Espresso - what do you miss about your first car?

Episode Date: July 25, 2024

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It had a middle seat in the front. Oh! It really didn't look like it was supposed to be there, but there was a third seat belt. Hi, hi, hi, oh, hi, hi, oh, hey, motherfucking hell. Oh, this is on? It's Press Up Podcast Shop 325.

I'm your girlfriend, Benny, who's in his childhood home right now. I'm your girlfriend, Benny, who's in his childhood home right now. And if you didn't do this growing up, I don't even think you were born. But can we talk real quick? Upcoming stand-up comedy shows, Philly tonight. Still time to get tickies. Right underneath in the description or go to sexblitzy.com.

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You keep saying that. It's coming soon. All right. Mommy's doing stuff. We, but I've got ideas. And if you're not subscribed to the Patreon, you wouldn't know any of this. So, but let's get to the question of the week.

Espresso, quick, quick, quick, quick question of the week. One of my faves ever? Question mark. What was your first car and what do you miss about it? For me, for me, Jeep Cherokee, 1999, red. I thought it was so lame when we got it because it looked like a box. Thinking back, hottest car I've ever seen. And for some reason, it just, the thing I miss, it kept the new car smell. I don't know how, I don't know why,

but every time I walked in that thing, I was like, it had dealership energy. God. Bro, what a purchase. You know what I mean? Because it was like my family car. We bought it new, bought a new car. I think it was the biggest moment of my life when my family bought a new car. Because we went from like Chevy minivan to like Jeep, bro. Oh, it was hard. And then I got the Jeep. It got passed down to me. But when I got it, it was kind of like on its last leg. You know what I mean? Big car, the car, the automobile podcast. But yeah, when I got it, it would just turn off. Like if I was stopped stationary at a red light, it would just turn off and I'd be like,

fuck. So I'd have to turn it back on. I remember at one point in time i had to tape up the window like every seven days i just got a piece of duct tape put it on one side of the window put it over the door slapped on the other side of the window and it would keep the window up and then like on day seven it would slide down so if i knew i was picking people up i was was like, got to get the duct tape out of the glove compartment, put it around. Who cares? Sounds good to me. When I got the car passed down to me, it was passed down to me from my sister. You know what I mean?

You go through it. You go through the rankings of the fam. I was the last one on the totem pole so i was like when i got it there were just like 8 000 of those like neutrogena oil sheets in it everywhere because my sister would just like do this while she was driving and just like throw up dude girls just throw shit in car i'll never understand it girls just right, right on the floor of the passenger seat every time. Yeah. So like, I don't know. Like I just not even, not even steering the car. Like, yeah. Like I don't, I still talk on the phone in my car like this. It's just more direct. Every time I'm on speakerphone in my car, I'm like screaming. Everybody else can hear it. yeah i got the car a bunch of oil sheets in it thought i got

them all out but like just months would go by and i'd like find one there'd be like one of the gas tank i'd be like how the in the spare tire i'm like how take down the like little thing open the mirror 15 of them fall out like it was confetti but like what a weird invention first of all the neutrogena oil sheets you can just see how much oil is on your face with like your three fingerprints oh i don't know i kind of could use all of those right now. Did those work? How about the memory unlocked, the little acne circles, oxy wipes? I can just remember the sting of those things on a summer day, dude, just wiping the oxy wipe on your face we just rode bikes i gotta put an oxy how bad was your acne everybody everybody went through that right i just always had one right here above

my right eyebrow right there and i would just acne wipe all day long like if i had one drop of like i was so dude growing up it was how much grease is on my face and do I have a double chin right now? I thought I had a double chin for four years. I think I still might, but I'm just over it now. But is he over it? I would do this constantly. What are you doing? I'm just making sure I don't have a double chin. Literally for four years, this. Just grazing my finger under my chin do i have a double chin that's all it was lime wire acne wipes do i have a double chin is she on aim do we even have aim or do we still have the free trial because my mom won't buy it

Or do we still have the free trial? Because my mom won't buy it. Relatable? I don't know. But let's get to yours. What was wrong with your car? What was your first car? What do you miss about it?

What was wrong with it? Because, I mean, obviously. Avi. Okay, I don't think I have ever even heard these podcasts or i don't know where the link is but anyway my favorite car was a 2000 kia sportage it was purple and what i miss about it is that to get into the trunk there was like a back tire on the car you had to like lift this little lever to move the back tire out of the way and then you had to stick your key in the trunk hole to open the trunk because it was not automatic it was a dope ass car there was something so

sexy about the kia sportage it was between kia sportage honda crv toyota rav4 jeep cherokee Toyota RAV4 Jeep Cherokee. Bro, you just, I can't talk to somebody that doesn't know cars. You ever meet somebody and they're like, what's that? They just, dude, you have to know cars. Like if we're dating, you have to be like, oh, is that a new Tundra? Like you have to say shit like that. I want to date a man is what i'm saying that's what the new tundras look like sick that's the only person i can get along with uh yeah but to find the podcast it's usually uh it's usually linked it's on one of the links in my bio or just type in espresso with benedict or something but kia sportage there's something about purple cars after my red jeep died i had i had the choice or had the option

to get a new jeep and yo i went to this you know those like bus down used car dealerships on the side of the road they look so good but, but you know, they drive so bad. There was a Jeep Grand Cherokee purple. And it was like one of those purples that kind of changed colors. Still think about it. Still think about it. My dad got in it and he was like, cause like, I don't know why your dad's like the final boss of test driving cars but like we almost bought it and then i was like dad can you test drive this car and he's like the steering wheel's off b i was like that can't we fix that real quick like that's but i like yeah i only wanted it because it was purple there's something about purple suvs that are just sexy. Shorty and the Sportage. Love ya.

It's the style of who? Milky Boy, what's going on, baby girl? I love you, Milky Boy. Oh yeah, first time. My guy, we're talking 2001. We're talking that shit for real. We're going to. They left me.

So I had a regular pull over with my with a friend of mine shit for real. We're going to. Left of me. So I had a regular, you know, I'm just going to pull it over with my, um, with a friend of mine. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, bob, bob. It's your uncle. Uh, suspended guard. Okay, let me get that back to the point. So, ADD is ADD, okay? First car, 2001

Ford F-150, my guy. Shipbox, so many good memories. He's gone with my dad. Well, if you take me to ride dirt bikes, one dirt bike, the Zona White pluralized that. We'd do that. Quad. Quad. Four-wheeler, as you narcs call it.

But anyway, a quad. You know what I'm talking about like that? But yeah, F-150, red pickup truck, 2001. Sexy. Lost it out to all hell. And I miss it for the memories, you know? And then two notable things about it. One time, well, my dad always did this to me.

