Espresso - what's your hear me out?

Episode Date: April 27, 2023

On this episode benny and derek reacts to the your guys' hear me out (like pasta is not THAT good)🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗘𝗗𝗜𝗖𝗧'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔���𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦Tampa, FL Thurs 4/27 https://improvtampa.com/ShowDetails/d8ced7f0-fb31-41ba-86c6-14ef820cde86/86796be0-6fce-4955-94fc-cf1047b171ae/Benedict_Polizzi/Tampa_ImprovBoston, MA Thurs 5/4https://wl.seetickets.us/event/Benedict-Polizzi-800pm/532615?afflky=LaughBostonSupport Benny (get an extra episode and LIVE STREAM every Sunday!)🔒𝗣𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi 🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://www.youtube.com/@espressowbenedictLeave a rating and review boo🎧𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝘀 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/espresso/id1514492317 

Hey, hear me out, man. Them midgets that be twerking in the bikinis on Instagram, some of them hoes be going hard for real. Oh, fuck. Dude. Yikes! Remember to join the Patreon. Remember to go to our shows in the description.

Middle Ground this weekend at Black Circle for Derek and Tampa tonight for me me and then boston next thursday but all right shot 260 i'm your fiance benedict polizzi derrick what's up bro what's up man nothing chilling my uh girlfriend derrick's here with me hey remember to join remember to join the patreon five dollars a month for an extra episode every single week it's a pod every week it's a live stream the live streams are getting pretty sexy on youtube just saying more people every single week and i'm dropping like some like some like kind of sus videos now on patreon that like i don't like am i gonna get canceled or not you let me know

and we'll show the world but uh yeah they're on there so join it's a good time you need to send me the link i don't describe i don't prescribe prescribe subscribe the pharmacy yeah i don't prescribe to your patreon all the links are on there's ededdy. Zeddy, uh. But this week, what's your hear me out? We're going to figure it out for you guys. Hear me out. What's yours, Derek? Hear me out. Working out doesn't make you feel good.

You know what I mean? You get what I'm saying? You are better for it, and it makes you healthier, but you don't feel good. Yeah, I'm like banged up and shit. I'm banged up, dude. My shoulder hurts. They hurt.

Yeah, my knees, man. Like they hurt so bad. Like I like I'm better for it. I'm living longer. You don't like that like good sore, though. Yeah, I'm fine with that. But that only happens like the first month you work out. You're like, oh, I'm doing something.

I'm like a year and a half in. I know it doesn't look that way. kind of just clockwork yeah my knees my ankle people are like he works out they're kind of like i get more like uh dude have you been working out which is good have you been working out you've been working out bro you lift that's good shit yeah but hear me it's not i don't feel good i'm sore all the time your brain feels good really yeah dude like every single day i do hate going everybody hates going yeah you get there you're like oh today's the day it's gonna i'm gonna turn there's really no payoff except for what you look like right and that you'll live longer you sure yeah yeah it's true you may not there's some fat ass people that are out here like 98 years old yeah smoked all their lives i hate thinking about that i know they're just winning like that chinese dude that ran a whole entire marathon

chain smoking cigarettes how do you do it just like does it even matter he's tougher i don't care how many steroids and how alpha you you think you are and how many steroids you've done. You're not tougher than that, dude. Chain smoked. He ran 26.3 miles, smoked the entire time. God, Chinese people can blow some heaters, bro. They can. They kind of invented smoking almost. You think?

I don't know. They just do it so well. Dude, but they can blow heaters. That's like their thing. Them and Canadians, dude. I think it's... Dude, why is the whole canadian dude i have a feeling okay when i was in college the entire hockey team was from canada and dude just smoked darts constantly just go over there's the house full of darts isn't it weird how it's like bad here but everywhere else it's like why not just eight what are you talking about? Yeah, dude. Yeah. Like Europeans and stuff like that.

They're just ripping darts, bro. It's just part of the culture. Yeah. Hear me out. Hear me out. Cigarettes aren't that bad. Hear me out. Cigarettes are coming back.

They're coming back. Are they? I mean, are they kind of sexy now? Like if you post like a good looking picture with a cigarette, it's like they're cool again. Are they? again are they i think so yeah i mean i can't do them like there's i'm past that remember i mean yeah i know what you mean i know you're about to say remember you used to smoke just because everybody else does you're like why are you doing that i was like dude because everybody else is doing it you go i don't even like doing this, but I got to step out for five.

Yeah, dude. Hear me out. Cigarettes are sexy again? Question mark. Question mark. Biggest headache, but hear me out. Talk about this today. Hear me out.

Steak's not any good. Oh, you're going for the food this week i'm always going for the food yeah starving always but steak to me there's not there's nothing great about it just all the same everywhere okay like yeah nobody can you do this because you never had a good steak no i've had a good steak dude and it's just like a good steak, dude. And it's just like. It's like a cup of coffee. Sweet. It's meat.

Right. It is like coffee. It's like a cup of coffee. They have the best coffee. Can't tell the difference between this and Applebee's coffee. Right. Exactly. Yeah. I know what you're saying.

I mean, I love steak, but yeah, you're right. All the steak is the same. Chipotle steak is the same as ruth christie but chicken i can kind of like tell what's good and what's bad chicken it's because you just eat so much chicken i guess i can't tell with salmon really either no like i'll get salmon from a restaurant i'll be like that was awesome then i'll cook salmon at home i'll be like that was awesome okay speaking of this because we're back. It's just another podcast with Benny and Derek talking about food.

Every time, every time that's every podcast. I know, but would you have? Would you eat today today so far? Yeah. Oh, bro. Okay, so I get this is my thing when I get I get a rotisserie chicken and I dude, I demolish both of the legs. I've seen how you pick apart a rotisserie chicken and I dude, I demolish both of the legs. I've seen how you pick apart a rotisserie chicken.

