Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder - Seeking Arrangements, love bombs, & Mr. Mustache Man

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

Hallie is back SOLO and the sun is shining, which means chaos is on the horizon! This week, she kicks things off with a wild Fourth of July college story that starts in Nantucket and spirals into private jets, suspicious movie sets, and a surprise cameo in a Riff Raff music video... yes, really. Hallie spills on the infamous Mr. Mustache Man, the time she signed up for Seeking Arrangements, and her take on the highs (and many lows) of dating rich men for the bag. Hallie responds to your DMs, breaks down her four-tier system for confessing a crush and takes a relationship readiness quiz to find out if she's actually ready for something serious or if she's just f*cking horny. Love you! It's Extra Scandalous! Follow @extradirty on socials to follow along with Hallie and if you love what you hear, leave a review and subscribe to keep the chaos coming. 

Are you willing to compromise and put the needs of someone else before yours at times? That sounds like a lot of work, no? Depends what needs they are. I'm not doing their fucking laundry. We're happy little fuckers. Okay guys, I'm doing something really fucking stupid right now. We have an emergency debris situation. Hi, this is Halle from the streets of New York.

Guys, I had every intention of staying in last night Okay guys Welcome back to extra dirty. We're doing another solo episode Hopefully you're not sick of me yet in these solos But I think honestly they're really therapeutic for me to just like talk through stories and like it's healing in a way. I thought we'd kick off this episode and just like kind of rip a story.

Like this getting warmer out, summer's approaching. It makes me reflect on my college days and the summers in between where I would run around the beaches in the streets of Nantucket, finding, you know, men. Well, at the time they were younger, but like kind of men. There's this one story that I had in mind. It was probably our first experience or my first experience with like an older gentleman.

And also my first experience with like a celebrity kind of too. And it wasn't me. It was actually someone that I, was one of my roommates in college, one of my best friends. She gave me permission to talk about this story and honestly, it's just like too good not to get into. I'm not gonna say his name because he's the type of man

that would probably send a cease and desist. But if you look up Only in America by Riff Raff, the ones that know it, know it, you will know who I'm talking about pretty quickly. But let's begin. So it all started July 2nd, 2016. It was the summer between, I believe it was between my freshman in my sophomore year.

And I had my roommate living with me. We were just hosting on Nantucket, which is what we would do all summer. We would basically host this for like two hours a day and then go out and rip it at night and then go to the beach during the day and then like host this for like two hours and then like it would continue.

It was like a summer that was like a full fucking bender. I remember I was literally like by the end of it, I was had sleep paralysis Stevens because I was drinking way too much. But anyways, this man with a mustache, we'll call him Mr. mustache man. He's an actor. I don't know, I would say he was probably like an A minus less actor. At some point in his career. At the time he was 38 years old, we were 19. It was around the 4th of July.

And the 4th of July in Nantucket, for people who don't know, it's like one of the biggest weekends on Nantucket. Everyone's fucking ripping it. The beaches are packed. There's cops everywhere. Like it's one of the biggest weekends the island sees. So anyways, there's parties leading up to 4th of July. So it was July

2nd, there's parties on the beach, the beaches are packed with a bunch of college students, and Mr. Mustache Man, he and his manager were roaming the beaches. And I don't know if they were roaming for some college girls or what, but they found him. So they ended up finding my roommate on the beach and he sends his manager over and he goes, I want that one. So the manager comes up to my roommate and was like, hi, I'm with Mr. Mustache Man. He was wondering if he could take your number.

Like he's interested and would like to see you later. And my roommate was like, wait, that Mr. Mustache Man? And he's like in the back, like 100 feet behind him, and he's like waving kind of. And he's like, yeah, that Mr. Mustache Man. She's like, fuck yeah. She knew exactly who he was and was like, this is so cool. This is so exciting.

And we're all around her being like, oh my god, you have to do it. This would be a fucking sick story. So we gave him, I'm saying we as if like it was like a dual quest, but no, she gave him her number and he ends up hitting her up being like, Hi, like, I want to see you, please don't tell anyone like I'm texting you like change my contact name to something else like off the bat, he was being really sus and really sketchy. But like for the plot, do it for the plot. Like at the end of the day, especially when you're in college, even if you know,

like you're in a alarming situation, maybe you're a little bit naive. I mean, as most college girls are, um, do it for the fucking plot. And it honestly makes for a fucking great story because this is just the beginning of the chaos that entailed. So anyways, my roommate's staying with me and she stayed with me all summer and she was like, okay, can I bring Mr. Mustache Man back to your house? My parents at the beach and they're like, you can't have a party, you can't have a pregame, you can't have nothing, but I was like, but mom, like, Mr. Mustache Man is here and like he's with his manager and we were just like

playing beer pong in the back and she's like what the fuck she thought it was fucking with her because she knows exactly who this actor is too like he's a pretty famous actor yeah yeah yeah yeah production agrees yeah very famous actor so anyways they hook up they're hooking up in my outdoor shower they're hooking up on like the love sack in my basement, like they're right off the bat. He like takes her into my outdoor shower because we're all playing beer pong in the back and he goes down on her standing up in the fucking outdoor shower. And I was like honestly this man's fucking bold but like this is hilarious. We're like sneaking pictures of him and like sending it around, whatever. We thought it would just end there, this like little rendezvous with this little famous actor

