Espresso - what's ur "hear me out"?

Episode Date: April 16, 2026

Eating ground turkey birthday dog food and sucking the ink out of a gold gel pen is exactly what happens when you get completely faded on a Tuesday. We are losing our minds over why having a baby with Caitlin Clark is a strict business decision and how sleeping in a wall-bolted hammock is the ultimate flex. Stop acting like you do not put patio furniture in your living room while defending the circus peanuts and black licorice agenda.-------------------------------------------------Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/-------------------------------------------------TIMESTAMP CHAPTERS0:00 - Intro1:16 - Fboy Island and Patreon2:53 - What is your hear me out6:41 - The jelly donut agenda8:06 - Cooking birthday dog food11:12 - Patio furniture in the living room12:36 - Fumbling the eighth grade aim voicemail16:52 - Sleeping in a Murphy bed20:51 - Crushing Cheetos into a PB and J31:33 - Circus peanuts and black licorice43:42 - Fox McCloud from Super Mario Galaxy46:30 - Aggressive foxes as house pets54:53 - Local news weather girls59:40 - Yellow mustard on avocados1:03:53 - Stale chips are better than fresh-------------------------------------------------

Caitlin Clark, like damn near greatest women's college basketball player of all time. You know, that's dang near like a business decision at that point. Like you're trying to, you're trying to create good offspring. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. And that's why I shouldn't be saying this. Yeah. Change my whole life.

Don't know what you're doing to me with your love. I'm feeling all super. Oh, this thing's on. God, dang it. I keep forgetting. Spresso podcast shot 415. I'm your girlfriend, Benny, who ate an entire scoop of peanut butter out of the jar last night. But before he ate it, he put sprinkles on it and did it over the sink.

Uh. Wait, I thought you were like locked in. Diet starts tomorrow, babe. Hey, watch me on F Boy Island and F Girl Island on HBO Max. Wait, isn't that the show where you like fell in love with everyone, including like three or four of the producers? No. But what if I did?

You got to find out you got to watch. And join the Patreon. $5 a month. What do I get if I join? It like still doesn't make sense to me. It's like confusing. You get every other espresso podcast and a live stream at the end of every week for only $5. $5.

What do you guys talk about in the live stream? It doesn't make sense to me. Do you just talk about like playing brick breaker on your mom's Blackberry Pearl? No. We don't do that. Do you talk about how summer is officially over? Why would we say that? Do you open up the Google Doc of what your Halloween costume ideas are?

And do you read them? And why is one of them rogue with a white streak in your hair and a fat ass? We would never talk about that. We would never do any of that. But maybe, I don't know, you gotta join $5 a month, babe. And get all your merch, benedictmerch.com. Hotest merch on the internet. I promise, 50% off.

50% off with code, nice or bald all caps at checkout. What kind of merch do you have? Like, what if I don't want to go to the site? We have We Out Here Be a Nice Merch. feeling glonky merch how are you we got emotional support animal merch we got Benedict Pump covers

we got who's buying this merch everything everything is on the site benedictmurch.com and it's all 50% off can you even believe that I can't wait I thought that was like a Christmas special well it's still going on 50% off

bald nice at checkout all caps get you less time buy some shot let's get to the question espresso cool cool cool cool question of the week what's your hear me out what does that even mean it means like something that you like that nobody else likes something that's your taste oh you like somebody and nobody else likes them

that's your hear me out there's just something about that girl. And everybody else hates her? That's your hear me out. Something you do. Nobody else likes. But you just can't get enough of it. For me?

Jelly donuts. I don't know what happened. All of a sudden, the entire internet hates jelly donuts. Me? I bow down to jelly donuts. Jelly donuts. Top two, not two.

what's one OG glazed Jelly Donuts is number two It honestly like It's such a wild card When you throw it in the box I'm like oh there's a jelly donut You get excited when you see it

Jelly Donuts is a friend That doesn't come around much Oh my God there's a jelly It's always gone first bro If there's a big box of donuts at work The jelly donuts are gone Scram They're gone

They're gone Long John, up there. The jelly donut just hits so different. And even if you don't want the whole thing, wait, ew, you slice it in half and that one half of that jelly. God, it's so crispy going down, isn't it? That white icing on top? I had one from crispy cream last weekend. Wait, what?

I thought you were like locked in. Starts tomorrow. Diet starts tomorrow. It had jelly in it and whipped cream in it. Don't go to Krisby Cream Donuts. They'll get you. Jelly Donuts, it's just like the, it's a slot receiver of donuts.

It's a slot receiver that's coming, that's taking the reverse and then throwing it downfield. I can't get enough of that guy. He's returning kicks, he's returning punts. You might even throw him in on defense. Jelly Donut plays all the posish, never get sick of it. Wait, it's. It's like disgusting.

Jelly donuts are like, ew, it's like the fattest donut. Like, first of all, donuts already unhealthy. And then you're gonna fill it with jelly. Like, you're disgusting. If I'm eating donuts, I want the most revolting donut I can have. Put more stuff in it.

If I'm eating a donut, I want it to kill me. I don't care. Put some, hey, jam some starbursts in there. too while you're at it. And honestly, it's not enough. It's not gross enough for me. Put sprinkles on top. I want to show people how gross I am. Hey, see this? I want to have jelly on my cheekbone for two days after I eat a jelly done it, just so people know. Oh my god, did he? I think he did. Did he just, he still has jelly on his cheek? Guys had jelly on his cheek for two weeks.

Jelly donuts hit. I don't know what you're talking about. You're lying to yourself. I hate it when people lie to themselves on the internet. Like you're going to lie to yourself, convince yourself, and then post double down on it? There's just one video out there of a, of a dude being like a jelly donuts are disgusting. And it's a big dude. I'm like, I think you just had a does, babe.

