Espresso - whats your ACTUAL dream job?

Episode Date: February 2, 2023

On this episode benny reacts to your ACTUAL real dream job! (like being a zamboni driver)🔥𝗠𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗵 https://benedictmerch.com/🔒𝗣𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi 🟣𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝘀 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/espresso-w-benedict-polizzi/id1514492317🟢𝗦𝗽𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘆 https://open.spotify.com/show/1Ka4dMrpfGxYPGZsUJ1Csf🔸𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 https://www.cameo.com/benedictpolizzi?utm_campaign=profile_share🔹𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸 https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m🔸𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺 https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/🔹𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

Dream job is a trophy wife. Like, it's not even close. Duh. Trophy wife. I'm on the paycheck, but I'm not working. This bitch, dude. Espresso Podcast Shot 248. I'm your host, Benedict Polizzi.

And hey, stretch out your small eye. Just get a glass of wine. Throw a hoodie on. Your favorite hoodie. The one that's a little too big, but it's real soft. Get under a blankie. Go commando. Just do what you need to do.

But for the next 30 or 40 minutes, we're fucking around. do. But for the next 30 or 40 minutes, we're fucking around. And we're going to listen to your answers to the espresso question of the week. What's your actual dream job? Not your dream job, not the job that you work hard for every day. I want to be in movies. I want to be in a, I want to be in a big superhero movie. I want to have a Netflix special. I want to host the Nickelodeon choice awards. I want to do all that shit. So bad. I want to have the number one podcast, number one comedy podcast. I want to be in the WWE a little bit. I want to be on number one podcast, number one comedy podcast. I want to be in the WWE a little bit. I want to be on a, I want my own sitcom, but what I actually want to do is just work at a donut shop and fill up long Johns all day and probably eat like six and two hours

deep down. How bad do I just want to sit in a toll booth in a parking garage all day that has a heater right here and a TV monitor right here. And I'm just watching days of our lives for 16 hours straight. Just doing this. Have a nice day. How bad do I want it? It's all I think about but remember Patreon $5 a month for an extra episode

every single week get your merch at benedictmerch.com listen to these guys and me and Joey Molinaro streaming on all platforms subscribe on YouTube and of course my YouTube Benedict Polizzi got a heater coming out this week. Just saying. Just saying. Subscribe. Check it out. Thanks for following on social media and everything. I love you guys. But what's your actual dream job? Let's talk. There is legitimately nothing

that could get me more amped up than getting in the cockpit of a zamboni on the ice and going less than a mile an hour nothing on this earth could get me as fired up as that i love this shit why is that so funny dude i watched it when i did that uh ice skating video for turbo tax and i had to ask the Zamboni guy if I could like sit in his chair and it was like such a big deal I had to go through like three levels of security I'd like bring him a gift I'd like frankincense I was like sir king Sayar sire i come bearing gifts he fucking comes down with a throne he's got like animal like polar bear fur on he's like i grant you the zamboni and he like watched me so close like as i took each step like because you have to like get on a ladder to get in this bitch. I was like, like trumpet started playing and shit.

I was like, Oh my God. Guards were like, like, let me in. I sat in it. He was like, you got 17 seconds.

I was like, Holy shit. No retakes. Forgot everything I had to say. It's perfect, bro. But that thing is like sacred and boy the way that motherfucker smooths out the ice i had no idea skated six times in my life bro the ice was just like a tank went over it like you know like tank tires i don't know what the fuck they are those big ass like chain things that are just like you know i'm saying they look it looks like a treadmill

with like grooves in it that thing all over the ice just churning that shit up it looks like somebody's just got a big cheese grater put it on the ice, one back and forth. That's what the ice looked like. And that Zamboni fired up, bro. And I swear they dimmed the lights for it. I'm like, this is a free skate at a rink on the north side of town. And there's six people there. And they dimmed the lights and had like a performance for this guy. They might've played music. dim the lights and had like a performance for this guy. They might have played music.

Oh, oh, it's magic. You know. Never believe the Zambol. It's magic. On the Zambol.

Look at this smooth motherfucking ice cause when that dude was done bro that shit bro it looked amazing you ever look out on the water on a cold ass day and it's just like I just kinda wanna lick that ice with my whole tongue like you just wanna run get a running start in your backyard,

and there's a whole frozen pond, and you just want to go head first and put your tongue out like this on the ice. And your feet are up here like this. And you're just skating across the ice on your tongue. That's what I want to do the ice rink after that Zamboni. So I completely understand. Jesus Christ, bro. Royal Prince of the ice rink.

