Espresso - what's driving you crazy?

Episode Date: June 22, 2023

on this ep benny reacts to the things that piss you off (like hating on rented scooters)🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://www.youtube.com/@espressowbenedictLeave a rating and review boo🎧𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝘀 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/espresso/id1514492317 

I'm about to buy some of that shit because I'm tired of shaving my face and looking like a recruit on my way to a freaking D1 AA school, you know? It's not looking good. So, if you can help me out. What's up, girly pops? Espresso shot 268. I'm your therapist, Benny. And today we're going to find out what's driving you crazy.

But first, hey, remember to join the Patreon. $5 a month for an extra episode every single week. Can't tell, have I said that before on this podcast? I don't know. In a live stream tonight, 10 o'clock. Join, dude. We had a squad last time. And if you join, I'm shouting your name

out of my window with my megaphone. The whole city will hear that shit. But yeah, it'll give you a little boost on a scary Sunday, you know? It's a nice time. It's nice. It's only $5 every month. And it's worth it.

What's pissing me off? Dude, I have been shaving my entire body for my whole life. And that's because of one reason. Because I looked at my dad one time when I was sitting by him in the car and he was so fucking hairy. It made me sick. That ever happen? Oh, my God, dude. This man had hair all over his fucking face is it a full moon coach p

i'm like you just shaved dude he had hair his eyebrows went like this like they they looped around like he was a fucking egyptian or something shin or something that's my dad turns into a werewolf every morning so hairy pissed me off so much so now i shave all the time i can't i've never figured it out have i tried uh probably like three times pretty hard i get razor burn no matter what. On my neck still? What do I have to do? People are like, you got to exfoliate. You got to use somebody. You know what?

Somebody hit me up when I left that voice message and they said, you got to use Visine. Because Lisa Ann, the porn star, recommended it. And if anybody knows how to shave their bod, it's a star. It's a corn star. So I might vising it up. How many goddamn bottles of, do they sell vising in a gallon? Yeah, I'll take 72 bottles of vising on Amazon. Just shave my whole entire body. It takes me 22 days just to get anti-raise, prevent razor burn around my nipples and shit. God, no hair grows faster

than the hair on your nipples, huh? What's going on? What's going on here? Jesus Christ, man. But yeah, maybe I'll try vising. I got to exfoliate. I mean, what, what do I have to do? Get a Brillo pad in the shower. People say rubbing alcohol. I've tried it. I've tried it. It just shouldn't be that hard, man. Like I'm, I know how to shave. I go with the grain. I'm a vet. I'm a hairy bitch vet. What do I have to do? Start using Nair again. I'm going to smell like hard boiled eggs all day. I'll do it. I smelled like hard boiled eggs all high school. Cause I used Nair, women's Nair cause women's Nair is more powerful. I don't know why it just is. Okay. I've tried them all. I just want to be a smooth little bitch. All right.

And it's really annoying. I'd rather have hair than a bunch of little red dots all over my fucking stomach. That's disgusting. Help. Let's talk though. What's a, what's pissing you off? What's driving you crazy? All of you. Okay. So I wouldn't say it's like pissing you off what's driving you crazy All of you okay so I wouldn't say It's like Pissing me off Because it's Not but I think it's annoying So like tomorrow is my birthday And right now I'm in the middle of a rainstorm If you can hear that in the background

So tomorrow is my birthday And like my friends and my family Keep on like let's go out. You want to go to a bar this weekend? Let's throw you a birthday party. And I'm like, uh, party? No, I'm good. Like sushi and sake and then go home is fine.

They're like, so no party? And I'm like, no, no no party i don't know i just i don't like birthday parties especially the birthday song god damn it i fucking hate the birthday song girly pop someone sings me happy birthday i'm walking out sushi sushi sake and no talky happy birthday to me no but seriously hey birthdays shut up new rule if you tell me about your birthday the more you care about your birthday new rule express fam if the more you care about your birthday the less I even want to look you in the eye. If you care about your birthday too much, bro, you're the scum of the earth. Nobody cares.

