Espresso - what's your thanksgiving drama?

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Starting point is 00:02:19 Let's get into it. Happy holidays, happy holidays, happy holidays. Dude, it's Thanksgiving. Thank God, bro. Sometimes it's just nice to have a holiday just so everybody can shut the hell up. But espresso question of the week, what's your Thanksgiving drama?

Starting point is 00:02:41 It doesn't really have to be about a family member. It should be though. Air him out. It's anonymous. It can be about anything about Thanksgiving really. You know? I kind of got drama with pumpkin pie. I don't know why but after like age 15 I was like I don't really...

Starting point is 00:02:59 Did something change? Or did I change? Pumpkin pie used to be the thing that I was like yo it's gonna be there it's gonna be pumpkin pie is gonna be at their house maybe two of them it was like pumpkin pie used to be a celebrity now I'm like I feel like it's maybe I had too many store-bought pumpkin pies guy that talks about Thanksgiving food on the Thanksgiving podcast I don't care Pumpkin pies got a deeper like meaning to me pumpkin pie used to be all all that I think about

Starting point is 00:03:37 and now now I'm kind of looking back at it and I'm like Was cool whip the only reason I like pumpkin pie? Was Cool Whip the only reason I like a lot of desserts? Just something about Cool Whip. Not Ready Whip, don't come at me with the Ready Whips better. Guy that talks about Thanksgiving food on Thanksgiving. It's all I think about Dude if you like ready whip there is a little bit something off

Starting point is 00:04:12 Yeah If you like ready whip look at your phone right now. It's an Android. I know It's just a little something dude it cool it all day every day Ready whip maybe because it comes out of the can like that. Oh. But Cool Whip, when you take the little container off, the top of the container. And it's just sitting there like that, you know?

Starting point is 00:04:41 It's just ready to be, there's just something, but for some reason I just wanna make my mark in some cool whip. The way it's just looking at you. Ah, Scooby on your pie. I think it's the only reason I like pumpkin pie. Pumpkin pie, I had too many store bought ones, there's too much nutmeg and ginger in them and I'm like

Starting point is 00:05:08 What happened to the old you what happened to the the pumpkin pie that I used to know That's my drama Thanksgiving what happened to you apple pie Stepped over you like Allen Iverson. It did. Yeah, I'll tell you, the coolest thing about pumpkin pie is honestly how you can just cut it, you know? You try to cut apple pie. Pfft.

Starting point is 00:05:40 You do, you try to cut pumpkin, apple pie and put it on your plate, it looks like a baseball mitt. I'm like God You can't get a clean cut but pumpkin pie you can cut a little sliver You really can just this big this big tiny tiny little sliver pumpkin pie This big, tiny, tiny little sliver of pumpkin pie. What else is my drama? Thanksgiving, oh I don't like when my family members bring their boyfriends and girlfriends and they've been dating for like a year.

Starting point is 00:06:16 I've almost been that guy though. I've almost been, like one year I had nothing going on. I was working, it was Christmas, it wasn't Thanksgiving. So it was even worse. The girl I was dating was like, can you just come to my Christmas? Like what? And I was like, yeah, I might.

Starting point is 00:06:35 But I was like, that's pretty serious, bro. I've known her for like eight months and I'm going to her family Christmas. That's insane a little bit. But like when you're on the other side, when you're not in a relationship and your best cousin brings this girl, you're like, yo, who are you?

Starting point is 00:07:00 You know, isn't that so weird? I'm like, wow, you're really just coming up in here like that, like not my cousin, but the girl. I'm like, you're just really. Do you think you got what it takes? Not that we're shit, but you think you got you. You think you can hang? You think you can hang? Nobody can hang.

Starting point is 00:07:16 It's all inside jokes, built in family, inside jokes for the past 25 years. You think you can hang? side jokes for the past 25 years, you think you can hang? You've really got to bring it. If you're coming to somebody else's Thanksgiving or Christmas, you got to bring it, bro. You got to be the, well, you got to know when to sit out. You got to know when to pop in. You got to be on. That's exhausting. You got to take, like when you go home after being at somebody's Christmas or Thanksgiving for a while, once you're by yourself, maybe you're in your car. Hey, I'll start the car, hon.

Starting point is 00:07:56 Okay. I'm going to say bye to everybody. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. You go out to the car. They're still in there saying bye. Once, right when you close the door in the car Maybe some of these Maybe one of these hey your your your hand on the steering wheel on your forehead like this. Jesus fucking Christ. After you meet somebody's family?

Starting point is 00:08:28 Bro, when you meet somebody's family, you're on a battlefield for two and a half hours. Chokes, chokes, chokes, chokes. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. How you doing? How you doing? How you doing? Oh my god, it looks great.

Starting point is 00:08:38 It looks great. It looks great. Oh my god, oh my god. Yeah, let me try some. Let me try some. It's really good. It's really good. I don't want to do that.

Starting point is 00:08:44 But I will for you, for you, for you. Buh, bu you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you,. You had no, no idea you were going to have to do that day. Well, we play this one game where you go outside. Everybody's looking at you and him. Oh my God. He loves you. You have to do whatever he says. And we go up in the tree. We climb the tree and you go up in the tree we climb the tree And you go up there and you hide the basketball and you come back down well

Starting point is 00:09:30 Looks like I'm at the mercy of your entire family. So we're playing 20 minutes later. I'm at the top of a oak tree in the back of this grandma's yard Because you got a girlfriend. Hahahaha Oh my god. Yo. Yeah. I mean, are you down for it?

Starting point is 00:09:59 You really gotta live up to the hype. If you're gonna be girlfriend or boyfriend over at your significant others Thanksgiving or Christmas, you gotta live up to the hype. If you're going to be girlfriend or boyfriend over at your significant others, Thanksgiving or Christmas, you got to live up to the hype. Like no off days, no off jokes, no off beats. You say one off thing might ruin you. Every possession is so valuable, Marv. Can you do it? Do you wanna do it? Is it worth it? What are you gonna bring over there?

Starting point is 00:10:31 Bro, it's just so much, man. It is so much. Are you ready for all that? That's why I've been staying home for the past 10 years on Thanksgiving, eating whole foods to go. And it's been the best day of my life. Just saying.

Starting point is 00:10:50 One time my cousin had his girlfriend over. My cousin was a dog, bro. I swear, I don't know if this is, he just didn't care. I wish I didn't care like this. He brought over a new girl maybe every two years. And I was like, you're just you're out here, bro. You don't even care like that. You're showing the family like, yeah, what's up?

Starting point is 00:11:12 Come over. That's cool to me. Like, you're just balling, bro. You're like, yeah, come on. That's like a cool guy. I care too much about the situation. I'm like, I don't want to kill the vibe just next year. I don't want to like, you know, we play camps every year. You know, I don't want,

Starting point is 00:11:28 I don't want my girl to be like, yo, let me be on your team and share your secret signal. I'd rather do that with my cousin. We have this thing and I pretend like I clog the toilet and I run over there and do it. It works every year. I don't want you to, you know, I just want to have that moment again. Yeah, but he would, he'd bring in a wild card girl and it'd be like, all right, bet. Let's see if she's got it every year. Let's see. Can she roll with the punches? Sometimes? Yeah. Sometimes. No. My cousin brought over this girl. I mean, she was about it. She was like, she was taking shots. I was like, okay, we'll see.

Starting point is 00:12:10 We'll see how long this lasts, dude. I've told this story before. We were playing, you know, like on a holiday when it gets a little later on and like things start to, it's not so traditional anymore you know like I don't know the family divides all of a sudden we're in the living room playing video games. Yeah I brought a PlayStation 2. What?

Starting point is 00:12:33 Yep seven o'clock hits on a holiday all of a sudden like we're doing some crazy shit. Somebody they're playing Euker in the kitchen. Okay people are a little tipsy. Uh oh. Heyo. Somebody, you know, they're playing euchre in the kitchen. Okay. People are a little tipsy. Uh oh. Heyo! But there's always video games going on.

Starting point is 00:12:51 Always, always holding down the video game room with the little cousins. Older cousin with the girlfriend comes in. We're playing a football game. We're playing an NFL video game. She comes in and she goes, Oh my God, I love Maiden. Said Maiden instead of Madden.

Starting point is 00:13:06 I'll never forget it and every time I see Madden, Maiden goes through my head and I think about that girl every time. I think about Maiden in 2005, 2025 a lot. John, oh my god, I'll never forget it. But after that, it was like, okay, shit. I mean, that was the one. You can't, you can't, you can't slip, babe.

Starting point is 00:13:29 She got shot and died. She didn't come back the next, she didn't come back for Christmas. Espresso Cuoco, question of the week. What's your Thanksgiving drama? Can't wait, let's get it. Hey, Benny. I really don't have too many qualms with Thanksgiving.

Starting point is 00:13:52 That day's my birthday, and besides having 35 candles in a pumpkin pie, horrifying sight, I like to sit around, watch the Bears and Lions game. Not bad. Eat as many deviled eggs as I want and be a girly little girl. I love you.

