Everything Is Content - Everything In Conversation: Is Friend Envy Dangerous?

Episode Date: March 18, 2026

Happy Wednesday EICoveters! So a couple of weeks ago a video by TikTok user Farah Ammarah went viral, in which she describes envy in a friendship from the perspective of being the envious friend. She lists her former friend's car, job and neighbourhood as reasons she felt envious. She admitted that it made her feel bitter to see a friend doing so well.The video was seen millions of times and sparked a hot debate about whether there was something strange or toxic in her experience. Thousands of commenters lashed out- saying envy and jealousy in friendships shouldn't be possible and that anyone who feels it is dangerous to be around. Other people were kinder, reminding other viewers that it's a totally normal emotion, we all experience it (even if we pretend otherwise) and it only matters how you respond.So we asked you all what you made of the video and the response. What does envy/jealousy mean when it's directed to a friend? Is it a sign we should distance ourselves or lean into it and communicate? + we share our our jealousy/envy experiences and what they've taught us.Thanks so much for your thoughts, prayers, opinions and takes! Talk soon, O, R, B xFarrah's video Merriam Webster - Jealous vs. Envious Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm Beth. I'm Ruchera and I'm an Onee and this is Everything in Conversation. A little content booster to get you through to our main episode on Friday. We'd love for you to take part in these conversations. Your opinions and takes are how we're able to do these midweek episodes which we enjoy so much and help broaden our minds on important topics. So please do follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Everything is ContentPod so you can see where we announce a new topic and send in your thoughts. So a video recently went viral by TikTok user Farah Amara

in which she discussed envy in friendships from the perspective of being the envious friend. In the six minute video, she explains that a former friend was someone who seemed to be living Farah's dream life, that the friend hadn't had to do anything to gain that life and had had it handed to them. And Farah lists this friend's job, her car, the neighbourhood she lived in as examples of what was sparking jealousy.

Quote, they had every single thing that I wanted for my life. Just imagine being friends with somebody like that when you are so unhappy with your life, it almost feels like a slap in the face, but it's not, it's just their life. She says that although she didn't treat this person badly as a result, the happier they became, the more grateful they were, the more bitter Farrow would feel,

and that it got very unhealthy. Ultimately, she and the friend ended their friendship mutually and on good terms and not for reasons to do with jealousy. Fara ends the video saying, I don't wish anything bad on this person, but I just cannot keep around somebody like that in my life, knowing how unhappy I am with my life currently. She also added that she doesn't think of herself as,

jealous person. The video did go viral. It has about 300,000 likes, 8,000 comments and has been seen around 2.6 million times. We posted some of the reactions on our Instagram of people expressing shock that a person could even be jealous of a friend. People saying things like, jealous of your friend is not normal. That means something internally is going on. A jealous friend is dangerous. And it's not normal and will never be normal to be jealous of your friends. Someone even said, I've never been jealous. I'm sorry. Other people were. more understanding framing the above comments as bullshit and moral Olympics, that jealousy is a completely normal human emotion. We all feel it and we shouldn't shame the people daring to be

honest. So before we get into the episode, a lot of you listening pointed out the different definitions of envy and jealousy in RDMs. And to quote Homer Simpson, I'm not jealous, I'm envious. Jealousy is when you worry someone will take what you have. Envy is wanting what someone else has. For the purposes of this conversation and because most people do use them interchangeably, we might envy and jealousy to mean similar things, but hopefully it's obvious from contact what we're talking about in both cases to do with coveting, wanting what someone else has. So I hope that makes sense. We will get into more of the messages soon. But first, what did you both make of the video if you watched it and this really strong negative reaction to the idea of friend envy?

I think when you said it was Morality Olympics, that was exactly what the comments were. And I really want to pull my hair out sometimes seeing how comment sections go because it just is so flattening and so bizarre. Like nobody's going to get an award for saying they've never felt jealousy. And I think it could have been such an interesting conversation because what the content creator cops to is feeling this so intensely that she's now left with, despite the fact that her and this friend are no longer friends, that she doesn't know if she could have somebody living that kind of life in her orbit because it made her feel so intensely. And what that says to me, both the comments section, what she said is that we don't have a roadmap for dealing with jealousy, that you can have somebody in your life, experience that emotion and it can even bring you closer. Like that, that is possible, let alone that you could just get through it, pass through that feeling and then you can still love this person. So both the creator and the comment section kind of revealed the same thing to me. And we'll go into it more, but I have lots of experience with jealousy that I'm more than happy to talk about and also being in a really good place with it to the point that I genuinely don't think I feel it very often at all anymore.

because I've almost befriended that part of myself. And I got to know it. And because it was like the monster in my head for like two years of my life, I was just so jealous, so in fear of other people succeeding. And that meant that I was a piece of shit. The inadvertently I got to know it because I had to. And now I don't feel it. If it crops up, I'm just like, oh, you again.