Keep going. What's your actual dream job? I'm 26 years old. That's not it. Three, two, one. dream job I'm 26 years old that's not it three two one my dream jobs being a world-renowned performing artist but really love in the grand scheme of things I love I want to be a lawyer I want to be in a courtroom defending people in a court of law as long as weed and shrooms are illegal either that or

opening a skate shop see lawyer shit is too like i don't like confrontation if i was a lawyer and somebody's like that is wrong i'd be like yeah you're probably right actually let's get the hell out of here i'm hungry that's what exactly what i worst lawyer ever bro do you have any facts i'd be like i just thought about this shit on the way here actually so i don't know i feel you though i feel you though skate shop is where it's at you you you ended it low-key on the skate shop but that's what you really want can you imagine just sitting in a fucking skate shop all day doing this to a board with whatever the fuck? Well, like some, some like

band is playing like from the two thousands. Good. Charlotte's playing. Girls don't like boys. Girls like cars and money. Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money And you're folding shirts and shit Boys will affect girls when they're not How you doing? Funny There's a little bell on the door You're just in your fucking dreamland And these guys like these boys

Is there anything you're looking for? And these boys like these girls Cause we got 20% off everything in the back And girls like their body And boys like your body girls don't lie boy you ready to go we got some shoes that'll match that girls like

girls dude and you just own it what a dream let's keep going I want to be a professional travel oyster taster and raider. That was like a tongue twister. Travel oyster taster and raider.

There's probably a fucking job for that. That's the thing. Like, who's out here rating oysters? God, that'd be great bro where are you headed to today new orleans just rating oysters how sick would you be after like the second week though how's your job yeah you just got a new job oh my, what's wrong? Oh, sorry. I just ate 2,184 oysters when I was in New Orleans last week. Every fucking seafood place. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Louisiana. Yep. Yeah, I've had them. I've had them. They're good. Just keep going. them they're good just keep going uh my actual dream job would be to be a ninja stuntman x files agent oh thank you i don't know about uh yeah those stuntmen get busy don't they how about them looking exactly like the person who's starring in the movie

have you ever one time during a movie been like oh that's a stunt guy fuck no they look and then they show them after the movie you're like going on you follow the movie because you liked it so much not that i'm talking about spider-man or anything but you followed the movie on instagram because you liked it so much in the show like behind the scenes and they're like this is uh what's this is uh not spider-man's because that's not the movie i'm talking about stunts double and you're like what oh my god they have the same and you like look at that you like compare their bodies real quick they do have the same legs maybe i did see his like his back looked a little different when he was jumping over Doc Ock. I mean, it wasn't Spider-Man I saw, but like, you know?

You can never tell. Is there just a stunt double? Is there just like a colony of stunt doubles that just like they pick from? How come their body types are so similar to everybody? Of course, besides Jackie Chan and Tom Cruise. What if those were just the only guys from how come their body types are so similar to everybody of course besides jackie chan and tom cruz what if those were just the only guys that didn't have perfect body stunt doubles so they're like nope you guys got to do your own stunts and they're just like fuck it you know how tom

cruz did all his own shit i guess that's like i guess he did like crush life kind of you know he's like he's like the biggest actor ever. And he did all that shit. What'd you do today? You're a little funky, little cool acting job, Tom. Do you read some lines? You fuck some shit up. Oh, actually I hung on to a jet while it was in the air mid flight. Oh yeah. And that movie's number one across the world like okay stunt double bro just no recognition at all really they just like get fucked up and do flips and like get knives thrown on at them damn let's keep going so my actual dream job is to be a game show host

like white girl Steve Harvey, but a job that doesn't exist that would be my dream job is just to be a professional karaoke singer because I'm not really good enough to be an actual singer, but to just be able to travel the world and sing karaoke at like every bar, dream job. I wonder if that is a thing. job. I wonder if that is a thing. I guess it'd be like the person in charge of karaoke night,

but they don't like travel. Yeah. Wait, what was the first thing she said? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. A game show host. That would be a lot of work, though. How about just people that can just wreck karaoke? There's one guy in every town. It takes like a special person, and they don't want to do anything else either. And it's always like a very unassuming song. You're like, what the hell? This dude's about to sing Alanis Morissette?

