Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder - Opening up about sex, standup & straight guys *ft. Dylan Carlino*

Episode Date: June 18, 2026

Hey freaks! 💋 This week Hallie is joined by creator and comedian Dylan Carlino to chat about uncut guys, standup comedy, being popular (and not) in high school, and his process of getting new nipples! Dylan and Hallie get into their sexual preferences, threesomes with straight couples, having a foreplay summer, and the Suck Shack. Dylan exposes the oldest guy he's ever been with, his astrologer that is NOT predicting love, and ALL of his thoughts on the Real Housewives of Rhode Island. This episode covers EVERYTHING naughty and nice... enjoy! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What psychic are you going to? So I've gone to three different ones. I went to one in New Orleans that I just walked off off the street, and she correctly guessed everything in my life for two years. Wait, I need to go to see one, but they kind of freak me out. I love them. What if they're like, we don't see a future and then I get hit by a bus? Let's get Extra Dirty.

Okay, guys, welcome back to Extra Dirty. I have a very exciting guest with me today. Dillon Carlino, thank you for coming. Thanks for having me. I really appreciate being here. No, I'm so excited. Like, I want to pick your brain. I told people on my podcast that I want to.

to meet you and be on your podcast. And so then on your clips, they started commenting. And so then I commented back being like, we'd love to do it. And you immediately DM'd me. And I was like, but it worked. No, yeah. I also posted like this like random like thirst trap of like an Instagram. And people were just tagging you in the comments.

Yeah. Like you should have him on next. And I was like, oh my God, I would love to have him on. Yeah. Because like I was just telling you before we started rolling like, I'm obsessed with gay men. Of course. In every font. Well, you seem like the type of girl that like you've always had gay friends.

Like even like in high school. What you said you went to an all-Catholic school? I went to an all-girls Catholic school, yes. But you have gay friends growing up? Honestly, it was a different time back then. Yeah. Being gay in middle school, yeah. Like, being gay in middle school and high school,

going to a single-sex school also, it just wasn't really talked about. There was some girls that was like, yeah, and also Catholic. Yeah. There's some girls where I'm like, they're definitely a chowling box, but like no one ever talked about it.

You kind of, to me, have ever seen, like, Jemé, private school girl? Yeah. You're kind of like her. You're like the prettiest girl in school, but also, like, causing a lot of drama. No, I used to be, like, really chopped. Really? Yes.

My first day of fifth grade, I was nine years old. I went, I just got this haircut because my mom is that cute, pixie haircut. Yeah. But she's a woman, obviously, so it looks a lot better. And I had a chubby face. I was overweight and awkward, and everyone thought it was a little boy. Really? When did you lose the weight?

Eighth grade. Yeah. Okay, so you were, like, skinny and pretty in high school. Oh, yeah. I ran show in high school. Yeah, that's all that matters. Yeah. Yeah. My class was really small though. It was like 50 girls.

I graduated with 70 kids in my class. Okay. So where did you go? I went to Lee public schools in the Berkshires. So you're also from Massachusetts. Yes, we're both from Massachusetts. Opposite ends. Okay, yeah. Yeah. But I think Massachusetts breeds the best people.

I tell everyone this. Yeah. And I think we're the funniest. We're self-aware. We can take a joke. We can, you know. I think Massachusetts men are very sexy. Really? That's a hot tape. You don't think so? I love a guy with the Boston accent who's like,

low-key is a little bit homophobic, and I'm kind of like, I would blow him in a second. I would blow him in a second. We could, I feel like I've blown a lot of guys like that, honestly. For sure. Yeah. Like a girl who gets down there.

Yeah, like in Southie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a guy that kind of like yells at you. Yeah. Like kind of might be in the mob or something. Like a Dorchester guy with the dooddy accent. I love it. You like that?

Yes. Okay. And they're like thick, uncut. It's like, ugh. Makes me go crazy. Those are Europeans, right? No. Europeans or American.

Uncut. I thought you were a horror. I am horror of somebody uncut cox, but I didn't. I thought that was all Europe. It is all Europe. Everywhere but America. But sometimes there are guys in America who are uncut. Why?

Because they just miss their doctor's appointment. They have bad parents. Their parents didn't love them. Did you go to college? No. I basically like almost didn't graduate high school because I, there's a lot going on. home and like my sister died when I was in eighth grade. It was a long time ago but I so after my sister died I was like well school like what do I care about this? Like I have other things to worry about. Yeah and my parents

were like working they had jobs they like they weren't like my parents were never like oh what are you going to do with your life you know they were kind of focused on like keeping ship yeah sailing yeah and so I had a lot of freedom but no I started I didn't go to college I mean I failed out of community college and then um at 21 I started doing stand up and I was like okay this is what I want to do and so much cooler than going to college. How do you even like find stand-up? I was up the scariest thing to you. I know well I became obsessed with it right when I was like 18 years old and I was like I would watch it every single day I'd listen to every single podcast like for three years and then when I was 21 I like was watching at this point I was like in the New York City comedy scene YouTube pages

of people like performing in cafes like not even famous comics at this point so I was like oh if they're doing it I can do it and so I like looked up like comedy open mics found one that was like an hour away in North Hampton, Massachusetts and went there and performed. How many people were in the crowd? I think it was probably, I think it was like mostly comedians, and it was probably like 17 people. And I got blackout drunk. I drank four Long Island iced teas. I went on stage and was like, I was still like really heavy at the time.

So I used to be over 400 pounds. Oh wow. And so yeah, I've lost like 200 pounds. You look amazing. Thanks. I'm getting my skin removed next month. So I'm really excited about that. I'm getting new nipples.

And I know, whole new body. And, but yeah, we got blackout drunk. I did it. and I got off stage and I got laughed and I was like I'm gonna do this for my life. So like how do you even practice for something like that? So is that like when it comes to stand up comedy, do you like go into like rooms like that with a bunch of comedians and see if a joke lands and if it doesn't land you bring it to like a stage of like normal people?

Well no. So like in the beginning especially you're only getting like three minutes and so you go up there for like three minutes like at the open mics. Oh wow. But I actually had a weird experience where like no one else. This didn't happen for anybody else really like I am from such a small town and that everybody in the town heard that I started doing stand-up. So then the bars and restaurants started booking me to do an hour when I was like,

had only done that a couple of times. And so I would like bring my own amp and my own mic and I would like the restaurant owner would like introduce me. And then I would like have bulletin points and I'd do like an hour. And all your friends would come. Yeah, everyone I ever knew. Like my teachers were all there. Like this was like insane.

Were you like really popular in high school? So I was like technically what I like to call a loser in like middle school. And I was like really upset that I wasn't popular because I thought I should have been. Yeah. to the point where like I, because my brother was popular, my sister was popular and I was kind of like, I meant to be popular. Yeah,

you can just tell sometimes. You can feel it. You can feel it in your loins. The cool kids didn't like me. And so what I did was start punishing them by, I would rush to like the lunch room every single day and sit at like the popular kids table. And then when they would walk over, I'd be like,

it's just a table. And, you know, they'd be like, get up and move. You know, and so. They would tell you get up and move. Yeah, or sometimes they'd find a new table or whatever or like one time.

