Espresso - wildest rejections

Episode Date: October 27, 2022

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um what's up fam shot 234 i'm your host benedict polizzi and this is the espresso podcast hey remember five dollars every single month on patreon for an extra episode every single week patreon fam exclusive it's worth it i'm telling you it's a wild ride remember benedictmerch.com for all your feeling glonky merch your who's buying this your indiana land and we got something new on the site i'm not gonna say it i'm not gonna say it you gotta find out but yeah and remember listen to these guys podcast it's a new one with me and joey morenero drops every tuesday it's been going well bro we're up we're dropping episode five yeah episode five it's fun just oh it's just early espresso days if you know you know but let's get into the espresso question of the week

question of the week what's the wildest way you've ever been rejected huh i was having trouble thinking of this and then all of a sudden i was like, oh, yeah. Louise. I remember when. No, it wasn't. It wasn't that deep. Tears roll down face. But yeah, that was a big rejection for me. Did I bounce back? Still don't know, but, uh, no, it was fun. It was good. I'm glad everybody got to see it. I'm glad I went through it. That might've been the first like real reject. Oh, shit type of rejection I've been through. You know, I guess I've been broken up with in the past and shit like that, which is kind of a rejection. We're like, I don't know if I've ever asked a girl out like that like will you go out with me and then just be like nah bro that sounds fucked up for

me to say but like it's never been a straight up no there's always some type of little like to soften the rejection i notice that with girls a lot like when uh i have a hard time saying straight up no to girls like about anything they're like yo you want to go eat and i'm always like uh i mean i'm doing something now but like uh i'll let you know later on like that means no you just got to read the room and girls are like just say no and then i'm like and then they ask again i'm like no and they're like you're so rude i'm like jesus christ but no yeah yeah hbo max probably the biggest rejection uh yeah definitely but uh let's uh let's see what you guys had to say what's the wildest rejection that you've ever been through fam if If I can find this shit, here we go.

Wireless rejections. Let's hear it. I matched with a guy on Bumble and he asked me to meet him at the Eagle for dinner. And I showed up and basically I was there like 20 minutes past the meeting time. And I went to message him on Bumble and be like, yo, I'm here. I was no longer matched with him.

I luckily had his number and texted him and I was like, hey, I'm here. Like, I've been here for about 20 minutes. I thought we were meeting at this time. He said, yeah, I showed up and I saw you and you're a lot bigger in real life. So I left. And when I tell you, I gasped. No, he didn't. Oh, that's fucked.

But, I mean, you gotta admit, like, that's what I was just talking about it. Instead of being like, hey, something came up. Maybe we can reschedule for in a couple hours. Like, I just got a meeting. Like, instead of just beating around the bush, he was straight up with you. That's what girls want.

Here you go. Oh shit, bro. That's, I mean, I don't know. Can you be too mad at that? I don't think you can.

Honestly, I'm not saying do it, but I'm not saying I would do it. I don't know if I have the balls, but, uh, bro, got to give him props.

Just, just being honest. What else can you ask for? But I'm sure you weren't. I mean, that's crazy. Like what kind of vantage point did he have? He's like snooping around the bar.

Like, like he probably just walked by a window that who knows if he even knew that was you whatever though hey figured out that one oh please work just keep going this is a three-parter oh these came with some text messages too here we go so when i was 22 i was dating a guy that was 32 that i had met on tinder and we were dating for like two months we hadn't put a label on it or anything but we were like going to concerts together and i was sleeping in his house and he asked me to sleep at his house a night that i had just slept there the night before and i was like are you sure do you think it's too much asked me to sleep at his house a night that I had just slept there the night before and I was like are you sure do you think it's too much for me to stay here two nights in a row and he was like hey I wouldn't ask you to stay if I didn't want you to so then the next day I leave

and he literally never talked to me again like totally totally out of nowhere. And so I texted him a few months later and I was like, hey, man, like, what the hell? And this is the text message he sent me. Dude, I'm not going to read that. I hate reading text messages when people like post screenshots of their conversations with their friends. I'm like, you think I'm reading that shit? Mind you, I had literally just graduated college and was living at home, which is totally normal. And I had cried because my best friend was going away to school, like, thousands of miles away. And I was sad and was going to miss her.