who is like a little bit older than us but like not I mean the age gap was a little alarming but it was legal so it was fine. Anyways they keep in contact like he is facetiming her, he is texting her, he added her on snapchat which I'm shocked he even knew what the fuck that was. Anyways, he goes, he was filming a movie in New York City. So he had a Soho loft to rent it out and everything. So he texted her or called her up one day and was like, listen, I want to fly you and your friends out to New York and I want you to stay at my loft and I want to have like a fun New York weekend with you and your friends. It'll be really cool and fun." And she was like,

fuck yeah, I feel like we have to go. And I was like, kind of, I'm not a naive person. I'm pretty street smart and can read people pretty well and I've been able to do that from a pretty young age. And I was like, I don't know. I was also still talking to my ex-boyfriend from high school at the time and he was hating this. He was like hating the idea of me going to New York with some some random man that like kind of you don't know like actors are sketchy like i've been over this with actors like they're kind of suspect but i was like you know what fuck it like this is a once in a lifetime thing like he's famous this is so cool oh my god let's go to new york city let's go in the loft like we're working we can go to lf and take pictures and soho like

i thought it was so sick. I told my parents, my dad's like, fuck yeah, do it. Which by the way is fucking insane. But like all my friends who went with us didn't tell any of their parents. So we went, okay. So we get to the loft. He's filming.

So his manager lets us up into the loft. The loft is stocked with like pounds, like pounds of weed everywhere in alcohol. And may I just like remind you this man, he's fully sober, which you wouldn't think based off of some of his roles in movies, but he's a completely sober man. Also the type of man that will take a tomato and eat it like an apple. Like I literally watched him do it. He's that kind of like very mysterious, doesn't talk much, has a hat on with his fucking mustache, and he doesn't say much, but he contributes in a way that's like very like he has an interesting demeanor. So anyways, we were like this is fucking sick. This soul loft is like packed with alcohol and weed,

and we were like this is so fucking cool. We're so cool, this is sick. So anyways, he's filming and it was time for dinner. So we go out to dinner with his manager. He's an older bald man. So it's like, picture this. We're at this very fancy Italian restaurant with some old bald man. And it's like five 19 year old girls.

Like it just like looked like a very suspect image from like a third person perspective. But like really like this is so cool. We're like hanging out with the manager, really getting in the scene. And then we linked up with him later. So he had a whole itinerary packed for us. Like he had things planned.

One of them being a Guns N' Roses concert. Cause he was gonna play like, was it, who's the leader of Guns N' Roses concert cause he was gonna play like, was it, who's the leader of Guns N' Roses? Kiss, like the guy that's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Axl Rose. Yeah, Axl Rose. He was like gonna play Axl Rose in some Bucky movie, so he was gonna meet Axl Rose.

So he brought us to Guns N' Roses, we're VIP, he's like finger blasting my fucking roommate the whole concert, And me and like my other girlfriends are just kind of like standing there like we're in like GA, but like we're in seats, but like we're like people are behind us next to us. Like, like I'm pretty sure the picture like my Snapchat memories of this whole moment because we were like, oh my god, he's literally fingering my

friend underneath her skirt at this concert. And then we're supposed to meet Axl Rose after but then Axl Rose was taking like too long or something and he's like a very impatient person, Mr. Mustache Man, so he's like fuck this we're leaving. So we go back to New York and we ended up going to this interactive play in Brooklyn and when I say this was the weirdest fucking experience of my whole life, I, it was like a play that like you, you would walk through the space and also interact with elements of the play.

One of the, so you'd walk in, it kind of like seemed like a white lotus thing. I remember there being like, like sand everywhere and they would greet with tropical cocktails and then you'd walk through the space and there would be like a section where like someone would be talking to you about something random and then you'd go to another section and there would be like a section where like someone would be talking to you about something random. And then you'd go to another section

and there'd be like an open casket and you would have to like lie in the open casket and pretend like you're in a burial and like someone would give like a ceremony for you. And then you like move into the next room that was like heaven. And like while you're walking through all these rooms and spaces, they're like handing you more drinks

and more alcohol. But I just remember that being really fucking weird because it was in this randomly garage in Brooklyn. And I was like, how did you even find this? Are we getting kidnapped and are we getting murdered? I was freaking out, scared, but the alcohol was helping. After that, we went to The Box, which is a live, basically, it's not a live sex show,

but it's like a, I would say it's more than a burlesque show. Like they're dicks hanging out and they're whipping the dicks and the drinks and like they're taking shits on stage. Like they have a bunch of different crazy live acts on stage and you're just like mind blown and it feels like you're in a fucking fever dream, but it's also like super entertaining and like a fucking vibe.

And I would highly recommend going at least once in your lifetime if you either live in London or New York because it is fun, but it's a lot and it's not for everyone So they were hooking up all weekend and we were just kind of like right I was just kind of riding the coattails of the experience. So after the New York trip, okay, like they're still vibing They're still talking. It's all fun. He comes back to Nantucket because mind you we're still spending our whole summer out there. We're working We're being a hostess and girl bossing, etc, etc He comes back to New York and goes listen girls, I have a proposal for you and We were like, okay what mr. Massage man? Like what do you have for us?

He goes would you like to be in this music video for riff raff? For fucking riff raff guys, out of all fucking people, he was like, would you like to be in riff raff's music video? The idea of it's going to be like kind of resembling spring breakers. And the song is called only in America. I want you guys to like Google search only in America by riff-raff and you're gonna see this whole thing take like it like we were in a full fucking production. We had wigs on that were the color of the American flag, he rented a Jeep, we had hair and makeup. He got a boat with a tube.