Actually at the Holyoke Mall, they let me hang out with them one time. And we all took a picture and I had it put on a t-shirt. And then I wore it to school every single Friday to punish them. I'm a psycho. So you were like their biggest nightmare. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. But then after my sister died and then something else happened where someone in our grade, a good friend of mine committed suicide, our class kind of like really came together. Yeah. Because it's so small. And like I think everyone was friends with everybody. And I had friends who were like older than me and younger than me. And so when you say popular, like I wasn't part of the cool kids group,

but I definitely had a lot of friends. I feel like if you can like crack jokes and be funny, that's how you be popular. Yeah, and also I was really lucky in eighth grade the sluts took me in, so I went from like kind of like two Loserous girls. I know, and the sluts they took me in and that changed my life and I'm still friends with the sluts. They're like who I'm who I am today. Are they still sluts? No, they all have like boyfriends now.

Like I was never slept, but now I'm a slut. I did the opposite. I love you because I think one of the first videos I ever saw of you, you're like, I fucked all of my friends. I did. And I love that. Yeah. I mean, like, why not share it? Why not?

Why not share the well? Okay? But, like, I'm honestly a bit, I'm very open. I'm an open book on here. Which I think is good. It shocks a lot of people, I think. It's like, whoa, it's like, whoa, slut. Yeah, yeah.

Pack off slut. Well, I don't think people are used to women speaking really openly about sex the way that you do, which I think is a shame because we are all having sex. So what's wrong about talking about it? Yeah. Because I have a lot of girls who tell you to me, because my videos are really sexual, and I pretend to be a woman in the videos or whatever,

and they'll be like, it's so nice to hear you talk about, like, female sexuality. I go, you like, you like, I'm gay, but if it was a woman doing it, you'd be like, she's tacky. You'd be like, oh, she's a Pally bachelor. Yeah. No, literally.

Did you, when you lost your virginity, were you in Catholic school? Yes. Were you wearing the Catholic school outfit? I didn't have an outfit. Oh. And I would always, like, have to go to loss and found to, like, wear less tight clothing.

Like, they were strict, but, like, you would have to pay $4 to wear jeans on Fridays. Like, they had a weird. rules but you could wear sweats for the rest of the days. Oh really? Yeah they were very unstrict about that one aspect but like we were praying before every exam like midterms finals um we had to go to chapel once a week we had religion class I learned every religion possible under the sun and we'd have to go to a bunch of masses and stuff oh I don't like that yeah and so all girls Catholic school and we would like commingle with the all boys Catholic school

was that exciting since it was really it was like the most excited fighting stuff ever. Yeah. We have like literally like dances. Dances. Yeah. Or like I remember there's thing called like Fezzi skate. Like we were like in fifth and sixth grade and we like skate around.

Oh fun. And like if you held someone's hand like you were super cool. You were a slut. Yeah. And you just lost the way and you were like a big deal on the skates. Yeah. Yeah. And like if you were like skating with the hot guy that was at the all boys school like you were like deemed the cool girl in the class.

That's kind of how it worked. But my boyfriend. Oh, you have a boyfriend? I had a boyfriend. Okay. Sorry, I don't know why I said that so present-ess. I haven't had a boyfriend in seven years. Oh, really?

Yes. Wait, what's going on with that? Because that doesn't seem right to me. Like, if I wanted to have boyfriend, I could. Of course. But I just, like, really have no interest. Yeah. And I need to, like, unpack that a little bit.

I bet the guys were hitting you up that were so hot. I'm, like, such, like, a spark kind of person. I have hot guys hitting me up. Yes, for sure. And people ask me on dates. But, like, if I don't, like feel that like like immediate spark with someone like yeah it's hard to fake it i i can't even like look past it yeah and also like i'd rather just like you know keep it lighthearted and hook up with some

people i also just like am a commitment phope yeah do people ever tell you that actually close up you your face is very similar to myly services yeah okay because actually online i would not say that but being right next to you i'm kind of like i'm there's hints of mylie on you yeah i don't know if it's like the veneers it's the veneers yeah are the those veneers. Yeah. Oh my God, whoa. Yeah.

You know what else I love about you? You're just like openly rich. Yeah, I don't get why people should hide it. I hate when rich people try to fake. As someone who like didn't grow up with money, I like love rich people. And I think there's like when you're like, I'm not taking this up, boy, my dad. You know, I'm like, I'm taking Uber. Yeah.

Yeah. But like I don't understand the internet makes you feel like you always have to be like this relatable person, this relatable figure. I'm like, it's okay to be like unrelatable in some aspects of your life. Also, I think a lot more people actually do have their dad's credit card on their Uber account and they're just not talking about it. Maybe not. I mean, I don't anymore because he didn't like that comment. Oh, really? Also, like, I didn't work for a long time.

Yeah. I was just using my dad's card, summering on Nantucket, doing the hoses thing, 15 bucks an hour. But, like, I wasn't making any real money. But now that I'm like, you know, influencing the masses. And now you have to. And now I'm just like, oh. Well, I told him, like, my tax returns and he's like, you don't.

Why am I even on your rent? Like, he was like, oh, fuck you, bitch. That sucks. Never tell your parents how much you make, honestly. Never. That's, like, my biggest regret in life is telling my parents, like, I'm doing okay in life.

Because they were like, you're done. We're cutting you off. They were like, we're done with everything. But you have, like, a trust fund. Oh, probably. Okay. You're fine. Oh, yeah, I'm totally fine.

And then what about your brothers? Who, by the way, I'm sexually attracted to. Which one? I think both. They're so cute. They are very handsome boys. I'm not sexually attracted to them, obviously.

Thank God. Yeah, thank God I'm not. They're adorable. They're two different people, honestly. I liked the one that was like, I would have no money if Dad cut me off. I don't know which one that one, but I thought. That's Chad. I like Chad.

Like Chad gets a DUI on Nantucket. He's a through and through Chad. Yeah. Did he really? Yeah. Have you ever got a DUI? No. No.

I had my dad's Uber account. So, like, I could do it. just Uber everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's like no really good reason for me to get a DUI. And honestly, it would just like really fuck shit up right now. Yeah. So yeah, your life would be ruined if you got a, definitely don't.

Especially in your living in New York City, like there's really no reason to get a DUI. I mean, who has cars in New York City? I know that's crazy. And what's your other brother like? He's the complete opposite. He seems really straight. He's, because he learned from Chad. Okay, with Chad's in me.

I'm kind of a mess too. Yeah. I've been a rehab a few times. Have you? Yeah. I love a rich girl in rehab. No, I love someone that's come from rehab. Yeah. Well, you know, they get it.

They get it. They've seen some shit. I think you should go to rehab at least once in time, and you should be a hostess or work in the hospitality industry at least once in time. I actually really agree with that, and I've always said because I stopped drinking almost five years ago because I'm an alcoholic. Yeah, but it's good. If I was still drinking, I don't want to say it. No, if I was still drinking, I would not be here today. You know what I'm not like a dead way, but just like in a loser way. But I've always said, like, I'm not going to relapse until I'm, like, really rich and famous so that I can, like, go away to somewhere nice.

You want, like, a Wolf of Wall Street relapse. Yeah, like, someone that's like, he's being, like, hospitalized for exhaustion. Like, it should be on TMZ if I'm relapsing. Okay, I get it. You know what I mean? Super famous. Really successful before I can relapse. 100%.

Yeah, I went for, like, eating disorder stuff. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. That was kind of like a thing. I went to an all-girls Catholic school. Yeah, of course. Like, bye, Becky.

Like, everyone would just be, like, in and out of some sort of. Disorder recovery. Yeah. I mean, it's so common with girls. I mean, even with gay guys, too, it's like, I think actually we're in a male eating disorder epidemic right now. I agree. Yeah, I think everybody has eating disorders.

Well, because with Ozambic and Reda and semi-glutides, I'm seeing, like, a lot of guys in the internet just like that didn't really need a go on those things, go on those things. Well, they're feeling very baby girl right now. Guys are getting coddled right now. So, wait, are you really comfortable talking about sex? Very. Okay. I love that.

