Espresso - your worst party foul

Episode Date: May 25, 2023

On this episode benny reacts to worst party foul (like how your gf walked on you having 3sm)🏁 INDIANALAND 500 DAY PARTYIndianapolis, IN 5/27 (Day before INDY500) Noon-4 @ Tin Roof FREE ENTRY 😍Support Benny (get an extra episode and LIVE STREAM every Sunday!)🔒𝗣𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi 🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://www.youtube.com/@espressowbenedictLeave a rating and review boo🎧𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝘀 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/espresso/id1514492317 

Everybody pees a little bit after they pee. So I go commando 24-7. Your boy's got pee-pee stains on his, like, and a girl calls me out. A girl like my age, like younger than me goes, hey, that's what happens when you go commando and points at my pee-pee spot. I go, I'm like a bird, i want to motherfucking fly away hey upcoming party indianaland 500 this saturday at noon get there early let's have a mental

breakdown together let's do it there'll be drinks we're going all the way to four. It's just a whatever. There's no structure. My favorite type of event of all time. Zero structure. No rules. The only rule is there are no rules. But yeah, come through 12 to 4. Tin roof. Downtown Indy. It'll be fun. Let's talk. Shot 264. I'm your girlfriend, Benedictict polizzi and today we're gonna talk about your worst party foul but first hey remember to join the patreon podcast five dollars a month that's it five dollars for an extra episode every week in a live stream the adhd live stream every, every Sunday night, bro. That's where I tell all my secrets. Somebody's got to, somebody's got to know, but it's fun. Join that shit. Help your boy out. You know, just, just come on. All right, let's go. Um, let's talk about your worst party foul mine.

What happened? Oh, I swear to God, I swear to you. I lost somebody's dog one time. I've done it all, bro. I'm like the worst, best person I have at a party. I'm not bad. Like I'll, I'll, I'll chip in for shit. Like I'm good. Like, um, but I, I will also fuck every, I'll break your door. You know, I'll fuck some shit up bad. Like there's, there's been a lot of times I've had, I've had to come back to a party the next day and patch up a wall, you know, cause you like got thrown into it or you threw somebody like that kind of shit, dude. I think I'm pretty destructive when I'm at a party. If it's 2 a.m. at a party and there's loud music, I'll shatter my femur or something.

I'll go to the ER. If it's that good of a party, how good was the party? Had to have reconstructive surgery on my leg, that kind of party. Oh, nuh- no uh that's me dude one time one time my neighbor was shining a laser through my window and it was like a it was like a smaller party there might have been 12 people at my house my neighbor was shining a laser through my window i was like i was convinced there was just a sniper trying to take out like i don't know what what i was on but i was like like that kind of shit like i called my mom dude and there were just 12 people at my house

on the ground while i was on the phone with my mom and i was like hey uh when are you getting home because like i was like that dude like i had it like we had to stop the party because i thought someone was i thought there was a sniper bro in my stupid suburban apart or just stupid little house dude a sniper it's dumb as hell bro the pepper spray one was bad too i ruined an entire party because i just sprayed pepper spray i was like what's it gonna do like i thought it was like an inhaler you know you just and then like all right but no dude that cleared a whole basement whoops let's hear yours how'd you ruin a party what's your worst party foul let's talk um there's this one party foul where i think you were actually present where i actually um fell off the table not once

but twice so i would consider that my party foul because i don't remember shit fell off the table twice i love a bitch falling off a table bro yeah and i was actually told by you that um i was the one that fell off the bar i think twice or table or whatever it was don't even remember um but i just know that i never stepped foot in that bar again so yeah that was a successful brunch what something about girls falling down so hard during parties it just like just hear me out for a second you're like oh shit thank god but then you're like are you okay no for real like should we call like 9-1-1 or something but for that one second you're like thank fucking god she fell right nobody falls down more than a drunk girl right dude nobody falls down more than a girl because you know why girls always fall down i figured it out because every time a girl like

trips or something you guys fucking close your eyes i I swear to God, every time something bad is happening to a girl, oh, you lose control in the car. Oh, you're about to fall down. Oh, you tripped. Girls close their eyes and they keep... Oh my God. My life is over. Dude, I swear to God, when dudes trip, they're like, and we catch ourselves.

