Espresso - WHO'S NEXT

Episode Date: August 26, 2020

my dad's new snore | tarzan avenue | my 10 future daughters names | i look like the chicago bull|

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I can't get this out of my head ever. Who's next? This was literally every time in college when we went out to a bar, it was just this. Who's next? We danced like maniacs in college. Go, go, go, go, go. Who's next? Go, go, go, go. We. Who's next? Go, go, go, go. We never just went out to like talk and stuff.

Like no matter where we were, like at like some neighborhood, like stupid bar, we'd always like there'd be this dance circle. Go Harry, go Harry, go Harry, go Harry. Just every single, who's next? Found like the weirdest kid in the entire bar And like they can't say no When you have a dance circle going it's power You can throw anybody in a dance circle

And they're just like oh god Who's next? I'd always be like the sweatiest guy when we went to the bars god that's so annoying but I just didn't care and it was too much fun but we would be insane I remember talking to people that used to like work at places we'd go to

on like Saturdays and Thursdays college nights and they'd be like you guys last night you guys were dancing your asses off and the next day be like sore i mean what dance circles everywhere who's next it'd always be like the wild card dudes that like could really dance too like you throw like some like like there'd be like a chinese guy kind

of walking around you'd be like and you'd kind of be like yo dude come on and you'd be like what did what that did you and then you'd throw him in the circle and all of a sudden he's like doing that thing with his hat and like going in slow motion all of a sudden suddenly like his his Suddenly his head's not connected to his body anymore. You know how they do that? Anyway. Shot 111. Thanks for listening, guys. Again, I know I say it every time, but seriously, it means a lot when you guys tune in. Remember to follow me on Instagram, Benedict Polizzi.

Twitter, Ben Polizzi. TikTok, Benedict Polizzi. Got some vids popping was supposed to have an open mic uh this week to get back on stage i haven't i haven't done actual stand-up comedy in so long i don't even know how it's gonna go but it's gonna be so funny because no one knows no one else knows how to do it either anymore like i don't know like what are you supposed to do? I've just been walking around in my backyard

talking to trees and stuff. So, talking to rabbits and stuff. When you're in a relationship, talking to a bush, there's no way to really practice stand-up comedy. You just have to do it. And it's going to be fun. So so if there's a show going on soon go to it because it's gonna be some raw material

uh but yeah that is happening what else is going on I'm drinking coffee out of a glass. God, it's just so different drinking out of a glass like a bottle. Why does it make everything taste so much better? There could be mulch in here and I'd be like, God. And then it's a spot. I can't believe I just said mulch. That's like the one thing in my life I hate the most.

Mulch. Ah! I'm always like, wood chips. Got a weird thing with that. Like, I'm like a good son all the way up until, like, my parents say the wrong word. I'm like, no! Not even if they say, like say the wrong word I'm like no not even if they say like the wrong word like my my my parents say like kid words still that we said when we were kids and they still like kind of throw them all around every now and then and I'm like oh god like when I was a little

kid I like me and my mom were like in my room and I was I had to like go to bed soon and I was taking my socks off before I went to bed, and I ripped my sock off my foot. Instead of saying foot, for some reason I said Gibby. Parents have no detection of when to say stuff. They just don't care. Once they turn 50, they're like, whatever. All my friends will be in my house And my mom will be like

Your gibbies are dirty Put some socks on Your gibbies are dirty Take a shower Like mom Mom I'm with the guys Can't be calling these gibbies Yeah what was I talking about

Drinking out of a glass bottle? It just feels good. It's like Snapple. Like Snapple's not that good, but because it's in a glass bottle, you're like, guess I'm rich now. There's like not even enough Snapple in there either. It's like three drinks and you're done, but you're like, I love Snapple. Who's next? All right, let's,

what's up? Let's get into it. SpongeBob's gay. I didn't really feel that vibe. Honestly, I thought Squidward was just because it makes so much sense. Remember pride week last year. Anybody remember that made that video for pride week. It was like the most insane time ever did the pride week festival. No rules. I thought about it for like, for like two years, I was like, I need to make a talent show table and just bring it to the pride parade. That is entertainment to the max. Like it was supposed to be like, all right, like sing or like just do stance or do so.

It just turned into people getting on the table and just shaking their asses. The pride festival is basically everybody just shaking their ass guys girls and anyone cops me carson daly and his wife uh said they're sleep divorced, I guess. They said they don't sleep in the same bed because his wife's pregnant and she can't get comfortable. Wow.

