Espresso - what cuts you deep?

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

🎟 𝗕𝗨𝗬 𝗗𝗘𝗧𝗥𝗢𝗜𝗧 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘 𝗢𝗙 𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗘𝗗𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗧𝗜𝗖𝗞𝗘𝗧𝗦 https://dettickets.houseofcomedy.net/event/benedict-polizzixFIl4hVOn this episode benny reacts to words that cuts you deep (like when someone calls you "pretty girl")🔥𝗠𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗵 https://benedictmerch.com/🔒𝗣𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi 🟣𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝘀 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/espresso-w-benedict-polizzi/id1514492317🟢𝗦𝗽𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘆 https://open.spotify.com/show/1Ka4dMrpfGxYPGZsUJ1Csf🔸𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 https://www.cameo.com/benedictpolizzi?utm_campaign=profile_share🔹𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸 https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m🔸𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺 https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/🔹𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

What's up, Espresso's? I'm your host, Benedict Polizzi. And this week, we're going to figure out what has somebody said to you that cuts you the deepest? Ooh, I can't wait to hear this shit. But first, remember, get your tickets to the Detroit House of Comedy show. December 22nd. Link is in the bio. Also, listen to these guys with me and Joey Molinaro every Tuesday at 10 a.m.

It's on YouTube. Just throw that shit on. Go to benedictmerch.com to get all your shit. Ha ha. Fuck. We're still doing 20% off site-wide. Site-wide. So, so, so, so, so, so, site-wide.

And remember to join the Patreon. $5 a month for an extra episode every week. Fucking steal. If you ask me. But yeah, let's figure this out. What's the thing somebody said to you that cuts you the deepest, bro? And I know you got them. So don't

be like, should I tell them on the on the voice messages just say it it's anonymous who cares it could be the worst one ever it's there's still gonna be something there but bro when somebody tells me that i'm too loud i'm actually i'm actually like uh i'll shy away from telling somebody they're too loud because I'm like, I don't want them to, I don't want them to feel what I've felt. You know what I mean? Like me, my friend in the car, we just did a show on the way back. I was taking him to his car, like a 15 minute drive.

He was loud as fuck, but I didn't want to kill his high. I didn't want to kill the vibe. I was like, just let him him just let it roll baby just let it roll he's excited he just had a good set just let it fucking happen i could have jumped his shit though and like really checked him though and been like hey bro hey yeah like we need you almost need a safe word for that kind of shit guys way too loud i'm like hey pineapples he's like he just doesn't say the rest of the story because you cut him off told me it's too loud in safe word form it's pineapples bro anytime somebody's too loud pineapples any anytime somebody's got food on their face that'll kill it that'll kill a mood real quick

for me if i'm like doing something and like really into something it's always when you're really into something somebody's like i'm like fuck never mind forget everything just kill me it's uh it's when you got food in your face it's when you're too loud and there's another one that just just disseminate me put me in the fucking ground what is too loud and there's another one that'll just disseminate me. Put me in the fucking ground. What is it? I know there's one.

Is it when your zipper's down? Oh, bro, that one hurts too. I feel like I am a disappointment to society when my zipper's down. What if your zipper was down you're just like don't care and you just kept talking that's the most alpha shit you could ever do hey man your zipper's down i don't give a fuck how fucking wild would that be you're in like a restaurant somewhere real classy five-star restaurant yes sir your zipper's down you're like i don't give a shit this is how i rock that just wide open all right let's do this shit what's the thing somebody said to you that cuts you deep from anonymous i want to remain anonymous for this but what really cuts me deep

is when somebody tells me that my wife has the hots for this Ben Polizzi fellow and I am not a jealous frog dude I don't know what is happening but I love you guys for this shit but why did he sound like president Robert Taft there's so many random fucking presidents he sounded like present president who's presidents 24th president he sounded like the 24th president we're gonna figure out who that is and if you know it you need to get alive hey hey why do you sound like Grover Cleveland? In the Constitution, rule 15.27. Thanks, bro.