We would go to the bay, and the bay in New Jersey, so just where the boats come and go. Any hosies. So we'd do that. He would drive there on like 4G to freak me out. I'm like, you know, and yada, yada.

Yeah. He would also drive up a big dirt hill in the back to freak me out because I like height? I thought we were going to show up over. But we have 10 seconds left. So let's spin it up, baby girl. So we would then do that. Then I would do that with my friend and freak him out.

Coming out of the water. Fuck, need to do a part two. BRB. Dude, Milky Boy, bro. This podcast is just trying to get through one minute of staying on track stay on topic for a minute that's what these voice messages are for do you have add or not we'll find out all righty we're back if i reach that really low we're out about an issue if that be so so yeah i'll drive it uh with my then best friend uh like a little bit into the beta freak

i was like what are you doing good and then we pulled it out of the water i don't know water into the pipes i could get out my guy it sounded like it had flowmaster supertans in an afterword exhaust pipe right because that thing just sounded like not like that that sounded like a hebe hawk and a luke. But any whoosies. And it sounded really well. It sounded just like a purring kitten on steroids. Until I get black eyes and

for real off into a tree and penetrate the windshield. But anyway, see how that happened and I miss her. All red. Anyway, kiss the test bitch bro if your brain doesn't work like that i don't want to talk to you sorry but yeah 2001 red he said ford f-150 yeah i wonder if it just trucks were cool to me if they had that like little back part where two people could sit like two like the smallest two people in the world could sit remember that little cab i thought that was so cool when trucks had that little

back window i was like oh you could like lay down back there. Why do I feel like I have to utilize every space available and like make it a fort and play video games in there? Every tiny crevice I see, I'm like, damn, I could play video games in there. Is it just me? Every time. Okay. We, uh, there's a house and there's a crawl space up a ladder. I'm like, I would change that into a video game room. Every nook and cranny I've ever seen. We're in a department store. I'm like, dude, if I worked here, I'd hide back there and play video games. I don't even have a game system.

That's what I think about every time I see one of those trucks. I'm like, oh, sleeping laterally back there in that little space where not even two Legogo men can fit that's how i classify if i like a truck or not i'm a ford truck man that's what i drive i ain't got no boundaries i don't compromise i'm a ford truck man thanks milky boy man. Thanks, Milky Boy. What do I miss about my first car? Having your girl in the passenger seat. Wait, are you talking about Katie?

My first car was the 1990 Grand Prix. Or as I call it, Grand Prix of shit. It had everything wrong with it. But one thing it had that I don't think cars have anymore is

it had a middle seat in the front. Oh! It really didn't look like it was supposed to be there, but there was a third seatbelt. I love that. On occasion, somebody did use it.

I mean, there wasn't really a place to put their feet, but we used it. So you got to do that crisscross in the front. I believe that everybody's first car should be shitty. Like, one, if you buy your kid a a new car you might be throwing money down the drain they're imagine how unspeakable things so that fucking car also you'll learn what to do when something goes wrong so true when you know, this light goes out, when you have to replace that tire, when your speedometer doesn't work, so you just gotta go by a radar, and then you gotta do weird math for the rest of your life.

Like, you learn things. Like, what the fuck are you supposed to do when your car breaks down? Well, you learn. You just get AAA, or you call 9-1-1 shout out to sean kingston i thought he was dead for the past seven years newsflash buddy he's not um bro that third seat in the front i always wanted to sit there my grandma had that or my grandpa had that car that it's always like an abuic you know it's real real smooth like low old guy car but it's new and it's got that seat right in the middle and i'm like are we allowed to sit there yeah sit there dude you're just driving to church your grandpa's on your right your sister's on your

on your left and you're just like buckled in because that's how i am like when i'm on a when i'm on a road trip and there's somebody driving a passenger and i'm in the back i'm pretty much in the middle seat. Cause I'm like, best time of my life. Third middle seat, front row, the smoothest car you've ever been in. But your Grand Prix, that sounds exhausting. Kind of butchered it. We won't talk about it. kind of butchered it we won't talk about it um yeah you got i still don't know shit about cars but you do yeah if you're one of those people that has a brand new car for your first car people that wreck those i'm like why would i be shocked oh my god yeah like the rich girl that's the prettiest in school

got like a dodge intrepid like 2009 she wrecked it like the next day amanda i'm like yeah no shit no shit that sucks but no shit but how do you do that don't do that. Don't have AAA and I can think of 34 times when I've needed it. Why don't I have it? I don't know. I feel like it's $5 a month. Why don't I have it? I almost bought it that one time I ran out of gas. I almost bought AAA right then and there. Called them and it was like, okay, can we run the credit card? Like, let's just, let's just go. No, it takes like two business days. Okay. I'll call 911. Bye. I kind of think everyone should have AAA because they do more shit than, uh, fixed cars. I think, I think you can call AAA to like shovel your driveway and they're like, be right there. They'll do every, can you, can you clean, can you rearrange my room?

I need a change, AAA. Can you move my bed to this wall? AAA, can you unload my dishwasher? Dude, AAA, you know what they are? Just a bunch of dads. Because who can fix your car? The only person in the world that knows how, a dad. AAA, just every dad, just when they're, they're done with their like real job and they're like in retirement, they should just all work for AAA. They know how to do everything at that point in their life. Not an ad, but I will add it to my insurance package. Didn't make sense. Let's keep going. So my first car, my first thing I missed about it, I had a dookie green, peanut butter, leather interior, Honda Civic 96.

And what would happen 96 I would just be like randomly driving and then like smoke or heat I don't know like white heat or smoke would come out from under the engine and it would like

randomly stop and then I would have to like let it sit for a good like 5 minutes and then i would have to like let it sit for a good like five minutes and then drive it again it was not ghetto at all god everybody had that thing i had something wrong with my car and it was like that bro i just had to keep pouring coolant in it every time i drove it that bro i just had to keep pouring coolant in it every time i drove it so i had like 1700 bottles of coolant in my truck and every time i stopped my car parked it filled up all the way to the brim oh i'm home now pop the hood coolant time just thing just leaked coolant everywhere instead of getting it fixed just bought 17,000 bucks. I

