Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder - A new rack & the art of dirty talk

Episode Date: May 22, 2025

It's the dirtiest, nastiest, and freakiest solo episode of Extra Dirty yet!! Hallie takes us on the journey from a chaotic Miami bender straight to the operating table... yes, the party-to-surgery-to-party pipeline is real. She spills all of the lore on her latest cosmetic updates, breaks down her incurable FOMO diagnosis, and reflects on life as a certified creature of the night. From literally running away from a nurse post-op, to answering YOUR DMs, diving deep into the art of dirty talk, and dissecting sexting inspo - it's just another typical Thursday here at Extra Dirty HQ. Love you cookies, enjoy!! It's Extra Transparent! Follow @extradirty on socials to keep up with Hallie and if you love what you hear, leave a review and subscribe to keep the chaos coming.  

What I decided to do is I switched out my implants for a different shape implant that was like a little more fake looking. All these people thought my tits were real and I was like what's the point of like getting fake tits if like everyone's just gonna assume they're real. Like if I'm going under the knife I want people to know. Okay guys I'm doing something really fucking stupid right now. We have an emergency debrief situation. Hi, this is Halle from the streets of New York. Guys, I had every intention of staying in last night.

Okay guys, welcome back to Extra Dirty. How is everyone doing? I am doing fine. I'm not gonna lie to you guys, like I'm a little high right now. I had surgery this week, which by the way, I thought was gonna be an easy surgery. I had just come back from Miami. I was there for F1. In like in Miami, like I know I was supposed to behave like very good this past weekend because a week before you're being put down or put under anesthesia

Or anything like that like you're supposed to like eat properly high protein get some sleep get some rest Limit your activity and definitely not drink or do any substances of all the sorts And of course, I didn't listen to a single one of those fucking rules. I mean when I go to Miami I just feel like I lose control of like all my inhibitions and all my willpower and all my will to live honestly. I was there with a brand and yes I was technically there for work so I don't feel as guilty about what I got up to. But after everything I got done for my work stuff,

there was just so many events surrounding the F1. I may say the F1 races in itself, if you guys don't know what F1 is, this was my first time at F1. So I wasn't really sure to what F1 was either. It's basically like race car drivers just whipping around the tracks and it's a long haul to get there and once you get there it's like a massive, massive track. It kind of reminds me of like the US Open and how big that is, but so fucking loud. Like I wish I brought earplugs,

it's just like a bunch of like, ra ra ra all in your ear and you, like it's kind of, I don't know if I wanna go back to be honest, but it was fun, like a lot of cool people were there and I get like the camaraderie of it all, like there was like fun activations and all of that and a lot of fun after parties.

And I feel like that's where I got myself into the most trouble. We'd go to like after party after after party. And the things I don't like about these after parties is like, you can't, I couldn't bring like a group of people. And usually I'm with a massive group of people. Like I'm with Grayden, I'm with Lauren, I'm with Liv, I'm with like the extended group.

And you can't just like bring your squad to these places and you have to like break off. And a lot of the times I would have to tell Grayden like they're not like letting any other guys in. But I was like, wait, but like Grayden doesn't really count. Like he's my gay bestie. Like why can't we just let, apparently they don't care about that stuff. So Grayden was left behind a few times, which made me really sad. And it was a bit too seedy, I'm not gonna lie.

I love seedy things and like being in the mix and being with like the cool people and like all that. But I like, honestly, at the end of the day, if I'm in the room with like the most famous people, I don't really give a fuck. It's kind of like dark aura sometimes. We're at this one after party and it was just like every A-list person you could possibly think of and I just remember looking

around the room being like I like don't give a fuck about this whole situation. Everyone's trying to like you know like social climb and talk to who's who and like kind of like network but like kind of in like a dark way and I didn't like it. It's just like not where the fun was at for me. I like the fun is the fun is where my friends are and a lot of my friends weren't let in so it kind of just like bummed me out. So anyways I had a couple of those like late 7am nights and then I would have to wake up super early in the morning for glam and then I would have to wake up super early in the morning for glam and then

I would have to spend the whole day in the Miami sun. So it was a long weekend. So the last night I was there, we went out. It was another 7am night. We went to this club, Live. And by this time, like I was exhausted. I at this point had been been a three-day bender. I only had so much energy left in me.

I knew that I had to be at the airport for a 7 a.m. flight, so that makes it a 4.30 a.m. wake up. And my logic there is, should I take a two-hour nap and then wake up and go to the airport but like go home early from the club or should I stay out all night and just book it from the club to the airport that's the decision that felt most logical to me in the moment so that's exactly what I did so what I do I got on the flight at 7 a.m. I'm hammered, cross-eyed, I honestly don't even know how I made it through security.

Like it was that I think I left a bunch of clothing back in my hotel room too. We were like shuffling to get, like to leave and to like get all our shit together. I didn't pack, I didn't think ahead like that. I slept on the flight, we landed in New York City. I had like a fitting at 2 p.m. because I had to go to a to Mac al after party for work that started out 11 p.m

So this is Monday now 11 p.m. I'm there till 1 a.m And then I had to be up at 430 a.m. For this surgery To be like cut open and like put under which is diabolical like the Miami Bender under which is diabolical like the Miami Bender To surgery pipeline needs to be studied in my opinion And I thought this surgery was gonna be like a walk in the park like I I have a really high pain threshold For these types things. I've gotten my boobs done before And I went out the same night with my mom I had like seven espresso martinis And I went out the same night with my mom. I had like seven espresso martinis.