Disgusting. Disgusting behavior. It's too fat. A donut is too. Since when are we complaining about donuts being too fat? Never seen a jelly donut I didn't like. Ones without icing, I put icing on them. I do whatever they want.

Whatever jelly donut needs, I'm there. I'm there for jelly donut. I say, dude, do you ever make your own jelly donut? You could put butter on there. All right. Hey. Block it in. I swear I got, this podcast is just like only about food.

Stupid. All right. What else? What else is my Hear Me Out? This is a Hear Me Out for me. Birthday dog food. Hear me out. No one will understand this concept, but you just got to buy into the program.

Wait, like, I want to, like, get lean for summer, but I, like, don't know how. Tell the person how to get lean for the summer, and they say it's stupid. and they don't do it. Don't be bigger than the program. Don't be bigger than the program. Don't be bigger than the program. Every day. Slab of ground turkey.

Season it. Chop it in a four. Make them patties. Put them in the friar. Chop that up. Chopped up turkey. In the pan next to it, six eggs.

Salt, pepper, bang, bang. Both cooking it at the same time. You're doing whatever you want. Scambling stuff. Put it in a bowl. Put some sweet and spicy mustard on it. Hear me out. Ew!

Put a little bit of barbecue sauce. Just had a stroke. Put a little bit of barbecue sauce on it. Mix it up, cut it up. It's the best thing you've ever had in your entire life. Eat it twice a day. What up? Lower abs.

all of a sudden I have lower abs. Oh, whoops. Got to make some sacrifices every now and then. Oh my God. How do I look like that? People that look like that eat the same thing every day. Birthday dog food. Why do you even call it that?

Because it's what you give your dog for its birthday. You've never seen a happy your dog. Your dog's tail while it's eating that. Could blow out a birthday cake full of candles. Could power. an apartment complex could send a sailboat across the Pacific Ocean. Just saying, all right, it's your ears. What's your hear me out?

Bro, get this. Hear me out. Stan from Canada. I love you. God damn it, I love you. God damn it. Like, I'm thinking patio furniture. I love this.

But like inside, you know, as more of like a living room. room. Now we're talking. Kind of view or backdrop with the patio, with the patio furniture. Cushions and all, man. Tell me what you think. Yeah, cool. So he's talking about putting patio furniture inside the living room.

So you're talking about like wicker? Let's run this back. Okay. Hold up. Bro, get this. Hear me out. Stan from Canada. Um, like, I'm thinking patio furniture, but like inside.

Mm-hmm. Okay. You know, as more of like a living room kind of view or, um, backdrop with the patio, with the patio furniture. Cushions and all, man. Tell me what you think. Yeah, cool. Yeah, cool.

Yeah, cool. Me at the end of every phone call when I don't know what to say and already said bye and talk to you later in peace. Yeah, cool. Dude, do, do, do. Why did I say that? Dude, if you don't stick the landing

at the end of a phone call, it really ruins the rest of my day. Cringe moment of the week. We're doing it early. Just thought of it. Eighth grade. Hottest girl in the world from another school. I was putting in game.

I wanted the problem. I wanted all the problems, dog, but you know what the problem is? Girls in eighth grade, like guys in high school, didn't know, guy who didn't know. So I'm putting it,

I'm saying sweet nothings every night on AIM. All my eggs in this basket. Chips are on the table. All in. Back out of the break. Doing it all, man. She's a lot.

said, hey, call me. So I called her and I was like, this is, you know how you could do calling a girl in eighth grade? Yo! Have your bullet points ready? What are you, what are we going to talk about? She didn't pick up. I'm like, I told her, I'm like, damn, he didn't even pick up. She goes, sorry.

Why didn't you leave a voice message? And I was like, wow, okay. Called her again the next day. didn't pick up again. I'm like, my time to shine. Let's go. Left a pretty good voice message was hitting all the beats, stumbling, fumbling, bumbling, bumbling around a little bit. But I was pulling it off. Then it came to stick the landing. All right. I'll like see you on Friday. Ben. Said Ben instead of bye. Me on AIM. I'm the next day. Did you get my voicemail? Yeah, I couldn't really understand the last part of it, it was like weird.

I was like, I said bye, but like my phone, like, I don't know. I was like, yeah. I was like, yeah, cool. So, yeah, cool. Now, I'd be down for some patio furniture in the house. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hold up.

He's on to something. You walk in somebody's living room? Just three hammocks. Okay. Never getting out of that thing. Dude, if I slept, oh my God. Why don't people have hammocks in rooms? What if you just slept in a hammock every night?

Would it be uncomfortable? How would it be uncomfortable? Can we bring back things other than beds? Like, hey, hey, for real? Like, just somebody have a waterbed? What the hell happened to that? One of the coolest things I've ever seen about the first time, A, you remember exactly where you were.

and he never knew two people that had a waterbed, only one. Cousins in Ohio, they all had water beds. I was like, this just can't. This is literally a dream house. What's that house on Disney Channel original movie? Smart House. God, I was obsessed of that movie for some reason. Waterbeds, hammocks.

Dude, if I had a hammock bolted to the walls in my room, just in the corner, I feel like a little spider every night. So single. So single. And you know what else they need to bring back? They need to bring back the beds that are chained to the wall. You know, and like castles and stuff?

Like, I need a drawbridge bed. What are those? There's a certain name for those. Someone's screaming at the top of their lungs in their car right now. It's come. It's like the dumbest name though. It doesn't make sense with it. bed that folds down from wall.

Murphy bed. Yeah, okay. How the hell would I ever... It's called it Murphy bed. Duh! Who the hell's Murphy? Murphy. What a name.

