Espresso - what's the song that's always STUCK in your head

Episode Date: January 11, 2024

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All that she wants is another baby. He's gone. Oh, yeah. All that she wants is another baby. A baby. That is such a good one. Espresso Podcast Shot 297. I'm your dad who still thinks you should be in medical sales.

Can we talk? But first, remember, upcoming show St. Louis, Missouri, January 25th is in a couple of weeks, two weeks, exactly, at Helium Comedy Club downtown in St. Louis. Get your tickets at benedictpolisi.com or in the description of the podcast. And remember, every other Espresso pod is on my Patreon. So join the fam over on Patreon for $5 a month. Get every other podcast in a live stream every sunday night all merch 25 off with code f boy at checkout and watch f boy island seasons one two and three all streaming on the cw app get that app for free you don't have to log in you can just

binge mommy just binge we gotta get going baby's got a busy day, but what's the espresso cook, cook, cook, question of the week. What's the song that's always stuck in your head for absolutely no reason. There's all, there's like a, there's like three that rotate for me. It's like, um, that Evanescence song. Wake me up. Wake me up. I can't wake up. It's that, I can't wake up that I just fucking, there's something about that, that I love. I can't wake up. Save me. It was that song that like was always on MTV when you were homesick from school. I remember being homesick one, one time and my mom left to pick up my sisters. So I was like, Ooh, it's playtime. So I'm going to watch Mari and MTV. The closest I

can get to being a bad boy. And Evanescence was just on all like, just, just on a loop, dude. Like every four songs, wake me up, wake me up. I can't wake up. Perfect song. Actually. That's all I listened to when I work out. If you can't tell. And, uh, what else? Oh, chickadee China, the Chinese chicken. Every single time I'm about to eat chickadee China, the Chinese chicken, you have a drumstick and your brain starts ticking watching next how about that that's like dad rap right there that's like the closest every dad is to like you know I like a little hip-hop you have a drumstick and your brain starts ticking watching x-files with no lights on and none of me's on and then the spooky man's on this one I don't know I don't even know but I don't know why he's kind of spitting uh and then the spooky man's on this one i don't know i don't even know but i don't know why he's

kind of spitting uh and then probably church songs just to round it out each and every one of us dude if you don't have a church song stuck in your head or just playing in your head when you wake up for the day each and every one of us is a wonderful work of art is a wonderful work of art signed by the hand of God. That's like top five church bangers right there. Each and every one of us. And you can hear every person in the church go each and every one that breath dude signed by that. Anyway. Uh, yeah, that's my brain. So let's see what's going on in yours. What's a song that's just stuck in your head for no reason?

A song that has been on my mind and I cannot get out my head is Red Ruby the Sleeves by Nicki Minaj. I'm telling you, it is so good. I just cannot get this out of my head. If you're not going to sing the chorus, we're going to have a little issue on our hands. If we recorded all these voice messages and didn't sing the chorus,

I don't even know. How am I supposed to know? I think I've heard that song. Red Ruby the Sleeves. I just leave the deed of red Red booby Yeah that is like That is a song that's just constantly On the radio like super mainstream But yo

If we're just gonna Leave these voice messages and not Sing the chorus We're gonna have A little trouble I can't wait to hear this. Please, please, please. Please, please, next voice message.

Dear, for the love of God. Please, please, please, please sing. Please, please, please, please sing. I'll do anything. Please, please, please. I'm waiting for it to load. You know, we got kind of crappy Wi-Fi here in LA. And here we go.

I love you, Milky Boy. Well, yeah, that's way better than milky man any who skis so the song always stuck in my head absolutely it's on that front right burner of the brain you know that's the best one for the rack anywho we're talking bad romance okay well he said front right burner i'm a front left girly if you looked at my oven you buried my stove top you'd be like okay so this is where you stand you neanderthal you do the same thing every single day you're a robot that's what you would figure out dude if you walked in my apartment you would know every you'd be like okay yeah this all makes sense you're crazy all right yeah this

is what you do every day this is exact uh-huh yep yep and yep like if you looked at i have a couch right now it's not even a couch it's a beanbag couch and it has a perfect indent of my little dumpy i'm a simple man but to me milky boy i love you Boy. Whoa. But it's the front left burner. Hey, we're talking. Oh, God in a bedroom man. Oh, God in a bedroom man. It's either that or I'm dreaming. Oh.

Christmas. I thought I was the only one. Like the ones. You know, it's one of those two. There's no in between. It's either like Christmas all the way or I'm your girlfriend, Becca Lee Sue, who's a Zeta at the university of Alabama, Birmingham,

very specific, but you know what I'm talking about, babe, it's the vibe. So that's all. And yeah. Ha ha. Ah,

ah, yes. Yes. Hey, fire right there. 10 out of 10 voice message. Polished. The dog is polished.

He doesn't even bark, dude. You know, when your dog is polished in strangers that he's never seen walk in the front door and he stays on all fours. He knows if he does the jump up and puts paws on thighs. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, get down, get down. How about that right when you walk in a house?

Right when you walk in a house. To see someone that you love, to see someone that you can't wait to lock up. Hey, I haven't seen you in so long. The first thing they greet you with when they have a dog right when you walk in the door what a greeting when you have a dog get down oh my god you're gonna ruin his clothes right when you walk in the house.

Anyway, I thought I was the only one, Milky Boy. I thought I was the only one that woke up in the middle of June with Christmas songs in my head. June 4th, roll over in my bed. Christmas time is here. june 4th roll over in my bed just hot outside there's baseball on tv outside. There's baseball on TV. Bro. And Lady Gaga for sure. And for me though, it's poker face. Every second. And I don't know why every time I hear that song, I do this dance and expect the biggest reaction out of everyone that's watching me. Like I'm dealing cards. I do that every time I hear that song. Actually, I kind of do that every time I hear any song. God, this is fucking annoying. Hold on. We're almost there. We're almost there. We're're getting there i don't know if you can tell but if you're watching the youtube uh espresso pod uh this mic keeps moving every time i do anything it just moves on its own it's really annoying so like i'll be mid-sentence and the

mic will hit me in the fucking face it's great christmas time is here bro mine without a doubt is it's really good to hear your voice saying my name. It sounds so sweet coming from the lips of an angel. And those words, it makes me weak. And I never want to say goodbye. But girl, you make it all do be fair. Oh, dude, that guy is so right. That guy is, it's that one part of it. I don't know what he says here.

Coming from the lips of an angel. Hearing those words, it makes me weak. Right here, he kills it. Like in the real song, I don't know what he says. And I. Is that what he says? And I never want to say goodbye. But girl, you make it hard to be faithful. With the lips of an angel.

