Espresso - who had the biggest come up?

Episode Date: March 5, 2026

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I think the biggest come-up right now. Fuck, it makes it already no sense. No sense is being made right now. Whoops. I think it is, though. Like, game shows hosted by YouTube. No, this is good. This is a come-up.

I want to know what turns you on. It's a real past 9 o'clock. I want to know what turns you on. It's one of my mix muffins and you don't explain. I want to know what turns you on a midwestern night what you can hear cicadas and a train in the distance see I want to know I want to know what turns you when a girl puts a pencil in her messy bun I want to know what turns you all see I want to know when you walk into an auto zone and inhale. I want to know.

I want to know. I want to know what turns you on. When a girl wears a baseball hat, I want. Those things on. Espresso podcast shop 409. I'm your girlfriend, Benny, who hears a click in his brain every time he runs because his dad stepped on his head in the living room when he was 10 years old. Hey, watch me on F Boy Island and F Girl Island on HBO Max.

Oh my God, why'd you go on the show to get a tan and drink wine? Oh my God, really? No, I 100% fell in love every single time I was on that show. Oops. Tell your homies to join the Patreon for $5 a month. That's it. Five bucks. What do I get if I join?

Like, what are my $5? every month going towards, you get every other espresso podcast, every other podcast. I mean, you get half the podcast. And you get a live stream at the end of the week, and it bangs, girl. It bangs, mommy.

What do you guys even talk about in the live stream? Do you talk about, like, peeing during movies the whole time? I don't know. What if we talked about how on the stall door in the movie theater, there should be a screen that plays the movie so you don't miss the parts while you're going pee?

Whoa! Whoa! Write that down! Hey, AMC! Give the fam $5 million for that idea. Not even enough. You guys just talk about like going to Applebee's when your ex is the bartender? I don't know. Nobody's ever done that, right? Dude, how come in every relationship when it's about to end, you go to Applebee's? Yo, if you and your girl are going to Applebee's talk, hey, you're going to be alone. this Christmas. These Christmas. Do you talk, what else do you talk about on the live stream? Do you talk about how the cheesecake factory is a scratch kitchen, but you don't even really know what a scratch kitchen is? I don't know. You just got to find out. $5 a month. That's it. And get all your merch at Benedictmerch.com. 50% off everything. Storewide. 50% off door buster deal. A, with code bald or nice.

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Scub, baby. Scub, baby. Let's get to the question. Spruso, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, question of the week. I like this. I'm hype. What had the biggest come up? There's so many industry plants everywhere.

I'm like, how did that get so popular? Biskoff? Like, why do we like Biskopf all of a sudden? Does Biskopf pay people under the table? Does this stuff actually happen? I'm always wondering it. I'm like, does Biscophe pay like 100,000 influencers on Instagram?

And like, yo, make something with like our new drizzle we got. Yo, they have ice cream. They have Sundays coming out. Somebody DM me and they got, they have, I forget what they said. Like a pudding or something? It used to be the crappy cookies they gave you in an airplane. Do you want Biskopf cookies?

Me. No. I've never. Guy who's so locked in. Guy who's so locked in has got to tell everybody about it. I've never eaten anything on the plane. I'm like pretzels right now? Want to give me something on a plane?

Delta, Southwest? Listen up. Bro, we just got so many ideas on this podcast if you really think about it. Who's more in name a more innovative podcast. I swear every single episode there's like a new like damn I never thought about that. What's your podcast called? It's called I never thought about that before. Yo, you want to give me something on a plane?

Delta Southwest. United. United kind of a slept on airline. Just putting it out there. You want to give me something on a plane? Mint. Mints. No trash.

Everything you give me on a plane, give it to me raw. You want some Bisk off cookies? Yeah, but unwrap them, put them in my hand and put the package in your pocket. That's the thing about airplane. Do you want to drink? I'm like, yeah, but I don't want to mess with the empty cup for another two hours.

Like, we're not, now I got to put the cup in like the mesh pocket on the back of this dude's chair. and it's like hitting my leg and then the trash lady comes around and I forget I have the cup because it's been two hours and I'm like, God damn and I forgot to throw the cup.

You're just worried about the wrong things. But yeah, Biskopf, how to get so popular? And why do I want it so bad? And it's not just in the U.S. Global phenomenon. Bisk off stuff. I'm going to look it up. I don't give a shit.

Biskoff product. It's crazy. It's crazy. Biskoff cookie butter spread. Bisk off ice cream. Bisk off cookie butter topping. And just wait till you see

the type of like collabs they have. Biskopf collabs. Tim Horton's new Biskopf cookie. Kit Kat with Biskopf. Crispy Cream Biskoff donuts. McDonald's releases highly requested Biskoff. Hold on. Biskopf milk McFlurry. Yo, I'm not making this up. This is insane. Yeah, but once like, you know, once Pop Tarts gets them, stepped on.

Once Pop Tarts gets a hold of a flavor that's like, you know, going around and every single car wash of every single food place ever stepped on. there's going to be Bisk off Girl Scout cookies. I'm telling you, yo, that little no-bake cheesecake, that little tub, you know what I'm saying? That you slide the Bisk off cookies in there, probably nine of them. I'll squeeze a couple more in there, though. You're supposed to fit three rows of three in there? I'll spit it.

I'll go, you don't even want to know where I'm going to put those cookies. diagonal on the edge that thing will be six pounds when I'm done with it and then the drizzle on top I don't even like Bisk off and I'm saying this I'm doing this in two weeks with the strawberries on top

in the cheat don't come around me don't come around me on March 20th I'm doing it all okay okay else had the biggest come up. Crocs? Logan was telling me

Walmart used to sell crox just like for 10 bucks. Now there's like Paris Hilton Crocs for $500. Come up! Protein had an insane is having a generational run right now. Protein?

I used to think my dad was crazy for talking about protein so much. Like when I was a kid I was like, I don't think it matters. And your football coach we kind of talk about protein a little bit. Eat protein, men. Want to build muscle? Got to eat your body weight and protein.

Now everybody, there's protein. How is there not a protein cigarette? I never thought of that. Marlboro. What up? Diet Coke with protein. I guarantee it they put it in the dumbest stuff. I want to slash my throat every time I see it.

