Espresso - worst names

Episode Date: March 10, 2022

👕 🔥 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 𝗜𝗦 𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘!🔥 🧢 ↓ buy some shit ;) influencedby.co/collections/ben-polizzi 🔒 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝗰𝗮𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙠 (𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗺) https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ♦️ 𝗦𝘂𝗯𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 🔹 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚 & 𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬 ;) on this shot Ben & comedians @RayHensleyComedy and @lol_derek_james tell us the hottest animals they've ever seen, all 3 of them reveal their Sixth Sense and they FINALLY figure out how to defeat movie quote guy. They breakdown the worst full names, the dumbest young kid names and realize the name DEREK sounds like a sneeze, car wreck, something hitler would say or a couch falling down the stairs, then Ben smacks the table in the studio for 10 minutes straight 🔸𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗝𝗢𝗛𝗡𝗦𝗢𝗡: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 🔹𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 🔸𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 🔹𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

The Espresso Podcast is brought to you by Wave One Media. If you want to start your own show, visit thewaveone.com. Come, come, come, come, come. Shot 165. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah.

Here we go now. Turn me up a little bit. Yeah. Espresso with Ben Palizizzi when i drink a white I get tipsy yeah got derrick james sitting next to me ray hensley on the right of me he's looking kind of sweaty he's got sweat dripping down his lip. That's slobber. He just put it in his mouth because he's always hungry. Ray.

Hey, yo, Ben and Derek, it's time. It's time. Ben and Derek. All right, Ben and Derek, begin. Straight out of the ample dungeons of rap, the pain drops deep as it does my angel. I never laugh because I'm last been my uncle and my archangel. What?

You have to explain yourself. Hope the vein does some disdain. My disdain. It just rhymes disdain with disdain. What is this? In an indie state of mind, what could more could you ask for than the scummy of pain? You compliment about random boners.

Yeah, that was true, though. What is this, a mad gap? Derek. It pretty much is a mad list. All right. Yeah. Derek, Jay. Hold on, let me find the beat.

I gotta find it. It's not there. It's on. Yeah, I don't know what you need to find the beat for, you white piece of shit. All right, hold on. You don't realize how white Derek is until he has to find a beat. Hold on, I gotta find the beat that's playing in my motherfucking ear Right next to my ear

Is this in 3-4? Is this in 3-4? You gotta fucking admit it Put your hands in it Hold on let me rap In the studio You know I got that booty flow That duty flow

Dipples on my cheek. I'm a cutie, though. Ooh, girls give me kissy. Call that cootie flow. They always be like, I only want to be with you. That's that hootie flow. You wrote that? I don't know.

We got to go. Let's start the show. Put me in, coach. That's that rooty flow. I did write that. I wrote that. I practiced that. I can't tell if you practice

no i practice that on the way here um i ran out of b i couldn't find the b and then when i found it it was already gone i think you wrote that more for like a salsa dude i didn't know there was such thing as a rap generator yeah i didn't either that was just a mad gap that's what we do at applebee's all right yeah so mad libs you guys play that's a mad li that was just a mad gap, bro. That's what we do at Applebee's, all right? Yeah, so I just... Mad Libs. You guys play Mad Libs? Yeah, not a mad gap. I fucking love Mad Libs.

It's just a lyric generator. So it says, It's a place, Indy. How many times did you put... Something you think about booty juices. How many times did you put penis into that generator? I didn't write it. I wrote random boners once.

Oh, okay. Something somebody might complain about. I put random boners. Yeah. Who are you talking to? Ben and Derek. And then just six nouns, and I just got bored. Angel, might complain about. I put random boners. Yeah. Who are you talking to? Ben and Derek. And then just six nouns and I just got bored. Angel, cord, cord.

You put cord in there twice? I just hit suggest on all these. So like I just. Bat, apple, handbag. You didn't fucking hit suggest. That was the shit you wanted to rap about. Yeah, yeah. I'm just like cord, cord, cord, cord, cord.

