Espresso - what's your rattiest day?

Episode Date: September 21, 2023

on this ep benny reacts to the most rattiest day you guys have done 🎟️ BENNY'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 Sept 19 Hollywood, CA https://www.tixr.com/groups/laughfactoryhw/events/tuesday-all-star-comedy-79464🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://www.youtube.com/@espressowbenedictLeave a rating and review boo🎧𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝘀 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/espresso/id1514492317 

I'll spend a hundred dollars at a fast-food place. I don't give a fuck dude if we're eating fast food. We're gonna try to die Return of the rat Return of the motherfucking rat once again return of the rat Espresso podcast shot 281. I'm your mad girlfriend Benny Let's talk, Yeah. Shall we? Hey, before we get started, I'll be in LA this week. I said it. I'll be in LA this week doing shows. Um, TBD. Don't know what I'll have going on when this drops, but, uh,

follow me on IG and I'll post stuff on my stories because i'll be out there and if you're in la hit me up kiss me every day obviously and remember to tell your psycho friends to subscribe on youtube comment below leave something sexy you know just so you know i look at them i look at all the shit. The DMs? Oh my god, he's like so popular, he wouldn't even see this. No, I look at them all. Because people say

funny shit all the time, and I'm always looking to like repost some. So say, I will see it. I will see it. Leave a comment on YouTube. Leave a rating review on apple pods just say just say what just say what you say what you mean to say say what you motherfucking mean to say but if you're really fam join the patreon for five dollars a month for a live stream every week uh

we talked about a lot we talked about a lot last Sunday. Sunday night, 10 o'clock, live stream, only on Patreon for $5. Yeah, the crew over there, they're the true fam. I mean, you guys are fam, but the true fam on Patreon, they know your boy. Some behind the scenes. It's just $5.

Help your boy out. Help your girlfriend out. It's National $5. Help your boy out, you know, help your girlfriend out. It's a national girlfriend week and I'm here, but it's rat day. I want to hear from you guys. What is the rattiest shit you've done? Like you woke up one day and you're like, today I'm going to be a complete piece of shit. You know, you get like one, you probably get like one, maybe like five a year. Five a year where you're just like today, I'm not doing anything. All responsibility is gone. There's always something though when you're like 25 and older, there's always some shit

you got to do. But I'm talking about a rat day where you don't even need to do like laundry you're just ratting it out you're eating ice cream sandwiches and shit at 8 a.m you might you might have dude you might just you might take i don't even know dude i want the dirtiest shit i want to know everything my rat day like, kind of my rat day is kind of like, it's kind of mid, you know, I could be rattier. I could be, but, um, Corona's before 9am. That's pretty rat. It's pretty rat. Hey, how about not even, how about me not even brushing my teeth the night before? That's, that's the rat. That's the, that's the level of rat i want

didn't floss because you know you you know when you forget like dude randomly i will forget to like i'll get in my bed and shit to get ready to go to sleep and i'll be like i didn't do anything that i needed to do to get ready for bed that's how excited i am to, to temporarily die for six hours. I'm talking about rat day where you sleep in your contacts. Maybe, maybe, Oh, how about rat day where you don't take a shower and you're so tired. You sleep in your dude. Ew. Do you guys ever do that? I know you do. You sleep in your bed without taking a shower. I used to do that when I was a kid but that's some kid shit you do that when you're an adult you're a straight piece of yeah I didn't brush my that was my right that I didn't brush my teeth I woke up I drank six coronas polished off some cookies from the night before

um just just was eating bar food all day. Lost my ID. Just saying anything to anybody. Just that, just that level of fucked up. Um, I don't even know what I did before I went to bed. All I was thinking about all day was Wendy's. Like I was, I was ruining my own life. You gotta have a little self-sabotage. It's always on Sunday too. A little self-sabotage Sunday. Gotta do it. Maybe, maybe like, maybe like DM or text somebody that you a thousand percent shouldn't. That's a rad day for me, but that's kind of mid. That's kind of mid. And when I say mid, I mean like,

could be dirtier. So let's hear yours. What's your rat day? From the fam. Straight from the fam right here. Oh, and also... Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit. That's not the first one.

So, my rat days are actually like some of my favorite days ever. I can't wait. My latest one, I have an above ground like blow up pool. So I spend most of the day. Wish it was just an above ground pool. That would be straight rat. But we're trying.

Just floating in it, drinking a combination of like wine or twisted tea or i don't know fucking sipping on tequila or fireball fireball and then i'll go and lay out naked and then i can't do it i can't lay out naked i always feel like a fucking like one of those wrecking balls is gonna knock over the fence i'm behind and 47 people are gonna rush inside every time i'm naked anywhere even my own house i can't be naked in my own house is that weird is that a guy thing i feel like late like women can be naked whenever and they're just like yeah whatever it's just me and i don't care it's's my body i know how i look

and i'm confident dude when i'm naked i'm like i can't even look and i can't even look at myself naked i feel so exposed dude just just walking around in my kitchen with i'm i'm like holding myself like like there's people around i'm like like covering myself. Way too exposed. I feel like such a bitch. Dude, when you're naked in your own house and nobody's there, I feel like the biggest, the biggest cunt of all time. How do people like,

oh, I like it when my lady cooks naked. That's kind of gross. Have you ever heard anybody saying that? I like it when my lady cooks naked. That's kind of gross. Have you ever heard anybody saying that? I like it when my girl cooks naked. My girl cooked me food naked. I'm like, ew. Like, you want some dead skin in there

with whatever you're eating? I think that's gross. Just, just shit all hanging out. i would be so scared to cook naked i would burn my dick off right right like even with the oven like with the oven like the hot oven your your shit's just right there and i can't do anything in my house and I think it's so weird one time I did laundry like kind of naked obviously I did laundry naked because like it was the day my roommate moved out last day

and I was like fuck it he's like gone probably so I'll just like you know I'm always doing laundry naked because like I take off the dirty clothes I'm wearing and I throw it in the washer or whatever and I'm like naked for a little bit and right when i took off my clothes put it in the washer with everything else fucking he comes inside i'm like dude what the i thought i thought i lived alone obviously so naked just saw my ass last thing he saw of me was my ass my white weird ass god white guys have the weirdest asses don't we white guy ass is just a totally different species it's like super low nothing like a white guy ass that just so low and slow and... Ew.