Okay. What are you trying to tell me about the situation? Oh, okay. Maybe that means that I want to make a documentary. Maybe that means that I want to go for dinner at this place. Maybe it means that I want to succeed in this way. what can I do to do it? Okay, let's get cracking. And I think that's been my toolkit. And I think there is a roadmap for everyone to deal with jealousy. And I think having comment section

that demonize people for it is just such a poor way to engage with it. Oh my God, the comment section, I was like, what planet are we living on? First of all, I feel so sorry for this creator because I think it's really brave. And much like you were actually understanding that the feelings that I used to feel and still do get of jealousy were jealousy made it much easier for me to go, oh, I'm feeling jealous. That's interesting. I better not let that seep out in how I'm feeling or make that change the way I've acted. Because definitely when I was younger, jealousy could make me be spiky with someone or like feel resentful or be spiteful. Like it can bring out a lot of, it is an ugly emotion, which I get maybe perhaps where people's coyness around it was coming from. It's like they don't want to admit they get jealous because they think that reflects an ugliness in them. But actually finding that in yourself, locating that and going, oh, I've got this really ugly feeling, I think is exactly how. how you process it and then enable yourself to not be controlled by that feeling and that emotion. And I just, all of the comments were confusing me so much. They were like, I'd never feel this way about a friend. I think your friends are the people you feel most jealous of because

they're the closest to you and the ones that you spend the most time with and the most that you're comparing with. I've never really felt jealous of a celebrity. If anything, that's when I get, I feel like a jokey jealousy around Julie Leepard, but at the same time she's so far away for me, I'm obviously not a pop star who's going to be on a yacht with my gorgeous fiancee doing headstands. on a surfball because I can't even do a headstand on the floor. So like I don't, I tend to when I feel jealousy, it's with my close friends who are in line with me, who I'm growing up with, who I'm spending time with. I think that is the most normal place to feel it. And I think we'll get into this, but it is, it seems to be a generational thing. But I do feel so sorry for that creator,

because it's really brave. And it seems like we've gone a bit backwards because I feel like we were all in an era of self-introspection. Maybe we've gone to a different place. What do you think, Beth? I think most of my own jealousy is normally located around people I don't know well but there may be in touching distance of me so people perhaps that do similar career do kind of similar career stuff to me and I think oh I wish I was doing that and it often applies to people that I really recognize as super talented I think when I've had these conversations about jealousy where people say like I'm only I'm jealous of access other people have I'm jealous of people having stuff almost for free as the creator says, like her friend was handed stuff, perhaps didn't have to work for stuff.

So maybe jealous of the unfairness of the world. Like I feel very attuned to unfairness. And I think that can often feel like jealousy or envy. I interrogate this about myself, not to be a sort of emotional pick me, but I'm not sure I felt much jealousy towards friends, but have felt it. And I think I've just been able to be like, well, well, that's what that is. But I think I'm maybe a little bit too literal minded to feel jealous specifically of friends. because, and not to say that saved me from negative emotions, because I felt plenty of those, but I think when my life feels like it's not going well and someone close to me is doing really

well, so for example, a few years ago I was leaving London. My relationship wasn't that far of ending. My work life wasn't really going well. At the same time, my best friend who I'd lived with was moving in with her partner. I didn't feel jealous. One probably because when you're very close to someone, you're like, I've seen every L you've taken. A win can only be the biggest win for everyone. But like, I did, I think, think very literally of like, but I don't want your exact life because that's your life, that's the life that you've built, that's the partner that you love. Like, I love her partner, but Francis, I don't want to go out with you. Do you know what I mean? It's kind of being like, I want to have what you have, but I don't want what you have.

