Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder - Bestie catch up: toys, boys, & chaos?!

Episode Date: September 11, 2025

Besties Lauren and Liv are here for a girl chat! 🤸‍♀️ Hallie kicks us off with her latest eye doctor update and how she is now seeing a specialist in "Celebrity Eyes." Then the girls dive into Hallie’s drought (six months and counting), her SATC-induced horniness, and perhaps a first on Extra Dirty... the phrase “I want a boyfriend.”?! They laugh through Logan Paul’s predictions for Hallie, manifest a “Big Wine Fall,” and debate the best vibrators for the season. Then Hallie grills the girls with some juicy questions: biggest red flag orders on a date, chaotic hookups, messy nights out, icks in bed, adult entertainment preferences, and more. Enjoy my cookies, love you!!

If you were in a relationship with obviously a man that you like and takes all your boxes, but like a healthy relationship, I think it would be so good for you in every aspect. My type is really bad right now. The only, yeah. What are you little freaks? Okay, guys, I'm doing something really stupid right now. We have an emergency debrief situation. Hi, this is Hallie from the streets of New York.

Guys, I had every intention of staying in last night. okay guys welcome back to extra dirty i am here again with my two besties Lauren and live well I hate doing those introductions because like I saw you guys yesterday and we've been here for 30 minutes laughing I've been telling you guys stop talking save it for the pod you want to talk about my celebrity eyes save it for the pod you want to talk about body counts save for the pod all right can we first talk about my celebrity eyes yeah i would like this morning i had a doctor's appointment oh you went i went you'd look like a little a little what wait something wait what she didn't get anything done but she saw a celebrity it was a consult

dude that's like when lauren said she was getting her teeth done and i was like oh your teeth do look different and she was like i haven't done anything yet i was like oh no she's like you look like you can see i can't i actually can't see through really sad i feel like who's that guy just any blind person frank no no no just any blind man on the street that's what you feel like she's could have named anybody could have named anybody names and frank no female who is that man oh that's a classic mix up no i don't know how she got i don't know how i don't know how i don't know how helen keller got anything done and she's mostly a writer-actor singer what where did you get this wait i'm not making that up no she's actually what did helen keller do for a living i think she was like the influencer

helen keller was like the influencer of her time there's a lot she definitely went to that celebrity eye doctor there's a lot of conspiracy theories that helen color wasn't actually blind or deaf no that's about Stevie Nicks or Stevie Sorry, I was close to that one You know how in color was an author, activist, an educator How? Singer, songwriter

How, no This is like ablest, I fear No, I'm just saying Like, I can say that because I am I'm really blind My eye prescription is higher than my GPA from college What is it? Like four or something.

That's really bad. And she asked me if I wanted to get the surgery where they, because I need a muscle correction because I'm cross-eyed. But not only am I cross-eyed, I have bad vision and astigmatism on top of that. So I'm like goes. Double homicide. But at least you're like, Hallie, this, wait, hold on. This surgery that Hallie is talking about is like, do you know the surgery?

LASIC? No, no, no. There's a different surgery. So imagine you're looking at me, except Hallie is. isn't this severe. But imagine you're looking at me. One eyes going here and the other one's like out there. And you're getting that surgery? No, but she said down the road, because she's like with age, like your eye crossing may get worse. It's just going to go. And it's just going to be like that like, like I'll be 85 and I'll be looking at the front door while I'm looking at you guys.

Like the grandma. I'll be like. Like the grandma. But it kind of only really happens. I've never noticed it when you're sober. No, that's what, but like I'm not going sober. I'd rather be cross-eyed than that. Like your version of getting like Lucy Goosey. It's like you're. eyeballs going in some directions yeah and I was like I told her that I told the the celebrity doctor I said listen the only time going cross head is an issue is when I'm drinking and that's usually one's like a telltale sign that I should probably be going home or going to bed we can't lose that you'll stay out all night like my issue right now is well hopefully it's dark and I just tell them about the celebrity eyes because this was the

craziest thing Halle's ever said I had to stop on the road in West Village to hold my crotch so I didn't piss myself it was insane Hallie's just passively talking about like her eyes and telling us she's going to a new doctor because she went to one doctor and didn't like the office it wasn't like pretty enough she said she said I sent her somewhere and I was like she's like I saw her you sent me to a dump and I was like number one my doctor is a female so I don't know I mean a male so I don't know who you saw number two you said like Chinatown my doctor is fully in the West Village so I don't know where you went random okay anyway but it was my second one and I they keep giving me worse in worse

yeah prescriptions because they're trying to fix your stigmatism but yeah guys let me finish my doctor and then this is where it progressed too so then she goes no I've found a new doctor I'm going tomorrow he specializes in celebrity eyes I go I know celebrities that I've gone to this doctor I go what did you just say she goes yeah he specializes in celebrity eyes I go we all have the same exact eyes no we don't and now you don't i have really bad eyes and i need a celebrity doctor to treat them you have really bad eyes and you're a celebrity and i need celebrity eyes on these eyes we'll go to the we'll go to my guy in china town yeah actually i won't because i have really bad eyesight okay i like it's the point we're like i can't see across the bar and pick who i want to