Everything on my legs is way too low. Like my ass is low. My calves are low. My feet are all fucked up. I'm like, what happened? It's like when they printed me out and like ran out of ink at the bottom remember like those old ass printers that old lex mark you used to use

yeah everything on my lower body is like slightly off old captain low ass ready for battle weirdest ass ever. Every white guy just has a zit on his ass and he knows what I'm talking about right now. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you look in the mirror right now. I'll give you 30 seconds. Look in the mirror. Good. Yep. Get up. you got it even if you're in your car right now like just get out of the red light and that little the side mirror by your window take off your pants

turn around yep you almost you're almost there uh-huh put your car in park yep close the door drop them turn around i know there's people honking at you and stuff right yep them turn around i know there's people honking at you and stuff yep boom there it is see it that little zit yeah every white guy has a zit on his butt and that is a law did we even finish her voice message i'm an idiot i go inside and i order food to be delivered because duh. Oh, yeah. And then I will chill on the couch in a big-ass fluffy blanket and watch some kind of stupid TV show. And it's amazing.

I love it. I love rad days. That sounds like a perfect rad day. Under a blanket? Did she say blanket? Dude, blankets are so key on rad day like the the grossest one you have to you know you got that blanket that like you haven't washed in like eight years you know but it's just your blanket i kind of overlook washing blankets

honestly they're like washing jeans to me i why i don't think i've ever washed a pair of jeans okay maybe like 17 times but like you know what i mean like you don't think about it because like they fit better and better as you wear them but then you wash them and dry them and all of a sudden you're like am i wearing my girlfriend's jeans from sophomore year in high school they're like so tight on your legs i'm like what the by the way i used to wear the skinniest skinny jeans of all time and that was that wasn't like a long time ago that might have been like six months ago hey doesn't know how to dress like shoveling popcorn in my mouth just like handful after handful no i don't think it's ratty enough that's like the best feeling in the world i'm giving your rad day uh a c fireball in a pool that's like that you inflated is ratty you're scoring some points there but popcorn dude

popcorn is like a little weeknight treat you fuck around have some popcorn and some wine on like a thursday night and you're you're in the clear like that's that's not bad that's like normal behavior if you're doing popcorn on a on a rat day it's got to be like the worst shit. I'm talking about the butteriest. Or like one time I made popcorn one time. My friend put me on this. It was so good I couldn't even eat it. Anything ever so good you can't eat it.

I'd get popcorn, made it in the bag, put it in a bowl. You know how you're like under the everybody's everybody in like their parents house has like their mom always has like like six bowls like one's really big and then there's like the there's one inside of that one one inside of that one one inside of that one when they just get smaller you take the smallest bowl maybe the second smallest one put popcorn warm up peanut butter in the jar and just drizzle that shit all over the pop. Peanut butter pop, then get some mini M&Ms because we know regular M&Ms serve no purpose on earth. Peanut M&Ms, five. Peanut butter M&Ms, if you can eat more than five and not get sick salute peanut butter m&ms make me feel

carsick even when i'm just fucking standing there in my apartment uh but the mini m&ms on the popcorn with the peanut butter drizzle rat food rat food shovel that shit i can. I can barely eat popcorn anymore. It's kind of a no for me all around. Simon Cowell, no, that's a no for me. Or Randy Jackson, that's a no for me, dog. Every time popcorn comes around, I'm like, that's a no for me, dog. Because it's just popcorn takes over my body. it's just popcorn takes over my body. I eat one piece of popcorn.

I'm coughing for like 13 minutes. It's in my teeth. It's in my stomach. I probably still have popcorn in my stomach from like two years ago. I still have popcorn in my stomach from when I was 12 and I watched the mummy returns with my friends. Dude, this stays with me for for incredibly too long i can't but it is pretty rad that is ratty of you to do though popcorn and

fireball fireballs the drink of rats let's keep going when i'm feeling like a real piece of shit i'll get my starbies and instead of a Grande, I'll get a Venti. And I might even add a little cinnamon to it. Cinnamon? I love a rat Starbucks drink. Sorry, I don't know what happened there.

Yeah, you already know it. When I'm a piece of shit, get taco bell no mystery here okay um it's the best food it is chain it is and i get this like deluxe make your own fuck your ass up combo. Literally. It's like four tacos on it. Wait, what? Baja Blast. Upsized to large. I'm good for the 20 cents.

Because, yeah, I'm not just getting one taco, okay? I'm not just getting a couple tacos. I want the whole enchilada. Oh, that was flawless. That might have been the best Johnson ever. Damn, that was so... I didn't see it coming because it blended so well with the story. I want the whole enchilada.

Hey, that'd be fire. But yeah, when you go to Taco Bell, I was in rat mode over the weekend again whoops when you're gonna talk about your years i i spend 40 at taco bell and people think that's crazy oh my god we spent like an ungodly amount of money at mcdonald's the other night i was like how much they're like 27 i'm like dude that's like four big macs shut up i'll spend a hundred dollars at a fast food place i don't give a fuck dude if we're eating fast food and i'll eat it the next day anybody's so poor that their parents when it was 10 cent cheeseburger day would just buy 75 cheeseburgers i don't know why we did that so many times but like like it was a dude McDonald's when, when we,

you're maybe it's still like this. I guess I didn't eat McDonald's for probably like four years. It's hard not to eat McDonald's for a year. Like there's, it's just always there and it's like open and you're like, fuck it. Like on some weird desperation shit. Or like,

I guess I'll get a coffee. You're like always getting McDonald's somehow, but I might've gone a year without going. just said four years now I said one year but I really thought about it and going to McDonald's as a kid was like this is this is it even in the drive through I was like this is a. McDonald's was so fire. I guess it still is. Everything got so much smaller though. Doesn't it seem like that?

Or am I crazy? Everything got so much smaller. The Big Macs now, I'm like, dude, who's not just taking that out? Big Macs when I was a kid, I was like, that's like, there's no way I can finish that. Big Macs now, I'm like, I was like, that's like, there's no way I can finish that. Big Macs now, I'm like, this is a fucking cupcake, dude. Yeah, but we used to get in the car and it was 10 cent cheeseburger day at McDonald's just for one day only.

There would be a line of cars like 75 plus cars and we would hold it down in that line like if i saw a line that was 75 cars in it i don't care what they're selling they could be selling a fucking horse for ten dollars for everybody i'd be like no not waiting in that line for a fucking horse sorry bye anytime i see a horse dude just imagine the horse for ten dollars how shitty would that horse be if you see a horse, dude, just imagine a horse for $10. How shitty would that horse be? If you bought a horse for $10, how bad would the horse would be? So stupid. Just running into shit. You know you're rich when you can buy a horse, though.