What do you hit to that? When he just goes off grid angel he was in his bag when he was making that song the first time i heard that song i was uh the shower was warming up and i was sitting on the toilet listening to my phone because i i like i saw it on someone's away message can't tell if he's old or not can't tell if he's old or not but I saw on somebody's away message I was like what song is that I look it up I play it on my phone I'm waiting for the shower like the warm water heat up in the shower start crying on the toilet because when you're waiting for the water to heat up you're always on the toilet just thinking about your life and stuff. Started thinking about every girl I've ever dated.

With the lips of an angel. Cried. Then got in the shower and got out of the shower, dried off and acted normal for the rest of the day. That's how weird everybody's brain is, dude. I just cried midday and then pretended everything was okay for the rest of the time let's keep going these are these are this is the this is the question this is the best question we've had i think mate nah intrusive thoughts is always up there we gotta do intrusive thoughts again like soon soon here we go. We're back. At first I was afraid.

I was petrified. Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side. But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong. And I grew strong. And I learned how to get along. And so you're back from outer space. And if you don't know that song, that's I Will Survive by Gloria Ganner. You're welcome.

God, I don't know who you are, but you have a great voice. How come some girls can just sing, you know? It's like, I feel like it's seven out of ten girls can just belt it. And you're like, okay, I don't know why, but I love you. Dudes, on the other hand, when guys sing, I'm like, that's kind of weird that you figured that out. But girls can just sing, bro. Listen to what? This is a great song.

At first I was afraid. The fact that she knows the words. I'm so impressed when people actually know the words to songs. I'm like, wow, she knew the hard ones. You know, everybody knows a chorus, but then there's like the second chorus that you're like, not too sure. That's a tough one right there. Whatever stanza that is. I never would have guessed she says that. But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong. And I grew strong.

And I learned how to get along. And so you're back. Ooh. That's it right there. She's good, dude. She's good. Girl's not a sing. Girl's not a sing.

And I like it. This is one second long. Let's see. Let's see what this is okay absolutely nothing here we go and i was petrified i can't sing for shit dude god i never solo sang in my entire life like in in music class, never did it. Never volunteered for it. Not once. I can, I can literally, that's the only thing I'm confident in. We'd have music class by the piano. We'd all be gathered around the piano with my music teacher and people, and he'd be

like, so who wants to do, wants to sing solo? You know? And he'd kind of like look down upon you if he didn't. I never did. Even my best friend was like, bro, just do it. I'll do it. And he was like, children of God, happy to be in a family. Children of God, happy to see the children in God's family. And he looked at me, he's like, see, it's not that hard. Try it. And I was just like, no, never did it. Music teacher gave me an F. I got an F in music. You know how hard it is to get an F in music? My mom was so fucking mad. I acted like everything was okay too. And it was the, it was the, the grade going into the summer. So I had an F on my report card going into the summer. You know how crazy that is? So all summer it was like, yeah, you can go to the pool. Actually, nevermind. You got an F on your report card. I was like, ah, just cause I didn't know what fucking melody was let's keep going

yo Benny I'm gonna have to redo this I don't know if my last one sent but you know I'm gonna redo it for you oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh that's all I want. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I think about all the time. Think you may need what all of my. Oh.

Hey, it's all the signs to make every day your birthday. Okay. Every night your valentine. If we try that we can be. This one hits different in your car. Okay. This one hits different in your car. This makes me want to cry, bro. Dude, the fam is really, like, long as you're around me. I'm in love.

I swear that everything will be just fine. He hit that. I wish that we could have time. Hey, you know, Benny, this one's for you, my boy. You know. But yeah, bust out the do-rags and everything will be all right that was beautiful slayed the voice message see that's the thing about the people that leave voice messages on this podcast like we all go

about we all go about our day that we don't really like we don't really care about shit you know we're just yeah whatever just letting it all roll off our shoulders but boy when there's a chance for the fam to perform we put on we put on just saying hey if it takes if you got to record the voice message like seven times to get it right we got to do it we got to do it but it seems like these are all first takes i'm proud proud mom of the fam so the song that lives rent free in my head is actually from a video from the good old e-bombs world days um if you're familiar with that but it goes milk and cereal cereal cereal milk and cereal cereal and milk milk and cereal cereal cereal milk and cereal cereal and milk cereal and milk cereal and milk yeah it's awful that was really good though man e-bombs world was in e-bombs world was the internet it was the first internet that was the first the first memes the first funny i

remember going on e-bombs world at my grandma's house my grandma had a lit computer for some reason because i think my uncle bought it for like a computer that was like too good for everyone and it was at my grandma's house you know your grandma's house has a bunch of like antique furniture like tv in the wooden box like and this actually happened like and it like it was so like uh state of the art like it just stuck out like a sore thumb like you can't make a mac like an apple mac studio computer look bad but when it's in your grandma's house you're like it doesn't really match the vibe you know it's just like pure white and everything else is all wood so it wouldn't get dusty my grandma would put like a a, it's like a tablecloth. She like cut a tablecloth and put it over the computer just so like it, no dust got on it.

And she probably did that thing where she put those little like angels on the, on the top of the frame. Like while no one was using it, you know how grandmas do that. There's like two, there's like three like statues of Mary by it and shit. I was like, grandma, like, yo, like, it's just a, like, like we're going to watch people like run into stop signs and shit on this later. It's all I did. I got an e-bombs world and I watched stupid ass, stupid videos. Remember that stupid videos? I remember there's this video on e-bombs world on there for you. It was, uh, this guy's arm. It was like, uh, it looked like a picture of boobs

and then you press play and it like zooms out and this is, it's this guy's armpit and he goes, you're gay, you're gay. Oh, if that wasn't the funniest shit I've ever seen. Oh my God, that is funny. Me and my cousin watched that for a total of 84 times in two minutes you're gay that plays that's rent free in my head actually fuck a song it's you're gay every time i do anything you're gay skip going milk and cookies though or was it milk and cereal what'd she say cereal and milk cereal and milk there's a lot of things from ebom's world that i don't know Milk and cereal? What'd she say? Cereal and milk, cereal and milk. There's a lot of things from E-Bomb's world that I don't know why,

like childhood shit just does get stuck in your head. It's weird. Cereal and milk, cereal and milk. I think that the song that's always stuck in my head maybe says a little bit about my generation and the stronghold that Mulan had on us. Or maybe that's just me. But it's the song, I'll Make a Man Out of You. Especially the beginning part.

But Ben said to sing the chorus. So the chorus goes, we must be swooped as a coursing river. Be a man. Be a man with all the force of a great typhoon. Be a man. A man with all the strength of a raging fire. As serious as the dark side of the moon. Time is placed in Taurus to defeat the Huns.

What is the beginning of that? Because the beginning slaps a little harder than the chorus. That plays with a lot of songs. The beginning, you're like, oh. Be a man. How powerful was the movie Mulan? You ever think about that? I'm like, ah.

