Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder - Cross-eyed h*ndjobs & my experience in rehab
Episode Date: January 9, 2025Strap on your favorite wigs ladies, Hallie has removed her hair extensions! This week, Hallie recaps Christmas Stroll on Nantucket, giving a h*ndjob in the back of a car, the Nantucket power outage th...at caused a scene at the local family restaurant, feeling weird around the holidays, why we ARE NOT communicating with men on Snapchat, visiting Church, and a new sexy credit card now in mama's possession. Hallie then opens up in a candid and honest conversation about her relationship with food over the years and her experience in rehab. TW: This episode does contain mentions of disordered eating. But of course, Hallie and Lauren had to wrap up this week's episode by answering your questions: hooking up with a coworker, ending a long situationship, being walked in on during sex, and more! Listen to see if your question was answered and follow @extradirty on socials, leave a review, a 5-star rating, and follow the show wherever you get your podcasts. Love you cookies!
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I feel like eye contact is really important when you're like hooking up with someone
But a lot of the times i'm hooking up with someone and i'm pretty fucked up and when i'm fucked up my eyes cross
So i'm probably like not even looking at them like as seductively as i'm like thinking i'm probably like
Okay guys i'm doing something really fucking stupid right now. We have an emergency debris situation.
Hi, this is Halle from the streets of New York.
Guys, I had every intention of staying in last night.
Hold on, let me take a swig of this fucking drink.
I am heated right now.
I just filmed the whole fucking episode,
a full episode, I was getting deep,
I was talking about rehab,
I put my whole fucking pussy into this shit
for it to just be blurry the whole time.
The whole thing was out of focus.
Because I love you guys so much,
I'm just gonna re-fucking do the whole thing.
Because yeah, I actually have nothing else to do.
That's also why.
My blood pressure right now is through the roof I feel inclined to like
light up a cigarette I'm not even kidding that just pissed me off so much
we want going going going like I'm like so mad I'm not even kidding okay let's
do a couple life updates where do I start I got my extensions removed which
it was a canon event
I appreciate no one interfering it needed to happen. Honestly, I think I have a couple bald spots in there and
You know what? They don't build character. They subtract from it
Actually, I actually was getting removed yesterday and she looked at me and she was like think fuck think fuck
You're finally doing this because I didn't want to say anything, but they're looking all janky
They're looking all sideways. I felt like at this point. I am so bald I
Without hair. I feel like naked. I feel vulnerable. I feel like I should just put on a wig
Oh, should I just put on a wig? What if I just sat down here today guys, and I go hi and just didn't acknowledge the wig
Okay. Anyways, I die grass grass let's continue. So I
got the extensions taken out. I think I'm just gonna let my hair breathe a
little bit because I think it's time I also am gonna put less bleach in it. I
honestly think the bleach was seeping into my brain. I've been speaking
absolute nonsense for the past few years and maybe the bleach has something to do
with it. So maybe we're gonna go darker which I'm a little scared about. I've
always said that like darker hair is more conducive with relationships and
blonde hair is more conducive with my single era and it doesn't look like
we're getting out of that soon so might as well like switch it up. Maybe once I
go browner I'll find a man. I don't know. I just need a little bit of thicker hair
honestly. What other life updates? I got my first credit card. Yay! And everyone's
probably like, what?
And honestly, I've been using my debit card
since high school.
I'm pretty sure my mom is still on my account,
but I didn't feel the need to get a credit card.
Everyone's like, well, you have to build credit.
And I said, I don't have to build fucking shit.
I'm not Bob the Builder out here.
What am I building?
And what am I building it for?
And who am I building it for?
I don't understand. Explain it to me. And then well they're like oh you need to have a
good credit score to buy a house and I said what is this the SATs? I don't
understand. I just don't get it. It never made sense to me and I also didn't work
a corporate job. I didn't think it made sense for me to have a credit card
anyways. It's not like I was really paying for anything on my own but now that I am
making my own money I felt that it am making my own money, I felt
that it was time to be a big girl and put my big girl pants on and finally get
a fucking credit card. So I'm excited to use it. I don't know what the limit is.
Hopefully the limit does not exist, but we'll see how that goes. I don't know if
it was last episode or a few episodes ago. Me and Graydon had gone to Christmas
Troll, but I feel like I haven't really touched on Christmas Troll yet. I know Lauren, who's in the room right now, hasn't heard my Christmas
Troll story. So she's going to hear them live right now. If you don't know what Christmas
Troll is, it's on Nantucket the first weekend of December every year. And basically they
deck out the whole town. Everyone's wearing like festive onesies, running amok in the
streets of New York, getting fucking hammered.
It's like a fucking marathon, not a sprint.
You're drinking all day, all night.
And it's a lot of the restaurants last hurrah.
So it's like a lot of the closing parties and whatnot.
So everyone's going fucking ham and it's mayhem.
So me and Graydon felt that we needed to contribute
to that chaos.
So me and Graydon went over, we met our parents.
Our parents, I'm acting like we're related.
We met my parents and my brother was also down there
with his buddies.
And the first night we went out to dinner
and everyone's pretty cooked.