That's like the, everybody knows that. Oh, you guys have a horse? Okay, never mind. Never mind. You're a snob but yeah we'd hold it down in that line forever by 50 cheeseburgers put them in the like we'd eat like probably like 10 that night i'd probably have like three on some on some fat shit everybody else would eat in my whole family and then we put 40 cheeseburgers in the freezer i just remember frozen cheeseburgers and i was like what and i'd eat them every day for lunch at school i eat them every day after school we were little i don't were we poor

you ever think about that? I feel like everybody was poor growing up. There were those people you knew that would flex their money. And I was like, that's crazy, dude. But I felt like I was so poor. We would stash so much food in our freezer and just eat it over time i was like we can't buy fresh food even this is insane dude my mom acted like like i swear i didn't think my mom growing up i didn't think my mom had a hundred dollars i promise i was like i think about like i would think about like i didn't know how much

money we had or anything i was just like living in a house and every day i was like i bet my i bet mom has 55 to her name because like we're not getting shit we are not getting anything and i'm not asking for anything because like it's she's gonna get pissed off my whole life i thought my mom had 60 bucks she might have 60 that's it I was like I wonder how we're doing anything I was like how are we even going to the pool right now I just didn't ask any questions I was like all right cool how do we even have a car? Never bought anything.

Never bought like hot lunch at school. Dude, I was always a kid who packed fucking lunch. Just consistently day one of school through last day of school in high school. Lunch. Packed lunch. Turkey sandwich. A bag of carrots. And a Capri Sun.

What's up, bitches? Just the most unexciting thing ever. But that's why I'm a sociopath. So, yeah. Crazy. Yeah, but if you're at Taco Bell, you have to, I spent $40 on Taco Bell last Saturday.

I guess it was Sunday. It was 2 a.m. And I was like, ah, shit, they're probably closed. Pull up on Taco Bell last Saturday. I guess it was Sunday. It was 2 a.m. And I was like, ah, shit, they're probably closed. Pull up to Taco Bell. There's no line. I was like, are the, it's on like a college campus. So I was like, are all the students like gone? Or like, is it a, is it summer or something?

Why is no one at this Taco Bell? Dude, Taco Bell at 2 a.m. is like where it's at. It's the trap. There's no one at this taco dude taco bell at 2 a.m is like where it's at it's the trap there's no one in line and i was like oh they're closed or they're out of like meat or something you know just something like you know when you pull up to a fast food restaurant and on the drive-thru speaker it's like we don't have tortillas we don't have cheese we don't have lettuce we don't have tomatoes we don't have meat we don't have chicken i We don't have tomatoes. We don't have meat. We don't have chicken. I'm like, so all you guys have is Pepsi? You have to like figure out the process of elimination, what you can order. It wasn't like that.

I was just like, oh, there's definitely clothes. And they're like, what's up? Welcome to Taco Bell. Can we help you? I'm like, yeah. Then I got so excited they were open. I like overordered. And I was like, this is what i got i go can

i have four chicken quesadillas no sauce i know sauce is the best part i know but i was trying to i knew i wanted to be a diet like i didn't want to be that much of a rat so i was like no sauce and then uh two crunchwremes, sub beef for chicken. Mini rat, mini rat mode. And then, hey, hey, how about this one? Real rat coming out here. Nachos Bel Grande, sub beef for chicken. Talk to me, bitch.

That's what I said after two. And they're like, excuse me? And I was like, nothing. And they're like excuse me and i was like nothing and they're like okay 41 22 at the first one no drink dude no drink i don't think i've ever ordered a drink before i don't even think i ate all that taco but i don't even think i had a drink that's the most fucking psycho shit i never drink any i don't know i'm like i'm too hungry to even think and if i need a drink it's because i'm choking on all the food and i'll just like i'll just go up to the sink and do that crazy like gorilla drink thing

you know i'm talking about your mom yelled at you for it and so did everyone else i didn't know if that was acceptable to do like in public, but I just started doing it. Like if there's a sink, I'll just drink out of the sink. I don't give a shit. I'm not getting a cup dirty. Gotta think future self. I will go up to the sink like a zoo animal,

turn the faucet on and just go. Like a $10 horse would. I love a fucking $10 horse. All right, let's go. Rat mode. What you got? All right. So my rat day, starting out, sleeping in as long as I want.

Yes. My hair as is. Fucked. Staying in my pajamas all day long. Yep. We're wearing glasses. Not washing our face. Nope.

Then we're going to stay on the couch and binge watch a series, maybe two. And you bet your ass I'm eating an entire box of cereal. It is the family size. Big rat mode. Probably not going to brush my teeth until like 2pm

when I get a little bit of motivation. And at some point I'll probably run to the store in whatever I'm currently wearing, which is literally shit, and get a frozen pizza, a bottle of Moscato, and consume all of that by myself, watch some more TV,

and you can't forget mindlessly scrolling through social media all day long while also watching tv i love some i love some rat rules there's rat rules here meaning you're not fucking you're not doing any hygiene a box of cereal is a sleeper pick i haven't had cereal in so long it's so overlooked but the way i would fuck up some like i just get the dirty what's the dirtiest cereal out there like cinnamon toast crunch what's the worst cereal worst cereal unhealthiest probably not worst

it's got to be like Cocoa Pebbles or some shit, right? Unhealthy. Yep. This is what I was saying. It's standing in my head, but I didn't think it was a real cereal anymore. Mega Stuff Oreo O's. Every time I see that, I'm like, how is that a fucking, how is that allowed? Just Oreo cereal is so crazy.

Captain Crunch Oops All Berries. allowed just oreo cereal is so crazy captain crunch oops all berries except for like the the stigma of the captain crunch cutting open my mouth i'm still like out on that kellogg's raisin bran crunch how is that bad oh yeah raisin bran raisin bran keeps up that good box image i just burped my ass off i love you burpy boy hello honey made s'more honey smacks smacks are weird smacks would fuck me up honey o's cocoa crispies yep checks out i would slam some mega stuff oreos and you know i put chocolate milk in them real rat shit real rat shit just something about something about uh being a rat and brushing your teeth before bed and then eating not gonna lie i did that last night promise this is the dirtiest shit ever but i gotta tell you guys i brushed my teeth at probably 1209 and then i ate a whole entire pint of ice

cream and went to sleep like i'm fine i already brushed my teeth what the fuck was i thinking all right there's still more here then we're finishing off the night by door dashing ice cream yep i'm not going to pick up that shit no i already went out and got a snack we're door dashing it yes we're door dashing and we're not fucking we're not moving unless we're like unless we're going rat mobile and we're like wearing some kind of like sleazy clothes and going to a bar you know you could you could go that kind of rat on them but we're absolutely absolutely not getting all dolled up to go to the store. We might get dolled up to go out and like, you know, try to skis your way into something,

but we're not getting dolled up to go get some ice cream. Shut the fuck. That's DoorDash City. Actually, I fucking hate people that door, the DoorDashers are the scum of the planet. And I don't, I like, I'm, I'm done being nice. I don't care anymore. Like they're the worst people.