So it's a kind of weird, in exact coveting of like, I wonder what that would look like for me. But I don't know. I don't attach any morality to people who feel jealous because emotions are so unpredictable. They are so random. I could wake up tomorrow and see something of a close friend that makes me seeds, that makes me so full of envy I turn green. it would be what I do with it the matters. But yeah, I find it such a fascinating emotion, maybe because I don't feel it so often. For a long time, I played up to that.

I was like, I'm not jealous girlfriend. I'm not a jealous friend. Whereas actually, I think I was probably just powering down those emotions because I thought they were wrong. Having also just spaces where you can say, oh, you know what? When they put that post up, I had this weird feeling. I had this weird thing.

And like, what does that say? And then you can chat it out and just, then you get over it, you can process it. I think demonising jealousy and then making any kind of possibility of processing that with someone in a safe way, just impossible, is so bad. It just means that if anything, it's just going to come out in all these horrible ways. It means that if anything, this emotion is just going to become possibly worse if you don't treat it or you treat your friend's jealousy in

these normal ways which they should be treated, which is emotions, emotions can be crazy, emotions can be weird. Also, they can be historical, like you said in our main episode from Friday an only. A lot of what we feel is often not necessarily even reacting to something in the present. It's reacting to previous experiences, bringing up old things, projections, God knows what. So I don't think demonising it is helpful. No. And I think also, I think me and my friends kind of talk about it. And we don't use the language of like jealousy, but it's definitely like, you know that thing people always say is you can't have everything at once. So like when your career is going well, maybe your relationship's not going well or when this is happening. And often it tends to be one of those things. It's like

career relationship or like a point of privilege like you said there. And often just through coming out in the wash of conversation, we might say, oh, I can't believe you. That's so amazing. And they'll be like, but you're doing this thing. And then you're like, oh, yeah. Like no one, it's, it's very easy to see what you lack and what others have and not applying that same like thing of, oh, actually, yeah, well, they might have done that thing, but they don't actually have this thing. And I think that feeling those feelings is really normal. I guess the extremeness of which she was talking about it was maybe what was getting people, because maybe it was the framing of it that kind of, because If you'd said what I'd just said, I don't think people would have felt as riled up by it,

but maybe it's just the word. For some reason, we find that really jarring. And we had a message on the privilege thing, we had a message from Anna, which read, I haven't experienced jealousy with close friends, but more class-based rage and anger at the unjustness of certain people's opportunities post-uny due to their privilege, aka, no rent in London, didn't have to work at uni, no student loans, unpaid internships, further studies feasible, homes eventually bought for them. That has definitely stopped me being as close with people because it makes me hate them, or rather what they represent, because I don't see them repenting. How can you just exist on that plane and not feel guilt?

How can you talk about sending your future child to private school, knowing that you're an active participant inequality? Insidious. Can't be friends of people like that. Oh, this message kind of made me sit up because on the one hand, that is something I really experienced jealousy with. When I was going through kind of my living crisis, much like Beth, where I realized that I couldn't any longer afford to live in London.

and then people, my friends were able to get on the property ladder either through having very lucrative careers or maybe having a bit of help from their parents. I did feel that level of, oh, everything's so unfair. But I didn't feel it to the extent that this person did about thinking they shouldn't repent because I guess it's the same as anything is like you can't decide where you're born, much like we apply that to people who are extremely underprivileged. I do think when people have privilege, it's like I can hardly be angry at them that they're using their privileges.

but I do think that this is a really common thing that comes up. And I wanted to know how you both reacted to that message because that did kind of send a little shock through me in a way where I at the same time was like, oh, I get this. And then I went, oh, I don't think I do. I get what you're saying and I get what they're saying where it's like, I think that's probably one of the most understandable reasons for jealousy, to be honest. Like the world is fucking unfair.

And everyone just being kind of put on these different levers and then the different pace of which they move towards the world. You know, like some of them are shot into the sky and then the access is just, crazy and other people are just like plunged further down. It's not fair. And I think of all the reasons of jealousy, that is quite literally a fact. So to feel something about that is to be human and to experience that and to live in our world. I don't know. I think something about not being able to be friends with those people I found quite difficult because I think my take is we live in this world and those things are not changing easily, especially with our political systems at play. And does it mean that we should just not be friends