Give me a Murphy bed. Give me a water bed. Give me a hammock. I'm sick of regular beds. They're so gross. Hey, how about, um, how about thinking about this? okay

girls in a relationship gets out of her relationship you know she's single for a couple months you go over to her house and sleep in her bed her old man was just up in that thing

and now you are that's so weird to think about when people get into new relationships burn your bed I don't know just thought outside patio furniture in the living room though I like where your head is

mm-hmm A little patio set Right there bang And the walls aren't walls They're screens Guy lives in a screened in porch Can't get enough of it He's got a grill inside

All he does is read books all day Special Okay I'm gonna go like childhood Snack combinations okay Love you When I was a kid I used to take pretzel sticks And put a grape on each end

And eat it And it was just so good and nobody else was doing that. I just remember they thought I was so weird, but it was so good. Not weird to me. All right, another one. You know what you did with that? With that little pretzel with the grapes on the end, you pretended it was a dumbbell.

Four until somebody at the table looked at you and then you just stopped and ate it. I would say maybe marshmallows at the end too. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich with natural cheese Doritos. I think everybody was doing it. But also it did get a lot of hate. but it was just such a fire combination. I would totally eat that right now. And then lastly, I'm going to go Nutella sandwich and peanut with peanut butter.

I think Nutella gets a lot of hate. But man, when I was a kid and my mom used to tag me in Nutella and peanut butter sandwich, God, it was the best thing ever. Or that is a late night snack. Oh, God. I don't get the Nutella hate, but so good. All right. Bye.

Mm, clean. She's been consistent with the voice messages. Guess what? They only get better. Rips, baby. Rips! Uh, yeah. I don't think, oh my God. Kid in my grade.

First time I ever saw it. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Bag of Cheetos. Put all the Cheetos on his P.B. and J. crunched it down like he was wily coyote detonating TNT like this. On the table. Crunched his P.B. and J. Cheeto sandwich down like he was given somebody CPR. Doesn't it look so crazy when you give somebody CPR and the directions are like,

yeah, give a mouth to mouth and press on their chest. And the way they teach you to press on their chest is like, Ha! Fah! I'm like, you're going to kill him! Press harder! I'm like, you're literally going to kill him, dog. Damn, he's not even dead yet.

And you're going to kill him while he's trying to be alive? Guys fighting for air and you're just... Fah! That's what he was doing to his Cheetos, P.B. and J. Dude, I heard it. Sound like somebody shes. shuffle the deck of cards. Did somebody just step on a leaf?

No, no, no. Tommy crunched his Cheetos in his PB&J. Bro, he ate that with the biggest smile on his face. I was like, dang, what a life you're living. Same kid that like two weeks later sucked all the ink out of his gold gel pen. Didn't talk for four straight hours. I was like,

Tommy, what's going on? We went to the drinking fountain to get a drink. He spit all gold ink in the sink. I was like, yo, how long was it that in your mouth? He's like, bro, that's why I haven't been talking? I was like, why did you do that? He's like, I don't know. I was like, you're probably going to die.

He was like, I remember saying that to him. I was like, I don't know if you can do that, dog. And he was like, we'll see. I was like, for sure. Then we just went back to class. nobody said a word Tommy 24 carrots 24 carrot

Tommy sitting in science leaning back in his chair mouth full of gold kind of tough yeah Nutella I'm the guy that hates Nutella I am

and you said you had a Nutella peanut butter sandwich that's a lot of that's a lot of main characters on a sandwich you know those are two like ballers too many cooks in the kitchen

you gotta I don't know I think I think jelly jelly Nutella I don't know maybe it's a rule I made for myself in my head but every time I eat something

like there needs to be one main character and then the rest of the rest are like you know there's one Batman there's one Robin I'm not gonna have a Batman Superman sandwich. I'm like, that's they're not going to get along.

Batman Superand never get along. I'm not going to have a Kobe Shack sandwich. It's just they're not going to work out. Am I going to have a Kobe sandwich? With a little bit of Paul, Powell Gasol, said Paul. Kobe sandwiched a little bit of Trevor

Areza? Kobe sandwiched a little bit of Palgasol. Trying to think of other players on that Lakers. It's all about balance. I don't know. I just, I got to have balance. Maybe it's something I made up in my head.

But peanut butter and Nutella, that's, that's prime LeBron heat right there, you know? What else are you putting in there? You're going to throw some marshmallow fluff in there too? Marshmallow fluff in there? That's a big three.

Nutella, Dwayne Wade, peanut butter, LeBron James. marshmallow fluff Chris Bosch you're gonna dip it in jelly you just dip that in Ray Allen I thought this wasn't a sports or food podcast

what are you talking about I can't follow it gotta have a main player and a side piece just feels better to me I don't know it's like eating a hot dog and then putting a cheeseburger

in the hot dog too or something I'm a Nutella hater and I didn't even know it was out when we were kids I thought Nutella dropped in like 2007 maybe that's just when it got hot but it always ruins everything I have and maybe it's because I don't like maybe it's because I'm allergic to it or something

and I just don't know but like I've had toast when Natella on it like basics and I'm like ah I don't know I don't really like it like maybe maybe I think Natella is going to be something it's not That's what I have high expectations for Nutella. Every time I eat, I'm like, God. Like, I think it's just going to be chocolate, I think. And then I take a bite, I'm like, well, it's just bad chocolate.

It's hazelnut. Not everything's chocolate, you fat eyes. I don't want it to be chocolate. Things I say. Things I would say if you woke me up at 3.34 a.m. I want everything. to be chocolate. What's up, dude? What? What's up? Oh, you want me to... Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'll, okay. Okay. Things I say when I wake up from surgery. I want everything to be chocolate. Oh, new bio on Instagram. I learned everything to be chocolate.