They're sleeping in a twin bed? I get that, though. She said he snores and she already has trouble sleeping and they have a kid and stuff. I get that. Sleeping in different beds. I don't think anybody in my entire family, either side, cousins, aunts, uncles, I don't think anybody sleeps in the same bed. I've never seen it in my life. Both my grandparents were like, nah, fuck that. Two different, two totally different rooms, two totally different beds Every single time

Like how could you After a while Even when you sleep with someone That you like or something The first time For the first ten minutes You're like Then when you're actually about to fall asleep

You open your eyes again And you're in the basement I want You like open your eyes again And you're like in the basement I like want no part of anyone When I'm actually sleeping I'm like Bye I don't know how people The snoring thing is

That's probably what does it the snoring That's probably half the reason people don't sleep in the same rooms. Because that's so... I know I snore. And it's because I sleep on my back. But like, dude, sleeping on my back is the most... It's so comfortable. I just screamed.

I guarantee I'm just... Who knows? I hate it when, when you like, when someone's snoring and they're like, Hey, if I'm snoring, wake me up. And you go and like tap them on the shoulder and they're like, what? And you're like, you're snoring. They're like, no, I wasn't like, dude, like, how would you know? I wasn't snoring.

You're crazy. Like, I was actually awake. It's such a nuisance when somebody snores. I'm like, bro, you got to get out of here. Just put me on my side. I'm like, my daddy said shit. He'd be like, yeah, just roll me on my side. I'm like, roll you on your side.

That'd be the hardest job on earth. Like instead of you just sleeping on your side to begin with, I've got to listen to you snore for 48 solid minutes and then steamroll you on your side. No, I'm moving out. solid minutes and then steamroll you on your side. No. I'm moving out. Just kidding. I'm not moving out. I like the chili.

I like the chili and garlic bread too much. I remember my dad would snore so loud some nights. It'd be like, oh my, not even the neighbors can sleep. I know the neighbor. I know the neighbors know my snore. When I'm screaming, shouting, dreaming, I know the neighbors know my snore. Like, how can you sleep and snore that much? How can you stay asleep?

How does that not wake you up? If the TV turns to, like, commercial, I'll, like, wake up, but... Not waking up. I just used to listen to my dad snore and just be like, that is amazing. I'd listen to it for, like, 10ore and just be like that is amazing i'd listen to it for like 10 minutes and just be like wow what is going on inside your head my dad like created a new snore one time my dad invented his own snore i swear to god like it was just constant like normal snore loud as shit and then one just out of nowhere one time he was like i was like what was that like what could you possibly be dreaming of are you like blowing out a birthday candle?

He's like, why'd you wake me up? I was at Chuck E. Cheese's. Oh, God. I was at Good Times. Dads are the king of noises. There's always some noise a guy's making. Whistling. Nose whistling.

I just tried to do it, but I couldn't. How weird is that when the guy's just sitting there, like, doing, like, reading something in his nose. It's just like... I'm like, hey, can you hear that? Your nose is just like I'm like hey can you hear that? Your nose is cat calling me. Thanks grandpa. How's the crossword? I don't know.

You guys want to go viral? Okay. Okay. Viral. okay viral hashtag the hard part of being healthy i look like i'm healthy but i'm really not i'm probably honestly the opposite of healthy the way i eat man i've been buying i've been eating so much bullshit lately not bullshit but like instead of making food I'm just like I'll just buy this I'm gonna hurry I'm busy so I've just been like buying

sushi and like granola bars and it's like 18 every time this past weekend I totally forgot I was a vegetarian I was at Bakersfield that uh Mexican restaurant that's pretty tight on Mass Ave. And I was meeting up with Mantis. You know Mantis. Barstool Mantis. And he was with these girls. And one of the girls was like, do you want my taquitos? I seriously am so full.

And there were like three of them. And I was like. And like right after I ate them, I was like, holy shit. I just prayed. I just asked the Jolly Green Giant For forgiveness the next day That's my god the Jolly Green Giant Every time I pray I'm just like

Dear Jolly Please help me Focus On The tasks ahead of me. And help me be big and strong like you. Okay, bye. Bye-bye, Charlie. I did feel kind of bad, though.

