Espresso - what are you the Michael Jordan of?

Episode Date: October 7, 2021

🔒 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝗰𝗮𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙠 (𝗼𝗻����𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗺) https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ♦️ 𝗦𝘂𝗯𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 🔹 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚 & 𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬 ;) on this episode Ben answers the Espresso Question of the week: what are you the Michael Jordan of? (like NOT TEXTING BACK) ben remembers his mom being on the phone his entire life, got asked to go to a ski resort and immediately transformed into a rich 40 year old woman and tells us how it feels to be part-time Italian 🔸𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗝𝗢𝗛𝗡𝗦𝗢𝗡: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 🔹𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 🔸𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 🔹𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

It's shot 179.99. I had stuff in my throat, but I was hoping you couldn't hear that. Hear that, hear that. It's a late night suppress. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds like a little harp in the background, huh? Yeah, yeah Sounds like a harp, uh

Like I'm an angel in heaven Sitting on one of those beach chairs, yeah Yeah, yeah Put your fingers through my hair, yeah And feed me some grapes, yeah When I get a little older, maybe Those change the dates, uh Swear to God I'm in heaven right now I'm a little angel with wings on my back. You heard me? Yeah.

You heard me loud and clear like the Kentucky Derby. Got little curly hair and a baby body. I be shooting arrows at you like little Cupid on the beat. Hit you in the back and you a freak Yeah, uh, swear to God, right I'm in heaven so I can talk right to The man upstairs and I'm like Hey God, what is going on? Why you make us all with armpit hair, yeah You gave us hiccups, what's up with that, huh?

I don't know either, I'll hit you back What's up? EspressoShout179 I'm your host Ben Polizzi What's good Remember to join the Patreon For exclusive Espresso podcast Only for the fam

But thanks for listening We got a I'm having a good hair day dude Look at this. There's the... If you go on YouTube, you can watch the podcast vids. And you can see what's going on in here. It's pretty much like a little jail cell with a window in the back.

But right now, I'm having... Like, I woke up... I think it's weird how you can just have a good hair day out of nowhere. You're like, oh. Thanks. It happens like one... i don't know my hair probably looks damn near exactly the same as it does every other day i can't style my hair everybody like my really close friends and people that actually love me are like hey man you should

honestly do something with your hair like what i can't like because i'm always doing like recreational shit all the time i think it's weird when people just like go to the mall and like go like just like with like with like combed over hair like I feel like that's only for when I like go to a like a christmas like program The last time I combed my hair over was my fourthth grade Christmas program. I swear to God, dude. I made sure I was looking right for that shit.

4th grade Christmas program. I fuck, I put a... I just always used, like, the hair products that were at my house because... Grew up with two sisters and a mom that were just always like... What? Hold on! My mom was just on the phone my whole entire life.

My mom was on the phone until last year. I swear to God, who's my mom Who's our moms on the phone with for our whole entire lives? Every single day. Mom! Oh shit. Dude, I used to get so worried about my mom if i couldn't find my mom for like two seconds i was like she's dead for sure if my mom didn't come home she's like i'll be home at four if she wasn't home at four on the fucking money i was like she's dead start crying and shit i I thought, who knows?

My mom was on the phone all my life. My mom would go in the weirdest places to be on the phone. I was like, that's where I get it. That's where I get it. Dude, I'll get on the phone. I'll be on a phone call. On a phone call like it's important. If someone FaceTimes me though, I'm out.

