Espresso - what do you NOT give a sh*t about?

Episode Date: October 16, 2025

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I said, yes, sir, whatever you need. What did you have in mind? Oh, God. He said, would it be too much trouble if you coached middle school JV football? Oh, my God. I said, sir, you just made my life. Take a hit of this, drink that, and don't it feel good, baby. Take a sip of this, sip of this, drink that, drink that.

And I'm going to put you on. Oh, that's things on. Espresso podcast shot 389. I'm your girlfriend, Benny, who found three skin tags on himself. Mm-hmm. And two are on his face. He's actually a witch. Upcoming stand-up comedy shows.

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$5 a month. what do I get like it doesn't make sense like I just don't all these weeks you keep telling me to join the freaking fam or whatever like what is it it's every other podcast and a live stream at the end of

every week 7 p.m. now Eastern standard time uh it's a lot better somehow because it was really good before what do you guys even talk about in the live stream like I don't get it like what is it like is it like

do you just talk about like the hardies old hardies logo or something like like it doesn't make sense is that what you talk about because like what do you talk about like how how seers should have never gone out of business like what are the things you taught i don't know what if we did talk about those things what if i told you on the live stream we just talked about how our moms used to make us move the sprinkler from the front yard to the side yard and unkinked the hose What if we did that? What if we did? I don't know.

We got to find out. $5 a month. That's it. Just five? That's nothing. $5. That's a foot long back in my day. Starts crying.

Starts crying. Spicy mustard. And get all your merch at benedickmerch.com. Emotional support animal merch. We out here being nice merch. Feeling glonky merch. These guys merch. Who's bono?

this merch this guy's got so much merch benedict t-shirts buy some shit benedictmerch.com nobody's got more merch than your boy it'd be like that your boy went to college to design stuff that's why he's got all the merch maybe has too much does he have too much merch now he's second guessing

guessing himself and he just had a stroke all right let's get to the question an espresso cook, cook, cook, cook, question of the week. This is a good one, man. They're all good, but there's just something sexy about, what do you not give a shit about? Everything. Let's see, I don't give a shit

when people map their runs and share it on their stories. All right. You want me to start? stalk you? Cool. Good job. I don't know what else. I don't know.

Sick? Oh, you ran by the monument? Oh, dude. Maybe I'll see tomorrow. That's never happened after you post one of those. Oh my God. Good way to get killed. You never see girls posting those, do you?

This is like where I was for an hour and a half. It's a good way to tell people. you're not at your house so I can rub it. Why do you keep doing that with your voice? What else don't I care about? Let's see here. Mixing

separating whites and colors in the laundry. Hey Hey, God, what a lie, dude. That's got to be the biggest lie of all time. Dude, big detergent was eating us up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. split them up, uh-huh, and yeah, uh-huh, cap in each. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bro, I haven't split them up since 0-8. Your boy's in the wild west down there in the laundry room. Ooh, wow, wow, wah. Guy who wears the four of the, guy who wears four of the, guy who wears four shirts. I don't care what they look like. I don't care what they feel. like I definitely don't care what they feel like oh my god

some single guy stuff wear four shirts and that's it they all feel like a newspaper not once have I ever thought this shirt like isn't soft enough nah babe cheapest detergent highest cycle

hottest dry time that's how guys do laundry just get it done get it over it. I'm trying to do that stuff fast. It's kind of amazing. If you really think about washer and dryers, like, do you ever think about them actually? I'm like, we're actually so, like, lucky that we have those. You just dump all your clothes in there and it washes them. And honestly, like, good is new? Like, we kind of don't put enough respect on washers and dryers. They're doing their thing. The whole entire, all the laundry smells that good after I just sweat like a,

a pig in all through all those clothes same clothes last 10 years you don't care about I don't split them up I'm captain dump them in two of yours though

what do you don't give a shit about please tell me what's something I don't give a shit about oh that's easy astrology Hold on running back What's something

I don't get a shit about Oh that's easy astrology Like What's your What's something I don't get a shit about

Oh that's easy astrology Like What's your sign Oh I'm a blue moon Rising Libra I don't know

What's the moon Tides And stars have anything to do with my future or if we're going to be compatible I don't give a shit about what your sign is do we vibe or don't we not vibe I mean right

come on now I don't give a shit about your sign I don't give a shit about my sign stop asking it you know keep that voodoo shit to yourself I'm out it means nothing

no but wait wait wait Wait, you guys are compatible because, and you're a red flag because you score to be a literally evil, get away. I don't know. I just go off vibes. Let me research all your, let me, oh my God, man. What time were you born? Do you know?

No! I'll never know. What time? time. What day? No way. Wait. Every girl. Oh my god. You're a, you're a McDouble with extra mac sauce. Oh my god, Capri Sun. Oh my God. Wait. Hold on. You're a Diet Coke with light ice. No way. We're like, perfect. dude what's guy astrology is just where the guy went to college

that's guy astrology girls oh my god he's a good pretty son guys yeah he's a 6-6 blocking tight end from Boston college same thing that's all oh my god what's his water sign

Guys? How many times he hit 225 at the combat? Same thing. Wait, wait, wait. This is 40. Same thing.

Doesn't even matter. Because you get a fifth round pick like Tom Brady wins seven Super Bowls. Then what? You're literally weird and obsessed with sports. All right, let's keep going. Honestly, sweating the small stuff.