When girls trip, they're like, oh no. Girls falling off high surfaces when drunk. Ooh, nothing better. Let's keep going. So we were on Mass Ave, and we all knew that our friend cheated on his girlfriend and i don't know what he did to piss me off that night but i was like i'm gonna tell her because oh it was really really bad but anyways so we're having this huge party and i think some drama happened or he said something to me that i hated and i was like oh okay like you want to play a

hard ball so i literally like went to the ox turned off the music and like went up to her and was like hey do you know he cheated on you and her family friends everybody came to visit from out of town and it was the craziest shit and then i literally left and his mouth was open dog i would expect to get murdered after that i don't know if i could do that even to somebody i hate it you just you just oh my god he cheated on you walks out of the party turn down the music what song was playing or what if you turned a song back on after you said that he cheated on you then limp biscuit comes on throw your hands up throw your throw your hands up. Throw your hands up. Throw your hands up. A breathe in, not breathe out. Hands up, hands down.

Back up, back up. Tell me what you want to do now. Oh, shit. I wish. I wish. You didn't feel guilty? I'd still feel guilty. I'd still feel like that guy was sniping me at all times.

Every time I walk outside, that guy, he's back out. I got eyes on, I got eyes on the target. Every time I walk out of my house. Does anyone else think that? I feel like for some reason, every time I walk out of my door, haven't done anything really, that there's just a sniper on me from a tower somewhere. And they're like, he's back outside.

Yep. Yep. All right. And like like sometimes i'll be walking around and like like trying to lose their their focus on me through their sniper like i'll go some weird way like i'll go around a pillar twice and they're like wait wait wait wait wait okay we got him again just to just to throw him off a little bit am i the only one that thinks they're about to get sniped all the time? Or if like I'm chilling in the living room and like, um, like, like the blind, the blinds are like turned a little bit. I'm like, yo, I'm closing that. Cause the sniper, the sniper is going to, but if the blinds close, how's he going to know I'm in here? Yo, hit that blind real quick. Sniper's going to, yeah gonna yeah yeah you already know my sniper's gonna get me my sniper my little sniper he's everywhere bro right when i walk out of this building he's back outside should i take it should i take it get a clear shot he never shoots though

he's just kind of like he's back in his car my sniper would have had my ass if i told on my friend for cheating on his girlfriend he cheated on you right when i walk outside let's keep going okay so it wasn't only me um but tailgating for a football game in college um our whole group was drinking captain morgan oh i know disgusting but instead of going to the football game we decided to go to the mexican restaurant across the street to sober up before we all went out to the bars to love that love that already when any when anytime somebody's like we're going to the game and then you just decide not to go and you go to a restaurant instead drink more so we're all sitting at a booth and the guy on the edge he fell out of the booth onto the floor and then so i switched seats with him so i could kind of like hold him up but then my drunk ass fell out of the booth too and then we had a guy that switched seats with me to hold us up and then he fell out of the booth why can't you guys sit the fuck up

because you're that drunk so that our friends like sitting on the other side of the booth they're drunk and for whatever reason they start singing um don't go chasing waterfalls so they're singing it and then the drunk sorority girls at the table next to us they start singing and uh yeah the manager came over and kicked us all out because we were too drunk to be there so that was fun um also not me but my old neighbor once called the cops on his own party because he wanted everyone to leave on a what party so i don't really know if that's a party foul or like pretty iconic but i thought that was uh worth telling too hold on hold on hold on telling too hold on hold on hold on

fuck so what'd she say a pwn party i don't want to listen the whole thing again no offense but um yeah places that might have to be the new question next week what's the place you got kicked out of I'll forget. I'll forget. I'll forget. I'll forget. If I don't write it down. I'm one of those fucks that can, you write, you know,

write it down and you forget it. That's me, dude. I'll forget everything. I don't even care, dude. Every single thing I have forgotten. I've never remembered anything important,

but, um, place you got kicked out of. So why couldn't you guys sit up in the booth? First of all, a booth, bro. Oh, were you guys? I see. I would fall down in a booth 29 times because I would sit down in a booth after drinking all day. And booths are so comfortable at restaurants. I would immediately fall asleep. People that have sleeping issues. Hey, just drink one beer. Figure it out.

I can't sleep. I don't know what it is, but like I cannot. Like, I don't know. Like, my mind is racing gone drink one beer people that can't sleep what are you doing all day absolutely nothing is that's why you can't sleep you have to do some shit bro um yeah but i would fall asleep in a bro dude restaurant booths are so comfortable there's no better place to sit man why aren't restaurants just all booths is there one just the outside of

a restaurant just booth booth booth booth booth booth, booth, booth, booth, booth, booth, booth, booth, booth, booth, booth, booth, bar in the middle. That's it. What if even the bar had booth, booth, booth, booth, booth, booth? I love sliding into a booth. That's got to be top 10 icks, right? The word ick, I know. The word ick is an ick for sure. But you know when you got gotta fucking slide into a booth i want to sit in the middle yeah yeah here scoot this way

no more bitchy feeling dude i've never felt more like a bitch in my life than sliding into a booth. I want to sit by her. Hey. So you like single? Want to get the loaded potatoes? We can get the fries. They have fries. Want to get the fries?

