Espresso - your hardest hometown flex

Episode Date: November 27, 2025

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Starting point is 00:00:00 So if you don't believe me, look it up, look up the Enterprise Bowl Weevil, Ronald McDonald, and good luck sleeping tonight, big boy. Oh, holy shit, dude, he was not kidding. Imagine seeing this at night. Just a day, just an ordinary day. Trying to get in by. espresso podcast shot 395 I'm your girlfriend Benny who had grilled cheese and tomato soup
Starting point is 00:00:36 for the first time upsized has one bite of grilled cheese dips in tomato soup and now I'm a girl in college um literally my favorite day I eat it when it rains every time like uh yeah it's like a law
Starting point is 00:00:51 upcoming stand-up comedy shows Sacramento December 4th that's in like seven seconds get your dickies Matt Barnes You're on every team in the NBA. Phoenix, December 12th and 13th. Grant Hill, I still think about your ankle socks.
Starting point is 00:01:09 In Chicago, these guys, live podcast, live podcast, la, la, la, la, live podcast. Make sure you know it's a live podcast. If you think I'm doing stand-up, you're wrong. It's a live podcast. My catfish keeps inviting girls telling them it's a stand-up show. It's a live podcast. You're in for a wild night.
Starting point is 00:01:27 Oh, God, you know, she. December. 22nd these guys live podcasts get your tickeys brine earlacker your barbed wire tattoo keeps me up at night and watch you on f boy island and f girl island on the cw uncensored adults only does he fall in love on tv in four seconds every time tell your homies to join the patreon for five dollars what do i got you get every other podcast and a live stream at the end of every week what do you guys even talk about in the live stream why would i even join uh uh maybe we talk about feeling like a fat piece of shit every sunday i don't know do we talk about that one time i cried when i was drunk
Starting point is 00:02:16 a kooka-cook a cringe moment of the week or do we just talk about j j mccarthy it's for us to know and for you to find out babe five dollars that's it join get all your merch at benedictmerch dot com emotional support animal merch we out here be a nice merch feeling glonky merch these guys merch hey who's buying this merch got everything babe benedictmerch dot com get some for the holly Holidays for the holidays. Happy holiday. Music's starting to play in Target. Oh, it's already playing, baby.
Starting point is 00:02:56 You walk into Target, get a coffee. Happiest you've been in a hot minute. What's the deal? Back sweating, getting kind of happy. All right, let's go to the question. Girl, you know, we got things to do. question of the week what's your hardest hometown flex
Starting point is 00:03:22 that thing in your town people just don't know about yeah you've been there but have you been here yeah you've been to Dave and Busters but have you been to Rascals Fun Zone 10 minutes away from my house I'm talking putt putt with dinosaurs on the course
Starting point is 00:03:42 imagine going there when you're 10 I'm talking go-karts that go like 60 miles an hour for a birthday party oh sorry I'm Jeff Gordon now goes go-karting once has a three sticker on the back of his truck window maybe I do laser tag men in black themed
Starting point is 00:04:11 Arcade Tekken Don't tell me you don't want to throw up there Long's Bakery Dude somebody hit me with Wentz Indiana Everyone was talking about Longs had it Very mid Dude it's because you just don't get it
Starting point is 00:04:32 Some people Kind of boring Dude people are throwing boring around Like it's a new word Hey guess what if you're into extreme wild donuts you don't know donuts you don't know ball when it comes to donuts kind of boring you only need the four bangers the heroes of the donut shop jelly caramel stick let me restart jelly long john oh g glazed
Starting point is 00:05:10 And low key, four donut holes. That's all you need. I don't need the peanut butter jelly double birthday cake. I don't need that. I don't need the flash. Just give me what this land was founded on. Jelly, Long John, OG glaze, donut holes. If you're not happy with these, you got a lake house.
Starting point is 00:05:40 Don't need you. Get on your speedboat. Oh my God. They like didn't have a back to school donut. What the hell is that? They didn't have the Oreo like. Give me the OGs, babe. You don't know what's pure.
Starting point is 00:05:59 Long's donuts, no branding on the box. That's how you know. They don't care about the games. They're not in it for the clicks. They're in it for you. no frills not even a website dude they don't even
Starting point is 00:06:17 hey hey hey hey is how you know it's real they don't take credit cards you find me a donut shop that doesn't take credit cards that's how I know it's a fire donut shop tough eating them on the way home got that donut paper on them you know
Starting point is 00:06:43 creep your little hand into a donut box on the way home get there you're lying to people about five yeah I thought five was good eight two on the way home really had seven fat liar talking to people with a little bit of caramel on your lip just got five didn't want to overdo it remember when your hand was doing this into the box
Starting point is 00:07:07 on the passenger seat all right happy fingers slip in there you gotta take the slutty little panties off a one of them you like you say like cringe words
Starting point is 00:07:24 no other way to describe it that little that little donut paper licking that oh god you've never felt more like a pervert and it's go time. Donut while you're driving, different feeling. Donate at a table around people can't really enjoy it as much because you have to like talk about
Starting point is 00:07:50 it. I'm like, I don't want to give a book report on my donut. Oh, is that good? There's always a girl across the table. Is that good? cares so much about your donut more than anything in the world. Hey, just keep this between me and the donut. All right? This is a me and donut conversation. then you got to give her a bite and you don't want to be rude so you give her a good bite and how's my bite jeez done it while you're driving home though let's have a little convo me and you and guess what i'm doing all the talking all right let's get to yours not that um not that this is a food podcast or anything
Starting point is 00:08:40 what's your hardest hometown flex hey how we doing espresso fam yes um it's my dog excuse me uh i'm gonna go sharpen my pencil again because i have a crazy outfit on and i want to show everybody and now my pencil looks like a nub uh Uh, only clubhouse would get it. Ew, literally sit down. You literally dress like shit. And you're a disgusting pig. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:09:10 Ashley, give it a rest. Please, uh, just be my date to Clubhouse live, December 22nd at Zanis. Okay, anyway, um. Be my date. I actually think I know the subject this week. Ha ha. Okay, anyway. Um, what needs to die?
Starting point is 00:09:25 Uh, Oh, it's not even it. cooler water bottles at football practice. We can't do that one. Hey, run it back from the tap, man. DMX lived in my hometown. DMX! I downloaded a lot of DMX off LimeWire when I was a kid.
Starting point is 00:09:50 And I don't know if we all were doing that or I was just really into that. But you can't tell me you're not going to download a song. And in the first five seconds, the guy sounds like a dog. You're not going to download that? If I could just have one thing from, oh my God. What down the wrong pipe? How many pipes are there? If I could just bring back, oh, damn, this could be a quick, cool, cool question in the week in the future.
Starting point is 00:10:26 If you could bring back one thing from the past, one thing. what would it be dude for me hey that one pair of shoes you know what i mean like this just that one for me my seventh grade basketball pump-up CD would play to my dad's car in the way to games DMX X going to give it to you what you're literally so white but you know when you hear that for the first time when you heard when you heard we ready for the first time who sings this song then you got the real version bro i think uh i think that's why like the dj come up is so serious like in our generations because we all kind of were like we were making our own mix tapes 11 years old nah that goes there that goes there not that song dude nobody has like
Starting point is 00:11:22 nobody has like music knowledge like that when they're 11 right we're putting together like fire mixtapes giving it to our friends was the only thing I thought about what's gonna be song number one hmm but DMX living your hometown kind of hard
Starting point is 00:11:44 where is he from no idea what happened to DMX how's DMX doing have we checked on DMX lately D.LX Came in so rough on every song DMX on Wow
Starting point is 00:12:04 DMX on Fight for New York What does that game call? I can't think of it Where all the rappers fight I can't think of it I can't think of it could never beat DMX DMX was so cool on that game Def Jam Vendetta
Starting point is 00:12:19 I get it Okay, you played video games. We got to. I'm from Bakersville, California. You mean the Midwest? We are the home of country music for like Buck Owens and Merrill Haggard. And we also have the band corn. That's from Bakersfield.
