Everything Everywhere Daily: History, Science, Geography & More - The Worst Roman Emperors

Starting point is 00:00:00 Depending on how you define it, there were somewhere between 70 to 100 Roman emperors between the ascension of Augustus to the fall of the Western Empire in 476, a period of about 500 years. Some of them managed to be just incompetent rulers who ruled for extended periods of peace and prosperity. Others were not. Learn more about the worst Roman emperors, who ran the gamut from insane to incompetent on this episode of Everything Everywhere Daily. When Augustus became the first Roman emperor, there was no one.

Starting point is 00:00:45 formal position with that title. As he served for over 40 years, he was known as the Princeps, which just means the first citizen. The position of emperor was a series of personal powers and titles that Augustus was granted when he then passed them along to his successors. After a while, all these powers basically gave the emperor total unchecked control over the empire. Some emperors used this power wisely. Augustus, despite being the wealthiest man in the world at the time, and I mean he literally personally owned Egypt, always made him. Always made sure to appear to live modestly. Some emperors were pragmatic about not over-extending the empire

Starting point is 00:01:20 by setting its borders and issuing further conquest. They didn't debase their currency, and they were responsible for the 200-year Pax Romana. However, in the words of Lord Acton, power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. A Roman emperor had absolute power, and not surprisingly, many Roman emperors were absolutely corrupt.

Starting point is 00:01:42 The emperor was not an elected position. the position was usually inherited or taken by physical force. As a result, some of the people who became emperors were totally unfit for the job. In fact, I would go so far as to say they were totally unfit for any job. So what I'll be doing is providing a list of the emperors who are generally considered to be the worst of the lot. There's obviously a subjective element to this, and someone else could bring up some emperors not on the list who were pretty bad, and they wouldn't necessarily be wrong. However, if you look at any list of the worst emperors, it's almost always the same usual suspects. So, without any further ado, here are the worst Roman emperors in chronological order.

Starting point is 00:02:23 And the first on my list is the second emperor, Tiberius. Augustus wanted to give the empire to one of his male heirs. He went through a series of male relatives who all died. He finally had to settle on his stepson and the son of his wife, Livia, Tiberius. Taberius didn't particularly want the job. He was actually a really good general, but he felt slighted by Augustus and accepted it reluctantly. In the first years of his reign, it actually went pretty well. However, after the death of his son and his nephew, 12 years into his rule, he retired to his palace on the island of Capri.

Starting point is 00:02:57 His palace was basically a pleasure palace, where he indulged in every sort of activity that horrified upright Romans, and also can't be mentioned on a family-friendly podcast. While Tiberius was in Capri, his right-hand man Sejanus basically ran a reign of terror in Rome in the name of Tiberius. Sejianus was eventually stopped, which I detailed in a previous episode, but it didn't change the fact that Tiberius was very unpopular. He died at the age of 77 after ruling for 22 years. The fact that he came to power late in life, ruled so long, and died naturally, maybe, at an advanced age, is something that we aren't going to see again on this list. His debauchery was raised to the next level by his successor, his nephew Caligula. Caligula came to power at the age of 25, 30 years younger than Tiberius was.

Starting point is 00:03:46 He had little experience ruling, nor did he have any political or military background. Also, there were rumors that Caligula had Tiberia suffocated with a pillow so he could become emperor. Tiberius actually bequeathed power to Caligula and his grandson, Gamalus, who was only 17 or 18 when Tiberius died. Caligula quickly killed Gamalus to get him out of the way. Caligula was initially well-liked simply because he wasn't Tiberius, but he quickly showed his own breed of insanity. He would abuse and flex his power in ways that horrified Romans. He would sleep with the wives of senators,

Starting point is 00:04:19 and then openly flaunt it in front of them. He created statues of himself, which he put in Roman temples, and encouraged people to worship him. Supposedly, he once had the entire section of an audience at games he was attending thrown to wild animals because he was bored. He was accused of incest with all three of his sisters. He tried to attack Britain and failed, so instead he collected seashells and brought them back as a treasure for his triumph in Rome.