sleep with she's like I'm like that's why I have bunch of fucking losers on the list of my notes app that's actually we should excuse I agree that's a good excuse it's not it's not real but it's a good excuse and like I am behind that I only slept with you because I'm blind I thought you were cute because I was blind I only fucked you because I'm really blind I only fucked you because I'm really blind I used to like you when I was blind but then I went to a celebrity eye specialist stylist and now I have a permanent sparkle in my eyes and I can see and I don't like you live goes what are you going to do walk out of there with a twinkle in your eye they're gonna like is that why you what you said it looked different yeah yeah I can see it

it's like all over you it's like you walked in there there was like fairy dust on you you walked out you're like a celebrity I only do that on the weekends yeah And they're going to tattoo like a permanent sparkle in your eye. That would be lovely. That would sign it. That would be great for picks. You know, you can do that on FaceUp. They're going to be like rainbow.

She's going to have rainbow pebbles. You can add a sparkle in your eye on face app. They're going to add a frown. Wait, show me how. They're going to add a rainbow. If you see a sparkle in my eye in my next Instagram. Just know. Wait, we should do that as a promo.

Oh, yeah. Let's put twinkles in our eyes. Yes. Tringles in our eyes. I want to talk about my droop. your drought it's affecting my health the internet's concerned but it's just because I haven't gotten laid

they don't understand this is a side effect what's the longest that you've ever gone the longest I've ever gone 15 years 14 years okay Holly after that um six months probably okay so this drought isn't there was a drought wait are we

I remember the drought um we're punching we're there was this one creeping up on a new record i'm not trying to set this record i'm not going out of my way we're like months away yeah we're okay we're okay i don't think there's anything bad about not sleeping with guys um i do i beg to differ you guys are both like blood getting laid by stallions every day and i can't even watch sits in the city sorry why why did i just down cap you up or about the stallions than like getting I fucked it's more about the stallions even watch sex in the city without whimpering now I'll be like and they don't even have good

sex Samantha does I'm trying to watch sex in the city because it's the fall and that's like that's what I do but like I get too horny I've turned it off and put on like true crime can I tell you something you said something the other day that I have never heard you say oh yeah and I don't know if everyone's ready for this howly uttered the words i want a boyfriend i kind of just want like someone i want someone that like gives me attention and no one's giving me attention right now and any attention i get is negative attention from rancid clips i say online they're like oh like i've been having this issue where like i've had sleepovers with guys and i feel like they hold back because they don't want to give me like a pizza review the next day on ticot you know what i mean a pizza review

pizza review you know how like Dave Portnoy he does pizza reviews I think people think I do that with dick let me just say kind of what I do but not really what I do that's not what you do the guy who like works at bar stool or whatever who like said that on his podcast literally like what are you talking about I don't think he's ever seen your videos you don't like review the sex you've had with men that's not what you do it's the only when they cross you yeah I feel like you're pretty um respectful I'm pretty evergreen. That's a that's a podcasting term. It's just funny. It's like a like it's you're it's just funny like I don't understand celebrity podcaster you need a guy who's not like phased by that. No I know but they seem like I was on impulsive and I remember Logan saying

it's going to be really hard for you to find a husband that's really like that kind of sat with me and I was like maybe on to something here because it's just the way I talk it's a bit crass but also I can't see does that like is that something that like is in the back of your mind like does that worry you like do you believe that no I don't believe that but I just think that you know when you go through like spurts of just not getting laid you kind of just start like reflecting and being like is it something I'm doing wrong or is it something like that's wrong with me and I already feel like I've kind of like had like a pretty like insecure summer like was in the summer I anticipated so I'm just kind of like fuck unwanted unloved and loved and

rejected by society okay that like is sad and I don't I don't think I think you need to look at it differently but yeah my you're not putting out the energy that you want to be like it's not coming to you because you're you're not putting that energy out and like no it's not like you're trying to fuck all these guys and they're like you get away like it's not no I decided and I like kind of didn't want to like I don't know I if I wanted to sleep with someone the summer I probably could of i could have but not on the people like getting silly goose so you know but like i need we need to have a new game plan this fall even when we've gone out like you we don't talk to anyone you get silly and then you're like or guys will try to talk to you and you're like get away

i also feel like my body language is a bit off like we're talking about i kind of like silly goes and now you're going to sit now when i go to shame bargo hello men I would like to talk to you. Clip this. Men, I welcome you all with big smiles and a sparkly twinkly eye. Hallie. Oh, fuck and hell. And maybe like, maybe like we save the cosmos until, we'll do one cosmo.

That's definitely not going to happen. Wine. Yeah. Big wine fall. We're going to have, but I just think I need to sled it out a little bit. Get it out of my system. Big wine fall. Can I tell you guys something?

The other night when Hallie said, I want a boyfriend, I've been like, I was like thinking about it the past couple days. And I actually, on a serious note, think if you were in a relationship with a, obviously me that you like and take all your boxes, but like a healthy relationship, I think it would be so good for you. I don't know. I think it would be so good for you in every aspect. The only situation is really bad right now.