But that does kind of fuck me up. It hurts a guy anytime their girl says somebody else is hot i think he's just just kidding but i was with a girl the other day and she wouldn't stop talking about how uh what's his name thor how thor was so hot and i was like oh my god like you gotta you gotta agree you gotta give him their props bro because he's not just out here looking good without without trying he's working out he's busting his ass to look hot gotta give him credit where's credit due but deep down hurts a little bit because if you were do that if you were to do that to a girl if got if a guy would do that to a girl it'd be fucked up. I would feel guilty.

So you have a girlfriend and you're just like, just talking about fucking who's hot. I have no idea what celebrities I'm saying JLo because who the fuck knows. And she's been hot for like 19 million years. If you're just talking about JLo nonstop about how hot she is, like, Oh, kind of, kind of like kind of like it's starting to cross the line. You can feel when it's crossing the line. I would feel so bad. Dude, I kind of don't think celebrities are hot like that

because I'm delusional. But it's because you got no shot with celebrities. People are like, who's your celebrity crush i'm like i like the girl that like lives in town because like it's it's doable you know well doable this guy's a pervert just keep going what cuts you deep from anonymous someone could like yell at me and like call me a bitch like a cunt or like anything in the world but the second that somebody is really calm with their voice and they tell me that they're disappointed in me that makes me want to throw up so true

it almost makes you feel good when they're like you stupid bitch you're like ah and then you have like a funny moment but when somebody's like hey you need to calm down you're like oh you're so serious i'm disappointed i'm kind of disappointed in you oh nobody's ever said that to me i've just like heard of it nobody's ever looked at me in the eyes and been like, I'm disappointed in you. Fuck that would hurt. Imagine if your dad said it to you now, that would tear me the fuck up.

I'm disappointed in you. Did he sound like a boiling pot? I'm disappointed in you. Fuck that. I don't think, I don't think, what would you could, what could you possibly do to have somebody be like, I'm disappointed in you? I'd literally, I think if I blew up a fucking house, my dad would, my dad would be like, why?

He wouldn't ever say he's disappointed. He'd just be like, what was in it? He'd be like like there better not have been a George Foreman grill in there. Yeah, you blow up a house. Why? Okay, was there a George Foreman grill in there? Yeah, I think so.

I'm disappointed in you. That's the only time you say it. So true though. You can call me a bitch and scream it from the fucking mountaintops wouldn't care second you use a real tone with me quitting the job that's for sure can't take the heat just keep going what do i suck at god damn it you're like a really good rest let's hello let's hello last week yeah damn sorry bro love you but uh that's that's my b here we go what do you suck at no i mean sorry fuck uh what cuts you deep something that cuts deep for me when people tell me my boyfriend looks like ben polizzi it's fucking disgusting

no but he does because i know exactly who you fucks are i swear to god i look like every guy you've ever seen that has a beard every guy i see with a beard i'm like yeah same guy same fucking guy got a beard and brown every guy with brown hair looks the same it's so fucking true every guy with brown hair yep you gotta have a fucking tattoo on your goddamn face, looks like every guy, bro, that's why I didn't want a beard for so long, I was like, I'm just gonna look like every other fuck in the world, and I do now, I gave in, Jesus, mold 1A for men, Mold 1A for men.

He's every guy. He's every guy. He's every guy. He's every guy in the world. Every white guy with brown hair and a beard looks the same. Print that, put that shit. Oh my God. And they know it.

