Espresso - what are you tired of?

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖����𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 https://benedictpolizzi.com/shows/Baltimore, MD - Sept 25Sacramento, CA - Dec 4Phoenix, AZ - Dec 13-14💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX🧢 "𝗙𝗕𝗢𝗬" 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝟮𝟱% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

Something I'm kind of tired of is fucking gas prices. Like, they're just through the fucking root. I'm just fucking kidding. What I'm on my fucking dad? No, really. It's a baby bottle pop.

Baby bottle pop. Just dip the pop. Lick it and shake it. And do it again. It's a baby. Oh, this thing's on. Didn't know we're recording. espresso podcast shot 385 I'm your girlfriend benny who's eaten a dozen eggs every single day for the past three months and it's the only thing he looks forward to when he wakes up

upcoming stand-up comedy shows come see mommy on the road Baltimore Maryland next thursday September 25th Shannon Sharp will be there kind of looking like a cartoon horse but that's fine Sacramento, California, December 4th, Pages-Doyakovich. There's no one that loves you more than I do. And Phoenix, Arizona, December 13th and 14th. Grant Hill, I still believe in you. Get your tickies below or at bennieplitzy.com. Watch me on F-Boy Island and F-Girl Island on HBO Max.

Uncensored. Uncensored. Watch it. It's fun. Only if you want to get second-hand embarrassment. Oh, God. Come on. Until your homies to join the Patreon for $5 a month. What do I get if I join? What do I get?

I don't even get it. Like, what is it? You get every other podcast, every other espresso pod, and a live stream at the end of every single week. Okay, Ash? Okay, but like, what do you even talk about in the live stream? Like, it doesn't make sense. Like, I literally can't.

What if I told you we played fuck Mary Kill with Chevy Suburban's, Chevy Tahoe's and Hummer H-H-2s? What if I told you that? Okay, like, whatever. What else do you even talk about? What if I told you? We talk about how I called it Bastin Robbins instead of Baskin Robbins, seven times with full confidence on the last podcast.

Oh, okay. All right. Fine. Join, babe, $5 a month. Join the fam. Tell the homies. You get all your merch at benedictmerch.com. We got, we out here being nice hoodies, hats, feeling glunky.

T's, hoodies, hats, these guys merch. Who's buying this merch? All of it. Benedictmerch.com. Let's get to the question, babe. It's one of those ones, baby. Question of the week. Espresso, quick, quote, question of the week.

What are you tired of? complain gang assemble yes this is where the espresso fam thrives we'd be complaining what are you tired of for me honking can't do it I'm so done I mean just

two types of honks you got your you got your cute honk and you got your goose honk can you can we learn can we in driver's ed can we learn the just just learn the touch all I need is a nice like hey

I don't need I swear I'll get in a wreck because somebody honked at me God nothing makes me more mad dude you're at an intersection cars flying you're trying to turn left or something

You do something insane. There's a car behind you honking. I'm like, I'll kill you. I won't do anything. But you know what I mean? What else am I tired of? Hey, cars looking exactly the same. What happened?

What happened to cars doing cool stuff and looking different? What happened to a just a, what happened to a RAV-4? What happened to the RAV-4? I was watching TikTok the other night. I think I watched 20 TikToks in a row about the RAV4 that came with the table on the inside of it.

You could just pop open the trunk, spare tire in a table? What happened to some... What happened to that? And you could lay the seats down so it makes a bed in the back of your RAV4. That's so... Now we got the same SUVs.

Everything's the same. What happened? What happened to this? I just want to see a Suzuki sidekick with the with the with the plastic top. Oh my God. What are you tired of? Let's talk, Bessie. All right. Look, I am so tired of every year buying NBA 2K going to my NBA. which was my league a couple years back and the rosters are half ass

they don't even have the dude's face scans I can't I can't do it either it's like and then you go to the draft class and they got like six guys there's like 12 other guys still in the league but fuck on my guess and now I'm sitting here

looking like a madman I got a college ruled notebook that I have endless amounts of numbers and trying to input data like they're paying me i know just makes me so sad and now they're going to make a college game and i'm going to have to figure out how badly they mess that up but you know i need a hobby outside my day job so i guess It's not that bad. Dude, it's what took me out of playing video games.

Why can't they get it right? It's crazy. So they come out with a basketball game with all the guys on it. The guys don't even look like the guys. They're not even wearing the stuff that the guys wear in real life. This is a big deal when you're an accessory queen. You know what I'm saying? I used to do with college football all the time.

time. Reggie Bush doesn't look like Reggie Bush? He's why I bought the game! I used to do the same exact thing. I used to go into the rosters. I used to gear them out. I used to give them all the right stats, all the right stuff. And I'm just thinking like, who made the game? I don't even think they spent an hour on this. Like you couldn't go through every team And just make sure everything's right Before you put the game out for people to buy

Dog I mean we're a We're half ass in EA sports EA Sports 2K Can we just It should be updated every minute 2025 We can't get an arm sleeve on this guy

I don't know, man That's what made me not I want to play video games anymore And then I do all the stuff And I'd save it next time I Turned on the game Wouldn't be there Feel you, bro

Feel you bro What are you tired of? So I literally just send one in About 2K Click out of this And I see a meme page from the Hawks The Atlanta Hawks And I had to sleep

A couple of the guys That were supposed to be promising That they just got rid of And I was like Oh It's got Kobe Buffkin You know he was supposed to be A decent backup to Trey

And I'm like Oh It's probably just a meme Because like they're probably never Going to even hardly touch this guy Scroll down to Shams Right after They've traded them to the Nets

All I can ask is now that they have room They sign Russell Westbrook They won't But God do I want that jersey A nice Atlanta Hawks red Russell Westbrook zero Incredible But we'll see

That's just life I guess Dude just come on here and say it I don't care if it has to do with the question Just say it, babe. Russell Westbrook, been on every NBA team. Why do they keep trading them? Double arm sleeves, number zero. Coolest guy?

