Espresso - worst dating app experience

Episode Date: February 10, 2021

FAM! TikTok celeb @LiamPineiro is in the studio this week! Ben and Liam go through the Fam's worst dating app experiences (like going on a date with a guy who dislocates his arm and screams bloody murder) they talk about being TikTok boys, their first ringtones, people that were in woodshop class at your high school, the rise in popularity of people pegging each other, learning how to kiss growing up, diaper fetishes, how Liam gained 53 pounds over quarantine LOL and Subway employees, they go #ViViViViral and do #DaysOfTheWeek but you already knew that 😎 𝘿𝙈 𝙤𝙧 𝙏𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝘼𝙉𝙔 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝘽𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙙 ! (@benedictpolizzi) →→→ 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲 & 𝗥𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄! 𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗕𝗲𝗻!: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

The Espresso Podcast is brought to you by Wave One Media. Four people have been shot here, but if you want to start your own show, visit dwaveone.com. And you can come in here and record your podcast. Location is to die for. Shut the fuck up. I love when songs on the internet sound like they have Muppets in them, you know? Better let it ride.

Oh, fuck. This really changed up. Yeah. Okay. Shot 145. Yeah. Espresso. Okay.

We live. I'm in the studio uh with liam pinero uh he went virals eminem on tiktok yeah not the green eminem but she is hot. Little bit, yeah. Not the yellow Eminem, he's kinda dumb as fuck. True. Little bit. True. That's a damn shame. But the thing is, the red Eminem and the green Eminem probably bang, yeah.

Eminem in the studio, let's go. Oh. It's your turn. My bad. Fasten the belay. I'm happy to be here. Don't hate. Don't hate.

Just masturbate. Yeah. Hey, Ben, can we, like, do this podcast, man? I didn't come here to be exploited. Okay, okay. Okay, dude. Just wanted to show off. That rap went pretty hard, man.

Red and green M&M, though, you think? Yeah, I was going to hop in, but I don't know what color they make when you mix them together. Red and green? Yeah. Is it purple? Was that on the art quiz in fifth grade? We'll get back to you. I don't know.

The only colors I know that mix together are... Blue and yellow is green, right? I didn't even know that one, though. I was like, it is... What is it? Red and green make what? If they make yellow, wow, that's their kid. That dumbass yellow M&M's their kid.

That's Patrick Star of M&M's. He's so dumb in every fucking commercial. They do make yellow. I'm going to throw up. Dude, the blue M&M was crispy. Remember that? Which M&M was I? Because you canceled out all the colors.

Was I the brown M&M? You're like the M&M, dude. That was like the thing. I'm Marshall Mathers. It. That was the most unexpected thing, man. Oh, by the way, EspressoShot145, I'm Ben Pulitzer. We've got Liam Panero in the studio.

Howdy, y'all. Howdy, y'all. Happy to be here. I've been pretending to listen to this podcast for so damn long. I know, dude. It's crazy to actually be here. I know. You're always like, bro, I listen to your podcast, and you say something from like Shot

13. I'm like, all right. What were you about to say, though? You were about to say something from like shot 13 i'm like all right what were you about to say though you're about to say something that's not true man i've been listening i've been listening since you've moved here since we started talking shop yeah i hide outside and i just i just watch from the parking lot across the street no this is nice though man i i because i've been here since shot one yeah you have you know that yeah you've been riding with shot one. Yeah, you have. You know that? Yeah. You've been riding with it, dude. I've been just letting it ride.

I've been here, man. Our producer at the beginning of the show, Wyatt, said let it ride when I was about to play a song. And now he thinks he's fucking 50 Cent or something. Now he thinks he's Dr. Dre. Wyatt don't even know where Brothers is at, man. No shit. Come on, brother. Let's talk shop, man.

Let's talk shop. What's up, dude? What's up? Did you watch the Super Bowl? I did watch the Super Bowl, actually. I watched the Super Bowl because my favorite player of all time was playing in the Super Bowl. Rob Gronkowski. Who I think is just like us, man.

Just a big, brainless, but fun. I thought you were about to say your favorite player was Tom Brady. i was gonna throw a fun guy no no but i i can't what is your favorite player was tom brady my brother's favorite player is shut up favorite team is but and i'm i'm a giants fan so the giants why are you a giant fan i was born in new york no that's a lie dude you've been telling people that your whole fucking life. Why would I choose to love such a horrible, horrible team? Just because you're from New York. So you admit it.

You got to sell it. No, I was... So you admit it. It was the least surprising thing to hear that you did not watch the Super Bowl. Then I don't... I just want to know what you do. I want to like... Nothing, dude. If i could hire a private investigator to follow anybody in the world it would be you i think what does he do all day

nothing man you don't know about movies nothing you don't dude you don't know the current events what's the last scene like like eight crazy nights in like 1998. The last movie you saw was Emperor's New Groove. Goose goes poison. You saw eight crazy nights? No. You want to know what one of my favorite movies is for real though? Prince of Egypt. Have you seen that?

That movie bangs, dude. I would cry now. I want to flex something real quick you've seen a crazy nights yeah but when i see movies i like completely forget about them you remember the old the old man character whitey yes this gets fucking brought up every single shot why what you can do some ways that's what happens when you hit the battle, pal. Fall asleep in Dukesberry, wake up in Pukesberry. Why is he... Pukesberry.

What is this? Is that really the fucking... That's him. The movie cover? That's a technical foul. That's the song. You remember that song? No. Dude, it's the oldest movie ever. I don't remember anything from it. I play the song. I used to... Let it's the oldest movie ever i don't remember anything from

it i play the song let it ride technical foul let it ride what song is it i've been uh go on youtube and then type in uh eight crazy nights technical foul that's a technical foul you're gonna be like wow why are you kind of good? Yeah, dude. Why don't you just sing it? Before Eminem, that was my only impression. He was whitey. Yeah. By the way, though, Liam is famous on TikTok for rapping like Eminem.

About dumb shit. What was your most recent one, dude? It was today. What'd you do? Let's see if it's popping. I congratulated Tom Brady. I was going to congratulate whoever won the Super Bowl. And so, of course, I had to hit up Tom Brady and congratulate the boy.

But I posted that, like, probably three hours ago. How's it doing? Oh, my God. Hey, it's doing all right. That's cool. What's it like? Like, how come some of yourinem impersonations go off and some like don't as much i really don't know it's uh hey it's the algorithm

when you post bro don't post my nine they go off don't ask me dude you're the one that's got half a million followers on that joint it's weird on tikt On TikTok. The weirdest videos do well. Yeah. You had one of the most viral videos I've ever seen. 34 million views. And then they took the audio off of it so now it just makes zero sense.

Yeah, when people watch it, they're like... Sticking your foot in the damn freezer. Like, what's going on? You know how many times I had to try to do that? Am I on the right website? What was that audio?

I don't know. You want to watch it? Yeah. After Technical Foul. Jesus Christ. After we let Technical Foul ride. Oh, is it ready? Because I want you to hear how good I am at being whitey.