I'll fucking drive to Ohioio swear to god dude my mom would go in her fucking closet and shut the door shut the closet door and her door it's like maximum security prison i was like what do we have for dinner just on the phone with my aunt like it like she wouldn't just be in her closet. She'd be in her closet. Like she'd be like in a coat. Who was, dude, I swear to God. But I never, I never styled my hair. And when I did, it was just like with my like sister's like hair products. Like I never, like, i never knew how to like do it i was just like fuck it so i just put like uh i just like had it how i wanted i always did this one in uh

in fourth grade if we're watching the youtube pod like this this is how i did my hair in fourth grade i did the slope i did this did the ski slope what's that uh what's that perfect north i did the perfect north there's like a there's like a snowboarding and ski place in indiana called perfect north dude my friends tried to get me to go to perfect north and i was like nope hey uh want to go to Perfect North next weekend Ben? I was like I love that you guys are asking me man I love you guys for reaching out

But What you just said to me was Hey Do you want to tear both your ACLs next weekend Ben? And I was like Dude if I went to Perfect North I would just sit in the cabin In a cozy sweater

Like I was a rich 40 year old woman With a glass of white wine I don't even like white wine it would just be a glass of white wine with a fireplace behind me you guys have fun oh you guys have fun. I'll watch. Oh, you're going on the black diamond.

I'll just be sitting here admiring my own. Dude, I'd be that guy at a ski slope. Oh, my God. I would not do anything at a ski slope. Actually I'd buy like the, the most like, uh, the most like bougie ass ski clothes, all Chrome, Chrome white. So when you, you know, those, you know, you like wear, you know, like wear something and like it has like that the chrome like you never know it's like shoes and they have like that chrome stuff on them but you only realize it's that color when you take a pic when somebody takes a picture of you when you're wearing them you're like out with your boys at the club you take a picture

and the only thing in the picture that you can see are your shoes tin man shoes you're like oh ben what is it your shoes are cool that'd be my whole ski snow like outfit and i take it all off and go back in the cat in the in the log cabin yeah i had the slope going on dude christmas program fourth grade so i don't know what year that was like 1962 I thought I did it all up I was like I'm like back row cuz I was like when I was in when I was in fourth grade I was like this size and shit I was like I was literally this size in fourth grade. Nothing changed. Nothing. This size. I was 4'9", or whatever I am now, in fourth grade.

And I was in the back row, and I had nothing to contribute to the Christmas program, dude. Absolutely nothing. Like, for one whole day, we sang all the songs. We had like 10 songs in the christmas program and for one whole day during practice i was like my contribution to this program is that i was the guy like like if if the word christmas was in the song like the whole the whole grade would be like merry christmas and i was the guy at the'd go like this. This is the only thing I'd do. Christmas. I'd hit the S. I'd be like, Christmas.

That was me. That was my whole job. All 10 songs. Christmas. I was the S guy the whole program. And I swear to God, one time my music teacher looked at me and he was like, and he like, you're the S guy. He like did that. and he was like and he like you're the s guy he like did that and i was like to you i was the s guy but that was my contribution but for that i had to get right for that i was in the back row i was 4 11 i was standing up i was like my hair's gotta be on point so i

front of my hair was soaking wet because obviously i overdid it when am i not gonna overdo it overdid it perfect north was sloping hard black diamond and the rest of my hair was super dry and i had this one friend his mom was a like a hairstylist so he knew everything about hair this motherfucker bro knew everything about hair. Was also the smartest. But his hair, he had a fucking flat top. I was like, how's your mom a hairstylist and you and your dad have flat tops? Tan hut! The whole day, the whole Christmas program, we got there at night. It was like exotic because we were at school at night.

We were about to go to the Christmas program. This is what he called me the whole Christmas program, making fun of my hair. This is what he called me. whole Christmas program making fun of my hair This is what he called me. He goes. Hey wet dry Because my hair was like perfect north here wet as shit dry in the back He goes wet dry every time he saw me and I was like I was like you piece of shhh you mother You little pussy you wuss I was like you know what you're a wuss Merry Christmas to you and your family is the S guy. What?

What's up, yo? Hey, uh, Drunk Recipes just dropped. Remember to check that out on YouTube and Instagram and all that stuff. Thank you guys for DMing me your drunk recipes.

