥𝗢𝗜𝗧 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘 𝗢𝗙 𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗘𝗗𝗬 𝗗𝗘𝗖𝗘𝗠𝗕𝗘𝗥 𝟮𝟮https://dettickets.houseofcomedy.net/event/benedict-polizzixFIl4hV🔥𝗠𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗵 https://benedictmerch.com/🔒𝗣𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi 🟣𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝘀 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/espresso-w-benedict-polizzi/id1514492317🟢𝗦𝗽𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘆 https://open.spotify.com/show/1Ka4dMrpfGxYPGZsUJ1Csf🔸𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 https://www.cameo.com/benedictpolizzi?utm_campaign=profile_share🔹𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸 https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m🔸𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺 https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/🔹𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

Hey yo, don't know why I said that, but I said it and we're just going to keep going. Espresso podcast shot 237. I'm your girlfriend, Benedict Polizzi, and today we're going to find out what you little bastards are sick of. But first, remember to go to benedictmerch.com for all your, fuck, you're feeling glonky, all that stuff, Indiana land. Oh, we got a special little drop coming up too. Black Friday, get ready. And for Christmas, get ready. But if you want to send somebody some Christmas, some Christmas shit, go to benedictmerch.com, buy some stuff, send it to them.

go to benedictmerch.com buy some stuff send it to them we're gonna have some discounts coming up so check the site remember to listen to these guys with me and joey molinaro on spotify apple music youtube everything and join the patreon five5 a month for an extra episode every single week. It's crazy. This guy's crazy. What else? Other announcements? Oh, yeah. Get your tickies. Detroit, December 22nd.

I'm on stage. Headlining at the House of Comedy. Detroit House of Comedy. It's going to be a sexy little show. It's going to be a party. It's literally going to be a party. What song am I going to come out to? Probably Kesha. Whoops. But yeah, probably a song that I know all the words to. I came out to Kesha one time and I, I, I didn't ever cut the music. I just sang the whole rest of the song.

And I didn't ever cut the music. I just sang the whole rest of the song. We are who we are. We're dancing like we're dum-dum. Da-da-da-da-dum. Our body's going. Just like, what? What an artist.

But yeah, December 22nd gets your tickets to the Troy House of Comedy. But let's talk about what you're sick of. Espresso question of the week. Espresso quick, quick, quick, quick question of the week. What are you sick of? For me, it's, I can't stand this. I can't stand anything, but when somebody texts you and says, call me, and they didn't even try to call you first who do you think i am you're not my boss that's what i want to text back every you're not my fucking boss like i'm six okay master call me shut up why what could be that important everything can be texted everything if my whole family dies i want somebody to text me hey your old family died be like

thumbs down it exclamation point it yo those. Yo, those little features. Oh, those little features that that Apple came up with from the text messages thing where you can just like heart it. Save me so much goddamn time and effort. You know how Google like, you know, on Gmail, like it'll like automatically make your response in an email like you're going to hit. You're going to hit somebody back. You're going to reply to somebody's email and it says it'll like give make your response in an email like you're gonna hit you're gonna hit somebody back you're gonna reply to somebody's email and it says it'll like give you what to say give me that shit for text oh my god that'd be a lifesaver imagine you're in an argument with

your girl and like your phone's just like like juicing you with with shit i'd be like oh that'd be so tight i said tight yeah i still say tight shut up so how come when like i was like mad the other day like when i was upset and then you said that like what did you mean by that and your phone's just like i was just looking out for you but like it came off the wrong way, you know, something about like, don't worry, baby,

like some shit like that. Obviously I have no idea how to argue with anyone, but like, you know, and your phone just hooks you up. I'd be like, whoops. Send.

There'd be a thing. Turn your phones auto send off. I want to like talk to you, not your phone too. Yeah. I need that in real life fuck text messages auto response i need that in real life google can you can i plug my brain in and just give me auto responses to everybody because your boy doesn't know what to say ever lucky if i can even hear you to begin with don't know what to respond with and don't know if i heard you that's my whole day being like i wonder if he said that or did he say something else i hear everybody at 25 i'm like what the fuck i have no idea what he just said

