Espresso - what's your ACTUAL last meal?

Episode Date: August 22, 2024

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And then I'd like pick at the salad like that, with like barely any ranch on it, and then I'd just eat that with a glass of red wine. But I don't know who the fuck would do that other than a complete psychopath. Would you know? In too deep, can't think about giving it up. Cause I never knew love. Oh, this is on. Espresso Podcast shot 329 i'm your girlfriend benny who bought pumpkin spice creamer for his coffee because he can't wait to be a little spooky

hey can we talk but first upcoming stand-up comedy shows raleigh tonight i'll see you psychos at good night's comedy club Comedy Club Austin October 10th San Diego November 14th just had a stroke Buffalo got moved from September 19th to November 14th so just so you know get your tickies below in the description

of the podcast or at benedictpolizzi.com watch me on FBoy Island on the CW app or Lovers and Liars and yeah it's a pretty good watch Watch me on FBoy Island on the CW app Or Lovers and Liars And uh Yeah it's a pretty good watch It's like trash TV Yeah but it's good

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pump covers we got who's buying this hoodies everything at benedictmerch.com get your homie something get your girl something get your man something benedictmerch.com f boy at checkout for 25 off just saying uh let's get to the question cook cook cook espresso question of the week um what's your what's your actual last meal i know it's like such a quite what's your actual last meal I know it's like such a question what's your what would like literally first date question what would your last meal be like I want to know

um I think for the first half of my life I just had a meatball sub from subway and honestly might might might actually be that today because god that right now sounds so good half of my life all i did was eat meatball subs from age 1 to 15 meatball subs that's it but what's your real real debt you know people are always like i want a good steak from like

prime from like morton steakhouse shut up why don't you eat some shut up why don't you eat some get real why don't you eat some dude steak i mean a good steak is good but like come on that's what you're oops all berries it's oops all berries captain crunch that's what i want i want the most child foods i want fruit by the foot just balled up in my mouth i want instead of what what is it one foot what's fruit by the foot? Three feet? I want 7,000 feet of fruit by the foot. And I want it to kill me. How'd he die? Oh.

How'd he die? He was choked to death by 120 feet of fruit by the foot perfect was your real actual last meal let's talk it's all your fault benny it's all your fault i walk around the warehouse and say, so, so, so. I love you, bro. People are looking at me like I'm insane and it's all your fault. So I just thought I'd let you know that. So.

Dude, I love you. Like, if you leave a voice message on this pod and it's not even about the question, that's fine. There's no strict policy around here. Just say stuff. It's great. Everything is great content on the pod. This is interactive. We're just, hey, this podcast,

there's no, we're not, this is the least serious who gives a shit podcast. I think it's relatable I don't know I'm just honestly dude I'm just raw dogging this pod I just say everything that's on my mind

and you know what the people who get it that's fam let's keep going a box of raisin bran and 2% milk seriously thank you that's a real ass real legit last meal hey i can't believe you didn't say raisin bran crunch though so overlooked raisin bran such an og hold it down ass cereal in the cereal aisle.

Always overlooked. Always, always been there, though. Raisin Bran's like that friend that you don't really talk to anymore. But if you're like, bro, I need like $1,000 tonight. He'd be like, yeah, got you, man. For life. Right when they came out with Raisin Bran Crunch, dude, General Mills was in their bag.

You know, there's one guy in the General Mills meeting that was like, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. And another dude was just like, just try it. Put Crunch on there. See what it does. See what it does. It changed my life. Dude, and the fact that you think raisin bran is like this wholesome ass like little uh healthy cholesterol lowering cereal and then you read the you read

the facts you read the cereal facts show me the car facts it's just as bad as captain crunch with marshmallows how about when they just started putting marshmallows in everything sick cheat meal last sunday all i was thinking about the whole day what if i just got a box of cereal took it down who doesn't want it god damn cereal hey just just picture a i know i know cereal talk on a podcast oh my god i literally don't want to listen to this podcast all he does is talk about cereal that's all i want to talk about forever cereal i could talk about cereal for 10 months straight wouldn't get sick of it hey but okay i'll shut i'll shut up i'll swear to god i'll shut up twix cereal just do it just do it just see what happens see what happens those little cookies those little twix cookies some are caramel some are chocolate

put them in a bowl pour some milk in there she said two percent milk i'm not i'm not you know what bro on last meal i'll go vitamin i'll go d give me the d give me d give me d why not what do i have to lose i was raised on skim milk Gimme D. Gimme D! Why not? What do I have to lose? I was raised on skim milk. Didn't know another milk existed. And one time I accidentally got vitamin D milk from the gas station. For some reason, I just wanted milk.

For some reason at the gas station when I was a kid, I just wanted milk. And I accidentally got vitamin D milk. And my dad wasn't looking. He just rang it up. Dr drank it in the car almost had a seizure it slapped so hard vitamin d milk i felt like i was drinking white chocolate but that's from like 10 years of only drinking skim milk and what's wrong with skim milk oh dude people have like people have like wanted signs out for skim milk bro skim milk holds it down there's nothing wrong with skim milk you ever think you can eat cereal with water i've never tried it but i'm like

why wouldn't it be good cereal raisin bran with a couple drops of water in there? I'd scarf that shit down. Because I'm eating cereal dry. What was that? Am I scared? It's literally 4.30 p.m. and I just heard a noise. Why am I scared? On another episode of He's Scared While Doing a Podcast.

Jesus Christ, what was that noise did i step on siri it sounded like i stepped on siri's arm and she's like please don't please do not please do not take a right on hollywood boulevard take a left on Santa Monica Boulevard. Please don't step on my arm. You piece of shit. Please don't step on my arm. You've had two hair transplants and you're still kind of thin up top. Please don't step on my... She just starts talking all this shit.

You're not crazy if you eat dry cereal right i'd fill up a coca-cola red coca-cola cup of straight up raisin bran drink it that's almost that that's literally okay with me for a last meal dude drinking a a okay okay picture this maybe it's not even your last meal maybe you're just you're just kind of hanging out and you're hungry it's 2 a.m rolls around you're watching something cool on tv dude i'm so much cooler after 8 p.m you're like not even cool to begin with all right hey ashley just produce the podcast. You don't have to. But after 8 p.m. Bro, I'm so much dude.

8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Whoever that guy is. Holy shit. Whoever that guy is from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. I don't I don't know him. That guy is. Just a worried mess.

8am to 8pm. Me, 8am to 8pm. Me. I know, but I just biggest, like, wuss. Biting my nails. Dude, 8 p.m.

I turn into like. Yeah. This is completely different. 8 p.m. to midnight. Nothing. Worrying about nothing. Just just just sitting back what can we trade but it's 8 p.m to midnight got nothing to worry about haze in the the barn. Love that saying. White guy banger. Hey, haze in the barn. Everything's done. Haze in the barn. Got a couple hours to spare.

Pour up a red Coca-Cola cup of Apple Jacks. No milk. of apple jacks no milk sit your sweet cheeks on the couch cross that right leg over your left leg your your foot's doing this you know do this 8 p.m to midnight with a cup of apple jacks best night of your life just saying dude it's just we i don't need all the i'm a simple on this podcast we're simple simple pleasures i don't need to go anywhere just give me a couple apple jacks slap me in the face and throw me off the balcony all right so i hear me out as a picky eater i would eat some spaghetti with parmesan cheese like grated not that craft shit type like a little bit of that um you don't like that butter they use on the on the noodles and I just, what you're doing right now is perfect.

Stuff and like the certain like spice. I don't know what it is, but I'm white. So I think it's spice. And then I'd have some broccoli. Nice. Some like grilled broccoli. Oh, grilled broccoli. And like vegetable oil.