That was a blast, man. I had a really good time concocting. It was fun. I'm definitely going to do it again. So thanks. And yeah, when I do that drunk recipes too, you guys got to holler. Holler at your boy. All right, let's get into the espresso question of the week.

Espresso, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick question of the week Espresso quick quick quick quick quick Question of the week This week's question What are you the Michael Jordan of? What are you the best at? What are you the Michael Jordan of? I was talking to my homie Wyatt And I was like yo bro what are you the Michael Jordan of? And I thought to my homie Wyatt and I was like, yo bro, what are you the

Michael Jordan of? And I thought he was going to, he was like, um, and I thought he was going to be say like something like sleeping. He goes paper airplanes. I was like, like, okay, that's valid, bro. And it was so valid that I was like, make one right. I wanted to see him make a paper airplane. Because you know some motherfuckers in fourth grade can just make like a jet, army jet airplane. Those things go, bro. The folds are so like... It's like they had it under a dictionary for fucking two days. And it's always a Boy Scout.

Swear to God. How come Boy Scouts are so good at weird shit? Tie knots, make airplanes. They always do the weirdest shit. I'm like, okay. Pitch a tent, baby. What are you the Michael Jordan of? Let's do it

Austin Kennedy what are you the Michael Jordan of I am the Michael Jordan of getting robo calls I don't know what it is. I'll get about 10 a day. And what's fun is me and my friends. Now we'll try to see how long we can keep them on the phone. My favorite one is act like you're listening to the whole spill. Then say, let me go get my dad,

do it again. Say, let me go get my dad, do it again and see how long you can go. My record's four. I'm sure you can have a better idea. But yeah, Michael Jordan of getting robocalls. See ya.

That was pretty good, bro. He repeated the question even at the end. God damn, this dude was good at writing essays on science tests and shit. Austin Kennedy, robo... I don't even know what a robocall is. TBH. Robotic call.

What is a... You guys just hear me burp or something. What should I... Okay. A robocall is a phone call that uses a computerized auto... Oh, dude. I wouldn't be able to do that. I wouldn't be able to do that i wouldn't be able to just mess with a computer for that whole time how about back in like fucking 2000

when real people would call your phone wow they get their jobs got replaced by computers for sure but like there'd be what telemarketers bye bye mr american bye i used to always think i was so Bye, bye, Mr. American Pie. I used to always think I was so goddamn funny when telemarketers would call our house. Hello, Polizis. That was our fucking, that was what we said when we answered the phone. Hello, Polizis, may I ask who's calling, calling, calling? Every time. Hello, Polizis, may I ask who's calling?

Hi, this is da-da-da-da-da-da-da. one time I thought I was so funny I go is your she goes is your mom or dad home I go they're at the moon I'll call you back later my sister laughed and I was like yes got it that's my shit they went to the moon be right back then went and watched boy meetsets World or some shit. I thought that was the funniest thing in my life. Robo calls. I couldn't fuck with a computer for that long, though. Okay, here we go. Hey-o, mayo, man. What are you the Michael Jordan of?

Hey-o, mayo, always coming through. What's up? Second try. My superpower is knowing each one hit wonder like i know who did every single one hit song like you know who did electric avenue oh eddie grant uh what about come on eileen obviously it's dexi's midnight runners uh what about that Torn song? Oh, you mean Natalie Imbruglia, originally done by a band called Edna Swap? If it hits my ears one time or if I read it one time, I'll remember it forever.

I couldn't do that with science, geometry, nothing that would have helped me at all in school but a one-hit wonder if that hits my brain I'll remember it forever damn oh no he didn't hey oh may oh man one-god. One-hit wonders are amazing. Why are those the best songs ever? I get knocked down, and I get up again. Hey, I'm gonna keep me down. Who sings that? Michael Jordan of Knowing One-Hit Wonders. I don't know any of them, bro.