with people who exist on those planes? Is that self-protection? Is that self-preservation? Maybe I just have a problem with that part of it. And I think for me, that's not how I would deal with it personally. And I just think, kind of fracturing ourselves allows jealousy and allows that aspect of the unjust nature of the world to kind of prevail and run rampant and just to exist. And for us to just, like, close ourselves off to different people. And it goes both ways. Like, I'm sure biases obviously exist from people who are very wealthy towards people are not so wealthy, but I just, I don't know. I think disconnection is always the last option for me. I think, I think what's key in Anna's message is that she probably wouldn't pick up new friends that had, maybe had this level of privilege and didn't acknowledge it. And also

the comment about not really wanting to be friends with someone who was planning to send their child to private school. I think I would struggle a bit if someone that I loved very much had that view of like, this is what I'm going to do. But I would understand it and I would be able to talk to them. And I don't, you know, I can't imagine it would end any friendship or close. But maybe it is going to comprehensive schools. I was an adult by the time that I was friends with anyone that had been to private school. I suppose I, the pool of my friends is mostly people who either went to my school or went to schools like it who the privileges that they have are privileges that I want everyone to have. So they work hard, but they have, they're really well paid or they have this security net of family or a partner. It's kind of the stuff that I do think everyone should have. Gets a bit thorny when you talk about private school because I'm very anti-private school. But I do, I think there is so much. wealth in having a diverse group of friends. And it is via that friendship that people do come to check their privilege and come to be people of the world. It's not anyone's job to be friend people like an outreach program and get them to be a little bit more liberal-minded and fair. But yeah,

I can't disagree with her because I do think as adults we are free to collect friends. And it's quite comforting to have friends that do align with you and do offer that safety net. But I think this must go on, especially in British society, where it is the big dividing line. And it does say more than you've got money to spend on private school. It says, I also believe in a division in education. I acknowledge that education in this country is piss poor in the public sector. And so I am opting to take my children out of it. Yeah, that could be a whole other episode. It wasn't about jealousy at all. I'm sorry. Yeah, I agree with you. I am anti-private school. And I guess it goes back to that fundamental question of can you have friends who do very different things and act in ways

that are very different to your personal politics. And it is really difficult. I've not been in that position. All my friends have the same politics as me. So my approach to that message is so theoretical. To move it on slightly, we got a message from Sarah Monavis, friend of the pod. And I thought this was so interesting and such a good point. She said, I do think we're at a weird cultural moment where a lot of negative feelings

are being normalized online, i.e. we have these discussions around being more honest about jealousy, resentment, even chasing things like thinness, etc. truth, as though honesty for its own sake without any change or reflection is somehow progress. I think feeling jealousy, particularly as a woman, is incredibly normal by also think, just because it's normal doesn't mean we shouldn't be trying to unpack what it is we are feeling, the usual patriarchal reason for it, and then making active strides towards channeling that emotion differently. For our friends, yes, but also for ourselves. How terrible to be trapped

in a jealous brain, where we say that because of misogyny, I'm allowed to be consumed by bitterness and jealousy. And I thought that was such a good point. I think there are, Like you said with classism, with financial, rampant financial differences with people, there's often a really important thing behind jealousy. And I think just saying it's normal, yes, but what is it actually telling me or what am I actually feeling? Is it the injustice about privilege that runs rampant in society and might exist in my friendship circle?

And I feel like people don't understand where I've come from. Or is it that I've got a scarcity mindset because in the industry I'm in, there's three women in senior positions and 10 men. So if my friend gets a promotion, it also means probability-wise from what I've seen, I'm unlikely to move forward. There's very real reasons for jealousy and it doesn't have to just be a historical thing you've experienced. I forgot that as well. There are like very good reasons for feeling it. And I think it's probably worth interrogating that and channeling that politically or in a different direction rather than just kind of at each other and like nitpicking and attacking one another for it. Oh my God. Yeah. This is what I wanted to

come onto is we are primed as women and young girls to be jealous of each other. We're always kind of told that we're competing with each other. We talk about this constantly and we talk about the way that women are kind of pities against each other, the way that their hotness is rated. We're rated, we're ranked, we're categorized. We're told the ways in which. So I think we are primed to feel these things and they come sometimes, and sometimes they do, especially when it comes to work. If you think across, not just in this industry, but across every industry, there are so few women doing it compared to men and getting paid less for doing it. there is a real sense of like I have to be the best at this and I actually have to kind of stuff