And there was also some power outage.
So half the island wasn't working.
Like there was no lights, no power in half the island.
Like one side of Main Street was completely black and the other side
Lights festive the restaurants were working etc
So it forced a lot of people to go to places they wouldn't typically go to so you went to one of our favorite restaurants the first
Night seagrill which is like a hidden gem on Antucket
Honestly, I want to gatekeep seagrill because like the best food, the best vibe, the best staff, etc. Anyways, we go there and this is not typically a bar
where people go to like get fucked up. It's like a family restaurant. People go to eat
and it's more of like a family spot. But because of the power outage, a lot of people were going
to get fucked up there. It's also very close to the chicken box. So there was this one girl,
she looked like she was either over served or underfed.
One of the others she was wobbling and stumbling all over the place. This poor girl I felt so bad
for her but honestly I respected the fuck out of her. She stumbles into like the dining area
and just eats absolute fucking shit. This poor girl face plants like and we thought she had hit her head on something and like I thought she was knocked out cold
I was like someone get an ambulance now
Okay, and then she got back up the whole room is like what the fuck and then she kind of looks around and then just
projectile vomits all
over the dining room floor all the families were like oh, oh, clean up on aisle 12. I
honestly felt really bad. So then they actually did call an ambulance, this poor girl, but honestly
she booted and rally. I talked to her outside of the restaurant when she was waiting for her Uber,
I mean her ambulance. She was waiting for them and she's like, I'm ready to fucking go out. And I
said, period, I'll meet you out there. But that's like kind of the chaos that happens during Christmas stroll weekend.
The second night we were there.
I was drinking all day with my family.
So it doesn't really count.
And then all night we went to the chicken box.
If you don't know the chicken box, it's probably the most feral bar on Nantucket.
Like you go to the chicken box to get fucking blacked out
and nothing else.
Like you sell your soul to get blacked out there.
So anyways, at this point in the night,
I'm pretty cross-eyed.
Eyes are going west and east and north and south.
I don't fucking know.
I was looking a fool.
Yeah, I was looking a mess.
And I was feeling for the dick.
So we were
waiting for an Uber after the night had commenced, the bar closed down and
Graydon recognizes one of his hot friends from the Cape, who I know who I've
met before, who I've said no to before, but sometimes when he catch me in the
right light, when I'm feeding hard enough, it's the perfect light for them. But for
me, I was like fuck. The next day I was like, Oh shit, I regret this fully. So I ended up giving this man like a full
on hand job in front of everyone in the Uber. Let's call him motorcycle because I think
he rides them. And honestly, he's hot, but like, he's younger than me. And like, he only
communicates with me on Snapchat, which to me is like a massive red flag. If you're communicating
with me on Snapchat, you're too young for me. Like if a guy were to ask me right now for my Snapchat, I would
just spit in their face and not in like a sexual way. I would spit in their face and walk away
because we should retire Snapchat and communicating over Snapchat probably at the age of 23. I also
don't trust Snapchat for shit for my own personal reasons. reasons I mean I used to fire off nudes on their nudes videos. How you doing? How's your mother like?
hardcore and then it got hacked and
And that was really scary for me because who knows what's out there now, but whatever
So I was giving this guy a fucking Robin Tug in the Uber and Grayden just looking at me in utter disgust.
But like he expects it, but he's just like,
okay, so she's like that drunk.
Okay, okay, we get it.
And then apparently there was another guy in the Uber.
I mean, fuck, my poor Uber driver, I feel bad.
That's probably why my rating is so low
is because I'm giving guys hand jobs
in the back of the Uber.
But I honestly didn't even know where it was.
And this poor kid, he couldn't get hard.
So we just kicked him out of the Uber
and went home and went to bed.
And the next day he texted me over Snapchat
and was apologetic about his penis not able to get hard.
And I was like, honestly, I don't recall this incident,
but I forgive you and it's okay, we shall move on.
Lauren's dying in the corner right now.
I'm picturing Hallie mid Uber ride,
making eye contact with Graydon
while just giving the guy a hand job.
So literally looking Graydon straight in the eye.
I was like, it's the next door on the left.
And I'm not even like giving this guy a hand job.
I'm like trying to get it hard,
which is like that awkward phase between like giving this guy a hand job. I'm like trying to get it hard, which is like that awkward phase
between like actually giving a real hand job.
Also who gives hand jobs?
I'm honestly shocked.
I didn't just like take off his pants
and start sucking him
because that would be more my MO.
I hate hand jobs,
especially because I wear so many rings.
So I'm like sucking face with this guy
and also giving this man a hand job
and Graydon's to my left here.
And I'm like, wait, are we's to my left here and I'm like,
wait, are we going to the sun? And I'm like, okay, wait, is it around the rotary? Yeah,
okay, let's go there. Oh, wait, should we order stubbies late night? Yeah, yeah. Graydon was like,
what the fuck are you doing? But whatever. Fuck, don't judge me. But like my eye contact,
Lauren's like, I can picture like the eye contact you're giving my eye contact. And I think about
this often because I feel like eye contact is really important contact you're giving. My eye contact, and I think about this often
because I feel like eye contact is really important
when you're like hooking up with someone.
