Espresso - your hardest hometown flex
Episode Date: November 27, 2025Send this to your homies to support the pod!https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖�...�𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 https://benedictpolizzi.com/shows/Sacramento, CA - Dec 4Phoenix, AZ - Dec 12-13💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX🧢 "𝗙𝗕𝗢𝗬" 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝟮𝟱% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/
Transcript
Discussion (0)
So if you don't believe me, look it up, look up the Enterprise Bowl Weevil, Ronald McDonald, and good luck sleeping tonight, big boy.
Oh, holy shit, dude, he was not kidding.
Imagine seeing this at night.
Just a day, just an ordinary day.
Trying to get in by.
espresso podcast shot 395
I'm your girlfriend Benny
who had grilled cheese and tomato soup
for the first time
upsized
has one bite of grilled cheese
dips in tomato soup
and now I'm a girl in college
um literally my favorite day I eat it when it rains
every time like uh yeah
it's like a law
upcoming stand-up comedy shows
Sacramento December 4th
that's in like seven seconds
get your dickies
Matt Barnes
You're on every team in the NBA.
Phoenix, December 12th and 13th.
Grant Hill, I still think about your ankle socks.
In Chicago, these guys, live podcast, live podcast,
la, la, la, la, live podcast.
Make sure you know it's a live podcast.
If you think I'm doing stand-up, you're wrong.
It's a live podcast.
My catfish keeps inviting girls telling them it's a stand-up show.
It's a live podcast.
You're in for a wild night.
Oh, God, you know, she.
December.
22nd these guys live podcasts get your tickeys brine earlacker your barbed wire tattoo keeps me up at night
and watch you on f boy island and f girl island on the cw uncensored adults only does he fall in love
on tv in four seconds every time tell your homies to join the patreon for five dollars what do i
got you get every other podcast and a live stream at the end of every week what do you guys even
talk about in the live stream why would i even join uh uh maybe we talk about feeling like a fat
piece of shit every sunday i don't know do we talk about that one time i cried when i was drunk
a kooka-cook a cringe moment of the week or do we just talk about j j mccarthy it's for us to know
and for you to find out babe five dollars that's it join get all your merch at benedictmerch dot com
emotional support animal merch we out here be a nice merch feeling glonky merch these guys merch hey
who's buying this merch got everything babe benedictmerch dot com get some for the holly
Holidays for the holidays.
Happy holiday.
Music's starting to play in Target.
Oh, it's already playing, baby.
You walk into Target, get a coffee.
Happiest you've been in a hot minute.
What's the deal?
Back sweating, getting kind of happy.
All right, let's go to the question.
Girl, you know, we got things to do.
question of the week
what's your hardest hometown flex
that thing in your town
people just don't know about
yeah you've been there but have you been here
yeah you've been to Dave and Busters
but have you been to Rascals Fun Zone
10 minutes away from my house
I'm talking putt putt
with dinosaurs on the course
imagine going there when you're 10
I'm talking go-karts that go like 60 miles an hour
for a birthday party
oh sorry
I'm Jeff Gordon now
goes go-karting once has a three sticker on the back of his truck window
maybe I do
laser tag men in black themed
Arcade Tekken
Don't tell me you don't want to throw up there
Long's Bakery
Dude somebody hit me with
Wentz Indiana
Everyone was talking about Longs had it
Very mid
Dude it's because you just don't get it
Some people
Kind of boring
Dude people are throwing boring around
Like it's a new word
Hey guess what
if you're into extreme wild donuts you don't know donuts you don't know ball when it comes
to donuts kind of boring you only need the four bangers the heroes of the donut shop jelly
caramel stick let me restart jelly long john oh g glazed
And low key, four donut holes.
That's all you need.
I don't need the peanut butter jelly double birthday cake.
I don't need that.
I don't need the flash.
Just give me what this land was founded on.
Jelly, Long John, OG glaze, donut holes.
If you're not happy with these, you got a lake house.
Don't need you.
Get on your speedboat.
Oh my God.
They like didn't have a back to school donut.
What the hell is that?
They didn't have the Oreo like.
Give me the OGs, babe.
You don't know what's pure.
Long's donuts, no branding on the box.
That's how you know.
They don't care about the games.
They're not in it for the clicks.
They're in it for you.
no frills
not even a website
dude they don't even
hey hey hey hey is how you know it's real
they don't take credit cards
you find me a donut shop
that doesn't take credit cards that's how I know
it's a fire donut shop
tough
eating them on the way home
got that donut paper on them you know
creep your little hand into a donut box on the way home
get there you're lying to people
about five yeah I thought five was good
eight two on the way home really had seven
fat liar
talking to people with a little bit of caramel on your lip
just got five didn't want to overdo it
remember when your hand was doing this into the box
on the passenger seat
all right happy fingers
slip in there
you gotta take the
slutty little
panties off a one of them
you like
you say like cringe words
no other way to describe it
that little
that little donut paper
licking that
oh god
you've never
felt more like a pervert and it's go time. Donut while you're driving, different feeling.
Donate at a table around people can't really enjoy it as much because you have to like talk about
it. I'm like, I don't want to give a book report on my donut. Oh, is that good? There's always a girl
across the table. Is that good? cares so much about your donut more than anything in the world.
Hey, just keep this between me and the donut. All right? This is a me and donut conversation.
then you got to give her a bite and you don't want to be rude so you give her a good bite
and how's my bite jeez done it while you're driving home though
let's have a little convo me and you
and guess what i'm doing all the talking
all right let's get to yours not that um not that this is a food podcast or anything
what's your hardest hometown flex hey how we doing espresso fam yes um it's my dog excuse me
uh i'm gonna go sharpen my pencil again because i have a crazy outfit on and i want to show
everybody and now my pencil looks like a nub uh
Uh, only clubhouse would get it.
Ew, literally sit down.
You literally dress like shit.
And you're a disgusting pig.
Oh my God.
Ashley, give it a rest.
Please, uh, just be my date to Clubhouse live, December 22nd at Zanis.
Okay, anyway, um.
Be my date.
I actually think I know the subject this week.
Ha ha.
Okay, anyway.
Um, what needs to die?
Uh,
Oh, it's not even it.
cooler water bottles at football practice.
We can't do that one.
Hey, run it back from the tap, man.
DMX lived in my hometown.
DMX!
I downloaded a lot of DMX off LimeWire when I was a kid.
And I don't know if we all were doing that or I was just really into that.
But you can't tell me you're not going to download a song.
And in the first five seconds, the guy sounds like a dog.
You're not going to download that?
If I could just have one thing from, oh my God.
What down the wrong pipe?
How many pipes are there?
If I could just bring back, oh, damn, this could be a quick, cool, cool question in the week in the future.
If you could bring back one thing from the past, one thing.
what would it be dude for me hey that one pair of shoes you know what i mean like this just that
one for me my seventh grade basketball pump-up CD would play to my dad's car in the way to
games DMX X going to give it to you what you're literally so white but you know when you hear that
for the first time when you heard when you heard we ready for the first time who sings this
song then you got the real version bro i think uh i think that's why like the dj come up is so
serious like in our generations because we all kind of were like we were making our own mix tapes
11 years old nah that goes there that goes there not that song dude nobody has like
nobody has like music knowledge like that
when they're 11 right
we're putting together like fire mixtapes
giving it to our friends
was the only thing I thought about
what's gonna be song number one
hmm
but DMX living your hometown kind of hard
where is he from
no idea what happened to DMX
how's DMX doing have we checked on DMX
lately
D.LX
Came in so rough on every song
DMX on
Wow
DMX on
Fight for New York
What does that game call? I can't think of it
Where all the rappers fight
I can't think of it
I can't think of it could never beat DMX
DMX was so cool on that game
Def Jam Vendetta
I get it
Okay, you played video games.