Your parents can care, but they shouldn't be like, what are we doing? You got to drag me out of my damn house for my birthday. You literally have to scale the wall to see me on my birthday. You know what I want to do on my birthday? I want to buy everybody else shit. So they shut the fuck up. I don't care. This is not special. And when people are like, you don't know when my birthday is, I should never know when your birthday is. I don't even, I just figured out when my sister's birthday was like three years ago. You know why? Cause everybody in my family forgot.

That's the realest shit. Oh my God. You don't know when my birthday is? No. Sometimes I think my birthday is on the day after just cause the number sounds better. I'm like, damn, is my birthday the 27th day after just because the number sounds better. I'm like, damn, is my birthday the 27th or the 28th? 27th.

Who cares dot fucking com? You're right. You're right, sir. Tell him to shut up. That's the best thing to do on your birthday is nothing. Man, when you don't have plans. Oh, I wish it would just storm on my birthday. No sun whatsoever. And I just eat sushi and in pop tarts. I just wanted, that's my best birthday right there. I just want to eat gas station food. Fuck the sushi. I just want to eat gas cereal. I want to go to Costco and get a big

piece of pizza. Just shit like that. Just this, the most low key birthday. Cause cause on your birthday you have like the, you got luck on your side. Every birthday I've ever had. I've, I've like something like you got, you're in the good graces on your birthday. I don't really need anything else. good graces on your birthday i don't really need anything else just give me a hot dog and smack my little fucking ass happy birthday i stay with a girl just for her dog i mean i love the dog but really like i can't sustain relationships like no and so i don't know if it's just her or if it's just how I'm going to be in any situation. Because so far, that's how I've always been. I get tired of it after a while.

And I used to do the online dating life and I didn't dislike it, but I obviously can't do that forever. And she's wanting different types of commitments. And I can't do it. No. But I don't know if it's a me thing, if it's a her thing, if it's both. Yeah, I mean, I like her.

I like the dog. But man, relationships are a bitch hey pause um yeah dude for real dating is rough no but i don't think how how are people doing it i'm sorry people that are married listen to this how the fuck are you doing that i'll never get it i'll never understand it man i'm with you on that i got no advice for you dog um maybe just uh stop dating that's my advice merrier that's my advice just fuck just pull the trigger on it not sure how is anybody sure you're the one forever what What? Dude, I can't even get a tattoo.

I can't even decide if I want chicken al pastor or regular chicken at Chipotle. And you're out here pulling the trigger on somebody you're going to just snore next to? How? There must be something. Maybe, hey, we're right we're right just keep being single isn't it the best shit though i can't imagine i always self-sabotage though so like i feel good right now i'm super single i'm just doing the shit i want to do i'm i'm eating shrimp frozen shrimp every night just because who gives a fuck i'm smoking my kitchen out i don't care but it always gets so good that like i somehow fall into some relationship like you're talking

about right here and then i'm like i don't like this why the fuck did i even it? And then I ended up getting out of it. And then I'm single again. I'm like, this is the best feeling of all time. It's just life, baby girl. But I don't know. I don't know how, like I got a one year max out contract on relationships. One year after a year, I'm like, yo, you, I don't know, something better happened. Like one of us has to make it big or like win the lottery or like because i don't know what else to do i mean this is just what i do it's so funny after a year the girl thinks like nah nah this is really what i do every day and this is what you do too like i can't just keep going to i just can't just keep doing shit for nothing we're going to top golf. God, I don't even want to go.

Maybe I'm a selfish bitch, but maybe everybody should be a selfish bitch. Skip gone. I don't know if it's just me or other people feel the same way, too. But before I date a guy, I want to be friends with them first, because from experience, if you can't be good friends, it's just not going to work out. No matter how good everything else might be at the end of the day, if you don't have a solid friendship, things are just not going to work. She spit in my problem before was that I didn't take the time to really get to know them before things just got too physical, too fast. And at that point, things that might have raised flags before were just kind of like played down or ignored because your emotions are like blinding you to everything at this point. You're just like so in love that everything seems way better than it actually is. So how do you like go into a relationship, tell a guy this, and like what even is like the timeline