But apparently that's, like, a major red flag when you're 32 years old. Basically, all of this was bullshit and it just made me feel so much better about the whole thing because i had been upset for months being like what went wrong we've never even been in a fight and uh yeah this helped because it was totally fucking weird like yeah i have anxiety and i talk a lot but like damn dude that's a lot uh so he just straight up ghosted you after like pretty much being your boyfriend damn bro i don't know if i could just cold ghost somebody like did you hear my voice right there i was like i don't know if i could just cold ghost somebody. I don't have it in me.

I'd at least write a note and be like, hey, it's not going like the way. But I mean, you're going to get so much backlash either way. You might as well just fucking dip. Like say it to her face. All right, you're going to get screamed at. Ghost her, you're going to get screamed at. I don't know, bro.

Pick your poison. But yeah, that's no real good way to do it. But I don't know if i could just go because you'd see him bro my dumb ass would see him at target the next day oh shit and then you're playing keep away in the target aisles i'd have to move to another country here we go let's get gone being rejected on national tv by a kid named peter park i wonder who that was oh shit fuck danny the stallion bro i wonder where he i can't i can't tell i can't tell where he was can you guys let me know i just can't figure it out being rejected on national tv by a kid named peter park kid so so underhanded oh shit the most miami voice message of all time being rejected on national tv by a kid named peter park kid bro god damn it dammit love you we're back let's keep going so you're probably looking for rejection scenarios when it comes

to like dating uh but this happened in regards to like the lunchroom cafeteria when I was 13 in middle school. There were round tables in the cafeteria. There were eight seats to a table and there were nine of us guys that like sitting at the same table together. And so the only way that we could apparently. Bro, you're thinking about that all day leading up to lunch. I hope I get a spot. gotta get there early he fairly decide who no longer sat at that table uh was to have like a survivor style vote off where we all wrote the name down of who we were voting off the table uh and everyone voted for me um and one guy uh got one vote.

Guess who that came from? Fuck you, Jesse. So, yeah, that's how that happened. Later. Dude, where did he sit, though? Oh, that sucks so bad. He had to sit by, like, the group two guys. It's just, like, a random squad. squad but if you don't have a good seat at

lunch and especially in high school you're so fucked you ever like get thrown into a weird lunch period and you're like these are none of my friends but one of them's kind of my friend that i spent the night at his house in like seventh grade but got in trouble at his house but like here we go here's fucking half a semester talking about zero, nothing with these people. I hate that so much. You want lunch to be over bad, bro. Bad. Eat your chicken, eat your chicken poppers, dip them in ranch and go the fuck up to channel one. Real ones know what channel one is actually just kids who went to poor high schools do just keep going okay probably the wildest way i've ever been rejected by a guy is i had been

kind of seeing um this guy for a couple of months hooking up with him whatever and i invited him out with me It's always hooking up whatever. And all of my friends and things like that at a bar. And he got there and he ended up flirting and talking to my best friend the entire night. And then I never really heard from him again. So obviously my friend did not go for him. from him again so obviously my friend did not go for him um but yeah definitely the wildest way to ever be rejected is to have the guy that you like start hitting on your best friend homie homie was this he didn't know how to tell you that he wasn't that serious about it and he might have not even

liked your friend that much but he was just trying to like under the table tell you that hey this shouldn't be a thing he's a bitch he should have just he should have just ghosted you through and through and not shown up. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, that sucks. That sucks. He fucked up. Oh, he made everything uncomfortable.

How long did you stay with him during that little going out shit? You just partied with him all night. At least you knew right then and there, though. least you knew i don't know bro i could never going out with your friend you're the girl you like and all our friends it's just always a disaster you're like don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up but when you're not with one of the girls and you're just like with a bunch a group of girls that you don't you don't have any ties with best night of your life dude best night of your life but when there's a girl there that like you're like uh you're always fucked oh shit you know what i'm talking about let's keep going i just imagine every one of these messages is going to be some thirst trap,

like, oh my God, I got rejected by this guy on TikTok who was on FBoy Island. And I'm just going to tell you that this is going to be another one of those messages. Whoops, sorry. But yeah, weird rejection scenario. whoops sorry but yeah weird rejection scenario I met a girl

