Espresso - worst words & phrases

Episode Date: May 27, 2021

MERCH AVAILABLE UNTIL MONDAY: https://www.benpolizzi.com/shop SHOW IN INDY THIS FRIDAY: https://ci.ovationtix.com/35867/performance/10691328?performanceId=10691328 This week Bennie goes through the words/phrases that the fam can't STAND (ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵗᵉˡˡⁱⁿᵍ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵒⁿᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ʷᵃⁿᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵖⁱᶜᵏ ᵗʰᵉⁱʳ ᵇʳᵃⁱⁿ...) he breaks down the origin story of the INDIANA LAND interview and explains why it's LOUD GUY SUMMER. Ben realizes his fam only turned the AC on 4 times growing up, has a moment of silence for RUHBARB pie, talks about why leaving a badass gas station is almost as sad as leaving your grandparents and why dust is the bitchiest shit of all time then he goes  #ViViViViral and does #DaysOfTheWeek but you already knew that 😎 𝘿𝙈 𝙤𝙧 𝙏𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝘼𝙉𝙔 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝘽𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙙 ! (@benedictpolizzi) →→→ 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲 & 𝗥𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄! 𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗕𝗲𝗻!: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

The Espresso Podcast is brought to you by Wave One Media. If you want to start your own show, visit thewaveone.com. Shot 160. Can you finish these lyrics real quick? Okay. Back home again. I can't wait to get back on the road again. It's the return of the best interview of all time.

Back again? Like, for the baggers? I don't know if I know the song. Wait for it. Back home again. Back home again. In? In Indiana land.

Dude. Alright, that was the weirdest interview of all time. Best interview of all time, honestly. Kyle from Indiana Dude everybody always asks me About that interview It's so fried

The origin story Me and Joey were just posted up At MS one day The radio station I'm at right now That I record this podcast in Sometimes wave one But it's like 50% MS OG studio

me and Joey were just like bro let's make a video for the E500 what should we do and at the time we were like big on going out and like on the streets we had this little segment we always did called straight from the streets streets streets streets and you already know if you don't echo your last word

in every sentence you say say say say you don't know your last word in every sentence you say, say, say, say, say, you don't know shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. But yeah, we went out to the streets and we were like, what should we have them do? And then we were like, okay, they sing like Back Home Again in Indiana before every Indy 500 race. Let's see if people know the words. And we quizzed like four different people. Like one dude was like really good, too good at it. One dude, the whole video is on my Instagram, like the whole thing of like four interviews.

One dude was like in his car and I think him and his girlfriend were like making out or something. And I was like, Hey dude. And he's like, Oh, you know what I mean? They felt like so weird that they were like doing something in their car that they just had to like answer every question I said. They're like, um, uh, I've never heard of that. And I was like, it goes something like, and they just like, didn't know. And one guy was really good. And then, uh, one dude was so fucking weird. He was like, well, the Indiana party for, uh, I was like, okay, nevermind. And then like, Joey's like, who should we interview next? And I was like, I don't know. That dude looks like, can remember it like He was just chilling by this tree The legend of Kyle

And he had like one sleeve rolled up Like to his elbow and the other one His leg, his like pants leg Rolled up to his knee, like opposites And I was like, dude, that dude looks kind of like Cool That's what he has to say, and he had like a beanie on And like, it was hot, so I was like, what the fuck

And we just went up to him And it was like he was waiting for us he was like oh like all high and shit and half the interview I was like is he fucking with us and like Joey like three times had to keep being like bro keep going because I was like laughing my ass off and everybody's like post a full interview like people on YouTube are like we want the full and on my Instagram to post a full fucking interview. That was it, dude. I guess the parts that like I cut out that you can kind of see, like cut some shit out of that video was just like super me fucking dying laughing, but it was just like, not, it wasn't like it, it wasn't necessary. You know what I mean? So we just got to the fucking meat, but that's the Kyle story. And I saw him like, I saw him like the next week.

And I was like, holy shit. Like after it like honestly kind of blew up. I didn't know it was good. I almost didn't even post it because I was like, was he too fucked up like for the public? Like I went back and forth for like four hours. I was like asking people. I was like, do you think he was too fucked up? Was he like way too high?