Starting point is 00:12:40 Yeah, you're right. And everybody swears they know somebody that's in the band or whatever. So those are the two biggest things most people from Bakersfield will say, besides some of the sports stars that we had. There's a guy named Joey something that was on the Steelers that I forget his last name, but he was from Bakersfield and then Kevin Harvick from NASCAR. So just a couple little things.
Starting point is 00:13:06 I mean, and we're big on agriculture too, I guess. But Baker's still gives a lot of hate. But there's been some good things to come out of it. on another episode of Bakersfield, California is Iowa. But the first time, do you know, you hear like, when you're from the Midwest, you hear about Orange County, Bakersfield, all these California towns that you're just like, wow, I can't even imagine how like diverse and, you know, it seems tropical. it seems just like, wow, that's got to be another planet.
Starting point is 00:13:48 What are they doing out there in Orange County? The Real Housewives of Orange County. I was like, oh my God, this is probably like the snootiest, like, you know, bougiest neighborhood you've ever been in. Bro, first time I went to Orange County. Never felt more at home. I was like, dude, all they have are strip malls. strip malls taco bells shopping centers
Starting point is 00:14:15 I'm like this is this is I'm in the Midwest Bakersfield California there's a restaurant I almost worked at in Indianapolis had a stroke called Bakersfield the most authentic Mexican food I was like why is this place called Bakersfield they're like oh there's a city in California
Starting point is 00:14:37 called Bakersfield and I was like oh that must be like it must be like Mexico there went to Bakersfield Walmart and a bunch of other fast food places I was like scam
Starting point is 00:14:55 I live in Orange County every time someone would say they live in Orange County I'd be like wow dude they're so cool and different let's keep going George Lucas
Starting point is 00:15:13 Jeremy Renner Scott Peterson all from my hometown Dude are we just saying people that are from there I don't know anyone Give me a little gem Wait who's the second guy he said
Starting point is 00:15:26 George Lucas Jeremy Renner Jeremy Renner Um I know Jeremy Renner Because the only thing I've ever seen My life is Marvel movies and he is I can't think of anything
Starting point is 00:15:42 this is one of those podcasts where I can't think of anything but he's the guy that shoots arrows I know I know I know think of it but like imagine being that whack of a superhero like all the people are flying and like jumping 5,000 feet and they got to like take you with them
Starting point is 00:16:00 you know hey we're fighting that big ass giant over there can you give me a lift Iron Man What's he taking a taxi on the way over there? I can't think of his name. You want a high school cafeteria cookie B? Hey, it's front row Austin.
Starting point is 00:16:21 I'm from Wapkineta, Ohio, which is two and a half hours east of Indy, and we are known as being the first on the moon because Neil Armstrong is from our town. So everything is moon or like space themed. So instead of getting cheese curds at the restaurant, you get crater curds or instead of donut holes
Starting point is 00:16:41 you get moon rocks or also we just sell t-shirts in town that say I got mooned in Wapacaneta so that's my hometown's biggest flex looking forward to these guys live in December in Chicago and want to try to eat some wings
Starting point is 00:16:57 with you after okay God what a straight dog I only like people from towns called Wapacaneta dude if you don't say it like that though. If you see a sign driving in Indiana that says Wapacaneta
Starting point is 00:17:13 and you don't say it like you're announcing a monster truck rally Wapacaneta Don't care about you at all literally in the slightest That's kind of cool Moon Rocks
Starting point is 00:17:31 Donut holes called Moon Rocks Who's not getting Who's not It was fake though Let's keep going What up Johnny C and it's anonymous I come from a small town
Starting point is 00:17:52 called Washington Township In New Jersey It has about 9,000 people And it's called Washington Because George Washington actually stood in a house that had seven chimneys, and he stood there for a week while he was
Starting point is 00:18:13 passing through, I guess, you know, when he was like a general. So they named the whole town, township of Washington, Washington Township after him, because he literally was in our town and stood there for a couple of days. So it's pretty legendary for him to be in that small little town. And also, I come from a town where we have a football legend whose name is BJ Araji, Green Bay Packer, Super Bowl winner, pro baller. He was actually one of my good friends too. We've lost connection over the years. But I used to, you know, have him on dial. I even been to his house in Green Bay. He was actually my boy. But, you know, as you get older, you stop kind of talking to people.
Starting point is 00:19:01 I haven't heard from him in like probably almost like five years now but yeah that's my little town Washington Township put him on the map Washington Township I am convinced there's a Washington Township in every single
Starting point is 00:19:18 city in the United States State high school there's a Washington high school in every damn state Washington Central Washington dude
Starting point is 00:19:34 give me something slick give me a slick high school name give me a Wapacaneta high I wonder
Starting point is 00:19:43 what their high school mascot is oh my god you want to stop talking about high school Wap
Starting point is 00:19:49 caneta oh my god that's a that'd be a sick last name too Wapa caneta for three
Starting point is 00:19:56 Wapa Caneta High School Come on baby come on Was he lying about the, about the moon stuff? Wapacaneda High School mascot. Oh my God, it's their redskins. Wapacaneta.
Starting point is 00:20:15 What should they be? Wapacaneda. Hey. Comet. Come on. Let me be mayor. Hey, Benny. How you back?
Starting point is 00:20:31 I really like this question, and I do want to flex hard on my hometown of Buffalo, New York. You know, you come for the chicken wings and everyone complains about the snow, but honey, I would take snow over hurricanes or tornadoes or earthquakes any day. So, yeah, come on by, come on down to Buffalo. You'll get some wings, maybe watch Josh Allen, you know, do some crazy shit. Also, Google Dolls just showed up, did two concerts back to back to feed the hungry. So, yeah, we're pretty, we're pretty baller over here. Miss you.
Starting point is 00:21:11 See you later. Bye. God damn it, I love you. That's the thing about Buffalo, man. I would live there in four seconds. It's like cold. Don't care. It's cold everywhere.
Starting point is 00:21:25 But the people are so about the bills. I don't know why that gets me. me rocked up but like even the girls so about the bills like five of them came up to me after my buffalo show i thought i was going to get beat up um can you like wear a newer jersey i was like you guys know you guys are mafia and like the whole thing they did before football boatball games throw me through a table and light me on fire what a ritual i don't know i'm about buffalo i don't really i don't know maybe i didn't go to the right wing place but where did i go it was probably just the most like run-of-the-mill wing i went to the first wing place i saw
Starting point is 00:22:22 orangest wings of all time white to go box 30 of the orangest wings i've ever seen in my life what was it called Buffalo Best Wings Caveman Google search Buffalo best wings
Starting point is 00:22:40 It was called something real stupid God I hate Yelp the website Why do I have to like sign in to be on Yelp? I don't care First two Buffalo Wild Wings
Starting point is 00:22:57 I got to get out of here I don't know Okay, when it comes to wings Who has the best wings? Why is that the biggest conversation In every city I've ever been in? Best wings? Hey, Ale Emporium
Starting point is 00:23:11 I'm like, I don't know, man They're just all like the same, right? Maybe I just have no like gauge for that. Just use it as fuel, B. I don't know. When I eat wings, I'm just like, uh... I don't really know what to look for. Like, if they're too good, it's a little suss.
Starting point is 00:23:35 Just give me some normal wings. Fridays? Sure. Is Friday still around? I love Buffalo. Willis McGahy. My hometown flex is that I am from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, home of the Oklahoma City Thunder Baby. Kind of hot.