Yeah. The only situation. Sorry. agree faster quick with it the only situation chips that i have ever seen you in you are so toxic and one guy there's one guy that you would try and fight with and he would call you'd be like what are you doing and you'd be like i'm sorry i'm sorry like i'd be like you pick fights can't do that on the next one why can't i pick fight because i love language can i tell i pick i pick a lot of fights you are bad about the two but like the

right man will put up with them yeah so your your fights are different than her fights really hallie will like literally just stop answering for like a week i know all right what else am we talking about what's your ideal fall my ideal fall love life fall love life fall is i wake up i have a yogurt and a pumpkin spice latte oh wait are those out yet i care about my day yeah they're out yeah i'm getting one tomorrow they're so good oh my god and then i just have okay the weight of a very beautiful six five man on top of me whenever i please yeah but they're probably enough to go to work no after work i have to work too oh that's literally the goal yeah but where are they i love being smush sorry don't you just love like being smothered no i like love being like almost killed

no i don't mean sexually i mean like a hug oh yeah yeah yeah same i meant to ask you guys what vibrators are we using this fall uh wand always is there like a specific one yes i'll send you want to buy anyone it's because i like wine but it's not powerful enough no i have like the egg one that's that's it has like four four speeds yeah it's it's what speed do you hang on the highest i always i need a like and if it's not charged i know same warrens same oh my it's not it's not it's not buzzing like wait i'm sending it to you right now no have we ever had it one die mid-sex because that happened to me when a guy was going down on me and using it on me and I was like it's like the most I've had one die like not mid-sex alone and it was terrible

because it just died and I was like mine died and I made Jordan stop now what like mine died and I made Jordan stop and I was like you're going to wait like I'm going to wait have they ever used a toothbrush yes when was a scenario uh like if like I think like I was like younger and one died and I was like I've used a necklissure the only thing I've used my phone like what I'm sorry you you can like make it vibrate how I don't know how show me because this this would solve all of Jordan's problems Jordan give me your phone it's like really like what what I found my vibrator I'm sending it to it's $98 it's so good I would spend yeah I brought it to turkey with me oh yeah I brought it to jerky with me oh yeah how big is it though it's like a mini wand yeah it's probably this

I think I need to get a new one but mixed with a butt plug sending it in the group yeah what have you have you used to butt plug before no it's the best thing ever I put Lauren on you did I wasn't like with her but like I put her on she was there she put it in I put it in she left I said open open your gaping hole now let me show it in there from left field let me show you this and then I'll leave no yeah I just like that it like sex or yeah during sex during it's like an explosion of like an orgasm but it just like you can't like escape it's really you don't need like a 50 pound weight like hallie's well you could do like a little i have it's like a finger you can get a little one that's like a finger yeah mine's like a stainless steel light bulb it goes deeper and it just like kind of like

Stainless feel light bulb. Yeah, it's like a wine stopper. Has it ever, like, shot out? I mean, maybe if you, like, push really hard, but... That's, like, really scary. Knocks him out. He needs to go to that celebrity eye doctor. She was a great celebrity eye doctor.

Her name is Dr. Brissette. Celebrity eye doctor. Well, that's what I call her. Dr. Weinstein did my tits. I thought I throw that in there. It's nothing to do with my beautiful eyes. It has nothing to do with my sparkly beautiful eyes. Everyone watching the odd.

The way you threw your phone down. There's nothing to do with that. All right, guys, let's get back on track. We were talking about vibrators and dildos and all those things. Pumpkin spice lattes in my ass. How often do you guys use? My vibrator. Yeah.

When I wake up and go to bed every day. Every day. Unless I'm like traveling. Like, I didn't, like, bring one to Columbus, Ohio with Matt and Alex. You do it every morning? It starts my day. It's, like, a coffee. That's, like, her shot of energy.

Yeah. Like, it depends, like, it deters whether I'm going to be in a good mood or not. I got Botox today. Can't wait for it to kick in. I really need a lot. I hate when my forehead moves. My fucking eyebrows is probably going to be up here again. Especially with this angle that you put me out, it's, like, right up this fucking eyebrow.

The worst migraves. ever since my Botox left the system and left my system and I was in Turkey and I literally landed and Meeks was like you're what I've never seen your forehead move so much I was like first of all already say that he's like so innocent he didn't know it was like rude he's like your forehead is moving a lot I'm like okay um and so my forehead was moving a lot and I was getting migraines and panic attacks and hopefully the Botox helps well how was your turkey it was good it was very different it was good though turkey like that city Istanbul is like a very

cool city it's fucking huge guys we would have so much fun if we did like a group trip to bodrum obviously so down but like Istanbul is so cool but John was working like he was gone five hours out of the day and like what were you doing kind of just hanging on vibrating using kind of just hanging out because like I can't drive there because it's so it's like the most populated city in the world it's like on the left side right no it's not it's on the right side but the driving is just so no it's in the right it's crazy so i was kind of cooped up and like whatever we'll make it work next time but we had fun it's looked really pretty it's so pretty um yeah it was right on the water i just felt so far from home like it's so

different such a culture shock that i was just kind of like claustrophobic what's the time different seven hours it's not bad so i couldn't talk to my mom until like three p.m what was israel seven hours oh okay yeah it's fine it's hard for like that prolonged period of time yeah because we you'd be awake and we would be sleeping i also keep in mind i don't have friends there yet like he had he barely knows his teammates yet she's making new friends so i well i don't like know any of the wives or girlfriends that haven't met any of them so next time i go he'll be more like solidified with the friend group and i will Me too. Okay, well, you'll never be closer with anyone. No. I don't know I feel about you going in Turkey, making new turkey friends. I need friends. Those up turkeys. Any Turkish girls want to hang.