Don't know. But yeah the white smoke that would kind of that'd be a little crazy Is your car Confirming who the new Pope is White smoke coming out of your hood. Hey, we got a new Pope. Nah, it's just your carburetor. Oh, okay. Fuck. That's how we determine. Dude, am I... Has everyone once in their life gotten their catalytic converter sawed off their car? I just remember parking my car in like not that bad of a neighborhood, going inside, spending the night at my friend's house, walking outside in the

morning at like 9am, probably like going to football workouts, start my car. I was like, oh shit. This is my first thought when somebody cut off my catalytic converter overnight. My first thought in the morning when I started my car and I heard that noise, I go, oh, somebody souped up my car. I was like, when did this thing get like rocket packs on the back? Then I was like, something's not right. They cut off your catalytic converter. How much do you get for a catalytic converter six bucks

that's so that's ghetto you know you're in the wrong part of town when your catalytic converter is just gone the next morning the first car that i had was a 2000 saturn and it was a piece of junk it got hit about five times but somehow never had a single dent in it let's go and the thing i miss about most is every time i would get a new person in the car i would show them my party trick and that party trick was halfway down the road i'd pull the key out of the ignition i love cars like that hold on to it while the car would still move what is that top i love you bro want to top in my saturn girl hey it's out of this world i'm gonna kill myself but um do they make Saturns anymore man I haven't seen a Saturn a

I haven't seen a Saturn and you know what I missed too a Pontiac Sunfire those things might have weighed 300. A Pontiac Sunfire? Every time I see one of those cars, I'm like, that could fit under a semi in an action movie. That's how I judge cars. I'm like, if it can fit under a semi in an action movie, I want it. Yeah, I knew like four people growing up in high school that could just take the car out of the engine.

It would just still run. Imagine throwing that key out of the window, though. Intrusive thoughts? Oh my God, look, I can like take my key out just immediately. What are you going to do now? What are you going to do now? Key's gone. Did you ever lose the key skip gun okay so my first car was uh 2004 buick lacrosse

so hot it was tan and what i miss about it is how sturdy it was um like i drove into a pretty steep ditch during like a little rainstorm once and i just drove it straight out oh yeah hot just something about cars like you ever hit something or someone and you get out of your car and you're like and you look at the spot where there should be like just the worst dent of all time you feel like your car's totaled nothing even there i'm like a sturdy ass car that hey you know what They just don't make them like that no more. They really don't. Remember that car that, I think it was a Saturn that you could like throw a baseball at and it'd be like, the doors were like, you could like hit them and shit. Oh my

God. Why isn't every car like that? The commercial was like, people just like ramming shopping carts into it. What a great commercial. It was red. It was red. But yeah, those old Buick LaCrosses, LaCroix's, Buick LaCroix's. Just something different about that car. That's like the Nokia brick cell phone of cars. It's just going to be in your family forever. Your grandpa has it. How about the dudes in school that had their grandparents' cars? I was like, don't blame you. Dude, if nine of your friends didn't have ford torreses from like

their dads and grandpas as their first car don't want to talk to you sorry torres game my first car was a 2004 ford f-150 and that thing was a tank the first ever accident that i got in i was going through an intersection and this lady like flew through the red light from my left and so i ended up hitting her and it barely bit the front bumper my truck and basically totaled her car oh the way i wouldn't know what to do if i got in a car accident the reason i haven't gotten in a car accident bad is because i have no idea what to do when i get out of the car i'd be like you write some stuff down i guess call someone i'm gonna call 9-1-1 because what are we doing do we know and with my luck i'll hit someone as dumb as me.

I'm going to hit somebody and be like, how's 500 bucks sound? The car's in flames. Yeah. Are you ever surprised like when a car is totaled? Sometimes I feel like people will like dent their door and they'll be like, yeah, insurance said it's totaled. So I get a new car now. I'm like, I just do not. I will never understand how this works. How is that? Don't know. Not going to ask, but, uh, 2004 Ford F-150. Why, why is that? 2004 Ford F-150. Why is that? I think that's my whole personality. 2004 Ford F-150.

How would you describe yourself? A sturdy 2004 Ford F-150? Actually, no, not really. Like, if I was a car, I'm pretty much like a, I'm pretty much like a Chevy Extreme two-door with black ice on the mirror, for sure. Sound system, no. I just like the default speakers. Music has never sounded better than when you're in your car right can we all agree music on your headphones cool yeah it's good it's pretty good not even just saying that music on headphones is pretty good but when you're in your car there's just something about that you ever get in your friend's car that has like subwoofers? Hey, when are those coming back?

Fitted hats are coming back. These are coming back. The pooks are back. Sorry. Our long shorts coming back. And our subwoofers coming back. That might've been the most insane thing that I've ever gone through in my life. When we got to, when we were able to get our license and it took me God knows how long to get my license and then finally get a car after, I felt like I never had a car. I was like, this is just like my mom's, I don't know. She's just like letting me drive. I don't really know if it's mine or not. Like I could have a different car tomorrow. It might be,

you know, like I just, I don't know. And people had their own car and they had their enough money to get subwoofers in the back. I was like, where are you guys getting this money? Is that a Christmas thing? Like, where are you guys getting this money? And the cars they would have. Just a $17,000 car. Where are you getting the money, bro? My family's not poor, but like, they're not dropping 20 G's on a car just because. Insane, bro. Just, it just, I remember driving to a group project project oh my god group project me

four other people going to like one of my homies houses that lives by the high school to film the project for history class on the way to this dude's house, I couldn't, I think I got tunnel vision. My face has never been itchier. Couldn't hear anyone. Every, my whole entire, I've never gone through anything like this in my life. I've been on roller coasters. I've been on flight simulators. I've been to Cedar Point on the drop zone, Hellavator. I've been on those. I just lied. I've never been on those, but like, you know what I'm saying? I've been on Wicked Twister. I got in this dude's car with sub woofers on blast and I was like I think I'm gonna throw up dude like this the whole time can't hear shit and people will act dude

people were asking me quite like dudes in my group were asking me questions do you think we should I was like bro are you kidding me I think that's when I learned i was deaf i was like i can't i cannot are you and then right when i answer the the music it goes to the next song and i'm like i think we shut god damn it i'm sorry and then the music turns back on and i'm like never mind oh my god jesus christ my first car was a 1987 i rock z28 i was cherry red i miss absolutely everything about it but i miss the t-tops just taking off those heavy ass glass t-tops putting them in like the trunk of the car and just like driving around hard i freaking loved it i always wanted a car like that but at the same time i was like why isn't the whole thing just a convertible i know you didn't have a choice because your first car was probably like just

you know some used shit and you're like yeah it's cool how about people that had convertibles when you're in high school i was like okay grandma that lives in sarasota you just have a convertible like dude people that had convertibles were elite what hey how about the girl in high school that had like a vw like a volkswagen beetle convertible i was like you're actually so hot, hot for your car. You're hot because of your car, man. T-top though. I was always like, that's kind of cool. I never knew you put them in the trunk. I just, I don't know what I thought you did with them.