Why are they so impatient? So rude. The cars they drive, just the look of them all. I you're a you're a rat you're a working rat door dashers are working rats a rat with a job i hate to i don't give a fuck dude they're the worst people and they're they're ew they have your food door dash people in restaurants are just they need to be shot door dash people in restaurants somebody needs to have a shotgun waiting at the door door dash door to door to hey kiddo and you're shooting them in the leg obviously so they could just shut up we'll get you your food but there's 16 people in line in front of you

scum of the earth um even when they deliver to you on time they're still like kind of weird and rude about it i'm like dude sorry that i tipped you i don't know what do you want me to do man so weird anybody can get that job literally anybody my dog would be a better door i don't even have a dog my old my old dog that passed away would be a better door. I don't even have a dog. My old dog that passed away would be a better door dasher than all of them. Let's keep going. Hey, Ben and boy.

I'm at work right now. So sorry if you hear background noise. But my piece of shit day was. Yes. Me and my boys went to Target and we stole Anchorman. Stole it?

But before we did that, we knocked one of the aisles over with the handicap cards. And then we went to CC's Pizza and we dined and dashed. My fucking my fucking dude went back to their house and played halo for the rest of the night yeah shout out to my brother chris bro

that's crazy that's the raddiest rat of all time and he recorded that voice message inside of a tractor what was going on here he's inside of an engine right now i'm at work right now so sorry you know the alternator belt he is he's the thing spinning background noise but my piece of shit day was me and my boys went to target how many times is your alternator belt broken that's like the number one thing every time i go to every time my car is fucked up your alternator belt i'm like Jesus Christ dude how how thin is this thing you need a new alternator fuck again fourth time

this month my alternator's gone out what the fuck's an alternator but uh that's insane stole anchorman knocked over an aisle the way did you hear my throat right there teddy toads back in town my throat every 30 seconds me no one me standing there my throat

i'm like did what did i just what did i eat why am i why am i always digesting on max volume it's so embarrassing when you're how about being next to somebody and you're just sitting there and it's quiet and your stomach's like, help me. Oh, my God. This motherfucker is a piece of shit. Kill me. Kill me. And you're just like, oh, my God, was that mine or yours? Dude, my stomach will actually say something to someone

oh fuck oh my god i haven't brushed my teeth in a week i'm like Sorry, what were you saying? Was that my stomach or yours? You dirty bitch. That's crazy. And it played Halo for the rest of the day. Oh, Cece's pizza is rat food. Rat food 101. If I could build a rat, it'd be Cece's pizza buffet. It'd be CC's Pizza Buffet. Dine and Dash for sure. And then Fireball. You go in there drunk from Fireball. Real rat shit.

What a day for you, K. Rue. Oh, didn't mean to out you on that one. That's anonymous, by the way. Yeah, let's keep going. Okay, we're starting the day off a little mcheartburn a little bit shits a little bit of farts okay we're going to mcdonald's okay we'll start the day off with a big hot cake plan of breakfast we're talking for slap my ass to the grapevine flapper jacks we're talking a sausage patty eggs scrambled so say, we're talking a hash brown. Nothing better.

Dude, the amount of time I spent on this podcast talking about food, let alone McDonald's food. When you get those pancakes, I actually want to get those. I used to get those every fucking weekend as a kid. Those threeald's pancakes cakes inside that styrofoam how come there's nothing better than that and they'd have that oh that sausage patty patty hate the word but it was it was so sausage patty just slapped on top of those three hot cakes they weren't even called pancakes they were called hot cakes they were so buttery bro and the syrup on top oh my god dude my for me and my friend used to get

those every weekend growing up and he'd get he'd put butter on them and i was so jealous of him because if i put butter on them my dad would fucking yell at me crazy crazy it was like look down upon my family if you put butter on shit it was so weird it was like it was so weird but uh yeah um that sausage was so good and then it would have like the residue like the sausage residue would like creep onto the pancake that it was laying on top of so when you eat the pancake you taste a little bit of sausage too and you're like i'm a fat fucking rat so i know where you're coming from dog sloppy syrup dude slot so much syrup on that shit we're talking a biscuit we're talking two butters two syrups two cardiac arrests what a wonderful life we're talking two butters, two syrups, two cardiac arrests. What a wonderful life.

We're going to follow that up with a half gallon of OJ that we bought before going to McDonald's at Aldi because we're a couple of cheapies here. Okay, babe? Then we're going to have for lunch two bottles of soda with a BLT somewhere in that ballpark. It's maybe a Diet Coke because that

DC clearly is the saving grace of the day. DC. DC. DC and a BLT? That sounds like a fucking great lunch. That sounds like a great lunch for a mom. A BLT with a toothpick going down the center of it? Oh. Kind of nothing better.

With a Diet Coke? I don't even really fuck with either of those things, but I would smack one right now. A BLT and a DC. Fuck me. Dinner, we're talking a big dinner box for Pizza Hut. We're talking cinnamon sticks, cheesy bread sticks,

pizza, four sauces, four sodas, four heart attacks. That's it, babe. Ta-ha. Fuck. Eye health. pizza four sauces four sodas four heart attacks that's it babe my health such a good voice message man it just it just everybody everybody is on that's the fam right there that's the psycho club sometimes people just know people that listen to this podcast just know how to leave voice messages oh my god he said the pizza hut box bro that pizza hut box like with the drawers in it can you imagine that if i saw that on my counter just a drawer of brownies a drawer of breads i

gotta stop talking about food i guess this whole thing's about food but i think i think this rat day is great but i think it's missing a little something i think there's more hey also my bad on sending you like 15 voice memos The amount of times I had to condense that motherfucker in to get it within the one-minute time frame? Astonishing. So, that's why. Kiss the test, bitch. Ah, fuck. Fuck.

Can we start doing fake car accidents during voice messages please kiss the tits bitch ah fuck oh my god four people died how'd they die voice messages espresso podcast killed four people probably will um no but dude send all the voice messages you want don't care it doesn't have to be in 59 either i can uh i can go hot 59 and then play the next half if you don't feel like squeezing it in, you know, but dude, just let it ride, baby. I'll listen. Probably not over three minutes, but I'll listen. There's been voice messages on here for like 16 minutes and I'm like, yo, dude, I just, you can't hijack the whole thing. Just turns into their show.