Starting point is 00:23:55 Kind of hot. Kind of hot. Um, anything else is so crazy that... How do you not like sports if you live in a town like Oklahoma? I'll never understand that. I'm like, I'll, like, wait, so... Wait. Does your life just revolve around Adrian Peterson,
Starting point is 00:24:16 Blake Griffin, and Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, and James Hardin? That was like 10 years ago, literally. Maybe 15. But it doesn't it? What else you guys doing? I don't know how people don't like sports. Sports ball, go sports. I'm like, what else is there even to watch?
Starting point is 00:24:36 What else do you do here? It's always the biggest deal, right? Maybe because I grew up like, you know, get all the lawn! Family. I'm like, how do you not like it like it a little bit? Even going? Nothing? So boring.
Starting point is 00:24:52 What else are you doing? Let's keep you on. Yo. Okay, my hardest hometown flex. Gotta be growing up next to Gail Sayers. He was our neighbor in Walker, USA, Indiana. Stop what? A small little town up in Elkhart County, also known as the home of the jumbo jelly bean at the Walker
Starting point is 00:25:20 Rusa Dime store, pretty neat place. We are also known for our maple syrup festival every year, every April. but yeah Gail and Artie Sayers had a home there and lived right next to them they were super nice super good people
Starting point is 00:25:36 we'd see them around town every once in a while and say hi and yeah so I don't know if that really put Wakerosa on the map or not but that might be a good flex
Starting point is 00:25:48 so yeah that is all for now Waka Rusa High School what we time back What would time back? There is no current high school named Walker Roos High School. Are you kidding?
Starting point is 00:26:06 What do you mean? You know, you know, the evolution of the name has changed when you hear the name, Gale. Gale? Imagine naming your baby. Gale right now. Hmm? Hmm? Is that a toilet brand?
Starting point is 00:26:36 Gale? That's a urinal brand. You know when you're going to the bathroom and you read the top of the urinal and you're like, oh, wow. I didn't know if Stoke made this or what is it? You know, there's a couple different ones.
Starting point is 00:26:53 Stoke urinals. One of my favorite things to do. God dang it. Urinal brands. American Standard. God, Kohler. I'm a big fan of just the
Starting point is 00:27:11 Sloan. Oh my God, dude. You're peeing in fifth grade and you look down to the toilet. Sloan. I'm like, God, dang, that's my, that's my, that's my urinal, man. Just wrecking that cake, too.
Starting point is 00:27:28 you know what I'm talking about it's kind of been in there for a while you're just hitting it dude the cake's flying all over the walls of the urinal just yep
Starting point is 00:27:39 that's my work putting some time in on the Sloan American Standard a little too a little too much for me you know American Standard toilet
Starting point is 00:27:56 I'm like come on now come on Give me some hometown. If I'm peeing, I'm peeing in a local brand urinal. God, there's nothing better. Just looking at a bunch of cinder blocks. Look down, Sloan. I'm in the right place.
Starting point is 00:28:15 Mm-hmm. Yep. I like the full one against the wall. Bro, we're talking urinals. How about the ones that go to the floor? usually at a nice restaurant. Never in a place where everybody needs to go to the bathroom now. Like you go to like an NBA arena,
Starting point is 00:28:41 urinals aren't that great. I'm like, shouldn't this be like the Michael Jordan of urinals here? Cream of the crop, urinal! Go to a big like, NASCAR race. Worst urinals. You just pee in a silver box on the wall. 17 guys lining up to it.
Starting point is 00:29:09 You can't tell me that wasn't the weirdest experience of your life. First time you went to the bathroom at a, at the Indy 500. First time you went to the bathroom at a racing event. Am I a horse? I guess I'm the horse. wait so I just pee in this thing dude for me for me it was at the iU football game
Starting point is 00:29:36 went with my dad no idea why it's probably like eight come on b you gotta pee gotta go to the bathroom b walk into the bathroom just 17 guys against the wall letting it rip I was like
Starting point is 00:29:52 just in here never felt more like a thoroughbred you're looking around a little bit so much hair so much hair I'm like damn damn damn no brand on that thing just some uncle
Starting point is 00:30:16 Archie built in the yard yeah it's made a steel real sturdy Memorial Stadium pisser unless she about 35 years no cakes in there either splash is going crazy back on your pants Jesus you walk out of the bathroom soaking wet I mean you did that's the the worst part about the whole entire bat
Starting point is 00:30:48 it's happened to me so many times you go to the bathroom wash your hands on the sink sink is soaking wet you press like your waist up to the sink pants soaked a line of soak damn it but you go to that Sloan joint no problems never felt more comfortable
Starting point is 00:31:16 let's keep going I'm from a small island in Canada on the East Coast called Cape Breton Island and my hometown, Sydney, has the biggest fiddle in the world. True story. Google it.
Starting point is 00:31:39 On another episode of What's a Fiddle? Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Just a big-ass violin kind of looking thing? Yeah, there's always, dude, isn't it really weird that every city just has like a one really big item?
Starting point is 00:32:01 Like what a copycat league we're in. Biggest Christmas tree, biggest fiddle, biggest chair, biggest candle. You know what I'm talking about. It's always on the side of the road. Mom, the fiddle. Indiana just,
Starting point is 00:32:25 has the biggest firework store jeez maybe it's not even in indiana i think it's in ohio the amount of i just want to know
Starting point is 00:32:35 how many times i've seen that fireworks store bro it is the is the largest building i've ever seen in my life did the aliens build that
Starting point is 00:32:45 did the aliens build that too fireworks who's going there if it's not I just don't know what's happening in the fireworks buildings when it's not summer what are they right now November 25th what's going on in the fireworks building who's in there what are they doing I just inventory what are you talking about you didn't know fireworks go bad dude what What is happening in there?
Starting point is 00:33:26 And why is it so important to have fireworks? They sell the good ones in here. Let's keep going. Ripping through them. Winston-Salem, North Carolina is home to the daddy of the Empire State Building, thanks to R.J. Reynolds and Krispy Cream donuts. Wow, you guys know crazy stuff. Like, I don't know any of the stuff about my hometown.
Starting point is 00:33:50 Yeah. Krispy cream. You ever take that little journey to Krispy cream? No drive-up window. Hey, I guess I'm just walking inside. Let's see what all the commotion's about. You know you're about to get in some trouble when you're going into a Krispy cream.
Starting point is 00:34:18 something's going to happen that you don't want to happen, right? When you walk in, line wrapped around the entire place. I thought it was going out of business. Never mind, the most popular it's ever been. You got kids wearing crispy cream hats. Kind of separates the men from the boys. And we're talking fast food. Krispy cream hats.
Starting point is 00:34:45 Steak and shake. Hats. Burger King The Crown Remember you put that thing on First time you put the Burger King crown on What's up, Hose?
Starting point is 00:34:59 Just you and your mom Burger King 2 p.m. On a Tuesday What's up, Hose? Don't let me go down the slide in this crown. Ah ha!
Starting point is 00:35:11 Just had a big kid's meal. Mm-hmm. Yep. You know why I'm here. Uh-huh. Ha. So I just had to get three shots in both my shoulders.
Starting point is 00:35:28 Yeah. It's on my birthday. Pussy. Yep. Got a couple of vaccines. Did you know about them? Ball pit. Throwing up in it.
Starting point is 00:35:48 too much ketchup wild time you sometimes forget they have them what are the other restaurants with hats hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on with hats restaurants with hats oh uh in and out hats internet has no idea what I'm talking about
Starting point is 00:36:11 how do you not know what I'm talking about internet fast food with hats weiner schnitzel has them A place I've never been. Arby's has them? Dude, White Castle has crowns? Can't do this anymore.
Starting point is 00:36:35 The kings are in and out. Burger King. You know, we could actually count too. Dick slash resort. You kind of really want to go but also kind of scared I kind of really want to go there with my dad
Starting point is 00:36:53 see how Maddie's going to get Marble Falls, Texas Blue Bonnet Cafe Wait blue bonnet Cafe Wait is this Are we talking to ice cream? Marble Falls, Texas
Starting point is 00:37:11 Blue Bonnet Cafe Pie Happy Hour Damn man and I'm talking about I was on a scavenger hunt looking for pie in L.A. And this place is about pie?