Love's going to start. Hi, Turkianas. What up, Turkiana? This is Turkesh and Turkiana. No, guys, Danielle Phelong commented on my video that I made in Turkey about like the skincare there. And she said, hi, I'm a turkey or something. And I said, hi, I'm a turkey back to her. And people in the comments were like, this is so offensive. Like, you are so offensive. And I was like, okay. Can we're so fucking sensitive? Can we not joke? You know, like, people are so fucking sensitive these days. Like, I wish sometimes you could just say whatever the fuck you wanted without, like, thinking that it's going to offend someone. Hi, I'm a turkey. You should not be offending anyone. Like the Helen Keller bit in the beginning might hurt someone's feelings.

But, like, I would like to say that I'm blind, so I'm an ally with Helen. Can we talk about the Cardi B trial? Yeah, but you have to explain it to us because we don't know anything about it. Get ready for the extra dirty pop culture segment. Yeah, I want to talk about a couple pop culture things. This is not a pop culture podcast, but there's a couple things that I've been catching my eye on my FYP, the first being the Cardi B trial. I don't know if you guys are locked into that at all, but Cardi B right now is getting sued for like $24 million for like getting in our verbal altercation with this random nobody she's for a verbal alter she's saying it's not verbal but like

the trial is fucking hysterical she's so funny the the guy goes so you're saying she was overweight and she goes I didn't say that but I did say she was a bitch like period she was like I was pregnant and I couldn't defend myself from that look at her yeah are you calling her fat look at her she goes I mean like use your eyes she's so funny she's walking out of the courtroom someone's going cardie what's the verdict cardie what's the verdict she's ignoring everyone and someone goes cardie you look so pretty she goes thank you i'm obsessed with her i love 24 million something to her she's like i'm just here for like is she having another baby with her new boyfriend i don't think i think they broke it out now what i don't fucking i might have made that up sorry crudy what do you

think about the travis carlsey and taylor's engagement obsessed I love how she did it like everyone else announces their engagement just like so normal like a regular like combined collab post yeah yeah yeah so normal you guys Taylor Swift is just a girl she's just a girl she's the most famous woman on the planet and like insanely talented talk your shit girl but like at the end of the day like she just wants the same things everyone else wants just normal like yes her ring is absurd it's like a half million dollar diamond honestly it's kind of like on the conservative side for them like they are billionaires she's also like has really big hand the swifties are gonna come sorry no but do you know what i mean like it's perfect for her she's like

five nine yeah she has big hand yeah she's five nine she's bigger she's like five eleven oh but the thing is like it's good for her hand she could have had yeah guys she could have she's so wealthy she could have had any type of ring or proposal she wanted she's not buying it for herself but okay but he's fucking loaded too yeah But like my point is she's just like so sentimental and cute and like appreciates the little things like she got engaged in a garden full of flowers with like an old mine diamond ring I like the ring in a Ralph Lauren dress like I'm obsessed. Do you like the ring? I like the ring. It's very her. It's her. It's very fairytale. I like it. I like it. I appreciate it being different. I appreciate it. I like the setting. Did you watch her appearance on the podcast? I did. It kind of made me a swifty. I won. Watched the whole thing. She's so cute. I woke up extra, not extra early for it.

Whoa. No, no, no. I like accidentally woke up really early and I had nothing else to do and I watched it. And I really appreciated it. That energy quote really resonated with me. No, she's cute. That resonated big time. I was like, oh.

She's like a girl next door. I'm going to carry that with me. She's like the girl next door. That's like the most successful genius. No, like I like her now. And I always was like, I'm not like fuck that bitch, but like I don't, I don't want to hop on this train. Like I'm different.

but like I kind of get this being a Taylor's of fan now. I still don't think that I would like go to the tour and dress up and like cry. Yeah, I wouldn't do all that. But I did listen to a few songs after that podcast. Do you guys know that I was like we're on her way? We're on her way. Swifty growing up. I went to every concert every year. She would do literally a concert a year and I would go to all the concerts at Gillette. I was just like, I was obsessed with her one time. She touched my brother's hand and I was sobbing, screaming, crying, throwing up. I was like, how dare you? I was like that with like T-Pain

yeah and I was obsessed with her and then I kind of forgot about her when I was like in my Drake era I love 10 years and now I still listen to her music and I cry I do listen to her songs now I there was a few that I listened to I'll send you the good ones right now I'll tell you the ones that I like

Sydney Sweeney and Scooter Braun that's like very new and really weird she's so relevant to me I feel like that's like I wasn't really shocked by that I was like okay you guys can go date like in a corner somewhere in a corner