I know. I know you're pretty good. I can hear it. Watch this. You're coming from the street with dirty shoes on your feet. That's a Technical Foul. That's a Technical Foul. Watch this. You're actually better than that. After using the refrigerator, it's a technical foul. A technical foul.

You wouldn't know this song, dude. Turn this shit off. Let this ride. I told you. You wouldn't know every fucking word for that. And you're better at singing that than him. You're like putting some flavor on it. You're like foul.

I had to get the little gravelly bit in there. it's a technique yeah but that's adam sandler too i don't know if you knew that oh yeah adam sandler plays himself of course and then he plays whitey and i think he plays whitey's wife as well also do you like how in every adam sandler movie he's like got like a super hot wife and he he's so good at basketball or something. He saves the day in some way. I love Adam Sandler movies. Don't get me wrong. I just think it's funny because you can tell he's pulling the strings.

He's like, yeah. I wonder how this one's going to end. Adam Sandler, his character's down and out in the middle of this movie. I wonder if he's going to turn things around. Oh, shit. Every single movie. I haven't seen Click, to turn things around. Oh, shit. Every single movie. I haven't seen Click, though. You've seen Click?

Yeah, yeah. Everybody's like, don't watch it. You'll cry. Click reminded me of... I was like, I'll just fast forward through it. I'll go to the chest. I cry anyway every night. No, Click reminded me of back when you'd be in school

and you'd be like, man, i wish i could just freeze time right now i would make out with somebody that's all i think yeah i'd be in math class and i'd be like dude my math teacher is so hot i wish i could just freeze time and just dude i always wanted to freeze time pull down my math teacher's pants and slap his ass not even we just did the same i can say walk over to him and just Then you press play again his ass is out And it's red as fuck and the whole class is like What God what happened

Your hands like pulsing I don't know what happened That's all I would do if I froze time If you could freeze time once what would you do Smack my math teacher's ass You wouldn't like rob a bank or anything Not that i would yeah you wouldn't like shoot somebody there's some things that are worth more shut the fuck ben um what were we gonna oh the tiktok i don't really want to look up that tiktok it's gonna take too long yeah but what was that okay ben went ben went

viral ben went viral viral can you go on my Instagram? Like, Ben went so viral with that TikTok. It was weird. You gained probably 300,000 followers. Yeah. And, like, probably, like, what? Like, a week? Because I know.

Well, one of the meme accounts reposted. Go down. Go way down. It was, like, last year at this time. Keep going down. Keep going down. Guys after haircuts. That's a technical foul.

It's going to be in my song until fucking Easter. Guys after weddings. Keep going. You got so many bangers, man. Look at you looking like Lincoln Burroughs after the haircut, dude. Did you know who that was when I commented that? Everybody agreed with me.

When you got your haircut, you looked like Link in Worlds. Oh, G.I. No. G.I. No. Keep going down. Keep going down. Keep going. Damn, this sucks.

You do have bangers, dude. Keep going down. Keep going down. Wait, he's on your Insta? Yeah. Okay. But on my TikTok, it doesn't have any sound.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Here we go. Right there. With the ice tray to the right. There it is. Here. That's it. This one popped. I don't know't know why popping like that bicep muscle in the thumbnail jesus i'll play the audio oh it's the yeah yeah okay no i remember i just really think it just happened because my feet were in it did you yeah it's good did you know i speak french shut up yeah. Yeah, I don't. But.

You took French in high school, though. Oui, oui. I didn't. What'd you take? I took Spanish, and the Spanish teacher was, like, pretty good friends with my mom, so I didn't have to do shit. I wish I would have, actually. That's my biggest regret in life, man. Not taking French?

It's nice to know. No, but it's. Not freezing time and snacking. It's nice to know a foreign language, dude. Nice to, nice to know ya. Let's do it again. We do it in a one night stand. Hey, what was your first ringtone?

I was thinking about this the other day. I wanted to tweet it, but I was like, damn, does anybody remember? No, I do. I think it was a Linkin Park song. Shut up, dude. Because in the end, it doesn't even matter. Hello? Hey, this is Liam.

Oh, hi, baby. It's your girlfriend. Also, another thing is I'm... Dude, what? What song was it? I don't know. That's what I was trying to think. Yes, you do.

Hey, mine was... My first ringtone was Lean Back by Fat Joe. Fat Joseph. Look it up real quick. Large Joseph. Let it ride real quick. Let it ride real quick. He goes, I don't know what that is.

Yeah, because it came out in 1994 when the first cell phone came out. Fat Joe. Fat Joe. This sucks that you have no clue what this is. Fat Joe couldn't exist in 2020. He'd be like, what? Brave Joe? We're going to get hit with that copyright.

Body positive Joe. Just play like, how many seconds can you play until? Zero. Shut up, dude. Zero. We played all those videos. Type in royalty free Fat Joe beat. Fat Joe type beat.

Type beat, yeah. What'd you say royalty no you go you go what do you type in what keywords do you use for the for the intros on your podcast you go royalty free chill beat why does every royalty free song just sound like complete shit like you're a sixth grade music teacher. It's not like a rehab commercial background. It's the guy like walking up to his ankles in the ocean and that's playing in the background. I don't drink anymore. It's always with like the most wrong instruments that they try to recreate the song with.

Just jam everything together. Like why'd you just do that rap song with a saxophone? What was your first phone though? Dude. Okay. Type in sprint flip phones real quick Wyatt I had a T-Mobile I had a sidekick

No, my first phone ever was called a K9 Yeah That's a dog Yeah Then I had the sidekick Then I had the Razor Oh, that one right there To the right, to the right, to the right, to the right.

One more. Dude, that was my first phone. Why did it fucking bang, though? I bet that was my first phone. You could change the outside edge of it. You could make it red. Shit was hard, dude. I was walking around with it at the OLG Fest.

Call me. Cargo Fest. Call me. Cargo shorts. Call me only after 9.30, though, because that's when my minutes are free. That's when my minutes are free, yo. But don't be talking loud. My mom will come in. Your mom probably was on your ass. Dude, yeah.

If I got in trouble today, my mom would take my phone. I've been trying to call you, bro. I got important stuff. Oh, sorry. I crossed the street Without looking both ways My dad took my phone I had six coffees today My mom was pissed

How many coffees You drink every day Six coffees My mom was impressed Hey you know I don't like coffee Did you know that Shut up

I swear I've never tried Ice coffee though I feel like I might like that Why don't you like coffee I don't know No one really likes coffee. They just drink it because it does something to you.

Hot bean water. And then you just get used to it. Like nobody likes alcohol, but you drink it because... I don't need coffee. That's why I just do coke. Diet. Zero. I do zero coke. Disclaimer.

Shut up. I've never even tried. There's so many people that do zero coke. Disclaimer, disclaimer. Coke zero. Shut up. I've never even tried. I feel like there's so many people that do hard drugs, and I've never even tried those. I can't believe it, dude. They're like, why does everybody do coke? And they got like the cute little names like, oh, you want to go do a bag? No. I mean, no judge.