He rented out the chicken box on Nantucket, which is a very popular bar. And like we were basically his background dancers. There was one scene which I opted out of being in because my ex-boyfriend, which I mentioned, I was still talking to at the time. I just didn't feel comfortable with like this one scene. And I also think I got pink eye or something, like a piece of sand got my eye or something.

I couldn't continue the filming. It was a three day filming thing for this fucking music video. He was like lying on the pool table of the chicken box and had all the girls, all the background dancers, including my roommates and our cousins, just like rubbing his body down, like as he's like mouthing the lyrics to this riff raff song. And it was just, I remember being so insane because everyone on the island knew what we're up to. And like, we thought we were being so sick and cool. And like, we're like, we're in a fucking music video. What are you fucking doing? But everyone was definitely like, these girls are out of their damn minds. But again, like who else is in a music video? Like that's such good lore to

have. It's in the music videos, hilarious. The song horrible, no offense, love you riff raff. But I remember that being one of the funnier things that I've ever done. And I thought that would be the end of it then, but then he flew out to Boston, which is where I live, which is where my roommate lives. And he got a hotel for my roommate, and then they were hooking up there. And then she was like, okay, I'm going back to college. Like, this is fucking insane. Like, I can't date this man.

I can't like bring this man home to my parents. He's like kind of suspect and sketchy and like she was going to be a junior in college. She had like college boys that she had crushes on too that she really wanted to explore as well. And this is where things get interesting. She was trying to cut things off with this guy, kind of speaking to him less, not picking up as many of the FaceTime, just kind of letting things play out, as one does when they're trying to get rid of a man. She gets back to campus, and she starts hooking up with one of the seniors, and she likes this guy a lot.

And she's like, you know what? I'm just gonna ride this wave, cut contact off with Mr. Mustache Man. All of a sudden, we get a school-wide email, a school-wide email being like, Mr. Mustache Man is filming a movie on Union campus between these dates. And we were all like, gobsmacked.

We were like, there is no fucking way that this man is filming a fucking movie on our campus. So obviously she's like, oh God, like I'm gonna like, the rumors had kind of been like flowing because you know, things were getting documented over the summer. Like people that knew, like people knew on campus. It was a very, very small school.

So rumors got out pretty quickly. And so when he confirmed that he was gonna be on campus for this movie that was being filmed, everyone was like freaking the fuck out. So anyways, he ended up coming to campus with a massive film crew, like cameras, production, like you fucking name it, they were on campus just filming a movie.

By the way, the sketchiest part about this whole thing is that the movie never came out. We've never seen this movie. I swear that he just did this just to see her and got all of these camera crew and production, everything to come with him just to make an excuse to go on that campus. Because why out of all the fucking places

you could film a movie would you go to Schenectady, New York on a college campus that your ex-lover goes to? Like, it just seemed a little suspect. So anyways, my roommate, who's like, you know, a sweet little angel pie, like she's in biochem. Like that bitch is at the library in and out. And I remember he came and like everyone's freaking out as their phones out and he like plucks her out of library

and he like pulls her onto his lap and she's like, oh dear God, like this is not happening. But after that, you know, like he was literally in the dorms like he wanted to like, we're like, we almost brought him to the frat party. Like that's where it was and that would have been hilarious but that didn't end up happening. But yeah, that was our story with Mr. Mustache Man.

And honestly, I hope he's doing well. He was a really nice guy, really nice to me. But you know, it builds lore. Honestly, I want to have that roommate on. She has a real corporate job. So, you know, that's why I asked for permission to tell this story. But I think that I need to have her on eventually

because she, one one has the best stories the silly she'll say ask the fucking anything two she knows all my good stories that some are like a little blurry for me that I don't remember that maybe I hide in the trenches of my brain but she has been there for pretty much every feral situation that I've ever been a part of pretty much every feral situation that I've ever been a part of. So maybe I'll try to get her on in the next month or so. Now that we're kind of diving into like, you know, talking about summer and older men and college

and parties and free games, let me tell you guys what the time I sign up for seeking arrangements. You know, okay, let me rephrase that. I felt like I had to sign up for seeking arrangements because I got kicked out of the house for a short period of time because I threw a banger in my Boston house

and it went wrong. I still pre-games all the time, like in high school and college, like I felt like it was a safe bet because I live in the city of Boston and it eliminated, you know, parking. So kids weren't drunk driving and it was it was like safer for that option because you literally had to Uber. But like when I was in college, I'm also closer to the bars in Boston, so it worked out better that way. So it was like my friend's birthday,

or it was my friend's birthday, and I was like, oh my god, I'll pregame, like no problem. And someone ended up throwing up on the carpet of my parents' bedroom. And you know, things happen at parties, like people get sick, especially when you're young and in college and you're still figuring out like your limits and how to drink. I did not like in hindsight I don't blame that girl it's not the girl's problem. She threw up and like it just happens. But during the time it was a big deal and I think it was mainly a big deal because this happened in my parents' bedroom. And why did it happen in my parents' bedroom on the third floor? Because the cops came because it kind of turned into a banger pregame. Like I like to have a good time.

The music was bumping. The speakers were getting blown out. It was a whole fucking thing. And I did not care. I was just like, let's fucking rip it and go to the bars. Anyways, the police came the girl. I think she went up to hide from the police as one does. And she threw up on the carpet and I did not know that this carpet was

imported from fucking Milan and you know sewn together by you know blind nuns or something that's what my parents made it seem like because they were like this is like a $30,000 carpet like it's your plate like they were I've never seen my dad scream louder yell at me louder he was was so fucking mad. They were both so mad at me. And what did I do? Instead of getting a professional cleaner to clean it, I poured bleach on it and it just destroyed the whole thing and then I got a lot of anxiety so I went to Nantucket. I think it was Memorial Day weekend for Gowee so I was like fuck, I'm getting out of here before they get home.