My body was like Wait a minute Just completely forgot Six months of not eating any meat And then one night I'm just like Oh yeah that sounds good Taquito Hashtag the best part of my day is

I always want to say morning But that sounds annoying already I love the morning Morning people man You can be a morning person Just don't say Just don't announce it to people That you're a morning person

I'm a morning person I'm up I'm up I'm up up and at them I don't know man How do you just How do you just declare That you're a morning person. I'm up. I'm up. I'm up, up, and at them. I don't know, man. How do you just declare that you're a morning person? I want to see every single day. How?

That's a superpower. They just get right when they get out of bed. Each and every one of us. Each and every one of us is a wonderful work of art. Is a wonderful work of art Is a wonderful work of art Signed by the hand of God Signed by the hand of Jolly Just right when I

I'm up Each and every one of us Each and every one of us How about living with a morning person? I'd be like, uh, no I like getting up early But I'm not like i'm not like rolling at 7 a.m there's no way they got to be lying but i like the morning just to get stuff done but the real time's at night the night is a party man i never want the night to end

like it's like 1am And I'm like I'll start watching Superman I did that the other night Started a movie Made macaroni at 1.30am Cause I was like I can't let it go Dead asleep At like 1.32

Bowl next to my bed in the morning That's the worst ever When you eat something next to your bed And you wake up and see it, you're like, no. Living on Mass Ave is hard too because everybody's just in the street like. There's so many noises in the morning. I kind of understand how people are like, I don't know how you live right in the city. Isn't that crazy? I swear to God, every morning at 6am, there's some guy that's like, and there's like a leaf blower, church bells, church bells, spaz downtown. There's no rhythm or

beat. It's just like, It's just like the Tarzan band That Tarzan like All the gorillas and stuff I never know what to type in I just typed in Tarzan gorillas making beat Oh here it is Here it is know what to type in. I just typed in Tarzan Gorillas Making Beat. Oh, here it is. Here it is. Here we go. It's every morning on Mass Ave. 5.59

5.59.58 5.59.59 right when it turns six o'clock. Leaf blowers, church bells Homeless guy There's no way you're sleeping past 6 o'clock When you live downtown sleeping past six o'clock when he lived downtown. That song's in my head all the time for no reason.

It doesn't stop either. It doesn't stop till 10 p.m. Just people flipping buckets around the street. People walking down the street with buckets on their head. Alright, I guess that's the end of it. I do like the night though. I do like the night.. I do like the night. Just because there's nothing you got to do, you know?

Like all you're looking forward to is going. The night's a party. Everything's just a little bit naughtier at night. You're like, yeah. You always want sweets. Hashtag cures for the midday slump I honestly have nothing for that Cures for the midday slump When I worked in a corporate job

I would just pound coffee like it was That's when coffee actually like worked for me Now when I drink coffee it's like I don't know I guess I'm just doing it to do it naps never really worked for me in the middle of the day especially god how come every time you take a nap in the middle of the day, it's like the most vivid dream of all time. And I always wake up and I'm like, uh, like, it's always like, uh, it's always like almost like too weird and real. And it's like always my worst fear. Every time I take a nap in the middle of the day, I'm like, no. And I just, in your breath, when you wake up you're like god why did I do that like now I'm like kind of tired and I'm in a bad mood in my breath like why did I

everybody's like power naps I need a power nap like you mean a death nap need a power nap like you mean a death nap hashtag falling in love can make you hashtag falling in love falling in love makes me i never do it because i just it's the same thing every time i just get jealous as shit i can't do it man i i'm the i think i'm the most jealous person when i like somebody like anything they do if a girl like hangs up the phone before me i'm like what the fuck where are you gonna be bye bye i'm like whoa a little too quick there champ i love you I love you. Hashtag signs you are lazy. I guess the most lazy thing I did recently.