The way that movie changed my brain chemistry. I think the whole time I was watching that movie as a kid, I was like. You must be swift as a car. Sing when she started getting good, bro. I'm going to cry. Why is today an emotional day? Or maybe it's just you guys singing is something's going on but when mulan start like it's it's all about the training scenes during movies hey the rest of the movie you can keep it give me the training scene the training scene in movies or when they get like like and when they get their like uniform, like their gear.

Oh, when Mulan started like and it's always like a it's always a montage because they can't like, you know, go day by day. How she actually trained. So they like speed it up and they put it in like a compilation of like and there's a funny thing and she starts like really going hard you're like oh my god she's getting tough this is gonna make me cry right now bro when mulan starts getting like starts going hard you're like yeah yeah she can do it and like the even the guy you remember the guy that's like training her that's like making sure she's good is like like approves of her i'm like yeah approval that's our girl that's our fucking girl you see her she's like doing shit like this with all the strength of a great type will be a man with all the friends of a course in rumor man i gotta watch that tonight mulan training montage why can't you sleep what's wrong i'm just thinking about the mulan training montage

oh i get it i get it i get it crying on the side of a road no crying outside of a party what's wrong do you want to talk oh my god did she show up she showed up didn't she no i'm just thinking about the mulan training montage oh hey can we watch it real quick on my phone with on the strength of a raging fire wow what a heater what a heater there's like 15 000 more how are we gonna do this might have to break this up into two parties fuck this is a song that never ends it goes on and on my friend some people started singing your dog's very cute shit i'm drunk huh oh she was just out in public singing that this is the song that never ends yeah there's a rap song that does that pouring them out pouring them out street looking at you slow looking at dirty white sock with your toe looking at that uh that song Pouring them out, pouring them out. Street looking at you, slow looking at.

Dirty white sock with your toe looking at. That song is always stuck in my head too. And I think that this is the song that never ends. Looking at. That's part of that rap song. This is a very niche thing I'm talking about here. So if you know, you know. But that's fun. Dude, I i see this is why i love the fam you guys are just ripping voice messages out in public and telling people their dogs are cute that's fam shit just keep going we got a we got a real i got 20 minutes yeah wow let's go hi bened Benedict Mine would be

Nevermind I have all day My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard And they're like It's better than yours I could teach you but I have to charge Na na na na na And you think I'm gonna say The boys are waiting

But it's just when she goes, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, warm it up. Oh, that warm it up always had me fucked up. Hey, that whole song, what an iconic song and what a person, I don't know who sings that actually, song and what a person i don't know who sings that actually but that's like a very that's a one-hit wonder na na na na na warm it up, five. Warm it up. Na, na, na, na, na. The boy is waiting. Na, na, na, na, na. He's gonna burn his corn.

Na, na, na, na, na. Warm it up. I love you guys. Voice messages hitting. It just goes to show you we all have the same brain. We all have the same brain. Okay. Okay.

What is this? I almost forgot. Ta-ha. Fuck. Yes. Ta-ha. Fuck. Do you have ha ha ha. Fuck. Do you have to?

Do you have to? Do you have to let it linger? And yes, the fuck I do. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. Am I stupid? Yes. All right, here we go.

Here we go. Here we go. While that loads, we're going to go to this one. Hey, Ben, what's up? So the song that's stuck in my head is the Price is Right intro theme. Even when I wake up in the morning, when I drive in traffic, it's just all the horns, all of it. And I just can't get it out of my head.

It's a theme song of when you were as sick as a kid at home. It is soothing, though. The trumpets are very rounded and soft. is soothing though the trumpets are very rounded and soft yeah there's something about that that is comforting stuck in traffic kind of sounds like a dog kind of sound like this is some old some old people shit kind of sounds like doug's dog pork chop let's keep going hey uh ben my name's andre ivy long time listener first time caller this course gets stuck in my head it's by ace of base That is such a good one Oh that she wants Is another baby

Going alone Oh that she wants Is another baby This part yeah And then they bring the Price is Right horns in there. Here's another baby. Yeah. Dude, what if I came out to that? St. Louis, show at St. Louis, January 25th. get your tickets helium.com link is in the description of the podcast i'm coming out to prizes right and you've seen them on f boy island

please welcome benedict polizzi is another baby and it's going to warn you all that she wants is another baby. Yeah. Anyway, somebody make that mashup and it'll be the intro to this podcast. I had randomly throughout the day. I thought I'd share it since we were on topic. Let's talk. I love this question. I'll look at something and be like, oh, well, I'll look at it this way.

I mean, technically our marriage is saved. Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne. Oh, well, I look at it this way. I mean, technically our marriage is saved. Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne. I chimed in with a haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door no it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poison rationality yo don't act like the beginning of this voice message I was like she might not know the assignment here because the beginning of this voice message, I was like, eh, she might not know the assignment here. Because the beginning of this is like.

So this plays in my head randomly throughout the day. So this plays in my head sometimes, dot, dot, dot. Share it since we're on topic. Share it so we're on topic. Goes off. Goes off and kills it. I love this question. I'll look at something and be like, oh, well, I'll look at it this way.

I mean, technically, our marriage is saved. Hold on, hold on. I chimed in with a haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door? No. Oh, she was like singing it quiet, too. You know, people are good singers when they can sing quiet. The goddamn door. No.

Do you have to like really like make your throat like, like really like synthesize. All right. Come on. Come on, baby. Benedict. Hola. Hola. So a song that I can't get out of my head as of late.

You're not going to know it. I just know you're not. I don't even care. But it's okay. It's called Breach by the band Dogstar. You probably haven't even heard of this band. Has anyone? But it's the actor Keanu Reeves' band. And I recently got to see them in concert. And I got to meet them too, by the way. And I just, I can't stop playing it i can't stop singing it i don't know if it's because i'm still on a high from the concert or what but this one in particular is just it's on repeat at my house uh but look it up i promise it's a banger for real oh if you don't sing it um and side note keanu was just an absolute sweetheart all the internet rumors about him being the nicest guy are 100

true obsessed with the man since i was a little girl so getting to meet him was just a dream come true but yeah it's called breach by dog star it's a banger check it out check it out oh and wait you want us to see that if you're not gonna sing it that if you're not gonna sing it girly pop i'm gonna i'm gonna need that chorus you owe me a chorus ma'am sir you owe me a chorus mine is well this is not for real afraid toraid to feel. Don't ask them all. I'm wasting my time. Oh. Something about just some people just have a horn in their throats.

And that guy, the lead singer of that band, has horn throat. He's got semi-truck horn in his throat. Mine is. Well, this is not for real. Afraid to feel. Not for real. Afraid of. Don't ask them all.

I'm wasting. My. My time. When you go by a semi on the highway and you do this at your window, that's the lead singer of the band in the driver's seat. I'm wasting my afraid to feel um yeah when i don't know what to say to somebody in my head is the drake and rihanna song. I don't know how to talk to you. Every time.

Mine is wasting my time. Oh, she did too. She did too. And I like it. My time again. Oh, yeah. By default. But rock. Classic.