on other people to get to the top in order to win as a woman. That is a real thing. And we also had a message from Beth which read, not podcast Beth, different Beth. We literally live in a society designed to make us insecure. So we buy stuff and claiming immunity to that is incredibly naive in my opinion. And she goes on to say, I think the issue that comes from envy is when people use their envy is an excuse to make other people feel bad or put them down, which is what we all keep coming back to, but I also think that point of, you know, Instagram kind of is built on. Influences are kind of built on this idea of like, you need to have this thing. It's kind of encouraging you to feel jealous or to cover or to want what someone else has for yourself in

order to make your life feel better. Like capitalism kind of works on that jealousy, but it's certainly something about wanting things and feeling like if someone else has it, then you need it, that kind of competitive thing. That all comes under this umbrella of jealousy as well. And I think it permeates through all these different areas. I just think, I just keep coming back to the comments on the video and I wonder if that's why it did get such bad reactions is that actually it only becomes a big and negative thing if you allow it to kind of spoil you and rot you from the inside. But it's like, I definitely get jealousy pop up all the time in different scenarios, but literally I will feel it pop up. I'll feel like, oh my God, I feel jealous. And I'll go, well, you mustn't feel jealous. Then I have a little

like pep talk with myself. And I've said this before a million times. If I ever feel jealous about something like a friends on or something, I will purposefully text them and be like, I'm so proud of you. And I will turn that jealousy into a different emotion, which is like pride, congratulating that. And then it, and then it becomes, it goes from an ugly thing to a nice thing. You expel it, but through like a positive channel. But it is, it's something which is kind of like, we're trained to feel it because it does, it keeps you engaged in kind of a negative spiral of wanting. And that can crop up in like every out of your life, whether it's work or how you shop or how you treat your friends. So it is quite a messy monster. I was just going to say as well, one thing I noticed just off the back of what you said,

I think I was a lot more of a jealous person before we did this podcast. And I think it's because jealousy is quite a disempowering emotion. It steals energy like anger. It's like very exhausting. And when we started this thing and we had this project and it was our thing and our baby, it felt like I no longer had any reason to be jealous because I was doing the thing. All the kind of of fear I had was I'm not good enough. Other people are doing the things. They're being brave to do it. Once I did the thing that I always wanted to do but never felt like I could do, like there wasn't much to be jealous about because that was the source of a lot of my fear that I was never going to be able to start something important that I wanted to work on. So I think it really is channeling it

into the direction and learning from what the jealousy is or what the fear is. If it's about a relationship, that I remember I used to get a lot when I was single as well, just like this fear that I would never find anyone, which is a really, you know, it's a really difficult thing to experience that uncertainty. And so if I have friends, I would like really want them to tell me about it because I would just never speak about it. And I think it is important to know that if there's a way that you can channel it towards the thing you want, rather than being consumed by it, that is always the best way. Jealousy, it's actually really good to speak about it and do something about it, even if the thing you're doing isn't addressing it with your friend, like you said, and only

celebrating. And actually there's a, I think it's a CBT exercise called Ops Action, which is essentially that you identify the emotion of your feeling and what that emotion is telling you to do. So in the case of jealousy, it's to not talk to that person and to kind of stew. But actually the opposite of that would be reach out to them, celebrate them, be really loving towards them. And that is a way out of it. And similarly, we were getting messages from women who were saying, I am dealing with infertility and I am jealous to the point where I can't meet my friends' babies yet because of that feeling. And that is such a tender place. And it's such a real pain. I don't think the internet is, people are not nuanced enough in these discussions to acknowledge something doesn't have to be

positive to be completely acceptable, completely understandable. And that's just the reality, like someone dealing with something, wanting a child, not yet pregnant, struggling to get pregnant. Best friend has a baby does not take away that they want their best friend to have a baby. They will love their baby. They love their friend. But in that moment, wouldn't be able to, the jealousy would be too big. And when we demonise jealousy, we just make a lonely person so much lonely. And I think reading those messages made me think we do have. have to come on leaps and bounds. We need to catch up because we are so, life is full of wonderful moments, but it's also full of these moments where there is no solution and you are just

in pain. And if we demonise emotions attached to that, we're all going to feel very lonely. So perhaps this is the opportunity to talk about like the moral Olympics of it all because I think this pursuit of saying, well, I've never felt that. I've never felt jealousy. What does it, like what is the urge to do that? What do people think that they will win by saying that publicly? We had such a good message from Emily on that who said, I don't think you can control if you feel a bit jealous of friends. So the morality around it is weird to me. It's an emotion, not an action.