Like was that like abuse or something? Like was he like fucked up was he like way too high like was that like abuse or something like was he like fucked up and i like exploited him i was scared i was like ah and i was just like ah fuck it so i posted it and then somebody uh somebody shared it and then it was i don't know bro certified platinum banger but i gotta thank joey for that one because he was behind the camera. And he was like, keep going, bro. Because if it would have been me, I might have just laughed really hard the whole time.

But Joey's like, keep going. Sing the fucking song. I forgot the song right before I sang it. I was like, Indiana. Didn't know any of the words. For you. That's not it at all, okay? any of the words for you. That's not it at all. Okay. But that's pretty much the Kyle story and his name is somebody found him. Oh, I found him on Facebook and no, no. I think his girlfriend

hit me up or like his ex-girlfriend was like, I know that guy. His name's Kyle, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Here's his Facebook. And there's like pictures of him on there and it's so fucking funny I don't know his last name low-key oh my shirt so if you know Kyle hit me up I gotta send you something boy damn man Indiana land damn dog that's a whole ass thing that was probably like three years ago I'll post it on Instagram this week if you don't dude imagine if you had no idea what I was talking about right now. I'll repost it on Instagram if you don't know. But what's up?

Remember to follow on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, Cameo, all at Benedict Polizzi. Got shows coming up this Friday at the Phoenix Theater I'm gonna be hosting for Ruman

He's like a celebrity low key He went to Marion University And popped off He's funny as hell Done a couple shows with him before Every time I go out to LA he shows me some love Him and Ali will be here Another one of my friends is a comedian

You should come out and check us out Phoenix Theater this Friday. I'll post some stuff on Instagram about that show too. But it's going to be dope. It's a theater show. Amen. I don't know why I did that church sound, but you know what I mean. We're not doing comedy.

We're just singing the whole time. Imagine that. We get in there and it's just. But it'll be fun. There's like seven comedians on the show. Local dudes. Check it out. But what's up?

Huh? What's going on? Last week's podcast was so fried. I love that shit, dude. One of my favorite pods, I think. And if you if you got dude i was thinking about this if you guys want me to have like guests on sometimes i think it's when i have guests on i'm like i don't know if anybody's fucking with it you know what i mean like sometimes when i can just wild out by myself i'm like that's that's what people want but i don't know but if there's like a guest you

want me to have on or something dm me and be like, yo, you should have this guy on. He's funny. And I'll do it. All right, let's talk, though. Baby, let's talk. What's the question of the week? Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick question of the week. What's a word or phrase that needs to stop being said?

There's so many, dude. So many people hit me up about this. One happened to me this weekend. I did a show at Crackers, and I was just chilling. So I walked home after a show, and I sat down by Starbucks, which is right outside my apartment. I was just chilling there because I didn't know what to do. Cause it was like 11 and I was like, um, so I was sitting there and somebody, I walked with somebody walked up to me and they were like,

what are you? Steven Glansberg? You're just sitting here. What are you doing? I was like, um, huh? Dude, when people just, who the fuck is Steven Glansberg? First of all, dude, when people just assume you know shit, when people like remember in Lord of the Rings when the fucking guy went up the hill and fucking, then that scary thing was there, I'm like, I've never seen that movie. Then they're like, dude. When people assume, who the fuck is Steven Glansberg?

I tried to look it up and it like, it was like the picture, the first picture I saw was so annoying that I was just like, I don't even fucking care anymore. But people used to say that to me all the time. You're just sitting there, dude. I love sitting alone. Sitting alone is a shit. If you don't like sitting alone, I do it. I would much, much rather eat. I hate it when people are like, I'm not fucking going by myself. I'm like, dude, that's the only way I want to go. Because when you roll up with people, it's just so...

You got to take care of everybody. You got to fucking... You got to mediate everybody. That's what I feel like I have to do. Every time I pull up to a fucking event with six people, I'm like, oh, shit. Got to keep track of what everybody's doing. Like, what do they want to do after?