Period. Slay. butt rock classic period slay wasting my time me anytime anything happens me anytime when uh when when i unlock a door on the first try oh yeah when uh when i pull the microwave at zero zero one when i go to the gym and no one's on the bench all right one's on the bench. Alright, I fucked up. When I wake up and for some reason I'm not tired. Wait, what is this?

What is this? God, I know what that is, but I can't figure it out right now. Dude, put it in the comments what this is. If you can decipher this one, put it in the comments. What is this? I gotta listen to this immediately. Name my ex-boyfriend's name ain't Steve. Give your senses

some dopamine. God damn it, what is that? Just keep going. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Everybody's crazy. I'm convinced everybody's in scene Dude everybody is insane Are we all the same person? Every time somebody's walking in somewhere. Dude, you can really make some things a lot more dramatic with that song. Every time you open the door into your shitty apartment. Actually, hold on. Every time you open the door into your shitty apartment. Oh my God.

We're down bad, baby. Everyone's insane. Everyone's insane. Everyone's insane. Let's keep going. If you like pina coladas or getting caught in the rain. Yeah. If you like mother.

That's one of those that you got to hit with the MF remix. And if you know me, if you're part of the that you gotta hit with the mf remix and if you know me if you're part of the fam you know what the mf remix is you just throw it in between every word if you like motherfucking pina colada if you like getting caught in the motherfucking rain you gotta say it real quick so the sensors don't pick it up if you like motherfucking pina colada if you get motherfucking caught in the rain and you hit the echo at the end oh you're a real one if you make yourself echo words like you ever walk into a room and like is anybody home only the real ones do that i'm convinced i've only met like three other people like that i i went like this i've only met three other people like that held up at two uh let's keep going so the song that's been stuck in my head for like three weeks or however the fuck

long it's been has been can you take me higher to a place where blind man motherfucking see ever since we've seen you in indie for both shows at the helium comedy club and that was pretty great i love you bro fuck thank you homie thanks for coming to the show yeah that's a big that's a big thing that's like one of the biggest decisions i've ever have to made make in my life why can i talk it's the biggest decision i've ever had to make in my life what song are you coming out to with everything else going on?

How am I going to get there? I don't know. I'm going to forget everything I'm going to say on stage. I don't know what's going to happen. There's so many question marks. And then they come in right before you go on stage and they go, what song do you want to come up to? This will just define everything that you are as a human. Yeah. Let us know when you get a chance you got like 25 seconds you got anything i'm like dude a song for me to come out to by default it's always kesha we are who we are we're dancing like we're dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb but recently it's been can you take me higher but sometimes it is with arms wide open you really can't lose with those two i mean come on let's keep going hey ben long time listener here first time caller um i'm absolutely sick to my

stomach right now leaving my first voicemail and i have to sing so this is brutal hey kind of scared kind of nervous it's how we live um but the song that's kind of always stuck in my head, the lyrics are, oh, my God. All right, here we go, folks. Uncele gasolina. Tome la gasolina. I don't know if those are the exact lyrics, even. I mean, the whole song is in Spanish. I don't speak a lick of spanish um

but yeah that's a 2004 smash hit heater smash hit um i looked it up before i called in and yeah it's 20 years old which you know makes me feel like i'm 72 um but fuck it but fuck it taha fuck oh my god that sucked alright love you bitch bye dude they never suck they never suck

yeah nobody knows the words to that song pa me la gasolina god what a heater that might be all time has that ever has pitbull passed that? Has Pitbull passed Daddy Yankee? I remember the first time I heard Gasolina, dude, on BET.

I was like, I'm cultured. Just a white kid living off of Honey Creek Road watching Gasolina on BET. I was like, yeah! Mom, what are we having for dinner macaroni and hot dogs Alright one more So Because I can't find the link anymore We're gonna do it old school

But the songs that stuck in my head Well it changes everyday But today Love me See that you love me Fool me fool me you know that banger yeah there's like seven songs like that that play in my head throughout the day one in my head the other day because girls just want to have fun oh girls just want to have fun Oh, girls just want to have fun.

You know, like during all these songs, like they were just in their bag. Like, you know, when you're in, when you see like, like videos, old videos of people like making like songs in studios and they're behind like that big, like spit guard screen thing. And there's a guy behind the glass. It's like, dude, they they're just can you imagine making a bit making girls oh i was just have fun oh you know they're just like this is a fucking heater do they ever think that like artists and songwriters are they ever like yo this this shit's going crazy and i wonder how many that that flop when they're like oh this is gonna be a good one and it flops uh yeah they just have to be like oh okay like they have to 100% know that that shit's going platinum diamond

diamond but uh yo there's not one of those songs that you left in a voice message that doesn't play like there's not one of those songs that i'm like nah like all of those are certified stuck in your head songs maybe that should be a new playlist certified stuck in your mother head somebody make the playlist on spotify songs that are always stuck in your mother fucking head somebody make the playlist on spotify songs that are always stuck in your head just 50 church songs all right thank you for leaving the voice messages we might just do that again next week because slapped and you guys are good singers but let's keep going dear diary this is just a little quick one i was having like the best sunday of my life all right i wake up i feel good feeling good on a sunday is rare i feel good on a sunday i'm like all right

let's take advantage of it you know because it's it's it's rare when you feel when you wake up and you're like let's go let's do it you know it's like one out of at least once a week, you, you feel like that once a week, I feel like that. I'm like, come on, let's go. Yeah. Yeah. Go, go, go. Yo, yo, get it. Yes. And that was on a Sunday. So I was like, okay, let's do this. So I did a bunch of shit, got it all together. I did a show at 1 PM,elt good about it. I was like, yo, I just got the rest of the day to do my shit. I'm not just unbothered. The rest of the day just to chill. I'm going to order some food later.

I was having a fun food day. I'm going to eat anything I want. Just one of those days where it's just like I got nothing hanging over my head. Finish the show. Go to the store. I got some extra time I'm gonna do a little grocery shopping hop into the pavilions I mean I don't know there's like four grocery stores here that I think are similar to like Kroger, Meijer like you know shit back in the Midwest they're just like the the west coast version you know like rallies is rallies in the Midwest and you go to Florida all of a version. You know, like rallies is rallies in the

Midwest. Then you go to Florida, all of a sudden it's checkers. Like that's what's happening here at the grocery store. So I'm in a grocery store called Pavilions and I'm like, all right. And there's a Starbucks in there. So I'm like, you know what? It's a, it's a sexy Sunday. I'm going to get a coffee while I shop. And I go up there and this guy ordering before me in like the fake starbucks coffee shop it's a real starbucks it's like that standalone like let's let's wheel this thing in starbucks you know it's like it's like ah do i trust it are the baked goods as fresh this guy before me has no idea how to order at starbucks like rookie first time he just goes up to the guy he's like can i just have some hot coffee and the barista's like yeah sure like come on though like and the

guy's like trying to explain it and he's like just the the large and like it's just all wrong and it was really funny and i went up there and i was like giggly i was like because like the the barista would like was looking at the dude like bro like like when he when the guy's back turned he was looking at him like yo what's his problem like type shit so i was like matching that energy and i was like yo that was crazy and i just kept laughing i thought about something else he said and started laughing even harder and the barista just looks at me dead in the eyes and goes, yo, you good? I was like, oh, my God. Yeah, I'm good.