all right i need subtitles bro subtitles in real life how fucking fire would that be but uh yeah let's hear yours what are you sick of from anonymous i'm fucking sick of you getting hair transplants no i'm playing uh you want to know what i'm actually sick of bro i'm sick of everybody on social media all of a sudden being an entrepreneur where's all the pieces of shit i'm on social media to see pieces of shit bro not oh fuck i got up at 5 a.m today hit the gym yeah then i went to my fucking office to work on my entrepreneurial shit oh yeah keep your circle tight with with positive motivators and fucking oh no where's

take that shit to linkedin bro i want to see fucking drunk people doing shit yeah you know i'm saying like you're not a business owner because you have a Facebook page that sells candy. Just stop it. Bring pieces of shit back to social media. I'm tired of the entrepreneur fucking shit. That's all. Thanks for listening, Ganger. It is true, though. Every single person on Instagram is an entrepreneur. Now I'm like, so you don't do shit. That's what it means. Entrepreneur. What does entrepreneur mean? It means I don't have a job.

I'm an entrepreneur. Low key. I am. And guess what? I don't know what I'm doing. Entrepreneurs have zero idea what they're doing. And what do they do the whole day? Kind of nothing.

I was thinking about that today. Like when you, when you like don't know what you're doing, like half the day is like, fuck, I don't know. You're just worrying about shit. Yeah,

but the best is when an entrepreneur posts something on social media, like they're working, like a picture of them, like the office was electric today just them and their two and his two stupid fucking friends like coming up with a business plan that'll never go through they're about to take over the world. Them getting out of a car. Dude, entrepreneurs always look like fucking scam bags. I say scam bags.

Yeah. Did I make up a new word? Yeah. Scum bags and scammers. Arm sleeve tattoo. Smoking a cigar in a picture for sure. Getting out of like the most expensive car. How'd you get it all?

What do you do? That's just what I, what I want to say to every entrepreneur. What do you do? What does anybody do, dude? Even people on LinkedIn, their whole job title.

I'm like, what does that mean? Even people on LinkedIn, their whole job title. I'm like, what does that mean? People at the airport always all busy and shit. I'm like, what could you possibly be doing? That's all you have to be working so goddamn hard. I'm like, no, you don't, dude. Why are you saving it for the airport? People working so hard in airports is so weird to me i'm like

you probably work for a applesauce factory or some shit just slow down you okay uh-huh yeah yeah we'll get that package i'm like dude no way your day is just constant like that just at the airport yeah i'll put you on hold real quick and then i'll do one quick what do you do what do you do actually motherfucking do what do you motherfucking actually do every entrepreneur what do you do all right let's keep going what are you sick of what am i tired of i'm tired of dragging my nuts across your mom's face there's more there's more there's more goddamn aside from that I'm tired of people saying they had a long day. No, you did not.

You did not have a long day. They're all the same. It wasn't long. There's one day a year when you could say that. It already happened. Daylight savings already happened. It's not an expression, okay? An expression is something that doesn't make sense literally

like how do you do like that doesn't make sense literally it's an expression so just say the thing you fucking mean it felt like it was a long day there you go that works fuck it you can feel whatever you want to i can't disprove it it's just not my thing instead of uh long days i'm more into long necks god fuck ha ha this guy so many catchphrases why the long face i had a long day god every day yeah but seriously the the dude i actually think this year that the like day i i thought i'd never say this but daylight savings time is fucking me up seasonal depression bro people love that shit seasonal depression oh damn it

no it's not that but like turn your clocks back yeah i know we turned them back like an hour or whatever or we turned them forward an hour i don't know which one's which but like it gets dark way too quick i don't think it was ever this bad remember it'd be like i swear to god sometimes it'd be like bright as shit out at like am i crazy was it like nine o'clock like don't want to say it too loud i swear because the sky will hear me nine o'clock i promise it was like bright out because i remember like i could record a video at nine o'clock and i'd be like oh it's still bright out we're good probably got like 10 minutes but we're good dude video at 9 o'clock and I'd be like, oh, it's still bright out. We're good. Probably got like 10 minutes, but we're good.