You can feel jealous and not be awful or make your friend feel bad for what they have. I think too many people assume when someone treats you badly, it's out of jealousy. Even as kids, I think parents would sometimes say this. But often with friends, you might say it as an explanation to make someone feel better when maybe that person is just an asshole. And so one, the morality thing, I think is such a good point. It's like this, it doesn't help anyone to pretend that you don't. feel this because we all know you do, which is where I think there was a bit of a generational

divide in the comments because I was reading these like, girlies, you're lying out your ass. And that thing, and I've said this before, but my mum always said, she's like, well, she's just jealous. She's just jealous about absolutely anything. And as you get older, you're like, maybe I was actually like doing something wrong or like I often, my natural impulse now is always be like, I've probably actually done something rather than they're a dick or like they're being jealous. But it is, it is interesting this idea of thinking that if someone's being mean to you, they're jealous. Maybe that's also where people's fear of admitting jealousy comes from because we immediately prescribe the end point of someone acting badly on it. But as Emily said, the actual

jealousy is completely neutral to anyone outside of it. It's merely the jealous person that feels the pain unless that turns into something else. I also think what you said, Beth, right at the beginning, which is like, especially with your friends, knowing them intimately, knowing the elves they've taken and the wins, it just makes everything so sweet when things are going well. And I think having deep friendships is just like to see people go through these ebbs and flows and life is fucking difficult. And like what you said and only about, I've yet to meet a person where all three of those markers, relationship, family, I guess for privilege and then work, career are all going well at the same time. And it's just like, actually, I just wish all of them were going right for every single person I know.

So I think it's, I think it's also as you get older, it's harder to be that deep, envious, jealous, like angry vibe. It's more just like it pops up and then you process it and you're happy for the person. Faye sent us a message and said, these responses seem honestly unhinged, especially the focus on danger. I wonder if a rather one-note interpretation of jealousy is at play, one based on how it is often shown to present externally, as opposed to the actual internal experience of feeling jealous.

Of course it's normal to feel jealous sometimes, and yes, it might often be a sign that some reflection and change to your own life is in order, but it absolutely does not make you a bad person and certainly not a dangerous one. And I do think that's the part of it. There's this danger, this feeling of like danger that a jealous friend

is like the evil eye on you. And I remember, I feel like in the receipts podcast, they used to talk about having a jealous friend being a very dangerous friend. And that's not my experience, but I will say, I don't remember feeling on the other side of it. So having a friend jealous of me, apart from one instance. And I did really feel that and it made us not very close and we grew apart. So the thing I will say is, I don't think a jealous friend is a dangerous friend, but I think a jealous friend who has not processed their emotions is a friend that can be felt to be jealous by the other person. And that will, and it will have an impact on your friendship, which is why it's so important process it properly? I was just thinking like, hang on, I don't think I've ever had a jealous

friend. Does that mean my life is shit? But then I realized, no, I've just never had a friend switch up their behavior towards me. I mean, look, maybe I've never had a jealous friend. But if anyone has ever been in my close circle, jealous or envious, they have not allowed that to bleed in, which I think is, is kind of the point of this. Not that I would have pushed back on anyone talking about it. I think so many of our DMs were full of people saying, bring it up and talk about it. It was actually a few people, and I noticed them because it was so different, who said, I don't want jealous friends my life. Or they said the reverse, which was sort of like,

if I'm jealous of a person, I stop being friends with them. We had a message from someone who wrote, I can name three people who make me feel some unexplained jealousy. All three used to be friends, but I distanced myself when I felt any unhealthy competition peeking through and now have them muted on socials. I don't have space for jealousy as an emotion in my life. It doesn't feel good and isn't productive.