I'm sick of when women put on lots of makeup, put on lots of foundation, and then they have the gall to paint on freckles I am a ginger I have had freckles my entire life and this feels racist I know it's probably not but it's at least

some form of appropriation and it makes me sick oh my god they're doing freckles it's true I don't blame him right remember when he saw your crush but it was in the summer

on some random you know when girls get tan they get freckles yo I don't know what it is man I've always been a freckle fan I gotta go against you here bro

even if they're fake remember people are trying to cover up their freckles stop Lindsay Lohan she went no freckle one time I was like, hey,

what are you? This is the key. This is the key to my heart. Old Frex. Tyrannosaurus Frex? Nothing better. You can tell they're fake, though. They're doing a kind of,

they're doing kind of a beat-up job on that. I would feel, I'd be kind of mad, too, honestly. If I had natural frecks and they're just throwing them on their faces now, I go, well, wait a minute. I got to

I mean why not why not it's going to phase out we'll be fine it's not going to stick around you'll be all right you'll be all right I promise hope it stays

so oh shit this thing's on Something I'm kind of tired of is Fucking gas prices Like They're just through the fuck We gotta run that back dog Hey if you if you didn't think

This was home girl Fucking root I'm just fucking kidding So That's gotta be recording Dude Something I'm kind of tired of is Fucking

gas prices. Like, they're just through the fucking root. I'm just fucking kidding. What I'm on my fucking dad? No, really. Something I'm tired of is the way clothes fucking fit.

You can buy any two pairs of clothes, two of the same fucking shirts, same fucking jeans, and they will fit completely different. I hate that, dude. It makes no fucking sense. And I literally wear

the same fucking three pairs of clothes anymore because... Four shirts, dog. I don't know. Let's fucking buy. I just can't take it. I love him. Hey, hey. Hey, Benny. Keep what you're doing.

Making the fan proud. And, uh, I love you, son. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Bye. Oh, my God. voice message of the year you gotta be fam to know it's really going on with that one

A, B thanks oh my god nah um I wear four things my closet look at this shit

you can't see anything so many shirts I can wear a different shirt every day of the year I wear the same four I don't know what's the point I wear four I wear three pairs of shorts four shirts one pants and it's true

that that's why I don't understand why malls are dying you buy something online you have It doesn't fit like that How they're set When's it When Tell me a time

You bought something online Got it in the mail Put it on And it worked out Dude If I buy If I buy something on the internet I buy two sizes

Cause I'm like Yeah I just gotta take one back Cause who knows Dude it's a worse with hats Where you buy a fitted hat They're all different What's the point I kind of don't even

I mean if you do the same thing every day and you go to the same places every day I think you really only need two pairs of pants two shirts a hat what am I I don't know

I just don't do shit so it's fine we're wearing two shirts hey Benny I think I'm just tired of working yeah you know that's when when I saw your

Instagram post I think that was the number one thing you know I actually got laid off last year well the year before and then I lost my job last year too so there's two years where I lost my job both years so this year I think we've made it Knock on wood

We still have my job But my golly, it's been a busy year And I wish my parents Had a secret trust fund That is somewhere Still trying to find it though But I have hope But not much

Yeah, just a little tired Yep I think about it every day I'm like What must it feel like to retire when you're just just take me to 70 years old

you can't wish away your life like that be hey every day counts dog every day is so much every day all this it doesn't even matter Pick a job that doesn't feel like a job to you.

Pick a job that doesn't feel like a job to you. Every job sucks. I don't care. I kind of want to know what you do, though, now. I don't know. Maybe if you made donuts all day. Okay. Hey, we can do that.

What's your job? I dip donuts in frosting all day. I might be able to do that. Coming home after a long day. Icing went out. That's the only problem? Working in a parking garage. I could do that.

Every day is absolutely crazy. I can't believe stuff doesn't get canceled more. Work. Every day. It's amazing how everybody can get to work every day if you really think about it. Like all that stuff. we have to do and everybody's just on time every day. Seems like an impossible ask

if you really think about it from your work. Yeah, get here every day at 9 a.m. Brother, there's so many things that could happen. Getting so bored at work. You don't even remember the drive there because it's all muscle memory at that point. Get to work first hour. you're not working

dude the first hour of work you're drinking coffee and you're like looking at your phone I don't care what job you're in you're drinking coffee and looking at your phone next two hours kind of work

then it's lunch two hours you're not working what do you come on walking around just look to just go to the bathroom in infinity amount of times then you might work for one more hour

and then it's the end of the day you're talking to people in the office kind of in a good mood because you get to leave you work three hours every day y'all never forget this one time on the way to work

oh my god this lady was pissing me off so bad in traffic she was like going real slow and I'm not one of these guys that like drive I don't drive fast because I'm not I'm a no honk guy I was just like on her ass a little bit and I was just like come on got to get there kind of like cut her off she cut me off again it's like what the hell we pulled up into the same parking lot for work she worked in my department when she got out of her car bro. We pretend it like it didn't happen.