Every lyric is just like. The best cord. I was playing my B flat chord and i got stuck on this chord and then it was just and then i got bored you're the best chord rapper in indie you think so yeah thank you but better than me the best corn rapper in indie all right espresso podcast i've been politian with derrick james hey underscore what's your derrick you need to change your name tonight. It's LOL. Tonight. It's LOL underscore Derek underscore James.

And Ray Hensley on my right, at Ray Hensley Comedy. On everything. On everything. Er, everything. All right, so the BET Awards were last night. I watched it. And we're going to do Drippin' or Trippin'. I don't know if I've done Drippin' or Trippin'

in a while, but Drippin' is like something you like, Trippin' something you don't like. Alright, let's do it. So we're going to go through what they had on and rate it. Cool? Let's do it. Yeah. Like if we were doing Drippin' or Trippin' right now, you guys are wearing the exact same fucking thing. We are. We're the same person.

I got mine at Walmart. I got mine at Nordstrom's all right i know you were doing so well i am he's like nordstrom rack can we tell the can we tell the cameo story what when you showed me your cameo earnings oh yeah i was right i was fucking bragging when i was to derek i was like bro look how much money i made on cameo what'd you say say? I looked at him and I go, that's great. I make that. I made that today.

Is it really only a couple hundred bucks or something? Yeah, pretty much. Nice. It was like $600. I go, oh, honey. My first time ever knowing what Cameo was was when Derek paid you to send me a Cameo yeah i like announced

on instagram that i got on cameo i was really excited then i got a cameo right after i announced it i was like holy shit this really works and it was a cameo from derrick and he goes just make fun of ray from for being fat call him a pig and say oink oink oink that's it sent me 30 bucks i was like deal i wish i could pull that shit up. Dude, and I put the number in so he sent it directly to Ray. He didn't send it to me first. He just shot it to Ray. I hadn't talked to Ben all week

and then all of a sudden I get a video from Ben. I'm like, oh, let's see what he has to say. This is my buddy. And then all of a sudden you're just a little fatty, right? I'm just like, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, big pig, oink, oink, oink, oink. I was like, what the fuck did I do to you? I said, askink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, big pig, oink, oink, oink, oink. I was like, what the fuck did I do to you? Instead of asking him to oink like a pig. Yeah, he had no idea.

It just blindsided him. He's like, thanks, fuck. As I'm eating a cheeseburger, I'm just like, all right, I guess I'm putting that down. Did you ever see that kid who would always come way too drippy to school? Yeah. Do you know that kid? You come in in a like a like like a four piece or a three-piece suit with a chain oh you're just like dude but you're like just dude like it's

it's you got seven more periods like it's first period you got six more periods like there was a guy that dressed up every day he was a nerdy kid he dressed with a suit every single day at school you're gonna be so uncomfortable by fourth period. Yeah. Especially after lunch. He always said, you got to dress for the parts you want. I'm like, you're in fucking school, bud. You're like a B student. We don't even have theater today. He was a B student. It's not like he was like top three in our class or anything.

He's just a fucking student. There you go. Do you wear a fedora? There's always a fedora kid. Oh, yeah. We saw a lot of those kids. They always ran like fucking weirdos. There was one kid.

He always carried his guitar case with him. I don't even think he knew how to play guitar. Nobody's ever seen him play guitar. But he would just pick it up every once in a while and pretend it was a bazooka and then run down the hallways. Yeah. His what? Sorry. His guitar case.

Oh, did I pretend everything's a gun? He was like Antonio Banderas in Desperado. I do love that movie. Ben doesn't know what that is. Yeah, no movie references. All right. Dude, Malik just on the quick... Desperado.

On the quick pull right there. All right, what are we doing now? Let's go viral. All right, let's do it. You spelled Desperado wrong. Selma Hayek's in it, though. Selma Hayek at her most Selma Hayek-ness. Hashtag

unusual pets. Dude, skunks. Nobody has a pet skunk. No, possums. Who has a pet possum? You see them all the time on the internet and stuff. Dude, people really have those in their house? Pet possums, yeah.