Starting point is 00:37:29 These pies go so high. Lemon cream, chocolate cream, coconut meringue, pecan, fudge. God dang, dude. Something I've never really gone in
Starting point is 00:37:48 pie with all that cream on it that it almost looks like a like a clown pie I've never ordered it it seems like the oldest guy in the world like you can order only order one of those big pies if you have hair coming out of your ears I take a I'll take a chocolate marine slice hand doing this I take a chocolate meringue slice would go a tornado flew around my room before you came excuse the mess it made it usually doesn't rain in southern California much like Arizona my eyes don't shed tears before they bowl I've been thinking about you oh no no oh this thing's on hometown flex I feel like I'm just going to talk about
Starting point is 00:38:39 New Jersey in general. Well, like hometown, I guess I could say Jersey Shore. Oh, that's hard. We were in college, just getting out of college, and Jersey Shore dropped, premiered, and we have boardwalks. I feel like boardwalks might be a novel concept for some, depending on your area. We have a lot of boardwalks that we just drive to within 10, 15 minutes. And like, we used to go all the time in high school, college, after college. That's like our boardwalks would be like our stomping ground. And then we would just run into the cast of Jersey Shore filming. And we'd be like, way, they're famous. Like, we didn't have social media or anything.
Starting point is 00:39:17 So it was just like kind of weird that all of a sudden, New Jersey became, you know, on the map for the Jersey Shore, which is so sad because the Jersey Shore was quite embarrassing to the New Jersey name. But still, it was kind of fun being like, oh, my God, did you see like the situation? Snooki are at blah, blah, blah bar that like we always go to. It was just kind of wild. growing up with that. Also, when I was in eighth grade or seventh grade or sixth grade, I forget.
Starting point is 00:39:46 One of the middle school grades, the Little League won the World Series, which again, not that big of a deal, but picture like getting off, oh, seventh grade, I think. Picture getting off the bus, like going into middle school for the first time. And they're being like a film crew filming the people get off your bus because you have the Little League World Champions. on your bus. Like, it was wild. They had, like, their own cereal, like, picture the home, like, my hometown just blew up from the Little League World Series kids, reporters all over the school. Like, it was crazy times.
Starting point is 00:40:25 That was kind of interesting. What else? Like, we have beaches. We have Atlantic City, like, 40 minutes away. So confused. You know, like, there's just a lot going on in New Jersey. Uh, very expensive, kind of on a move. but you know we got the fan and the friends here so anyway
Starting point is 00:40:44 Atlantic City is so confusing to me because I think half my life I thought it was Atlantis the underground city I'm like oh that's in New Jersey the movie where they find the underground city that's been in New Jersey the whole time yep okay Atlantis and Atlantic City same guy what's Atlantic City you're literally so stupid you like don't know the country Atlantic City
Starting point is 00:41:15 Atlantic City if someone's like you're going to Atlantic City tomorrow congratulations I'd be like I'm gonna get stabbed and robbed is it just a casino nightclub it's to Vegas to the East Coast you didn't know that
Starting point is 00:41:28 oh okay there's a beach do places that are cold with beaches I'm just like I mean yeah you gotta do what you gotta do if you got the ocean right there I know you gotta flex the beach but like people are like oh my god Chicago
Starting point is 00:41:44 so nice because the beaches in the summer uh it's 52 degrees so weird that it's in Chicago too you're on a beach in Chicago or New Jersey you're like where am I right now
Starting point is 00:42:03 boardwalks are so sexy to people from the Midwest I'm telling you because the only like experience I've ever had with a boardwalk in my entire life was just pictures
Starting point is 00:42:17 and TVs on the wall in Hollister I can't be the only one I'd walk into my mall in Indiana on a Thursday after school because I ripped my school pants
Starting point is 00:42:31 and I had to get new school pants in Hollister and I would just watch the Huntington Beach live stream on the wall with the boardwalk and be like, I wonder if I'll see boobs. Dude, like, why did I think that was the coolest?
Starting point is 00:42:45 I would just watch the boardwalk like, dude, is that a seagull? It probably wasn't even a real live stream. Probably just a loop, seven minute loop of nothing happening. Oh, Newport Beach. Kind of sad. Guy who only knows about like coast.
Starting point is 00:43:07 regions because of Hollister boardwalks do kind of get me going a little bit though something about just looking off over a ledge being like what if I drop my phone that's all I'm thinking
Starting point is 00:43:21 what if I drop my phone through a crack anytime I do anything it's what if I drop my phone through a crack boardwalk these slits in the wood pretty big better be careful
Starting point is 00:43:31 getting on a plane may never see it again that's cool though actually the shops and stuff the shops near a boardwalk always an ice cream place do let's meet up boardwalk in Fort Myers
Starting point is 00:43:55 finally got one ice cream place on a boardwalk in Fort Myers it was like the meetup spot when we were on spring break. Dairy Queen right there. Just felt like home.
Starting point is 00:44:11 Meet up at DQ. Some of the best times, dude. Polos on. God, wait, are we wearing polos again? Everything's coming back. Are we wearing polos out again? Because I'll go back outside. Guy who's been in an apartment,
Starting point is 00:44:29 a guy who hasn't left in his apartment in seven years. I'll go back outside for polos. Put an orange polo on me. Skin's already orange. Cargo pants way too long. Lord knows what shoes. Probably white starberries. What's good?
Starting point is 00:44:52 Kind of feeling funny wearing a wig for some reason. What we got going on tonight? It's not a boardwalk until there's one of those guys on the boardwalk. That's all gold and has a bike and moves. once every 14 minutes and you're looking at him and you're like is that a statue the first time you see that guy is that a statue dude
Starting point is 00:45:15 how's he doing that those guys really do have some skill though how is he doing he does that for his job how do you make your rent I'm just still in quiet for 30 minutes I scare the shit out of people. I've been thinking about you. No, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:45:42 I've been thinking... Let's keep going. Also, unrelated, oh, related, because New Jersey is known for pizza. Why do you always get fast food pizza? It's... I hate to do this to you, but it's a little bit red flag-ish. I know you love your Papa John's and all that. You're always talking about the frozen pies.
Starting point is 00:46:05 I got to hear from the fam on this one. Do you not have, like, pizzerias where you live? Papa John's, little Caesars, all that. Like, that was out of necessity when we were in college and we were, like, drunk and it was 1 a.m. And we couldn't order food. Like, then you call in the Papa J's, right? But a little garlic sauce for the crust.
Starting point is 00:46:32 But, like, you know, once you get 18, Once you become 18 and on, you can become an adult, you just go to a pizzeria. Pizzeria is here in New Jersey. I think in this phone call alone, I just passed 10 of them. Like, you can get a good slice of pizza. You don't have to resort to the fast food thing unless, of course, you just, wherever you're from, you just don't have good pizza. I just don't know what that life is like because I've only ever lived in New Jersey
Starting point is 00:47:00 where, like, pizza is everywhere and it's good. But yeah, like, can you elaborate? on that. I've always just wondered that. And I'm like, can somebody get the guy a good slice of pizza? What are you got to do? We don't have it like that. Dead serious.