I don't even know the like slang terms for it. I mean, there's like bag. There's not a bag. There's a ball. You know all that shit because you rode the bus. Did you ride the bus? I didn't even know the slang terms for it. I mean, there's bag, there's bag, there's ball. You know all that shit because you rode the bus. Did you ride the bus? I didn't ride the bus. My mom used to work at the school, so she'd drive me to school.

Yeah. Dude, I pissed myself in school once. Kids that rode the bus. I pissed myself in khaki pants in school, and my mom worked in the office. So I had to try to like, I had to like sneak down the hall facing the wall with piss pants yes with his khakis there's like it's like highlighter yeah you're walking i was like crab walking against the wall like trying to get to the office and then when i got to the corner trying to find like studs or i was like i was like this

i was like waving my arm yelling for my mom and then she's like what are you doing why'd you piss your pants dude i pissed myself in school three times i pissed college i pissed myself in school three times and one time like why though because you just like couldn't make it to the bathroom or like i have this weird thing about using time test i don't like using public restrooms. Really? Yeah. Dude, I like them more than my own. You probably sit in a public toilet like you sit on this chair. Dude, I go downstairs to Starbucks and do shit. Ben's got his feet on it.

Do you know what? You don't know this. I know you don't know this. What? Do you know what the proper form for crapping is? I'm serious. It's the way I sit. It's basically the way you shit.

Like a catcher squad. Yes, yes. Why is that like healthy? That is the proper way to do it. For those of you at home that don't know, Google proper pooping, shitting, crapping, defecating position, and you will see. Dude, one time I couldn't.

It's a squat. I had to crap before school. And my mom, I was like, couldn't do it. And she's like, are you okay? And I was like, I can't do it. And she goes, put your knees up. She said that. And I was like, couldn't do it. And she's like, are you okay? And I was like, I can't do it. And she goes, put your knees up. She said that. And I was like, what the fuck is she talking about?

It's something about how, you know, I don't want to get too graphic because I know you probably got a lot of ladies listening to this. Yeah, that's why it's like the squatty potty. Oh, please. What is your demographic? Do you know? It's like 45-year-old moms. It really is.

The ones that areet you on Instagram with the flames in their eyes filter, black and white, with a country song playing in the background. Any girl that was in woodshop class. That's my demographic, dude. Fl every tiktok duet is that woman i can't imagine but that is my demo yeah your uh your comments and your dms must be crazy dude on tiktok yeah do you get more uh do you honestly get more uh more shit on on uh instagram or tiktok because i know you obviously have more followers on tiktok but you're you you are i think all day yeah you're on instagram all day people might feel like they have a better way of you know getting in contact with you via instagram dude tiktok you're like oh he's famous

people really think that on yeah yeah i'm like dude also you like how i just completely copied you with the yellow background yeah i saw i was like god damn man well i saw it it's a cartoon i saw you did it and then i saw another person that did yeah i saw that guy too i was like fuck you and i was like i'm not gonna lie both of these really caught my eye motherfucker doesn't own the color yellow i'm doing this shit hopped on photoshop yellow background dude i feel like it looks stupid now for me because my cartoon i feel like it looks i mean no cartoon's good yeah cartoon's good but i photoshopped it wrong so if you actually zoom in on it i have one arm in that in that i need to get in that creator phone i still still haven't do that. You still haven't?

You said you did it, you lying bitch. I tried to do it to get in the creator fund on TikTok. It's like a way to get paid for your TikTok videos or something. And I went to the website and, you know, like the coding was off on the website because I didn't have Wi-Fi. So it was like the weirdest website layout. And I was like, fuck this. I'm not doing this.

I literally told Ben, Ben, there is a thing on TikTok. Because we're both TikTok boys. We're both e-boys. We pop off on the top. I told him, I was like, there's something called the creator fund, which is basically a way to get paid for posting, as you would post anyways. So what it is, you get paid per like and per view

and everything like that. And he's like, oh, dude, that's awesome. I got to join that and i'm like he's not gonna join it so i tell him how to do it and i'm like he's still not gonna join it i send ben a tutorial on how to join the creator fund with a screen recording of me doing it on my phone and he's like dude i'm gonna do that right now the whole time you're on the phone man sounds good bro still hasn't done it i'll do it for you after this dude it literally takes four seconds and you make money dude you know if you get a if you get a video with a million views it's probably like i don't know like a hundred bucks are you serious probably i thought you had like like pair up with brands and do like corny ass videos about like thermoses and shit

that's face that's that No, that's Facebook. That's TikTok creator marketplace. Okay, okay. You gotta hop on the TikTok creator fund. I'll walk you through it. I'll walk you through it because I know you ain't gonna do it. Holy shit.

Yeah. Alright. You want to go to the question of the week? Let's go. The espresso. Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick. Question of the week. Question of the week. It was, what was your worst dating app experience?

Have you been on a dating app? You so have. Yeah. You too? No, I was going to trip her hand. Wow. Everybody thinks I'm like such a ho. A little bit.

No, man, I'm loyal. I got, yeah, I mean, obviously the stories with Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, but like. What dating app did you have? At some point, I had them all. Dude. But don't dude me. And I already know what your weirdest story is going to be. Oh, somebody used my picture.

You know what I hate? You know what your weirdest story is going to be oh somebody used my picture you know what i hate you know what i hate i hate when people post it and act like they are so scared and taken aback they're like you're just doing it to flex that somebody like i get like to get the account taken down you know what i mean but when they do the screenshot and they're like my my snapchat catfish was saying weird shit no no that's what i'm saying that's what i'm saying i'm like i get it if they're like... But my Snapchat catfish was saying weird shit to her. No, no, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I'm like, I get it if they're like hitting people up and like you want to get the account taken down. Yes. Yeah, but when it's like an Instagram page

with like 14 of your photos that they stole, they're like, yo, this is me. You're like, yo, this is so creepy. Yo, I can't believe somebody... I can't believe I'm this hot that they fucking copied me. Why would somebody use my picture? I can't imagine why they would do that. I know.

Am I like hot? Yeah, you're hot. I don't have any weird dating apps. The weirdest thing is probably... Did you actually meet anybody cool on there? I never met anyone. I never met up with anyone from any of those things.

I don't hang out with friends, let alone randoms on fucking Tinder. It's weird how I even got... Some people get on Tinder and just use it for friends yeah yeah what is that yeah and i was like they're like not trying to do anything i'm trying to just looking for friends say well hop your ass on christian mingle get a personality what no the weirdest thing that ever happened to me in that is probably how i got with my current girlfriend now, which wasn't from a dating app. It was just from Snapchat, which is basically the horniest place in the world.

Dude, it is. Or TikTok. Which one? Bro, I know. Probably the one we're both on and really trying to pop off on. We're trying to pop off on the creepiest app. Composed of prepubescent children. Pubescent.