Oh, so good. It is And then along with that I'd have a little slab of ribeye steak Just a little bit Just a little bit Yeah tiny tiny tiny Don't take over

Don't take over And then for dessert Here we go Ice cream cake Cause I know after that ice cream cake I am going to have a shit so bad so fucking bad that i will die afterwards so that will be my last meal all right thank you god dang just putting on a clinic dude espresso voicemail clinic. I love how you specified

just a little bit of ribeye steak. Hey, don't overwhelm us. Steak is so overwhelming. Just steak. Just be the JC Chazet for a little bit of steak. Okay? Be one of the guys in B2K that's not Omarion for one second

steak like just just please hey steak tonight you're robbing okay let's spaghetti put the put this put the spaghetti signal in the air

with the parmesan grated cheese on top hey how about eating spaghetti you see somebody eating spaghetti you don't even know it's spaghetti because there's so much parmesan cheese on top so much so much that you're like what is he is he eating a coconut cake? Is he eating a coconut cake for dinner? Oh, that's just spaghetti. He has a bunch of Parmesan on it. Wow. Oh, bro.

Spaghetti used to just run my whole existence. The ice cream cake for dessert is so on point. I'm starting to think you can't really beat ice cream cake for dessert is so on point yeah i'm starting to think you can't really beat ice cream i've had a lot of nights where i'm like if i could eat anything right now what would it be and it's always it's all i don't know if this is because i'm like normal it's never anything key lime pot no no no no no chocolatey click no it's always just the pint of ice cream from ben and jerry's and you know the the hack target has the best flavors have i said that on here before probably because it's all i think about but target has different ben and jerry pint flavors than anywhere else just saying i don't know why i know that or anything but that's always it for me i'm like you know that would just that would just be great

just a pint ice cream what about like dairy queen no it's yeah it'd be great but it's something about the convenience and it's right there and you got a pint all to yourself and it's like the just I eat the whole thing. You can't not eat a whole pint. I'm kind of I'm kind of like a all or nothing guy. But eating half a pint, then the other half, the next day, I've never been able to do that. Things I'll never do not eat the whole pint. He said point.

That's just the right amount the convenience of just going right there they got all the flavors the most fun game in the world is picking which ben and jerry's pint you're gonna eat you're like oh my god am, am I going to cave and get fish food? What? American dream. Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Fallon, get out of my way. When I'm looking for Ben and Jerry's pints, get out of my way. Jimmy found everywhere.

I'm like, Jimmy Fallon. I don't want it. I feel like I'm eating Jimmy Fallon's like arteries and shit. When I'm eating that Jimmy found on the front of the that. Jimmy Fallon on the front of the, no one Jimmy Fallon on the front of the Ben and Jerry's ice cream pint. I'm like,

bro, no. Is your hair in there or something? There's one called peanut butter world. Hey Benny. I'm so excited to be on here. Um, I always ask my friends like every single week, should I leave a voice memo? Hey, Benny. I'm so excited to be on here. I love you.

I always ask my friends like every single week, should I leave a voice memo? Should I say this? And I always text them about it because I listen to your podcast religiously. I love you! But finally, I'm leaving one. So I'm super excited. And this is one that I'm super passionate about. Thank you.

Thank God. So my real last meal would be cheeseburger and fries. Always. I think about it on the rig. I could have a cheeseburger and fries every single day of my life. It doesn't matter what restaurant we're at, whether it's a bar, a nice restaurant, I'm probably ordering cheeseburger and fries with a side of ranch. Even when I get to the restaurant, I think I'm going to try something new. I have it in my head. And then as soon as the waitress comes up, ask me what I want. I automatically just go back to cheeseburger and fries. Um, but also my real last meal would be with you. Um, so I'm actually

turning 30 this week and my only wish is to go on a date with you. So if you'd like to fulfill that, I left my Instagram name in the name part of this voice recording and you can let me know there. Love you, Benny. I love you. God damn it. I just...

I honestly would do that. I would go and get a cheeseburger and fries with you. Would it not be the most fun thing of all time? Just a cheeseburger and fries with you it would it not be the most fun thing of all time just a cheeseburger and fry hey mess that up hey cheeseburger and fries hey any restaurant cheeseburger and fries bro that tells you how like how much of a like cheeseburger just boom every time doesn't matter what restaurant how do you want to cook just give me a cheeseburger and fry mcdonald's cheeseburger and fries texas roadhouse cheeseburger and fries. Consistent. Salute.

Happy birthday. 30? Cheeseburger and fries. Who's mad? Hey, who's going to say no to that? Damn. But imagine if you were like really, you know. I mean, every place has a cheeseburger and fries too.

You can't go wrong. I got to know what she's doing though on the cheeseburger and fries i guess you're gonna find out i know i know but like pickles what are we doing we doing lettuce tomato you putting places that are like uh we don't put ketchup and mustard on them i'm like why not here's the deal restaurants the cheeseburger should come with absolutely everything on it and you tell them what you don't want how about that person you pulled up with in the drive-thru and they got a plain cheeseburger bro how come every kid did that growing up am i am i the only person that was like give me the give me everything on the thing yeah it was like five out of five of my

friends that would be in my car and we'd get mcdonald's and they'd be like can i have a plain one just plain dude my mom would look at him like this you just want the burger and ketchup and cheese and they'd be like yeah like you're a pussy dude actually drop this drop this hoe back off home eat some lettuce have a little like variety in your life even if you don't like it try it bro i swear to god how many times do i say swear to get on this podcast every second that should be the name of the podcast i swear to god with benedict polizzi the amount of my friends that would come over to my house and they'd be like i've never had a carrot before i'd be like what dude it wasn't just people like him dude people in school i'd bring my lunch to school and have

like a a ziploc baggie said baggie he's six zip ziploc baggie of blueberries blueberries pretty normal to me like yeah we didn't have blueberries like stocked in our house but like once every couple months we had blueberries i'd bring them to school and people look at me like I brought in a nuclear weapon. I'd be like, what the what? Blueberry. Yes, these exist. You've only heard about these. Nobody ate anything like it was.

I'll never forget. I asked my I asked one of my friends at my house if he's ever had a blueberry. He said no. And I was like, I kind of think I hate you now, dude. You've never had a blueberry? A blue berry. You've never had one. You've never been curious and tried one.

You've never had the opportunity. Everybody's been to a buffet. You never go to like the fruit part. You guys are. I don't know. I just growing up, people not trying. I was like, am I crazy? Does my family only eat?

I'm like, we're not that that different. What are we from Europe or something? No, we're just normal. We just go to the same grocery store. Everybody else. You haven't had a dude. The amount of people who growing up or even today have not had a nectarine or heard of it blows my mind a nectarine bro say say hey you want a nectarine

to somebody they'll think you're talking about like a military branch you're like what the hell like what he's like what new rule if you've never if someone asks you if you've hey have you ever had a nectarine you say no they're allowed to spit on their hand smack you in the face hey just curious hey just want to know first date have you ever had a nectarine um i don't think so and they'd completely understand after oh my god that kind of hurt but i mean let's go try one. That's how life should be. Please. I know I'm not crazy.

It's a it's the best peach you've ever had. Peach with no hair. Nectarine. I don't know. Am I insane? Are they not called nectarines anymore? Was it a family word? Cause my grandpa used to call cantaloupe, marshmallow, but I kind of knew I had my spidey sense was tingling. That's not a real name. Please don't use that at school. That was

my biggest fear growing up saying a family word at school or saying like a baby talk word at school. You know, you and your, I don't know, this is me and my family, me and my, everyone I'm close with, we use like fake voices, right? That's normal. I hope maybe not. If I ever was like really, really liked a girl, like deep in a relationship, we would use fake voices for everything. My sister, I don't think I've heard her real voice in 16 years. My mom, maybe I would talk to her in my real voice if I was falling off of a mountain and she was right there to help me.

Mom, help! That's, dude, I, I, I do use a fake voice with everyone that i that i love probably um what the hell was i talking about bro what was i talking about that's normal right but my biggest fear is using that like at school oh my god he always talks about like his like like growing up dude i think that's like where my my brain stopped i stopped thinking about things because everything was so boring after

like high school so everything i relate to is from when I was 20 or younger. I don't know. Right? And everybody kind of grew up the same too. Shut up, Ashley. My biggest fear was seeing a bunch of cantaloupe at lunch and calling it a mushroom and all my friends being like what did you call that and me being like I gotta transfer schools

it's on like some calling your teacher mom type beat never want to do that bro how many times did I? All right. I didn't even need time to think about this one. Love you. So my, if I were to die and I had to choose a last meal, mind you, I am also a foodie and a fat guy. So be prepared.