The same day I got off the operating table, the first surgery, the same day I got off the operating table, I went to the hotel bar with my mom because she was in town to take care of me. And we had about seven espresso martinis. And I woke up the next day, and I swear I was in more pain from the hangover than I was from getting cut open.

So in my mind I was like, oh, this surgery is going to be a walk in the park. No, because this time what I decided to do is I switched out my implants for a different shape implant that was like a little more fake looking. I felt like people, all these people thought my tits were real and I was like, what's the point of like getting fake tits if like everyone's just going to assume they're real? Like if I'm going under the knife, I want people to know that I risk my life and that they are fake. But like everyone's like, oh, my God, they look so natural. That's not a compliment to me.

That was like an insult to me. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to get back on the table and do this again. So I switched out the implants for a different shape, a shape that like was a little more fake looking. There's only like two shapes. You can get a teardrop shape, which is like the more natural looking one, or you get like the circular shape that shows like more cleavage and whatever. That's the shape I went with. Not only did I do that, is I did this new thing called a surgical, like an internal bra. It's like basically mesh scaffolding that breaks down over time, like between 12 and 18 months

and turns into like collagen in your body. But it basically like surrounds your implants and holds them in place. But like a bra would, like a push-up bra almost. And that, I will say, has been the kicker. It's been extraordinary painful. Not all the oxy in the world they prescribe me is kicking in. I feel like I got hit by a bus.

I feel like someone shredded chicken in my chest. That's what I would compare it to. It feels like that. And I had plans last night. Like I had plans to go out to a party the day after this surgery because I just assumed I would be okay and I had to miss it and it was like one of the biggest parties of the year and I had to miss it because I was in

extraordinary like I was in so much pain and I don't know what was more painful the FOMO for missing this big soiree, the function, or from the debilitating pain in my chest. I can't tell which one was, it was a tough day yesterday, but we made it through. But anyways, they prescribed me more medication. And I'm feeling a bit better today, but I'm still high as a fucking kite. I'm honestly gonna record this whole podcast episode

and not remember a fucking thing I said. But we're gonna have fun while we're doing it. So let's talk about FOMO guys. So FOMO is a disease and they haven't found a cure yet to it. And once they find a cure, I will be calling up that doctor and that researcher because I would like to find a cure to FOMO. The only cure to FOMO is really sleep and like lots of melatonin so you completely miss the night

and can't really experience FOMO. I always have the thought process like okay what if I stay in tonight what if I stay in tonight and that's the night that like, I meet my, I could have met my husband or I could have had the sickest night ever or like fucking so and so is gonna be at the club and I totally miss meeting him. That's the way my mind spirals and things. I also don't like the thought of my friends going out without me and then somehow formulating

some sort of fun inside joke that I am no, like I can't be a part of for the next few weeks to follow. Because that would piss me the fuck off, I'm not gonna lie. Like if they're like, oh my God, remember when Joe Mo like tripped and fell, oh my God, that was the funniest thing. And I'm like, I can't laugh with you and I hate you for it.

Like that's how I think. But also just, I think living in New York City in general, I am not the type of bitch that like walks around Tribeca and like walks to get a matcha. Like I'm staying in my apartment until I have to go out to a function or to an appointment or to get my lips done or something like that. Like I'm not leaving my apartment until I really have to. I'm not like a wanderer of the city. I don't romanticize New York during the day. That's not really what I do.

Like I Uber eats my coffee because I don't even want to walk outside and get it. That's the kind of like, that's how I roll. So when I go out, like I feel like that's my time to like leave my apartment. I don't feel the need to like leave my apartment during the day. So if I'm going out at night, that's my time to socialize. And I am a social person. Like that is what brings me dopamine and serotonin and all the things. Like

I need to be talking to people at all times, giggling, having a martini, being a part of the scene. I feel like the New York air at night is a lot better and more vibrant than the New York air during the day. During the day, it just like hot and smells like trash to me. There's no need to romanticize that. So I'm not like really getting out of my apartment. So like if I'm going out, it's gonna be at nighttime. And yeah, so I do get FOMO.

I don't get FOMO for day activities though. If you and fucking Becky wanna go to the park and have a picnic, fucking have fun. Have your best time, live your best life ever. I will have no FOMO missing that. But night activities, I always feel bad missing. if I commit to like a plan or a birthday Or a reservation. I'm like the least flaky person ever being a flake is like one of my biggest pet peeves actually so even if a limb is falling off I will like

Do my best to try to make those plans in this case It felt like multiple limbs, being my jugs, were actually falling off, so I couldn't make those plans on Wednesday night. But I did my best, I honestly considered it. But if anyone had bumped into me, and it was at, like, we were going to Tao, like, this party was at Tao nightclub.

There was no way, like, someone wasn going to bump into me. If someone had bumped into my fake chest there could have been like an implant situation on the floor like because the stitches are fresh. Like what if I put my hands up to raise the roof and then like they just slip out of me. That's like what I was picturing and we couldn't have that because who's picking that up off the floor? Not me. You know clean up on aisle 12. that up off the floor, not me. You know, clean up on aisle 12. But yeah, that's my thing on FOMO. I think as I get older, we're gonna grow out of FOMO, but I'm single. So like, I need, you know, I need to get laid too. So like, what I'm not gonna get laid in the combines of my apartment. That's not happening unless I go on Tinder.