Hi, hi, hi. And you're like, holy shit. Ha, ha. You like kind of fall in love with him. I guess it'd be easy to like to fall in love with a person that's good. You're like, why don't you actually just sing? People that are really good at karaoke. Hey, just sing.

And it's a dude. You're like, what? Turn 98. Lottery. turn 98 lottery seven ways about 10,000 and all you need is a dime and you're like okay that's all he's got you know then he just busts out a totally different genre on your ass. And you're like, this guy can do it all. The next song he plays.

Come my lady. Come, come my lady. You're my butterfly. Sugar, baby. Such a sexy, sexy, pretty little thing. You're like, what the? Who is he? And then, dude, this happens every time.

After that guy crushes that karaoke, you never fucking see him again. It's like right when he walks out of the door, his body just fucking. All right, so found what I want to do too. Just keep going. Dream job is a trophy wife. Like it's not even close.

Duh. a trophy wife. Like it's not even close. Duh. Trophy wife. I'm on the paycheck, but I'm not working. This bitch, dude. Just nothing, bro. How about just doing nothing how about doing just just nothing that's like half the people half the moms you gotta do like four things and then you just drink coffee all day and watch oprah

damn it does sound good make dinner i guess is that do you even have to do that i don't even know if you trophy wives have to do that i think they're just eating out and shit i think a trophy wife gets up works out yeah the trophy wives work fucking hard they work out bro they're hitting all the weird ass workouts zumba and shit they're hitting all the weird ass workouts, Zumba and shit. They're doing all the workouts that you never even, they're probably still doing P90X. Trophy Wipes are out here doing Ab Ripper X on a Wednesday at like 8.03 AM. So yeah, they do work kind of hard. They're getting that body right, bro. And then they're going to the salon hard the spa nothing a trophy likes trophy wife likes more than a spa dude they have rocks on their face and shit abs are spazzing because

they just said ab ripper x and they just had 14 like lattes get in your sexy little car every trophy wife's car though it's like not white it's like pearl you bitches and then the rest of the night is just getting ready for nothing getting ready for nothing might stop into tj maxx might stop into TJ Maxx. It's like a necessity. Like, just for no reason, dude. Just to look.

When's the last time you stopped in a store to look? That's such trophy wife shit. I was just browsing at Nordstrom. Well, shut the fuck up. You went there for no reason? When's the last time you did something just to kill time that's all they do bro trophy wives all they do just murder time i got about two hours they're always on the phone and shit in their car

but they're not on their phone phone in their car you know what i mean they're not like they're doing the wireless shit so they're like talking to their stereo and they're not on their phone, phone in their car. You know what I mean? They're not like, they're doing the wireless shit. So they're like talking to their stereo and they're being so loud. Right. So, and then we tried, but the carpet guy said he wasn't coming until 2.30. Now I have to rush back there because he said he's coming at noon. So I'm like. And they kind of, they do kind of like lose their voice a little. So I'm like and they do kind of like lose their voice a little

so I'm like and you can hear that conversation from inside that car for fucking miles you ever walk by somebody's car who's on the phone inside their car and you're like why don't you just fucking say it to me Jesus Christ it's so loud

is there any privacy in this bitch let's keep going have you ever seen those guys at nfl games where their only job is to keep the coach from running onto the field oh i think that's my dream job because you get to go um on the sideline for all these nfl games and you're just holding the coach back right and kind of being his hype man at the same time, that'd be kind of a cool job. I would love that. You know,

there's a catch though. There's a catch. He's got to do some other bullshit too. Like, you know, he's got to like low key chart plays, you know, like,

like in the back, like he's doing something. His whole private, his whole occupation isn't just this is it fuck i would love the way i would grab a fucking 64 year old coach by the hips and just walk him back behind a white line every 15 seconds and he'd kind of look at me like this and he'd be like it's my job every single. He's getting all into it. Fuck you! You know who's holding!

We had this conversation last time, Rob! You do this every fucking time we play Baltimore! Every time we play in this stadium! Okay? You know. That little look right there where they connect? That's what I said! Yeah!

You've been doing it all game! And I told you before the game that look all right bro that's all that is all right yeah you got to do your job you got to do your job but the way I'd fucking the the way I would grab that coach's hips like I'd kind of grab him like right on the bones in the front so he'd get like a he'd be like why do you you can grab me and pull me back, but why do you have to do it right there? That's how I'd do it.