I think life is just way too precious to just be worried about the little hiccups that come along the way. So you just got to live life and be positive. Oh, my God. Can you whisper that in my ear every morning? Dear God, should I start saying the people's names? It's anonymous, but like people put. their names and I kind of think they want me to say them. Hey, let me know in the live stream if you want me to do that or not.

Everybody forgets. Everybody forgets. But sometimes, those are the things that get me. I'll get caught up on the little things. The little, I don't care about any of the big stuff when it comes to relationships, my life, any of the big moments, I'm like, ah, whatever. but if she mispronounces a word I'm never talking to her again

that kind of stuff don't sweat the small stuff I'd be pouring dude sweat ferociously running down my forehead with the small sweat

glistening down my back because of the small stuff no god God what happened I forgot to buy Pam at the store I swear to God

I'll shoot I'll just I'll freak out God one thing I got to remember that's me all day that's me all day it's always one thing at the store too it's always Pam dude

Pam is the belt of like groceries you know you always forget your belt God I almost bought a belt and put it in my car. Just a car belt. That's my car belt. Just in case.

Went to the store, bought 36 cans of Pam. Never going to forget again. Bro, I'd be... I'd be dehydrated off the small stuff. Yo, Benny, what up? Taha. Hey, to be honest, I don't give a shit about people's dead pet. they post their dead animal online

and I didn't know that dog I'm just you know now I feel like I'm obligated to say like oh you know I know sorry to hear that but I didn't I didn't know fluffy dude I don't think anybody did outside of like your best friend

I just send it to them next time because now I just like saw a sad-looking dog on my page and I'm a little sad but at the end of the day I just don't give a shit. I love them. Love them. Can we run that real quick?

Go quick. Hey? One more time. One more time for the Gipper, right? You always do this. Just like, go move on. That's what I think about that When I accidentally And when I'm using the clippers Trying to shape up my sideburns

And I accidentally take a chunk out of my hair Damn it Yeah I don't know This is just me personally Dead animals Uh Well everybody's got their thing on social media So I can't really

I don't care about it But um I know you probably do because it's your pet and you want to have it on your page but isn't that sad i think it's more sad to post like my my dog died like i'm just like yo let it let it be in heaven you'll see your dog again one day you'll be reunited but until then like you don't got you don't have to bring it up um i get i get real i get really sad when people post their dead relatives online. I'm like, okay! I'm like...

R-I-P, but you just killed the vibe. I don't know. Is this rude? Maybe. I don't know, though. But I'm like, oh my God, it's been 15 years since... I'm like, dude, they're over it. They're in heaven. Like, stop bringing it up. I promise.

Yo, what up, Benny? What's your boy, Andre? Yeah, I don't give a fuck about, you know, if someone is an aunt or an uncle. I don't even know why you're showing off your cousins. No one gives a fuck. Like, who is that for? Is that for your family? Is that for, like, your friends?

like no one gives a fuck no one cares about your kids let alone somebody else's kids might be too real holy shit might be too real these fucking kids are going to look at your Instagram your pictures like wow look at me

no one fucking cares I could give a fuck about that shit dude who just posted a picture on Instagram holding his sister's baby because he's an uncle but um yeah make a joke about it

something. I would never put like, oh my god, my nephew's so cute. Put something funny. Leave it at that. I can't believe I'm an uncle. God, isn't it so true that like no one cares about anyone's kids? No one care. To me, no one cares about anything, anyone besides the person that you're like, you met. You know what I mean? Like, oh, you, uh, this is your whole family, but I know the father of the family everybody else in the family I could care less about but I know the guy

God dang it oh shit maybe it's just me is this my brain like half the time I'm like oh you have a wife I don't know maybe I'm insane

I even have a hard time maybe it's because like you grow up with your friends and then they get married But I'm like, Doug, you sure about, sure about, like, yeah, my wife's here. I'm like, you mean your girlfriend?

I don't know, maybe I'm just 14. But, you start losing track of like how many kids they have. Oh my God, he has three kids. I thought he still had one. I don't know. I'm disrespectful. I got new shoes on a. Yes, sir.

Rolling down 95. And you can see, oh, fuck, this is, okay, this is reporting. My bad. Benny, what's good? One thing that I'm sick and tired of. Talk to me. How do people always know what song to put on their Instagram stories and their Instagram posts? You know they spend way too long figuring that out for people like me.

And I'm sure 95% of other people to not give up. fuck about i just don't get it how do you always know what song to put there it's perfect too thanks bye it's perfect i that is a that's a that's a that's a talent uh you just got to have like a feel for it girls are really good at it because i don't understand girls but um dude and the people that put like what song they're listening to on their story or like their uh instagram notes. I'm like, awesome! Not once have I been like, oh my God, I want to listen to that too. Not once ever. And if I did want to listen to it, I would trick my brain and be like, I'll never listen to that song. I don't know. Every time I put a song on my Instagram post, it takes me two and a

half days to pick the song. I've got to run it by 14 people. I'm like, does this make sense or am I crazy? It's honestly the most exhausting task I've ever done in my life. Picking a song for an Instagram post. A story? I'm like, what am I doing with my life? Cycling through songs that I grew up listening to. Is that, hmm, well, that doesn't really, uh, well, I, I don't know, uh, just make a decision, stupid. It's not that easy. It has to matter. It has to That's the vibe. I don't know the vibe. I don't know the song.

I only know hip hop from 2007 and 2009. It's the only thing I know. Sorry, guys. This is my producer, Ashley. But I feel you, dude. I say I don't give a shit about getting the wrong order

at a fast food restaurant. Oh. Oh. Oh. Okay. Hey, now we're talking. I'll eat it. I think I'm kind of with you.