What do you, what kind of sex do you like to have? All of it. Do you? I get to be like a pillow princess. No, I'm definitely like very, I don't know. It depends like who the guy is. But like sometimes I like to be in full control the situation. Usually if I don't like them that much, I kind of just like want to finish and get it over with.

Yeah. And they're just kind of like, woo. It's like a fun Thursday night. But like if I've hooked up with a guy and I'm like kind of getting his vibe and energy and like style, then I like to. spice things up, bring toys to the bedroom, some light bondage. Oh, really? Some heavy bondage. Do you like to be tied up or do you like to tie them up?

I like to be tied up. That's like the only time I like to be really submissive. But like other than that, submissive and also like talk down to in a way. I feel like I have like a humiliation kink. I have that too. So a couple of years ago I had a studio apartment that I was calling the suck shack where guys would come over at all hours of the time to get blown. and it was a very fun time in my life.

That sounds like so much fun. I love giving head. It's one of my favorite things. Same. Yeah, really? It, like, calms me down. I love it. It's like a, yeah, it's like oral fixation.

I always joke that I would open up a glory hole, but I'm just too chatty to do it. What is a glory hole? Is that like a dive bar? No. It's like they would walk in. There'd be like a sheet or like a hole. Oh, like an Amsterdam. Yeah, like in Amsterdam.

But like in my own apartment. Wait, that would be really funny. Yeah, but the reason I don't do is I'm just too chatty. So it's like, I'd be at the whole thing like, oh, how is it work? Yeah. They'd be like, shut up. Yeah, I feel that. But I know, I love giving head and I would love when guys be like, you dumb fucking faggot.

I thought it was like so hot. Wait, I want someone to call me that. You know what's crazy? You know who loves that? The bisexual guys. Like guys that are kind of already like. Who are like on Grindr being like, I'm bi. And then you're like, oh, they're like, I'm looking to jerk off.

And then you're like, would you ever give head? They're like, yeah. I'm like, yeah, you're a fucking cock-sucking faggot. And they're like, oh, my God, yes, please. Like, they love it so much. Wait, I could see that. It's fun. What do you think about bisexual men?

I think they have it the hardest. Yeah, I agree. Because I think that nobody respects bisexual men and that both sides want them to be something for them or for the opposite. And then also the stigma of men having sex with other men when you could be having sex with women is never going to go away. So when you're by, it's really hard for people to take you seriously either way. And also, women are incredible to gay guys, but they are.

a little homophobic when it comes to guys they're having sex with being bi. Yeah. I think that's just like internalized. Yeah. It's just newer. Yeah. You don't really talk about that that much. Yeah, but I think it's cool. I think the by guys are cool. But do you think like you date a buy guy? I've hooked up with them. Yeah. knowingly. Yeah. Knowing that they suck dick sometimes. Yeah. I think it's cool. Yeah. I don't really, it doesn't bother me. Yeah, but I think it does bother a lot of girls. Yeah. How did you, how, how, did you, how, how, How do I say this question? When did I come out of the closet?

Yes, that's a question. Yeah, I could tell. I was 18. 18? Yeah, right after high school. Some people just come out at the womb and they're like, I'm gay. Everybody knew I was gay, but I was like, I really didn't want to be gay. So I was like, I'm not coming out.

And then once I was like a senior year, I was like, I think I might be gay. Like, did you ever fuck a girl? No. No. No. You were like, no, I don't think I, no. Especially like my friends. I'm like, no.

I actually love pussy. I think pussies are like beautiful. I think vaginas are beautiful. I actually have sexually attracted to very. vaginas. I don't like, and don't get this the wrong way, like female face.

Like, your guys' faces don't do anything for me sexually, but like I do like, and I don't know if that's super misogynistic to say, but I do like vaginas. As I always say,

I would have sex with a woman if her boyfriend was kissing me on the lips while I was doing it. But I also could be nervous. No, but I would. Have you had a threesome? Yes.

What two guys? One with a straight couple. What was that like? We were all on Molly, and it was my friend and his girlfriend. Wait, that's so much fun. Yeah,

it was cool. There's a good experience during the pandemic. It's like what else were we doing? Like no, literally, all my threesomes were in the pandemic. Yeah. Let's talk about that. Like literally every single threesome. Also, like, I don't know if you've heard this story.

I've said this story before, but like I've hooked up with my best friend and her fiance. Yes, I did know that. Yeah. No. I'm in their wedding. Oh, yeah. Ooh, what are they going to do wedding night? I know.

She goes, I want you to give a speech. Like you're in my wedding. You're in my bride's man. I'm like, do you really want me to give a speech? That's so sweet. No, it was sweet. And we actually, this is. is the anniversary of whenever it happened every memorials day.

I used to just like give them some head and she'd be like behind with the camera like and we like were so fucked up on crumbers on Nantucket and we thought it was like the silliest bit. It's also like fun and just open and yeah. I actually think I'd be more open to having more threesomes with straight couples than I would be two other gig. Sometimes it's like so many guys you're kind of like this is too many guys. No, it's like literally like.

Yeah. You know what stops me is like from having sex with women in those situations is genuinely like I love women so much that I'm like I'm more worried about their feelings and I am about men's feelings and so like a guy it's like yeah come over we jerk off I'm like get the fuck out of my apartment with a woman I'm like are you okay yeah I think I'd be like annoyingly checking like you want to cuddle like or like I'm like what does she need what do you need for this to be a good situation you know I also just feel like if you're uncomfortable baby girls speak up okay yeah use your voice use your voice I feel like when you have sex with a woman a woman

it takes a lot more pampering and like attention to detail that's fine I love four play. I do too. I think it's fun and I think it's fun and fingering I think is cool. I want to have a four play summer. Yeah, I feel like if I was a straight guy, I would be like constantly trying to finger girls. Really? I really think so. I think it's so and I think if I was a girl I would always be trying to get fingered. You know like getting fingered so like summer coated. Yeah. It's like oh it's August. It's like August. I want to get fingered at like a country concert. And you're wearing like you're wearing like a nice summer dress, no underwear on. He's fingering you like publicly. Yeah, publicly.

I love that. That's the wave I'm on for this summer. I think you should be getting finger this summer. Okay, I'm going to put that in my notes. Are you like a clique girl or a girl who comes from penetration? I don't know. I don't trust people that say they just come from penetration. It is a lot.

It's a lot. Yeah. And like, what do you mean? Like, you just come from penetration. There has to be some friction about being going on. I know. Well, I think most people are clear girls. I think 90.

I mean, I get, I mean, I don't know. I do think about. Like that really adds an extra umph to an orgasm. You know, it's crazy? I'm so grossed out by girl butt. I am too. I'm like, I love the vagina and I go, but girl butt, I go, it's, you're, I've gone too far. And girls who do, you know, I'm kind of like, sweetheart.

Yeah, I do. You better be getting paid. Like, you should, like, what's the point of women doing anal? I know. Because I have a clip act. I understand why guys want it. They have clits in their asses. I was a people pleaser.

Also, I was a good candidate for it because I, like, wasn't eating anything. That's great. No, yeah. That was great at the time. Did you find like your with your, are you comfortable talking about your anorexia stuff? Oh yeah. Oh, cool. I am.

Was it like a control thing? Yeah. It was like kind of one of those things where I related being super thin to like getting friends and being cool in school because I lost all that weight in eighth grade. And then all these girls wanted to be my friends and all these guys started to be interested in me. And I wasn't like the best student also nor athlete. but I was like really good at being thin. Yeah. And I felt like it was like the one thing I like that was mine.