Oh my God. I just haven't been doing Nutella right, you know? Guy says you know to nobody. Whoa Guy says you know what I mean to himself Whoa Yeah what do you put it on I'll never forget I've never done this in my entire life What was happening to me

I don't know but I was at the The mall I must have been having a bad day I was at the the rich people mall Keystone at the crossing Indianapolis If you know you know People who say that

Hey no one knows what you're talking about there's this little like make your own ice cream you know said you know got to stop saying you know there's your there's a little make your own frozen yogurt ice cream all the toppings bang bang bang bang everything you could think of in the middle of the food court for some reason i was like i'm doing this i never do that one always disappointing two never at the malt the right time to just like willy-nilly get some ice cream like that. I pull up. I'm like, okay, what do we got going on here? Heard good things. And this always happens to me when I'm doing this.

I want ice cream with like toppings on it and hot fudge and stuff like that. But then I look up at the at the menu and it says shakes. And I'm like, oh, shake would hit so hard instead. Because ice cream good. melted ice cream better through a straw I wish everything was talking so I start free

I start going ice cream DJ Benny P is in the building all of a sudden take my headphones put them off one ear and I'm like

hey can I get some freestyle fill is in the building all the sudden I'll throw some of those in there oh you got chopped up Reesees in there. Vanilla base on the shake, obviously.

Not insane. Chocolate base. Too much chocolate! Oh, sharing anything he's chocolate. White base, Reese's cups, chopped up. Then I'm like, don't go too crazy, bro. You're going to ruin it. But don't be boring either. Bet. Throw some Nutella in there.

Call it a day. All right, cool. I'm taking sips out of this thing, walking out of the mall and you know when you're just sticking up for something you did because you did it in my head I was like

this sucks but I just kept drinking it just praying it would get better got my car drove home threw it out the window so I was like why do I keep drinking it's not even good I'm just drinking slop

it's not even good if it was good I'd muscle it down like this out the window let's keep Okay, hear me out. Hear me the fuck out. Okay.

Circus peanuts. Like those circus peanuts that you, like, get from CVS, the ones that, like, taste like packing peanuts, they're incredible. They're fucking incredible. They don't taste like packing peanuts. They taste like banana, all right? I love it. They taste like banana stale marshmallows and, like, can eat a whole fucking bag.

Also, hear me out. And this is stupid slander. licorice like black liquorish people hate that shit i was raised on it good and plenty holy shit so good i think good and plenny's what started my pill addiction i'm kidding i don't have a pill addiction kind of also also those strawberry candies those like grandmas always have in their like pocketbooks the ones with a chewy filling unbelievable unbelievable unbelievable Um, yeah. Keep going, babe.

The slander for those through, oh. We ain't done. We ain't done. Orange slices, also from CVS, not like real orange, like the gummy orange or like the sugar coating on them. God. When I was like in a big back era, I would take mini-tutzy rolls. Also, hear me out. I would put one of the mini-tutzy rolls, squish it into the orange slice and you'd it together.

Come on top tier. Love the passion Love the enthusiasm You can't make a better voice message than that He had backup ideas Something came to him To God Espresso pod god

Hear me out I've had a craving for circus peanuts I think since I was in third grade My friends started talking about him Oh I've never had one Danny Allen wouldn't stop talking about circus peanuts one day Oh my God

I think this is where my love for just food started He was like bro one of those big One of those orange circus peanuts Just slapping that on your tongue He said that to me and I was like Never even thought of it like that They do sound good Are they soft?

Maybe I've done it for who's buying this But if a circus peanut is soft I would smash talking about licorice Liquorice had always been good to me I don't know Black licorice I don't think I've ever had it Good and plenty

Okay now I know you're talking about it That's at movie theaters but it's like He's buying this But Twizzlers Twizzlers out of a vending machine I'm sorry I don't have the patience To pull them apart And that when they're in the fence formation

I'm not pulling them like this No taking a bite out of the fence the Twizzler fence yeah don't have the patience anymore food's too good I can't be cute with it

you buy me four cookies from somewhere you won't see them I'm not gonna split them in half do you want a bite gone I might actually run to a corner don't care and ain't a real dog when it comes of food

he got that dog in him it's a fat cocker Spaniel. Grandma strawberry candy. I can't believe you know what that tastes like. I've never had one in my life. It's chewy in there? Strawberry candy. I don't know when it comes a candy. Oh, God, how good is grape candy? Whoa. Hold up. Hold up. A grape Laffy Taffy? I might take that over the striper. If we're looking in a bag of Laffy Taffy right now, the mini ones assorted flavors, you got banana. there's some weird girl that are, oh my God, give me, you don't eat your banana? Lafey Taffy.

You don't eat your banana, Lafey Taffy? Give me them. Always that kid at school. And you're like, bro, okay, take them all. So I'm about that laughy-taffy, like the packaging, too. Like, it's like filled up with air. So you can like pop them almost. Lime is good.

Strawberry is so dream. me, isn't it? Strawberry and Lafey Taffy is so like, but grape. Hear me out. Grape. Laffy Taffy? Yeah. Somebody's making you laugh and you're eating Laffy Taffy. That's what they call it that. Never been happier. If you have a laughy taffy inside your mouth between your teeth and your cheek. You've never been happier.

In a car or two. You know? Break up with me. Somebody's breaking up with you, but you have a laughing tap in your mouth. Druling and stuff because it's so good. Yeah, so I just,

I just don't feel like myself in this relationship anymore. Oh, what, sorry. Yeah, I got a grape laffy. I have a grape laffy taffy between my teeth and my cheek. Yeah, it's just, it's not you. It's me. Yeah. Hey, I mean, we've all been there. I just think we're both in two different places. I agree. Oh, I can't do anything with a grape laffy taffy in your mouth. Can't do anything with a laffy taffy in your mouth. Nothing. Dude, if I was mowing the grass of the laffy taffy in my mouth, I don't know.