All right. So first off, we'll have. Don't relate to anybody more than than big dudes have an appetizer. We're going to do my favorite sapper platter of buffalo wings, regular hot, regular buffalo sauce, mozzarella sticks, twice baked potato with bacon bits on top. Dip in some sort of sour cream, spicy sauce with sour cream. Can't beat it. Next, I'm going to have a few different entrees. We're going to have a classic ribeye steak, medium rare.

I'm going to have a Big Mac from McDonald's. Definitely going to have a Nashville hot chicken from somewhere. And then just your good old-fashioned grilled cheese. Oh my god, this guy is spitting right now. Also, too, I'm gonna throw in there some Cocoa Puffs

cereal. My dog. With chocolate milk. Mixed with Cocoa Pebbles. Oh! I never even thought of that! And then, after that, we're gonna have a second dinner second dinner is gonna be an entire thanksgiving meal um which you know consists of everything you need at thanksgiving um for dessert we're gonna have pumpkin pie with whipped cream we're gonna have a slice of apple pie. We're going to have six Oreos with a glass of milk to dip in.

Double stuff. And then I'm going to finish it off with a cheesecake slice from Jack in the Box. What? Why not? Wait, what? Do we know? Does the world know that Jack in the Box has fire cheesecake? It doesn't have to be a swirl.

It can be just a normal cheesecake. I'm going to wash this all down with dr pepper and ice cold water i'm definitely gonna get an oreo shake from somewhere i mean the list can go on and on how much can you choose you didn't say we had go ahead bro to stop or keep going you don't have to stop ever you know i didn't even say pizza pizza's definitely got to be in there uh some kind of bacon um extra cheese you know, I didn't even say pizza. Pizza's definitely got to be in there. Some kind of bacon, extra cheese, you know, New York style crispy pizza with that good, you know, burnt bottom.

You know, that's it pretty much. I think I got everything. Oh, and then last but not least, a bag full of those fucking grandma strawberry wrapper candies that you know, would be in your grandma's dish from back in the day. Oh, shoot, bro.

This guy really just popped off. This dude really. I don't know. We might have to end the podcast after that. Whole. Dude, did anyone know about Jack in the Box cheesecake? For one. For one, first of all, I didn't know that they had cheesecake. I thought the only fast food place doing pies and cakes and shit was Burger King.

Remember, you pull up to Burger King and be like, why do they have like pie? But why do I want that so bad? Jack in the Box menu is so chaotic. I'm like, ah, too many choices. Jack in the Box has like cheesecake level menu where I'm like, bro, there's there's a this is a dictionary of choices. What did he say that made so much sense to me? Um. Props on saying New York style pizza pizza because i think that is the best pizza

everybody's like no detroit no should cut no detroit is just the most normal and that's what we want i don't give a shit bro i don't care my favorite pizza is literally Papa John's. I don't care about your local chain. I don't. Papa John's is just, I don't know. Is it a white guy thing? It's so much better in Pizza Hut, honestly. And it just is. Pizza Hut's got the logo and the name and the brand in the cups in the restaurant.

But the pizza's kind of trash. Like, I'll eat it, it obviously and i'd like it but like it's not it's not as good as bob jones let's just be real people that are like i like dominoes no you don't i mean props to dominoes they try really hard and like they're they're doing their thing but i feel like dominoes is like one year away from being out of business sorry dominoes sorry dominoes people out there he said something an oreo shake yeah isn't that crazy you really can't when i'm like what shake do i want that's always a big debate with me i'm always like god if i got a shake right now i don't even know what i get every time i get a shake i'm so like caught up in the i'm like i need to text

four of my friends to ask what kind of shake i should get i always end up getting vanilla but i'm like i do want a chocolate that's why oreo is the best that oreo shake from chick-fil-a boy boy that first time i had that oreo shake the first time that touched my stupid ass tongue the first time i got an ore ass tongue. The first time I got an Oreo shake from Chick-fil-A, I was like, this is the best fast food place I've ever been to in my life. There were hot people there. I had an Oreo shake

with a straw. I was holding it like I was cool. I think I had my arm around a chair in Chick-fil-A and I was sipping an Oreo shake like I was cool. I think I had my arm around a chair and Chick-fil-A and I was sipping an Oreo shake. Like I was just, just the biggest, just, just a guy in a,

in a music video. I might've had my hand over the top of it like this too. Cool guy holding a drink. And in the background, there's a place on ocean avenue he popped off with that hard i can't believe he didn't throw a snack in there just snack just keep going thank you bro what up benny uh i'm a recently new listener listen to the last few episodes uh i've always loved your tiktoks i didn't realize you had a podcast until the last few weeks here so i'm an idiot i guess um hoping that this will be my first call that will be on my real last meal yes that was on death row you're on babe would be two half pound red sauce burritos bean and cheese burritos with red sauce from del taco

whoa um i would also like a big mac dude i know I would have to have a ice cream sundae with cookies and cream ice cream and hot fudge, whipped cream, caramel, some crushed up nuts. Dude, I just love how serious everyone is about this. Because this is honestly, I've never been more serious in my life. This is the number one thing I love. I would also like to have my mother's enchiladas, whether she was actually around to make them or not. I would think that in the universe where I am having my last meal, it's the same universe where somehow that food could be produced

through like AI or something, you know, all that crazy shit that we have going on. She's alive. Yeah, so I'll have some ai uh enchiladas and uh i think that would be it i know you got something left yeah and maybe just a cold beer the cold cores light i know finish it off sayonara dude i love you so so so clean with it so clean just a coors light hey i don't need the fancy schmancy just just and he probably would have been like the one in the can is fine yeah i just love people like hey just core's like hey it's fine yeah give me toss me a silver bullet shut up forever

bro big max really are it uh i've always in my head i've always had a soft spot for for a whopper from burger king i don't't know why, because they're like, you know, there's J.C. Chazay. They're the J.C. Chazay to the Justin Timberlake Big Mac. And I've always had a little I've always had love for Whopper. But this is maybe the day I realize that Big Macs are king. Can't believe I just said that.

God, they're so good though dude the first time I was at McDonald's and the guy in front of me was like I'll take a double cheeseburger with mac sauce I was like you can do that I looked at three people around me and I was like what the fuck is this guy a spy

is this guy a Burger King spy you can you can ask for mac sauce in the way he just didn't even say big mac sauce he was just like mac sauce I was like he's done this like 300 times he said bean burritos from Del Taco bro I had Del Taco one time and I just I honestly didn't like it I didn't i was so hungry i ordered so much food from del taco i had like one thing and i was like i can't do this anymore you know you like you're so hungry and you take like four bites of something and you're like this is good this is

good i think i think this is good and then on the fifth bite you're like this isn't good this isn't good this isn't good i gotta give up god damn it i hate giving up but like i'm like this isn't good this isn't good this isn't good i gotta give up god damn it i hate giving up but like i'm like this isn't good and the first four bites i was starving i was a different person i came to my scent you always come to your senses on the fourth or fifth bite that's what happened to me with del taco had a bad experience there's a place on ocean avenue big mac i swear they used to be so much bigger and they came in that box that big mac box change your whole life there's a bunch of like lettuce like loose lettuce in the box you're like oh girl when i get my hands on you crazy all the bread in there that that extra bread slice they put in the middle of a big mac talk to me dirty talk to me nice actually

the way my whole entire personality will change when you bag of four Big Macs comes out of the McDonald's drive-thru window. Thank you. So, fire. My last meal would be the kimchi pickles from Target, the Cleveland Kitchen brand with spicy strawberry, pepper jelly and cream cheese on a Ritz crackers and mashed potatoes and gravy. Right. Man, you unlocked you unlock something in there. That's some charcuterie magic. Dude, you just hooked.