I'd rather engage with them, follow people who make me feel inspired. And I found this so interesting. It's like, it was a really dissenting voice to what we'd heard of people saying, you should talk about it, you should bring it up, of people saying, well, I'm not going to interrogate it. I just, I'm going to take this person out of my life because it obviously means that they don't inspire me and they're making me feel negative. I think the exact opposite of this. I agree with what you guys have been saying about like use it to level up, use it as some kind of inspiration, use it to do something. I found this

really interesting because obviously it's healthy for this person, but I just can't quite fathom it. I think I would feel a huge loss to do that. And maybe my, maybe I've never had a level of jealousy. I can't really remember it now. When I was younger, I could definitely you've got, especially my teenagers, quite consumed by jealousy, and almost quite enjoyed feeling like a victim of my own circumstances. Poor me. I haven't, I'm not as whatever as anyone else. Then as I've gotten older, jealousy has become this sort of thing that I can wash across me and it goes away. But I can't think of any friend that I would feel so jealous. If anything, I would start, I would interrogate myself and be like, right, what is it? Why are you feeling like this? Because I think

it often comes from like a scarcity mindset jealousy where it's like, it is this idea that if someone else has this thing, I can no longer have that thing. And if you can find a way, instead of cutting them off, to be like, how can I fill up my cup more? There is that thing, you know, comparison is the Thief of Droid. That is very true as well. I do think that obviously you can't control your mental health, but when I'm, when I have gotten into like a depressive episode, you can let all negative emotions start to be like your North Star and you follow them all and you start kind of wallowing in them. And the only antidote to that is to kind of try and find what is the opposite action I can take in this moment. So if I feel like someone's life is really full, where do I feel like

my life is empty? And even if it's not like a mirror, like maybe the thing you're jealous of is not something you can access that easily. So it's not like you can just replicate that. But where could you add something into your life that would make you feel happier or better? All of this is kind of, I know it's a bit like woo-woo and mindfulness, but I do think it kind of taps into each thing. But like you, Beth, I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to cut someone off. In fact, I would feel like I'd done myself a really big disservice and I'd be quite upset if I felt the need to take it to that length because I would hope that I would be able to, within myself, rectify those emotions in order to preserve the friendship. But maybe I just haven't experienced

it to the extent that that person had. We had a message from Ellen who said, I'd want to know if a friend was jealous of me, if that person was someone I considered a genuine friend, not a passing acquaintance, somebody I'm not very close to. Jealousy has the capacity to manifest itself negatively, i.e. in resentment or distancing, which we spoke about. I lost one of my closest friends to jealousy unprompted. She completely flipped out on me one evening and said a lot of very hurtful and personal things to me in front of some other friends. It felt completely out of the blue and shattered any trust I had in her. So ultimately, the friendship died a death. She later admitted to me that she felt jealous of certain things in my life, a house, a long-term partner,

and it just bubbled out of her in a way she didn't expect. She'd been going through a tough time in her own life and I tried to be supportive. It obviously didn't have the desired effect. And if I'd known how she'd felt, maybe I could have supported her differently. I'm definitely not above feeling jealous and comparing myself constantly to others. So I'd like to think if I'd known how she felt, then I could have been empathetic and understanding. And she basically concludes saying that she does think it's possible to convey jealousy in a way that's non-confrontational, open and constructive. And I'm really interested. What do you think? Have you ever had a conversation with somebody that is more kind of deeper and nuance where somebody lays out on the table? Look,

I am really struggling with jealousy at the moment. Like, you're in this new relationship and I'm not and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And if not, do you think that you could have that conversation with somebody or would you welcome somebody having that with you? Because I think I would really like to think that I could welcome that. And also I would like to think I could sit myself down if I'm really struggling and try and have that conversation with somebody. I think if ever was on the cusp of what happened, what happened there of resentment of it's even slightly possible that one of us is going to go off and say unfair things and say things you can't really come back from. And I'm of the opinion with very close friends. Like you will row at some point you will say something or it's possible you

will say something that you don't mean that is hurtful and you can repair that. But sometimes you can't, especially if enough time goes by between that first blowup and then a conversation where you go, this is what was going on. I would much prefer someone do that. I think the idea of someone distancing or the idea that I would distance myself from someone else completely unfathomable. I think there are ways to do it where you don't even have to mention jealousy. You can just say being around so much abundance is, and I know this is unfair, I know this isn't rational, is making me so aware of my lack. So this is what I'm going to do about it. do, you know, if I'm, perhaps we could not have certain conversations if it was about, I don't know, fertility,