Starting point is 00:14:09 What I don't like is Black Friday. Feel you. I don't know if people still do this, but do you remember years ago when they would camp out in front of like a Best Buy for $30 off a toaster and get stampeded trying to buy an above ground pool at Walmart.

Starting point is 00:14:31 Ooh. That shit is so weird to me. And people do it. Like, ugh, so embarrassing. Anyway, happy Thanksgiving, bye. Happy birthday? That's so sick. Thanksgiving's a good holiday to have a birthday on. Cause like, yeah, give me presents too with all this other shit going on.

Starting point is 00:14:52 Everybody's already in a good mood. You know what? That's really not, that might be the best day to have a birthday. Everybody's already pre in a good mood and you think it's for you, it might be for you too a little bit. Oh yeah, your whole family. Oh yeah you think it's for you? It might be for you too, a little bit. Oh yeah, your whole family. Oh yeah, and it's her birthday. Oh, already happy. Make it about me. Make it about me.

Starting point is 00:15:16 Deviled eggs. God, I haven't had one in a long time, but how dangerous, those are like top three most dangerous foods. I might try one or i might eat 32. nobody doesn't like them either. you can you can even tell me like now i really am allergic to them but like deep down you still want to risk it all. deviled eggs? they're so soft. Whatever, I don't know what kind of, what witchcraft is in that, whatever they put in there. But man, pop one of those, hey.

Starting point is 00:15:58 Pop a devil egg. Nobody saw. Pop another. You're always popping one like it didn't count. Tell me you haven't popped a deviled egg and been like, I mean, that was nothing. Hit one more. Oh, do you have a deviled egg? Yeah. But you didn't see the three I just ate before that.

Starting point is 00:16:22 A deviled egg and it's something, you're always drinking something weird too when you're like eating deviled eggs on Thanksgiving at your grandma's. You're like, why am I drinking a, God, what is that? God damn it, what is that called? You know what it's called.

Starting point is 00:16:42 It's like the soda, hey, I'm always drinking ginger ale with deviled eggs at my grandma's. Pop three deviled eggs, nobody saw. Sip of ginger ale. You're like, I am. Freaky. God dang it, I'm wild. I might be the baddest bitch here.

Starting point is 00:17:03 Just had three deviled eggs and ginger ale. I'm so crazy Can never have one deviled egg if you never one deviled egg the discipline level is off the chain you got ab veins You can have one deviled egg. You got ab veins ab veins is a top percent peak of discipline Advains is a top percent peak of discipline Okay, show me show me the army. Okay, how many of them have advains didn't think so So I have an older brother who's nine years older than me and then VIP fam sister Who is three years older than me, and we all have children. However, my brother is in ministry, and he is in counseling.

Starting point is 00:17:56 So like he does like ministry counseling, and then preaches as well. And my sister is very far left liberal, so just the complete opposite to viewpoints. And then, you know, I am kind of the middleman of the two. And so really anytime we are here for Thanksgiving, we normally face the drama of going around saying what we're thankful for and a lot of times, you know, all of us are very much in depth with what we're thankful for. It's not just the generic family, friends, health, all that. Not disregarding that, I'm just saying that's what a lot of people say.

Starting point is 00:18:45 And so, you know, people can get really deep into it, and then hers is kind of more of the generic. And then when it comes to the prayer time, typically no bowing of the head for her and her husband, whereas the rest of us, we do do that. So the drama is very, what's the word, passive aggressive. That's insane. Definitely there. So we just avoid it. And we try to make it about the kids. We try to make it about my parents. And we, as siblings, do our best to diffuse any of those types of situations.

Starting point is 00:19:35 Wow. So you're walking into Thanksgiving like playing defense. I didn't know that was a real thing. I kind of thought that was all a meme. We're talking about politics at the table. Who'd you vote for? So God, they can make it weird though, can't they? The key to all of this and I think I think I'm very confident in this the key to solving all of the holiday like awkward and I

Starting point is 00:20:08 don't know you know all the weird situations and stuff like that. Tension. Just play some light music. I'm dead serious. Everything's a hundred times better. I know that sounds like the first thing on earth, but like, bro, I've been to a couple Christmases where I'm just like, this is a job interview or something. I'm like this, I'd, I've never had a worst time. Christmas last year. Just getting grilled. It wasn't about like serious stuff, but I think when you're going into somebody's house though you got to play by their rules

Starting point is 00:20:50 Like they're hosting All right what I what I think and that kind of stuff like it doesn't really matter too much Unless you like really get in my face about it or something like that. I mean, I'm not really gonna All right, yeah your rules okay cool we're taking shoes off. I'm not really gonna all right yeah your rules okay cool we're taking shoes off I'm not leaving my shoes on we're taking shoes off okay that's insane you're not like if we're praying everybody's heads are down and my head is down like what are you talking about I'm not trying to make this a thing you know I'm really trying to do? Ultimate goal. I'm trying to leave

Starting point is 00:21:30 on time. You're at another Thanksgiving and you go hey you look at everybody in the car before you walk in. Hey we leave at 3 p.m. set the ground rules. Bang! 3 p.m. Everybody's got it in their heads. Kind of looking at the clock every now and then. You don't want to do it to them but you got to do it to them. Because when three o'clock rolls around, hey baby girl, we're not staying for another two hours, we're not taking leftovers, saying bye, hi and bye. That's the mission. Get out on time. Because we know, dude, you've had that holiday. Where do you stick around?

Starting point is 00:22:10 You stick around for like, you stick around for a couple hours, starts getting dark and you're like, wow. And you start thinking in the back of your head, are we spending the night? Oh God. Wait, are we? Are we spending the night? Do you bring clothes? Like I'm like saying some shit to your, are we?

Starting point is 00:22:35 Did you bring contact solution? Do you think they have contact solution? We could, we could stay the night. If it's one of those, bro. The amount of times. Yeah, but you walk into somebody else's house, bro. You play by their rules a little bit. You stick to your beliefs, but you play by their rules.

Starting point is 00:22:56 You don't disrespect like that. Saying what you're thankful for. I think I'd prep for that for three months before I did it. What? Dude, if you went over to your girl's house and they did the thankful for thing, I don't know. Dude, I would be like, I got out of the bathroom, I'd pull the bathroom card and maybe fake sick.

Starting point is 00:23:17 He's throwing up. Still, ask him what he's thankful for though. Tell him to scream it really shows your true colors when you do the thankful for thing your first time at somebody else's house that is amazing you guys do that I did I kind of only thought I was in movies and my nightmares We always just, I think we did actually stand up, hold hands and pray. Because I think it's something my grandma like always did. So we did it. If your grandma didn't cry during that prayer, you don't have a real family.

Starting point is 00:24:02 Dude, every year, no matter what, my grandma grandma would cry during the during like grace before we ate dude come on man so crazy half me was like is that fake dude I can't take anything seriously my fucking drama with Thanksgiving is that it isn't even fucking Thanksgiving anymore they might as well just call it pre Christmas at this point bro soon, bro. Soon as it's November 1st, nobody even gives a fuck about Thanksgiving. Is there even such thing as Thanksgiving decorations? Like, be for real, bro. What you're going to think if you see somebody with Thanksgiving decorations? Like, come on, bro. You're over doing it. But my thing is this, y'all still don't, that don't mean you have to put up the fucking Christmas decorations two months before the goddamn holiday. Like bro, at least wait till after Thanksgiving to start like decorating for Christmas. I just don't understand,

Starting point is 00:24:55 especially this year, more than other years, I feel like people just been totally skipping over Thanksgiving. Like fuck Thanksgiving. Like basically they spitting in the face of Thanksgiving, bro. They might as well have just slapped Thanksgiving in the face and said, fuck you. That's my only thing. That might be something that happened to me too. The older I get, I'm like, is this even a... Thanksgiving used to mean something, bro.

Starting point is 00:25:23 It really did. I don't know if that's just some like old head. But Thanksgiving, I used to put more like, put more stock into Thanksgiving than Christmas. I was like, this is, this is it, bro. Thanksgiving this year is going to be fire. I used to have, bro, in my holiday rankings, I don't ever talk about holidays or anything like that, but it's not a holiday podcast. Thanksgiving used to be number one for me for like two years in a row. I didn't even think about Christmas. I didn't really even think about Christmas until like

Starting point is 00:25:54 December 9th. It's like, oh it is getting close huh? I still have Thanksgiving hangover now. It is like, it's just Thanksgiving bro. Who cares? Doesn't matter. People have been so excited for Christmas so early and I'm one of them. I'm guilty, me too. I feel like we don't take Thanksgiving seriously anymore. Why? Because it's all corporations. Shut up. Oh my god. Maybe it's because I stopped like throwing the football when it was cold or something. Maybe because I haven't thrown a football when it was cold in a while That might be all it takes for me to be like, oh, yeah. Thanksgiving is dope

Starting point is 00:26:54 Right, so like train for Thanksgiving football football doesn't say the T God he used to be so lit for stuffing. Boy, stuffing, I'm telling you, man, with the celery in it, you know what I'm talking about. I feel like it doesn't hit the same anymore. It's a pumpkin pie thing, man. Right when I stopped liking pumpkin pie or thinking about pumpkin pie every 50 minutes, I was like, I don't really care about Thanksgiving anymore. Pre-Christmas.