They have to know it, right? If I know it know it you know it we all fucking look the same nothing special oh shit that's so true damn that sucks for every guy every guy every guy in the world just keep going You know what it really is for me? And it really just gets me going is if someone is watching TV, and primarily this happens with my parents, all they have to say is, stop talking. I'm watching this. And it makes me want to vomit all over the couch because I get so angry. The TV is more important than your fetus you can pause it you

can rewind it but you can't your time with me and it just makes me want to explode oh my god the passion in that bro that had to have happened like five minutes before she sent that in i'm'm watching this. I'm like, fucking goddamn, is it live? What are you watching? The ball drop on New Year's or some shit? Who cares? And what I had to

say was not funny or good at all, but you should still listen to me. Oh, and they don't say anything at all that's fucking terrible you feel rude i've never felt in in the people i swear the people that do that they don't even give a fuck like you ever shush somebody during your your show every time i've ever been like yo yo in the back of my head i'm like oh fuck and then i pause it i'm like what were you saying

and they're like never mind i'm like i'm sorry i didn't mean to be rude they They're already gone. All their shit's packed up. Oh, what did I do? You look back. They're not there at all. Look outside. They're getting a fucking bus with all their luggage moving out. Too rude. Why did you move out?

He was a dickhead. He would never listen to me. Why else? he was a dickhead he wouldn't ever listen to me why else he had brown hair and a beard and he looked like every fucking guy in the world world oh shit dude that is so hey hey you ever do you ever do this to somebody this'll fuck this i've done this to somebody and they checked me immediately and i was like damn i feel really bad and i'll never do it again one time something was happening when i worked at a restaurant and like i couldn't i couldn't talk or maybe i could talk this is why i made it worse but i went like this i fucking snapped them like they're a little fucking pet doggy

and they go don't fucking snap at me i was like i quit i quit i quit i quit you can have all my money they're like i didn't i'm not this isn't a stick up i just said don't snap at me i was like yeah but i owe you all my money now because I'm so rude and mean and I don't want to be a bully, but I am deep down. Who isn't? Yeah, but that's so true, bro. That's so true. Hey, I'm watching

this. My fucking posit. It's the mummy returns. He already said he's returning. It's not that big of a fucking secret. Mummy Returns. Badass fucking movie series, by the way. Badass.

God. Wish they made movies like that. All right, here we go. I'm insane. Skip gone. So when I was younger, probably 10, 11, I 11 there was a box i don't think that that was fucking last week i'm an idiot all right uh something that cuts you deep when you're really excited to tell someone a story

and they cut you off and say, yeah, I already know about that. I got to refrain from doing this too. I feel like such a dick. But when somebody sends you a funny meme or a tweet or anything on the internet, article, fucking anything, it takes everything in me to, I do it every time instead of going yeah i already saw this i almost send that every time but i'm like i sound like such a fucking dickhead so i i delete it and pretend i never saw it and i say haha that's crazy which could be worse but like i just don't want to i might be i might be digging myself in a deeper hole there because

they they need that feedback that oh shit i'm late in the meme game you know and i'm not telling them that so i probably i should i should let me know is this a therapist are you my therapist now but i'm always at a crossroads i'm'm like, do I tell him I already saw it? Or because I'm the type of fuck that thinks he sees everything first. And obviously I'm like that because I think everybody is like that in their mind. I already saw it. I laughed at that like 13 hours ago. Sound like such a dick. Sometimes I just ha ha and move on

oh my god did you hear about the people that got killed and i yeah yeah yeah yeah i did i actually solved the case i'm a detective i'd be like okay check yeah it sucks i'm with you let's keep going i work hard for my money and i spend most of my money on traveling and experiences most girl thing ever i post about it on my instagram and I'll get haters commenting and saying, oh, she's getting flown out, or girls commenting and saying, who's paying for all this, or guys commenting and saying,

oh, wish I was a pretty girl. Like, okay, bro, for some reason, it just kicks my ass. Every time someone comments that like and i read the comment i'm like oh my god oh my god i know and you can't handle it and you wanna you want to hit them back and be like it's i i did it's my money but then you sound like even dumber you know you want to be like i this is what i'm this is this is what i spend my money on but it's like why are you even fucking replying to this dumb ass you know

makes you look like a stupid fool but deep down you're like these fuckers don't even know and who's just getting flown out anyway you know oh yeah who paid for that trip your sugar daddy are girls really doing that yes they're doing that but like imagine having somebody fly you out and you're just at their mercy, why the fuck would you even go? It's crazy, but I know what you mean.