What do they want to do now? Are they in a good mood? Are they doing okay? You know, when you pull up, like if you, if you went, dude,

I love going to comedy shows by myself. And just sitting at a table and just drinking a glass of wine. It's me the whole time at a comedy show by myself. No one's even on stage yet. Dude, it's such a relief. Going to Panera when you're starving, sitting inside, and eating by yourself. The amount of fucking times I've done it.

Which is in your own fucking world dude that's my shit having to talk to someone else can't yeah I was just sitting there at Starbucks just like and right before I was just like okay somebody's like hey what are you are you Stephen Glansberg people used to say that to me all the time like in college I'd eat by myself at the cafeteria and somebody would come up and say that

it's just like they have nothing else to say like what can I fucking say no idea who the fuck we're gonna figure it out. Steven Glans- I hate the name, dude. The fact that you think that I know who the fuck that is. What am I gonna sit here and eat my dessert

alone like I'm fucking Steven Glansberg? Who is it? Bro, I can't. What's it from? Oh, it's from like Superbad or something. What, so I gotta sit here and eat dessert alone like I'm fucking Steven Glansberg? Oh. I get, yeah, I mean, what do you want me to do? Of course it's from, like, a fucking movie, dude. I've actually seen that movie, too, but who the fuck would ever remember that? That was from Superbad. That was so funny.

I thought Steven Glansberg, like, invented fucking, like, an app or something, and he was sitting there in the food court at the mall, and somebody was like, wow, he sits by himself? Wow, are you Steven Glansberg? Like, in a meme. Like, that's what i thought that was or yeah i have no idea let's get into them words or phrases that need to stop being said brad benson 22 social distancing A lot of these are gonna suck I have a feeling Be new flat out Oh Words or phrases that Shouldn't be said anymore

My guy Yeah Me and Joey make fun of this kind of shit a lot Movie quotes Shit everybody says all the time That when they can't think of anything else, this is like my perfect podcast. When somebody's like, my guy, this guy,

this guy, my guy. Usually because you can't remember his name. Don't blame ya. This guy! Look at this guy, my guy, my dude. I always say my dude, because I'm like, I have no idea what else to say.

What about like words and phrases that like are super outdated? That's like my entire dad's like personality. I was like leaving his house the other day and he goes, you the man, B. I was like, you the man. That's your fucking, that's your walk-off celebration comment? You the man. Fuck off. That's like an insult.

Hey, you the man. All right, here we go. Taylor DeHav. Words, phrases that need to stop being said my person i did a thing and my parents referring to the apartment as a pad oh dude i fucking hate when people say new digs when somebody gets a new apartment they're like check out the new digs hey and this one's worse this one's worse. This one's worse. This one's way worse. When you get a new job. Hey, sweet gig. I fucking hate that. Dude. Yeah. You really turned his life around. He got new digs and a new gig.

I'd shoot him right in the fucking head. I mean, we're not gonna take it. No, we ain't gonna take it. Okay, here we go. Lil... Lily Rathy. Words or phrases that need to stop being said. I'm not sure if this is used in the States as well,

but in Australia and in particular in my dad's vocabulary bro it should just be things words phrases your dad should stop saying because i could go i could do that i'd do this podcast for a fucking week however many hours are in a week the longest podcast in the world my dad's because we say we're not here to fuck spiders. Oh my fucking God. There's no way. We're not here to fuck spiders. Essentially, it means we're not here to muck around.

But why involve spiders fornicating with them? That's got to be the weirdest shit I've ever heard. We're not here to fuck spiders. If somebody said that to me, I'd be like, holy fuck. Hey, we gotta get out of here before this whole place blows up. Here's a good one. Big Ben Benji. Words or phrases. I can't even say

my own question. Big Ben Benji. Words or phrases that need to stop being said. It's the least I could do. Oh, I hate this one. I hate this one. When you're on the phone with somebody, when you're on the phone with somebody and they, uh, they're like, I'll let you go.