Like sometimes it's more of a hassle to bring it back. Hey, I mean, I asked for two McChicons. I think you gave me somebody else's back. Sometimes it's a little surprised. Maybe they should do that at fast food restaurants. Right when you pop up to the drive-thru off of the McDonald's, order when you're ready or

you can have the surprise bag surprise bag pull up it's just whatever it could be just a drink it could be just a blue power right hey surprise bag it's you it's up to you surprise bag for like

for like 10 bucks and there's just a bunch of random stuff in there like I can't decide oh that would be perfect for indecisive people uh oh surprise bag that's like a that's like a white castle a thing white castle do actually you know what it's a thing domino's pizza would do because they'll they'll do anything dog surprise bag at macdonald's though you kind of don't know what you want

dude just go surprise just go surprise just go surprise bro oh two big macs chocolate shake ten piece and Nug. Even the condiments are surprises. Hey, they just throw in like 18 packs of honey. You're like, oh! Let's go! I don't even know if I like honey! You're allergic to it? Surprise bag, though!

The surprise bag! I think we just did something. Is this a thing? Mystery box? Burger King would come out with a mystery box. Taco Bell Oh yo That would slap at Taco Bell

Because I never know what I want at Taco Bell But I could go for it all I could go for everything on that menu I'm like well I mean yeah I've never had a Mexican pizza in my life But tonight Nautosbelle Grande Put it in

I'll even eat like I would eat if I went to Taco Bell with a plan, I'll go up to the drive-thru board and be like, damn, you know what, that 36 soft taco thing, I didn't even think about that. That might actually be a good idea. Anything plays at the Taco Bell menu.

But the one thing they're lacking, Taco Bell dessert. I mean, where are you at? Where are you at? There's no good really Mexican dessert, is there? but you gotta make something you gotta do something man it's a non-factor

dude if Taco Bell had dessert I don't even know what would happen mystery bag Taco Bell drive-thru oof 2.30 a.m., who's not going? I'm with bro I'll eat it I love you,

baking boy This dude, that was energetic. This dude last week, talking and coughing at the same time, still blown on my mind. Okay. Okay. Oh, you let's get it. Oh, my God, about him, go to my, about, blah, about him. Oh, good coach talk.

Anywho. Anywho, anywho, what do I not give up? Oh, upgrading to the new iPhone. My guy, Johnny Apple is such a scammer half. Let me tell you a lot, okay? Little Timmy Cooks, fucking Timmy, crooks. Johnson! Sky.

I'm really energetic this morning. Sky. Sky. We'll slow that all bit for your folks over on the West Coast. Anyway, just, you know, it's a great day. Praise God, we're alive. My God. Got my girlfriend.

It's a great day. Anyway. Where's I going on that? Oh, yeah. Apple. My guy, you don't need a new iPhone every six years even. that might be a bit of a stretch but every year

you're down on me frickin' apples over there oh you need to do all you think it's the real thing I don't care that your phone is thinner than a piece of one-ply toilet

bitch it ain't doing anything because he's supposed to buy a battery pack so that thing will last more than 28 minutes of YouTube premium

you know what I mean so who cares about freaking don't tell you There was someone out of a daggone such ADD parking deck. He didn't just knock on the windows. Whatever. This guy, I was like, hey, buddy, random, what cologne you're wearing?

Bam! Kid told me. Kid, he's like 60 probably. I was like, duh, that's good stuff. I still smell it. This was two hours ago. Oh, yeah. I still smell it.

I didn't even touch the guy. That sounds weird. So anyway, let's wrap it up, okay? I don't care how thin Apple gets their iPhone. They'll probably make a phone that is literally the size of peeper at some point that day. It does nothing for you because you still need to get a dagum, a day gum. I'm shout out to the girlfriend, Daegum, which is so adorable. Did not know if that's that work.

But anyway, dude, no one cares that your phone is thinner than a piece of hair. You know what I mean? That's all. Kiss it is. To have food! There we go. now we're talking milky boy off road yeah i usually wait like two years to get an iphone i like i bought my iphone at the wrong time and now every time i'm like are you even eligible

for an upgrade anymore is that even how phone stuff works i guess i just get one every two years that used to be the shit when you used to be like oh my god i'm eligible for an upgrade i can get a brand new phone every two years. I'm still on that pace in my head. Because I'm like one year, like I'll buy it next year. The new phone will come out. Then I have to get that two years after that. Like, I don't know. It doesn't really matter. But I did hold a new iPhone and I was like, I honestly was like, this is an iPod touch. This is an iPod. This is an iPod. This is an iPod Nano. It was so thin. But honestly, what else does it do?

What's it do? Except for run out of battery. My iPhone does the same stuff as that thin one. Only it runs out of battery in 26 minutes. I've to charge my iPhone twice a day now. It's so crazy. 8 p.m. hits 17%. I'm like, dude.

And nothing makes me more mad than when I'm scrolling in my bed. Mmm. Mm-mm-mm. That'll be the love of my life. The love of my life, scrolling in my bed. No better, no, and I don't care who you are. I caught my mom doing it. Your parents, they love scrolling in their beds more than you.