on tinder and it honestly seemed to be going really well and there was a point where I thought of some video and like you're kind of going back and forth showing each other things that you think are funny and you like and all that and it happened to be on Facebook and she saw a mutual friend of ours and she got dead

silent. And I was like, oh yeah, last I knew, um, he had a girlfriend, which I'd never seen him have before. And I was kind of going on and on about it and it got more and more uncomfortable she was that girlfriend yeah that was very awkward and she left and they happened to be on Facebook and she saw a mutual friend of ours and she got dead silent

and I was like oh yeah last I knew he had a girlfriend which I'd never seen him have before and I was kind of going on and on about it and it got more and more uncomfortable. She was that girlfriend. Woo!

Yeah, that was very awkward. And she left soon afterwards. And I couldn't really recover. Side note, this was late 2019 and she must have gotten pretty bored during quarantine because she hit me up and let's just say... Shut up. There was no rejection this time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Fuck. My boy bounced back. Oh, dude, that's always the worst shit ever. I fell into that trap one time when you're like on. You're just hanging out with it. Dude, it's always fucked up. No matter what you can be the cleanest. Just whatever.

You're minding your own business. You're not doing anything on the low. Like you're just straight up being a good old fucking boy. And right when you get on your phone and you're starting to watch, like one time I was watching Tik TOKs with a girl, like something always happens. You don't even have to be talking to any other person in the world. At this point, a random ass person will text you some weird shit and you'll be like, oh fuck it. But anytime anyone texts me anything like,

I don't know, dude, I always think it's so weird. Or like my Tik TOK for you page will be like super fucked up. And she's just like, so this is what you watch all day. And I'm like, I mean,

I can't change your mind now. It's just like construction videos for four fucking hours. I mean, I can't change your mind now. It's just like construction videos for four fucking hours. Every scroll is another construction video. Just anything, bro. And she's like, just don't get on your phone in front of girls or anyone else, bro. Your phone is your personal. There's so much weird shit on my phone that I don't even think is weird anymore don't show your phone to anybody ever skip gun all right so seeing

this girl for like a month or two everything seemed cool we go to this like taco joint get seated at one of those like half chair half booth tables what are those so she sits in the booth first and your boy's big and kind of a bad back so i'm like fuck it i'll just sit next to her in the booth anyway a week later she hits me back with like some bs about an ex-boyfriend getting back in the picture find out about a month later through a mutual friend that she got spooked by me sitting on the same side of her like i was an apostle shut up like the last supper with jesus kind of shit anyway still beat fuck

still beat new merch coming out still beat who says still beat me from now on bro that's fun that was a good voice message i like sitting on the same side i don't give a fuck about like the you know how it's like people do that now and it's annoying like i just like sitting i don't like sitting right in front of somebody when i'm eating i'm like can you fucking move diagonal if there's four chairs at a table and you and your boys sit down to eat he should not sit right in front of you use the space and if it's a girl i don't really like sitting right in front of them either i'd rather sit like on the same side it just seems i don't know why it

seems more natural when i'm right in front of a girl, it's like too, uh, I'm like, is this a fucking business interview? Okay. Are you efficient in Excel and PowerPoint? She's like, uh, I just want to eat my fucking burrito. Sit on the same side. Who gives a shit? Am I an apostle?

Dude, if you, if whatever, bro, if she got spooked because you sat on the same side as her in a restaurant she just didn't like you dude she's just pulling some shit just to just to not talk to you anymore oh think of something think of something why didn't you like him why didn't you like him oh because he sat on the same side as me at outback steakhouse that's the sexiest shit i've ever heard still beat let's keep going okay so the wildest way i've ever been rejected was my ex of two years uh he dumped me over a text message number one but it doesn't end there um about a week or so later we were doing the like exchange of stuff thing and he wanted me to come over to get my stuff and to talk about it and whatever. Little did I know that he invited me to come over knowing I had a key to his house and called the police so that they would intercept me when I got there and tried to get them to like arrest me on like breaking and entering charges.