Starting point is 00:27:32 Thanksgiving ornaments, decorations. You might see a couple turkeys up in the store or something like that. But the real decoration for Thanksgiving is just the old pumpkin from Halloween. You don't have your Christmas tree out for Thanksgiving? Oh my god, put it up! Your weird annoying cousin's girlfriend. Put it up! She has a lot of gums and she kind of talks like that. She kind of she kind of has like a her that thing. Put it like one of those weird ones.

Starting point is 00:28:16 I'm like, why do you sound like a horn a little bit? Loves Taylor Swift. Put it. Oh, she's a pre Christmas girl. Put some respect on Thanksgiving. That's what you say back to her across across the living room. OK. There's the deviled egg sauce all over your sweatshirt. Can we put some respect on Thanksgiving?

Starting point is 00:28:45 God dang. My Thanksgiving drama is my aunt is hosting Thanksgiving and providing the turkey. However, my immediate family is having beef with my aunt. So you want to provide their own turkey and so their own turkey. So we're gonna have two turkeys. Can we not bring a different size? I want to know what the beef is and why. Do they not like her turkey?

Starting point is 00:29:15 How about everybody being like so, last time I went to a traditional Thanksgiving at my family's house, everybody was so traditional. Oh, what the fuck am I saying saying everyone is so allergic to everything now it's really weird why was it when we were kids we would just smash i remember i would eat like 40 pounds of food on thanksgiving and i was like 12 like it was like a contest i'd be like yo plate number two what up bitch now it's like i can't even'd be like, yo, plate number two, what up, bitch? Now it's like, I can't even eat that. No, uh-uh, has gluten.

Starting point is 00:29:52 Is all that shit even real? Two turkeys, yo. I would, if I could go back, Yo, I would, if I could go back, I would take advantage of the leftovers. I took that for granted growing up. It was always take some with ya. Take some with ya. Nah, I'm good. But the next day I'd be like, damn, what'd they do with all that dirt?

Starting point is 00:30:27 You know, what do they do with all that food? You ever think about that? The people that host Thanksgiving, do they just keep eating that? They throw it away. They have to throw it away, right? After Thanksgiving now for the past like three years, you know, if I was like depending where I was and somebody's like take take take something with you, I'd be like, talk to me, babe, get in here with me.

Starting point is 00:30:57 I don't know where your Tupperware is, but you point me in the direction and I'm going in. I'm taking a lot of stuff. Like, hope you guys are stuff like hope you guys are done Hope you guys are done Cuz I'm coming in here taking Ziploc Tupperware bins of stuffing I'll take a whole thing of gravy. You know the person who wants to get rid of it so fucking good, dude

Starting point is 00:31:23 Why is the host of a Thanksgiving just want to get rid of it all this shit? Yeah, take it take it take, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, Oh my god. I sneeze. Take our TV. Take our, you know what? Take this vase with our, with your, with our other grandma's ashes in it. You're just taking it. But I would do that. And I would take all the food, all the turkey. You want white meat or dark meat? I want both. Mashed potatoes? Give me them.

Starting point is 00:32:14 What about rolls? You know, I know you want roll... I want all the rolls. I just had a stroke. I want all the rolls. I want the rolls. You didn't even bake yet either. You want the Hawaiian King's bread?

Starting point is 00:32:38 We didn't even take it out of the package. Give me them. What about a drink? Do You want something to drink? No drinks. Oh my god. What else does he want? I just want the gravy. I want to drink the gravy.

Starting point is 00:33:03 It's kind of a pain in the ass when you're like taking all that out of their house. You've got it in like a Nordstrom shopping bag, a bunch of Tupperware in a Nordstrom shopping bag walking out of the front door. See ya, thanks! Kind of feel a little guilty. You're like, did I just kind of rob them a little bit? Like are other people done? Because I took like the good stuff.

Starting point is 00:33:26 I took like the best scoops. I took the best parts of the turkey. You don't even want to know what I got for dessert. There's always too much food. So I never feel bad, but I'm always like, are you kind of mad at me? So I took half of a pumpkin cheesecake and it like feels weird and it feels bad.

Starting point is 00:33:45 And you, you put it all in your fridge and you're like, oh, what am I gonna do? All this crap, what I take all this. You wake up the next day. Hm. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I don't know if this is drama really, but we don't let my mom have more than two glasses

Starting point is 00:34:28 of wine or eat any pumpkin pie because she quote unquote accidentally ate weed pumpkin pie about 14 years ago and we still hold a grudge about how she acted. Oh. Even though it wasn't quote unquote her fault because she quote unquote didn't know that it had weed in it even though it had three labels that said do not eat weed, weed pie. Very, very strong weed pie.

Starting point is 00:35:03 Mommy ate a weed pie. Mommy ate a weed pie. A weed pie. How does anyone enjoy that? How does anybody get down with that? Maybe I'm just like out of that phase, but a normal pie and a weed pie? I'm like, what? No question. I'm just housing that pie. Normal pie. Weed pie, bro. I feel like I would die if I eat a weed pie. A weed die.

Starting point is 00:35:37 How do people even get high on Thanksgiving? That is something I'll never, I can't wrap my head. Like what about your family? People who think they're good at being high, like nobody can tell. Shut up. Nobody can tell. Bro. Yeah, I mean, my cousin just took a walk, came back and ate everything in the house and we smell like weed in our eyes our bloodshot and our clothes smell like shit. I'm like dude everybody knows. Man moms will get so turnt off two glasses of wine. I get why they do it. Wine, wine, wine in a book, wine in a bath, wine in building IKEA furniture, wine in a movie, wine in my show. It's because you guys drink two gulps and you're like, where's the leftovers?

Starting point is 00:36:42 Moms get so drunk, man. It's so crazy. I'm like, where did the where did the first version of you go one minute ago? Good for them, but damn. There's some about it. And when you realize it, you're like, oh, damn, she's drunk. Oh damn she's drunk. Ha ha ha ha! Think about your mom drunk bro, it's so funny.

Starting point is 00:37:13 Just like saying just random shit. Laughing like real hard. Oh damn, starts crying. Hold me now. I'm six classes into the one and I'm thinking maybe I'll spend the year left over until Thursday. Next Thursday. Weed pie. You could get me on that. You trick me on that on the edible stuff. Just had edibles didn't know

Starting point is 00:37:50 Just just took my third edible didn't know Did I eat a whole thing god, I'm so glad I'm so glad that hasn't happened to me But because I would like I for some reason I have to finish everything I eat a whole thing. God, I'm so glad. I'm so glad that hasn't happened to me But because I would like I for some reason I have to finish everything I eat So if there's if there's weed anything I'm OD and God, can you imagine being a little too high around your family on Thanksgiving? I'd be like yes. This is literally is my nightmare This is my nightmare This is my nightmare.

Starting point is 00:38:30 How do people do it? Like paranoid high? Oh my God, around people that like you and like, you know, they grew up with you. Your aunts? Paranoid? He's high, isn't he? Having those thoughts around your family would be insane. I only have those thoughts at like Wendy's when I was like a sophomore in high school. All right, Turkey, played out. It's not good. There's a reason we have it once a year. Dark meat though?

Starting point is 00:38:59 I don't want to hear cold cuts, completely different thing. You're right. But like, you know, we could have it, rotisserie chicken, ham, pulled pork. You know what? Ribs, I mean anything, but we're having turkey. And that's just ridiculous to me. Like it's just not good.

Starting point is 00:39:27 And that we have it once a year for a reason. Dude, it's just not good. And that we have once a year for a reason. Dude, wow, that was passion. That was passion. I appreciate that. Appreciate the voice message. I appreciate the fire in your your voice. Dude, really doesn't like Turkey. I've never thought about that before. Like, I don't know. Turkey's not my number one, obviously.

Starting point is 00:39:45 But. Like, if you don't like turkey on Thanksgiving, you're done for. You're like, okay, what am I supposed to do? Just eat sweet potatoes? There's never anything else. I thought we kind of did get past the turkey thing though, and I thought people were like We're like seriously. I grill in some shit on Thanksgiving. That's just should be what it is. We should change it We'll never change it, but families individually should be like, okay. We're just gonna roast this whole entire pig out here Stakes on Thanksgiving that would make me want to go a little bit more Forget dog, we're not doing turkey this year. Like if you had an uncle like that, that was like hosting holidays for the family, you got like 40 people in your family.

Starting point is 00:40:34 Hell of kids. I make the rules! Steaks this year. Main course. And then yeah, we have a little turkey for the people that want to be all turkey. Then we got all the sides. But then, yeah, we have a little turkey for the people that want to be all turkey. And then we got all the sides. But like there's ribs, pulled pork. Then we got the rest. Does anybody do that? Does anybody do like a not an unconventional Thanksgiving?