What was it in the other day? And I was like, guys, we don't need. to be doing protein chips. I was like that's that's not this that's not what chips like they're just getting the fatties dude they really are protein Cheerios.

I'm like that does not need to be in there yo and it's so fake they put a they put a salt sized particle of protein in a box of Cheerios and they're like it has protein dude just chill out just chill out

need a cockroach like we all do. Hey, I'm almost done. I promise. Just some things I was thinking about. I get fired up about this stuff because how's it happen? Who sets it off? Nike Dunks. Remember nobody was buying Nike Dunks. Going to be completely honest, I didn't even know what they were really. when I saw Nike dunks before like maybe in like 2020 or 2021 I can't yeah 2020 I was like oh those are just like the Air Force ones for the people I can't afford Air Force ones those are just the Diet Air Force ones they're like more low they have the same like pattern on them a little bit you know they come up they come out with a cool shoe and then they come out with like the diet shoe that's what I thought diet Air Force ones and then I don't know who put, I don't know who put them on, but yo, you couldn't. A priest would be walking around in Nike Panda Dunks. You're like, what?

Father Tom kind of got that shit on. You could see it under his like gown, his priest's gown. And we will raise you up on Nike Dunk. I'm going to lay some a little bit. Make you to shine like a star. Star and steal your girl with the drip on my feet. Let's open up to Revelations, Chapter 8, verses 1 through 9.

And Abraham asked Philip, where do you get them colors? I can only find white and khaki. Abraham responded, I got these from China. They're sold out all over America. Even my grandma has a pair of these panda donks. Abraham smirked and said, get your shit together. And we will raise you up. Yeah, but Nike dunks, bro.

I mean, it just hurt my soul when the trend, it was like, you know when a trend dies and you're like, man. It's just like a feeling you have and you're like, ooh, too many people. have you see one lame person wearing the thing and you're like is that that's a rap babe I can't I can't remember it was some it was like is like the people that you know I'm talking about here I don't mean to sound like a well I'm gonna but like you know something's cool and then there's a level of people that wear it and you're like not cool anymore I saw that guy in him you know what I'm saying? You're just like, no, there's, there's, there's, oh, he's wearing them. Those are dope.

I got to get, I got to get some of those. And then like it takes a few, it takes a few weeks or months for like the losers to start wearing them. And you're like, I will not be caught dead in those shoes. And when that deadline hits and like your close friends start to buy them, you're like, oh, God, oh my God, who am I surrounding myself with? Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Yep.

Hopefully, yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Raising Cains. I almost bought it in. Logan was like, it's trash, bro. Change my whole life. Sometimes I just need one good take. And I will be a complete, I'll have a,

I'll never look at the place the same again. But honestly, Raising Cains. How are you not going to have one thing on the menu? Raising Cains, all chicken. Got it. Specialize in chicken strips. I get it.

Everybody loves chicken strips. Everybody go, people go to restaurants just for chicken strips. They're the worst people. Those are the people wearing panda dunks three years after they're cool. But why not make a whole restaurant? out of the most popular thing at restaurants. You know what I mean? Sounds good.

Pretty smart. How are you not going to have one thing at the chicken place? That's not grilled. One thing. I'm out here scraping crispy stuff. Scraping Krispies off of my tenders. It's just not, not,

they need to come up with. Raising Keynes wants to, they have good marketing, but if they want to, who am I? Who am I, you know? Who am I to say this? But they need a little versatility in the menu. Hey, Raising Cains, I don't know. A good spicy chicken sandwich? My trip in, do they have that? Let's hear of yours. What had the biggest come up? Tell me, tell me, baby. How come you don't want to love me? Don't you know?

So for years, I've been collecting basketball cards. And nobody really ever seemed to care about the basketball cards. It was always baseball and like Pokemon that people really, you know, got up in arms about. So I had it good for some years. But this year I started noticing like, it's getting kind of hard to get some cards. And one day I go into the store and I see a grown man and his family. And this guy is taking them all. I was like, there is no way I am in Walmart right now witnessing a grown man being a basketball card scalper. I was like, that's ridiculous.

I was heated for some weeks on that one, too, to be honest with you. But, uh, yeah, they come up for them has been big. And I am sick of it. I love the dedication, bro. I love it. I remember the, the trading card boom over COVID. God.

The, the, the sports 12 year old in me wanted to just rip open a pack of a card so bad and not even like it's such a fun little surprise i was uh i was football basketball cards growing up i thought baseball cards were so played shut up that's what baseball cards make me think of i'm like yo who care gorty how have you not killed herself oh jeez come on je this guy can't be serious no i was a football basketball card guy and for some reason they just i don't think they look Cooler. When you get that holographic, like, you get a, oh, that feeling.

First of all, like, when you open up a pack of upper deck tops, cards in the patch, you rip it down the side. Yo! It feels like you're like, you shouldn't be able to do that or something. I'm like, do I even open these? Cards just seem so like you need to keep them preserved forever. Like, once you take them out of that little package, like, Like, I feel like, you're driving a car off the lot.

Nah, but it does feel like that a little bit. You open that up and roll through them. I feel like I need to wear gloves for that. Looking the finger. I've been licking my fingers before I do everything. I'll lick my fingers and unlock my car. I'm like, why the hell do I just? Eh, eh, eh, and you see that holographic Isaac Bruce?

Oh, oh, roo, roo, roo, roo. You got an upper deck. you're your holographic shack rookie card. I'm like, nothing's ever got. That's a hype moment. Underrated hype moment right there.

And it is true. Every time I see like a card vending machine or whatever, they're always sold out. I'm like, you guys are on top of this. That's why I could never like stay in the card game. I did. Second grade,

your boy had a binder with, with all those with those three by three card sheets in there? What was I doing being that organized? For school, could not get it together. For trading cards, though? Not even trading cards,

just having cards. Somebody put me on. We had indoor recess, yo. Ooh, indoor recess was tough. We had this kid in our grade. He was the king.

He had them all. I was like, I didn't even know this existed pages. I think he had 10 Michael Jordan, like, of the most fire cards you've ever seen in your life. Oh, my God. They're giving me the chills just thinking about a whole page of Michael George. I was like, dude, I don't know what, I don't know if you know what you have.