And I booked it to Nantucket and I got home. It was a fucking nightmare. They were like, I had to leave the house for a few days. And he was like, you're cut off, like all this shit. And the words, you're cut off, they cut deep, especially to a girl in her 20s that makes no dime or dollar to her own fucking self. I was a hostess at Sandbar on Nantucket,

making like 12 bucks an hour. That's not gonna support my lifestyle, no. So I geeked out. I was like, I have to sign, I need a sugar daddy now. My father has left the chat, I need a sugar daddy. And I think a lot of people sign up for seeking arrangements at some point in their early 20s. I think that's a normal thing. And I was like, feet pics and only fans back then

it was like seeking arrangements. I want to note that I never went on a single date with any of these men that I talked to online. I got too nervous and scared and like didn't want to be in the next episode of like 60 minutes. It's not a safe thing to do. And like if you're on seeking, this is not like an ad for seeking your instruments, I just want to make that clear. Don't do that. There's other ways like I would sell a picture of your, you know, your toes before like going on a date with a random stranger that you don't know. Okay, I just want to make that very clear to everyone. So

yeah, I signed up for seeking arrangements. And, you know, I didn't personally go on a date with anyone, but like a lot of my friends did do that. And, you know, I didn't judge. I don't judge here. This is a judgment-free zone. But like the thought, so Seeking Arrangements basically like,

there's different tiers to it. You can go, some of these men are just lonely and they want the company of a beautiful girl or like their kink is to like give and like gift give and like take people out to lavish dinners or lavish experiences and just like being company of a beautiful woman. A lot of it's that and like for like a grand just to like go out to dinner that's paid for,

it kind of seems like a win-win situation here. Like I get why people do it. Like it's honestly like me even talking about it now, I'm like, maybe I could do a side hustle thing, situation thing there. But the only aspect of it that's unappealing to me is that most of these men are fucking weird, motherfucking freaks and it's not safe.

And they're kind of creepy and And they all say, Oh, no sexual favors. They all like they're fucking men at the end of the day, they all want a sexual favor, a little rub and tug underneath the table. I don't fucking know. But it just didn't seem like a safe option for me. I didn't end up going on any of the dates. But like, no shame to anyone that actually goes through with that. Something I would do that I've heard about recently, I don't shame to anyone that actually goes through with that. Something I would do that I've heard about recently,

I don't know if anyone's been on this wave. It's been on my for you page a lot for some reason, which I don't know if that says anything about me and my algorithm, but I've learned a lot more about yacht girls. I don't know if you guys know what yacht girls, but it kind of seemed like an escort situation, a seeking arrangement situation, but like final boss.

Like you get to just go on a yacht, be pretty, tan, go on vacation, but in the company of these rich men that can afford such things. And I don't know if these girls are putting out or not. I would assume someone's putting out because typically you don't get flown out. I mean, in my experience, you don't get flown out I mean in my experience you don't get flown out and taken out on a yacht if you're not paying them in some shape or form like there has to be an exchange of goods in

my opinion but yeah yacht girls that's something that you know on my few page everyone's like judging these girls that like just basically get paid to like go on these yachts with these rich men. That sounds like a fucking dream to me. Like, where do you like, where do you sign up to do that? Like I'm asking, like people in the comments, please let me know. DM me, like maybe I'll be a yacht girl this summer. Like that just sounds like amazing, like an amazing experience.

You get to travel new places all on their dime. I mean, as long as I don't have to suck anyone off and just be like good company I would do that. I don't see any shame in that. But maybe my head is all fucked up, screwed up. Maybe I'm just mentally ill and I think that's okay. Again I'm not suggesting you travel with random rich men that you don't know but again maybe maybe weigh your options maybe you could open doors maybe you'll fall in love who knows who knows guys but anyways i just want to like give my little input on that and like any other like internet lore guys that you want me to touch on anything on your free page honestly anything you want my opinion on just DM me because I love yapping about random shit and I'm like constantly online like

it's a problem I need to put my phone down my screen time I think this week was like 20 hours a day which is a problem and I need to be stopped um I'm getting looks from production right now I know know, I know. It's bad. But I also sleep with my computer open. So it's like, it's not that bad. I need white noise in the back at all times or else I feel like I'm gonna reflect on my own demons and feelings. So I try to like cancel out the thoughts in my head with brain rot TV, which is a life hack that I don't know is like, I can't I don't know if I can bring that into like my 80s if we make it that far. But that is my life hack for my 20s right now. Anyways, let's get into more DMS that you guys send me, or just my DMS in general. Let's talk

about my DMS actually, I got out on a date the other day, which since I've mentioned on here on this podcast that, you know, no one asked me out because I'm a cunt. I have been getting more DMs and some of them have been like pretty cute and I've been like, okay, say. So I did answer this one guy because we had mutuals and he like asked me out to drinks and I was like you know yeah and I still might go out to drinks with this guy. I'm also really not good at replying to people in real time. I'll literally reply seven days later, seven business days later and be like hey yeah following up on this. So he asked me out and I said sure I'm down and then he followed up and was

like wait are you still down you know the weekend coming up, and I just like didn't reply honestly I didn't really see it and then he follows up like 12 hours later and goes pathetic Oh, he called me pathetic, and I was like this fucking asshole is the nerf So I reply go excuse me. I didn't know it's your message prior And he goes I just wanted to get your attention. And I was like, wait, that worked. Cause I replied. I don't think I would have replied

unless he fucking insulted me. Which I'm not suggesting to the men that are watching this that that's a great thing to do. But the toxic in me was like, okay, wait, you've caught my attention because excuse me. So what did I do? I gave him my number. I'm a problem and I need to seek therapy. Yeah. So maybe I'll see him this weekend. Maybe not. I don't know.