I would run the whole time. Thank it. Mini Tutsi rolls. I don't know why, but Totsi rolls are like, they always are good. I'm like, I don't even know what kind of chocolate this is.

What is Tutsi roll chocolate? I'm like, this doesn't taste like real chocolate, but it kind of does. Yo, when you got one of those long tutsi rolls and I'm not talking about the long, skinny ones,

I'm talking about that like long bar. It had like the cardboard. in the package. I was pretty fire. Like in your Halloween bag too? You always got like four of them. Tutsi rolls are so cheap. Nice font.

Nice font. Tutsi roll. Tells me what it's all about. I see the font. I know what I'm getting into immediately. Good color scheme. Old school. Tutsi roll is the king of the old school candy.

But that thick one you got with the cardboard coffin it was resting in. Tootsie roll sleeping in its bed. Just waiting for you to... Oh my gosh. Just chewing on a tosy roll. It's just something about that. Just like no other

consistency for some reason is like that. As a kid it would feel like it would be hard to eat but it's not. Want to know something crazy? Talking to no one. Want to know something crazy? I was on a serious lock-in one time I think the serious lock-in

is coming back so so serious of a lock-in I couldn't take it anymore got a bag of flavored tootsie rolls and I never gave him a chance when I was younger but I was like, hold on what was going on

I was reading stuff online researching oh my God the white ones are the best the blue ones are the best Oh my, if you mix a yellow one and a green one together, it tastes like Sprite, all this. I got a bag of those Tootsie Rolls. I think I had two bags. I was chewing them up.

I was mixing them together. Like the white one with the pink, the white one with the orange, white one with the blue? Just making my own. I was a Tootsie Roll bartender. Pinning them together. Throwing them in. Mm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Each bite down was better than the last. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm. And then, spitting it in a cup. Still have the cup. Buffalo Wild Wings, Clear Joint. Still got it. Disgusting. When that bag ran, oh, my, you should have seen how many,

dude, my fingers were literally shun. shiny with Tootsie roll oil. My trash can, the most embarrassed I've ever been. You ever look in your trash can, you're like, that is so embarrassing. I'm 95 Tootsie Roll wrappers in a trash can. No bag in the trash can either. So it was just straight raw dog. Trash can, metal, all these Tootsie Roll wrappers.

You would have thought it was like a prank. If you saw it, no, thank God nobody lived with me. Trash cans are so embarrassing sometimes. I'm like, oh my God, I'm a mess. Gotta hide your trash. Dude, it was so gross. That cup full of all of those Tootsie rolls, like chewed up. It smelled so good, though.

Whoa. Tick-No. Fox McLeod from the Super Mario Galaxy movie. Fox McLeod from the Super Mario Galaxy movie. McLeod. Super Mario. Fox McLeod. Oh, yeah?

Kind of hot, huh? All right. Okay. You show me a foxes are so hot, aren't they? How about a fox just are just being hot out of nowhere? Like nobody thinks a fox is ugly. It is because they're called a fox too. What a name.

Doesn't have to do anything. Fox is born. Hottest animal I've ever seen in my life. We call attractive women. Yeah, she's a fox. fox, yo. Every fox is hot. They've got like athletic legs, you know. You can see if you can see all the Achilles tendons in a fox leg. That's how you know, bro. I'm like, damn, that thing looks agile. Like it's a cat and a dog kind of in that, oh, I remember I saw a fox one time in the middle of our

road. I took, I took my breath away. I was so scared of it. It was honestly like exactly like seeing a girl I was like, ooh, I like want to go over there, but I don't know. I don't know if I have what it takes. It was like elegant, intimidating. It didn't know how beautiful it was. Like all the thing. Had a sternum tattoo and divorced parents. Messy car.

Had a boy name. Raspi voice. Talking about your ex-girlfriend or a fuck? You're talking about your ex or a fox you saw in your neighborhood? Whoops. Yeah, I didn't know. Hey, that fluffy tail? I was like, is that a little dog?

Oh my God. Somebody needs to get their dog. Mom, look at this dog. She went outside and she was like, that's a fox. I was like, hear me out. Let's make foxes our new pets. I have a fox.

Why wouldn't that work? Are foxes like aggressive? So is every other animal How about we just have aggressive animals Just living with us Isn't that insane Like when a cat's like I'm like damn

Like you're in here though You're in a house We literally just have Aggressive animals in our houses Dogs Bro dogs are Dogs could just kind of kill you God dogs are so good with

mouths. It's so crazy. Throw a piece of bologna at a dog. Gone. I'm like, whoa. Waiting for that moment his whole life. Off instinct. Gone. They never miss it. Yeah, let me, uh, the vibe would be so different.

You know, people sleep with their dogs. That's disgusting. You sleep with a fox. I'm like, can you speak like six different languages? All of a sudden, your stock goes up. I sleep by the fox every night. Oh my God. You a doctor? You an engineer?

You know Spanish? Can you rebuild computers? No. Why did you ask? Oh, because you're, you have a pet fox. Maybe I can. What, dude, the biggest flex in the world is when guys would walk in their neighborhood

with a dog and not have a leash. that just the dog would just be next to them. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're good. Boys here. Mm-hmm. What you want? I could go skis-skit, but I'm not. So I got my dog right here.