I just you can't hijack the whole thing just turns into their show um let's keep going I would have to say my POS day would be the day after we get Chinese takeout um because every time i open that fridge i'm just fistful noodles shoving them in my mouth pieces of sweet and sour chicken pretty much until all of the chinese leftovers are gone i'm a piece of shit um i wonder what the i think i just drooled all over the mic so hopefully that was on youtube i wonder what the the wildest shit i've ever eaten cold is because i i'm a i'm a person that will eat absolutely anything cold don't care i had a cold crunchwrap Supreme on Sunday morning. One of the best things I've ever had. Cold pizza, cold spaghetti. Why is shit kind of good cold?

Everything. It's like doable. Cold. Cold. Cold Chinese food would slap. lap um yeah i'm kind of against warming shit up i don't know it feels it feels not it feels like like i like frozen chicken i used to be on those little those little like morning star frozen chicken patties oh my god i used to used to fuck those up. That's what, that's what I'm missing in my diet. I don't know what to eat right now.

Every night I'm like, what the fuck do I eat? And I always get a salad from the restaurant that I live above. Dude, those little chicken patties. I would eat the, I would get those frozen, Dude, those little chicken patties. I would get those frozen, put them in the air fryer for like 10 minutes or whatever the hell. They'd be perfect and crispy. Then I'd put them in the fridge and then eat them cold. Talk about some backwards ass shit. Let's keep going.

Wait, wait, wait. Okay, yeah. So what felt so wrong but yet right i worked where i lived and neil is this wait no no it's an old voice message she didn't okay i made up for it that shit is so funny to me still. Alright. Yeah, Rat Day. I thought your guys' Rat Day would include a lot more alcohol.

You know? And a lot more alcohol, you know, in a lot more like bullshit. Um, I would get, I don't know what it is, man, but when I have a, just a little bit, just a tiny bit of alcohol. A little bit of wine. I'll eat everything. And some people, when they get drunk, they don't eat. I think I drink so I can eat. That's the only thing I'm thinking about every time i do anything is what are we eating when are we eating next and what is it gonna be oh i wonder oh i'm just doing shit to eat if we go there we could probably eat though with them yeah let's go out to eat

dude every night after i do stand up i'm like let's go out to eat i'll ask anybody there you want to go out to eat i never understood the power to go out to eat? I never understood the power of going out to eat until I was in a relationship like two years ago. That shit was a slay every single night. Want to go out to eat? Yeah. Everybody's in a perfect mood.

Want to go out to eat? Let's go out to eat. Go out to eat. Nothing but time of your fucking life going out to eat. It's just a party for two. Literally. That's why they say that. How big's your party?

Because it's going to be a fucking party. How big's your party? Two. Okay, get ready to fucking celebrate. You don't have to wash any dishes tonight, you little sexy slut. We're at chili's ma'am this is a chili's i hope you're excited bitch such a fun time all right what else dude that was a rad day rad day was crazy um i want to i think i want to start doing two new segments dear diary something fucking crazy that happened to me and i want to do show

and tell where i like bring something in uh i don't have anything to bring in i could show you guys uh you just show and tell my wallet let's do that because i'm an idiot and i didn't bring shit show and tell my wallet uh speedway gift card i feel like i feel like a baller uh debit card that i have no idea why i have it the bank just said keep it another speedway gift card fucking who wants some cheetos uh hey try not to uh fuck me after seeing this costco wholesale card he's a gold member sorry, ladies. Um, keep your clothes on, uh, Anthem health insurance card. I don't even know if I should have said that or anything. I don't know if it's like weird to say, but who knows what's going on there. Don't know if I've ever paid for that. Don't know how that's going, dude. My health insurance sends me so much mail and I'm like can you guys shut the fuck up hey health insurance

shut the fuck up what like what do they always want who and who's reading all that like oh yeah i'm checking dude just let me know when something completely fucks up because I have no clue or no idea what health insurance even is. PacSun gift card because what? This has been in my wallet for years. PacSun. PacSun kind of has some heat. Not going to lie.

But why would I have the gift card and credit card? Who did I tell the other day? Oh yeah. I told, uh, don't make this mistake boys. Um, don't tell any women that you have a um chase freedom card because that is not a flex figure that out the hard way probably shouldn't have showed you any of that i'm an idiot but uh yeah show and tell um dear diary i did a stand-up comedy show at a swingers club didn't know uh what that was gonna do didn't know really what it was and i was just like yeah because if you throw a comedy show at me i my brain is like, do it, pussy.

And I'm like, okay. So somebody was like, do you want to do 10 minutes at the Swingers Club? And I was like, I don't care where it is. I'll do it in a cemetery. So Swingers Club, don't really know what it is i feel like it's just adults that you know just want to bang each other but they're just all there and there's like consensus that like yeah any of us can fuck any of us i feel like that's what a swingers club and that's what it was in my head before i went in i was like they'll be wearing like jeans and polos just some adult shit you know

just like think of all the parents that go to like your your like high school basketball games and shit like them i just pictured all of them and i was like they're all gonna be there and i didn't like i didn't know what the club was going to be like like you know when you see a strip club and all the windows are blacked out and you're like oh i feel like if i went in there i'd get shot immediately that's kind of what i thought it'd be like kind of like restauranty vibe maybe not blacked out windows though that's what i thought a swingers club was i was like i might see like my old fucking football coach in here like who knows who i'm gonna see i might see my dad who knows uh so i pull up to a church

a church and i'm like oh this is this isn't good. You know, anytime a church gets flipped into something, I'm like, this is already scary. Even like a church, there's a church like downtown that got flipped into a brewery. And I'm like, this seems wrong. I feel like once a church, always a church, you know, because you're like lighting candles and praying in there and shit. And like there's priests and weird shit has happened in there for sure.