I'll let you guys know. But like maybe it could be say because I like, I like a guy with a little bite, but not too much bark, you know, like calling me pathetic was insane insane but it was a good conversation starter i don't know anyways let's get into some dms from you guys i'll keep you guys posted and like stay tuned if i go on this date and you'll hear all about it before anyone else okay let's go over this question right now this is a dm i got the other day she goes the man i've been hooking up with for for months treats me like his girlfriend. He texts me all day He cuddles me forehead kisses says I miss you says he can't even get it up for anyone else

Oh already know where this is going Queen I asked him what he viewed us as and he said he really likes me But doesn't know if he's ready for that type of commitment Babe now, I'm just embarrassed for basically saying I want to date and like I don't know so we still text all day And I don't know but how do I get back to being mysterious? You know what this reminds me of By the way, this is a universal experience and everyone is safe here because I feel like if you don't experience this type of love bombing situation at some point in your life you're not going to know how to handle it down the road. So bear with me everything's going to work out but this is how I'm reading the situation. You know like that meme that's like I see this TikTok all the time where

it's like a guy like the day before he ghosts you and it's like him being like, oh my god, I can't wait for you to meet my parents. I love you like blah blah blah. Oh my god, you are the apple of my eye. What are we gonna name our children? Like that's what this is kind of reminding me of. This guy seems young. That's what I will say. I can just tell by this kind of behavior that this guy's EQ is probably extremely low. He probably wants to keep his options open. Even if that's something you don't want to hear, I'm going to be honest with you and keep it real with you. He definitely likes you. This is clear to me, a guy doesn't act like that and put time in like that unless he

gives a fuck to. Men are very simple human beings. You kind of get what you give. But if a guy is saying that he's not ready for a serious commitment, hear him when he says that. Listen to that and take that extremely like face value. I would say he wants to like keep his options open. I think that if you peeled back a little bit on the intimacy, you know, the cuddling the forehead kisses, maybe not

responding as quickly, you could get yourself back into a more of a green zone area where you're being a bit more coy and mysterious. You don't want a guy to always be like thinking he knows your next move, a guy thinking that he can read your mind, or a guy knowing exactly how you will react to anything he does or says. Like throw a curve ball at him. I would say be shorter with him when you reply.

Don't be as lovey-dovey. And also another thing I'm really bad at that I think works is being less available. I know when I like someone, I'm ready at their beck and hand. Like if I am an hour away and a guy was like, I really wanna see you, and I'm like doing something an hour away, I will be like, I'm calling an Uber now,

I'll be right there. And I feel like being super easily available to like to men in general,'s it sends a message so if you're like no I'm busy I think that ticks something in men's brain it's something I'm trying to work on because I'm really bad at this too so like we're in this together but I would say that would be my best advice in the situation but I also feel like communication is key too but just to play devil's advocate here for a second and on on the flip side of things, I will say

I was watching love on the spectrum the other day. And they're so blind. Oh my god, I was like impressed. Like they just fucking tell it how it is. They'll be with a man on a date. Or they'll be on a date and be like, I think we just should be friends. I want to go on another date. Be my girlfriend. And yes, I know they are on the spectrum, but I respected the level of communication that they all had with each other. I thought it was admirable. And they just got to the fucking point, something that's wrong with men and just us not even just men. I think girls fuck like we fuck this up too. It's just like, there a lack of like boldness and communication and just

like getting your point across because it just like takes up the quicker you get a point across even if it doesn't get received well on the other end at least you know your answer and you get to the fucking point get to the finish line you know you know, like, why drag something out that has no finish line in general. So I just like kind of think that being blind and overly communicative also has its benefits as well. So that's on the flip side of things. I would say like, as I'm like approaching, you know, I'm closer to 30 now, I feel like for me, I'm with I'm like trying to be a little bit more bold and communicative in my own like personal life.

So yeah, maybe like not me like learning things from Love on the Spectrum, but I was like kind of watching and being like, you know, I could take a fucking page out of their book. Like cuz they'd like they get it sometimes they get it and they found love so like maybe they're doing something right there. There's something to be told for that. Okay moving on guys, I've kind of outlined now that we're talking about like liking someone and you know like all that jazz. I've kind of outlined like the tiers of attraction in telling a person like you like them because it takes a lot for me to like be like I like you. Like it takes a lot. Actually it depends how drunk I am. Those moments don't count because sometimes I'm tipsy

and I'm like, I'm in love with you. Like I've said I've loved guys drunk before, like mid sex, but sometimes like either the Molly hits or the moment strikes. Can't be blamed for those moments. But I said the tier one of telling somebody you like them is like, I can tolerate you,, I'm not disgusted by you. That's how I'd get my point across.

I don't mind you being around me in my space. That's the first way I would tell a guy that I'm kind of into them. The second tier above that I would say is, I wanna see you again. Like initiating plans, not just letting him leave my apartment, being like, when do I see you again?