You know, when you're like the conversation's over or they have to go, they're the ones that have to leave. And they're like, I'll let you go. It's just like, I don't have to fucking go anywhere. How about that? I'll let you go. It's like, oh, so to fucking go anywhere how about that I'll let you go it's like oh so you're so you don't want to talk anymore you don't want to talk huh you're the one that called me now you got to go and you're blaming it on me I think you got some problems bitch hey I'll let you go when

any whenever somebody says that I just fucking hang up right there Okay Bye Ew dude dude dude This is so good I hate this one so much Words or phrases that need to stop being said Jimmy G Garrett Pick your brain

Dude I I cannot Hey I just wanna like you know Sit down and meet We can get some coffee or something We can just talk, I just want to like, you know, sit down and meet. We can get some coffee or something. We can just talk and I just want to pick your brain. I'm like, oh. There's nothing worse than pick your fucking brain. I just want to pick your nose.

I'd be like, bet. I'd be like, bet. Say less. I did a thing. Oh, shit. Pick your brain is the worst when people say that I just look at it and I'm like and I'm like you're really just gonna give in

to that one that's the one pick your brain I just want to steal everything you know that's what they really mean when they say pick your brain I just want to steal everything you've worked for your life for I just want to steal everything you know. That's what they really mean when they say pick your brain. I just want to steal everything you've worked for your life for. I just want to steal everything that you've worked so hard for and put it in my own words.

I want to pick your brain. I want to pick your nose. All right, I'll be there. Oh, shit, I hate this, too. This is good. BBQ Long John. Finally, an Instagram name I can fucking read. Because it's the two things that I grew up loving.

But this guy goes, words or phrases that need to stop being said. When somebody says, like a waiter or waitress at a restaurant, it's like, what are we having? It's like, we? Like unless you're gonna, they go like this, unless you're gonna sit down and eat with me,

you should be asking me what I'm having. I fucking hate that. Like when you get in the elevator with a fucking guy and he's like, how we doing? I'm like, don't involve me. Like what if you really, what if you're honest, small talk. That's a video. Guy in the elevator, how we how we doing first of all me and you aren't doing shit Hey what are we drinking we fuck you are you serious you're the last person I want to fucking talk to. I'll do all this shit myself.

Leave me alone. Now let's rock and roll. All right. Couple more. Let's go. That's Matthew Mazur. Like athletes. And then when people, like, athletes will, like, hit a game winner, you know what I mean?

In the national championship, when the time's out, and they'll be like, let's go! Kind of understandable to say it in that situation. But then at the same time, like, right when they sit your fucking appetizer down at your table, you're like, let's go! Like, doesn't work for everything let's go I'm so sick of that per se per se this guy gave me a whole list okay good that's good is his name he goes words or phrases that you can't stand anymore. Words are phrases that need to stop being said per se. I hate per se. Low-key, when people would say circa too.

Like when in their Instagram captions, they'd be like circa 2004. Finagle, he said, my person. That sucks. Wonky. Yeah, that's weird puppers. I Fucking hate puppers doggo. I don't know why I don't mind doggo though. Oh 10 for Roger copy that Those are all like yeah, they don't come up too much.

Oh shit, dude. I hate this so much. Andrew Izzo, words or phrases that need to stop being said. That's neither here nor there. That's neither here nor there. I can't, when people say that, I'm like, what the fuck are you saying who made that popular I think Cam Newton made that popular then Stephen A Smith wouldn't stop saying it and my dad said it one time and I was like dude I'm gonna fucking choke you yeah but that's neither here nor there I'm like you're dude first of all you said nor like are you are you Abraham Lincoln nor there are you giving a speech oh god

bro live in the dream I mean that's just so fucked up Chris 10 Ryan words or phrases that need to stop being said live in the dream when people say that I literally look at them and I go, I've done this a lot of times. I go, shut the fuck up. Like, I know you know that that's the word.

Like, people are still saying that? I think it was 2014 when, like, every single, like, that was the hottest fucking thing, response. The hottest response, bro. In 2014, you could have said, live in the dream after somebody asked you what your favorite color was, and they'd be like, my guy, this guy.