But they are the best songs. Let's keep going. I don't know why you guys are leaving me actual messages. Voice messages, baby. It's the wave. What are you the Michael Jordan of? Sianni

DeVitch. Maybe from Germany. Maybe. Who knows? What are you the Michael Jordan have? I'm the Michael Jordan of putting everything off until the last second. And then I get stressed the fuck out. Tell them! Jesus Christ, we're on the fucking East All-Stars for that.

Everybody that listens to this podcast I know is like that bro It's just a whole thing I'll do anything To not do what I'm supposed to be doing I swear to god bro It's the way my brain works I have to I'm so tempted

Every time too Instead of like I will do anything The stupidest shit It's never anything like productive Today I was like, oh shit. I need to write but first I better put Uh my bag in my car like walk down the street put my bag in my car and then come back and write I was like, why would I ever need to do that? But for some reason i'm like that would be a good idea though

I'll do anything, dog. Here we go. MattCast20. Trying to throw up. MattCast20, what are you the Michael Jordan of? Hey, Ben. I am the Michael Jordan of using context and foreshadowing clues in movies to accurately predict what is going to happen

either to a character or overall or when somebody's going to die it's just like a sixth sense I have and I'm so good at it that I usually ruin it for people that I watch movies with I would like that

and now I watch movies alone so thanks man Love the show and I think you're hilarious. Oh my god, I'm gonna cry. That was so nice at the end, dude. Dude, I feel like I'm at a real radio show. First time caller, long time listener. That was so nice, MattCast20.

I love you, bro. For real. Thank you. But that's so true, man. Oh, that's not so true. I don't fuck it. I need him to watch movies with me bro Every time I watch movies I'm like So what did And the other person watching it that's already seen it four times is like I'm like fuck

I don't get it Do you want to help me get it You want to have fun with me during this movie Dude I don't know shit during movies I'm like so then why would he do that That's my only movies. I'm like, so then why would he do that? That's my only, during movies, I'm like, like, this is my, this is what I say during movies eight times every time I watch a movie. I'm like, like you would ever do that. That's what I say every fucking

movie. Dude, in the movies I've seen, the movies I've seen, the eight movies I've seen, if I'm watching them with someone else and the other person hasn't seen them I'm like I feel like I'm the director of the movie during those I'm like hey this parts about to be crazy look I'm like yo I'm like yo listen this line the other person's watching is like, okay, bro. Just cause you've seen it 76 times in the car doesn't mean that you fucking created this thing. Hey, watch this part. Hey, pay

attention. That's all watching movies is with me, though. Like, I was on, like, a streak of watching all the marvel movies just cuz i'm a little superhero bitch i am i was on a streak of watching all the marvel movies but before i got into them like before i was like halfway in my sister had to literally fucking push me she'd text me every night and be like did you watch it and i'd be like oh fuck i gotta do it

well let her i can't let her down my sister had a fucking she was on my ass I think she called me and she's like did you watch Iron Man 3 I'd be like oh fuck

there's three but she like and then like we watched one one of the Marvel movies together and the whole time this is all she did me and her

sitting by each other on the couch like at my fucking mom's house or something she was just like this wasn't even enjoying the movie just making sure I was awake the whole time other on the couch like at my fucking mom's house or something she was just like this wasn't even enjoying the movie just making sure i was awake the whole time get off your phone i don't care get off your phone

watch i felt like i was in movie jail, bro. My sister put me in fucking movie jail. Are you sleeping? Oh my God. Turn it off. I was like, okay, I'm awake. I'm awake. I'm awake.

Holy shit. That's dope, though. The foreshadowing joint. I can't do anything like that in movies. I always think I know. I'm like, I bet she comes back and she's the bad one. It's always the guy I don't expect. I'm like, fuck.