But a lot of the times I'm hooking up with someone
and I'm pretty fucked up.
And when I'm fucked up, my eyes cross.
So I'm probably like not even looking at them
like as seductively as I'm like thinking.
I'm probably like.
like it's probably like the least hot thing they're probably like scared for their lives honestly that's probably why they never call back that maybe that's why you couldn't get
hard maybe that's why his dick could not get hard is because my eyes were crossed and he was
like what in the Lucifer has entered this woman's body?
Anyways on to Christmas.
I don't know about you guys but I feel like Christmas is an interesting, like especially
like the Christmas to New Year's pipeline.
It's a weird, I feel like it's a weird space.
Everyone's just like kind of checked out.
I feel like it's the only time like I hit pause all year.
I feel like my life is pretty chaotic.
I'm never in the same spot for more than,
tops like a week at a time.
I feel like I'm always bouncing around.
And I kind of like that because it kind of distracts me
from my
like own thoughts if that makes any sense like I don't like like even when I
go to bed at night I don't go to bed in silence I always have reality TV always
playing in the background I'll wake up in the middle of the night and I'll hear
like Bethany Frankel going ham on someone and like that brings me calmness to be
honest reality TV when I go to bed
is like my vice. Christmas time, what did we do this year? So every year instead of
like my mom getting a bunch of gifts for us and like wrapping them up and then putting
them underneath the tree and like being Santa Claus, it's a lot easier on her if we just
do like a trip to New York, which we've done for the past seven years.
They'll come to New York
and we'll just do a three day shopping bender
with like really nice dinners
and it's really nice family time.
And it's like a good vibe and we all get what we want.
We have a good Christmas hall.
And then that is right before Christmas Eve.
Then we go back to Boston as a family
and we spend Christmas Eve, then we go back to Boston as a family. And we spend Christmas Eve and Christmas day
in the city of Boston.
And I go to church, which shocked a lot of people.
I posted, I was at church and I posted with the Bible
and everyone was like, how are you not burning?
And I was like, what?
I go to church sometimes, I'm a Protestant.
I'm a CEO though, I say this all the time.
I'm a Christmas. I'm a CEO though. I say this all the time. I'm a Christmas
Easter only CEO. So I only go to church for the more important holidays. But I love it. It's
calming. It brings me relaxation. So I don't know, Christmas is a weird time. I feel like it brings
up a lot of it's weird because you're surrounded by your loved ones. But I also feel like there's a
lot of loneliness in those days between Christmas and New Year's.
And you also, I mean, me personally, I tend to reflect.
I mean, it is the end of the year.
So I like to think back on like
what I've accomplished in the past year,
where I was the year before,
but I also focus on what I haven't accomplished.
I mean, I have so much to be grateful for this year.
I mean, signed with an amazing talent agency,
I signed with Unwell, I, you know,
I kindly found my groove in, you know,
being a content creator and influencer,
whatever you wanna fucking call it.
And now I have this podcast
and I'm really excited about all those things.
But I also tend to look at like the things
that I wish I had done better
or the things that I wish I had done better or the things
I could do better and like those thoughts kind of give me stress and anxiety.
I'm a very like OCD and shockingly very like a perfectionistic minded person, which probably
stems from a bit of OCD and anxiety.
So if I feel like in some aspects or realm of my life,
I haven't achieved or lived up to what I told myself
I was gonna live up to in the past year.
For me this year, it's been just like health stuff.
I feel like, I mean, I've talked a little bit about it
on TikTok, not a lot, because I feel like TikTok
is like such short form content.
And I also like I'm so silly, goose and very lighthearted on TikTok.
And I don't think that, you know, the subject of like eating and eating disorders, I would
never want to talk about that subject in a joking way or bring any levity to something
that's like such a serious subject matter. But I do think it's important to talk about it because, you know,
it's part of me.
And, you know, I don't want this podcast to be all about me,
like me going out and partying and whatnot.
I mean, it's so fun to like highlight the silly parts and the amazing parts
of my life. But I feel like it's equally as important to highlight,
you know, your flaws. And I try to do that online already. I try to, you know, in a self-deprecating
way, I make jokes about myself all the time, which is kind of how I rationalize it. That's
how I cope with it, I guess. And that's how I make sense of something that makes absolutely
no sense to me. So I feel like for 2024, you know, the holidays for
me especially just brought up a lot of feelings of I could have done that better. Like with
my health wise, I feel like this year in particular, I thought that the more busy I was, it would,
you know, make my eating stuff a bit better. But I feel like it also, and maybe in some ways it did,
but I also feel like because I was so busy this year,
it didn't allow me to make my mental health
and the eating stuff a priority.
And it's one of those things that you can't
just magically recover from.
It's something you have to face every day.
You can't avoid it.
Obviously you need food to survive.
So it's one of those mountains you have to like face every day. You can't avoid it. Obviously, you need food to survive. So it's like one of those mountains you have to climb every day. It just seemed like I
found myself declining a bit this year. I feel like it's one of those things that just ebbs and
flows. I have like really good months. And then I have really bad months. And then I have really
good days and I have really bad days. It's definitely something you need to be proactive
about. And I feel like I just wasn't proactive
about it at all this year.