Say a worse word. No, listen. Yeah, I know. Pubescent. Say a worse word. No, listen. Yeah, I know. Pubescent. I know. Pubic hair. Is there a worse two words? I regret it as soon as I went to say it.

But no, my girlfriend now, I was swiping up on all of her stories and she just wasn't responding. And I was like, what the fuck? I was like, hey. And I was like, well, this is bullshit. So I kept trying, dude. I'm like, fuck this.

So I was trying to get... She was just ignoring you? Yeah. I came to find out later that it was because she had a boyfriend. So I was like, all right, good to know. But I didn't know. So I just kept trying to slide in and get creative with it and shit. And then eventually...

She dumped a boyfriend for you? I don't want to say that. Because she didn't talk to me at all until after that shit was already broken off so i don't why are you flipping off the camera am i i'm not fuck off no but it's like my my uh my experiences with dating apps are really lackluster dude like i i didn't have any sort of it just pulls all the all the like boring people together because i yeah because i like i didn't do anything with him you know what i mean like i just like cool yep cool yep cool yep man like i didn't even like i i would

like just not even talk to people even if i match them i'm like why do i even have this i'm like i'm like why why i haven't seen my best friend in three months why do i have this you got a pizza bro bring that in here dog his iris was it a pizza i hope so what's in the box what's your craziest dating you're dating dude i've never had a dating app are you serious i swear to god why i don't know i just didn't i'm like whatever i wasn't in the. I don't need a dating app. I don't need one, dude. Yeah, but you... I use IG DMs.

Yeah. So what's up with that? What? Your DMs are probably flooded. Just with dumbass responses to questions. I don't get any real DMs. What do you got here? Here we got...

Here we got my life. Azla said, her weirdest dating app experience. I went on a date with a guy from Tinder and he ended up dislocating his arm and screaming bloody murder. What do you want for an appetizer? Before he went on the date,

his roommates were like, break a leg, man. He come back with a broken arm. They're like, that's not what we meant, dude. Break a leg out there, bro. Gotcha. Comes back.

What the fuck? Anybody order pizza? We'll take it. Wow, that pizza got really... He really fucking listened to us. Come in here, bro. Give us that pizza. He's like...

If we go out, the door's shattered. The glass door's just all on the floor. Yeah. We're like, oh my God, he got shot, but it was a pepperoni on him. Shut up. Ooh, dude. Hold on, let me finish this.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The most ADD podcast. Dude, I know. We should have started this with disclaimer. You got a point in Everybody knows yeah, probably like if you want to know it's like a paper listen this long don't it's Start this no like all right. I want a day with I want a day with a guy from Tanner you up dislocating his arm and screaming bloody murder so I had to drive

his stick shift car to the hospital I don't know how to drive stick and I was stuck in the ER for hours till he got it put back in the place that is so fried second date DJ had to drive a stick.

Oh, jeez. Yeah, right? I was going to say, that's probably his new pickup line. Hey, you know how to drive a stick? I'll teach you how to drive a stick. Well, I don't know how to drive a manual, but I can work a stick. That's her fucking Tinder bio now. Fifth gear.

And then it's like parentheses, ask me about the story. For part two. I hate those TikToks. Like for part two i'm like god damn it i don't even know this guy's username yeah and i'm not gonna follow and if i like it's gonna get buried in my likes before i can fucking check back before i can circle back yeah anyway though uh who has a stick shift you always got that weird friend who has a stick shift car. Did your dad ever have a stick shift? Your dad seems like just like a walking stick shift guy.

No, dude. Really? My mom would have a stick shift. My dad and mom. She's like, oh, it's $200 cheaper? I got to get a stick shift. I'm like, mom, just pay the fucking $200 so I can steal your car and go to Circle K gas station. Or Greenwood Park Mall.

Yeah, no shit. Mazda Miata. Been showered today. I got to jump in the fountain, huh? Hey, that'd be clutch. Come out with some pennies. Shut up. Come out with some pennies.

What else you got in the old DM, Jenny boy? What else? That was actually a pretty good one. That is. That's pretty good. It's going to be hard to beat. All right, here we go. Travis Corbin.

Weirdest dating app experience. I met this girl on bumble she seemed chill we went to bakersfield and have a had a couple of drinks is this me she told me her roommates hated her because she kept inviting her ex over and other guys why would you ever say that she then told me she wanted to fuck me on their couch to make them jealous so i was like cool dude this is such a dating app story we got to my car and she said it was faded by the stars we met and asked if she could peg me. Are you serious? It's fate that I fuck your ass tonight. The stars are aligned. That should be... I said no.

Okay, oh yeah. She then asked if I would watch her peg her ex. I said no. She wouldn't get out of my car. Stick shift car. She wouldn't get out of my stick. That's fucked. That's a fried story.

Look at his picture. Look at his profile picture. Yeah, he's not getting pegged. Hell no. Can't see that shit. What's with the sudden, like, meteoric rise to... I'd peg him. 10 out of 10. that shit. What's with the sudden like meteoric rise to... I'd peg him. 10 out of 10. Wood peg.

Wood peg. What's a... It's like a pirate leg. I always think about that. Are you trying to get pegged? If not, you gotta walk the plank. No, what's with the all of a sudden like the popularity of pegging? You gotta get on the the plank. No, what's with the all of a sudden like the popularity pegging?

You got to get on the poop deck. Oh, true. The popularity of pegging. I don't know. I've been hearing a lot. Pegging and coke is all I hear about now. I'm like, damn, dude. Holy shit.

I'm missing out on both too. And if I had to try one, I think it'd be the pegging. No shit. Yeah. Yeah, coke, you know. I'm pegging you today. One ruins your nasal lining. Show up dressed as a pirate. One ruins your nasal lining. Show up dressed as a pirate.

One ruins your anal lining. Back with the pizza. Jesus Christ. Can't tell if he can't find the address. Yeah. Do you do like Uber Eats and DoorDash and shit or no? You don't know how to work the app? No.

I don't even use regular Uber, dude. I just walk everywhere. Yeah, but you're in a good spot for that. You're in a good spot for that. I've never used Uber Eats. Yeah, it's good, dude. Fucking $30 delivery fee on that shit. You do?

You get an $8 sandwich, and it ends up being like $20. Have you done it before? I'm hammered, yeah. It's your weirdest food ordering delivery service experience. Not dating apps. You know the ones where you've probably seen shit like this happen happens more you think because now i gotta take photos of it when they drop it off so sometimes you're like in the door and shit or like to make sure that they because a lot of people are

like trying to scam people and they're like oh i never got my food but they did so they get like a credit or whatever so now the services make the drivers like take photos of it and shit to prove that it was actually delivered. Dude, the people that drive for DoorDash are the worst people. Why are they all horrible? I'm like, damn, dog, be more rude. I'm not even hungry anymore. Look at our legs. We're just letting it ride.

You can't see them, but they're just like our toes are like. We're holding feet. Bro, that's another TikTok I saw. A couple that like plastered their... They stuck their feet. They interlocked their toes and stuck their feet in like a little plaster thing. And then they turn it into a centerpiece for their table. It was that Andreas Lopez and Hannah Stock.

