Espresso - what's your go-to karaoke song?

Episode Date: May 30, 2024

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Things are going great, then to my surprise, some people walked in, I didn't recognize, I said, fellas, yo, you gotta get out. Hey man, heard this was an open house. Yeah, that's what the flyer said. I didn't put a flyer, somebody did. Then walked in, the girl I'm crushing into gets a little too close. Espresso Podcast Shot 317. I'm your host, Benny. Come on, come on, come on.

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New stuff on the way. Let's get to the question though. Espresso. Question of the week. What's your go-to karaoke song? I don't do it much. I don't. And I'm telling you, I'm so scared to do karaoke. When I hear the words karaoke, I'm like, ah, God damn it, man. Like why? It just feels, it just, just something passes over me when I hear the word karaoke and I'm like, fuck, it's just, ah, and I always end up doing it. No matter what I'm like, dude, don't be a bit, everybody's not great. Right. But I do have one song that is my go-to. It started when I was in the car. I was like 12 years old road road trip. This is the first time I've ever sang out loud. Me, my mom, my two sisters in the 1999 Jeep Cherokee, not grand Jeep Cherokee,

because everybody knows if you're a Jeep fam, you wouldn't understand. um the Cherokee had a better shape than the Grand Cherokee so Cherokees are better in the 98 99 version we all know we all if you know you know if you know you know I hate it when people say that but I just said it twice um and a song came on road trip style three hours into into a road trip you're feeling a little loopy. You know, you can kind of say anything at this point and get away with it. Three hours into a road trip. There's no tension. Everybody gets the vibe. No one's being annoying anymore.

It's just kind of like everyone's giving up. That's what it is. And a song comes on and they're like, Benny, sing. that's what it is. And a song comes on and they're like, Benny sing. And the artists of the song was Enrique Iglesias. That might be to me, the hottest name I've ever heard in my life at that point in time. I'm 12. Enrique Iglesias, that sounds like something I would order at a restaurant with the baddest bitch of all time across from me sir we'll take the Enrique Iglesias no problem sir no problem that's that's always the the servers at the fancy restaurants that's how they talk real fast and real like like they're're your servant. No problem, sir.

And you're like, you feel like a king. You're like, that's right. Enrique Iglesias came on in the car and they're like, sing Benny. And I was like, all right, whatever. I can be your hero, baby, baby, baby. I can kiss away the pain, pain, pain. I could stand by you forever. You can take my love away. Oh my God. I don't even know if, oh my, just the passion. Remember that music video?

Something happened, dude. How about hearing a song and it's your favorite song of all time. God. I don't even know if, Oh my, just the passion. Remember that music video? Something happened, dude. How about hearing a song and it's your favorite song of all time. And then all the sudden you willy nilly stumble upon the music video. You're like, fuck. I didn't even know that. I didn't even know there was a music video for this. Dude. I came across that music video. Like, I mean, probably like three months later. I i mean that's a pretty long time because that song was hot and he's like he's like i just remember him laying on the bathroom sink and i was like this might be like this might be my like my like that's the guy that's the guy i want to be where were you and what was it when you realized that uh you saw you saw the person you want to be that you'll never be that's what it is he was like laying on the bathroom sink like in a public

bathroom like distraught like you can and take. And I was like, Oh God, Enrique and Glace. Everything about him's hot. Everything about him's hot on another episode of everything about him is hot. Everything about him is hot, but let's get to yours. What's your go-to karaoke song? Let's talk. Huh? Okay. That was my test. He does it every week.

He tests if the voice message thing works and that was it that time. So, uh, let's go to the next one. No, I don't want no scrub. Scrub is a guy that can get no love from me hanging on the passenger side of your best friend's ride trying to hide me i don't want no dude but when she gets into it after that though like i don't know i don't know what

the lyrics are in the in the i'm gonna try to look it up should i yeah i'm going to no scrubs lyrics do that verse after it though hanging in the passenger seat Your best friend's right Trying to hold Scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly I forget how it goes but god damn it She goes in after that That's a good one bro

What an iconic song Can we run it back? no i don't want no script at the beginning of this voice message i thought she was just saying no to this whole operation of like what's your go-to karaoke song i thought she was just like no i don't want to tell you you know why because it's stupid i thought she's gonna go on a rant but no i don't want no scrub scrub is a guy hanging out for me hanging out the passenger side your best friend's right trying to hurt me dude you know this the the store called scrubs i i thought that was all because of the song the way they the way they branded like like hospital scrubs i'm like can we change that

they're just called scrubs i'm pretty like i'm like i'm pretty sure i know what a scrub is and it's not what you're wearing i was so confused as a kid every every word that had two different meanings i'm like no can we that's called a scrub the tv show wasn't there a tv show called fucking scrubs i love you milky boy whoa so i was gonna do this with music in the background, but last time I tried to. I think I said it too late. So we're just going to send it. Send it. It's great. I think that might have just gone over the mic for work so you're welcome stork anywho yeah that's what i'm talking about give me a little lady gaga a little fuck just this bitch yeah that's definitely the one. That's just across the board, Mike. Number one favorite song of all time.