Who has Tinder these days? I'm not downloading Tinder or Craigslist to meet a man. Okay? I have to go outside for that. So I get the surgery, and by the way, I thought this was gonna be a walk in the park surgery, like I said, so I didn't tell any of my family members because I thought it would be a little nip and tuck, like I said, so I didn't tell any of my family members because I thought it would be like a little nip and tuck,

no pun intended, but like a little, you know, I didn't think it was gonna be that big of a deal. So I just texted my ex roommate and I was like, hey Margo, like I'm getting cut open on Tuesday. Do you mind? Like they're not letting me Uber home alone. And she's like, yeah, I can move a couple meetings around like come pick you up.

So I've been surgery for like two and a half hours, which is a lot longer than I anticipated. And I wake up very confused and anesthesia. It's very like hard to walk. Like you need help walking. So what the nurses do is they either offer you a wheelchair or like an escort to your Uber. So it's me, these two beautiful nurses

and my best friend Margot. And we're all like, I'm wobbling and they're trying to like give me pretzels. And I'm like, I don't eat carbs. They get that away from me and they're trying to offer me water. And they're like, just trying to like help me out. And we get down the elevator, it's pouring rain,

like puddles everywhere but there's like this big group of girls like out front of the plastic surgery place and I my first thought was oh my god like I hope no one that like follows me runs into me right now because this would be like the worst timing or honestly the most on-brand thing ever but I panicked so I started like running away from the nurses down the street like into the middle of the road so it looked like I was escaping a psych ward like picture like me like I had like a gown on essentially and these slippers from the plastic surgery place

and I'm just like running down like it's pouring out whatever I'm running into the street they're pulling me out of the street I looked like I was escaping the loony bin and like I was a patient on the run. But yeah, I finally got into the Uber and then I slept until like 7 p.m. And may I say when I woke up and that anesthesia wore off, I wouldn't wish that paid on anyone else. I like didn't think I could feel things like that.

It honestly humanized me a bit because I was like, wow, I can feel things like that. It honestly humanized me a bit because I was like, wow, I can feel things like pain. I got I didn't I haven't felt pain like that ever like I'm not looking forward to childbirth, but I picture what I felt the other day to be worse. That's how bad it felt. And I was on not strong enough drugs. I was like where are the real drugs at? This is some pussy ass shit. At first they were prescribing me like extra strength Tylenol and like very low oxy and I was like can someone just like put like put me out? I don't know what's going on

but it was fun. I would totally do it again 10 out of 10 recommend but yeah the nurses, they gave me very strict post-op rules. They said no working out, and then they looked at me and they go no bouncing, no sexual activity for like two months. And I said this was not on the brochure, babe. This was not on the brochure. I also, my tits look great. They look like Cannelli beans right now. They look like Jack in the Beanstalk beans. They look fucking insane right now. Like I took my compression bra off and I sent a picture to my two girlfriends

and I was like imagine if I was sending nudes right now and I was like come over the my tits like go from like here to here because they haven't dropped yet so they look like jack-in-the-beans stock they look like the beans you put on your like chipotle bowl they look insane but they're gonna look great in like two months but the summer is right around the corner so I probably should have like thought this timeline through a little bit more but they're gonna look gorgeous once they've settled but they're gonna take a while to settle because of the internal bra it hurts it hurts even to laugh right now and breathe and all the things but we'll get through this guys God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. That's a saying, right? Okay guys, I've gotten like so many DMs, which by the way keep sending me them because I just

screenshot them and I send them to my wonderful producer Marshall and then we share a giggle and then I'm like okay we should talk about this on pod. And then I do talk about them on the pod. So just keep sending them as crazy as, just don't confess murder to me because I can't help you there. But anything underneath that, I think that's where we draw the line, please send me a DM and we can go over them together.

I'm gonna read a couple and then I'm gonna give you my take on them. So this wonderful girl says, Hey, Hallie, relationship advice, please. been dating this man for one year and he's the healthiest, sweetest man. I love him. But to be honest, he's not my type. I'm attracted to him. And he has a nice bod, just not facially my type, and is giving boy over man. We are moving to New York City together this August

and I wonder if having these thoughts is a red flag for our relationship. Let me know what you think. Well, yeah, I do think it's a red flag for your relationship because if you're with the person you're supposed to be with, like the end all be all, I don't think like his face is going to be the one deterring you from like wanting to end the whole relationship. I also, and I love you and I'm going to say this holding your hand, this might be like a red flag on your part.

I don't necessarily, it seems like he's checking all the boxes besides a Physical element that maybe is not driving your way But it's your life at the end of the day like if there's one part of it that you're just not fucking with then Kick him to the curb also like sometimes the healthiest in the sweetest men Like even reading that that sounds not interesting to me. I don't think I would like that really to be honest. That sounds boring. Like what, I'm guessing you're in your early 20s. We need to get some toxic men in here for the plot.

Okay, I'm not suggesting that, but I'm saying it builds lore and it builds character and you will then appreciate that sweet, sweet boy. Right? Yeah. Also, like you've been together for a year. That's another good point to make. You've been together for a year.