It just kills you inside. Like, uh, what's a comment that really destroyed me one time? Oh dude, all the, they're, they're all,

for me, it's a little different because people will like give me like constructive feedback in the most honest way ever and i'm like this dude after i came back from uh f boy island was like bro your content since you came back from that show has been weak as fuck i was like oh my god all right time to fucking buckle down but that one killed me i was like uh and it's just one guy but it's like so that's like my version of your how you getting flown out there it's like bitch i fucking do this but I'm not going to tell you because you're annoying Let's keep going The one thing That someone says

That cuts deep is if I'm watching A stand up with someone And I'm laughing hysterically At their joke and the person next to me Just dead straight Dead straight face Dead face says It's not that funny oh like sir i'm

sorry that my soul is filled with vanilla cupcakes and yours is like rotten hot dogs that is rude it seems it really is crazy when somebody's at a live comedy show i don't even know if she's talking about live or not, but I assume live. And they're just not, they're just like this. Just, just RBF. I'm like,

you don't find any of this funny. It could be the worst comedian ever on stage. And there, there will be something funny that like maybe in your mind you think is something not even what he says i swear to god a bad comedian will be up there for two and a half hours and if he says like honda civic once i'll be like just because like dude, lighten up. This is not funny one bit. I just, I'll just never think like that. Maybe it's because I'm, I've been, I laugh at, I laugh at, I'm an easy laugher.

I laugh at fucking everything, anything. But there's always something a little relatable or funny, or maybe I'm just a clown, dude. I don't know but i i couldn't go to a whole show and be like it wasn't funny that just doesn't it just doesn't seem right but that's crazy i've never watched i don't think i've ever watched i can't watch stand-up it would actually be my worst nightmare to watch stand-up with a person uh like on netflix or something like somebody like that you like that's not a comedian because i was i watch stand-up with comedians all the time and we're like oh shit that was

you know we'll laugh about it fucking everything but if you watch it with just like a like a friend and you're just watching stand-up and they're not laughing it's the most uncomfortable shit i always just watch comedy like on tv by myself because i'm like shit i always just watch comedy like on tv by myself because i'm like don't so don't say carry the weight of anyone else with me but that i guess yeah watching them watching anything with anybody is kind of like eh fuck what did i get myself into you know so i'll be like let's watch a movie and then we'll watch a movie and i'll be asking questions the whole fucking time and the other person's probably like bro shut up and just watch it but i'm like but like why did he go to the barn yeah stupid just keep going bro so something that someone can say that cuts deep is like when And I'm talking to them and like I mess up a word or to say something really weird.

And it just doesn't make sense. They point me out on it. And I just feel horrible. Like I feel devastated. I'm like, well, what did I just say? I know. I feel like such a disappointment. I doubt everything i know

and then i just get mad and just walk away like there's no point in continuing this conversation yeah you killed all of them but yeah that cuts deep it it sucks i sometimes i dude i gotta confess i'm sometimes i'm the point out guy because if you say something dead ass wrong i'm like you're just gonna keep rolling with that like if you say it once i'll be like all right he fucked up but if he says it twice i'm like you think that's how you say that you're crazy i do feel like a dick every time though like i say the word penne wrong. Penne. It should be penne. I say penne for some reason. And I think one of my sisters checked me for it or some shit. And now I just don't.

I'm just done saying it. That was the last two times I'll ever say it. It's just gone now. If you pointed out a picture of that specific pasta, I'd be like, oh, that looks good. And they'd be like, what's it called? And I'd be like, mm-mm. It's gone.