I started the year with a full ass team
because I have been to residential programs twice.
This is something I've been dealing with since I was 12.
And I started the year last year with a nutritionist,
a psychiatrist, a therapist,
and then I just dropped them all because I, to me,
I was like, oh, I'm too busy to take these meetings.
There were weekly meetings, but like, honestly,
I just don't think I was making it a top priority.
My priorities were kind of out of whack.
I was really focused on like getting the work stuff
figured out and like trying to, you know,
build some sort of career.
But I kind of let the mental health stuff and being proactive about the eating
stuff kind of slip.
And I feel like that didn't serve me any good this past year.
I want to give you guys just like a quick little timeline from when I started
dealing with this shit and it is shit.
It's wonderful.
But you know, life's shit sometimes it's not all fun daisies and cartwheels all the time. It's shit, but it's the shit that makes you grateful for the non is shit. It's wonderful shit, but you know life's shit sometimes. It's not all fun daisies and cartwheels all the time.
It's shit.
But it's the shit that makes you grateful for the non shitty shit, if that makes any
sense.
So I wouldn't change a thing.
Honestly, it's shaped me.
It's probably made me a more understanding person.
It's probably made me a little bit of more empathetic person, more paid.
You just never know what anyone's going through.
I mean, I feel like that's the whole, the whole thing. You just never know what anyone's going through. I mean, I feel like that's the whole, the whole thing.
You just never know what anyone's going through.
For me, it started from when I was 12,
which is so sad to me because, you know, when you're 12,
you should not be giving a fuck about food or body image
and all that shit.
And I just got to an all girls Catholic school.
I was the youngest in my class.
Really hard not to compare yourself to older girls,
girls that are maturing before you,
and I was like a pretty chubby kid.
And then I started losing weight.
I kind of cut out eating
and my eating habits kind of got bad.
And it felt like when I had lost that weight
was when I started becoming like friends
with like the cool girls in my class.
So then I started aligning like being thin to being like a valuable person,
which is kind of what snowballed the whole issue because once you attribute value to weight or a
number on the scale or an aesthetic, I think it can fuck with your head. Also just losing weight
in general. I think people tend to see people lose weight and they think it's a positive thing, which
I feel like for most of the part, if you lose drastic amounts of weight, it'd probably be
a negative thing.
But people compliment you.
They're like, oh my God, you look so good, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And there's something about compliments that gets so addicting.
And you want to keep the compliments coming.
It's almost like a euphoria kind of thing and you think that, oh, I didn't, I'm
not getting the compliments anymore. I must have gained weight. And then it's
just like a weird spiral that goes on in your brain. But it was weird. I felt like
I started making friends when I got thin and I was like, okay, like, slay. I'm
friends with people now. And it kind of ebbed and flowed throughout high school.
I would gain weight, I would lose weight,
and then senior year hit.
And I don't think it's any coincidence
that it was like the worst my senior year.
My grades were bad and it was a very stressful time of year.
Everyone's like applying to colleges
and I like was struggling to get into a college.
And I only got into the college I went to
because I think my dad went there and I was a full payer.
I didn't feel like I even earned getting into that school.
So it kind of made me feel like shit and I felt like I had no control of like what was
going on in my whole world.
Like I had no control about what schools I was getting into.
In me being an OCD anxious person, food was a way to like cope.
And it was like a control mechanism.
Like, okay, I can't control X, Y and Z,
but I can control what's going in and out of my body,
which felt like a safe bet for me.
I also felt like I wasn't athlete.
I wasn't a student,
but I was like really fucking good at being thin.
I felt like that was my thing.
That's something I knew how to be good at.
And that was important to me.
It became more and more and more important to me
until I completely lost sight of myself.
You know, I became like a shell of a person.
I don't even really remember senior year
because I was so unwell.
I mean, my mom would be coming in and out every night
just checking to see if I had a pulse.
Like my kidneys started failing, everything was out of whack.
And they were like, listen,
if you don't go to this residential program, we have to admit you to the hospital with a
beating dude because you're gonna die like that's basically what it came down
to I didn't go because I wanted to which I feel like is a very important
difference between the first time I went and the second time I went because the
first time I went I had to I was 17 I had no choice the second time I went I
was 19,
and it was me just like surrendering and being like,
you know what, I gotta nip this shit in the butt
because I don't wanna deal with this.
In hindsight, you know, hindsight's always 20-20.
I wish I had gone sooner.
You know, I wish I had dealt with it way sooner.
Like when I, the first couple weeks,
but like this was new to me, this is new to my mom,
it's new to my family,
no one really knew what was going on.
It's an interesting thing
because you don't really understand it unless you're in it.
You can be like the most empathetic person
and the best friend and the best mom in the world,
but unless you're really into one's mind,
you don't really understand it.
And it was hard to explain what was going on
because I couldn't even make sense of it myself.
So it was interesting.
It's gotten better.