to like arrest me on like breaking and entering charges and i literally like showed the police my phone and the text between him and i and i'm like i have a key like i don't know what to say like he invited me here i'm so confused and then he locked the door in my face and continued to like write sad music about how hurt he was as a person so that's pretty bad dude what a bitch if a guy ever calls the cops on a girl a girl could fucking shoot me in the fucking calf i'd be like all right i'm gonna go inside now call the cops on a girl for what bro what a bitch uh breaking and entering dude anybody that gets a restraining order remember that girl in high school that used to be like i had to get a restraining order on him fuck that girl that girl had zero friends oh my god yeah and i had to get a restraining order on him

oh my god yeah and i had to get a restraining order on him it's always the girl that dated a guy from a school like in the county but it wasn't at the school you all went to it's like yeah i'm sure i literally have like a restraining or they couldn't wait to say a restraining order against him you're like okay don't want you in my group project because you're gonna be on the phone the whole time with the fucking police relationships and police i'm like shouldn't have dated just keep going all right dude man it's not how i got rejected but how i rejected someone. There you go. They asked me to fart in their face. Obviously, I didn't.

And I laughed. That's all. Peace and blessings. That was very nice and sweet. The whole thing. No one's ever said fart that fucking sweet. Anytime someone says fart, I'm like, ah. You know, I feel like I'm going to get in trouble somehow.

They said fart. It's just a hard word. It just doesn't sound great, but the way she said fart here didn't mind it. Alright, dude, man. It's not how I got rejected, but how I rejected someone. They asked me to fart in their face.

You couldn't even hear it. I didn't and i laughed that's all peace and blessings yeah that's gonna be a tough one i wonder if that was like a year in the relationship because you can't say no then well yeah you definitely can but it has to be a farty relationship i've never honestly i've never been in a farty relationship i don't think i like i think i've never farted in a relationship actually unless i was dead asleep that's why i don't really like sleeping next to girls too much dude i'm like i like it but at the same time i'm like what kind of information am i releasing i swear to god when i go to sleep i

could say anything i didn't really like the dress you wore like two weeks ago i could say that shit dude who knows i just said it because i said i liked it because i thought you're gonna be happy i could just say some shit i could i could fart in my sleep. Cuddling's great, but dude, who knows what I'm saying? And that's when girls are always the most awake, right before you go to sleep, dude. Girls are so damn tired all day, right before bed. Oh my God, okay, guess what?

I'm hungry. Let's fuck. Bro, but if she... If you win the fart war in a relationship, you kind of got the upper hand, dude. If your girl farts before you in a relationship, it's like... What's up? I know what I'm doing tonight anything i want why because you farted first i won

you win the fart bowl bro you win the fart card fart card i got the fart card activated not a lot of guys win that war bro but if you if you hold on if you fucking hold with all your might you'll you'll fight that battle and you're you'll win the fart do the fart with the upper hand i got the upper hand fellas if your girl farts before you bro you got it made for like 24 hours but you can't bring it up the second second you bring it up, you're fucked. Remember when you farted? She has a shotgun. Girls will deny that more than fucking anything, dude.

Girls will deny a fart harder than like a lie about anything, dude. Dude, the fart holds so much weight. You gotta have a real farty relationship that'd be like fart in my face and the girl would be like okay who can fart on command like that i'm kind of convinced girls can do that but i can't fart on command i gotta eat like if a girl was like fart in my face i'd be like you got a dozen eggs down there hey i'll take six scrambled cheese too that's fucked up let's keep going so the wildest way i have ever been rejected was my husband died so the universe basically told me to go fuck myself and there's cocomelon on in the background so this is my life

the fucking song in the back can we run that back this is top this is best voice message ever. What's your wildest rejection? Let's hear it. So the wildest way I have ever been rejected was my husband died. That's how you should be. The universe basically told me to go fuck myself. And there's Cocomelon on in the background. So this is my life. The happiest happiest worst voice message of all time dude if your husband dies or your wife dies just be cool about it like that like it's sad i know it's devastating but like she's being a good sport thank you can't relate,

but, uh, top one rejection, bro. Death. Holy shit. I don't know if this counts as getting rejected, but I watched a guy text his friend a safe word to get out of a hiking date back in college.