Yep. My dad, dude, my dad's scrolling in his car all day. My mom's scrolling on the bed. Hey, feet crossed, scrolling. and there's no worse feeling than when you're scrolling and you're at 8% battery oh my and you got to plug in and scroll and you're doing that thing

you can't be comfortable because the whole point of scrolling is being comfy but now you gotta turn to the side your shoulder's all jacked up just so you can charge your phone while you scroll ruin the whole thing my phone died the other day

I think at 9 o'clock I was like Okay I'm a sorority girl Got it Yeah I'll probably get it tomorrow I'll probably get to new phone tomorrow He's right about the perfume though

God dang I sat by a girl in the movie theater And she had so She had the grossest smelling perfume on I'm not one to judge scents because I can't smell and I don't know what smells good I don't know what smells I have no idea

when it comes to smells like if I was to go in a store and pick out my own cologne I would probably pick like barbecue sauce cologne and would have no idea and everybody in the world that smells like shit

I'm like okay all right but this girl's cologne was so heavily flowery and honestly almost ruined the movie for me in a movie theater just right next to me just a dude i couldn't even breathe in all the way because it was like the smell was touching my brain ah uh huh i had to breathe in like 25% capacity i was like i can't remember the last time i filled my lungs up with air completely you ever do

that you ever just take a deep breath and you're like oh that's what that felt like haven't done that in three years I feel you babe feel you babe and uh you know I got tricked by the iPhone the new iPhone I was so ready for that thing to have a camera on the back of it because I saw some AI video and totally believed it because I was like that is what they need to do God AI comes up with so much other shit we don't think about you know when Apple saw the AI video of the phone that had the camera on the back there, like, God, yeah, that's what? Oh, God! We already released a prototype.

Jesus Christ! That would have been gas. Because how many times you want to use your back camera, but you have no idea what you're taking a picture of? You know what I'm saying? We don't all take selfies like you. All right. Oh, by the way, I didn't get the freaking up a week or two ago.

What's your favorite? my guy so let me do that one so i was really excited about that one okay we're talking black phantom black phantom by killian it's a great great cologne one of the huge is got to great niche cologne killian black phantom literally the most intoxicating incredible smell ever sure about that sauce up between that ax body spray and let me tell you what bobbs let me tell you what kids You're not in the Nice Cologne game or Parfone game? It don't have to be. But it is fun.

And not everyone knows about it because not many people care about it. But I do want to know, station out my picture. I put a full through this room at some point. The dagged up sunglasses holder just opened up. Anywho, Neescalones, check them out. They all smell incredible. Just to name a few. Tom Ford, Aubrey Leather.

perfume, what a puffum's better. We're going to go, yeah, but you didn't know the Milky Boy not a Milky nose. You know what I mean?

Sniffing out luxury left and right. Anywho, that's all. Kiss and a Tiss. Sa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. God dang. Milky Boy back-to-back, blessed.

Blast. Blessed with the ADHD. Uh, I don't know. I don't know. Smells. Who knows? All I know is if you're going to buy a cologne, this is what you do, boys. You asked, you know the girl that you have a crush on? That is best friends with a gay guy?

You ask him. Hey, just between me and you, dog? Yeah. What clone do you wear? This right here. I'll send you the link. See, gay guys, they just... They're on top of it.

I've never met somebody more on top of stuff than a gay guy. He'll send you the picture. He'll send you what size you need. You don't need all that. That's too little. You need this. They'll send you the link. They'll send you the store with the 25% off.

Boom. They'll send you directions to the store. I can give you a ride. Okay. That's what you do. When you need Cologne. Because I don't trust myself for a second when it comes up. Picking out Cologne?

Oh, my God. 10 out of 10, wrong me. I'll get this one. Who knows, babe? Ask a gay. Like when people post their kids first day of school signs. Good job, guys. I went to school two.

Who's it for? We didn't have to post a sign every year telling people what we want to do. I'm in third grade. I want to be football player. My favorite color, green. My favorite food, meatballs. My best friend, Christopher. Hey, buddy

Nobody asked I don't know That's like That's like mom Instagram You know Sometimes you just find yourself Following a mom

randomly Like all that girl I went to college with That like wasn't mom material material at all You know We all follow them Like you were kind of

you're kind of a little party girl in college huh now you're posting first day of school picks what happened still follow them though so I guess it's on me but you don't want to unfollow them because you know moms like that track the people that unfollow like unfollow them for sure

we why would you unfollow me you ever do that don't do that you ever go I did this one time I don't know why I was doing this. I think I wanted to unfollow a bunch of people at once. And I got this app that, like, tells you who unfollow you? Bro, devastating.

Gut-wrenching the people that unfollowed you. Or the people that just like decided in the last 30 days, who unfollowed you? I'm like, well, let's just see. It can't be too bad. Probably some bots. Dude, like your actual best friend. Dude, you grew up with. You were in his wedding.

unfollowed you. I'm like, damn, Doug! What was it? Who's buying this? Like, what girls you thought you had a chance with? Unfollowed. Literally annoying. Your own parents. Your cousin, dude, your cousin. Oh my God. my own cousin still text me hit me with the unfollow I was like oh shit dog

I'm never going to bring it up but Lord have mercy thought we were boys thought we were boys remember Christmas when we you know I guess it doesn't matter anymore wow

the disrespect is insane what is something I don't give a shit about oh lord i gotta preface this pretty hard because this i got a i got a message from from mayo main it was like our ipr friendship after the voice message could destroy i've been thinking about this for two days straight the ground in which this podcast stands on like it could destroy the fabric of your entire life like it could completely

You've ruined your career. You're my catfish. And it could completely drain your bank account and take away your entire income. Every 0.000, 0.000, 0.0,000, 0.01 cent you get from TikTok. Gone. TikToks. Yeah. I don't think you're going to be getting them after I say this.