All right, here we go. Coach underscore ZT. What are you the Michael Jordan of? I am the Michael Jordan of not buying enough of anything to sustain me for a legitimate period of time. Damn. For example. My followers are smart i will buy two three water bottles at uh 7-eleven and then i'll have to buy it again the next night rather than buying a case oh

oh yeah i do that too because it's more fun when you buy it's too much of a commitment to buy a whole case dude it's like you can buy four i'll be cool like i'll come back if i need to then i come back the next fucking 10 minutes and i'm like i need one more you ever ashamed to go into a store because you fuck up and forget so much shit oh my god i sort of got one time i bought i bought go into a store because you fuck up and forget so much shit? Oh, my God. I swear to God, one time I bought shit in a store and forgot so many times. I just left it. I was like, have it, bro. I can't come back and face that embarrassment. That's good, though.

Water bottles, bro. I always just buy way too much shit. Like, the root of that is probably from like my fucking dad or something my dad buys so much shit oh my i think it speaks for like everybody's dad though like you say one thing you're like oh my god i was with my fucking i was at my dad's lot during quarantine i said one thing I fucking liked this motherfucker would come fucking walking in the door the next morning, 6 56 AM. Hey B I got 10 cantaloupes last night. You said you like cantaloupes. I was like, Holy shit. I like cantaloupes, like four squares of them motherfucker dude my dad bro the king of like over ordering it's so funny but under ordering is a whole different game if somebody under orders I'm like you piece of shit like say you're at a pizza party and there's 10 people and you get two pizzas, you're like, it's two pizzas each, I thought.

I'm like, dude, grow up. Cheapass. Alright, come on. I think I got a couple. A couple more. Come on, baby. Don't make me go to these messages, dog. Don't make me do it. Wow, are you serious?

I know there's one. I know there's one. I know there's one. Oh, okay. I don't know if that's one. I'm not going to look at that one. That's crazy. That's it, bro. We're going to do a couple text messages.

A couple text messages. What are you the Michael Jordan of? Vito, my dog. He said drones. Follow Vito, by the way. I don't even know how to say his last name. T-B-H. Vito Polverenti.

Drones. Dude, if I flew a drone That motherfucker would crash Into some like neighborhood shit pond I'd be like whoops I know there's one more I'm shitty Oh here we go My dude Liam

Liam Pinero Pinero Everyone on this is italian what are you the michael jordan of hey what's going on benny boy it's liam pinero from the red garter with the male stripper listen bro i'm the michael jordan of opening someone's message and then taking too long trying to think of like the perfect cool clever thank you funny response and then just fucking forgetting to text them back dude how many times have i done that and then i'll feel so bad that i ghosted them for so long that i'll just never speak to them again because like i'm afraid they're gonna be mad at me isn't that fucked yeah i do that all the time anyways bro shoot me a text and let me know like a time marker when you're gonna put this in the podcast so i don't have

to listen to the whole thing all All right, love you, bro. Keep it up. I hate Liam, bro. Liam's a shit, man. Goddamn, what a guy. Hidden gem, bro. Follow Liam on TikTok, honestly. Motherfucker banging on TikTok.

That's a hot coffee pot. Love Liam. But tatted on me bro I always Liam's He's bullshit though He's good at that He thinks of the most clever shit

All the time And I'm like I don't even Did he look that up or something He will hit you back like Crazy fast With like the best response I'm like

Wish I could do that I wish that was my If if I could do one thing, it'd be fucking text people back with the funniest response. I can't bro. I try. Happy Easter. I'm like, what can I say? Can I rhyme it with something? Can I rhyme it with something? Can I Easter, Easter, Easter, Easter, Easter, Easter And somebody's like Hey, did you see that? And I'm like, what?