I sat next to a wild animal dealer at a wedding one time and I asked him that question. I said, what's the best animal? Fox? Like an exotic animal? He said skunk. I heard skunk's not good. I want to get goats. You want a goat? I want a goat. I heard you can't have just one goat though because they get

super lonely. They're like a pack animal. So you have to have more than one goat. You have two goats? I heard if you have three goats, the two goats gang up on one goat and make him feel really bad. Really? Yeah. Kind of like our situation? Yeah.

It's kind of like, I'm the third goat. You're the third goat. Yes. Exactly. Yeah, no, possums, I guess, make really good, loving pets. Did you know that the possum

is the U.S. or is... Ferrets. I think ferrets are the fucking dumbest animal. I was in the middle of telling a fact, but it's okay. No, yeah, go ahead. North America's only marsupial.

Don't we have mice and stuff? Those aren't marsupials. Those are rodents. Damn, what a horrible name category to be under. Ferret? Rodents. Rodents. You know what I mean?

Marsupials. And they're also, a lot of people think they carry rabies. Possums can't carry rabies. Welcome to the Espresso Podcast. Now exclusively a possum podcast. Yeah, yeah. All about rodents. All about rodents. people think they carry rabies possums can't carry rabies welcome welcome to espresso podcast now exclusively a possum podcast yeah all about rodents all about rodents you know welcome to national geographic rodents and movies we don't know ferrets ferrets stink that's what the guy told me so why would a skunk be a good pet because they actually don't stink but they do they don't get there that's their whole personality. They take the gland out. That's their whole personality.

It is, dude. When you think of a skunk, you're like, fuck, that probably smells like shit. No, yeah, when you take out their butt stuff, all they do is just stamp at you and stuff. Oh, it's cute. It is cute. Look at it. Yeah, look at it. It's adorable.

I'm getting a skunk. Get a skunk. But isn't it inhumane to take out their... Their butt stuff? Ass spray? Their ass spray. No. No, I don't think so.

I mean, in captivity, they're not going to use it. Bro, what if they got super attacked, though? They'd be like, fuck, I don't have any of my fucking spider web. You know when Spider-Man runs out of fucking... He's like, fuck! Ah, shit. And just any type of bird that doesn't talk. Like, why have it?

You want a bird that talks yes a parrot a parrot and i feel like a parrot would get me in trouble yeah no for sure yeah you live with one of your friends you're like walking around the house and watching dishes talking shit about them then they come home like five minutes later here's that fucking loser yeah he's like oh shut up shut up i was listening to this song ray said your girlfriend has nice tits like shut up you're such a fucking loser i think a skunk would be cool no skunk would be adorable look at it i need like a little tiny like little piece of shit bird we don't need it you can't play with it skunk would be though. I would love to just walk around downtown Indy.

With a skunk? With a skunk on a leash. No, not on a leash. Gary? Just next to me. I would think that you smelled like shit. For sure. You just blame it on the skunk.

It's just like, yeah. You have bad gas one day. You're like, come on, skunk. We're going out on the town. I got a date. I got a date. We're going to go out. You smelled like shit, did you? No. Nah, it's a skunk. It's my pe on the town. I got a date. We're going to go out. You smell like shit, did you?

Nah, it's a skunk. It's my peppy lepew next to me. Do they usually smell like farts? Yeah, pretty much, yeah. They have their own custom scent. Why don't you make it smell good? Why don't you put like Curve in its asshole or something?

Bod spray. Bod spray. Nice bod. Every time. Sexy bod. All right. Hashtag. Hashtag when I'm reincarnated. Just want to come back as a skunk?

No. When I'm reincarnated? I don't know. Wait. Is it saying that like? Yeah. What would you come that like yeah what would you come back what would you call the eagle don't think i get killed all the time no not anymore poach the shit yeah if you kill a bald eagle you're super fucked yeah you might as well go join isis dude the biggest crime in america of all time it It is. No, it is for sure. No, I think a bald eagle would be super sweet.

I think they're majestic looking, and they're also top of the food chain kind of thing. You know what I mean? Do they ever die by other animals? Does a bald eagle have a predator? I mean, besides us. Besides, yeah. No, they took off the bald eagle off the endangered list. That's good.