Starting point is 00:40:58 Just pizza. I'd be like, see you there. Hold me now. Thanksgiving drama. I was at a friends giving and everybody was going around the table saying what they were thankful for. No chance you guys do this. And my girlfriend said she was thankful for me. Tell me, I say I was thankful for my dog and my cat.

Starting point is 00:41:35 Dude, everything's a fight. I don't know. I didn't know that's what we were doing. I mean, looking back, I would have just, I mean, I would have just done it just to not be fucking awkward. But I don't know why. I figured, well, everybody was saying their family, right? I know why. I figured my girlfriend would just say her family. She said me. I don't know fucking why. I hate that. I should have improv'd and been like, oh it's you, mine is you. But then it would seem like... I know,

Starting point is 00:42:15 you don't ever want to seem like that. If I just did the same thing. I don't know. But boy was it fucking awkward. Boy was it tense and spoiler. I am no longer with that girl. That car ride. So thanks for giving me nothing. Oh, I see. I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly. I'll spread my turkey wings and I'll give myself a thigh. Dude, I would do the same exact thing, man. Like not to be mean to the girl or like anything like that, but I just wouldn't want to be

Starting point is 00:43:05 make it so played out like that. I'm thankful for you. I'd be like, damn, I'm thankful for my dog for sure. Like, just because I don't want to be like, I don't want to play into your scheme. And there's always a little part of me that always is like, don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it, don't say it. Don't say it. That's because you didn't really like her.

Starting point is 00:43:32 Cause if you really like her, you'd toss it, you'd throw her a little bone. Throw a little wishbone to her. But you'd be like, yeah, my dog cat in you, babe. You know? God, I can't even say that. I can't even pretend to say that without cringing. Meant to be divorced, meant to be divorced.

Starting point is 00:44:02 See if I had a girlfriend going into this thankful thing, I'd be like, okay, we're gonna break it down right now. So it's not awkward. Say anything but me, please. Holy shit. Say anything but me. For the love of God, anything but me. If you say me, like you're really gonna throw me off.

Starting point is 00:44:21 That's like my, I don't know what love language that is, but'm like do not say me. Holy shit, embarrassing. Like say you're thankful for everything but me. That's funny to me. Like that's that means you really like me. But if you said that to a girl, bro, I'm thankful for everything but your girlfriend. Oh, god damn, how funny. I would be geeking. I'd be like, I love this guy. I don't know. I'm an idiot. My sweet grandma is the host and she can never just enjoy what's happening right now and like

Starting point is 00:45:06 be in the moment. So she's trying to combine Thanksgiving and Christmas and she wants one, not only for everyone to wear matching pajamas, which I think is so corny. My vote was no, but two, she wants to have Santa Claus at Thanksgiving. I'm like, come on, grandma, one thing at a time, let's just get through Thanksgiving and enjoy the food and be thankful. Holy, holy example of what we were talking about earlier. I'm always down for a theme.

Starting point is 00:45:38 PJ's at Christmas, is everybody all in? Who's not buying in? Grandma told us. Grandma always has a last say. If I was going to my grandma's and she was like, everybody wears matching, actually she would never say that in my entire life. She'd be like, hell no.

Starting point is 00:46:02 But if we were all down kind of, like, all right, let's do it then. I would be that picture would kind of go crazy. Now everybody would remember that Thanksgiving. You know, all the Thanksgiving's kind of run together after a while. But that that one where we're all matching. Remember Uncle Steve had the PJs on with the butt flap and his flap came undone. We all saw his butt.

Starting point is 00:46:24 Never going to forget that I Can kind of get into that like if we're just going cray. All right, let's just do it. Whatever fine fine My dad's got to wear pajamas Our uncle my uncle's got to wear Jammies with footies in them. that would be so funny if everybody really did it so she wanted yeah so she wanted as you're zipping up a onesie your dad it's what she wants yeah it's what kind of like takes a little bite out of his neck the zipper is what you want what she wants and it's just what she wants footies so we're doing it I'm kind of down for that but Santa let's do it

Starting point is 00:47:18 hey one thing grandma like chill what are you? What are you talking about? What are you going to do for Christmas then? Have Santa there again? That's some crazy grandma shit. Sometimes it's like, grandma, you just being funny. Are you really losing your goddamn mind right now? My Thanksgiving drama this year is brand new this year. Brand, brand new. That I was informed a couple weeks ago that, and this is gonna, this is gonna like go into Christmas, but it starts with Thanksgiving. I was informed a couple weeks ago in our family group chat on Facebook that we're going to do secret Santa this year.

Starting point is 00:48:09 And the reason is because we're all adults and it's all about spending time together. And you know, so we don't have to give gifts to everybody. Let's do something different and do secret Santa. And everyone's like, oh yeah, that's such a great idea. That'll be so fun. And everyone's going along with it. So majority wins. All right. And I'm over here. Like this is the fucking dumbest thing that I have ever heard. Cause in my opinion and my experience, like Secret Santa Santa is for work or for friends, not family. And especially for my family, this is weird. So I was like, I swear to God, if I open my present and it's a three-year-old bath and

Starting point is 00:49:01 body work set of a discontinuous scent,. I'm gonna be so pissed off. I'm gonna be so fucking pissed off. And you know, I was like, okay, I'll participate. But here's the thing. I'm gonna find the most stupidest and dumbest gag gift that I can find and use that as my secret Santa. I don't care who I get. And I'll throw in like a five or $10 gift card

Starting point is 00:49:26 to Dunkin' Donuts. Not bad. Depending on like what the maximum is or whatever. And everyone knows me as like the quiet, nice girl. Like, you know, like good girl. Like, you know, I would never do something like that. So nobody will know. Nobody will know it's me.

Starting point is 00:49:48 I know they won't expect that from me. And it could either go one or two ways. And if it's great, I could be like, oh my God, that's such a great gift. That's so funny. Oh my God. I wonder who did that. Oh, and if it's horrible, it could be like, oh, oh, oh no. Who would do something like that? Oh, and if it's horrible, it's be like, oh, the dumbass. Oh, no. Who would do something like that? Oh, my, my goodness. I'm kind of about it. I'm kind of about it.

Starting point is 00:50:16 Secret Santa is kind of a waste of time when it's anonymous like that. Unless it's like if we're doing gift cards, we're doing gift cards. You give me a Dunkin Donuts gift card, honestly I might not go because I'll forget I have it. Gift cards are so easy to forget about. I have a Starbucks gift card but because of the app I'll like never use the gift card. $50 Starbucks gift card. I don't know if I'll ever use it because I'm like, damn, I forget every time I like

Starting point is 00:50:53 mobile order such Caucasian problems. But yeah, if they know you, if you built up the rep is good smart girl? And you throw some fire at the Secret Santa? You got nothing to lose, that's a good feeling. Couldn't be you, could not be you. Never, I would never guess. Especially if it's family, you're like, what? Better disguise that handwriting, baby girl. I wonder what the gift is. Because a gag gift is so funny, man.

Starting point is 00:51:32 Why did I think of a whoopee cushion? I'm lame, bro, but I would love to get a whoopee. That's so funny. Hold me now. Secret Santa. You could kinda give anything with a Dunkin' Donuts gift card. I'm just kidding, bro. And you're good. It's a little wack, though, that you just,

Starting point is 00:52:08 it's such a waste at the end of the day. I hate it. Computer's not going to load. Computer's not going to load. Computer's not gonna lock, computer's not gonna lock, oh no, load. Here we go. A couple of Thanksgiving's ago, maybe like two or three years ago, my sister leaned over and, um, she just said something about her jaw hurting. So I whispered, Oh, so you're essaying too much D, huh? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:21 Well, she did not take kindly to that. Come on. She just screamed at the top of her lungs because she's mad at me. I don't suck dick. Well, then everybody in the family now knows what we're talking about. And so everybody's freaking out. And I basically get kicked out of Thanksgiving that year. Don't get to eat or nothing.

Starting point is 00:53:50 So didn't wear my shoes or nothing. Jesus just kicked right out. So yeah. And then after the fact, my uncle came up to me while I was outside and said, nobody would have known she was sucking dick if she hadn't screamed at the top of her lungs. So her fault Thanksgiving big time her fault. So you really get kicked out of Thanksgiving, bro. People have some serious Thanksgiving. That's so dude. I think my family, if someone screamed that at my family Thanksgiving, we'd all be like,

Starting point is 00:54:26 nobody would get in trouble. It would just be like, huh? Is somebody having a stroke? I don't suck dick at the table. Like, is she turning into the devil? Like, is this the exorcism movie? You know, when she says like all that crazy shit, that's what I would think. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:54:48 One thing I noticed about going to my family's house for Thanksgiving is that like they would say some... I'd be like, my mind's in the gutter. Because they would say some like really like just normal things, but it'd be like to me, I'd be like, yo, that's so... I can't believe she just said that. Like some innuendos that to me in my head, I'm like, damn, she really just said that. And I'd look around and everything. Hey.