It is it's surgical, but also is it controlled chaos? It's control chaos. It's like yeah, like it's a caveman who knows what he's doing. Oh, that's a great dude. I'm kind of bricked up. Your forehead gets thicker every time I see you get a little sweaty. Oh, you get a little sweaty. You get yeah, you get a little more like knuckley. You're like I see it yeah yeah yeah yeah. Usually

you're a little effeminate, but as soon as Lee is that rotisserie chicken goes down, I get a dimple in my chin. You do yeah, I get a butt channel. You get you get that crinkle right in between my forehead protrudes yeah yeah, so i'll eat like the legs immediately because they're so good and so accessible then the little arms this this is kind of gross actually i eat those too then like the sides are really good because they're just easy to pick off and then like in the middle is where it gets like most some real chicken right now so i save that in the fridge for the next day

and i'll shred that up put it in a pan pour buffalo sauce on it oh my god so now it's just almost buffalo chicken dip without like all the bullshit yeah and then i get an avocado mash it up and just put it all in a bowl there you go that's what i had today bro you've you know how to fuck up a rotisserie chicken it never it's never an l i bought one and i uh i messed it up i had to throw it away i was like i i don't know how to do this what happened i just was i i started picking apart and then i got kind of like grossed out and you can get grossed out grossed out i got a little grossed out like i flipped it upside down. Have you ever flipped a rotisserie? Yeah, don't do that. I don't do that. I'll do that. It's a golden rule of rotisseries. Yeah, you slide the bag down. You never look

underneath. I looked underneath and I just couldn't. It's like the back of your Christmas tree. You're like, oh yeah, are underneath your car seat like you're like, oh go in there. yeah are underneath your car seat like you're like oh go in there uh yeah so yeah i just couldn't i just i was like i've lost all you lost it yeah i've gotten a bad rotisserie chicken i had to throw it away before like you get one from like meyer target like you got to go to like a fresh time or a whole foods and you know you know those i know the spots where i do i do and you give me tis advice you're like dude i'll give you some tis advice whole foods fresh time everywhere else is like kind of undercooked like you you peel it open kind of pink you're like can't do it next

week's question of the week where do you get your tis from yeah then there's hours like there's good tis hours bad tis oh it's a good tis hour good tis hours like the block is hot around noon. Oh, that's when the fresh tis come out. Yeah, and they'll be gone. Is there a morning tis usually like eleven a.m. to three is like the the hot window. Okay, after three, you're like bro. You might not find

one in the city of Indianapolis. Wow before eleven to rotisserie chickens are having a moment right now. I think they always have. It's just one of those things. This is one of those things I could never get. I'd be like, I smell so good. Can we get one of those in my mom bag? No, you ever eat a whole chicken.

Yeah, it's just it wasn't a thing. It's a big single guy, a single person right? Yeah, all right. Let's get into these. Hold on. I gotta tell you something because I know you want to get into this. No, it's okay. But you're going to hate me for what I ate today. Oh, you asked me just so I could ask you

and I never asked you. I feel like a dick. Yeah, but you're going to hate what I did. So I went to Market District, Market D. Okay, and they sell those yogurt parfaits. All right, you've gotten a yogurt parfait right when they have the just from mcdonald's really okay have you gotten the ones where they have the granola on top it's like diffusing a bomb like to get that granola off so you're eating in

your car i got that poured it in realized i didn't have a spoon you drank it no do you use your finger no did i use quest bar what flavor was it was a chocolate bro cookies and cream was it gas dude it was fire dude just being a survivor in your car you know how i don't want to facetime you i was like no i'm gonna tell about the pod quest bar spoon that's the fattest healthiest guy ever oh good dude that's the fattest healthiest thing ever quest bar and parfait you pretty much ate a snickers bar with a flurry yeah. Yeah, exactly. I was like, it's got 20 grams of protein. It'll be a good

spoon. I don't know if I could do it. You know 100% the second we get off of this podcast, you're buying 12 Quest Bars and nine Parfaits. They're both so good and so bad at the same time. Yeah. All right. Hit it.

Hear me out. What do you guys have to say Alright hear me out Owning a home is not as great And cheap As what people make it out to be Like yeah great you own a house Cool It's expensive something breaks

You gotta pay for it Yard work I spent the entirety of my weekend doing yard work. And I swear I spent like $500 in yard stuff. And yeah, I don't know. Owning a home, overrated. I'm about to do that grind. I'm going to get pre-approved next week. You don't even know what that is.

I don't want to. Yeah. I never will. You got to own property sometime. Why? I don don't know because they tell you you have to i know but i i like saw something on tiktok that was like if you own an apartment or if you rent an apartment way cheaper and smarter dude i have no clue i mean i don't think anybody does jesus christ uh i have no clue uh i'm gonna buy a house i'm gonna here's the thing though all right here's the thing hear me out okay uh youtube makes it so much easier because the expensive shit

is like fixing stuff if you have youtube you can fix anything i saw you mount a tv or at least try to mount a tv i didn't i paid somebody to do it well you at least attempted to then i think i just lied to you and told you I did. You did. I think we talked about this in the last so I don't know how to do anything that is true. You probably wouldn't be able to own a house. I just don't see the I don't really see the positives unless you have a wife and a kid. Yeah, that's where I'm going because like because then you have a dog and like you need a backyard maybe yeah because you don't want to raise apartment kid remember apartment remember