Look at them. Yeah. Yeah, good for them. You don't want to be a bald eagle. Raccoons? Oh, they just eat the eggs. Oh, man. Yeah, they can't, like a raccoon.

Black-billed magpies. What the fuck is that? Sounds like a dessert. For dinner, steak. Dessert, black-b black belt magpie with whipped cream oh they just come in so they're hot bro that's a hot ass bird that's a good looking that's a good looking bird wow look at that that one down there i would fuck that bird is a gucci model parrot yeah if i was a parrot hot animals is it weird that paris can just talk we just glossing over that kind of

as a society. How come no other animals figured that out? As much as dogs have been around us, how come they haven't evolved into speaking? Some dogs can talk. Have you seen that dog that says I love you? Everybody knows that fucking dog, bro. It's just like, I love you. I can't even say I love you to my

fucking parents and friends. And the dogs out here just fucking... Chopping the L word. Just dropping L's everywhere. I love you. Fuck that dog. Do you ever... You probably don't have this, but...

I mean, I get upset when animals are better looking than me. Like that deer. So you're always upset. Like that deer. The hottest deer ever. Go back to that. The hottest deer ever. Handsome deer. That handsome horse.

God! Look at the jawline on that. The contouring on that deer. That deer's got a smoky eye. You talked about pantsuits being something that would take over a board meeting. If that thing walked in there, I'm like, this is our new CEO. That deer can speak

english dude how are we doing today fellas that deer has that deer knows how to do mergers and acquisitions that deer has no bullshit to him and he's just like a straight up bro good thing bro that deer is i want to see that what's on that deer's resume? Oh my God. Nose Excel. Nose Excel? Dude. Fluent in 12 languages. That deer has an assistant that fetches a coffee. That deer kills the hunter. Oh my God.

For sure. What about its antlers? That deer fucks. All right. They're smooth, right? They're smooth antlers. That deer stole my girlfriend ever are you guys trying to get me to say that it would feel good to sit on those antlers and just twirl down it

yeah i can see you spinning around god that deer has lips like look at it he's got like yeah like a little fucking mustache fucking lips dude he looks like one of those girls that didn't draw their eyebrows on properly what if it would like wait do girl deers have antlers that is not a girl deer how do you know there's no way some i think some female deer because it'd be a doe yeah yeah that deer gets the girl deer girl deer let's see it googling let's see that ass it's showing us its ass of course jesus christ girls these days yeah always man just clout even girl deers clout deers is has have antlers on females like i think antelopes have female horns i guess i don't know i'm just talking on my ass you've been watching

nat geo lately this dude right here is just gonna fucking fact check me no no no wow look at that wow young female antelope right there. Dude, don't you think those horns would get in the way, wouldn't they? Like, isn't that kind of... Are you talking... Wait a minute, where are you going with this? Like, you know when that deer's running, what if it hit a fucking branch? Oh, yeah.

Isn't that kind of annoying? Yeah, it's annoying when you stub your toe. Would you imagine stubbing your whole fucking head? Yeah, imagine if we had those walking around. All our doors would have to be fucking 15 feet tall. Or we'd all walk through like this. I'm out of here, guys. Later.

You can't be cool. Like you're just better than everyone. Dude, hot animals. Stupid. So, would you recommend us a deer or what? Dude, if I was that deer, I would you record as a deer or what dude if i was that across the board no i would come back as that deer for sure i'd definitely come back as a beaver it'd be something you don't want to be a hundred percent like you're not coming back like a fucking monkey or something you know i mean something lit you're not gonna

come back i would want to come back as a dog. A dog? No. Yeah, I get it. You got dog energy, but... You look like you... What do you mean? You look like if I scratched your belly right now, you would enjoy it. My leg would kick like crazy? Your leg would fucking kick, yeah. Get on the ground.

So yours wouldn't? No. Well, try it. You look like you just want somebody to scratch you behind the ear. I just want somebody to slap my fucking ribs when they see me. I just want somebody to touch me. That's the next video.