Starting point is 00:55:16 Bro, I'd die laughing, but like they just, it wouldn't even cross their mind that it was like a Sexual thing, you know what I'm talking about. I don't know. I wish I had a specific example, but It's so funny when somebody doesn't know that they say something like raunchy but they did you know just because like computer and memes and like Instagram language and like somebody says something real like real fucked up And they don't even know and you're just like God I wish I could remember my answer man. It was the funniest thing, but only me and my cousin were like bro

Starting point is 00:56:10 What's he talking about but yeah it's all her fault a hundred percent her fault um you come back into Thanksgiving immediately you're actually the cool one in this situation has your family not see this and yeah we go we go about our Thanksgiving and she gets kicked out for sucking dick. This is a friendsgiving drama, but one of my best girlfriends dropped to the bomb right before our friends, the day before our friendsgiving that she is pregnant with the guy that we all do not like because he was a child and doesn't know how to take care of himself and now she's pregnant with his baby. God, that sucks.

Starting point is 00:56:50 And then we had our friends giving over the weekend and all just pretended like it wasn't happening. Oh my God, dude. Drama. People's lives, man. Drama. People's lives, man. Girls are always marrying that guy though.

Starting point is 00:57:17 Girls are always marrying the worst dude. And you're like, of course, like why? Is it because they're the only ones that wanted to or what's going on? It's always the worst guy. Jesus Christ, him? You're literally gonna have a baby with him? You're stuck forever. Me, every time anyone brings up a relationship,

Starting point is 00:57:38 you're stuck forever. What's wrong with him? Pretending like it's not happening. I love the consensus. Did any I wonder if anyone was like That's when that's where I come in because I will Bring it up like at the end of the night type. We're supposed to talk about it. Okay But after after a few drinks and like everybody's all chilled out nothing no No boundaries. I might be like aren't you like pregnant or something I'd slip it in there just so maybe like three people heard but all of

Starting point is 00:58:31 you stuck with the game plan impressive let's pretend like she isn't just pregnant with the worst guy it's always the worst guy How come the worst people are always having kids? My Thanksgiving drama. I don't do anything for Thanksgiving. I love this. I just chill. Yet every year people try to feel sad for me. I have to convince them that it's great. I have a day off without seeing random family members

Starting point is 00:59:04 whom I have nothing to talk about Day off more like I need to lay off the sides and lay on your girl ta ha ha Hi, ya foe luck I Love how these are getting for real anonymous anonymous bro. This is how it should be Now all of those would be that'd be so weird if this whole podcast was just random ass Siri recording recordings Ha hiya hiya

Starting point is 00:59:38 Foo-ok I mean there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I love seeing my family but sometimes it's like aren't we going to do this in a month? I think it's like when you're younger. When you're younger you do that. But when you're older it's like bro it's just like it's a lot of days where it's just nothing I have an icebox where my heart used to be but it's kind of true nobody wants to do anything. There is such a relief.

Starting point is 01:00:28 Once you get over the fact that like, damn, I can see my cousins this year. Damn, I can see my, you know, once you get over that and they're like, who cares? Then it's the best day of your life. Do it once. If you're big, big, big on family, keep going to Thanksgiving for sure. But if there's like a year where you're like not feeling it or something, bro, having Thanksgiving to yourself is that's where it's at. That's the real, that's the real giving that you will feel the whole day is magic.

Starting point is 01:01:01 I'm talking about just being by yourself. I got a problem. I swear I have a problem. People are like, I like being by myself. How come there are some people that don't like being by their self? I just cannot wrap my head around that. People that always have to be with other people. How do you do anything? How do you have one thought that is a type of person though? I don't think anybody that listens to this podcast is like that. Bro, we are all like a hundred percent independent people, I think. I could be in this room for six weeks. But the magic feeling of being by yourself on Thanksgiving, it's honestly like there's a there's a you you like hacked the system or something.

Starting point is 01:02:02 Christmas might get a little a little sad near the end, you know, because Christmas is just kind of a sad holiday all around. Like for some reason on Christmas, you start thinking about like people you date. I don't know, dude. Christmas to me is just kind of a sad holiday all around like for some reason on Christmas you start thinking about like People you date. I don't know dude Christmas to me is just like Sunday at 7 p.m. You're just like I don't know what's happening to me, but I need to have a family tonight I Need to have a wife and a kid with me holding my hands tonight while the Packers play or something That's Christmas to me. I'm like, this is so weird. Why do I feel like this? But Thanksgiving's like, bro.

Starting point is 01:02:33 This is amazing. Like, you tell me I got all day. Everything's closed. No responsibilities. Just me. Just this food. You better hit it. You better hit it while it's hot before noon. Because I've been in, last year on Thanksgiving, I was just being an idiot, didn't plan, because

Starting point is 01:02:54 I never planned. Bro, I have Thanksgiving off and it's just me, my rules? I'm like, rules are out the window. I don't care when I eat, I don't care what I eat. I'll eat a cheeseburger doesn't matter. I Kind of forgot to like game plan some food and this sounds sad, but it was good. It was great Hey last resort Thanksgiving solo dolo just taking care of your own stuff Brian got Hooters at like 10 p.m. They're open till midnight on Thanksgiving.

Starting point is 01:03:27 Last resort, nothing else open. And I was like, that sounds kind of good. But boy, when I picked up those wings walking in there Thanksgiving night, it was a little sad to see what kind of people were at Hooters, including me. I was one of them. Got it to go. Took it back to the crib. So, so good. Such a good night. There's just something about being by yourself sometimes

Starting point is 01:03:56 when you're usually with around everybody that feels like you. You have all the power in the world. I don't mean to sound like like a weirdo or anything, but like it's also like when you watch it, when you don't watch the Super Bowl, I'm like, yo, what do I feel like? I don't know. I just, it just feels like freeing something. One year my brother was like, um, a Coke vendor and he was up for like three days and came home from Vegas with a hooker and brought her to Thanksgiving. Yo, that's all time.

Starting point is 01:04:37 All time. She was really nice. Don't get me wrong. She was super nice. She wasn't dressed all like hookery, Don't get me wrong. She was super nice. She wasn't dressed all like hookery, but She was a working gal She had some miles on her But overall it really wasn't that bad What a gutsy call by bro You know, he was just kind of like

Starting point is 01:05:04 did guys do this thing where like, after we like are with somebody or a girl for a little bit and it's like fun, I will be like, you want to like, come to my Christmas? Like I like I've thought about that before, but I'm like, I could never do that. But if you're available, like it's so weird. Maybe it's just like a guy after post-clarity, start to feel that a little bit and you're like, you know what, we're married now. Maybe that's just me.

Starting point is 01:05:39 But that is a gutsy call bringing a hooker to your family Thanksgiving. That might be like, that might be number one things. Like that's like a dare. Like that's a dare for money. Like bro, I'll give you a thousand dollars if you bring a hooker to your Thanksgiving. He was like, deal.

Starting point is 01:05:56 Or that sounds like a fantasy football like bet thing. That is, but he, oh my God. That is the... That is it. But oh my God, that is the. You said it wasn't bad, though, like, was she cool? She had some miles on her. I got to see what she looked. How bad do you want to know what she looks like? I have to. And it matters to it matters what she looks like. Like, I just have to know

Starting point is 01:06:24 she was a working gal. From Vegas? I can't even. What a move. I kind of have to get a little bit of respect for that. Like he really just did that. Okay, so my Thanksgiving thing is like, I wish it was okay to just leave

Starting point is 01:06:49 whenever you were finished eating. Like, I don't feel obligated to sit around and talk with everybody, because after I eat, I'm ready for a nap. Like, I'm ready to lay down, I'm in a coma, I'm tired. I wanna like sleep for a little bit. So anyways, we eat at noon. So soon as I eat, like, I'm just like, love y'all, peace.

Starting point is 01:07:09 You know, and every time my mom is like, why can't you stay? And I'm like, I don't want to. I'm tired and I'm full. And I don't really want to talk to anybody that I don't normally talk to. You know what I'm saying? So that's my thing.

Starting point is 01:07:24 Just leaving when you're, whenever you want to. I You know I'm saying so that's my thing just leaving when you're whenever you want to I mean I'm 34 years old now, so if I want to leave I'ma leave if she gets mad they get mad Oh, well see him next year always always So laugh at the end is crazy kind of evil kind of nice Nice. Hold on. Pillsburydoughboy just stabbed her and took over the voice recording. Why does my brain always do that? Someone always has to die on this podcast and it's gonna keep happening.

Starting point is 01:08:02 to die on this podcast and it's going to keep happening. It is kind of insane when people do leave, like abruptly. I'm like, OK, not telling her she'll show. She will not take. She's going. She's decisive. I hate people that are too decisive. I'm like, give us like play with us a little bit. Make us like, oh, is he? And then leave at least. But don't be like, nope gotta go, bye!