Starting point is 00:47:19 I was going to say the most pizzeria thing. I've never even said the word pizzeria until now. The most pizzeria thing we had where I grew up was Chicago pizza. Dude, a whole totally different states pizza. We just had
Starting point is 00:47:35 Chicago's pizza. I was like I don't know you can go in there and eat it and it's not like I don't see it on commercials but we're the opposite like if we wanted pizza after 1 a.m. the chains were closed and we're like bro we got a call
Starting point is 00:47:50 big cahunas which was also just like a fast food pizza place. I don't even know what a pizzeria is is that where you sit down and like dine because for us dude the pizzeria Growing up Was pizza
Starting point is 00:48:09 That Don't get me started on that whole thing The cup That red cup Hey The chandelier above your table Yeah you went to church For the stained glass
Starting point is 00:48:29 I went to the hut Breadsticks to the table the smell in there the only thing you smell when you walk into a pizza hut on the inside and dine in those red pepper flakes they got a couple
Starting point is 00:48:51 arcade games in the back if you're good B Street Fighter 2 in the back Pizza Hut bro you walk by all the families divided too they're all divided That's why Pizza Hut was so sick
Starting point is 00:49:07 You could like have your own little We got our own little like VIP section In Pizza Hut This is like sad that you don't know What Pizza Reas are The Hut, babe That's all They had the buffet
Starting point is 00:49:25 Dude Pizza Hut buffet But dude Pizza Hut buffet Seven different pizzas out there And everybody's just going to town oh my god hey why do i kind of want to work right now i'm eight never had a green pepper in my life put on my plate your dad every time i'm gonna have a couple mushroom and uh yeah i'll just i'm gonna have a couple i'm gonna have a couple mushroom and see where we go from there dad's in mushroom pizza bro your mom
Starting point is 00:50:05 Oh my god, can I get those supreme? Yeah. Olives. There's that cinnamon pizza at the end. If you're good, B. You can have a slice. If you eat all your food, you can have a slice. That was amazing.
Starting point is 00:50:27 The ice and the cups and the fountain drinks. You know what the fountain drinks look like, too. All those retro logos on the fountain drinks. cherry coke this cherry coach i said coach dude this guy just just just just coach a football team already oh my god how many when you don't get on your phone for four seconds a million things jesus christ cherry coke this dude Hold on Oh my god, is he like
Starting point is 00:51:08 So much dead air But you know about this In the hut Right this right next to it Mom, can I have a drink Different You got a menu with crans.
Starting point is 00:51:37 Ew, you say crans like that? I say crans like that. Coloring inside the lines, dude. Light shading. Do it right, do it light. Do it wrong, do it long. That was our pizzeria. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:51:51 It was the best. I think I went to a pizzeria one time with my friend. His mom took us to Chicago. I have no idea why. But we went to get deep dish pizza. And, yeah we just sat down in this place we had pizza it was okay
Starting point is 00:52:10 I was like this is just how Chicago does it I guess but every place acts like they have their best pizza capital of the world I'm like that's like 10 places Detroit style Chicago style New Jersey style Chicago style what about thin crust
Starting point is 00:52:31 what about freezer what about frozen pizza that's indiana style I don't know we didn't have pizza areas just had the hot I'm from Dayton Ohio and we invented flight you're welcome
Starting point is 00:52:45 Dayton Flyers super you guys are so proud of your cities I didn't know it's going to be like this I take no allegiance to my city I'm like I mean what I didn't do anything you know what I mean the town I was raised in
Starting point is 00:53:07 Greenwood were known for the high school's marching band they've won 97 times in a row I would never claim it because I wasn't part of that I was just born there and stuff and moved there I had no control over that we were known for flight
Starting point is 00:53:21 you're welcome are you a right brother I don't know Dayton. Oh my God, I've been to Dayton before for, uh, to do a show. And, uh, I thought the town was, I thought it was, um, what's that, Will Smith movie? God, this guy can't, this guy references everything and can't remember anything. You know where the, oh my God, dude, I hate this podcast.
Starting point is 00:53:55 This look up podcast. Will Smith. town with no one in it I am legend Jesus Christ that wasn't even close to anything I was going to say
Starting point is 00:54:12 when I went to Dayton I was like this is I am legend there was nobody there who's in those buildings a day in Ohio tell me one person that's in a building in there nobody's doing anything
Starting point is 00:54:27 dark city bro real sad walking through it i was like i was trying to do some girly stuff we got there two shows one friday one saturday saturday morning i was like i'm gonna take a walk and get some coffee there were like dead birds in the road and stuff i was like dude every single shop was closed I was like, I don't know. We got to get out of here. And I'll take the next flight out. Oh, God, come on, please. Hey, Benny Boy.
Starting point is 00:55:06 This wasn't my hometown, but this was about 40 minutes from where I went to college. There's a town called Enterprise, Alabama. And they have a nightmare, bull weevil, Ronald McDonald statue. outside of their McDonald's location. So if you don't believe me, look it up, look up the Enterprise Bowl Weevol, Ronald McDonald, and good luck sleeping tonight, big boy. Oh, holy shit, dude, he was not kidding.
Starting point is 00:55:37 Imagine seeing this at night. Oh, my God. What were they thinking? Like, this didn't scare people when they were making it in 1962. People in 1962 had different fears. Oh, like, do you see some of this stuff? McDonald's, Ronald and McDonald, bro, they, they tried so hard to get him out of the picture.
Starting point is 00:56:09 That thing is scary. Ronald McDonald? The name is scary. Dude, Ronald McDonald robs your house. Ronald McDonald, he was like, 6-8 that was not a small clown and kind of like
Starting point is 00:56:28 built too how come Ronald McDonald had some shoulders I think Ronald McDonald could dunk bro he was that was scary for real parents didn't think that was scary it was just like 1990 imagine when McDonald's
Starting point is 00:56:47 when it hit him that they're like oh shit this is wild oh shit we got a clown We got to get rid of this clown. McDonald's the second they realize Ronald McDonald is terrifying. Oh shit! Make Grimmis famous. Make Grimmis famous.
Starting point is 00:57:04 Because I... I think there was like a Ronald McDonald like horror thing on the internet. And someone showed me that and I was like, oof. I get it now. King of the fast food Mascots, though All you talk about his food So gross
Starting point is 00:57:34 Bro, I live out in Marietta I got shit out here, man There ain't nothing. Got to be an outlet Nothing out here Everything's the same It's like I think up I'm trying to think
Starting point is 00:57:44 Like what would be here That wouldn't be somewhere else And I can't think of a thing We got to Those are the towns I love Chuckie cheese. But who doesn't have a chucky cheese, man? Everybody's got a chucky cheese, right?
Starting point is 00:57:57 I don't know, dude. There's nothing out here. You were here out in Ontario when you did your comedy. I mean, everything that you guys have there, we have out here. I mean, you have in Indiana. I don't know, man. I got nothing. Kind of the best towns.
Starting point is 00:58:13 That's the town I'm from. Where I come from. There's just a couple strip malls in a Denny's. That's Chrome. where I come from There's a Marshall's home good and a T.J. Max. Where I come from. There's no personality, but that car wash is always full.
Starting point is 00:58:33 Where I come from. There's a... Where I come from. There's a hardware store that's locally owned. I come from. There's a car wash that's always packed. Where I come from. There's a high school that has a one state in 62 years.
Starting point is 00:59:04 Where I come from. There's a barber shop that feels like you're going to get shot when you're in it. Where I come from. Every town. Where I come from. There's a bunch of homeless guys downtown where I come from. There's a gas station where all the high school kids smoke blacks where I come from. There's a mall that's out of business where I come from.