All right. Here we go. I don't give a shit about rotisserie chicken. I don't fucking get it. It's not good. It's just chicken. It doesn't taste good. And it's kind of gross.

You're lying! I'm very sorry to say this, but I've been waiting for this chance. No, I, I, yeah. To finally come out and say, I'm very sorry. But I do not give a shit about rotissory chicken. And I am very sorry if it, uh, tithes you off. I can be upset with that. Don't get you tith.

Hey, what a cock. Can you imagine? Oh, lordy, lordy, guess he's 40. you can't tell me you haven't had a good one once I completely agree if you give me 10 tises nine of them are straight trash and you have to recook them

I've had all the tis I know about all the tis I can tell you what's good what's bad but there is one tis that is flame and it's from a little market out here in L.A. It's good but he isn't wrong there's a lot of bad tis kind of gross kind of gross and actually in theory um when you

think about it for too long kind of gross um when i was when i was like super into tis when this whole thing unfolded i was hear me out coming off a breakup one of my homies told me i looked like I had cancer, and he said, yo, you know what's going to bring your hair back? If you start eating chicken and protein the next day, tis. Day after that, tis.

Day after that. Day after that. Day after that. It just became part of me. I've like, I go through phases with tis. There's sometimes I'll eat like, I'll eat one every day for 20 days.

But it's got to be pristine tis. It can't be, it can't be kind of, hey, kind of cold in the middle tiss? See, never, I won't even walk into the store

that's selling that. So he's not, he's not that wrong. But yo, you get a good tiss and you, you rip a tis apart and put it in a bowl and you make tacos

with that, Tis? Ah, ah. You're dipping in avocado. You're dipping in barbecues? I mean, if I come over to your house and you got a Tit, you got a Tiss on the cat, I'm picking out the Tis. You can't tell me you're not going to see a Tiss and not pick the Tis. What up? Johnny C. So, I bet that Benny is going to have his close. off because by this time there's probably been a lot of the same answers I don't know and this may be one of them but I don't give a shit about how much money you make I just never want to

hear what you make and if that's you're selling your house you made a profit you freaking have Bitcoin for 10 years you put a parlay in and you want a bunch of money I don't care if your grandpa died and you got money. Dude, me neither, man. I don't care about how much money anybody makes. It's crazy. I, myself, will never tell anybody how much I make and all I do is complain that I'm broke.

So even if I was doing good, you would never know. Absolutely not. Tell me how much money you spend. I'd rather hear that. Tell me that like a tree fell in your house and it's going to cost you $20,000 or you crash your car and the insurance is not covering. it and you got to pay off pocket and you're out for $3,000.

Then I can relate to that shit. I don't give a fuck about how much you make and everybody should keep that shit to themselves. I think so, too. I feel like our generation is so quick to tell you how much money they're making. When you ask your dad or an older person, you never even hear one word about what they ever made. It's just crazy. I'm with that old school. It's insane when people throw around how much money.

in shock when people throw around how much money they make. So willy-nilly. Oh, oh. How much you pay for rent out there? I'm like, that's none of your bit? I would never ask you that in a million years.

It's always girls, bro. I'm sorry. It is always girls. And I'm like, those girls I used to live with. Hey, how much money do you make? I'll literally walk in the house. The first thing they ask me,

I'm like, personal information insane there's a guy at my job when I worked at the station bro would ask so many personal questions and I'd look at him like and he would just

so what is it bro it was So is your car paid off? Oh, wow. Huh. You live on Mass Ave. You mind if I ask you how much you pay for that? Mmm. Mm. Mm. Me just beating around the bush, dude. Just, just shooting blanks at them. Just all these... I don't... I'm not telling you! I could be a billionaire would never see.

say it. Hey, who you having sex with? Oh my god, dog. Live with two girls for half a year. Every other question is how much money do you make and who are you having sex with? I'm like holy shit I'm like I don't even know you guys

girls will say that shit the first hey what's up my name's uh Alexandria I make 70k and I'm fucking four guys I'm like yo I don't oh my god

enough's enough dude I never it's so crazy Why much you make doing that? Oh, no way? Hey, how much you make? We're not talking numbers, boys. Never will.

Okay, so I really don't give a fuck about the new update on Instagram that has that stupid, like, oh, this person likes this post when you're scrolling and stuff and it pops up, or like, they reposted it. I don't give a shit what other people like or reposted.

I think it's fucking stupid And Instagram Sucks for that Oh God I love somebody just that has a bad attitude It's not afraid to let it rip I love this dude You could hear it in her voice

She wanted to kill Instagram I really don't give a I don't give a crap About what anybody puts on their Instagram notes Oh you reposted that God, I don't care. It's hard for me to like something so much that I reposted. I mean, you'll see me reposting my own content a little bit to, you know, give it some reach.

But I don't think I'd ever see something on Instagram and repost it. Like, I've never liked anything that much. It's got to be groundbreaking. Maybe once a year I'd repost something. I just reposted something. the other day. But it was like crazy. It was like,

it was that one rapper from Mean Girls. Remember Mean Girls, the movie, that dude, Kevin G. That was my favorite part of that movie.