And dead people have been in there. And like like there's priests and weird shit has happened in there for sure and dead people have been in there and like crying people have cried like there's weird shit churches are all haunted to me even when they're not haunted like there's something going on in a church like you're being watched every time you're in a church ew imagine spending the night in a church that would be so fucking scary i'd rather spend the night in a literal haunted house than a church churches are disgusting oh i'm scared now i'm scared and it's 6 p.m i remember on these podcasts i would do them at like 3 a.m and get so fucking scared that was og espresso days just getting the trash scared out of me and like getting cold and shit oh my god i thought the podcast room i used to do this in was haunted this play this building's

actually probably haunted i feel like i'm gonna see like some weird fucking doll walk by any minute. But yeah. Okay. So old church flipped into a swingers club. So I walk in and I'm like, what the fuck? Is this even it? Because there's no like branding, obviously. It's just like the weirdest thing possible. Walk in. There's a lady on my right that's like hey can i have your name and i'm like fuck she thinks i'm here to like have sex and i'm like no i'm on the comedy show and she's like oh okay um what's your can i see your id and i was like yeah yeah just fucking please can i leave or like at least leave this area she i'm not on the list for

comedians because i was like a late ad so like all this shit i was just like oh please just fucking write me in like i'm not trying to but she's like running a concession stand this might be illegal to talk about actually but i don't give a shit so i walk in and there's like a popcorn machine there's like a fountain drink i feel like i'm at a high school basketball game i'm like there's hot dogs there's candy i'm like what the fuck is actually happening in here i'm so curious then there's just people like in the lobby like sitting there dude and it's so funny because they're all like checking you out if you want to feel wanted go to a swingers club dude i felt like a piece of i felt like the baddest bitch i walked in there like in every girl's guy, everybody was looking at me like,

like, yo. And I was like, wow, I've never felt this loved in my life. If you need a little boost, hit up your local swingers club. Don't know if it's legal or not.

Cause this didn't seem like it, but I was like waiting to see. Cause people like, I've heard stuff about swingers clubs and I was like, so swingers club is just where they go to meet and then they like leave like is it the gathering place and then like hey let's fuck all right let's leave are you like picking up your your swinger there it feels so illegal to talk about this and to actually be in one but people were just chilling and then i started to see people with like masks on and stuff and like costumes and i was like oh shit it's like

a halloween party that's sick they got themes like this is this is a real thing but it like keep in mind we're in a fake flipped church with a concession stand in the front so i'm like this is weird and then there's just like some normal people and there's there's some people wearing like costumes and i'm like okay some people didn't want to get in on the halloween theme all right i get it do your thing i guess uh walk up the stairs see the biggest dick i've ever seen in my life and i'm like okay here this is here we go getting warmer i'm like where are all the naked people like are you guys it was insane dude this guy's just wearing like this leather crazy shit dick out and i i swear to god i looked at his

dick 14 times i was like i was like i don't know if you can be i don't know if that's gay or something but like i gotta dude you're just in a you're in an old church everyone else has clothes on and your dick's out this is the craziest shit i've ever seen in my life and then uh they're normal people normal people and i finally get to where we're doing the show and I'm like passing a bunch of weird shit, you know? It looks like the vibe of the church that used to be a church but now is a swingers club is like your dad's, your divorced dad's house. How there's like shit just like chilling

and it shouldn't be there like there's like a desk in the hallway and i was like what the fuck and then there's like some like stuff that looks like storage like in the corner and i'm like this is where it's going down right like why is that there it just looked like cluttery and then we i went in like the big room where like the show was and there are people in there fucking dick, couple dicks out, couple tits out. And I was like,

all right, all right, let's just do this. I guess set. I mean, they were, they were down to, they were down to like,

have a good time. It was just, we were just chilling. They were laughing. All right, bet. Oh, they were like,

um, take your shirt off and i was like oh well i mean fuck all right yeah you got me like how am i how am i gonna say no to that in a swingers club so they cheered for like four four seconds took my shirt off and just did comedy with no shirt on in front of people with tits out and dicks out i was like where the fuck am i but it was just like a normal thing it was so weird i felt so like um i don't know how to explain it i felt so like sexually inexperienced so i was like so i just off the top i like wasn't really i said some stupid shitienced. So I was like, so I just off the top, I like wasn't really, I said some stupid shit off the top

that was like about the room and it was funny, I guess. And then I was like, so do you guys really just fuck like right here? And they're like, we have sex right where you're standing. And I looked down and I was standing on top of an old wrestling mat.

So I was like oh you really like get down right here and then i finished my set felt decent but i had to stay on stage because i was like judging the other it was a long night it was a lot of shit going on and there were other comedians that were coming up and like dude halfway through this guy's set one of my homies from dayton he was just he was getting ready to do his closer he was crushing and this girl just just dude just naked in the front row the whole time just had to pretend like it was normal like because you can't like diss their lifestyle because you're in their you're in their crib you know you can't go in somebody's house and like start dissing the way they're living so like we're just we're just visitors so we're not going to be like what the full you know i mean that's just like the way of life which seems extremely illegal uh she's wearing like

nothing in the front row she has like some sexy shit on but like there's she's wearing nothing and she just starts topping off homeboy right next to her just full full head and i am three feet away from it like i don't know if it's like we should be like i i wanted to clap i wanted to be like, yo, you're crazy. Like, why are we doing comedy? This is the show. This is the show. It was amazing. It was amazing.

Everybody just wanted to have sex. It was so, oh, and it wasn't a Halloween party. It was an orgy. Crazy as shit. But show went well. Oh, my God. The shower I took after that, it just felt like, oh, my God. They needed to hand sanitize it around every corner in that bitch

because I felt like, dude, I'm talking about sex swings like that it was in in i left and i told one of my friends about it he's like yo you did you go downstairs and i was like what there's a downstairs in an old church he goes that's where everybody like really fucks and i was like crazy dear diary. I did a show at a swingers club and I felt okay after the worst part. I was like, all right. Well, that was a good Friday night. So weird. Just front row. Front row dome.

Wow. Would I go back to do another show? Probably. Because they were down like a crowd, a good crowd's a good crowd. I'll go anywhere for a good crowd. I'm a little whore for a good crowd. And they were eating that up. Literally. Cringe moment of the week. Um, I guess it's not that cringy, but you know when you get caught off guard like just doing something and you just don't,

like you don't expect to talk to people and then you have to talk. So, I did the, I did Drunk Spelling Bee on Saturday, which is like, I've been trying, I think it's a good idea, man. But the last time

I did drunk spelling B, nothing happened. I was like, I swear this is a good idea, but nothing happened. So I'm like, I gotta, I gotta run it back. I gotta try it again. I'll change some shit. I'll do some new shit. I got, you know, those Bible guys that stand on the corner and they're like, And Abraham said that Jesus is the man that you will have to obey and that will set you free. You know those guys that, like, they're so annoying, but, like, they are spitting. And they are confident. I was like, I'm going to get one of those speakers.