He was either profoundly unimpressed by me or didn't want to be there any longer. I don't know the reason because we actually never talked again after that. He didn't even wait for me to get back in step with him and left me behind on the trail. Oh, how could you? Once he got that call, he was gone. On a different note, I definitely tried to shoot my shot at you through one of our mutual comedian friends a few months ago. If you're interested in who I'm referring to, let me know. Fuck.

Wait, there's more. I totally forget what you're talking about, though. I just listened back to how I sound on that recording. And I hate the way my indiana accent comes out whenever i say the word fuck okay that's all love the podcast bye hey thanks bro but i could never just do that i couldn't do it i have to fake it bro you're so fake girls always say you're so fake when they don't get something their way. No, you just don't agree with me.

You're so fake. No. I'm just, I'm being the most real I've ever been in my life. Bro, when you, I would fake it, honestly. To be like respectful, I'd fake it. I don't know. Would you rather, I don't know don't know would you rather i don't know ladies would you rather have a guy like go to a restaurant he's not into you at all so he

just he's like fuck it i'm leaving like like dude did to shorty in the first away message or an away message i'm fucking old in the first voice message he was like yeah you looked a little bigger than i thought i'm out would you rather have that or like a guy like just like stick out the dinner? I would do that. I would push through the dinner and be like, all right, I had a good time. And then later on, I'd be like, I don't think we should see each other again. Just because I'm not into it. When did you stay with me the whole time at dinner?

I'm like, I don't know. It was part of the fucking plan. I'm not a quitter. Marries her. I don't know if I could walk away from a girl on a hike, though. Walk? Dude, imagine like you don't like a girl so bad you power walk away from her. Not even run. You don't get into full like gait. No strides. You're just like. You ever try to walk real fast bro that's so awkward

just ditching your girlfriend like she's fucking michael myers in the woods okay just a picture of a cat here's one just keep going what's up ben uh fuck so the wildest way i've been rejected i don't know if you did it already but this guy i was talking to we were having conversation or whatever and he was like i'm sorry but my boy wants you i can't take you from him and then i went to his boy and i was like i heard you want me like just let let me know he's like no what are you talking about my guy wants you and i'm like what so i talked to both of them they're like actually neither of us want you we just wanted to fuck guess the voice uh i mean that's bro at least these guys are letting you know at least it's not some fucker

that's just not gonna say it to your face yeah they just wanted to fuck i mean that's every guy they're every guy they're every guy they're every guy in the world uh do girls know that like off the get like out of the jump guys just want to and then things happen but like at the first they weren't lying to you they probably wanted a three-way. Just saying. Ha ha ha. Sike. Ben, all your shit's hilarious, man.

Keep up the good work. I love you. Love everything you do. So this isn't me getting rejected, but in college, this girl wanted to come back to the room, whatever. So I tried to stall and hang out with the roommates in the living room area. Then eventually we got to go back to the bedroom, whatever. So the whole time I'm thinking like there's got to be way out of this there's got to be way out of this there's got to be way out of this and so literally like I'm in there I'm like okay here it goes this is what I'm doing

I pick up the phone oh literally have a fake conversation with my mother for like 30 seconds 45 seconds oh that's skill dude fake. And I'm like, okay, I'll be there soon. And I shit you not, man. I turned around and said, Hey, it's three in the morning. Like, Hey, my grandmother's in the hospital. I got to go home, put my phone down and like, see you later. Walk to my car, walk straight back up to my room my grandmother was fine bro that's some g shit i just couldn't pull it off bro i would start laughing that's a lot dude imagine how bad you just aren't into the girl to have to fake your a death on a phone call i guess if it was like that i could pull it together for a 30 second fake phone call but But I would start doing some stupid shit.

I'd be like, grandma. I'd get her confused. I'd forget what I was saying halfway through. Oh my God. You're sick? Papa John's? Like I'd start doing some dumb ass shit. I don't know, dude.

I don't know if I... You got to do your research before you hang out with the girl though. Was it like a blind date? You just walk in there and you're like, know, dude. I don't know if I... You got to do your research before you hang out with the girl, though. Are you just like, was it like a blind date? You just walk in there and you're like, ugh, fuck. Grandma's not feeling too hot.