It's gotten worse.
I feel like I always take seven steps forward and five steps back, but it's definitely something
in 2024 that I wish that I, you know, made a priority more.
I guess one of my New Year's resolutions, although I do hate those, is just to be better
about that.
Because without health, I feel like you have nothing.
You could have everything,
but without your health, you have nothing.
And that's just life.
People take health for granted all the time.
I mean, I know I do.
I feel like I don't take it seriously at all.
I don't think about the repercussions of
what I put my body through ever.
So that's just something I wanna keep in mind more in 2025.
But yeah, that was fucking heavy, Lauren.
Was that good?
Lauren's giving me the thumbs up.
I just wanna make sure that on this podcast,
it's not just highlighting like,
oh my God, I fucked this guy and I sucked this guy.
And oh my God, he was fucking me and he was sucking me.
I don't fucking know.
But like, I want it to be both about like what I go through whether that's you know fun silly
stuff or the hardship because it's what completes me as a whole person and I would be robbing
you guys if I didn't share it in my opinion but anyways enough on the heavy stuff I'm
gonna have a drink break and then we're gonna get into some questions and I think I'm gonna have a drink break and then we're gonna get into some questions and mean
I think I'm gonna have Lauren join me for this one Lauren. Do you want to join me? Okay, perfect
Did you like my heavy stuff I did you did yeah
it makes me so happy to have people here you talk about that stuff because I
Never do you never talk about it even being friends with me. It took you a pretty long time to open up about it
But you know it is that's the chief. Yeah, and I think you're doing better. I am yeah. Yeah, I've seen it
I've literally watched it all yeah, no we do we have been flow, but you know
It's not always gonna be a pretty picture. You know, that's what it is. I'm proud of you for this mindset
I love this community. Good year for you.
Oh my god, thank you.
Oh my god, dear.
Okay, so now to the dirty stuff.
Okay.
Let's, let's.
I'm scared.
Okay, I'm going to answer first and then you're going to add.
Okay.
Has a guy ever made you finish from oral or did you fake it?
Well, that's a two part question, babe, because I feel like, well, for me personally, I feel like oral is like the worst way to finish for.
Yeah.
It's just so unless they're like finger blasting you into the fucking orbit, you know, like
with their fingers and trying to make you squirt all over their face, which did happen
once to me.
Right.
Yeah.
I'm right.
I told you.
You like left.
She left New York being like, I've never squirted and came back being like, that happened.
I squirted.
Yeah.
I just feel like that's not the easiest way to finish.
But I feel like that's the first time I ever had an orgasm
with a guy was from that, but it was like high school.
You didn't know anything.
I feel like if you want to finish, go on top.
That's the easiest way to finish
and the quickest way to finish and then kick them out.
And then you can go to bed and count the sheep. What do you think? I mean I agree I just
don't like it. Oh wait, Lauren doesn't let anyone go down on her. I have, I have, I
just don't like it. Oh my god, it's not that bad. I've literally gone down on a girl. It's not that bad.
No but like I'm just, I'm like so in my head like I don't know. I just don't like it. Are you like what do I do with my hands? I'm just, I'm like so in my head, like, I don't know.
I just don't like it.
I've never liked it.
Are you like, what do I do with my hands?
I'm just like, yeah, I don't know.
I just, I like to be in control
and I feel like when it's happening, I'm not in control.
Yeah.
So that I don't like it.
Like I really like to be-
Just like rub their head.
Yeah.
I mean, guys love it.
I just like, I don't know.
I just don't believe girls.
I don't know. Like- You don't believe girls? Like I don love it. I just like, I don't know. I just don't believe girls. I don't know.
Like, I don't believe girls that are like,
oh, like I finished from it.
I'm like, how?
I mean, you can.
Yes, you can.
I think you can, but it's just like a lot more difficult.
And I like, feel like I would really need to like
care about the person.
I know exactly what people are gonna say,
dude, they're gonna be like,
that just means that like no one's good is doing it too.
And I'm like, no, I just, I've never liked it.
In my 27 years, I've never liked it.
I think you ought to give it a real shot.
Okay, let's go to the next question.
Hooking up, he said, you like it when daddy
fills up all your holes.
Should I be offended?
Probably not.
I think this is a win.
I don't think you should be offended.
Caitlin? I don't like that he called himself daddy because I just don is a win. I don't think you should be offended. Caitlin.
I don't like that he called himself daddy
because I just don't like that.
Wait, I would love that.
Just because they are daddies.
I know.
I feel like this exact sentence has been.
Said to you?
I think I've said this whole sentence in the reverse.
Wait, what?
Like I love women.
Like you know what I mean?
No, I don't.
But please tell me. Like I feel like I I mean? No, I don't. But please tell me.
Like, I feel like I've definitely said, like,
I'm trying to reverse the words.
Like, daddy, I love when you fill up my holes.
Oh, okay, I thought you were filling them up.
I was like, I fill up his holes.
Once I put my fingers in this guy's ass,
you know what the guy, I know the guy.
You know the guy.
It wasn't just your fingers.
It was like my whole fist.
It was my whole fist.