And he, like, wrapped that rap on Instagram. And I was like, I mean, I just got, I got to,

I got repos. I got reposist. Don't say anything. But I'm sorry if you saw that. I don't give a shit when people post, the political views

especially when they're fucking stupid I can't believe we're even allowed to do that I feel like that's so obviously the most unimportant thing that I can't believe people are still even doing it or talking about it I'm like dude you say one thing about politics or history

I can't even look at you anymore because one it doesn't matter and two, everybody else has their own thing about it. So I'm like, why would you even let anyone know? It's all wrong. Oh, my God. Last thing anybody cares about. To me. None of it matters. None. I promise, babe. None of it matters. Yeah, what president is a piece of crap. This guy's cheat. All right, when has anybody ever liked the president? Doesn't matter. I don't give a shit about people that do dry January.

I think that's a weird flex. Like, okay, you didn't drink alcohol for 30 days straight. Why not just practice moderation? Hey. I also, very niche, don't give a shit about people, specifically men, that do, are like weightlift and get so strong that they can pull a car. that is such a weird flex to me I can't really think of a scenario that I need somebody to be strong enough

that they can pull my vehicle I'm more concerned when they're that strong can you fit through my doorway yeah big strong dudes starting to get on my nerves too I guess um

it is kind of like okay I hate it I hate to be this guy but like when you think about it how easy would it be anybody in the world

can just be a bodybuilder strong guy. It's not a talent sorry yes it takes discipline and yet but like anybody in the world can just start eating right and going to the gym and then posting pictures like like

like any body. Not that big of a deal. You see like a bodybuilder and it's like it's kind of easy. It's kind of easy. Just keep going there and doing that. Doesn't take any, no thinking whatsoever to lift weights.

Okay. I'm not hating. I'm just saying. Because I go to the gym all the time to, and just go, yeah. go twice and eat right boom it's fun it's fun

it's literally the funest easiest thing you can do dude that guy's so strong who cares for what for what for what So I can pull this car. What was the first thing she said?

I don't give a shit about people that do dry January. Oh, dude, the thing, I hate it when people are like, I've been sober for six years. Okay. Why would we care? Keep it to yourself, right? It's your little, like, sober journey in their bio, sober. Okay?

And your bio drunk a.F. Nobody cares. So I've been sober for 30 years every comedian. I'm like, dude, oh my God. Okay. And people clap. I'm like, dude, the guy's a crazy person. Been sober for 30 years because I almost room my life every day.

Up to age 25 You're on fall, dog Cool, cool Cool decision I don't know what you want me to do Nah, you sound like a dick It's like a paranoid Looking over my back

It's like a whirlwind Inside of my head And it's like a Can't stop what I'm feeling within It's like the face inside is right Beneath my skin The face inside right, but need you, do do, do, do, do, do.

Shit, this thing's on. Hi, um, things I don't give a shit about, in no particular order, things that come top of mind. Church, slash religion. Uh, I'm Catholic, but, uh, don't take me to church, because I don't want to go. Don't care. Don't care. Um, weddings. Man, man. People's dogs.

Yo. Don't care. Don't care. Don't bring your dog on my lawn. Thank you. People's kids. Don't care. I know it's harsh.

I have kids. But like, unless your kid is holding some kind of unique ability, you know what I mean, that you want to share out. or they're hilarious. I'm a little biased of my own. I don't really care about your kids. Nobody does. Wow.

Is that harsh? No. Tell them. Don't care about concerts. God. Keep me far, far away from concerts. If you got an extra ticket for me, no, you didn't. No, you didn't.

I'm not going. I'm going to pretend to be sick. Invite somebody else. Although I will say, the only concert that I have been to repeatedly all RIP was Lincoln Park. Best concert,

best concert ever hands down would go every year if Chester was still around. Man, that's one. That man, that man on stage chills just thinking about it.

Remember, uh, shut up when I'm talking to you. Shut up. Durner, do, no, no, shut up. My friends and I,

on the way home from that concert had a screaming contest I crushed it I can't do it right now because I'll lose my voice but do it like on stage

he like contorted his voice and was like shut up when I'm joking to you okay if you know you know bye hunting I think that's a death that impacted me

the most ever lead singer of Lincoln Park that I mean sometimes stuff's so good somebody has to die. It's a theory. God was like, hey, big dog, your band's too good. And, uh, that's it for you guys. I'm sorry. It's time. Just, I don't know. Bands too good. That was, I cannot wait to

listen to Lincoln Park after this and start my bodybuilding journey. Yeah, she was kind of, on point. Shardy put the sniper rifle together. Bullseye, babe. Church? Hey. It's fake. Weddings?

Hey. So selfish. selfish, bro. Come to my birthday party. Oh yeah. And you don't know half the people. And I'm marrying a girl that you're probably not into.

What else was she tom about? Concerts. Yeah, I don't know if you're... I don't know. I think you got to be like 18 to go to a con. The concerts are cool when you're like in college. But after that, I'm like, what am I doing here? The hell am I doing here?