I thought you just put them like in that red wagon in your garage and they just sat there until like October. That reminds me of those cars. Like I never, I never saw one of these cars not like this. Remember those cars that you'd see on the side of the road and they'd had those flip up lights, those lights in the front that actually look like like eyeballs with eyelids. One of them was always down. I was like, can we just get this shit together? I hated those cars because they look like people. I'm like, that car has emotions. Every single one of those cars, cars with the flip up lights, no one cars with the flip up lights no one cars with the flip up lights let's keep going yeah first car 2006 toyota sienna minivan i love you guys uh what i miss most about it it uh smelled like straight mildew double hand me down uh but if you if you put them uh put enough of those uh christmas trees in there it'll smell

all right and um just bumping uh hard in the paint by waka fwaka oh because my dad would just usually listen to uh sports talk radio in there so perfect you wouldn't really have the the volume up too high so the the bass was booming oh he kept he kept the bass real nice and fresh for you yeah because like am radio sports radio has zero bass whatsoever so your bass was just like prime time ready. Nothing. Your speakers felt nothing in their lives before that. Flaka.

Your whole personality changed. Flaka. All that dude. Crazy. How about Waka? That was such a prime era of my life. That was when I was the most alive, when Flaka was like top three rappers. Rooster in my Rari. What were we doing, bro? What were we doing?

His song of his was called Rooster in my Rari. going rooster his song of his was called rooster in my rari and i played that shit so loud every single day oh my god yeah i was always a little jealous of the people that had minivans in high school i was like i don't know why that is like kind of cool just the fact that you can take a whole entire track team to practice oh we got a meet up there we can take my van just 16 people in the back sitting like this no seats dude if i had a minivan the back would be zero seats there'd always be two of my friends back there and there'd be like a bunch of pine needles from a Christmas tree. I'd be like, yeah, this is my car. Oh my God.

I think when my family had a minivan, we really did put our Christmas tree just in the van. Yep. I think we did. And there would just be a huge Christmas tree in our car. Like my mom would be driving us home or my dad would be driving us home and there'd just be a whole ass Christmas tree like in the the tip of the tree would just be like touching the radio we'd be like we good yep we're good dude real Christmas trees now that this is a holiday podcast or anything but there's just real Christmas trees still hit, this is a holiday podcast or anything, but there's just... Real Christmas trees still hit different. And you know that!

Put some... Hey, bring those back. Bringing fitted hats back. Bringing puka shells back. Bring real Christmas trees back. 2024 real Christmas trees. And bring Walmart back. Please. 2024 real Christmas trees. And bring Walmart back, please. 24 hour Walmart.

Not a $40 fucking, besides your mother's credit. Benny, big fan, man. Been following you on IG for a little while now, even before the FBoy Island. I love you, man. My wife and I are big fans. She's a big FBoy Island fan.

My son, who's seven, is a big fan of the Who's Buying This? On another episode. You do one on Instagram. Got one coming up. Great. Sorry for whispering too. I got my little guy sleeping next to me but

I think this would be perfect for your podcast. I had my first car. Actually my first two cars were 1989 or 1990 Oldsmobile delta 88 four-door was a great car loved it um what i loved about it the most was that they had bench seating so the front seat even though it had a middle console you could lift it up and i used to scoot over to the passenger seat and i would be able to drive the car from the passenger seat i'd have my left foot operating the

brake and the gas and then my left hand kind of holding the wheel underneath so when people saw me they would think that nobody was driving the car. It was like a ghost driving the car. I'd have all my boys from the neighborhood jump in the back seat. So, you know, it would be me in the passenger seat driving the car, nobody in the driver's seat, and like two or three of my boys in the back. We would cruise the neighborhood, and people would just be cracking up, laughing, man. So just picture that for a moment. You're just driving around in the car,

and it looks like no one's driving in your driver's seat figured that would be uh i'll tune in and listen see if uh i get lucky enough uh you mentioned it but anyway again big fan and uh hope you uh you're able to share that story on your podcast man i love you so much dog god that guy's a pro at you know how good his voicemails probably are bro the voice just book ending it oh dude's got you can just tell dude's got game. Man, smooth. Anonymously. I kind of don't get how you did it still. Great explanation.

Do we listen back? I think he just, he said he scooted over and he would drive the car like this. Dude, that's the most high school thing of all time. Just absolutely nothing to do. Hey, get in, let's drive around and just act like there's no one driving. I, God damn, bro. nothing to do hey get in let's drive around and just act like there's no one driving god damn bro why is there just nothing like a on some old shit nothing like talking about cars oh my god delta 88 great car scoot drive it, and pretend no one's in it. Sounds like I would do that every single day

with the homies. Hey bro, wanna fake drive? Yeah, I'll be there in two minutes, okay? I'll pick you up. So I had a 99 red Sunfire, power, nothing, no air conditioners. red sunfire power nothing no air conditioners so

I would drive home in the summer and it would be soaking wet sweating and if I drove like longer than three hours I would literally get like a diaper rash soaking wet

man that was always such a bummer when somebody had uh manual windows that's crazy i don't i mean i don't know everybody had one in their family roll down windows how's that Do they even make that anymore? How about the people that like didn't want to pay an extra $3,000 and they had a stick shift? I was like, bro, just I'll give you $3,000 so you don't have to. Why? I kind of like it, though though why is it kind of hot used to carpool two people in this neighborhood crazy still lives here 34 33 uh but they'd pick us up and the dude that he's such a cool dad he'd like he'd be like be the guy that wouldn't always take us. It was always like,

mom, every single time this kid's mom would pick us up to go to school, pick us up, go to school, the mom, the mom, the mom. Then 2%, it'd be his dad on some weird scheduling. And I'd be like, oh, it's dad's pick us up. It's so sick. We would just talk about like march madness basketball the whole time and he would just have a stick shift you have to hey you see that game last night i was like how do you know what you're doing what do we what how do you know what you're doing everybody with a stick shift, how do you know? How do you know? Dude, if you can operate a stick shift in a car,

I think you should, you might be able to be the president. Qualifications to be a president, drives a stick shift. I think he's got it. Yeah, yeah, he's got it. He can do it. If you can change a tire and then drive a stick shift, bro. You could probably quarterback a team to the Super Bowl. How do you know? My first car was a 1995 Grand Prix GTP.

Pricks. It was a six-cylinder, which was all I knew was important at the time. I knew it was a big deal and impressive to friends. It also meant that it was loud and not to mention that it had a hole in the muffler. So it was extra loud. Due to some old mechanical issues, it also caused the car to vibrate when it was running. So my friends and I jokingly referred to my car as the big black vibrator or the BBV. It was also nice that I didn't have to honk when I got to friends' houses because they could hear my car coming.