of waiting to do things in a relationship? Oh, that shit got real, dude. That shit got super real. About relationships? Baby G, you just got to let it happen. You can't plan it shorty. You'll just, you'll just know you're you're you'll already be friends with them. You ever just click with somebody and you're just like, Oh fuck. Yeah. All right, cool. I don't

have to try next time that happens with a dude that you think is a little bit attractive. That's what I'm starting to figure out it's like they're not gonna be the hottest motherfucker you know if you're clicking with them like that it's just not how the world works just the hottest guy you just oh damn this is like the easiest conversation i've ever been in guess we're getting married now nah he's all he's always like it's something you're not gonna expect but if the convo is there and the vibe is there, you might want to think about it. Because I know fuckers like us on this podcast listening right now, we're all the same.

And we can't stand anybody for more than three minutes. More than three minutes. Really the law of the law of the jungle on the espresso podcast and dating life is if you can talk to them, if you don't want to kill them after five minutes, they might be in your like top three. Like maybe, maybe I marry this person pool at the end of the day. That's just what it comes down to. But if you're out here trying and shit to talk to people and it's not working and you're still trying, uh, you need to work at Joanne fabrics or some shit. You gotta like,

you gotta do some, you gotta get a job. Yeah. But that's it. If it's somebody that you can talk to for five minutes, they're already going to be your friend. Prob solved, babe. Let's keep going.

You know what's pissing me off? Birthday cards. Yeah! Don't give me a card. If it's my birthday or if it's any event that requires a present or some kind of giving, don't give me a card. I don't want a card. I don't like giving people cards. It's annoying.

Father's Day just passed. I had to get my dad a card. I know that guy's going to throw it away because I throw it away. It's paper. Get it out of here. It's paper with a note. It's not money or an Xbox. It's a folding paper that we eventually throw away.

They're like, keep your gift cards. It's like, I'm not going to keep my gift card when I was eight years old. I don't even remember what I did that day. Fucking gift cards piss me off. He says, I meant greeting cards. I'm high. I need advice on how not to deal with this getting a greeting card the cards are so played i have no idea when i walk

into a store and i see a two full rows of cards i'm like who's buying this on uh right when i walk into a hallmark on another episode of hey send me a text yeah but it's not as it's not as yeah but the yeah but if you write a handwritten notice just depends on the person write a handwritten notice just depends on the person if i have a piece of paper in my hand i'm throwing it away as soon as possible it could be a letter from michael jordan i'm gonna put it somewhere immediately trash somewhereash somewhere. Like, I don't know. I don't know

where any of my shit is. That's paper. It's nice to have a handwritten letter, bro. But a card is just ridiculous. It like says something in there. Remember picking out a card. Remember that shit? You get a card for your birthday and it says like something real corny in there. Something Johnson. You're like, cool. And then they write something next to it that's like oh that's what you meant just write me a note to begin with cards can go to straight to hell a little piece of loose leaf paper though you can get me you can get me revved up a piece of loose leaf college ruled tight ass lines. Give me some handwriting on there. Fucking fold it up into four on the front, put, put a big heart

with your name. And I crinkle that bitch up and I read it later on. Oh, it's the best present I've ever had.'s a paragraph and there's a couple hearts and an XO at the bottom with their name big bubbly fucking handwriting unless it's from your uncle then it looks like the like the devil wrote it looks like satan wrote it you're like oh I just got a letter from a ghost you ever read your uncle's handwriting? It's in all caps. I'm like, oh, okay. The exorcism of Emily Rose left a note. Way better than a card card or greeting card pre-made. Yeah, I'll take a note and I'll read the shit out of it and I'll love it. I might cry near the end. I might feel good in my heart and my soul. But one second later,

paper toss and you throw it away in front of somebody and it bounces off the rim. They go, I thought you played sports. And then you fake load a gun. And that's the difference between greeting cards and normal notes. Give a note. Don't be a bitch. All right. So how do you grow a beard? That's love you milky boy whoa my issue i can't grow to save my life dude i'll be waiting a month and a half ballpark thereabouts to even get enough

to where i can like shape out a half-ass goatee you know what i mean um yeah i don't know what to do because when i shave it my guy fuck milky Boy. We're looking like Milky Chins in this bitch, okay? Oh, no. Scruffy, if you will. No, but really, I've seen all that shit on Instagram. Hey, buy my snake oils and potions and rub this rock on your face and roll it out. I hate that. What does that shit do?