I feel like maybe you're moving and maybe things are starting to feel maybe a bit serious for you and now you're trying to find reasons for why you might want the relationship to end and you chose his face which is fine it's the easiest place to choose i would start with the face too because if he's the nicest guy in the fucking world buys you flowers and is kind to you so healthy and all this shit. I would pick his face too if you wanted the relationship to end. I'd be like, you know what? You're sweet and all but fuck your face.

You have a stupid boy face. And if you're moving to New York City, that's also a key point I noted in here with a man. You're young. Trust me, honey, you're going gonna want to experience New York City single for a little bit because there are men here and not boys. There's men, they might drive you crazy, they might ruin your life for a couple months on end, but that is just what living in New York is like and I feel like every girl should experience that if you're living in the city at some point and sometimes a man

just ties you down especially a a fucking annoying sweet ass man that you're tied to. I'd cut him loose. Because there are girls out there looking for sweethearts. I'm not one of them. And it doesn't seem like you are either. So maybe just take some space to figure out what you really need.

And when I say take some space, I mean go out in New York City, maybe we can go out together, have a couple dirty martinis, I'll introduce you to some men. We can go to Seymour Go, we can live it up, I'll bring you to towel, like we can do all the things. But you know, a sweet man by your side,

he might not let you do all those things. So I do think this is a red flag to sum it up. Yes. I think you might be looking for an out which is totally normal and fine and relatable but don't lead him on. Like if you're questioning it even a little bit I always say this to myself and to my friends if there's even one thing you're questioning a little you're a little uneasy about then he's probably like not the right fit not forever but like definitely not for right now and i think it's so important to be single or know how to be single i see a lot of people not knowing how to be single they'll go their habitual relationship people

they'll go from relationship to relationship to relationship how do you know who you are and how you are like on your own two feet if you've never learned how to like be alone? How to wipe your own ass how to like you know do simple things in life Like to deal with like disappointment and heartache by yourself without having someone comforting you like once you like figure out that you don't need a man or don't need a partner and that you can Handle like life's hardships on your own, then men just become additions to your life. And they become the cherry on top of things in your life.

That's why I always say, if you're going to enter into a relationship, I feel like you have to feel like a whole person by yourself. A man should never be a supplement or feeling a void to make you feel like a whole person because that's when you're fucked because say he dumps you and leaves you for Becky then you're left feeling empty or feeling empty somewhere and that's not tea that's not what life's about and yeah that's my ted talk for today okay, I've also gotten a few DMs about like dirty talk and like how to dirty talk and like, is it eh,

or if it's meh, like how do you do it? When do you do it? And like, I do have opinions on this because you know, sometimes it's just a force. And one thing I hate about these men, or men in general, is sometimes they like try to force like this freak factor just to like, you can almost tell like they want you to like be telling your friends how freaky he was

in bed or something. And I feel like that all starts with the dirty talk and some men just like don't know how to do it at all. And I will say like, just if you're having sex and it's silent the whole time And you're just here like grunting and like breathing. That's not a vibe either. I mean, maybe it is for some people I'm just talking about like my own personal opinion But I will say like I've been in experiences where men just like try to talk dirty to me Like I once had this guy and this was years ago

and it was on Nantucket and he was like this blonde little like vineyard vines looking ass preppy fuck. There's no way he could have handled what I had to bring to him. But like it was a dry week so I like brought him home with me and it was like summer and I feel like it's summertime and you're like supposed to like have all these like little flings and rendezvous so I dragged this man home and we went to my basement of my parents home which is like where I brought all my victims like down to the lair of my parents basement and I would say bye thank you I have like a job interview tomorrow morning it would be like Saturday night.

Anyways, this fucking man, he's like this little blondie and I don't like blonde men because honestly for this reason, I don't like blonde men because it kind of gives me like a Vineyard Vines-esque Chad Brad Thaddeus kind of vibe. And they just don't know how to lay down the pipe in my opinion. This is all my opinion. I'm gonna keep pipe in my opinion. This is all my opinion

I'm gonna keep saying in my opinion so no one cancels me but anyway this guy had this weird fucking weird kink where I couldn't tell if he was like on the spectrum or If he was just trying to like talk dirty in a way like I had never Seen before but he starts talking to me like in this like weird baby voice. Okay, and I think it was like a kink or a fetish and I've talked about this on TikTok before. He was like, you want to be baby's little princess? You want to be all my little princess? My little baby, baby, want to be? Can I pet my little

princess? Is my little princess a good boy? I'm like, do you have a speech impediment? Do you have a fucking speech impediment? What is going on? I'm like, this little baby girl is about to clock you in the fucking neck. If you don't stop talking to me like that, the fuck? He's like, can I, he starts petting my face,

like, can I pet my baby? Woo woo woo woo, ga ga ga. I'm like, literally bro, like, you know, he starts petting my face like, can I pet my baby? Woo woo woo, gah gah gah. I'm like, literally bro, like, you know, I'm not the fucking one. I am not the fucking one, okay? So I kicked him out. And so that kind of dirty talk to me is just like insane. I think that was a weird king or he was having a stroke.