apartment kid at school yeah you're like damn you live with your mom in an apartment your how your life is fucked up yeah but they're the coolest kid and not for me oh really no jake this kid jake do we prank called from his mom's apartment dude he crushed it really yeah he was the coolest kid he was smooth smooth with it smooth pranker so if you got a smooth pranker earlier in your life like that kids and then the guy star 69 and back and uh found out like like threatened him and then he started crying but for the prank it's okay yeah it was good but yeah we go over to his apartment nine his mom his mom was gone all the time just that's crazy what grade dude that was like i don't know fourth grade fifth mom was just letting you just yeah crazy yeah it's just him and his mom apartment kid i was apartment kid for a little

bit but it was like it was like eighth grade i was in my dad's apartment how early uh that would have been 10 like third grade oh your apartment i was yeah divorced parents dude dad gets the apartment that had studio apartment i was studio apartment kid nobody knows that though that's it nobody knows that that much shit when you're that young i just knew like this kid named calvin in my grade he was real weird bro was it yeah he was like low he was he was funny like he got on his wavelength for a little bit he was funny but it was like wow that was weird funny i can't believe you understood what i was talking about apartment kid right yeah there's something there's something about your parents being able to hear everything you do because you live in an apartment oh yeah dude oh man i was apartment kid fuck it's not bad

because my dad went from another it's kind of cool to be apartment kid yeah my dad upgraded three apartments each apartment got an extra bedroom so we had a we had a we had no bedroom a one bedroom so you're just sleeping on the couch and like you had to get up for school the next day my dad would sleep on the couch and you'd sleep in his room in the bed yeah and then i would he would get me up for school yeah that's such a rough and i lived behind the school so i'd walk to school so i was apartment kid walking to school you grew up in the streets bro dude yeah it's kind of a you're kind of a thug i think i am dude why this thug bro just my i3s walking to fucking middle school or elementary school wow yeah damn you were tough bro my bike got stolen from his apartment what kind of was it a dino it was it was a dino and uh it got stolen and the guy

who stole it ripped all the stickers off of it and cut the handlebar like grips off of it why because he didn't want him to know that it was my bike yeah he tried to like make it yeah yeah he put new pegs on it and then my dad saw him like didn't beat him up but like got the bike back i rode it to school the next day every kid was like dude this is the thuggiest bike ever because it had nothing on it like he stripped it down put pegs on it was dope whoa how did your dad know that that was your bike because he bought it and he just knew. Yeah, dad's no man. Dad's no shit. He's like, yeah, yeah.

What color was it? Like all blue. He's like, I spent 250 bucks on that. He's like, yeah. Bikes were just 250, weren't they? Now they're like $8,527. I'm like, why? Dude, the bike that you had was your status in elementary school.

I was such a nerd then. Oh, dude, dude, I had a Huffy. Oh, you poor kid, dude.

My dad didn't have any taste, so he would like buy stuff blindly. So just buy you a Huffy. I'd be like, I want a bike for Christmas and he didn't know like his cool is cool in like 1961. So he's stuck in like 1961. Cool.

So my Huffy was like the mountain bike and it had these things on the handles. Oh no. I feel like I can like, I don't know. So you didn't have a BMX bike? Code a computer. No. Oh my God.

Dude, I was mountain bike guy and I kind of felt like a nerd. I had these things. I had the deer antlers. Did you know what they were? I was just like, I feel like kind of like, I feel like a nerd. Like I had to get, like I had these things. I had the deer antlers. Did you know what they were? I was just like, I feel like kind of like, I feel like Lance Armstrong. Like I feel nerdy. Dude, I had pegs.

You had pegs. And we had to bring our bikes to school. Dude, that's rough. Yeah, we rode our bikes everywhere. I was like, nobody else has antlers. Dude, those bike antlers. We had Tour de France in school. So everybody brought their bikes to school

so you really knew what people were working with dude yeah like bro do you see his bike the dino the mongoose heat heat i couldn't have those bikes because like they're too they're too non-catholic weren't they they were pretty like well that's a public school kid bike that's a center grove bike oh wow yeah and like i once I got my hands on one, like my, my friend had one, he had a dyno. It was like his older brothers passed it down. So it was like super dope. Would not, it shouldn't, he shouldn't have had it, but we'd go down this hill in front of his like house and be like, and just skid out so hard.

The wild. It was the most fun I've ever had. Right. The wildest part was, you know, you know, you had a sick bike is if you could spin the handlebars all the way around. Oh, that was amazing to me. Yeah. What was it called?

Like a gyro? Like a gyro. Yeah. Just you catch it. Dude, I would just hold the bike right here all day. Just like I was the captain of a ship. Dude, there was nothing cooler than that kid who's when he's riding his bike and he stuck his foot in the front tire and

whipped it around that's what we were doing dude that's sick that shit was shouldn't have told my dad that i was like yo we went over to danny's and like skidded his bike in the stream and i was like you're not going over there anymore damn here we go next one hear one. Hear me out. Hear me out. Boy bands are more talented than rock bands. I've played instruments. Power chords, easy. Rock beat, easy. Know what's not? Being well into your 40s and your 50s, singing, harmonizing, dancing.

Still. Still. Every night like BSB, like New Kids on the block do in sync i think that's more difficult what a take i don't have a way to finish it uh hey bp what's it called when you have diarrhea what's an oil spill bye bye bye hey back street back streets back all right probably true though he's true yeah the fact that you can't get winded i would just be so winded did you find out okay when did you find out you can't sing

i'm still trying to find that out are you yeah because i i hit a note the other day like i did a voice message to my sister and i like saying something yeah and she goes why that sounds so good i'm like i think i do have it i think i could if i wanted to i could have if you really practice if you went to some lessons you get you get it back or you could just find it now it's like one out of every 25 times i sing i'm like yo that was kind of good yeah dude the iphone oh i got one you got one okay go uh one time we were in the car and we were listening to enrique inglesias and it was me my mom my two sisters and we were driving like my grandmas or something and you know how when you're in the car for a while the shit starts getting weird like hour three yeah

like you just start saying shit maybe say something like whoa damn shit i wouldn't have said that if we weren't all in the car for the past three hours but like the song came on and i just started singing it i forget what which enrique song it was bro but i was just belting it out and they were laughing their asses off and i was like why are they laughing so hard and i was like oh it's because i suck at singing yeah you found out in front of people i got one i had one line in the in the sixth grade winter chorus like like the performance yeah so i told everybody i had a solo like my dad my dad plays in a band played in a band saying like he sings for church so we were like i was I was like, I got this one line. And when I got the part, I think the instructor heard the guy next to me and was like,