I would like to make plans with you I'm interested in doing that that's like how I would translate like that as I kind of like you right I'm gonna agree um not me answering my own questions here the third tier would be like actually just point blank saying I'm into you like casual and cute being like you know what I'm into you. Like casual and cute being like, you know what? I'm into you. I think I'm into you, I'm vibing with you. I feel like we're vibing here. I feel like that is also like kind of chill and like lax and like, you know, like it's not super serious.

It won't freak them out too much. And then, you know, tier four is when we're getting into, you know, the red zone, some dark waters, because when I like a guy, I am the worst. I've said this before, I am the worst version of myself. I fold like a fucking bad lawn chair. I lose all my inhibitions, lack self-respect, you know, lack confidence in my decisions. My friends stay away from me during these periods of times and they try to like sit me down for interventions. But luckily for me, I get over men really quickly too. But yeah, that would be tier four, me just being like down fucking bad, being like, I

like you a lot, like, where the fuck are you? Like trying to FaceTime them. Like that's like when like we're in dark waters. So we try not to get to tier four. I rarely get to tier two, honestly. Honestly, I don't remember the last time I told a guy I liked him. Actually I do, but like there's like, that was like a kindergarten crush. You know, like when you have like a little like

kindergarten crush on someone, you can't tell if it's just like situational or like the tequila is just hitting you correctly like it's like oh like i like you but then like you put him into the real world as a character and you see like how he interacts with like his own environment or see how he is on social media you get the real picture of him and you're like oh wait i don't know now but like in certain environments you're like you're fucking sexy and hot and I want to sit on your face. But like I don't know.

I read people too much. I think eventually the long term goal guys is we get to tier four. Like I want to be emotionally available and emotionally ready for tier four, but I've said this before, like I, there's no part of me, I'd rather be single and alone than settle for fucking trash. And then have to like deal with fucking trash for years and tolerate red flags and tolerate what I don't deserve for years on end just for an inevitable breakup to happen. And then I'll look back

and be like, I regret those years I could have been meeting someone that I actually deserve, which I think is the right and then I'll look back and be like, I regret those years I could have been meeting someone that I actually deserve, which I think is the right outlook to have. And I'm not going to change my outlook just because, you know, I'm getting older. I still got time left. I still got youth on my side. You know, I'm not really worried about it, to be honest, either. I'm living my best life doing whatever the fuck I'm doing.

But anyways, you guys will be the first to know if I ever hit tier four, when that happens. Even verbalizing that and picturing me being in love and being all giddy over a man is a crazy thought to have. But the day will come. There's gonna be one day where he's sitting right next to me, I'm gonna be giving him a hand job or podcasting. It'll be great.

Like we're all gonna experience this together. It'll be a good time. But anyways, let's get into the next segment. As I was sitting here, my producer sent me a quiz. Are you ready for a relationship? Now that we're on the topic of love and being in love, which is hopefully in my future. But let's do this quiz together, I guess.

Let's wrap up the episode doing that. Are you ready for a relationship? Let's take the quiz and find out. Question one, do your feelings for someone you'd like to be in a relationship with go deeper than physical attraction? Maybe. Yes, maybe, I'm not sure. No, they have to be physically attractive. I'm sorry. They have to be at least

an eight. You know, right? Seven. I don't know. I have to be one I have to want to fuck them at the end of the day. I'm not fucking their humor, or how kind they are. That's not what I'm doing here. Okay, so yes, maybe. I mean, obviously it goes deeper than a physical attraction, but like I'm trying to think about the guys that I'm into right now.

Yes, I'm gonna write maybe for that. Are you looking for a partner? I'm not sure. Are you willing to compromise and put the needs of someone else before yours at times? That sounds like a lot of work, no? Depends what needs they are. I'm not doing their fucking laundry. No, grow up. No. I'm not sure. Yes. What kind of needs? I'll give them head. Depends what needs we're talking about. I would put

yes. Yes for that. I would put their needs in front of mine. Yes. Have you thought about growing older with someone? Yes, of course. Have you done some work on yourself to heal from previous relationships or traumas? No, I'm too busy for that. Do you take care of your physical and mental health? No. No, I actually just came from like getting blood work done today. And they're like, is your blood pressure always this low? And I'm like, babe, I'm busy. Leave me be. No. Can you share thoughts and feelings openly with someone close to you. Maybe. It depends on the guy.

But usually, I'm a hard wall to penetrate. Which is ironic because I'm easy to penetrate sometimes too, physically. You got the joke. You got the joke. But no, emotionally, I don't know. It depends if tequila is slowing or not. Then I'll open up a bit. But I would say maybe. I don't, you don't wanna show all your cards right off the bat. People will take advantage of that. So I have to really get to know someone before I show true colors.

People always say this about me, even platonic relationships. Like, I'm like kind of quiet in the beginning because I'm like reading you. I'm analyzing you in your being, your existence. I'm looking at every minute small little move you make how you speak I speak to other people and I'm reading you and then I'll decide how I want to act around you whether that's an open book Or a closed book, but I can be nice in both situations So I'm gonna say maybe can you have uncomfortable discussions and still be respectful of a partner?