I just kind of scrolled yeah I can have fun wearing denim at like coffee shops Who else is getting engaged? Everyone? I don't know Seems like everyone but me Fuck Howley

Wait what does your dad say Stay alive till 35 So By that Time line We're still looking good We're still looking good Lauren gives the best advice

what is your dad saying it's your dad's advice it was good advice yeah um yeah i like you say that too so no i know i just i'm just like i'm really thinking i'm just in a drown and i'm just like feeling weak because i haven't like eaten a man's soul in a long time you know what you always say jennifer's body i'm jennifer's body i can't wait until she meets and i'm what's the other girl lily she's gonna meet her person and then be like oh guys you guys try me like a charity case sometimes when you talk like this she's gonna to meet her man some day we're talking about dating i know that's trying to i was trying to support our friend i do not talk about you like you're a charity case like you're not if anything i'm your

charity case you're my girl that's insane to say i don't know what that means but you're my girl thanks no i mean like because we're so stressed about dating right now one day you're going to meet your person is going to you're not no i mean we as in like you but we as a group as a group i'm not stress about dating because the thing is i don't want to date takes a lot of energy but like i just but that's the thing when you meet a person to come to my door do you know what i mean like when she meets the person that's right for her it won't take energy it's not about that it's about finding them we've talked about this they're nowhere they're just like dead honestly guys like i've recently i was at the lake house this weekend with they're not the lake no i know i was with our family friends

who are like 40 30 to 34 like it's new york it's seriously new york one of them was like one of them was like I'm moving to Austin like all the got all the hot guys are there she's like I went there for a weekend I met like 10 guys I had 10 dates like it's literally New York I believe it will just happen when it's supposed to like it has no I don't think it's lying in the start yeah I don't think so we got other fish to fry it will happen yeah it's just not meant to happen right now if I'm excited for this fall right I'm excited for this fall so excited too we just run that little can we wear sweater like I just want to be a slut for like one week and then I want to wear a sweater. I want to be a slut in a sweater. Same. I want to be the sluttiest

girl in a sweater. Slut in your new Ralph Lauren gray sweater. You never commented on. Remember when we were walking in West Village and those girls at the, those girls at the restaurant were like being so mean and like calling us ugly? Can we? Yeah, yeah, but tell the whole story. I forget it. We were walking in the West Village. It was Anton's. We ran into friends that we knew. like the outdoors like the yeah daddies that we knew the Anton's outdoor seating we're talking to the daddies and I'm like looking directly at the girls sitting next to them and they're having a full blown conversation like the girls are were as far away from me as Hallie is and they were like they're like literally watched a girl say this she goes do you think they're pretty to one of one of

her friends and her friends goes like this they're probably just and I go the guys we're talking Yeah. And I go, like, directly into her eyes. I was like, oh, yeah, Lauren, sit on business. I was like, you could have stood on more business. I think, well, Liv literally left the street with her eyes still on them. I was like, no, I'm not the one. Like, don't. I was like, are you good? And then they obviously, like, went back in their shells and, like, fucking pretended. Like, they didn't just say something offensive. I don't know. The girl did like a double take. She was like, If you're going to say something rude in public about people calling people ugly in public, okay? If someone hears you,

you are obligated to be a part of that conversation. I think she forgot that. You calling me ugly, rude. I called you out on it. So did my friend. You have to apologize or stand on business. One of the two. You can't just pretend like it didn't happen to start eating your fucking salad.

I'm like, bitch, hello? You are ugly. It was so crazy. She forgot that. She like wasn't behind her phone screen. It was so crazy. She was like a real-life troll. That's the same girl that's like on Reddit.

I mean, they were so fucking ugly too. Like I don't even remember. But then we were all like, that wasn't about me. No. No. No. That's not how it went. We left there and Hallie goes, that wasn't about me.

No, Hallie goes like, no, we told Hallie what happened. She goes, well, it definitely wasn't about me. I was like, okay. So it was either about. Probably. You're right. You're left. You're probably right, honestly.

right i'm going to ask you guys some questions okay you are probably going to answer lauren's like rage texting right now someone okay is there something a guy could order on a date that would be a red flag i would talk about this the other day and you know what i said what did you say i actually have one there's a coffee order too like imagine you imagine imagine you wake up like what if he got like a fucking frappuccino with like sprinkles and whipped cream you know who orders strawberry matcha who john meeks i will say strawberry matcha is so fire it's laughs but every time he orders it i'm like okay girl okay but like what would be a drink order that would be a red flag a vanilla bean frappuccino with whipped cream no drink order for oh a cosmo

a cocktail i don't think a hot take i don't think a cosmo i think that's standing on business and your masculinity. A bellini. That is queer. A balini. Shout out to my queer community. Honestly, an extra dirty martini. Am a guy?

Yes, that's for the girls. Stop. Like, get a normal martini. What about like a Cosmo? That's what we say that? No, I think a Cosmo's great. I think anything in like a fun, like glass. That's just Jordan does that.