I thought that was so cool. I was like, yo, if I ever have a dog, I'm going to have it. I'm going to be like that. Doesn't even make a false move the whole entire walk either. 45 minutes of straight obedience. Doesn't even pee on anything. That's something I never realized.

when I was a kid. I was like, Jesus Christ, it just happened five years ago. Dogs just piss on every little thing ever. Leaf pee, fence pee, tree pee. Rock pee. I'm like, I get it, but like, I think dogs like 15 years ago weren't doing that. Dogs 15 years ago were just like,

you know, just do that, make the trip back home, pee in the backyard. maybe that's like a like a training thing too huge hear me out big turnoff when a girl's dog or cat is just like unbelievably disobedient unbelievably just like

doing whatever it wants we used to eat dinner me and my old girlfriend hate saying X because it makes it sound bad you know X makes it sounds like they like killed your dad. I'm like, ah, it's not really uh. We used to like eat whatever. In and out. And she'd have to keep her cat in her room because it would like eat all the food or something. I was like, is your cat for real? Like damn, you don't have your cat to where like it's,

it's not even close to you when you're eating. I thought that was insane. I was like, wait a minute. Your cat can just do whatever at once. Hear me out. Get your animals right. Good Lord When dogs are too close to food Like in somebody's house I'm like this is how you live Get your animal right babe Hear me out

And I know my girl She gonna get mad at me I don't give a fuck I said this before I said it again Real one Hear me out Caitlin Clark And I don't know like freaky dicky shit

Either you feel me Caitlin Clark like damn near greatest women's college basketball player of all time, you know, that's dang near like a business decision at that point. Like you're trying to, you're trying to create good offspring. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. And that's why.

I shouldn't be saying this. He was trying to keep her. Like she underrated. People be calling her ugly. But I see past it. And I see great game and great potential. But not for me though for somebody else because I'm happily married. Stuck the landing.

Yep. Tied it all together at the end. At the beginning, we don't know. We don't know if he's a good guy at the end. He's got his priorities straight. I think that's true too. Can we look past? Some guys don't have the vision, bro.

See the big picture. Guy who falls in love with absolutely anyone. Guy who will fall in love with the cashier out of Walgreens. See the big picture. Can we have some vision? Future self. What would future self think? Guy who will fall in love with a Burger King of cashier.

Guy who will fall in love with a Texas Roadhouse waitress. guy who will fall in love with a cheesecake factory server, have some vision, guy who thinks nine girls at the gym are his girlfriend, guy who can't stop thinking about the girl on the stair stepper, have some vision, future self, big picture,

look down the road for a change. Guy who's, guy who's in love with three baristas. No, I feel you. I feel you, I feel it. It really is that, though. Most guys are like, boops.

Me? Just got a nice ring stack. You know? Look down the road. Guy who feels so much smarter when he has a pen in his hand. Here we go. What up. So just hear me out.

Local news weather girls are low-key fire. And I'm not talking about the Spanish news weather girls. Yeah, yeah. Because we all already know. Those are like actual porn stars. I'm just talking about your local hometown news type of station. And the reason why is because it's always like a conservative looking library type of girl who is kind of nerdy.

You know, they're into science. And for the most part, you know, when you're watching the news, you always see the news anchors all covered up, seeing at a big desk. This is the only chance to see, you know, a full body. shot of what you're dealing with. And a lot of those weather girls will surprise you. I mean, they're wearing some funky colors. You know, sometimes they have kind of like a skin tight dress, some pantyhoes or long legs.

And like when you're a kid and you're watching like your parents got on that boring ass news and you see kind of a hot girl, you get into it. Not done. What up? Oh, here's a. another just hear me out. No, but, uh, that's true.

There's something that like short circuits in a guy's brain when he sees, oh, attractive woman working in the news. It's like, how can you be hot, but also talking about like Congress? Wait, you're hot, but you're talking about tirey things. Halliburton going 13 from 20 from the field. I'm like, and they're like done up, but in like a professional way. It's true.

Weather girls, bro. I mean, that they know what they're doing. But there's some cutie pies at the breaking news. Doppler radar desk that you're like, she's the one for me. Every guy's in love with his local. newswoman anchor the

the lady news anchor lady news anchor lady on channel 6, 8, 7, 5, 4 sometimes 12 hate to break it to you

every guy's in love with that girl. I'm guys. Oh wait, every guy's like, wait, could I marry her maybe? She seems like she'd be into me. Like it doesn't feel like two far away. It doesn't feel like, like a, like a drastic, like, ask, you know. I wonder if I could marry her. Like, if I just saw her at like a high school basketball game, like reporting on the side, I wonder if she'd be like, hey. Hey, hey wives. Hey, girlfriends,

hate to bring it to you. Your husband is in love with the local news girl. Boys, I'm sorry. I had to say it. Here you. 7 p.m. live stream on a Sunday is too early. I mean, it's now 80 degrees and gets dark by like 8.30. And we're outside. I needed to hear it. I needed to hear it. I mean, do you secretly taking out girls now on dates in California at like 6 p.m.?

Is that why we're doing it early now? He knows. He knows. He knows. Daddy wants to get on the chat. I like that a lot. I needed to hear it. How come numbers are up on the live stream, though?

For a minute, I was late night, Lenny. We were up, dude, we were up late on Sunday nights. That's when I got freaky. Now it's, now I'm daytime Donnie. I don't know. We need to talk. I mean, we always do this. I never know when to do it.

Wait, oh my God, you like ruin every Sunday night. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would never go on a date in California series. I'd never do that. That would be so crazy if I did that last Friday. So I put yellow mustard on a lot of things, but the one I get the most heat for consistently

is I will put yellow mustard on avocados and like avocado toast. I can just tell that you're beautiful. But that isn't what this podcast. podcast is about. We're talking about mustard here and I agree. I'm more of a spicy mustard girl than a straight yellow mustard. I do think mustard. Rick, can we put some respect on mustard for the, for God's sake? It makes my eye twitch knowing that people are just, ew! Mustard is gas. I put mustard gas on my hot dog. Mustard underrated

pressure mustard on turkey sandwiches you ever put your front dude oh my I've never felt better in my life never forget these words from one of my friends that would like

you know you got your homie that would like just always be at your house and it's just like yeah he's just coming over it doesn't matter he lives far away staying he's staying this weekend your mom doesn't care he like helps out a little bit

you know he's funny it's all you got to be if you're going to be that friend that's like always at some other guy's house, just don't be in the way, follow the rules, be funny. And you can eat, eat our food,

doesn't matter. He was like, dude, I hated mustard until I started coming to your house. I was like, oh yeah! Converted!