Greeting people like they're dogs. Oh, yeah, that would be good. Just beating the fucking shit out of somebody. Walk into the room and you're just like, come here, Ben, come here. That's it. And you're just like. And you just like go running How you doing big guy Who's a good boy

You pick it up on me and put your like Arms on my shoulders I snag your pants Start humping my leg I'm like get off Fuck Ben we told you I pull out a spray bottle Spray it on your face Just spray you in the face.

You're like, no! You try to catch it. Put your penis away. Hey, no. I'm like, no. What did we say? No one company's over. Nope, his lipstick's out.

Oh my God. All right. Jesus Christ. All right. Jesus Christ. All right. What else you got? Hashtag if I had a sixth sense. What's your sixth sense?

Like what do you like? All right. Like my sixth sense is like when we're driving down the street and I see like a like a mall.

I'm like there's a TJ Maxx around here. That's what a sixth sense is. I don't know. I guess I can. Like like there's a TJ Maxx around here like and there's a Marshall's because they're always near this and a Ross over there related I don't know like I don't know I like I guess I can like pick up on sarcasm pretty quick oh can you is that right what does that mean can you? Is that right? What does that mean?

I'm just kidding. Why are you being mean to me? Oh, really? You can? I'm sure you can, Ray. I don't get where this attitude's coming from at all, Derek. I don't know what I did to you. Knock it off. Oh, you want me to knock it off?

He just doesn't understand the leaves yeah he's actually like why were you so mean to me on the podcast today you're like give us i don't know were we though he's like i don't understand all right what's yours that's a frightened So dumb. What's yours? Why is that so fucking stupid? I don't know. What's my sixth sense? Oh, shit. I don't...

Let's see here. I can see dead people. I've never seen that movie. You haven't? You've never seen that movie. No? You haven't? No. You've never seen any movie. So?

And? What's the only movie you've ever seen? Fucking Rocky. We do this every podcast. By every podcast. It's Rocky IV. It's the only one he's ever seen. That's it.

Rocky IV. You've not seen any of the other Rockies? The only movie that I'm like confident in. You know when people watch movies? Like when I watch a movie with someone and the next day they're like, remember that part when that guy did that? I'm like, I don't really remember that. But remember when Drago, you know?

Yeah, oh yeah. When people can recite movie lines, I'm like, do you have a life? I think that's crazy. I'm like, you know this part? So when somebody quotes a movie to you, you just start quoting Rocky IV back. And you're like, yeah, I love that part. Do you remember that? Don't touch my drum set, dude.

I will break you. Remember that part? I'm like, if he dies, he dies, right? And they're like, that's how I'm going to start defeating movie quote conversations. Just Rocky IV-ing it. Yeah.

And then after the bunk beds smash each other, he was like, Drago! They're going to be like, this guy's crazy. Let's fucking talk to somebody else. Yeah, and you're just like, you remember that montage of them in the garage cutting up the watermelons? You're just like, oh, yeah, when they're running on the beach with Apollo Creed. They're racing? Him and the other guy. They started hugging in the ocean. Yeah, I remember. I know what you're talking about.

They're like, what? That's not Harry Potter, bro. Holy shit. Finally, I figured it out. I always give up and when somebody's like, have you seen the Nutty Professor? I'm like, uh, fuck. I don't want to let this guy down. Did you not have a child? Yeah. And then he starts explaining and I'm like, fuck, I don't want to let this guy down. Did you not have a child yet? Yeah. And then he starts explaining, and I'm like, fuck.

What did you watch as a kid? Nothing. His dad wouldn't let him. I watched a lot of superhero cartoons. I watched all the main Nickelodeon shit, Cartoon Network stuff here and there. I liked Dexter's Lab a lot. I liked Ed, Edd n Eddy.

That's a good one. That's like my sleeper cartoon. Ed, Edd n Eddy was my favorite show. Dexter's Lab. I don't think my mom was going to let me watch Ed, Edd n Eddy. That's like my sleeper pink cartoon. Ed, Edd n Eddy was my favorite show. Dexter's Lab. I don't think my mom was going to let me watch Ed, Edd n Eddy. It was kind of like too geeked out. You know how they're like, it looks like they're tripping. Yeah, that's what I

liked about it. Ed, Edd n Eddy. They made a new one and they look trash. Oh, I see it. Ooh, that's our bad. If the characters don't look good, I don't want to watch it. Why do they have to soften it? There was no Jawbreakers in there? There was one where Double D or Ed got to run one of the scams.