It does nothing, probably. But I'm about to buy some of that shit because I'm tired of shaving my face and looking like a recruit on my way to a freaking D1 AA school. You know, it's not looking good. So if you can help me out in some way, that'd be great, my guy. It's a little advice, you know. But, yeah, man, that's about it. Taha. Fuck.

My dog got one of the strongest, so strong in the Taha game. He's top three taha fuck maybe two top two not two nah he's probably two we got a we got a girl that comes in every now and then with a sexy taha fuck you know what i'm talking about um if you i don't know man that is so un actually i i would trade i would trade for no beard. Is it that big of a, of an L when you can't grow a beard? I was shaving my face clean, like a soldier for years. And one girl was like, I love when you shave. And I was like like i can't tell if you actually do or you just really want a boyfriend girls be saying shit just to have a boyfriend and it's scary but i never heard

that one and i was like maybe this whole thing's working me having a sexy little baby face everybody with no hair on their face. I just went up. So clean, no fucking cutie. That's what I do to everybody with no hair on their face. Milky boy. When I see you, I'm spit smack kiss. If you got no hair on your face. It's the rule. Sorry. If you get spit smack kissed, it's just part of it. It's part of the deal. Oh, why do you do?

Oh, it's because I have no hair. Oh, okay. This is what I heard. This is what you do if you don't have hair on your face and you want a beard. You shave the shit out of your face like you have a five o'clock shadow, like you have a 1 p.m. shadow. You just shave it, dude. Shave your face. You might get some razor burn like we're talking

about. You might have to visine it up on some Lisa Ann. Shave your face. Go against the grain too. Cause it'll just start growing in. You might not have the genetics, but I think that's the only way you can do it is to pretend you have a beard and just shave that shit like twice a day. Cause it'll, it'll like clean up your skin too. Low key. I think that's why guys have better skin than girls on their face. Sorry, ladies. But it's because we shave all the shit off so much. We're always shaving all the dead skin and bullshit off of our faces every day. Girls aren't doing that.

You ever see a girl with a mustache? Oh, God, I feel so bad for them. And you want to say something, but you're like, I don't want to ruin your week but at the same time it'll it'll pay off later when you think of me never know what to do there hardest situation i've ever been in when a girl one time in eighth grade a girl had more facial hair than me i was like i'm your Venus

Shoes that you hit On your mouth Yeah bro just shave it up Shave it up like you have a beard Promise It's gotta do something It's gotta do something My boy Ben

Man I'm just trying to get my little thick thing back You know I lost her Fucking around And you know She ain't having it my boy Man, I'm just trying to get my little thick thing back. You know, I lost her fucking around. And, you know, she ain't having it, my boy. I done tried to shoot my shot back, and she said, focus on you. I just need my little thickie back. What I got to do, man? My thickie.

I need a motherfucking thickie. Oh. Yeah, that sucks, bro. I've had that happen to me when you lose your thickie. You're just like, damn, she does not want any part of me. I'm a piece of shit. Piece of shit alert. Piece of shit alert.

Honestly, dog, you you gotta stay on it when it comes to girls in the past my experience if you just stay stay on that thicky grind if you're if you're everywhere if you're everywhere they got no choice bro don't be creepy obviously but like if you're on her page, you can get thickie. If you're showing that effort, it's thickie time. Miss thickie. You're Mr. Thickie, bro. If you just get, oh yeah. Oh, really? Oh, you want me to, should we, should we get food out? Should we? Oh, I brought you some. Oh, I got you something for work. When you're at work, you gotta do it. You gotta be, you gotta be effort King, bro. If you want thickie, you gotta be effort, effort dog. You gotta be every, every dude,