Just because those pressure points, dog, you can't grab them on the sides. Your hands might slip off. Coach goes fucking running onto the 50 yard line screaming and shit.

Now you're getting fired on Monday. And you're doing the same fucking thing for the 49ers next week. Just keep going. Own a Boston parking garage. That is so fucking funny to me.

This girl, this girl DM'd it and I was like, leave a voice message. That's so funny. Own a Boston parking garage? Why would you ever want to do that? I do have a lot of questions for those people, though.

And kind of I want to, too. Because like parking people kind of run shit. You ever think about that? They're like, if you can't get in or out, like, bro, kind of fucked. They kind of got you in the palm of their hands when you're in that garage, dude. You're not going nowhere. They kind of got you in the palm of their hands when you're in that garage, dude. You're not going nowhere.

I just want to go up to a parking garage person and be like, why is the floor so fucking squeaky? Every parking garage I go in, turn left. I'm like, dude, I'm going three miles an hour. Oh, my bad. I just reversed my car one inch. Oops. Sorry. Went up a What are you mopping the floor with, bro? Insane. Literally, what are you mopping the floor with? Bottle rockets? Bone of Boston. Parking garage.

Why Boston? No, I've got a deep connection there because that's my toll booth fetish. Like you own the Boston parking garage. Boom. This is all mine. This is mine. This is my parking garage. How fucking,

how tight of a ship would you run in that parking garage too? I'd have people with flashlights at night just fucking every floor dude all right you good making sure it's all spic span elevator the elevators are just pristine the stairwell maybe there's not even there has to be a stairwell but you ever go in a stairwell in a parking garage you're like okay guess i'm getting stabbed my stairwell it's double wide actually you know what it might just be a stair like ramp you know what i mean you ever you ever seen the the ramp that's like oh they could have

put stairs here but they made it easy for us. My stairwell is clean, bro. There might be a guy chilling in a chair. Just doing like, just like doing like crossword puzzles and shit. Just making sure everything's okay. You know where you're going? Okay, yeah. Oh, the white car.

It's on the fourth. Yeah, your car's on the fourth. That's how you, yep. Have a good day. That's what he's doing. Then he goes back down to his word search. Let's keep going. So I actually had my dream job. I worked really hard. I got into the profession and I accomplished a lot of my goals. I was proud of myself, but the people in that industry completely ruined it so i was like cool thanks bro you ruined my dream so i guess my new dream job who was it be a librarian but only so i could shush people and they couldn't shush me back and i would just talk

because you can't shush a librarian. Shh. That girl is just full of spunk. Love that shit. But what, did she ever say what she, what it was? Wow. I feel like that's like, was that, was that like a trap? Was that like a baited hook? Where now I'm like, so what was it?

And then she just gives me all this fucking information. And I'm like, hey, just wanted to know. Didn't want the deets. Buttercup. But yeah, librarian wouldn't be bad. Because at least, you know, walking in, it's going to be quiet. Libraries are super fucking quiet. You got to give libraries respect for like staying on brand like there is no loud library like you know the fucking deal when you walk through those doors

you look that lady dude there's one lady that works at a library that works at every single library in the united states it's all the same lady. Glasses are kind of like artsy. She's wearing a short sleeve shirt. Her arms are just, just wrecked, bro. She's got chicken breast arms for sure. She's running shit though. She's running shit. She's got Navy pants on that are like, uh, floods. She's got white pants on that are like floods. She's got white shoes on. You can see her white ankle socks. She's got eye makeup on. And she's never really like busy.

She's always like ready to help. And then the lady next to her, who's like her like minion, is rifling through books trying to get those shits in the right place. And her name's always Elizabeth. She's like, Lizzie. Like telling her shit to do. That's nonfiction. Put it in this pile.

But the lady with the chicken breast arms is always like, she knows the spots. She knows where to look. When you walk in, she gives you that eye contact And you're like alright fuck yeah I better turn my phone down Cause boss lady's here And she's got the library glasses on And if you get an actual shush Out of her bro you're being way

Too loud cause her shush The girl that's running the show The captain Probably a Jenny She Because her shush, the girl that's running the show, the captain, probably a Jenny, she doesn't shush. She just goes like this. And you shut, you probably never talk,

you probably don't talk for three days when she fucking... You're muted, bro. You're muted. But good for libraries for staying up on uh for staying strong on being quiet uh you think they would lose it you think it'd be a lost art because like church kind of had that vibe but now church is like fuck church it's weird libraries are just like no no we're the good guys by the way like library volume should be in a lot more places i think how did they set that standard nobody else can do that like imagine like your brand is just being quiet oh like what if there's a coffee shop that came out and you're just like,

oh shit, shit, shit. We're at Schneider's. Yeah, we got to shut the fuck up, bro. Do you hear? Yeah, they're like, everybody knows, dude. Everybody knows when you walk into Schneider's, you just shut the hell up, drink your coffee and get the fuck out. It's never the vibe anywhere else.