Or a flute. Jordan would. Jordan like gets like drinks with flowers in them. Should I talk about my dreams? dream last night. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I had the craziest dream last night. Yeah, yeah. As some of you may know, it's like the episode of ADHD. Lauren and I are dating. Well, Lauren's engaged. I am dating Lauren's fiance's best friend. And they like always joke, it's not a joke about being neighbors when my boyfriend moves back to America. Like they want to

buy houses next to each other. Okay. I had a dream last night. I had a dream last night that they were like literally gay for each other. And like every, I was like, on this. I would see me this little plan in I would like see meeks in our house turn around he'd be gone where did you go how you're obviously going to live how big is this block big enough for all of us not the point the point is that they were gay for each other in my dream

and I was getting annoyed but like the funny thing is like that actually what happened I know and then I told them about it this morning and Jordan was like well yeah that's exactly what's gonna happen and I was like okay now I'm even more mad Okay, Holly thinks she's not going to live next to us. What's the most chaotic thing you've ever done during or after one-night stand? I love that you sent the vibrator to our group job. What's the most chaotic thing I've done after a one-night stand?

Saying I had work tomorrow because he was doing baby voices. I need you to leave. I have work tomorrow. Oh, no, one-night stand doing baby voices. It was Saturday. I didn't have any work tomorrow. Most chaotic. The most chaotic thing?

Like, what's the most chaotic thing you could do? get the fuck out of there i've left while the guys showering i feel like that would be the most chaotic thing i've left while someone showering also what's his face he would always put on stand-up comedy after we would have sex and i'm like that's really weird i kind of love that i just watched that episode of sex in the city where like all the men are freaks and it's like circus music that could be in it yeah which episode i saw that too the season one season one or maybe even season Season one? Maybe it's season two when her and big breakup.

So season two. Oh. And it's like the circus music and like all the freaks in New York when she's like caught. Okay. Looking through that man's lockbox. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes.

Okay. Yeah. Maybe we should do like a scale on that. Probably like leaving while he's sleeping. Yeah. No. Yours is the McQueen. I left while he was sleeping.

Would you rather date someone who's obsessed with their ex or someone who's never been in a relationship? Never been in a relationship. been in a relationship i'm i'm john's first girlfriend yeah i thought he was that other girl they weren't like really they wasn't real dating sad about her at the lake a couple years ago it wasn't yeah they weren't actually dating they were like situational they were like me with every single fucking guy he was yeah he like i feel like he's like never like did you just say my boyfriend was sad about another girl at the lake she just said that to try to piss me off and it worked

that it worked she's mad because she wasn't involved in john and jordan's joke about the house if we ever live next to each other you would obviously be invited invited to live next to us maybe i have other plans anyways my boyfriend the fact that my boyfriend was upset about another girl made me so mad that my ears are red right now that's how crazy i am i just want everyone to know look how dare he um okay how dare he um okay how dare he um okay Literally, I'm going to wake him. When is the last time your friends had to take you home

from the club? The last time I hung out with you. Marshall, I'm crying. Last time I hung out with you. That time we met Peyton and Emma at Zero Bond and you got in the Uber and split your fucking mouth open. That was bad. That was bad. Also, Sammy had to put me

to bed the other night, which is like... Really? Like, I had a really scary... Like, our flight, because they got a private jet from Nantucket to Columbus and it was at 5 p.m. departure time so I was like okay I'm going to the brewery all day oh god so I was slinging back frozees like whatever I got to the PJ with Sammy they're waiting out front and like already had like a pretty strong jag going a what a jag what's like a buzz and they were all right so we got on the flight and they're like what do you want to drink so this you know like the flight attendant the bottle i know you

wanted to say botler she wanted to say maid oh i don't know if it was like the pilot personal celebrity eye doctor she said i didn't know if it was the pilot guys we need to get words out it was her eye doctor she heard there were celebrities on the fly there were actual celebrities on that flight the pilot puts it in fucking cruise and he's like well it's time to give alie or champagne i had three vodka on the rocks with a little pineapple and i was going cross i tried to talk to alex and alex like stay with me stay with me we have to make it through the whole day she'll call you out for it she's like the eyes are going hallie we're like halfway through the flight like let's go we land we go to her room matt brings us up espresso martini's like trying to wake us up and i'm trying to do my

I wake up. Maybe without the martini bar. So at that point, I'm fucking lit. I'm just like, I- You're getting your jagged. Yeah, I'm jagged up. I'm jiggedy-jagging. And then we go to the event, which is an unwell hydration event, and we're pouring

like vodka down our throats. And then we go to dinner after and then I'm ordering wine. I'm like, I want the shabli. I want the shabli. And I'm like, I'd be in the hospital. I would too. No, she was like, and then after my like, my whole thing with them is like, let's do scotch on the rocks after. And she's like, Hallie, you need to go to bed.

Sammy's like, sure, I'm down. Sammy went out after. Sammy's so funny. I'm obsessed with him. Sammy went out after. He put me to my room and goes, I'm going out after. I woke up in my Ralph Lauren sweater. I mean, the girls were probably climbing him like a tree.