Starting point is 01:08:27 Like now you kinda seem a little rude. But like give us some bullshit for like, you know. Give us some, give us something to mess with for like five minutes like you're about to do, you know, be cool. Don't just dip and be like, no I have to go, sorry, thank you for everything, it was really fun, but I have to leave! sorry, thank you for everything. It was really fun, but I have to leave. Like that's weird. People that take too much pride in being decisive.

Starting point is 01:08:52 Yo, yo, you can be decisive, but like just float on out of here, you know? You start Irish goodbye and, oh my God, hold on, I have to get something in my car. Is it rude to do to your immediate family? Oh my God, hold on, I then the sisters-in-law. So somebody cooks something and makes a comment and they take offense and somebody else says something about their kids. It goes on and on but I think like non-related people even related people can have like just be super passive aggressive the chicks the guys are just

Starting point is 01:09:52 watching football yeah guys don't give a shit so true I never even see that side of it I never even think to be like what's going on in the girl. I never, I never, uh, my gaze doesn't ever go to girl world on Thanksgiving. You could really tap into your girl senses when you're a dude on Thanksgiving and be like, so what's going on here? You know, you like it, you have girl vision for a minute and you're like, wait, wait, wait, hold on. And all the guys disappear and you just see all the girls in the room and you're like, what are they? What's the vibe here? I never get to that though. Like I never, I'm always stuck in Guy world and I'm like, oh my God, I know, what the fuck?

Starting point is 01:10:35 How fun is it? Is there a drama? There might be drama right in front of my face. I don't even see it, mine. Is there anything more fun I Think my family's really good at hiding like things like that like if somebody's mad at somebody you would never know Is there anything more fun, oh my god then When somebody you collectively like kind of hate leaves, like okay your family, you know

Starting point is 01:11:15 you might like have that cousin that you're real close with and like maybe somebody's there that you like, it's one of your like cousin's friends just some somebody off family. Somebody that doesn't get the situ-ish. Sometimes it's pretty much your, I think it's your cousin's girlfriend or someone that's not affiliated with the family. Like they're not really in it. See, this is why I'll never bring a girl to my Thanksgiving even a dude

Starting point is 01:11:46 Like if I just had a friend in town or something that okay, I guess you're coming my Thanksgiving. I Would never bring them because like it when they leave everybody's gonna talk shit Even if they were like the best person in the world Everybody'd still be like what the fuck was that? Like I got I just have ants that will like talk shit and Like the next day bro. There's nothing better than talking shit about what happened at Thanksgiving That was like kind of it doesn't even have to be that big of a deal, bro. They will go off Two cups of coffee eating some bakery things maybe some leftovers in the morning from Thanksgiving the night before bro. They're talking shit Why do you say that what was she I hate her voice like it did it's all it's you

Starting point is 01:12:29 can count on I hate her voice every the morning after Thanksgiving I'll just never bring anybody to it god that's funny everybody's the same thank you for the voice messages. Happy holidays, happy holidays, happy holidays. And if you're like, I don't know what to do for Thanksgiving and you've never had a solo Thanksgiving, just do it this year, do it today. Or if it's too late and you're listening to this today

Starting point is 01:13:00 after Thanksgiving, do it next year because it's actually crazy. Not even on some sad, on some like rejuvenation it's like whoa wait I just yeah okay cool. Dear diary. This is like a three-peat dear diary because I got a little show and tell in here I don't even know if I can show it I don't even know if you guys want to see it's gross man this is me being gross here we go yeah gross guy but I got a show I got a like it'd be it'd be it'd be it wouldn't be right if I didn't show you. I got a toe infection

Starting point is 01:13:48 God I don't know how I'm gonna blame it on me not cleaning my shower, I guess I Don't shower anywhere else except for my room. It's all my fault. I'm not gonna blame it on anybody Maybe where I get spray tans Maybe the spray tan solution got in my toe. How do you get a toe infection? No, it was in Ingrid's toe. No, it wasn't. It hurts so bad.

Starting point is 01:14:15 I couldn't even walk. It was insane, bro. Though my whole leg was super sore because I was using like every other part of my foot, but my toe to walk. Couldn't walk on. It was crazy. How come every time I have a tiny little injury I'm like they got to amputate my whole leg. This is crazy because like this doesn't happen Disgusting couldn't walk But

Starting point is 01:14:43 This is what it looked like. You guys are going to die. Hey, warning for real warning. This is gross. Everybody's going to look now. Yo, OK, Pussfoot. Holy moly. All right. that's what it was looking like. Yep, your worst nightmare, uh-huh.

Starting point is 01:15:14 And I'm like, can you just make an appointment at an urgent care, go in there and take care of it? Or like, what's the catch here? Do they really work? of it or like what's the catch here? Do they really work? And they do. Dude, I went to urgent care in Indianapolis because I was there and my foot was going to fall off. 8 AM went to urgent care. I waited in line. It was like it was like Black Friday almost. There was like a line of like eight people, 8 AM. I was the first one in. They go, okay, go in there, go in the waiting room.

Starting point is 01:15:52 Some lady met me in the waiting room. They're like, what are your symptoms? I was like, my toe hurts really bad. That's all I said. They probably thought I was going to say like 15 things. I was like, my big toe is like killing me. I don't know what it is. And they're just like, they were so relieved. They're just like, oh, thank God, because I feel like it's an easy fix. But I was like, my toe just like really hurts. Went to the southern and they took all my like. Fluids windshield wiper fluids.

Starting point is 01:16:21 Topped off my oil, did all that. Checked my air pressure, rotated my tires. And then they took me into the main room. So many rooms. I'm like, yo, one is good. Took me to the main room, lady comes in. Let's see it. Dude, I love how some nurses and doctors,

Starting point is 01:16:41 this was just an Indiana nurse. She didn't care about shit. She she wanted to feast her eyes on anything I had wrong with me like just out of the kindness of her soul like she she was a nurse nurse I'm like oh you're like I feel like I could show you anything and you'd be you'd be like you wouldn't care at all. I don't know what she was doing but she had it. Pull my sock off. She goes, oh my God, cringe motor the week. Oh my God. Are your toenails always that yellow?

Starting point is 01:17:22 Bro and then she goes do they always look like that? Like talking about everything but the infection. I was like, yeah, dang, you think everything is wrong, but what's really wrong? This is normal. This is every Tuesday, babe. Yellow toenails. She's like, what about the bone in your foot? It's like coming out the wrong way.

Starting point is 01:17:47 I was like, I don't know. Am I the only one that has this, my feet are destroyed? Me and Dion Sanders, worst feet ever. It can't just be me. And I know like I didn't, like I didn't play football like that. Like I just played football in high school and college. I wasn't like.

Starting point is 01:18:08 What is going on? I have like I have like amphibian feet. But she was like, the what your tone, the color and like she for she for real was like about to be like, what? I don't I don't know. And I was like, I just get spray tans and my feet just grew like that. She's like, oh, so what's wrong? I was like, I have the infection. Look.

Starting point is 01:18:29 And she was like, OK, so all right, it's not in Grunto now for sure. I don't know what she said, but she gave me medicine and it was fixed instantly. Walked out of there free. They go today, your prescription isn't going to cost anything. Your visit isn't going to cost anything, but you pick it up at the CVS. I was like, are you sure? Like how does anything, how does it work like both? So why do we have to have health insurance?

Starting point is 01:18:57 I just don't get that at all. I'm like every doctor should be like this, right? Like unless you like snap your leg in half and your spine is severed like this should just be every doctor you walk in boom bang bang bow for free yeah because yeah and I don't know like I think every doctor's office should just be a CVS or Walgreens let me know if I'm insane but like every single doctor visit should just be like yes sign up at Walgreens boom I don't think it's that serious where you have to go

Starting point is 01:19:30 into a hospital and shit and have like health insurance just like yeah it's CVS boom yep I have a cold help me I have the flu I've been throwing up CVS like that they're on every corner like why are we going to hospitals and shit the waiting line like dude it's so much easier to do like at cvf am i crazy is that what we're moving towards because the last like 15 times i've had anything wrong with me i just got a walgreens and i'm like yo what's the weight they're like three people i'm like okay any anything, they got you. I'm like, this is the doctor I want from now on. Why do I have a primary care physician?

Starting point is 01:20:11 My primary care physician should just be CVS. Every time, boom, my neck hurts, CVS. My, I have a toe infection, CVS. I threw up because I ate salmon from Whole Foods in four seconds, CVS. CVS! There's an actual fish that spawned in my kitchen, CVS. I picked my nose so much, I picked a hole through the skin.

Starting point is 01:20:48 CVS, I actually did that when I was like four years old. Let's do days. Da da da da, days of the week. God, I love days of the week. Really the unsung hero of this podcast. Thursday, today, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, why is it French toast day? The days of the week never make sense, but I Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving. Why is it French toast day? The days of the week never make sense, but I'm not mad.

Starting point is 01:21:09 Cause if they did, I wouldn't like that. French toast day. What do you actually eat for breakfast? I don't think any, yo, that's it right there. Nobody's eating breakfast on Thanksgiving, are you? You're really on it if you are. Cause the only people eating breakfast on Thanksgiving are like bodybuilders, I think.