I don't know the fuck was going on with that. But I'm saying don't like force it if you're a man don't force it I feel like the key to dirty talk is just like it's literal basic communication Or just like what you're experiencing Like if you're wet you're wet like, you know, it works on guys all the time I feel like most men have like this breeding fetish like where they like want to get you pregnant but like don't but like want to like live on the edge and get you pregnant. So if you tell a guy to like fill you up they'll finish in like three seconds I swear. Yeah but then you do get pregnant actually I got pregnant once.

So like take plan B if you're gonna say that, because I didn't. This man, that made me for Plan B, but I ended up getting to Portland instead, and then I got pregnant. And I did not think I was Virgil Myrtle. Oh my God, I don't have like birth giving hips. So I thought it was clear, but cream pie after cream pie creates a little bit bit. So yeah, I will say proceed with caution with telling a guy to fill you up

because you don't want to get pregnant or a yeast infection, honestly. But any just like, you know, and both the five senses, like what do you smell? What do you touch? What do you feel like talk about how big his cock is even if it's fucking the size of a carrot Like this like make shit up like use your imagination Whisper in his ear sweet nothings All right, I'm gonna go through some phrases from badgirlsbible.com TM Alright, I'm gonna go through some phrases from badgirlsbible.com. These are dirty talk phrases for intense sex. I'm gonna go through them and like see if it's like a yay or nay or a slay.

But let's see. Okay. The first one is I just want to be your little fuck doll. I would never say that in a million years. I want to be your little fuck doll, babe. That sounds like something that weird fucking freak guy that was petting me like a little baby and saying, like he probably wanted me to say, I want to be a little, I want to be your little fuck doll. Like that's probably what the answer he wanted from me was um but like if you're into that i guess okay too i love it when you fuck me like a slut oh yeah calling

yourself a slut a whore all those things men love that and that's the only place a man can call me a slut or a whore but i have like a weird degrading king so like that shit floats with me so even hearing myself say that like i don't even need him to talk if I hear myself say that that'll get myself off so yeah say that I give that a yay the third one is fuck me like you mean it fuck me like you mean it I'm I feel like that's just too like you know what I mean I don't like that one to be honest. It just doesn't have enough umph in it. I'm gonna give that one a no, but that's like a pretty basic one.

For I don't wanna feel my face or hands after you're done with me. Am I having a stroke here? I don't wanna feel my face or hands after you're done with me. It sounds like we need to go to the emergency room. I'm not gonna lie. I mean like, no, don't say that, please. Okay, number five, I want to taste your cum.

That one's fine. That's very beginner. That's very basic. Or be like, I want to taste you. That's great. Guys love like I want to taste you. That's great guys. Love that guys do love that These are like funny to read out in front of people. I just met by the way. We're getting to know each other so well guys All right, making you come hard is my number one Priority right now. Don't say that we don't want to making yourself come as your number one priority right now. Don't say that. We don't want to... making

yourself come is your number one priority. That would be hilarious if you were like, um, making myself come is my number one priority. You're next though. Thank you. Um, I wouldn't say that just because you don't want men thinking like that should be the top priority. I don't give a fuck if they're coming or not. I give a fuck if I'm coming or not. And they're just there. They're just a dildo with a heartbeat. Number seven, I don't want to be able to walk tomorrow so fuck me harder. Um yeah if you explain to a guy that you want like a wheelchair access out of here that's all that's always great. I feel like I hope you like have an elevator building, because I want you to fuck shit out of me until my legs fall off. You're rolling down the street in a wheelchair.

Anyways, number eight, degrade me. Yeah, I feel like that's a basic one, no? I feel like in the bedroom is the only place where you want a man to treat you like a whore but like that's just me again maybe you want respect and love and tender embrace but if you are talking dirty a guy doesn't care about butterflies and flowers and like hugging like and about picnics and like lovey-dovey shit i promise you that you want to like say the most disgusting things you can possibly think of. Um, okay. Number nine, use me.

This one can get a little tricky just in case he remembers it after. Okay, if you're saying use me! And then like you're having dinner later that night and he's like, oh, I can just use this bitch. I don't know. I think don't say that. Especially if you're like just introducing dirty talk or if this is like a new situation ship or like something which is also a key

factor into the things you could probably say when you're like talking dirty to someone if you're in a fucking relationship and this man is going nowhere, say whatever the fuck you want. So you want to shove a fist in a fist up his ass and have it come out his mouth and like you want to do the macarena. I don't know. But if this is like a new situation chip and you want to like stick around you want to like think about you after I would stick to like the very basic kind of like degrading kinkiest shit you can think of. Okay, number 11. Fuck me like you own me. That one's kind of fun. But again, dance is on a fine line okay number 12 you're gonna make me come you should always be saying that honestly you should be like you're gonna make me come even if you're not gonna come that's how i get like if i'm not gonna come and this is taking too long i'm just gonna say that so he comes so we're like done with this whole situation that's how i get out of a bad fuck. It's honestly the smartest thing ever. I've ever thought of. These are hilarious, Marshall. What? Fuck my cunt. Like

you could say that I guess. I love your dick. That one's pretty PG. Don't stop. You should always be saying that unless you're in doggy style and he's clapping like a fucking macarena. Like yeah, we don't want any bunny rabbits behind us. The bunny rabbit fat fuck is the worst thing ever. In that case, I would never be saying don't stop. Like I would be saying stop. Grab my breasts and squeeze my nipples. I would not be saying that right now, although I have no feeling in my nipples today. That one's like kind of fine, I guess. Fuck me harder daddy. Yeah, you know, I've introduced the word daddy in here sometimes here and there, but it depends.