Oh, Oh no. And you knew. And I kind of knew, but she was like giving me, she was like gassing me up. She was like, Derek,

that's when did that happen? I was like, Oh shit, I can sing now. Yeah. And so the night comes and I hit it. And you know, this from doing open mics and

shows you know when it's bad nobody yeah it talks to you after it gotta go my entire family just like oh yeah yo you were up there bro they didn't even have anything to say they're like my dad was just like hey yeah you're up there yeah i, okay, we're not doing this again. That was the moment. The moment you figured out you can't sing. People that could sing, though. Amazing. Also annoying.

Yeah, they were. They were. People who are multi-talented can sing, dance, and are funny. Just get the fuck out of here. And they know when they're like 10. I'm like, how'd you fucking figure that out, bro bro i'm still trying to figure out what i'm good at fucking 32 nothing absolutely nothing talentless lining your beard not even i know that's tough hey hear me out man them midgets that be twerking in the bikinis on instagram

some of them must be going hard for real. Oh, fuck. Dude. Yikes! Hey, if they're having a moment on... They're having their moment on the internet right now. Okay. Little people are wild.

Yeah, there you go. He got my head, though. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah, he put that there. yeah there you go he got it he got my head yeah dude yeah yeah he put that but they all kind of they are kind of like everywhere right now i didn't plug it hey they have a moment yeah that is a big fetish dude is it yeah not mine but like are you sure yeah okay to like the the proportions for me but like you know but like there's this nfl player a while ago that was like extremely open about loving little people yeah weird watching like but what position do you play defensive end oh so that's big isn't it

like literally but isn't it like just watching your favorite player on a Sunday and just realizing like that's his thing? Oh, yeah. Or finding out what they're into. Yeah. It's like, I don't, I don't want to watch. I don't watch you anymore. Yeah.

Oh, here we go. Go fuck yourself. Italian food is not good. Italian food is top tier. It is Italian food, Mexican food. He's right. Possibly Chinese food third. But Italian food, you have the balls to say it's mid.

The balls to say it's mid. God. Go back to Olive Garden. Damn, dude. Dude, every authentic New Yorkorker are like just italian dude they take it so personal but they they take they think italian food is so good it allows them to be scumbags you know what i mean you let italian food take over your whole person it's your entire personality like i gave a girl like chlamydia this weekend but man we sit down for sundays bananas, bananas, red sauce, and spaghetti,

so it's all good. You know, dude. Fucking Tony Soprano's just fucking whacking dudes and like putting their bodies in rivers, and he's like, nah, we sit down, we break bread, we're all good. That's how good they think of pasta is. It's not that good. Bro, it's fine. It's good. It's how that's how good they think of pasta it's not that good bro it's fine it's it's good it's literally a fine it's fine you know how somebody asks you how you're doing

you say i'm fine right that's eating pasta like i love a good pasta but dude it's it's it's never blown me away it's never changed my personality it has it become your personality dude it's like half every italian dude's personality is pasta yeah i don't even think they like it that much like just spaghetti i mean i like i'm surf i like i'm surface level into italian food like you would know more than i would but i don't know what's like what's the noodles it's just like zd zd's pretty good it's just because it's the easiest to eat like spaghetti is kind of a pain in the ass to eat right yeah this is coming off of my take that italian food is mid and you might recognize this voice of the go fuck yourself from maybe a show on hbo max but uh yeah it's spaghetti's hard to eat it is

yeah like you're not getting spaghetti on a date right it's just there's too much shit going on there is yeah and like maybe zd on a date because it's like bite-sized are shells like authentic italian like like velveta shells no the like the ones you stuff oh those big stuff yeah yeah yeah those are pretty good yeah but isn't it all the same wait am i i think i think that's what's not being that's what's never been said about it's all the same shit. Oh. Like all the different noodles are.

I mean, they're just different shapes. Is that what it is? It's like dropping bread into one of those like, one of those shape makers. And that's the new pasta. Oh shit. I didn't know that. So the pasta itself isn't like a. Just pasta. They're not new recipes.

There's like. Spaghetti is the same thing only flattened out into a bow tie and there's your bow tie there's your bow tie spaghetti dude what a scam just pulling the wall just pulling the wall italian people just just making different shapes out of cutters and stuff and hey guess what linguine dude okay i get the sauces they change the sauce right it's a it's really it's, I mean, I don't know. Maybe I'm speaking. I'm just speaking for myself here.

It's Alfredo sauce is white. Yeah. Marinara sauce is red. Right. No meat. And then there's meat sauce. Then there's meat sauce. I don't really know what red sauce is.

I don't know. It's just like a different. I thought red sauce and marinara were the same thing for a long time, but I'm pretty like. Yeah. I'm pretty like diet Italian. You are, yeah. That's true.

But yeah, it's just different shapes. It's crazy. Like ravioli with the cheese inside is pretty much stuffed shells, just a different shape. That's insane. I never knew that. Wow. I don't know, bro.

What a... What am I missing? Maybe I just haven't had the right pasta. Nah, it's the whole family sitting down for dinner. That's what you're missing. I did that, though. Like back in the day, my grandma would make spaghetti, and I'd be like, yeah, it's good.