We can get the sampler platter fries. Want to get the fries? We get the sampler platter. So we didn't even know because we're bad at making decisions. Hold on. I gotta go to the bathroom. Every restaurant, bro. Sit me in that fucking fucking booth i'll do that booth dance bitch that high ass i feel like i'm in a throne a fat ass is thrown yes i'll take the uh fucking potato skins and that's it because i'm a little bitch with an eating disorder. Probably. Thank you. That's me in every restaurant. Um, wow. Places you've been kicked out of. I got kicked out of a Kroger one time because it was on a college campus and I was turnt at like 2 30 PM. And I swear to God, I was being hilarious. Funniest I've ever been. I think everybody was laughing except for the manager.

I might've, I was just being a little too OC. Like you ever drunk during the day and you're just like, I can't believe they're like, I'm in here right now. That's how it was like drunk during the day. And like someone else is driving you, you end up like at a Lowe's and you're just like, what are we doing? That was that only I was in Kroger and boy, I will buy everything when I think, dude, I will buy everything when I'm drunk, especially during the day. Take me to a walgreens dude i swear to god i'll buy like masks just shit for no reason i'll buy like decorations and shit what's the nearest holiday july 4th dude i will buy every single like american flag in that bitch and just put it in the person's house that we're staying at

in the front yard. Is he an idiot? Yes. Let's keep going. There was a college party I went to, and it was in an apartment complex, like in an apartment, obviously. Talk to me, baby.

And I wanted to smoke a joint with my friend, and there was in a apartment complex, like in an apartment, obviously. And I wanted to smoke a joint with my friend and there was no patio. So we just, you know, smoked it outside of the apartment but in the apartment complex. And basically they hot box the apartment complex and the cops were called and shut down the party because they could smell weed from everywhere in the apartment. And everybody knew it was us, so...

Whoops! Yeah, that's one thing about people that smoke. They never think they smell like weed. It's the craziest thing to me picture your friend who smokes and how come they take it as like a criminal offense when you tell them i'm like dog uh can you not smoke before we like meet up with uh my parents because i don't want you to smell like smoke or me and they're like bro we're good no no dude well who do you think i am bro i don't smell like weed when i smoke come on and i'm just like okay jesus christ

guess we're smelling like weed together but that is true weed was such a big deal bro oh my god if you're around it you're doing it too that was like all high school for me i was like everybody is smoking weed though literally every single fucking person i know smokes weed what do you mean if i'm around it i'm doing it too that was like our that was like our school policy if you were there you were doing it i'm like fuck man i can't i guess i'm just staying in my room all fucking year is secondhand high can you get that can you get that dude our coach in high school was like all right here's the rule if you go to a party or a get together

or any type of social gathering and there's drinking there's drugs there's booze there's weed you got a 15 minute window to get out of there and And I like took it real serious. Cause I already had an offense on me. And in our high school, like you get an offense. All right. You're suspended. You get two offenses. You can't play sports for a whole year. So I was like, fuck dude. It's the only thing I got going for me. I can't get in trouble again. So every party or any place I pulled up to, look inside. Oh, fuck. Are they high?

God damn it. Hey, got 15 minutes though. Let's party. Set the timer on the fucking iPhone one. All right, I got 15 minutes minutes let's fucking get it going can't do shit just get high and drunk leave 14 minutes in what's up at school the next day heard you were high there's pictures all over at facebook of you high and drunk at a party yeah i was only there for 15 minutes what's good good? Who we playing this Friday?

I'm starting. Feel that. Feel that. Let's keep going. I bumped the beer pong table and the leg gave out and all of the cups full of beer just came rolling down.

And the worst part is there was a Shrek figurine on the table to, you know, watch over things. And to this day, my friend likes to bring up that I knocked Shrek over and it was the biggest party foul of all time. Yeah, I didn't really feel like a Shrek that day. Felt more like a donkey

because I looked like a jackass. You could say you Shrek'd the party. Oh, why does it feel so good to fucking do a Johnson joke and almost black out? I don't know why. That's my guilty pleasure.