you gotta be captain thickie. You know what I mean too? It's not easy, but if you want thick, if you want thickie, you want thick, you gotta, you gotta go through thick and thin, bro. And you can't, you can't, once you get thickie back, you can't fall off. You gotta stay on that. You gotta stay on that thickie effort grind. You do, but it's now, you got to look yourself in the mirror and be like, all right, that's what I got to do. But how bad do I want Vicky? Promise. What's pissing me off is when I'm literally anywhere in the world

and someone opens their phone to TikTok and it's on full volume and all these TikTok noises and sounds are playing and they're scrolling through it and you only hear like a quarter or half of a song or sound and they scroll the next one over and over again. Oh my God, where are you? Leaving that voice message, I know where you are. You're in a airplane hangar. You're in a dryer. You were just in a dryer recording that. You know what I hate? What I hate when you are somewhere and they open TikTok and beating your head against the dryer.

How bad do I want to get in a dryer, Loki? You can just sit there all fucking day in a pile of socks. If I ever go missing, people listening to this podcast know where I am. I'm in a dryer filled with socks and the doors open and my head's just out there. I'm just, I'm just fucking, I'm just warm and nothing's ever been better. And maybe I have a handful of goldfish too. Not the pizza ones. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not falling for the gimmicks. I want OG goldfish. The ones they have at like buffets and shit that you can toss in your salad. I want a handful of those. And when they, when I have no goldfish left, I want them to refill automatically. That's my, that's where I'll be if I go missing. But yeah, uh, this, um, that happens to me. I'm the guy you hate,

but I'm different and I don't keep scrolling. Ew. No. Okay. I've made the mistake like 62 times where I opened TikTok and it's like, baby girl, you know what I want. You're going to do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Like, and I'm like, oh shit. And I turn it down like immediately. And I'm like, sorry, but that's it, bro. That's it. Volumes, volume might not come back on on my phone for the next four hours because i'm so embarrassed and i'm sorry about that my apologies because i feel embarrassed right now telling admitting to that that i am that guy i don't know if it's a tiktok feature that you can like i think they do it on purpose because tiktok's just like so they know what they're doing so hard that I think,

I think it's a tactic or something, but dude, if you're going to keep looking at it on full volume, I'll cut your head off. I got a friend that does that just around me though. He'll be in the living room, full blast scrolling. i'm like boy if we were in public i would shred you like a mad mom i'd have him by his arm and shit that's me but in privacy i i get it you know you just want sometimes you just kind of got you kind of gotta let it hang and you just you got to be a six-year-old sometimes. So you're like, fuck it, I'm going. But dude, if you're doing that in public,

you really do have some problems. There should be a law. We should make a law. If somebody's scrolling on full blast in public and they're like our age, you should be able to grim by the face.. Maybe, you know what I do with it? Grab him by the face and just, what was that? Then you whisper in your ear. Turn your fucking phone off. Like your mom ever whisper in your ear real like real like they're yelling at you, but they're whispering. Turn your phone off. Or

the next thing I'm going to do is slice your fucking fingers off. Okay? Okay. That's what you do. Next time you see somebody in public, our age, obviously, because kids get a pass. Kids are stupid. But if somebody our age is full blast scrolling,

kiss them, slice their fingers off. No more scrolly scroll, TikTok boy. Let's keep going. Men. Men are pissing me off. You want us to be women, but you act like women.

So we end up acting like men. I'm done. Hmm. Do we act like women? I think guys are all... Guys are all bitches for sure. Big time. And the ones that aren't like, oh, he's a man.

He's the biggest bitch ever. You just got to find... I hate it when people say this. Fuck. You just got to find that balance, girl. Because girls are more dudes than guys are dudes sometimes. But you just got to meet in the middle. You got to find a guy

that's a rugged... You got to find a rugged guy that dresses like, like is he gay? You know, those are the best dudes. A guy that's just fucking, yeah. He's got a beard. But half of you is like, he might be gay, but but i can't that's where you need to be boys