Thank God. Something that I'm tired of that's completely random is when people go to a sporting event and don't cheer, pay attention or get into the game at all. If you're not going to clap, cheer, yell, get crows. crazy, but appropriate, like not trying to pick fights or anything like that. But if you're not involved in the game, why wouldn't you just stay at home and watch the game? If you're not going to get into it, I think that's kind of tired when people just go and sit there and watch the game and not do anything. And it's just for photos. So that's one thing I'm tired of people doing when I'm attending the game and they're not even supporting either team at all.

God That's 100% my dad Oh he's like he's like there And hi he's the guy you're talking about Dude coach P's the last guy you want to give a high five to When uh when they score a touchdown Come on Or high fiving

My dad will get tickets in the middle of the crazy person zone And just not and just sit there he won't even stand up bro you're you're talking about my dad it's fun uh it's fun to get into it I don't know why you kind of have to you kind of have to like if you're going to an NFL game you kind of have to like just be like all right I'm gonna be a I'm gonna be a psycho for three hours I'm gonna be completely psycho half the people are there for picks, though, babe.

But it sucks when, like, you're finally into the game. You go to a game, you're finally into the game, and then you see somebody that's, like, just doing it. Just, like, nah, just kind of, like, thinks they're too cool. And it makes you not want to be psycho anymore. And you're like, you just took it all out of me, though.

I don't want to be here either. I really think it's how the stadium is too like you think about the NFL stadiums they're too nice now they make you want to be too cool all the NFL stadiums I'm like dude this is like too luxurious for me I need my NFL stadium to look like a prison

I want it to be small I want to be people piled on top of each other But remember, do remember domes? There's no luxury, just a seat, concession stand, everything was metal and cement. Bro, that place was popping, though. Now there's like a restaurant in the terrace and there's a touch downtown town and everything's so wide open. And I'm like, I don't even, this doesn't feel right. I need like

I need to become an animal when I go into the stadium it feels too nice in there for me to just be ah on a third down do the noises you make on a third down oh yoy

I can't do that I can't do that With the touchdown club next to me? Oh, no, dude, I need a prison cell. It just doesn't feel right anymore. What he tired of? What's up, Ben?

Long time listener, first time caller. Just catching up on all the espresso's, member of the clubhouse with you and Joey. Here a dog. What am I tired of to be a little serious for a second? the political divide in the country right now, tired of it, exhausted by it. We really just need to come together and really just admit that the 99, 2,000 Cincinnati Bearcats uniforms are mainly the greatest uniform at all time.

But on a lighter side, what else am I tired of? Lately, it is not being able to go through a drive-through line and get a correct order ever. really sick and tired of it especially with someone with kids just this weekend went through wendy's drive-thru asked for a chicken nugget kid's meal they got everything but the chicken nuggets no tired of it you go back tired of it tired of it tired of it uh love the show love you can't wait for you to come to cleveland i'm going to try and make it out when you do uh good luck with everything and have a great day. Dude, that's a, that's a, that's fam right there.

I've been waiting for somebody to leave a voice message like it's going to be serious and then flip it at the end. Oh, boy. That's the kind of stuff that makes me cry out there. I love you, dog. Cincinnati Bearcats, 2009, what do you say? 2000, 2001 Unis? I think I hear.

I've got to show you. Show and tell. Look, you can't make a uni better than this. Can we just admire this for a second? Here we go, here we go. The colors. I'll make it quick. Boom.

Look at this. Jordan, first of all. This is like when only three schools in college basketball were Jordan. Cincinnati one. Look at that Cincinnati. Look how much fun that fauna is. Popping off the black with the white outline. number font

look how sleek and then the side hey wait wait wait wait wait wait I mean this down the side is just like you don't you can't you can't do it any better than that the blocks

best design in college basketball ever and they're trying to they tried to read since he tried to re bring them back they're not as good as this they're not as good as the OG I sleep in that every night with no pants Those blocks Just transcended uniforms for me You know how they put those blocks

On the side of houses too Every time I'd see a house like that With those blocks on the side I'd be like it's a Cincinnati house Ha ha ha Drive-thru Drive-thru I mean

I grew up I grew up in a, we gotta get, we gotta check the, check the bag house. There's nothing more than, there's nothing more my dad likes than returning stuff, bro. I text him this week.

I was like, hey, returned a picture to Target. It was $99. Kept the receipt. Hey guys, I've never been more proud. Ha! If we order 18 WAPE,

Junior's in the Burger King drive-thru. My dad would wait by the window. Wait, with the lady right there. Thanks, have a nice day. We're checking them. That's when my anxiety started. I'm digging through a bag every single one. You check that one? Check that one. Check that one. We're not leaving. Check that 18 cars behind us. Goose honking. That right there, bro. You know, if there was one Wopper Jr. with Mayo and when we got home, it was my ass. My dad would kick open the doors of Burger King like he was the king.

I got the receipt. Dude, the amount of times my dad would go back to the fast food place or the pizza place. Oh my God. If you don't check a pizza, you got to be kind of crazy. You order two pizzas from Papa John's, and you don't even look at them before, that's insane. You got to, yeah, you got to take a little peek, right? You're a bot. You're a bot if you're not looking at your pizza real quick.