Um comfortable discussions and still be respectful of a partner. Um, I'm trying to think about my past serious relationships. Something I always struggled with was staying calm when I'm pissed. Because when I'm pissed, I am pissed. My head's blowing off. I have a very short fuse. They will root this day. And they will root the next day and the day after that. And I kind of used to love picking fights with my partner to have good makeup sex. It was a problem. But I think I could grow to have uncomfortable discussions

and maybe disagreements with the partner and still be respectful. Because sometimes you gotta agree to disagree. So I'm gonna say yes, I could do that, maybe. Are you looking for a deeper connection than casual dating? The thing is like, I don't look for meaningful things with men. I hope that it finds me with little effort, like the stars are aligned and we're at the same place and it's meant to be. I'm not actively on the prowl looking for meaningful connection. I would like to get laid, but that's not meaningful connection. I feel like people that are out there looking for meaningful connection, I mean you do you babe, but that's not really me. So I would say no, I'm not, but if meaningful connection finds me,

So I would say no, I'm not. But if meaningful connection finds me, I will embrace it with open arms and fake tits. Do you know what you need from a relationship and can you communicate your needs? Yes, I can communicate my needs. That's actually one thing I am good about doing. All right, do you enjoy being around your romantic interests for long periods of time?

Yeah, especially in the honeymoon phase, like who wants to like be separated? That's actually a problem I had with like my friendships because like they kind of lose me in the beginning because I'm having like all these sexual rendezvous with like this guy and I'm like, I go kind of ghost in MIA. I need to work out that balance a little bit better. I think I could handle it now that I'm older,

but like when I was in college, I was so bad about that, work out that balance a little bit better. I think I could handle it now that I'm older, but like when I was in college, I was so bad about that. But yeah, I could say, yeah, I'm gonna say yes to this. All right, 12, when you see a happy couple, does it remind you of something you want or missing? Not really. I mean, I'm around happy couples all the time, but I'm not like, ugh,, uh, like this could be me like I don't pity myself like that You know happen for me when it's meant to happen for me. Maybe just like this time in my life. It's just not

I'm optimistic, you know Like I don't I guess I don't really Look at a happy couple and say damn. I wish that was me Should I be? Like, maybe. I would say I'm not sure to that the results where you're not quite ready to take the leap. I could have said that myself, whether you're still getting over an ex, or have some things that you need to work on now may not be the best time for you to jump into a

relationship. Take the time you need to work on, now may not be the best time for you to jump into a relationship. Take the time you need to make sure you're able to give your best self to your future partner. Okay, well, fuck you. If you're still not sure about your relationship, oh. Okay, so it turns out I'm not ready, but like I could have told you guys that. You guys could have told me that.

Production could have told me that. My mom and dad tell me that all the fucking time. Yeah, we got to get our ducks in a line before we take us seriously with anyone because in a relationship you should not be complimenting the other person. They should be a cherry on top of something that like of a solid foundation. You know, you don't ever want a man like feeling like you need a man to complete you as a whole. Cause that is where you run into trouble. Cause God forbid like that man leaves you. You don't want to feel like there's a hole there.

You know, does that make any sense? I feel like it made sense to me. But yeah, until I feel like a complete person in many aspects of my life, I feel like I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship, but that could change. Who knows? That's how I feel today Yeah, the outer bing bong boop

All right guys now I want to go through my Pictures like my old pictures they get a lot of DMS being like you need to go over like your old Instagrams are like the old versions of yourself because like many of you guys, I've had 19 million different hair colors and 19 million different like styles. The LF era was fucking insane. The LF era needs to be studied. I feel like it was a social experiment. I had the bowl haircut, I was a fucking karate kid.

Like, you know, there's like, I had a lot of eras in my life that weren't cute, but built character. And I will say that. The first one I wanna show you, let's go over my fifth grade yearbook, which is this photo. I'm gonna clip it so you guys see it in a bigger, like this is me in fifth grade. This is how I walked in to the first day

of my all girls private school. And they go, where's your sister? Cause they thought it was a boy. Think what the trauma I held on to after that being like where's your sister babe? No hi I'm a girl I just have this fucking haircut and chubby cheeks. I wanted this haircut so bad because I looked up to my mom I still look up to my mother love her to death and I wanted to like have the same haircut as her she has this really cute chic pixie haircut. And I was like, I want that haircut too.

And she thought it would be cute as well. So we're all on the same bucket page. And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna take the leap. Did not think that it would make me look like a little boy. Okay? Like so cute though, like looking back. For the audio only listeners, I'm wearing a V neck. I have no eyebrows

That's something I started doing later in life is dyeing my eyebrows because it adds a lot of facial structure for me And I had like a bowl like I had like the Justin Bieber flow basically like a bowl haircut dark brunette hair and Just like the chubbiest cheeks and like I have the most innocent twinkle in my eyes. This is before I'd seen any dick and then I ruined it for me. The twinkle left my eye. Okay let's go over this photo like look how long my hair was. Guys this is like a summer in Nantucket like this is when I was in my VSCO era Tumblr era. I like admired Alexis run. I think this was like the Alexis run era Looked up to her and who was the other girl like Savannah Montoya?

I just like wanted like their lives and like their beachy-esque like kind of vibe I'm wearing Daisy Dukes here. Honestly, I haven't seen my hair this long ever This is kind of insane for me to see that at this length because as you guys know, I'm fucking bald. I look like Walton Goggins with this hairline at this point. I get that comment all the time on TikTok and honestly, I'm starting to fucking see it. I'm starting to see it. It's scaring me a little bit. But yeah, this is just like a typical Nantucket summer, sun-kissed and gorgeous. Oh, you know, like this is a great picture. This is me and my friend Katie.

I like a dirty in college. It is so interesting to me to see how girls dress in college now versus when I was in college, even though it's like only seven years ago, five years ago that I was in college. Like, thank God, like people figured it out. Because when I was in college, the LF era was super prominent, like this,

we're talking 2016, we had the chokers, we had like the cross v-neck thing situation going on. We had, you know, the LF skirts, the way overpriced LF items that people would like fucking push bitches over for. Like the LF sales were insane. They were an iconic period of time that needs to be studied. Like this skirt I'm looking at is the ugliest fucking thing I've ever seen in my whole entire life and has a zipper up the middle. I bet you this skirt was like $235.