Libraries kept that shit on lock. Good for them Respect My dream job is to be one of those ear doctors that all those clumps of earwax from people's ears I swear to God some people have like a whole ass candle in their ear the amount of wax that comes out I swear to God, some people have like a whole ass candle in their hair with the amount of wax that comes out How do you know me? I'm on TikTok watching those videos like 27 hours a day. So that's my dream job. Oh!

Haha, fuck. I love this fucking guy, bro. I just got the chills in my legs Yeah, like you went down there. My back was like keep going bro That doctor would be the shit i kind of wanted to be a uh what's the face guy dermatologist i kind of want to be a dermatologist just so i could pop zits because that was my shit like in high school if you had zit, like you don't, you fucking hands off. We got to find Ben. Like I was, like I was the guy, bro.

I was the guy. Everybody does something in high school. Oh yeah, he's got the TI-83 calculators. Devin? Yeah, yeah, he'll hook you up. For on the low. Your mom's probably not going to buy you one. They're like 90 at Target.

Dev's got them for like 20 if you need one. There's always a girl that just, there's always a girl. No, there's always a dude that always had the answers to all the tests. Yeah, Drew. Uh-huh. Yeah, he's got them all. The test is on Friday. He's got them all.

It's Tuesday. He's got them all. And he's got them all. The test is on Friday. He's got them all. It's Tuesday. He's got them all. And he's got form B, too. So if you have test A and test B, he's got both. Yeah, he's got them. Bro, you got like a zit in the crevice of your nose right there. Oh, hey, don't touch it. Don't touch it. Ben's got that.

Ben's got that ben's got that you walk up to the second floor sophomore hallway go to my green locker with just fucking weird go rebels football fucking posters on it and you wait there might have been a line brother might have been six or seven people there girls dudes teachers janitors they knew they knew i'd get right outside of my locker fucking step up we're gonna have to go to the bathroom for this one because some some were like some were little scratch offs you get scratch offs and some were mirror worthy let's go come here face the mirror we're gonna watch this you see that it's on the mirror that was that right there that's on the mirror now that was part of you three seconds ago thank you it's like i just worked a miracle or something oh my god oh my

god thank you so much. I'd be like, no problem. Same time tomorrow? I know you break out around lunch. Yeah, bro. A1 job. Thank you. Thank you, sir, for your service.

Let's keep going. So what I wish my dream job would be, it would be a pastry chef. Oh! But not to, like, open up my own bakery, because fuck that. That's too much work. Yeah. I would much rather, like, teach people how to bake, like, online, so I can just, like, stay home and, like, not have to put on actual real clothes.

Feel that. Like, work clothes, you know? Yeah yeah that's what i would like to do she's listening to christmas music yeah that that makes a lot of sense you you almost lost me when you said do it online because i hate online shit i'm like it's fake that's what i always think because you got to, it's fake. That's what I always think. Because you got to edit. It's fake. It's fake. Somebody else made it and they're just doing, they're doing the presentation. That's what I think. But the online baking though,

and you don't have to drive anywhere. That'd be the hype part about being an online baker. You just make it in your house. You do the, now we're going to take, now we're going to take... Now we're going to take two teaspoons of... What the hell are two teaspoons? We don't even know.

Does anyone know what the fuck a teaspoon is? Every time I'm like... Guess I'm guessing how much salt I'm putting in this. Teaspoon? Tablespoon? Gigabyte, megabyte I'm like who the fuck I need a tattoo

with all that shit on it yeah that'd be nice online baker you don't have to drive anywhere dude I swear to god driving places is more than half the battle people who commute to work bless your kind souls how the fuck are you doing that every day yeah i drive two and a half hours

from terre haute i'm like get a new job in terre haute i'll never understand that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, I drive three hours of work every day. Gotta get up at five. I'm like, dude, work in the town you live in. Every job I've ever had is like three steps away from where I live. Can't fucking stand it. I have to drive