You don't know who this fucking... You don't know this shit. I don't even know why I'm saying this shit. But what'd they do? Look it up real quick. Yo, Wyatt, can you type in Andreas Lopez... Royalty-free chill beat. O-N-D-R-E-A-Z.

Yeah, and then Hannah Stocking. How do you know these people, bro? Feet. Damn, you can't type for shit. I can't either either to be fair did you take time i type with i type with two fingers how does my dad this guy's this guy with the pizza the pressy crab feet what is he what he's doing he and he's a uber yeah no that's not it click images real quick it was a tiktok but there's no way

you'd find it if you just went on to their uh thing was it not a recent tiktok i can go to it was probably like months but type in tiktok up there but she no she deleted all her tiktoks and instagram posts with him because he's allegedly talking to a 14 year old so they broke up and uh yeah now there's there's no trace of him on her page. But yeah, I'll find it and I'll show your ass. But it's like, yeah, there's like, you've probably seen it done with a hand, right? Yeah, yeah. They just did it with their feet to be quirky, you know? Be quirky.

Zany. Zany. Zany TikToks. That's me. Here we go. Oliver who? Ooh. Weirdest or worst dating app experience.

Started talking to this dude on Bumble. He seemed nice. We met out at a bowling alley, and immediately I knew he wasn't for me. That's like every Bumble story I've ever heard. Like, you seem good. Then I saw him. Horrible. He tried hard to keep his mouth closed at all times,

and I soon discovered his teeth were, like, rotting out keep his mouth closed at all times And I soon discovered his teeth were like Rotting out of his mouth I had to pretend I didn't notice The whole time we bowled He tried to kiss me when I hugged him goodbye And I dodged the fuck out of it And got out Then made up excuses about why I couldn't go out

With him again until he stopped trying I just couldn't do it and felt mean Damn well I mean I can't say I don't understand. Why would he try to, like, can he? Didn't have eyes either. You're stupid. Why would he try to fucking kiss her?

My teeth are fucked. Let's French. What a weird concept that is to begin with. But then we just talk about that for fucking 40 minutes, so we won't get into that. French kissing? Yeah. Who thought of everything that we do on a day french kissing kissing in general every time i think about it i'm like that's weird

it is yeah you know nobody ever taught you how to kiss how'd you learn how to kiss you look it up on google i did you open for that dude mich. Michael Blah. Trevor and Michael. Michael has a video on YouTube teaching how to kiss. Nuh-uh. I swear to God. I swear to God. He does a whole thing. It's so fucking funny. It's worth it.

Michael who? Blaustein. That's a joke I do. How do you spell that? B-L-A-U-S-T-E-I-N. B-L-A-U-S-T-E-I-N. B-L-A-U-S-T-E-I-N. I forgot you only type with two fingers. I'll tell you the rest in 10 minutes. T-E-I-N. Yeah, something like that is fine. Kiss. Kissing. Boom. And they do it. They do different ones. They're like how to do a sultry kiss. Yeah. Yeah. It's a minute? Dude. It's an hour.

Okay, the one I, there you go, there's one. This one right here? There's one, yeah. Motherfuckers gotta learn, man. I used to practice on my hand like this. Digest, this is crazy. When did this come out? This is old, I think.

Oh. Let it ride. How to kiss harder. Sometimes all this like namby-pamby, like, I want to kiss you real soft, girl, like we making love. Okay, really, no. It's not that kind of hookup. Sometimes you just want to, like, you want to go for it.

And you want, you just want to, like, eat someone alive. Sometimes you're on, like, a dock of a bay. And sometimes you just want to go at it. You want to go at it. You want a great white. God, he wants to kiss so bad. Not just like tiny little. Look how bad he wants to kiss in this video, bro.

He's so close. So. Oh! I have said this over and over again, but let the man take the lead when it comes to kissing. If you want a guy to kiss you hard, you don't have to be like tongue in mouth. You want to give him cues that is going to make him step up his kissing game. Michael Blastine's funny, dude. To give you what you don't have to be like tongue and mouth you want to give him cues that is going to make him step up his kissing game to give you what you want because that's kind of the theme of a relationship you don't want to like come out and tell a man what you want i want you to buy

me a present harry skip there you want to do subtle do they make out or not that's what i want to say they do snake like you i just want to watch them make it. I mean, what? I watched one video of that. All right, that's cool. That's cool. Great white shark. Oh! Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba! Houston, we have tongue.

Isn't it weird? Do you still, like, feel awkward? Like, look at his face right after. That's every guy's face after they kiss. They're like... They look kind of tired after. You're going to look at him the same. You're never going to look at him the same.

I told you. Yeah, I used to kiss my shower wall to practice. It was wet. Nobody was in there. I mean, growing up, I had five siblings. My sister was cool enough to let me help. She practiced with me. Hey, come here, babe.

I don't want to have to dinner table. I can make that joke because I don't even have a sister. If I did, it'd be weird. No, I used to use my hand. Look at it. Like this. Yeah, that is nice. Shut up.

You do that? You just... You're like... Is your... I'm a bottom... I'm... I go for the... It goes in the bottom. I go for the... I go for the...

It goes in the middle. I go for... Yeah, that's the movie kiss we've all seen. The first time I saw somebody kiss like that on a movie, I was like,

what the fuck? That's how you're supposed to do it? I went into it with too much of like a scientific approach. I'm like, all right, so it's got to be...

But when you do it, man... I used to kiss hard AF, dude. I mean, like, it's like when you've done it as much as me. Shit, you just know how. You just learn the trick trick I should be in this video what the fuck is this had a kid was the most woodshop kids class of all time. I liked it. They were like country rap. Crap.

Yeah. What'd they say, dude? They're like, oh, we host the country rap awards and Liam goes to the crap awards? They were like, I'm gonna fucking kill this guy with a fucking... With a circular saw. Up next on Woodshop Kids.

Want to be the first motherfucker to die in here? Everybody. Come to Wave 1 and do a podcast. Just playing. No, you can't beat this place for real, though. Look at this fucking glass facade. I love this place, low-key nobody has a podcast set up like this with the windows yes on pizza guys yes like yo man and car we can watch cars

blow up inside dude what would you do if like you saw somebody getting mugged on the sidewalk in here would you yell at him to stop through the mic or would you like run out there or would you just i would just like announce it Now he's going for the purse. He's headed down the road. He's at the family. He's in the getaway car. With the ladies crying. Now we'll teach you how to kiss.

Now let's talk about kissing. Okay. Guy across the street's like, what? I like this podcast. Subscribe. Rate. Review.

All right, here we go. Let me hear it. Let me hear some more. We'll do two more. Alright. Dating app stories. Dating app nightmares. Welcome back. Welcome. Dre

2006. What up, Dre? Worst dating app experience. Way, way, way back in the day before I ever met my partner. Wow, partner. Vague. I like it. Suspenseful.