Actually kind of smart. I was in the shower and I had to turn on like the fan. I hate fans in bathrooms. I hate that, but sometimes you need it for the shower and I've to turn on like the fan I hate I hate fans in bathrooms I hate that but sometimes you need it for the shower and I've been using it hard I needed it to turn on so I like I got my towel and I like whipped it at the at the light switch and it got it I was like yes kind of lazy but kind of smart because like you ever in the shower and you need, and you forget something like you forget like, Oh my God, that things in my,

like I usually it's a razor for me. I'm like, God damn it. So I've got to like do that. Like most vulnerable of all time, like tiptoe across, like when you get out of the shower and you got to get something in your room and you do that,

like weird, like you don't want to get anything wet, but you're soaking the whole entire ground walk. And you're that like weird like You don't want to get anything wet But you're soaking the whole entire ground Walk and you're like God You're like the most vulnerable Ever at that point in your life What if you like fainted and somebody like the paramedics

Had to come and help you they'd be like Ew did an alien just birth you Hashtag I won't stop till i think sometimes i won't stop eating a certain thing until like i'm honestly sick of it like 100 sick of it like i've been hammering grapes for the past four months i don't think i'm gonna get sick of though. Like I think I could eat a bag a day. We do this thing at work at the restaurant I work at. Like all the food is like super, super comfort food. And me and one of the other dudes I work with do this thing called chew and You ever do that? I'm on a 24-hour Chew and spit diet Putting pie in my mouth

Swishing around and spinning it out But me and my friend kind of invented it in college Like before spring break We'd be in the cafeteria And we'd walk out of the cafeteria And on our way out You pass all this dessert. But there would just be like plates of brownies.

And it's like, how do I not eat that? But we'd walk by and like take like two bites and like chew it in our mouths and then like spit it out in the trash can and just keep walking. But that's what we do at work. Like there's always just like fries hanging out that people aren't eating. We're like, spit it out. Because I just want that taste, baby. This is me right here.

Pick up the brownie, put it in my mouth. It's a party in my mouth walking out nodding to people slide on that pimp gang when my pinky rang a lot of gang a lot of bitches in the icy chain while you claim full mouth that's a false claim what's up straight to the whip no i see you whole lot of styles can't even pronounce the name you ain't got no style see you yeah it's right over there. And right when I spit it out, music stops. Everything's normal again.

Oh, yeah. No, I wasn't. No. Yeah, I'm on a diet, so I just wanted a taste in my mouth. Yeah, it's right there. Actually, give me a bite of that real quick. Spit it out. It's two days. Wednesday.

Global garbage man day. Garbage men seem so in danger when they're on the back of that truck. Isn't that weird that they can do that? How is that like within the law? Like you can't ride in the back of a truck. That's like the biggest like no of all time. Like everybody knows that rule. You can't ride in the back of a truck with no seatbelt.

But garbage men are just like dangling on the back of a truck like stepping on like a two by two inch square. National eat your veggies day and they do everything for us to eat our veggies i always feel myself like feeling bad for celery sometimes because it's just like they put it with like it's never like a featured item you know what I mean? It's always like ants on a log

celery with peanut butter and raisins all over it. Eat it. They like give it to you with like wings and stuff. They're like how are we going to get these guys to eat this celery honestly?

Well just put it with wings. Put it with... Chop it up and put it into stuffing, because there's no way they're going to eat it. We're going to have to figure out some ways for people to eat this crap. Carrots. You know what? We're just going to have to make carrot cake. That's the only feasible way people are going to eat these orange sticks. Cucumbers. I don't know if they don't eat them. We'll just put it on people's eyes during, uh, sauna dates.

celery uh they're still not eating it i don't know just just uh just put a big stick of it in the bloody mary hopefully they nibble on it near the end apple strudel day always such a treat somebody's talking about meatloaf the other day. We had a conversation about meatloaf. Like, is it? I think deep down everybody kind of likes meatloaf, but they don't want to, like, say it, you know? It's like a guilty pleasure thing. It's like pop music. It's like a boy band.

You're, like, the hardest dude of all time, and you're, like, you drop your friend off at their house, and then, like, right when you pull down the street, it's like, baby, you're not the only one. But you can't tell anybody that. You can't tell anybody you listen to that. Everybody's like, ew, meatloaf, that's so gross. But if they're at their house and there's meatloaf on their plate with macaroni, like who's not?

Ketchup? I know it sounds gross, and there's definitely celery in that too. Eat your veggies. These guys have to eat this somehow. Put celery in everything. Meatloaf. Yes, that's fine. Just put it in.