Kind of sick. Kind of sick. Yeah, those cars with no mufflers. God. That is one thing that I just can't get over is a loud car. I'm like, why? Every time. If you're one of those people that

acts like the world's ending when they hear a loud car. BFFs. Yeah, dude. Grand Prix, such a first car. Six-cylinder, though. What is it? Yeah, that'd always be a thing like when i was gonna go buy a car or when i was like looking at a car i always wanted like a mid mid very small miniature suv i thought those were so cool

like if you're in high school and you like a grand prix was a dope that's a probably like coolest car what are we talking about right now but uh those dudes or girls in high school that had like a like a A black blazer? A green one? Didn't care what... A white one? Bro, the things I would do... For a GMC Jimmy in high school? Oh!

I think I would have traded my entire life away. And then the girls in your high school, like right with the paint markers on the back, your football number. I love you. I love you. Any cheerleader touches my car with a paint marker i love you i don't think anyone ever did but god dang

yeah the grand prixs were sick yeah that like burnt orange one you know i'm talking about they're still out there hey benny love you um my first car was a 97 honda accord station wagon which were pretty rare you didn't see those very often and uh at some point the latch to the trunk had broken and someone was getting out of my trunk because, you know, of course, that's what you do when you're a teenager. And someone else picked up the trunk and didn't hold it because they didn't know it was broken. So it came down on the guy's knee. And I don't know how it didn't chop his leg off because it was extremely heavy. So I miss almost chopping guys legs off um also i had like a after market installed radio yeah um like a fancy one a kenwood one if you know you know

and um left my car unlocked gone one time and it got stolen. And after that I had like a 40 minute commute and I just had to drive to work in silence or listen to my headphones. So I don't necessarily miss that, but. Headphones. Ha ha, baa. Love you so much.

Oh my God. Accidentally in love no but uh yeah the kenwood i somehow had one i thought it was so cool to have one of those radios like with all the you know you start your car and then like the digital like alarm clock numbers like make a cool like pattern and then it says the time 7 38 a.m i was like god damn it but you know that was so sick had one of those you press the like eject button for a cd it's like took like 17 seconds put the cd in i was like i have the batmobile. Sorry, everybody. I'm Batman now.

Coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. I was like, how does this work? How do I have this? My friend's dad worked at a car dealership, went to the used car lot, took the faceplate out of that car, put it in mine. Was it illegal? it illegal probably did we care i did a little bit i'm not gonna lie i was like i'm a wanted criminal driving around listening to three six mafia ken woods crazy um yeah you almost chopped somebody's leg off uh-huh Crazy. Yeah, you almost chopped somebody's leg off. Headphones in the car can't do it.

I already can't hear a goddamn thing. With my luck, I'll put in headphones, one headphone, and an ambulance will immediately be behind me. And it'll run me over. It'll run me over like a monster truck then i'll have to go in that ambulance how dude people that drive with headphones on how how how a fire truck did the amount how is a fire truck not just how have i not just like t-boned i think i think every time i see an ambulance or a fire truck i'm this close from hitting it i'm like could have been two emergencies baby girl i had a 1992 nissan maxima that thing had an automatic seat belt buckler oh those always tripped me out i was like

it would crack people up every time i'd be drunk. I'd come in and like, oh, I wouldn't expect it. I would call it Jeffrey. Thank you, Jeffrey. Every time it would buckle me up. That's what he missed. I don't miss it being a gas guzzler. I did do that. It was not the best with gas.

Good times. long time ago not the best with gas yeah me neither this guy too easy that was a really easy one low-hanging fruit he did it anyway yeah i never understood the self-buckling yeah i never understood the self-buckling car why it's like you're like iron man suit thank you jarvis jarvis can you buckle my seatbelt kind of hot though kind of hot let's keep going my first car was a 1988 chevy s10 oh i love this guy dude there's just some guys that i just remember some people i remember just because their voice this guy just so confident and everything on the passenger side worked and that's including the windshield wiper the door to get in

the speakers on the right side it was just it was fucked but i loved it it was white it was basically the truck from toy story that delivered pizzas oh god damn this made me so hungry but i do love that truck um everything on the right side didn't work side worked and that's including the windshield wiper the door to get in the speakers on the right side it was just it was fucked but i loved it it was white it was basically the truck from toy story that delivered pizzas always kind of sad when like the back right speaker on your car just stopped working you're like it's like when you know when your grandparents is like on the way out you're like fuck okay shit just got real all right all right a

gonna have to move on soon oh a guy who has no feelings and let's keep going so i had a 1986 civic gray uh It was the same year that I was born, 86. And what I miss about it most is that on the freeway, if you went even two miles over the speed limit, the whole car would start shaking like it was in a violent earthquake. So that was one way that it kept me from getting tickets is never going going to speed them because that thing would shake violently i remember the first time i went like kind of fast

for the first time you floored it everybody remembers where they were right the first time you're like fuck it i'm doing it why did i think right when the pedal hit the floor i would just take off like like like the men in black video game you know i'm talking about when you like i thought i was gonna like be in a nascar race it didn't even go that fast i was like okay and right when i like pushed it hard i was like i'm getting ticket. I thought there'd be 14 cops behind me. Yeah, but the whole car. I was like, can't do that ever again. Okay. And we're in Star Wars now.

So I actually had a 2012 Chevy Cruze. And it was like a champagne type of gold and it was a really nice car actually i loved it um i miss pretty much everything about it and the most that i miss is the people who would end up driving it um that would be falling asleep at the wheel and crashing it into the back of another person causing a three-car accident um and then totaling it jesus christ dude that took a turn hold on i miss pretty much everything about it and the most that i miss is the people who would end up driving it. I actually had a 2012 Chevy Cruze. And Cruze!