So I messed around and bought like a a jbl joint put it out there for drunk spelling bee had the podium it was a good night hopefully hopefully hopefully but i had to i had to put the podium in my car so before i went out there i was like i gotta clean my car out fuck because i gotta put a i gotta put a big ass podium in the back and there's so much shit in my car dude so much shit it's just so the worst amount of things too there's like pots pans like cans of tomato soup and shit like dude just you name it it's in my car there's a baby in there there's warhead pickles there's doritos ketchup chips there's like peeps from like two years ago like dude my car

is there's a briefcase probably has a gun in it i have no idea just my car is so done for like there's there's like fake nails in there from my ex girlfriend i'm like what the fuck there's five hour energies rolling around dude i don't even drink five hour energy and there's like 34 in my car i'm like did somebody drive this thing around there's like bags there's there's there might be six wigs in my car it's just a nightmare and everything's everywhere like if i turn my car like hard left like everything and it's like so i'm cleaning my car out on the street i live on which is like busy and i for some reason my dumb ass forgets that someone i know could walk up in three people that i like i'm actually friends with but like not that good of friends like they're friends to where you would you wouldn't be like hey man yep for sure dog i have a good one they're not like those friends they're friends to where you would you wouldn't be like hey man yep for sure dog

i have a good one they're not like those friends they're friends like they wanted to like see what's up and i was like fuck man um and they probably drank a little bit so i'm in my car cleaning and they just get a full look at my car on the inside and they're like dude what is wrong with you and i'm like everything but uh so so it's just and this girl's like attractive so i'm like fuck okay i can't lie and i'm just like um i'm just telling them the truth and i get like awkward and weird and she's like she's like, what, why do you have a, why do you have a cardboard box full of 13 Triscuits box Triscuits in your, like, I have a big box full of 13 Triscuits boxes. It's so there's 26 total in my car. And she's like asking me all these questions and shit and she's not she's not like holding

you know when you can tell somebody doesn't want to talk to you she's like that's gone in her in her brain she's just like grilling me about my car and i'm like uh that's from like this thing i had to do for this thing and that fake bait she's asking me about all this shit and i like don't know what to do so i start being nice she's like why do you have pots and pans and like it's fucking embarrassing dude and i don't know what else to say or do so i just start offering everything to them that's that's like my that's my thing if you like if you're if you're going in on me hard i i just start offering everything to them that's that's like my that's my thing if you like if you're if you're going in on me hard i'll just start offering you shit i'm like do you want this

bag of ketchup chips do you want here take a box of tris i'm just giving them i'm like do you want do you want my car just get this shut up and eventually they like they leave and i'm just like but i don't know why i thought like no one was gonna say what's up or that i wouldn't know anyone walking by i was just literally cleaning out my weird ass car on a public sidewalk it was so stupid um it's not that i had like 27 guns in there or anything but it was worse because it was just the most fried shit but yeah cringe moment of the week could have been worse you know i was really i was really sorry i was really digging for some cringe shit but i couldn't think of anything but that was like very awkward i was like hi

hi hi my name's benny and i'm cleaning out my car hi because people don't clean out their car like in public like that all right let's do some days of the week and then fucking bounce right right right thursday today papa day shut up dude if you call your grandparents anything but grandma and grandpa just just just get with the times me ma i swear that's why i don't want to have kids i think that was my first facebook status my first facebook status ever that's how i knew i wanted to be a comedian i was like how are people getting on facebook and really just typing shit out like um today i went to the store and then my son asked me, daddy, what's the craziest thing you and mommy have ever done? And I said, son, you don't want to know. And then we took a walk and got ice cream.

I'm like, dude, you live the dumbest life. So I was like, all right, I'm going to start putting like funny shit on here. Right. Cause like, what's the point if it's not funny? That's what I've thought my whole life about everything. I'm like, if it's not funny, then who gives a shit?

Um, but I think my first Facebook status was like, I don't want to have kids because I don't want them to call my dad and mom, me, mom, Pam, pa. Ew. This fucking kid I grew up with always called his grandpa the weirdest shit and i want to smack his ass literal is literally his ass we were

both 10 i wanted to smack his ass chai day chai is also one of those things that you like only when you're uh 30 i just yawned like a piece of shit um yeah chai latte chai latte chai latte chai latte when you're 20 what chai latte when you're 30 addicted sound like such a basic bitch but i am i gotta live my truth new york day um you know what every time i go to new york i feel like i'm frank sinatra or some shit i love going to new york it's always why is it it's always so interesting it's always so fun i'm like this is this is literally a zoo

it feels like you're on another planet i guess everything feels like another planet compared to I guess everything feels like another planet compared to Indianapolis, though. Indianapolis is so like, yeah, that's how you how do you how do you describe your hometown of Indianapolis? Yeah. I'm like, it's got everything you need. It's not hard. It's not busy. It's not crazy. It's not boring.

It's just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess that's how. How do you describe indiana yeah i guess nobody really gives a shit it's so like it's so middle mid it's so midwest it puts the mid in midwest yeah i guess just yep mm-hmm. Sure. That's how it is. Describe Indiana. Describe Indianapolis.

Sure. It's fine. You know, oh, I used to hate it when people said that. When, like, the teacher, you just ask them, hey, how you doing? They'd be like, I'm fine. I'd be like, ew, fucking, come on, dude. I'm fine. Fucking tell us something i'm fine don't want to talk to you ever again i'm fine i feel fine when people say that now i just think it's so fucking annoying it's a little cunty, honestly. I'm fine. Like, tell me something

about anything. I'm fine. Gross. Or just at least say good. I'm pretty good. You know? I'm fine. You're just, you're a robot is what you are. Pecan cookie day. Pecan cookie day. Pecan. Another. Pecan cookie day. Pecan.

Another one of those things. So weird until you're 30. Friday, National States and Caps Day. Yo, you can bet your ass that I know my states and caps. Boy, you're going to give me a quiz in a history class that i'm failing and it's about memorizing states and capitals i will fuck that quiz up i think i got 50 or how many states are there i this is crazy i don't know but i got however many out of however many states

i think i got 100 i might have fucked up the spelling of like des moines because who's not doing that but i'd like to say i'm a geography god any country but america though no fucking clue that would be incredibly embarrassing if you fucking put me up with a map of the world and ask me where like um really anywhere is france i'd be like huh that's crazy that uh i have to shit my pants right now and i'd run run out of the room and throw up and never come back i'd tear the whole map off the wall. Oh my God, sorry.