That was my talent. And no one could take it away from you. No one could take away from me. Like I could control what goes in my body, what comes out of my body. Like it just felt like I was in charge. Yeah. And it just turned into like one of those like OCD control mechanisms, kind of like an outlet almost where I was like and then I just took it way too far. Were you like really badly?

A few times. Yeah. Yeah. Can you when you're that skinny, can you see it or do you still not see it? No. I still don't see it. Yeah. Like I'm probably like teetering in a bad place.

Okay. If I were to ask my mom right now, like, do you think I should go back to rehab? She would say 100% absolutely. Really? She'd have gone back yesterday. Yeah. Okay. I just like never had a good relationship with food.

And as you like... We're the opposite ends of the spectrum because neither do I. But it's like I would like binge until I got so big. It's like the opposite. I mean, I would just binge and purge them. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it's like it's one of those cycles.

So much work. It becomes like control mechanism. until it's out of control and then you have no control over something that you thought you had control over and it's like such this like it's a nightmare fuck thing and then people want you to gain weight and then you gain weight and people tell you look healthy and the word healthy triggers it's just like a whole fuck show yeah okay guys she's going to rehab soon I'm driving her after this yeah um but yeah it's good that you're really open about it too because I think a lot of people struggle with it and they they're like what everything's fine yeah I mean I just think so many

influencers and just women in general yeah from all different ages I was diagnosed at age of 12 that just like a lot of people deal with it and it's just like a really hard conversation because it's surrounded by so much shame so you're embarrassed like who do you go to who do you go to talk to about it like how do you talk about it of course so I'm like if I can at least like you know use this platform even even if it's for like a little bit of like starting that conversation and just like encouraging people like it should be an open conversation in your household or whoever you trust.

I was like, I will be the one to talk about it, even if it's embarrassing. I actually don't think it's embarrassing. I think it's really cool that you do that because I'm sure you have a lot of young girls listening to you who are looking in the bodies and everybody's on OZempic and getting so thin right now. So I think you being like, it's actually not great

and also being like, and I still kind of teeter with it right now. And I think that's really good. I think the only thing that's problem is it's so hard to not, like it's so easily like if you talk about like specifics, like then you start giving people ideas. And the girls are like, ooh, that's a good trick. Yeah, I mean, that's why I do vlog. You know, I do the whole social media thing.

I never post, I rarely post what I'm eating in a day. I don't believe in what I eat in a day videos. And I really don't, like, talk about it that much. There was a point in time last, it was probably around this time last year where I had lost like 20 pounds. So I was like, I have to say something. Yeah. Because girls are probably like, what the fuck?

Like people started making comments about it. Yeah. But then you make comments about it. And then people are like, oh my God, she wants people to know she's sick so bad. I'm like, you just can't win. Yeah. Also, what I've realized with comments is like you kind of like have to be like, it doesn't matter what anybody says. It truly, it's like it's people are just going to comment shitty things all the time.

And like that's a. Everyone gets shit. Yeah. Do you find that when you're dealing with like the food stuff, like you stop having so much sex or do you think, are they linked for you? I don't. I think it's like honestly opposite. I think I was so.

study because I was like seeking some sort of like warped validation from men that they actually liked me so I would sleep with a lot of them okay I love that I'm self-aware yeah I think it's cool back that when I had a boyfriend I don't remember like he really was he really was into sex and honestly I'm a very sexual person I feel like from what I can remember it wasn't that big of issue I think probably I just wasn't my libido is probably not there yeah I think it's I think your libido if I like we could use this now We'd love to fuck this guy. We love a protein shaker even like a beet juice would be great. Even like an apple juice. Yeah. In my adult life, I can't like differentiate the two. Okay. Yeah.

Do you have a roster? I feel like this is just me asking you questions. I know. I feel like yeah. But like I do have a roster. But not right now. I'm taking a pause on rostering. I am too.

Tell me about your roster. You're my guest. Okay. Well, I'm just like in a place right now where it's like as a game man. It's like I've had so much hookups from like random people who like I could not tell you going to my head what their name is. Yeah. Then I'm kind of like a little over it. No, I'm kind of over it too.

I'm down exposure therapy. Yeah. Sometimes eventually just kind of like, okay, I don't, halfway through you're like, this is sick. He's like feeding me his cock and I'm like, get out of my apartment. No, you're like, I don't, what are we doing here? What are we doing here? I want to go home. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know. I'm a little bit bored with it. I also am like, I think I want something. I think I'm ready for like, I don't, not even a boyfriend, but like a real like. situation ship that I haven't had in a long time. I've had a bunch of situationships since my last real relationship. Those hurt a lot more.

I know. I want, yeah. You want a heartbreak? I think I could use a little heartbreak. Yeah. I haven't had any heartbreak in probably six or seven years. Yeah. I could use a good one.

I mean, I feel like all my situationships like. Do they fuck you up? Fucked me up. Because it's the gray area. What kind of guys are you dating? Well, no one. I know. Like, what's your type?

My type is like, tall, athletic, rich, funny. Basically, like, every box I could possibly be checked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I always say that's rather funny than like the hottest guy in the room. A hundred percent. I don't know if I want a guy that's hotter than me. No, and you're really pretty.

So to find that is like crazy. Yeah, I just like can't have them getting hit on all the time. I'm like a crazy girlfriend. So you'll have. have sex with your friend and her boyfriend, but like you would not share your boyfriend. I think I would down the road. But not if I was like in a secure relationship. Like they're always in a really secure relationship and she's a Leo.

So she kind of like ate it up. Yeah. You know what I mean? What are you? I'm a Libra. Oh, amazing. What are you? Torres.

Tourist? Yeah. Tell me about a tourist man. I think they're just like we're stubborn. Believe we're right all the time. Boundaries? Boundaries? I like feel like I know myself a lot.

Yeah. Like that's self-aware. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I know who I think the big problem we're all having is that a lot of people don't know who they are. Most people don't. Men don't, especially. Men suck.

Well, they've been in group mentality their entire life, like sports, this, and then they're friends. And then they're like 28 and they're like, wait, who the fuck am I? Yeah. And they think because they like anime, it makes them different. It's true, though. That's so true. Do you have hobbies? No, I just do stand up.

Just stand up? Yeah, I'm constantly doing stand up. And when did you, like, pop off online? Oh, God. Like, last January, I posted my first, if you. I was a girl video when it went like fucking I gained all my followers within like six months. Oh yeah those were the funniest shit ever. I appreciate it.

I was dying lot. That's how I found you. So funny. Yeah, I posted one. I was like yeah. Well I was thinking I was like you are kind of like the type of girl who would be in and if I was a girl video. Yeah.

What would you say about me? If I was a girl I would like suck my best friend's husband's cock. Yeah. But she was there and loving it. And my name's Holly. I love it. I don't have any hobbies either. Yeah, well, you're rich and cool and beautiful.

You don't have to. I bet you have, like, nice clothes and, like, people want to hang out of you. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Do you have your dad's credit card for shopping? Yes. Okay. Not Uber's, but you're a friend, but he both let you buy clothes.

No, yeah. Well, like, with his supervision, like, he likes us to be dressed in nice things. Yeah. Like dolls. Yeah. So, like, he'll be there, like, kind of, like, approving all our purchases. and we don't like shitty clothing. So like, we'll, like, go to the nice Bergdorf, you know, sacks, et cetera,

and just, like, kind of rip it. I love that. But, like, it's fun. Yeah, of course. Okay, let's do, oh, I like this segment. Marshall wrote the segment, my cursor. And I'm going to give you kind of like what we were just doing, but a little different.