And it was like a champagne type of gold. And it was a really nice car, actually. I loved it. I miss pretty much everything about it and the most that i miss is the people who would end up driving it um that would be falling asleep at the wheel and crashing it into the back of another person causing a three-car accident um and then totally it you ever fall asleep while driving and the thing you're listening to on the radio is like your favorite song a little depressing i'm like just drove just trying to drive somewhere and listening to the one song i want to listen to

and i'm i'm i'm like what am i doing the falling asleep while dude I promise I was probably asleep for two straight minutes on a highway. Everybody's done it. But I was like, I need to park in a hotel parking lot and fall asleep until noon. Just so tired. Just dead asleep on 465 isn't everyone first car was a 1992 mustang 5.0 and main thing i really miss about it is that the passenger passenger door would only like shut properly if you like lifted it and shut it sometimes people didn't know that so they just shut the door and think they were safe and i was in the car with my girlfriend one time and i remember making like a left turn

and almost like ejected her out of the car it was in the middle of an argument and she swore up and now that i i tried to kill her and i just thought it was i thought it was hilarious so sometimes i i turn left in the door the right door would just swing open uh miss it miss it miss that car a lot this is dom childish adult by the way i know you said it could be anonymous it doesn't matter you could tell the people it's me from the hollywood comedy doll hey let's go that's funny that's definitely a bit dude put that in put that in the game oh my god why do i always think i'm gonna fall out of a car every time i'm in it i'm like if this door opened right now bye all my weight it's definitely the most girl thing of all time you tried to kill me babe my car like you know when you shut the door you have to lift it up and shut you tried to murder me you tried to murder me and you just said you loved me and care for me. And you just tried to.

Yeah, I did try. Benny, what up? My first car was actually my sister's first car, which was handed down to me. It was a 94 white Grand Dame. Damn. Or Grand Prix, I think. Grand Prix, I think is what it was. Grand Dame. It's Or Grand Prix, I think. Grand Prix, I think, is what it was. Grand Dam. It's the ugliest car.

Anyway, dude, we had the yellow Sony Discman up in there, connected to the tape deck that plugged into the cassette player. Insane. So we could bump our CDs. What you do to listen to Emin and them did not roll up all the way it rolled up there was probably like you know a quarter a fifth of it that was still open and even in the winter so we rode that bitch until the wheels fell off and uh i just remember it being cold as fuck because we were up in south then and it's a little bit colder up there um but yeah i mean we smoked hella blunt in that mug

it was just like you he was just delaying the inevitable the whole time i was like something he's gonna say it he's gonna say you ever play it when it's really cold outside all your friends are in the car and as a driver you just take down all the windows freeze out what were we doing i think i did that every single time me and my friends were in the car and it was snowing outside and you're on the highway it was so cold but that would wake your ass up padiddle do you remember that so desperate had had so little game growing up me and my friends would get in the car with three girls play padiddle which is if you see another car with a headlight out, you slap the ceiling. Last person that slaps the ceiling has to take an item of clothing off.

We would play that game, and we were the only ones that would ever get naked. Me, two of my friends, three girls in a car driving around looking for cars without headlights we found so many but it was always the dudes that ended up being naked the girls fully clothed we'd be like just three naked guys three fully clothed girls in the car yeah it's 3 a.m. We should probably go home. Every time. Best night of my life. bottom bumpers were all plastic i thought it was being really cool reversed too fast when i had my boyfriend and his friends in the car and bumped into a lamppost but the benefit of it being half plastic as that i was able to pop all the plastic back out oh hell yes love the show i am gonna cry we got scotland fam We got Scotland, fam. There's just no better feeling than popping out a dent.

Just the worst eyesore of your entire life. And then you take it somewhere and just fucking some guy just does some weird, put some weird contraption on it but it's it's never like a noise like it's always like it sounds like a dinosaur that just got shot by a shotgun it's like perfect after that i'm like dude you saved my entire life so my first car was a um 2002 bright yellow ford focus hatchback and i loved that thing i got it my the summer before my senior year so it was about like 2007 um it had a zebra print seat covers and a zebra print wheel cover that my brother got me for my birthday hard um because everyone knows i love my animal print and i had i was one of those people that had the plush dice around the front mirror um and mine were disney

themed so it had like little mickeys on it and so i i miss how like unique that thing was um and it was so different and i felt like it really matched my personality, and I really miss it. I love this girl. And the other thing was that the fact that it was bright yellow and I never lost that thing in a parking lot, I could spot it, even if I forgot where I parked, which happens every so often.

Every single time. i i missed that thing um i thought it was the coolest thing and i thought it was hot shit even though nobody else thought i i was i i definitely did um but yeah that was my that was my first car yo that almost brought me to tears she's definitely one of those girls that had like the hawaiian lei around it's so many girls had that around the mirror lei yep yeah yellow cars went so hard for a minute like the car that got passed down to me the red jeep i think we're gonna get a yellow one and i was like ew no oh my god but now thinking back i'm like i wish i had a yellow

car that would have been so hard finding it in in parking lots kind of an under i never thought about that i just thought no matter what kind of car you had you had no idea where every time i go to a parking lot it's like it's like i've been drunk for a week straight i'm like where but has any dude i've never thought of that while going into a store my car is in e section e on the i've never i've never want that has never crossed my mind this is where i parked i'm gonna remember when i get out as is i don't that's just something that's that no one has that skill oh first car was a 1991 saturn something i don't know i drove it in 2004 um and the seats went back like the seats were not safe at all my dad had bought it for a thousand dollars and the seats went back like the seats were not safe at all my dad had bought it for like a

thousand dollars and the seats just would fly back anytime you stopped at a stoplight um making anything look just so dramatic right so he put a whole my dad put a whole milk crate behind the driver's seat so that i wouldn't do that and then he just advised me not to have any passengers in the car uh yeah I just missed that I didn't have to pay anything ever on that car and the dramatics like watching other people's faces when I came to stop lights uh that was pretty funny too dude so wait a minute hold on hold on I don't know I drove it in 2004. Um, and the seats went back. Like the seats were not safe at all. My dad had bought it for like a thousand dollars and the seats just would fly back anytime you stopped at a stoplight. Um going to be like so you had a carnival ride is what you're saying you had a car nival in your car

and a milk dude the thing dude a milk crate can can solve 99 of every everyone's problems is a milk i've never milk crates are indestructible carts and milk crates never seen one that's broken ever you ever seen a broken milk crate never anything looked just so dramatic right so he put a whole my dad put a whole milk crate behind the driver's seat so that i wouldn't do that and then he just advised me not to have any passengers in the car uh yeah i just missed that i didn't have to pay anything ever on that car um and the dramatics like watching other people's faces when i came to stop lights uh that was pretty funny too hey i'm here my dumb ass would have rolled out of the front window my first car was my parents old car it was a silver 2006 chevy cobalt and it honestly wasn't a bad car it just

i made it into a piece of shit like i was pretty rough on the thing but the one thing i remember about it is i cracked the ball joint uh in it which has to do with like the steering uh i think i cracked it because i hit like a curb really hard and over time it just got worse and like the steering wheel would shake uncontrollably especially when i would like come to a stop uh Uh, and I think we ended up getting it fixed, but I didn't tell my parents for a long time. Cause I was the one that fucking broke it. But if it would have like snapped all the way, I would have lost control and died.