Thank you for that visual. I mean, we all know it's true. okay anyways let's do another question have you ever had to tell a boyfriend you didn't like his family or friends before yeah yeah yeah it's like my favorite activity same love it in lorn bio literally like your sister pissed me off today yeah but that's like sisterhood yeah i've also like never had any siblings so yeah so you kind of just adapt like being mad at a sibling role kind of in those situations yeah totally but like if you don't like your partner's friends and there's an issue if your friend's partner doesn't like you that's a bigger issue there's never

been an issue where i haven't literally like liked the person it's more like situational i'm like why did that person say that or act that way yeah you need to say something yeah you're good yeah you know would you rather give up martini's forever give up sex for a year give up martini's forever i'm on the road of sex for a year so i'm not throwing away my martini's at this point yeah what how you're like four months we're so far away from a year i wouldn't even count that guy in may because like we were fucking and like in a twin bed and like no one finished i don't count if i if i don't finish doesn't count okay that's actually kind of a well then to that standard i have had sex with like three people mine still stays the same but listen before that was

that was like early April yeah no it was a wine weekend right no the other one before that oh like good sex where which one was that oh yeah that's April like maybe late March right after Miami he will motherfucking rule the day okay could you date a friend's brother or totally off limits well my brother went down on live so I think it's okay I think it's okay I think it's I think it just depends what you want with that brother like if you're like what do you want with my brother no do you know what I mean like we're like best friends now though yeah so it's okay you got a best friend out of it so you got a best friend out of it but like if you're just if you're gonna like ruin the relationship yeah I completely agree if it's like the one go for it yeah if it's

I feel like it depends on like what stage of your life you're at if you're like in high school and you're going after like your best friend's older brother I feel like that's kind of off but like if you're like in your 20s and like somehow like it was introduced yes i think that's appropriate when you're older yeah i agree completely also how fun would that be if like one of your friends ended up like marrying your brother i know we'd be related that would be so fun if you stuck to the sammy route okay what's the ickyest thing a guy's ever done in bed not let me finish that probably clip clip clip probably everything probably get on all fours arches back and tell me to fist his ass did that really happen yeah yeah and did you do that's where i lost lost my nail i'm done i'm done can we have

it back like can we frame it got it back probably within the next day oh my god i want to frame it yeah i mean they were they were like press on so tape was bound to happen it was bound i was bound had no nails it was like I used to put on press on and it was like literally just skin yeah they would like always fall off sometimes like like I'd be hooking up with guys I would just like take them off knowing that like they might get lost yeah hmm um that clip went barrel on actually dirty and I was getting a lot of hate for that for the nails yeah you're just a girl just a girl just a girl was trying to be a girl saying yes what were they hating on like like like we're human botherless behavior like why a nail falling off but like in his

ass you all need to get a grip it's called life well i didn't have a grip clearly yeah right the nails didn't have a grip something else had a grip that's like that much his ass will have a grip on your nail i've never done it but you like a butt plug mm-hmm a baby one i don't do anal you've never tried it it's like a finger i've tried it you've tried it yeah it didn't hurt i feel like once you get past the anal threshold there's like a sweet spot and then it's i literally was like at the fuck away from me how dare you like my college boyfriend did you have a massive piece no i think any piece would hurt that no no he didn't if he sees this now that reminds me of the episode where samantha guys i'm like on such a sex in the city kick i restarted friends remember the episode of

samantha where the guy has a really small penis james yeah yeah and he's like such a stud yeah she's like she's in love with it put it he's the one put it He's penis. And then she gets with the other guy who's too big. Yeah, yeah. She's like, oh, yeah, that one's good. Have you ever encountered too big? Is there such thing?

No. No. Lauren's smiling because she knows. Her boyfriend has a hog. No. No. I think there is such thing as too big. I think there is such thing as...

There's definitely such a too big, but I've never encountered it. I've seen it on porn hub. I've never encountered that. Do you know what porn I like to watch? I know what porn you watch. Split open, girl gets literally cracked in half. By BBC. Yeah, by biggest dig known to man, girl gets.

Yeah, girl stuck in the corner. I can't help. Girl stuck in washing machine getting fucked to BBC split open. Girl gets cracked in corner, can't move because she's stuck. Can't move because she is split open from vagina to stomach. What's wrong with me? I don't know can't you just look up like sexual loving loving like what story time I need a celebrity therapist guys someone commented on my ad the other day and said you look like

bonnie blue I need a celebrity therapist did you hear me yes someone comments on my ad the other day two people and because it got like boosted so like a ton of people saw it and they said you look like Bonnie Blue and the other person said I thought this was Bonnie Blue and I was like Bonnie Brunette. Bonnie Blunette. Thank you. Bonnie Blunette. Holly. Bonnie Blunette. Wait, but like I think Bonnie Blue is beautiful. Okay. We're not talking about her. But she gets cracked too much. She needs Jesus Christ. I'm dead ass. But like needs. Yeah, an anti-cracked device. Some device. She needs. It's really scary. She needs a She needs a crackologist.

What other porn do you look up? What other porn do I like up? She needs a celebrity crowd. I like gang bang. What? Are you serious? I can do that for you. Do you watch like Sasha Gray?