A girl name in where she lives in New York. Okay. And if you're familiar, you tell us who, that girl is her vibes her inner weekend plans okay i don't live in new york but we can try to do this yeah but like you'd probably know these places okay her name is anara and she's from williamsburg barista septumarine tattoo is bisexual has a boyfriend one time got fingered by a masculine lesbian but it's like it really wasn't my thing but she is by but she's like 100% by yeah but she's definitely a brist but like in love with her boyfriend yeah possibly an artist natural deodorant

yes oh yeah where's a bandana with banged coming out, they're black. And they're like micro-banks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's a really cool person. Okay, yes. Yeah. No, yeah.

But like I would hang out with her. Would you? Would you? Would you? No. I don't think you would hang out with her. Would you hang out? Yeah.

Charlotte from Long Island. Oh. Charlie for short. Charlie for short is special to me. No, Charlie for sure. If it was Charlotte, I went like fully uptight. Charlie is like, I would say, like you go either way. It could go gay.

But I'm thinking, did she leave Long Island? No, she's still there. Okay, so then I would say like married high school sweetheart. His name's like, Rich. Yeah, Rich. Yeah. And they are swingers.

They're swingers. Yeah. Like, upset. I think she's really pretty. No, I picture her being, Charlie. He's like a really pretty name for her girl. I've never met a girl who goes by Charlie who isn't dropped dead gorgeous. Oh, yeah.

Charlie. I don't think of like celebrities's name Charlie that are girls. Whatever, we'll get back to it. Nova from Bushwick. I feel like this is similar to Inara from Williamsburg. No, because I would say Nova from Bushwick is trans. And I think that is different. I've never met a woman named Nova from their parents given them that name.

That is a very trans-coded name. It's a gorgeous trans woman who like is actually fucking some of the hottest guys there is available. But like these guys are straight and then nobody actually knows that they are having sex with trans women because they're like ashamed about it. Even though they have something to be ashamed of. But then like girls are kind of like, oh my God. And what's your occupation? Oh, painter. Painter.

Yeah. Or like, she like sells yarn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like arts and crafts. Arts and crafts for sure. I think Nova's like a really cool person. Nova is a cool name. I think you would hang out with her. She would have a podcast.

She'd be friends with like Tanna. She would be friends with Tanna. I feel like this is probably one of Tana's friends. Olivia from the Financial District. Oh, I think Olivia from the Financial District is not from the financial district. I think she moved there when she moved in with her boyfriend who is actively cheating on her that all of her friends actually hate. But she stays with him. because it's like you can't tell her.

You can't tell her. You can't be like he's cheating on you. You know what I mean? Like she's too far in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is her choice. At this point, all we can do is support her.

Yeah. Yeah. But she's like, she's brown hair. She's like kind of basic looking like a seven. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I picture like being like a seven wearing like kind of being like uptight a little bit.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe she wears like black flats every day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can see that. Yeah. Mazy from Staten Island.

Cool. Macy's cool. She's working on a diner. and maybe she has a really rich boyfriend who wants to get her out of Staten Island and she's like, I'm more than Staten Island. She's like, I'm bigger than I have dreams. She's dreams and she can sing.

And she can sing. And she can sing and she's like in Staten Island, everyone's Staten Island and is like she has a bad home light and her voice is like an angel. We need to get her out of here. You need to get her out of here and she's singing at the pub. She's like, it's very, um, she's like Carrie. She's like Carrie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's gonna, yeah. Is that how Taylor Swift got founded? No, I think her parents were rich and brought her all around Nashville. Which I support. Which we support. I love Taylor.

Have you met Taylor? No. Okay. I've been like this close to her. Oh really? She goes to the members club. I'm a brat. Oh nice.

Have you met a lot of celebrities? Have you had sex with celebrities? Yeah. Really? Yeah. That's so cool. Like cool ones? No.

Like they're fucking weird. Okay. Actors, musicians? Actors. Okay. Would I know them? Yes. I want to know.

We can mute. We can. We can. immediately tell me. Everyone already This is good for the club. Do you know? Yes.

You know who you should date a musician? I don't know. Like a rock star? No, I think you need to date someone really famous. Yeah, like who? Who needs to be? I think I need like an athlete. Oh my God.

You should date an athlete. I've hooked up with some heart. I actually think that like I could be, would be really happy with like a closeted athlete. Where like my dad dies and he's like, I can't come to the funeral. You know the press will be there. And then I come back.

That is so your journey. Yeah. And then I come back and I'm like, I didn't know this until my dad died. But like, like I can't be with someone who can't come to his funeral. And he's like, you know. The story, I'd be like, it means me a movie written about this.

Yes. We're always wearing like hoods and walking around and everybody knows it. But I'm like, I can't be your secret anymore. Like what position? I don't think I could do football because I would like to, I would like to keep all my memories. But they get a little scrambled up in there. Yeah, they do. I could be really happy with a soccer player or a rugby player or.

I feel like soccer players are so small. They look with jockeys. Oh, can I say something? Yeah. Love a small guy. I'm six five. Yeah, what's your time? We didn't even go over this.

I like all guys. I like tall. I like sure. I like I like guys with like nice dicks. Like who can come to your glory hole? Anybody who's verbal and has a nice cock. Do you is there anyone that can't come to your glory hall? I mean yeah women women. Yeah um just ugly ugly dicks like do you like age is that I love older guys. I love older guys. I think they're so hot. I've actually recently for the first time I'm like kind of going a little bit younger and I'm like, but I've never done it before. So I'm I'm like, oh, this is strange. Like, when someone's 25 and they hit me up, I'm like, I'm 32. I feel like I either go like a little younger or like 10 years older.

Let me tell you something. You don't really get to me going when it says he's like 45. I'm like, oh, here we. I really, that does something for me. That does something from you. Like, what's the oldest guy you've ever hooked up with? Oh, I mean like, like probably close to 70. No, I've hooked up with like old guys.

That is pretty old. And how old do you? I mean, at the time, I was probably like 23. Holy shit. I know. There was something about it that I just thought was so sexy. These are ripped old guys though.

You know they're like ripped and they're like old but you're like huh. Yeah, they kind of look like, yeah. I think probably closer though to like 50 to like 60. Yeah, I've worked up with 50s. I think 50's hot. She's hot like, like,

you can't stay with them because they get old really quick. Well, because like I want to have kids and I don't want to like have kids when a guy is like not knowing who I am. Also you don't want to date. You don't want to have kids to someone who's 50 right now.

now because they have like weird things about women and then all of a sudden you're gonna like have kids and they're gonna expect you to do all the work you want to get a nice guy your own age who's gonna like split the time like a gen z yeah a guy that's understanding about like he's like I'm not babysitting this is our kid yeah yeah yeah like although you kind of seem like you would have a nanny oh 100% I want like the full yeah yeah yeah yeah would you hire like an ugly nanny or an old nanny so your husband doesn't have sex with them or would you bring in like a really pretty like 19 year old girl into your house I don't think I want a hot nanny.

No, you're playing with fire. I'm a crazy fucking bitch. Yeah. I would be like, are you fucking the fucking nanny? That's Hallie. Hallie from Nantucket is always accusing her a little bit older boyfriend of fucking the nanny. And he probably is. And he probably is.

And he probably is. He's probably balls deep in our nanny. Yeah. Have you been cheated on? All the time. It's like they can't stop cheating on it. Really? Yeah.