Yeah, pretty consistently, man. Lady Gaga. Bad Romance. Kiss What's This Bitch. And again, Lady Gaga. Ha ha ha. Fuck. God damn, I love it so much, dude.

We get two off-road fucking sounds like he wrecks his car in one voice message. I have a clip page. It's called Benedict clips, all clips from this podcast. And one of the clips is called caller drives off the road while leaving voice message. And it has so many views, off the road while leaving voice message. And it has so many views, not so many, probably like 300, but, uh, it's that it's the first time Milky boy made that noise at the end of his voice message. Love it. But Lady Gaga, uh, can't miss. I'm going to disagree, Milky. If I'm going Lady Gaga, I'm going poker face. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, poker face. No, no, no, no.

I'll never forget this. Freshman year, college football. We're playing one of the best teams in the whole entire Division 2. Can we? Obviously. I've got a Division 2 vibe written all over me. Probably didn't need to say it. You guys would know.

Because if I went to a Division 1 school, I would not be doing this. If I went to a Division 1 school and I was three inches taller, I'd still be chasing that dream. But college football freshman year, best player on the other team, best team we're playing, gets a sack immediately. the press box plays on accident that's my all time favorite thing bro the guy in the press box accidentally pressing play too soon

right after the quarterback hits the ground. Oh my God, bro. It just, it just, it's the timing of the QB hitting the ground. It's a home game. The crowd's like, oh, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Oh my God. Set it off. Downloaded the song right when I got back to my dorm room. I was like, yo, that shit went so hard. Another instance of a press box guy playing a song too early. Dude was about to break the free throw record at my high school. the free throw record at my high school all he needed was one more bro one more and it's not like consecutive i wish it would have been consecutive but it's just most free throws made of all time needed one more to break it he's tied at the free throw line three dribbles

fucking get locking it in setting it up about to die he's automatic bro he's gonna hit it right when he right before he lets go of the ball toxic by britney spears he releases it clanks off the rim no one else is laughing as hard as i'm laughing and i'm like am I crazy that was the funniest thing because the it was almost halftime and the dance team was about to come on and the fucking cheerleading coach press play on accident oh my god bro it's like when your phone goes off like when you're in a quiet place, like magnified by a thousand. I'll never forget that.

But good pick, Lady Gaga, can't miss. But I'm up. Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-boo-pa-pa-boo. Na-na-na-na. A little more. We're breaking free, soaring, flying. There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach. If we're trying, yeah, we're breaking free.

So that's a duet. It's Troy and Gabriella from High School Musical, the original one. And it's my fave. She wanted to. She wanted to wanted to tough but she didn't but uh yeah that's a that's saw the movie didn't really pay attention but like before i saw high school musical and i heard that song i was like oh that's that's that's that's And I was, I was in that era of my life where I, where I couldn't really, uh, I was like, uh, big, big football player, senior guy. I wasn't like, you know what I mean? I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't into the, uh, the arts as much. So as much as I wanted to be like, nah, bro, I would never listen to that. All I wanted to do was listen to that.

And God damn, when I heard soaring, flying, there's not a star in heaven that we can't reach. Oh. Part of me was just like, i gotta watch that everybody in my school was singing that song so ran oh my god yeah uh a karaoke song with two people singing that is sexy i am that guy that will bail out what do you want singing karaoke song i'll be like i'll do it if you do it with me i'm that guy i'm that guy kind of a bitch move but in the end it doesn't even matter okay also i just left the troy and gabriella number for you um i never hear anyone talk about when they leave recordings on these things you know anyone's pod that i get my heart starts beating so hard i get like full-on stage fright that i'm just sitting in my living room and no one ever talks about that

people just sound so chill um yeah so what the heck I get so nervous other people must be too right god dang that is the that is what I love about this podcast, people. Just say it, dude. Don't be scared, even though you're scared. Just say shit. Everyone that leaves a voice message is probably nervous before they leave it. Before I do anything, I'm so nervous that I almost bail. Before this podcast, nervous. When I woke up today, the first thing I thought of was like,

fuck, I got to do the podcast. But now that I'm doing it, chilling. It's just the moment of like before you do it, it's all nervy. But nah, baby girl, you're good. You're in good hands. It's the Espresso Fam. You got nothing to worry about. Let's keep going.