Never felt more insignificant than at a concert. I'm like, God dang, I'm a loser. I'm a loser. Honestly, sporting events, same exact feeling. Sporting events, I'm like, um, why didn't I stay home? God, it's so.

such a regretful thing. Right when I walk into a stadium, I'm like, I hate these people. I hate these people. You're like literally so negative. What's your problem? I got that thing where when I'm at a thing I'm thinking about all the other things

I could be doing instead of the thing I'm at. You know exactly what I'm talking about. What is that thing? Dang no to me, daddy. But I'm like, God dang, I could just have this on in my house with the TV perfect and like everything and I could just be like doing stuff

and if I want to watch I could watch maybe I just like the freedom of not being there or something like that but every sporting event I'm just kind of like looking at people around me I'll go to one that's lit every now and then I have been to a lit sporting event a couple of them so I'm not gonna

I'm not gonna say I don't like going to any of them but lately it's been like that and one mixtape tour went to it with my dad we were the only two white guys there never forget escalate the professor

hot sauce half man half amazing 50 air up there bro they all showed up and like even my dad was like

oh Jesus Christ These guys can actually play a little bit Other best sporting event I've ever been to Went to a lot when I was little And I was doing it when I was little too So I'm not some like Dude that's just now saying this I used to go to Colts games all the time

Okay we get it You're like rich or whatever No my dad had season tickets I don't know why I think he got him through the college he coached for But I'd always go Every Sunday Like kind of against my will

It was like church Colts game It was crazy I was going to the Colts game Dude I was bringing Science note cards to the Colts game I'm like I don't I can't just be here the whole day And not like do something

I'm in fourth grade Trying to remember the definition To photosynthesis I remember his on the note card Just like I wonder what my dad was thinking When I was doing that He's probably like, man, this kid's going to be so smart.

No, I'm so dumb. I need to get like a 75% so I can pass the class. That's why I'm studying so hard today. And I waited three weeks to study. And the test is Monday. But maybe they're just too long. Or maybe I just played football for too long. That now I'm just like, ah, eh.

Yeah, I'm with you, girl. Hey, Benny, what's up? Jared here. I'm going to be entirely honest. I have zero clue what the talking subject for this week is. You literally never know what the question is. Okay, you're right. Whatever. Anyway, so, a couple questions for the espresso family. are we all best friends or do we all hate each other maybe a little bit of both who knows

secondly i just accepted a high school baseball head coach position shut up and the day after i got hired the athletic director said hey we need you to uh help out with a second sport i said yes sir whatever you need what did you have in mind oh god he said would it be too much trouble wrestling if you coached middle school jv football oh my god i said sir you just made my life you would think that i am coaching in super bowl 79 dude i every week i can't get enough of this guy nothing coming into it waffle house menu to cover up my face to tell jimmy the receiver that we're going to run dive right but to me

I'm basically Bill Belichick okay anyway love you guys or I might hate you I'm not entirely sure see you later ta ha ha fuck this guy right here

a new addition to the fam or maybe I'm tripping but like it's just been recently he's been dropping dimes on the voice messages He might be the realist Everybody's super real But he's

Bro, that hit my soul Oh yeah Huh I guess I'll be the Middle School head football coach No skin off my back I'll do the best I can Dude

The way I'd walk on the field New Sheriff down. Bro, I'd have that shit running like the military out there. Scoop, scop, scop, scop, scop! Yelling at kids.

Straight screaming at them. Run it again! Oh my god. You think you do this kind of crap as a freshman? Run it again. Me. Actually,

me born to be a football coach just chooses not to knows what he should be in life every day i look at myself in the mirror like this and i go god dang i should just be a middle school football coach then i put my hat on backwards go about my day but every morning you ever look in the mirror and realize what you should be god dang it i should be a jv football coach and a pete teacher jesus christ what should you espresso question week what should you really be oh god that's amazing

do we all love each other or hate each other I think it's a little bit of both I mean you know everybody has their I love the fan but everybody has their it's entertaining every week everybody has their class faves you know so what i don't give a shit about

outside of your man and black alien looking baby and your annoying ass dog i don't care about your weekend like i generally don't if i walk into work and it's 8.4 a.m and you start telling me about your raggedy ass weekend with your old ass husband that's probably gonna have a heart attack in like 18 seconds i generally to my core do not give a flying shit. Now, if you tell me you went to like outer space and you fucked the alien,

now that's intriguing. I'll check in. Like, how do we pull that off? But other than that, I don't care about your little tea party and little, I just, I don't care. Leave me alone. Can't be bothered. God, the fact that anyone thinks someone cares about what they did over the weekends. So, like, we went camping.

I wish you would have been eaten alive by bears. God, I just can't remember. What'd you do all weekend, man? And at work? I'm like, that reminds me the money thing. I'm like, none of your business, dog? And Lika can remember anyway. God, I hate you.

Are we the only ones that are thinking this? every time i've been i've worked anywhere i'm like i hate or gone anywhere i think i think i actually i've some i got to have some kind of condition every time i go to the gym i hate everybody in here every time i go to work i hate everybody that's here every single person i hate them what in what world do you become a person that wants to hang you out with somebody else that you work with. Hey, uh, what you didn't have to work, dude? We're all getting something to eat at the burger place.

In my head, I'm like, I would rather burn alive than ever meet up with you. six people at a burger place I just saw you for a whole week straight I just saw you for a whole week straight I just want to I why would I tell you

pour gas on me pour gas on me roll me down the stairs on fire Jesus Christ have you ever really wanted to know oh the last thing I want to even put in my ears I wonder my coworker does it what's it matter to me

just be nice at work to people maybe I'm sorry, but I just I don't have the ability I do not I will fake it I will fake it but I will have an aneurism I will build an ulcer in my stomach

mm-hmm oh my god it's crazy sledding whoa eyes start bleeding whoa whoa

you're literally you're literally a bad vibe you're literally a bad vibe did we get a new do we get a new this just in did we get a new voice message? We didn't damn

thought we did at the at the buzzer it's two days Thursday people sleep on days of the week I'm just saying if you're new to this podcast this has happened before where someone will be like hey listen to this guy's podcast

and they listen to the podcast and they have no idea what's going on but why would you people sleep on days of week days a week there's some heaters in here there's some heaters in here There's some meters in here.