I was on a dating app and someone hit me up to ask me if I would do diaper play with him. Dude, what are people into? Is anybody just into normal shit? Don't act like you've never... Done diaper play?

Walk around the house like... Mama! Walk around the house like tommy pickles i just i i turned the rugrats theme song on and just started making out with the girls fucking i got a fucking screwdriver in my diaper you got a fucking fake dick peg ready to peg somebody in a diaper fucking guy actually shits in it how does diaper play even work i'm gonna google that when i go home that's my homework i'm gonna google that pampers don't my naive self didn't know

what that was diaper play right basically he wanted to dress up as a baby and have me pretend to be a babysitter or something. That's a hard pass. Look at this, bro. Top left. Go up. Go up. Yeah, there you go. This is so stupid, bro.

That's me right now under this fucking... I do that every night. Every night before I go to bed Is that you? With the pacifier and that's me That's me tonight That is me bro He puts a little peanut butter on the pacifier That's me

That's me Holy shit Oh my god Diaper boy That's me in my Blow. Diaper Boy. That's me in my first movie. Diaper Boy. The Adventures of Diaper Boy.

You get like a casting email. We got a superhero role for you. We got a perfect cast for you. You're like, yes. We've seen your body type. You seem to fit the mold. We got a superhero role. It's called for you. Diaper Boy.

superhero. It's called Diaper Boy. We're already renewed for a sequel, so if you want to, we're going to call it Diaper Boy number two. Coming this summer. It's an Avenger, dude. Diaper Boy. No mistakes. Diaper Boy, no mistakes. And if you do make

one, you'll be fine. mistakes. Type her, boy. No mistakes. And if you do make one, you'll be fine. Holy shit. Number two, bro. Yeah. Alright, last one. Jordan John. Went on a date a few years

ago. Was going out. Was going good until the end of the night. Worst dating app experience. Near the end of dinner, she said, when it's time for their dogs to be put down, she told me that her parents dig a hole and take the dog out back, old Yeller style. This is after the fact.

She knew I had two dogs. Let's say date ended and we never spoke again. Nothing like making things super awkward. You got people that just... Picture this guy's profile picture as a dog. You got people who just don't know what not to say. How was that first date dinner talk?

Hey, when we put my dogs down... What's your favorite color? How do you put your dogs down? We wave one my dog in the backyard. Shut up. What's your favorite color? How do you put your dogs down? We wave one my dog in the backyard. Shut up. Dude, he got waved one last night. Oh, man. Spanky got blasted last night.

When's your birthday? What's your sign? How do you put your dogs down? That's all. I thought you were reading your DMs. All just 30 DMs. How do you put your dog down? Don't be shy.

You probably got girls trying to holler. And then some guys, too, you know. Half of it's guys. This one guy won't stop asking me for feet pics. Fucking me. All right, let's talk about that. Dude. I swear to God, dude.

He got a cameo. Because I didn't respond to him. He's like, what size are your shoes? Let me see your feet. All this shit. And he got a cameo because I didn't respond to him. He's like, what size are your shoes? Let me see your feet, all this shit. And he got a cameo, and he goes, all you need to say is your shoe size. I was like, are you buying me Jordans? Are you fucking – let me guess your shoe size. 12.

Dude. 12? Six youth. Fuck the fuck off. It's a guy that had 12, isn't it? It is? Yeah, dude. Let's go, dude. what i'm a 12 and

i was like oh we're the same same same same build same diaper boy same build same fucking shoe size it's all the same it's all a wash how often do you work out once a day why what are you that noise once a fucking week maybe yeah you know how much much weight i gained over quarantine i'm serious 30 pounds 53 pounds i swear to god guess how much i weigh i look i weigh more than i look why why did you put on so much what the the fuck else am I going to do? I was just like... 53 pounds! 53 fucking pounds! What were you eating that you were just like, I just can't get enough of it? I don't even think it was that. I was just drinking too much, dude. And I was like,

we're in a pandemic. Let's get fucking hammered. I was. Dude, no! This is what I was just saying about you, man. You want feet pics? He's got them. We've got it. Dude, just send me a cameo.

I'll send you my feet. In socks, though. In socks. Rubbing each other. 53 pounds. Guess how much I weigh. You're going to under-guess. I already know.

220. 222 know. Two. Twenty. Two twenty two. Two twenty two. What were you eating? Bro, I felt like you the other day because I'm now I'm trying to lose weight. Guess what I ate? Fucking chocolate rice cakes. Rice cakes.

Those are kind of good. I was like, what am I fucking Ben? Now I'm going to be eating peanut butter apples and shit. It's not even that I ate. I eat peanut butter jelly every night. It's not even that I ate. I eat peanut butter jelly every night. It's not even like what I ate though. I was just eating all day and indulging in the adult betterment.

What was your drink? You're going to laugh. How was it? Now it's a meme. So my favorite drink is sweet tea. Twisted tea. Sweet tea? I swear it was twisted tea. Twisted tea? Google how many calories are in twisted tea. Iisted tea. Sweet tea? I swear it was twisted tea.

Twisted tea? Google how many calories are in twisted tea. I swear to God. I swear. It is horrible. I don't even know who makes that. It's like the, I think it's called the Boston Beer Company is the fucking, the manufacturer. Look at, look at the, they're horrible.

Here, just Google. That's a 24 ounce right there Can you look up a picture real quick? You ain't seen the meme where the dude smashes The other dude in the face with twisted tea? You would be drinking Hella twisted tea, it looks kind of good Dude, it tastes just like sweet tea Which I fucking love

After 53 pounds, you're like, alright Yeah, I'm like, maybe I should try a fucking Truly. Throw a Truly in the mix. Because I'm truly fucking fat as fuck. I'm truly fat. Yeah, I'm like, I'm going to fucking start being like Ben, fucking running around the city, no shirt on. How am I going to get to that level?

Rice cakes and Truly. Okay, hold up. Do your thing, man. I man not like we're doing anything here hold on i guess i'm sending this guy my feet pics hold on you should you know how much money people make for fucking feet pics and like used socks and shit ew used socks are you serious you know somebody asked me for my used underwear yeah yeah and they're like you gotta you gotta work out and then you gotta work out and then you gotta put them in a Ziploc bag

as soon as you take them off and zip that shit and then mail it to me. I'm like, bro, I can't because I only wear diapers. You want to go viral real quick? Let's go viral. Viral. This is my dream to go viral. Hashtag gave me a rash.

We are going viral. Unprotected sex gave me a rash. Every time I get turned on, I get a rash. Is that happening to you? Yeah. We are the same. That's why I've been itching this whole fucking podcast. No, I'm allergic to cats, dude.

Really? Yeah, like actually. Dude, my parents said they were allergic to cats, dude. Really? Yeah, like actually. Dude, my parents said they were allergic to cats and dogs, so we couldn't have a cat and dog. I used to have cats, and now when I go to my friend's house that had cats, I'd be like, why the fuck? And it was the cats. Dude, I don't know.