Oh my God. Okay, so my go-to karaoke song is Bye Bye Bye by NSYNC. You better sing it. I'm doing this tonight. You're probably gonna start a fight. I know this can't be right hey baby come on i love you in the streets that's me not knowing any of the words but still doing karaoke even though it's in front of my face but now it's time to leave I know that

it ain't no more it ain't no lie I wanna see you about that time maybe bye bye bye bye bye bye um yeah kinda

kinda stumbled along there but that might be honestly i think that hot take that is the number one karaoke song of all time number one because you can do the dance everybody knows it nobody's mad at it it's not annoying it's fast it's just perfect and you know you ever rip a karaoke song so good that other people join you on the stage is that illegal because i think i've done that like you see somebody kind of muscling through a song but it's a good song and you fuck it you go up there too and you're like yo let me hit this verse and they're like yeah and you're like oh i'm about to crush how about everybody thinking they're the best singer during but sometimes people are when someone's a good singer during karaoke like go up and tell them like hey

this is what you should do. What a fucking moment. Hey, this is, this is, you ever see somebody doing karaoke so good that, that you don't want to tell them that? Dude just crushing a country song and you're like, all right, fuck you, dog. Like, okay. Show off? Dude, karaoke is for people that kind of suck at singing and don't know how to carry a beat or melody. Don't come up here and bring the house down.

That might be the person I like the least. Guy who just straight slaughters at karaoke. I'm like, you need to, you're here too much. You've done this. You've done this, you've done this song. You've done, uh, this Kenny Chesney song way too many times, bro. And I can kind of tell that you practice it a little bit at your house by yourself. Just saying, just saying Jeremy either be a singer or take a couple plays off

how about there's always a regular at a karaoke bar and you're like he's like and he acts like like whatever you know I might not do it tonight but he always fucking does it and he's like a little older and you're like bro's a loser but he can't crush but it's lame because like he lives there for he lives for the karaoke mic and it's like you're basically like the vampire of this bar we're in right now.

He slaughters and everybody loves it. And he just sits back down and he waits an entire week to do it again. I know that I can take no more. It ain't no motherfucking lie. My go-to karaoke song would probably be Bad Fish by Sublime. When you grab a hold of me Tell me that I'll never be so free

I'm a parasite Creep and crawl as I step into the night Two pints of booze Tell me, are you a bad fish too? Are you a bad fish too? Oh, yo, that was a little too good. She knew what she was doing there. Is it just me?

When people sing really good i want to cry but it's just just when it's just when it's me and them you know like right there like a part of part of my brain was like cry but if but if it was in front of like 20 people i'd be like she's good but if it was in front of like 20 people, I'd be like, she's good. But if it was just me and her, I'd be like, like, it's just, why, why is that? Why does it mean so much? Dude, when somebody sings to you, it is, it's not weird. But when it's with, when it's like five people around, I'm like, this is so weird. God damn people that are good singers just have a spell over me yep that's one that's one thing that would get me that would throw my whole day off if if a girl wrote me a song or a guy wrote me a song and sang it i wouldn't be able to i would

be like no no no no email email it dude email it but i like really no no no no literally email me the song sends it in garage band i'm like okay, okay, thank you. Then I would listen to it and cry. Here's a little bit of old school for you. It goes a little something like this. I always try to be the fastest kid on the block. The popular one with the rise of stock. So that's when I had this bright idea. For the party of the month, not the party of the year.

All the fine girls couldn't turn it down. All I gotta do is get my parents out. Should I send them to a movie? No, I'll send them to a show. Let me think. Hmm, it's got me long though. I said, mom, dad, yo, send them to a show. Let me think. Hmm. It's got me long, though. I said, Mom, Dad, yo, why you stay at home? It's a Friday night.

Have you seen Aunt Joan? And don't worry about staying out too long. Don't fuss over me. I'll be fine alone. Beep, beep. Have a good time. The doorbell rings as the party's here. Breaking out the stairs like it's New Year.

Walking around the house like, who's the man? Ain't gonna do it like Aaron can. First on the floor, you know, that's me. Busted on the moves like I'm MTV. I guess I went on and lost my head. Then I jump on the table. This is what I said. People all around, you got it. Come get it. From the left to the right, make noise.

People all around, you got it. Come get it. What? Say it again. Come get it. What? Say it again. Na, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na, na. Hey, hey. Dude, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na, na. Hey, hey. Dude, oh my God. Disney, I think everybody was a low-key Disney kid, right? But Aaron Carter ran Disney Channel.