And then I just was like, can I have a large or venti? And then I started fucking up. Can I have a venti iced coffee? No syrup. And he looked at me. He's like, yeah, bro. I was like, can we not laugh? I was like, I forgot this is a no laugh zone at Starbucks.

Jesus Christ, man. we not laugh i was like i forgot this is a no laugh zone at starbucks jesus christ man i just wanted to play in on like the the joke going on no all right never mind i'm a dick kind of threw my sunday off for a little bit i was like i guess i'm mean maybe those you guys are brothers i don't know uh i wanted to leave pavilions really bad after that then my card got declined at the oh my card got declined at the self checkout i was like this is a fucking nightmare i almost had to pay in cash at the self checkout have you ever seen somebody at self checkout like putting a dollar bill in the machine i'm like yo what year is it if that's anything like putting a dollar in a vending machine you know what i'm good on the food i'll just get out of

here remember putting a dollar in the vending machine when you're a kid one dollar please fucking just praying to god that thing goes in then it like it like scans it for like a just an incredible amount of time you're like all right let's go i'll take the butt and right when you decide on kind of what you want it comes back out god damn it it like it's like messing with you dude it's like the most condescending thing ever it's like oh i'll take your dollar not good enough for me oh my god pov you're a vending machine yeah i'll take it you know what can you iron it out here do it on this do it on the side of me dude the amount of times i had a dollar bill doing this on a vending machine

trying to get the wrinkles out of it just so my fat ass can have a twix. Forget where I am. Somebody walks by. I'm like, Hey, sorry. I'm just ironing this dollar. Do you have any wrinkle release on you by chance? No. Okay. I'll just keep going then. I think it's good, but the edges are still kind of curved and you're like, the machine's not going to like this. It's like your master, bro. Then you put it in the machine, it fucking takes

it in. You're like, alright, fine. B4. We're good. You type in the letters B and 4 and you fuck up and it's the one to the right of the Butterfinger that you wanted. You're like, god damn it i just got austin crackers it's only happened one time where my shit really got stuck in the machine and i was like this is the kind of person i am i i ordered i ordered i fucking punched a number in my my item came out came out, got stuck. And I was like, you know what?

You're right, machine. I don't need it. I took it as a sign from God. I was like, I am a fat piece of shit. Thank you, machine.

Thanks for confirming vending machines, bro. That bottom row though, that bottom row on vending machines. Who's buying this? There's a lot of stuff in vending machines that are like... On another episode, that big tech cinnamon roll,

who's buying this? Who's really out here like, you know what? You know where to hit right now? I get it if you're getting some trail mix, if you're getting a drink, if you're getting some crackers, if you're getting some peanut M&Ms on some crazy shit, you know, like what kind of day are you having though? If you go to the vending machine and you get a big Texas cinnamon roll, you know, I could go for? A pastry. A big cinnamon pastry that's been in a vending machine for seven weeks.

You got to feed that machine the shame. The shame of feeding a vending machine $4 and it's spitting it back out and putting it back in, spitting it back out, putting it back in. Takes you 30 minutes to put $ dollar bills in a vending machine and then you get the big tech cinnamon roll yo how good would that thing be though hey and you put it in the work microwave all the microwaves going you're all proud of yourself and shit. What's up? Lisa. Say girl from accounting.

Yeah, you want a bite? She doesn't even know what's in the microwave. She just thinks you're talking about like you. No, no, not of me. I just got it. And then she turns the corner. Never mind. She calls HR on your ass.

Yo, Jeff, I finally did it. He doesn't even know what you're talking about. You're still in front of the microwave. Yo, you can call me big text from now on. Take it out of the microwave. Take a bite. Burns the shit out of your mouth. God damn it

oh my god dude what are we doing show and tell of course i left it over here give me one second Jesus Christ Jesus Christ is risen today oh oh oh yeah anyway

we're back show and tell this is the part of the podcast where I show you and tell I mean it's just fucking show and tell I don't really have to explain all this do i but i do it is kind of like a kindergarten segment because every time i do this i'm like look at what i brought yeah yeah and it's always like the most random shit that would be kind of a thing in kindergarten i will never forget though in kindergarten we actually had actually had show and tell. God knows what I was bringing in. Because it wasn't anything cool.

Because I didn't own anything cool. It's probably like a fucking blade of grass. Dude, one of my friends in kindergarten brought his karate belt into show and tell. And had like a, yeah, yeah, I'm not a black belt yet. But it's a yellow belt. And I'm still in training. I was like, fuck you, Andrew. God damn. You know how bad I want to do karate?

And you're just in here willy nilly flashing your belt around. Bragger. God. Signed up for karate like a sweepstakes. Signed up for karate the next week because I was like, you know, I am going to do it. Me and my mom went to a karate place, up I won they called me the next morning they were like yo you won the sweepstakes you have a free karate class tonight at 6 p.m. I was like I don't want to go anymore I got scared and nervous I for real was like nah I don't want to do karate anymore.

But I'll still kick his ass. Okay, show and tell. Remember, there's been a lot of news going around. Is Katie Thurston dating Benedict Polizzi? Read the full article. She was in Orlando and he was wearing an Orlando jersey.

Are they together in love? Dude. Reality TV headlines are so funny. It could be the most two different things in the world. She was in New York and he tweeted about the Mets. Are they getting married? He said he likes Big Apples and she was in New York at the same time.

Are they having sex? Anyway. Yes, we're married. Anyway, there was a scene taken out of FBoy Island. It was really good. It was a date where me and Katie molded our feet together. It's a deleted scene. It's on my Instagram.

You can watch it. There's a lot of like funny foot puns, you know, like little toe in the line comedy, uh, on the CW download the app, log in for free, actually no login. You can just watch it for free. Um, binge season one two and three for free but uh yeah they deleted the whole scene but i had to like come back into the house and be like yo fellas guess what i did on my day and they're like what and i'm like i came in the whole thing got deleted but i came in and i was like yo we molded each other's feet together that was for the thumbnail uh yeah dude so we sat there with both of our feet

dunked in a white bucket and just looked at each other and we were just talking and you know how long you have to sit there with your feet in a bucket to make a foot mold we're literally touching feet in a bucket of paste for 20 minutes and everybody's like don't move don't move or you'll fuck it up we're like okay okay okay okay okay so we're just dude i have the the hamstring cramp that's cooking. And I'm trying to keep it cool because I'm trying to like win her over. I'm trying to game her up. You know how I game up, bro.