It's gone. Why don't you just say it the right way? Because my brain is warped, and I have no idea what happened, but I can't do it. So it's deleted. It's gone. Baked. I'm just going gonna give it the wrong name and then maybe that'll that'll like trigger it i'll be like i'll take the zd they're like that's and i'll be like oh that that's what i want then just anything not to say it let's keep going. When someone says that I'm emotionally unstable,

when really I just feel things deeper than you. I think there's a little give and take there. When somebody says I'm emotionally unstable, I completely agree. You you know when girls are like don't call me crazy i'm like yeah but if you're not crazy you're boring you know what i mean like if somebody's like you're crazy i'd be like yeah for sure like i would never combat their like statement there emotionally what'd she say when someone says that i'm emotionally unstable emotionally unstable

yeah that makes sense she's just feeling it in a different way yeah that makes sense she's just feeling it in a different way emotionally unstable when somebody says if somebody bro you can fuck me up with that stuff if like dude i i'm probably the most emotionally unavailable person in the world i just don't know how to do it we had to do it on uh f boy island it was like some super behind the scenes stuff but like it was a big deal because like four of the guys on the show like never showed any emotion it was like me peter uh tom no i'm just kidding he showed so much emotion but me and peter would like have talks about it because the girls would be like, we need you to be more like emotionally open.

And we're like, what the fuck does that even mean? I don't know. Just I didn't grow up like that. We never talked about shit. Starts crying. Being emotionally open and like being able to talk about your feelings and stuff dude i just i don't know i need to like i might be able to write it down i might be able to text it but like dude i can't talk about it for some reason because he is really fucked up in his brain

and so is everybody else just keep going yours is perfect the big ones hurt do they though do you know that uh yeah that is uh that is that is it does hurt a little bit as a guy when a girl says yours is perfect it's like so not great is what you're saying it's always the opposite of everything and even anybody says

yours is perfect i'm like i don't want to talk to you anymore ever because i don't know what that means let's keep going. Hey, Benny. You know who it is. Well, the one thing that somebody can say to me that cuts deep is when I talk to someone I just met in real life and they say, Whoa, you're actually funny. Like, what do you mean, man? You're actually annoying as fuck. Dude, when people say your name, is it just amazing? Hey, Benny. dude when people say your name is it just amazing hey benny when somebody says your name just during a conversation

it's amazing i literally fall in love with people when they say my name guy doesn't matter dude that's such a power move when you're like a like a like a manager or something you say somebody's name you're oh my god you remembered i think i've said i think i've said people's names back to them in conversation seven times in my life dude i can have a girlfriend for 14 years. I'll say her name six times. And it's all like on some weird shit. She'll be like falling off a mountain. I'll be like,

those are the only instances. Calling somebody like that the wrong name. It's like my biggest fear ever is calling somebody the wrong name i'm like damn it's so embarrassing calling do you mean this i'm like oh i fucked his name up that's personal bro i'm an idiot for life we got one more oh it's not even one more. God! That's it. What cuts deep?

I know there's about 14 that I fucking missed, probably. Nah, there's no way. Yeah, bro. That's a wrap on what cuts deep. What else are we talking about? Remember to get your tickies for Detroit House of comedy, December 22nd,

get your merch at Benedict, merch.com. Christmas is coming up 20% off. Still cop it. Join the patron. Maybe send somebody a little Patreon for $5 a month. Hey, check it out.

Check out my boy. listen to these guys there's these guys merch on the site too but all right y'all we got a heater next week i already know the question i get one every week and you can really tell today because i got it yesterday dude day after a spray tan is just how long have you lived in tampa bay I'm like, listen, give me the clear lightest. Just, oh, that guy looks good. Can't tell if he got a spray tan or not though. Tan. I walk out of that bitch looking like fucking Paris Hilton on spring break. Dude, it's such a process in this.

Dude, I'm new to spray tans because i was i was going i was hitting the og bed for way too long because i'm a guy and i'm a caveman and dude that shit that shit started making me look like i was 78 years old i feel like and uh i started hitting a spray tan and dude that's a process you really gotta fucking you really gotta line it up left foot left leg the back's like this i love the back yeah i feel like a fucking cheerleader in there at the front.

Yeah, but that's why I look like this. That's why I look like a sweet potato. But all right, y'all. Next time. All right, fam.