But like... Oh, yeah. I said that a long time ago. I pissed my dad off so much. Because the big thing was like my grandma was like spaghetti. Spaghetti, yeah. Meatballs. Ma, bro, ma, spaghetti is so good. Yeah. And one day I was like my grandma's like spaghetti meatballs ma bro ma spaghetti is so good yeah and one day i was like it's not even that good oh

just crushing the family it was over all right here we go all right hear me out starbucks is better than local coffee shops when i I go to a local coffee shop, I have no idea what the fuck to order. When I go to Starbucks, I know what I want. I know what to tell them. And if I don't, I can just order it on the app and then I don't sound stupid. Right, wow.

If I go to local, I look at the menu and I'm like, I don't understand. I don't know what these words mean. Why is it so difficult? Don't get me wrong. Like the atmosphere in some coffee shops, like locally, are cute and like, you know, they're fun to hang out at. But the coffee, I'd rather buy a Starbucks and bring it there

than buy the coffee. Go hang out, yeah. Dude, my fiance ordered a butterfly pea latte. and bring it there. Then go hang out. Yeah, dude. My fiance ordered a butterfly pea latte. From where? It was when we were in L.A. From Starbucks? No, from just some random coffee shop.

She's like, I want a butterfly pea latte. The hell is that? I have no fucking clue. I was like, it's butterfly piss. And she's like, no, it's just called butterfly pea. Like peas, I guess. I don't know. but she's a hundred percent right was it blue i have no uh yeah it was it was like yeah is it blue yeah yeah it's blue it's called a butter milk sugar water butterfly pea powder who knows i was like you're drinking butterfly piss that's how you know take a venti i'll take a venti. I'll take a venti.

Yeah. Butterflies pee, by the way? How do you collect it? But they fly so sporadically. What are that? Oh, shit. Every employee of that coffee shop. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Running around with a bowl. All right. Give him some more water. Drilled by a car. Yeah, she's 100 right i get nervous when i when i get into a fancy coffee shop because uh also they always want to give you like columbian roast and you're like dog what is it it's not great even when i go to speedway when starbucks is like closed and i'm like here we go and it's like house here we go. And it's like house blend, Colombian. Then it's like the Speedway blend and it's decaf. I'm always like house blend or Colombian. What is Colombian? I don't know. It's a hundred percent Colombian too.

Good thing. Right. Cause if it's, if it's any less. Dude. Yeah. I get nervous when I, when I'm at a fancy coffee shop. What about the first time you went to Starbucks? How like nerve wracking was that? That was crazy. Cause you're like time you went to Starbucks? How nerve-wracking was that? That was crazy. Because you're like, what is this shit? You're in the seventh grade. Yeah. Dude, everybody's first time at Starbucks,

they got this, the Frappuccino. Yeah, it was always a Frapp. Because you're like, the one that looks like a milkshake. Yeah, exactly. People that get those now, though, fuck off. Oh, you just... A Frappuccino? Like, when they're at work why because we know better you know better in like what are you celebrating why are you drinking a cake you're

hey go get a frosty at wind exactly yeah what are you doing man you're just gonna sit and sing happy birthday to yourself at work yeah pick a worse place to enjoy yourself oh my go home get that on the way home do you do they get with whip it has everything with it like there's the there's like the caramel in the i'm like it's two p.m. what the fuck

you doing dude on a tuesday grow up all right easy peter pan what a frappuccino a grow up all right easy Peter Pan Frappuccino dude yeah all right here we go this is he's climbing up the charts here on the anonymous

voice messages hear me out I love you Milky Boy hello and we're in anyway hear me out my dude Justin Bieber kind of slaps, so I'm not going to lie. He gets a lot of hate, a lot of shit,

which he should because he's annoying as hell. But at the same time, the man makes some good music with some good points in there. Like, baby, oh, oh, oh, oh, doo, doo,

oh, oh, oh, oh, like, you can't tell me that was not a banger. Yeah. It has still been a banger for over a decade can't tell me it's not i mean you definitely can because it probably isn't for everyone but i'll tell you what for me that shit still slaps dude not every day not every week not every month that's right but when i'm on shuffle and that shit comes on it's a party for about 45 seconds until ludicrous comes in and ruins the entire song so that's what we're going with hear me out he's annoying but he's got some good music too so that's it man bro

that went a little too long anyway that, that's about it, man. The Biebs. Man's got a couple of good tunes. And I'm not sure when the hell you record this, to be honest. But hope you have a great day, man. Hope you have a great day, great week or weekend, whenever the hell you do that. And, yeah, man, keep up the great work. You know, lovely content.

This, these guys. Freaking. He's really spilling his's really hard just quality content does not matter out keep it up my friend i have a good one there's more it's a hot there's literally more hold on that was the old twofer we love a self-aware oh dude hey the dude. Hey, the voice though, right? Dude, he needs to be on my sleep app, dude. Just have him.

Can you be the guy that like. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dude. Can you narrate my life? Bro, just read me Goodnight Moon and please just put me to sleep. Slap my ass and put me to sleep. That's a good hear me out though. Hear me out.

Ludicrous ruins a song by featuring on it i kind of like all this shit i've not i could never say that that's that's a good i like i respect it i respect it because i mean but ludicrous has always like that that's kind of the reason i listen to songs it's because ludicrous is on yeah i'm like oh he's at least ludicrous on it right we're so old for that i know but he's still slight maybe that's a hear me out ludicrous still slaps yeah everything he says i'm like ludicrous hear me out ludicrous top five that would work for me yeah that would too yeah because who's gonna like what are you gonna say no he's pretty mainstream. He's in every song. And he just wore those big shoes on stage the other week.

I know. Send them to you. Yo, Benny boy, what up? My hear me out is old people shouldn't be able to drive. I think you hit 75, maybe even 68. License just gone. They suck. It really drives me crazy.