All right, we ready to get out of here? I'll let you go. Oh, no? You ready to rock and roll? Let's do it. Let's go. Jesus Christ. All right, let's, I hate all those so much. I'm actually in a bad mood now's do it. Let's go. Jesus Christ. All right.

Let's, uh, I hate all those so much. I'm actually in a bad mood now. All right, let's go. Hashtag make my heart skip a beat. Jesus Christ. Is everything? Bro, I am so fucked up about Noises right now I think it's cause summer everything's so much louder

In the summer Dude this summer's gonna be the loudest summer of all time You already know bro People are out We're allowed out again Dude the motorcycles yesterday on the circle And then the music's like how can the guy on the motorcycle even think you know why there's so many motorcycle wrecks i just didn't hear him coming i don't know yeah

i wonder why. What's your name? Let me get your name and info. He's in the ER. Last name Davidson. First name Harley. Let me guess. Yeah. Because he needs some more attention, huh? Yeah. The revving up, wasn't enough You had to make the music even louder Yeah is that it Well anyway We'll help you out in this room right down the hall Look at that actually Evan Signs your

Dude the actually low key the dryer When the dryer sound goes off I'm like Okay Is there anything more Like alarming than a fucking drive? FaceTime calls, bro. Make my heart skip a beat. When somebody FaceTimes me, I'm like, what on earth?

Somebody that you don't really talk to that much. Dude, that is insane. Unless I talk to you 50 times a day don't FaceTime oh my god the dryer though hashtag signs you're an introvert nah hashtag my parents didn't raise me to be Bro I have no idea My parents were making sure I was like Super uh Discipline

Bro nobody loves discipline more than my fucking dad Hey Dude that was his thing bro And what am I? Completely undisciplined Of course You guessed it And what am I? Completely undisciplined. Of course. You guessed it. Super disciplined, dude.

With, like, my eating, too. Like, I'm a freak when it comes to eating shit. Because, like, that's just how I was raised homie. I couldn't even have like good cereal when I was a kid. We didn't buy it. All our cereal nothing. It was just the driest shit. The best cereal we had was like life. I was like.

Never had good cereal. If we did for some reason It was cause like Cause someone left it Or we had company Like if we Dude if we had company It was going down When we had company

If our cousins were coming over Like cousins we were trying Cause you try to impress them We had like a Our cousins were super lit And they were like rich And they were like from Cincinnati And they were so much fun

And their house was so cool they had basement they had a basement with like a pool table and video games and they're just like dope and like hot all of them were hot you know it's like weird to say we're cousins but like respectfully they were all hot and they came to fucking our house which was like super like i don't know but we tried to impress our company that we're having over, so we like clean the fuck out of our house. Never had air conditioning on until right until the day that they were coming. They're like,

we're four hours away! We'd be like, my mom would walk to the thermostat. This music comes on. Only song that's ever in my head. My cousins are like, hey, we're four hours away. My mom walking to the thermostat to turn the AC on. This is playing. We're all looking.

She like never walks that direction ever My head like spins all the way around Like I'm the exorcist From the couch you know Someone fucking Someone jumps off the stairs The whole entire staircase Breaks both legs

My mom's walking there Wait is she? No way My dad's somehow home He fucking, is she? No way. My dad's somehow home. He fucking puts his head in the window. What? My mom making her way to the thermostat.

Salsa dancing all the way there. Daps up my dog that we don't even have. A dog's just there. Does a handshake with it. They both get on their hands and knees. Sets it. To like 70. And we're like aww But it's still better than what it was Dude when my mom was like shut the windows

Windows windows windows We were like Dude you wanna see a group of people Move fucking faster When my mom said shut the windows Cause we knew the air conditioning was going on We'd have that bitch fucking Ziploc fucking sealed Faster. When my mom said shut the windows, because we knew the air conditioning was going on, we'd have that bitch fucking Ziploc fucking sealed in six seconds.

Done. I would scale the wall. I would turn into Spider-Man. Every window. Seal the perimeter. My sister returned to a fucking secret agent downstairs. Shut the windows! Hey, right here.