I don't know if you should bring these out in public. Like it was, we'd all, for indoor recess, tell me this isn't the nerdiest thing you've ever done. And tell me if anyone else did this. We would all bring our binder. We'd have binders, like six guys. We'd sit in a circle. with binders and just look at each other's cards. Oh, dude.

Oh, dude. I have that. I have that. Penny Hardaway. Kai. Trade you Tim Duncan for Penny Hardaway. I have that. It was my whole life.

Then I went to some card place by the mall when I was like 10. My mom knew nothing about anything. And I was just like, yo, can I trade these in? I probably had some fire cards. And the guy over the counter was like, I'll give you a 40 bucks. And it was probably worth like, I mean, at least $200.

Like, I was putting in work and I knew the good players. I was so happy to have $40. $40 when you're a kid. You can't tell me shit. Hard come up is crazy. This was a couple of years back, but I definitely think cauliflower had the biggest come up. And I think it's kind of making a come up again.

I mean, I'm seeing cauliflower. I mean, there's cauliflower crust, regular cauliflower. There's cauliflower appetite. There's cauliflower, like sauces that you can make. I feel like everything that you can condense into something healthy usually comes from cauliflower. So I'm going to say that that has had the biggest come up. And it's not really even healthy. It's all a trick because it's still good.

I remember I got cauliflower wings one time. Gas. cauliflower pizza? I will eat seven. of them right now. Like it doesn't faze me at all. Coulflower haircuts? Had one. Come up! I'll bust down. Some cauliflower. Yo, and you know they fry the cauliflower

and you dip it in buffalo sauce? I'm like, this is, these are wings. This is popcorn chicken. God dang, man. You can put any, you can trick me with anything. I'll eat it. Yeah, it's healthy. It's like cauliflower. Okay. you're the biggest scam of all time and you know it you know it bro it's so it's right right in front of our faces those veggie straws i mean it's it remember the first time you had a veggie straw and someone said they're healthy so it's a fire chip i'll take out a bag of veggie straws in my car before i even leave the parking lot

So good. There's a celery-looking one. A carrot one and a white cauliflower one. I'm like, come, give me a break. Well, let's see real quick. cauliflower products. cauliflower products. cauliflower tortilla chips.

Okay, cauliflower wings. cauliflower pizza bites, I mean, they are just, yo, they're so rude, man. cauliflower broccoli cauliflower linguine I would smash all of this though I'm doing this point I can't tell if you're doing this podcast hungry or not

cauliflower wings gas they're just not good for you that's still though it's not hey if you want to really eat healthy just eat cauliflower like the real thing not cauliflower pizza or they know how they know

to get us, man, it's bad. Hey, Benny. What I think had the biggest come up would be Dubai chocolate. At first, it was just the chocolate bars. And now it's like Dubai chocolate cookies, Dubai chocolate brownies, Dubai chocolate cakes. Literally, everywhere you go, it's Dubai chocolate everything. Dubai chocolate, strawberry cups. I'm going to kill myself.

I mean, it's crazy because one chocolate bar is at least $25. But it's good. but they're literally making everything Dubai chocolate. Everything's Dubai chocolateified. I love the passion. I'm in love with you. I don't know who you are.

I may never figure it out, but I am in love with you. If somebody gets that fired up about Dubai chocolate, we have to be friends. I hate it. And I actually despise it. I don't know how people can jump on board with something like that.

I get, I get kind of freaked out by people that can just jump on board with something real quick. I'm like,

damn, you're just gonna believe, you're just gonna throw all everything away and be the Dubai chocolate person now? I'm like, to me, Dubai chocolate is like the new CBD.

I'm like, this is, it doesn't look good. It's, hey, it's sketchy. It's sketchy. And it's taken

over so quick, I'm like, there's something, some fishy. Some fishy has some shady going on here. You feel me? Jesus Christ. Dubai chocolate gum. Diet Coke. Do buy chocolate. I'm like, I don't give a shit.

How about this? I don't give a shit about Dubai chocolate. That was rude. But you know, how about milk chocolate? Remember those days? Oh, we're too good? We need something.

We just milk chocolate wasn't good enough. We had to go all the way to Dubai. What happened to milk chocolate, the one you grew up with? The first time you had milk chocolate and it's the flame burnt out, huh? Nothing beats milk chocolate. Get it together. Look at yourself in the mirror. Next time you say you want Dubai chocolate anything, look at yourself in the mirror.

look at yourself in the mirror. Mm-hmm. You're a monster. It's a scam. You know what you need to do? You need to go back to the fundamentals. Milk chocolate. You give me a Dubai chocolate cookie.

It looks disgusting. They open up a Dubai chocolate cookie. It looks like there's grass in the middle of it. split open a Dubai chocolate cookie. Oh, is that the sod my dad just laid in the front yard? Hey, uh, you ever flip over a push mower and you see that grass like caked on the side of it? It's Dubai chocolate.

Looks great. Looks good. Enjoy. Milk chocolate all day. I actually, I'm actually, this is the most mad I've ever been. I haven't felt this emotion in a very long time. You tell me, oh, you get a milk chocolate Easter bunny? Bite the tip of the ear off.

It's chocolate, babe. I'm definitely going to have to say spam had, like, a ridiculous come up. Like, you know, something that wasn't meant to ever see the light of day from someone's doomsday bunker. You know, now you have, like, Michelin Star chefs making $100 plates with it. Like, it's just like literally a brick of salt. But, yeah, I'm going to say spam. And on that note, like, it's crazy. Like, a company's, like, annual earnings is determined by if they can get one of their products to have, like, viral social media trend, which is kind of crazy.

So, yeah, Biskopf's definitely having that completely agree with you. But I'm going to have to go spam. Definitely spam. I love this guy, man. I see, dude, some questions, some espresso questions hit different. They hit like, okay, one's really popular. This one I don't think it is as popular. This question isn't as popular as normal.

But it brings the real ones out. This is a real one. And you can tell because he just, he knows exactly what he's talking about. I love talking to people who know food like this. So interesting to me. the food game. Yeah, I didn't even think about spam. I don't think I know about it.

You know, you, you've got a better grip on this, man. And one time I've never had spam in my life actually despised it for a really long time. Because it looks so weird. It's called Spam. It's in the can. I think there's like a Seinfeld episode about it.