We got to.
I'm from Bakersville, California.
You mean the Midwest?
We are the home of country music for like Buck Owens and Merrill Haggard.
And we also have the band corn.
That's from Bakersfield.
Yeah, you're right.
And everybody swears they know somebody that's in the band or whatever.
So those are the two biggest things most people from Bakersfield will say,
besides some of the sports stars that we had.
There's a guy named Joey something that was on the Steelers
that I forget his last name,
but he was from Bakersfield and then Kevin Harvick from NASCAR.
So just a couple little things.
I mean, and we're big on agriculture too, I guess.
But Baker's still gives a lot of hate.
But there's been some good things to come out of it.
on another episode of Bakersfield, California is Iowa.
But the first time, do you know, you hear like, when you're from the Midwest, you hear about Orange County,
Bakersfield, all these California towns that you're just like, wow, I can't even imagine
how like diverse and, you know, it seems tropical.
it seems just like, wow, that's got to be another planet.
What are they doing out there in Orange County?
The Real Housewives of Orange County.
I was like, oh my God, this is probably like the snootiest, like, you know,
bougiest neighborhood you've ever been in.
Bro, first time I went to Orange County.
Never felt more at home.
I was like, dude, all they have are strip malls.
strip malls taco bells shopping centers
I'm like this is this is I'm in the Midwest
Bakersfield California
there's a restaurant I almost worked at
in Indianapolis
had a stroke called Bakersfield
the most authentic Mexican food
I was like why is this place called Bakersfield
they're like oh there's a city in California
called Bakersfield and I was like oh that must be like
it must be like Mexico there
went to Bakersfield
Walmart
and a bunch of other fast food
places
I was like
scam
I live in Orange County
every time
someone would say
they live in Orange County
I'd be like wow
dude they're so cool and different
let's keep going
George Lucas
Jeremy Renner
Scott Peterson
all from my hometown
Dude are we just saying
people that are from there
I don't know anyone
Give me a little gem
Wait who's the second guy he said
George Lucas
Jeremy Renner
Jeremy Renner
Um
I know Jeremy Renner
Because the only thing I've ever seen
My life is Marvel movies
and he is I can't think of anything
this is one of those podcasts where I can't think of anything
but he's the guy that shoots arrows
I know I know I know think of it
but like imagine being that
whack of a superhero
like all the people are flying
and like jumping 5,000 feet
and they got to like take you with them
you know
hey we're fighting that big ass
giant over there
can you give me a lift Iron Man
What's he taking a taxi on the way over there?
I can't think of his name.
You want a high school cafeteria cookie B?
Hey, it's front row Austin.
I'm from Wapkineta, Ohio,
which is two and a half hours east of Indy,
and we are known as being the first on the moon
because Neil Armstrong is from our town.
So everything is moon or like space themed.
So instead of getting cheese curds at the restaurant,
you get crater curds
or instead of donut holes
you get moon rocks
or also we just sell
t-shirts in town that say
I got mooned in Wapacaneta
so that's my hometown's biggest flex
looking forward to these guys live
in December in Chicago
and want to try to eat some wings
with you after okay
God what a straight dog
I only like people from towns called
Wapacaneta
dude if you don't say it like that
though. If you see a sign
driving in Indiana that says
Wapacaneta
and you don't say it
like you're announcing
a monster truck rally
Wapacaneta
Don't care about you at all
literally in the slightest
That's kind of cool
Moon Rocks
Donut holes called Moon Rocks
Who's not getting
Who's not
It was fake though
Let's keep going
What up
Johnny C and it's anonymous
I come from a small town
called Washington Township
In New Jersey
It has about 9,000 people
And it's called
Washington
Because George Washington
actually
stood in a house that had seven chimneys, and he stood there for a week while he was
passing through, I guess, you know, when he was like a general. So they named the whole town,
township of Washington, Washington Township after him, because he literally was in our town and
stood there for a couple of days. So it's pretty legendary for him to be in that small little
town. And also, I come from a town where we have a football legend whose name is
BJ Araji, Green Bay Packer, Super Bowl winner, pro baller. He was actually one of my good
friends too. We've lost connection over the years. But I used to, you know, have him on dial.
I even been to his house in Green Bay. He was actually my boy. But, you know, as you get older,
you stop kind of talking to people.
I haven't heard from him in like
probably almost like five years now
but yeah that's
my little town Washington Township
put him on the map
Washington Township
I am convinced there's a Washington
Township in every single
city in the United States
State
high school there's a Washington high school
in every damn
state Washington
Central
Washington
dude
give me something
slick
give me a slick
high school name
give me a
Wapacaneta
high
I wonder
what their
high school
mascot is
oh my god
you want to stop
talking about
high school
Wap
caneta
oh my god
that's a
that'd be a sick
last name
too
Wapa caneta
for three
Wapa Caneta
High School
Come on baby
come on
Was he lying about the, about the moon stuff?
Wapacaneda High School mascot.
Oh my God, it's their redskins.
Wapacaneta.
What should they be?
Wapacaneda.
Hey.
Comet.
Come on.
Let me be mayor.
Hey, Benny.
How you back?
I really like this question, and I do want to flex hard on my hometown of Buffalo, New York.
You know, you come for the chicken wings and everyone complains about the snow,
but honey, I would take snow over hurricanes or tornadoes or earthquakes any day.
So, yeah, come on by, come on down to Buffalo.
You'll get some wings, maybe watch Josh Allen, you know, do some crazy shit.
Also, Google Dolls just showed up, did two concerts back to back to feed the hungry.
So, yeah, we're pretty, we're pretty baller over here.
Miss you.
See you later.
Bye.
God damn it, I love you.
That's the thing about Buffalo, man.
I would live there in four seconds.
It's like cold.
Don't care.
It's cold everywhere.
But the people are so about the bills.
I don't know why that gets me.
me rocked up but like even the girls so about the bills like five of them came up to me after
my buffalo show i thought i was going to get beat up um can you like wear a newer jersey i was like
you guys know you guys are mafia and like the whole thing they did before football
boatball games throw me through a table and light me on fire what a ritual i don't know i'm
about buffalo i don't really i don't know maybe i didn't go to the right wing place but where did i go
it was probably just the most like run-of-the-mill wing i went to the first wing place i saw
orangest wings of all time white to go box 30 of the orangest wings i've ever seen in my life
what was it called
Buffalo
Best
Wings
Caveman
Google search
Buffalo best wings
It was called
something real stupid
God I hate Yelp the website
Why do I have to like sign in
to be on Yelp?
I don't care
First two
Buffalo Wild Wings
I got to get out of here
I don't know
Okay, when it comes to wings
Who has the best wings?
Why is that the biggest conversation
In every city I've ever been in?
Best wings?
Hey, Ale Emporium
I'm like, I don't know, man
They're just all like the same, right?
Maybe I just have no like gauge for that.
Just use it as fuel, B.
I don't know.
When I eat wings, I'm just like, uh...
I don't really know what to look for.
Like, if they're too good, it's a little suss.
Just give me some normal wings.
Fridays?
Sure.
Is Friday still around?
I love Buffalo.
Willis McGahy.