What do you think that's about? Do you think you go for guys who are cheaters? Or do you think that there's something that you're not giving them? Not to put it on you, but like, sometimes. I definitely go for the, tend to go for the guy that I convinced myself that I'm the exception for. Like, oh, like, I can fix him or like he's not going to do that to me, but even though he did just everyone else. No, I'm not joking. I was telling him beforehand, I was like, I, like, my actual type is probably like Harry Jousy, who, and I know he's on this network, so I don't care.

But I'm just, and I am getting in shape, Harry, if you see this. But I said, don't worry. Harry clock in. But I also am like, I would never, like, he, he, you know, he. He's also somebody that it's like if you were to hook up with him. It's like it's your own fault if you get cheated on. No, Harry definitely. I mean, Harry just like always has like some beautiful.

Of course. I love Harry. He's just a good guy. Yeah. I love his blonde hair. Yeah. He's like in his accent. He's in good shape.

Yeah. Big. Yeah. He definitely could like throw me through a wall. Yeah. If he cared to. Yeah. I don't think he cared to.

You have a podcast. I do have a podcast. It's called Feeling Girlie, which basically every week we talk about who I blew that week. And then, um, wait, this is kind of like my podcast. Well, and then girls write in and I give them advice. And the advice is almost always to break up with their boyfriends. But yeah, so they like write emails in and yeah.

So like they just submit anonymously. Yeah, no, they send it to an email from their email and then they, um, they tell what's going on and then I give them advice. Sometimes it's friendship advice. Sometimes it's like family stuff. Do you ever think like if you have to ask, the answer is probably like break up with them? I think a lot of people struggle with breaking. I think a lot of people are afraid to be alone. I like love being alone.

No, it's the best. But you don't know that unless you've done it. Well, it takes a while to acclimate. Yeah. And I've never had like a real boyfriend. And so to me, I kind of go like, and then I see everyone else's relationship. And I go like, well, this is what a relationship is. Like, do I want that?

Like, I don't know too many relationships. And I'm like, God, I got to have a relationship like that. That's why I'm, like, very patient because I just feel like I really don't want to put myself in another. Like, the next guy I do when, like, marry. Yeah. Also, like, you get. Yeah, and then you get mind fucked and it becomes like a whole thing. Also, every psychic I go to tells me the exact same thing.

What do they say? That it's career. It's like it's going to, it's so good. You're going to blow up. It's like fame. It's for it. And then they go, let's do love. They go, nothing for a long time.

They always say that. They go, and they always say your boyfriend is already like the love of your life. You're going to meet him at work. He already is like very successful, famous. What psychic are you going to? So I've gone to three different ones. I went to one in New Orleans that I just walked off off the street, and she correctly guessed everything in my life for two years,

like down to specific dates. Wait, I need to go to see one, but they kind of freak me out. I love them. What if they're like, we don't see a future, and then I get hit by a bus leaving? You do seem like someone who's going to die young, but, uh... Not like a sad, but, like, everyone would be really sad. No, like, it would be, like, really sad. Yeah, no, I would be devastated.

And we just met. Yeah, I mean, I hope I'm not going to die young. I hope so too. I also could see you like having like selling your like baby pictures to like people magazine. Like we all have a baby with like your husband. You'd be like on the cover of people magazine. It'll be like family. Party girl turned family mom. No like I want to have a rebrand eventually but like I'm still 28. Like I want like. No, you have to enjoy your son. You don't want to have babies until you're at least 32. You have at least four more years. Yeah. Yes. That's what I'm saying. Everyone's like pushing 30. I'm like well. Yeah. Who cares? You're going to push 30 as I'm way too. Also like you.

You can afford IVF. Yeah, also like your boyfriend's chop. So like you have to be in that situation. I don't have to be in that situation. You have options. Yes. Yeah. And I'd like to keep them open.

Yeah, you got to find a guy who's like really successful. Like really rich. Yeah. Like I want to go to St. Bart's. And you want to have daughters. I want have daughters. Yeah. And I want them to be named like Piper or something.

I love the name Piper. I always say that my daughters, I don't want to have kids. But if I had daughters, I'd have three of them. And their name would be River Lake and Rain. What about Ocean? Oh, Ocean's my son. That's Lola Kent's kid. Who's Lala Kent?

Reality TV. Oh, nice. Vaterpump Rules. Oh, I never watched Paterpump Rules. I'm a reality TV junkie. Are you watching Real Housewives of Red Island? Yeah. It's my first one.

I'm in it. I'm in it. What do you think the last episode? Oh, I was Team Kelsey this entire time, and I just switched to Team Rosie. Genuinely, I think that, and I really didn't like Rosie. I was really against Rosie. Rosie Chudder up. Oh, when she was like, you slam pig, I go, oh, this is an East Coast girl.

I haven't heard slam pig since I was in high school. I was like, oh, fuck. We're going to slam pig. And Kelsey couldn't keep up. How embarrassing, honestly. She couldn't get in a word and edgewise, honestly. But like the, it was such like Oji. I was like showing up with like the house.

I know she probably expected it to be funny. But it's like you've already done so many digs towards this girl who like for no reason. And it's her home and like you're disrespecting it. And you're like coming there to do her hair and make her feel good. about herself like that's the job of like sorry like you and your boyfriend broke up and like now you're like trying to make money and the money is like you doing people's hair and making them feel good you don't like show up to put someone down about a joke that like hurt their feelings already I know and I was team Kelsey no yeah I know and Rosie goes at least my fucking names on the deed

of this house do you own a home she's literally said you don't have a man you don't have a house you don't have a job did you imagine she was like she probably cried in her car oh yeah 100% she was like you didn't even win that fucking, she was your sugar daddy bought that, um, that pageant you want. And she was like, and then she came back after Rosie pushed her out of the house. The producers let Kelsey back in. I was like, okay, this is Rosie's house. And she opens the door and she goes, I actually won that pageant fair and square.

I go, oh, that's not. It's too late. Babe, just walk out. Ashley's picking up her suitcase off the floor. Oh, she threw that suitcase out of the house. She whipped it. Like it was like one of those like jaggle. I know, but I love Alicia.

And I think Alicia and I think Joellen is like family to me. me. Joe Ellen is like family to me. Joe Allen's great. No, it's like she's like, she's probably my favorite. Yeah. She's like out to lunch. Like she's like, I love crackers. I love horses. She's great.

Who else is another one? Who's the one that's getting cheated on so blatantly? Oh, Rula. No, I don't feel bad for Rula. She knows. I'm like Rula. This is a girl who's probably like, don't embarrass me. You know those women that are kind of like, do whatever you want? Don't embarrass me. Like, if you're going to go to show,

the truth is going to come out. Like if you don't want to be embarrassed like that Then don't go on a reality TV show Because they will find Everything Everything I know and Joellen's husband does something sexually to me That is crazy

Sexually, do you? Yeah like when I see him I'm like that I'm so sexually attracted To Joellen's husband Yeah And so is her sister So that was your first Watch?

Yeah I know I'm really a scripted girl I have like great anatomy tattoos Show me Make me choose me love me I'm screaming Yeah I was I'm a real real

Great Anatomy. I like scripted. I like complicated women. What do you think about the newer seasons? So I stopped after COVID because I was really, I was a little upset with Shonda Rhymes because she always said when Ellen Pompeo didn't want to the show anymore, the show would end. And now Ellen does like two episodes a season. And it's like she's completely gone. But I actually did see some new stuff where I was like, oh, I would actually watch this. The new interns look really good. So I think I'm going to push through. Because I will finish it, of course. I love the show. Yeah. But I just wish Shonda was back. Yeah. I feel like everything kind of got weird after COVID. Yeah.