I just had like a twitch in my arm. National Girls Night. Girls do some crazy shit. I never knew how savage women really were at sleepovers and stuff. How about when you got a little older, like in college, they'd have a girls-only night and they'd bring all their sex toys and shit. I'd be like, you guys are bored, is what you are. Yeah, we're having a sex toy thing night.

I'd be like, are you guys fucking 60 and all single? What? We're in college. I'm not dissing your lifestyle ladies, but like, dude. Oh, Jesus. I guess when guys get together all we do is talk about jacking off and shit so i get it but like it just seemed like a little much and girls like girls will really out there like guys you

know like if i date a girl and like it's going well and like, you know, I'm not, I can't even do it on here. You know, like the, the stuff that you do at night. I don't know why I'm being such a prude, but like, you know what I mean? Like if that's all good, like I don't tell fucking anyone that. Like if a guy comes up to me he's like dude my girl's like dude oh my god she gives the best like i'm like you're disgusting and you're lying i would never ever say anything about that if i had a girlfriend that was just like you know putting it down i'd be like all right yeah i'm not telling anyone but thank you so much I'm not telling anyone, but thank you so much.

Do girls will straight say everything about their man? At a slumber party, six girls get together and they talk about guys? That's like the definition of tea. Every girl knows how big every dude's dick is. I'm like, Jesus Christ. It's the first thing they do. 30 seconds after you hook up with a girl, her whole group chat knows how tiny your dick is. I'm like, good God.

Could you have, I mean, everyone knows? How does she know? I have skin tags. That shit is crazy to me. Like, every detail? Yeah, but like... I don't know. I don't know. I could just never say any of that shit about a girl

because if that shit gets back to your girl, bro, you're done. You're done for. You're a fucking asshole. Never talk to me girl bro you're done you're done for you're a fucking asshole never talk to me again you fuck turns to her friend group his dick's literally three inches and he's a bitch and you're like okay i can't say anything about that. Am I over ice cream? Am I over ice cream? Ice cream, it's got to be involved with something, I think. I'm getting to be a little cunty, huh?

Long podcast. I got podcast face right now. I'm getting to be kind of cunty. But yeah, it's got to be. I got to have like cookies or brownies in it I'm such a little whore elephant appreciation day gotta gotta give it up to the only species

left that looks like they shouldn't be on earth because what the fuck if you landed on earth and you saw an elephant you'd be like okay all I needed to see get me back in the fucking ufo seat check saturday i still i still have like a little a little something in me to be like seat check every time i get up i think i think i did it

the other day actually i didn't want someone to take my seats and i said seat check like i was 12 whoops hot pie day a mini pot pie could do it could do it a lot of crust there but a big pot pie like family size a lot of it's all I guess it's way better than like stew I feel like a pie is just filled with stew that was the most boring ass shit um stew bro when uh when your family would have stew for dinner i'd be like wow hate to diss uh my mom's cooking but it was good but i was just like stew it even sounds like nobody gets hype about stew but when it's in a crusty pot pie shit talk to me baby restless leg awareness day i don't think there's 10 minutes in a day where my leg isn't bouncing like a fucking maniac it's doing it right now when i'm lifting when i'm working out, dude, my foot.

People have to think I'm crazy. Yeah, if my leg isn't kicking 90 miles an hour during just a random moment of the day, I don't know what's going on. It's doing it right now. And I didn't used to do that either. It's like when I got older, my leg just... What the fuck's wrong with me? And I didn't used to do that either. It's like when I got older, my leg just... What the fuck's wrong with me?

You know what I did do though? On some special sexy shit? While I was grounded? You guys are going to be proud of me. I stopped biting my nails. How do you do it? How do you do it? I have no idea, but like, I always kind of want to now. And I just, I just know. So if anybody ever sees me trying to bite my nails, like when I'm just like going in, smack me in the fucking,

smack them out of my hand. I love a good hand smack, you know, when somebody's like grabbing for something and you just like, God, it feels good. If I'm ever doing just, and if you hit me in the face a little bit, I won't care.

Because it's all in love. Hunting and fishing day, never really been my thing. Hunting, you guys already know, I'd blow my fucking face off if i held a gun in fishing the fish are too sharp god i feel i sound like such a bitch to the hunting community but aren't they every time like i've been fishing somebody's like hold this fish take this so i can take the hook out its mouth and i hold the fish i'm did I just hold a chainsaw? Fish are way too sharp.

You're not even wearing gloves. I'm just holding this slimy chainsaw. Fuck, man. My hands are all cut up. It's just, for some reason, not enjoyable. And it's weird because people fish for like peace i'm like dude that sounds like it sucks let me hook some worms on this thing and then get some fish and throw it back i don't know

sunday punctuation day I could do without punctuation for the rest of my life I'm cool with it a comma every now and then but like I'm cool with if you just text me like seven different things

that's punctuation I'm cool with if you just text me like seven different things. That's punctuation. But if you text me like a big block of words with commas and periods, I'm like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. It's like system overload for me. I got to fucking captain. Captain, break it up break up every message in seven different texts I don't like all you know people are like oh my god he double texted me I'm the king of that shit I'll send seven texts in a row

what are you gonna do about it read it it's. Oh my God, he texted me seven times, but it was way easier for me to read. I'll fucking, I'll quadruple text you 50 times a day. Don't care. That has never been a rule for me. Nap day is the last one. Citybot! Nap day. I think nap day day this will bring it full circle

rat day has like four naps mixed in because you know why you're taking taking naps because you want to die for like 17 minutes i'm gonna take a power nap. A.K.A. I wanna be dead for six minutes. Oh my god, I'm just so tired. I'm gonna nap for a few. Please be quiet. I wanna die. I can't fucking take it anymore. That's what a nap is.

I'm just kinda tired. I just wanna recharge my batteries. Kill me. And what did I do today? Took a nap on the floor. I was just like, you know what? I could go to sleep right now. I fell asleep for seven, died for 17 minutes.

Woke up so fucking mad. Every time I, every time I take a nap, I wake up. God damn it. Don't know where I am. Forget what I'm doing. Lost time. Lost my place in what I was doing. No clue.

Ruined everything because I took a nap. I've never taken a nap and been like, ah, that's better. I don't know how you do that. But yeah, I'd love to temporarily die for a little bit. Let me take a nap. All right, fam. Yo. That pod was podding. Thanks for the voice. That was the lamest shit i've ever said in my life thanks for the voice messages for real love you fam psycho club we out here every sunday live stream uh 10 p.m grab some merch still in the game uh if you're in la pop out can't wait to see you i'll keep you updated on the stories and you already know i'm gonna keep you updated on here

espresso pod we out love you see you next time fuck