Starting point is 00:59:50 There's a mall wood just four massage chairs in it where I come from. Yeah, I don't know, man. The only pizzeria we have is pizza hut where I come from. There's a town that looked like 15 tornadoes ripped through it where I come from. We're all from exactly the same place. My favorite type of town. the high school's called the night where I come from
Starting point is 01:00:27 oh we got a lot we just got something rolling in here dude she says she said I know you bad but I want you bad hey she said oh wait is this thing on what's up B saw the question of the day
Starting point is 01:00:45 have some time I'm literally at work and need to be working but whatever popped in for the question of the week, what is the hometown flex? What if I told you that the greatest chef of all time, Guy Fietti, the creator of diners, drive-ins and dives, the weirdo with the long hair, the long, blonde, spiky hair? Dog. He's from my hometown. That's my biggest flex. I treated like a badge of honor somehow. Every time I see his stuff around when I go to a restaurant and I see that he's been there, it's like a piece of me has been in there. And since this is definitely
Starting point is 01:01:22 not a high school sports podcast, I actually played basketball against his son one time when I was, I think, a sophomore in high school. And we blew out his team by 30 points. And when I went to go try and get an autograph from guy at the end, because he actually showed up to the game, whoa. I run out, you know, a little chunky kid, loves Food Network, loves this guy's show. I run out to the back and I go Hey guy What's up man Can I get a pick
Starting point is 01:01:51 This guy looks at me Damn near flipped me off Told me pretty much to kill myself Turn around and kept it moving Scarbed me for life Never meet your heroes kids But yeah Biggest hometown flex is
Starting point is 01:02:03 Guy Fietti You know it's real Because he said Fieti I'm out here saying Fieri Hey was a son On fire that game Oh god Jeez, come on.
Starting point is 01:02:17 Oh, my God, he can't be serious. That's sick. How come I have the utmost respect for a guy fiatty? He's like, that's the white Shaquille O'Neal. Put him on anything. Yep, I like it now. How about Friday's just being like,
Starting point is 01:02:39 you're the face of our franchise. You are the fit. You're making everything now. You're making everything now. Carnival Cruise need a little bit of a rebrand. Guy Fietti. Guess what? You got a restaurant.
Starting point is 01:02:51 In-house. On ship. Uh-uh. The SS Guy Fietti has sailed. You need a rebrand? Shack or Guy Fietti? It's all the rebrand station. You call the rebrand hotline?
Starting point is 01:03:11 You want to go white guy or black guy? We'll go black. Shack. Okay. Papa Johns Okay Sounds good Guy Fietti
Starting point is 01:03:22 Just a white guy mascot I'm crazy I love food Sounds good to me I kind of sucks He wasn't cool though God damn it It's always the guys
Starting point is 01:03:34 You think that are going to be the coolest That aren't cool What's up with that Flame T-shirt blonde hair Spike tips Bleached tips blonde goatee
Starting point is 01:03:46 serve the appetizers at Fridays flip me off after a basketball game huh yo Benny what up I'm from Indianapolis and my hardest
Starting point is 01:04:03 hometown flex is probably a tie between Long's donuts and he knows ball we have this guy from here who like goes crazy online yelling compliments at people from the fucking side of the street and then like going to the store and buying random shit that no one else buys and eating it in his
Starting point is 01:04:27 car uh he's like kind of famous now and shit so that's a pretty big flex from from indie um but yeah uh i can't remember his name though i'll kiss you right now under the stars dude when's the last time he saw a star in this guy Why did I just think of that? You know what I'm saying? Am I crazy? When's the last time you saw a star in the sky? Stars fell off.
Starting point is 01:04:58 Stars fell off! When's the last time you saw a star on the sky? I'm dead serious. Is it because I live in the city or something? But everybody lives in the damn city. I cannot remember the last time I saw a star in the sky. It was when I stuck him to my ceiling when I was in fourth grade. now that
Starting point is 01:05:17 now that that was sick the first time you went to somebody's house and they had stars tacked to their ceiling and it was like banging oh my god
Starting point is 01:05:31 hey let's bring that back bring back glowing star ceilings if somebody had that now oh my god That was the coolest thing. Hey, and remember, hey, you were sleeping. Not, hey, you're trying to go to sleep.
Starting point is 01:05:57 Yep. 9.45 p.m. in your bed. Kind of scared. The only light you got in your room are the glowy stars on your ceiling. You're fighting for your life. because you think somebody's on the ground in your room and you're in your bed.
Starting point is 01:06:20 Oh, I hope there's no one in here. And then one of those stars from your ceiling falls down on your desk in your room. Run out of your room so fast for your mom's room. Then the next day you look at your desk and one of the stars is on top of the desk and it has part of the ceiling on it.
Starting point is 01:06:44 You're like, I took the ceiling off to the tech. We call that a shooting star, B. But can we bring back glowing star ceilings? I would do that right now. Literally turn off. Dude, if a girl walked in my room and I'd glowy star ceilings and my bed was on the floor. Name a sexier thing to have in your room.
Starting point is 01:07:14 Rate my setup. Girl comes in here, bed on the ground, dust everywhere, glowy stars on a ceiling. Who's not kissing me? Hey, just kiss me already. Let's get it over with. Oh my God. Literally hot. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:07:39 And then you went to your cousin's house and you're like, they ain't doing stars like I'm doing it. I swear, we got all, I got everything cool that I had growing up was from my cousins. Trampoline, cousins had it first. Stars on the ceiling, cousin had it first. N64, cousin had it first. Everything I've ever said, cousin said it first. Hide and seat, cousins played it first. Laser tag, cousins did it first.
Starting point is 01:08:08 Treats a pizza from Pizza Hut. Cousins did it first. I'm like, did we, can we come up with one thing in this family? Damn. That's why family's first. Let's keep going. So I'm from Pittsburgh, and, you know, we have a really rich history in this country.
Starting point is 01:08:30 You know, aside from the seven-time Super Bowl champions, five-time Stanley Cup and five-time World Series champions, you know, that's all cool. You know, Kurt Engels from here, You're freaking one of gold medal at the Olympics with a broken neck. You know, that's a slight flex, but, you know, I think the biggest flex is we basically built this country. Any building, bridge, train tracks, yeah, all that steel was fortified in Pittsburgh.
Starting point is 01:09:02 And then how did we get it to you with not our one, not two, but three rivers. and then once we built the freaking country, we saved it, created the polio vaccine. None of Gins would be here right now without Jonah Sulk creating that. So yeah, Pittsburgh, greatest city in the country. Don't try to argue otherwise. Moment of silence for Cordell Stewart. Thank you. Now, every time I drive under a bridge, I'm like,
Starting point is 01:09:37 We in Pittsburgh? Never been there in my life. God, I know nothing about anything. When I think of Pittsburgh, I think of when Bain blew up the football field and Heinz Ward was running towards the end zone. That's of my first thought. Pittsburgh, what do you think of?
Starting point is 01:09:58 The whole entire football field blowing up during Batman, the movie, which wasn't even real? Yo, what's up? It's Hank. Um, so this is not a flex. It's just interesting that I went to Comac High School and one of, uh, a kid that I went to his with was on the first episode of Shark Tank ever.
Starting point is 01:10:19 Yo. Did not get a deal. Didn't need to get close. I was on Shark Tank. Didn't get a deal. It didn't even get close. That's sick though. What was the invention?
Starting point is 01:10:28 The high school was on Shark Tank. Did not get a deal. Did not even get close, brother. So from 19. 96 to 1998 in Comac High School, that's it to produce three of the worst Shark Tank contestants that the show is ever seen. That's so cool to me.
Starting point is 01:10:49 Damn, man. Oh, I wish you, tell me what the products were and stuff like that. You were on the show? I mean, I do stand up and people are like, that's, I could never do that. Dude, one thing I don't think I could ever do is go on Shark Tank. Can you imagine?
Starting point is 01:11:08 Because, you know, like when they do their pitch, it's like, you know, they feel like so dumb. Today? We bring to you. The taglines and stuff like that. But like, I'd be okay doing all the showy stuffy stuff. I take a bite of this hot dog ketchup gets on my shirt and runs all the way down my shirt
Starting point is 01:11:41 no stain what do you think Mr. Cuban they always have you know what I mean it's so rehearsed I mean it has to be you know what I'm saying and then the the sharks
Starting point is 01:11:52 are giving them pity laughs and like I'm like okay I can see myself using that like they talk me into it and I'm like not bad idea but then when they get to the math part I'm like
Starting point is 01:12:04 what are you talking about me going on Shark Tank Okay, what percentage is a company Are you doing sales in now Uh 52? 40 All right
Starting point is 01:12:22 How much Equity Dude they throw out Dude once they say equity You know what? I don't think Actually, I don't know Do you want the whole thing?