I'm awkward. Try being awkward with a hamstring cramp. I'm like, yeah, you look so beautiful. I could do this forever. Oh, sorry. That was your neck. So stupid. Anyway, I had to come back into the house with these and be like yeah boys uh we're soulmates now you know just say you know i mean i was gassing it up uh the funny thing about the whole thing the whole foot mold is the date director the lady that like comes up with the date ideas gets all the stuff like you know like you guys are gonna do this today she is really

cool and like fun to work with and she was like i know you guys uh are really gonna mess up the foot mold plus ben's feet are disgusting so me and my husband did one last night that you're gonna like show off to the guys and we're gonna like put on tv so these aren't even my or her feet these are just like the date director and her husband's feet. Cause when I brought the, when I brought the mold and all the guys were like, let me see your weird toe. And I was like, yeah, it looks good here. Doesn't it just lie in my ass off. Can't lie at all. My face was all red and shit. I was all sweaty and hot, but yeah, that's show and tell the, the uh the foot mold from the deleted foot mold date that's not even my foot mold my whole life's a lie

and now we do cringe moment of the week a segment on the podcast where i remember something I did that was extremely cringy throughout the week. And there's a lot of things, but since we've been doing this podcast, I've been successfully noting them in my head and putting them in my phone. Like I'll say something really embarrassing or do something really embarrassing. Or something will just happen to me that is awkward. And I'm like, the shame of typing it into my notes like gosh i can't believe this just happened but all right i was at the gym and yeah by the way somebody told me how gay the la fitness is in hollywood and i like it clicked today. I was like, oh my

God. This gym is beautiful. Dude, I, the way I get looked at in that gym, no woman has ever looked at me before like this. I'm a bad bitch in there.

Doesn't help I'm wearing a crop top and booty shorts and with like technicolored shoes on, but I'm telling you what, I'm a hot commodity. I'm the gayest guy in Hollywood. All right, here we go. Cringe moment of the week. Okay, so I was telling you,

I was having a good day on Sunday. You know, I'm just living life, dude. Got no, got no worries, got no issues. I'm like, I'm going to eat whatever I want today. So at nine o'clock rolls around and you know, once we get into the double digits, 10, 11, 12, midnight on a Sunday night, I start, I start getting real chubby. And I was like, I'm ordering a pizza. I'm, you know, I haven't had pizza in a long time. You know, let's celebrate. It's been a good week. Celebrate what? I didn't do shit. uh i was like you know i'm just gonna i'm just gonna eat whatever i want today because i try to keep it clean throughout the week and to me keeping it clean is like eating nothing but protein on some savage shit i'll

sneak i'll sneak in some bullshit here here and there here's the bullshit i ate last week i was like i'm gonna have a cheat day because i usually do it on sundays but one day during the week last week you know i went to this ice cream place called afters i don't know if anybody's heard of it because i haven't until i got to la they have a thing called a milky bun i posted it on my story and said like yo this krabby patty about to slap or something like that obviously wasn't a krabby patty or anything like nutritious there's just a donut without the hole on top a glazed donut cut in half like a hamburger bun but donuts

and inside is whatever ice cream you want and the different kinds of ice cream they had was like nothing I've ever seen before. It wasn't your old Rocky road, Oreo, moose track. You know, it wasn't your standard selection behind the glass. It was like some new shit. Like they had cool names. They had cool. And like, I knew it was going to new shit like they had cool names they had cool and like i knew it was gonna be different because like you know you go to an ice cream place and you're like oh that's superman ice cream and the label on the window is just like real like crappy font it's like from one of those like sticker guns they just like do it it's like somebody somebody's mom comes in the ice cream shop and like puts it on the glass dude this place had like cool graphics and every single ice cream like had their own branding like whoa like you know

so i did what i do best and i picked the ice cream by the coolest name the sexiest name and I picked the ice cream by the coolest name, the sexiest name, and the best design on the little card thing. What's the ice cream I put in my Milky Bun? Cookie butter. Dude, I almost started crying when I ordered it. My dad would have rather died than been like,

can I have one Milky Bun with cookie butter ice cream? Dude, he would have literally fainted on the floor and died in an After's ice cream place. How'd he die? He said Milky Bun cookie butter. Oh my God. how'd he die he said milky bun cookie butter oh my god oh it's a third alpha male this week that's passed away and after his ice cream store milky bun with cookie butter ice cream try it okay so i was having i was having a cheat day. It was after the Milky Monday. So I'm ordering Papa John's and I'm like, all right, let's do it. And every time you order Papa John's, it's not like the person at Papa John's taking your order anymore. It's not like

a guy sitting in the back. This is what I picture every time I order pizza. I feel like there's a room in the back of the pizza place where there's just a desk. It's almost like an interrogation room and he's on the phone and he's got a notebook out in front of him. And he's like, all right, well, Hey, what would you like? Like he's, he's cool and nice, but he's like locked in. That's what I picture, but it's really, they outsource it now. So it's not like your hometown Papa John's guy. It's like this Asian lady from God knows where that knows all the Papa John's terminology.

So I'm like, can I, yeah, I'll do it for delivery. And she's like, can I have your number? And I'm like, oh, it's one of these situations. So I'm ordering a pizza and she's making it sound like so i don't know why she's doing this but she's making it sound like sexy i kind of thought she was fucking with me i was like trying to be like as professional as possible ordering this pizza but you know how shameful it is telling somebody over the phone what kind of pizza you're about to shove in your face the kind you like the kind that's gonna make you happy boy

so she's like okay delivery what would you like sir and i'm like oh shit dude this is crazy i don't know if i want pizza anymore and i'm'm like, can I make a large stuffed crust? I felt like I was typing a category into a porn site or something. Large stuffed crust. She's like, oh, yeah. And I'm like, can I get light cheese extra sauce and she's like oh yeah and i'm like okay um and then like can i get half mushroom and i'm kind of like going along with that and she's like oh yeah that's good. I'm like, this is insane.

And then I'm like, do you mind? And I complete the order. And she's like, can I get your credit card in full, big daddy? And I'm like, oh, she didn't say that, but I wish. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, we just secured the line. Tell me, tell me details. And I'm like, oh, shit. I'm like, is this where i dirty talk but instead i just

gave her my credit card and i was like that's dirty enough right do buy whatever you want no but she she was like okay sir thank you and i was like whoa that's good yeah dude crazy craziest experience of my life and i was like okay uh when can i expect it and she's like it'd be real soon dude i think i might have called a fake papa john's because i was like we're in holly Like, this might be like a whole ass joke. 45 minutes later, I smacked the shit out of that pizza, though. Never forget. Ordering that again tonight. Just for the phone call.

Let's do days of the week, then I'll fuck off. Thursday. Today. Arkansas Day. thursday today arkansas day i don't even know what to think about arkansas man hey who's living there on another episode of who's living there who's living there i guess that's what people say about Indiana, though, so I need to shut up. Because people out here, when I'm like, yeah, I'm from Indiana, they're like, Hey.