I would never call a man daddy unless they were at least 10 years older than me. You can't be saying that to like Brad from like SIGCHI. Like you should not be saying fuck me harder daddy to like the man from TD CHI. Like that's just like wouldn't work in that setting. But I think daddy is fun sometimes just because they feel like bigger than they actually are. Come for me. That's a go to. I use that all the time. I've been really bad and need to be punished, that's fun.

I would say that, you could say that. I wanna fall asleep with you inside of me? What? Babe, no. I don't even know if that one's legal. Ha ha ha. Like what? Ha ha ha. don't say that.

Don't say I want to fall asleep with you inside of me. That one's interesting. Fill me up. Fill me up is the one I was saying before. Fill me up is just a really good basic one. Make sure you know you're on birth control. But like, fill me up is a pretty basic good one. That is fun.

I like to grade me. Fuck me like a slut. Like all those and like your own different variations. Perfect. Oh, there's more. Dirty talk phrases to keep him thinking about you. No, many of these phrases work best when sent as messages. Okay, the first one is I feel I'm like screenshot.

I feel so small when you wrap your arms around me. I miss this so much. Yeah, that's some pussy ass shit. I would never send that to a man ever. That's like if you're in a relationship. And like that's just like cutesy. I feel like that's almost sweet. That's borderline sweet. I feel like I wouldn't sound that personally. Number two, sometimes my legs get weak when you kiss me. That's sweet again. No, no man kissing me is gonna make my legs weak though. My legs are weak in general. I miss leg day all the time. It's gonna take a lot. You know? Okay, number three. Just thinking about you makes me so damn wet. Yeah, you could say this in other words. Always telling a guy that you're wet, even if you're at the fucking mall and you're not wet,

it just gets them excited. I would send that text every day if I had someone to send that to. I actually probably sent it last week to someone random. I don't even know. Number four, if we could only have sex in one position for the rest of our lives what would it be? Why would you ask? So this girl sending a guy this text? I know what his answer is. I don't know. I don't think I would send that text because then he's gonna want to do that position forever because it trust me his favorite position and your favorite position I promise you 100% are not the same okay number five I masturbated about you last night I feel like that's also a very simple easy beginner one that's like fun spicy text to send so I think that's a good one. This one says, still feeling sore after last night,

smiley face. Yeah, I would put a little spin on this. I would be like, I can barely get up the fucking flight of stairs without feeling my legs gonna fall off. I feel like my legs are unhinged and one could possibly break off and roll down the street right now. Or I need a wheelchair to get anywhere today.

Or yeah, I feel like a human pretzel and I can't move I don't know like put your little spin on it you're all spice on it. Seven I think you're the only guy who can make me angry and horny at the same time. Yeah I used I mean I used to love hate sex when I was in a relationship I used to to pick fights just to have makeup sex. And I always thought that was one of my favorite pastimes. It was my favorite hobby, honestly, at one point. Okay, number eight.

The hottest thing about last night was feeling you shoot your load inside of me. I wouldn't word it like this. I think we can word it better. I think we can find better verbiage, but you know, I like the gist of that. Number nine, I want to be your lady on the streets in your feet between the sheets, babe. Don't send that.

That's lame. But like, I know what point you're trying to make, but like don't send that to a man, please. I'm supposed to be working, but all I can think about is you dominating me. I mean that's fun but like I mean I'm an influencer I wouldn't say I'm not working. I'm at home watching reality TV I want you to dominate me. But yeah this is a fun text I feel like any text you could send to your man or your situation ship or whoever,

while they're at work or doing something where they like probably can't get a fucking full on boner is always fun to do. So send those risky texts. I think risky texts are fun. I think dirty talk is fun. I think it's all fun. I think it's all healthy and it's all normal

and should be incorporated more. No one wants like bland ass vanilla sex or bland ass vanilla, you know, back and forth between a guy you're having sex with. Like there's ways to spice it up. OK, let's go through a couple more DMs. This one I thought was really fun. This girl says, I need your advice on how to get out of the bender funk. Like not how to stop the bender but how to start. Girl you came to the right place.

I used to be the queen of going out and getting feral and now post-grad unfortunately. I corporate girlied too hard and I found myself all responsible and boring and every time I go out to have a drink or think about going out I just think about all the negatives and talk myself out of it in the rare times I do get myself to have a feral night. It takes me like four to seven business days to recover I'm literally 23 years old and hot I should be going out and getting crazy or something But I simply cannot find the motivation. A martini just puts me to sleep these days.

S-O-S. I fear this is a universal experience, especially if you're a corporate girly. I cannot relate in that sense. I've never been a corporate girly, but I do get bendered out sometimes. And it's not a bad thing that you have responsibilities now and that you have a job and that you maybe can't party

as hard as you used to in college. These aren't symptoms of bad things going on in your life. These are probably symptoms of good things in your life. Honestly, you have success and responsibility. These are all good things. But give yourself a break. Don't think negatively when you go out when you're drunk when you're hung over the anxiety feeling like you shouldn't have done it i was just saying something to this effect the other day because i go out all the time i go out five times a week maybe, and I have long fucking nights.