Things, yeah. Every show did. Every show changed a bit. What do you think about euphoria? I actually only watched the play episode in season two, and now I'm watching season three, and it's the worst TV show I've ever seen in my entire life. Yeah.

I'm like, I don't know how they made Jacobaulorty's show unattractive in the show. The hair. I know, and I also hate this. I mean, whatever. It feels like three different TV shows that they were, like, making, like, starring, like, one of Zendaya, one of Cindy Sweeney and, like, Nate and, like, one of Maddie. And they were like, actually,

What if we just, like, put all three of these TV shows together and made, like, some fake story line? Well, their shows do you like? Do you like any movies? Do you like Harry Potter? I love Harry Potter. Yeah. Do you?

I could see you like Harry Potter. Yeah. But it's not like I don't, like, regularly watch it. Yeah. I love witchcraft. I love, like, practical magic. It's one of my favorite movies. I like movies.

I like shows that, like, are so mindless, like, reality TV. Yeah. Would you ever do reality TV? Mm. I don't think I'd be good at it. Really? I don't know. My friends will say I'm confrontational.

Like if something's bothering me, I'll just say it. But I also I don't know. I feel like you would be good on reality TV. Yeah, I've done. I've dipped my tone in it. Oh, yeah. What did you do?

I did something with Unwell. It was like Unwell winner games. Nice. And it was like my, it's weird though. Like just like with having conversations with the cameras there. I mean, I'm doing that right now, obviously. But like people moving around and like different things going on. It's like a lot.

Yeah. You don't realize these reality TV shows are like produced. I would. do like traitors. I would love to do traitors. Yeah, I think traders would be great. I would be a traitor. Yeah. I don't know. I think I could see being a faithful. Really? Yeah. Do they pick? I think they pick. I don't think you get to pick. I would do dance in the stars. Really? I think I would too if I was in better shape. I like loki can dance. Really? Were you a dancer growing up? No, I just like have rhythm. Okay. I feel that. Would your team ever like pitch you for it?

I think I need to like have a couple more. Pops. Big moments. Yeah. Before we get there. You need like a huge scandal. I need, or like. Have you had any scandals?

I've had a couple, but they were kind of more just like mini cancellations. I put my foot in my mouth a couple times. But you live and you learn and you grow. Of course. You've ever gone to, like game men can't get canceled besides James Charles. Oh, God. I mean, he is my, as my friend called him, the original eunuch. He's generally like the worst person on this planet.

Yeah. I mean, I just thought that video was so tacky. No, it was just so out of time. Like, and I'm out of touch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, if I'm calling you out of touch, that's like, it's a disease. It to me seems like desperate for views. It was rage bait, but he wasn't aware of it.

No. I don't know. I think also, like, there's nothing worse than a gay guy who thinks he's funny. And, like, James Charles thinks he's funny. And he's not. Is there any other, like, influencers or stuff? celebrities that you do not like cannot stand honestly if I don't like somebody I just scroll past yeah I don't like spend time hating people I have no I don't either yeah it's it's a lot why is there

anyone you don't like there are like comedians that I don't like but I'm not going to say it on here but I'll talk shit about comics all day long yeah I mean there's just some people like I feel like in the comedian world probably you're like you're just simply not funny I think also why you know I not to talk about anyone specific but people who blow up maybe from podcasting or like making videos online and then start doing like weekends at comedy clubs and they've never done stand up that happens a lot and those people we all talk shit about 100% because you're kind of like yeah you didn't really do the work do you think yeah you think like the online validation made them feel like they could do like the in-person stuff well they just

can sell tickets oh because they're like it's like live shows yeah it's like live podcast yeah yeah that's like what I'm worried about because like I've always thought about doing something live like for the show but you should have a live show but it's I'm like not like a comedian. But you don't have to be a comedian to have a live show. But also, you know, you live in New York. You could like, you could like go have a live show that isn't online or like crazy tour and like build a show up here in New York and then take it out on the road.

Like something really strong. You want to hear something funny. I have like a lot of anxiety. Yeah, of course. It's scary getting on stage. Really? Yeah. Do you take beta blockers or anything?

No. You just got used to it. Yeah. You have, if you have beta blockers. I just take that. But it's nice to be in your body and feel all the nerves. It brings a certain type of energy. Yeah.

I could see you hosting like a dating show. A dating show. A live dating show in New York. Okay. You know what I mean? Like you'd ask fun questions. You don't seem like you're afraid to talk about sex. You'd be like asking them.

Maybe like they're blindfold. You know those shows? Like updating? Yeah. Something like that. But like your own version of it. I think you would be really good at that. And I think girls would come out and watch that.

Wait, maybe you'll do that. I think you would like hosting a dating show would be so fun. Yeah, hosting can be fun. Or like, or you could even like, because your brand is like more like talking about sex, you could be like you don't need to fall in love, just fuck. On stage? No, no, no. But like you're instead of like me like matching for love, you're just matching to people to hook up.

Yeah. Okay. Maybe I'll do that. You should. All right. I'm going to ask you five questions about dating. Okay. Okay.

The first one is what are your biggest pet peeve when it comes to dating? Oh my God. Honestly, guys who aren't funny. That's my biggest bet. I can't do it. If someone's like, worst guys who think they're funny. What do you think about splitting the bill?

I like to pay. You like to pay? Yeah. I like, I get a little like, I got it. I would definitely be the one who can care of somebody else.

Honestly, it feels good. Sometimes I even like to do that. I think it's hot. I think it's hot being like, don't worry about it. Yeah. Yeah. Are you asking guys that or do you like to get on a date in years?

Oh, so you don't date either. I also think that once I get my chest done next month, like it is my biggest insecurity, and I've had this just since I was 13 years old. And so like once I get it done, I'm like, okay, I think that I'll be like more open to dating. When is the surgery? June 15th. We're in the beginning of summer.

I know. What's your recovery time on that? I'm staying with my mom in Connecticut for five weeks and then I go right back on tour. And then I'm touring for the rest of the year. Oh, my God. Yeah. So this is like my only window to do it. Okay.

Well, it's going to look really good. I actually, I'm going to. I love surgery. Yeah. Sam, I can't wait. It's my first one. I've got my chits on a few times. Really?

Do you feel better? So much better. Okay. Like my tits before looks like a saggy. Yeah. No, I have like Hubcap blown out nipples. Oh, so you're redoing your whole nipple. Oh, they're taking my chest off, like redoing the nipples.

Like it's a full versus. My chest like goes back to here. Is it going to be like a painful recovery, long recovery? I think it's like the full, that I can't work out for six weeks. I don't say that sounds like a dream to me. I can't wait. What's something a guy does that gives you the ink instantly? When they've been drinking coffee and they're talking to you and you can see,

and you can see like the coffee tongue. Oh, yeah, I don't like that. There's something about that where I go, like, your tongue's discolored. Yeah. Are you big on teeth? Well, I smoke cigarettes and my teeth are yellow, but I...

They're not great. They're not yellow. But it's from smoking all the time. Okay, well, I smoke cigarettes too, but I don't think you can, like, stay in force of life. No, but I'm smoking, like a pack a day. Oh, really? I smoke cigarettes.

Oh, so that's your vice. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wait, I'm kind of jealous. I have to quit for the surgery, but yeah. Are you nervous about that? No, I'm just, this is the matter. I have a wedding and then I'm done.

All right. You'll be perfect. It doesn't matter. I love this chest more than this. Yeah. Yeah. Who is the straightest guy in your life? Oh.