What do you do for fun? I laugh until I almost die. What about you? She's gone by the time you look back at her. What if I really laughed like that? I wish some people really do. Um, I'm never upset or mad when something like that happens at a party. I think it's the best thing that can happen. Oh, we're at a party and we're all drunk and you fuck something up. No shit, dude. Anytime. Dude, I'm surprised every house I've ever house party I've ever been in the house doesn't catch on fire. Oh bro. Why are you fucking up the table

at a party where everybody's out of their fucking minds? I'm like, yeah, no shit, bro. You're having a party. You got to expect it. Know what you're getting into, dude. I would kick the table's leg out. It's a party. Dude, one time, this was the best party of all time low-key just for the boys though

you just have an only boys party all the homies maybe it's not even a party just ends up being like that bro i had like fucking nine dudes over and my mom had a bunch of furniture and shit in our garage that we didn't need anymore and she's like oh my god my mom was like i can't fit this like in my car somebody needs to break it and i was like dude so just we just went into my garage and broke like four chairs three doors fucking two cabinets i don't even know if we were drinking, bro. It's just the best dude. That's the best shit ever. When there's like something you can break at a party. Is that like the most dude thing? Dude, throwing a chair at a party, just 19 feet in the air and watching it drop on the ground. I can go home.

Yeah, I'm good. I'm done. That's the most, that's the best thing I've ever seen at a party in my life. Oh my God. Let's keep going. Before there was Milky Boy, there was football Frank.

Before there was football Frank, actually simultaneously with football Frank, there was blacked out Before there was Football Frank, actually simultaneously with Football Frank, there was Blackout Billy. And now the biggest party foul, probably a cookout we had for 4th of July and your boy brought a bunch of chicken that kind of was undercooked. So that was a bit of a party foul. No, the real party foul was when I went to a house party

with some friends and this new broad i was talking to however we were we weren't like exclusive but there was another gal i was talking to she was there too so that kind of put a damper on the evening for a few folks um so yeah basically player a her and i we left and player b just kind of sulked in the pity of that. So that was a bit of a party foul. But, you know, ta-ha. Fuck. Sounds like you're on a reality show, big dog.

Ta-ha. Fuck. Yeah, that's the worst thing that's happened. I think everybody's been through that situation. On some cocky shit shit everybody's done that where they have like a they go to a get together and there's like two people that you're like you've been talking to a little bit and you're like fuck i guess we're playing it neutral boys and you just talk to your friends all the time because i don't know what to do

um yeah it's happened and you just gotta roll with it dog is that's got to be the most awkward thing ever you're talking to a girl and you're like looking around to see if the other girl can see you talking to her and it's like you're not even like you know you know it's not like you're in a relationship with any of them i just feel guilty every time i'm like like, oh, fuck. I guess I'm just talking to my parents the whole time I'm here. Thank you. Thank you. Good night. I'm out of here. Leaving six minutes. Gotta go. Let's keep going. So my biggest party foul, I was like early 20s hanging out with a group of boys

in a barn that had no bathroom and they wanted to play beer pong with jack and coke so and actually i just talked mad shit and said i would beat them and loser has to drink all the all the remaining cups well i end up drinking 15 cups of jack and and Coke. I had to pee. I go outside and I had the great idea that I could pee standing up because I used to do it when I was seven and I had great aim. Well, I did pee outside. I had great aim, but then the pee started coming towards me. And instead of squatting, I just wiggled like a worm and pissed all over myself. So instead of being made fun of i walked into the party and yelled i just pissed my pants and the party was over because no one wanted me to sit down or smell

my piss dude just her voice is so fucking good man saying the word in that way there's nothing like peeing outside during a party is there even an inside bathroom when you're drunk no take her outside oh my god just frolicking and who knows whose backyard it is just on a fence i'll do that shit anywhere i swear to god that's my that's my toxic trait i will pee anywhere when i gotta go bro it's just i don't care walk out to my car i forgot to pee inside i'm peeing right in between my door in the car you know how many times i've pulled that little move if you ever see me standing by my car, guess what?

I'm streaming. I'm streaming. I'll pee anywhere. It should be like, if you're covered up enough, like, you know, and you got a tree around you or something, it shouldn't be a violation for peeing in public. Like I gotta go. But if you're just out here whipping it out dude yeah you should get it you should get a vibe you should go to jail for that or whatever the fuck they do but if you're like being cool and just peeing like i don't like next to a bush peeing outside i'll do that shit when i when I'm not even drinking. Oh, I have to pee in my home? Okay. Opens the back door.