Like in between shows. You know how Disney commercials on Disney Channel weren't commercials? They were just like other disney advertisements disney channel was so so crazy when you think about it so they play their shows all day which are actually like it feels like a special thing when you're watching disney for some reason they just for some reason we got the disney channel on our our cable and i was in a family growing up that got like extra cool shit but some reason we got the disney channel on our our cable and i wasn't a family grown up that got like extra cool shit but one day we got disney channel and boy my sister fucking knew about it the second it went on i think what channel was disney shit for me for me Nickelodeon was 38 but I think Disney was like 32 no it was ESPN

it was some weird channel might have been like 62 on some crazy shit but dude it was just their shows which were good and then their movies Disney Channel original movies those were better than movie movies we can go on about that forever but they're commercial breaks there weren't like uh like uh sears commercials and shit they were like disney commercials but there was like one thing for a disney movie coming out maybe one thing for a disney channel original movie that's about to come out. And then that would just be an Aaron Carter music video. I think everybody I know knows the words to How I Beat Shaq by Aaron Carter. That might be one of the hard.

That dude next time I do karaoke, Aaron Carter. I want candy. Did this guy have. Did everything that came out of this dude's mouth was it a platinum this guy was making hits Aaron's house or whatever I want candy how I beat Shaq three of the best songs I've ever heard in my entire life when she started singing this song I was like what is this this sounds dude oh did Aaron Carter die after all that shit I think I I don't know I don't want to get too weird I I shouldn't have said it, but like, did he? There's so many like singers.

How come there's like, there's literally 10 singers that I'm like, I don't know if he's dead or alive. Cause like, there's something that comes out that he's dead. Then nevermind. And maybe he is. Sean Kingston. I don't know. I thought he was dead for five years. And the other day on Instagram, it was like, Sean Kingston sells his house Sean Kingston sells his house I was like okay well cried over that for no reason

and 15th time I've brought up Sean Kingston on a podcast in my life Aaron Carter bro any Aaron Carter song during karaoke is a bop and you're gonna you're gonna turn the whole vibe around deal things are going great then to my surprise some people walked in i didn't recognize i said fellas yo you gotta get out hey man heard this was an open house that's what the flyer said i didn't put a fire somebody did then walked girl, I'm crushing, and the kid spilled juice on my cushion. Turned around, another kid broke a lamp. Hopefully it was Pitsip. They got it from France, but now I won't sweat it.

Clean it up later. There's a honey over there, and I really want to meet her. People all around, you got it. Come get it. Everyone together, sing it loud. Aaron C's in the house. Come get it. What?

Say it again. Come what? I love you so much. Aaron C's in the house. Like that's the whitest like rapper thing ever. It's always like a cool nickname, but the white kid with the spiky blonde hair, Aaron C.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na,

na. Hey, hey. So good. So my go-to karaoke song is, well, it depends. If I'm with my girls, then it would be girls just want to have fun because there's really no other option. there's really no other option um but if it was just me myself and i um i don't even know if anybody remembers oh we do but um it would be fergalicious by fergie probably you don't know if people remember that solely because i like the part where it goes Fergalicious definition. Make them boys go crazy.

They always claim they know me. Come into me. Call me Stacy. I'm the F to the E. RG the I the E. And no other lady put it down like me. I'm Fergalicious. My body stay vicious. I be up

in the gym just working on my fitness. He's my witness. I put your boy on rock rock and they be up in the gym just working on my fitness he's my witness boy on rock rock and they'd be running down the block just to watch what i got i'm so delicious yeah you kind of slayed that that would be my golden karaoke song either that or my helps to buy black ips but i will spare my rapping on that one don't act like we don't know fergalicious on this podcast the people who listen to this podcast that is that song they we play that song a lot like before we go to bed type shit the people who listen to this podcast know every word to Fergalicious god damn that dude that era of music how was the black eyed peas like the perfect group were the black eyed peas were the black eyed peas the they had everything i needed oh she got me

spending my money on me every song the black eyed peas had i was like this is so good i can remember i don't know what song it was one of the black eyed peas heaters and I played it on repeat in my dad's car with my dad I almost want to say 16 times in a row with my dad but my dad is one of those dudes that you wouldn't think it but he is one of those dudes that can get down with some, like some songs like that out of nowhere. He's the guy that likes like fun songs. I'm like, you don't like anything fun motherfucker, but he loves God. What song was that? Hold on. I got it now. I'm not going to do it. It takes too long to figure everything out. Um, uh, I almost, I almost, I wanted to hate you so bad at the beginning of this voice message i'm not gonna lie can we be real here so my go-to karaoke song is well it depends right here if i'm with my girls then it would be girls just want to have fun. I hate when three girls

get on stage and sing girls just want to have fun. What is this? The 8th grade talent show? Okay. We get it. You're single. No.