But, um, yeah, it wasn't a bad car. Just, I was pretty rough on it. And there's a lot of, a lot of memories in that car but yeah amount of times you almost died while driving 37 every time i get in a car i'm like

how do i how am i not gonna die endless possibilities hold on wait she said something we gotta run it back uh i think i cracked it because i hit like oh dude just the amount of times i go to park my car on the street against the curb and I just and you could just hear dude my poor like are they rims I don't think I'm cool enough to say my poor hubcaps I remember I'd always try to explain to my dad what spinners were or like explain to older people what like rims were now I'd be like yeah the hubcaps like spin because i like i felt like saying rims i'd be like what are you talking about but the way dude the my my my hub my rims beat to shit because i'm that guy that'll like do an illegal u-turn and like you know i turn my wheel like all the way till there's no more turn left and it's like and i'm like jesus what's that noise and then i drill the curb and i'm like all right

enough has been enough damage has been done here uh well that was the best question we've ever done um question we've ever done. Thank you for the voice messages. I love you. Why can I just talk about cars forever? Don't know. Thank you for the voice messages. I wish I had pictures.

That's one thing I should have said. Send Pixie her car because I know you have them. That's one thing I should have said. Send Pixie or a car because I know you have them. Let's keep going. Dear diary. I got a tattoo on the back of my head. No, it's not cool. It's just, uh, I know I got these advertisements a lot on Instagram it's like uh you going bald and it'd be a guy with like a bald head but it was shaved you know guys with the guys that are thinning and they shave their heads not a bad look but then there was like that that like little era like maybe like five or six years ago when dudes would just get those dots on their head tattooed dots on their head and it looked like they had a full head of hair but kept it real shaved that's what i got back here i got

pretty much like micro you know how they micro blade eyebrows i got that on the back of my head where my hair transplant scars are dedicated to not being bald part 52 but i was like, whatever. Um, you know, not going to hurt too bad. They didn't like say anything like, yo, you might need somebody to like pick you up and take you there and stuff like that. So I was like, cool. I'm not worried about it. And I, I was really sold because they were like, uh, you don't have to, I was like, do I have to shave my head for this like tattoo? And they're like, nah, you're good. And i was like do i have to shave my head for this like tattoo and they're like nah you're good and i was like oh definitely doing it can't wait right when i right when i walk in you ready for a haircut i was like skin it babe they gave me a fire haircut can't see because he wears a hat every day even though

he has a hair transplant we don't know why great haircut sat face down uh she started going to town on the back of my head tattoo gun uh pretended like it didn't hurt the whole time. You good? I'm good. Doesn't hurt at all. At one point, I'm not going to lie, it hurt so bad that my leg just almost kicked over a cart of shit. My leg was like doing this shit during it because I was like trying to play it so cool. My leg was like, to play it so cool my leg was like almost kicked over an entire cart of of like tattooing materials

yeah uh still good no pain on the pain i actually said this one time i go if the if it's out of 10 on pain probably a one i didn't know that the back of your head was like the most sensitive thing in the world world world i was almost crying near the end near the end like when she like when she had like this hat so she went from side back to side and on the when she was almost done on this side of my head I was like I think I might like I don't know if I can do this anymore like I like 15 times in my head I was like I cannot wait till this is over I never thought I'd be the guy because i would always make fun of people that were like oh my god i got a tattoo and it hurts i'm like shut up

no it didn't i'm wrong you're right my bitch you're not oh my god i was like this is actual chinese torture right now and i was like yeah all good pretending like it didn't hurt at all because i didn't i didn't want her to get uncomfortable because i was like oh my god because that's what I was feeling inside. She stops. We're done. You know, wipes it down a little bit. Good to go. I get up from like the doctor table that's like soft, you know, has like a cushion on it.

I get up from that. It's almost like a massage table. You know what I mean? I get up from that. The whole thing is soaked in sweat. They're like, no pain. I was like, no. Soaked. They were like,

can we get like some Lysol wipes in here? I was like, was wearing jean shorts. It looked like I pissed my pants. The whole front of my jean shorts was wet. I was wearing a football jersey, whole thing soaked. It's a used football jersey. So somebody like wore it a lot before I did. And you know, when you like wear like a, like, like a piece of clothing that's been like worn a lot, when you start like sweating in it, it like activates the smell of the clothing you're wearing. So I looked like I pissed my pants and I just smelled like shit. Just covered in sweat. Just back of my head just so swollen. Yeah, no pain.

It's crazy, bro. That's cringe over the week as well. Them being like, hey, I almost was like, you need me to help you clean up all that sweat. It was insane. It was bad. You could have told us if you were running hot down there. I was like,

still not even able to mutter a word my dumb ass they're like don't hey the only thing you need to keep in mind after you get a head tattoo don't sweat I was sweating the whole time. I don't know. It's two days of the week. Da-da-da-da. Days of the week. Today, Thursday. Wine and cheese day.

What did I do? I feel like I ate like a pound of cheese the other day. Did I have pizza? Okay. Yeah. Right when I got to my dad's house, best house of all time, flight lands, 11 o'clock, coolest thing my dad's ever done pulled up got in the house two pizza hut personal pan pizzas on the counter i was like ate them in five seconds didn't eat the crust really weird really really not me not me moment but i was like uh for some reason the crust just wasn't hidden crust wasn't hidden sometimes pizza hut crust i'm like you sure about this hot fudge sunday day hey national ice cream day was this past sunday got ice cream he did it he did he actually performed a national day of the week he did it first time ever on the podcast actually did one of the things on national days

of the week national days of the week put some respect on them it's a it's a pivotal part of the espresso podcast i don't think it gets talked about enough but hey this is where the bits are born um got ice cream on national ice cream day but drove to five ice cream places before i made a decision mrs curls they were closed internet said they closed at nine pulled up at 8 55 closed cool we get it just national ice cream day i'm out on mrs curls um dairy queen it was it just it didn't feel right the vibe was off i was kind of like how are you guys still in business at this location it was weird handles ice cream you you would have thought the jonas

brothers were performing in there with that line i was like absolutely not went in there well like okay we'll just hit the drive-thru there's no cars they didn't have a drive-thru there's people standing like they're about to get on dragster at cedar point old reference physical you know i'm talking about at least i didn't say beast but so many people lined up in front of handles like actual people not cars you know how like rallies has those walk-up windows that's what that was never seen so many people in front of a building maybe in like 19 years okay try to go to Ritter's the vibe wasn't right I was like why aren't there a ton of people here there were like three people at Ritter's I was like

did you guys have like a cockroach problem or something that was in the news that I didn't hear about vibe was off vibe was off I love how you didn't hear about. Vibe was off. Vibe was off. I love how you just don't do shit when vibe was off. Why don't you come into work? Vibe was off. Okay. Like makes total sense. You haven't been at work in four months. Hey, vibes are off. No big deal. See you when you feel like the vibes are back on. Almost went to Culver's. Line was so i wanted to kill my oh no culver's was closed culver's closed 9 p.m national ice cream day on a sunday in the summer get a life dairy queen another dairy queen i was like i... At this point, my mind was made up.