No. Really? Who's your favorite? Have you ever watched Sasha Gray? I know what that is. I probably have watched her. She's the porn star and entourage that Vince dates. But she's like, I feel like you would really like her.

Yeah, she's so hot. But she's like, that's like her thing is gangbangs and anal. Do you watch? There's your girl, Hallie. Anal porn? Yeah. I don't watch. Do you watch porn?

Mm-hmm. Oh, I don't watch porn. Really? Yeah, I know. That's the mood. During sex? Sometimes. Like before.

Both of you just cuddle up and watch it. Yeah, one time. That's so interesting. Guys, this is so funny. This is, like, insight onto, like, Jordan's, like, we're Jordan's like family like just how funny Brandon is we and Jordan are legit like in PJs ready to go to bed Brandon like hops in the bed with us and he's like just talking have a normal conversation he's like all right guys like let's go to bed he just like sits there and like pulls on porn hub and starts watching the craziest porn me and Jordan like

Brandon go to bed what are you doing guys remember when Brandon did that when we were all in the living room at Jenny's house he put BBC porn on the TV that was so fucking funny you were there you were during it was when we went to greenwich polo last year oh my god that was so funny he like put it up on it that he's so fucking funny howley's like what i like you know why did i just say that yeah i don't watch porn is that weird should i watch it i feel like it's not wait so when you're alone and using your vibrator what do you do my thoughts too much brain power are like yeah i literally just think of my boyfriend i need a visual okay well before him Oh, my God, shut up.

I would think of like. I can't. I can't. I can't deal with that. I hate that. I just think of my boyfriend. I can't deal with that. What's wrong with that?

Like, what did you do before that? Think of other men that I think are hot. Like, literally think of a man. You know who else I used to think of? That doesn't work for me. Works for me. I think of someone I hate you sometimes. I can't say it.

Can you look at me and go like this? Oh, I know. I knew her. Is it who I'd guess? Yeah. Just her pressing, I was like, I know it is. And then every time I see him, I'd be like, Okay, I think that you should watch some porn by yourself now that he's away and just see what it does for you.

Okay, well, me and him will watch it on Google Meet. Okay. Together. I don't think you should watch it with him. Because on Google Me, you can like, that's how we watch movies. You can watch them, you can put it on Google Me and then we're also in the corner. No, I don't think you should watch it with him for the first time. I think you're going to laugh.

I used to watch me. massage room porn too i don't know what that is that was the first porn i ever watched when i was like what is massage room porn that's like so like they're like and i used to like reenact it with my high school boyfriend holly what is massage room porn that's terrifying is it like a masseuse yeah it's like a masseuse oh oh it's like a happy ending obsessed yeah have you ever got one or is i just remember wait guys remember the story that girls can get them too wait cut the name but the story the story that told us yes did you hear the story maybe it's insane so I'm going to tell the story but just bleep the name every time call him Robert Robert went to

get a happy ending no he went to get a normal massage oh at the new school he he transferred to it was like a sports massage oh and they have the lady at that school they have the the lady come to your apartment so she came to his apartment and he was like cool like great massage thought it was done and then all of a sudden and she just starts yanking him. No. And he's like, yay, yo, but obviously he was, like, down. He said it was, like, the worst finish of his life. Oh, really?

Oh, yeah. He said it was the, he just, it was like, it was like, an old lady. No, just like, he just said it was the worst, like, finish of the life. Like, he's like, it felt like, it just felt wrong. Yeah. It was, like, a guilty one. One of, um, yeah. Meeks' teammates' wife bought him a happy ending massage for his birthday.

What? Recently. I don't think I would. do that. And I was like, would you ever want that? And he was like, that's fucking weird. That's really weird. He's married. Honey, what would you like for your birthday? Like, is that cheating? Happy ending? I'm crazy. So that's cheating. No, I don't think that's cheating. No, I don't think that's cheating. I was like, how are you not mad? I was like, why is she looking at me? I don't think that's cheating. Like if you're, wait, wait, hold on. I think if a guy is not telling you and going to

get a happy ending somewhere else, I think that's fucking weird. I know someone who used to do that. But if I'm a wife and I'm getting you a happy ending, I don't think that's cheating. But I think if the guy's hiding it and going consistently, I think that's really fucking weird. Yeah, you're right. You're right. If I bought it. Like, if you bought it from you're clearly okay with that. That's so fucking true.

Maybe we should, maybe you should do. Hallie goes in and gives out happy. Hallie becomes a masseuse. Yeah, maybe I have an extra dirty activation. I can have a happy ending tent. Dude. And a celebrity eye doctor. Un fucking real.

LASIC, happy ending. Yeah. happy ending during LASIC. While getting LASIC, oh my God, and then a point room. Guys, I think that's a business right there. That's a business. No, because you have to be so still during LASIC. Strap them down.

No. Fine. LASIC, too happy ending room in the same practice. LASIC and then. LASIC ending. LASIC ending pipeline. That's a business right there. Are we rambling?

All right. You have business model. Are we fine? Business proposal Drop a deck Anyways I love you all Guys you can watch on YouTube

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motherfucking matzini and watch it again yep and you know what to do we love you good night goodbye goodbye