That you're closest to. Probably my friend Spencer. He is probably my straightest friend because he was an active heroin and drug addict. He's clean now. It's been clean forever. But he was so fiending for drugs. And one time a drug dealer was like, if you suck my cock, I'll give you drugs. And he had no money.

I fucked up with a couple guys like that. And they're like, if you suck my cock, I'll give you drugs. And he's like, he's withdrawing. And he's still said no. And I was like, that's pretty fucking straight. I think most people in that situation would have sucked cock for heroin. No, yeah. I know guys that I've, I know a handful of guys that.

Yeah. Also, if you've ever met a man who's like, I smoked math, like he's done gay stuff. There's no one in the world that smoked math who didn't do gay stuff. Really? Yeah, for sure. That shocks me. Yeah. What is about math that make you horny?

I think it makes it really horny. Oh. It's huge in the gay world. I thought it was like Adderall. No. Don't do math. Don't do math. Yeah.

I've never done it. Yeah. I'd be like picking your face. Oh shit. And you're like, yeah, your skin would be off. Oh, God, we can't have that. No, no, no. I have no skin.

You have beautiful skin. Really? Yeah, of course. What is something that gay men could actually learn from straight men? When your friend leaves the room, you don't have to talk shit about them. Yeah. I feel like, I learned that more from like my female friends. Yeah.

But like gay guys, women, someone leaves and they're like, Becky's being so fucking Amnoxious at her! Why is she acting like that? You know? She's fucking wearing it. I tried doing it with straight guys one time when I first crossed over

to having straight male friends and someone left and I was like, he was weird, huh? And they were like, what? They were like confused. Shut up. That's actually a really good one because gays definitely talk a lot of shit too.

Oh yeah. And straight guys, they're not even thinking about it. They're like, I feel like, what do straight men talk about? I think they're watching the TV. Oh, they're watching sports. Yeah.

I feel like they don't even talk about their conquests. No, can I be honest? I talk to my straight friends about this. It is, they say it's weird if you say like, I fucked this girl and we were fucking like this. Like they don't do that. They'll say like we fucked, but they won't say like, oh, I was doing this or that. Like, I feel like girls and gays were kind of like, all right, so there you what?

You know, like telling everything? They don't do that. What is it like? Like literally like the every sense. They don't give it away. How do they bond and create? Well, I think if they hear, I think the problem is that they were giving it away, they'd start to get horny and they would all be jerking off together and that's their fear. Do you think that the hopping slot?

Yeah. We're going to talk about this and then we started the show. I do think that men are jerking off together. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's happening more than you think. I think so too. I also don't think it's gay.

I think it's cool. I think if straight men are like they're just a little bit curious or they just want to jerk off, go for it. Yeah, sometimes it's more just about like jerking off. Yeah. It's not about touching or sucking. What are you jerking off too? You know what? They're probably like half straight porn on there.

They're really glancing at each other. So you think that people actually get into like a living room or a bedroom and just like jerk each other off? I tell you something. I'm actively a part of it. There's a lot of different guys that I've like met up with and we just jerked off. That are like straight. Yeah. Bored.

Yeah. Because sometimes I'm like, I'm not in the mood to like fully have sex with somebody and then these guys are just looking for a jerk off buddy. And I'm like, you know what? This is like easy. You go over. We jerk off. I leave. Great.

Sometimes it's like an appetizer. You know, sometimes you know a restaurant. You're like, I'm like, I want to jump off. Yeah. You're like, I want a gem salad. I don't want the full chicken. It's like, I'll just like have the cucumber salad. Yeah, it's like nice.

It's like there's a cock here. We're more corny. It's enough sometimes. Yeah. It's enough. Yeah. Wait, I love that. What do you think about the gays gay versus the girls gay conversation?

I love it. I mean, I'm a girl's gay. I have gay friends, of course. But like I, if I was in a room and I walked in, there was a group of gay guys or a group of women, I would feel more comfortable walking over to the women and being like, how's everything going? I get a little bit more intimidated with gay guys. and I think that probably comes from my lack of dating.

And I also like came out the closet at 18, started doing stand-up at 21, and then stand-up became my entire life. So I am like, I'm like, I didn't ever get into like a group of gay guys because I was always with stand-up comedians. Yeah. And so a lot of my friends are women and straight men.

I love gay guys, but like if there's a group of them, I get, it's like popular girls where you're like, oh, I'm nervous. Yeah, it can be like a bit intimidating. Yes. Gay men can be really intimidating. Yeah, especially when you don't know.

And they're like, who are you? And some women, like, are mean. Oh, there's a lot of gay men who are very misogynistic towards women. Why? I think it's just, they're still men. Those fucking assholes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I always tell girls I go, like, like, I love gay men.

I go, who do you think's making all those clothes you guys can't fit into? It's like, gay men being like, I'm making this dress. Making a size zero only. Becky's a side. Yeah. 22 inches. Yeah. Okay, last question.

You've talked about not wanting to get married ever. Yeah. Why? I've always thought I was going to live an untraditional life. And I kind of don't believe in marriage. I've also never met anybody that I would want to marry. So if I, I think being like I want to get married and not,

I just think like I would have to meet somebody that I loved so much. I would like, I would want to marry you. But I kind of don't believe in marriage, especially as a gay guy. Like I get to do whatever I want for the rest of my life. I have this freedom of being gay. I kind of love the idea of having a long-term boyfriend.

Yeah. I liked the idea of being like 60 with like my boyfriend of 30 years. That's kind of hot. I think it's cool. I also don't want children. So I'm like, so why are we getting married? No, yeah. I think it's kind of like an old way of thinking.

I mean, it's probably different because I'm a girl that wants that kids eventually. But if I was a gay man, I would just be like getting rich and traveling. That's what I want to do. I'm like, I don't like. Being the fun uncle. Yeah. I don't want to get married. I just think it's kind of like also I do stand up comedy.

It's like I don't need a day for everyone to look at me and be like, if I think if I was to get married, I'm sure it would be like, three people there. Yeah. And like me and him. Yeah. I'm like, I could see you having a big wedding. I'm gonna.

Yeah. But like I don't want to. I don't like feel like yeah, in Antarctica. But like my sister's getting married next summer. We're 15 months apart. Irish twins. Irish twins.

And we're just like so different. Like I just don't feel like that societal pressure to like, you know, like get a husband right now. That's good though. It's like I feel like so many girls, they compare themselves to other girls. And they're like,

well, she's getting married. They have kids. So I must be. there must be something wrong with me and it's like, no, just like focus on your own paper. Like you, that's not where you are right now. So just enjoy where you are. I mean, a lot of my friends. You have a lot of cool things going on.

Yeah, that's what I like to think. Work is my husband right now. Anybody can get married and have kids. Genuinely, it's like not everybody can have a fucking major podcast. That is true. No, it is. It is. You're on a huge network.

Yeah. Like, that's not. You know what? Yeah. No, truly, though, people are like, I want to get married. Anybody can get married. If you want to get married at home, that's beautiful. But like this, you also have cool stuff.

Yeah. Not everybody can be a beautiful girl who's rich. That is so true. I should start telling people that. You're getting married, but not everyone can be a beautiful girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, I'm obsessed with you. I think you should just become my, like, co-host, honestly, imagine.

I'd love to come back next time I'm in New York if you have repeats. No, I do have repeats. Okay, cool. Honestly, I do. It's me and you're your dad. All right, thank you. Thank you for having me on. Thanks for having me.

You're so sweet. Okay. See you guys next week. Love you all. Bye.