Dude, it's 5 o'clock. Dark out. What am I supposed to do? Like, is it 2 a.m.? I know everybody thinks this shit, but I swear to God, this year it's worse. Yeah, I don't know. I had the longest day. What'd do oh my god they're begging for you to ask that people that say they had the longest day what'd you do okay for i'm like i didn't really

want to know when somebody asked me what i did what do you have to do today i'm like never tell them because it sounds point like my life is like when i explain my life to someone they're they're like i'm like i gotta write i gotta edit this video and i have to like uh edit this other thing and go to this show and they're like oh so you're pretty like free today i'm like no all that shit takes a week but it just doesn't seem like it i hate when people ask me what i'm doing i'm like oh my god i don't want to explain everything to you and then if i started explaining everything to him they'd be like what the fuck are you talking about so why'd you ask just keep going what are you sick of okay so churches that use their worship bands to make albums and records and cds and then promote it like they're a brand that's touring

and making them celebrities i'm over that wait wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Run that shit back! Okay, so churches that use their worship bands to make albums and records and CDs and then promote it like they're a brand that's touring and making them celebrities. I'm over that.

Dude, I think church Christian stuff is the big... Churches are the biggest scam ever. God. Literally, God is like, damn, dog. Like, they built... They scammed you out, God. God got whored out.

Oh, my. Oh, my Lord. Dude, even me just saying dude god is god's a straight like 75 25 you know what i mean this dude this dude took it and ran with it bro churches bro they just went nuts huh dude whoever thought of the cat like churches bro i went we had this we had this uh assignment one time because i went to a catholic i went to catholic grade school high school college i went to catholic fucking everything one assignment we had to do in college was go to a different church oh the scam they're running in that place me and just my stupid college ass like teammate football teammate go to some like baptist church bro scam city bro we walk in and i i think everyone was a little bit like part alien. They're like, oh my God,

never seen you here. Oh my God. You want to try our new, this bread I brought to church? Oh my God. You guys sit right up here. Oh my God. Here's a couple little fucking packets for you. I was like, oh, we're just doing a thing and we got to go to a different church. Just chill. No, it's so great to have you. Oh, my God. All of them are all super scammed up, dressed up, makeup, fucking hair done, scam city. No, he's just coming here for a, you should come back next week. I was like, are your eyes eyes gonna fall out of your fucking face

no my god dude shook my hand for 86 minutes i was like is this part of the am i being baptized right now is this part of the fucking eucharist i was like let me sit down bro we sat in the back and just the whole time people around us were like just looking at us and shit i was like what are are you guys robots may the lord be with you dude during peace i was like yo i need to go take a fucking shower or something after this it was so weird oh my god a baptism happened as we were at church and the priest just fucking like took somebody and was like like pull or plunge their bitch ass and me and my friend were just like this motherfucker has never been to any church i was with so i was like dog i don't know what to tell you like dude he had to be traumatized by that so i

kind of understand because i went to catholic church which is like mild compared to this shit bro they were like i was like are they waterboarding this dude he was like almost dead in the name of christ you are now part of our sacred family at church whatever the music they fuck i was like oh bro at and we left we left church like early because i was like bro let's get out of here this whole place might like explode or some shit like i don't know and as we were like leaving people like they open the door and they're come back come back worship with us are you coming back next week and i was like broken in the car getting in the car getting the car don't look don't look back don't look back in like in like i swear to god a guy was following us in a in like a in a car

i was like don't look back bro and there are people like they they're at the door and they're like and i was like oh we gotta get back we gotta get back it was like 10 minutes away from where we went to college and we're like is that guy still following like like he could he could be outside the fucking studio right now still following me around it was that weird dude i got home and went to sleep for like seven hours to try to like purge it out of my mind. Oh, I'm still kind of scared. Like I wasn't the same for like a week. I don't think I'm like nervous talking about it now. I feel like I'm going to like get us to get like sniped. He was talking about our church. Yeah, but that's what i'm sick of ah bro that was the weirdest thing church ran by aliens all right skip going what are you sick of ben it's kaylin um i am with lane

but i am so fucking sick of sarah maxwell dude i cannot fucking stand that bitch i'm about to jump into the ocean with sharks i can't fucking handle it please help me yeah you're gonna have to kill yourself it's the only way that's funny as hell thank god for shit like that but uh yeah i can't stand her either what a garbage ass person no i'm kidding i don't really know her that well, but I kind of. But yeah, put your friends on blast more on this podcast. It's funny because everybody's going to look her up now and be like, oh, damn, she's that bad, huh? Her sister on the other hand, though. Holy shit.