that's where you need to be you're not too you're not too woman where she has to act like a dude you still you're still fucking making decisions you know you're still being concise and Hey, we're going here, that guy. But you dress like, what is he gay? Wait, I don't know. But God damn, I love those pants. That's where you need to be. And you need to find somebody like that. Do they exist? Absolutely not. Okay. So you know what really pisses me off somebody could be like talking to you about perhaps a topic maybe you're not familiar with or um like i'm intrigued about and i ask questions and you know like they say oh there's no dumb question well obviously apparently there are many dumb questions because

people are so prone to answer so condescendingly and that really gets under my skin because look my guy i'm trying to sit here and be coachable and you're talking to me like i am a complete fucking retard and I don't really like that so yeah that kind of pisses me off not fuck like it's stupid actually that was such a passionate voice message I feel like I did her wrong did I say something to you no but I know exactly what you're talking about. And those people can, oh, those people can talk off. I hate people that talk to you. Like you're a, like a fourth grader, bro. Talking down to you and I'm like, dog, you don't know

shit. First of all, damn, help me out. I don't even, I, this is my advice. I don't know shit first of all damn help me out i don't even i this is my advice i don't even talk to those people anymore loki i'm just like if you're gonna do all this if you're gonna talk to me like i'm on your third grade football team and boss me around and try to it's who you're you need more friends you do those people don't have zero friends. Because you know why? Because everybody said, fuck off, bro. No one talks to them. There's more.

And one other thing that really pisses me off is social media and like how seriously people take it. Like it is really, truly like just the highlight realm. the highlight realm and nobody really wants to like log on to facebook and uh see you say good morning or that they just did a load of laundry like who fucking cares oh i like this i like this girl bro she's on to something yeah i mean social media is just, guess what? I'm showing off. Show off city. No one cares. Don't be serious on it. But I mean, those are the people that kind of make the internet though. You can't live with them. Can't live without them. Like I'll get comments on some of my posts that are just like, I can't believe somebody

took the time to write that. But at the same time, I'm like, man, bless his heart. Like, I'm glad you care so much about something. That's why the internet's so dope,

I think. Because you get like people that are like, are you out of your mind? And then other people that are just like, what an idiot. It's just so, it's just so, so much different shit happening on the internet. God is crazy.

Yeah, but like that, you know what ruined it for me though? I'm with you on that. What ruined it for me are those Instagram messages that people can like pop up and put on their, you know, you go, you go to your DMS and like everybody's saying some shit. Those people are the worst people that only leave. Like, those are the people that like got weeded out from Twitter because they weren't shit. You know, those people on Twitter, like back in the day that you would follow and you'd be like, this is literally, is there something wrong with you? I don't give a shit that you're like, good morning.

God's blessed me with another day. People that are saying shit like that. I don't care. Hey, too many prayers on social media today. Fuck off. Those people are now on Instagram posting those little messages and i'm like okay no wonder all right yeah okay i get it now this is where you all have resurfaced instagram it's always like a bible verse or like he will save you today i'm like dude save it girly

today. I'm like, dude, save it, girly. Keep going. So the thing I need advice with, my friends tell me that I should calm down on my weird, dark, funny jokes when I first meet a guy. My motto is weed out the weak. I don't have time if you're not weird. I don don't want it so i will always find a way to say to say i have 13 different personalities that usually comes out when they're overly complimenting me or it just arises do you think i should like do that or bring out the weird or should i just like wait a little bit no don't just immediately be weird not not like weird but like be like just yourself like say shit like that because i know i'm i'm if somebody's super normal i'm just trying to make them say some shit like that if i meet somebody and they're being way too normal i just want to fuck i just want to shake them and be like, say something fucked up so I can relate to you. And then the first time they say some crazy shit, I'm like, I knew

you had it in you, big dog. I knew it. I fucking knew it, man. I knew you were one of us. So yeah, get that shit over with. And if the other person can't handle it, let them leave some messages on instagram on the little text bubble thing what a boring ass bitch i'm sorry if i'm cussing too much but sometimes i just get hyped up on this shit because i know exactly what you're talking about and that might actually say it immediately because that'll loosen the other person up too if i'm in an awkward situation and nobody says anything weird it's just gonna keep being awkward but if i'm in an awkward situation and somebody's like so when are we fucking i'm like yes let's talk yeah do it immediately do it immediately definitely do it immediately do not hold back new spress newest new spress motto don't hold back