And this is boring. I don't even know what to say. I'll tell it to you. This is explained in a movie. Yeah. Wow. And then they fucking... I have a sixth sense.

Was throwing rocks at a barrel when he chopped down a tree. My sixth sense is... Rocky poor shit. My sixth sense is Was throwing rocks at a barrel when you chopped down a tree? My sixth sense is... Rocky poor shit. My sixth sense is when Ray's going to... I can tell when Ray's going to tell a shitty story. That's my sixth sense. Here it comes. Here it comes.

Wait, hold on. Hold on. You're like... Fuck. I can smell it. This is fucking six minutes. I'll never get back. So like the other day I was just...

There it is. Red alert! What's it smell like A skunk No skunks don't smell Oh a ferret That's a Yeah

I love the The Google search bar That you got going on there That's fun What do you mean Ed Ed and Eddie's sisters Handsome deer Girl deer

Rocky Rocky 4 My whole life In fucking Seven Google searches This is Hey this is Ben's brain right now This is This Google search Is searches. Hey, this is Ben's brain right now.

This Google search is exactly what's going on in Ben's brain. Girl, deer. Why do I even go back and try to think about the description of the podcast so I can just do this? Right, this is exactly right. This is all that's in the description of the podcast. The Google search history is now this time. Edited Eddie Sisters, Handsome Deer, Edited Eddie New,

Edited Eddie Rocky IV, Pit Skunk. Why can parrots talk? Porn Hub. I'd be like, I'm listening. Fuck it. I'm subscribing. What's your Patreon? No shit. What's your Venmo?

Jesus Christ. This is genius. All right. That's just funny. All right. Hashtag. all right that's just funny all right hashtag karen's summer plans they're just gonna hey what's a what's a guy what's a guy version of karen what's like it was kyle like a few years back it was kyle no remember kyle was like the guy punching drywall drinking monsters and all that shit. But a Karen is like somebody that's like by the book, you know, what like by the book guy is it?

No, Karen is just like a Scott. Scott. Yeah. Anthony. No. Yeah. Well, yeah, you're right. It has to be like a proper name.

Not like a Ray. Brian. Doug. No. What would be it? Devin. No. Too young. Oh, it's gotta be... Devin. No, too young. It's got to be like an older...

I've never met a 50-year-old named Devin. It's Chad. Michael. Michael. Bruce. Just anybody with the same... Or just any other than Jesus' disciples' names. Joseph.

Joseph. All those names. Yeah. So Karen's having a hot girl summer. If you're a grown man and you go by your full name, Joseph. Joseph. All those names. Yeah. Karen. So Karen's having a hot girl summer. Is that what it is? If you're a grown man and you go by your full name, like I'm, hey, what's up, Tim? She's like, it's Timothy.

I think full names are so weird. I'm not calling you. Yeah. If I called you Benjamin. Benedict. Or Benedict. Oh, it's Benedict. Yeah, it's fucking weird.

I think it's weird. Like if you guys called me Raymond, wouldn't that be weird to you? If I was like, that guy is no fun. Yeah. Raymond? Actually, it's Raymond. I go by Raymond.

You guys are like, get the fuck out of here. Seriously. Anthony. Joseph. Samuel. Yeah. Fucking shorten it up.

You're an adult. I'm not going to call Timothy or Tim, Timothy. I'm not going to fucking do it. But do you call an older guy'm not gonna call Timothy Or Tim, Timothy I'm not I'm not gonna fucking do it But do you call an older guy Timmy If it goes by Timmy

No There's gotta be a point Where you grow up Out of that kind of shit You know what I mean So like you wouldn't Call me Benny No

I have a hard time Calling Wyatt Wyatt I don't think It's like a He needs to fucking find an adult name. When he hits like 25, you need to change your name to like... Bruce. Bruce.