Dude, if you put whatever you just said, that sounded like a password. Whatever she just said sounded like a password that they generate automatically for like a router. Your Wi-Fi. Spectrum Wi-Fi password? This right here so my last meal would be the kimchi pickles from target the cleveland kitchen brand with spicy strawberry pepper jelly username kimchi pickles password spicy pepper chili and cream cheese on a ritz crackers and mashed potatoes and gravy god you, you ever just put dudes. One time I put peanut butter and jelly on a Ritz cracker and I was like,

Oh, I can't do this anymore. I can't, I can't. I thought, I thought, I thought someone was going to come out of a doctor strange circle, take the Ritz peanut butter and jelly from me and go back in the circle. That's how good that show was.

I was like, dude, somebody black panther's gonna confiscate this food in front of me and go back right right back in the circle because it was too good man every like seven times a day i'm'm like, did I just hear a Dr. Strange circle open up in my living room? Dr. Strange comes out. Takes your... Takes your raisin bran crunch, goes back in his circle. Fuck! I knew it was too good to be true.

What was that last thing she said no and mashed potatoes and gravy oh mashed potatoes and gravy holding it down forever oh gee thanksgiving food man that's i bet that's like dude hey if you just had a big man i think we're putting together like the all-star team of last meal food and I think it's Big Mac and mashed potatoes. And maybe Oreo ice cream or shake. A Big Mac and mashed potatoes. I mean, what else? What else you asking for?

A bowl of cereal with that? And I'm good. Yo, I'm sleeping. They kill my ass. Big Mac, mashed potatoes, bowl of rice crispy treat cereal and maybe like a row of oreos dies it dies right after perfect a whole bowl of strawberries with um chocolate drizzled on top, like dairy milk chocolate. Oh, hey, hey. Unsung hero.

I don't know why they're not getting enough love. We should be talking about it so much more. I don't know why we're not. I think we're just pretending it's okay. And props to them for just hanging in there with us, not giving them any credit. Hot fudge. We're just going to pretend like that's not the best thing we've ever had in our lives.

Hot fudge. You ever have soft serve ice cream with hot fudge all over it and you take that bite that's like half hot fudge, half vanilla ice cream, melty, and the hot fudge is still really warm. You're like, that? We're just going to pretend this isn't the best spoonful

of whatever I've ever had. Hot fudge, half hot fudge, half melty soft serve in a spoon. Plastic spoon. Smack my ass, call me Barbie. Lock me up. Tie me up. Throw me out of a plane.

Duh. I know, I know. Strawberries with like milk chocolate drizzled all over them. Fire. And it's kind of like sexy but like I just always think about like the you know you can only eat so much of the strawberry you gotta throw you gotta take the pin out of the grenade and throw you know what I mean there's the leaves you gotta worry about you just cut the tops off i know but then that's a whole thing and like sometimes you gotta have some really good strawberries i've had i've been brainwashed by strawberries and i've realized that like 75 of percent of

the strawberries i've eaten in my life like weren't really that good you know you just like in your mind you're like oh strawberries these are good but like honestly like a lot of them weren't that great i'm just realizing that in the good strawberries they're good but are they that was supposed to be a cool like on to the next thing but this next voice message won't load and it's driving me insane what's up baby girl haven't called in a little while so i'm gonna have to let this one rip love this guy last meal genuine honest i'm going with dinosaur chicken nuggets i'm a literal slut for those things oh my god like he's so childish shut up ashley oh my god it's my producer ashley i think you know what i'm talking about

he's such a freaking loser like who likes dinosaur chicken nuggets i do ashley i like them i'm a literal slut for them bear me in dinosaur chicken nuggets at my funeral, Ashley. I like them. I'm a literal slut for them. Bear me in dinosaur chicken nuggets at my funeral. That's all I have to say today, baby. Slap my ass so hard you send me to heaven. Ta-ha.

Ugh. Thank you! Just give me what I want. God damn. I want dinosaur chicken nuggets with so much ketchup. Sorry, everyone. Just shut up about it. Kid Cuisine, what if I want that that i don't give a shit man a lunchable

that too all the stuff you know why i want all this stuff because i never got a grown-up and god damn i bet it's still it's still so good hey whatever your kid's eating six years old at a birthday party, that's my last meal. Yeah. All the reasons in your head that you're coming up with why we shouldn't eat that stuff, that's why I want it. It's like not nutritious. It's like for kids. It's like colorful.

It's like processed. I know. I know. Like for kids, it's like colorful. It's like, it's like process. I know. Dinosaur chicken nuggets. I can honestly say I've never had them, but God damn. Dipping that T-Rex in ketchup, popping that thing in.

It's going about my merry old way. Slap my ass. Send me to hell. Put a T-Rx dinosaur in ketchup put it in my mouth let me play roller coaster tycoon for the end of the night till like midnight that's it that's it dudes this just reminded me of that somebody said grilled cheese sandwich bro just come on just nothing better hey a grilled cheese sandwich and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich those two in a seven game series i don't know i don't know i think peanut butter and jelly wins like four games to three like really like at the buzzer but like man i don't know that that that's that right there is who knows

hi ben um do you have any idea how can I be more, like, cool? You can be more cool? I think you already are. I don't even think you need to ask me. I think you got it. I think you're just asking because you know you're already that cool. I know your game. I know your cool little game you're playing.

Yeah. I don't know. Just keep doing what you're doing. I think you're cool. But maybe fix your audio a little bit. Everything that I'm allergic to for the last 30 years. Strawberries. Smart.

Tomatoes. That means pizza again. All that kind of stuff. Rice. Everything I'm allergic to. Rice. And that's a lot of things. How good is just rice, you know?

Don't you just want to put your whole face in that bin of rice at Chipotle and just take one big bite out of crime? God, sometimes I just want to shove, you know, I just want to be a cell phone that has water damage and just, just be in a bag of rice, but cooked rice. And I got to eat my way out. I think I could do it.

Am I insane? You put me in a room full of rice. I think I could definitely eat my way out of it i'd be like i'm not sick of this a room full of rice this whole room is filled with rice and i gotta get to the door but it's like very very thick in there i could i could like eat enough to be like there's the doorknob and i'd get out of there right rice did he say right or right he's like stupid sometimes my last meal would be a bunch of cigarettes because i quit a long time ago and i still miss them every day damn see that's some real shit right there when people quit cigarettes don't act like you don't want one i don't even

smoke cigarettes and i walk by people smoking cigs and i'm like damn i could rip that right now do you ever just smell a cigarette and you're like why do i want that just cuz this is like is this like a tobacco podcast no but like it's just like people that lost like 300 pounds. I'm like, bro, you know, you want to eat all that bullshit again. Like, don't play. I've lost weight and like, you know what I mean? But like every single second, I'm like, I just want to eat all the candy.

I want all every single second. There's not one second that goes by that i wouldn't eat a snickers people that give stuff up i know you want it don't act all i'm so over it hey your ex okay all right yeah yeah you're yeah you don't want anything? Okay. All right. I would eat a family-size container of Gushers. Yes. Specifically just the breading from KFC chicken. I want just the breading.

Just give me the crispy part. I don't want the rust. I love it. And a whole fat-ass pan of lasagna. Thank you. Lasagna is so good. Hey, hey that corner piece it's like burnt and it's just you can just do whatever you want with lasagna you know you can eat a corner piece of lasagna and you can just eat the middle part out of it you don't have to finish your piece of lasagna god there's there's times where lasagna has been so good that i've eaten a whole

entire like half of a thing because i'm like i feel like when someone who makes lasagna for you that's like kind of like a treasure like you know you find a treasure like in movies they have a treasure chest that's like my treasure like one time a girl made me a thing, a whole thing of lasagna. And I was like, probably like once every seven minutes. I was like, I can't wait to go home and see it. Like it was like a little like puppy. I was like,

I can't wait. I have that at my house is insane. I have all the lasagna at my house and I can eat any of it anytime I want. So it's like I had a treasure chest at my house in my fridge and it was gone it was so sad i think i'm a monkey everybody's like that right for how a whole thing was every dude for a week i was just in heaven eating lasagna every night. Reheating it almost tasted better than when it was fresh.