My dad always used to make fun of it. So I was like not a spam fan. it sounds bad because it's named after emails that you that automatically your computer's like nah dog this ain't it you know it's just everything around spam is you know it's just like a yeah it's not there's no nutrition in it everything around it is bad you're just like this is a negative this is an L product I tried it raw

Um, six out of ten, raw. And then I put that thing in a skillet, chopped it all up. Shosh, shosh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. You can imagine the noise that spam makes in a pan that's all pammed up, cooking it on 10, because I'm a divorced dad who's never been married. Jesus Christ. It sounded like I dumped a bunch of lava into a,

body of water. It sounded like your fourth grade teacher when the class was really loud. It was bubbling up. It was, the grease was shooting all over my chest. I don't think I've cooked with a shirt on in honestly six years.

I'd burn marks all over my chest and stomach. I was like, I care. Dude, I've got marks in. like actual like scars just from cooking. You want to know how I got these scars? Because I'm fat ass.

Because I was cooking on high with my shirt off. You want to know how I got these scars? Because I cook spam on 10 with no shirt on because I'm a messy little boy. my star my scar is wheat but uh the spam cooked with nothing else was gas and i was like i get it now i get it now why wouldn't it be lord it was juicy i was eating it like i take everything back I'm I'm wrong, you're right Please forgive me

You ever forgive something That doesn't have a brain Please forgive me spam For I have sinned Let's keep going What up B I hated it as a kid But I love it now

Spinach artichoke dip Oh Nothing like going to town On a good tub of that with the boys Anyhow I gotta get going I will chat with you later Bye bye

Oh clean In and out In and out of the brakes Dude if he was running a route As a receiver He would have been Hats us Hussus Hussus Hussus Hussus

Catch tuck Upfield 6 Yes spinach Artichoke dip On the major come up And like You wouldn't have put that sentence Together in your whole entire life

if you think back at that. Yeah, some spinach artichoke dip with the boys? Those things don't coincide. The boys like nacho cheese dip. The boys like queso. You throw some spinach artichoke dip around the boys.

They go like this. Uh-uh. But you're right, dog. Spinach artichoke dip change the game. Why? because half of its caseo. Hey, you throw a vegetable on that title first, though? Makes everything okay.

God dang, man. Spinach artichoke dip as an appetizer. You're at a table at a restaurant with your homie. Yeah, bro, get the spinach artichote dip. No, that would just, that would save me. You're at a bar. Bar top. And how come every time you go to a restaurant

and it's like a packed house. Packed, I'm telling, like, the wheat is gonna be 45 minutes. It's always 45 minutes. Never more, never less, always 45 minutes. Everything's 45 minutes. How come there's seven seats available at the bar? I'm like, wait.

Wee. No one wanted to sit at the bar. Why is the bar always, no one wants this? Why not? Because is it uncomfortable? I think it's like, the best seat in the house is it an inconvenience to sit at the bar and why

why are there always 13 seats open at the bar oh the weight's gonna be uh four and a half hours I'm really sorry but you can sit at the bar right now with your friend right next to you and watch TV right in front of your face and have the bartender right there serving you immediately I'm like okay what's the drop what's the catch

Oh, absolutely nothing. I'm like, why wouldn't I do, why wouldn't everyone do that? Never understood that. I guess it's nicer to sit down like, oh, dude, booths are undefeated in a restaurant. I don't even like going, man. If I'm at a restaurant and I'm not in a booth, we'll take it to go.

Sitting on a chair in a restaurant, Got to be the weirdest feeling ever. You're all hunched over. Yeah, so. What do you say when we get out of here? What the hell? You put me in a booth? A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Shoulders back, eyes up. Poster immediately better. Because you're just chilling. You're in a booth? You're like, I'm at home. You got to pop in there kind of weird. But it's a little bit fun in the back of your head. You're like, am I in a bounce house right now?

The cushy seat in a booth, man. Bro, if you jumped on the cushy seat in a booth with two feet, it'd be like getting double bounced on a trampoline. Your head would shoot through the ceiling. Someone jumped down the cushy booth seat. Yeah, he's up there. His head's just out of the roof looking around. his feet dangling inside the restaurant

love a booth but some spinach artichoke dip in the middle of you and just your boy no girls no girls allowed at the bar the NFL drafts on TV

no one knows how important this moment is to you right here do do do do do do do the pick is in more like the chip is in the dip okay

this guy can't be serious me I did yo yeah that's it love you but that's gotta be the hardest

I just gotta be the hardest one of the hardest voice messages I've ever heard in my life yo if you can give me an answer in two words and then go 12 seconds of silence and you had me too

I was like is he gonna That's good. That's what we want. Sam, come up. That's what we're doing it for, right? That's why we're lifting the weights. That's why we're not eating carbs or sugar.

You make me better. You make me better. You make me better. You make me better. I'm eating 12 eggs a day, and you make me better. better. What a song, man.

God, R&B songs are so dramatic. It is so funny. I can't play it. Damn it. I can't play it. You make me better lyrics. Hold on. Listen to this.

I'm a movement by myself. Oh. But I'm a force when we're together. My mommy, I'm good all by myself. Yeah. But baby, you, you make me better. Oh god, just talking about ground turkey like that. I'm a movement by myself.

But meet when me and ground turkey when we're together. I'm good all by myself. Yeah. But me and ground turkey were a force when we're together. You make me better. That's really what I feel like when I'm eating ground turkey. I'm like, yo, can't give it. Can't give ground turkey enough credit.

Only helping. Yo, it's Rooster. It's five in the morning. I couldn't sleep, so I... It's five in the morning. And I'm about to call the espresso podcast, podcast, podcast. And now I'm on the highlight. I'm about to leave a voice message.