I love this shit. Shut the windows! My sister turns into a secret agent. She's downstairs. Holy fuck, she cocks a gun. And she's like looking around like every... She's like looking around every wall and shit. Like sliding. My other sister's like so far advanced.

She's like a fucking Jedi. She's just Matilda doing all that shit with her... Closing all that shit with her eyes closed. Dude, I swear to God. If it was cold in my house, there was no... We were having people... It was never just too hot to have AC on, bro. No way.

My mom would be like... Dude, none of my friends ever wanted to come to my house because they'd be like, fuck, it's so hot over there, though. I'd be like, yeah. Like, I swear that was like a thing. Like, if somebody made a pro cons list to come over to my house, they'd be like, uh, kind of fun. But the best food they have is life, and it's $160 in their house. That's probably my mom's way of just not having anyone over all the time.

Their best drink? Diet Mountain Dew. Bro. The AC was a I think we only had it on in my house growing up four times. Swear. I can count them on one fucking hand. I had a dream. Dude, this is how you know. I can count them on one fucking hand. I had a dream. Dude, this is how you know.

I had PTSD from not having an AC on. I had a dream that we turned the air conditioning on one time, and I could feel the temperature change. In my dream! I had a dream I was sitting in the living room, someone fucking hit the arrow up and it just got so cold. And I was like, whoa, that's what that feels like, like, like, like. Oh my God. All right. Let's do, that was so fraud.

Let's do days of the week. Da, da, da, da, da, days of the week. Wednesday. Wednesday. National Blueberry Cheesecake Day. Fuck, I'll spend so much money on dessert, dude. I had shows last Friday and Saturday at Crackers both times after the show. Dude, I swear to God, I get so proud of myself for shit that I celebrate for a goddamn week. I'll do something good one time.

I'll celebrate for the whole year. I did shows Friday and Saturday, went to Brew Burger after each show, and just bought anything I wanted. Like I made $6 million at each show. I was like, I'll take this and this, and of course I'll take a root beer float. I mean, geez, you only live once. I got for dessert, you only live once. I got for dessert, I got fucking

one night I got a brownie sundae and ate it by myself like a little bitch I am. And the next day I was like, well I had the same girl ring me up or whatever and she was like what do you want this time, sir? And I was like, I guess I'll take the

cheesecakes inside the brownie last night. And we were both like. Dude, a lot of people, like, I know you're a real one. Honestly, I know you're a real one in this life. If you know what strawberry rhubarb pie is. That's it. That's all I need to know. Fuck your Zodiac sign. Do you know what rhubarb pie is. That's it. That's all I need to know. Fuck your Zodiac sign.

Do you know what rhubarb pie is? Dude, my mom used to make a heater rhubarb pie. And that's one of those pies that you like, you can eat the whole thing. Like, you can just eat it. Because you're like, what the fuck? Why is this so good? And it doesn't matter if you're full. You ever have something so good it doesn't matter if you're full? You ever have something so good, it doesn't matter if you're full?

You're just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just going to bypass the warnings coming from my brain. Come on. Dude, strawberry rhubarb pie. It's one of those pies. It's so good. Hey, you don't even need ice cream. He said it.

He fucking said it. Sound the alarm. Oh. He said it, he fucking said it Sound the alarm Cause every time somebody's like Oh yeah, my favorite pie Apple with ice cream And you're like, okay, well you need ice cream

So it must not be your favorite pie You know what you really like? Fucking Dairy Queen, bitch I swear to God, every podcast I have ends up being about fucking pie. Thursday. National Great Popsicle Day. I was thinking about it, and

I don't think I've ever had a great popsicle. One, because it would turn my mouth purple for fucking seven years. And two, they're just like not around. Dude, remember those fucking popsicles? We used to get these all the time because they were like kind of healthy, obviously. And my mom was like, no! Those popsicles that like had fruit in them.