Oh, no. This guy. Hey, buckle up. But a lot of them, yeah, like 80% of them are like, would you ever have that grandma like my grandma could whip it around my grandma's 94 and still driving i think but is she good i mean she gets there just don't give her a roundabout that was a tough one throw you all the way roundabouts in and that was that's like the that's the separator that's like we've said this

every single time i I, I, we had to say this, but roundabouts and toll booths for anybody over the age of 55, they just can't, they can't parking meters. Ooh, yeah. Parking meters.

Watching somebody try to figure one of those out. I'm just like, sorry, baby girl, you're going to be there for like 12 minutes, right? Not figuring it out. Natural selection,

bro. That's just what happens with roundabouts. Like you either die or you just keep going yeah or you get stuck in one but i've seen an old person get stuck in a loop but it's like the i think that's why they're still allowed to drive because there are some like old people that can whip the one that gets me is that uh when you're angry and then you realize they're old you can't do that you're like all right you're gonna die tomorrow yeah if i was 98 and i was still driving i put new driver one of those new driver stickers on the back of my car new student driver baby on board and new student

just all of them yeah new student drivers i haven't seen that in a long time the day were they good no super timid roundabout dude roundabouts just taking people out for my driver's test bro they put me through the whole car washer shit i hit a roundabout i had to drive to the outlet mall i was always like on like a real road yeah i would like dude i almost got hit by a train like shit was happening i really almost like a real road yeah i would like dude i almost got hit by a train like shit was happening i really almost like i saw a train i didn't break so i was like i'm going damn and the lady next to her did she hit the yeah she had she had to hit it she's like are you fucking kidding me bro still passed there you go because she's my gym teacher yeah and

she thought you're hot yeah probably not Probably not. Let's keep going. Okay. So your first hear me out. Yeah, sure. Sex is overrated, especially if you're doing the whole swipe left and right. Hit it. You're done. Boom. Yeah.

It's mindless, pointless. No satisfaction. No gratification. Terrible. Overrated. But you really broke my heart on the Italian food. Guys, just think about it. It is amazing the love and time that people put into making it.

That's where it's at. The love that's in it. Oh, shut up. Right, yeah. It's like your Nana's love is in every piece of pasta. That's what you love about it. No, she just boiled it. And asked me if it was a good enough texture every two seconds with it on the spoon.

There's more, there's more. BTWtw pizza sucks I don't I don't know dude does pizza suck no pizza doesn't suck you can't say pizza sucks even if you think pizza is bad you've got to respect pizza but there's no love I guess in pizza so you ever had stuffed crust oh that's true a lot of love wrapped up in that crust yeah you've been you've

been on stuff cost grind lately i know every sunday dude really though like i like past five sundays have been a cheat day for me three of them have been stuffed crust pizza and an entire stuffed crust pizza you gotta eat it i mean you gotta eat it before midnight cheat day oh cuts all the chief cheat day cut off so you're buying the chief. Cheat day. So you're buying your, your time and your pizza up. So you have to finish it. Eight 30. Wow.

Look at you. I'll take down like 75%. That's your drug. That's your, that's your drug. What is food? I know. Yeah,

bad. It was like, bro, you think you're, I am fat. I just keep it under control. Yeah. Oh,

you think you're fat like you have it and i'm like yeah dude i am i can i will agree as a fat guy and also watching you eat you eat worse than i eat when you let it go oh when i let it go it's like you have a problem you told me last sunday what you, and I was worried. Yeah, you've been a little worried. I have been worried because I told you to do it. Yeah, have a cheat day. You got to kind of go hard on your cheat day,

so the rest of the week you're in line. Yeah, and then you called me at 930 in the morning. You're like, I've had four cupcakes, and I was like, bro, you can't just bring cupcakes into my house. Nobody was. Nobody brought him i know you went out bottom don't act like somebody brought somebody did somebody did this my sister made uh cupcakes oh and she was like uh yeah for your cheat day like those are going down quick

yeah okay well that makes me feel a little bit better but i but before that at 143 a.m in the morning i went to insomnia cookies so like my cheat day starts at midnight on. So you hope you work the whole twelve hours. Oh yeah, it's a full shift. Twelve or twenty four. Wow. When I'm sleeping might be the only time. I'm not.

Craziest thing is what you told me is when you woke up and drank a full root beer. And that wasn't a cheat day, dude. That was wild. You know, when you wake up and your your throat's like oh you gotta get something i was just praying to god i had like a san pellegrino or something in the fridge because i slap when you're thirsty at night and i opened my fridge up there was just like a four loco a twinkies latte all this who's buying this shit and then i had a root beer there and i was like and it wasn't two sips you smashed the the full root beer. With a straw. Oh my God, dude.

It felt so good. But then I felt like a complete piece of shit when I woke up. And then went right back to sleep? Yeah, like it was the best going back to sleep ever. You went... No, no, no. I think I had like this much left at the bottom. And I went to sleep and I was like, oh, that was good.

And then I got back up and... There is nothing better than like... I'm in mac and cheese the other day and left some of it in the pot. I sat better than the beginning. I ate the whole mac and cheese. It was stuffed. 15 minutes later, I was like,

oh, I still got mac and cheese in a pot. Just that little like... Just that little bit. That little island of mac and cheese in a pot. Not enough to put in a Tupperware. It's going down with me. You're like, bro, I'm saving that for when I clean the pot. Yeah, right.

Just go in there, just eat it. You're like, ah. House it. Just house it. Yeah. It's not enough to put away. It's pizza. Pizza's like that for me, too.

It is, yeah. Like you have two slices in the box. You're like, what am I going to do?. It's pizza. Pizza's like that for me, too. It is, yeah. Like, you have two slices in the box. You're like, what am I going to do? Save this for tomorrow. These are going down. Yeah. Bro, I can't put a box in my fridge. There's no room.