Just let me check it out. Dude, it's amazing every time. It's never what you imagine either. every time you open a pizza box it's always it's always so different than what you thought oh my god oh wow oh okay okay and you already know what slice you're eating first you open a pizza box it's that perfect little triangle dog it's that it's that little cutie pie you know what I'm saying mm-hmm yep you're not eating the big piece

first hey a little too much here let's uh let's ease in to it, all right? That perfect triangle cut? Uh. Yeah, dude, I'd start checking. I mean, it's a lot of... Just get it right! And I'm telling you, Taco Bell's on the come-up for customer service. They've been

killing. They're quick, they get it. Maybe it's because the bar is so low for Taco Bell. I go to Taco Bell, and half the time I'm like, they're probably not even open. How about that? You pull up to like a fast food place and you're like they're probably just now closing. Welcome to Taco Bell. Can I take your order? You're like,

you guys are open. Yes. Yes! Yes! Two double-decker tacos. Two chicken casidias. Untrap Supreme, this is when you're starving in a nachos Belgronde.

And you get home smash and you're almost thinking about going back. Check the bags. I'm sick and tired of going to the grocery store and being asked if you want to donate $1, $5, $10, $50 or $100 to some group that I definitely don't want to give money to. I just want to get my rotisserie chicken and my gallon of milk and just go home after I spent $50. So fake. Name a faker thing than St. Jude's Children's Hospital. I'm like, dude, no. There's no way I'm giving you money. I don't have money. How are they asking us?

yo we're just we're just out here a a corporations we're out here with no plan every single person i know has no plan just trying to just do anything for money hanging over our heads every day but money is it i guess how money i'm my whole life every one i don't know we don't have enough money and you're not enough money and you're asking me for my dude I just want to dude I want to punch one of those card readers every single time

would you like to donate five five bucks in what world in what world five dollars I don't even know what it's doing and you think I have it you think I wouldn't

have spent that five insane i don't think i've ever i don't think i've ever i don't think i've ever donated i don't think i ever will i am tired of rude ass people me it takes no effort to be nice why do you have to be rude

it is true and you always think about the next day too it's so embarrassing you ever rude to someone like off of some like you're real you're like being impatient or something and you like kind of snap at somebody

and then the next day you wake up and think about it cringe moment of the week dude why did I say that it's always don't say it it's always don't say it it's never worked out when you've said something

you know what I mean how come every time I make a decision it's always the wrong decision just me personally in my life I'm like I've never said the right thing once dude not once I've ever said the right thing

I'm sitting at I'm sitting that play out sit out bro you've never said the right thing ever oh for a million batting zero every time I say anything not probably not that yeah probably not that

I don't know The confidence you have to have to be rude is a little crazy too Like bro You don't think that you messed up Oh my God It goes back to honking dog When people honk in traffic

Or do something insane in traffic I'm like so you've been driving perfect This whole time You didn't do anything Who gave you the right to honk just be nice be so baby baby girl got to whisper a little bit

but you know what i'm tired of i am tired of these parents not threatening there's not no sticky fingers screaming loud in public into somebody else's ear toddlers and not like a one or two year old who just like kind of doesn't get it I'm talking about these nasty little knotheads that are easily, like, in first grade or kindergarten. Like, why, like, if you do not take them by their tiny little arms and just politely tell them in the most calm voice,

if you don't calm down, I am going to break everything that you own or whatever threat makes you feel comfy. because those little gremlins are too old to be acting how they're acting. That is all. A little stupid snothead. Always was amazing to me. That's the only reason I want to have a kid

just so that kid can be like the best in his class. Amazing. Just shut up. People should. not be able to have kids. You should, you should have to, like, go through a series of tests to have a kid. Is that the most wild thing that people can just have a kid? You and you had a kid? Even a dog. I'm like, there should be, like, some, like, type of, like, thing you have to, like, level you have to overcome to have a dog or a kid. I'm like, dude, we can't just

be out here having these wacky-ass kids, just screaming. And I'll never forget the first day at kindergarten. First, I was so sad to go. so sad to go to I was like this is actually the end of my life I remember the first day of kindergarten like it was like last night

didn't want to be there at all but I was just dude I was just sucking it up and I hope everybody else was thinking the same thing first day of kindergarten it was taking me every ounce

of my my entire soul not to cry every second every single step I took I was like this is so much but I was still like

I'm not gonna be a little bitch about it you know what I mean I'm still gonna be like up in here yeah I'll learn the colors blah blah blah I didn't even know I don't even know what I'm doing here what are we even doing didn't know anything bro but I'll never forget this one kid

was when I say throwing a tantrum Dude like Like he was getting stabbed Like was Like was trying to go out of the room His mom was like Zach honey Zach

Zach honey Brother's kid was screaming crying And everybody else in the class was acting like it was okay I'll never forget that I was like this is insane We shouldn't be doing this

it's it's low-key how i wanted to be though i was like damn i feel like it's so bad he probably had like the best day oh my god all right kind of i forgot about this feeling kind of the worst day it might it's it's got a little bit of sundays in it but the worst day is i forgot what this felt like the day before you go back to school I swear you say 20 words that day Yeah

You're going back to school tomorrow It's such a fresh, annoyingly excited feeling for everybody else And I'm just like, ew, dude I forgot about that That whole day is a nightmare Yeah Yeah, I got back to school it's kind of got some Sunday in it

yeah I don't know it just you gotta you got to yell at your kids that's honestly what it is you got to scream at your kids forget to like I have PTSD because my parents like they're so hard on

me good good you probably aren't a little like annoying dicking all your life you you probably aren't an annoying dick at work because your parents yelled at you dude I'm pro screaming at your kids walked by a football practice the other day and there's just four dads yelling at 25 kids I was like here we go babe we're back we're back never felt more relieved in my life. Back on the line! I was like, tell them. Tell them, dude.