we get it you're single nobody cares about that song oh my god but if it's three dudes singing that song I want more but you won me over here there's really

no other option but if it was just me myself and I You won me over here. There's really no other option. But if it was just me, myself, and I, I don't even know if anybody remembers. That was crazy to me when you said that. It would be Fergalicious by Fergie. I love how she just slides into the rapping part. slides into the rapping part here um solely because i like the part where it goes up virgalicious definition make them boys go crazy they always claim they know me come into me call me stacy i'm the s to the e r to the i the e and no other lady put it down like me

i love it when she says i'm so delicious i was like when i heard that shit the first time i heard fergie say i'm so delicious i was like yo my whole personality changed forever after permanently furries of furries of icon god damn she i don't know if she gets as much recognition as she deserves right because i was like are we just gonna like just pass over the hot girl and black eyed peas that like throws down remember when she messed up the national anthem that was sick i thought i was like yeah dude she's just being weird and perky like i know her okay so my voice sounds really nasally because i'm sick but i had to get this response in i travel internationally a lot and

every time i do i try to find somewhere where I can do karaoke just so that I can sing American Idiot by Green Day. Really sloppy. I want to be an American idiot. People love it. The slobbier, the better. People love it. Okay. But she didn't sing it.

I like a nasal, a little nasally tune every once in a while. I hope this next voice message is her singing it. I like a nasal, a little nasally tune every once in a while. I hope this next voice message is her singing it. Tequila. Damn it. Just imagine. Bro, you missed the point of the voice, of the karaoke voice, but you got to sing it. You want to be an american idiot that is another thing about karaoke i don't do it much but uh some people put their whole heart and soul into it and it's always the people that you expect you don't expect it from

like they get so into it and kind of drunk that they start like crawling on tables and shit actually dude if if somebody sang lincoln park during karaoke paper cut or faint not that i listen to lincoln park essentials every single day of my life um i would take my shirt off and probably start crying not not for attention i would just have to crawling in my skin. She would go so hard. Let's keep going. Couple more. So my go-to karaoke song is Valerie by Amy Winehouse. Well, sometimes I go out by myself and I look across the water and I think of all the things, what you're doing in my head.

I paint a picture since I come on home. Well, my body's been A mess And I miss your tender Hair And the way you like to dress Won't you come on over Stop making a fool Out of me

Why don't you come on over oh if you play it on the podcast anonymously i won't be too mad have a good day okay bye yo i love you so much bro showing off the pipes on the espresso pod with the laugh after like i just crushed that shit laugh you hear that I love you playing on the podcast anonymously dude that's the I just own that shit laugh I didn't know what that song was or one word of it but uh

I'll never forget you let's keep going Benny this guy I'll never forget you. Let's keep going. Benny, this guy. Hey, my go-to karaoke song is definitely Smile for me, Dad. What you looking at? I want to see you grill.

You want to see my what? Yeah, you grill. Yeah, yeah, you grill. And a whole top diamond in the bottom rose gold. But I secretly think everybody's go-to karaoke song has to be Nice So true So right

Take my hand Either one Bro, grills pops off during karaoke Completely forgot about it That song took over the world smile for me daddy oh what you're looking at oh nelly god nelly was so dope right hey but you know hey hot take hot take murphy lee was cooler than Nelly. Just saying. Hey, deep down. Think about it. I know. I know. But think about it. Didn't get enough credit. Is that the question next week? I don't know

if he was really underrated. He just, everybody, when Murphy Lee started rapping, I was like, shut up. It just seemed like he was a little more true. I don't know. God damn, Nelly was cool though. And the fact that Nelly was in movies. All right, Nelly, okay, okay maybe maybe I'm tripping a

little bit Murphy Lee was a cooler rapper Nelly might all around might have a little more because Nelly was he was the fast running back in uh the longest yard oh name a cooler yeah running back's Nelly remember that Super Bowl halftime celebrity football game they did? Can't remember what Super Bowl it was. The one with the Giants and the Ravens. Probably like 2005. There was like a halftime show. Celebrities played football and Nelly was so cold.

I was like, he should actually play football I don't know dude Nelly was my whole childhood and I wouldn't change it for anything do I do I take back what I said no Murphy Lee was a better rapper but uh god damn Nelly was cool as shit shit Damn, Nelly was cool as shit. Couple more, couple more, couple more. Yo, by the way, congrats on the CW gig. I work for traffic there, so I'm in charge of the commercials and shit, so that's pretty dope.

Anyway, Passion Fruit, yeah, I'm singing that shit till the cows come home. Sing it, sing it. I don't care. Sing it. Anyway, yeah, Passion Fruit. Sing it. I don't care. Sing it. Anyway, yeah, Passion Fruit. Damn it. Passion Fruit. That is such a nice. Passion Fruit is such a nice brunch song.