or if it was about house buying or if it was about finances, you could be like, what I would love is I'm not going to bring up my finances. They're in a terrible state, but maybe we can just talk about other things. I think there are ways, but I think we're just quite divorced from one another's wins and losses now sometimes, perhaps it's social media. We do see this carousel, even of our closest friends, sometimes you all go months without not really, not sitting with a glass wine or a coffee and them going, oh my God, here is the miseries of the day one by one. You're just seeing like, you've bought a house, are you going on this nice holiday. We are perhaps, we're so atomized in the world that we miss those. So it is so easy to build a stock of little resentments and ways that

their life is better. And actually the reality is so often, they are dying in hell, but they're just not putting it anywhere public. Yeah, I mean, I, because I've got whatever the opposite of avoidances. So I have had this conversation both like said to me and said to other people, I can't help it. And I never, I've actually never said the word jealousy, but I will say to friends like, oh my God, you're literally doing all this stuff. And I feel like I'm just sat at home. And maybe I will say, I feel jealous, but I think it's, this is why the video and the response shocked me. I think because I've managed to not feel shame around that, I don't say it in a way that's very loaded.

And my friend will be like, oh my God, well, don't we see, because this wasn't even, and you did that. And then I'm like, yeah, I did do that. And then I had a similar thing with a friend recently where she was like, you guys were talking about this thing. And I just felt like I couldn't relate. And I was like, oh, no, I didn't know. And it's all, I think it's shame actually more than anything.

I think it's like, it is jealousy, but actually more, maybe what we're talking about is this feeling of like, I'm not good enough. I don't have what you have. And maybe it is more just like the shame of feeling like it's embarrassing somehow or you feel embarrassed of your lack. And also it is really hard of yourself to see what other people see. So I'm always really surprised when someone says to me like, you're doing so well. Am I? Because in my mind, bloody, I'm doing absolutely nothing.

Because you're always kind of looking up at who the person above you, like how well they're doing. And you very rarely think, oh my God, I've achieved all of these things. So it's funny how kind of everyone I assume is sort of walking around being like, oh, I'm not good enough and this isn't good enough. and haven't done this, and we're all then looking at each other being like, she's doing this amazing thing. And if you can kind of break down that shame barrier that stops you from saying that, sometimes to a close friend just being like, oh, they will hold up a really nice mirror to you that you don't often always get to see. And I think loads of it is just shame loaded. And if you allow that shame to curdle and turn into jealousy and then resentment and whatever, it's almost like just having a levity with it and letting it. Because we all are ultimately, I think everyone walks around, even if you're like the most privileged person in the world, even if ostensibly you're doing so well.

everyone's got that thing that to them they are just failing at or we'll never be able to achieve or we'll never do as well as someone else and we can all especially like in those people around you locate the ways from which they have achieved whatever it is it's just it's it's all so natural and so normal but it does get heightened on social media and I mean I'm literally sat in bed recording this podcast I'd like if you saw what we look like what I mean mostly me I was going to say rude we well no I just always sort of buying the same grey t-shirt like the in bed it's like it is just we have to like come back to reality and allow each other to be a bit goblinish, I guess, with each other and be like, actually, I feel a bit like a loser. And then in front of like, you're not a loser, but I am.

What is friendship for, if not for these exact lessons and these exact moments? Like, this is the test. It's not a bug in the system when you feel jealous and you have to confront it. It's kind of the point of being friends and close with someone. It's like, I've got your perspective, you've got mine. What are we going to do about it? We also had a message from Noosh, who said, the woman who posted that TikTok seems very self-aware and like she's done the healthiest thing for herself and her friend by ending the friendship, even if the jealousy wasn't the reason it ended. In my early 20s, I ended a close friendship of around 10 years because my jealousy of her was triggering unhealthy behaviours in me.

The things I was jealous of were positive traits of hers and I didn't want to bring that negative energy into our friendship. She had done nothing wrong. She was just being her genuine self and it wasn't something I could handle back then. As upsetting as it was at the time, I looked back and know it was the best thing for us. We got a message from Katerina who said, what I find interesting is that envy between friends is, me thinks, completely normal, and it doesn't mean you don't genuinely want the best for them. Two things can be true at once. You can be happy for a friend and also wish you had the same. That's not a contradiction. That's just being human. Thank you so much for listening and for all of your opinions and takes on this topic.

We read them all offer even if we aren't able to include them in the discussion. So please do keep sending them through because we read every single one. Please also follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Everything is Content Pod. and please please please give us a review if you haven't already we had a few new ones and my god they brought a tear to all of our eyes thank you we will see you as always on friday bye bye