And I think, hey, dude, sometimes putting stuff in the oven. Makes it better. I don't want to preheat. Sometimes it's all worth it. Or just bring back that. Hey, sell the Subway toaster. We've talked about it. Or just bring back that.

Hey, sell the Subway toaster. We've talked about it. God damn, man. A whole thing of Gushers. I've done it before. Might be a cringe moment of the week. But one time I was going to film something with Joey. And he's like, hey, bro. Can you pick up some gushers when you're at the

store because i was like i'm at the store now i'll head over he's like this is like some like emergency like my my son like won't like and we did we forgot to get guy can you just get gushers real quick i like venmo you i was like yeah dude i got four boxes of gushers gave him one and ate three boxes on the way to his house and i was like uh-huh yep it's just like i've never had the i've always dreamt of the opportunity to eat a whole box of gushers and that day on the way to his house, I did it three, three times. I don't know, man. It was just, it was amazing. It was amazing. And I just wanted, I just wanted, I just had to do it. It was so good. But I was honestly like, dude, one package of Gushers isn't shit. That's kind of what I got out of that. I was like, there's just five gushers and then that's it that's what i was eating like one time every year as a kid

i really have to have 62 of something to actually have it you know i can't just three like one pack of gushers is almost evil you're gonna give me a pack of Gushers, and that's a tease, dude. Great question. I think about it often. So we're going to Chili's. We're starting off with the skillet queso and bottomless chips, obviously. I'm not too worried about being full because I'm about to die. Fine.

So we're alternating between queso and the salsa. They're both incredible. Then we're moving on to the queso and the salsa they're both incredible they're moving on to the queso burger i'm gonna keep that in mind right there i didn't know that chili's was doing queso salsa and chips like that have you like never been you like always say like normal chain restaurants i just no i just never really knew that about chili's we're learning some shit i mean maybe i'm out of the loop but jack-in-the-box cheesecake chilies salsa and chips and queso

who wouldn't have a birthday party at chilies right now like an adult like hey we're just going to that sounds a great recent addition to the menu um something can't really get elsewhere who else is doing that just chilies because they're the best and you know on the side obviously we've got bottomless soda going on you know if you're a coke or a coke zero fan that's where my zone is um and that's it i can die a happy man so perfect hold on let's run this back because i think i missed something great question i think about it often so we're going to Chili's. We're starting off with the skillet queso and bottomless chips, obviously.

I'm not too worried about being full because I'm about to die. So we're alternating between queso and the salsa. They're both incredible. Boom, boom, bang. They're moving on to the queso burger. A great recent addition to the menu. Something you can't really get elsewhere.

Who else is doing that? Just Chili's because they're the best. And, you know, on the side, obviously, we've got bottomless soda going on. You know, if you're a Coke or a Coke Zero fan, that's where my zone is. And that's it. I can die a happy man. Just couldn't have put it any better. That might have been the best 39 seconds of my life.

So good I had to listen to it twice just no and this or that just no just boom and he's so dude queso is kind of a drug it's so good that i can't even like come near it actually I can't even like come near it. Actually. It's so good that I know if I eat a little bit of it, I'm done. I'm done for.

It's going to, it's going to take over. It's a drug, bro. It's a drug more dangerous than literally marijuana. Okay. So it is chips in case. Literally marijuana queso. It is. Chips and queso?

I could sit there for four hours having the time of my life in a booth at Chili's. Booth. With the pads on the back? Four hours. Chips, queso. And I wouldn't want to leave after four hours. You'd have to like get me.

You'd have to be like, let's go! And I'd be like, alright, Jesus Christ. I was having a great time chips queso the queso burger i don't know much about it but god dang i mean how could it be bad and then coke zero dude people love coke zero people love coke zero i know some people that are like, they'll drink like 70 of them. And I'm like, I mean, what's in it?

I don't know. Sounds great. Chips queso, salsa, queso burger, Coke Zero. Put a bullet in my head. Why not? I've had all the fun I can have. I'm hoping I'm not too late for this. And I'm hoping this makes it on the pod for this week but like we'll see but my last meal is not gonna it's not gonna make any logical sense it's it's gonna be a bunch of random shit that's why we're here um

but first i would want portuguese stuffing and i would want my grandma's recipe of portuguese stuffing and talk to me about that if any listeners have ever had portuguese stuffing you'll know exactly what i'm talking about but i will not have any other type of stuffing and i've had other portuguese stuffing and my obviously my grandmother's recipe is the best I gotta know definitely Portuguese stuffing and then I would also want it's a Portuguese dish

that my grandma also used to make when I was younger and I always got so excited when she made it but they're called soupage and basically it's like a Portuguese version of French toast but you don't but they're called soupage. And basically it's like a Portuguese version of French toast, but you don't, you don't use maple syrup.

You eat it as is. Cause it's like, it's moist enough and you just put cinnamon on it. Or at least my grandma used to put cinnamon on it. Cinnamon. But it was, it's absolutely delicious absolutely delicious and again has to be my grandma's recipe then i would want a gourmet chocolate cake from like a from like a really really good bakery you know the ones that like it's like 10 layers and it has to have like a really rich ganache dark chocolate ganache filling and um oh maybe like maybe also like an oreo filling and like

maybe have like one of each on each of the layers oh my god so good oreo is king and um also like a really like rich chocolate buttercream with like the chocolate curls on top and maybe even a chocolate strawberry. I got it. That would be fantastic. I got to go. And then maybe like a side of ice cream, vanilla ice cream to go along with it to like kind of cut the richness of that dark chocolate. Cut. chocolate but i think that would that would most likely be my last meal which would probably give me a stomach ache but because maybe slightly lactose intolerant but it's fine you know

last meal have to have to live it up dude i think you got a baby girl man the way you put that down with the oreo dude oreo is bossy right now every who doesn't like it who doesn't like dude if you show me somebody that doesn't like oreo i'll show you a decapitated man so i'll cut their head off yeah i don't really like oreo i will stab you in the neck and no one will care the whole the fbi the cops will be like what do you say didn't like oreo just leave them leave them and make the guy who stabbed him king portuguese stuffing that's another thing that uh it was my favorite food for like two years because you always get that question. And I don't want to be the guy that's like, pizza.

Okay, bro. It always happens in school. What's your favorite food? Pizza. All right, bro. Pizza. There's always a stock answers for those questions. I never wanted to have like a run of the mill answer.

What do you do in your free time? Hang out with friends. Shut up. What do you really do? What's in your free time? Hang out with friends. Shut up. What do you really do? What do you really, what's really your favorite food? One time I just whipped it out. I was like stuffing Thanksgiving.

It's always your mom's too. That just kills. Like you eat stuffing like from a restaurant. It's pretty good. i guess it's pretty good actually it's pretty good but your mom's you're like there's something different about this that's what you're talking about with that portuguese stuffing damn what would my last meal be um say it's probably cheesecake maybe steak uh some volcano tacos, Taco Bell.

Something's coming. A large Baja Blast draft. Not that canned or bottled shit. I think I'm good. And also pour one out, like I suggest everybody else do right now. You know, we lost a good one recently. Oh, God. Boondocks from Field Mob has passed.

And, you know, I don't want to take a moment of silence. So what? So what? so what hey if you're like what just happened you need to join the patreon and get on the live stream every Sunday

so funny people who get it in the live stream so just everything is hidden people who get it in the live stream. So just everything is hidden. You ever been in a conversation where you're like, am I on Adderall or something?