Oh, throw Passion Fruit on with a couple mamas um great song yeah nobody would mind you know if you messed up the words right because i don't think there's a lot of words in passion fruit that's a smart move you can just get away with saying 16 words during a song and the rest of it just being like an instrumental. Smart. I am the karaoke queen. And what that means is that I have a Bluetooth karaoke mic that was gifted to me that I carry in my bag with me at all times. At any moment's notice, I am ready to bust out a song in karaoke. I have taken it into restaurants, bars, clubs, literally anywhere, and it is always a big hit. One of our favorite questions in my friend group is, hey, do you guys have karaoke?

And if they say no, we just say, you do now, and bust out some of our favorite songs. The go-to karaoke song is What's Up by the four non-blondes it is a crowd favorite karaoke is about the stage presence and not about the actual talent so get out of here with that bullshit um i have many songs in my repertoire and if i had had way too many i might just sing gangsta's paradise girl if you don't if you don't belt it out she sent me a video bad internet bad internet uh she sent me a video with the Bluetooth mic. I'm so, God, I want to hear it so bad. You got to hit me on the next pod with a gangster's paradise. God damn it.

That would have slayed. You were talking all that talk next time. Girly pop. You got to walk the walk. Okay. Johnson. This is such a good topic, brother. Um, mine will probably have to be sexy boy. Um, it's Shawn a good topic, brother. Mine will probably have to be Sexy Boy.

It's Shawn Michaels' entrance song in WWE. Let's hear it, babe. And it goes something like this. He threw in, it goes something like this. I think I'm cute. I know I'm sexy. I've got the looks that drives a girl wild. I've got the moves that really move them it's a chills up and down

their spine i'm just a sexy boy i'm not your boy toy yes i'm just a sexy boy it just keeps going for like three minutes but yeah i hope you like it check it out i don't know i don't know if that's the best karaoke song i think that's just the best song i've ever heard in my life dude just i i get along with people that are singing a song but but they don't just sing the words. They sing like the noises in the background with it. They sing the ad-libs. They sing the sexy ball like he just did. If you're not singing a song with all the shit,

I don't want to talk to you anymore. I need the reverb. What you looking at? I need to echo those are the people that i want to kiss just saying don't be scared sing all the parts um god damn it that was a good i didn't want that to end i can be your hero baby never forget uh let's keep going dear diary uh okay all right listen to this listen to this let me know where i stand here girl that i live with i pop in hey what's up I needed to get something uh

has guy over and I'm like okay okay okay he's cool it's cool cool cool nice we're good we're good um didn't want to hurt the vibe trying to get in and out you know what I mean uh yeah yeah I'll only be here for a second I forget what I was. I was like, maybe I was laundry or something. It was a quick boom bang. I'm out of here. What would you do in this situation? Her guy, he's on the couch watching the Mavs game. I'm like, cool.

Yeah, normal guy. Good, good, good, good. We're good. She goes, hey hey looks at me Will you crack my back And I'm kind of like Is this a setup What do you do there

I opt out I'm like Like he's facing the TV what do you do there? I opt out. I'm like, like he's facing the TV, but I know he's listening. Cause duh, this is a new thing. And she's looking at me and he can't see me.

And I'm like, no, I'm putting a, him like him, him. She, please. And I'm like, in like him, him. She, she, please. And I'm like, this is, this is, this is a cry for help. This is the.

So I, I just, I just, I, I take the high road. I want to keep the peace. No, but it's so awkward to just be like, no, not gonna crack your back like what the fuck you know what i want to you know what happened this is what i wanted to do so what happened to walking on backs i almost was like uh because i didn't know what crack she wanted and i just't, this could be cringe moment of the week, but I almost wanted to be like, yeah, I'll crack your back. Lay on the kitchen floor. God damn what happened to that.

Everybody that wants their back cracked now wants the air fuck. I'm not doing that. Will you crack my back? But it's always from behind. Will you butt up to me? And give me a hug? And hold both my elbows? And hump me in the air?

I'm like, absolutely not, bro. Right now? In public? I'm like, absolutely not, bro. Right now? In public? What happened to walking on backs, man? You tell me you're going to walk on my back,

I will say yes every time. You tell me you're going to walk on my back and you just walked on my back, well, guess you're walking on my back again. Dude, we could be walking on my back again. Dude, we could be in a field of snakes. If you tell me you're walking on my back, down I go. God damn. No, I would do what happened to everyone. And when people are like, but dude, what happened to when everybody in, in, when people are like, can you crack my back? I don't know why I'm always, am I the designated back cracker? What the cracker back cracker?