Bro. Actually, I'm not going gonna talk about it because wow yeah i can't and i won't but uh you got all the information you need let's keep going what are you sick of i'm so sick of cars headlights being ultra bright like when i drive at night i swear some of these cars have like the brightest lights i've ever seen in my entire life i like this girl's voice i think she's left a voice message before and i think it might be that one where she was getting like split roasted or something do you guys remember that but i think it might be that one where she was getting like split roasted or something do you guys remember that but i think this is the same person i'm gonna listen to this

again because her voice is nice for some reason hold on uh yeah bright headlights that's me by the way baby girl we need to regulate how bright a vehicle's lights can be isn't it great hold on hold on run this back i don't know if this is creepy or what but some people's voices just hit i'm so sick of cars headlights being ultra bright it's a great like when i drive at night i swear some of these cars have like the brightest lights i've ever seen in my entire life. She's like reading, bro. I saw she's reading something.

We need to. I feel like she's like she's in like a class and she's like. Calculate how bright a vehicle's lights can be. Dude, she's presenting something. What a skill. But yeah, I'm that bitch with the brights on shorty that's me because i can't see shit bro when i'm driving at night what is even in front of me you ever on a road with no street lights i'm like how the fuck am i gonna do this brights flip them on

like if i'm on a highway at night like if i'm driving home from a show in like louisville my brights are on 10 my brights are on a hundred going the whole time and like cars will blink their brights at me and i'm like i, I know. I can't fucking see. I know they're on. If they weren't on, I'd be dead in a ditch. People flicking their lights on me is the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. I'm like, thanks for telling me. Wouldn't have saw you if you didn't flick your fucking brights on at me. Dude, I can't see any. Is it just me? Nobody can see shit at night. dude i can't see any is it just me nobody can see shit at night dude when you're in like a neighborhood and there's no street lights in the neighborhood did you guys hear my throat it tried to talk for me my throat goes oh

how about driving in a neighborhood like if you haven't been in a neighborhood before and you drive in one bro i drove in a neighborhood the other day for the first time in like maybe a year and a half i was going like 46 like around turns and shit i was like oh yeah kids live here dude my lights are bright as shit when i drive i i keep those headlamps. I don't even think I switch them off the brights, dude. Fuck it. What am I supposed to do? Nazi? Oh, sorry. I just totaled my cars for your vision.

Nice voice message, but I don't agree. I get it, though. It is annoying. Just keep going. What are you sick of? I'm sick of people at baggage claims standing right up next to the belt. So you have to say excuse me to get past them and try to get your moving luggage as it's moving away from you. Like, why don't we just stand a few feet away from the belt?

When you see your luggage, you walk up, grab your suitcase and get it off. Next time I'm taking out carl's ankles because he won't freaking move ah that's a good ass message that's true though bro people at fucking airports just are not in touch with like society like they're not they don't get it people at airports are trash. I said, I'm serious, dude. I've never seen a normal human operate at the airport. I'm like, where are you guys from?

What? No one knows. It's like it's everybody's first time. I hate to be that. I fly everywhere, bitch. And I don't. But like everybody, I'm like, like holy shit you guys are so annoying you got everybody looks like shit it doesn't matter what time it is 7 a.m i get it but still

you guys look like shit everybody everybody's fucking dad at the, every guy at the airport, just bedhead, dude. I'm like, Oh, everybody's all fucking eat. Everybody's eating all the time, dude. The line for fucking coffee at airports. 16 billion people. I'm like like have you guys ever slept bro it's insane well they should just put an airport at a fucking starbucks at this rate everybody needs coffee a cup of usa dude people are just scumbags at the airport. I'm like, you're annoying. You got to know you're annoying, right? People that don't know that are annoying. I know I'm annoying.

It's the first step in being a human is realizing and identifying that you're annoying. I'm annoying. I get it. So you got to keep your annoying in check. people at the airport don't have an annoying like meter you know when you're annoying like you got to shut the fuck up you can tell when you're annoying meters doing that some people don't have an annoying meter like right now i'm i'm getting there better shut the hell up people the airport don't know dude talkers in the plane and then yeah like so i'm from kansas city and like we have the same type of thing i'm like shut the fuck up when you're an airplane you sleep sleeping is 90 of what's happening in the airplane you're listening to a movie or some shit or you're working on something is it

that's it same thing in the airport it should be just same thing every everyday life but like bro people who are kids playing games and shit out loud bro i was on this one plane and the the some kid was playing a game out loud and the stewardess i'll never forget this this i usually i dude i hate stewardess steward i what the fuck is what is it they're so loud they're so like uh come on bro they're so like're so like come on bro they're so like needy and shit and they're like you're trying to sleep in the back