Starting point is 00:04:43 And he famously tried to get his famous horse appointed consul. He created two enormous pleasure boats on Lake Nirmie at tremendous cost to the treasury. And he also built a pontoon bridge across the Gulf of Baye near Naples, just despite a soothsayer who said he'd be just as likely to be emperor as to ride a horse across the Gulf of Bayeis, After five years of emperor, he was murdered by his own guards. Spoiler alert, this is not the last time an emperor mentioned on this episode will be murdered. Caligula was replaced by his uncle Claudius, who surprised everyone by being a great emperor.

Starting point is 00:05:18 However, when he died, he was replaced by his stepson, Nero. Odds are, you've heard of Nero. Nero, like so many of the emperors on this list, came to power at a very young age. He was 16 when he ascended to power. It was mostly due to the workings of his mother behind the scenes who married Caligula and who, according to some, poisoned him. The list of things which Nero is accused of includes killing his mother, killing his brother, and killing his pregnant wife by kicking her to death. He thought himself to be a great singer and actor and would often perform and force senators to attend. If they fell asleep or failed to applaud enthusiastically enough, they could be executed.

Starting point is 00:05:54 Also, in Roman society, actors were considered near the bottom of society. He competed at the Olympic Games in Greece and made everyone else lose to him in every event. When Rome burned, he used the new religious sect known as the Christians as scapegoats, ushering in the first Christian persecution in Rome. He would find novel ways of killing them, including using them as human torches to light his garden. He cleared out an enormous part of Rome after the fire to build what was probably the biggest palace in the ancient world. He emptied the Roman treasury to build it. He scandalized the Roman elite by marrying another man.

Starting point is 00:06:28 man, who was a freed slave, with him dressing as the bride, and then later marrying a eunuch. Eventually, the Senate and the elite turned on him, but he killed himself before they could kill him. The death of Nero ushered in the year of the four emperors, which I addressed in a previous episode. I will make note of the Emperor Vitellius, who was emperor for about nine months. If the other emperors were guilty of greed, lust, and wrath, Vittilius was guilty of gluttony. He spent most of his short time in power attending multiple feasts every day. At one, there were supposedly 2,000 fish and 7,000 birds served. He was eventually dragged through the streets of Rome and murdered by a mob of Romans.

Starting point is 00:07:09 The next bad emperor was Domitian. Domitian was the son of Vespasian and the younger brother of Titus, both of whom were emperors before him. Domitian served for a lengthy 15 years. His reign started out fine, but eventually he became consumed with paranoia. He saw conspiracies everywhere, which, oddly enough, encourages actual conspiracies. He executed 15 former consuls. He executed wealthy people to take their property. He had one of the Vestal virgins buried alive.

Starting point is 00:07:37 He persecuted philosophers, Christians, and Jews to promote Roman paganism. He killed family members. In addition to killing his cousin, he supposedly impregnated his niece, forced her to have an abortion where she died, and then deified her after she was dead. He had people close to him in the imperial court executed, and that was what eventually did him in. His own family was so scared of him that he was. was assassinated in a plot that may have involved his wife. Domitian's death began a period known as the five good emperors,

Starting point is 00:08:05 Nerva, Trajan, Hadrian, Antoninus Pius, and Marcus Aurelius. Each emperor adopted the man who was to succeed him, and the system worked pretty well, until Marcus Aurelius tapped his actual son, Comedus to become emperor. If you've ever seen the movie Gladiator, that was Comedus. The British historian Edward Gibbon marked the start of the fall of the Roman Empire with Commodus. Commodus came to power at the age of 19, which, as we know by now, is never a good sign. Whereas Nero likened himself to be an actor, Comonus saw himself as a gladiator. He would literally fight in the Coliseum as a gladiator.