I'm always like, yeah, I'll crack your back. And the first thing in my head is, are you going to fucking lie on the ground? What are we doing here? No no it's the pickup one do the everybody remembers where they were when a girl asked them to crack their back and you had to do the air fuck i was like dude that was happening in school and shit i was like this is not okay that's more sexual than having sex i'm like we might as well get naked now jesus christ the back crack lay your ass down on the floor chest down give me one of those and my little fucking piggies are going to be all over your back. And I don't act like I don't know how to walk on a back, bro. I was made for this.

Have you seen my feet? That's why my toes are like, because I'm like trying to, I'm trying to press alongside your, your back plate, your whatever the fuck this is dude i know the spots bro i know and no you're too heavy you don't think you're too heavy you don't think i know how to distribute my weight you don't think i'm gonna lean on the counter or the kitchen table what happened to walking on backs jesus christ cringe moment of the week even though that would that uh that should have been cringe moment of the week um okay I was watching the dog that lives in the main house um watching loose term but it was the dog's chill and you know hey take him out you know if he

needs to blah blah will you sleep in there too and i'm like i mean yeah whatever whatever i'll do it hey you want to go outside goes outside bet doesn't really do anything outside though he's like moseying around i'm like are you in a bad mood he's like kind of smelling stuff like not really too excited i'm like what's wrong bro like not like usually he likes he like runs out there kind of got a little pep in his step sniffs a couple plants you know walks around you know kind of just checking out the scene around you know kind of just checking out the scene he's being a good boy checking out is that a bug what's that you know his favorite plant you know just gives a quick little brush up nothing he's kind of like i'm like are you good

weird what's going on man weird mood all right don't know why you'd be in a weird mood all you've done today is sit on a pillow goes inside whatever i'm like cool what i guess he doesn't have to and honestly i was on my phone so i wouldn't know if he did have to or not because I wasn't paying attention. But I was like, you know, you took him out, whatever. We're good. Sleep in the house. Because he's one of those dogs that likes having somebody sleep next to him. I'm like, okay, cool, bet.

I'll do it. I'm like, yo, bro, come on. You know, I'm like, we're cool. We're cool. I'm we're cool we're cool i'm gonna sleep on the couch you coming over here he he he comes over gives it his best shot nestles up to me starts going to sleep decides he doesn't like it. Okay. Name a worse feeling in the world when a dog does its little, gets in its little ball right next to you. Nice and warm covers, blankets, sleepy time. And then is like, you know what? This isn't for me. And then walks away into another room and sleeps on the bed. I was like, the betrayal is so fucking real. So I'm like, maybe he'll come back.

Maybe he, you know, he's not used to me. I'm giving, I'm doing all that, all the excuses. So I don't feel hurt sitting there, um, waiting for him to come back. Like maybe he'll warm up to me, you know, maybe he'll feel bad. Now he stays in the room he's in and I have sleep paralysis three times on the couch. And I'm like, I gotta, I can't, I can't do this. I gotta, I'm going to, I'm going to, he's good. I'm just going to sleep in my own bed. And then like, I'll check on him in the morning, check on him in the morning, goes outside again. Cool. We're in the clear. Mama's coming home to the dog. We're good.

Did my job. Whoops. Didn't know little Harvey boy shit all over a thousand dollar rug. C-c-c-cringe moment of the week is he the worst dog dad ever how did i not see a bunch of shit on the ground i think if i did see shit on the ground i would think there are a bunch of sticks anyway cringe moment of the week he ruined a rug god damn hey and then walk of shame i had to throw the rug away oh me grabbing the rug and i grabbed it in the spot where the shit was and it was still warm me carrying a warm thousand dollar rug to the trash. Old hot rug. Old hot rug!

Throwing it away. C-c-c-cringe moment of the week. We gotta get out of here. Let's do days real quick. Then we'll zippity-doo-dah zippity-day. That's the karaoke song

I want to sing. Zippity-doo-dah zippity-day. Zippity-doo-dah, zippity-day. That's the karaoke song I want to sing. Zippity-doo-dah, zippity-day. Zippity-doo-dah, eat lunch right away. If you don't know that song, you didn't have a childhood. And you didn't have a music class that played that video. Thursday. Today. Creativity Day.