of the plane there's three stewardess behind me just I know yeah I know oh my god last time we were in detroit move your knee you want any pretzels i'm like shut up like hey remember i respect you for your doing your job and shit and i don't know anything about

your job but remember that we're not always on a plane every 15 seconds like you fucking slamming samantha back there dude stewardess you know they're so i always think about i'm like you guys are so sweaty stop acting like you're not sweaty in that weird uniform but the stewardess this kid was fucking this flight attendant what am i saying this flight attendant this kid was playing a game on his ipad ipad kid he the minute he pressed a fucking button on the screen that was like like some stupid ass sound the flight attendant went right up to his ass and was like hey you need headphones or you got to turn it off and his mom was like

shit all right my bad got him some headphones then the noise happened again and she was like hey cut the shit off right now she was like dead ass that kid's mom he mommed he outmommed his mom and was like turn the sound off it was like super bro has it you ever heard a flight attendant get like loud with somebody in on plane it's crazy this dude stood up when he couldn't stand up and this flight attendant was like sir sit there right now dude everybody in the plane was like i was so embarrassed for him that i didn't even look back i was like i can't i can't do it i can't do my guy like that like he just fucking wanted it like you know when he when you're on a plane you're like i want to put my headphones in my bag real quick i'm gonna like fucking lose them or something you're like freaking out a little bit

and you just fucking stand up and do it that's what he was just doing real quick and the stewardess was like sit down we'll take this whole fucking plane down right now it was crazy bro everybody in the plane was like i couldn't look back i was like i'm I'm just, I'm just not. That's crazy, bro. That's crazy. Did him dirty. I was like, for a minute,

I was like, do you guys know each other? Because that was way too like personal. I was like, that must be like her like brother-in-law or some shit. Said his name and shit. Scott, sit the fuck down i told you last time you piece of shit oh my god he's like playing with her he's like acting like he's gonna sit down and shit bro that's really what it was like dude i was like this i was like this for probably one minute

i was like this and like when shit funny shit happens in planes nobody else gets it like when like like after that like i looked at somebody and i was like holy fuck like i did one of those and the person was like looked at me and was like I just looked away. I was like what species are you like? Nobody is catching the like that. That was crazy as fuck. Dude, people on planes are just different. Let's keep going. What are you sick of?

I'm literally starving. Me too. All the time. Wait, what the fuck is going on? What are you sick of if you're gonna get me pizza can you please do a side of like the uh stuffed cheesy bread that has the feta in it i don't know what this is so good yeah but that i don't know what this is homie wait what is this uh this is oh this is, homie. Wait, what is this? Oh, this is some annoying-ass girl. Never mind.

Never mind. This girl DMs me and goes, We should play this game where you send me 50 bucks and I keep it. Just kidding. This is some random-ass shit. So could you at least please send me 15 bucks? Dude, people that say bucks. Yeah, six bucks.

And they dude, imagine typing out bucks and sending it to B-U-C-K-S. You my dad? 16 bucks? But yeah, she's like people asking me for money on social media you got the wrong guy i don't even have money for my goddamn self just keep going uh what are you sick of one thing that i'm sick of is my phone asking me if i want to update my cloud storage the answer is no no i've hit it a thousand times i've come to terms with it if my phone asking me if I want to update my cloud storage? The answer is no. No, I've hit it a thousand times. I've come to terms with it. If my phone breaks, then everything on there is lost

forever and I don't care. Love this. This one's for you. Oh yeah, bro. Yeah. Run this shit back. One thing that I'm sick of is my phone asking me if I want to update my cloud storage. The answer is no. No, I've hit it a thousand times. I've come to terms with it. If my phone breaks, then everything on there is lost forever.

See you later. And I don't care. Thank you. This one's for you. That was that? Oh! No! No!

He did not do that shit! I was about to praise you. Oh my God! Change your batteries! How do you live like this? Bro, people that have... How did you do that? I love you and hated you.

I've never loved and hated one person so much in 10 seconds do you guys see what he did he fucking tossed one up and fucking cranked that shit oh my god his smoke alarm what that was so loud dude look listen to this shit again hold on thing on there is lost forever and i don't care this one's for you thing on there is lost forever and i don't care this one's for you it's so fucked up bro that had to be from your like youtube or some shit smoke detector alarm sound effect i know you i don't know you but good shit change your smoke detector batteries god how do, how do you just sit around all day and fucking beep? It's like a seatbelt going, a seatbelt alarm going off in your damn house.