Starting point is 01:12:33 Do you want the idea? I gotta go. I gotta go. Bye. runs out of the room collapses in the middle of the room how much equity on stake do you have
Starting point is 01:12:48 I don't know how you did that dog I know that hit me with a brain buster how about the guys that are ready for them a half a million 2.75 in sales what are you talking about you're just stupid All right, let's keep going
Starting point is 01:13:07 Got to get out of here, fam We gotta get out of here T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-Wee to I don't need a talking phase Just tell me your subway order I don't need a talking phase Just tell me your subway order What'll it be, babe?
Starting point is 01:13:35 What's going on there? Never seen a girl get a foot long sub. That would blow my mind. I've never gotten a six inch sub. I'm always like, I'll eat the other half later. Tells me everything. Everything you need to know about a person is in their subway sub. I don't like it.
Starting point is 01:14:01 I don't like it. Girls always get chicken terriaki. Show me a girl. that gets something other than chicken terriaki, please. I don't need a talking phase. Just show me her eighth grade backpack. That's all I want. That's all I need to know.
Starting point is 01:14:22 You got a Jansport bust in at the seams? Kiss a clock. I don't need a talking phase. just throw a ball let me see what we got going on let me see what we got going on can you mimic a quarterback on TV
Starting point is 01:14:53 you throw on that thing like Matt Ryan kiss a clock I don't need a talking phase Has your dad ever punched a hole in the wall Yes You know what time it is, babe Quarter past
Starting point is 01:15:24 I don't need a talking phase Do you know who Steve Spagnola is? Ha ha ha ha I don't need a talking phase Did you watch Princess Bride when you're six years old Against Your Will? I don't need a talking phase
Starting point is 01:15:50 Just walk for five steps That's it Just let me see what's going How are you walking? Dude, that right there is probably the one I don't need a talking phase Just walk up the street Let me walk behind you
Starting point is 01:16:02 Just looking at your ankles. Feet turned in. Are you busting out of the sides of your shoes? Have you played a sport? Hey, I don't need a talking face. Just let me see how you wear your socks at the gym. Kind of a cute girl at the gym. I'm like, okay, okay.
Starting point is 01:16:30 I see you working hard. Getting up early. at the gym, 8 a.m. All right, damn. Okay. Kind of hot. Sox pulled high and tight, upper leg. Eh.
Starting point is 01:16:47 You got a softball game? I don't know. That's my, that's my, that's my, the socks thing. I'm like, why would you ever tight up your leg? Who think... I don't need a talking phase. But after you take a bite of something, are you like, I don't like the texture. It's two days.
Starting point is 01:17:34 Days of the week. Thursday. Thanksgiving. Has anybody ever done this? Has anybody ever just eaten dessert on Thanksgiving? I might try to go. I might try to be that guy this year. Wait, you're not going to have.
Starting point is 01:17:53 What if I was just dessert king? Oh my God, wait. Do you know who's here? Oh my God, he just walked in. D.K. D.K. D.K. Metcalf. Just eat dessert.
Starting point is 01:18:10 Pie all day. It's so weird that we eat so early on Thanksgiving. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Feast starts at 1 p.m. You're eating slices of pie at 3.30. No other day.
Starting point is 01:18:30 No other day. Pranting around. the dessert table. That's crazy that we have a dessert table. Cupcakes, pumpkin rolls. People go off pumpkin cheesecake.
Starting point is 01:18:46 Talk to me nice. You can spend all your time at the dessert table. Has anyone ever done it though? I'm talking all day. Dessert doesn't come out until after we eat. Not for me
Starting point is 01:19:05 Where's she at? Is she on the porch? You go to your aunt's house You go to your grandma's house All the dessert On the screened in porch Because it's cold Doors locked
Starting point is 01:19:18 Forbidden territory You look out the window Curtains Because it's an old house You look at the window Six pies Cold Was I the only one that had cold pies?
Starting point is 01:19:37 That's how my grandma was doing it. We never had hot apple pie. It was always cold, bro. On the screened-in porch on a table with a tablecloth and you were just like taking a peek behind the curtain, felt illegal a little bit. Pies with the biggest. air pockets in them too you know like the the and they weren't even like you didn't even have
Starting point is 01:20:08 a triangle slice when you got pie or grandmas for Thanksgiving it was just like bro did somebody put the pie on your plate and then punch it is there a guy serving pie and punching them all and bringing them in here I'm like yo I've just got like a baseball mitt of pie with ice cream on it I was like yeah it is how we do it big slice a your uncle Dude, your uncle would take the biggest bites and have the biggest slices and portions of everything out. O.G. Uncle plate?
Starting point is 01:20:43 Guys not playing around. Every Thanksgiving, your uncle makes a plate and it looks like he hasn't eaten in three years. You're like, How hungry is bro? Unk, you good? And he's acting like it's just a bowl of cereal the way he's eating and joking.
Starting point is 01:21:18 Nobody's ever been more on it than your uncle at things. Just, dude, piles of food. Your dad and your uncle's plate? Like, I'm like, is this a contest? bro there would be so much food on their place i still don't like when do you get to that age i'm still not there with food on thanks i'm like yo i'm i got like i'm trying to make this look good you know all about the i'm all about the presentation man little bit goes a long way i'll give another plate if i need more dude your dad and your uncles i think it's a 50 you turn 50
Starting point is 01:21:58 you're like I'm going to make my plate look like a volcano bro stacks and it's there's no coordination
Starting point is 01:22:11 and blah rah they all look the same too just and just crushing at the table ripping on
Starting point is 01:22:27 machine gun jokes eaten has a glass of milk you're like this guy's an animal I'm like what do you what you even do today you know what I mean you're ever thinking about that
Starting point is 01:22:42 I shovel the driveway 16 times I'm like God damn that guy's amazing just so on so on knows everything about the game going on I'm like, how's this guy so locked in?
Starting point is 01:23:00 Machine. Always had a mustache. Friday. French Toastay. Hey, remember, um, this doesn't come around often, man. I don't even know if they have it out right now. I think it's a specialty cereal.
Starting point is 01:23:26 French toast crunch Those little mini Pieces of toast Red box Different Can't teach that dude Can't teach that different Hold on
Starting point is 01:23:40 French Toast Crunch Oh shut up I swear the box used to be red Yep Uh huh Yep
Starting point is 01:23:52 Uh huh Yeah They don't do it anymore Because why it's on eBay dude french toast crunch there was you can't tell me there wasn't real syrup in there
Starting point is 01:24:06 you eat French toast crunch once at the kitchen table when you're a kid I got to take a shower after this why am I so sticky the milk just activated it that was a real experience the first time you had French toast crunch
Starting point is 01:24:23 didn't disappoint didn't have it often either red box remember when cinnamon toast crunch got hot it got hot it was like a it was like um nickelback you know
Starting point is 01:24:41 it was just there for a while and then um everybody loves it it was there my whole life in childhood forever but I felt like it really popped off in like 2006 it was like cool to be like
Starting point is 01:24:59 cinnamon toast crunch is my favorite cereal and I'd be like wait a minute the cinnamon coach a cinnamon toast crunch I know in love then it's their cousin French toast crunch coming to play
Starting point is 01:25:17 not many cereals deliver like the way French toast crunch does you're like all right real real deal I love how there are tiny pieces of bread
Starting point is 01:25:35 oh my god trying to think of oh my god hey remember this cereal this cereal you know cereals are so gas when like the boxes are smaller you know what I'm saying
Starting point is 01:25:52 like the boxes isn't regulation size, it's a little small and you're like, oh, is this because it's like special? You know the best songs? All the best songs are like two minutes long and you're like what? Regular length is
Starting point is 01:26:09 three minutes. We've all burnt CDs before. The standards, three minutes default and you're going two minutes with this song? I'm like, did you forget the rest of the song? Is it coming out later? So confused on the best songs that are two minutes long.