to work? Oh, two things I hate in a row for that long? Rather die. My dream job is being a sled dog not a sled person but like an actual sled dog hey how bad does every human on the planet earth don't care what you say don't care who you ask how bad does every human want to be a dog? I think every day at probably 9.02am I just think to myself what I would

give to be a dog today. And my only worry is what I'm gonna eat and where's the stick? Oh the life dude. You ever just look at a dog and think you you got it so fucking good and you don't even know it

what i'd do to just be a dog looking up in a tree every day of my life a sled dog there's some work going you gotta train you gotta remember shit go left of the hill that's how i think dogs like talk in their head go left hey oh there's a guy there's a guy go get the guy no stop stop stop bucko stop and you gotta stop stop stop stop stop with them there's a tree you gotta go left there's a tree you gotta go left go go go go go go go stop stop go go go go go go where's my stick so talk that's how dogs talk Where's my stick? That's how dogs talk.

Where's my stick? Food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food. What do I do? It's pretty much me in real life anyway, though. A couple more. Let's keep going. All right, Brody. You probably aren't going to see this because you got a shit ton of messages, I'm sure. But anyway, I'm listening to the pod. Es the pod espresso it's freaking literally my new favorite podcast i've

gone through 20 episodes i love you it's great anyway uh listen to the most toxic thing you've done and i had to send you a dm again not sure you're gonna see this but before i forgot i wanted to send this because it would top anyone that was on that thing so long story short i was kind of just friends and benefits with this chick back in 2017 in college and long story short if she wanted more i didn't so she'd always invite me to her formals and shit like that i'd be like no but then whatever i want to do shit i'd sit her up she'd be down and all that to say this this is going to be a long one. Buckle up. But basically. Bro, I don't have time. I'm so sorry.

So homegirl said, hey, we got to talk. I'm like, how is this? Bro, I can't. Next time. Sorry. Hey, Benny. Haven't left you a message in a long time. But my dream job would be a chain restaurant owner or a travel blogger.

Oh, and also, taha, fuck. That was the sweetest goddamn thing. Dude, how can your voice be... Hey, Benny. Hey. I don't think I'll ever listen to anything again. I felt like I could taste that voice message and it tasted like a cinnamon roll.

Hey. Hey. The sweetest cinnamon roll you've ever had in your life with like way too much butter. You're like, wow. Was that even a cinnamon roll you've ever had in your life with like way too much butter you're like wow was that even a cinnamon roll you kind of like tear up a little bit so good you're like oh i can't have any more of this a restaurant chain owning a chain restaurant that'd be nice yeah dude people that own chain

restaurants they just have there's that nothing changes everything's just boom bang fucking we need the fries we need the ice we got the people here let's go let's just fucking open up shop and let it rip dude that would be nice little cookie cutter shit and you get to talk to people oh yeah you're back ricky oh yeah you become kind of like a like local celebrity a little bit and you're back, Ricky. Oh, yeah. You become kind of like a local celebrity a little bit. And you're never paying for food. Never. It's like my whole goal in life is to never buy food. But I do like 17,000 times a day.

That's all I think about. Skip. Low key last one. Hey there. I'm a physician and as much as i love being a doctor my dream job would be to be a zamboni driver people are so chill and they're so cool and they're the real rock stars of the show they are besides that i would probably want to be the bandage on nelly's face in 2002 either of those careers careers, I would die happy.

Yo, I like that. I like that girl. That's dope. The Zamboni shit though. They really are. They really are like a different breed of person. I had no idea, but they are royalty. Last one. You know where I would love to work at a bakery where I could just like get high, make like a batch or two of cupcakes and then be done for the day. Ta-ha. Fuck. Ta-ha. Fuck.

Why does it sound a little comforting? Because like if you're locked in high and making like muffins or something, I swear to God, you would not be off by one degree of any measurement. You'd be so... You could say my name 26 times while I'm making muffins. Hi. My apartment could be on fire, bro. My apartment could be on fire, bro. There could be a guy on my screened-in porch with one of those machine guns.

Me still at the counter high. Ding! I love you, muffin boy. Whoa! Yo, I gotta bounce, fam. I love this podcast. Thank you for leaving me those voice messages. Uh, remember to subscribe and join Patreon $5 a month for an extra episode every week in those episodes. You'll see. You'll see. Get your merch, benedictmerch.com subscribe on youtube listen to these guys love you guys for real that was so much fun um can't wait for next week i have