And I don't text them back Until fucking Halloween Oops Yeah, bro Seriously That's what's up, bro Thank you for those responses That literally makes the pod

I think it's so much fun Thank you for the voice messages Seriously It makes this pod so legit Shit Alright let's go viral Viral Viral Is the part of the podcast where i take the most popular hashtags

on the internet and just talk a little shit about them but before we get into that remember the espresso podcast is brought to you by wave one media if you want to start your own show Visit thewave1.com Viral Hashtag Damn I can't see today I just used contact solution For the first time last night In like two weeks

I know it's bad bro But I was just using straight up water for a minute Real shit I was just using water And I was just fucking I was just grinding on water for I just couldn't every time I went to the store and then I'd get home I'd be like fuck cuz I'm out here grinding straight up water should hashtag should be considered illegal hashtagag should be considered illegal. Hashtag what should be considered illegal.

Anyone FaceTiming you? Jesus Christ. Text me before? Maybe? Jesus. Random people that I'm not even like best friends with. If we're FaceTiming, we better be in love bro We better be in love Even when my like sister facetimes me

I'm like Did you mean to do this? The fuck? We better be K-I-S-S-I-N-G If you facetime me bro For real If you're just some like guy I talk to every now and then And you facetime me bro For real If you're just some like Guy I talk to every now and then

And you FaceTime me I'm like What a violation of all rights Hashtag should be considered illegal Calling parents by their first name You ever have that friend that calls his parent by his own mom and dad? Fucking Scott and

Becky. I'm like, Hey, Becky! I'm like, damn, you're a piece of shit. But what are you going to ask her? Becky, you making breakfast? One of these friends I had growing up always called his mom by his first name. I was like...

Then I'd always call her like Mrs. Whatever. Mrs. Parkerson. Mrs. Parkerson? Um, I think my mom's coming to get me at 8. She'd be like, call her Becky! I'd be like, oh, fuck.

I think that's crazy as shit. Or when like your friend's dad's like, come on, call her Becky. I'd be like, oh, fuck. I think that's crazy as shit. Or when your friend's dad's like, come on, call me Eric. I'm like, dude, you're not my fucking friend. Okay, Eric, how weird would that be when you're literally 10 years old? Hey, Eric. Fuck off. Dude, I call my dad or my mom their real names. They fucking whoop my ass to this day

If I called my dad Joe I swear to god bro He'd fucking He'd ground me He'd take my phone What'd you say That is funny as shit though Call him Joe like every once in a while

He'll like look at me like it's, like, some... One of his old fucking coaches he, like, coached with. I'll be like... I'll be like, huh, gotcha. Hashtag... Fake charcuterie facts. Fake charcuterie facts. The fact that it's called charcuterie, bro.

Jesus Christ. No wonder everybody wants a charcuterie board. The name is sexy as fuck. We'll take the charcuterie board. I'm like, what is that? Oh, it's a Lunchable just fucking on a cutting board? Okay. Sounds like the most sexy, fancy thing of all time.

We'll take the charcuterie. I'm like, you have my attention, bitch. That little fake charcuterie thing they have at Starbucks? That's my shit. That little protein box? I swear to God, that's all I eat every single day. Grab it every time I'm at Starbucks. Beep. It's fucking 1299. I'm like, I gotcha.

That's Starbucks. Like, uh, that Starbucks app has me so fucked up. I, I, I will never look, but I bet I spent like $2,000. That's probably dude. I bet I spent I spent like... It's so fucked up. I'm ashamed every time I go to Starbucks, but I'm like, what else am I going to eat? Literally, what am I going to eat? That little charcuterie box with the eggs and the apples and the grapes and the cheese and that little

biscuit thing with peanut butter has my number. That shit calls me by my first, middle, and last name every time I wake up I wake up that charcuterie box or whatever protein egg box benedict james polizzi I fucking rushed go downstairs get it that shit is fucking gas it's like 65 god god

hashtag $65 God Hashtag Tips for Sunday Hangover Nothing bro Once you get a hangover There's no fixing it Sorry Nothing

It's only happened one time And I've been I was so hungover I was like I can't Do this There's only one thing time when I've been, I was so hung over. I was like, I can't do this. There's only one thing you can do to fix it. One thing. It's the worst thing you can think of every time. Every time you're hung over and you think of the thing you really don't want to do, that's the thing that's going to make you unhung over. For me, it was, this sounds like a fucking espresso question. What's the one thing you do when you're hungover?