Starting point is 01:26:25 like as as a musician how are you like this is good that's it one verse bro that's like cereal boxes when it's when it's get when it's like fire cereal smaller box these right here dude dangerous
Starting point is 01:26:46 we only had them like I don't even know oh they changed a box hold on we only had it sometimes but these were straight crazy whenever we got come on baby here this just took me all the way back how fire were these
Starting point is 01:27:11 O's when we had these it was special I'm like we we must have something happened in our lives we got some money from grandma We got O's? This cereal is This is the type of cereal that was so good
Starting point is 01:27:29 My dad made me mix it with Wheaties Uh-uh, no, nope, nah Half and Half with Wheaties Yeah Like when even your parents know the cereal's gas Half and half Mixed out with Wheaties can't have that much I was like, oh shit
Starting point is 01:27:50 The cereal's serious Mix and cereals Because it's too much You have a whole bowl of O's When you're 12 You'll be drunk the rest of the day Guy can't walk in a straight line Had O's earlier
Starting point is 01:28:08 Dude's falling asleep in the driveway Had O's Spit on one of his friends Had O's earlier Bid his cousin. Teddows. Oh my god. My son,
Starting point is 01:28:29 he bit his cousin over the weekend in Cincinnati. I asked him why. And he said he's because he had a full bowl of honey grandmows. I'm so sorry. I love that mom. Sunday National Stay Home Day Brough, this is a stay-home podcast.
Starting point is 01:29:01 What if we started going out? What if we started going out wearing polos? We started hitting the boardwalk and some Hollister cargo shorts. Ankle socks. Nike slides. Who wants to kiss?
Starting point is 01:29:17 National Mason Jarday. dude mason jars just um used more for everything but the actual what is the what is the what is the og reason for mason jars how do i look this up mason jars original where do they what do they hold just nothing are they just okay they're just jars i think i i thought they held a sauce my whole life because my grandparents would just make their own sauce in their basement and put it all on the shelves jars jars of marinero sauce on their shelves in the basement of my grandma's house i was like oh the sauce jar's room it's like forbidden sauce jars room it's a room that you never really paid attention to you go to your grandma's basement craziest haunted
Starting point is 01:30:10 place of all time by the way your grandma's basement i don't care if it's a new house people died there go to your oh my god dude go to your grandma's basement when like just your grandma's home you know your cousins like your family
Starting point is 01:30:25 like they're doing something and you're like sleeping or something and you woke up oh they just ran to the store real quick you're like okay and you gotta get something in the basement you got to you know some weird how come suddenly
Starting point is 01:30:40 there's 15 ghosts in the basement had to pass through the sauce jar room just to get there I was like, oh my God one of the scariest things I've ever done in my life go in my grandparents' basement as a kid alone
Starting point is 01:31:00 stuff just starts looking weird bro your grandpa's like tools on his wall you're starting to think you're like this are these even his tools i've never seen him down here is somebody is i think the devil's down here and he like tortures people with these tools i know it he's never used that's a saw you're looking at that's a dude i don't think i think somebody else is
Starting point is 01:31:32 using that saw i don't think he even knows that that's for like wood the laundry area you're like I've seen my grandma down here like twice but like whose stuff is this in the cabinet I think there's somebody else that lives here and they don't know the little storage area they told me not to go in this area
Starting point is 01:32:07 I think there's bodies behind the furnace yeah what's a furnace I don't know behind the air conditioning thing wait they don't have air conditioning oh my god there's a door back there my cousin showed me at one time
Starting point is 01:32:26 he said never to look bro there's a little dude that area of your grandparents's basement where all like the plumbing air conditioning units are holy what who died there dude there's some how come there's all you always see somebody's arm real
Starting point is 01:32:49 quick was that an arm dude every time behind the big like circular looking heater thing there's a big square heater and there's a circular AC thing and I'm like bro I saw somebody's arm I saw somebody's arm you go upstairs of your cousin midway through dessert you hit him saw somebody's arm no way you don't go down there and check it out saw somebody's arm i promise they said their name was ashley
Starting point is 01:33:19 i just heard it i just heard it dude you gotta bring like you gotta bring like a weapon down there with you gotta be dead serious telling my cousin this at the table on thanksgiving bro kept hearing voices yeah
Starting point is 01:33:35 and now my older cousins yeah. Now Tony and Christina they want to go down there with the lights off. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And you can't turn them on. They said you can't turn them on for six minutes. You have to wait all six minutes. Yeah, and that weird.
Starting point is 01:34:01 They told us to, dude, your cousin's already making you doing the craziest shit in your grandparents' basement. I'm like, Bro, if only the adults knew what they were telling us a dude down there. Just the wildest, yeah, you got to stand, take your shoes and socks off, stand there on the cold ground for six minutes. Mm-hmm. Where you saw the arm? Where you saw the arm?
Starting point is 01:34:26 Jesus Christ. Hey, you got to rub this balloon on your hair too, this balloon. Yep. And if the static makes a noise, she's behind you. Oh, my God. Can someone else go first? That means you got to go first if you don't want to go. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:34:43 So many weird rules. What are you saying? You got to put these wooden moccasins on that we found in the closet. Yep, that's the only way. The spirit's not going to haunt you. I was like, oh my God, dude. Give me the moccasins. Give me the moccasins.
Starting point is 01:34:58 They don't even fit your feet. Dude, I'm in tiptoes and wooden moccasins with a balloon on my head. In the middle of the cold ground with a drain under me. I just counted it was six minutes I just counted for six minutes Hey they're all upstairs Is it time yet?
Starting point is 01:35:18 Is it done? There's nobody in the basement Ah No they're having the time of their life upstairs Completely forgot you're They just pranked you And you were downstairs
Starting point is 01:35:28 No one can hear you You go upstairs all like worked up I thought you said six minutes They're like what are you talking about I was like, oh, my God, no one cares about me. Oh, shit, that fan in your grandparents' basement, like with no cage. Dude! That fan in your grandpa's basement.
Starting point is 01:35:57 From before women had rights, that fan, great depression fan. I'm like, yo, if that fan's on, that's what that. dude that's why your grandpa's missing a finger that fan no cage you know what fan I'm talking about hold on
Starting point is 01:36:18 is this like one of this podcast where he like looks up stuff the whole time shut up Ashley old fan um cage old fan cage
Starting point is 01:36:34 grandma I don't know what to type in It's almost like this, but worse. Oh, dude, hey, hey, this fan, this fan. This fan in your grandma's basement? Me the next day. Me at school on Monday. We were playing hide and seeking my grandma's basement.
Starting point is 01:36:56 Old fan was on. Every grandparent had that fan. Every grandma had that fan in their basement. And you're like, what is even... Why would that... Does she sit down here? Alright. Uh, your family was weird.
Starting point is 01:37:12 Literally. Alright, fam. Wild. Hey! Have a good Thanksgiving. Tell your parents I said hello. Be thanks this year. Say thanks to somebody for something they did for you. Can we catch me quite of the week?
Starting point is 01:37:29 He's going, shut up. Here we go, here we go, here we go. Coach Peaccar of the week. Your ultimate level of success is determined by your levels of effort, discipline, and perseverance. Three things you can control, man. Effort, discipline, perseverance. Give me the most talented guy in the world. You don't have effort, discipline, perseverance. Might as well be sitting on your couch. Talk to you guys next week. Love you.
Starting point is 01:38:22 Oh, my God. Yeah, my bet. I thought the camera was going to die. But see you guys next week. Bye.

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