My hometown flex is that I am from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, home of the Oklahoma City Thunder Baby.
Kind of hot.
Kind of hot.
Kind of hot.
Um, anything else is so crazy that...
How do you not like sports if you live in a town like Oklahoma?
I'll never understand that.
I'm like, I'll, like, wait, so...
Wait.
Does your life just revolve around Adrian Peterson,
Blake Griffin, and Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, and James Hardin?
That was like 10 years ago, literally.
Maybe 15.
But it doesn't it?
What else you guys doing?
I don't know how people don't like sports.
Sports ball, go sports.
I'm like, what else is there even to watch?
What else do you do here?
It's always the biggest deal, right?
Maybe because I grew up like, you know,
get all the lawn!
Family.
I'm like, how do you not like it like it a little bit?
Even going? Nothing?
So boring.
What else are you doing?
Let's keep you on.
Yo.
Okay, my hardest hometown flex.
Gotta be growing up next to Gail Sayers.
He was our neighbor in Walker, USA, Indiana.
Stop what?
A small little town up in Elkhart County, also known as the home of the jumbo jelly bean at the Walker
Rusa Dime store, pretty neat place.
We are also known for our maple syrup festival every year, every April.
but yeah
Gail and Artie Sayers
had a home there
and lived right next to them
they were super nice
super good people
we'd see them around town
every once in a while
and say hi
and yeah
so I don't know
if that really put
Wakerosa on the map or not
but that might be a good flex
so yeah
that is all for now
Waka Rusa
High School
what we time back
What would time back?
There is no current high school named Walker Roos High School.
Are you kidding?
What do you mean?
You know, you know, the evolution of the name has changed when you hear the name, Gale.
Gale?
Imagine naming your baby.
Gale right now.
Hmm?
Hmm?
Is that a toilet brand?
Gale?
That's a urinal brand.
You know when you're going to the bathroom
and you read the top of the urinal
and you're like, oh, wow.
I didn't know if Stoke made this
or what is it?
You know, there's a couple different ones.
Stoke urinals.
One of my favorite things to do.
God dang it.
Urinal brands.
American Standard.
God,
Kohler.
I'm a big fan of just the
Sloan.
Oh my God, dude.
You're peeing in fifth grade
and you look down to the toilet.
Sloan.
I'm like, God, dang, that's my, that's my,
that's my urinal, man.
Just wrecking that cake, too.
you know what I'm talking about
it's kind of been in there
for a while
you're just hitting it dude
the cake's flying
all over the walls
of the urinal
just yep
that's my work
putting some time in
on the Sloan
American Standard
a little too
a little too much for me
you know
American Standard toilet
I'm like come on now
come on
Give me some hometown.
If I'm peeing, I'm peeing in a local brand urinal.
God, there's nothing better.
Just looking at a bunch of cinder blocks.
Look down, Sloan.
I'm in the right place.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
I like the full one against the wall.
Bro, we're talking urinals.
How about the ones that go to the floor?
usually at a nice restaurant.
Never in a place where everybody needs to go to the bathroom now.
Like you go to like an NBA arena,
urinals aren't that great.
I'm like, shouldn't this be like the Michael Jordan of urinals here?
Cream of the crop, urinal!
Go to a big like,
NASCAR race.
Worst urinals.
You just pee in a silver box on the wall.
17 guys lining up to it.
You can't tell me that wasn't the weirdest experience of your life.
First time you went to the bathroom at a,
at the Indy 500.
First time you went to the bathroom at a racing event.
Am I a horse?
I guess I'm the horse.
wait so I just pee in this thing
dude for me for me it was at the iU football game
went with my dad
no idea why
it's probably like eight
come on b you gotta pee
gotta go to the bathroom b
walk into the bathroom
just 17 guys against the wall
letting it rip I was like
just in here
never felt more like a thoroughbred
you're looking around a little bit
so much hair
so much hair
I'm like damn damn damn
no brand on that thing
just some uncle
Archie built in the yard
yeah it's made a steel real sturdy
Memorial Stadium pisser
unless she about 35 years
no cakes in there either splash is going crazy back on your pants
Jesus you walk out of the bathroom
soaking wet
I mean you did that's the the worst part about the whole entire bat
it's happened to me so many times you go to the bathroom
wash your hands on the sink sink is soaking wet you press
like your waist up to the sink
pants soaked a line of soak
damn it
but you go to that Sloan joint
no problems
never felt more comfortable
let's keep going
I'm from a small island
in Canada
on the East Coast called Cape Breton Island
and my hometown, Sydney,
has the biggest fiddle in the world.
True story.
Google it.
On another episode of
What's a Fiddle?
Oh, yeah.
Uh-huh.
Just a big-ass violin
kind of looking thing?
Yeah, there's always, dude, isn't it really weird
that every city just has like a one really big item?
Like what a copycat league we're in.
Biggest Christmas tree, biggest fiddle,
biggest chair,
biggest candle.
You know what I'm talking about.
It's always on the side of the road.
Mom, the fiddle.
Indiana just,
has the biggest
firework store
jeez
maybe it's not even
in indiana
i think it's in ohio
the amount of
i just want to know
how many times
i've seen that
fireworks store
bro it is the
is the largest
building
i've ever seen in my life
did the aliens build that
did the aliens build that too
fireworks
who's going there
if it's not
I just don't know what's happening in the fireworks buildings when it's not summer what are they
right now November 25th what's going on in the fireworks building who's in there what are they doing
I just inventory what are you talking about you didn't know fireworks go bad dude what
What is happening in there?
And why is it so important to have fireworks?
They sell the good ones in here.
Let's keep going.
Ripping through them.
Winston-Salem, North Carolina is home to the daddy of the Empire State Building,
thanks to R.J. Reynolds and Krispy Cream donuts.
Wow, you guys know crazy stuff.
Like, I don't know any of the stuff about my hometown.
Yeah.
Krispy cream.
You ever take that little journey to Krispy cream?
No drive-up window.
Hey, I guess I'm just walking inside.
Let's see what all the commotion's about.
You know you're about to get in some trouble when you're going into a Krispy
cream.
something's going to happen that you don't want to happen, right?
When you walk in, line wrapped around the entire place.
I thought it was going out of business.
Never mind, the most popular it's ever been.
You got kids wearing crispy cream hats.
Kind of separates the men from the boys.
And we're talking fast food.
Krispy cream hats.
Steak and shake.
Hats.
Burger King
The Crown
Remember you put that thing on
First time you put the Burger King crown on
What's up,
Hose?
Just you and your mom
Burger King 2 p.m.
On a Tuesday
What's up,
Hose?
Don't let me go down the slide
in this crown.
Ah ha!
Just had a big
kid's meal.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
You know why I'm here.
Uh-huh.
Ha.
So I just had to get three shots in both my shoulders.
Yeah.
It's on my birthday.
Pussy.
Yep.
Got a couple of vaccines.
Did you know about them?
Ball pit.
Throwing up in it.
too much ketchup
wild time
you sometimes forget they have them
what are the other restaurants with hats
hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on with hats
restaurants with hats
oh uh in and out hats
internet has no idea what I'm talking about
how do you not know what I'm talking about internet
fast food with hats
weiner schnitzel has them
A place I've never been.
Arby's has them?
Dude,
White Castle has crowns?
Can't do this anymore.
The kings are in and out.
Burger King.
You know, we could actually count too.
Dick slash resort.