For me, literally though, it's, it's, you have to, you have to work out hard as fuck. That's it. That's the only thing. It's the only thing. Swear to God. I was so brickheaded one Sunday. I was like, oh, I can't even, oh my God. You know, you're like, you can. Oh, geez. Worst feeling, bro.

Oh, my God. Total regret when I woke up. Like a total idiot. I was like, I'm going to the gym. I went to the gym and my everything sucks so bad. Dude, I just wanted to scream the whole time. I was like. Right when I beeped my little pass again. Beep! I was like, fuck!

It worked, though. Walked out of the gym and I was like, la-da-dee, la-da-doo. It's the only fix. Only fix, bro. Some people are like, yeah, bro, I should get Taco Bell and drink some water. I'm good. I'm like, how? How's that fix your hangover?

I eat Taco Bell sober and I get drunk. Seriously though. Yeah bro, just like fucking hit a oney and I'm good. I'm like, you're... Dude, my hangovers are fucked. If I have a hangover, I'm completely worthless. Can't do it. Couple more.

Hashtag. Hashtag. I have this weird thing about. Hashtag I have this weird thing about. I hate everything that's super popular. I hate everything that's super popular I hate everything that's like You gotta We gotta go Like if there's like a party that's like

Everybody's gotta be there I'm like Squid games dude I can't watch it I can't watch it I hate that I even said it I wanted to tweet about it so many times I swear they're like over marketing it or something. Like, you know, squid games poured like hell of money into the meme accounts. Cause the meme accounts are fucking just going

off on squid. I'm like, you guys are talking about it so much. I don't even want to watch it, but anything like that, bro, I will, I won't watch squid Games. I can't now. I'm like, I don't want to. Damn near already fucking saw it on Instagram, on all the social accounts. Like, I already know what happened. This guy's hot. This guy's old. Bro, and they're like, oh, they're going to wear these masks for Halloween. Like, it's super good marketing. I'm not'm not gonna lie It's like killer marketing They killed that But like when something's blowing up so big like that I just have a

I just have a I just have a weird thing about Hashtag weird thing about watching it I'm like I don't wanna give in Give in to your grown up tastes Arby's old slogan Alright let's do days. Da-da-da-da, days of the week.

Thursday. National Chocolate-Covered Pretzel Day. That's all I want. Chocolate-covered pretzels had me by the fucking throat for like five years. Flips, dude. Every time I walk into a gas station swear they're so good imagine eating half of a bag of flips can't you do it I feel like kind of okay eating flips I'm like the pretzels had me dude chocolate

chocolate-covered pretzels are on Christmas National Frappe Day I don't think I'll ever get a frappe that was the first drink I ever got from Starbucks first one I was probably in like 8th grade I was like I don't know what to get I still kind of don't know what to get at Starbucks

the first time you went to Starbucks, you were like, what the fuck is all this shit? Are you serious? It's like walking, you know when you go to a restaurant and you look at the menu and you're like, this is literally all in a different language. I feel like a basic bitch when I look at that, but I'm like,

if it's not like, I'm so I'm like... If it's not like... I'm so basic, bro. If it's not like the Cheesecake Factory with pictures, I'm like, you pick for me. You want to go somewhere else? Chili's? First time I went to Starbucks, I was like, what? I'm still confused why an Americano is called that.

I'm like... First time somebody got an Americano, I was like, what? I'm still confused why an Americano is called that. I'm like... First time somebody got an Americano, I was like, is that like a red, white, and blue fucking firework drink or something? No, it's espresso and water. I'm like, how? Friday. National Fluffernutter Day. Good Lord, bro. I just did that. Drunk recipes on Fluffernutter Day.