Going to Target, getting Ben & Jerry's, sitting on the deck at my house. Nothing better. Best decision of my life. National Ice Cream Day. Friday. Bagel Fest Day. Well, how come when I see an Einstein bagels, it just... It goes like this to me.

an Einstein bagels, it just, it goes like this to me. And I'm like, dude, the chokehold Einstein bagels has on me. One, the branding, just the innocence. First of all all people that work at bagel shops i'm like oh i'm like wow you guys did not want to be here today holy shit but they always end up nailing it i'm like you guys i have no faith in you guys and then they always slay the order i'm like you know i was, I almost want to say that at the end of every bagel transaction, I was totally wrong. Um, it's my fault for assuming you guys are great job. Well done. They're like, what are you talking about? I'm like, uh, nothing. I just made up a whole entire story in my head about how you guys didn't want to come to work today and almost boyc it outside of the restaurant.

Sorry. But every time I see an Einstein bagel, I'm like, you're right. I do need a bagel with two egg whites on it. Everything bagel, obviously. And I want to dip it in some spicy sauce. So good. So good. Einstein bagels, they didn't even have to be here. We have Dunkin Donuts. We have Starbucks. We don't need Einstein but they are just

the most stable thing in my life. So innocent. So themselves, Einstein bagels. Put some respect on Einstein bagels. I think that's the next podcast question. Put some, what do you want to put some respect on? For me, for me, Johnny Bravo, everybody's shitting on it. Just let, just can, just let him cook. He's just out here trying to like game up some girls every now and then. Like, just let him, is he doing it? I don't think he's doing anything wrong. Everybody's girls are slamming them. I'm like, give my dog a break, he looks good. Like, come on. Johnny Bravo, put some respect on Johnny Bravo. I just always want to see Johnny Bravo win. I don't know why. I'm like, I swear he's putting in the work. You saw

the intro to the show. He's lifting weights. He's just keeps getting turned down what is he saying i haven't heard him speak one word that's all he does all show looks great i just want to see i just want to get i just want johnny bravo to get one dub I don't think I ever saw it. Put some respect on Johnny Bravo! Saturday. Creme brulee day? It's not that good.

It's not that good. Maybe I hold it to a high standard because it's called creme brulee and i'm like ooh la la but hey bro you're just a six out of ten i'm getting the chocolate cake in front of you every day of the week and i feel like you're kind of talking down on me, Creme Brulee. I feel like when you talk to me, you, you talk to me like, like, uh, like my girlfriend left me for you. She did, but it feels a little, I feels a little backhanded when we talk creme brulee. You know what I mean? Creme brulee. I'm like, okay, big shot. Like you, okay. All right. You have a

boat. We know. That's cool. Everybody loves you. Creme brulee. You got the sweet at the take it easy it's a little too much for me sunday water park day thinking back dude water parks are just a giant tub of piss i never thought about that how come every time i I was at a community pool at the water park, I thought I was the only one peeing in the pool? I didn't do it that much, but sometimes I'd just be like, you know, whatever. Everybody was doing it? Dude, how about, hey, you want to shut a place down? You want to shut a place down? Yo, I shut that down. We shut it down today. Oh yeah. What'd you do? We all pooped in the pool. Dude, everybody's got to go. Hey, what?

Hey, talk about a party pooper. It was, it was the term, it was a phrase party pooper invented by the first person that pooped in a pool. Cause that will, you could literally ruin 80 families day. What is that? The first terrorist attack pooping in a pool. Is that the first terrorist attack? Pooping in a pool? The first Unabomber. Is that what they're called? I forget what they're called all of a sudden.

And you're thinking of it right now because you're listening and you're like, yeah. It's that. Hey, you idiot. It's a suicide bomber. Okay, I figured it out. Is that the a suicide bomber. Okay, I figured it out. Is that the first suicide bomber? The guy who pooped in the pool?

Taking a bullet? Just a... Dude, that is... That's got to be the most selfish act. Got to be. Got to be. Leaving your family? Pretty selfish selfish pooping in a pool taking a deuce in a pool you got to be out of your goddamn mind and you know how bad you're having the best time of your life at the pool. All the whistles start blowing. Wait, wait, wait, what?

What? What? Oh my God. What? Oh my God. Is there a shark? Nah. Somebody pooped in the pool, dude.

The way you were like, it was that kid in the blue short. I know it is. I know it is. Because I keep looking his way. That little fucking tan kid. I keep looking his way. He keeps doing this. And he's like kind of crying.

And his mom's body language is, my son pooped in the pool, but we're pretending he didn't. I know it was that kid. And the way I'd push his ass off the diving board if I got my oh we shut it down tonight oh yeah what'd you do? We pooped in the Greenwood Community Pool. Man, that is crazy. Hey, how about when you were like excited to go to the pool?

It's like 1.30 p.m., hottest day of the year, summer. Oh, it's going to be packed. Oh well, we'll find a spot. We got the towels. Yeah, you got the goggles. Yeah, you got the pool like bag. Yeah, let's go. Snacks, whatever. Magazine, the goggles yeah you got the pool like bag yeah let's go snacks whatever magazine got them drive by the pool oh my god it looks closed order stay in my life look What? There's a...

They're like lifeguards, but they're like locking it up. Somebody must have pooped in the pool. No. Are you sure? Are you sure it's not like a slow day? It's 97 degrees! Why are we in there? And you stop by. Hey, what, are you guys up?

Nah, sorry, there's an accident. Now we gotta go to Perry Pool. I don't wanna go anymore. Let's just go home. Will you guys be open tomorrow? It's gonna take a week to clean. It's going to take a week to clean. Where are we supposed to go?

And then when you go back in a week and they're open, you kind of feel guilty. You're like, ew. I think I, like, stepped on it. I got to get out of here. All right, fam. Crazy pod. Loved it. I love you out of here. All right, fam. Crazy pod. Loved it.

I love you guys so much. Philly, see you Thursday. Raleigh, August 22nd. Buffalo, September 19th. I'll be posting clippies and pushing tickies. Listen to the pod. Tell some homies to subscribe. Should have said this at the beginning. Forgot.

Kind of overwhelmed. Kind of scared. Kind of nervous. Listen to these guys. And I'll see you guys next week. Bye. Bye.