It was like, what's in there?
He was like, more.
I felt like he was a turkey on Thanksgiving.
Tips for acquiring sugar daddies.
Oh, you know, it's like real estate, babe.
It's location, location, location.
You gotta think.
You gotta put yourselves in the shoes
of where a rich daddy might hang out.
Yeah, I also think it's attitude. When Halle walks into a room, like you exude this energy
that you're just like, you're a bad bit. I don't know how to describe it. Yeah. And she's
like seven feet tall because the boots that you wear. So like you walk into a room and
like everyone looks. If I can see the top of your head. No. Yeah. Like for men. I don't
know. It's location, but it's energy that you give off.
You just have to like.
No, we were talking about how to find a sugar daddy,
not like a man.
But I feel like the sugar daddy is the ones
that are like that, like that, like bad bitch energy the
most.
Well, all right.
I'm not talking about sugar daddies.
I've actually never had a sugar daddy.
I almost did when my parents like threatened to cut me off
and I signed up for seeking arrangements,
but I never went on a date.
I just was spiraling at that time.
Wait, that's not true.
Peter Pan?
Yeah, well, those aren't sugar daddies.
They're just daddies.
They're just, right, right, right, right.
They're just daddies that happen to be rich.
That's true.
So a sugar daddy then is just someone that like-
Sugar daddies just pay for you
and you have to like suck them sideways.
Oh no.
Does someone have, no. No, we don't do sugar daddies like that. We do, Your daddies just pay for you and you have to like suck them sideways. Oh, no.
No, no, we don't. I don't think we would like that.
We do the hedge fund daddies.
Daddies.
We do this daddy's daddies.
They might be a dad daddy.
The daddies that we find pay for Pally, me and my boyfriend.
We that's so true.
I make sure the daddies I find take care of all my bitches.
Yeah, literally.
They like one time we were in Nantucket and two of the daddies were there and they we showed up with maybe ten friends and they
sat Hallie the two daddies at their own table and then got us and our ten friends our own table with
our own caviar service and our own champagne. No that's just like on my brother's birthday.
Oh my god. I invited this same daddy. Same daddy. And he didn't's just like on my brother's birthday. Oh my God, yeah.
I invited this same daddy.
Same daddy.
And he didn't want to sit near my brother
and all of his friends, so he bought my brother
a table at gospel so they would be away from us
and we had our own table.
I miss him.
I miss him too.
Yeah, he was so cute.
Where is he?
He was great.
Did you ever get the talk when you were younger
or did you have to learn yourself?
Like the talk from your parents,
like the birds and the bees.
I never got it.
I never did either, but I wish I did.
I was like figuring it out for myself.
I ended up fucking having anal at 16.
Like for what?
It hurt.
That was how you were figuring it out.
Yeah, I was really leaning in.
But also my mom gave me that one book.
What book?
You know, it's like the three girls with the towel.
Oh my God, they are like two girls with the towel.
It's called you, wait, hold on.
Puberty book.
Puberty book, I'm screaming.
My parents were too foreign
to like give me anything like that.
Yeah, it's called The Care and Keeping of You.
And it has these fucking three bitches on the front
looking all cut and shit.
They're like, oh.
Wait, and what does it talk about?
It just like talks about like your period,
but I wish there was a chapter on like
how to fist an asshole because I had to learn that myself.
How old were you when you started watching porn?
I think it was like a 50 cent music video.
I know which one, Candy Shop.
Like Candy Shop, but it made me like feel tingly in weird places. I think it was like a 50 cent music video. I know which one. I mean like candy shop
It made me like feel tingly in weird places. I was like
What is this feeling?
WebMD, but why was it candy shop? I've no no no I know I know the exact music video
I also had that on loop. I think it was like nine years old
No, we were in like middle school because I remember watching it like at my desk
Yeah, like. It was sick.
Also.
I love 50 Cent.
The Me and You video by Cassie.
Oh, I don't know that one.
It kind of gave me bi-panic.
I was like questioning things then.
Okay, I need to watch that one.
You should watch it.
You like to watch Girl and Girl though.
Lauren likes to watch Girl and Girl porn.
I don't.
Because everyone's having a good time.
Like sometimes the guys scare me. And I'm like, I like to see a guy absolutely rockin a bit right I don't
make love on the weekends like you do right there honestly fair okay hooking up
with a co-worker yes or no you know you can go first no well I'm also I'll work
with all girls now, but.
I mean, unless it's, I mean, you don't want to like lose your job, but if he's fucking hot, I would say yes.
Why is that office up?
I know like a few-
I would give head under a desk.
It's like one of my fantasies to get bent over a desk,
but I never was a corporate girly pop.
And like, I don't have coworkers.
I just have this fucking podcasting mic.
I can't start fisting myself with it. Hi.
I mean, I can't.
Oh, we could have gone.
I know a few like work relationships like from different offices that I've been in.
Like at UTA, like there's a bunch of couples.
And I'll never understand.
I just don't know.
I don't get it.
Been in a situationship for nine years.
Advice for how to end it in good terms. If you've been in a situationship for nine years,
and it hasn't developed into a relationship
where you both see it as a monogamous,
is that?