I almost got out there too. What's up? Y'all got our RBs, coach? I want to yell. Straighten up! You got to scream at your kids. It's the only way. Okay.

One more thing. Not to lick your butthole. but like the honking, yeah, I agree because here's my thing. I should not have to hear a honk pause, honk pause, and like repeat. So either we just like don't do it or a baby just lay on that horn so hard to a point where somebody is going to be carried out in a body bag. Okay, say with your chest or don't do it at all. Personally or whether you not do it at all because nothing's that deep.

I promise you like those like tiny little success. Like, didn't you get to wait? It's not, it's not going to make it break your life. It really isn't. But if you keep honking this horn, oh, that's going to make it break your life because murders on them and you keep playing with me. It's true, though.

You honk at somebody and then you like, you like drive around them real quick. You know, when people are you like, they rev their engines because they're like, so mad at you. And then you end up at the same red light. I'm like, okay. literally doesn't matter we're all getting there at the same time

how embarrassing can you even imagine laying on the horn when something I've never dude I've only accidentally honked my horn I'll be two and a half hours late I'll be behind a semi for two hours that's not moving because I'm just like I don't want to honk

they're going through something it's just going to make it a lot worse I don't need if someone was backing into my car, I still don't know if I'd honk. Doesn't that in that, dude, that'll fire you up a little bit. All right, this is some, this is some white people, rich problems. Or it's just not, it's not white people, it's just rich problems. When you're backing up your car looking into the, like, reverse cam, and there's obviously

a car behind you, and your car, when you're backing up, makes a noise when it's like getting too close. Beep, yeah, okay. Like, say you, like, pulled too far up on a cross-exam. walk or something and you got to scoop out you got to go in reverse but there's a car behind you and like you take two inches in reverse you're you reverse for two inches and the car behind you he's like ah-uh I'm here dude I know you don't think I see this yeah I was just gonna plow into the front of your car real quick

dog that makes me so well yeah like I didn't see oh I had no idea in their cars and it's just the funniest thing how they would never do it in real life okay I'm like you're so expressive I'm gonna literally throw a rock at your window okay I promise I'm like totally

done after this I just literally keep thinking of more after I'm done but the people who are like bro why don't you drink bro just have a drink. Bro, is it going to kill you? Sir, if I told you, I don't want a drink, I don't want a drink. Let me have my water. Let me have my mocktail. Why are you a bully? Why are you doing peer pressure? We learned about this in school. Wasn't it the DARE program? Just say no to drugs and

alcohol. Okay, I'm going to meet you to stop asking me or telling me or whatever. to have a drink because the only thing that's going to happen is my fist is going to be to your Adam's apple. Okay. I'm done. I'm done being violent for the night. But this is a really great question of the week. Really good therapy.

All I'm saying. Dude, that's half the reason why I don't do anything anymore is because, like, people are just going to try to make you drink. I don't do anything. fun. So when I go out, it's like, I mean, dude, I'm just going to be the worst guy there probably. Like, I'm not... Yeah, let's go to a bar and I don't...

And I'm not going to drink. I mean, it's just going to be a battle the whole entire time. You know what the key is, though. You got a fake drink. Mm. Nothing better than a fake drink at a bar. my god nobody knows you want another one

no I'll get it I'll get it I'll get it you're buying other people drinks but you got your fake oh my god your soda water with a lime in it little glass little straw fake drink dude I'll take a double looking at the bartender they're in on it

never had better chemistry with a bartender than when you're fake drinking dude you can just I'll take another another one. Yeah, put it on my tab. Oh, my God. It's so much fun.

At the end of the night, 18 bucks. What up. So what I'm tired of seeing is every time somebody's going on vacation, it's in Europe. And it's either in Italy, France, Greece, or

visa. Like, nobody goes on normal vacations. They all have to go to Europe. No. You know, we used to just go to, like, Florida on vacation. That's what I'm talking about. Or you went to, like, Niagara Falls, like, something corny and easy and, like, cheap.

And now, like, everybody has to go to Europe. Like, is everybody a millionaires where it's just, like, they're going for multiple weeks, and they're probably spending over $10,000. And then, like, then on top of it, they're bringing their kids now. Dude. Like, that used to not be a kid's vacation unless, like, you were going back. to your country, like, when you were little, and, like, you'd stay over a month at, like, your grandma's house that lives on a farm, like, in the middle of nowhere.

Like, those are the type of farm people that used to go on those type of vacations. But now, it's like, everybody goes on your period of vacations. And that used to be, like, a rich thing. Like, a rich family would go for a month, you know, to, like, a luxury, like, you know, villa or whatever. It spent $40,000 and they can afford it. But now everybody goes to Europe. Like, it's nothing.