No, nah, no, mercy. Obviously my first urge was to just talk to many Yeah Hit me up You know it's fucking on the rise On the come up Yeah, sure Just your clothing

Just never matching anymore And it just never makes sense And that's like pretty fire Remember color coordinating When I was in school My mom was like your shoes Need to match your shirt And I was like yeah that makes sense

Now it's like I'm wearing crocs, pink shorts, a blue shirt. Nobody knows what the fuck's going on. And everybody's like, yeah, no, that makes sense. But in school when you were like not, all the colors on your body weren't matching, people were like, dude, are you fucking, are you okay, bro? Is it crazy how like whatever is happening in society, like right now

in like 10 years is going to be like stupid or like not cool anymore? That's so fucked up. What's happening? I still like, there's a couple scenarios where I'm like not matching here will work but my brain has to match

just because of sports uniforms. Like, my whole entire life is because of sports uniforms. I just can't get enough. And that like, it's, It's just, it is my whole brain.

And they're always matching. So I feel like every time I put something on, I'm like picturing myself putting on a, like the Broncos 1999 jersey. I'm like, this has to kind of like, this all kind of has to coincide. He said it twice. Hey, somebody learned a new word.

Says coincide twice. Can I be president now? Says coincide twice. Who wants to have a new word? Who wants to have sex? Says coincide twice. Anyone want to kiss me in the street while it's raining? Oh, God.

Guy who's never been more lonely. All right. Yeah. But then you see, I'm not going to lie, it's really just black people that can do it. Black dudes will wear, and I love this, but I could never do it. Oh, my God, I can never do it.

And this might have had to come up too. I think it did. fits in this category. Like dudes will wear like, it looks so hard. Camo pants, black hoodie, and just the most

fire red shoes you've ever seen in your life. Why does that red hit so hard? When it's like the outlier of the fit, you know, you go neutral, neutral, neutral, red banging shoes.

I'm like, yeah. And if they're the, they're the yeas. Red October? Yo, oh my God, that shit's hard. Tough fit. Black hat,

black hoodie, camo pants. All red shoes goes. Woof. Dummy. Yeah, it doesn't necessarily match, but works. I think Kanye West really put that on.

But I can never do it. But when I see people doing that, I'm like, yo, why it's a red pop? Why is the red goes so hard? Mom! Shoes goes so hard. And they just wear really red shoes.

It goes so hard. Me. Dude. It's real. Me last week. Me last week. I don't know if I understand this question, to be honest with you, but... Wow.

Fucking guy never gets anything. He's always like, what's going on? Whatever. I think the biggest come up right now, fuck it makes it already no sense. No sense is being made. right now. Whoops. I think it is, though.

Like game shows hosted by YouTube. No, this is good. This is a come up. But my dad, who is 62, right? Watches Mr. Beast game show on Amazon Prime.

And he's like, really I knew it. And I'm like, dude, what's going on? No way. What's happening? Mr. Beast is hosting a game show. Again, this has nothing to do with anything he's had, but. No, it does. That just blows my fucking mind.

I think YouTubers are like the future of just like, they are. Just leading society, honestly. They're going to be, a YouTuber is going to be president in the next 20 years. I swear to fucking God. It can be you, Benny. It should be you.

I'm kind of a YouTuber. Like, I've got more followers over there than like anything. I'm like, God, dang. On some, on some low key, where's my plaque? People get, what is it, like 50,000 subscribers and they're like, oh my god, I'm gonna put my YouTube plaque in the back of my studio I'm like what? I don't want one. I don't want one. I don't want one Keep your plaques And I got enough plaque in the bottom row of my teeth

Holy You see this guy's bottom row of his teeth? It's like he ate a bag of Cheetos every time he opens his mouth Keep your plaques, babe. No, YouTubers are the new, like, celebrities. Brad Pitt, new one's Mr. Beast, I guess. But your dad's into that? Yo, if my dad was into anything, Mr. Beast,

I'd be like, you've lost your mind. If it's not like Bob Barker hosting something, my dad's not watching it. You know, it's insane. It's a mystery, by the way. Imagine if it was just some fucking random person, like, you know what's insane? And then they end the voice message

and you never know. You would just fucking wake up in a cold sweat every night like, what was insane? That would actually bother me. How much people at work are honestly just in general choose you

out of millions of people in the world to start talking about politics. Oh, like we care. And what's even fucking more catastrophic is, well, heard catastrophic in a sentence and fucking had to use it to use it to Benny to make him

to make me sound smart guy said catastrophic once somebody make out with him in the street guy said catastrophic once somebody opened the door for him let him walk through and smack his ass on the way in guy said catastrophic once come up behind him put your hands over his eyes

and say guess who And when he turns, put your tongue in his mouth. What's catastrophic is how much they assume you already know about what they're talking about. And it's like, dude, not only do I have any fucking clue, but what you're talking about, I actually, the last, I literally don't know a single fucking thing about politics. I love it. And if I ever, if my brain ever retains any information about it, I'll fucking bash my head against the wall. To give myself memory loss because I don't, that is not information I need to store in my brain.

You ever like, some people bring up shit and you're like, how the fuck do you know that? And why do you know that? Yeah, every day. And why are you telling me? Every day. I know anything about anything, let alone politics. holy fucking shit and you're like

you always immediately just go miles away I'd rather next time somebody starts talking about politics I'm gonna start fucking drooling until they just get them

get the fucking hint honestly a sensitive subject when somebody starts talking about politics around me I'm like dog I don't even know the first thing like I don't even and I can't even

I can't even try to learn I just can't I can't know I can't like put any effort towards something I can't control I'm like that's

that's so out of my hands I'm like why would I even worry about that like who knows all right zero effect on me can't do anything about that you can

the last time I voted was for the Cleveland Browns to change their logo but you're right if somebody comes if somebody's talking to me about politics I'm like hey man I gotta get out of here

it's like in my apartment but you just got home I just forgot some I did that in taxes anything math I'm like I just gotta go man my face will get red I'll start doing this

touching my nose a lot dropping my keys I'll sprain my ankle on the way on I just got to go. So, Drew. What up. So what had the biggest come up?

Johnny, seeing this thing. I have to say the brand Carhart, especially their jackets. Like, people are buying vintage Carhart jackets that, like, a plumber would work in for, like, 10 years and, like, get shit and debris all. over the jacket. And people want to buy that for like $500. Insane. And then fucking wear it to the mall or like out to dinner. Like it's insane that you want to wear somebody who had a used jacket that performed labor

for their whole life. It's insane and crazy. It's something like your dad would get so fired up about. know. God, we used to wear. Oh, geez. And you're paying that much for that? Like the first time you wore jeans with rips in them around your dad, you're like, ah, damn it. Like, he's right, though. You paid $72 for those, me?