How about the fucking grandma card just always pulling you out of situations you don't want to be in? Dude, that's why you need to thank your grandparents and love them because they're getting you out of trouble and they don't even fucking know it, bro. The amount of times you told that my grandma died shit i've probably done it four times

if you go over four bro you better fucking watch your karma get your karma right four grandparents you got four free spaces four bi-weeks on the job school girlfriends and shit that's why you thank your grandparents all your life talk to your grandma on her birthday you better fucking do it bro because she's gonna come in handy one of these days bro that grandma death card holds some fucking weight let's keep going a guy told me that my butt was too big and that he only liked small bottomed women he was definitely foreign dude foreign people are so dead ass honest it's almost like uh it hurt it hurts your feelings because like foreign people don't know many words so they're just like cut and dry with fucking everything you are not funny i'm like oh shit uh all right well maybe next time dude foreign he had to be foreign i only like small bottom women i can just hear it

they're so direct i don't know bro i i wouldn't be if i didn't like a girl i would just say it wasn't for me i don't think i'd be that specific about it now you're like getting you're gonna you're gonna like ruin her brain just keep it vague Vague. Your butt's too big. When's that ever been like a bad thing? Ass too fat, shorty. Fuck. But I'm good. See you next time.

Skip God. So a coffee date, I guess that's what you got to do nowadays at my age. I was on a date with a nurse that worked in the hospital that I work in. She got called, or she said she got called into the OR for a cardiac arrest. Went back a day later, she didn't work there. So it was either I scared her away or the patient scared

her away. God rest that person's soul if so. But now that I think about it, it was probably me. Wait, wait, wait, what? Hold on. So a call if you did, I guess that's what you got to do nowadays at my age i was on a uh date with a nurse that worked in the hospital that i work in she got called or she said she got called into the or for a cardiac arrest went back a day later she didn't work there so it was either i scared her away or the patient scared her away god rest that person's

soul if so but now that i think about it it's probably me bro imagine not liking somebody so much you fucking quit your job i mean i bet that happens all the time to girls like if a guy's being weird and you work with them i would girls just fucking quit see ya because like what are you supposed to do do no i completely understand that bro actually i almost fucking did that do you ever hate somebody so much at your job you're like i quit you're so annoying that's everybody at every restaurant that's probably why people quit at restaurants so much because everybody that works at a restaurant is annoying as fuck i worked at a restaurant i know I'm one of the annoying. I'm the most annoying one, bro. It's all the same people that work at restaurants. A bunch of people that like

look decent and have like very outgoing personalities. Annoying. Dude, sometimes you can't handle it. You go in a restaurant and you work on a bad day where you're kind of in a bad mood, bro. You could lose your shit on somebody. That's why people quit so often. I quit. Dude, restaurants are insane. People crying and shit in different corners. In the freezer, just crying, screaming.

You know how many times I heard when I was at the... That's why I probably lost all my goddamn hair working with somebody that you can't stand dude i bet it happened like five times a night you work a saturday shift at a restaurant when it's like a kind of like popular place dude people will go in the walk-in freezer and just fucking... Okay. You need some ketchup? All right. Like, dude, it just... So I get it, bro.

She probably wasn't feeling you. But you didn't sound like you were too annoying. You thought I was feeling you? You a munch coffee date i don't know that coffee date had to go super wrong and she said she was cold on a coffee date what i don't know bro i don't know about that girl you're it's probably a good move she probably did you a favor by like never uh working with you again fucking hot coffee way too cold that's so weird girls are freezing as shit though so kind of

makes sense too so cold she quit her job i would do that you ever been so cold you quit too cold gotta quit one time i was recording the video and my hands were so cold i almost quit i like i i almost was like we gotta go home we gotta go home bro when my hands get cold i will fucking quit my job i'm done and come right back the next day. All right, fam. That's a holy shit. That's wildest rejections.

Thank you for your DM voice messages. We're going to have a hot one next week. Thanks for following along. Remember, join the Patreon. Get some merch at benedictmerch.com. Watch on YouTube. Listen to these guys follow on instagram and tiktok i love you guys for real thanks for rocking with me you guys mean the world mean that all right fam i'll see you next time