Rick. Any presidential name. Frederick or some shit. Could you imagine going over to Grandpa Wyatt's house? Grandpa Wyatt's cutting the grass again because i was just thinking that at some point you have to grow up out of those kitty nicknames and then why is an adult name i don't know what you're talking about all right well yeah wyatt erp i forgot about why it's not a competition all right put the fucking google away that guy doesn't look like a wyatt to

me all right he looks like a fucking bruce you know yeah he looks like a rick for sure ray is such an older guy name but ray doesn't sound like if you're in kindergarten i'd be like hey can ray come over that sounds weird yeah hey can raymond come over yeah yeah but like raymond and like andrew and andy like all that kind, but like Raymond and like Andrew and Andy, like all that kind of stuff. I guess Andy's kind of different. Dude, yeah, you can't. Andy's kind of a different one. You can't have an old.

You can't call him and. You can't have an old Drew. Like a 90-year-old. What's, oh, that's uncle. That's uncle. That's grandpa Drew. Grandpa Drew. I have a hard time calling Wyatt Wyatt.

It's funny. Wyatt. I think there's going to be like some of these like younger kids' names that are out right now. Liam is funny. Wyatt. I think there's going to be some of these younger kids' names that are out right now. Liam. Liam. Yeah, Grandpa Liam.

Can you imagine saying that one? Or like a Braden. Dylan. Old Dylan. There's going to be 90-year-old Dylans. Holy shit. Cody. I'm going to Grandpa Cody's house.

Cody is the worst fucking name, dude. Cody is the worst. I don't even know if I know a Cody. I can't think Grandpa Cody's house. Cody is the worst fucking name, dude. Cody is the worst. I don't even know if I know a Cody. I can't think right now, but fuck your name. That's so... Dude, the name Cody... This podcast is anti-Cody. The name Cody sounds like trashy. It sounds like

way too young. It sounds, I don't know, bro. It sounds kind of dumb. Tanner. Yeah, I'm going to Grandpa Tanner's house. Tanner. That kind of sounds like... Yeah, I'm going to Grandpa Tanner's house. Tanner. That kind of sounds like... Yeah. I'm going to Grandpa Braden's house. Tan's house.

Grandpa Bryce. Now I'm trying to think about it. Grandpa Bryce. You know what I mean? Don't these just sound weird? Yeah. It's a new age, dude. Grandpa Ben.

Grandpa Derek. Grandpa Ray. Grandpa Ben's good. Those are good? Yeah. Derek's a terrible name it is no it's not derrick sounds like a good name you think derrick sounds like a sneeze that just fucking comes out hard the horrible thing is is like if you like fuck you

the thing is is that like if you go on Instagram, if you go on Instagram, sounds like something Hitler screamed. What? Hi, Derek! God damn it. It is a scream name, bro.

You can't just say Derek. You gotta say it like you're mad at you. Nobody's ever whispered. Derek! Derek! Dude, the worst part is your dad probably had your ass

when you were a kid. Hey, clean up the garage! Derek, fuck! Fuck you, Derek! Even when you were a kid. Hey, clean up the garage, Derek! Fuck! Fuck you, Derek! Even if you were doing something good. Yeah, good job on the straight A's, Derek! Fuck!

You're such a smart kid. I fucking love you, Derek! God damn it! Congrats, Derek. You won the fucking championship. There's a... There's a meme. You're MVP, Derek, son of a bitch.

When they called your name for your college diploma, they were like, Derek James. He's like, fuck yeah. Derek said, dude, your name should just have exclamation points. Sign right here, it's Derek Right after Derek James White

Every time he sneezes Yeah, I don't want to walk in a dusty house With you, bro I'd be like, what? I'd just fucking see I have allergies My allergies So much pollen in the air There's a meme on the internet

When you stub your toe Fucking Derek There's a meme on the internet You guys got more? Keep going When I'm cleaning out my ears Derek Derek That's the one you geeked at?

Fuck you, Derek. What did I just say? There you go. I really said that. Fuck you, Derek. That sounded good. Fuck you. Fuck you, Derek.