What the fuck were those called? I cuss a lot on this podcast now. And I'm sorry if you care. Strawberry, I don't even know where to start with this shit. It was like one of a kind, you know? They had bitch ass, you know like those firecracker popsicles and shit? That's like the popsicle, you know what I mean? Main character of popsicles is the firecracker, like 4th of July, blue, white, red, that one. It is. Even if you don't like it, you still got to be like, yeah, respect.

That's like the first popsicle. The first popsicle to like go off. Like when you think of a popsicle in your head, you're like, yeah, that one. Or just like a red. Dude, the ones with the, when people would eat the two popsicles like conjoined together, like someone was like born Prematurely and their fingers were stuck together like that and they don't split them apart. I'm like Why do they always have buck teeth when they're eating that I'm like dude fuck you

With Strawberry popsicle with strawberries in it. That's what I... Oh, shit. It might be this one. No. Damn, I don't know what it's called. But it's like a fruit bar.

This one's called Outshine. I know that's not it. But we used to get those, and, bro, I used to bang... I used to... And, like, you know something so good when, like, in the package, there's only, like, four of them. You're like, oh like oh all right you're gonna do this to me fuck you because i'll literally eat four in one hour that's how bad i want shit i'm like i'll eat all this

right now are you kidding me whole fruit or something i swear it was called something fruit but then uh like if we're talking popsicles, those are fire. The strawberry... What are they called? Strawberry shortcake bar, dude. Oh my god. Is that what that's called? That's one. If you eat two strawberry...

Yep. Yep, strawberry shortcake bars. Everybody's had one because you can't not have one of those, bro. Have you seen that shit? Dude, that's one of those popsicles though It has like four in the box and if you eat more than one strawberry shortcake popsicle and in like the day like you are spoiled brat, dude Those deserve their own day strawberry shortcake bars

Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday if you're like if If you're like If you love them If you have two strawberry shortcake bars in one day You're just abusing the fucking law You're an abuser That stuff's good dude Friday National brisket day What the hell is brisket Brisket just makes me sound...

It just sounds like I'm going to be full for five years. Brisket sandwich? Like, imagine getting that for, like, a lunch meeting and then doing anything after. I'm going to take a brisket sandwich and I'll get back to work. Like, mm, you sure about that? Then we can get back to work. What are we having?

We'll have a brisket sandwich and we'll get back to work. What are we having? We'll have a brisket sandwich and we'll get back to work. So we doing this together? Yeah, we're doing all this shit together. Ew, bro, brisket. It's really the bread. But bread is so good. God damn. Bread is so good.

I'm like, I don't want the bread. I don't want the bread. I don't want the bread. I'm not going to eat the bread. I put the bread aside. Eat everything. And I'm like, the bread still looks bread I don't want the bread I'm not going to eat the bread I put the bread aside Eat everything and I'm like The bread still looks like the best thing on the plate National road trip day

Something about a gas station on a road trip Is just like holy Thank god we're here Thank god we're here Why is it so much fun You ever been in like a serious Like, holy, thank God we're here. Thank God we're here. Hey, why is it so much fun? You ever been in like a serious, badass gas station where you're like, this is different. You know, they're like, they're like new.

They're like, yeah, this, this, this gas station though. Like this is going to be the one that you fucking make sure you hit. Even next time you go to Cincinnati for no reason. It's like so well lit. There's like a fucking Taco Bell over here. It's like a town. There's a subway back there. You stumble upon like an A&W KFC in there. You're like, wait a minute.

They're like, yeah. It's been here the whole time. I swear I could spend, I might just go on a road trip to go to a gas station and go right the fuck back home. It's a great time! You're, like, waving to the customers and shit like you wave to your grandparents when you're leaving with both hands.

You're waving- You're waving to the- You're, like, waving to the employees like you wave to your grandparents with both hands. See ya! You're, like, kind of crying and shit. You're, like, I hope we forgot something so we can't wait till next week.

I hope we forgot something so we don't have to turn around. Some rest stops, bro, are just like a different... I can't even explain it. There's like fresh fruit in there. I'm like, God! There's a farmer's market in there. There's people pitching tables and shit with like baked goods

on it. Baked sales. There's a school in it. I'm like, I want to go to 8 like baked goods on it. Baked sales. Like, is it? There's a school in it. I'm like, I want to go to eighth grade. Fuck it. I'm sending my kid here. Because I want to go here and pick them up every day. You can buy anything at that bitch. Shoes.