I can remember I knew how to use like Adobe Illustrator and I was in this part of my life where I had no idea how to do anything but use Adobe Illustrator and I made my resume like so ball like ball balling out ass resume, dude. And I would like look up, everybody's done this. How do I make a resume? And you look up resumes on Google images and like on one resume, there was like a, there was like a bar graph. God damn. I love a bar graph. They're so easy to read all those different graphs line graph dot graph i'm like hey bar graph jesus christ something i can see maybe just saying i put a bar graph on my resume and like pretty high um uh a cooperation was problem solving like all these fucking things like like what metric system am i measuring this with just my own stupid ass head and then i had

creativity at the bottom just like off the charts. So he thinks he's creative. Let's keep going. Cringe moment of the week as well. This whole podcast is cringe moment of the week. Friday. Vehicle day. The way my car could just break down and i would know nothing i thought my car was making a weird noise the other day how about that when you hear a weird noise like over and over and you're like is that my car it's got to be that motherfucker you look you look and see like a truck and you're like it's definitely that my car would never make that weird frog noise. Every four times the tire rotates.

It's that it's that rusty ass truck right there. Truck turns right. I keep driving. I'm like, there's no way can't be my car. Every time I'm driving somewhere, dude dude people are looking at me like people like by like pedestrians on the side of the road they look at me like i'm insane and i'm like is that just some like hollywood shit i'm like what i sort of got like four times the past week there's been just a regular ass person on the side of the road and when i drive by they're like hey and i'm like what the fuck man like

what like that is so scary i'm like am i dragging someone's body like what the like can i just drive why is everything so crazy god damn and then like everyone's honking i'm like can you shut up dude bro people that that is one thing if you like fergie and you don't honk let's kiss let's kiss people who honk'm like, you're making it so much worse, bro. Now I'm nervous. You're being all fucking mouthy. Imagine honking. Stop it.

Stop it. I'd rather yell out of my window. Hey, bro, go ahead. It's green. Then fucking. So rude. Speak in complete sentences day I don't think I ever have

spoken in a complete sentence it just doesn't work for me I'll write one every text I send zero zero out of ten I'll write one. Every text I send, zero. Zero out of ten. I don't like people that are all fucking period. Oh, God.

If you text a period. I'm shook. If you send me a text and has a period in it, I'm like, okay, somebody's mad. Like, Hey, can we,

it's just text. The period is insane. Imagine putting a fucking period in there. Who do you think you are? The president of the United States. What do you think you are the president of the united states what do you what document yeah so i didn't want to go period i'm like A period in the text messages? Hey, diva. Hey, get a, get, hey, if you put a period in any of your text messages ever, get a grip. Yo. Period?

Okay, period. Who do you think you are? Crazy to me. Saturday. Game show day. Black Bear Day. Bubbly Day. Nail polish day. Did have nail polish on for a long time took it off

because everyone was like what are you doing every time i have a dude i had nail polish on for one day every time i look at my hands do you feel like a man when you push her around do you feel better now that she falls to the ground Right when I lift my fingernails up. That song was a heater, even though it was so weird to listen to. Do you feel better now that she falls to the ground? That song was a heater, even though it was so weird to listen to. So I'm like, this is about abuse and I don't like it, but it is so catchy. Yeah, that's what I felt like. I took the nail polish off because it was distracting.

But yeah, you know, it was just from a video. No harm done, right? Sunday, rotisserie chicken day. That's insane, dude. I think I had rotisserie chicken day last Sunday when I ate those rotisserie chicken chips. I ate three bags why'd you buy so many bags I bought four for $9.99 shut up people that are like $10 yes are you kidding me $10 yes my God. Acting like you've never spent more than $5 in your life. You got chips for $9.99. Yes. I would buy those for $79.99. Okay. Can we think about this for a minute? They're from Taiwan. They're rotisserie chicken doritos like you're never gonna see them

again god damn i hate people that are so crazy about prices shut up 9.99 you could spend your money in so many different ways i'm like shut the like? Do you know what I do? I find fucked up food. I don't care how much that shit is. It's fire. Oh, $10. I bought four bags. I don't care if I had $20 in my bank account. I would buy four bags and figure out how to make $20 real quick.

Oh, 10 for chicken. Yes. That's the only thing I want to overpay for is rotisserie chicken chips. If I'm ever overpaying for something, it's some shit like that. My goodness. Get a life. You're telling me, what if you never spent a dollar in your life? That's crazy. You could have told me when I was five years old, would you buy this for $10? And I'd probably be like, yeah. You know what if those rotisserie chicken chips were 80 cents i wouldn't have bought them and his brain is messed up all right y'all that was a good i said y'all um no idea why

sometimes it just fits but all alright y'all Good pod Loved it thank you for the voice messages I kind of want to do it again Do we run it back? We'll see We'll see but Columbus get ready because I'm bringing The squad and we're gonna party And it's gonna be insane

Throw your Buckeye balls Down my throat June 13th Get your tickies Thanks for listening to the pod Remember to subscribe to the Patreon Join the Patreon Whatever it is

$5 a month For every other episode And a live stream Get the merch Watch Lovers and Liars Coming down to crunch time What's he gonna do thanks fam love you guys see you next time