That's the live stream. That's why it's called ADHD. All right. So for my last meal ever, all right so for my last meal ever i would love to have that sandwich your parents bring out when you're like hanging out with your friends freshly out the pool not yeah and then she decides to bring out your favorite fucking chips like your all-time favorite and then you decide to throw those inside the sandwich and then you know with the side condiments that are all right there in place yeah put it in your sandwich if you want uh-huh with the side feeling of freshly coming out the pool like it has to be that it has to has to has to has to yeah yeah there's just nothing hidden like

that salami sandwich fresh out of the water pruney fingers on the bread bread a sandwich is a little wet hey you're eating like you're eating some chlorine it's fine the chips on the sandwich if the way he said if you want you know what i mean each and then you know with the side condiments that are all right there place you know put it in your sandwich if you want if you want it's so clutch hey just if you want oh bro don't leave me around that if you want if i want you tell me yeah if you want if you want dude i will how about that if you want i will i don't want to that's fine oh give me the luxury

that sandwich pruney fingers salami it's on a bun it's on a bun the chips on it gotta be eating that on a paper plate she's not the same if it's not on a paper plate and you know the paper plate i'm talking about the paper plate with the little dimples around it they're like they're like one cent that is the paper plate and that is the only paper plate i will accept sometimes you like flip them inside out you push the dimples inside out that paper plate is i kind of think that's like the the that's that's what america is built upon that paper plate nothing nothing is better than that oh i like the ones with no shut you know you know don't even go there hey benny love you god dang it i love you more um for my last meal i'm gonna go super ethnic. I'm Puerto Rican.

So it would have to be my mom's white rice and beans, red kidney beans with all of her seasonings. And then steak. My mom makes the best flank steak. Again, Puerto Rican style. Only way to go out is to have all the Puerto Rican-ness and all the Puerto Rican flavors. I'd want a glass of Sauvignon Blanc. Go off.

And for dessert, swester vanilla ice cream with cookie dough and peanuts. Peanuts. And I think that would be good also i know i have an accent i'm from long island sorry okay bye i don't know did everyone just fall in love during that what was that what what feeling did we all just have that that was like that was the craziest like what i did not was it like it was her voice it was the thing she was saying and then it was also like the background noise was like she was outside on the best day well what just happened

why did that just put me in a different dimension savi on like everything like why did why do I want to go on a date all of a sudden I'm in a relationship what just happened but uh one time I had a kidney bean and I I in my head while I was eating chili there was a kidney bean in the chili and in for some reason in my brain I thought it was a bug and I can't look at those anymore. I was eating chili and I was like, oh, what if all these kidney beans were just bugs real quick? Like, what if they're all bugs? And I didn't know.

And then I kind of ruined chili for me for a little bit. God, you know, a chili could crack into that last meal category. You know, you got a chili day and somebody just makes like a pound of chili and you're just eating it all day with cheese right there. And it's in little bowls, plastic bowls. With the crackers on the chili. Are we the hungriest people on the internet? I kind of think we are.

God dang. Keep going. we the hungriest people on the internet i kind of think we are god dang keep going for my last meal i'm eating 47 packages of sweet tart ropes damn wait i've never had one hold on there's more for dessert for dinner i'm having 47 bowls of cinnamon toast crunch i know i've been waiting to say that i think i might have said it during this why is cinnamon a oh my god if you're trying to get like like kind of freaky and you're eating cereal switch out regular milk with chocolate milk dude one time but it's got to be like you it's got to be a special occasion i was in the college cafeteria because who the who has all the cereals and all the milks other than a college cafeteria filled a big bowl up with cinnamon toast crunch just on some on some meal meal points just on some scholarship just walked in there just didn't

deserve it at all i probably did something shameful right before i ate this to the brim was cinnamon toast crunch and it was the real cinnamon toast crunch and it was at the end of the container the big plastic thing they have in, you know, they have in like hotels and shit. So I got all the sugar with it too. And I just splashed chocolate milk all over it. And it was ricocheting off the Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal. Probably soaked somebody next to me. They're probably like, I don't care.

Enjoy it. You ever pour some milk like from a distance on top of cereal dude it'll splat it'll flood your whole entire basement i'm like jesus chocolate milk and cinnamon toast crunch it did something to me and now every time i have cinnamon Toast Crunch with regular milk, I'm like... It's good. But... I've had the best. I've had the best.

This is good, but it's just... There's something else out there. It's some weird thing. It's a weird thing it's a weird thing it's the one that got away kind of a little bit that feeling it's the one that got away hey the the sweet tart ropes i don't know i'm getting when i had i don't know it's got me a little car sick. Yo, she understood the assignment, though. You know what I mean?

Like, that's a real ass last meal. It's not... You can't mess up a last meal. We've had every spectrum, every point of the spectrum last meal, but that's just, like, just some cut and dry is what I want. That's perfect.

Dinner, cinnamon toast, crunch. Had a stroke. Dinner, cinnamon toast, crunch, dessert, 47 sweet tart ropes. Yeah. Nothing wrong with that. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Here we go. Well, I left you in

voice message after I saw where I could leave one, but I'll leave you this one it's all good my last meal would be anything that I've been allergic to oh shit okay okay my bad my bad she left a voice message and then I told her to leave one because I was like

because some people just leave like the text they'll respond to my story and just be like this and I'll be like yo leave a voice message but i i accidentally told her twice i love you for for doing it twice i know that's not easy it's a lot of pressure a little bit i don't care you can say whatever you want you can have four strokes because you know i'm gonna have a stroke if there's one thing about me i'ma have a stroke and my throat's going to make a frog noise. So

nobody should be worried about any any type of little stutter in a voice met day. You're talking to stutter God. I invented stuttering. Like honorable mention, I should start doing one of these every single podcast because someone does it every week they'll just leave like a a text like a dm text not a voice message to the and they'll answer the question of the week one guy just said my last meal jar of peanut butter god damn like honestly yeah i can't buy i'm off peanut butter right now. I can't buy it. Like, it's a drug, man.

Peanut butter is a drug. Peanut butter in my kitchen is I'm going there. Hey, where do you think he'll be at 1141 p.m.? Where do you think Benny Polizzi will be at 1141 p.m.? Just any he'll be eating a spoonful of peanut butter out of the jar in his kitchen, probably with bare feet, shorts on and no shirt glasses. And you know what? Actually, his teeth will be brushed and he's just going to ruin it. He's just going to give it. He's going to risk it all and he's going to eat a spoonful of peanut butter and he's going to give it. He's going to risk it all. And he's going to eat a spoonful of peanut butter. And he's going to even do it.

So he's going to be like, I'm just going to let it not touch any of my teeth, the peanut butter, and I'll be fine. Why? Why is food so good? After I brush my teeth, I'm like, I could eat a whole hot fudge sundae right now. And it would bang. Hey, where are you going to be like tonight at 12 you know where i'm gonna be my pantry eating at a jar of peanut butter with a spoon that's where i'm gonna be

you can count on it you can literally count on me doing that every night if there's peanut butter my last meal would be the buffalo pretzel crisps with thinly sliced cheese swiss cheese and like what i do is i take a piece of this cheese i put the pretzel on top and then i like peel the cheese off so that the pretzel and the cheese are the same size. And then I just sit there and eat like 30 bags. I know. I know. And the cheese. I could just eat that nonstop.

They really ruined our life with that. It's so good. Those thin pretzels. What do they think they're doing? What do they think they're doing? You just make a pretzel thinner and I'll eat 40 of them. Actual pretzelels pretty good though. You know?

One time I was at my friend's and we just, you know, they just, you know, you're at your friend's, you just want to eat everything. And this is like some eighth grade shit. They had pretzels and it was like, all right. I mean, I'll eat pretzels. I'm not mad at that. Like, I get it. Like my house is like your house. We just don't have like, all right. I mean, I'll eat pretzels. I'm not mad at that. Like, I get it. Like, my house is like your house. We just don't have, like, a hell of food.

Bro had pretzels and we just started dipping it in ranch. And I'm like, I'm not a ranch guy. And he goes, try it, bro. All night. All night. We ate a whole bag, asked his mom to buy us another bag of pretzels.

You guys want anything from the store this is our chance to be like gushers pizza rolls donna you know this was like it we both looked at each other and we go pretzels actually i didn't say that i lied i didn't say i would never say that at my friend's house i would just look at him be like i'm good but he took the bullet and was like pretzels and i was like oh yes oh my god oh my god he knew can you imagine being that rude at your friends you're at your friend's house first of all and then their mom asks you what you want and you say something i would never do that i'm a pussy though got a couple more here we go aobp it's your boy andre ivy giving you a shout again um my last meal would probably be some shitty fast food combination yeah Either like my go-to McDonald's meal or like Taco Bell.