I'm like, they have the Jordans? Holy shit. How do I apply? Are you guys hiring? They're like, nah, no, no. This isn't for anybody. Bro, rest stops. If you got a rest stop and the bathroom doesn't have a door on it,

that's when you know that it's like a different caliber. It's like the Alabama of rest stops. You're like, whoa, okay, now we're fucking talking. Saturday, national paperclip day. Every time I need a paperclip, nowhere in sight. Zero paperclips. Sir, sir, yes, sir, there are zero paperclips around sir i'm just like damn that one you unfold it's just always by your wi-fi box because you're like oh fuck we're gonna have to reset it honey hunty where are the paperclips we don't have any fuck using anything using like the like a pen it won't fit in there you're like you literally have to go

to staples to get paperclips to fix your wifi everybody every household in America has an unfolded paperclip by their wifi box just in case but god damn when you put it down in there and you hear that you're like oh it did work holy fuck

wow down in there and you hear that you're like oh it did work holy fuck wow Sunday National Water of Flower Day man I don't know shit about plants if I had a plant that bitch would die in one minute. I'd be like, oh, shit. Oh, yeah, I had a plant.

I'd be so excited to get a plant. And then, like, the next week, I'd be like, oh, fuck, I forgot about that thing. I'd, like, post it on my Instagram. Be like, caption this. And then a week later, I'd be like, oh, yeah. You, like, name it and shit. Named it Larry. How's your plant doing? You're like, yeah. You, like, name it and shit. Named it Larry. How's your plant doing?

You're like, fuck. Haven't watered it in 16 days. Hope it's okay. It's a plant, you know. It's born to do this. Watering flowers outside. I'm like, once I plant them, isn't it good enough? Like, damn, I did all this, planted them,

and then it's going to, like, is it a kid? Holy shit. Water the flowers. I'm always like, isn't it one with the planet now? Like, just rain. Just, it'll take care of itself. It's like dust, dude. When you have to clean a house, and your mom's like, you gotta dust,

I'm like, dust? You can keep your whole house spotless for a week. Still gonna be dust. Yep. Mm-hmm. That's our, uh, that's our fee for you living here. Your house is just gonna get dirty for absolutely no reason. You could clean the fuck out of your house, leave for four years, come back dirty as shit.

What? Mm-hmm. That's the price you gotta pay with dust. Dusting was the worst fucking punishment, dude, in the house. Dust the railing. I'd be like, oh my God. I can't even tell what the difference is. You ever sitting in your living room, just like staring off into space, and there's like

a weird light shining through the window You can just see the dust falling from the ceiling. You're like Your mom's like counting them she's like one two three four five six he's Dustin later Actually, I'm gonna rename them. What's your name Ben? We're gonna name you Dustin Actually, I'm going to rename him. What's your name, Ben? We're going to name you Dustin. All right.

Wow, that was fried. This wasn't late night spress. I'm surprised. This is like midday spress. But all right, y'all. That was fun. Man, I love doing this podcast. We're going to have podcast updates coming up soon. Remember, show this Friday at Phoenix Theater, Downtown Indy, 8 o'clock.

Roman's headlining. It's my dog out of L.A. It'll be fun. Come through. I'll post a link in the bio for this podcast, and I'll post on my Instagram. Remember, merch is available right now. I forgot about that. Merch is available on the website, benpolizzi.com slash shop.

It's there, baby. Grab something. Purchase available on the website, benpolizzi.com slash shop. It's there, baby. Grab something. Words, phrases that need to stop being said, baby, when people don't know what to say. Get one, baby. I'm like, why did I say that?

But all right. Remember, write a review, subscribe, give it a rating. But seriously, thank you guys so much for responding to the DMs and stuff, man. You make this show a lot of fun. I love doing it. Okay. Talk to you next week. All right, fam.