But yeah, that's software update shit. I'm so sick of that too. You know, I'm really sick of is every time I get on my computer, there's like 94 updates. I'm like, oh my, so many things I have to click and complete and fucking yeah. Yeah. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Save. No, I don't. God damn. Can I just get on the internet? Boom, bang this, that, but I'm just like, I don't even care about getting this thing done anymore, bro. So many notifications. when i get on the computer i'm like that was a great voice message bro thank you let's keep going what are you sick of come on please please load sick of the dude i'm actually while we're waiting for this to load or whatever the fuck is going on here

I'm sick of the internet when the internet doesn't work internet didn't work for me for half a day and I was like what do you want like what am I supposed to do I had to go to the fucking coffee shop. Like, this is such rich bitch problems, but like, damn, the internet.

But why isn't this working? Oh, my God. So is this frozen? Skip that one. Jesus. What are you sick of? Okay. What am I sick of?

I'll tell you what I'm sick of. I'm sick of pickup lines, sick and tired of pickup lines. And I'm not talking, you know, flirting with a chick. I'm talking, picking your kid up from school.

Oh, driving up, grab your kid let's go okay that's all it is you just pull up you get your kid you're gone it's such a thing they hand out flyers beginning of the year that has a whole system in place did you hear that right is that her fucking smoke alarm dude no way listen Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. From school, driving up, grab your kid. Let's go. Okay. That's all it is.

You just pull up. You get your kid. You're gone. Okay. They hand out flyers beginning of the year that has a whole system in place. They got writing. I swear to God. Like, hold on.

Just one more time. I know it's annoying. Let's go. Okay. That's all it is. You just pull up. Just one more time. I know it's annoying. Let's go. Okay. That's all it is. You just pull up. You get your kid. You're gone.

Every kid has flyers. They hand out flyers beginning of the year that has a whole system in place. They got writing, like written out instructions, and they have pictures for you to follow. There you go. And you know what? Nobody follows it. We got three lines. If I can follows it. We got three lines. If I can explain this,

we got three lines. Go ahead, yeah. The one line starts getting full. Don't ever be scared to explain some shit. Because this is, I want to know exactly how these fucking lines are working. You start making the other line. That line starts getting full.

You start making the other line. These people just drive up in there and like cut you off fucking idiots it's insane and i just want to get out and just okay so i was getting a little carried away maybe said some things no i cut me off get more carried away i'm sick of it I just what I said is I wanted to get out and throat punch a mom punching a mom how good would it feel

it's simple there's instructions follow the instructions and we're good get the kid in the car teach them how to buckle their own seat so you're not holding up the whole line so annoying I mean it's just common courtesy that's all i'm sick of it pickup lines elementary school pickup lines just because just parent like moms

of elementary school kids are so just they're almost worse than airplane people and the kids too do suck like bro if you don't know how to fucking buckle your seat belt and open the door and shit bro that's day one we had this kid we picked up we carpooled with he couldn't open the door for the car i was like bro fucking get your get your shit together i don't care if you're not strong enough fucking it's a jeep so you wouldn't understand but you hold the handle right here and you gotta fucking punch the button and then the door opens up he he wasn't strong enough his fucking finger i don't care if you're a cat figure it out people that can't buckle their kids that can't buckle their seat

belts too i will strangle you i don't care just click it dude damn but yeah the the school lines i didn't mean strangle you i meant like strangle you with love. Even weirder. But yeah, dude. My mom did some G shit when she was picking me up from school one time. Bro, she was done with the lines. Because the lines are fucking... It is so annoying, bro. It is so annoying. Even when you're like getting picked up from school

like oh my god dude my mom wouldn't pick me up i swear to god school got out at 2 30 p.m my mom wouldn't pick me up sometimes till 5 30 i'd just be fucking around at school just like looking at the walls and shit it's crazy i was like did she forget how can you be this late we didn't like bro my mom just it was so wild i was like damn and we like carpooled with kids too they were probably like fuck she is super fucking late every day i'd be like damn all right we're not getting home really till like six so i might as well pick up like a like a tutor session or something while i'm here aftercare there was aftercare kids went to after aftercare after school because their parents couldn't pick them up immediately which is what i probably should have been in those kids got picked up by their parents in aftercare before my mom got there for