Department store day. Okay. What are we doing here? What are we doing? Department store day? Daddy's favorite subject. I don't consider Target, Walmart. I don't consider those department stores.

Department stores are connected to the mall. They're on the full. corners of the mall they are the pillars of the mall your little stores in there Hot Topic Pax Sun all those stores are held

together by the the legends of the mall which are the department stores mall wouldn't be the mall without them talking Macy's talking JC's talking JC's Penny.

The goats. Can't really think of anything else. How come I can't? I would say Sears, but I'll start crying. Macy's. We're talking Vaughn Marr. Okay? How about when Von Marr hit the block as a new kid?

I was like, where do we live? Beverly Hills? Von Mar All brick With the piano inside Who thought of that Did what if your last name was Von Marr

That'd be so sick Sacks 5th Avenue Blum A Nordstrom The Kingpin Bloomingdale's Kind of always pretty turned off by that and then you got like your second tier

second tier department stores are like Coles Coles holds it down no idea why how they're still in business but they hold it down then you got your like you got your run of the mill

you got your home goods T.J. Max Marshalls Ross which is all the same store right five below never walked into a five below without a baby crying in it just saying

every single time I've walked into one oh five below I'll check it out oh ah oh ah Friday. Black Poetry Day. That's all I listen to, babe.

National pasta day. God, I hate, I hate it when I do this, but I think what, what, what, we were talking about, about rotisserie chicken earlier. man I hate to be this guy because I was not this guy like 10 15 years ago you're so feel I don't give a shit about pasta I know you're a tat like what I just after a while I'm like there is nothing good in there for you really if you're thinking about it you don't always have to eat for nutrients you can eat for take it's not it after i you pass out i'm like for what's the point of that whole bunch of nothing

yeah eat a whole bowl of nothing whole bowl of nothing and then sauce on it which is probably just nothing even more i'm like i i need to put something in like for a little bit of fuel or like you know what i mean something chicken picata i'm getting that all day over a bowl of spaghetti i don't know there's chicken in it you know there's something in there just straight spaghetti dude i just smash spaghetti as a kid because i didn't know i was just like yeah just i don't give a shit about pasta i don't i don't i don't i think you can when you're a kid but when you're getting pasta every night as an older person it's a point of that i don't i don't Am I missing something on that?

Saturday. Whole hog barbecue day. Nothing scarier. When you walk up to a tailgate and there's just 19 pigs getting roasted, and I'm like, oh, shit. Okay, we're at this kind of football guy. All right, all right, all right, right.

I'm scared to eat it. I'm like, there's no way, no way you cook that right, dog. That's like an actual pig that was alive 10 minutes ago. Do you think I'm going to eat that? That's crazy. It has to be served as bacon. With powdered sugar on it. Powdered sugar, bro?

You're talking about turning up breakfast to another level. Crank it to the max. Crank. Crank, crank, soldier boy, crank it to the max. I walk down and get breakfast.

Oh, that's sick. We got, damn. Mom made breakfast. Oh, Mom made breakfast. my level of excitement six there's powdered sugar on the table oh

let the fuck this bitch up crank it to the max I'm in this bitch I will pop the bottom of that powdered sugar jar I'll sneeze seven times during breath I wish we never had sex You'd think I was having a like a literally

Littalty Literally allergic breakdown Breakdown I'm like an excited dog Do you need some eucinex? I need that bag of powdered sugar. And I want to sit on it. Turn, dude, it's honestly, it should be illegal.

Kind of a lost art. I don't know. A lot of people didn't do. powdered sugar like that, but if you have waffles, and you put some syrup on them, four of them, circle, ego. Ego is all you need in the toaster, too. That's fine. That's okay with me. Put them on the plate, they make a loud noise, or they're crispy. You put the syrup on there, and then you just blast off with powder sugar. You're smooth. back in the bottom of that powdered sugar

so hard, daring the little screw-on lid to pop off so all the powdered sugar goes all over your waffles. Come on, baby. Ah! Ha ha ha ha! Dude, just... Mmm. Dude, powdered sugar will

change your whole life. I feel like I don't see it anymore. Plus the bag it comes in. Powdered sugar in a bag? Tell me you just don't want to squeeze that and rip it apart and scream in your backyard. No clothes on. You're seriously being psycho.

No beard day. I tried it for a little bit. Tried it. Thought it looked clean. Everybody's telling me. Shave your beard. Just got like clean shaven. I like it when you just go clean shaven.

Oh my god. I love when you shave. Said no one ever. Look like Peewey Herman. I don't know what was going on. Sometimes I get caught in a situation where I don't have the right clippers and then like I shave too low and then I'm like, I guess I just don't have a beard right now. And I don't even have a beard.

I just have like, I forgot to shave face. I don't know what I'm doing It's just who cares And that's just what we're doing I guess The clean shave face After a certain age You have to have a certain haircut

Like I don't know It's a whole thing And I don't think I'm Cut out for it But But uh yep That's the pod Fam

I love you voice messages hitting putting on a show during the voice message you understand making the podcast better because you're putting on a show during the voice message you're part of the show you drive the show i could i'm nothing without the fan facts all right i got to go tanning place closes at eight last tan at seven 30 next time. Ha ha ha. Bye.