We were eating turkey sandwiches with just cheese on them on hamburger buns. Mustard. Money sign of mustard. That's a great sandwich right there Like grocery store buns Just like the cheap buns It's like $2 for a bag of like six of them Maybe nine

Eight Wait is he talking about news channels Or buns they can't I just don't know Eight buns So soft Put four slices of turkey on there Slice of cheese

Money signed mustard. Four bites. Gone. So satisfying. Even a soft pretzel with mustard? I'll take it over cheese. A jumbo pretzel

with mustard at a game with the salt. God! Remember they used to just sell those at the grocery store? Like you could walk around with a soft pretzel and just shop. Yeah, hey, how you doing? Who's doing that, bro? Who's living that?

that lifestyle where they're just, yeah, I could, you know, I could use during this shopping trip. A soft pretzel, a piece of pizza. Who is ever buying that stuff? Now it's a coffee. Got to stay locked in. We used to have fun, bro. A slushy. Dude, Target would really be like, hey, before you shop, get you a piece of pizza. You know what? We got a Taco Bell, get you a nachos Belgronde, a personal pan pizza, an icy? Yeah, I don't know. Maybe a soft pretzel has been hanging here for two days. Still gas.

I don't care. Dude, the longer those soft pretzels are in that like rotator thing, better they are. Hear me out too. Stale chips are better than fresh chips. Give me a bag of stale pretzels a hundred times over fresh pretzels. I'm like, ahia, ahia.

God. Is that how you really too? We used to have fun at Target, bro. Hey, before you get started, uh, carts are right there. And if,

uh, if you want to get a nachos, Belgronde before he start shopping. They're the 90s where, that was some 90s stuff right there, you know. Buying super soakers, baseball cards.

I was like, this is the best day of my life. Backstreet boys CD. Okay, we get it. You're like 40. Cringe moment of the week. Cicca C C C Cringe moment of the week. No, I did not go on a date last Friday.

I don't do stuff like that. I'm not equipped to go on dates. I sabotaged my entire life so I'd never have to do such a thing. I would have never gone on a date last Friday to the Cheesecake Factory. Absolutely not. What would I even wear besides jeans in a baseball jersey with a backwards hat? No, I would never be so ready to go on a date that I put my puka shell necklace on for it. No, I didn't get my car washed and the inside of it scrubbed out to go on a date,

to sit across from somebody at a table and just stare at it. them. I would never do that. I miss her. But never. Do that cringe moment of the week, all right? No, I didn't go on a day to the cheesecake factory. No, we didn't get a coffee after. No, we didn't walk around the outdoor mall. No, I wasn't crying because it was the best night in my life.

No. Got in my 2019 Jeep Cherokee to go to. somewhere else after the Cheesecake Factory Mall that we didn't go to, no. Unlock the car. She opens the door and goes audibly. Oh my God!

I was like, oh, did she like step on a dead bird? Honestly, I was like, she must have stepped on something. Or like, did something, did her like pants rip? did her shoe break I go what and honestly I just I just remembered where I was and when I was

when I said what and my nose was running I can't get it together why is his nose always running always has some clear fluid in his right nostril I open my door to see her inside and I'm like what she goes I can smell the shrimp now

oh for real it's bad me it'll go away opens all the windows so dramatically. Hey, then she gets cold. What are we supposed to do? Oh my God. What?

I can smell the shrimp now. Jesus Christ. I had baking soda on a cookie tray in the front seat of my car for five days. Trying to get the smell out. No, I wasn't doing this. that because I knew I was going on a date. I would never. Come on.

Cringe moment of the week. Still smells like shrimp heads in my car. Tweet of the week. Oh, you guys can go on a date and not fall in love for the rest of your life. All right. Okay, cool. That's cool. That's cool.

Can we just go back? I got to hear that guy say that one more time. That was so funny. Hold on. Oh, man. Tell me what you think. Yeah, cool. Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on.

so you guys can go on dates casually sure I'll go on a day with you and you don't fall in love for the rest of your life huh thank you yeah cool oh so you mean you go on a day

and you don't completely fall in love for the rest of your life after the day oh thank yeah cool wait wait so you can go on a date and then that's just it you know hey had fun nice meeting you you don't think about that person between every rep at the gym for the rest of your life

okay so you can go on a date and just kind of play it cool after oh all right oh so you don't even text them or anything wow you mean you're not fighting for your life to not talk to them every 13 seconds thank yeah cool oh wait wait so you can go on a day with the person they can talk about a food that they really like and you can just brush it off like yeah you don't go to the store and buy that food and become obsessed and addicted to it too because you want on a date and you

fell in love in 13 seconds you don't do oh you don't do that bro get this hear me out I think yeah cool so if she told you on the date that she liked a food you just thought it was cool interesting you didn't also get obsessed with the food and start buying it too

because you fell in love in 13 seconds on a date you think yeah cool must just be me you guys a scoundbag all right here we go let's do days days of the week Thursday wear your pajamas to work day

first of all what planet are you from when you're saying pajamas Ew jammies what do you even say what do you even call them when you have kit jammies put your pajamas on

I gotta leave I got to go you out here calling PJs I guess I think my grandma's called PJs it's jammies babe jammies on brush teeth how many times I hear that

Jimmy's on brush teeth. Every night of my life till I was last night. Wear your pajamas. Ew, dude. Oh, lawn and garden month. I think if you're like, hey, man, there's just one thing you can do. You can just go back to any point in your life and just, you can do that for a day. You can just do that day over.