For sake of this example, let's just go McDonald's. I'm crushing. Triple cheeseburger playing with mac sauce only. Ten piece nuggy with buffalo and sweet and sour dipping sauce. Depending on the mood that day, either a large Sprite or a large Coke. My mood right now, we're going to go large Sprite. Me too. And I was just thinking about this. The coolest move for your last meal. that day either a large sprite or a large coke my mood right now we're gonna go large sprite me too and i was just thinking about this the coolest move for your last meal also give me two newport

cigarettes i want to crush two menthols before i go out and die later doesn't even smoke i would do it dude for some reason that that's the there's nothing more like dessert after you you know everybody's like, everyone has room for dessert. For some reason, everybody has room for a cigarette after dessert too. I don't know why. Ew, he's like gross. No, I don't smoke.

I've never, okay. I have tried a cigarette, obviously because I'm a human, but like, you know what? If you're going to kill me, just give me a cig. Just had 14 brownies. Chocolate on my face. Hold on. Hey! Put the gun down.

I'm not done. Yeah. Yeah. And I'd be dead on the ground and they'd zoom in on my face and I'd just go like this type shit. Dude, he's the Mac sauce guy. The realest people you know are Mac sauce guys. For some reason, he's so right about that spreader coke it is such an in the moment thing and you know if you want a spreader a coke there's no like debate it's just a coke day or a sprite day today for me big sprite day never told a lie never told a goddamn lie one more

what would my last meal be i know what's coming shit probably ass nah but all jokes aside my last meal would probably be a blackened salmon salad with ranch dressing a little but instead of pouring the ranch dressing on top of the salad i would dip my fork into it and then i'd like pick at the salad like that with like barely any ranch on it and then i just eat that with a glass of red wine but i don't know who the fuck would do that other than a complete psychopath would you know? That's literally my entire meal. That's my entire personality is being a pussy.

With a glass of wine. Why? Dude, oh my God. I went over to this dumb ass's house one time with that exact meal. Just ate it in his house and left i love you guys man that's crazy let's keep going dear diary if you're not familiar with the podcast which i haven't done this in like four years but we do little segments after a question of the week dear diary and i just tell you something that happened that was just stupid um all right my roommate that i live with his name's logan baird comedian la from indiana looks exactly and i'm talking about 100 looks like shaggy

from scooby-doo like the movie the real human scooby-doo movie looks exactly like them so i'm like dude we live on hollywood boulevard walk of fame stars on the ground let's go out there and pretend to be shaggy and scooby because people are really gonna think that you're like a hundred percent bro so we just we pretended to be street performers for a day and i'm telling you it's mean in those street performer streets we tried to post up and just be shaggy and scooby just for an hour bro we were getting tossed and that hustle is one of the realest hustles. We're just trying to like have fun.

You know, we're kind of legit. We're kind of legit because he looks like I'm, I'm just in a Scooby costume. We're clean. We're fresh. We're in good moods. Like we were a little bit of a thread, but boy, they got it locked down. Like the duty we got,

I got deer diary. I got yelled at by the all gold guy that does this for like four and a half hours. You know, there's always an all gold guy, like in a touristy area. And he's like, and you're like, is that the first time I saw an all gold guy, like in a touristy area. And he's like, and you're like,

is that the first time I saw an all gold guy? Never forget it. I'll be like, he's been standing like that. He for two and a half out, dude, that guy screaming at us to get out of his like section. But we were like,

dude, this is a pup that we, we, karen dialed in i was like hey this is a i didn't raise my voice like this at all because i'm scared but i was like this no he's like y'all gotta move we're like absolutely not absolutely no we're not moving they gonna hit your camera when they're coming to me i'm just telling you bro we were my roommate was like let him hit it bro we were we got in a fight with the all gold guy that hustle is so real hey i made five bucks last hour because your guy's shit was in the way. We're like, perform better, dog. That had to cut him deep.

Bro was out there performing with music on Pandora and it cut to the commercials. That's how real the hustle is. Free Pandora with commercials. He was dancing to that. Save 15% on your car insurance with Geico. Insane. I was a street performer for a day. Bro, we made so much money.

And in one hour, we made $58. I think that's a lot of money bro imagine if you're doing that all day imagine if you are doing that all day on a saturday 10 hours i feel like that's that's like a livable i was like bro i could give up i could give up and be a dog for a day and not even be a dog. I could just wear a costume every day and have a jar out there and just be like, what's up? And I make $100 a day and probably $1,000. Get out of here.

Get out of here with that life. Don't tempt me, dog. I will be the flash every single day. Get out of here. Get out of here with that life. Don't tempt me, dog. I will be... I will be the Flash every single day. Do not tempt me. We saw Deadpool and Wolverine. Why was I like, that is Wolverine? I was like, part of me was like, dude,

hey, Hollywood, Wolverine. Look him up. I was like, part of me was like, dude, hey, Hollywood Wolverine. Look him up. I was like that. I was like, I almost wanted to give him a hug. He came up to me. You look good, bub. I was like, sir, you just took my breath away. Cringe moment of the week.

This is a segment where I I don't understand why you won't shut the fuck up this is a segment where I tell you guys something cringy I've done in the past or what I just did someone said during last meal someone was like I want to gourmet something.

And it just triggered this memory in my head. I used to go watch my friend play baseball in like fifth grade. He would play baseball at like this. I just go with him. Cause we were like, I don't know why the hell I did. I was just like friends with him in the neighborhood. He would go and play.

He'd be like, I got a baseball game tonight. You want to go? And I'd just like friends with him in the neighborhood he would go and play he'd be like I got a baseball game tonight you want to go and I'd be like yeah but I would just like sit in the crowd with his mom like why wasn't I on the team I don't really know I don't really care probably didn't really want to play but I my mom would give me $20 every time I went and this is why I went to the games and their concession stand was so heat and my mom gave me 20 bucks I don't know why maybe she just wanted me out of the house like I wasn't playing maybe I have no idea it was so bizarre my mom gave me 20 dollars like it was like every Tuesday it was like five Tuesdays in a row that I did this. And I would just literally eat dinner at the concession stand. They had, dude, they had like wings. Like it wasn't your normal concession. They had nachos. Like they, it was insane. They

had different, they had icies, they had milkshake. I was like, but that's one, that's one way my friend got me to go to the baseball games he was like bro uh you want to come to the game their concession stand is dirty and i was like really and his mom i think was like yeah like it's really good you can come with us if you want you know how your friend's mom will just like invite you to shit i'm like am i supposed to say yeah like i never would because my mom my mom would be like that i really don't want you to go there just being nice. And I'd be like, yeah, you're right. But one time I just went because I was like, all right, bet.

It sounds like you guys really want me to go. So I guess I'll go. I won't be a weirdo. 20 bucks. Rolling. Walking up to the concession stand. Overwhelmed because the options. Pizza pizza and it looked good and it wasn't a slice of pizza it was on the bread but one thing was sticking out to me shout out girl turning 30 gourmet cheeseburger five dollars i was like i

got 20 bucks i know that gourmet cheeseburger is about to go crazy i'm doing it but if i got fries too that'd be insane i feel like i would get in trouble it It'd be so good. But I was like, um, you know, when you're a kid, you're like, you're kind of nervous to order. That's how I was.

If you weren't nervous, I'm still nervous to order. Like, like in the speaker, I'm like, okay, here we go. But I was like 12 and I was like,

um, can I, I'll take the gourmet cheeseburger $5. Felt like I was just the president of the United States and I'd give them money at the same time because I didn't know like the trend like when do you I was always confused when you give them the money when you're buying something I'm like do I give this to you right now like as I like I never like I like they gotta scan it and then you give them the money but I was always just I But if I was buying a CD at a store,

I'd hand them the CD with the money on top of it and be like, you got it from here, bro. I don't know. That's how I was when I got the cheeseburger. I was like, gourmet cheeseburger? Bro, when they looked at me, I was insane. I was like, I'm just a kid that wants this gourmet cheeseburger. Like, what?