Like, have I ever go to a country and it's 10 hours away, like, I better not have to see somebody that is from my state there. And I feel like there's so many people that go at the same time that you're bound to see somebody. And that would just ruin the whole entire experience for me. So it's like crazy, man. Mm. The way I have no, like, not an ounce in my body wants to ever go to you. Europe. I mean, it really have to be for like an event or something. You need to like travel. You need to like see stuff. I think I'm good. I think it's a guy thing. But like yeah, I mean,

I'm not, I'm not 100% saying no, but I just don't think you can beat. Just give me it. Give me a Florida vacation. Is this too cheap of me to say? But like, dude, that's... Give me the run of the mill. We're going to restaurants every night. Yo, that's fun, man. I know what's going on.

I'm not guessing. I feel like when you go to Europe, you have to open up a map. I have no idea what that's going to be like I mean I guess that's half the fun of it is like not knowing anything and like figuring out new stuff but did I hear sometimes

it kind of sucks like they're like not as far advanced and stuff in some places and I'm like I mean what kind of vacation is that somebody told me in Italy every morning dude they just

they like don't like this they don't they don't respect like your you and you're standing in line by somebody and there's all up in your grill that's like Italy dude I think they they wake up in Italy just by like sounding an alarm

for the whole neighborhood for the whole city there's just like a bell and that's how they get up I'm like can we get some like accountability up in here I don't know, it doesn't sound I mean, it's different I'm always down for different I don't want to shit on it

but like take me to four mires You literally need to live a little St. Pete What's up? A little tiki bar Fort Myers On the beach

All right A mall I don't need much man Outdoor mall With a nice little condo for a week Going to restaurants every night I'm down Southwest flight

$300 max I'm cool with it I'm good with it. Just keep caring. I'm tired of peeing. I'm tired of having to get up in the middle of the night to pee and having to stop what I'm doing and rush home or find a bathroom to fucking pee. Oh, my God.

If I drink too much water or coffee, I'm fucking peeing all day. I'm tired of that. It's so funny. I don't know, though. In that middle of the night, P, I kind of like it now. You take that little, you take that little break from sleeping, that two, two, what time at four, four 30 a.m.? It kind of, you're like, ah, you don't want to get up.

You don't want to make that first move out of bed. But like, once you got out of bed, you can kind of, you know, you stand, you get vertical. Get vertical, man! You start to realize some stuff. You get vertical. You're like, all right. What time is it? 4.30.

Realistically, I can die for another two hours. So technically, it's party time right now. I'm going to go in this bathroom. Maybe I'll get on my phone. I'm sitting down, sitting and peeing at 4.30 a.m. Bro, tell me that's not the most beautiful thing. You're literally a loser. if you think that's fun

sitting peeing at 4.30 oh then you're completely emptied out full just 100% 100% ready to go back to sleep for the next two hours

and you know what hey my throat's a little dry my mouth is kind of dry might go get a little drinky go to the kitchen You know, you crack, I'm telling you, you crack open to LaCroix at 4.30 a.m. with Captain Drymouth. It'll set off a car alarm outside.

That's the loudest, LeCroix, that's a loudest pop you've ever heard. You take a sip out, those bubbles hitting your dry mouth at, that's a loudest pop you've ever heard. at 4.30 a.m. It's like an old dentee nice commercial. Dentine ice. Ah! That noise. That liquid hits your tongue.

Bubbles in the back of your throat. Two more hours of dead sleep. Two more hours of sleep. Oh, you've never felt better, bro. You've never felt better. You sit down right when your head touches a pillow. I've never felt better. never, I've never not been able to fall back

asleep after that. Bladder empty. Lecroy mouth. Dead asleep. One of the best. One of the best. Top five thing. Top five thing going on right now in my life is that that little bro. I'll wake up 17 times in the middle of the night. Every time I wake up three more hours

I don't give it I don't care it's still dark still so dark out you see the moon oh my god there's nothing better there's nothing better

than going to sleep I'm telling you I've always thought that my dad thought I was crazy when I was a kid so you'd be like what's your favorite part of the day

and I'd be like going to sleep oh my God isn't it great no worries and it's consensus when you think about going to sleep everybody in the whole everybody's going to sleep

you don't got to worry about somebody doing something you're not doing you know what I mean ever gone dead can't even take it so tired I would dude so tired I can't even take it anymore oh my god but I feel you on

having to pee like when you're in your car I'm like I just cannot even I can't even deal with the feeling of having to pee a little bit everywhere I am I go to the bathroom there just so I can be comfortable

in the car I swear and I think I have a peeing problem too I'm the friend that has to pee every 17 seconds I got to pee I got to pee don't get mad at me I got to pee we're at if dude if we're somewhere for the whole day

you're going to be like something wrong with them You take me to Disney World, good luck. I'm peeing half the time I'm there. Where's the bathroom? Where's the bathroom? Everywhere I go, before I leave the house, pee. When I get to the place, pee.

Before I leave the place, pee. When I'm at the grocery store, pee. Also, when I'm in the car, I'm not like, oh my God, I have to pee. There's just, it's just no, no happy medium. Everybody's like, you need to drink more water. Dude, how much more do I need to drink? How much more do I need to drink? Wake up with a calf cramp?