Like I say out to the break of dawn, and I say yes to way too many things. Probably way too many things, where even if I'm going into a situation where I'm like, okay, I'm gonna regret this in the morning, I still say yes for the lore. Because I don't wanna look back on my 20s and be like, I didn't do it all.

And the 20s are to do it. This is your time where you can be selfish, where you can take those risks, where you can have those regrets, where you can have those memories, you can be with your girls, you don't have a fucking baby to take care of, you don't have a fucking man to take care of. It's just you yourself. You're figuring yourself out and you should have a little man to take care of. It's just you yourself. You're figuring yourself out. And you should have a little fun while doing it too.

Even if you're a corporate girl, you still don't know what the fuck you're doing. All my friends have switched jobs a million times. They really don't know what direction they are. Or we're in our 20s, we really don't know what the fuck we're doing in general. We're learning a lot of things, taxes, all this. We don't know what the fuck's going on.

So have a little fun, give yourself a little break. I don't want to be 80 years old and look back at my 20s and be like, I didn't say yes to enough things. And I think a lot of people have those regrets. Because of society and societal norms, people think, okay, I'm 25, I should have a serious boyfriend. Okay, I'm 30, I should be getting engaged. Okay, I'm 35, I should be getting engaged. Okay, I'm 35, I should be having kids.

These are these benchmarks that I think that we have internalized because societal norms and structure, X, Y, and Z, all that fucking bullshit that you study in sociology. I don't know. But for me personally, I wanna say yes to everything, even the bad decisions, even the things I know I shouldn't be getting myself into.

And I want to be 80 telling my grandkids, highly I ask one day back in the day, I was out at town at 6 a.m. and I was doing handstands with X, Y, and Z and I was having an orgy and oh my God. Like I want to have stories to tell. Like I would like to have stories to tell, even if they're good, bad, but it's like what you know for me it builds character, it builds lore,

it builds experiences, it makes me know what I should say yes to, it makes me know what I should say no to down the road. It's all like life is about trial and error at the end of the day. So you know yes, anxiety sucks and feeling like you're making bad decisions by going out and drinking. Those feelings suck, but feelings are fleeting. You only have one life. So I would suggest while you're young and while you're fucking hot, you're 23 years old, live it up.

You know, have that 5 a.m. night. No one's judging you besides you. No one's judging you, besides you. No one gives a fuck. Have fun. And that would be my advice. She says, well, it's one fair all night. I feel like she's exaggerating, to be honest, though. I'm not gonna lie.

Four to seven's an insane recovery period. She needs medical attention, if that's the case. I will note that you say, have one feral night and then you are recovering from four to seven days after that. I don't think that's normal. We need to seek medical attention if that's really the case. I don't know what you're drinking if it's absent or something. Something strong that's putting you completely the fuck out. But if you're out from four to seven days from anything, we need to go to the doctor or get an IV. Masturbating helps. I would just switch up your drink order if you really feel like you're being taken out like that.

I will say for me, espresso martinis put me the fuck out. Like, I would cut those out if you're drinking those. If I'm drinking more than one espresso martini, I'm throwing up all over my duvet cover. And no one can talk to me for like 19 days. I'm like unreachable. It's like a problem. But yeah, if there's maybe a little balance in in your feral nights, drink water between you're taking shots. I don't do any of those things, but I'm programmed differently than most.

But four to seven days after a feral night, I always say the only way out is through. So if it's a Friday night, you had a feral night, keep drinking. OK? The cause is the cure. And the only way out is through the shampoo effect. So if you have one drink at brunch after a feral Friday, you're already fucked up. It's great. You feel great. You're back to normal. You feel like you got your personality back and everything.

Okay, guys, on our next segment. breathing. Okay, guys, on our next segment. I don't know why I just transitioned it like that. Guys, okay, what else are we going to talk about? Let's talk about signs a guy just wants to fuck you and leave. To be blunt. Because a lot of these men are just like squirrels. They just want to get their nut and get out of the tree. You know what I mean? So let's just talk about some signs that I've noticed in my ripe age, I'm 27, but I fucked a lot of guys, that I know where a guy just wants to fucking get out of there. Because sometimes I just wanna fucking get out of there too.

So they're the same things I notice. They go both ways. It sounds like guys just want to hook up. First of all, if you fuck a guy, the first thing I notice is, is he trying to hang out in the morning? Is he overstaying his welcome? Does he want to get breakfast? Does he want to get coffee? Does he want to talk about like, where he vacations in the summertime? His deepest darkest secrets? I don't know, like sometimes like guys can like be over shares or overstayers.

And I feel like if a guy wants to like overstay or like get a meal with you or get a coffee with you the next day, that means he's like into a little bit or either that or he's just like starving. But like, I feel like it's usually he wants to spend more time with you. The next thing I notice is he initiating plans like right then and there. Is he like when can I see you next? If a guy's not initiating plans with you he probably just wants to fuck. Also what time is he texting you to hang out?

Because like your time is equally as valuable as his time. So you should not be waiting on a Friday night for a guy to text you at 1030 being like let's link up Like you should be making plans as if that he does not exist I used to have this problem too where I'd be like, okay, the girls want to go out To dinner and have a night out and do all these things Friday night, but in the back of my head I'd be like, oh what if so-and-so hits me up? Like I would rather see him, like the girls will get it, blah blah blah. That's not how you should be thinking and don't think like that and I'm slap on my hand because I wish I didn't think like that either. So if he texts you like after 10 pm then he can go fuck himself. He can go get his pocket pussy out of his bedside drawer and literally go fuck himself because that's not what we're doing.