I'm like, it's a thing. Come on, man. You know, you know what's going on here. Never got into the Carhart Jacket game. Just not my style, not my swag. heavy jackets are just they're like they're like airplane trash to me like they serve a purpose but honestly what do I do with them

when I get to the warm place? I'm like this is so much jacket I'll forget it in a restaurant booth shoved in the in the crease of the restaurant booth how many times have I lost some stuff in there I'm like I'd rather walk outside freezing cold than like have to be responsible for my jacket the whole night.

I'm like, this thing just turns into my girlfriend after like we get in here. It's so funny when people like go out late at night and they're trying to get a fit off, you know, but it's freezing cold. I don't know how girls do it. Girls are always so, I'm freezing. 2 a.m. rolls around on a Saturday night wearing absolutely. nothing 19 degrees out. I'm like, oh my God.

What a time. Can't wear a car heart over that. What do I do when it's cold? I think I just wear a hoodie and like that's as far as it goes for me. On some Midwest guy stuff, I am the guy that will wear shorts in a hoodie when it's like negative six. I'm like, I mean, it should be good, right?

Because when I check the temperature, I just like put my hand out the window and I'm like, hoodie. Never been more than a hoodie. I'm like, that's hoodie. Couldn't get into the Carhart game. I'm too sporty for it. I'm locked into sports streetwear. What's my jacket that I pick?

Like a starter Raiders jacket. Button up. And plus Carhart's for guys that like know how to fix stuff. I don't fit into that category. I can't, dude, I'd rather buy a new car than try to fix my car. I'm like, I cannot. Sorry.

But Carhart, especially right now, the Carhart thing is out of control. A Carhart jacket with a little bit of pain on it? $700. So Biskopf got the biggest come up because essentially all the big backs are putting it in fucking cheesecake filling and refrigerating it and fucking eating it with a fucking ladle. And I'm going to be that guy. March 20th. March 20th.

follow me on Instagram. You can unfollow me the next day. But I am gonna, it's big back. National Big Back day. National Slop Day. Get ready with me while I eat pig slop all day. Get ready with me to have chocolate in between every one of my teeth. Get ready with me to wash my face with Bisk off drizzle.

Me. Literally two weeks away. And I've been seeing that dude. I wish you guys. I'm actually pretty proud of it. If you guys could see my Explorer page right now, you'd be like, there's something wrong with you,

but at least it's not like, you know, you look at something. Like sometimes my Explorer page is all ass. And I'm like, ew. But right now, all buns. and I'm not talking about that kind of bun. All honey buns. My Explorer page used to be all buns.

Now it's all buns. Oh God, Jesus. It's such a bad piece of shit. I've got Bisk off all over my Explorer page. And I love it. You go to my Reels and Scroll? Two dishes people grabbing cake. Like this, slices and...

Pour and fudge on. I'm doing the Bisk off thing. I'm trying to find the best chocolate cake in L.A. Doing it all. I heard Red Lobsters got a little heat over there. What's up? Cheesecake Factory, Linda's chocolate cake. Hey, Linda.

I want to get to know you. I really want to thank you. Baby. I'm coming for you, Linda. Mm-hmm. Yeah. No back and down either. I'm coming for you.

Hey, Linda, Linda's chocolate cake from the cheesecake factory. I don't know who you are, but I'm going to come knocking. And if you don't answer, I'm kicking in the door. With that said, Biskoff is dairy-free

and since I'm highly lactose intolerant, the little bit of dairy will make me fucking, like, shit on the walls so I could have Biscop. without being a national security threat. I. Me and you, babe. Man, hey, I'm gonna, I'm a 100% serious.

Comment under this podcast. Or I, DM me. Send me pictures of what you're making with Biskoff. I want to have like a team, team Big Back. Let's come together. Bigbacks! Asimble.

I want recipes. I want no, no, no, have you tried this? Have you tried that and that? Have you tried this from this place? All, all big back. All fat stuff. I want to know what turns you want. Have you ever put biscuits frizzle on an old baked cheesecake?

I want to know what turns you want. Linda's chocolate cake. The biggest come of, by far, was pale, people in 2008. You had Twilight movie that just came out. All those fucking vampire, like, shows and movie type stuff, like pale people, 2008 were crushing it. Then, like, yeah, pretty much a year later, Jersey Short comes out, and it's not cool to be pale anymore. So, uh, most of the Midwest and, uh, folks are, uh, were fucked.

So 2008, pale people fucking killed it. Vividly remember that era. There are four cool dudes that went to my high school. All the class below me. Like, you know that all of a sudden in your high school, like a hot guy group assembles and you're like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, didn't see that coming. Bro, they all got pale.

they all started wearing new clothes skin like skinny jeans not like super skinny but like they're and they started to get lean like these are like football guys that like transition to twilight guys and I'm like damn they committed you know

like all it takes is one girl to be like that guy's high and then you change your whole personality to be that guy so that the girl likes you you know and they don't even notice whoops I haven't done that or anything let's run it back to me being

wearing black jeans and a black shirt because my girlfriend at the time was pretty gothic oh I did it a girl one time that had a tattoo looks like I'm dressing in all black now looks like I'm getting a beard just how it goes babe

yeah but 2008 pale guy swag city. And I'm like, how are the, how is this group of dudes like, this is the off season in football. We're supposed to be getting big right now. We're supposed to be like lifting weights and eating and like,

you know what I mean? Getting your body right for the next year. That's what the off season is. And they're like, nah, dude. I get it though. They were like, we're not,

we're just staying, we're staying like, we're staying slim. Just all that was, it was so crazy. Bro, even like some trench coat action. Like, yo. And then one day I was like, does he have an eyeliner on?

Like, they're going in. Is this going to work? I was so intrigued by it. They really went in. You're so right. I never went. I could never be pale. I don't know what it is about me.

I mean, I have body dysmorphia, obviously. But maybe it's, my mom was always trying to get tan when I was grown up. Two memories of my mom in my life. One, her eating trisketes for dinner every single night. Two memories of my mom. One was her eating trisketes and drinking wine for dinner every single night. And then during the day, her just laying out on like the,

uh, on the basketball hoop in the driveway. My mom laying out in the driveway, just, Which house is yours? The one with the dead lady in the driveway? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think my mom's had skin cancer like three times. It's just too bad. Sorry.