Bro, okay. Then go to the fucking fuck you, Derek goat meme, all right? Wait, there is one of those? Yes, dude. Awesome. No, D-E-R-E-K. I don't spell it. I'm not Derek, all right it's wait there is yes awesome no d-e-r-e-k i don't spell it i'm not derrick all right fuck you derrick on reddit oh my god no no it's uh it's just a meme it's just a

fucking uh picture go to images i like how we were sitting here joking no it's a whole year wow it's so funny but they're typing goat after it. Like, there's a... Aren't there whole fucking podcasts about goats, bro? Man, fuck, Derek. Where's Derek? He said he'd be here. Man, fuck, Derek.

That's so dead on. Dude, this is our whole podcast in one picture. What the fuck just happened, dude? We just talked about all this shit. Yeah, but there's only one, so he is going to kill himself when he jumps off a fucking hill. Dude, this is my whole college right here. Just, man, fuck you, Derek.

That's crazy. My baseball coach. Can you imagine your girlfriend leaving you for a dude named Derek? And you're just like, fuck. Derek! You shit me! Fucking Derek! It does sound like when you fucking get in a car accident

and you hit something, the noise it makes when you hit the... Derek! It's an itty smashing sound. You drop a couch. I'm so sorry! You drop a couch down some stairs, and you're just like,

Derek, Derek, Derek, Derekirk, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk. Every fucking stair. Every stair. Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk. And then just, Dirk. What the fuck? It hits the bottom.

This is like four stories. Yeah. Like it teeters. It teeters on the curve. And it's like, ah. Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk. The couch got to. See, my name is when you open a door.

Ray. So that's when the couch is falling. He's like, Ray. Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, D like, All right, we've played this out. I'm not done. That's literally his name right there. I'm on the podcast myself and raised to my right and to my left. You motherfucker.

You motherfucker. It's LOL underscore James Instead of calling her name Hey, what do you think about that? Who should we get for that show? It should be me, you, and Yeah, it sounds like a good lineup He's walking down the road. He can't hear us saying his name.

What? What? I heard you the first time. You have a stupid fucking name. I'm about to wreck my fucking car on the way home just so you come running after me. Somebody call? What do you need?

I just fucking totaled my car, but thanks! Eric, fuck you! I'm sweating. Fuck you guys, dude. Just bring me up next time you host. Next time you host, just bring me up that way.

All right, coming up next, give it a big round of applause for James. Holy shit, all right. He does shows all around town. My hands hurt from saying your name. Oh, God, I'm dying. All right. My hands hurt from say your name. That's so stupid.

Oh, fuck, dude. Oh, shit. Okay. Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Where are we? I think that's shot 165. Fuck, yeah.

He's so over it. All right. Ben Polizzi with Derek with Jenny. I can't believe I almost fucking said it after all that. I ruined it, bro. He fucking ruined it. Ben Polizzi with Derek I can't believe I almost fucking said it After all that I ruined it bro You want to do five more minutes So you can do that closer

You fucked it up Derek James Follow us I fucked it up I cannot believe I fucked it up Like the set up And then I fucked it up I cannot believe I fucked it up like the setup and then I just

butchered the punchline it's literally been 10 minutes of setup for that one joke and you fucked it up alright follow us on Twitter

Instagram Cameo at Benedict Polizzi oh should we talk about July 30th? Oh, yeah. Talk about the show that I'm not on. No, just don't.

We'll do it. You're good. July 30th, me and Ben. Maybe. Yeah, he might be on the show, too. We're doing a show at the Sterling Event Center in Greenwood. July 30th. Tickets go on sale today.

So go get your tickets. It's going to be a fun show. Me, Ben. Southside. Sarah Huntington. It's going to be a fantastic show. Come out. Come out.

Yeah, I'll be there. Holler. I'll watch. Holler. Go to LaughTonightComedy.com for tickets. We'll put it in the description of the pod. Or reach out to one of us. We got you. All right. Talk to you. All right.

Talk to you guys next week. Later. Well, that didn't even sound like you. Later. Dirt!