Cherry tart day. Cherry pop tarts kind of fire When you get older stuff just becomes fire Like I always hated when my mom would ask for salt and pepper I'd be like uh Now I'm like I need salt and pepper on everything Every single thing I eat Peanuts Give me the salt and pepper

Something about pepper Every single thing I eat. Peanuts? Give me the salt and pepper. Something about pepper. Thursday. Go fishing day. I'm so thankful that the internet is making fun of people that post pictures of them holding up fish. I always thought that was so weird. Just a big dead ass fish with a bloody mouth Did it I did it

Especially the animals Like when people go hunting And they just take a picture of like 19 dead animals in front of them Like That should have like a sensitive content warning over it Took down my first 19 deer who wants to fuck so the same thing with like pictures of people with cars on their profile like a picture of your first car that you bought yourself that's fine that's fine that's fine that's

fine even though it's weird that's fine but That's fine. Even though it's weird, that's fine. But you have two pictures of it on there? Multiple pictures of you holding up fish? I just might go psycho. Friday. National Garfield Day. Friday National Garfield Day I never

Did anybody actually ever watch Garfield? I feel like he's just been like a Signature Mascot for like every brand That show couldn't have been good, right? Garfield? Garfield? I feel like he just slept all the time.

He was always in a bad mood. But he's on every product. National Martini Day. Martini. Martini's got to be the worst drink of all time, if you think about it. Damn. Martini's gotta be the worst drink of all time If you think about it Damn Martini Dopest name ever Grossest drink of all time Vodka

In a wine glass with salt on the rim And an olive in it I'll take a double Can I have one martini That was my mom's dog's name When she was growing up Martini I'll take a double. Can I have one martini? That was my mom's dog's name when she was growing up. Martini? That's hard.

I think if I have a girl, nah, that's a setup. Do you drink martini? That's my first name. Everybody has that list of their baby names in their phone. Like even if you're not going to have kids, you have a list of names that could potentially be your son or daughter's name. No doubt.

Everybody. Every time I hear a cool girl name, I'm like, oh yeah, I'm writing that down. Because I know if I have kids, like if I have like six kids it's gonna be six girls I know it if I have a guy I'll be like huh I know it I've got a pretty good list of names um

it's actually in my phone I think I'm gonna look it up girl names It's actually in my phone. I think I'm going to look it up. Girl names. Everybody has this in their phone, so I don't care. Girl names. Lennox. I thought that was a cool name.

These might not be cool anymore because they're kind of outdated. Lennox was kind of tight. Mia. Yvonne. It's my aunt's name. It goes stupid. My aunt's first name is Yvonne. It's my aunt's name. That goes stupid. My aunt's first name is Yvonne. Middle name, Champagne.

Martini. That might be too stripper. And Ivy. I guess these are all stripper names. And last one, Cinnamon. But yeah, those are my girl names guy names let's see you're gonna be so stupid they're gonna be like Giorgio and shit I don't even know if I have any boy names I wouldn't called it that in here oh shit Marcus Marco Cordell with a C Jerome these are all like Steelers players they are Giovanni and Vinny I don't know. National Watch Day. Watch, like, on your wrist.

I never really wore... I always thought if I had a nice watch, I'd just break it. So I never really wore one. And I can't tell time. For real, every time I see, like, a clock with, like, the minute and hour hand, I'm like, okay, I guess I'll just figure it out later. I'd rather figure it out by the sun. Why is this such a game? Just give me the numbers. Every clock should be digital.

Why are we still doing this? First time I saw a clock with Roman numerals, I was like, Mom! Most intimidating thing of all time. An actual person robbing your house while you're there or looking at a clock with Roman numerals and having to tell someone else the time. I can't do it sorry sorry it's gonna take me 46 seconds to figure out the time and tell you that's my biggest fear when somebody in school was like

hey what time is it i can't see the clock i'd be like i just act like i was injured and be like i feel like the biggest idiot when you like say that the time but like you say the wrong hour what time is it 3 22 uh if it was 3 22 we wouldn't be in school anymore it's 2 22 okay okay okay sounds good boppy I don't know the time, Boppy. Sounds good. Bye-bye. Boppy, go bye-bye.

National Flip-Flop Day. Everybody knows flip-flops. They're just like... Guys' feet in flip-flops. Guys' feet. It's just so funny. There's just no responsibility with guy's feet. Hairy toe.