What else gives you a rash? Just a horny motherfucker? Dude, my face gets so red. Yeah. I hate that shit. That's why my face is always red in public. I hate that. When you start to get all red in public and you start looking like, oh, no.

I still do. I thought I was going to grow out of it. You start looking flustered. I'll be like ordering at Subway and I'll be like, oh, fuck. Do you want wheat? What kind of bread do you want? I'm like, god damn it. Do you want it toasted?

I'm like, Ben's like, oh, flatbread, obviously. The fuck? Dude, it would take me 40 seconds to get that fucking bread. Dude, I've been doing that shit my whole life. Did you just see that? Do you want a wrap? Do you want a six-inch or want a six inch or foot long? Me at Subway.

Chips or drink? Passes out. Baked lays in a flatbread wrap. Baked lays in a water cup. Me every time I go to Subway. Dude, every time I walk into Subway, chips and drink. I'm like, damn, dog. Chips and drink. I chips and drink like fuck I was just about to throw this away I'm not even gonna order food bro I was just about to throw away this cup chips and drink I'm like I said I didn't say shit all right see you later he's like chips and drink

fuck dude why the fuck they want wanna know if you want a chip. I just want the sub! How about the sandwich? Chips and drink? I was like, dude, I'm just meeting one of my friends in here. Chips and drink! That actually happened. I was having right on that corner. Dude.

Chips and drink? I'm like, is that the only question you Is that the only thing you can say? Requirements for working at Subway. Can you say chips and drink? Yes! You're starting tomorrow, Frankie! 9 a.m. clocking in. Right when you walk into Subway, you're first day.

How's everything going? Chips and drink. Oh, fuck you, man. Let's see this guy's resume real quick. Fuck you, man. The only thing it says. Bio. Your name? First, last name, drinks.

First name, chips. Chips and drink. That's his name. Ben's going to have a, you're going going to have a top five podcast in a year. You're going to have a potential Subway sponsorship. And they're going to be like, actually, we went back and looked at Shunt 145. We're going to have to redact that. We've only got one question for you.

Chips and Drake. Your recommendations on your resume are just like Lay's and Coke and shit. It's all chips and drinks. Chips and drinks. Your lock screen on your phone is a fucking bag of baked Lay's. You're like, let me get out my phone real quick. It's always the

baked Lay's, bro. Fuck. Don't get me started on the cookies. Ch and drinking cookies that's his cousin that's applied for a job hyphenated last name that's what kind cookie what kind cookie they're always different what kind cookie am i god damn it let me look which ones aren't burnt oh none i guess i'll take the chips and drink. Give me the combo. Holy

shit. That was fraud. Now I want Subway. No shit. What are you going to get there? Chips and drink. What kind cookie? I almost answered that seriously. Oh, probably. I'm going to completely whip on club on Italian. Who said they get the fucking, what did Derek James say he got at Subway?

It was like some cold cut combo or something. That's what it's called. The first sub of all time. I was like, dude, that was in Happy Gilmore. That movie came out in 1994. Another Adam Sandler movie. The cold cut. That's all you know.

If you're on like fucking Jeopardy or some shit, that'd be the only... That'd be the only... I would still get it wrong. Oh, fuck yeah. Fuck, I forgot. Ben's like, that's a technical fact. Nice callback.

Nice callback. Let's do Taste of the Week real quick. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Pump day. National Umbrella Day. Do you use an umbrella? If I'm going somewhere with, you know.

I never do. If I'm going somewhere with like my mom or my girlfriend or something like that, I'll bring an umbrella for them. But otherwise, fuck no. I'm just sprinting. How about sharing an umbrella with somebody? that the most awkward shit i don't need i just hold it over i'm like they're the fucking president i just hold i'm like i'm not getting under this too fucking hell also when someone's like shorter and they're over i'm like

yeah i'm just like yeah i'm just standing like maybe put a little pep in your step but yeah fucking every time i use an umbrella too all the water runs off the back so i'm like i'm dry but my ass is soaked and then the yeah it always inverts somehow and you're like fuck this thing yeah dude once again it's the windiest day in the world every time you have an umbrella my dad's like the toughest motherfucker dude always uses an umbrella dude and he rested against his shoulder he's like oh i'm like dude rain ain't catch me slipping. That's what Joe Poe says. Thursday. National Peppermint Patty Day. I don't like them.

Peppermint Patty, is that the character for Charlie Brown? Dude, how come that's the only thing I watched when I was a kid was fucking Charlie Brown? I'm not surprised. Peppermint Patty. I can't tell if she's a lesbian or not. There she is. Holy shit. Let's talk shop. Holy.

Peppermint Pat. Wow. Look at the side by side up there. Go up. Go up. To the right. Anyway. Holy. Anywho. Anywell. It's fucked up. Pe peppermint patties do you like those shop talk popped up do i like them what do you mean like the york patties i feel like you would

yeah it was a weird thing i like didn't like them and then my like mom kept getting them and i was like fuck i guess i like them you know when you like don't have any chocolate in your house yeah and it makes my breath smell good yeah i would say some shit ben's like i don't have any chocolate in your house. Yeah. And it makes my breath smell good. Yeah, I would say some shit like that. Ben's like, I don't even have to brush my teeth now. Dude, that's why I like the... Have you ever had Rumpelmints, the liquor? Yes. Dude, it's so gross.

But I'm like, damn, my breath smells good as fuck now. Like, what's up, ladies? I just took a shot. It's just Listerine, dude. That's all it is. You guys went around a shot. I'm so confident. I had to drink that after the fucking...

Dude, how weird is that? I always thought it was mints. Low-key, it's mints. Ruffle mints. Why wouldn't it be mints? Like, just make it mints. It tastes like mints. I hate that shit.

I know. Friday. Friday. Friday. National Tortellini Day. That's a big day for us. You F a tortellini? Yeah. Can you look it up real quick?

Not a lot of pastas I don't like. I don't like a lot of them. Really? What is this? What are you eating? I don't really like tortellini. It's like the stuff. Sometimes there's stuff with fucking just cheese usually,

but sometimes, you know. Not bad for like, you know, like once every couple of months or something. Sometimes they stick, I mean, you got like crab in there. You got some sort of meat in there. I like the, I like penne. You call it penne? What's a real name for that?

It's not penne, is it? Penne, right? No, there's like a. Isn't it penne? I think it is, but there's like another way to say it too that's my favorite that's my favorite for sure but without the without the lines on it do you i don't know dude my dad got so mad at me because i didn't know like the real names of italian food i still kind of don't we pulled up at vazola he's like what do you want i'm not the one that looks like bugles oh shit dude no i dude. No, I go, can I have the tubes without the lines?

He was like, dude, being with your dad in a drive-thru, is there anything worse than that? No. Holy shit. Me at a drive-thru with my dad. Wait for it.

No. I was about to rip ass. I couldn't do it anymore. Chips and drink. I put my fork, I put like one of the little pricks on the fork right through the penne. And then I do it on both sides.