But that's the only chance you get. I think I'd go back to the time in my life where I just landscaped the whole day with my mom and she was mad at me. Just couldn't get it together. I swear I was of service the entire day. Couldn't do one thing right. I might have planted a flower upside down.

Just couldn't figure it out, dude. Just everything, just slightly not following the drive. Just but God, Why was it so like fulfilling, you know? So fulfilling, bro. Oh, my God. There's just something about when your mom says she landscaped and you're like, okay.

And you get home and all the wood chips are dark. I don't like the word mulch. That's why I said wood chips. But when that is, dude, you know, You got your family, your house has its shit together. Your house, dude, your family's locked in when your mulch is dark. Dark mulch? They're serious right now.

They're serious right now. Yep. Mm-hmm. Don't get in, don't get in their way. Uh-uh. Locked in. Dude, you're, you're mulch. Ooh.

Dark mulch. Hey, fluffy mulch. Around flowers and bushes. I was like, we're in, we're, we're, we, we, We are in our zone right now. Yeah. You walk outside? Oh my God.

They just got new malls. Yeah. Dialed. Dialed. How come you got to school at 714 when you usually get to school at 732 and school starts at 730? School starts at 730. You usually get here at 732. We let it slide, but now you're getting here at 714.

What's going on? Oh, my family just got new mulch. The teacher? I'm so sorry. And you're like, I know. You should walk by sometime. Give it a whiff. Fresh mulch.

Locked in. Got it together. Garage staying down when he got fresh mulch. Mm-hmm. Garage is organized when you got fresh mulch. Yep Buckled down We got fresh mulch

You're on schedule You're on time Grass is short Flowers are popping Uh huh Pantry full Garage organized sprinklers going out

The right times Your yard's edged Good grades for the kids Oil change on the car A peaceful shape kitchen are you guys having company over

why you still locked in we got new mulch fresh mulch set in the tone laying the foundation for your family be a pillar not a killer man did he just literally talk about mulch

for 47 minutes Friday crawfish day god makes me smell it just makes me think of my car I cried the other day Wait, what? Why is he talking about this? Does he have a mental breakdown?

I cried the other day because I thought about selling my car. He hasn't cried in 17 years. Hysterically cried in my bed because I thought about selling my car. Like, dog, there has been some things done in that car. The amount of food in that car and like, oh my God, dang,

I'm getting sad right now that my whole life has worked through that car. Oh my, taking me to so many different. so many different ideas. I'm gonna be so sad. I might have to just like drive it off of a dock or something. You know?

Guy says you know. Guy says you know one more time he cuts his own head off. He doesn't slit his own throat. Dude, think about all the memory. Dude, if your car... Oh, if your car could say what's up to you.

That's the thing about our cars, yep. Mm-hmm. Before you sell them? They tell you a little something. Dude, if your car could just say a couple sentences to you. Bro, me and my car would be such good friends, you know. Gotta slip my throat said of you now again. Like, are you in your car, boys? Or do you kind of hate your car? Is your car too good for you? Dude, me and my car,

got my back. It's gonna break down in four minutes. My car just like, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, throw it in there. Bro, there's been a stool in the back of my car. literally a chair in the back of my car. Four years. Doesn't care. And we'll use it one day. That's what he says. And I'm like, you're right.

Saturday Animal Crackers Day. Just stop. Just stop. Don't talk about animal crackers. Hear me out. Stale animal crackers better than fresh animal crackers. Got so excited I dropped my pen. If you get real, if you get real sexy with it.

Swiping animal crackers and some icing. Strawberry icing. Hear me out. Strawberry icing. Hear me out strawberry milk. That Nesquick bottle from the gas station. I swear that that Nesquick pink chocolate. That Nesquick pink strawberry milk of the gas station where you, where you uncap it and rip the foil off.

And then you one pole gone. Swear it's $8 too. But that moment, bro, oh, it realigns your spine. That strawberry milk is so good. I'm like, oh, that was actually kind of a milkshake. It feels like you can't drink it. Like, you've never just seen somebody walking around with a strawberry milk bottle. Like, it's crazy.

You're only drinking that in your car and you're throwing it away like quick. It's a weird, like, guilty thing. Never seen strawberry milk anywhere but a car. It's never been in anybody's fridge. Who just has strawberry milk? Oh, gas. Pressure. Strawberry milk?

Presh. $8. Look when you get a strawberry shake from Burger King? Don't know why I love Burger King shakes just slap so hard for some reason when you get a strawberry shake. And like it's in your cup holder and you kind of forget

for like 17 minutes and then you drink like this much at the bottom of it. It's like, oh my God, that is worth it. Coach Pee, quote of the week. Coach P. I know there's a good one here. I thought this podcast was.

like over. Oh my god. It was like too quiet for too long. I just opened my phone. I just read 19 things and it changed the chemistry of my brain. This isn't even, oh, here we go, wow. The weak will show fear, anger, attitude, complaints, excuses. The strong will rely on effort, ownership, and finding solutions. Remain stable. I mean, it's just so true, dude. Everybody you know that's just such a... Fear, anger, bad attitude, complaining. Oh, it's his fault.

It's it blaming everybody. It's all your fault, dog. It's all your fault every time. Take ownership, effort. I thought about that, dude. I was like, the only reason I've ever done anything good is because I, like, decided not to be lazy for that, like, hour. It's always before the stuff that you're like, God, I don't want to do that.

It's the best decision you made to just go do it. On baby, on baby. All right, fam. Love you guys for real. God. See you on the live stream. It's just banging every time. Every time popping.

What? What do you want me to do about it? Nothing. It's a fan, baby. Wouldn't want any other way. All right, y'all. Talk to you next week. My son tweet