No thanks, man. Shoes and socks all the time. You! Shoes and socks. Haven't looked at my feet in like three years. Who knows what's going on down there? There's like vines growing up my socks. Like potatoes when you don't like, when you have like potatoes in your pantry

and you like forget about them and they're like in the back, they like grow like into a tree. You're like, huh? That's every guy's feet. Saturday, National American Eagle Day. I never reminded, American Eagle Day I never reminded American Eagle was nice growing up

Because it was like Bright in there Remember Hollister how like dark it was I was like I can't see anything And I was in like 6th grade Remember Hollister people used to like track you down in the mall Like you'd walk by Hollister And then like

40 feet later somebody would be like hey hey hey um do you have a job right now because I work at Hollister and we're we're looking for like we're training for employees that like like fit your style and look like it'd be the biggest compliment of all time I'd be like do you think I'm hot and then he just wouldn't work there I would hate to work in there Damn So dark so loud

Biggest nightmare That's hell God sends you down to hell It's just You must wear this Ryan cologne You remember their cologne had like guy names Like what I want cologne but like why does it have to be Jake

National seashell day Seashells used to be lit when you were a kid You'd be like mom National seashell day. Seashells used to be lit when you were a kid. You'd be like, Mom! When you were a kid, you'd get seven seashells and put them in a Ziploc bag and take them to your house after vacation. You'd bring them on the plane. Now I don't give a shit about seashells Bring me back a seashell No

Sunday, National Peaches and Cream Day Peaches and cream Never really had it But I've always wanted it I've always had peaches and cream flavored stuff But never peaches and actual cream Those cream savers Remember those cream savers? peaches and cream flavored stuff, but never peaches and actual cream. Those cream savers.

Remember those cream savers? Peaches and cream flavor. Oh, sorry. National Skateboarding Day. National Skateboarding Day. I just won't. I don't know if I'll ever be able to skateboard. It's just way too.

Like, every time I step on a skateboard, it's just, it seems like it's the most difficult thing of all time. I can't even be on a skateboard for more than like six seconds. It's a miracle. So Cali, everybody in California does ride a skateboard. It's not a joke. Like kids on their way to school are like When people just skateboard to places I'm like couldn't you just walk Faster

I don't know National selfie day The way parents take Pictures of themselves is so weird Like no Have you seen a picture mom pictures of themselves is so weird. Like, no. Have you seen a picture, mom? It's always like the weirdest angle. I guess all my stories and pictures

are at weird angles too. Like everybody can just like permanently, like when you see a picture of me, it's just always up my nose. Looks like the Chicago Bull. Red face, big nostrils. Every time I take a selfie. Every selfie of me.

Ladies and gentlemen. Send me a pic. Send me a pic of your face. Hold on just a sec. Let me get my front facing camera. And all right, cool. Three, two, one. Hold on. Yep, I'm sizing it up here. Just a sec.

Let me get it just right. Huh. Let me lower it just a little bit so you can see up my nose. Hold on, let me... Almost, just... Almost there. Just take it already. Hold on. Hold on.

Just... Hold on. Oh! Almost got it. Hold on. Here it is And now The starting lineup For your world champion

Chicago There it is There it is Hold on it's not the right angle Central Arkansas 6-7 Scotty Tampa Oh, hold on. It's not the right angle. Central Arkansas! Six, seven, Scotty! What's happening?

Chris, Chris, Chris! All right. Every time I take a selfie. Actually, just one more. Michael Jordan! Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris! There it is. Father's Day is on Sunday.

Damn. Alert. Sound the alarm. Father's Day is on Sunday. What the hell am I going to get my dad? The last like 20 Father's Days, it's just been me and my dad going out to eat and he buys it. Somebody else do that.

Every time it's my dad's birthday or just anything that like we should be treating my dad, he's like, no, no, no, no, no, I got it. And I'm like, oh, happy Father's Day to me. And Sunday, Turkey Lovers Day. Man, I used to get turkey every single time I went to Subway Meatball sub until I was 12 And then 12 up to present day Turkey, lettuce, tomato, and wheat

Banana pepper And mustard Can you cut in fours? God That's my Subway order How come every time I'm in line behind somebody at Subway They always ask to like This happens every time I swear to God

They're like can you cut it old school style? And they like cut the top off Like all weird and like Take the bread out with their hands They like hollow it out. That's happened to me so many times. They always get tuna. Alright guys.

That's it. Shot 111. It was a fun one. Thanks for riding. Remember to follow on Instagram at Benedict Polizzi, TikTok, Benedict Polizzi, Twitter, Ben Polizzi, and get a cameo. But it's a wrap. I'll talk to you guys next week.

All right, fam. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Who's next?