Goes right out to the backyard. Why does every guy pee like this? Just look like a fucking worm. Peeing on yourself does risky like in public. Like if you have somewhere to be, something to do. You ever pee on yourself in a very important situation? And has anyone ever seen it before? I go commando 24-7.

So one time, you know, you pee and you get a little more pee that comes out after. Why does that happen, by the way? Go to the bathroom. I'm done going to the bathroom. And then in the next 10 minutes, why did I go to the bathroom again? Just a little tiny bit. Happens to everyone. Don't act like I'm a sicko for talking about this everybody pees a little bit after they pee so i go commando 24 7 your boy's got pp stains on his like and a girl

calls me out a girl like my age like younger than me goes hey that's what happens when you go commando and points at my pp spot i go all right guess i'm moving to california now it happens to guys more than girls for sure girls never have p on them guys always have pee on them. Guys always have pee on them. 25-7 guys have pee on them. You ever do that thing where you pee, fellas? All the girls, put it on mute. This is not for girls. This conversation is dudes only. Dudes only chat room right now.

You ever do that thing where you're peeing, fellas, and you start going, you're sitting down peeing because everybody knows sitting down peeing because everybody knows sitting down peeing is number one thing of all time. Peeing outside, sitting down, down, sitting down, peeing, peeing outside. Number one, sitting down, peeing. Number two, you're peeing. And all of a sudden you're like, something isn't right. And you look down and you're peeing between that crack in the toilet seat in the actual toilet bowl. That little like, you know what I mean? In between that little thing.

And it's running down the front of the toilet and you're like, oh my God, I just peed all over the, it's like your socks are kind of like damp and you're like, Jesus Christ! Your shorts are all wet and shit. Has that ever happened to anybody else? No? Okay, my dick's tiny. right thank you good night all right girls girlies you can uh put your headphones back in just one am i the

literally though does that happen to anyone else because that might happen to me once a week and i'm like dude jesus christ you gotta get the toilet paper and clean the whole toilet and the whole ground. I'm like, dude, do I even? Forget it, bro. I'm never peeing again. Just keep going. Hey, so I was dating this girl and we went to a party together. And she ended up walking in on me having a threesome with two other girls at the party.

One of the girls I was having a threesome with owned the house that we were having a party. We were like sophomores at the time and they were all seniors. So she walked in and she had like a disgusting look on her face, obviously made like a gasp. And three of us just kind of continued what we were doing. And after that, we finished up, went out, continued the party. Obviously, the girl I was dating was mad at me. We met up the next day, talked. And then ended up fucking the next night.

I know you did. And it was a beautiful two days. That is one thing about getting in trouble with your girl. You already know the next time you have to talk to her about something about like your situation it's going down don't know why or what kind of brain chemistry that is girlies but uh it happens it happens every time when dudes mess up it happens every time when they get in trouble it happens every time in every relationship when you have that talk when you're fighting you always hook up after what kind of parties are you going to bro that's such a public school last party you know i was at a party and i have i was having a threesome while my girlfriend was there huh

you know how terrified i'd be to have a threesome at a party what kind of at a party a threesome bro i could never i can't even have sex when my neighbors are home i'm like they're gonna hear at any party i've ever been to did i go to lame parties not really but nobody's getting down like that at parties it happens every time when girls are mad at you it happens every time When you screw up some shit It happens every time When you're fighting

In a relationship You're gonna hit Wow, dog. wow dog a threesome not even not even just normal one-on-one bro a threesome at a party that's just crazy get up get a room dude i wouldn't know what to do during a threesome i'd be like yo uh i don't know i just do. During a threesome, I'd be like, yo, I don't know. I guess I'll just... Actually, you know what?

I need to pick up some fucking eggs at the store. Let's keep going. Okay, my worst party foul is one time I was at this bar, whatever, and I went up on stage. I'm dancing with the DJ, just having a good time. I hop off stage, hit the chord, cut the music for the whole place. Oh, no. Over the mic.

This is why you don't let white girls up on stage. I'm like, okay, yeah. So true though, so true. Dude, white girls on high services at parties. Please fall, please fall. But if you fall, I hope you're okay. But please fucking fall. God damn it, please fall.