You kind of really want to go
but also kind of scared
I kind of really
want to go there with my dad
see how Maddie's going to get
Marble Falls, Texas
Blue Bonnet Cafe
Wait
blue bonnet Cafe
Wait is this
Are we talking to ice cream?
Marble Falls, Texas
Blue Bonnet Cafe
Pie Happy Hour
Damn
man
and I'm talking about
I was on a scavenger hunt
looking for pie in L.A.
And this place is about pie?
These pies go so high.
Lemon cream,
chocolate cream,
coconut meringue,
pecan, fudge.
God dang, dude.
Something I've never really
gone in
pie with all that cream on it that it almost looks like a like a clown pie
I've never ordered it it seems like the oldest guy in the world like you can order
only order one of those big pies if you have hair coming out of your ears
I take a I'll take a chocolate marine slice
hand doing this I take a chocolate meringue slice
would go a tornado flew around my room before you came excuse the mess it made it usually doesn't rain
in southern California much like Arizona my eyes don't shed tears before they bowl
I've been thinking about you oh no no oh this thing's on hometown flex I feel like I'm just going to talk about
New Jersey in general. Well, like hometown, I guess I could say Jersey Shore. Oh, that's hard. We were
in college, just getting out of college, and Jersey Shore dropped, premiered, and we have boardwalks.
I feel like boardwalks might be a novel concept for some, depending on your area. We have a lot of
boardwalks that we just drive to within 10, 15 minutes. And like, we used to go all the time in high
school, college, after college. That's like our boardwalks would be like our stomping ground.
And then we would just run into the cast of Jersey Shore filming.
And we'd be like, way, they're famous.
Like, we didn't have social media or anything.
So it was just like kind of weird that all of a sudden, New Jersey became, you know,
on the map for the Jersey Shore, which is so sad because the Jersey Shore was
quite embarrassing to the New Jersey name.
But still, it was kind of fun being like, oh, my God, did you see like the situation?
Snooki are at blah, blah, blah bar that like we always go to.
It was just kind of wild.
growing up with that.
Also, when I was in eighth grade or seventh grade or sixth grade, I forget.
One of the middle school grades, the Little League won the World Series, which again, not that big of a deal, but picture like getting off, oh, seventh grade, I think.
Picture getting off the bus, like going into middle school for the first time.
And they're being like a film crew filming the people get off your bus because you have the Little League World Champions.
on your bus.
Like, it was wild.
They had, like, their own cereal, like, picture the home, like, my hometown just blew up
from the Little League World Series kids, reporters all over the school.
Like, it was crazy times.
That was kind of interesting.
What else?
Like, we have beaches.
We have Atlantic City, like, 40 minutes away.
So confused.
You know, like, there's just a lot going on in New Jersey.
Uh, very expensive, kind of on a move.
but you know we got the fan and the friends here so anyway
Atlantic City is so confusing to me
because I think half my life I thought it was Atlantis the underground city
I'm like oh that's in New Jersey the movie where they find the underground city
that's been in New Jersey the whole time yep okay
Atlantis and Atlantic City same guy what's Atlantic City
you're literally so stupid
you like don't know the country
Atlantic City
Atlantic City if someone's like
you're going to Atlantic City
tomorrow congratulations
I'd be like I'm gonna get stabbed and robbed
is it just a casino
nightclub
it's to Vegas to the East Coast
you didn't know that
oh okay there's a beach
do places that are cold with beaches
I'm just like
I mean yeah you gotta do what you gotta do
if you got the ocean right there
I know you gotta flex the beach
but like people are like
oh my god Chicago
so nice because the beaches
in the summer
uh it's 52 degrees
so weird that it's in Chicago
too
you're on a beach in Chicago
or New Jersey you're like
where am I right now
boardwalks are so sexy
to people from the Midwest I'm telling you
because the only
like experience
I've ever had
with a boardwalk
in my entire life
was just pictures
and TVs on the wall
in Hollister
I can't be the only one
I'd walk into my mall
in Indiana
on a Thursday
after school
because I ripped my school pants
and I had to get new school pants
in Hollister
and I would just watch
the Huntington Beach
live stream on the wall with the boardwalk
and be like,
I wonder if I'll see boobs.
Dude, like, why did I think that was the coolest?
I would just watch the boardwalk like,
dude, is that a seagull?
It probably wasn't even a real live stream.
Probably just a loop,
seven minute loop of nothing happening.
Oh, Newport Beach.
Kind of sad.
Guy who only knows about like coast.
regions because of Hollister
boardwalks do
kind of get me going
a little bit though
something about just looking off
over a ledge being like
what if I drop my phone
that's all I'm thinking
what if I drop my phone through a crack
anytime I do anything
it's what if I drop my phone
through a crack
boardwalk
these slits in the wood
pretty big
better be careful
getting on a plane
may never see it again
that's cool though
actually the shops and stuff
the shops near a boardwalk
always an ice cream place
do let's meet up
boardwalk in Fort Myers
finally got one
ice cream place on a boardwalk
in Fort Myers
it was like the meetup spot
when we were on spring
break.
Dairy Queen right there.
Just felt like home.
Meet up at DQ.
Some of the best times, dude.
Polos on.
God, wait, are we wearing polos again?
Everything's coming back.
Are we wearing polos out again?
Because I'll go back outside.
Guy who's been in an apartment,
a guy who hasn't left in his apartment in seven years.
I'll go back outside for polos.
Put an orange polo on me.
Skin's already orange.
Cargo pants way too long.
Lord knows what shoes.
Probably white starberries.
What's good?
Kind of feeling funny wearing a wig for some reason.
What we got going on tonight?
It's not a boardwalk until there's one of those guys on the boardwalk.
That's all gold and has a bike and moves.
once every 14 minutes
and you're looking at him and you're like
is that a statue the first time you see that guy
is that a statue dude
how's he doing that
those guys really do have some skill though
how is he doing he does that for his job
how do you make your rent
I'm just still in quiet for 30 minutes
I scare the shit out of people.
I've been thinking about you.
No, no, no, no, no.
I've been thinking...
Let's keep going.
Also, unrelated, oh, related, because New Jersey is known for pizza.
Why do you always get fast food pizza?
It's...
I hate to do this to you, but it's a little bit red flag-ish.
I know you love your Papa John's and all that.
You're always talking about the frozen pies.
I got to hear from the fam on this one.
Do you not have, like, pizzerias where you live?
Papa John's, little Caesars, all that.
Like, that was out of necessity when we were in college
and we were, like, drunk and it was 1 a.m.
And we couldn't order food.
Like, then you call in the Papa J's, right?
But a little garlic sauce for the crust.
But, like, you know, once you get 18,
Once you become 18 and on, you can become an adult, you just go to a pizzeria.
Pizzeria is here in New Jersey.
I think in this phone call alone, I just passed 10 of them.
Like, you can get a good slice of pizza.
You don't have to resort to the fast food thing unless, of course, you just, wherever you're from,
you just don't have good pizza.
I just don't know what that life is like because I've only ever lived in New Jersey
where, like, pizza is everywhere and it's good.
But yeah, like, can you elaborate?
on that. I've always just wondered
that. And I'm like, can somebody
get the guy a good slice of pizza?
What are you got to do?
We don't have it like that.
Dead serious.
I was going to say the most
pizzeria thing. I've never even said
the word pizzeria until now.