And I thought I was sick with like the little cropped mesh racing like I don't even know like the cheap sunglasses. This is before I had eyebrows in massager botox and I honestly look fucking insane and my hair was orange because I fucked it up through like a bleach and tone situation um and I had press on nails here as well that I got from CBS. Oh this is actually cute. I got my hair and makeup done. I went with my cousin Jill to Rihanna's Met Gala after party back at One Oak in 2017. I looked chic here and there were so many celebrities there that night and I felt like a fucking sick human being. I was like whoa whoa whoa like Bella Adide was there, Hailey Bieber was there, everyone

and their mother was there and obviously Rihanna came. This is honestly the only probably good outfit I have from the year 2017. I swear I change style every year. Let's go back further. Let's go back to high school. God I had the best hair with my high school boyfriend. Oh my god here's a picture of me on the floor of my friend's common room area. I hammered after our night out, our freshman year. This is like week one, freshman year. And I was going through

a breakup because my ex cheated on me, so I didn't want to be alone. So I would just sleep in the common area or like in my, of my good friends like bed for like a month I just like wouldn't leave by their side because anytime I was alone I was like sad and depressed so I like need to be with my girls So I would sleep on the bean bag in their common room, okay? And we would this is like freshman week, you know syllabus week, whatever you want to call it And I was drinking like raspberry bubblegum svetka straight from the bottle shot shot

shots and then I would get so sick and then I would take their little like you know trash can like you know like the little dorm trash cans you get at Target and I would just wrap around it and I think this time I this night I had indulged too much in some you know raspberries vodka and I just got absolutely twisted this is back when I used to experience spins which is something I don't experience now ever do you guys remember spins like I used to get spit like you know the spins when you lie down like everything's spinning I feel like that's something you experience when you first start drinking when you're younger but now I don't know if it's if I'm drinking less that can't be the case or if I'm just

like over the spins era of my life. But yeah here I'm wrapped in my comforter. I look like I'm in good spirits there's still color in my face but you know I look like I'm about to have like a tough morning. God, I was so cute, but these outfits are fucking diabolical. Like, I was cool in high school, now that I'm reflecting back on all these pictures. Like, I fucking party just as hard. This is a crazy photo.

Look how young I look. So this is when I was 15, this was like my semi-formal. And I went, it was the first time I was going with, you know, my high school boyfriend first time I was going with you know my high school boyfriend and I was so excited my makeup is really sketchy in this and also like I had such a baby face but this should like clear up all the allegations my jawline was always fucking T okay and everyone thinks I filler in my jaw and I'm like no it's literally just the structure of my face

not to be super pick me but like it is everyone thinks I have filler in my jaw. And I'm like, no, it's literally just the structure of my face, not to be super pick me, but like it is. Everyone thinks I have jaw filler. And my nose is cute here too. I look so wholesome. I was so wholesome up until the age of maybe 17. But yeah, we were just like pre-gaming, taking semi-formal pictures here, you know, doing the whole like, you know, the sorority squat grind line pictures with

all your besties. Like, there was like the best times in high school. I like miss high school. I had a great grade at NCDS. Actually speaking of NCDS, my 10-year reunion is this year, which is crazy to say that I'm 10 years out of high school. Like what? Where has the time gone?

It feels like yesterday. I was just parking in that senior parking lot. But that'll be fun. I'm looking forward to that. God, I was like so Kantiana. Wait, this is funny. This is a picture of me and my friend Sally in eighth grade. We used to go to this place called Legacy Place. I don't know if anyone knows in the Boston area what Legacy place is, but literally it's where you'd go in the seventh or I think sixth, seventh, eighth grade to like meet boys. You like meet up with boys and you'd walk around, you'd go into the Mac store and take pictures on the Mac book and then you'd upload them as your profile picture on Facebook and

then you'd be like, like my status for truth is or like, like my status for a rate. Remember when that used to be a thing? Like when men, like fucking boys, which is fucking crazy to think about now, they'd be like like my status for a rate and they'd like write on your page and be like eight. Like I would see some boys be like so honest about it too, be like you're three and a half.

Not to me, but like to girls I knew in my class. I was like, what? Like what happened to like white lying? Because we need to bring that back but that was like basically my whole social calendar in middle school was going to like the Holy Name dances, DCD dances, Brimmer and May like all these like school dances I would count how many guys I grinded with and we'd have competitions. Oh back in the day guys this is 2011 I'm speaking about, by the way.

And yeah, I had my first first makeout was probably at one of these. Actually my second makeout ever was at one of these dances. But I remember like going to legacy places like where you met cute boys when I was in middle school. But my outfit here is fucking horrendous. I'm a brunette. I used to go out with no makeup on at all. I'm in fucking Havana flip-flops and shorts that are a questionable

length and a juicy couture tracksuit zipped up to the top with a sugar lips underneath. This is so 2011 core to the fucking tee. I bet I had a fucking sleeve of silly bands underneath this Juicy Couture track suit as well. Like, that's hilarious. That was a good one to end it on, guys. Oh, reflecting the nostalgia, it's all coming back to me. This has been another beautifully fun solo episode with you little freaks. Again, like, subscribe, you can watch on YouTube,

listen to me on every other platform. I'll be yapping everywhere. But for now, I love you guys and I'll see you next week. Bye.