I'm like, dude, all I do is drink water. Oh my God, this is a scam. I'll be drinking water all damn day. my pee apple cider I'm tired of everyone saying everything wrong all the time and just going with it

can we get some fact checking nobody knows bro nobody knows shit hold on since you asked I'll give you some examples yeah mine as well instead of might as well

or nip it in the butt instead of nip it in the bud and I could go on for days honestly nobody knows bro it's the most jarring thing when you're talking to somebody you think highly of

and they hit you with a phrase that's not even close bro mine as well when my friend texted me mine as well hey should we go me Should we go? Mine as well

Hey man, I don't think I want to go anymore Actually, I'm good on that I did one the other day I was texting somebody This sucks so bad I actually wanted to delete my whole entire existence Delete my whole entire existence Delete my name

number and I think I've been saying it wrong the whole time too even on this podcast I hit the homie with worse case scenario and I had to Google it I was like wait a minute what the hell this doesn't sound right you know I got that spidey sense I got dumbass sense typed into Google worst case scenario? You mean worst case scenario? I was like fighting for my life and then you're like do I edit the text then it makes it so obvious that I'm an idiot. Anytime somebody edits a text in the conversation I'm like I gotta see what this idiot said first. Edit text just exposing your dumb ass. Anytime I see an edited text, I'm like, hold up, hold up.

Let's see how stupid you really are. Oh, you edited a text? Let's see how dumb you are. They always repeat a word or something. I'm like, good God. Now, but I'm at the point now where every time anything I put on anything in a text, besides like the basic first grade first grade knowledge of words

I'm putting it into Google because I'm like I just it's so hard to keep track of every single spelling of every word if you really think about that how hard is it to spell stuff I-e-E-I-T-E-D I'm like bro, everything, everything I ever say is through Google. I'm tired of not being your wife.

You're going to have to wait until I'm 78, ma. I will get married when I'm 78. That's the plan. And I'm sticking to it. what are you even going to do when you're married i'm going to sit in my living room and i'm going to live stream uh video games and that's going to be the best thing and i'm going to eat cherry turnovers all day what are you going to do oh my god what are your long-term plans what are you doing when you retire sitting in my living room streaming video games

eating cherry turnovers with icing on them the whole day don't call Let's keep going Cuckoo Coo Coo Cringe moment of the week Oh this is a bad one dude This is this just happened And yeah This one sucked Okay so I'm at Target

I do a promo First of all kind of uncomfortable Because I have to do a promo in Target it while wearing a Baltimore Ravens jersey and I'm like this isn't I would never wear this jersey in here it's like not like I mess with the

I mess with the Ravens but like this is not a jersey I would wear it's like a Nike one like it's just not my thing like I'm more of a jersey I wear jerseys that were like cool in like the 2000s

not like a new one you know what I'm saying so I'm wearing it in there I'm feeling a little weird I'm just gotta do it for the gotta do it for the show rip the promo Bing, bang, boom

And then I'm like I should buy something too So first of all So I'm trying to do a promo And Target All the workers are looking at me Like I'm just like Like I committed a crime

I buy something on my way out The guy ringing me up It's like Oh yeah This is a guy like I kind of I go to this target all the time Like we kind of are boys at this point But he's never like

Disclose any information about myself so he doesn't really know anything about me he just knows like all right this is what i buy like i'm always like cool with them like we're bros we have that like homie relationship where you just like if i walk past him i like what's up dude so he sees me wearing a ravengers and he's like hey you think you guys uh you think you're gonna make the a fc championship this year and i kind of didn't hear him so i didn't know what he's saying so he's like oh my god he thinks i'm a ravens man and i i hit him with this i go hey because I didn't know what to say hey you know how that goes because I was like I don't know

and in my head right now I'm I'm fighting for my life I'm like did they make it there last year wait did he say this year so I just hit him with like some you know how that goes like just to like just to get and I'm I'm tapping on the screen I'm trying to get the receipt I'm trying to get out of here because I know it's coming. He goes Tough one last week. Do you think they'll get the dub this week? And I was like, I was going to hit him with a We'll see and just be out of there.

He goes, who'd they play? Oh my God. And I have to keep acting like I'm a Ravens fan. I already committed. I already commit. I'm already in. I'm already Ravens guy. I'm already a diehard fan in his eye. Hey, are you going to make the AFC championship? You know how that goes. Oh, wow. He's like a

mad fan that they haven't been in the Super Bowl. Who they play last week? Dude, I didn't know enough ball. I didn't know enough ball. It was a high stake situation. I can't believe. Dude, I and I just folded, dude.

I just, dude, you ever get so so embarrassed dude I just told him the truth I go hey man low key I'm just wearing the jersey he looked at me like got my receipt left

he goes good luck so in that guy's head he's like oh so you faked being a Ravens fan in this conversation for like half the time and then he had to come clean because he didn't know enough ball

to like, why? Dude, why did I have? Why couldn't I just be like, hey man, just wearing the jersey? It was just too long of a story. Guy doesn't know ball. Let's do days. Thursday.

Papaw day. Another reason. this is the only reason I don't want to have kids or this is the only reason I do want to have kids is so they can just call their grandma and grandpa, grandma and grandpa. Pee-pa-me-ma.

The first time you're at school and the kid called his grandpa peepa, I was like, I want to kill you, dude. I want to break this pencil over your head. It's just grandma and grandma, it's fine. It's grandma and grandma. What about when your own cousin in your family calls your grandma and grandpa something else? I'm like, dog, that is not, like, you're our OG, like, first level cousin, and you're calling Grandma and Grandma and Grandpa other shit?