The most pizzeria thing we had
where I grew up was Chicago
pizza. Dude,
a whole totally different
states pizza. We just had
Chicago's pizza. I was like
I don't know you can go in there and eat it and it's not like
I don't see it on commercials
but we're the
opposite
like if we wanted pizza after
1 a.m. the chains were closed and
we're like bro we got a call
big cahunas
which was also just like a fast food pizza
place. I don't even know what a pizzeria is
is that where you sit down and like dine
because
for us dude the pizzeria
Growing up
Was pizza
That
Don't get me started on that whole thing
The cup
That red cup
Hey
The chandelier above your table
Yeah you went to church
For the stained glass
I went to the hut
Breadsticks to the table
the smell in there
the only thing you smell
when you walk into a pizza hut
on the inside and dine in
those red pepper flakes
they got a couple
arcade games in the back
if you're good B
Street Fighter 2 in the back
Pizza Hut
bro you walk by all the families
divided too
they're all divided
That's why Pizza Hut was so sick
You could like have your own little
We got our own little like VIP section
In Pizza Hut
This is like sad that you don't know
What Pizza Reas are
The Hut, babe
That's all
They had the buffet
Dude Pizza Hut buffet
But dude Pizza Hut buffet
Seven different pizzas out there
And everybody's just
going to town oh my god hey why do i kind of want to work right now i'm eight never had a
green pepper in my life put on my plate your dad every time i'm gonna have a couple mushroom and uh
yeah i'll just i'm gonna have a couple i'm gonna have a couple mushroom and see where we go from
there dad's in mushroom pizza bro your mom
Oh my god, can I get those supreme?
Yeah.
Olives.
There's that cinnamon pizza at the end.
If you're good, B.
You can have a slice.
If you eat all your food, you can have a slice.
That was amazing.
The ice and the cups and the fountain drinks.
You know what the fountain drinks look like, too.
All those retro logos on the fountain drinks.
cherry coke this cherry coach i said coach dude this guy just just just just coach a football team
already oh my god how many when you don't get on your phone for four seconds a million things
jesus christ cherry coke this dude
Hold on
Oh my god, is he like
So much dead air
But you know about this
In the hut
Right this right next to it
Mom, can I have a drink
Different
You got a menu with
crans.
Ew, you say crans like that?
I say crans like that.
Coloring inside the lines, dude.
Light shading.
Do it right, do it light.
Do it wrong, do it long.
That was our pizzeria.
I don't know.
It was the best.
I think I went to a pizzeria one time with my friend.
His mom took us to Chicago.
I have no idea why.
But we went to get deep dish pizza.
And,
yeah we just sat down in this place
we had pizza it was okay
I was like this is just how Chicago does it I guess
but every place acts like they have their best
pizza capital of the world
I'm like that's like 10 places
Detroit style
Chicago style New Jersey style
Chicago style
what about thin crust
what about freezer
what about frozen pizza
that's indiana style
I don't know we didn't have pizza areas
just had the hot
I'm from Dayton Ohio
and we invented flight
you're welcome
Dayton Flyers
super
you guys are so proud of your cities
I didn't know it's going to be like this
I take no allegiance to my city
I'm like I mean what I didn't do anything
you know what I mean
the town I was raised in
Greenwood
were known for the high school's marching band
they've won 97 times in a row
I would never claim it
because I wasn't part of that
I was just born there and stuff
and moved there I had no control over that
we were known for flight
you're welcome
are you a right brother
I don't know
Dayton.
Oh my God, I've been to Dayton before for, uh, to do a show.
And, uh, I thought the town was, I thought it was, um, what's that, Will Smith movie?
God, this guy can't, this guy references everything and can't remember anything.
You know where the, oh my God, dude, I hate this podcast.
This look up podcast.
Will Smith.
town
with no one in it
I am legend
Jesus Christ
that wasn't even close to anything
I was going to say
when I went to Dayton
I was like this is I am legend
there was nobody there
who's in those buildings
a day in Ohio
tell me one person
that's in a building in there
nobody's doing anything
dark city bro real sad walking through it i was like i was trying to do some girly stuff we got there
two shows one friday one saturday saturday morning i was like i'm gonna take a walk and get some coffee
there were like dead birds in the road and stuff i was like dude every single shop was closed
I was like, I don't know.
We got to get out of here.
And I'll take the next flight out.
Oh, God, come on, please.
Hey, Benny Boy.
This wasn't my hometown, but this was about 40 minutes from where I went to college.
There's a town called Enterprise, Alabama.
And they have a nightmare, bull weevil, Ronald McDonald statue.
outside of their McDonald's location.
So if you don't believe me, look it up,
look up the Enterprise Bowl Weevol, Ronald McDonald,
and good luck sleeping tonight, big boy.
Oh, holy shit, dude, he was not kidding.
Imagine seeing this at night.
Oh, my God.
What were they thinking?
Like, this didn't scare people when they were making it in
1962. People in 1962 had different fears.
Oh, like, do you see some of this stuff?
McDonald's, Ronald and McDonald, bro,
they, they tried so hard to get him out of the picture.
That thing is scary.
Ronald McDonald?
The name is scary.
Dude, Ronald McDonald robs your house.
Ronald McDonald, he was like,
6-8
that was not a small clown
and kind of like
built too how come Ronald McDonald
had some shoulders
I think Ronald McDonald could dunk
bro he was
that was scary for real
parents didn't think that was scary
it was just like 1990
imagine when McDonald's
when it hit him that they're like
oh shit this is wild
oh shit we got a clown
We got to get rid of this clown.
McDonald's the second they realize Ronald McDonald is terrifying.
Oh shit!
Make Grimmis famous.
Make Grimmis famous.
Because I...
I think there was like a Ronald McDonald like horror thing on the internet.
And someone showed me that and I was like, oof.
I get it now.
King of the fast food
Mascots, though
All you talk about his food
So gross
Bro, I live out in Marietta
I got shit out here, man
There ain't nothing.
Got to be an outlet
Nothing out here
Everything's the same
It's like I think up
I'm trying to think
Like what would be here
That wouldn't be somewhere else
And I can't think of a thing
We got to
Those are the towns I love
Chuckie cheese.
But who doesn't have a chucky cheese, man?
Everybody's got a chucky cheese, right?
I don't know, dude.
There's nothing out here.
You were here out in Ontario when you did your comedy.
I mean, everything that you guys have there, we have out here.
I mean, you have in Indiana.
I don't know, man.
I got nothing.
Kind of the best towns.
That's the town I'm from.
Where I come from.
There's just a couple strip malls in a Denny's.
That's Chrome.
where I come from
There's a Marshall's home good and a T.J. Max.
Where I come from.
There's no personality, but that car wash is always full.
Where I come from.
There's a...
Where I come from.
There's a hardware store that's locally owned.
I come from.
There's a car wash that's always packed.
Where I come from.
There's a high school that has a one state in 62 years.
Where I come from.
There's a barber shop that feels like you're going to get shot when you're in it.
Where I come from.
Every town.
Where I come from.
There's a bunch of homeless guys downtown where I come from.
There's a gas station where all the high school kids smoke blacks where I come from.
There's a mall that's out of business where I come from.
There's a mall wood just four massage chairs in it where I come from.
Yeah, I don't know, man.
The only pizzeria we have is pizza hut where I come from.
There's a town that looked like 15 tornadoes ripped through it where I come from.
We're all from exactly the same place.