Starting point is 01:21:27 Because they're like, I gotta eat. You ever like, you ever hang out with somebody that like is constantly, they're like bodybuilders, bro. They're eating all day long. Half of being a bodybuilder is eating. Maybe 75%. But nobody's really eating on Thanksgiving, no chance, in the morning? No No you wait till noon you starve yourself

Starting point is 01:21:47 I used to do it for like two days Starve myself for Thanksgiving and then Thanksgiving rolls around and hey not even hungry what Everyone time I didn't eat for 17 hours doesn't't seem like that long, but it kind of was. It was when you were like 12. 17 hours, couldn't wait. I was like, yo, I'm gonna like Kobayashi this thing. Food came out. I was telling everybody all day,

Starting point is 01:22:17 yo, I starved myself for 17 hours. And they're like, what's wrong? I was like, for some reason I am not hungry at all. Happens every time. And like what's wrong? I was like for some reason I'm not hungry at all happens every time Turkey free Thanksgiving wouldn't be mad wouldn't even notice everybody likes all the side shit way more tough five sides tough five sides tough five sides tough five sides You give me all sides for Thanksgiving if I walked into a Thanksgiving and there's no turkey, I'd be like, yeah, I don't blame you.

Starting point is 01:22:45 That's a big ass, like, that's a lot of commitment. A turkey, you got to cook it overnight. Remember your grandma would cook a turkey overnight? You spending the night at your grandma's, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, kind of excited, kind of like, ooh, what's it gonna look like inside of her house? You walk in, oven's lit up, you're like,

Starting point is 01:23:05 yo, she's ready, she's tiled in. I knew it. I knew it. Big fat wet turkey in the oven. I knew it. Just cooking. All night? Hey, when did our grandparents get up?

Starting point is 01:23:30 I'm like, did you guys ever sleep? That was the biggest mystery when I was a kid. I was like, what time do you guys get up? Do you set alarms? So, so like, in the dark about this. I'm like, sometimes I think my grandpa would get up at 4 a.m. and like chop down a tree. Like I was like, sometimes I think my grandpa would get up at 4am and like chop down a tree like I was like, what are you guys

Starting point is 01:23:48 taking care of so early in the morning? But I always felt so behind the eight ball, you know, you'd wake up at your grandparents house. I'm like, is it like it's like eight oh six and you guys have like. Gone to church. Gone to the soup kitchen and donated and like help the homeless. Like built a new swing in the backyard. Swept the garage, made breakfast, got doughnut.

Starting point is 01:24:16 I'm like, when did you do all this? It's so crazy. The grandparents were will tackle. Tackle errands in the morning I'm like you already went to Meyer twice what kind of you woke up at 3 a.m. but that night before Thanksgiving brother they would wake up it just I don't even know I don't think they'd sleep There'd always be like that thermometer in the turkey tells you if it's ready or not and your grandpa would bring out that like

Starting point is 01:24:58 mini chainsaw to cut it I Was always like is he gonna do it this year is he gonna do it this year is it gonna do it this year Why wouldn't he? There's a little part of me that was like I don't think I just don't think like maybe hey Maybe he got a new like knife thing. Like it's probably not gonna happen. I didn't want to ask him. That'd be embarrassing I was so embarrassed in my like of like being an idiot in front of my grandma I'd end up asking all the questions though because like my other cousins and sisters that like make me they beg ask him if he's gonna do it and I just go up and be like are you gonna cut the turkey with the mini chainsaw?

Starting point is 01:25:32 And he'd be like what the hell are you talking about? And two hours later, that thing. Everybody's grown up I had that weird machine machine knife deep down I was like is it really that hard to cut it you gotta bring out like a bush trimmer for that thing who was eating all that turkey I promise I had like a lot of turkey but nobody else I I don't even think they had any. Who's eating all that? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr You know, and they'd like slip you a piece, you know? You'd be like watching TV like, oh, it's about to be food time, bro. People are about to start coming over.

Starting point is 01:26:29 Let's go. And all of a sudden your grandma would be like, yo, come here. And you'd be like, huh? You'd walk up, you kind of watch him. Be like, yeah, that's how you cut that. Oh my God. He'd slip you like the juiciest buttery buttery piece of like dark meat. You'd be like Like for me.

Starting point is 01:26:45 Really? Yeah. Hey. Test it out. Like he didn't know. That's not. Let me know. Let me know. You eat it. Your eyes start watering.

Starting point is 01:27:03 You start shaking and shit Like a dog that's never had food in its life, it's not coming out your nose It's good Run back in the other room and just wait for it all to be laid out on the table not that I ever did that or anything Friday by nothing day so true dude I guess the big black Friday used to be cool like in the 2000s I guess yeah that was fun blah blah blah go to Best Buy. Da da da. Never buy anything. Ma ma ma. Never bought a damn thing. Who cares?

Starting point is 01:27:52 I guess the big deal now is like online. But I feel like that's even like a scam. I'm like, really? 40% off! I'm like, 40% off of what, dude? This shit you don't want online? I don't like buying things online sometimes so I'm like how's it gonna look? How many times do you buy something online and you're like this isn't even like this looks like shit? I hated that! Bro Eastbay got me good. They had my number. I'd be buying shorts, shit, all types of shit comes in the mail I'm like it was too good to be true I was getting got doesn't fit and they know you're never gonna return it I'm

Starting point is 01:28:37 like I'm never returning this bro I'm just gonna have these wack like this wack long-sleeve shirt cuz I'll give it to my cousin at Thanksgiving Doesn't wear it either Saturday personal space day People need to chill sometimes At the airport like people standing way too close I'm like dude you really think I'm standing way too close. I'm like, dude, do you really think? Coming up way too close.

Starting point is 01:29:09 Why is it always such a competition to get on the airplane? I'm like, I hate this so much that I'll go, I'll sit in the aisle. I'll stand. I just hate the fact that everybody's like, uh-uh, what number are you? I'm like, gosh. Why is it such a race to get on there?

Starting point is 01:29:24 I'm like, can we just be civilized? Dude, I was dead last on the flight from Indy to I stopped in Las Vegas. So weird, by the way. I'm so, so surprised when flights are full, honestly. Like, maybe if I was flying from Washington, D.C. to New York City at noon on a Saturday, I'd expect my flight to be full. Or like, you know what I mean? Like, two major ass cities.

Starting point is 01:29:58 But I'm going from Indiana to Las Vegas on like a weird Monday and it's 6 a.m. Flight packed. I'm like, all you guys? Like is that a strategy? I try to go in the morning so I'm like, nobody's getting up in the morning. I will work the mor- I will. I don't think I'll ever, I think it's weird to go on flights like at 3 p.m.

Starting point is 01:30:21 Like for what? How? The whole day you just gotta go on a flight? Ew. It was the last one to board the flight from Indy to Las Vegas and I didn't think it was weird because I always am but I got a DM. You know when you're walking dude this always happens to me and I know it happens to everybody. I'm always dead last on a plane and everybody looks at me like I'm scum of the earth walking down the middle aisle.

Starting point is 01:30:52 Just eyes, dude. It's just the judgiest eyes I've ever seen. I start laughing the whole time. I'm like, oh, my God, like, damn, dude, they will look you up and down like, what a piece of shit. And I'm like, I don't know, bro. I'm just the last one on the plane. does it mean something like I did I was here like four hours before everyone I just didn't want to get on like I don't know I wasn't gonna miss it though

Starting point is 01:31:14 like I'm not holding you back right like we're still leaving at the same time I was just like stretching out on the ground while you guys were like standing up waiting in line. I don't know But dude people look me up and down like um Like I'm like sometimes I'm like you did I am I wearing clothes I Did I, am I wearing clothes? I got a DM from this lady. She goes, damn boy, you look like you let everybody board the plane before you. I was like, kind of cool, not gonna lie.

Starting point is 01:31:56 Felt good. Shout out to you. Meth day. God, I know nothing about drugs. I'll never know anything about anything. I don't know how anyone does. Like what kind of, what type of situation are you in when you've actually tried meth? I can't even imagine. You never been to college? That you guys are doing that and like what? I know nothing about drugs.

Starting point is 01:32:25 I never will, don't care. I feel like it's so lame to even smoke anymore. Maybe because there's so many weed places in LA. I'm just like, and they're so extravagant. Every weed, buy weed. I'm like, ew. Like, why does your store give me a headache? And the people that work there are so like weed too.