dude that's so corny but don't just go just just go head first in that shit so actually i take that back that's not the new spress motto that'd be so corny what's pissing me off is how are these rented scooters like still a thing like people now are getting bold they're like in traffic like signaling with their arms i'm like get off the road you're not a car like people just chunk them wherever they're in parking spots, blocking sidewalks. I swear, like, I'm just going to go out on an errand and hit like 10 people on scooters just because you don't even see them coming. I love this. So, yeah, I guess you could say it's a wheelie big problem. Wheelie big. I love the passion in his voice there he knew you fucking knew he just couldn't

wait to hit somebody on a scooter during that voice message i love it thanks dog i can't i can't uh i'm i just i don't even see him anymore but i swear to god the one thing that gets me going is when they're just zooming by your ass on a when you're on a sidewalk oh if one of those clip my ankle captain psychos coming out to play if one of those clipped my ankle this is what i would do that'd be like odd it's all good dog just remember those are supposed to be on the road i wouldn't do anything but i oh my god if i had a fucking bat wing, that's what, that's what would happen. If a bird scooter clipped my ankle, ran over my little toe on the edge, zoom in by me on a sidewalk, I'd be like this. What the fuck? Bat wing.

Sorry, bro. Follow the rules. Actually, I might throw the, I might throw those, uh, that little cord that wraps around people and like hog ties them. So they're on a scooter. They clip my run over my little pinky toe, hit the deck. That's what I would do. Ooh, nothing makes me more mad. And they think they're in the right. Oh, when somebody thinks they're right and they're wrong, mommy's coming out to play. Mommy's mad. Get off the sidewalk with your stupid bird scooter. Nobody deserves it more when somebody falls off of a bird scooter. That's just the law. falls off of a bird scooter. That's just the law. Oh my God. I sprained my ankle on a bird scooter.

You a thousand percent deserve it. Actually, you should have broken your fucking leg. I can't stand it, man. I can't wait till it's over actually and i've never been on one uh i take that back i've been on one once and it was like i was on the front of the titanic i was having so much fun but i was like i'm never doing this again because i know how much people hate it let's keep going you know what's pissing me off bad poops we might have to end it on this one just nothing i've just never wanted to talk about bad poops more in my life than right now god damn and you know he just took one i had one yesterday bro it was just like like i eat the same thing. Why is it different now? What did I eat? A pond full of mud? No, I just had chicken again. And look, look what's going on. I'm going to be, I'm just,

I got to take a shower now. Just had chicken. Got to take a shower. Hmm. I don't know what it is, but man, you ever take that one? I think for every, like for every one of those little dumpy boys, that's like not, not going too hot. There's like two that you get in return for that, that are like, I'm a new person. You ever take that one? You're like, Oh my God, my whole day changed. changed you ever take a something ever happens real small like that it's always something like it's always something gross sorry but it is just having a bad day took a piss i was like that was it i'm back bro that'll happen when you take when you take a good one you're like this is gross and shit like that, but who cares?

We're a fan. And you're just like, you take that exhale after a good one, no worries. But for one of those, you got to have a couple bad ones. It's just how it works. Let's keep going. A couple more what's really pissing me off is i was getting zombied by a guy and if you don't know what zombied means it means a guy that will come in and out of your life he'll ghost you but then he'll come back like a few months later so i

hate that this guy that i no longer want you coming in and out of my life. I'm done with that. Deleted his number. Deleted him off all social media. And I accidentally left my rings there last time I went there. And asked him to mail them to me. He was a little salty that I unfollowed him on everything. Let him know exactly why. And this guy seriously kept my rings and won't give them back.

So that's what's pissing me off. Shouldn't even want them back. There's no bigger bitch than somebody that gets mad at you for blocking them or deleting them on social media. I'm so sorry. That is so like. Can you care about anything else please care about shit that matters i'm keeping your rings then shut the fuck up bro what a little bitch yeah you should you should just you should not want you should you should want nothing

to do with those rings get Get some new rings for sure. And get better ones. Yeah. I don't know, man. I wouldn't. Oh man. I feel like I could never do that. I'm keeping them.