Good lord, bro. I just did that. Drunk recipes on Fluffernutters. Fluffernutters. Never got it. Always wanted it. Just because of the name. Fluffernutter.

What did you have for lunch? A Fluffernutter? I was like, what is that? Peanut butter and marshmallow? Who doesn't want that? On pure white bread? Throw it at my fucking mouth. Ah!

National pierogi day. What the hell is a pierogi day? Pierogi. You don't know what a pierogi is? Pierogi. You don't know what a pierogi is? Pierogi. Oh, pierogi filled dumplings. I'm out. Anytime the word dumplings in anything, I'm like,

a little too fucking home cooking for me. Sweet filling and cooking and boiling water, pan fried before. It'd be good. It'd be good. Maybe just like two though Pierogies I'm like diet Italian But I don't know any Italian food I can't say

Dude I still like I just know I like penne Like I can't tell you I still like I just know I like penne Like I can't tell you any names of Italian food I don't know who can really It's like everybody got quizzed on that kind of shit Growing up I didn't know anything The ones that look like combos My dad fucking yell at me

You should know this shit The ones that look like soft combos Without lines fucking yell at me. You should know this shit. The ones that look like soft combos without lines. National Motorcycle Ride Day. No, thank you. National Chess Day. I will never know how to play chess.

This is Saturday Saturday by the way Saturday National Moldy Cheese Day Isn't all cheese mold? I had some bad cheese today bro I swear to god I had some bad cheese Kind of depressing honestly I've been good with cheese lately

Cheese has been like up It's been like trending up in my life I'm like I like cheese I used to be with cheese lately. Cheese has been, like, up. It's been, like, trending up in my life. I'm like, I like cheese. I used to be like, I can't even taste it. I like cheese. I had some, like, stale cheese. I was like. That's so Raven Sunday.

National Angel Food Cake Day. God damn. Angel Food Cake is so delicate. If I really want dessert and there's Angel Food Cake, I'll have like one slice and be like, that's it for me. They're like, why? You don't want another piece?

I'm like, it's Angel Food Cake. Gotta be respectful. Angel Food Cake feels like it's on like a fucking top shelf of dessert. It's angel food cake. I'm like more quiet around it. I'm like, hey, sit up. Angel food cake's here.

Napkin on your lap. Dude, my parents used to grill me about table manners growing up. Jesus. Elbows on the table. No elbows on the table What happened to that rule That used to be the king of all rules

No elbows on the table Napkin on your left Sit up straight Put your feet in front of you We're having angel cake Angel food cake Why is food even in that word Like there's angel We're having angel cake tonight. Angel food cake. Why is food even in that word?

Like there's angel, what if they just called it angel cake? Yeah, it's like too pretentious. They're like, throw another word in there. Food? Yeah, angel food cake. It'll balance it out. National metric day. That's one thing, bro. I miss that day of school.

When they went over the metric system. You know what they should teach, honestly? Metric system. Deca, Desi, all that kind of stuff? I have no goddamn clue. Millie, Macro, Nano, Pinto. Santa, Maria. Dude, they should teach the gigabyte chart in school now. I wish I could create the school system, recreate the education system. I swear it would just be that gigabyte, terabyte, megabyte. That's all. Like when people talk,

when people talk about that shit, I'm like, are you like Do you work for Google or something? Bro that shit is amazing It really separates people Elite level people know that kind of shit And it's all people that work at Best Buy That and what a PNG is If you don't know what a PNG is Can't be friends

PNG, JPEG If you know what a PNG, jpeg And like tiff file are I'm like We're gonna make it I love you You know your file types Alright

Shot 179 Espresso Pod Thanks for listening Like always remember to subscribe On YouTube join the Patreon Follow on TikTok Instagram Twitter Cameo All at Benedict Polizzi

Okay I'll talk to you guys next week I have fun Oh shit Okay I'll talk to you guys next week I have fun Oh shit