Starting point is 01:32:48 I'm like, people that like weed too much, okay. People that like anything too much, low key. Me with football uniforms. I don't think I talk about it that much though. Like bro, it's not my whole personality. Or is it? Guy who wears a jersey every time he does stand up but people who like weed too much I like have to smoke I like have to be high it's so weird to me I'm like so you have

Starting point is 01:33:14 to not be yourself there's so many people like that it's kind of unassuming I'm like oh you're a weed person god God damn it. Nothing in common with you. Do I even know who I'm talking to? Halfway through the conversation, it's not really you. Why are we doing this? Computer security day. Remember that was a huge trend. Back when you had a desktop computers,

Starting point is 01:33:41 like your parents, or maybe even now. And viruses for everything. Bro, viruses took over my entire brain. My computers got a virus. It was always the reason why your computer was so slow. It probably has a virus. Yeah, because you download that stupid stuff. I'm like a chingy song. Can I do anything on a computer without getting a virus is what I thought like growing up until I was like honestly like 22 I was like every computer I have has a virus because I like went to YouTube to MP3 comm yo if you're not going to that if if you haven't been, that's the A1 best website that that

Starting point is 01:34:27 for a fact I know is a website I've like, Oh my God, I think I've been to that. I've been to, okay. Besides my email, I've been to youtube2mp3.com. God, it has to be 500,000 times, probably more. But when that website, that website will crash it'll like go away for months Right and I oh it's a sad day when you can't find it on Google honestly And I don't know if you know what I'm talking about, but There's one with the blue. You know I'm talking about. It's a great dude whoever has that website whoever has that domain

Starting point is 01:35:04 respect bro YouTube to mp3 the real ones know about YouTube to mp3 when it when you can't find it. You're like How am I supposed to pirate this song how am I supposed to pirate this ambiance how dude just It's the number one choice for stealing stuff off the internet, YouTube to MP3. And you can do MP4 too, bro. It's just so sick. Like, you show your dad that, like, you'll... Your dad will like you.

Starting point is 01:35:34 Your dad will actually be like, oh, okay, yeah, he's cool. You don't need to do anything else. You show your dad YouTube to MP4 and he can just download videos off YouTube. Like, that's Father's Day for the rest of your life. That's what that is. Yo, Dad, go to this website. You can download everything. That'll change the older.

Starting point is 01:35:52 That'll change an older person's life. Really? They will get so into it. It was like when you found out you could do that when you're like 12. You can. I can download this whole whole rocky soundtrack and just have it Just saying When that thing crashes bro sad day

Starting point is 01:36:22 Sad day Yeah, but the computer security virus things Norton anti virus every time I start my computer even now bro the the things that pop up on my computer when I start I'm just like holy shit I'm like I didn't know my computer had to be annoying too. Yeah, I got a brand new laptop I open it up 15 things. I'm like guys like I've been okay I know yeah, not everybody's the same but like I've been on a computer before get started How does it work Take a free trial

Starting point is 01:37:00 Learn more I'm like yo, oh my god, can I just get on the internet? Like Jesus, so many things all the time. Every time I open my computer, I'm like, reopen all the windows that you that that were up before you turn off your computer. I'm like absolutely not I never want to see that shit again. Oh my god just calm down it all started with Norton antivirus. I'm like I downloaded Norton antivirus to get rid of my viruses it's the virus now. Remember pop-ups? Get rid of pop-ups Because the internet used to do the internet used to do you bad if you didn't know. You'd be on a website pop up pop up pop up. Like for a minute I had it.

Starting point is 01:37:53 We had it bad. Our pop ups were it was like acne for a computer. I was like, you know, we need some we need some proactive like immediately. And what was the proactive? Buying another computer. Once you had pop ups, it was kind of like, you know, mom, it's time. Dude, we got to get Adele. Yeah, those old gateway computers, though.

Starting point is 01:38:15 Oh man, how come everybody in my family always had a bat like a banging desktop computer except for us? Our desktop computer, I was like, man, this is such a thrown together ass like IBM computer. What are we doing with this? Bro, my cousins had the the the desktop computer with the speakers built in on the side. I was like, The thing and you bring your computer game to your cousin's house, play it on their computer and it's a thousand times smoother, you're like, we're poor. That's how I realized, I was like, yeah, we kind of, we're kind of, we're kind of just skating by, aren't we?

Starting point is 01:39:01 Everybody in my family's computer is better than mine and my friends. I'm learning how to play an in. I'm learning how to play NBA live and the players are like. The songs in the. It's it. I. Yeah. You start a game in campaign mode, they start telling you what to do. I'm like, God dang it, we can't return it either, Best Buy won't let you return a computer game. Return it, B!

Starting point is 01:39:40 You got the receipt, right? No, you can't return computer games because they think you burn the disk and keep the game and return the game, get your money. It's a whole thing. Your parents will never understand. God damn it. No, our computer just sucks because you downloaded the chingy song or whatever the heck. Chiggy. He calls it something like never mind. Bring it over to your cousin's house. That thing is running smooth, bro.

Starting point is 01:40:08 Mm mm mm. Looks better than ever before. You're like, is this a PlayStation? Did you get Xbox on your computer or something? Like why? How come everybody has better memory than me on my computer and in my own brain? Dang. The way I just wanted to walk in my house one day and I wanted there to be a cow printed gateway box

Starting point is 01:40:33 on my kitchen table. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Starting point is 01:40:40 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Is that for real? Those cow printed boxes, those commercials, those are the luckiest people in the world, bro. As a kid, man, those are the luckiest people in the world. Nobody had a slower computer.

Starting point is 01:41:02 I swear. Am I the only one? How did you guys just have silky smooth desktop computers? I just we were out here struggling. The only thing that was fun that we could do on our computer was change the theme of the background. That was my only party trick. My friends came over. I'd be like, yo, I changed the theme to baseball though. They'd be like, I'd be like, watch this, bro. When the screensaver pops on, there's like baseball cheers. They were like, okay, dog.

Starting point is 01:41:38 Well, I got to get out of here. Sunday. here Sunday bifocals that I need new glasses so bad will he ever get them such a guy thing to never get update your shit like that such a big commitment to him like it's such a decision dude I'm gonna have glasses for the next two years when I get glasses I wear them for like 16 years. I gotta commit to a frame for the next, I don't know what's in, what's out. It's such a tough pick, such a tough, and they never hit like your last pair, you know?

Starting point is 01:42:21 You get new glasses and you're like, I kinda miss my old ones. Then like a couple of weeks new glasses and you're like I miss my old ones then like a couple weeks go by and you're like how the hell was I wearing those glasses before you know you you like get new glasses then you look at your old glasses and you're like dude I was a nerd Ugh, what? Those are my glasses. Your old pair of glasses, bro. Ew. Ugh. That's what I was wearing?

Starting point is 01:42:54 It's crazy. Don't want to get, I need new glasses, but I don't want to go through that pain of like just ew, what was I wearing? I have like Harry Potter glasses right now. I have no idea why I have them, honestly. Who told me they were a good idea? Cause I know, I have no idea. I got no, I can't pick, I cannot,

Starting point is 01:43:13 I couldn't pick out a frame. Like that's one thing I just don't know. Pictures of myself in frames of glass. I'm like, what's in? What's in for glasses frames? You can't like pick out your favorite like celebrity and see what they're wearing What's in? What's in for glasses frames? You can't like pick out your favorite like celebrity and see what they're wearing because they were like ridiculous things.

Starting point is 01:43:32 Like if I looked up like Robert Downey Jr. glasses, like in a pinch, I don't know what I want Robert Downey Jr. He'd have like bifocal, like a little like a one eyeglass thing with the chain on it He'd have a monocle on on the red carpet. I'd be like, uh, damn I guess do you guys have this one? I don't know How am I supposed to know what frames are in just because of the pictures in in eyeglass world the lens crafters people on the wall I'm like, I guess I'm just getting the glasses that Simon Cowell has. Why is he always on the wall?

Starting point is 01:44:08 I'm like his, I guess he looks good. There's always some weird like celebrity that's like endorsing glasses at the at the frame place you go to. I'm like, what? Like, I had no idea they had a glasses line. It's always the weirdest celebrity. You're like what is... Joey Chestnut has glasses?

Starting point is 01:44:33 Oh, the chestnuts. I guess, oh, yeah, that's pretty good. I guess we have the same like face. You started talking yourself into some shit. Simon Cowell's always in there. I'm like Simon Cowell's glasses Huh There's like a tick-tock girl you're like what Ashley Simpson wait a minute if she I thought she died

Starting point is 01:45:03 Wait a minute, is she? I thought she died. Did she? Ashley Simpson You walk out of there with like Aussie Osborne glasses you're like, yeah, I mean, I don't know just something something I can wear every day Holy shit! Alright, that's it. Holy, wow! This is crazy. Dude, days of the week is hit so hard. It really does. It's the best thing.

Starting point is 01:45:34 I love you guys. Happy Thanksgiving for real. I kinda had a stroke a lot during this podcast but I was nervous. Um... If you...I don't know. If you're going to your girlfriend's Thanksgiving or you're bringing your girlfriend to your Thanksgiving, I don't know what to tell you, but you better be hot. You better be, hey, you're going into battle, babe.

Starting point is 01:46:03 Strap up. Put in the unlimited ammo code, because you gotta be pfffttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt Love you so much, happy Thanksgiving. I'll see you guys next time. Ha ha. Didn't record it.

Espresso - what's your thanksgiving drama?

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