It's not what we're doing in 2025. Okay? Anyways, next, is he texting you during the week? Is he consistent texting you? Inconsistent texters can go fuck themselves. I'm an inconsistent texter. I can go fuck myself. I do that sometimes. But like inconsistent texters are a really, really big red flag, especially for men, because men are like, you know, they only text you when they like wanna see you

and they wanna like put their dick inside of you. And like, you don't deserve that. Unless that's what you want. If you just want like a little fuck buddy and that's very casual but like if you like a guy and he's being inconsistent about texting you not being like how's your day at least or like at least replying to your stories it could be very the bar is so fucking low with these men these days but if he's not texting you at all during the week then literally he can pull out his pocket pussy and go fuck himself. Because fuck that.

Anyways next. Is he rushing to intimacy? Is he trying to finger you at the dinner table? Okay, you want to get drinks, it's a first date and he's already like, are we going back to my place or yours? This is a red flag. For most, for me I'd eat that shit up and say, let's go baby let's get it popping. Mine are yours. But this is usually a red flag, usually a

sign that a guy wants to just like sleep with you. As I've said in previous podcasts, I don't really believe in like the third date rule and like waiting, making a guy wait. I don't think any of that shit has any weight. I know a lot of people that have fucked within the first 30 minutes of meeting that person and they've dated for years. I really just think it's, you know, if you like someone, you like someone, you don't like someone, you don't like someone,

it's more about your feelings and like making yourself vulnerable. And if being physical with someone makes you vulnerable to that person, then I would suggest not sleeping with someone on the first date. But I would look out for that. Is he rushing to fuck you on the first date? Is he trying to finger blast you at the dinner table? These are all things to look out for and feel out for. Maybe don't wear a skirt on the first date.

Anyways, what's the next one? When he compliments you? Is he complimenting you on the inside or the outside? Is he only touching on your physical features or is he touching on, you know, I like this about you? Is he asking you a lot of questions about your life? Is he, you know, trying to get to know you and like, you know, being like, oh you're so funny and like trying to like get to know your personality? Or is he just like, you're so hot, like, well, your ass is so fat, like, oh my god, your hair, oh my god, like, is he talking, like, how is he talking to you? How is he complimenting you? That's also something to take note of. Also, I would just say this as like a general thing,

men are very simple creatures. I know we like to think that they play games, you know, like they're like always like, like men are not like fucking MacGyver's, okay? They're not Nancy Drew's up in this bitch. They're not smarter than us, especially emotionally. Men are not smarter than us. You can fucking clip that if you want. I think when it comes to dating and stuff, women are way more in touch with their like EQ and like they know exactly what's going on. But men are simple creatures.

If they want you, they will show that. They will make plans with you. They will get, they will move things around to see you. And they won't make it that difficult They're not gonna be playing games with you and like fucking with your head If they want to see what they're gonna see you if they don't want to see you They probably don't like you and that's the hard truth. Unfortunately, but hot take maybe like I don't think Men play games with girls. They're not interested. I think honestly like men play games with girls

they like. I don't think men are playing games with like random girls they're just like meeting for the first time. I think you have to like build rapport with someone to like start playing mind games with them if that makes any sense. But that could be the delulu in me. If a man is like clearly playing games with me I'll be like but he chose to play games with me okay he's choosing me to fuck with he's not choosing Becky from East Village to fuck with he's choosing me to fuck with okay but I would say overall men are simple creatures two plus two equals four for them they want to see you they're gonna make that known if they don't want to see you they're also gonna make that known there's no like reading between the lines there's no subliminal messages they don't want to see you they're also going to make that known. There's no like reading between the lines, there's no subliminal messages, they don't

probably know what a subliminal message is, like they're going to make it very clear. So that's how I feel about that. Avoiding conversations about the future. Like making plans. I've said this before, the easiest way to get rid of a guy is to try to make plans with them. Because once you start making plans with the guys, they're running for the fucking hills. I don't know what it is. If a guy's like initiating plans, he wants to like see you. If a guy's not making any plans at all,

avoiding talking about doing things down the road, that's a red flag to me. Like if you're like, we should do something this weekend. And he's like, I don't know what my plans are yet. Or I should be around this weekend, but I'm not really sure what I'm doing yet. Red flag, red flag. He should be like, incorporating into like even if he's getting dinner with his friends or going out with his friends, he's like should be like you should come along or meet up

with us after dinner or like stuff like that like he should not be answering with I should be around this weekend I don't know I'll let you know he's not gonna let you know babe he's never gonna let you know he just want to see you honestly men suck the more I read these things I'm like oh they fucking suck out here this is why I go for older men the fuck the fuck Okay, guys. That was a lovely little solo sash. I love doing these solo sessions I feel like they're therapeutic in a way I get a lot out and even though I'm super fucking high and all these

Painkillers right now. I had a great time doing it and all these painkillers right now. I had a great time doing it. But anyways, as always, you can watch on YouTube, like, subscribe, comment, be nice to me, because I love you all. You can also listen on any other platform. But yeah, I'll see you guys next week and bye. Mwah, mwah, mwah.