I'm like, I'm not saying it wrong. I asked like three people. I was like, gourmet, the gourmet. Like, that's it, right? Dude, these moms were like, oh, gourmet? Gourmet cheeseburger? That's what you want, little man? And I was like, yeah.

And I was even like, that's what it's. You guys did it. Like, what? Made me feel like such an idiot. That's the cringe moment, bro. I just, I was was like i don't even really want it anymore like damn you guys named it i'm just here read what i just said and then make what what do you want me to and then if i if i would have asked for a cheeseburger

you'd have been like the gourmet one and i'd have been like yeah and then i would have been worried that i didn't get the gourmet one if i just would have said cheeseburger still mad about it i don't care i don't care no i i'm i'm not i'm not i'm not mad i'm not. I'm not. I'm not mad at that. I'm not mad. Gore mage. I was like, this made it a lot worse. Honestly, it was fire. Let's do days of the week.

Days of the week is a segment where, you know, every day has a national theme. Oh, my God. It's National Donut Day. And I just go through them because they're so stupid. Thursday. Today. Pecan torta day. Tooth Fairy Day.

Pecan pie, man. It's just one of those. It's one of them ones. One of those things that just gets better as you get older. Pecan pie when I was a kid. Throw it in the pond in my backyard, actually. No one will know know pecan pie now I'm like wait wait wait

I think we need to freeze that so I can have it on a special occasion because this is insane pecan pie with a little scoop of ice cream next to it goodnight baby goodnight have goodnight goodnight baby Pecan pie with a little scoop of ice cream next to it. Good night, baby.

Good night. Have good night. Good night, baby. Pecan pie. The slice. It's all about the slice. You give me an ugly piece of pie. You know, you see pizza and you get like an it's like an ugly triangle you're like

but then you see that one triangle that's like nice and perfect and cute you're like oh my god when pecan pie is sliced like that almost like the point of the pecan pie is like the point of the super logo. You're like, Oh, okay. All right. Well, gonna have to eat that immediately. Just makes so much of a difference.

What the little scoop of ice cream. Make a baby cry. Make a goddamn baby cry when I bite into that pecan pie. Every time I take a bite of pecan pie off like a dessert fork, 17 babies cry and I don't care either. I don't care Friday find your inner nerd day I love how it's cool to be a nerd

like when you're like older it just comes out whatever everyone is a nerd man and the coolest people are the biggest nerds it's the best dude being a nerd is of and embracing it sometimes you gotta back off on your nerd like hey i like superheroes it's nerdy but like i know when it's becoming annoying but i think everybody does right no i like hate superheroes okay then guess what you

like harry potter and it's literally the same thing literally the same thing like everybody if you talk about harry potter like i i get it i get it but once you start talking about harry potter too much i'm like hey that's not like everybody has the alarm in their head right when you're become annoying alarm mine might go off a little too quick it should it's been going off this past hour on this podcast but everybody has annoying alarm right like i'll be talking about a superhero for a little and then i'll i'll hear the alarm and i'm like i gotta shut up too much too much talking about carnage from spider-man way too much my whole it's honestly insane but my whole whatever i'm talking about whatever i'm talking about, whatever I'm talking about every day is heavily influenced by TikTok.

What does that mean? It means my favorite time, my favorite time of the night. Everybody knows this. I think we're all the same listening to this right now. The best time is that little hour of wiggle room when you're in your bed and you're watching tiktok can't be bothered can't be happier just unbelievable unbelievably full of joy scrolling tiktok and right now it's all about superheroes so what's going on i'm just going to talk about superheroes all day it dude if my feed was about mac and cheese the whole day, the next two weeks, I'm talking about mac and cheese. I just don't. It just has so much of an impact on me. Saturday, Maryland day. Hey, Maryland, I love you, but just get over yourself. Nobody loves Maryland more than Maryland. Maryland's in their flag.

Like, okay. We get it. On some nerd change, Maryland change your mascot back to the big Terrapin. Cause that thing was just. Shit. My phone's over there. Shame. I'm just going to pretend like I'm not annoyed and I'm going to keep going.

Sunday. I'm so annoyed. I almost picked up the phone and it was my homie Derek. And every time we answer the phone, we go like this. But I was just a little too late. If he calls me back, I'll answer it. Banana split day. Hey, banana splits. I don't think I don't.

I think if they discontinued the banana split, I think everybody would be just a OK with it. You got rid of the banana split, said no one ever. If you like banana splits, you're my grandpa. And even he would be like, they're okay. Banana split. If you're a girl and we get ice cream together, no matter what we are and you get a banana split, I'm going to be like, are you on a scavenger hunt right now i always think people that order just like the most bizarre thing i'm like you're on a scavenger hunt right now aren't you you're pretending to just have fun with me but secretly you're in a group message and you're like i just got the banana split sends a picture of it to the group chat oh she got it. That's what I think every day.

I'm like, what? You're on a scout, dude. If you're with someone and they like take a picture of a random barn or something or something, I'm like, you're on a scavenger hunt right now with me. It's insane. Insane. Kiss and make up day. Kiss and make day. Kiss and makeup, bro.

I've never officially made up with somebody. And been like, yeah, I'm just so sorry. And I won't do it again. They're never like, okay, thank you. I believe you and everything is okay it's always like it always lingers on for like two and a half weeks and i'm like jesus christ never mind can we get some confirmation on the makeup part like give me the end point i was never just out of trouble.

Like I was always just in trouble. And I was just faded forever. I was always kind of in trouble. My friends that would be like, yo, I just got ungrounded. What you doing tonight? I'd be like, what the fuck? Dude, if I get grounded,

I'm still grounded today a little bit. Like people don't forget secondhand wardrobe day I'll never forget the time I put on clothes to go film a video I got to where I needed to be to film the video with Joey Molinaro. And he was like, never seen you wear that. Went right home, changed, came back. Always bring a second pair of clothes just in case you ever, you're going out on a limb with your clothes. I wear two shirts and two pants really.

Honestly, every single day, every single day that I've lived in LA, I've worn maybe in two pants. Really? Honestly, every single day, every single day that I've lived in LA, I've worn maybe four different shirts. I don't care. This is like everything I wear in my podcast is like, it's kind of something I wouldn't, I'm only wearing it for the, like the,

the vid, you know, I would never just wear this in around the house, dude. I do. I wear it. This is what I wear in my house at all times no shirt shorts that are really comfortable and prestos on my feet on my feet i didn't mean for that to sound so cool but that is like what like if we you know

we just had last meal what was your what would be your last thing you're wearing this no shirt shorts that are comfortable commando socks white socks nike socks best socks wiki and wiki shut up everybody shut up everybody shut up i'm so sorry captain stroke can i have some beef stroking off last meal beef stroking off prestos mid-white nike socks comfortable shorts no shirt glasses default default me it's just the most comfortable thing. If I spill something, it doesn't get on my shirt. It's not, like, it's kind of, having a shirt on for me is like, I'm always a little too hot.

I'm like, I'm hot. Whatever, whatever I go to sleep in, that's my most comfortable thing. That's my default. Last clothes. Last meal. That's my most comfortable thing. That's my default.

Last clothes. Last meal. The gum inside of blow pops in a bowl. Last wardrobe. Whatever I wear to sleep. That's what I want. Bro, what you wear to sleep is just says so much about you. I love it.

And the fact that you, whatever you wear to sleep is what you really want to be wearing at all times. People that are like, I love these jeans. These are my favorite jeans. I'm like, okay, wear them to bed then. Wear them to bed. Psycho. People that sleep in jeans. I just don't know where to put you. What category do you go in

if you sleep in jeans? What? Alright, I gotta go. when you had that friend over and he like just ended up staying the night and you're just like yeah bro you can sleep on the cat that's cool and he would just dude i would wake him up and be like put these shorts on don't you dare sleep in jeans what kind of nightmare all right i love you guys i'm out hey get some tickies benedictpolizzi.com for all upcoming shows watch f boy island do it if you haven't subscribe send the send the pod to the homies only if they understand

i love you guys man talk to you next week I've time fuck