Fall, fall, fall, fall, fall, fall, fall. Every step. Fall, fall, fall, slip, slip, slip, slip. Come on, knock your heel off. Come on, slip, tumble, tumble. But if you fall, I hope everything's come on slip tumble tumble but if you fall i hope everything's okay and i will help you but please fucking fall oh nobody else does that ah it's a hot bug that was very pleasant for some reason she tried to do that

fuck i need a soundboard for this bitch That was very pleasant for some reason. She tried to do the... Fuck. I need a soundboard for this bitch. White girls on high surfaces. Whoa. White girls on high surfaces. No, no. White girls on high surfaces. Fall down.

Okay. I hope your heel slips off the bar. Okay. Aha. Oh oh there you go white girls on surfaces they always fall and everybody loves it even them you know when white girls get fucking when they're drunk and they fucking hit a door or something, they're tough sons of guns, aren't they? Bro, a white girl can get hit by a linebacker when she's drunk and she'll just be like, ah! Okay, so, like, what I was saying is let's play flip cup. I don't give a shit,

dude. Let's get going. So I've had so many party fouls that I could go on for hours. Thank you. Just to name a few breaking people's tables, um, mixing bang energy and whiskey and feeling like I'm on cocaine. Um,

and then just throwing up in people's basements. But this is going to be a long one, but I'm going to talk about the first time I ever went to a Darty. So in college, I was a manager for our football team. And so I was good friends with some of the guys, and they invited me to a Darty after. A cool manager on a football team is dangerous. He's not going to stay around very long because he's the homie it's just having one of your homies at practice with you that's just chilling

what and he's at parties too it's dangerous he's too cool or a saturday morning practice and so i was like sure what the hell i'll go um so i hopped in my truck uh with half a bottle of whiskey that was the first mistake that i made was driving to the party. Cause I didn't know how fucked up I would get. Um, and so I get to the party and I'm having a good time. I'm doing my thing. And, um, I was drinking that bottle of whiskey. Um, second mistake I made was I drank that bottle, that entire bottle of whiskey, uh, on an empty stomach. Part two. Dude, this guy's a nice, he's a wordsmith. So part two, I had down that half a bottle of whiskey. Um, and I decided to start smoking some cigarettes cause a friend of mine had brought a pack. Um, and then the next thing I knew I was sitting in a lawn chair, throwing up

all over myself. Um, and this was in the middle of the backyard. So everybody was looking at me. It was really gross, really embarrassing. During the day. On top of that, I had decided to wear a white crew neck sweatshirt to that party. So you can imagine how that turned out. So anyway, my friend loaded me in the back of my truck, drove me back to my room. I fell asleep for like three hours and then woke up ready to party again.

Wow. He's a rally guy. That's always nice to see. It is. You feel bad deep down because it's like, man, that's going to hurt tomorrow. But the guys that can throw up and then like get their shit back together. Bro, what a... Man, you got to be super disciplined to do that. We had one goal today,

talking to yourself while you're throwing up. Have fun and look at what you're doing. You know, when you go into the bathroom, like during a party and you look at yourself in the mirror and you're just like, you give yourself one of those deep fucking talks. And it's always about like, man, what are you doing?

Look at yourself. Come on. This is what Look at yourself. Come on. This is what you're doing. Come on. That's what I do. I always look at myself like if I'm a little fucked up and I'm like, get your shit together. What would your family think? I always do that kind of shit.

He looked at himself in the mirror and was like, what the fuck are you doing, man? You puked all over yourself. Take that shirt off. Put on another shirt and get more drunk what are you doing you fool you're embarrassing get more drunk get drunk again all over again go to sleep reset and then start drinking whiskey and smoking cigarettes again puke pizza all over your white crew neck again what are you doing sad sack of shit wow dude um

i don't know sometimes but it's true though after you puke you're like all right let's fucking keep going right because that everything i puked up is like the stuff that was bad so let's keep going, I guess. What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty pukey man. Everything's a song today, huh? Everything's a song to you today, huh? He said something in there I wanted to talk about. Oh, it's probably the cigarettes that got you.

I'm not going to lie. I've taken a hit off a cigarette when I've been drunk. Just one, you know. Let's see how I feel. Let's see what's going on. Everybody's doing it. Whoa, bro. Oh, I didn't know that put you on another planet.

Okay, now I see why you're doing it. Because how do you even walk straight after that? It was the Siggy's boy. That's it, man. That was fun. I love some stupid ass party stories. I love you guys. Thank you for leaving the voice messages. Hey, comment down below your drunk ass party foul.

And what cities you want to see me do stand-up in because we're going round two on the upcoming shows. And I can't wait to see you guys in your cities and in my city on Saturday at Indiana Land 500. High noon. Be there, girly. I'll be there. And we all will kiss. But I'll talk to you guys soon. See you next time.