My favorite type of town.
the high school's called the night
where I come from
oh we got a lot
we just got something rolling in here dude
she says she said
I know you bad
but I want you bad
hey she said oh wait is this thing on
what's up B
saw the question of the day
have some time I'm literally at work
and need to be working but whatever
popped in for
the question of the week, what is the hometown flex? What if I told you that the greatest chef
of all time, Guy Fietti, the creator of diners, drive-ins and dives, the weirdo with the long
hair, the long, blonde, spiky hair? Dog. He's from my hometown. That's my biggest flex. I treated
like a badge of honor somehow. Every time I see his stuff around when I go to a restaurant and I see
that he's been there, it's like a piece of me has been in there. And since this is definitely
not a high school sports podcast, I actually played basketball against his son one time
when I was, I think, a sophomore in high school. And we blew out his team by 30 points. And when I
went to go try and get an autograph from guy at the end, because he actually showed up to the game,
whoa. I run out, you know, a little chunky kid, loves Food Network, loves this guy's show. I run out
to the back and I go
Hey guy
What's up man
Can I get a pick
This guy looks at me
Damn near flipped me off
Told me pretty much to kill myself
Turn around and kept it moving
Scarbed me for life
Never meet your heroes kids
But yeah
Biggest hometown flex is
Guy Fietti
You know it's real
Because he said Fieti
I'm out here saying Fieri
Hey was a son
On fire that game
Oh god
Jeez, come on.
Oh, my God, he can't be serious.
That's sick.
How come I have the utmost respect
for a guy fiatty?
He's like, that's the white Shaquille O'Neal.
Put him on anything.
Yep, I like it now.
How about Friday's just being like,
you're the face of our franchise.
You are the fit.
You're making everything now.
You're making everything now.
Carnival Cruise need a little bit of a rebrand.
Guy Fietti.
Guess what?
You got a restaurant.
In-house.
On ship.
Uh-uh.
The SS Guy Fietti has sailed.
You need a rebrand?
Shack or Guy Fietti?
It's all the rebrand station.
You call the rebrand hotline?
You want to go white guy or black guy?
We'll go black.
Shack.
Okay.
Papa Johns
Okay
Sounds good
Guy Fietti
Just a white guy mascot
I'm crazy
I love food
Sounds good to me
I kind of sucks
He wasn't cool though
God damn it
It's always the guys
You think that are going to be the coolest
That aren't cool
What's up with that
Flame T-shirt
blonde hair
Spike tips
Bleached tips
blonde goatee
serve the appetizers
at Fridays
flip me off after a basketball game
huh
yo Benny
what up
I'm from Indianapolis
and my hardest
hometown flex
is probably a tie
between
Long's donuts
and he knows ball
we have this guy from
here who like goes crazy online yelling compliments at people from the fucking side of the street
and then like going to the store and buying random shit that no one else buys and eating it in his
car uh he's like kind of famous now and shit so that's a pretty big flex from from indie um
but yeah uh i can't remember his name though i'll kiss you right now under the stars dude
when's the last time he saw a star in this guy
Why did I just think of that?
You know what I'm saying?
Am I crazy?
When's the last time you saw a star in the sky?
Stars fell off.
Stars fell off!
When's the last time you saw a star on the sky?
I'm dead serious.
Is it because I live in the city or something?
But everybody lives in the damn city.
I cannot remember the last time I saw a star in the sky.
It was when I stuck him to my ceiling when I was in fourth grade.
now that
now that
that was sick
the first time you went to somebody's house
and they had stars
tacked to their ceiling
and it was like
banging
oh my god
hey let's bring that back
bring back
glowing star ceilings
if somebody had that now
oh my god
That was the coolest thing.
Hey, and remember, hey, you were sleeping.
Not, hey, you're trying to go to sleep.
Yep.
9.45 p.m. in your bed.
Kind of scared.
The only light you got in your room
are the glowy stars on your ceiling.
You're fighting for your life.
because you think somebody's on the ground in your room
and you're in your bed.
Oh, I hope there's no one in here.
And then one of those stars from your ceiling
falls down
on your desk in your room.
Run out of your room so fast for your mom's room.
Then the next day you look at your desk
and one of the stars is on top of the desk
and it has part of the ceiling on it.
You're like, I took the ceiling off to the tech.
We call that a shooting star, B.
But can we bring back glowing star ceilings?
I would do that right now.
Literally turn off.
Dude, if a girl walked in my room and I'd glowy star ceilings
and my bed was on the floor.
Name a sexier thing to have in your room.
Rate my setup.
Girl comes in here, bed on the ground, dust everywhere, glowy stars on a ceiling.
Who's not kissing me?
Hey, just kiss me already.
Let's get it over with.
Oh my God.
Literally hot.
Oh, my God.
And then you went to your cousin's house and you're like, they ain't doing stars like I'm doing it.
I swear, we got all, I got everything cool that I had growing up was from my cousins.
Trampoline, cousins had it first.
Stars on the ceiling, cousin had it first.
N64, cousin had it first.
Everything I've ever said, cousin said it first.
Hide and seat, cousins played it first.
Laser tag, cousins did it first.
Treats a pizza from Pizza Hut.
Cousins did it first.
I'm like, did we, can we come up with one thing in this family?
Damn.
That's why family's first.
Let's keep going.
So I'm from Pittsburgh, and, you know,
we have a really rich history in this country.
You know, aside from the seven-time Super Bowl champions,
five-time Stanley Cup and five-time World Series champions,
you know, that's all cool.
You know, Kurt Engels from here,
You're freaking one of gold medal at the Olympics with a broken neck.
You know, that's a slight flex, but, you know, I think the biggest flex is we basically
built this country.
Any building, bridge, train tracks, yeah, all that steel was fortified in Pittsburgh.
And then how did we get it to you with not our one, not two, but three rivers.
and then once we built the freaking country, we saved it, created the polio vaccine.
None of Gins would be here right now without Jonah Sulk creating that.
So yeah, Pittsburgh, greatest city in the country.
Don't try to argue otherwise.
Moment of silence for Cordell Stewart.
Thank you.
Now, every time I drive under a bridge, I'm like,
We in Pittsburgh?
Never been there in my life.
God, I know nothing about anything.
When I think of Pittsburgh,
I think of when Bain blew up the football field
and Heinz Ward was running towards the end zone.
That's of my first thought.
Pittsburgh, what do you think of?
The whole entire football field blowing up
during Batman, the movie,
which wasn't even real?
Yo, what's up?
It's Hank.
Um, so this is not a flex.
It's just interesting that I went to Comac High School and one of, uh, a kid that I went to
his with was on the first episode of Shark Tank ever.
Yo.
Did not get a deal.
Didn't need to get close.
I was on Shark Tank.
Didn't get a deal.
It didn't even get close.
That's sick though.
What was the invention?
The high school was on Shark Tank.
Did not get a deal.
Did not even get close, brother.
So from 19.
96 to 1998 in Comac High School,
that's it to produce three of the worst Shark Tank contestants
that the show is ever seen.
That's so cool to me.
Damn, man.
Oh, I wish you, tell me what the products were and stuff like that.
You were on the show?
I mean, I do stand up and people are like,
that's, I could never do that.
Dude, one thing I don't think I could ever do
is go on Shark Tank.
Can you imagine?
Because, you know, like when they do their pitch, it's like, you know, they feel like so dumb.
Today?
We bring to you.
The taglines and stuff like that.
But like, I'd be okay doing all the showy stuffy stuff.