Sorry, cancer. I look better tan. You try to kill me all you want, babe. Nothing stopping this bronze. What's it called? What's the thing in the air? What are that? It's three letters.

What's the ba-b-ba-ba? Like the tan, it's like the tan rating. I just typed in tan. Oh, UV index. This is what I typed in to find that. Tan rating in the air. Somebody just shoot me with a bow and arrow. Dude, nobody's stopping.

Hey, cancer. Oh, you're trying to kill me? Go ahead. Still gonna get these UVs. I think that should be everybody's attitude. You couldn't, ew, me pale. Ew. I should be so pale and so bald

disgusting I get it though you got to commit to like what you're what you like this actually happened to me in college football and I think about it a lot going into my freshman year one of the offensive coordinator

was like yo you can start as a freshman if you put on 30 pounds and play tight end and I thought about it for one second and then I was like no I got to have abs If I gain 30 pounds, I'm not going to have abs anymore. And I got to have abs. Like that, it's my whole, like, okay, spring break rolls around.

I don't have abs. Not going to work for me. I'll get redshirted and be miserable in transfer. But you know what I'm going to have? Those V lines. Come gutties. Playboy Bunny sticker down south. sounds like a deal

had to transfer because I didn't play all right let's keep going God what a what uh just this is an absolute this is amazing I'm having the time of my life you guys brought the heat never don't except for that

submit your funniest videos podcast that one we could do better only time we could really do better where are we at we gotta go I think I might have a tweet. I'm just going to go to the Twitter and just rush roulette, babe. Here we go.

I'm in 2020 and let's just read one. People who group their apps into folders on their home screen are a different level of psycho. Yeah, you ever, you see somebody, it's so weird to see somebody else's home screen on their phone. You're like, oh, that's what you do. I'm always trying to pick up like some new. tips and tricks. I'm like, oh, you got that down there. Girl I used to date had had like all the apps that she really uses in like the bottom

dock thing. You know, you get your iPhone on default mode and it's like the phone, the text, contacts. It's like just like the most basic like, bro, this girl I used to date would, she had TikTok down there. she had Instagram down there she had email down there I don't even think she had the phone

the call like any I was like yo you're that's kind of that's kind of it I stole the idea from her and did it to my phone but then you you come across that guy that's like real organized

and he's got everything like in little pockets of folders I'm gonna say I can't I can't get down like that organization in my head is like everything I need to be able to see everything or else I'll forget it's even there if you package my Instagram app

inside of a folder with the other social media apps I might never get on Instagram again guy who's lying right to your face right now but uh you ever to like not be able to find an app either I swear I was like did someone delete my calculator I need everything. I need just everything sprawled out

for me to have a clue what's going on. When I'm like studying for when I was studying for a test or like doing a project as a kid, like I was like I need this whole living room floor. Everybody out. I need papers everywhere. Boom, that one. Bang, that one.

Let me read these two. Put them back down. Like I can't. I don't know. And he is, he does have a condition. He does have a condition. you ever see someone so hot, you just want to tell them good job and keep walking. God, man, I wish we could do that.

I wish it wasn't creepy to do that. Sometimes I'll see, like, the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life walking down the sidewalk. I just want to roll down my one and I'll be like, hey, you're hot. That's it. I don't want anything to do with you. I just, I feel like you should hear that. Because, like, you, you're doing it. Hey

Good job What Ew Perber Ew I'm like This is why you look like this Sorry I forgot I was doing a podcast

It's two days You're doing that screech noise like way too much this episode Days of the Week Today National Hospital Day Just I The way, I just love it when doctors are really honest with you.

Or maybe when you're really honest with doctors, it's pretty refreshing. I walk into the doctor's office, I'm like, I'm not on bullshit. I don't have time. I walked in, sat down. I was like, why is my knee post-operation of removing assist look worse than it did when I had a cyst in my knee. You guys removed it, right? Like, this is what I said to the doctor.

And I was like, I'm not coming in here beating around the bush, Doc. What's good? And he looked at him and he goes, yo, just chill out. Damn, you got this surgery a month ago. It's going to be a minute. We literally put a saw in your knee and cut stuff out of it. It's not going to look perfect a month after we do it. I was like, that's all I need it, baby.

He goes, we don't need to see you again. I was like, aye, I, cap'n. Show me the Carfax, Doc. Cheese doodle day. New idea. Cheetos, hear me out. The best Cheetah. If we're ranking Cheetos, hold on, hold on.

Types of Cheetos. Let's talk about this. Let's talk about this. God, Cheetos are, ooh, boy. Cheetos are, they gotta be the number two chip. They're not one. Because like regular chip chips are one, you know? Potato chips.

They really are number one. You go a lot of different ways with it too. Maybe that barbecue lays, black bag, alternate jersey bag, boy, you pop up God. The black bag of, barbecue lays at a cookout? Trouble.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Number one pick. You see, you know, you're near the, you got your plate. You got your burger on it. It's always a burger. You got a little circle of beans. You've got some macaroni.

You're about to get a drink. You didn't even see it coming. You pass, hold up. There's six bags of chips on the table. Oh damn, I forgot about chips I forgot chips even existed I'm so overwhelmed with my plate right now But I'm carrying around my plate at a cookout

It's not a plate It's a It's what the God, what is that thing called that artists use Hold on Yeah my my my It's not a plate It's a paint palette

You got blue, you got red You got purple, you got yellow You got orange, you got green, you got green. That's what I got going on. Beans, macaroni. I got a hot dog. I got a little handful of chips.

Might even have a little brownie on there too. Whoops. Don't mind me. That's what I'm rocking. But I always forget about chips at cookouts. I'm like, yeah. Then you look at the options. You always got the yellow bag of lays.

Standard. Mm-hmm. Baseline chip. I bet that's the number one thing ever bought at any grocery store. Yellow bag lace chips. Classic Johns. You might have some Cheetos.

They're probably off-brand because I feel like Cheetos are like $6. You might have a little sun chip in there. Fire. Garden salsa. Oh my God, I love those. Girls love Garden Salza. The sun chips.