Like fucking rock on. That's how you say rock on in Italian. Fucking Italian. The double penne. You ever notice people that are Italian never like finish their words? Yeah. I just want some mozzarella.

Yeah. Let me get some mozzarella. Dude, finish the word. Fresh just want some mazzel. Yeah. Let me get some mozzel. Let me get some mozzel. Dude, finish the word. Fresh mozzel. Even the smallest word. They're like, what's up, bull? Like, dude, even. You couldn't say the bro? You couldn't say the bro? It's kind of what we do. It's kind of our thing. We just don't, we don't finish the fucking words. We don't finish the words. Sometimes we don't even finish our own. You were supposed to say sentences, you little bitch. You're not Italian. Can I get the tubes with the lines?

Let me get the tubes with the lines, man. We don't even finish our own... They're like, this is Olive Garden. We don't even know what they're fucking called. Every time I go to Olive Garden, no matter what, I'll take the tour of Italy. And don't you stop cranking that cheese till I say so you're gonna be my little cheese bitch tell me when to stop crank away just like chips on drink

tell me when to stop dude what if you just never told him when to stop still there doors are locked you're gonna have to go get another block of cheese I'm not satisfied with that shit you said I'm not you said I get to pick. Saturday, Galentine's Day. Is that when a bunch of girls hang out that don't have boyfriends? Galentine's, yes. And then they just post. What a nightmare. They just post like wine and truly and they say.

On Facebook? Who needs boys? With flame eyes? They just do at TikToks. Who needs boys when you have fucking wine? We're not whining about it. God damn it. Three days later, they have a boyfriend.

That's all they post about. I love him. I love him. Chips and green. Thanks for doing life with me. I love doing life with this man. Right here. Love finding someone as crazy as me.

Doing life with you. Love someone being so crazy as me. Watching fucking The Bachelor at 9 o'clock on the couch. Oh my god, who's your boyfriend? I love doing life with this man. Shows you a picture. It's Diaper Boy. With the binky. You call it a binky?

I thought that was... A pacifier? Pacifier is such an elegant word for that piece of shit thing. A pacifier. I'm just gonna... Right? A pacifier is such an elegant word for that piece of shit thing. A pacifier. I'm just going to shove this rubber in my baby's mouth. Pacifier sounds like a fucking vacation spot. Have you been to Pacifier Florida?

Have you seen that movie with... Isn't that The Rock? The Pacifier? Or is that Vin Diesel or some shit? That's Vin Diesel. Adorable pacifier nicknames. Wow, that thing couldn't be any more in the way. Adorable pacifier nicknames. Wow, that thing couldn't be any more in the way.

Binky, Bip, Bubba, Bubba, Button, Chubby, Feefie, Hushie, Kiki, Neenie, Nubby, Nuck, Passy, Pip, Plunger. Whoa, a plugger. That's disgusting. What should we call it? It's adorable. Let's call it a plugger. A plugger. Soothy, So-So, Sucky, Wubby. Sucky. Yeah, I got a different name for that. That means something different where I come from.

Do you want to do a little sucky-sucky? She's like, sure. Brings back two pacifiers. Time for some diaper play. God, I love Bumble. Sunday, Valentine's Day. What are you doing, bro? Not shit.

Me and my girl, we don't fuck with Valentine's Day. You know what we're going to do? Commercialized holiday. We're going to go to CVS the day after holiday and buy all the discounted chocolate. Everybody. My dad, every year after every holiday. Hey, you know what? If you go to Walmart today and get the candy, half off. We hit the shops.

No fucking shit. I don't even want the candy. He's like, still, got a whole truckload. Dude, why did dads buy so much shit? Tell your dad you like cantaloupe, buys you 14 cantaloupes. I'm like, hey, bud, heard you like this. Fucking, uh, let's stock up. I don't eat fruit either.

You know that? Really? That's probably why I gained 53 pounds. No, I like apples, but that's it. Well, I like watermelon. Does that count? My mom wouldn't even buy us fruit when we were kids. Dude, mine either.

She was like, if you want fruit, you're going to have to eat it in the store. One lap. The grapes? Gone. They're gone. That's the best joke I've ever heard. I swear to God. My first joke. That's the best joke I've ever heard. I swear to God. My first joke.

That's the only joke I've ever heard. That was the first time I was in an open mic and someone laughed. I was like, I'm keeping that. I'm fucking, I'm going to let this one ride. All the grapes. How many grapes did you steal at the store when you were a kid? Come out. I don't like grapes.

45 bags worth. I don't like grapes. Take a whole mouth of cherries. My mom does that though, yeah. And she'll be like, I'm all, she's like, I'm not going to keep them if they're not good.

Then she'll keep them. Yeah. And she'll keep them where you're like, keep the baby in the cart. And she's been eating them the whole trip. And it's been, yeah, not that good.

And she'll eat like half the bag and put it back on the fucking. I'm like, what if you did that with other shit in the store? Yeah. Fucking six pack of beers. Yeah, let me try this fucking Bud Light and see if I... 24 rack of Bud Light. I'm not drunk yet.

I don't really like it. Fucking running your cart in a bunch of shit. I'm getting coarsed. I can't find my car in the parking lot. For fucking four days, can't find your car. Trash at the store. We got kicked out of a Walmart together once. Oh, yeah.

That was a good time. Wow. That was like the most mild thing you could ever do We got kicked out of a Walmart together once. Oh, yeah. That was a good time. Wow. That was like the most mild thing you could ever do to get kicked out. I like stood up in a car and he's like, hey, if you're gonna buy something,

if you're gonna buy something, get the hell out. Dressed like Santa. I think they were honestly more pissed that we were recording. You could fucking stab someone in Walmart and somebody would be filming it

and they'd be like, hey, no recording. See that phone? And then they'd walk away. Clean up on aisle five. Or they're standing in the car and they're like, you're banned for life. Yeah, I was like, who's gonna buy something

to stab somebody in Walmart, dude? Yeah. Fuck, dude. I'm sure it's happened. Alright, y'all. That's it. Shot 145. Espresso. Hope you enjoyed it. Had Liam Pinero up in here. Just two peas and a pod. Remember to follow Instagram.

Yeah. At Liam Pinero everywhere. TikTok. Only fans. TikTok. Snapchat. Instagram. Snapchat's so weird.

Snapchat. I'm not even saying my Snapchat. Follow our catfishes on Snapchat for sure. I don't know why we have one. I don't know saying Follow our catfishes on Snapchat for sure. I don't know why we have one. I don't know why either. People want to look like us or something. No, Ben,

thanks for having me, man. Seriously. Yeah, bro, you should come on more. I'd love to come on. You're not even going to listen to this podcast. I can come next week.

Imagine somebody actually did that. Somebody didn't know. Anytime. I'm actually free next week. What about tomorrow? Tomorrow? You want to record?

Let's do one right after this. Let's just post every day. Let's make our own podcast actually. All right. All right. Talk to you guys next week. Chips and drink. Bye fam.

Shot one pretty fun.