I take a bite of this hot dog
ketchup gets on my shirt
and runs all the way down my shirt
no stain
what do you think Mr. Cuban
they always have
you know what I mean
it's so rehearsed
I mean it has to be
you know what I'm saying
and then the the sharks
are giving them pity laughs
and like I'm like okay
I can see myself using that
like they talk me into it
and I'm like
not bad idea
but then when they get to the math
part I'm like
what are you talking about
me going on Shark Tank
Okay, what percentage is a company
Are you doing sales in now
Uh
52?
40
All right
How much
Equity
Dude they throw out
Dude once they say equity
You know what?
I don't think
Actually, I don't know
Do you want the whole thing?
Do you want the idea?
I gotta go.
I gotta go.
Bye.
runs out of the room
collapses in the middle of the room
how much equity on stake
do you have
I don't know how you did that dog
I know that hit me with a brain buster
how about the guys that are ready for them
a half a million
2.75 in sales
what are you talking about
you're just stupid
All right, let's keep going
Got to get out of here, fam
We gotta get out of here
T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-Wee to
I don't need a talking phase
Just tell me your subway order
I don't need a talking phase
Just tell me your subway order
What'll it be, babe?
What's going on there?
Never seen a girl get a foot long sub.
That would blow my mind.
I've never gotten a six inch sub.
I'm always like, I'll eat the other half later.
Tells me everything.
Everything you need to know about a person is in their subway sub.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
Girls always get chicken terriaki.
Show me a girl.
that gets something other than chicken terriaki, please.
I don't need a talking phase.
Just show me her eighth grade backpack.
That's all I want.
That's all I need to know.
You got a Jansport bust in at the seams?
Kiss a clock.
I don't need a talking phase.
just throw a ball
let me see what we got going on
let me see what we got going on
can you mimic
a quarterback on TV
you throw on that thing like
Matt Ryan
kiss a clock
I don't need a talking phase
Has your dad ever punched a hole in the wall
Yes
You know what time it is, babe
Quarter past
I don't need a talking phase
Do you know who Steve Spagnola is?
Ha ha ha ha
I don't need a talking phase
Did you watch
Princess Bride when you're six years old
Against Your Will?
I don't need a talking phase
Just walk for five steps
That's it
Just let me see what's going
How are you walking?
Dude, that right there is probably the one
I don't need a talking phase
Just walk up the street
Let me walk behind you
Just looking at your ankles.
Feet turned in.
Are you busting out of the sides of your shoes?
Have you played a sport?
Hey, I don't need a talking face.
Just let me see how you wear your socks at the gym.
Kind of a cute girl at the gym.
I'm like, okay, okay.
I see you working hard.
Getting up early.
at the gym, 8 a.m.
All right, damn.
Okay.
Kind of hot.
Sox pulled high and tight, upper leg.
Eh.
You got a softball game?
I don't know.
That's my, that's my, that's my, the socks thing.
I'm like, why would you ever tight up your leg?
Who think...
I don't need a talking phase.
But after you take a bite of something, are you like, I don't like the texture.
It's two days.
Days of the week.
Thursday.
Thanksgiving.
Has anybody ever done this?
Has anybody ever just eaten dessert on Thanksgiving?
I might try to go.
I might try to be that guy this year.
Wait, you're not going to have.
What if I was just dessert king?
Oh my God, wait.
Do you know who's here?
Oh my God, he just walked in.
D.K.
D.K.
D.K. Metcalf.
Just eat dessert.
Pie all day.
It's so weird that we eat so early on Thanksgiving.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Feast starts at 1 p.m.
You're eating slices of pie at 3.30.
No other day.
No other day.
Pranting around.
the dessert table.
That's crazy that we have a dessert table.
Cupcakes,
pumpkin rolls.
People go off
pumpkin cheesecake.
Talk to me nice.
You can spend all your time
at the dessert table. Has anyone ever done it
though?
I'm talking all day.
Dessert doesn't come out until
after we eat.
Not for me
Where's she at?
Is she on the porch?
You go to your aunt's house
You go to your grandma's house
All the dessert
On the screened in porch
Because it's cold
Doors locked
Forbidden territory
You look out the window
Curtains
Because it's an old house
You look at the window
Six pies
Cold
Was I the only one that had cold pies?
That's how my grandma was doing it.
We never had hot apple pie.
It was always cold, bro.
On the screened-in porch on a table with a tablecloth
and you were just like taking a peek behind the curtain,
felt illegal a little bit.
Pies with the biggest.
air pockets in them too you know like the the and they weren't even like you didn't even have
a triangle slice when you got pie or grandmas for Thanksgiving it was just like bro did
somebody put the pie on your plate and then punch it is there a guy serving pie and punching
them all and bringing them in here I'm like yo I've just got like a baseball mitt of pie with ice
cream on it I was like yeah it is how we do it big slice a your uncle
Dude, your uncle would take the biggest bites
and have the biggest slices
and portions of everything out.
O.G. Uncle plate?
Guys not playing around.
Every Thanksgiving, your uncle makes a plate
and it looks like he hasn't eaten in three years.
You're like,
How hungry is bro?
Unk, you good?
And he's acting like it's just
a bowl of cereal the way he's eating and joking.
Nobody's ever been more on it than your uncle at things.
Just, dude, piles of food.
Your dad and your uncle's plate?
Like, I'm like, is this a contest?
bro there would be so much food on their place i still don't like when do you get to that age
i'm still not there with food on thanks i'm like yo i'm i got like i'm trying to make this look
good you know all about the i'm all about the presentation man little bit goes a long way i'll
give another plate if i need more dude your dad and your uncles i think it's a 50 you turn 50
you're like
I'm going to make my plate
look like a volcano
bro
stacks
and it's
there's no
coordination
and blah
rah
they all look the same
too
just
and just
crushing at the table
ripping on
machine gun jokes
eaten
has a glass of milk
you're like this guy's an animal
I'm like what do you
what you even do today
you know what I mean
you're ever thinking about that
I shovel the driveway 16 times
I'm like God
damn that guy's amazing
just so on
so on
knows everything
about the game going on
I'm like, how's this guy so locked in?
Machine.
Always had a mustache.
Friday.
French Toastay.
Hey, remember, um,
this doesn't come around often, man.
I don't even know if they have it out right now.
I think it's a specialty cereal.
French toast crunch
Those little mini
Pieces of toast
Red box
Different
Can't teach that dude
Can't teach that different
Hold on
French
Toast
Crunch
Oh shut up
I swear the box used to be red
Yep
Uh huh
Yep
Uh huh
Yeah
They don't do it anymore
Because why
it's on eBay
dude french toast crunch
there was
you can't tell me there wasn't real syrup in there
you eat French toast crunch
once
at the kitchen table when you're a kid
I got to take a shower after this
why am I so sticky
the milk just activated it
that was a real experience
the first time you had French toast crunch
didn't disappoint
didn't have it often either
red box
remember when cinnamon toast crunch got hot
it got hot
it was like a it was like
um
nickelback you know
it was just there for a while
and then um
everybody loves it
it was there my whole life
in childhood forever
but I felt like it really popped off
in like 2006
it was like cool to be like
cinnamon toast crunch is my favorite cereal
and I'd be like wait a minute
the cinnamon coach
a cinnamon toast crunch I know
in love
then it's their cousin
French toast crunch
coming to play
not many
cereals deliver like the way
French toast crunch does
you're like
all right
real
real deal
I love how there are tiny pieces of bread
oh my god
trying to think of
oh my god
hey remember this cereal
this cereal
you know cereals are so gas
when like the boxes are smaller
you know what I'm saying
like the boxes
isn't regulation size, it's a little small
and you're like, oh, is this because it's like
special? You know the best
songs? All the best songs are like
two minutes long and you're like
what?