Amazing. And I get it. but you're always going to have that black bag lays barbecue chips and you can't pass it up the folded black KC masterpiece

dude a folded barbecue lays chip I don't know if you can beat that I don't know I don't know what's touching that in the chip game oh my guys hot cheetos you don't really enjoy those. I'm sorry, people that love flamen hot cheetos. You don't enjoy them.

Hot take. Literally. You're eating them to, you're eating them to eat them. Um, it's giving performative. But the, but the, but they're uncomfortable. After like, after a lot, they're uncomfortable. Am I, am I so white for saying that yes? But it's just my culture. But that black bag of barbecue lays dog. I mean, there's nothing coming in between. us. The sweet. You put the, oh,

Lord have mercy, you put those on a sandwich. Boy, I swear to God, I'll kiss you up and down. You come at me with one of those with one of those

cookout plates with the indentations around the whole thing. Looks like your, your grandma, like tried to make a pie out of the plate. You know,

I'm talking about that plate. OG cookout plate. With a salami sandwich on it with the black bag barbecue lays on the sandwich with the mustard cut in half triangles kiss you up and down that's what i do thank you so much i love you i don't need anything else lord have mercy friday forgot we were doing a podcast my bed spray tanning day i'm hitting the bulbs now your boy's brand new oh my god it's it's so much better It's so much.

I was a spray tan king. Hey, and I'm not done either. Just because I'm not to spray tan king anymore doesn't mean I'm not going to reclaim my throne. Okay. I'll be back. I'll be back. Let me get my Johns right in the, let me hit the bulbs a couple times. Let me get one more late.

Let me heat up. He's heating up. Every time. Every time I walk in the tanning bed. He's heating up. He's on fire. Fire. Fire.

Right when I press start. Beep. Lights come on. Like when Batman turns the lights on in his bat cave. He's on fire. Yep. Playboy bunny sticker applied on the Vs. I'm going in for eight minutes.

Wink into Shorty on the way out. All redback for two days. Everybody looks better. on their tan. Doesn't matter how you do it, baby. Zip tie me in there. That's how I want to die. Remember that time I fell asleep in the tanning bed

for 20 minutes? After the 20 minutes that I was in the tanning bed? I mean, how do you not? Like, how you shock? You fell asleep in the tanning bed? Yeah, it's warm. There's like a light maroon five playing in the background. I'm in there.

I'm just in a, I'm incubating. I'm in an incubator with the white noise. Good night. People waiting on me and stuff. Oh, my bad. I fell asleep in the tanning bed for 26 minutes. Saturday. Got 10, 10% battery, men.

Skip. See your real day. Hey, on Big Back. On March 20th, we found, it. We found the cereal. We did. And might have to buy it now because I think it's going to sell out. How about that? Buy tickets now. It will sell out. This is what I think for food. I'm like, I got to buy peanut butter cinnamon toast crunch now because it will sell out.

Are you serious? Peanut butter cinnamon toast crunch. What are they doing, man? What are they doing? Have you seen the cereal aisle lately? What are they doing? Fruit loops with marshmallows, tie-dye. I'm like, will you just slap me, kiss me, and rail me in the back? What else they got going on?

The cinnamon frosted flakes, I'm like, this is literally giving, I walked down the cereal aisle like this. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Like I'm walking by a Victoria's Secret. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm-mm. What else are you doing in there? I'm like, you guys are on, like, what the, like, did we lose control? Orange cream pop. Captain Crunch? I'm about to cry, yo. I felt that feeling in my face like I was going to cry.

Strawberry frosted flakes. I'm nervous. I'm nervous. I'm nervous to talk to strawberry frosted flakes. Like it's the hottest girl I've ever seen. Cinnamon pebbles. Gone!

You guys coming up with this! I swear, it's just four guys. Passing around a J, playing N64. Strawberry Frazzard Flakes. You know what it is? No, it's four pregnant women. is in a conference room fuck i don't know

the kelsey brothers on a box of shirios and we just put Travis kelsey and his brother on a box and mix two cereals together glazed donut fruit loops glazed donut holes this has to be peak cereal right now we are in like the woodstock of cereal right now anything goes wild west

I can't even look at this I can't I can't look at this Jolly rancher cereal clenching my fist talking about this I gotta get out of here I can't

for breakfast Amazing 6% battery Sunday Peanut Cluster's Day I'll cut somebody's head off We can't keep doing this Hey if Dexter McCluster

had his own can it'd be the McCluster Busters. How about just the Dexter McClusters? And it's pretty much just bunch of crunch, crunch a bunch. I forget which one it is. I have CTE. Crunch a bunch or bunch of crunch,

but there's peanut butter in it. Dexter McClusters. Invention, write it down. There's been seven inventions this podcast. Seven. Who's doing it like this? Nobody. proofreading day?

Good Lord. You could not pay me to proofread the paper I just typed out when I was growing up. I'm like, it's done. Holy, it's done. Four page paper

and you think I'm gonna look at what I just wrote? Holy, go to hell. I don't care. I don't care if I spelled every word wrong. Oh, never forget. Remember we had to double space our papers?

Like, line, boom. No line. Line. Like text. No text. Text. It was real like real wide. Why did we have to do that so the teachers could like write in between and grade it? I had a friend that thought double spacing his paper meant between every word two space bar tabs. He was like, yo, what do you think about that? He showed it to me. We were in like sixth grade.

I'm like, yo, it has to be double space. He's like, it is. I was like, I was like, I just spaced. twice between every word, right? I think that that's the day I really died. I looked at him and the only thing that played in my head was, and he will raise you up on eagle's wings, bear. But then I was thinking about it, and I was like, that kind of makes sense. Because, like, who know? Like, if you didn't have older brothers and sisters, like, who would know?

Just space twice? Double space, right? Bro is on to something. All right, Coach Pee quarter of the week, then we got to bounce. camera's gonna die and I'm gonna lose all this footage. Whoops. Here we go. Here we go.

Coach P. Court of the Week. Attitude wins. Turn everyday events into opportunities to thrive. Maintain an obsessive demeanor. Love y'all. All right. Talk to you next week. I gotta wrap this up quick.

My voice just cracked three times and I'm nervous. Whoa. Stop doing that.