Yay, got it.
Right on track.
A monogamous relationship,
then I would just have a simple conversation
and be like, listen, the dick is good,
but it's not good enough and we should part ways.
I think communication, just have a conversation.
Just because it doesn't work out in a relationship,
doesn't necessarily mean someone in it is evil.
Like some people just aren't meant to be together
and like that's okay.
Like I have friendships with a lot of my situationships.
Well, just one, profound.
Profound. Profound.
And like, do I wish that wasn't the case?
Probably, but like, I'm okay with where we are.
You know? Yeah. Yeah.
Honestly though, I feel like if you've been
in a situationship for nine years,
you're gonna get into a relationship and like, hate him.
Why?
Because I think right now it's just,
it's like the situationship,
like you're obsessed with like the dick and in the sex.
But I don't think that you act like.
I think the ambiguity of the situationships
is what makes them so exciting.
Thank you.
You took the words right out of your mouth.
Yes, exactly what I was trying to say.
Perfect.
Have you ever been walked in on by a parent during sex?
Yes, unfortunately.
My poor mother.
Oh my God.
Your mom has seen everything.
It was Aruba.
Aruba.
I know this one.
Aruba circa 2013.
Okay.
I was just losing my virginity that year.
I was with my high school boyfriend, invited him to Aruba.
In the living room of this hotel,
there was a pullout couch because I have lots of siblings
and they had to go into the other beds.
So we're in the pullout couch.
I had my period.
So there was only one other option.
Obviously it was to have anal sex.
But we had to turn the TV on.
We couldn't have my parents and anyone else
hear the rustling and the fussling.
And there was a lot of rustling and fussle.
So my mom heard the TV and it was like 2 a.m.
and she came in to turn off the TV
and saw something that no mother, quote,
that she says no mother should ever have to see.
Like I swear my boyfriend at the time was so horrified.
Was he?
He almost like booked a flight,
he almost started crying, I felt so bad for him.
Oh, I feel like it's so much worse for the other person.
Yeah, I was, like she like sat us down and talked to us
and I was like, Mom listen, I'm fucking.
I'm fucking, like you never gave me the birds
and the bees talk, I don't, who's to blame here?
I kind of got it.
Did she know which one you were doing?
No, I feel like it was unclear, it was very dark.
That's good, right?
But I knew what I was doing. I remember
it so clear, clear as day. But yeah, I have had a parent, but like honestly, we're all
humans. I feel like they got over it. It's not that big of a deal. Would I prefer that
never to happen again? Yeah. And it never did happen again. Yeah. But yeah, I'm like
my parents are so funny because I, our floor was like a, or my house was like a double
ranch. So like I lived on like basically a second floor because our floor was like a, or my house was like a double ranch.
So like I lived on like basically a second floor
because my brother was moved out
and my parents lived on the bottom.
So if I ever had a boyfriend or anyone over,
like they would like scream upstairs,
be like, Lauren, Lauren, can we come up?
Like before, like, you know what I mean?
Like they were always so scared.
My parents were always so like,
we were always allowed to have like sleepovers and like sleep in the same bed. My parents were the same. My parents like didn't like, we were always allowed to have like, sleepovers
and like sleep in the same bed. My parents were the same. My parents like didn't really
give a fuck. Yeah. But shouldn't have left the TV on. Yeah. My parents were, I think
it's because my parents are from like, like everyone that they know was like getting married
at like 16 or 17. So she like wanted you to get pregnant. She was like, she was like,
get after it. She was like, hopefully this is the one that's gonna wipe her and get her out of here.
How to approach guys at the bar.
Lauren, how do you do it?
Well, how did I?
I feel like I was so bad at flirting.
You remember that?
I can't picture Lauren flirting.
Oh my God, I was so bad at flirting.
I have never known you single.
I know, I can't even remember how I...
I did for a few months. You're so cute though. But I never known you single. I know I like can't even remember like how I. I did for like a few months.
You're so cute though.
But I've seen you flirt with guys.
It's actually so funny.
We were at Palace, like the one time we went to Palace
and we're like leaving.
Me, Jordan and Halle were walking out of the bar
and Halle spots this super hot guy at the bar
who's like in mid conversation with a girl, like deeply.
How he goes, watch this.
She looks at her.
She goes, Oh, hot.
Watch this.
Lauren Jordan watch.
And she just glares at him.
And he gave him the one too.
You gave him whatever you gave him.
He immediately look at their eyes and then you look at their lips and then you
look back up with their eyes.
Oh, that's a trick.
Well, he immediately ended his conversation with the girl and immediately proceeded to walk towards Hallie.
So me and Jordan left and you stayed.
I don't know how it ended, but you were like, watch this.
And it worked.
It was insane.
It was actually, Jordan like talked about it for a week.
He's like, I've never seen anyone do that.
I saw this clip recently on TikTok
and this might explain why no one approaches me at anywhere.