Starting point is 00:08:41 Supposedly, he once killed a hundred lions in the Coliseum in a single day. He saw himself as the reincarnation of Hercules, and actually renamed himself that, and declared himself a living God. He actually didn't take much interest in the affairs of running the empire, so he left it to his freedmen, who sold favors and ushered in an era of extreme corruption. According to the Roman historian Cassius Dio, Cometist turned Rome, quote, from a kingdom of gold into one of iron and rust. His mistress tried to poison him, but when that failed, he was strangled by his wrestling partner. This led to the year of the five emperors, which ushered in a new period of instability.

Starting point is 00:09:17 Septimius Severus eventually brought stability to the empire, but his son was the next contender for the prize of the worst emperor, Caracalla. Caracalla was appointed a full emperor alongside his father at the age of 10. His brother Gata was also appointed co-emperor when their father died in the year 211. Caracalla hated his brother and had Gata murdered by his Praetorian guards, and he literally died in his mother's arms. He ordered the destruction of all images and the name of his brother from throughout the empire. After that, he killed anyone who supported or was friends with Gata. He left Rome soon after to tour the provinces.

Starting point is 00:09:53 when he heard that he had been mocked over the murder of Gata in the city of Alexandria, he had the city leaders decapitated and massacred about 20,000 Alexandrians. Caracalla was eventually murdered in southern Turkey while urinating on the side of the road by a Roman centurion who was upset about not getting a promotion. It would only take one year for the next entrant in the worst emperor contest to come forward, and this was a really strong contender, Elagabalus. Elagabalus was, surprise, only 14 when he came to power. He got the throne via political maneuverings by his mother.

Starting point is 00:10:27 His name comes from the fact that he was a follower of the Syrian sun god, Elagabal. In fact, he tried to get Eligabal to become the primary god in the Roman pantheon. Messing with religion like this drove the Romans crazy. He married one of the Vestal virgins, which was a massive affront to Roman sensibility. He had a total of five wives in his very short life. Rumors held that he practiced human sacrifice to his son god. He once held a banquet where he dumped so many flower petals on his guest, that some of them suffocated and died. He would supposedly go out at night and prostitute himself

Starting point is 00:10:59 in taverns and in brothels. Eventually, the Praetorian Guard had enough of it and killed him and his mother. Their bodies were dragged through the streets of Rome and thrown into the tiber. There were many emperors who would also qualify as bad, but most of them were just incompetent or ineffectual. Some emperors like Diocletian were arguably very successful emperors who implemented policies that made the empire actually much worse. However, if there is anything that we can learn from the worst Roman emperors, it is this. It is probably a bad idea to grant a teenager,

Starting point is 00:11:31 absolute control over one of the most powerful empires on Earth. Everything Everywhere Daily is an Airwave Media podcast. The executive producer is Darcy Adams. The associate producers are Thorne Thompson and Peter Bennett. Today's review comes from listener Angela T. who sent me an email. She wrote, Hi, Gary. I just found your podcast two weeks ago on Spotify, and I'm working my way through all the episodes. I'm so happy there is a podcast for people who just want to know something about everything.

Starting point is 00:12:01 The research and detail you've put into each episode is impressive and well received. Thank you for working on this and bringing it out to the world. I know as a fellow creator, creating every day is a challenge sometimes. I just wanted to tell you you're doing a great job, and your show has quickly made its way to the top of my listen list. Thanks, Angela. Creating the show every day is just a habit you have to get into. When I first started, it was a lot harder to do than it is now. I've just gotten to a point where I've accepted writing and recording the show as part of my daily routine.

Starting point is 00:12:31 Also, for everyone else listening on Spotify, which has grown considerably over the last few weeks, you can't leave a written review on Spotify, but you can leave a star review for the show. It just takes a few seconds, and every little bit helps. Remember, if you leave a review, send me a boostagram, or send me an email. You two can have it read on the show.

Everything Everywhere Daily: History, Science, Geography & More - The Worst Roman Emperors

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.