How's the farm? Whole comedy club erupts. I'm like, I mean, there's more than corn in Indiana. I'm like, I mean, there's more than corn in Indiana. But yeah, I guess the rest of the state of Indiana is very like straw in your mouth, hat, flannel shirt, ripped up. You look like a scarecrow if you don't live in Indianapolis, the city part. You pretty much look like a scarecrow that's a big generalization but uh yeah the the city part of Indiana like bro the all-star games

there this year I always tell people that I'm like yo when everybody's riding Indiana I'm like dude the NBA all-star game is there this year like that's lit that's when you know you have an actual city. The all-star game. Yes, is there. Yes. Thank you. They still don't care. But yeah, I guess I shouldn't ride Arkansas like that because there's probably a little sexy city there

in there somewhere that I'll go to on tour someday. Someday soon. Step in a puddle day. I've never been one to, like when I was a kid, I was never like, I want to splash in a puddle. i've never been one to like when i was a kid i was never like i want to splash in a puddle why is that just a tv thing i always see like cartoons of people splashing in puddles with rain boots on i'm like what's the fun in that unless you're testing your boots out but like splashing in a puddle i'm like you're fucking everything up that's like my

superpower too i've said this before dude no i can't no i can't memorize anything you know when people say they have a what is it what is it called and they can remember everything a photographic memory hey fuck you dude if you have a photographic memory, people who say they have a photographic memory, I just want to have that much confidence. Yeah, I've got a photographic memory. I'm like, you remember everything? Shut up. Yeah, I got a photographic memory. Yep. You show me anything i'll remember it anything in the world forever how come people with photographic memories aren't like more successful hey you remember this people with photographic memories remember this forever but yeah my super i don't have any any any natural superpowers like that

but i can't speak any languages i don't have a photographic memory um but i can i can see puddles very well god that's gotta be the lamest thing i've ever seen so like what's special about you what's your talent uh i can see puddles what do you really is there anything like you're proud of like that you've done in your life i can see puddles really good that's like the most that's like maybe the dumbest thing i've ever said but it's true that's the sad part like a lot of times i'll be in a parking lot like walking with somebody and i'm like yo yo yo they're like what oh my god don't grab me i'm like, yo, yo, yo. And they're like, what? Oh my God. Don't grab me. I'm like, you're about to walk through a puddle. And then they're like, how'd you see it? And I'm

like, Hey, don't worry about it. And they're like, Oh my God. Then we make out and I'm like, like all right dad let's get out of here okay milk day oh my god he's so sexy he told me he told me that there's a puddle in the parking lot milk day moving on milk day is that the puddle guy? I'm just kidding. I'm not going to talk about the puddles anymore. Milk day. M-I-L-K day. Oh, my God. I'll never forget that guy that showed me that the puddle was right there. Milk day. I went on a little kick where I was just slamming chocolate milk it was my getting ready for f boy island phase

where i was just eat what i was just in my in my mulan training montage of getting ready for f boy island and somebody told me i look too skinny they're like you don't look right like you look jacked but you don't look right and i was like oh i need to gain weight because like that's a horrible thing that you like you know when you go like every guy has accidentally done this at one point in their life like you look at a girl like i remember doing it all the time when i was growing up like in sixth grade i'd see a girl i'd be like you look really tired which is okay when you're 12 but if you do that now it's like all right but you just called her hideous but um like you look tired is the same thing as like when you tell a guy you look kind of skinny same shit i reevaluate my whole entire life when

somebody calls me skinny because like they don't know that I, it's the worst thing you can say to me. Cause I'm like, that means I haven't been working out hard. It means I haven't been eating right. And that means my whole like daily schedule is off. Like, dude, you just ruined my whole everything, but it's, it's good. I like, I like when people tell me honest things. So somebody told me I didn't look right or I looked too skinny. And I would just get two scoops of protein in like one of those Pizza Hut cups that I stole from. Like one of those Coca-Cola cups that are red. Two scoops of protein.

Best cups ever. Two scoops of protein in there and just fill it up with chocolate milk. Spoon. Twice a day. Just like eating ice cream, dude. It's so good. But that's my most recent milk experience. Dude, chocolate milk and that.

You can't get a gallon of chocolate milk. You got to get that sleek, sexy, skinny half gallon. Skinny. Friday, kiss a ginger day. how about the evolution of ginger people just going from people on the bus that you didn't want to sit by to the hottest humans walking the earth every time i see a person with red hair i'm like god damn God damn. All right. Okay. You look different than everyone. And you remind me of marinara sauce.

So come here. Curried chicken day. I don't really know what that is. And I feel like I'll say something I shouldn't while talking about curried chicken day. Is that Indian food? Can I say that? I don't know. But for a long time, actually, I'm just going to skip it. Pharmacist day. Pharmacist day. I know this is like a hacky joke that everyone's done but what is taking them so long at the pharmacy and the joke here is what are you doing back there shooting the pills in the cup i mean come on but honestly i i just gotta i was like yo do you guys have this here at cvs like here's my

insurance card blah blah they're like yeah we'll have that for you in 40, I was like, yo, do you guys have this here at CVS? Like, here's my insurance card, blah, blah, blah. They're like, yeah, we'll have that for you in 40 minutes. I was like, okay, I'll just wait in this chair right here for 40 minutes while you look me dead in the face and do nothing for 40 minutes. Just give me the shit. Give me the pills. Took 40 minutes, and I was was like thank you so much but i was like i don't know what you just did for 40 minutes you just looked at me and breathed i was like i didn't even get up and walk around the cvs i was just sat there and i was like

god my phone probably 34 times just looked up she was doing nothing i was like i don't know i don't know is it some like legal thing i don't know but i was like just can i get out of here i got shit to do i don't know no i guess i don't i guess i'll leave in 40 minutes, whatever you say. Saturday, sticker day. Those scratch and sniffs. How disappointing were those? But at the same time, like the grape one, you're like, I do smell it. Yeah, I do smell it.

How about when somebody told you when a regular sticker was scratch and sniff? I think I scratched a normal sticker for 17 minutes one time in kindergarten. And I was like, I don't know. I just told myself in my head, it smelled like cherries or something or like a banana banana. It was definitely banana, but it smelled just like paper. And I was like, I am starting to smell it now. Vision day um i guess they do help i'm a guy that you think wouldn't make a vision board but i hella did it's in the back of every live stream i've done on on patreon five dollars a month for a podcast every other week in a live stream once a week it's worth it uh yeah i i actually i two of the things i actually did on there i need to update that vision board rubber ducky day what was on your vision board? Okay. Ashley, just, I didn't want to tell everybody,

but I was trying to get a hundred thousand YouTube subscribers. I did that somehow. I was trying to get a million Tik TOK followers. I did that somehow. And then the other two are audition for shit. I think it just says that on there need to start doing that and crowd work when I'm on stage. It's slowly coming along, but like you got to get the right situation. I'm not there yet. But one day I'm going to get there too. Rubber ducky day. I never had any.