Okay. Um, also men are just pussies now. So I feel like that also is a factor that goes
into it. But if I feel like you have to like not cross your arms, like you have to be inviting
like this, like open arms, like come to me daddy. But like, I stand like this a lot,
which just means you're closed off. So I feel like so how you're gonna see how
they had the bar arms wide open. You see we have the bar like this. You know I'm ready
for war. Put your tits out. Yeah. But I don't really approach guys, do I? Sometimes. I just
like I mean we've lived here for how long I just don't think that guys approach us
I'm thinking back. They're dying. We were at Bayard's remember that oh, yeah
I know those guys were just looking at us, and then they like damn me. Yeah, we're sitting
Table to table we're like okay. These guys are cute. I was like girls like
you know get ready and
Put your hair back like literally like and and and they knew what they would they they knew
Like I think we like dropped a napkin or something. We were like, come on like inviting them nothing and then you got a DM
I was like what the fuck? Yeah, it was weird. It wasn't really giving my demographic either
No, like they were like older they were like 28 29, but it was just so weird
And I just think that's a huge problem with men now.
No, it's an epidemic and they need to be studied.
Men don't approach girls anymore and it's weird.
I feel like social media has ruined it
because it's so easy to DM a bitch.
Yeah, I like don't.
It like cuts out guys having fucking kahunas
and going up to a girl being like,
hi, let's go out to dinner.
That doesn't happen anymore.
Now people just like fuck and never talk again,
which I'm part of that problem,
but they should fix it.
I think thinking back to your dad's story,
so good, how you met your mom.
That's a great story.
But how his dad just approached her.
Social anxiety fears my dad though.
My dad doesn't give a fuck.
Sammy, my brother is the same way. He'll go up to anyone and just be like, Hi, hi. I respect that. Yeah, people don't really do that anymore. No, they don't. It's like it's hard for girls out there. It's hard. I want to know how like, girls are meeting guys, I guess at bars, but I don't know. I think that's our scene.
but I don't know. I think that's our scene.
We hate bars.
What's the most disgusting thing
you've ever done during sex?
Like, I wouldn't, I don't know if I would say discussed.
I'm not really disgusting.
I feel like I'm the most disgusting bitch ever.
Yeah, like it's a question for you.
I feel like I turned into an actual porn star.
Something comes over me, I turn into another person,
I turn into Patricia, that's my alter ego.
And I just like can suck the soul out of a man, I swear.
What is the most disgusting thing?
Probably with you know who,
and he used to get on all fours
and I would like eat his ass, but like, you know what?
He was that, but you also brought something out in him
cause he's not normally like that either apparently.
And like him and Halle together.
What did he say about it though?
He said it was like the best sex he's ever had.
Yes it was.
He did say that.
But it was just, I don't know.
I think you guys were both testing each other
seeing one other person would say no.
He would always test my boundaries
and almost to a point where he was like
absolutely fucking with me.
He would like slap me and like spit in my face
and like basically roundhouse me to the face. And I would like slap me and like spit in my face and like basically roundhouse
me to the face and I would like catapult my face back. I'd be like, I remember I did that
once he like racked me and I was like, like literally like a, like this and he looked
at me and he was like, you are so sick in the head. And I was like, I know that actually
that brings me back to our Miami days.
Yeah. I missed those Miami days. Me and Halle decided like during COVID, mid COVID, we were like, we know that actually brings me back to our Miami days. Yeah, I missed those Miami days.
Me and Halle decided like during COVID,
mid COVID, we were like, should we just move to Miami?
Because it was everything was open and we moved there.
It was fun. Yeah, I didn't have a job yet.
You didn't have a job. I didn't have a job.
We were just jobless whores.
No, I would like go back and forth between Bucknell. I know you were so visiting
Jordan. Let's see one more question. Okay. And then let's call it a fucking night. And
then we're gonna go out. What's one move in bed that makes a man go insane? I think sucking
on a man's balls like they're mochi balls in your mouth and just sucking on those shits in your mouth and just cradling them in your warm, beautiful mouth. It's always worked. That'll make a
man fold. That's what I do. What do you do?
I'm going to say throwing it back.
Yeah. Lauren has the best recoil ever. You really do.
I really know.
She does.
I have a big back arch so it goes crazy. I have a big back arch she said. So I don't have a big back arch okay whatever she's calling it so I have to make up for it by performing in other ways.
But I would also distract the man from the lack of arch in the back. But I would also agree with Liv on this one cooking. Cooking? Cooking to start and then moving to the bedroom. No, in bed.
I know, I know, but that's like-
Lauren, you can't cook macaroni and cheese in bed.
Never know.
Okay.
All right.
Assembling a sandwich in bed.
Okay, no.
Are you hungry?
That's like your dirty thoughts.
You're like in his ear, like, are you hungry?
What do you want for dinner?
Okay, anyways, let's wrap this up.
This was fun.
I can't believe this is the second time I did this today.
But honestly, this was a funnier one.
So I'm glad I made the decision to redo this episode.
But I did it because I love you guys.
And also Lauren's here now.
So it made it more interesting and fun.
Production came and saved the day.
But I love you all and thank you for listening.
Lauren, thank you so much.
We love you guys. Love you. See you next week. Bye.