What do you think this is, dude? It's a, who rate? Are you even from, uh, National Cheeseburger Day? boy boy never forget at the time we pulled up

in a drive-thru McDonald's drive-thru all in the couldn't wait remember you used to go to McDonald's in your kid you couldn't wait I would run around the house

I was so excited to go to McDonald's honestly still would that's so fun pulled up drive-thru listening to the radio 98 Jeep Cherokee fresh

line wrapped around the McDonald's couldn't wait couldn't wait what are you going to get what are you going to get whatever my mom lets me get so it's all only dollar menu we're dollar menu

I'm dollar menu all day unless I'm balling out like on my own tab dollar menu mom can I get two double cheeseburgers we'll see never knew for sure if I was going to get it or not it could have been nothing

fries oh my god what if we got fries my mom pulls up to the to the menu yeah we'll take six double cheese burgers my sister's

we're in the car. We'll take two fries. And sometimes if we were good. It'll take four vanilla small milkshakes. Dude, my mom was just screaming into the trash can. Not even. Dude, it had to be top.

Dude, My god, the speaker's up there by the menu. My mom thought the trash can was the speaker. Just yelling. And the cars behind us are like, Dude, the flap on the tray. You know how the trash can sometimes kind of looks like a speaker? She thought it was a speaker! She was yelling into the flappy lid! Oh my god. And I think we laughed. so hard and like died so and oh I don't think we got milkshakes

because we like we were laughing so hard she was just like she got mad and didn't get them and we were like damn you ever order into a trash can dude bro screaming enunciating no onion

into a trash can't Saturday Saturday You ever have a You ever have a dog for like an hour when you're a kid You ever just playing outside I've, you know, we're always outside

just doing the dumb just making up games not even good weather and like a you remember a stray dog would kind of just like run in your backyard and you kind of like try to reel them in dude this had to happen to me

probably like six or seven times when I was growing up just a random dog would come into our yard like they just kind of ran away from its home for a little bit and like it's somebody in the neighborhood but we just like we would just keep the dog for like an hour like oh my god it's happening again dude we would name it

this dog would just run into my yard while I was playing football we just both me and the dog would look at each other and be like so what's up dog I'd go inside give it some animal crackers or something feed them and I would literally try to keep the dog. I try to steal the dog. I'd be like, what if it just stays here forever, you know what I mean?

But deep down, I'd be like, my dad's not going to let this fly at all. But like, maybe we'll just have the dog for a little. Maybe the neighbor will, like, see them. And I'll just be like nice to him. And so I got, but for an hour, dude, at least for an hour, seven times, we had a dog. Let's name him James. It'd always be kind of like a wacky dog. Like, it wouldn't know. It was like, didn't understand gravity yet or

something like that. James is kind of an idiot, but it's our dog now. We always had so many tennis balls because my mom was a tennis instructor growing up. This dog would be living its dream in the backyard. I'd be rifling tennis balls at this. Like, Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Feeding them carrots and all kinds of stuff. When we go back outside, it wouldn't be there. I'd be like, God, we lost another one. We lost you. But like my fantasy was that we would just hang out for an hour every day, like at like 3.30 or whenever I saw him, you know, just every day at 3.30, dog time. Then he goes away before dinner. Nobody knows I have a secret dog. Secret dog, bro.

Sunday. Wife appreciation day. Hey, imagine liking your wife. Imagine your wife liking you more than that, though. Good Lord. The amount of like marriage I see and the guy is just 100% defeated. I'm like, I mean, bro, you made the decision, but like, your wife hates you, dude. maybe it's just the people I was around growing up

but I was like your mom does not like your dad and I'm like I'm easily 11 and I can see this like this isn't weird to you your mom doesn't like your dad and your dad would absolutely do anything to not be here right now or when they fake it

dude I spent the night at some friend's house and their parents were faking it I was like yo okay All right Every single time It was weird

You know, Chai Day? Oh, dude If I'm getting a special coffee, you know those days where you just, you deserve it? Like a Frappuccino day, you know? You just do it sometimes.

It's not, it's not an everyday. I think, but those days where you need, you, you're getting, it's like on, it's on some December 22nd. You're like, it's time of a party. It's your birthday, maybe, birthday coffee? Dude, that, that coffee hits way different. And it's free? Dude, you get that dirty chai, double shot latte. Better calm down.

You better calm down. Iced. Do you want that? Hot or iced. I always forget they can even do it ice. I'm like, I swear to God. I'll reach my dumb face over this counter and kiss you. Venty ice chai latte, light ice, dirty, double shot. Not making it to the car. Going to be so mad on the way home because I have to pee too. All right, fam Love you guys

Great pod Voice messages Slapping like always I'll see you on the road Baltimore Sacramento Phoenix A lot of stuff

Coming out I'm trying to do it babe We're doing it every day Thank you for the voice messages You don't know how much it means Thank you for joining the Patreon It's the only thing Bro, it's the only thing we got.

It's the only thing I can really count on. I don't mean to be all like this at the end of every podcast, but I'm dead serious. Working hard. I feel like I have to like report to you guys. Like you're my dad or something, but like doing everything I can, man. And I appreciate you guys so much. Love you.

For shot 385, I'm your girlfriend, Benny. ESPN See you next time Ta-ha fuck