Regular length is
three minutes. We've all burnt
CDs before.
The standards, three
minutes default and you're going two minutes
with this song? I'm like, did you forget the rest of the
song? Is it coming out later?
So confused on
the best songs that are two minutes long.
like as as a musician how are you like this is good
that's it one verse
bro that's like cereal boxes
when it's when it's get when it's like
fire cereal
smaller box
these right here dude
dangerous
we only had them like
I don't even know oh they changed a box hold on
we only had it sometimes
but these were straight crazy
whenever we got
come on baby here
this just took me all the way back
how fire were these
O's
when we had these it was special
I'm like we
we must have something happened in our lives
we got some money from grandma
We got O's?
This cereal is
This is the type of cereal that was so good
My dad made me mix it with Wheaties
Uh-uh, no, nope, nah
Half and Half with Wheaties
Yeah
Like when even your parents know the cereal's gas
Half and half
Mixed out with Wheaties can't have that much
I was like, oh shit
The cereal's serious
Mix and cereals
Because it's too much
You have a whole bowl of O's
When you're 12
You'll be drunk the rest of the day
Guy can't walk in a straight line
Had O's earlier
Dude's falling asleep in the driveway
Had O's
Spit on one of his friends
Had O's earlier
Bid his cousin.
Teddows.
Oh my god.
My son,
he bit his cousin over the weekend in Cincinnati.
I asked him why.
And he said he's because he had a full bowl of honey grandmows.
I'm so sorry.
I love that mom.
Sunday
National Stay Home Day
Brough, this is a stay-home podcast.
What if we started going out?
What if we started going out
wearing polos?
We started hitting the boardwalk
and some Hollister cargo shorts.
Ankle socks.
Nike slides.
Who wants to kiss?
National Mason Jarday.
dude mason jars just um used more for everything but the actual what is the what is the
what is the og reason for mason jars how do i look this up mason jars original where do they
what do they hold just nothing are they just okay they're just jars i think i i thought they
held a sauce my whole life because my grandparents would just make their own sauce in their basement
and put it all on the shelves jars jars of marinero sauce on their shelves in the basement of my
grandma's house i was like oh the sauce jar's room it's like forbidden sauce jars room it's a room
that you never really paid attention to you go to your grandma's basement craziest haunted
place of all time by the way your grandma's basement i don't care if it's a new house
people died there
go to your
oh my god dude
go to your grandma's basement
when like just your grandma's home
you know
your cousins like your family
like they're doing something
and you're like sleeping
or something and you woke up
oh they just ran to the store real quick
you're like okay
and you gotta get something in the basement
you got to you know some weird
how come suddenly
there's 15 ghosts in the basement
had to pass through the sauce jar room
just to get there
I was like, oh my God
one of the scariest things
I've ever done in my life
go in my grandparents' basement
as a kid alone
stuff just starts looking weird
bro
your grandpa's like
tools on his wall
you're starting to think
you're like this are these even his tools i've never seen him down here is somebody is
i think the devil's down here and he like tortures people with these tools i know it he's
never used that's a saw you're looking at that's a dude i don't think i think somebody else is
using that saw i don't think he even knows that that's for like wood
the laundry area you're like
I've seen my grandma down here like twice
but like whose stuff is this in the cabinet
I think there's somebody else that lives here
and they don't know
the little storage area
they told me not to go in this area
I think there's bodies behind the furnace
yeah what's a furnace
I don't know
behind the air conditioning thing
wait they don't have air conditioning
oh my god
there's a door back there
my cousin showed me at one time
he said never to look
bro there's a little
dude that area of your grandparents's basement
where all like the plumbing
air conditioning
units are
holy
what who died there dude there's some how come there's all you always see somebody's arm real
quick was that an arm dude every time behind the big like circular looking heater thing
there's a big square heater and there's a circular AC thing and I'm like bro I saw somebody's arm
I saw somebody's arm you go upstairs of your cousin midway through dessert you hit him
saw somebody's arm
no way
you don't go down there and check it out
saw somebody's arm i promise they said their name was
ashley
i just heard it
i just heard it
dude you gotta bring like
you gotta bring like a weapon down there with you
gotta be dead serious telling my cousin this at the table on thanksgiving
bro
kept hearing voices
yeah
and now my older cousins
yeah. Now Tony and Christina
they want to go down there with the lights off.
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
And you can't turn them on.
They said you can't turn them on for six minutes.
You have to wait all six minutes.
Yeah, and that weird.
They told us to, dude, your cousin's already making you doing
the craziest shit in your grandparents' basement.
I'm like,
Bro, if only the adults knew what they were telling us a dude down there.
Just the wildest, yeah, you got to stand, take your shoes and socks off, stand there on the cold ground for six minutes.
Mm-hmm.
Where you saw the arm?
Where you saw the arm?
Jesus Christ.
Hey, you got to rub this balloon on your hair too, this balloon.
Yep.
And if the static makes a noise, she's behind you.
Oh, my God.
Can someone else go first?
That means you got to go first if you don't want to go.
Oh my God.
So many weird rules.
What are you saying?
You got to put these wooden moccasins on that we found in the closet.
Yep, that's the only way.
The spirit's not going to haunt you.
I was like, oh my God, dude.
Give me the moccasins.
Give me the moccasins.
They don't even fit your feet.
Dude, I'm in tiptoes and wooden moccasins with a balloon on my head.
In the middle of the cold ground with a drain under me.
I just counted
it was six minutes
I just counted for six minutes
Hey they're all upstairs
Is it time yet?
Is it done?
There's nobody in the basement
Ah
No
they're having the time of their life upstairs
Completely forgot you're
They just pranked you
And you were downstairs
No one can hear you
You go upstairs all like worked up
I thought you said six minutes
They're like what are you talking about
I was like, oh, my God, no one cares about me.
Oh, shit, that fan in your grandparents' basement, like with no cage.
Dude!
That fan in your grandpa's basement.
From before women had rights, that fan, great depression fan.
I'm like, yo, if that fan's on,
that's what that.
dude that's why your grandpa's missing a finger
that fan
no cage
you know what fan I'm talking about
hold on
is this like one of this podcast where he like
looks up stuff the whole time
shut up Ashley
old
fan
um
cage
old fan cage
grandma
I don't know what to type in
It's almost like this, but worse.
Oh, dude, hey, hey, this fan, this fan.
This fan in your grandma's basement?
Me the next day.
Me at school on Monday.
We were playing hide and seeking my grandma's basement.
Old fan was on.
Every grandparent had that fan.
Every grandma had that fan in their basement.
And you're like, what is even...
Why would that...
Does she sit down here?
Alright.
Uh, your family was weird.
Literally.
Alright, fam.
Wild.
Hey!
Have a good Thanksgiving.
Tell your parents I said hello.
Be thanks this year. Say thanks to somebody for something they did for you.
Can we catch me quite of the week?
He's going, shut up.
Here we go, here we go, here we go.
Coach Peaccar of the week. Your ultimate level of success is determined by your levels of effort, discipline, and perseverance.
Three things you can control, man. Effort, discipline, perseverance.
Give me the most talented guy in the world. You don't have effort, discipline, perseverance.
Might as well be sitting on your couch.
Talk to you guys next week.
Love you.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, my bet.
I thought the camera was going to die.
But see you guys next week.
Bye.