Pizza boxes, by the way. Can we figure that out? Oh, you got a beef with pizza boxes? Yeah. They're too, like, where do they go? They can't go in your trash. They can't go in your fridge. What do you want, like a pizza bag?

Yeah. I want a new invention. Pizza bags. That's like on my invention list. What, like, what, how do you want like a pizza bag yeah i want i want a new invention pizza bags that's like on my invention list what like what how do you stack it still circle pizza or i think it has some like structure to it but it's collapsible got you so like rotisserie chicken bag yeah but you can stack it like oh like some kind of plastic that you can like maybe it's made up but you know that little stool in the middle of your pizza yeah like maybe some some shit like that's holding up the sides but you can like break it hold it hold it this way like so the pizza is still flat

or do you want it to where the pizza can be vertical nah because it was slide yeah you want it you want it flat so you want like a pyramid bag something something that is like has structure but you can collapse it when you're done with it because you know people are like ordering more than one pizza so you're gonna have to right something where you don't have to go over your knee and like all the crumbs yeah like i'm walking my pizza box walk of shame out to the dumpster yeah you're so yeah because your trash chute's broken right now. Yeah, and like pizza boxes in trash bags just, it doesn't work.

You got corners breaking through. Yeah, they're menace. Just chaos with the pizza box. Just crushing everything about Italian food right now. It's just real life. Hear me out. Dolphins are it's just real life hear me out dolphins are terrible animals and the only reason we like them so much is they got better pr than sharks do you know they

rape each other yeah and have recordings of them raping people yeah i'm just saying it is true man nobody's saying that yeah but they do flips by the boat so you're like i don't like dolphins you don't know i'm like intimidated by them and i know they're not they're not in it for the right reasons i know they're too smart too they're too intellectually when i see a dolphin i'm like you're smarter than me yeah you could you could finish a multiplication test before me right like that dolphin knows what six times six is yeah if you had the skills to voice it if you you would be smarter than me it might and make fun of me for it and then and also you're more athletic than me big time you're you're smarter you're more athletic and uh and you're a football team? And you're a football team.

Dolphins PR is outrageous. They're so smart. They're so sleek. They're the good guy in movies. Yeah, why have we just been covering up for dolphins and their poor behavior? They get all the passes. They do.

A dolphin could take... A dolphin probably took down the titanic and we're just like it was the iceberg right they're just coveted i don't know yeah he's right man he's right they're they're terrible they're out here raping people when's the last time a shark raped somebody? No, they just bite you and... Yeah, but like that's their thing. Yeah, that is their thing. Sharks bite people. We know. Yeah.

If you're in the water, like, hey, guess what? I don't think it's ever really a shark's fault. No, dolphins... Dolphins, no. Dolphins are out here fucking. Dude, that's also scary. They know what fucking is. And their heads are big.

I don't think they're not that they're not that attractive honestly oh you don't think a dolphin's slick it's slick it's sleek but it does have like kind of a big head yeah didn't sound like it yeah i'm over dolphins i'm over dolphins saying it hear me out okay hear me out putting mayo on a chick-fil-a chicken biscuit like the breakfast chicken biscuit is top tier 10 out of 10 you should definitely try it it's better than jelly it's better than honey but that mayo that mayo's gonna do it every time did she say on a chicken biscuit yeah those mini ones those mini ones slap dog i just don't even think those need anything

they're so good they're good on their own but oh gee i might have to mayo this thing up i would try it i'm totally against mayo but like she felt very strong about that right, so you got to respect that I am so against mail, but I would take a bite. What's your what's your? What do you get mail for? It's just like a grown up thing. Yeah, grown up did I just like I thought you met you outgrew mayo. There's a as an adult. I just don't. I've tried it a lot in the past couple of years because of like videos and shit and ranch and like just shit like that. No, put me on that and I have to try it.

But like, yeah, when I was growing up, I just we just didn't eat mayo. My family didn't email. That's that. Okay. I'm saying with milk. Really? Yeah. No milk, bro.

Your family didn't drink milk. And we were like, no, we weren't a milk family. That's wild. So you're just against milk. I am. Yeah. No milk was a big deal when we were milk family. That's wild. So you're just against milk. I am. Yeah, no milk was a big deal when we were growing up. Not for me. Remember milk was like get big and strong and healthy.

I was like my mom was like just Mark McGuire on a poster with a milk mustache wasn't doing it for you. She's like you're fine. Your bones are fine. How about big enough? How about us just thinking Mark McGuire was drinking milk? Oh God, just yeah, just those thighs. Those thighs were skin. Your bones are fine. How about us just thinking Mark McGuire was drinking milk? Oh, God.

Yeah. Those thighs were skim? Built on hole. Bro, that hole milk. That shit is thick. Two more. We'll get out of here. Hey, Benny.

What's up? Hear me out. Once a year, you're either allowed to fight somebody or punch somebody and there is no law being broken. Somebody cuts you in front of a grocery line. Somebody pisses you off in the airport. Whatever it may be, you're allowed to straight up just fight the fuck out of them and throw hands and there's no consequences. Win or lose. And that's my hear me out fuck nice yeah that's a good one yeah it might it might get a little it might get a little nasty out there probably be punching each other i mean once a

year though uh yeah no but if you don't see that coming i would be the guy that's like hey i'm gonna i'm gonna use it right use it three two one yeah there's gotta be there's gotta be ground rules yeah you send me another podcast clip dude i'm gonna punch you around the face once a year dude if you just if who would you punch you for real oh yeah i would just take out a homeless guy oh dude no yes just hey that's my one bro sorry i'd help him up and shit and i might give him money but like hey dog that was my one oh wow yeah because dude there's one there's one dude i just can't yeah i just can't i forget that you live right on mass ad which is like homeless row and like you have a relationship with the homeless people there.