the real shit i was like oh zach's going home already that motherfucker i was like oh my god his parents are all fucked up and he's going home before me oh my god i'm down bad just sitting on a sidewalk my mom did some g shit one time. And instead of going in the lines, she just parked by a house in a random, like in the neighborhood where my school was. Cause every school is like kind of by neighborhood. She just parked on a street in the neighborhood and they're like, all right, go find your mom and dad or whatever the fuck, find your parents in the lines. And I i would walk straight out of out of the school walk through all the lines and walk into a random ass neighborhood my mom would pick me up by

like the house with red shutters she'd be like get in right off into the sunset every day for like a week and then somebody fucking told on me i was like shut up some teacher was like you can't be doing that i was like shit so lit dude just walk right out of school dude i wasn't sneaky at all i was like fuck that i probably did this too i was walking oh shit I wasn't sneaky at all. I was like, fuck that. I probably did this too. I was walking. Oh shit.

Yeah, that shit was different. I got, I gotten so much like low key trouble. I love it when teachers were like, all right, it was like you getting low key trouble at school. That was my shit. When like you do something funny and the teacher was like,

all right, we'll give you benefit of the doubt there. Like the teacher didn't like, I didn't get like reported to the principal. She was just like, yo, don't do that shit again. I was like, all right, bet.

That's more respectful than sending them to the office. She knew it was going down. Some teachers just know what's going down. All right, let's try this one again. What are you sick of? It's just not going to fucking work.

Come on, work. down all right let's try this one again what are you sick of it's just not gonna fucking work come on work it's not gonna work last one what are you sick of yo benny sick and tired of the fucking cooking videos that are like four seconds long. And it's all like one millisecond shots of food. And it's all like. It's fucking annoying. Anyways, big fan of your podcast, bro. That's so funny, dude. Because I hate them too, but I watch them, you know,

they're like, they're like, and then the guy at the end is like, I'm like, shut the fuck up. No, you didn't. It wasn't that easy. I want to see all the behind the scenes of that where the

guy like cracks an egg and it goes on the ground he's like god damn like something that something's on fire the one he made previously like you know you know they've gone through a couple videos where they just burn the shit out of some bread i know i love it exactly what he's talking about, bro. Then this is what they always do at the end of cooking videos. Now, I hate it, dude. So they make a sandwich. They cut it in half at the end. One of those like signature noises.

And then this is what they do. It's always they stack them on top of each other. I'm like, what do you think this is a porno? One on top of the other. I'm like, okay, never seen that before. Do they think they're so fucking cool when they stack it? All right, Martha Stewart. Then they have a bite at the end and

sometimes they loop it. They'll be like and they'll go into all the stack it and right back. I hate it. It does look good though. All right, yo, I'm gonna try to get this one to work one more time. it does look good though alright yo I'm gonna try to get this one to work one more time

it's not gonna work I'm gonna try to type her shit in don't let me get me yeah it's not gonna work damn it sorry that's it yo shot 237 it was fun it was real and it was fun but it wasn't real fun no it was a good time thanks for your voice messages i love you guys means a lot bro it really makes the show and you guys are you guys just get it. You guys are fam. You guys get it. You get it. It was a good showing. It's always a good showing, but the smoke detector guy, the last guy with

the fucking, you guys just know what's going on, bro. I love, I love the fam. Grab some merch, benedictmerch.com. Get something, get something for your homies for Christmas, December 22nd, Detroit house of comedy i'll be up on stage headlining it's gonna be fun it's the first like uh show that i'm headlining ever so like it means a lot so go no if you can't go it's fine actually i hate you but uh no i'm kidding but try to go try to make it seriously it'd be it'd be it'd mean a lot there'll be more too but i just don't you know it's not for sure ever so who knows what'll happen um yeah but it's gonna be a good time try to get ticks uh benningmerch.com for all your merch patreon do the patrons

patreon's next level extra episode a week five dollars $5 a month. It's a deal. It's part of the deal. Remember to listen to these guys' podcasts, me and Joey Molinaro. Joey will be at the show in Detroit too. So come see us. Social media going on right now. Thanks for all the love. NBA uniforms.

Polite cat calling. Got some stuff in the works I'm excited about. Thank you for everything you guys do. I love you for real. But I'll talk to you next week. All right, fam. See you next time.