I guess I brought my action figures in the bathtub i'm a big action figure guy that's probably like half the reason i am the way i am is because action figures just look jacked and i was like yeah i want to look like mr freeze it's all it takes for me my life is based off of everything i did when i was seven years old for real why do you look like that because i watched street sharks when i was a kid okay what does that have to do with anything street sharks were hot and cool and jacked and that's what i want to be when I grow up is a street shark. I want to be a shark with abs and a roll in rollerblades on.

That's just how it goes, mama. That's just how it goes. Talking to my, uh, guidance counselor in college. That's just how it goes. Mr.

Guidance counselor. Everybody else wants to be an art major and study political science. I want to be a street shark with abs and rollerblades on, with my boxers sticking out of my shorts. Jacked with sharp teeth. And I want one of my friends to be the hammerhead one. And I want my other friend to have boxing gloves on. We're going to skate down the street and fight crime. That's what I

want. That's what I want to do when I'm older. That is funny. Yo, talking to your honest guidance counselor session in college. So like, what are you thinking? What are you leaning towards here? What do you want to major in? I want to major in street sharks. Oh, that's not... I've seen it happen on Kids WB. Street sharks are so hard.

Why are you the way you are? Street sharks. Point blank period. That's it. They look it up on their phone. Okay. Yeah. Get out of here.

You've graduated. Right when you walk out of the guidance counselor's office, they give you a cap and gown diploma Sunday Sunday supper day I went through a little phase in my life where I was calling dinner supper and that phase lasted one day until other people heard me say it and verbally assaulted me for it.

I was like, okay, all right. I'll never forget. We were at my grandma's and I heard somebody say supper and I was like this sounds kind of good it sounds better than dinner like what would you rather eat dinner or supper I was like supper sounds like warm like there's gonna be dumplings involved and we were playing with this kid in the neighborhood my grandma's neighborhood and he had to go and he's like I gotta go I was like are we gonna hang out tonight and I was with my cousins and my sisters and he goes yeah I'll be back and I was like I go like this I yelled it with extreme confidence all right I'll come to your house after supper dude I didn't even finish the word

and my sister was like why the fuck did you say that and i was like what do you mean and my cousins were like they just looked at me like this then i walked inside with my head down and didn't eat any food never saw the neighbor again because he was doing the same thing in his house he's probably eating pot pie like why the fuck did he call it supper? Freak. Oh my God. Dress up your pet day. Is it half the reason that the population has pets?

Yes. Is it half the reason that pets are viral on the internet? Yes. For the first time I came home, oh my God. The first time my dad dropped me off at my mom's house and my dog was in the front yard with a winter coat and hat on, you should have heard what he said. Yeah. Chuck.

Yeah. Chuck. See, even the dog, you got the dog in the car. I don't even think he said anything. He just, Chuck. Yeah. Chuck. Yeah.

Dog got a car. He just, I was like, already in the house and he's still in his car. I'm like, dad, you can get out of here. such a cutie little dog. He's a cutie. He's a dog. Like, I'm like, Daddy, you can get out of here. I'm like yelling from my bedroom window.

Hey, I'm good. Yeah, I'm good. Text him. Go ahead and leave. He's like, yeah, I'm like,

I call him. I'm like, yo, uh, yo, I'm home. Everything's all good. You can get out of here.

I'll just, I'll call you after supper. And he's like, yeah, dog. Come on. I'm just, I'll call you after supper. And he's like, yes, dog, come on. I'm like, all right. Hot pastrami day.

Does it kind of look like salami? Yeah. Do I kind of want it all the time? Yeah. Do I think if I eat it, my breath is going to smell for two and a half years? Absolutely. That's hot pastrami day, everybody.

Monday, extra day, bagel day. All all right so here's my thing with bagels i think i might like them more than donuts sometimes like a lot of the time because they seem more like okay to eat like if i had a bagel every day for a month you'd be like good for you but if i had a donut every day for a month you'd be like good for you but if i had a donut every day for a month you'd be like you piece of shit it's the same goddamn thing it's the same shape donuts bagels might be less healthy than donuts donuts might be healthier actually you, a donut every day for a month, you need to kill yourself, bagel every day for a month, you really got your life together, dude, a bagel is just a donut that went to private school, just saying,

I wanted a bagel so bad on Sunday, F it sunday i'm gonna eat whatever i want sunday it's 3 p.m and i'm like god damn i really want a bagel just like a normal ass bag i'll take a just an everything bagel with uh cream cheese on it that's fine that would have been just fine for me except for they have to go all crazy and have the craziest bagels ever i'm like can we just step one bagels like i just want like the first original bagel like why are we doing all this schmear and bacon and eggs and it's a pastrami i'm like god damn man i just want a normal bagel that's it no frills just give me like the just a bit jesus christ man what's a guy gotta do and then i finally find a place that just has bagels like i'm talking about just a normal

einstein like yeah whatever here's a there's a bunch of bins with different bagels in them that's what i want and you can get your sandwich you can get your other shit but like just cream cheese is back there tits and I found a place like that in Beverly Hills perfect go to the hours every bagel shop in LA actually maybe in California every bagel shop in the whole state, the golden state closes at 4 p.m. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Bagel. I didn't know you were a bank. Can I go on your bagel app and access it that way? Can I deposit cream cheese to you electronically? Do you guys sell suckers too at the window? Crazy to me. Nope, not, Nope. You can't find a bagel in the whole entire state after 4pm. I'm like, this is just insane. A bagel, just a piece of bread with cream cheese on it. Nope, not here.

Jesus Christ, bro. Strawberry ice cream day. I always bitch out when it comes to strawberry ice cream. I know I want it, but I'm like, I, there's just so many, there's so many things I got to tackle before I get to the point in my life at an ice cream place where I'm like, strawberry sounds good. Like you probably need to have ice cream 52 days in the row to on the 53rd day. I'd be like, I'll take strawberry today. Like that's how, that's how done I got to be with my ice cream. Like totem pole'd be like i'll take strawberry today like that's how that's how done i gotta be with my ice cream like totem pole to be like strawberry sounds good yeah like i would take butterscotch on like day three you know like not even but strawberry ice cream like that's i might have

only had it like twice on some let me try that shit because i'm too i'm too pussy to order it hat day this might be my this might be i might be no hat era i'm trying to talk myself out of wearing a hat all the time because it does like complete the fit every time i look in the mirror at my fit i I'm like, you know, a hat would just pop it off. It would. But, uh, I think, I think this is, I think I'm a little longer on top. I'm a little, a little wave it back, wave it back and let go and let God, you know? Anyway, yeah, that was a good, uh, time. I had fun today. It's all because of you guys. Thank you for the voice messages. I love you, fam.

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