Like, you know, they know you by name and you know them by like whatever they're wearing. And they'll just keep asking, man. And it's like, you know, I'm not going to do it. Right. And it's just, there's just one guy that I'm like, oh, if I had that one, you'd be the guy. Damn, dude.

You'd be the guy. Bro. Dude, if you knew, if you knew what I was talking about, you'd be the guy. Damn, dude. You'd be the guy. Dude, if you knew what I was talking about, you'd be like, that's the guy. Dude, I don't have to deal with it on a day-to-day basis.

I'm your homeless guy? All right, last one. Okay, hear me out. No one gives a fuck about your horoscope. Oh my God, I'm such a Sagittarius. Oh my God,

I feel like such a leo oh my god i'm an aquarius no you're a bitch spoke like a true capricorn bro how do you know him though it's only girl it's only girls that like oh my god you're such a leo like you really know the characteristics i'd have to make flashcards. And guys who want to pick those girls up. You think? Yeah, dude. Dudes are looking into that?

Bro, dudes are cheat coding that for sure. Oh. They're just like, oh, what is she? What is she? Okay, yeah. Sounds like a guy that's never gotten laid. Or getting laid too much. Because it works.

Get a life, dog. It sounds like a guy who is getting pussy is his entire personality i don't even think those guys but those guys don't have those guys are learning signs and their characteristics yeah dude they're doing everything they're game planning they're reading books and like how to have game right yeah i hate saying i read that book you did did did you learn anything i did you're like i'm getting married dog oh yeah i hate said i read that book you did did did you learn anything i did like i'm getting married dog oh yeah i did it worked

but then you see the guy who wrote is like this huge nerd who does magic and you're like all right it's like when your personal trainers fat you're like and also you're like it worked but then the you felt bad for the girl you're like ladies i just tricked you well no just to see the guy who wrote it and then see that work on like the on girls you're

like guys you're you're better than that yeah this shit's working on that's just working on you don't like you anymore yeah so but i read that yeah it was it came out when i was in high school i was like oh yeah big high school thing yeah there's a show on mtv about it what was it called the game really yeah same as mystery i hate this already i know right and you read that shit yeah dude probably did have some good points i was fat i was nerdy was like, I need all the help I can get. Give me this fucking magician's book. How long was it? I mean, it was a good like...

Like 120? 200 pages, 250 pages. Books that are over 200 pages. Dude, it was like a Bible. It was like on Bible paper. I was like, okay. Really? Yeah. And then what was crazy about it

is they had like a book that was it was like a it was like a workbook and i was like okay you're getting quizzed on game yeah and i was like all right i'm done did you do them no because i was like all right what i have to do you have to cheat yeah i was like looking up the answers online and shit yeah i'm not gonna do homework i don't i don't like girls that much what were some of the questions i gotta see these quizzes bro what do you still have the book what do you say if a girl like comes at you like it was like what do you order at a restaurant or something just like it's just like uh like, I don't even remember. Dude, my mom got me the opposite book. She got How to Be a Gentleman.

She bought it for me. It made me read it every day. Did you? I swear to God. Did it work? I was just like, who's doing this corny shit? Right, yeah. You know, it was like, open the door for her when you pick her up for a date.

I'm like, that's like some 1960s shit, isn't it? Walk on the other side of the road. Like, so she's. I actually do date. I'm like that's like some 1960 shit, isn't it? Walk on the other side of the road like so she's I actually do that. I do do that, but I didn't know that was like a wow. He's such a nice guy thing. I would just did it like out of reaction. I'm like she's going to get drilled right and I'm like I want to die

anyway. I do that like now that I'm getting married. I do that about half the time and it's brought up in conversation. What the road the sidewalk rules like it's just like hey, you don't open the door for me every single time anymore and also you not like me and also you don't walk in the other side of the road with me anymore. I was like I don't want to die like also she's like you're just not

chivalrous anymore. I'm like I'm half the time because we're spending all time together together you kind of feel like a bitch when you do it all the time i'm like oh you want me to open the door for you at meyer like that's crazy yeah yeah i know but like the car door too she's you know the car door for me all the time that's wild and i'm like yeah but we're are you princess Yeah, we're at the bank. Like, what do you want? I get it, but it is like... I know, yeah. Like, I should do it. We're just pulling up to like Little Caesars.

I know, yeah. We're getting Chinese food. Jesus Christ, what do you want? I still pump your gas for you. That is pretty nice. That is nice. It's like the biggest... And guys enjoy doing shit like that.

I love pumping gas. And girls hate doing shit like that. So it's like, yeah, I'll do that. I love pumping gas. And girls hate doing shit like that. So it's like, yeah, I'll do it. I love pumping gas. I feel... It's the closest I'll get to an oil rig. Yeah, it's a manly, so I'll get it. Stopping it at like 49, 99.

Trying to hit that last minute, dude. And then you... Right there, 50.03. Fuck! 50.01, dude. How good's your day when you hit a 50 right on the dot? Sometimes I'm like, I'm too lucky.

Like I'm too. I don't deserve that. Yeah, like I shouldn't be. I shouldn't be bad in like a thousand right now, right? You're like, I'm going to get a parking ticket,

right? There's something going on. I'd rather be a little under, but yeah, that's it. Nope. That's the going on. I'd rather be a little under. But yeah, that's it. That's the pod. Shot.

Jesus Christ. Shot 260. Thanks for listening, fam. Remember to join the Patreon. Remember to go to our shows in the description. Middle Ground this weekend at Black Circle for Derek and Tampa tonight for me. And then Boston next Thursday. But all right. Talk to you guys next week.

Nice. All right, fam.