Is he eight? Whoa, did you hear my throat? Was that my throat or a bullfrog? What a queen that man is. Just, you know, he's a being a weirdo too and licking him and shit every night. Nightly routine. You know it. I'm keeping him then. Yeah, yeah i'm gonna fucking throw them out in

the trash no way bro he's wearing them thinking about you laying on his bed in his stomach with his feet kicking no ring master let's keep going so i've been debating on whether or not i should go back to school and get a master's degree because my degrees in psychology and a lot of the jobs nowadays require a master's. Right now I'm in behavioral science working with kids, and it's a lot of fun some days, but some days, I swear to God, I just want to take one of those kids and just punt them through the fucking roof like Pat McAfee. Hey!

No, not really, but um yeah i'm not sure whether or not i should go back to school um that's it slap my ass ah fuck i love you you don't have to like when you guys leave voice messages you don't have to be like nah not really i know you want to punt those kids and this is a safe space. We say all psycho shit right here. This is it, bro. This is why this podcast isn't lit because we are insane and we're just going to, we're just going to get even worse. And it's every time we get worse, we get better. I got to listen to this again though. So I've been debating on whether or not I should go back to school and get a master's degree because my degree is in psychology and a lot of the jobs nowadays require a master's. Right now I'm in behavioral science working with

kids and it's a lot of fun some days, but some days I swear to God, I just want to take one of those kids and just punt them through the fucking roof like Pat McAfee. No, not really. But yeah, I'm not sure whether or not I should go back to school. That's it. Slap my ass. Yo, I'm not the one. Thank you. I'm not the one to ask if you should do something like that because it's a no for me, dog. If you got any doubts, I think you already know deep down you're going to hate it. And it's not going to be worth it. So I wouldn't push if you already hate it a little bit.

I wouldn't push. I would try to find something that you really fuck with. Go out on a limb. Do that. And then if that's not working go to plan b the masters but go do something go do something in between so you can like figure it out that's what i would do if i got a bad feeling about it and i'm like oh already like kind of like i wouldn't i wouldn't do it go go do something you really like for a little bit, and if that's not working out, but try hard.

Don't be like, oh, I'm going to work at fucking Sonic for a week. Try to be that manager at Sonic and hire me because I want one of those big blue drinks with Skittles in it. Yeah, I would try something else and then go back to it if you have to. Follow your dreams zaddy believe that all right i got one for you how do you correctly hand somebody a lint roller oh my god you know you know what i think i know i think i actually know you know how you're supposed to hand people a knife it's like so annoying i always hand it to

them with the blade out i'm like what what's your move just see where their head's at because if i hold it the other way i can fucking this is what you do every lint roller has a little circle in the handle that you can like put on your keychain i don't know why that circle's there oh that you can like put on your key chain i don't know why that circle's there oh so you can like put it on a hook like in your laundry room because everybody has hooks all over their fucking laundry room you gotta be a real solid like ant to have a hook on your locker like in your laundry room you know those those those glade hooks removable hooks those are for the lint rollers.

But what you do is you put your index finger and your thumb in that hole. And you fucking do one of these. And you're flipping it around. And you give them enough room on that handle so they can grab it like a baton. But you get in front of them when you're handing it to them. Like you're running a relay. You got the lint roller right here, holding it by the little hole at the end,

so he's got all that room before the lint. The sticky part, handle, and they're right behind you. They got a dusty shirt. You go, and they grab that handle and just... And then it's on. Oh shit. The camera's running out of battery.

Should I squeeze it? I can't, I can't. I got to dip fam. Yo, I love you guys. This podcast was the shit because of you. Thank you so much for the voice messages. Uh,

join the Patreon for real. Livestream goes hard and, uh, can't wait to see you guys in there. Okay. Join the Patreon for real. Livestream goes hard. And I can't wait to see you guys in there again every Sunday, 10 p.m. Thanks for following me on social media. You don't know how much it means. I for real love you guys. Show's coming soon. See you next time. All right, fam.